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MR AND MRS RIGHT

STANLEY ABANIWU
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COPYRIGHT

Copyright © 2022

Stanley Abaniwu

This E-Book must not be copied or printed for commercial gain or profit without written permission

from Stanley Abaniwu.

For permission requests, enquiries, consultations, training requests. Please send to:

Email: bishopstanlo@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stanley.abaniwu

WhatsApp: https://wa.me/2348082900761

Written by Stanley Abaniwu

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 TABLE OF CONTENT

COPYRIGHT ............................................................................................................. 3

INTRODUCTION...................................................................................................... 5

Is there such a thing as Mr or Mrs Right? .................................................................. 6

Bridal shower and Wedding Plans doesn’t make Marriage Work ............................. 9

Is Infidelity a Justification for Divorce? .................................................................. 16

Chastity in Marriage ................................................................................................. 23

What people are saying ............................................................................................ 30

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 INTRODUCTION

Matrimony is one of the Sacraments in the Church and it paramount because it is one of the oldest

commands given by God to humanity. In Genesis 1:28, God said “Increase and multiply, and fill the

earth, and subdue it, and rule over the fishes of the sea, and the fowls of the air, and all living creatures

that move upon the earth”. And to ratify this, Jesus blessed Marriage at the Wedding Feast at Cana by

turning water into wine ( John 2:1-11).

Just as God formed Eve and gave to Adam as his “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”, in the same

way God has destined that person who will be our partner in the plan of salvation and subduing the

earth. And since all that God has created is good and perfect (Genesis 1:31), then that person He has

given us is the perfect person for us. God can never make mistakes.

However, just as Adam and Eve disobeyed God- rebelled against his commands, by eating the forbidden

fruit, so also do men today disobey God and look for that person whom God has not chosen for them.

This will eventually lead to extremes such as Infidelity, divorce, sexual escapades and immorality etc.

In this book, we have covered these topics with references from sacred scriptures, sacred traditions and

The Magisterium to give us the ever fresh and resilient teaching of the Holy Mother church.

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 Chapter 1

Is there such a thing as Mr or Mrs Right?

So many people are not Married yet because they are still looking for Mr or Mrs right. Today, we shall

demystify this term and see if it really exists.

Everything God made is good. He made Heaven and Earth, land and sea including everything in it. And

He said it was good. 1 Timothy 4:4 says, “For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be rejected

that is received with thanksgiving.” Genesis 1:31 says, “And God saw all the things that he had made, and

they were very good. And the evening and morning were the sixth day”.

Marriage was also one those things that God made. This was ordained by God from the beginning.

Genesis 2:24 says “Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they

shall be two in one flesh”. Ephesians 5:31 says “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother:

and shall cleave to his wife. And they shall be two in one flesh”.

Jesus also confirmed this while he was on earth. Matthew 19:5-6 says “For this cause shall a man leave

father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh.19:6 Therefore now

they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.”

From the beginning of our existence God has already called us and set our parts. He made is to know

Him, love Him and serve Him in this world and to be happy with Him forever in the next. Jeremiah 1:5

says “Before I formed thee in the bowels of thy mother, I knew thee: and before thou camest forth out of

the womb, I sanctified thee, and made thee a prophet unto the nations* .

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Before we were born, God had already marked our path. He already knew the Parents we will be

entrusted into their care. He knew everything and has given us our path. Whether we choose to do it or

not is a different thing. But He has called us to Himself.

There are different ministries that God can call us to. In the Church, the body of Christ, there are different

roles. Some are called to be Priests, some to be married and some to Singlehood. Matthew 19:12 says

“For there are eunuchs, who were born so from their mothers womb: and there are eunuchs, who were

made so by men: and there are eunuchs, who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven.

He that can take, let him take it.” So, if God has called you to the married life, He has also given you that

Person who will be your companion. That person which God has given to you is Your Mr or Mrs Right.

Therefore, the concept of Mr or Mrs Right is only true according to what God has ordained for you.

However, some people have the notion that the Concept of Mr or Mrs Right refers to that person who is

perfect. Now this is the wrong notion of Mrs Right. That God has given you a person as your companion-

your Mr Or Mrs Right, doesn't mean the person will always be right. Romans 3:23 says “For all have

sinned and do need the glory of God.” There is no body that is perfect. Although we all strive for

perfection just as Jesus admonished us in Matthew 5:48 “Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly

Father is perfect”.

So,

If he doesn't call you always, you should understand that he is not perfect.

