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Harry Potter Meets Harry
Harry Potter Meets Harry
Harry Potter Meets Harry
Summary
What happens when Harry and the gang discover first the muggle books, then the movies,
and finally fanfiction? Hilarity and drama of course. (note: there are mentions of same sex
couples)
Notes
DH but not epilogue compliant bc why not? ;) I have a headcanon that the Malfoys were
sentenced to house arrest with little to no magic use. During that time Harry sends Draco a
Muggle chess set and they play chess by owl post, after the house arrest is over they have a
weekly chess “date” at Harry’s place. They don’t talk much but have come to spend time
together in comfortable silence. I also see George putting a portrait of Fred in his office at the
shop so Fred can continue to help him invent. I know others have followed this rabbit down
the hole but I hope I've handled it a bit differently.
Chapter 1
November 2007
Harry stood in the doorway watching as Ron ducked away from his wife.
“Sorry Harry, I know how you hate people just Flooing in on you,” Hermione apologized.
Ron looked like he wanted to answer with something smart arsed but thought better of it and
kept his mouth shut.
Harry shook his head, “Some things never change. Well you’re here, whatever it is you may
as well tell me. What is it are you pregnant again Hermione?”
Ron bit his lip and muttered to Harry, “She’s threatening to send me to a Muggle doctor for
some procedure.”
Harry snorted, “Well you’ve managed to have five kids in the past five years you’re lucky
she’s waited this long.”
“How was I supposed to know we’d end up with two sets of twins?”
“If this is another set you may never get to share a bed again,” Harry chortled.
Harry shook his head, “Well it’s the truth isn’t it,” he replied while reaching for his wand just
in case.
“Ha-rry!”
“Mate,” Ron started, “we’d better stop now. You know how she is when she’s pregnant,” he
finished in a whisper only Harry could hear.
Harry walked to Hermione and pulled her into a hug, “Congratulations! You know I love
having more nieces and nephews to spoil.”
Hermione hugged him back, while shooting Ron a death glare over Harry’s shoulder. “We
haven’t told anyone else. That wasn’t even why we came over tonight, so just keep it to
yourself for a while longer will you?”
“Absolutely. So if you didn’t come to tell me about the newest Weasley why are you here?
What had Ron in such a dither?”
Hermione looked a bit uncomfortable as she reached into her handbag and pulled out a
shopping bag.
Harry groaned, “Mione you didn't take Ron to the Muggle bookshop again did you?”
Before she could answer the fire flared green again and out stepped a well dressed blonde.
“We can pick up our chess game next week,” Draco said as he turned back to the fire, racing
for the Floo powder.
“No, Draco stay we won't be here long. We came to tell Harry something. Well Ron did, I
was trying to stop him.”
“Funny Malfoy. Come on Mione, let's go. We can talk to Harry later.”
Hermione shook her head, “No we're here now. Besides there's no reason Draco shouldn't
know.”
“Don’t know but it should be interesting. Hermione took Ron Muggle shopping again. He’s
nearly as fascinated with Muggle things as his dad,” Harry replied.
“Ah so there will be a story. Perhaps we should sit then,” Draco suggested.
“Would you please bring us some tea? Oh and be sure Hermione’s cup is
decaffeinated.”
“Yes Master Harry. I’ll be right back with tea and biscuits.”
Again Hermione blushed, “As long as you say nothing to anyone else then yes and thank
you Draco.”
“Ok Ron so tell what it is that had you in such a lather you had to come tell me about.
What did you find now?”
Ron glanced over at Draco before beginning, “We were shopping for Mione’s parents for
Christmas.”
“And Ron wandered away because he was bored at what you were looking at?” Harry asked.
“Really Ron am I wrong? I’ve been with you in Muggle shops, you can’t stand still you
wander around looking at everything.”
Hermione nodded, “That’s exactly what he did, next thing I know he comes running over,
grabs me by the arm and drags me to the children’s section.”
“There was this display of books and games and pictures and they were all of you.”
“Me?”
“Well you but not you,” Ron replied, “All kinds of books and games about Harry Potter.”
Kreacher returned and began passing out cups of tea and plates of biscuits.
“Yes! That’s why I dragged Hermione to see it, I was sure I was seeing things or some witch
or wizard had bespelled a section of the store.”
