WakE uP sIEepINg BeauTiES BY DEIRDRE MOLLOY FOR DYT 1 ACTS 1996 If you intend to put on a production of this play ——in National Association for Youth Drama Phone: 01-8781301CAST: RAPUNZEL (RAP) PRINCE MAEBH SLEEPING BEAUTY (SB) SNOW WHITE (SW) CINDYSTAGING: EACH OF THE GIRLS HAS THEIR OWN SPACE ON THE SET, BUT THEY CAN MOVE IN AND OUT OF EACH OTHER'S AREAS. IF POSSIBLE, MAEBH SHOULD BE ON A HIGHER LEVEL UPSTAGE. SW SHOULD HAVE A BED AND CINDY A FIREPLACE. CINDY, SB AND SW SHOULD. BE APART FROM RAP, WHOSE AREA IS IN HER TOWER, WITH A WINDOW THROUGH WHICH PRINCEY ENTERS AND EXITS. PROPS: SHOULD BE ON SET AND EASILY ACCESSIBLE TO WHOEVER NEEDS: THEM, PARTICULARLY THE LETTERS, MOST OF WHICH THERE SHOULD BE TWO COPIES OF- ONE FOR THE WRITER AND ONE FOR THE READER. SW'S APPLE SHOULD BE IN HER MOUTH, OR SEEM TO BE, ANY TIME SHE'S SLEEPING. RAPUNZEL’S HAIR SHOULD BE INA LONG PLAIT AND HANGING OUT THE WINDOW FOR PRINCEY TO. CLIMB UP. THE MUSIC: THE MUSIC INDICATED ON THE SCRIPT IS WHAT | USED, BUT IF YOU WANT TO USE SOMETHING ELSE TO MAKE THOSE SEQUENCES: LONGER, SHORTER, MORE FREQUENT OR TO ADD CHOREOGRAPHY AT ANY STAGE, WORK AWAY! !'VE BROKEN THE SCRIPT INTO NUMBERED SECTIONS (FOR REHEARSAL PURPOSES) AS OPPOSED TO ‘SCENES’ BECAUSE EACH SECTION SHOULD RUN SMOOTHLY INTO THE NEXT. THE LIGHTS CAN FADE UP AND DOWN ON WHATEVER IS THE FOCUS DURING A PARTICULAR SCENE.(1) OPENING SEQUENCE TO ‘FOR WHAT YOU DREAM OF’ FROM THE TRAINSPOTTING SOUNDTRACK. ALL THE GIRLS ARE ONSTAGE (AS. THEY ARE THROUGHOUT) IN THEIR AREAS. MAEBH IS DANCING. RAP IS READING ‘THE TAIN’ AND IMPATIENTLY LOOKING QUT FOR PRINCE. TO ARRIVE. SWIS ASLEEP AND THERE’S NOT MUCH MOVEMENT OUT OF SB OR CINDY, EXCEPT WHEN ALL THREE FILE THEIR NAILS IN TIME TO THE MUSIC! 2) [RAP IS DRAGGED BY THE HAIR ACROSS THE ROOM TOWARDS THE WINDOW. PRINCE ARRIVES IN.) PRINCE: Hey Babe! [SHE ATTEMPTS A SMILE] You'll never guess what happened to me on the way here. Go on...guess! [SHE OPENS HER MOUTH TO SPEAK] Nah, you'll never guess. Okay, so I'm pissing through the forest on my Honda 50 and | bump into a few of the lads, so we go for a few pints and a quick curry. And Lord Charlie's in flying form, right? And so he starts messing around with the bloke in the Indian and yer man tries to chuck us out. So I do my usual, “Do you know who | am," crap and the bloke nearly pisses himself when he realises and we nearly got sick laughing, So Prince Horace said he was gonna sue yer man for food poisoning... [HE CRACKS UP LAUGHING AT HIMSELF]...Ah, the lads, they're great craic... RAP. You're late again. PRINCE: Your point being? RAP: Ah, forget it.PRINCE: Ooops, she’s in her flowers again. Babe. What ? WHAT ? C’mon [HE GOES TO GIVE HER A CUDDLE, TAKES OUT VIDEO] Look, I've brought ‘Die Hard With a Vengence’. RAP: Again ? PRINCE: WHAT ? RAP: We've seen it six times. PRINCE: Hey, hey, hey, | don’t need this. I've had a hard week. It's not easy running a kingdom you know. You're lucky | get time to visit you twice a week. So don’t start on me now. RAP: | know hon, but | asked you to get ‘Sleepless in Seattle’. PRINCE: Chill Rapunzel, | don't have to take this crap. RAP: I'm only saying, PRINCE: Well don't. [HE SEES ‘THE TAIN’] What's this ?RAP: It was in with that box of Hello magazines you brought last week. It's really good. PRINCE: You're not supposed to be reading books. What's wrong with Vogue and Elle and Woman's Own 7 Have you finished that jumper | liked in Needlework Weekly ? RAP: I'm tired of knitting you stuff. PRINCE: Excuse me ? RAP: No look, don't get annoyed. It’s just...... PRINCE: It's just what ?......WELL ? RAP: Well it's just I'm...... PRINCE: Yes ? Do tell 7 RAP: F'm bored, PRINCE: You're bored. She’s bored. Ahhh, poor Rapunzel. YOU'RE. SUPPOSED TO BE BORED. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CONTENT BEING BORED. RAP: But I'm not content.PRINCE:You're only supposed to be happy when I'm around. That's the way the story goes. RAP: But why ? PRINCE: Because...... Look, you're unhappy, you're depressed, you're bored...... until your Prince comes to visit. Then your life is worth living. Understand 7 RAP: But you're here now and I'm still unhappy. PRINCE: Wha...... ? Ate you coming down with something ? | know, it's hormones. Here, sit down, slap on some lipstick and you'll feel better. RAP: | don’t want to sit down. | want to get out of here. | want to see the world. PRINCE: 1 knew those magazines were getting too liberated. Lord Henry warned me. Fine, no more Vogue for you young lady. RAP: I's nothing to do with that. | was reading this book, right ? [MAEBH BEGINS TO MOVE AND GRADUALLY $B, SW AND CINDY START TO PAY ATTENTION. THEY'RE GOBSMACKED] And there's this Queen, Queen Maebh of Connaught and she’s dead cool, right ? And she goes out and fights wars and when she wants something she gets it and she’s beautiful and intelligent-- PRINCE: intelligent ? $8 armies and she gives ttPRINCE: To men? RAP: And they go and do whatever she tells them and her king tried to mess her around and she told him where to get off and she went off to Ulster and- PRINCE: STOP! ENOUGH! I'm getting you a psychiatrist RAP: Good, go and get one. At least I'l get to talk to someone else besides you, for a change. [STUNNED SILENCE FROM PRINCE] Look, I've written her this letter. Told her I'd like to meet her... maybe visit her. PRINCE: Leave the tower? RAP: Why not? PRINCE: Why not? WHY NOT? This is more serious than | thought. Gimmie that! [HE SNATCHES THE LETTER AND BEGINS TO READ. HE’S STUNNED] If you think I'm gonna let you send this. RAP: already have, That's just a copy.PRINCE: Ah, | don't believe this. [HE READS ALOUD] “Dear Queen Maebh, My name is Rapunzel, you know, the one with the hair. I've read your biography and | really admire you” [HE MIMICKS} | really admire you...... | knew it was a mistake giving you that wordprocessor, that was supposed to be for you to type up the speeches | wrote to my subjects...... [HE READS ON] "You see, the thing is, I've been locked in a tower for eighteen [MAEBH HAS BEEN READING THE LETTER] MAEBH: WHAT ? [SHE CONTINUES] ‘'m very bored.”......!’m not surprised, honey ! "My days are spent reading stupid magazines and watching boring videos. Prince comes to visit me twice a week, but conversation can only go so far with one person, if you know what | mean, so I'm getting a bit tired of him.” No Shit ! " Thing is, | waht to get out of here. | want to leave my tower......” [SB, WHO HAS BEEN OBSERVING WITH THE OTHERS, HAS TAKEN PRINCE'S COPY AND CONTINUES TO READ THE LETTER. MAEBH CONTINUES READING IT TO HERSELF AND PRINCE LOOKS DEJECTED AND STARTS TO GO} SB: [READING] “......but to do that I'd have to cut my hair and then | could never be a fairytale princess like my story says. Which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing [SW COUGHS UP HER APPLE IN SHOCK] sw: WHAT ? [SHE GRABS THE LETTER AND CONTINUES) “......l know you're very busy running your kingdom and fighting wars but | wondered if you could possibly find the time to write and advise me.” | don’t believe this. [SHE THROWS THE LETTER DOWN IN DISGUST AND CINDY PICKS 17 UP AND CONTINUES] 6CINDY: Give us a look........ “I do love Prince, | think, but reading about your life makes me realise that there must be more to mine.” MAEBH: You're damn right sweetie. Better sort this chick out in a hurry. Cuchulain, come and take dictation for a letter, express post. [3] Sw: My Jaysus | CINDY: What does she think she’s playing at ? SB: | knew it. | could see this coming. | should have known. CINDY: Oh my God. Oh my God | SW: My Jaysus ! CINDY: Oh my God! SB: What is she at ? What is she......? sw: My Jaysus | CINDY: Will you ever shut your hole, that is so unbecoming. SW: Chand ‘shut ye s terribly gentee 7CINDY: I'll slap you one now if you're not careful. Sw: I'm warning you, you toe-rag. SB: Will you two chill ? We've got to do something. CINDY: Too right, she’s gonna spoil everything, the bimbo ! sw: Thank you little Miss super 1Q. SB: Shhhh. Shut up, this Is really serious. Okay, Rapunzel, what