* Creased Cards | Blog )

24/08/2020

Funny Adult Jokes – 90 Rude Jokes

To Make You Howl With Laughter

# Share $ Tweet % Pin & Mail ' SMS

* )
We all love a good laugh, no matter the
occasion. As we get old, we start to !nd the
“clean jokes” less funny as we begin to take
on a much more adult humour therefore, we
begin to prefer funny adult jokes.

We’re not saying you should drop the

childish jokes, because we !nd them
absolutely hilarious as well. But as you get
Creased Cards | Blog
older, the adult funny jokes may be the
more appropriate and enjoyable option.

The rude jokes we cover in this article:

We all love a good laugh, no matter the
Short rude jokes
occasion. As we get old, we start to !nd the
Sexual jokes
“clean jokes” less funny as we begin to take
on Sexual
a muchchat upadult
lineshumour therefore, we
more
Rude
begin knock knock
to prefer funny jokes jokes.
Very o"ensive jokes
We’re not saying you should drop the
Rude insults
childish jokes, because we !nd them
absolutely
If you are ahilarious as well.
bit innocent, thenBut asmay
you you get
not
older, what
know the adult
is to funny jokes may
be expected frombean
the
adult
more appropriate
joke. Expect sexualand enjoyable
jokes option.
and o"ensive
humour. Although we will leave the more
The rude jokes we cover in this article:
disgusting and horrible humour to the
darker places of the web…

We prefer things much more cheerful and

upbeat!

Our best rude jokes can be used in a

number of situations and we think they
could work perfectly inside a greeting card, a
casual jokea to
If you are bityour friendthen
innocent, or you
youcould
may even
not
risk
know it what
and use some
is to as pickupfrom
be expected linesan
– so, we
adult
will
joke.letExpect
you decide!
sexual jokes and o"ensive
humour. Although we will leave the more
As we enter our huge list of funny adult
disgusting and horrible humour to the
jokes, we would like to warn you of rude
darker places of the web…
language and a lot of sexual innuendos…
We prefer things much more cheerful and
Let’s start o" with the short rude jokes, shall
upbeat!
we?
Our best rude jokes can be used in a
number of situations and we think they
could work perfectly inside a greeting card, a
casual joke to your friend or you could even
risk it and use some as pickup lines – so, we
Short Adult
will let you Jokes
decide!

Q. Why are men like diapers? A.

As we enter our huge list of funny adult
They’re usually full of shit, but
jokes, we would like to warn you of rude
thankfully disposable.
language and a lot of sexual innuendos…
Q. What did one butt cheek say to the
Let’s start A.
other? o"Together,
with the short
we canrude jokes,
stop this shall
we?shit.

Q. What kind of Bees produce milk? A.

Boobees
Q. What did the penis say to the
condom? A. Cover me, I’m going in
Q. What goes in hard and dry then
comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing
Q.
gumWhy are men like diapers? A.
They’re
Q. Whatusually
do youfull
do of shit,
with but worth
a year’s
thankfully disposable.
of used condoms? A. Melt them into a
Q.
tireWhat did itone
and call butt cheek
a goodyear . say to the
other?
Q. WhatA.does
Together, we can stop
the receptionist atthis
a
Short
shit.
sperm Adult
bank Jokes
say as clients leave? A.
Q. Whatfor
Thanks kind of Bees produce milk? A.
coming!
Boobees
Q. What’s the di"erence between a G-
Q. What
spot anddid theball?
a golf penisA.say to the
A guy will
condom? A. Cover
actually search for me, I’mball.
a golf going in
Q.
Q. What
How isgoes in hard and dry then
a boyfriend/girlfriend like a
comes out
laxative? A.wet
Theyand soft?
both A. Chewing
irritate the shit
gum
out of you.
What do
Q. What’s you
the do with abetween
di"erence year’s worth
your
of used condoms?
boyfriend A. Melt A.
and a condom? them into a
Condoms
tire and
have call it aThey’re
evolved: goodyear
not. so thick and
insensitive
Q. What doesanymore.
the receptionist at a
sperm
Q. Whatbank say penis
did the as clients leave?
say to the A.
Thanks
vagina? for coming!
A. Don’t make me come in
there!
Q. What’s the di"erence between a G-
spot anddid
Q. What a golf
theball? A. A guy
hurricane saywill
to the
actually
coconut search
tree? A.for a golf
Hold on ball.
to your nuts,
this ain’tisno
Q. How ordinary blowjob. like a
a boyfriend/girlfriend
laxative?
Q. I askedA.my
They both if
partner irritate the only
I was the shit
out ofshe’s/he’s
one, you. been with. A. She/he
said,
Q. What’s the di"erence
“Yes, the others were at leastyour
between
sevens or eights”
boyfriend and a condom? A. Condoms
have evolved:toThey’re
Q. Welcome not so
the Sexual thick and
Innuendo
insensitive
Club. anymore.
A. Thank you all for coming.
Q.
Q. What did make
They say the penis sayistothe
up sex thebest…
vagina?
A. WhichA.isDon’t
lucky,make me come
because all myin
sex is
there!
made up
Q. What did
Q. Which the hurricane
sexual say to thethe
position produces
coconut tree?A.A.Ask
ugliest kids? Hold onmum!
your to your nuts,
this ain’t no
Q. Whats 72?ordinary blowjob.
A. 69 with three people
Q. I asked my partner if I was the only
watching.
one,
Q. Howshe’s/he’s been
is sex like air?with. A.not
A. It’s She/he
a big
said, “Yes, the
deal unless others
you aren’twere at least
getting any.
sevens or eights”
Q. What do tofu and a dildo have in
Q. Welcome
common? A. to theare
They Sexual
bothInnuendo
meat
Club. A. Thank you all for coming.
substitutes.
Q.
Q. They
What say make
comes up 69?
after sex A.
is the best…
A. Which is lucky, because all my sex is
mouthwash.
made up
Q. How can you tell if your husband is
Q. Which
dead? sexual
A. The sexposition produces
is the same the
but you
ugliest kids?
get to use theA.remote.
Ask your mum!
Q.
Q. Whats
How do72?youA.make
69 with three
a pool people
table
watching.
laugh? A. Tickle its balls.
Q.
Q. How
Whatisdoes
sex like air? A. It’s
a perverted notsay?
frog a big
A.
deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Rubbit
Q.
Q. What
What do
didtofu and a dildo
the toaster have
say to thein
slice
common? A. IThey
of bread? A. wantare
youboth meat
inside me!
substitutes.
Q. What did the toaster say to the slice
Q. What comes
of bread? after
A. I want 69?inside
you A. me!
mouthwash.
Q. What do you call an expert
Q. How can A.
!sherman? you tell if your
A Master husband is
Baiter
dead? A. The sex is the same but you
Q. What does the sign on an out-of-
get to use the remote.
business brothel say? A. Beat it. We’re
Q. How do you make a pool table
closed.
laugh? A. Tickle its balls.
Q. Why does Santa Claus have such a
Q.
bigWhat
sack?does
A. Hea only
perverted
comesfrog
oncesay?
a A.
Rubbit
year.
Q.
Q. What
What did therecipe
is the toaster
forsay to the slice
Honeymoon
of bread?
Salad? A. I want
A. Lettuce you inside
alone withoutme!
Q. What did the toaster say to the slice
dressing.
of
Q. bread?
Why didA.the
I want
toiletyou inside
paper rollme!
down
Q.
theWhat doTo
hill? A. yougetcall
to an
theexpert
bottom
!sherman? A. A Master Baiter
What do you think of those short rude jokes?
Q. What does the sign on an out-of-
business
Obviously brothel
rude jokessay?
comeA. in
Beat
all it. We’reand
shapes
closed.
sizes and we have plenty more to show
Q. Why
you… Next does Santa
up, rude Claus
chat have such a
up lines…
big sack? A. He only comes once a
Sexual
year.innuendos are perfect to randomly
say in day to day life or to use as a chat up
Q. What is the recipe for Honeymoon
line but we suggest you be careful with how
Salad? A. Lettuce alone without
these are used with people you aren’t too
dressing.
close with. You don’t want to be called the
Q. Why did the toilet paper roll down
“O#ce perv” or anything do you?
the hill? A. To get to the bottom
So please, don’t use these to be weird with
What do you think of those short rude jokes?
people. Use these sexual jokes to make your
friends laugh!
Obviously rude jokes come in all shapes and
sizes and we have plenty more to show
So, let’s dive in!
you… Next up, rude chat up lines…