If she can't cook well, you should understand that she is not perfect.

If he is very lazy in prayer, you should understand that he is not perfect.

If she wants to be talking every minute of the day you should understand that she is not perfect.

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Once we know that we are not perfect including that Mr or Mrs Right God has given to us, then we will

see that person as the cross we must carry. And once the couples embrace the Cross, they will see in each

other a means of gaining salvation. Luke 14:27 says “And whosoever doth not carry his cross and come

after me cannot be my disciple.”

So, when you promise

• For better and for worse

• In sickness and in health

• For richer and for poorer

It becomes easier when you see whatever happens as your cross.

❖ When he loses his job, you see it as your cross.

❖ When her beauty fades and she start looking like a bag of beans, you see it as your cross.

❖ When he starts to cheat and chase everything in skirt, you see it as your cross.

❖ When she loves her children more than you, you see it as your cross.

It is therefore wrong when people consider marriage as a place of bliss. NO! Such mentality is what is

causing divorce today. Once the marriage is no longer sweet again, they start looking elsewhere. The man

will start looking for a sixteen-year old girl to massage his back because the wife is now looking like his

grandmother. The woman will start looking for freedom because the Man cannot behave himself.

But once they look at marriage as a cross, seeing the excessive love Christ lavished on us on the Cross,

they will embrace the Cross with love.

In Conclusion

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The concept of Mr or Mrs Right only exists in relation to the gift God has given us which is good. But the

gift itself -husband or wife- is not perfect because only God is perfect. Therefore, we must see each other

as the Cross God has given to us.

CHAPTER 2

BRIDAL SHOWER AND WEDDING PLANS DOES NOT MAKE MARRIAGE WORK.

So my dad told me today of a man who sent his wife back to her parent’s house because she doesn't

respect him. They have been married for four years and have had two children already.

I have also heard of cases where the couples separate that same night of their wedding. The fact is that

these people would have spent a huge amount in preparation for the marriage. A girl told me that she

cannot do a wedding that is less than 5m naira. 5 million naira!!!

Apparently this girl has not seen one million in her life. So it is glaring that people spend a lot for the

wedding (which is just a day), but do so little in making preparations for the marriage which will last a

lifetime. So let's do some clarifications.

What is a Marriage?

Marriage, a legally and socially sanctioned union, usually between a man and a woman, that is regulated

by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and

accords status to their offspring

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Marriage in the Catholic Church, also called matrimony, is the "covenant by which a man and woman

establish between themselves a partnership of their whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the

good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring", and which "has been raised by Christ

the Lord. As stated, it is partnership of the whole life that’s why the Church doesn't accept or allow

dissolution of marriage.

Genesis 2:24 says: Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they

shall be two in one flesh. Two in one flesh

The Bible recognizes their indivisibility and also their individual identity. Since it is only death that can

bring an end to our flesh, it is also only death that can bring an end to the flesh of the man and woman.

Since Marriage is a lifetime, it is normal that couples understand the importance of giving up their

individual differences and embrace a collective whole for progress. When you mix two molecules of

Hydrogen and one of oxygen, you get water. That means for water to be, they must come together. If they

exist differently there can be no water. Same applies in marriage.

What is wedding?

A wedding is a marriage ceremony and it includes all the celebration that often takes place afterwards.

People sometimes call the Catholic Marriage white wedding.

Well, while there is a distinction between marriage and wedding, the system of White wedding is far

different from a Catholic Marriage. Other Churches celebrate White wedding but Catholics do Catholic

Marriage.

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Now, since a wedding involves is the ceremony of the Marriage, it is the outward event people see in the

union. We may call it the after party of the Marriage.

In the twenty first century we have seen a line of event now added to the Wedding ceremony itself.

These include:

1. Proposal

2. Bachelor's Eve

3. Bridal Shower

For most people, these must be done in very good preparations and with records to show for it.

Proposal

So what is involved here is the

1. Engagement ring,

2. The proposal tactics and

3. The Venue

4. Wedding ceremony

I recently saw a video where the girl rejected the proposal because the man didn't kneel down. I also saw

one where the girl rejected the ring because it was less expensive. I've also seen cases where the proposal

wasn't accepted because the venue wasn't romantic.

There are people whose business it is to plan a proper proposal that will befit a prestige. All the above

will be put into consideration.

Bachelor's Eve

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So many practice this as a means of transiting from singlehood to a married life. I've heard people tell me

that they use such day or days to have sexual intercourse with their former relationship. Some can decide

to go out to a club and spend the night with a random person on a one night stand. The aim is to enjoy the

life of freedom before you become caged for life.

