LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE - ROBERT GREENE

Book explains into details why humans behave the way we do.

1. THE LAW OF IRRATIONALITY (Master Your Emotional Self)

Learn to be aware of how your emotions control you and master it. First part of
becoming rational is understanding that humans are
fundamentally irrational. Irrational people are not even aware their emotions
control them, often making rash decisions and raging over minimal discomfort.

Ways To Mitigate Irrational Mind

* Recognize & Understand Biases
-- confirmation Bias: finding evidence to confirm what we want to believe.
Counteract by finding opposing views.
-- Conviction Bias: convincing yourself to believe a perceived idea is true.
-- Appearance Bias(The Halo Effect): attributing good qualities to someone who
appears to be a good person, vice versa, without any evidence.
Appearances are misleading.
-- The Group Bias: Finding relief around people who believe the same things that
one believes. Isolation from the can bring about depression since
it provides a sense of belongingness.
-- The Blame Bias: our innate reponse to blame others because, it is painful to
look in the mirror and blame ourselves.
-- Superiority Bias: We like to think of ourselves as likable and ethical, which
isn't true else there would be world peace.

* Beware of Inflaming Factors

Our minds latch on to emotions and make us reactive. Sources:
-- Trigger Points From Early Childhood e.g. childhood trauma.
-- Sudden Gains or Losses e.g. winning huge lottery amount and losing it all in a
short period of time.
-- Rising Pressure: extreme pressure brings out people's true character.
-- Inflaming Individuals: Certain individuals in your life can trigger your
irrationality in positive & negative ways.
-- The Group Effect: Getting caught up in the collective emotion of others. e.g.
being influenced by a group of protestors

* Strategies To Bring Out The Rational Self

-- Accept that we are innately irrational.
-- Examine your reaction torwards specific stumulus in your life.
-- Increase Reaction Time: zoom out and cool off of emotions, let the rational
perspective of the situation come to you.
-- Stop Trying to Change people.

2. THE LAW OF NARCISSISM (Transform Self-love Into Empathy)

We are all narcissists, always craving for attention from birth. The spectrum of
narcissism:

-- Deep Narcissism: self-righteous, rageful, seek vengeance, cocky. Craves to be

the centre of attention.
-- Functional Narcissism: you like attention when someone gives to you, but you are
not always chasing it.
-- Empathy: complete absorbtion in others and not yourself(Healthy Narcissist). You
always put people first.

* Skills Of Empathy
-- Having Empathetic Attitude: Assume everyone you meet is complete unknown to you,
and you don't understand how they think, ready to explore their mind.
-- Visceral Empathy: pay attention to people's feelings and moods, body language
and tone of voice to understand them.
-- Analytic Empathy: Don't close off others when they rub you up the wrong way, or
people you don't agree with. Never take anything personal.
-- Empathetic Skill: Practice by reading, and assuming peoples thoughts and asking
them to check if your assumption was right.

* Types Of Narcissists
-- Complete Control Narcissists: high level of insecurities & hypersensitive to
criticism. But are good listeners, to manipulate speaker.
-- Theatrical Narcissists: can play any role. Will do anything to seem moral and
are in love with attention.
-- Healthy Narcissists: high levels of optimissism and confidence they can use to
lead a team and boost morale.

3. THE LAW OF ROLE-PLAYING (See Through People's Masks)

* Become A Master At Reading Masks
-- Observational Skills: paying attention to facial micro(split second)
expressions(force smiles, body language, intermittent giggles)
when interacting with people.
Pay attention to people's baseline behavior and how they behave when under
extreme excitement or high pressure.
Take notes of how you yourself behave and understand yourself, use that on
others too.

* Master Decoding Keys:

-- Dislike/Like Cues: pursing of lips, sudden squinting of eyes, stiffing neck,
folding arms and excess body tension are clues.
e.g. someone praising you without they eyes lighting up might show hidden
envy. Genuine smile moves the eyes, eyebrows and cheeks upward,
a smile without these features might be fake.
-- Dominance/Submission Cues: dominant people talk more and interupt regularly in
conversations, especially in couples, groups.
-- Deception Cues: People trying to hide something/ deceive you become more
chatty and animated. Gestures with hands and arms become exaggerated.
Wait for a suspected deceiver to finish talking, hit them with a pointed
question and see what kind of microexpressions your question brings out.

* Art Of Impression Management

To perform optimally in social interactions observe the following:
-- Be aware of personal body language & cues. Use genuine smile and welcoming
tone of voice.
-- Make the right first impression
-- Selectively make yourself scarce to increase your value to a group
-- Project saintly qualities e.g. honesty & good manners

4. THE LAW OF COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR (Determine The Strength Of People's Character)

Actions repeated over time is a person's character. A person's true character is
shown in adversity, when working with others and through their ability to learn.
The Ascending Order of most important is Beauty, Reputation, Intelligence,
Character.

* Toxic Character Types (to stay clear from)

-- The Hyper Perfectionist: Seems dedicated but can't delegate and must control
every situation (control freak).
-- The Relentless Rebel: hates authorities & doesn't trust anyone in power.
Childish in behavior & can't take criticism.
-- The Personalizer: sensitive & takes everything personally. They might make you
feel bad about yourself.
-- The Drama Magnet: only way to get attention is through drama and problems.
Always finds a way to be the victim in any situation.
-- The Big Talker: always talking the big game but never starts anything. They
will waste your time.
-- The Sexualizer: with abundance of sexual energy, they always see every
relationship as a possible path to something sexual.
-- The Pampered Royal: over-indulged in getting too much attention, & will behave
childish or throw tamtrums when not given any.
-- The Moralizer: they condemn an action or idea but is secretly drawn to it.

5. THE LAW OF COVETOUSNESS (Become An Elusive Object Of Desire)

It is in human nature to desire things we do not have. Once we attain that desire,
we're already distracted looking for another desire.

* How To Stimulate Desire

-- Know When & How To Withdraw: Don't be needy, know when to be cold & always
stay mysterious.
-- Allow people to have their own opinion about you

* Create Rivalries Of Desires

-- What we want always reflects what others want e.g. a child wanting another's
new toy. Create the impression that you or your work
is more desired by others, to attract more people.

* Use Induction
-- Associate yourself with something slightly defiant.
-- Always give the impression of sharing secrets that shouldn't be known to pull
in curiosity torwards you.
-- Dangle in front of others what is hard to get, like, fast path to riches or
friendly interactions with socialites.
Because possession does not compel people to act, desire does.

* Look Inward
-- Search deep in you to find what you truly desire
-- Don't go the route everyone else is going, find your own path and lead.

6. THE LAW OF SHORTSIGHTEDNESS (Elevate Your Perspective)

Humans are more impressed with what they can see here and now, usually losing sight
of the long term goals.

* Elevate Your Perspective by:

-- Detaching yourself from the heat of the moment.
-- Keeping your emotions in check.
-- Use delayed Gratification.
-- Rid of prolong contact with people with shortsightedness

* Signs Of Shortsightness
-- Unintended Consequences: think deeply on all possibilities before making a
decision.

* Tactical Hell
-- giving attention & energy to arguments, especially one you cannot win. Focus
time instead on long term goals, since winning the argument
and feeding your ego most likely won't help you succeed.

* Ticker Tape Fever

-- Do not get addicted to Trivia Fever i.e. needing to know all the trends and
updates on the media, which will most likely not contribute to
achieving your goal.
* Lost In Trivia
-- Do not get drowned in the sea of information in this modern age, especially
through the media.
-- Base on your solid vision and essential goals to weed out all the unneeded
information and focus on the needed.

7. THE LAW OF DEFENSIVENESS (Soften People's Resistance By Confirming Their Self-

Opinion)
Individuals want to believe they are independent & in control, & will fight for
their believes. Even if we are being influenced

* Strategies To Persuade People

-- Become a deep listener: because people are more interested in talking about
themselves. Talk less, listen more.
-- Infect People With The Proper Mood: people are influenced by the mood of
others. If you are calm & polite in convo with someone, so will they be.
-- Confirm Their Self-Opinions: For independence, appeal to their sense of
autonomy. For their help, let it seem like they are doing you a favor
& what is in it for them and let it seem like it was their idea. For
intelligence, let them believe their matter is important than yours in a position
they are glad to give you more information.
-- Ally Their Insecurities: Learn their insecurities, but dont trigger them.
Instead learn to compliment them often
-- Use People's Resistance & Stubbornness: Use their past words against them.

