Based on the movie of 1952

SCENE 1
The Chinese Theater in L.A 1927
A big crowd is gathered around for the premiere of The Royal
Rascal where Donald Lockwood and Lina Lamont are the stars of the
picture and the most wanted couple of Hollywood.

DORA:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Dora Bailey.

HILARY:
and Hilary Blanc.

DORA:
Talking to you from the Chinese Theater in Hollywood.

HILARY:
Everybody is here for the premiere of new Monumental Picture
movie “The Royal Rascal”, the sensation of 1927.

DORA:
Everybody is waiting for the arrival of Lena Lamont and
Donald Lockwood. The stars of Monumental Pictures, loved by
all the people.

HILARY:
And here comes Cosmo Brown the musician of Monumental
Pictures and Donald’s Best friend.

DORA:
But wait, here they are… Lena Lamont and Donald Lockwood.

CROWD: (Cheer)

HILARY:
You are the most beloved couple. When will we hear wedding
bells?

DONALD:
Oh, no. Lena and I are just good friends.

DORA:
But all that chemistry on the movie...?

COSMO:
Trust me, that is just acting. But look, here is our beloved
producer Mr. R.J Simpson
Mr. Simpson:
Hello everyone. Come inside and let’s have the first look of
the movie. I am sure you’ll enjoy these two lovebirds.

HILARY:
Oh yes, Ladies and Gentlemen. Finally, the moment we were
waiting for: “The Royal Rascal”.

Curtain opens.
A frame is seen simulating a movie screen.
Actors dressed in black and white act out the
silent scene and one of the ensemble puts up text signs.
Cosmo plays the piano for background.
At the end of the scene, the curtain closes
and we hear applause from the audience.
Lina and Donald enter.

DONALD:
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

LENA tries to talk but is interrupted by Donald.

DONALD:
We are thrilled at your response to The Royal Rascal. We
enjoyed filming it, and we hope you enjoyed seen it tonight.
(Pushes Lena out)

Open curtain. Backstage

RON:
It’s a smash, Mr. Simpson.

MR. SIMPSON:
Don. Lina, you were gorgeous.

LINA:
(Screaming) For heaven’s sake, what’s the big idea? Can’t a
girl get a word? After all, they’re my public too!

MR. SIMPSON:
The publicity department thought it would be much better if
Donald made the speeches for the team.

RON:
You’re a beautiful woman. Audiences think you’ve got a
voice to match.
LINA:
What’s wrong with the way I talk? You think I’m dumb or
something?

COSMO:
Well…

RON:
No! It is just…

LINA:
Next time write me out a speech. I could memorize it.

COSMO:
Why don’t you go right now?

LINA:
Are you anybody? Piano player? (To Donald) Donnie, how can
you let him talk to me like that, your fiancée?

DONALD:
Lina, what have I told you about reading those magazines?
They are pure lies. There is nothing between us.

LINA:
Oh Donnie, you don’t mean that.

MR. SIMPSON:
Well, I’ll leave you. Remember there is a party at my house.

RON:
Lina. Don. You’d better go in separate cars to break up the
mobs, huh? (Pushes Lina)

LINA:
Bye, bye, Donnie.
Lina, Ron and Mr. Simpson exit.

DONALD:
What is wrong with that girl?

COSMO:
The price of fame.

Both exit.

SCENE 2
 The Street

COSMO:
I can’t believe it! I just bought that car.

DONALD:
Don’t worry, let’s find a cab.

GIRL 1:
Look! It’s Donald Lockwood.

A crowd of girls run up to Donald and start hugging him.

DONALD:
Cosmo help me!

COSMO:
Look Lina Lamont.

The girls let go of Donald and he runs

off and gets into a woman's car.
The girls exit screaming. Cosmo Exits too.

KATHY:
What are you doing?

DONALD:
Lady, please. Drive.

KATHY:
I’ll call the police!

DONALD:
No, please.

KATHY:
Officer, officer.

OFFICER:
Yes madame! Oh, Donald Lockwood. Nice to meet you.

KATHY: Donald Lockwood?

OFFICER:
You are the luckiest girl of the night (Exits)
DONALD:
 Well, thanks for saving my life. I’ll let you at peace.

KATHY:
I’m driving to Beverly Hills. Can I drop you someplace?

DONALD:
Oh, thank you, thank you very much.

KATHY:
I’m sorry. My name is Kathy Selden.

DONALD:
Enchanted Miss Selden. Sorry I frightened you. I was getting
too much love from my fans.

KATHY:
They did that to you. That is terrible.

DONALD:
(Dramatic. Trying to hug Kathy) Oh yes… the actor’s price.
People think we are just glamour and romance, but we are
lonely.

KATHY:
Sorry I didn’t recognize you. It’s just I don’t see movies
that much. If you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all.

DONALD:
(Moves apart) Well, thank you.

KATHY:
No offence. Is just in movies they don’t talk, they don’t
act. They just make a lot of dumb show. (imitates) Like
that.

DONALD:
What do you do to be able to criticize me?

KATHY:
Well, I’m an actress on stage.

DONALD:
On stage? Where can I see you, so I could learn from you?

KATHY:
I am in… nowhere, but I will be. I am going to New York.
DONALD:
 Oh really? Well sorry. I’ll leave you since I am very
little for you. (Exits)

KATHY:
Movie stars, they think they can impress any girl. (Exits)

SCENE 3
The party

COSMO: Finally! Where were you?

DONALD: Cos, tell me the truth. Am I a good actor?

COSMO: As long as I’m working for Monumental Pictures, you are

the greatest.

DONALD: Come on, you are my friend. You can tell me!

COSMO: Of course, you are. What is the matter?

DONALD: I feel a little shaken…

LINA: Donny? Where were you. I was lonely?

MR. SIMPSON: Okay, fellas, hold it. My two stars: Don and Lina.
(Applause) Open the screen.

COSMO: Another movie?

MR. SIMPSON: Okey. I have a little surprise. Hit it boys.

The screen shows a man talking

GIRL: A talking picture?

MAN: That is absurd!

RON: You think they will really use it?

MR. SIMPSON: I doubt it. The Warner Brothers are making a whole
talking picture, “The Jazz Singer”.

RON: It is not going to work.

COSMO: That’s what they said with automobiles.

MR. SIMPSON: Let’s move on. Here is something for us to start the
party.

Music starts and a giant cake enters.

From the cake, Kathy appears, and Donald sees her.
The number starts.
At the end of the musical number Donald mocks Kathy.

DONALD: What an act! The best Shakespearean moment. Now that I

know where you live, I’d like to take you home.

KATHY: Listen, Mr. Lockwood.

LINA: Who is this dame?

DONALD: Someone who is above us all… She is a real actress, not

like us.

KATHY: (Grabbing a cake) Here is something I learned from the

movies (Throws the cake to Donald but hits Lina)

COSMO: (laughing) Lina, you’ve never looked lovelier.

Kathy runs and Donald follows

LENA: Donny? Donny!

SCENE 4
THE SET

DONALD: Good morning, fellas.

COSMO: Hey. Did you read “Variety” today? First talking picture,
The Jazz Singer, all time smash.

DONALD: Well we star today, I am now Count Pierre, the Dueling

Cavalier.

COSMO: Really? Well, why bother. In movies, you see one, you’ve
seen them all.

DONALD: Hey. That’s what Kathy said.

COSMO: Don, it’s a joke. Are you still thinking about that?
DONALD: I can’t get her out of my mind.

COSMO: How could you. She is the first dame who hasn’t fallen for
your line since you were four.

DONALD: Is my fault they fire her.

COSMO: Snap out of it. Don’t let a little thing get you down. You
are Donald Lockwood, the star of Monumental Pictures. What is the
first thing an actor learns? The show must go on!

DONALD: Come rain or snow.

COSMO: So ridi, pagliaccci, ¡ridi!

Though the world is so full of a number things,

I know we should all be as happy as (kings?)
But are we?
No, definitely no, positively no.
Decidedly no. Mm mm.
Short people have long faces and
Long people have short faces.
Big people have little humor
And little people have no humor at all!
And in the words of that immortal buddy
Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be lead
To the guillotine:

Make 'em laugh

Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
(Ha ha!)
My dad said "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines"
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat
Just slip on a banana peel
The world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em...
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh
My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke
But give it plenty of hoke
Make 'em roar
Make 'em scream
Take a fall
Run a wall
Split a seam
You start off by pretending
You're a dancer with grace
You wiggle till they're
Giggling all over the place
And then you get a great big custard pie in the face
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know... all the... wants...
My dad...
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Make 'em laugh!