“Harry,” Hermione began, “I think the witch you finally let write your biography went and
sold it to a Muggle production company as a children’s fiction series. Actually I’m sure of it.”
She pulled a boxed set of books out of the shopping bag and handed it over to Harry.
Harry turned the box over in his hands looking at the titles. Draco came and stood to peer
over his shoulder. “Who’s this Half Blood Prince?” Draco asked.
Draco shook his head, “I lived so much of it along with you and I really didn’t want to relive
it thank you. It’s not like I come off well in it I’m sure. I was rather a-”
“Ok you can stop taking the piss now,” Draco rolled his eyes, “Yes all of those things and
worse. Who wants to read about themselves that way?”
“You?”
“Yeah I was a right prat myself to Harry fourth year, and I took off on the two of them in the
midst of the hunt for the horcruxes.”
“Not to mention all of the times you snogged Lavender right in from of Mione,” Harry put in.
Ron flinched and looked up, “Mate do you have to? She still knows that bloody bird charm?”
Harry laughed then turned back to Draco, “Snape was the Half Blood Prince. Wait if you
don’t know that how much do you know about Snape and the Order?”
“You mean that he was a double agent? I got all that from the Prophet and the Quibbler, I
figured if it was in both it had to be the truth.”
“Anyway, the books Harry,” Hermione said, “They’re written like they’re made up stories. I
haven’t done more than skim through the first one but I had to buy them to read and see if
they changed anything at all.”
“Then you’ll need this back,” Harry held out the box.
“No that one’s just for you. I bought one for myself.”
“And one for Mum and Dad, and one for Bill and Fleur, and one for Percy, and one for-”
Draco looked at Hermione questioningly, “You don’t happen to have an extra do you? I’ll pay
you for it. Or could you tell me which shop I could go to, to buy a set.”
Hermione reached in her handbag and pulled out another boxed set, “You can have this one.”
“No really. I can get Muggle money to give you or just tell me how many galleons.”
“No I should pay. Besides you’re probably going to be needing to buy more baby things, and
from what I hear children are expensive.”
“Too bloody right,” Ron muttered then ducked his head as his wife sent him a glare.
“We need to go, we left Molly with the kids and she’s bound to be needing her bed about
now.”
“Or a stiff drink,” Draco whispered so that only Harry could hear.
Harry stood. “Thanks for bringing the books. I’ll give them a look over.”
Ron and Hermione grabbed a handful of Floo powder each and quickly disappeared.
Draco nodded, “I think it’s more than time for me to face my past. Maybe if I read it in small
parts like these books it won’t be so bad.”
Harry nodded, “We could start reading them now while we drink our tea.”
“I suppose we could.”
“You really don’t want to read them with anyone else around do you?”
“No, I… oh hell. I’ll read it. It’s not like you weren’t there and you’re speaking to me now so
why not.”
Harry stifled a chuckle and gestured to the chair, “Make yourself comfortable.”
“I didn’t.”
“You really lived in a cupboard?” This was simply unfathomable to Draco who had grown up
at the Manor.
“Yes.”
Draco shook his head.
“Oi!”
“Ok your Mum is ok but your Dad was awful even to you.”
With this Harry jumped up and crossed to Draco’s chair putting his hand on Malfoy’s
forehead.
“Well you clearly aren’t feeling well if you want to shake Hagrid’s hand.”
“Get off!”
“I know.”
“Well yes, but remember we were just kids. And you were a spoiled rich pureblood, so you
know.” Harry grinned.
Draco grimaced.
“Ok fine, I won’t bottle it. I’ll keep reading but I think I am going to go home.”
“Fine, we can pick up chess again next week.”
Stone, Chamber, and Prisoner
The owls soon began to fly back and forth to Grimmauld Place several times a day.
Potter,
You could have been in Slytherin and you chose Gryffindor? I suppose that’s my fault.
Malfoy
Malfoy,
Don’t blame yourself for everything. My parents were both Gryffindors you know.
Potter
Harry,
I don’t think Snape was quite as mean as he comes across in these books. Is this what you
told that witch? He was just strict that’s all.
Hermione
Hermione,
I think I remember things differently. I recall Snape making you cry at least once a year.
Harry
Mate,
You best be careful next time you come over. We never did tell Mione we were the ones that
locked the troll in the lav with her and she’s right ticked.
Ron
Ron,
Thanks for the warning.
Harry
Potter,
I still think it’s hilarious that you swallowed that Snitch but I suppose even I have to admit
you
did some impressive flying that day.
Malfoy
Malfoy,
Was that a compliment, from you? Do I need to come check your temperature again?
Potter
Harry,
I always thought you stayed when we found the unicorn because you were massively brave. I
feel better knowing you were so scared you couldn’t move.
Draco
Draco,
Really you couldn’t see that I was terrified?
Harry
Harry,
We did not try to send you a toilet seat! We only sent one home to Ginny.
George (and Fred)
H
Dobby? Dobby my house elf tried to stop you from coming back?
D
D,
You really had no idea. I figured you sent him to keep me from coming back and forbid him
from telling me.
H
Harry,
I’d forgotten just how much fun that flying car of Dad’s was.
George
Harry,
Oh really you had to tell her about that horrid Death Day party.
Hermione
Potter
YOU?!? You and the Weasel polyjuiced into my best friends and I didn’t even notice, though
as
bright as Weasley always seemed that really shouldn’t be a surprise. No wonder Granger
always beat me out for the best scores.
Malfoy
Malfoy,
It was pretty hysterical. I can’t believe you didn’t notice when we started to change back. Just
a little to stuck on yourself were you?
Potter
Harry,
You and Ron brought Lockhart to try and save me? What were you two thinking?
Ginny
Gin,
It was the only way to get down there, trust me we wouldn’t have let him try a thing.
Harry
H
I can’t stop laughing that you tricked my father into freeing Dobby. He claimed he’d had
enough
of the blasted elf and freed him to be rid of him.
D
H
You blew up your aunt and got away with it? Must be nice being the Chosen One. That was
two years in a row they thought you did magic outside of school, and you all thought I got
away with too much.
D
Harry,
I wish I could have been with you at the Leaky for a week with no brothers around.
Ron
Ron,
That would have been great. Maybe we should escape somewhere for a long weekend
vacation.
Harry
Harry,
You spent a week by yourself in Diagon Alley and didn’t pull any pranks? We taught you
better
than that.
G (&F)
G & F,
No one was there who do you think I would have pranked?
H
Harry,
I still have nightmares about those Monster books.
Neville
Nev,
Me too.
H
H
I have to tell you I may have complained endlessly about Lupin because I was supposed to as
a
Slytherin but he was one of my all time favorite teachers. I think several of my Housemates
would say the same. We learned a lot from him. I was glad I didn’t have to face that boggart
though. I’m sure my father would have appeared and I don’t even want to think about what
he
would have said when he found out.
D
H
I really was a prat about my arm and that creature wasn’t I? Though I got loads of attention
from the other Slytherins about it, probably part of the reason I kept it up, well that and the
fact that I was an arse.
D
D,
Yeah you were lapping up the attention. Loved to be the center of attention didn’t you. Don’t
know why I hated it, still do.
H
H
A MAP? You had a blasted MAP? That’s how you were always able to follow me?
D
D,
I’m trying not to hurt myself laughing. Yes I had a map, did you think I was just that good at
finding you or did you think I was a stalker? Wait don’t answer that.
H
Harry,
We are quite happy with how you scared Ron at Honeydukes. Too bad you couldn’t scare a
few more people while you were at it
George and Fred
H
Only you would get one of the best brooms available from a secret admirer.
D
D,
Yeah for all the good it did me. I got to look at it then you see it was taken away. I’m just
glad I got it back before the big match.
H
Harry,
I’d forgotten just how much Trelawny annoyed me until reading this book. I’m so glad I
dropped that ridiculous class.
Hermione
Harry,
I have never been more mortified in my life than when everyone found out I had to keep a list
of passwords.
Neville
H
Oh I’d forgotten about those mud balls you threw at me. I owe you for that one especially
since you got away scot free.
D
D
Oh I’m so scared.
H
H
A smack across the face? That was no smack, she hauled off and punched me. What you
didn’t want to make her look bad? Or you just didn’t want to get on her bad side yourself,
because that I understand. I swear I can still feel it in my cheek just reading that.
D
Harry
Oh come on the one time I really let Malfoy have it and they changed it to smacked him?