8. THE LAW OF SELF-SABOTAGE (Change Your Circumstances By Changing Your Attitude)

* How You See The World is what it will give you. Being fearful, will course you to
fail in anything.

* Narrow Vs Expansive Attitudes: Expansive is open to new ideas and exploring.

Narrow is not.

* Five Constricted (Negative Attitudes) You Need To Conquer:

-- Hostile Attitude
-- Anxious Attitude
-- Avoidant Attitude
-- Resentful Attitude
-- Depressive Attitude

9. THE LAW OF REPRESSION (Confront Your Darkside)

* Signs Of The Darkside: One who preaches the rules but breaks them. Emotional
outburst, losing control easily. Using a good cause to act in a bad manner.
A person revealing their true nature when drunk. Or a person accusing someone for
a wrong doing but would secretly do it.

* Emphatic Traits To Cover the Darkside:

-- The Tough Guy: Shows the intimidating side to cover the soft, vulnerable side
of themselves.
-- The Saint: exudes goodness, but once given the chance at power turns into a
dictator.
-- The Fanatic: impresses people with their drive & dedication but fail to
deliver what they promise.
-- The Passive Aggresive Charmer: is nice on initial interactions, but gossips
behind people's backs.
-- The Rigid Rationalist: too strict on formality. Uses their intellect to bully
others.
-- The Snob: is afraid of mediocrity and hence exert superiority.
-- The Extreme Entrepreneur: pays close attention to detail and values
independence, but fails to delegate other tasks to others. Which results in
 their failure.

10. LAW OF ENVY (Beware The Fragile Ego)

* The most illusive of all human emotions.To decode envy(Passive & Active), one
must become master of human nature. The need to compare may compel some
to do better, but extreme envy brings out hatred

* Signs of Envy
-- Microexpressions: According to Arthur Schopenhauer, telling suspected enviers
some good news about you(an achievement, a promotion, new love interest)
can elicit a quick disappointment shown through envier's facial expression(fake
smile or laughter) and tone of voice(which will betray some
tension and strain), as they congratulate you. Equally tell them some
misfortune of yours and notice the uncontrollable microexpression of joy
in your pain.
-- Poisonous Praise: envier's praise will be filled with sarcasm and off-hand
remarks which might make you feel uncomfortable.
-- Back-Biting: the envier talking behind your back.
-- Push & Pull: envier using friendship and intimacy as the best way to wound the
people they envy.

* Envier Types
-- The Leveler: always on the look out for injustice and unfairness in the world,
and can't take a joke. Their goal is to bring everyone down to their level of
mediocrity and might critize you for being overly ambitious.
-- The Self-Entitled Slacker: people who feel entitled to success and easy life,
but don't want to sacrifice and work hard for it. They are played by their own
narcissism and insecurities to get what they want.
-- The Status Feind: is obsessed with their own and other people's status. They
might debase you if you are of a lower status, and will envy you
if you are of a higher status than they are.
-- The Attacher: enviers attracted to the powerful and most successful not out of
admiration, but envy. They try to leach off of the attention the other
is getting, without the hardwork.
-- The Insecure Master: people who may feel insecure in a higher position. They
envy their subordinates who may possess more talent than them,
and might fire or discredit them out of their own insecurity.

* Beyond Envy
-- Admire people's greatness, instead of envying them
-- Gratitude: engage in downward comparison, compare yourself to people below you
on socio-economic level to feel grateful for what you have.
-- Trying to feel what the other is feeling while admiring them will get rid of
envy.

11. THE LAW OF GRANDIOSITY(Know Your Limits)

This is when success and achievements get into one's head making them feel above
others.
Social media plays a big role in spreading Grandiosity. It gives limitless
possibility to reaching millions of admirers

* The Grandiose Leader: distorts reality to fit their supposed greatness. They
believe in "Great Is My Destiny" and portray themselves as the savior
of the people they lead, as if fate has chosen them. And believe they can rewrite
the rules.

* Practical Grandiosity
-- Be honest with yourself about your grandiose desires.
 -- Focus your energy into something positive. set a goal at a time and breakdown
the goals into steps.
-- Keep in touch with reality: don't expect your ideas to be perfect. Listen to
criticism
-- challenge yourself according to your abilities
-- Don't hold back your grandiose energy

12. THE LAW OF GENDER RIGIDITY (reconnect to the masculine or feminine within you)
Do not be afraid to let out the more sensitive or ambitious sides of your
character. The dormant masculine part in women(called animus) and the feminine
part in men(anima) are brought out especially when in love. This makes people
portray some qualities when in love, as if they are being controlled by an
external force.

