CD 1.

07 Ten Core Principles

Mentorship & Small Groups
The Power of Meaningful Relationships in Personal Growth

Objectives:

Students will be able to understand the following:

- The transformational power that comes from mentoring and small groups
- The definition, types, and character qualities of mentoring
- The Jesus style of mentoring
- Small group dynamics
- Grasp the developmental power of transparency and accountability in one’s life
- Learn basic principles and tips of the mentoring relationship

Visual Aid: As a plant GROWS

___________________________________________________________________________

Jesus went up on a mountain-side and he called the twelve... that they might be with him... and
that he might send them out... Mark 3:13

... He began to send them out two by two. Mark 6:7

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20

➤➤Introduction:

We all owe a big debt to those who lived before us, those who lived in ways that inspired us
and those who left a legacy for us. Various studies of successful people in all fields of life –
have found that when asked, almost all of them can quickly identify one or more mentors that
helped them reach their potential.

● This is why Sir Isaac Newton said: “If I have been able to see farther than others- it is
because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.”

➤➤Developmental Relationships:

Life Mentors & Small Groups Enhances Personal Transformation: The group “Search
Institute” studies youth around the world to find what helps youth thrive and succeed in life.
They found that the most significant source of human growth and development takes place
through intentional or “developmental relationships”. This refers to long term committed
relationships that are challenging, inspiring, advising as well as loving, supporting and
encouraging to us.
Visual Aid: As a plant GROWS

(Facilitator- plan to bring a potted plant for this visual example)

Just as we talked about last week, truly strong relationships are not formed instantly, the
same is also true in the work of mentorship. As a plant takes time to GROW, that is how
mentorship is.
You see this plant here is alive and growing because it’s been nurtured and nourished by
people who care for it.
As you enter into a mentor relationship, you will also GROW.

G- Set goals to achieve

R- Realize what it takes to achieve them
O- Options for best way forward
W- Wrap up and determine the next steps

➤➤Definition of Mentorship:

“The process of transferring: knowledge, character qualities, skills, wisdom, a worldview and
attitudes from a mentor… to a mentee.” Mentoring is a relationship in which a person with
greater experience and wisdom guides another person to develop both personally and
professionally.”

➤➤Different Types of Mentors:

1. Career Mentor – for your guidance on your area of work or study
 2. Life Mentor – for advice on relationships, financial management, health etc.
3. Spiritual Mentor – for knowledge, wisdom, and understanding about the meaning and
purpose of life

➤➤Two most Important Qualities a Mentor must have for their Mentee:
1. Faith for them- Faith sees the child of God in them
2. Love for them- Love reaches through all that obscures that – and draws forth the
highest and best in them
(In any group/family/team - we will not all have the same level of faith and love for the various
members in the same way. There will be those mentees you feel drawn to mentor – and other
mentors that will connect better with other mentees.)

➤➤Three Levels of Relationships in our lives that we all need, to reach our full
potential:
1. Older men/women that serve as our mentors. (Those who have worked ahead of you
along the journey that can advise you what is around corners that you have not seen.)
2. Peers that we meet with regularly in a ‘small group’ - (Age mates that we are walking
with for accountability, encouragement and partnerships.)
3. Younger people that we are mentoring. You grow the most by teaching and mentoring
others.

➤➤Jesus’ Style of Mentoring:

“Investing deeply in the Few who would Influence the Many”

When Jesus walked the roads of Palestine, he was so attractive to everyone that at times he
was surrounded by crowds of thousands. Yet, even as he demonstrated God’s love to the many
– his concentration was with a few whom he chose to be with Him.

● Jesus went up on a mountain-side and he called the twelve... that they might be with
him... and that he might send them out...Mark 3:13

● Our Slogan: “The with-ness produces the like-ness, and the like-ness becomes the
greatest witness.”
● Our Slogan: “Leadership is more caught than taught.” (That’s why you have to spend
time with people.)