MR. SIMPSON: Okey. Everyone. Go home, we are off for a few weeks

DONALD: What’s the matter?

MR. SIMPSON: The Jazz Singer. The people want more talking
pictures!
COSMO: What are we going to do?

MR. SIMPSON: We’re going to make The Dueling Cavalier’ into a

talking picture.

COSMO: That means I’m out of the job!

MR. SIMPSON: No. We‘re putting you in as head of the new music
department.

COSMO: Thank you, sir.

MR. SIMPSON: It’s going to be a sensation. Lemont and Lockwood:

They talk.

LINA: Of course, we talk. Don’t everybody?

COSMO: Oh, her voice is going to be a problem.

SCENE 5
BRODWAY MELODY
Kathy is working on a musical movie and Donald sees her.

Musical number Broadway melody

DONALD: Oh! Kathy! It’s me Donald.

KATHY: What are you doing here?

COSMO: He has been looking for you.

DONALD: I want to apologize for what happened the other night and
you losing your job.

KATHY: Apology accepted.

COSMO: Kathy you were wonderful up there.

KATHY: Thank you, Cosmo.

DONALD: You should come with us. Mr. Simpson is looking for
actresses for my new movie. I know you’ll be perfect, and he
would love you.
KATHY: Actually, I just received a call from his secretary. I am
starting tomorrow on the new Zelda’s movie.

DONALD: That is wonderful.

COSMO: Congratulation.

KATHY: Thanks.

DONALD: I just hope by the time you get to be a star, I am still

there.

KATHY: What you mean?

COSMO: With this “talking” euphoria, actors are being fired.

DONALD: But tomorrow will start with Diction lessons.

KATHY: You’ll be fine, you’ll see.

The three exit.

SCENE 6
DICTION LESSONS

COACH: Okey Lina, again. Ta, te, ti, to tu.

LENA: Tei, tai, tou, tu.

COACH: No, no. Miss Lamount. Round tones.

LINA: I am tired of this… I am the star and I can’t stand it.

Both exists.
Donald, Cosmo and Teacher enter.

TEACHER: Let’s start. Around the rocks the rugged rascal ran.

DONALD: Around the rocks the rugged rascal ran.

TEACHER: Rocks, rocks.

COSMO: Feel the rrrr.

TEACHER: Moses supposes his toeses are Roses, but Moses supposes
erroneously,
Moses he knowses his toeses aren't roses, as Moses supposes his
toeses to be!

COSMO: Woow. I like that.

DONALD: Yes!

Moses supposes his toeses are Roses,

But Moses supposes Erroneously,
Moses he knowses his toeses aren't roses,
As Moses supposes his toeses to be!
Moses supposes his toeses are Roses,
But Moses supposes Erroneously,
A mose is a mose!
A rose is a rose!
A toes a toes!
Hooptie doodie doodle
Moses supposes his toeses are Roses,
But Moses supposes Erroneously,
For Moses he knowses his toeses aren't roses,
As Moses supposes his toeses to be!
Moses
(Moses supposes his toeses are roses)
Moses
(Moses supposes erroneously)
Moses
(Moses supposes his toeses are roses)
As Moses supposes his toeses to be!
A Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is
A rose is for Moses as potent as toeses
Couldn't be a lily or a daphi daphi dilli
It's gotta be a rose cuz it rhymes with mose!
Moses!
Moses!
Moses!

SCENE 7
Movie premiere
DONALD MOVIE: My lady.

LINA MOVIE: Oh Pierre, you shouldn’t have come… you are in

danger… too valuable.

DIRECTOR: I tried. She never could remember where the microphone

was, boss.

DONALD: ‘Tis Cupid himself that called me here, and I smitten by

his arrow… (moves mouth)

BOY: You are the worst Lockwood!

The movie continues, but the audio is terrible.

The audience is laughing.

LENA MOVIE: Oh Pierre.

DONALD MOVIE: I love you; I love you, I love you.

The movie stops but the sound continues.

DIRECTOR: Oh no! The sound! It’s out of synchronization!

MR. SIMPSON: Go and fix it.

GIRL: This is terrible!

BOY: Who wrote this?

Donald movie moves lip and sound comes after.

LINA MOVIE and Villan act and the sound is wrong.
The audience starts laughing and booing.