are you playing at 7 [Sa] RAP: What ? SB: Do you realise you could ruin everything for all of us ? CINDY: Yeah! SW: Yeah! RAP. Leave me alone. I'm trying to think. Sw: Think?CINDY: But we're not supposed to think, are we 7 sw: Don't think so. SB: We definitly are not. Rapunzel, you've got to cop on to yourself. You can’t go round treating princes like that. CINDY: If | was him | wouldn’t have taken that from her. sw: Huh | Queen Maebh me arse. Wars | CINDY: Ordering men around ! SB: Listen Rapunzel, Prince has always been nice to you, hasn't he? RAP; He treats me well when he’s here, yeah. But he only comes twice a week. CINDY: He came an extra time on your birthday. sw: And he brought you flowers. RAP: | know but--- Sw: At least you get to see your prince. | havn't even met mine yet. | could be waiting months for him to show for all | know.CINDY: Me too. By the time he gets that bloody slipper tried on every girl in his kingdom...... And | have to be the last one to try it on cos that’s what the story says. SB: Months ? Weeks ? I've been asleep for 82 shaggin’ years and I've another 68 to go before | even get a smell of my prince. You've all got it easy. Especially you [TO RAP] . All the things you have and you're still not satisfied. RAP: But do you not want to do something about it ? Why do we have to put up with this when we're not happy ? SB: It's not for us to think like that. You can't mess with fairytales. You never know what might happen. We all have stories, we wait for them to happen, we wait for our princes to come and eventually we get to tive happily ever after. RAP: Well that’s not enough for me any more. Maebh didn’t wait around. She doesn't take any crap from anyone whether they're princes or kings. [SHE TURNS AWAY FROM THEM AND LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW] CINDY: Yeah, but is she happy ? RAP: Yeah. CINDY: Oh! [RAP TURNS AWAY AND SB TURNS TO THE OTHERS] SW: We're allup shits now![SHE BITES INTO HER APPLE AND IMMEDIATELY FALLS ASLEEP] CINDY: What're we gonna do? SB: ‘Shut up and think. CINDY: God, it's been so tong, I'm not sure if I... [A LOOK FROM SB SHUTS HER UP AND THEY SIT THERE, LOOKING PERPLEXED. MAEBH HAS, MEANWHILE, BEEN DICTATING THE LETTER SHE'S SENDING TO RAP] (4 MAEBH: “So, Rapunzel, I'm sure you understand that I'm up to my eyes at the moment, campaigning for independent royalty for the likes of myself and my pal, Eimear. So unfortunately, | can't come and visit you just now.” RAP: TREADING THE LETTER] Damn. MAEBH: “But do keep the chin up and don't take any shit from the Prince. No matter how much you love him, if you're miserable, what’s the point? If things aren't sorted out so that you're both happy, you're gonna have fo leave him, girl. Best Wishes, Queen Maebh, the Fearless. P.S. I'm enclosing some free samples of hair care products that came through my door last week. I don't use them and I'm sure you must spend a fortune on that kind of stuff.” God love her. 15] [SB HAS BEEN WRITING A LETTER]CINDY: Snow White, Snow White! SW: [APPLE OUT] What? CINDY: Ihave an idea. sw. Yeah? CINDY: You know this Queen Masbh one Rapunzel's going on about? sw: Uhuh? CINDY: Well, you know the way she has armies and orders of men around and stuff? SW: Mmm? CINDY: ‘Well, | dunno, | was just thinking- SW: Oh, well done! CINDY: No listen. | thought maybe we could go and see her. SW. What for? CINDY: Well, | just thought that it might be a bit more interesting than sitting around here waiting for our princes to show up. It's not as if we're doing anything else, you know? 12Sw: Are you mad ? CINDY: | just thought sw: Well | can see now why we're not supposed to. CINDY: Not supposed to what ? sw: THINK, you thick eejit | CINDY: Well it's not as if we've anything else to do. sw: That's not the point. What happens if we go off to see this Maebh one and our princes arrive while’ we're gone, Hah ? Have you thought about that now that you're so big into this thinking lark 2...... Well, have you ? CINDY: Well... SW: I didn’t think so. Oh God, now I'm at it as well. Just forget it, okay ? What the hell put it into your head anyway ? CINDY: Well, maybe if we went to see her, she could give us some advice on how to get our princes to get a move on. SW: Look Cindy, if you're not careful, you'll end up like Rapunzel. And whatever about the two of you spoiling things on yourselves, I'm not having you ruining everything on me. So sit down and shut up okay ? 