LOVE, INTIMACY AND

RELATIONSHIP

R
Lesson Objectives
When you finish reading this chapter, you should be able to:

1. Define term such as " love, "

"attraction," "intimacy," "
relationship," and other related
terms;
2. Discuss different theory of love;
3. Identify needs, issues, and concerns
experienced by people who are in
a romantic relationship; and
4. Reflect one's attitude towards love,
intimacy, and relationship.
 Definition of Terms :
Love-
A complex phenomenon characterized by
an affective and cognitive inclination to
someone and set of social behavior
geared towards cohesion.

Passion-
The emotive and physical component of
love, drives towards sexual and romantic
attraction.

Commitment-
Decision to engage and maintain a loving relationship.
 Intimacy
The psychosocial component of love, knowing and
being known by someone in a deeply personal level;
emotional closeness and connection.

Relationship
Social bond between and among individuals
manifested through communication and other
forms of interaction. This bond may be
biological or determined by social contracts
such as social consensus o laws.
 INTRODUCTION
In February 15, 2015, an article featuring a study
by McCann World Group, among 30,000
respondents from 29 countries, came out of a
national newspaper, bannering the title " Filipinos
most expressive about love among Asia Pacific
counties-study" (Hegina 2015).

" What does it mean " to love" someone?

Robert Sternberg - a psychologist Does it always mean the same thing, and if
renowned for his theory of love not, in what ways do loves differ from each
asked, in his 1986 paper: other?"
LOVE AS
HUMAN
EXPERIENCE
Love as a culture universal
Love is also construed as a culture
universal. A culture universal is a
phenomenon similarly by people across
time and cultures. This means that humans,
whether those who lived in the past or who
are living now and regardless of their
geographic location and socio-cultural
identities, have experienced love, in one
way or another.
" The way we appreciate and experience this phenomenon
may be unique, but it is a similar phenomenon altogether."
 Love as social phenomenon
Love is also viewed as a social phenomenon.
Social phenomena are events or experiences
which ensue within our interaction and
relationship with other people. Loving entails
communication- the process of giving and
receiving information between and among
people. It also entails the use of a language-
symbols that are culturally agreed upon as
possessing certain meanings and that are used
by people to express certain realities and
worldviews.
 Love as an emotion
Love is also construed as an emotion. Emotions are
physiological responses that we evaluate
psychologically as we experience particular life
events. There are basic emotions such as joy,
sadness, fear, disgust, and anger among others
There are also complex emotions, which are
combination of basic emotions in varying
magnitudes and are made intricate by
circumstances surrounding the experience.
 Love as a neurobiological event
With recent advancements in science, love, now, can be studied as a neurobiological
event. Every split of a second, information is being passed on within our nervous
system - a conglomerate of organs (including our brain, our spinal cord, and our
nerves, among others) responsible for our ability to process and transmit essential
information among the many organs in our body. The information comes into the form
of electrical signal running along our neurons (Nerve Cell), which movement is
facilitated by our neurotransmitters.
THEORIZING
LOVE
Psychodynamic View on Love
Refers to psychodynamic theory posits that we
have desires and motives fueled by life (eros)
and death (thanatos) instincts.

Likewise, the psychodynamic view puts prime

on the influence of our early life experiences
(from conception to six years old) - referred to
as the formative years in our personal
development.

Example:
Crucial to this life stage is the presence of a
caregiver-typically our mother. It suggests that
the kind of attachment we have with them
influence or affects how we view life later.
Color Wheel of Love
John Alan Lee
 Primary Types of Love
John Alan Lee

The traits which belong to Eros according to Lee are:

– In search for sexual adventures and variety

– Feels ready for the risks accompanied by love
– Partners are often strangers in the beginning which evokes excitement
– The relationship can be exclusive but not possessive
– The relationship is based on a strong physical and emotional connection

The traits which belong to Ludus are:

– Can have multiple partners at the same time

– No intentions of falling in love
– Sex is being seen as a sport or fun, one night stands, without emotional connections
– When things get too serious tends to show the urge to quit the relationship

Traits that belong to Storge are:

– Not based on sexual desires

– Quietly possessive yet not overly jealous
– Has trust and loyalty as its foundation
 Secondary Types of Love
John Alan Lee

These are combination between the primary types of love.

Eros + Storge = Agape
Eros + Ludus = Mania
Ludus + Storge = Pragma

The different traits for Agape according to Lee

– Can put needs of partner before own

– Highly devoted, but neither jealous nor obsessive
– Shows unselfish and altruistic behavior

Recognizable traits for Mania are

– The line becomes very thin between passionate and obsessive

– Expecting to get hurt and feeling anxious about falling in love
– Forces partner into showing how they feel towards them, forcing affection and emotion
– Quickly becomes overwhelmed when thinking of their partner, expecting the worse
– When relationship ends, the lost love is all a person can think of
 Secondary Types of Love
John Alan Lee
These are combination between the primary types of love.
Eros + Storge = Agape
Eros + Ludus = Mania
Ludus + Storge = Pragma

Recognizable traits for Pragma are:

– Have their preferable types for potential partners

– Work with ‘pro and con’ lists before making a move
– Every step is highly thought through
– Believe compatibility can lead to very happy lives

One type of love that is not mentioned by Lee but most definitely is a
kind of love we come across quite often, is Philautia. This is self-love.

When a person has an extremely low amount of self-love, it will also be considered
unhealthy. This often goes together with low self-esteem and low self-confidence.

When Philautia is seen as healthy, the person has a good amount of self-
confidence, self-esteem and is in a positive cognitive state. The person won’t
need other elements like materialistic attributes or drugs and sex to make
themselves feel better. They have an emotional appraisal of their own worth.
Psychologist Robert
Sternberg's theory
describes types of
love based on three
different scales:
intimacy, passion,
and commitment.
 ROMANTIC AND COMPANIONATE LOVE

According to Hatfield & Rapson

(1978.1993) , there are two general
types of love:
romantic love & companionate love.

ROMANTIC LOVE COMPANIONATE LOVE

ROMANTIC LOVE is characterized by intense passion- COMPANIONATE LOVE is characterized by intense

“ a state of intense longing for union with your intimacy – emotional closeness- which is also
partner. characteristic of liking.
LOVE LANGUAGES
Gary Chapman, a world-renown
author, suggested that people
have various ways through which
we give and receive love.
Words of affirmation tend to verbally express their thoughts and feelings of love towards
the people they love. They may be comfortable saying ‘’I love you’s” and articulating other
words of endearment.

Quality time tend to value quality moments with their loved ones. They are much more willing
to create memories with the people they love

Receiving gifts want to show and receive affection through material objects, especially during
special occasions.

Acts of service are much willing to serve the other person by helping her or him in things that
they do.

Physical touch express love non-verbally through hugs, kisses or simply a tap on the back.
They value proximity (nearness) and yearn for physical contact (not necessarily sexual in
nature) with their partners.
LOVE & INTIMATE
RELATIONSHIP
An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional
intimacy. Although an intimate relationship is commonly a sexual relationship, it may also be a non-
sexual relationship involving family, friends, or acquaintances.

Emotional intimacy involves feelings of liking or loving one or more people, and may result in
physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic love, sexual activity, or other
passionate attachment. These relationships play a central role in the overall human experience.
Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within an intimate
relationship. Such relationships allow a social network for people to form strong emotional
attachments.
 LOVE
If you love someone, you feel
romantically or sexually attracted to
them, and they are very important to
you. Love is a very strong feeling of
affection towards someone who you
are romantically or sexually attracted
to.
INTIMATE
Intimate means being close. A small
restaurant is called intimate because
you're sitting close to the other
people, and your best friends are
considered your intimate friends.
In his analysis of human relationships, George Levinger (1982) postulated that there
are stages that intimate relationships go through:

1.Acquaintance-
Intimate human relationships starts in acquaintanceship.
We meet up through circumstances and fist learn about
basic information about one another. Crucial at this time is
attraction.

2.Buildup
Some acquaintanceships build up into deeper relationships.
Frequency of interaction increase. Kinds of activities shared
become diverse. The involved parties begin to introduce one
another to each other's friend's and family thus ,making the
social network larger and interconnected. This is the stage
when to persons test their boundaries. They test the waters
before engaging fully and so commitedly in the relationship.
 3.Consolidation and Continuation
This stage is when people commits to a long-terms
relationship with one another,. either through a
personal agreement (exclusivity of partnership,
domestic partnership) or social-legal agreement
(marriage).

4.Declination or Deterioration
Unfortunately, some intimate partnerships are unable
to sustain and maintain their commitments or
attraction. For one, there may be a change in priorities
between the individual couple, such that the conjoint
value of the partnership is not anymore sufficient.
There may be infidelity, the breech of loyalty and
promises as agreed upon by both individuals.
 5.Ending
Finally, for those intimate
partnerships who are unable
to address the causes and
circumstances leading to the
deterioration of their
relationship, the stages
culminate into ending or
termination of the
agreements made.
 THANKS
FOR LISTENING!