Bridal Shower

So this is usually done by ladies. They spend some moments with their female friends. It's usually a party

organized for the bride to be. There they discuss a lot of things to prepare the mind of the Woman for

marriage.

Wedding Ceremony

This one is the biggest of them all. The wedding ceremony is usually graded based on the amount spent

and the memories left. I actually met a Client who does wedding planning. She told me of a wedding she

planned for 50 million naira. Yet those present at the wedding were not up to 50. It was a small wedding

yet what was expended was not small.

Then after the wedding ceremony comes the Honey Moon. Here the couples go to spend sometime

together in any place of their choice.

Now, looking at proposal, bachelor's Eve, bridal shower, wedding, and honey moon, which of them

actually prepares the couples for a lifetime of Marriage? None, yes none. But so much energy and time is

given to them that they become the central focus.

The proper way of Marriage preparation for a Catholic Couple

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1. Spending Time Together: This should not be alone. That is it should be done in public. Here,

the two intending couples should devote more time to knowing more about each other.

Psychology tells us that we are bundles of contradiction. We don't know ourselves. We don't

know how we can react in different situations. You maybe able to live well together with your

siblings but when you start living with a different person, it may be difficult. The more time you

spend together, the more you know yourself better.

2. God centered relationship: If the thing that pulls both of you together is not God, then your

union cannot last. Let God be the centripetal and centrifugal force pulling you both. Let him be

the gravitational force. When you are only attracted because of money, beauty, success,

intelligence, etc you won't last long when any or all fails. A friend I know ended her three years

relationship with another friend of mine because the guy didn't believe in God. She said if

everything fails or the guy doesn't listen to her or his parents, how will he listen to God he doesn't

believe in?

3. Shared Goals: One product of your constant communication is your shared goals. A partner that

doesn't care about your goals or even doesn't ask isn't interested in you and failure to know your

marriage cannot last. If your partner believes in abortion and you don't and you don't come to an

agreement (which is no abortion) then you are doomed to fail. One of my late uncles told me of

how his wife will always make sure that she didn't give birth to another child. She was always

taking pills after they had met each other. So, both of you must have same road direction. A ship

cannot move when pulled into two directions.

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 4. Raising God-fearing Children: Today, parents teach their children how to be a successful

Doctor, lawyer, Engineer etc. But they don't teach them how to make Heaven. Why? Because

they believe that that is the work of the Church and not theirs. Their own is to give the child

sound education. But that's not true. The first and most important training you need to give you

child is how to be a saint. Today's children think sainthood is a profession. Just ask any child if he

wants to be a saint and he will say no that he wants to be a Doctor.

In conclusion.

You need more than a one-day wedding to plan for your lifetime of togetherness. You need more than a

night of bridal shower to know your feminine role in your marriage. You need more than a bachelor's Eve

be able to survive the no-pleasureable times in marriage. And you need more than a ring to secure a

lifetime. Let God be your centripetal and centrifugal force.

Question 1

Thanks for the Lecture.. More wisdom.. Question: Is it a sin to be pregnant/have children before

Wedding? If yes why will the priest go ahead and wed the couples?

Answer

Pre marital sex is a sin. But getting pregnant and having the child is not a sin. What makes it sinful is both

couples living under same roof without a proper marriage. A girl who gets pregnant and gives birth can

still receive Holy Communion after she must have confessed the sins. But she cannot receive Holy

Communion if she continues to live with the man and they don't solemnize their union. So it is because of

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this that the Catholic Church usually requests that couples who are living together should not receive

Holy Communion until they have done the proper thing. And the proper thing is to solemnize their union.

Question 2

A friend of mine has courted a guy for long now since in school, and now it seems they are ready for a

marriage... She has two problems currently. First of all, the list her spouse to be was given from her

village is close to a million naira. The guy's doing business in Abuja to cover up. Secondly, the girl has

made enquiry in the church she was told she and her mate would compulsorily attend a marriage class,

her spouse might not be able to leave business for a class of about 3months... And she heard they would

still have to pay some 25000 for registration (still money).

Questions

1) Please will it be right to do a church marriage and abandon the traditional rites

2) Is marriage class a necessity?

Answer

Traditional Marriage is important. Even the Church encourages it. You cannot marry without the

blessings of the parents. The blessings are embedded in the Traditional rites. So, you can't bypass it.

