TODDLE R S AN D FO OD 1

Toddlers and Food

FOOD IS EMOTIONAL

When I talk here about your toddler’s relationship

with food, I won’t be talking about calories and
recipes - I’m not a nutritionist. What I will talk about
is your toddler’s emotions and behaviors as they
pertain to food. Because everything, even food,
has an emotional component.

I’m sure you have felt this yourself. Feeding your

toddler can be a source of major anxiety and
frustration, whether it’s that you worry they’re not
eating enough, eating too much of the same thing,
or throwing their food onto the floor.

Things to think about:

01
Try your best to not label your toddler when it comes to
eating (or anything else). Avoid referring to your child as
a “good” eater, “bad” eater, “picky” eater, and so on. The
truth is, your child’s eating habits will more than likely
evolve over time and you don’t want them to identify as a
specific type of eater.
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02
The majority of toddlers fall into the category that most
consider to be “picky eaters” so know that if your child is
exhibiting this behavior, it’s considered typical and you’re
not alone. So much of toddlerhood is about your child
beginning to exert their independence, and mealtime is
no exception. Where your baby may have eaten whatever
was placed before them, your toddler is beginning to
pick and choose for themselves. That is not only typical
toddler behavior, it’s emotionally and developmentally
healthy behavior. Reframe your thinking. Your toddler is
not being defiant or “bad”, your toddler is exerting their
need for independence and learning about their bodies.

03
Keep YOUR emotions out of your toddler’s plate. This
is big… and for many, incredibly challenging. Your child
eating “well” can feel so strongly tied to you being a
“good” parent. Know inside yourself that is not the case.
Try your best to remove your own feelings of anxiety,
control, frustration, pressure, desperation out of the
eating equation. Think of it this way - the more pressure
you bring to the table, the more push back you will
receive from your toddler.
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THROWING FOOD

Let’s set the stage :)

Your toddler sits in their highchair (or

wherever) happily feeding themselves. Food
is everywhere, in their hair, on their face, and
plenty falls to the floor. The concepts of mess
or waste are totally abstract and beyond their
comprehension. Your toddler learns through
sensory input and food is an incredibly sensory
experience… smell, touch, color and, of course,
taste. How exciting!

At some point, maybe by accident at first, food

falls onto the floor and some very exciting things
happen for your child :)

Maybe there’s a loud noise! A big splash! This provides major sensory
stimulation for your child and a lesson in cause and effect - very
exciting!

Maybe the falling food elicited a big reaction from you: “No, don’t do
that!” Any big reaction you give your toddler, positive or negative, is a
reaction. To them it’s: “Wow, look what I can make mom/dad do! Let
me try again!” And watching you bend over to pick up the same thing
time and time again is an added bonus :)

Those initial experiences of food falling (or being thrown) provided your
toddler with tons of stimulation and, therefore, they’re likely to repeat the
behavior.
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So, what do you do...

STEP Stay close, very close.

ONE

I know when your toddler is buckled in their highchair, it’s a great opportunity
to... clean up a little, maybe do some food prep, send that email…

During the time you’re working with your toddler to stop throwing food
you won’t be able to do that. (not forever, not always… but yes, while you’re
working on changing the food throwing behavior you won't be able to
multitask - about 2 days to 1 week)

When I say stay close, this is what I mean: you’re sitting very close to your
toddler, eyes on them, facing them with your body. (no multitasking - sorry)
Your close proximity is so you can effectively and consistently intervene to
“catch” them right before they throw food, rather than after the fact. Once
the food is thrown, you are too late. Your toddler’s stimulated thrill is far
greater than your sad or angry face and words.

STEP Engage with them as they eat.

TWO

As you’re sitting right by them, discuss the food, the taste, color, texture.
Engage them in a back and forth:

“
“Look at you eating :) What’s that? Carrot… yes.. How does
that feel? Mushy in your fingers…"
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STEP Prevent them from throwing food.

THREE

When your toddler picks up a food item and motions to throw it, gently hold
their arm, guide it back to the tray or the table, and calmly say: “No throwing
food on the floor.”

And then you can add: “I see you want to throw food... You have strong arms :)
What can you throw? Food? No… a ball? Yes :)”

Repeat your “script” as many times as needed. You are not panicked or
frustrated. You’re calm and in command. The big idea here is that the act of
throwing is not a bad one… it’s actually great. But the act needs to take place
in the appropriate setting. Can’t throw food on the floor.

STEP Work on communicating “all done.”

FOUR

Notice when your toddler may be slowing down between bites, and begin to
prepare them for the end of the meal: “Looks like you are almost done. And
when you are all done, you can say, (or sign): “All done!” Repeat this as often
as needed.

