Embracing Love in Philanthropy, Navigating Toxic Donor-Recipient Dynamics

By Tony Kieti

As the world bathes in the spirit of love, care, and understanding, there is a delicate dance
between those who give and those who receive—a dance that resembles the wonderful
indulgence of love.

While this relationship may be based on heartfelt connections, there exist complex dynamics,
offering insights aligned with the essence of solidarity and compassion.

In a world where altruism is the heartbeat of philanthropy, a shadow of interference can subtly
taint this dance between donor and recipient.

The initial attraction

Like another romantic motivator, the donor-recipient relationship begins with a shared love for
something—the donor is passionate about the organization’s vision and mission, and the recipient
appreciates the support given to their efforts.

A collaborative dance
As the relationship blossoms, the dance of unity begins. Defining clear boundaries, such as
relative terminology, becomes important as it keeps both parties aware of their respective
positions. Both sides go through this complex dance, bringing their strengths to create harmonies.

Micropower dynamics
However, in the dance of love and altruism, power dynamics can be subtle yet powerful. Just like
in romantic relationships, power imbalances can lead to inadvertent commitment, where one
partner’s desires overshadow the other’s freedom. In short, what we all like to call a controlling
partner.

A toxic tango
This point of inflection may turn the dance toxic. Initial appreciation can sometimes become a
misconception of authority, which in turn threatens the very unity that is at the heart of the
relationship.

The challenge of freedom

As in love, maintaining independence is not an easy challenge. The one who initially appreciated
help may become trapped in a web of dependence, making it harder to resist or face the influence
of oppression.

Taking precautions
During the season of love, organizations and communities are encouraged to be on the lookout
for donors whose focus may stray from the founder’s dream. Like navigating a tough romance,
it’s important to recognize the subtle signs of an overbearing partner and deal with them before
irreparable damage occurs.

Harmonious dance techniques: A rhythm of love and harmony

In seeking closer relationships between donors and donors, organizations adopt strategies based
on mutual affection and understanding; These strategies serve as guiding pillars for organizations
and donors to dance in harmony in the world of philanthropy.

• Establishing clear boundaries

 Like a declaration of love, clear boundaries outline the conditions for clear contact with
donors. This ensures a relationship built on mutual understanding, where support is
harmoniously aligned with overarching goals and values.

• Transparency and Accountability

Transparency is a cornerstone of loving relationships between organizations, donors and
communities. Adherence to rules and regulations ensures compliance, while transparent
policies build trust and create a broader sense of effectiveness.

• Donor Reports
As in any relationship, donors often rely on ‘receipts’ to measure the impact of their
contributions. Organizations should strategically leverage this attachment by consistently
sharing information, and steering the relationship towards positive outcomes.

• Decoupling formal structures from basic functions

In this collaborative dance, organizations wisely separate formal structures from core
activities, ensuring that the day-to-day work remains within the local expertise and
capabilities of organizational leadership, while the founder focuses on the storytelling aspect.

• Professionalizing operations
Increasing performance standards is similar to increasing the overall productivity and
efficiency of an organization. This not only builds donor trust but also enables the
organization to resist unreasonable interruptions, ensuring that well-managed activities align
with its mission and values

• Building strong networks

As love blossoms in the community, organizations should establish stronger networks to
reduce their reliance on individual donors. Building strong relationships locally and beyond
creates a strong support system.

• ALWAYS adopt exit strategies

Love evolves, and so do relationships. Organizations adopt exit strategies and prepare for
changing funding situations. This protects the mission of the organization and maintains its
independence.

In this season of love, care, and understanding, we celebrate the dance of donors and
beneficiaries—harmonious collaboration with mutual respect and understanding.

We also celebrate the countless donors who have made a positive contribution to community
development by taking on intervention challenges.

Through strategies that prioritize transparency, accountability and mutual respect, providers and
organizations can continue their collaborative work if they are to have a positive impact on the
communities they serve. Let this spirit of cooperation prevail, ensuring that philanthropy remains
a force for good in the ever-growing landscape of giving.
Finally, protect the mission - at all costs.

Kieti built brands for over a decade. He now spends his time on social impact work.