UGH
Hermione
Mate,
You might want to watch out next time, Hermione is right wound up over the stupid book
saying she just smacked Malfoy. Why is it women get so worked up over such a little thing?
And why am I asking you?
Ron
H,
Your father and his friends managed to become Animagi secretly. I can’t believe I’m about to
say this but your dad was COOL! And with that kind of sneakiness he could have been a
Slytherin.
D
Hermione,
You attacked a teacher? You Granger attacked a teacher? And Snape of all of the teachers
who already didn’t like Gryffindors, and I think I see why now. Potter and Weasley were
clearly a bad influence on you.
Draco
Draco,
I rather think they were a good influence on me, but yes I attacked a teacher and suffered
quite a bit of guilt over it later. I wanted to apologize to Professor Snape but I was sure that
would only make things worse.
Hermione
H,
Have you ever thought about the fact that if you had let Lupin and Black kill Pettigrew like
they wanted then it would have been much longer before He came back, maybe never even.
D
D,
I couldn’t have let them kill him. Besides if they had there would have been no way prove
Sirius’s innocence. And don’t kid yourself he still would have found a way to come back.
H
Granger,
You had a time turner. I had no idea that was an option or I would have taken more classes
myself.
Malfoy
Malfoy,
You really think they would have let you have a time turner? Well Snape might have I
suppose.
Granger-Weasley
H
You saved that hippogriff? Why am I not surprised?
D
D
If you're planning on doing something about it now you might want to rethink the idea.
H
H
A fully corporeal patronus third year? When real dementors were after you. I can't decide if
you're that good or just lucky.
D
D
Jealous?
H
H
Snape really was on to you, you're lucky Dumbledore was there or you might have ended up
hexed.
D
H
Even Dumbledore thought Trelawny was nutters huh? Why did he keep her around?
D
D
Well she was off but he had his reasons you'll see.
H
H
Merlin’s beard I love that you used Sirius against your beastly uncle. You really should have
been a Slytherin.
D
Goblet
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
H
How in the world did you know about Little Hangleton? Wormtail told me when we were all
at the Manor, he loved to brag about how he was the most faithful of all of Voldemort’s
servants and that was just one of his examples.
D
D
Read the next chapter.
H
H
I can’t believe those Muggles were starving you just to make their dolt of a son feel better.
D
D
It wasn’t anything l wasn’t used to.
H
H
Genius, pure genius using Sirius against them again. Pure sneaky Slytherin worthy genius.
Oh the trouble we could have caused together.
D
D
We caused plenty of trouble without it being together.
H
H
Oh please oh please tell me I can see a memory of the Weasel clan coming through the wall
and the looks on those ridiculous Muggles faces.
D
George,
You and your brother were hilarious. I never gave you enough credit. “Accidentally” giving
Harry’s idiot cousin that candy was bloody brilliant. I’m thinking I’m lucky you never
managed to slip me anything.
Draco
Malfoy,
Don’t think we didn’t try.
George (and Fred)
Harry,
I can’t believe you knew they sent me dragon dung on purpose and never told me.
Percy
Hermione,
I’ve always wondered what would happen to a Muggle if they picked up a Portkey. Some of
them do go around picking up litter after all.
Harry
Harry,
Obviously a Portkey must have some sort of Muggle repelling charm on it so they don’t even
see it.
Hermione
H
Weatherby? Salazar’s snakes why didn’t I ever think of that one?
D
Draco,
I never thought about it before but you were trying to help me weren’t you. You were
seriously trying to warn me about the Death Eaters in the woods that night. Sarcastic and
nasty as you were, you really were trying to protect me.
Hermione
Hermione,
I suppose I was. I may not have liked you much but it just didn’t seem quite fair for you to be
at risk of humiliation. At that point I just told myself I wanted you to be back at school so I
could finally outscore you in classes and humiliate you that way.
Draco
H
An elf? They thought a bloody house elf could conjure the mark? Not even all of the Death
Eaters know the incantation. I was one that didn’t.
D
D
I don’t think anyone was actually thinking. I think they were all just reacting. Not that that
really excuses the stupidity.
H
Harry
Was I really that big a pompous arrogant git? I was more worried about that bloody cauldron
report than the Dark Mark appearing at the World Cup. How is it you all didn’t hex me more
often?
Percy
Perce,
Well we weren’t allowed to do magic outside school so that helped.
Harry
Granger,
Merlin’s Balls you thought I was right??? I knew you lot didn’t like those blasted creatures
Hagrid kept subjecting us to.
Malfoy
Malfoy,
Don’t let it go to your head, being right once in seven years hardly makes you the genius you
seem to think you are.
Granger-Weasley
Mate,
I’d forgotten how much I loved ferret Malfoy.
Ron
Potter,
Thanks so much for sharing the fact that I was turned into a ferret with the entire Muggle
world. Though I suppose I should actually be grateful that you didn’t share that when I was
transfigured back into myself I was naked.
Malfoy
Malfoy,
You’re welcome ;)
Potter
H
Looking back it seems rather counterintuitive for Crouch Jr/Mad Eye to help you learn to
fight the Imperius. Wouldn’t it have been easier for him to get back in the DL’s good graces if
he could Imperio you to just follow him there.
D
D
When did Riddle’s plans ever truly make sense? He always thought he was smarter than
everyone else and could outthink everyone and that was more often than not his downfall.
H
Granger,
Did you actually do any research on house elves before your started your club to free them?
Have you done any since then?
Malfoy
Malfoy,
For your information I wasn’t able to find any books at Hogwarts about the house elves or
that even had house elves in them. Wizarding libraries tend to be short on information about
other magical creatures such as house elves or goblins. Obviously I’ve done research since
then including interviewing numerous house elves of various families and places like
Hogwarts. I still think they deserve better treatment and am working on that in the
Department of Magical Creatures right now.
Granger-Weasley
H
Well I guess it’s a good thing that Moody/Crouch Jr didn’t just try to Imperio you and take
you to the DL. I can’t believe you were able to fight it off. But it makes no sense that he
would help you learn to fight it off.
D
D
Again with this making sense thing, really when did that side ever make sense. Though to
play up the part of being Mad Eye he had to help, if he hadn’t it would have been suspicious.
H
Weasley
Jealous that we got the Durmstrang gang? Yeah well you shouldn’t be. They were a bloody
obnoxious lot, all except Krum that is. He was a decent sort but the others were so superior,
or at least they thought they were and let us know it constantly.
Malfoy
Malfoy,
Well now you know how the rest of us felt about you.
Weasley
D
How is it you didn’t find a way to put your name in the cup?
H
H
Who says I didn’t? It’s not like all of the entrants were listed.
D
D
You would never have done it quietly anyway would you.
H
H
Nope I would have been sure to let everyone know I’d managed it. My father would have
been thrilled but my mother would have been horrified.
D
D
In other words you probably could have figured out a way but for once in your life what your
mother thought of you outweighed what your father thought.
H
H
Possibly, to be honest I didn’t try all that hard. I really wasn’t into the idea of risking death.
D
Weasley,
You really were a prat to Harry when he was chosen weren’t you?
Malfoy
Malfoy,
Oh yeah and you were so much better with your badges and that little duel in the hallway,
with your buddy Snape coming down on your side of it, making fun of Hermione, and
punishing only Harry and I.
Weasley
Weasley,
While I was delighted that Snape punished you and Harry naturally, he was a right jerk to
Hermione unnecessarily. He needn’t have said anything but he just had to reply. I’ve never
understood what he had against her. It’s not like he constantly went off on the Purebloods are
best rant.
Malfoy
Harry
Again I think maybe I should shake Hagrid’s hand, taking you in your cloak to see the
dragons was a right Slytherin move on his part. Then leave it to you to be so well actually so
Hufflepuff and tell Cedric.
Draco
Harry
Watching you and the others in the first task made me happier than ever that I didn’t even try
to enter the tournament. That was some amazing flying. You forgave Weasley way too fast
though. Should have made him grovel for a while. How is it you didn’t end up in Hufflepuff?
Draco
Weasley
How in bloody hell did you end up with Granger after all that Yule Ball stuff?
Malfoy
Malfoy,
I honestly have no idea.
Weasley
D
I still can’t believe you were giving stories and quotes to Rita Skeeter of all people.
H
H
Well I have said more than once that I was a right prat. What else would you have expected?
It couldn’t have been any surprise that I was feeding her information.
D
H
Myrtle came in on you in the bath? I can barely write I’m laughing so hard. I can’t even, you
in the tub and she flew out of the drain, and ….. I can’t breathe.
D
D
Glad I could be of such amusement to you.
H
H
Merlin’s baggy pants, you let Crouch Jr have the map?
D
D
Oh yeah because I knew that’s who he was. Besides I was supposed to say no to a professor?
I may have bent the rules but even I didn’t just outright disobey right in front of them or
mouth off to them. Well other than Snape that one time.
H
H
First that damned elf helps you out again and then you go just had to go and try and rescue
everyone.
D
Hermione
Maybe I’m only just now seeing it or maybe I’m just now ready to admit it but Sirius wasn’t
always a great person was he. I mean he loved me, and he wanted to help in the fight but he
took needless risks, and made some stupid choices.
Harry
Harry,
I think in situations like that we all make dumb choices sometimes. It’s just human nature.
Don’t let that sour your memories of Sirius.
Hermione
ok getting really serious here so I’m done with the book letters sorry, trying to keep this
lighthearted.
Ron discovers the movies
“Mate! Mate!” Ron yelled as he tumbled out of the Floo, then ran down the stairs to the
kitchen.
“What is it?”
“Movies,” he gasped.
“I’m familiar with movies Ron,” Harry replied, “What about them?”
“There are movies about you, well about the books, about the books about you.”
Harry’s eyes went wide, “You mean Muggles made movies from the books that were written
about me?”
“And I suppose you think we should get everyone together and watch them?”
“Of course!”
“Where would we do that exactly? You know electronics don’t work in magical houses and I
very seriously doubt Hermione’s parents would want the lot of us descending on them.”
“You.”
“Well when you put it like that it sounds rather mad doesn’t it.”
“I’d say.”
“Yes well it happens that the neighbors next door put their place up for sale not long ago and
I bought it. I put in a door between and after some research I was able to set up a magical
barrier to keep all ambient magic on this side and cast a null magic ward over that one. I can
now go over there and use the computer or watch the telly when I want.”
“No I didn’t tell you, you’d be over here all the time watching the telly or playing on the
computer instead of at home helping Hermione with your children.”
“I would NOT!”
“Ron, really?”
Harry sighed, “Fine but it’s up to you to owl everyone with the date and time. They can come
here first.”
Harry just shook his head and reached up to greet the owl that had just flown in the window.
watching the first movie
Everyone,
Saturday night, 7 o’clock, Harry’s place. You want to be there. You’ll regret it if you miss
out!
Ron
********************************
Once everyone had tramped through the Floo and front door of #13 Grimmauld Place,
through the connecting door into the large living room of #12, and was lounging all about the
room on couches, chairs, and pillows on the floor Harry was glad he had purchased such a
large television set.
Ron stood up in front of the screen and attempted to get everyone’s attention leading to
popcorn and candy flying through the air at his head. He ducked, turned on the movie, and
slid into his seat next to Hermione sliding a laptop onto his lap.
The first few minutes of the movie were watched in silence as those who had seen movies
before let those who hadn’t take it in. By the time the letters came flying out of the fireplace
however the words began to fly just as fast around the room.
“I was not!”
“Short yes!”
“Scrawny too.”
“No I think that was just those old clothes of his cousin’s they made his wear.”
“Yeah you looked much better once you got to wear your own clothes.”
“You guys had all the fun while I was left at home with Mum.”
“Hagrid did a really good job on that tail considering his wand was snapped in half. It’s
amazing it still worked at all.”
“Oh man they didn’t do Gringotts justice, it’s so much grander than that.”
“Thanks.”
“I still don’t understand how no one told you how to get onto the platform. McGonagall told
me.”
“It was Hagrid, he probably forgot or didn’t think of it. He was rather distracted that day.”
Popcorn flew at the screen as Quirrel appeared and then more as Snape was spotted.
Comments still flew but much less often as the movie continued.
Hermione shook her head, “Really Ronald, a ship is a large sea-going vessel.”
“A boat,” Draco drawled, “she means it’s a boat.”
“I know that definition but I don’t think that’s what they mean here.”
“No.”
“Well then look it up mate, you have the computer, the rest of us are trying to watch the
movie,” Harry replied.
Everything went quiet again for a while, other than the occasional laugh at the screen or the
tap of the keys as Ron typed.