Sexual innuendos are perfect to randomly

say in day to day life or to use as a chat up
line but we suggest you be careful with how
these are used with people you aren’t too
close with. You don’t want to be called the
“O#ce perv” or anything do you?
Rude Sexual Jokes
So please, don’t use these to be weird with
Is your
people. Usename Tanya?
these sexualCuz I’mto
jokes gonna
make your
tan ya
friends ass.
laugh!
Are you a termite? Cause you’re about
So, let’s dive in!
to have a mouth full of wood.
I wish you were soap so I could feel
you all over me.
I may not go down in history, but I’ll go
down on you.
Do you want to come to my time
machine? We stop somewhere
between ’68 and ’70
Let’s play carpenter. First, we’ll get
Is your namethen
hammered, Tanya? Cuzyou.
I’ll nail I’m gonna
tan ya ass.
If it’s true that we are what we eat,
Are
thenyou a termite?
I could be youCause you’re about
by morning.
to have a mouth full of wood.
Are you my new boss? Because you
Ijust
wish youme
gave were soap so I could feel
a raise.
Rude
youSexual Jokes
all over me.
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
I may not go down in history, but I’ll go
Do you need a stud in your life? Cause
down on you.
I got the STD and all I need is U.
Do you want to come to my time
We’ve updated
machine? Wethis listsomewhere
stop of sexual jokes. 10
justbetween
simply isn’t enough,
’68 and ’70 here are 20 more
rude sexual
Let’s playpick up linesFirst,
carpenter. thatwe’ll
you get
could use
in person or viathen
hammered, dating
I’ll apps.
nail you.
If it’s true that we are what we eat,
then I could be you by morning.
Are you my new boss? Because you
just gave me a raise.

Sexual
I lostpick up lines Can I have yours?
my virginity.
Do you need a stud in your life? Cause
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be
I got the STD and all I need is U.
coming soon.
We’ve updated
Let’s this list of
play carpenter. sexual
First we’lljokes.
get 10
justhammered,
simply isn’tthen
enough, here
I’ll nail are 20 more
you.
rude sexual
I lost pick upCan
my keys… lines that you
I check yourcould use
in person or via dating apps.
underwear?
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve
got a bone for you to examine.
I’m not usually into hunting, but I’d
love to catch you and mount you all
over my house.
I’m no weatherman but you can
Is your more
expect name than
winter? Because
a few inchesyou’ll be
coming
tonight. soon.
Let’s
Baby,play
I lastcarpenter. First
longer than we’ll get
a white crayon.
hammered, then I’ll nail you.
(Use index !nger to call someone over
Iand
lostthen
my keys… Can I check
say) I made yourwith
you come
Sexual pick upimagine
underwear?
one !nger, lines what I could do
Are you
with my an archaeologist?
whole hand. Because I’ve
got a bone
Do you foratyou
work to examine.Because
Build-A-Bear?
I’m not usually
I’d stu" you. into hunting, but I’d
love
Do youto catch
smoke you and
pot? mount weed
Because you allbe
over my house.
cute together.
I’m no I’m
Hello, weatherman but
bisexual. I’d you
like to can
BUY you a
expect
drink… more
and thenthanget
a few inches
sexual.
tonight.
Do you want to spice up my sex life?
Baby, I last longer than a white crayon.
Your face reminds me of a wrench;
(Use
everyindex
time !nger
I think to
of call someone
it, my over
nuts tighten
and
up. then say) I made you come with
one !nger, imagine what I could do
You must be a doctor! You just cured
with my whole hand.
my erectile dysfunction.#
Do you work at Build-A-Bear? Because
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between
I’d stu" you.
the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out]
Do
Wouldyouyou
smoke
like pot?
to? Because weed be
cute together.
Do you want to come to my time
Hello, I’m bisexual.
machine? I’d like to BUY you a
We stop somewhere
drink…
between and
’68then
and get
’70. sexual.
Do
Do you
you want
know to spice
your up my
ABCs? sex life?
‘Cause I
Your
wannaface reminds
give you theme of a letter
fourth wrench;of the
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten
alphabet.
up.
I’ll be Burger King and you be
You must be I’ll
McDonald’s. a doctor! Youway
have it my just and
cured
my erectile
you’ll dysfunction.#
be lovin’ it.
Have
We you ever
should playkissed a rabbit
strip poker. Youbetween
can
the
stripears? [Pull
and I’ll your
poke pockets inside out]
you.
Would
Do youyou like like to?
jalapeños? Because in no
Do you
time want
I’ll be to come
jalapeño to my time
pussy.
machine? We stop somewhere
Although adult
between ’68 jokes are meant for well,
and ’70.
adults… We all love a knock knock joke don’t
Do you know your ABCs? ‘Cause I
we? No matter the age… Immature yet rude.
wanna give you the fourth letter of the
There is no better mix to get someone
alphabet.
giggling…
I’ll be Burger King and you be