Just before His death on the cross He revealed His heart’s desires and His strategy for reaching
the world – in a prayer to the father. He said, “I…pray for these (disciples) you have given me…
and for all those will believe in me through their message...that they might be one.” Jn. 17

The prayer for both the few and the many is that ‘all of them may be one.’ And the model he
used was the formation of a small band of committed friends. He collected a few ordinary men
and women…lived with them day & night for 3 years inspiring them with His spirit and vision.
Later, it was observed that these people were: ‘.turning the world upside down’. (Acts 17:6 KJV)
And when it was asked, how they developed that courageous influence, the answer was simply:
These were the guys who “...had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13

So, the strategy of Jesus for touching the world was to pour His life into a few who would touch
the lives of many… because of the unity and love they
would demonstrate towards each other.

For it is only out of such deeply committed

relationships in a “small group” with a few other
brothers and sisters that we experience the
revolutionary power of Jesus’ Spirit.

● ... he began to send them out two by two

Mark 6:7
● For where two or three gather in my name,
there am I with them. Matthew 18:20

When we analyze the life of Jesus we can see that he

had relationships of varying degrees of intimacy.
These were like concentric rings:
- The biggest ring was the “multitude” the crowds that occasionally followed him
- Then there were the 500 believers/brethren whom he appeared to after the
resurrection (1 Cor.15:6)
- There were the 70 who were active in ministry whom he sent out two by two
(Luke 10:1)
- Then there were the 12 close followers/disciples
- Then there were the 3 – this small group was the core or the inner circle: Peter,
James, and John

In our lives, we can model our relationships and circle of influence in the way that Jesus did.
Ensure that we have a small group of committed, close friends as well as larger circles that we
cannot know so intimately.

➤➤Defining a “Small Group”:

A ‘small group’ is a few close friends that you meet with regularly (at least once a week) to
share inspirations from sacred texts and wisdom literature, share challenges, share ideas,
prayer-requests, and basically just check-in to see how each other is doing. It is a very powerful
form of “peer mentoring.”
In our programs this is what being part of “care groups” helps teach us - that we all can derive
great benefit when we walk through life with friends that share our values: Friends that we
have allowed to ‘speak into our lives.” Such friendships can become a powerful,
transformational part of our lives and allow us to exert greater influence upon society.

All true followers of Jesus seek to live lives that count for something in the eternal scheme of
things. History bears witness to the powerful influence of what a few like-minded individuals
can do when they commit themselves to remain together and support each other over the long
run in a shared vision.

● “Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world… indeed
it is the only thing that ever has!” – Margaret Meade

➤➤Five Outcomes of Committed Spiritual Relationships within a Small Group:

- You get to know God better

- You get to know yourself better
- You will have friends to guard your strengths and show you blind spots
- You have friends to hold you accountable to your own best values
- You have a place to be encouraged and supported

Looking at the life of Jesus...

Jesus went up on a mountain-side and he called the twelve... that they might be with him...
and that he might send them out... Mark 3:13

This short passage provides examples for how we can be intentional in our small groups.
1. Getting to a specific area together
2. Praying Together
3. Fellowship (Friendly social interaction with like-minded brothers and sisters.)
4. Being sent out together

Discussion Question: How does this verse and message mirror how you interact in your care
group? What part can you work on developing more with your care group?

➤➤Small Groups Fulfill a Basic Human

Need:

Abraham Maslow developed the famous

“Hierarchy of Needs” pyramid. It suggests that
as humans, our most basic needs must be met before we can move to addressing the higher
levels.

At the top of the pyramid is “SELF-ACTUALIZATION” where a person is mature and reaches their
full potential.

The most basic needs are PHYSIOLOGICAL - food, water, and sleep. Then, comes security
related SAFETY needs like employment, health, housing. If we are in a place in life where these
two lowest levels are not being met, we tend to go into a fight for survival.

However, once we settle and become stable, we and are then able to attend to our need for
LOVE/BELONGING through developing friendships and family. This is where the power of small
groups comes in. As we’ve learned in other lessons, ‘small groups’ can provide a structured and
safe environment for us to grow, overcome weakness, and know our strength. This personal
growth, stability, love, and companionship will then help us move on to the higher levels.

Simply put, small groups help us to be intentional about bringing love and a sense of belonging
into our lives. And, as we grow in healthy loving relationships we can move to the next level of:
ESTEEM - both self-esteem and socially. From there, over time, the self-confidence, trust, peer
mentoring and social-capital built up in a small group can help us to realize SELF-
ACTUALIZATION where we become mature, discovering our true highest nature and God given
potentials in life.

➤➤The Transparency and Accountability found in Small Groups leads to Personal

Growth and Transformation that Develops and Supports Leadership Capacity:

The best place to be challenged, inspired, and to experience personal growth is within
intentional relationships. A small group helps facilitate this process as it creates a context
where you will still feel accepted and loved no matter what you share.

Relationships are like mirrors… they help us reflect back to us what cannot see on our own.
They help build you up into a better person from the inside out! Simply put… we are made
better by being together.

An important part of leadership development is learning to face and accepting oneself with all
of one’s strengths and weaknesses. But leaders often isolate themselves from others. They may
fear to publicly expose their problems so they keep people at a distance and only have
“professional” relationships where people only interact with them in an official kind of way.
Both of these tendencies can cause leaders to have few genuine relationships.

For all of us, but especially so for leaders, there are few places where we can:
 - Talk about life’s most important questions
- Open up and talk honestly with others
- Share in each other’s difficult life experiences
- Get wise counsel from respected peers
- Be challenged and held accountable

➤➤Concluding Points on Mentorship:

Today, we have discussed that as humans, eventually our desire is to fulfill our divine purpose.
We have learned about the important role that small groups and mentors can play in achieving
this. We have also looked at the life of Jesus for examples of mentorship and small groups in
order to model our own lives in the same way.

● 4 Fundamental Principles of Mentorship:

1. To get a good mentor you are first are going to have to work on yourself: There is an
ancient saying: “When the student is ready the teacher will appear.” In other words:
When you do your best and prepare yourself – God will put you into contact with the
people you need to activate your greatness. (This is God’s part)

2. To locate potential mentors you are going to reach out to them: You need to be on
the look-out for people who inspire you. For people whose lives and wisdom speaks to
your heart. Then try to get close to them - to spend time with them. Jesus said: Seek
and you shall find. Knock on the door shall be opened. Ask and you will receive. (This
is your part)

3. To get the most out of your mentors you are going to have to constantly ask
questions and seek their opinions. Wise people like those who ask questions. Because
those who ask questions and are curious tend to learn the most. One of the best things
you can do to cultivate a good relationship with mentors is to ask them questions.
Asking questions starts to pull wisdom out of them and create a connection between
you and them.

4. To keep a mentor you will have to implement their advice or live in a way that they
feel what they are putting into you is worthwhile. Such people are busy and they only
have so much time and energy – so they tend to put it where it will create something of
value.

● 7 Practical Tips on Getting Mentors

1. Usually it does not work to just walk up to someone and ask them to be your mentor.
It takes time to cultivate trust. Imagine if a stranger approached you and asked you to
mentor him. What would you think?
2. Finding a mentor isn’t such a structured or explicit process. In the real world, mentors
normally come through your natural relationships. Mentors are most often simply -
experienced people you get to know and look to for advice, informally and naturally.
 3. Since your ideal mentors are probably busy people, your best approach is to - start by
offering some sort of unique value and to “give before you get.”
4. Be wise and figure out something unique these people might need.
5. Start small, and let the relationship grow from there. After you’ve gotten to know
someone by being helpful, you might start by asking if you could ask a couple of
questions. If this mentor candidate sees something in you, they’ll be open to meeting or
answering questions.
6. As you might imagine, not all of these relationships will work out. Some people will be
difficult to get to know & some you just won’t “click” with.
7. That’s why it’s best to try and make connections with several potential mentors &
learns from several.