* Most Common Gender Projections

-- The Devilish Romantic: the woman attracted to an older man who will love her
and shower her with gifts. She seduces him to make him fall in love but break
apart later because he wasn't what she expected. This is as a result of a young
girl missing a daddy figure's attention, in unconcious crave for it she
becomes constantly flirtatious to men.
-- The Elusive Woman Perfection: men who project a beautiful life with women, but
doesn't work out because the women don't tend to be what they thought of, then
go on to project them on another woman. Often men with this projection grew up
without a supportive mother.
-- The Loveable Rebel: the woman attracted to men with disdain for authority(the
man might be young and unsuccessful). Women with this projection have a strict
and distant father who is patriachial. She dreams of being independent of her
father's strictness and hence goes after men of such nature.
-- The Fallen Woman: The man attracted to a woman who is the opposite of what he
used to be, good, obedient & trustworthy. Such men had strict mother figure
and hence gravitate towards women who don't conform to norms. His goal is to
rescue her but that most likely fails, ending up being used as a pawn.
-- The Superior Man: women drawn to successful, superior men because they radiate
power. But end up either, breaking up because he wasn't as brilliant like
she thought, or get stuck with him because of her too low self esteem. This
occurs when the woman is unable to discover their own confidence or strengths
-- The Woman To Worship Him: The man who seeks a woman to worship him. His life is
hard but driven with ambition. He needs a woman that will be warm and
attentive to him, to the extent of seeing her play the mothe figure. Because
he was adored and lavished with attention by his mother as a child.

* The Original Man/Woman

Do not play the expected gender role, but rather create one that suits you.

13. THE LAW OF AIMLESSNESS(Advance with a sense of purpose)

Humans rely more on their judgement to clear of danger unlike animals that rely on
their instincts. Insecurity and depression is higher in people with
no sense of purpose, than in those with a clear and specified purpose. Surround
yourself with people with a strong sense of purpose to uplift yourself.

* High Sense of Purpose Development Strategies

-- Discover your calling in life.
-- Use resistance & people's negative opinion to motivate yourself to prove them
wrong.
-- Absorb purposeful energy.
-- Create a ladder of descending goals.
-- Lose yourself in the work.

* The Lure Of False Purpose

 -- The pursuit of pleasure: thinking work is a boring necessity and hence we avoid
pain and find ways to pleasure ourselves outside of work.
-- Causes & Cults: as humans with the desire to believe in something
-- Money & Success: which motivate most people. Although money and success will
only flow to you when you focus on your goal and a high sense of purpose
-- Attention: as a way to feel more important people desire to be famous. The
false sense of attention has been democratized by social media.
But cultivating a strong sense of purpose and creating projects which are
naturally appealing with bring attention to you.
-- Cynicism: "man would rather have the void as purpose than be void of purpose"
by Friedrich Nitzsche. The conviction that existence is meaningless as the
effect of leading to the void as purpose. Politics of all beliefs contribute to
this type of purpose

14. THE LAW OF CONFORMITY(resist the downward pull of the group)

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. Eric
Hoffer
The social personality is the person we become when in a social group. A side of
our character we are rarely aware of. In a group we unconciously imitate
what others say and do.

* The Individual Effect

-- The Desire to fit in: we alter our appearance, believes and values in order to
fit in a group.
-- The need to perform: we act as the group in order to fit in
-- Emotional contagion: we experience the emotions of the group. The group will
make you act in ways you wouldn't if you were alone.
-- Hypercertainty: driven to make urgent decisions and support them, as a group.
Be open to doubt, reflection or consideration to other options from the group's
The larger the group and the more established the culture over time, the more
likely it will control you

* Group Dynamics
-- Group Culture: groups carry some dynamics of culture which might be based on
it's location.
An ideal state will always be the centre of the group's culture & spirit.
-- Rules & Codes: a groups has it's dos & donts which may not be written down but
implied by all group members to control the distorting effects of anarchy
-- The group court: the group imitates the alpha of the group through their words
and actions.
-- The Group Enemy: the group may have a villain either physically or
idealistically to fight.
-- The Group Factions: division within a large group. If left unchecked can take
over the group's purpose. This can be controlled by unified enthusiasm
which tightens the whole group.