Rude Knock-Knock Jokes

McDonald’s. I’ll have it my way and
you’ll be lovin’ it.
Knock, Knock!play strip poker. You can
We should
Who's
stripThere?
and I’ll poke you.
Howie!
Do you like jalapeños? Because in no
Howie
time who?
I’ll be jalapeño pussy.
Howie gonna hide this dead body?
Although adult jokes are meant for well,
Knock Knock!
adults… We all love a knock knock joke don’t
Who's There?
we? No matter the age… Immature yet rude.
May I come in?
There is no better mix to get someone
May I come in who?
giggling…
May I come in you!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Knock, Knock!
Ivana.
Who's There?
Ivana who?
Howie!
Ivana fuck your brains out.
Howie who?
Knock
Howie Knock!
gonna hide this dead body?

Rude
Who’sKnock-Knock
there?
Knock Knock! Jokes
Dover.
Who's There?
Dover who?
May I come in?
Ben Dover and I’ll give you a big surprise!
May I come in who?
Knock Knockin you!
May I come
Who's there?
Knock Knock!
Iguana
Who’s there?
Iguana Who?
Ivana.
Iguana touch your buttcrack!
Ivana who?
Knock knock!
Ivana fuck your brains out.
Whos There?
Knock Knock!
Phil
Who’s there?
Phil Who?
Dover.
Phil McCrackin
Dover who?
Knock Knock!
Ben Dover and I’ll give you a big surprise!
Who’s there?
Knock Knock
Cam.
Who's there?
Cam who?
Iguana
Camel toe… do you have any pants I can
Iguana Who?
borrow?
Iguana touch your buttcrack!
Knock Knock!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Whos There?
Some!
Phil
Some who?
Phil Who?
Some dickhead talking to a knock knock
Phil McCrackin
joke.
Knock Knock!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Who’s there?
Cam.
Some.
Cam who?
Some who?
Camel toe… do you have any pants I can
Some bitch telling you a fucking knock,
borrow?
knock joke!
Knock Knock!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Who's There?
Some!
Asshole!
Some who?
Asshole who?
Some dickhead talking to a knock knock
Open the door and !nd out asshole!
joke.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Some.
Some who?
Very
SomeO!ensive Jokes
bitch telling you a fucking knock,
knock joke!
We left these o"ensive jokes until last as
Knockare
these Knock!
quite easily our most vulgar out of
Who's There?
bunch. This selection is strictly 18+, and
the
Asshole!
even then, it might be too much for you.
Asshole who?
because of this, we will not dive
Although,
Open
into anthe door
area and !nd
of edgy jokesout
as asshole!
they tend to
cross the line and become highly abusive.
Instead, we have this selection which highly
some o"ensive jokes which site just before
that line.