MR. SIMPSON: Ladies and gentlemen. We are having technical

difficulties. This show is canceled til further notice.

Audience exits laughing and mocking.

DONALD: We are ruined.

MR. SIMPSON: We’re booked to open in six weeks all over the
country.

MAN: This is the worst picture ever made.

 All exit.

SCENE 8
MORNING

DONALD: Well. It was fun. I’d better find and other job.

KATHY: It wasn’t so bad.

COSMO: That is what I told him

DONALD: You were right, Kathy. I am not an actor. I am through.

KATHY: You are not through.

COSMO: You could go back to vaudeville. (Starts dancing)

DONALD: Too bad I didn’t do that in ‘Dueling Cavalier’. They

might have liked it.

KATHY: Why don’t you?

DONALD: What?

KATHY: Make it a musical. Add songs and dances trim the bad
scenes, add new ones.

COSMO: And you got it. We have six weeks. It is possible.

DONALD: The Dueling Cavalier is now a musical. Tonight, is the

night we make history.

COSMO: You mean this morning. It’s one AM.

KATHY: And what a lovely morning.

Good Morning
Good Morning
We've talked the whole night through
Good Morning
Good Morning to you
Good Morning
Good Morning
It's great to stay up late
Good Morning
Good Morning to you
 When the band began to play the stars were shinging bright
Now the milkman's on his way
and it's too late to say good night
So, Good Morning
Good Morning
Sun beams will soon smile through
Good Morning
Good Morning to you and you and you and you
Good Morning
Good Morning
We've gabbed the whole night through
Good Morning
Good Morning to you
Nothing could be grander than to be in Louisiana
In the morning
In the morning
It's great to stay up late
Good Morning
Good Morning to you
I'd be as yippe if it wasn't Mississippi
When we left the movie show the future wasn't bright
But came the dawn the show goes on
and I don't want to say good night
So say good morning
Good Morning
Rainbows are shining through
Good Morning
Good Morning
Bonjour
Monsour
Buenos Días
Muchas Frías
Bongiorno
Montichorno
Gutten Morgen
Blakich Morgen
Good Morning to you
Waka laka laka laka laka laka wa
Waka laka laka laka laka laka wa
Waka laka laka laka laka laka wa
¡Olé!
Toro
Bravo

They all three laugh and cheer.

DONALD: Wait! We can’t make it a musical. Lina…

KATHY AND COSMO: Lina…

COSMO: She can’t act, she can’t dance, and she can’t sing.

KATHY: The triple threat.

COSMO: I have an idea. Kathy sing. Look at my lips.

Kathy sings and Cosmo moves his lips.

COSMO: Use Kathy’s voice.

KATHY: That is brilliant.

DONALD: No. You’d be throwing away your career.

KATHY: It’s just for this one picture. The important thing is to
save Monumental Pictures and your job.

DONALD: Kathy you are wonderful.

COSMO: Well. I better get going and write that musical. (Exits)

DONALD: Me too. Oh Kathy, thank you.

KATHY: You take care of that throat. You’re a big singing star
now. It is raining outside.

DONALD: Where I am standing the sun is all over the place.

I'm singing in the rain

Yes, singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling
And I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I have a smile on my face
 I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin', singin' in the rain
Dancing in the rain, da-da-dada
I'm happy again
I'm singing and dancing in the rain
I'm dancing and singing in the rain

LINA sees everything and exits.

SCENE 9
Studio

MR. SIMPSON: Perfect. Kathy you sound perfect as Lina. After this
movie, we are going to make you a star.

DONALD: I can’t wait to tell everybody about us.

KATHY: But your fans will be disappointed.

DONALD: The only fan I care about is you.

LINA: What are you doing?

ZELDA: There I told you!

LINA: Thank you Zelda, you are a pal. She is not gonna be my
voice. Zelda told me everything.

DONALD: Oh, Zelda, you are a pal.

ZELDA: Any time, Don.

LINA: I am going to tell Mr. Simpson.

COSMO: The movie is finished. And you will be finished if it

wasn’t for Kathy.

DONALD: She is getting full screen credit for it too.

LINA: So, everybody would know that I don’t sing and talk for
myself?
DONALD: There is a whole campaign publicity about it.