* The Court & it's Courtiers

In any group dynamic there will be a struggle for power, with an alpha leader and
subordinate leaders the courtiers
-- The Intriguer: appears loyal to the group but is secretly accumulating their
own power.
-- The Stirrer: who hides envy to cause conflict within the group.
-- The Gatekeeper: uses their position to control the flow of information and
isolate the leader.

* The Reality Group (healthy group dynamics)

-- Recruit subordinates who are skilled in the areas you lack strength
-- Let communication rule, with free flow of ideas and information from anyone in
the group
 -- Lead open discussions to build the members' trust
-- radiate a sense of determination to the group
-- Forge battle tested groups. Put people to task in harder situations, with
earlier deadlines to see what they are made of.

15. THE LAW OF FICKLENESS( make them want to follow you)

humans have become more self-absorbed, more tribal and tenacious in holding on to
narrow agendas. We have become consumed by the barrage of information
inundating us, and are even more fickle when it comes to leaders.

Establishing Authority will make people follow you willingly and listen to your
word. Strategies to mobilize people's will power to follow you are as follows

* Authenticity: Find your authority style which must naturally come from your
character
- The Deliverer: leader who deliver people from evil e.g. Martin Luther King
Jr.
- The Founder: establish a new order in business or politics that diverges
from the status quo
- The Visionary: defies the norms. e.g. Picasso
- The Healer: one who can unify people
- The Teacher: can initiate action and get people to learn from their
mistakes.

* Focus Outwardly: The Attitude

-- Humans are selfish by nature, so people will appreciate you more if you give
them attention and listen to their situations

* The Vision: develop laser focus for your vision and work hard torwards it until
it's achieved.
* The Tone: Set the right tone by working hard as an examplary path for your
followers.
* Stir Conflicting Emotions: establish an aura of mystery before your followers.
* Never appear to take, always to give
* Rejuvenate your authority: adapt to new authority styles that conform to new eras
and people of that era

16. THE LAW OF AGGRESSION (See the hostility behind the friedly facade)
"men are not gentle, friendly creatures looking for love, who simply defend
themselves if attacked..." Sigmund Freud

* Human Aggresion
Everyone has an aggressive side, which can be used for good, vice versa. Human
aggression stems from an underlying insecurity, as
opposed to simply an impulse to hurt or take from others.

* Redirect Aggressive Energy

-- Controlled Aggression: channel it through your work.
-- Passive Aggression: channel it torwards others through your behavior
-- Inward Aggression: It can be turned inward which direct our anger and
aggressions to our own shortcomings

* Passive Aggression
-- The Subtle Superiority Strategy: the person who always comes late, but make up
an excuse and apology.
-- The Sympathy Strategy: the person who plays the victim, but secretly loves the
drama, pain and attention.
-- The Insinuating Doubt Strategy: one who gives off-hand remarks to make you
question your abilities.
 -- The Blame-Shifting Strategy: shifting blame to other people to save one's self.
-- The Passive-Tyrant Strategy: one who is impossible to please. People in power
use this to undermine their subordinates

* Controlled Aggression: channel your aggression to solutions that will solve your
problems.

17. THE LAW OF GENERATIONAL MYOPIA (seize the historical moment)

You are a product of the times as much as anyone. The generation you were born into
has shaped your thoughts & values, whether you are aware of this or not.

* Capitalize on the Spirit of the Times

-- Challenge your past, including that of your parents'. Try to see things from a
different perpective
-- Don't let age limit your curiosity. Read the works of older generations and
interact and learn from the younger generations

18. THE LAW OF DEATH DENIAL (meditate on our common mortality)

By connecting to the reality of death, we connect more profoundly to the reality
and fullness of life
Near death experiences have a paradoxical way of making us feel more alive. Become
viscerally aware of your death, imagine the moments of your death
and try to picture where, how and when. Let this fuel you to live life to the
fullest and complete your reason for existence.
Embracing death will make it easier to cope with all other pain and hardship in
life. Adversity is an opportunity to grow and enlighten yourself.