● 5 Things Young People Need from You as Their Mentor: Based their extensive
research the ‘Search Institute’ has come up with this helpful framework on what youth
say they need from a mentor:

1. Express CARE: “Show that you like me and want the best for me”
○ Be Present—Pay attention when you are with me
○ Be Warm—Let me know that you like being with me and express positive
feelings toward me
○ Invest—Commit time and energy to doing things for and with me
○ Show Interest—Make it a priority to understand who I am & what I care about
○ Be Dependable—Be someone I can count on and trust

2. Challenge GROWTH: “Push me to grow and continuously improve”

○ Inspire—Help me see future possibilities for myself
○ Expect—Make it clear that you want me to live up to my potential
○ Stretch—Recognize my thoughts and abilities while also pushing me to
strengthen them
○ Limit—Hold me accountable for appropriate boundaries and rules

3. Provide SUPPORT: “Help me complete tasks and achieve goals”

○ Encourage—Praise my efforts and achievements
○ Guide—Provide practical assistance and feedback to help me learn
○ Model—Be an example I can learn from and admire
○ Advocate—Stand up for me when I need it

4. Share POWER: “Hear my voice and let me share in making decisions”

○ Respect—Take me seriously and treat me fairly
○ Give Voice—Ask for and listen to my opinions and consider them when you
make decisions
 ○ Respond—Understand and adjust to my needs, interests, and abilities
○ Collaborate—Work with me to accomplish goals and solve problems

5. Expand POSSIBILITIES: “Expand my horizons and connect me to opportunities”

○ Explore—Expose me to new ideas, experiences, and places
○ Connect—Introduce me to people who can help me grow
○ Navigate—Help me work through barriers that could stop me from achieving my
goals

Guided Meditation:

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20

Let us repeat this passage several times.

Sit comfortably.

Close your eyes. Relax your body. Relax your mind. Take a few deep breaths.

Quiet your mind. When thoughts come to mind, just ask them to move along and don’t dwell
on them.

Now I want you to see yourself as a human that you are a connector between heaven and
earth. We are tasked to bring the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven. We belong to both
worlds. Our bodies were made from the dust of the earth and our bodies belong to nature.

When you are with other believers, how you sense that Jesus is with you?

How have you experienced support from older mentors?

How can you support your peers in mentorship?

Thank Him for leading and guiding you.

Allow your thoughts to come back into the class as we wrap up the lesson.

Conclusion:

Let us review our objectives:

(Probe: have students answer how each was addressed in this lesson, give examples)
- Understand the transformational power that comes from mentoring and small
groups
- Understand the definition, types, and character qualities of mentoring
- Understand the Jesus style of mentoring
- Understand small group dynamics
 - Grasp the developmental power of transparency and accountability in one’s life
- Learn basic principles and tips of the mentoring relationship

Continuing the Discussion: Instruct the students to continue the discussions in their Care Group
this week by giving them the following question prompts:
- Give some examples of people who have mentored you and how did the
relationship start?
- What have you learned so far from being in a Care Group?
- Have you ever mentored someone and how did it go?
- What would be some of the benefits to you to having mentors?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Mentorship: Examples from the life of Jesus

• There are many places where Jesus talks about what we might consider “mentoring,”
and it is easy to see a connection here:
• “Come and follow me, and I will make you fishers of men” (Matt 4:19)
• Jesus called 12 disciples, “that they might be WITH him” (Mark 3:14)
• His approach was very relationship based – just like mentoring

• There are also many places where Jesus talks about transformational “influence” in
relation to the journey of following him:
• “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be
made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and
trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot
be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they
put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way,
let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify
your Father in heaven.” (Matt 5:13-16)

• “Go and make disciples of all nations” (Matt 28:20)

• So, it is easy to see what the role of a mentor as a follower of Jesus and a transformer
might be.
• In fact it is much like the process of discipleship that we talk about at CLA:
• A disciple basically means someone “who has committed to following another”
whom is their wise master, or teacher.

• Understanding Discipleship
• It comes from the word 'Discipline' - and refers to a relationship of submitting to
be taught, to be shaped to be advised to be brought into a higher state of
 knowledge. This is done through learning and practicing the disciplines that the
Master gives his student and he himself follows in performing his work.
• "Go and make Disciples of all Nation." It does not say “Make Christians of all
nations.” WHY?
• Because discipleship is not about conversion… it is about relationship.
• Bob Goff, an American lawyer who runs schools in Uganda (Restore
Leadership Academy) said this: “Love with an end goal is not really love.”
When we form relationships with others, we need to love without
expectation.