Men vacuum in the same way that

they have sex. – They just put it in and
Wemake
left these
someo"ensive
noise forjokes until last
3 minutes as
before
these
theyare quite easily
collapse on theour most vulgar out of
couch.
the bunch. This selection is strictly 18+, and
Someone asked the other day how
even then, it might be too much for you.
you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you
Although, because of this, we will not dive
should have asked me last night as it
into an area of edgy jokes as they tend to
Very
wasO!ensive Jokes
on the tip of my tongue”
cross the line and become highly abusive.
What does tofu and a dildo have in
Instead, we have this selection which highly
common? They are both meat
some o"ensive jokes which site just before
substitutes
that line.
What do you call a useless piece of
skin
Men on a penis?
vacuum A penis
in the same way that
they
Whathave sex.call
do you – They
an ITjust put itwho
teacher in and
make some
touches noise
up his for 3 minutes
students? A PDF !lebefore
they
How collapse onlike
is virginity theacouch.
soap bubble?
Someone
One prick asked
and it’sthe other day how
gone
you
Howspell “scrotum”,
is pubic hair likeI replied
parsley?” you
You
should
push it have
to theasked me lastyou
side before night as it
start
was on the tip of my tongue”
eating.
What does
How did tofu and
Burger Kingaget
dildo have
Dairy in
Queen
common?
pregnant? They are both meat
substitutes
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A
What
brick do you call a useless piece of
skin on a penis? A penis
I visited my friend at his new house.
What
He told dome
you
tocall
makean IT teacher
myself who
at home.
touches
So I threwuphim
his out.
students?
I hate Ahaving
PDF !le
How is virginity like a soap bubble?
visitors.
One prick and it’s gone
Therefore, to end o" our blog on funny adult
How is pubic hair like parsley? You
jokes and give you some of the funniest rude
push it to the side before you start
insults you have never heard of before just
eating.
carry on reading.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen
pregnant?
These insults could be used on anyone you
would to insult
like red
What’s in afor
and bad brand-new wayAand
your teeth?
who knows it might even get them
brick
giggling…?
I visited my friend at his new house.
He told me to make myself at home.
P.S. we do not support using these in mean
So I threw him out. I hate having
or vulgar ways because we don’t want to
visitors.
hurt peoples feeling, so please use them in a
jokey way! to end o" our blog on funny adult
Therefore,
jokes and give you some of the funniest rude
Rude Insults
insults you have never heard of before just
Bespawler
carry – Old English word for
on reading.
someone who spits while they talk.
These insults could be used on anyone you
Bobolyne – Old English word for fool
would like to insult in a brand-new way and
Mumpsimus – A stubborn person who
who knows it might even get them
in spite of being shown it is wrong.
giggling…?
Dingbat – A stupid person
P.S.Bonehead
we do not–support
A stupidusing these in mean
person
or vulgar ways because we don’t want to
However, if those
hurt peoples areso
feeling, a bit too unique
please forin a
use them
you
jokeydon’t
way!worry because you could always
just turn back to the ruder insults.

Twat
Bespawler – Old English word for
Wanker
someone who spits while they talk.
RudeCunt
Insults
Bobolyne – Old English word for fool
Fucker
Mumpsimus – A stubborn person who
Bitch
in spite of being shown it is wrong.
ThisDingbat – Ago
list could stupid person
on but we are sure you
know all of these
Bonehead already!
– A stupid person

You can !nd

However, the full
if those arelist of old
a bit too English
unique insults
for
at
youmental$oss. because you could always
don’t worry
just turn back to the ruder insults.
All these funny adult jokes and o"ensive
insults
Twatwould be perfect to stick inside a
rude greeting card because they are just
Wanker
words
Cuntat the end of the day, don’t you think?
Fucker
Bitch

This list could go on but we are sure you

know all of these already!
Recent Posts
You can !nd the
What to write in a new baby card?
.
What to write in a wedding card?
All these funny
What to adult
write in a jokes and o"ensive
new home card?
insults
What would be perfect
to write to stick
in a Father’s Dayinside
card?a
rude
140greeting
Father’scard
Daybecause
messages they are just
words at the end of the day, don’t you think?
Funny but bad Dad Jokes for Father’s
Day 2021

Previous Post Next Post

Recent
! Why DoPosts
We Send Fun Christmas Facts -
Greetings Cards And 110 Things You Never
Why Are They Knew About Christmas "
Important?

( Back to top

Mobile Desktop