MEET THE AUTHOR 1 PARENTING FROM THE INSIDE OUT Child psychiatrist Dr. Daniel gel tells research -to help us “raise HannahHiles about one of Gwyneth | | cildren through abeter Paltrow's favourite parenting books ‘understanding of our own ives FOR 10YEARS, PARENTING from the Inside Out has been regarded asa classic in the United States. With glowing recommendations from the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow (a must-have for any parent) and Michelle Pfeiffer (applicable toall of our interpersonal relationships), thebookhas | YoU TO WRITE THiS BOOK nowbeen updated withthe Thad written a book called. latest research and launched |The Developing Mind, which in the UK for the first time. explores the science of attach- ‘Authors, Dr.DanielJ.Siegeland ment relationships, and how Mary Hartzell, take the reader the relationships we have with through a journey of self ‘our kids shape their develop- discovery - underpinned with | ment. I found that there was neurobiology and attachment | some incredible research that FEBRUARY/MARCH www.thegreenparent.co.uk mast people did not know about ~ that the best predictor ofa child's attachment is how well the parent has made sense of his or her own life ~ and I wanted to tell people about this. My daughter was in pre- school at the time and I put ‘ona number of workshops for parents. They were so popular that I decided to turn them into ‘abook, which I wrote with Mary Hartzell, who was the director of the pre-school. The research. ranga lot of bells with meas > 37MEET THE AUTHOR "WE NEED TO BE KIND AND COMPASSIONATE TO | OURSELVES AS WELL AS TO OUR CHILDREN’ > Tama father and Tinow how | challenging parenting canbe. | T wanted to lay out the science but also wanted to show how important itis to realise that thereismosuch things perfect parenting Youcan bea devoted | parent and still make mistakes Inmy parenting books {always | putin examples ofhow Ihave | messed up. We need tobe kind and compastionateto ourselves | as wellas to our children. you are likely to repeat them, ‘Making sense of your life is the best gift you can give your child WHAT WOULD BEA Goop First STEP TO ‘TAKE TO IMPROVE OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OUR CHILDREN? Parents are often interested in ‘changing their childzen but the research shows that a better first step is to look inside and see what your own childhood did to you and the impactit hhas had. The book lays out a step-by-step procedure to do | this. People sometimes ask where they can get a workbook for Parenting from the Inside WHYDOWETURNINTOOUR | PARENTS OR REPEAT THEIR MISTAKES WHEN WE RAISE OUROWN CHILDREN? ‘There are two types of memory: implicit and explicit. Much cof what we dois driven by ‘our unconscious mind. Ifyou have difficult things happen toyou in your own childhood but don't make sense of them, ‘Out but the book IS a work- book with exercises in its own right. Some people even work through it during pregnancy. People can be scared and think 38 there is nothing they can do, but ifyou start making sense of your own life, things will get better. You can make sense of things that made no sense Living from the Inside Outas st offers something for every- one, Attachment is a model {for how we have relationships with anyone, There is always atthe time Its scientifically time, no matter how old a informed. The way wereflect. _ person is or what their situa- on our own history affects tion is, to make sense of how thestructure of our brain, asthe past influences the present. the brain always changes in response to what we do. Neuro- | IF THE READER ONLY TAKES pplasticity—how we can change | AWAY ONE MESSAGE the physical structure of our FROM YOUR BOOK, brain—isavery exciting field. | WHATSHOULDITBE? ‘The feld of attachment tells us ITCANBEQUITEA (CHALLENGING BOOK AT ‘TIMES ISTHISINNER WORK HARD OR PAINFUL? Itmay bea shor, simple book but it definitely s challeng- ing. However, anyone of any cultural or educational back- that relationships are important Dut doesn't tell us what to do about it. People have called this ooka classic but it met a need, People think what happened tome was terrible! I'm really in ‘rouble!’ but this book brings great news. You can make sense ground can do this work, and of your life and not be a prison- ‘make it more likely that their | er of what you may previously children will develop a secure have felt. I's so empowering, attachment to them.Youdon't I hope people will hear the know what you mightunlock message in an open way and Dutit’san invitation to getto _ learn tobe kinder tothem- know yourself better. Its hard ‘work but itis doable. I's not just about very traumatic child. hood experiences, like abuse. For example, ifyour father ‘worked too much, you may havea tendency to choose una- vailable men or not want to get close to men, or you may find yyou don’ fel close to your son. selves as best they can. It would havea ripple effect. MORE INSPIRATION VISIT Dan’swebsite at dtdansiegelcom for more information abouthis, books, video and audio clips and other resources. READ The Whole-Brain Child, Dan’shook onhowachile’s brainis wired, which gives practical strategies for dealing with day-to-day challenges. FIND Hannehisa freelance journalist and mum-of-one ‘who livesin Staffordshire, Her website is hannahhiles.couk. WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF DOING THIS? Looking into this is awin-win situation. [know that a lot of people who don't have chil dren have worked through this ‘book - it could really be called GET STARTED NOW The passing of unresolvedissues ‘from generation to generation produces andpperpetuates: unnecessary emotional suffering Itisimportant to recognize that each of us mayhave leftoverissues that create ‘vulnerabilities that den’t become apparent until weraise or ‘work with children. Being aparent gives us the opportunity ‘to reparent ourselves by making sense of our own early ‘experiences. Our children are not the only ones who wll benef from this making-sense process: we ourselves will come tolivea more vitaland enriched life. FEBRUARY MARCH 2015 wwwwithegreenparent.co.uk: