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The 9 Essential Habits Of Mentally Strong People

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In 1914, T homas Edison's lab burned down, and years' worth of his work was destroyed. T his could easily
be described as the worst thing to happen to Edison, but the inventor instead chose to see it as an
energizing opportunity that f orced him to rebuild and re-examine much of his work. Edison reportedly said
at the time: "T hank goodness all our mistakes were burned up. Now we can start again f resh."

"In a world that we don't control, tolerance is obviously an asset," Ryan Holiday, author of the f orthcoming
The Obstacle Is The Way, told T he Huf f ington Post. "But the ability to f ind energy and power f rom what we
don't control is an immense competitive advantage."

He's talking about mental strength, a dif f icult-to-def ine psychological concept that encompasses emotional
intelligence, grit, resilience, self -control, mental toughness and mindf ulness. It's something that Edison had
in spades, and it's the reason that some people are able to overcome any obstacle, while others crumble at
lif e's daily challenges and f rustrations.

T he ability to cope with dif f icult emotions and situations is a signif icant predictor of our success and
happiness. T he most capable individuals in this way are able to turn any obstacle into a source of growth
and opportunity. And while much has been made of what mentally strong people avoid doing -- things like
dwelling on the past, resenting the success of others and f eeling sorry f or themselves -- what do they
actually do? What tactics do they use to overcome adversity time and time again?

Here are 9 essential habits and practices of mentally strong people that can help you get through
any challenge or hardship.

T hey see things objectively.

T here's a maxim in the ancient philosophy of Stoicism, "T here is no good or bad, there is only perception,"
which was later echoed in Shakespeare's f amous line, "T here is nothing either good or bad, but thinking
makes it so."

T he way we perceive a situation has a tremendous power to either help or harm us. So of ten, we react
emotionally and project negative judgments onto a situation, when the f irst key to overcoming a challenge
is to see things objectively.

"You can have the greatest plan in the world, but if you don't see the situation clearly, it doesn't matter,"
says Holiday.

Holiday studied countless examples through history of individuals who overcame obstacles that would
seem completely insurmountable to most of us, f rom being f alsely accused of triple murder to intense
discrimination based on race or sex. He f ound that mental toughness came down to three things:
Perception, action, and will.

"What's required [f or mental strength] is some sort of philosophical f ramework that allows you to look past
your emotions or what your f irst impressions of a situation might be," Holiday said. "So the elements of
that are, 1) Your perception. Can you see things clearly and evenly? 2) Can you think about creative or out
of the box kinds of solutions or actions? And f inally, what is the kind of determination or will you can apply
that action to the situation with?"

T hey let go of entitlement.

We all deserve happiness, but we don't deserve a lif e f ree f rom obstacles or setbacks. An attitude of
entitlement -- thinking that we deserve to get what we want most or all of the time -- can make it much
more dif f icult to deal with challenges when they come around and take you by surprise. T his is a particularly
common roadblock f or Generation Y, according to Gen Y expert Paul Harvey, assistant prof essor of
management at the University of New Hampshire, who observed that many Millennials have "unrealistic
expectations and a strong resistance toward accepting negative f eedback."

"Generation Y was sold a certain mindset about how the world was going to be at any and all times," agrees
Holiday. "In previous times, the f ramework that people were given was not just a humbler one, but one that
understood how unpredictable and inexplicable the world could be."

Mentally strong people recognize that their entire lif e plans, and lif e itself , could be derailed at any moment
-- and they don't waste their ef f ort f eeling wronged by destiny when things don't quite go their way.

T hey keep an even keel.

Mental strength is not so much about always being happy as it is about "keeping an even keel at any and all
times," says Holiday.

Emotional stability and the ability to keep a cool head is an enormous asset when it comes to dealing with
challenging situations. Fortunately, emotional stability tends to increase with age -- and it should come as
no surprise that we become happier as a result.

T hey don't aspire to be happy all the time.

Excessive preoccupation with happiness can actually lead to an unhealthy attitude towards negative
emotions and experiences. Mentally strong people don't try to avoid negative emotions -- rather, accepting
both positive and negative emotions and letting dif f erent f eelings coexist is a key component of resiliency.

"We so value optimism and happiness and all these positive traits, which are themselves abstractions, that
we get caught by surprise and can't deal with their opposite," says Holiday. "If we were more middle of the
road, things would be better and we'd be able to take advantage of the things that happen to us because
there's more objectivity."