13[CINDY SIGHS BUT SITS BACK DOWN ON HER HEARTH] sw: [TO SB} Can you believe yer one? INO REPLY. SB IS TOO BUSY WRITING] What are you at? SB: Me? Nothing SW: Might as well be talking to the wall. [SHE BITES INTO HER APPLE AND GOES BACK TO SLEEP. SB CHECKS THAT THE OTHER TWO AREN'T LISTENING AND BEGINS TO READ OUT HER LETTER] (6] SB: "My dear Prince, | felt | had to write to tell you how I fee! about the way Rapunzel has been treating you. | couldn't believe it when | heard what she was at, | must say that I'm outraged at the thought that a nobody like Rapunzel...” PRINCE: [HAS APPEARED READING THE LETTER TO HIMSELF) Who's she calling a nobody? SB: “... Lmean, she's not even a princess! That a nobody like her would dare to treat such a mighty and powerful prince in such a way. I mean, Princey...” PRINCE: Princey? 14SB: “ where does she get off acting high and mighty with PRINCE: Yeah, where does she get off ? SB: .. Anyway, | was just thinking, as | lay here, that it seems such @ waste to me. | mean, there you are getting a hard time from Missy Rapunzel, and here | am with another 68 years before my prince shows up, bored out of my tree and only dying for a witty and charming fellah like yourself to keep me company. Believe me, Princey......” PRINCE: There's that 'Princey’ again ! SB: “....80me of us around here have more respect for you. So, if you want a chat, or a little company, Prince: - PRINCE: | kinda like that | $B: “..u.why don't ya come up and see me sometime ?” PRINCE: [READING] “ All my love, Princess S. Beauty.” Woah, now there’s a girl who knows how to give a fellah the respect he deserves. [SB STANDS UP TO JOIN HIM) SB: It seems like such a waste of time for a charming prince like you to be putting up with that sort of carry on. PRINCE: Thing is I'm mad about her. We've always been so happy together. It’s all because of that stupid Queen Maebh. | mean who does 15‘SB: But you'd think Rapunzel would have more sense than to be taking notice of her, wouldn't you ? PRINCE; Ah well, we don't expect you girls to have much sense generally, | mean, that's not really what you're here for, is it? SB: | suppose not. PRINCE: After all, you were given the beauty so you don't need the brains, wern't you ? Although it's been said that I'm not lacking in either department ! 1 suppose, being a prince, | have it all, so to speak. SB: I suppose. PRINCE: | just don’t understand why all of a sudden Rapunzel's got this bee in her bonnet. She's got it easy compared to the rest of you SB: | was only just saying exactly the same to her. She doesn't know how lucky she is. PRINCE: She certainly does not. SB: Take me for example - 68 more years lying around before my man shows up. And on top of that, I've no idea what he'll be like. | can't imagine that he'll be half as wonderful as you are PRINCE: Too right. A gil doesn’t meet a prince like me every day of the week | SB: NopePRINCE: Anyone else would appreciate me. ‘SB: Oh, they would, they definitly would. PRINCE: You would. SB: Oh God, | would. PRINCE: i's well for your prince. When he arrives he'll get the respect he deserves. SB: Oh, he will, yeah, [SHE STARTS TO COME ON TO HIM] Of course in the meantime, I'm doing nothing, PRINCE Sorry ? SB: What are you sorry for ? PRINCE: I'm not sure | understand. SB: Oh, | think we both know exactly what's going on here. PRINCE: But-- SB: Now now, don’t be shy.PRINCE: But you see-- SB: Look, Rapunzel doesn’t know how to treat her prince. | do. Only mine won't be around for a while, so why waste 68 years of both our lives, know what I'm saying ? PRINCE: But-- SB: Ah now Princey-- [CINDY WAKES UP AND STARTS TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT'S GOING ON. SHE STIRS SW] PRINCE: No listen to me. | love Rapunzel. | really love her. | want to sort things out with her. | came here cos | thought you could advise me. SB: But there's no talking to her. You've tried. I've tried. Cindy and Snow White have tried. What are you gonna do ? PRINCE: I don’t know but [il think of something, SB: Looks like you need her more than she needs you. Not an ideal situation for a prince to be in, Especially when she’s not even a princess. [THE GIRLS ARE NOT IMPRESSED, ESPECIALLY CINDY WITH THE LAST COMMENT. SHE REACTS ACCORDINGLY BUT SB DOESN'T NOTICE THAT THEY'RE LISTENING} PRINCE: care whether she ove her and | ters. | just | don’t 's a princess 0 ow she still loves me so that’s all t make her realise that.SB: {NOT IMPRESSED] Fair enough. But hey, Princey, if it doesn’t work out, you know where | am, [HE LEAVES] it’s not as if !'m going anywhere (6a) [SHE TURNS TO SEE THE OTHER TWO. THEY'RE SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF] WHAT ? sw: What happened to {IMITATING WHAT SB SAID EARLIER TO RAPUNZEL] 'You can’t mess with fairytales’ ! SB: Well | just thought it might be an interesting subplot. CINDY: Fairytales don’t have subplots. SB: Okay, okay, gimmie a break, [THEY ALL SIT IN SILENCE, SULKING] SB: It's not really all it's cracked up to be, is it ? CINDY: What ? SB: This fairytale princess lark. CINDY: | wouldn't know. | mean, after all, I'm not even a princess, ami?SB: Ah relax, will you. [PAUSE] 68 bleedin’ years...... At least Princey would have been a relief from the boredom. You can’t really blame me for trying, can you ? Sw: He must really love her. CINDY: Silly cow doesn’t know how lucky she is. SW: Too right CINDY: Still an’ all though...... SW: What ? CINDY: Ah I dunno. Maybe she’s right to try and do something about it. | mean, | wouldn't fancy being stuck in a tower, having him climbing up my hair. Cindy, shut up. She has it easy compared to us. SW: Yeah | CINDY: 1 was only saying, sw: Well you can shut up only saying and only thinking and only bleedin’ sit down and wait like the rest of us | [SHE BITES INTO HER APPLE AND CONKS OUT AGAIN) SB: 68 bleedin’ years | » a7) {EAST 17'S ‘STAY NOW FADES UP FOR A LITTLE MUSICAL INTERLUDE. PRINCE APPEARS AND RAPUNZEL AND HIMSELF DO SOME ‘DEPRESSED AND LONELY’ ACTING (THEY'RE IN SEPARATE PLACES, THINKING ABOUT EACH OTHER), PLENTY OF SIGHING FROM BOTH, LOOKING OUT OF WINDOW FROM RAPUNZEL AND HEAD IN HANDS: FROM PRINCE. AS THE SONG FADES OUT, SO DOES RAPUNZEL AND SUDDENLY PRINCEY HAS AN IDEA] 18) PRINCE: ve got it [HE TAKES A PEN AND PAPER AND STARTS TO WRITE. MAEBH TAKES. UP HER COPY AND IS READING IT TO HERSELF AS HE WRITES] “Dear Queen Maebh, My name is Prince...cey! I'm sure by now you have received..." ‘received’...that's ‘' before ‘e’, except after ‘c’... ‘received a letter from my girlfriend, Rapunzel. 'm just writing to tell you that you shouldn't really take any notice of her because she is completely insane...” Nah, [HE CROSSES IT OUT] "...because she is...” MAEBH: [READING] "not quite the full shilling. See the thing is, Maebh, she's suddenly taken ‘the notion that she’s not happy anymore, which is really silly because up to now she's been in her tower, where she’s safe and warm and well-fed, all thanks to me, although | don’t want to boast.” 19) MAEBH IS LIVID AND HAS TAKEN THE LETTER TO RAPUNZEL. PRINCEY HAS, MEANWHILE, FINISHED WRITING AND HEADED OFF, DELIGHTED WITH HIMSELF] RAP: What? MAEBH: Read it for yourself. 21[SHE HANDS THE LETTER TO RAPUNZEL, WHO CONTINUES READING] RAP: “Now, Maebh, the thing is that this is all your fault because it was only after she started reading about your escapades that she started getting these notions. And she's really not the brightest, God bless her...’ The cheeky. "So, | reckon, the best thing you could do now, Maebh, is to drop her a note telling her she doesn't know how well off she is and she should cop herself on and start acting like she’s supposed to. I'd appreciate it if you could do this as soon as possible. All the best, Princey- the Monarch formerly known as Prince." My God, he has some nerve. MAEBH: ‘When I read this, | thought I'd better come as soon as possible, | reckoned you needed some help with this fellah, [10] [RAPUNZEL IS DRAGGED TOWARDS THE WINDOW AND PRINCE ARRIVES IN, SEES MAEBH, THEN RAPUNZEL'S FACE AND REALISES HE'S IN TROUBLE] PRINCE: Doh! RAP: (HOLDING UP LETTER} What's the meaning of this? PRINCE: ‘What's that, now? RAP. You know perfectly well what it is. My certificate of insanity! | can’t believe you'd do this. What are you playing at? PRINCE: Good Lord, that handwriting is very like mine, isn’t it? What is it? 22RAP: 1 suppose you'll be trying to have me committed next ? PRINCE: Wouldn't have to if you were a little bit committed to me | RAP: Exactly what did you hope to achieve with this ? PRINCE: Now hold on a minute, that was a private letter--- MAEBH: Yeah, to me and | decided that it should become public. RAP: | can’t believe this. You dicn’t listen to a word | said, did you? PRINCE: Of course | listened, babe. | just don't understand that's all RAP: What don’t you understand and for God’s sake stop calling me babe. PRINCE: Why alll of a sudden you're not content any more. RAP: I's not all of a sudden. It's just that until now | never realised that there were other options. PRINCE: | There ay't other options for you. You have a story, it happens and you live happily ever after. That's the way it’s meant to be. Look | brought you ‘Sleepless in Seattle’. RAP: It's a bit late for that now. 23MAEBH: Oh, I heard this was great, can | borrow it? PRINCE: What the...? You think you can just breeze in here after causing all this trouble and- MAEBH: Woah! Hold on a minute. | haven't caused any trouble, There wouldn't be any trouble here if this poor girl hadn't been left, locked up in a tower for 18 years, with no one but you for company. There wouldn't be any trouble if you treated her right PRINCE: 1DO! Why am I the big baddie here? I've always been kind to her. I've done everything the story says. Rapunzel, you have to admit that. RAP: But everything the story says isn’t enough. PRINCE: Well, what am | supposed to do? [CINDY WAKES UP AND STIRS SB AND SW. THEY ALL PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROW) MAEBH | think what you have to do, Dearie, is accept this girl the way she is. PRINCE But she’s not the way she is. | mean, she’s not the way she was...the way she should be! RAP: You mean, the way you want me to be? PRINCE: Exactly! [AT LAST, SHE'S GOT IT! HE’S DELIGHTED] 24MAEBH: Ever heard of give and take? RAP: Too right, he has. | give and he takes! PRINCE: That’s not true. I've given you so much over the years. RAP: But only what it suits you to give. The one time | want something out of the ordinary, you freak. PRINCE: ‘Who's freaking? Am | freaking? {HE IS!) RAP: Well, you don’t seem too delighted at the fact that I'd like to have a life for myseif, Something that you're not involved in, for once. PRINCE: Your point being? MAEBH: Oh my God... brick wall, darlin’, PRINCE: Okay, okay! So, tell me what you want that you haven't already got... Go on, what do you want? Go on, tell me. RAP: Emmmm... PRINCE: Go on, tell me, Just tell me one thing, eh? Go on, I'm waiting. RAP: Shut up! | can't think, 25PRINCE Mustn't be that important if you have to think about it... [HE REALISES THAT HE’S IN SERIOUS DANGER OF A THUMP FROM MAEBH, IF HE DOESN'T SHUT UP] RAP: Aerobics, | want to do aerobics. MAEBH & PRINCE: AEROBICS771!!7 RAP: Yeah, and | want to take @ course in aromatherapy massage- PRINCE: Massage? RAP: And mountaineering and abseiling and bungee jumping- [10a] CINDY: Oh, | read about that. I'd love to give it a go. PRINCE: Massage? RAP: And | want to do a course in creative writing- SW: ‘Oh, now there's a thing. | used to scribble a bit before the apple incident- SB Will you two get a grip? CINDY: But. 26SB: But what? CINDY: But why couldn't we give these things a go? PRINCE: Massage! SW: Can't be any harm in having a few hobbies while we wait for the lads! CINDY: Yaah, I mean, Im beginning to wonder if they're gonna show up a this stage. MAEBH: Why wait around? If you want them, why not go and get them? Though, personally, | don’t know why you'd bother. | mean, if the bloody wasters haven't found you by now, they can't be up to much, in my opinion. Sw: Good point CINDY: Yeah! What the hell am | doing sitting here, in fairness? | mean, all | have to do is go and stick my foot in that stupid glass slipper and we're sorted. Save him a lot of bother too, when you think about it. He'd probably be delighted. He must be sick of trying it on all those girls by now. PRINCE: Mmmmmmm! Massage! MAEBH: Too right. i can't imagine it’s that pleasant getting up close to all those feet. I'd say he'd thank you. SB: Hold on a minute here... WHAT ABOUT THE STORY? 27ALL: SHAG THE STORY! SW. You weren't too worried about the story a while ago when Princey came to visit. PRINCE: Yeah! SB: I thought you were on my side. PRINCE: I was but... Massage! MAEBH: Huh! They're all the same. RAP. Does that mean it's okay? PRINCE: What? RAP: For me to leave the tower? MAEBH: For her to get a life! PRINCE As long as you're still my gil. RAP. tl always be your gir, ‘SB: Ah, for God's sake! 28RAP: And you don't mind me taking up classes and activities ? PRINCE: And learning massage ? RAP: Well, yeah, if | can find the time. PRINCE: Okay. RAP: And maybe I'll get a part time job and I'l read what | like and have friends over and visit people. PRINCE: Ehhh, yeah, RAP: And you'll cook dinner the nights I'm out, PRINCE: Ehbhh..... RAP: We could do a cookery course together. PRINCE: But-- RAP: And you'll get a lift fitted in the tower so no one has to climb my hair anymore ? PRINCE: Okaaaaay.... 29RAP: In fact, I'm gonna get the whole bloody lot cut off. PRINCE: AH HERE ! RAP: Massaaa-age | PRINCE: Fine ! MAEBH: Looks like you've got a pretty good deal in fairness. CINDY: Good on ya Rapunzel. Right, I'm off to find this Prince Charming fellah. Are you coming Snowy ? SB: Ah come on girls. Don't leave me here on my own. | couldn't stand 68 years with no one to talk to.” MAEBH: Tell you what, you've got another 68 years before your prince arrives to wake you, right ? SB: Yeah ? MAEBH: Well why don’t you come home with me. | could do with another chick around to keep an eye on the army. Sometimes the testosterone level gets too much even for me. SB: 1 don't know,MAEBH: Oh right, you're too busy, what... sleeping? SB: Well, what exactly would | have to do? Darn socks? Cook meals? | mean, Fm not like this lot, you know? CINDY: Awwww! Little Princess Beauty's never done a day's work in her life, has she? SB: ‘Well, it's not my fault. | have a very sheltered childhood, you know, Kept me wrapped in cotton wool, so I wouldr't prick my finger. sw: Not that it did you much good ‘SB: Tell me about it MAEBH: Oh, you'll be doing plenty of work, alright. But none of that bring, girlie stuf. You'll train in my army; alongside of hundreds of men and most likely, you'll end up in charge of them ail. Equal opportunities employer and all that...well, so to speak! SW: Hundreds of men? ‘CINDY: Pil do it! RAP: I thought you were going to find your prince CINDY: He can wait. 34sw: Mine too. MAEBH No, | want HER. SB: Well, | suppose since the rest of you are pissing off. MAEBH: You won't regret it. SB: Yeah? MAEBH: Well, | can tell you now it's not gonna be easy, but I reckon there's a tough nut inside you and I'd say, after a few years with me, you'll be as good as Rapunzel here at getting what you want...the best out of a bloke! SB: You think so? MAEBH: I'm telling you, Sunshine. In 68 years’ time, wild horses won't drag you back here. Believe me, the lads back home know how to treat a girl, know what | mean? SB: Well, what are we waiting for? MAEBH: Good on ya, Girl! [MAEBH, CINDY, SB AND SW HAVE A GIRLIE HUG AND PRINCE AND RAPUNZEL ARE LEFT ALONE. HE'S LOOKING VERY UNCOMFORTABLE} 32PRINCE: Rapunzel, do you think maybe | could still have the odd night out with the lads? RAP: We'll see! (11) [PRINCE GIVES A NERVOUS TITTER AND THE COMMITMENTS’ ‘TREAT HER RIGHT’ BLASTS OVER THE SOUND SYSTEM. DURING THIS BRIEF INTERLUDE, ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE A BIT OF CRAIC, DANCING AND MESSING. PRINCEY HELPS RAP TO REMOVE HER HAIR. SW WANTS RID OF HER APPLE AND THEY THROW IT FROM ONE TO THE OTHER. PRINCEY ENDS UP TAKING A BITE, FALLS ASLEEP AND HAS TO BE REVIVED. EVENTUALLY, THEY MOVE INTO NEW POSITIONS FOR THE LAST SEQUENCE. RAP AND PRINCEY ARE STILL IN THE TOWER BUT CINDY AND SWHAVE MOVED TO SEPARATE UPSTAGE POSITIONS AND MAEBH AND SB ARE TOGETHER DOWNSTAGE] [12] RAP: Okay Hon, I'm off to the movies. 'm taking the bike. PRINCE: Grand. RAP: Youll get the ironing finished, won't you? PRINCE: No problem. RAP: Will | bring back a Chinese? PRINCE: No, no. | want to try out that new recipe | did in cookery last night. When do you want it for? 33RAP: lll be back around nine. PRINCE: See you then. [THEY BLOW EACHOTHER SOPPY KISSES] RAP: Oh there's a letter there from Cindy. It came this morning. Byeeee | [PRINCEY GETS THE LETTER AND STARTS TO READ IT, CINDY TAKES OVER] PRINCE: “Dear Rapunzel and Princey.... CINDY: Thanks for your letter. It was great to hear from you. Your hair looked great in the photo Rapunzel. I'm thinking of getting the chop myself. Well, things ere going pretty well for me, It’s strange being a queen but | have to say | enjoy it And {'m loving not having so much housework to do. I've more important responsibilities now, although | still muck in in the kitchen every now and again. Musin’t forget my roots and ail that. Which reminds me, | must make an appointment with the hairdresser. Prince Charming is behaving himself most of the time and when he doesn’t I'm well able to handle him. Must sign off now. I've to go and organise the Women’s Tae Kwando group..... busy, busy, busy. Take good care, loads of love, Cindy. PRINCE: PS: When are you two love birds coming to visit 2" Ahh | [SB COMES IN TO REPORT TO MAEBH] ‘SB: That’s the recruit training over for today. God, I’m knackered. Fancy a pint Maebh 7 34MAEBH: Excellent idea. | was watching you out there. You've really got them on their toes, fair play to you! SB: Yeah, I'm really enjoying it. | see now what you meant about testosterone... something else! MAEBH: Great, isn't it? Oh here, a letter arrived for you while you were doing target practice earlier. SB: Deadly, it’s from Snowy. [OPENS IT} SW: Howareya girls? Sorry | took so long to get in touch, but I've been up to my eyes. So much has happened, | hardly know where to start, Okay... | left you all, as you know, to go and find my prince. It only took me a few hours. The gobshite was sitting under a tree in the forest, boasting about his ‘heroics’ to the seven dwarves. And the egjits, sitting there listening to him. So, I gave him an earful about leaving me lying around for so long, waiting for him, with an apple stuck in me gob, got him to give me a loan of some money nad hopped on a plane to California, Rapunzel talking about doing a writing course had given me an idea. | rented a beach house- I'm telling you, girls, Baywatch isn't in it- and | wrote my autobiography. It only took a few weeks, but as soon as it was published, didn't Disney buy up the film rights and make a movie of my life. Can you believe it? So, now I'm rolling in money and living in the lap of luxury in Hollywood. 'm @ bit of a celeb, actually! | sent the prince back his money, with a note telling him not to wait up! | love it out here. You'll have to come and visit me sometime. Let me know what you think of the movie when you see it. Unfortunately, they gave it the usual crappy, Hollywood ending. Bit of a sell out on my part, | suppose. But hey, nobody's perfect. And | suppose, at the end of the day, everyone has the right to live HAPPILY EVER AFTER! THE END 35