And when the meal is over:

“
“Looks like you are all done. Say / show me: “all done.”
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And then what...

You're sitting right there and you're

working through your script and still your
toddler manages to throw food on the
floor.

That's ok :)

You're calm and kind: "No throwing food

on the floor, sweetie. I think you're telling
me you're all done. Ok, we will eat again
at snack time / dinner time / next meal
etc."

And then... you guessed it :) You calmly

remove your child and mealtime is done
for now.

TIP: If you’d like, you can also introduce an “all done” bowl.
The "all done" bowl is present from the beginning of each
meal and any food your toddler doesn't want can be
placed in the bowl instead of being thrown on the ground.

“
“All done? Ok, where does that food go? Yes, in your “all done” bowl.”
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HERE’S Reinforce the behavior of throwing in the

ANOTHER TIP. appropriate setting. Let’s say you’re outside
throwing a ball, you can say something like: “Look
at you throwing that ball! Do you throw food? No.
Can you throw the ball? Yes! Show me.”

Like everything else, your consistency is key here. You approach every meal
and snack the same exact way. Same script, same calm attitude, same
consistent responses. Your predictability is what your toddler will begin to rely
on. Within a few meals you should see a significant improvement.

I want you to notice...

You’re not saying: “No throwing.” because it’s simply not enough. It’s too
general and it doesn’t provide your child with an alternative they CAN do.

You’re not saying: “You’re making a mess” or “You’re wasting food.” or “That’s
not nice.” The concepts of “mess” and “waste” and yes, even the concept of
“nice” are still very abstract to your toddler. So, it’s not that you’re wrong… your
toddler is making a mess, it’s that these statements are ineffective because
they don’t resonate with your toddler.
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HIGH CHAIR

It probably felt like quite an achievement when your

infant was finally able to sit up in their highchair and
even participate in feeding themselves. It is certainly
fun, and even freeing, for you and your child. But fast
forward… it is possible that your toddler is beginning
to refuse the restraining feeling of the highchair and
is fighting you each time you want them to sit in it for
their meals.

Your toddler is currently in the stage of autonomy,

meaning they are exerting their newfound
independence every chance they get :)

This is not only typical, it’s perfectly healthy.

HERE ARE 2 TIPS IF YOUR TODDLER IS PUSHING BACK AGAINST

GETTING IN THE HIGHCHAIR.

1
If your child’s highchair has a removable tray, remove it and
push the highchair up to your table where everyone is eating.
Suddenly your toddler is truly sitting alongside everyone else, not
apart, except the chair they are sitting in fits their body size.
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2
Again if the tray is removable, remove it and show your
toddler how they can climb into the high chair “on their own”
(of course with your help and supervision). They will love
practicing their skills of climbing, as well as the feeling of
independence they will get doing this.

And of course, always remember, if the highchair has become a daily battle
between you and your toddler, it could be a sign that it’s time to move on to
another way of sitting for meals. Either a regular chair, perhaps with a booster,
or at a kids table, or whatever works best for your family. Don't fear growth
and transition.

YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOUR TODDLER’S EATING

Let’s talk a little more about YOUR emotions and your child’s eating habits.

If you find yourself bargaining, bribing, negotiating: “One more bite.”

threatening: “Finish your plate or no dessert.” pause and really think to
yourself: What is going on here… with me?

For many people (not all, but many) there are huge feelings of fear and
control that are associated with your child’s eating.
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HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK YOURSELF (THERE ARE
NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWERS)

Is every mealtime a battle? Why? What’s really going on?

What are the emotions I associate with mealtime? What emotions

does my toddler associate with mealtimes? Are we looking forward
to sharing the experience together or are we stressed the whole
time?

Am I trying to control the amount my child eats?

Why am I trying to control my child’s eating? (Fear? Anxiety? Cultural

norms? Habit?)

I want to challenge you to bring trust into the equation. Trust that your toddler
is fully capable of knowing and understanding their body, when they’re full
and what food they want and don’t want to eat WHEN they are given the
opportunity to trust themselves / decide for themselves in a pressure free
setting.

Yes this will vary from day to day. Yes, sometimes they will eat more and
sometimes less. Yes, some days this will work better than others. Still, watch
what can happen when you replace control with trust.
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Put very simply, you are in charge of what you serve, when and where you
serve it. Your child is in charge of how much they eat.

And of course, it goes without saying, that if you really feel something isn’t
quite right, be sure to follow your gut feeling and seek additional guidance.
That can be from your pediatrician, a nutritionist or a psychologist.

I wholeheartedly believe that parents and caregivers are best equipped to

sense their child’s needs and advocate for them. Don’t hesitate to consult
with a professional you trust for support for you and your family.