LINA: Publicity? They can’t make a laughingstock outta Lina

Lamont! You think I’m dumb or something. This is not gonna
happen. (Exits)

SCENE 9
The office

ZELDA: Mr. Simpson is over Lina’s singing pipes and dancing

stems.

MR. SIMPSON: I never said that.

ZELDA: Premiere tomorrow night to reveal Lina Lamont big musical

talent.

RON: Boss, you can’t pull a switch like this on the publicity
department. We were all prepared on the campaign for Kathy
Selden.

MR. SIMPSON: I don’t know what happened.

RON: What are we going to do?

LINA: Nothing. You wouldn’t want to call the papers and say that
Lina Lamont is a big fat liar.

MR. SIMPSON: Lina, did you do this?

LINA: I gave an exclusive story to every paper in town.

MR. SIMPSON: I am going to tell everybody is a lie.

LINA: I had my lawyer go over my contract and I control my

publicity, not you. So, I could sue you if you say something I
don’t like in the paper.

RON: This means we must take Kathy’s credit off the screen.

MR. SIMPSON: Okey, Lina, you win.

LINA: Just one more thing. This Kathy has done a wonderful job
doubling my voice. She should do that and nothing more.

MR. SIMPSON: You are crazy.

LINA: I am more important to the studio than she is.

MR. SIMPSON: I wouldn’t do that to her in a million years. This

would ruin her career. People don’t do that.

LINA: People? I am not people. I am a … (picks up the paper) ‘A

shimmering, glowing star in the cinema firmament.’

SCENE 10
PREMIERE

COSMO: Oh Mr. Simpson, it is a hit.

MR. SIMPSON: Kathy, Cosmo. Thank you for everything.

DONALD: Kathy, my love.

COSMO: Lina, you sang as lovely as Kathy.

LINA: Yes, and I’m gonna for a long time.

DONALD: What do you mean?

LINA: She is gonna be my voice from now on.

MR. SIMPSON: Yes, my hands are tied since 1925. She could sue me.

RON: The public! Take a bow.

COSMO: Do something, Mr. Simpson!

LINA: Listen to that applause, and wait ‘til the money starts
rolling in. You won’t give all that because some nobody don’t
wanna be my voice.
KATHY: Part of that choice is mine, and I just won’t do it.

LINA: You got a five–year contract. You’ll do it.

MR. SIMPSON: Lina, you’re going too far.

LINA: Yes. You are not gonna tell me what to do anymore.

RON: They’re yelling for a speech.

LINA: A speech? Yeah, everybody’s always making speeches for me.

Tonight, I am doing my own talking!

RON: No!

DONALD: Wait, this is Lina’s big night, she is entitled to do the

talking.

MR. SIMPSON: Oh… you are right.

LINA: Ladies and gentlemen. I can’t tell you how thrilled we are
at your reception of the Dancing Cavalier. Our first musical
picture together. Thank you for your applause. Bless you all.

MAN: She didn’t sound like that.

WOMAN: What happened to your lovely voice, Lina?

MAN 2: Cut the talk Lina, sing.

LENA: (runs backstage) Oh no. They want me to sing.

DONALD: Okey. This is what we are going to do. Lina you stand
there and pretend to sing. Kathy you’ll stand in the back and
sing for her.

KATHY: She brought that on herself. I am not helping.

COSMO: Come on Kathy. We need this.

DONALD: Trust me. It’s going to be fine.

KATHY: Just this time and I am through.

MR. SIMPSON: Thank you Kathy.

Lena returns to stage

LENA: Well, as you wish I am going to sing. Maestro.

COSMO: What are you going to sing?

LENA: (Moving to the back)

KATHY: (from behind) Singing in the rain

LENA: I will sing, singing in the rain.

Music starts and Lena pretends to sing as Kathy sings for here
Don, Ron and Mr. Simpson open the curtain and everybody
Discovers that Lina is a fake. Kathy stops singing. Donald sings
for her and the audience laughs because Lina continues moving her
mouth.

MR. SIMPSON: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Kathy Selden. The real
star behind The Dueling Cavalier.

LINA: Oh no! This is embarrassing. (Exits)

DONALD: Give Kathy the applause she deserves.

KATHY: Thank you very much.

DONALD: I told you to trust me. I would never do anything to hurt

you.

COSMO: Well. On behalf of Monumental Pictures, the musical movie

era begins.

MR. SIMPSON: Good night, everybody.

THE END