Australian social researcher Hugh Mackay argues that our cultural obsession with happiness can be
dangerous, and that instead of worrying about being happy, we should concern ourselves with being whole.

"T he idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea
and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is f ear of sadness," Mackay writes in The
Good Life. "Wholeness is what we ought to be striving f or and part of that is sadness, disappointment,
f rustration, f ailure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and f ulf illment are
nice little things that also happen to us, but they don't teach us much."

T hey're realistic optimists.

Mentally tough people make a habit of getting up af ter they f all. Instead of getting upset, f eeling hopeless
and giving up in the f ace of obstacles, they take the opportunity to put on their thinking caps and come up
with a creative solution to the problem at hand. Mentally strong people tend to be realistic optimists -- they
have the hopef ulness of optimists and the clarity of pessimists -- which gives them both the motivation
and the critical thinking required to come up with creative solutions.

"Every time [realistic optimists] f ace an issue or a challenge or a problem, they won't say 'I have no choice
and this is the only thing I can do,'" researcher Sophia Chou told LiveScience. "T hey will be creative, they will
have a plan A, plan B and plan C."

T hey live in the present moment.

Being present -- rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the f uture -- allows you to see things as
they really are. Whether or not they have a f ormal meditation or mindf ulness practice, mentally strong
people tend to have a mindf ul, attentive way of engaging with the world.

"You could call it being in the zone, you can call it whatever you want, but the idea is that if you're f ocused
exclusively on one thing in f ront of you, you're not bringing baggage to that situation and you're
considering only the variables that matter," says Holiday.

T he science has demonstrated that mindf ulness really can boost your brain power. Mindf ulness practice
has been linked with emotional stability, reduced stress and anxiety, and improved mental clarity.

T hey're persistent in the pursuit of their goals.

We've all heard inspiring stories of amazingly successf ul people who overcame signif icant hardships and
f ailures to get there. T hey're exhibiting one of the most f undamental qualities of resilient people:
Perseverance, or as psychologist Angela Lee Duckworth puts it, grit.

In her studies of students in a number of dif f erent educational environments, Duckworth f ound that grit
more than any other single quality (IQ, emotional intelligence, good looks, physical health) accounts f or
students' success. She also studied teachers and workers in various prof essional environments to
determine what accounted f or their success.

"In all those dif f erent contexts, one f actor emerged as a secret to success, and it wasn't social intelligence,
good looks, physical health or IQ. It was grit," Duckworth said in a T ED talk. "Grit is passion or
perseverance f or very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your f uture, day in and
day out -- not just f or a day, not just f or a month, but f or years -- to make that f uture a reality."

But they know when it's time to let go.

A mentally strong person can say to themselves, "I tried everything I could in this situation, and now I can let
it go," says Holiday. Just as important as perseverance is the ability to recognize that you can control only
your own actions -- not the results of those actions. Accepting this f act allows us to resign to the things
that are beyond our power.

T here's an idea in Stoicism, Holiday explains, called the "art of acquiescence," which is yielding to the things
that you can't change and making the best of them, rather than allowing them to upset or f rustrate you. We
need strength, determination and perseverance, but these aren't the answer in every situation. T he mentally
strong person lives by the Serenity Prayer -- they change what they can control, accept what they can't
control, and know the dif f erence between the two.

"Sometimes, the solution to the problem is to accept the problem and to bend yourself around that problem
rather than crashing yourself repeatedly into it until you break," says Holiday.

T hey love their lives.

Amor fati is a Latin term that translates to "love of f ate," a concept derived f rom the ancient Greek and
Roman Stoic philosophers that later reemerged in the work of Nietzsche. And it's perhaps the single most
important key to mental strength.

"T he idea is that you don't just have to tolerate the things you can't control -- they could be the greatest
things that ever happen to you," says Holiday. "You can f ind the joy in not just accepting, but in embracing
the things that happen to you."

Mentally strong people are gratef ul and appreciative of obstacles because of the simple f act that
obstacles are lif e itself . Shortly bef ore her death, Seattle-based author Jane Lotter lef t that advice with her
f amily in a powerf ul self -written obituary.
As Lotter put it, "May you always remember that obstacles in the path are not obstacles, they ARE the
path."