“Ron you git, this whole thing was your idea!” George threw his bag of popcorn at Ron’s
head.
This drew several groans and led to several more bags of popcorn and empty candy boxes
flying across the room in his direction. Then their attention was drawn back to the screen in
time to see Draco run while Harry was frozen in fear watching the thing they all knew now
was Quirrell and Voldemort drinking the unicorn’s blood.
Just as the movie Harry, Ron and Hermione entered the chess game the real Ron screamed
and shoved the laptop onto the floor, “Who has their wand? Someone obliviate me now!
Right now! Get rid of the last five minutes immediately! Please someone anyone. Mione be
nice, Harry help me out, Malfoy I know you’ve wanted to hex me for years obliviate me now
please!”
discovering fanfiction
Everyone in the room was staring at Ron as he was in a panic now begging anyone and
everyone to modify his memory. It took several minutes before they could get him calmed
down enough to find out just what had him so upset. While the others gathered around Ron
talking to him quietly, Draco stepped into the hallway through the connecting door, and
summoned a calming draught, then passed it off to Harry who pressed it into the ginger’s
hand. Draco then picked up the laptop and went to close it, changing his mind at the last
second looking instead to see what it was that had gotten the ginger so riled up. He began to
laugh but it wasn’t until that laughter reached a near hysterical fever pitch that the others
stopped fussing over Ron and turned to him. He, like Ron, didn’t answer any questions asked
of him. When Harry approached with another calming draught Draco waved him away then
wiped tears from his eyes. He held up one long finger to pacify the room as he took a
moment and some deep lungfuls of air to catch his breath. Ron was still muttering to himself
nonsensically. Draco looked over at him and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing again.
“And what’s wrong with Ron?” added Hermione, “I assume you know and that’s why you’re
cackling like a loon.”
“It’s… on the computer…ship is-” Malfoy’s eyes crossed with Ron’s and the blonde began to
laugh once again as the ginger began near wailing and viciously rubbing his eyes.
“What the bloody hell?” Hermione reached for the laptop but Draco pulled it away and again
took a deep breath.
“Sorry, apparently muggles like to write stories about their favorite fictional characters, and
they have ‘ships, short I assume for relationships. The website Ronald here was looking at
lists the relationships the Muggles have put, well put us in,” he gestured to the room.
“Like what?” Hermione asked, followed by several others repeating the question.
“Well from my quick look some of the more normal pairings are Neville and Luna, Fred and
Hermione, Harry and Hermione, Dean and Seamus.”
Each pairing looked at one another as their names were listed with the final pair blushing a
bit when their names were called. Somehow this escaped notice of the others in the room as
Draco opened the laptop and continued listing.
“Some more odd pairings Hermione and Blaise, Hermione and me, Hermione and Charlie,
Muggle seem to have quite the fascination with you Granger. Let’s see who else: Blaise and
Luna, Ginny and Me, Dean and Ginny, Hermione again with Pansy this time, Harry and
Cho.” Each pairing read led to groans and laughter.
“Really Ron I mean some of those are odd but nothing so bad as to ask us to obliviate you.”
“He stopped reading,” Ron protested, “There are worse pairings, I swear to you they get
worse.”
Eyes turned to Draco again who nodded, “They do, not sure even I want to read some of
them.”
“So shall we start with my father and Ginny, or maybe you’d prefer my father and
Hermione.”
“Sorry ladies, maybe you prefer that either of you was paired with Riddle?”
More shudders from the room. Ron closed his eyes and covered his ears.
“Snape and Dumbledore, McGonagall and Pomfrey, Hermione and my crazy aunt, Snape
Black and Lupin, the Sorting Hat and Dobby. Is that enough for you all yet.”
“Yes stop!”
“Please stop!”
Several mutters about obliviation were heard before Draco spoke again.
“Those Muggles may be crazy but they got one pairing right.”
“Who?”
“You didn’t list any of us with our actual partners.” Dean and Seamus again blushed but
refused to look at one another.
“No, it wasn’t one I listed.”
“Then who?”
“I would,” said Harry having taken a peek at the screen peering around the blonde.
“What?”
“Yes we would.
Harry took Draco’s hand in his looked at the open mouths and wide eyes around them and
replied, “Somehow I don’t think we need to.”
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