On the second question, marriage class is a necessity. You have to do a six months class. It's a preparatory

class. You will need the class to enable you prepare for the marriage. You can't get a degree without

studying in school. So you need the class at least to get that certificate.

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 CHAPTER 3

Is Infidelity a Justification for Divorce?

The last time I discussed this topic there were a lot of sneers. So, I will probably do a lot of digging up so

we understand my point. Let me first say that the Catholic Church does not accept divorce. There's

nothing like divorce in the Catholic Church.

https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_P87.HTM

The CCC says: 2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that

marriage be indissoluble.173 He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.174.

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Between the baptized, "a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or

for any reason other than death."175

Matthew 19:6 says: And God said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with

his wife, and the two will become one.’ 6 So they are no longer two, but one. No human being must

separate, then, what God has joined together.”

So in fact, civil divorce cannot separate couples that have been validly joined together. I am sure this is

clear enough

Why is this so? Why is the Church saying that a validly contracted marriage cannot be dissolved?

One reason is that Marriage is a covenant. It is a covenant between both couples and God. That's why it

must be done in the presence of a validly ordained Priest. Secondly, it is a divine command that cannot be

broken as shown above. A third reason is that Marriage is sacrament called Sacrament of Matrimony. It

conserves on the couples a grace which can only be lost by death.

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm

1641 "By reason of their state in life and of their order, [Christian spouses] have their own special gifts

in the People of God."147 This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the

couple's love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they "help one another to attain

holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children."148

But there are cases where the Church can allow the dissolution of Marriage. This is properly called

annulment

What is Annulment?

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Annulment is a legal procedure within secular and religious legal systems for declaring a marriage null

and void. Unlike divorce, it is usually retroactive, meaning that an annulled marriage is considered to be

invalid from the beginning almost as if it had never taken place.

What this means is that annulment doesn't dissolve a legal marriage. It only dissolves a union which was

invalid from the first moment of its contract.

Conditions for Annulment

https://www.catholic.com/magazine/print-edition/what-are-grounds-for-annulment

They are summarized as follows:

1. Lack of Capacity

2. Lack of Consent

3. Lack of Form

4. Lack of Complete information.

So if anyone is lacking, the Catholic Church can annul the marriage and the couples can remarry

Looking at the above, is Infidelity one of the reasons for Annulment? The Answer is No. Adultery is not a

justifiable reason for Annulment.

What is Adultery or Infidelity?

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The CCC says: 2380 Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is

married to another party, have sexual relations - even transient ones - they commit adultery. Christ

condemns even adultery of mere desire.170 The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid

adultery absolutely.171 The prophets denounce the gravity of adultery; they see it as an image of the sin

of idolatry.172

What happens when one commits Adultery?

2381 Adultery is an injustice. He who commits adultery fails in his commitment. He does injury to the

sign of the covenant which the marriage bond is, transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and

undermines the institution of marriage by breaking the contract on which it is based. He compromises the

good of human generation and the welfare of children who need their parents' stable union.

Just like sin wounds the love of God in our hearts so also does adultery wound the love we have for our

spouse. It also injures the sacramental bond. But is it enough to require divorce? Of course not. Divorce

doesn't cure Adultery. It's like solving a problem with another problem.

Jesus told the Pharisees that it was because they were hard to teach that's why Moses told them that they

can divorce their wives based on Infidelity. That's why he said that the original plan of God was that the

marriage will last till death do them part.

Ephesians 5:25 says: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it”.

Since no matter the amount of sin we commit, Christ still forgives his Church. Same way, no matter the

gravity of the adultery, we must never divorce. We must learn to forgive and make amends.

So what happens if the marriage is threatened?

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So in a case of domestic violence or that the Infidelity continues, what does the Church advice? The

Church allows for separation should it be able to prevent certain dangers.

The CCC states: 2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate

in certain cases provided for by canon law.

Also “If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the

children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.”

But even in the above, the couples cannot re-marry. So that means that separation or divorce as done in

courts cannot dissolve a sacramental marriage.

In Conclusion

Divorce is uncatholic, it is a grave sin. It is worse than even adultery. On no account should a Catholic

give in to divorce at all. Infidelity is not solved by divorce because one cannot use a problem to solve

another problem. Divorce is uncatholic and couples who divorce are already excommunicated from the

Church.

Questions 1

But the scripture in Matthew 5:32 allows one to divorce based on infidelity/sexual immorality

Answer

Let's see what Matthew 5:32 say: But now I tell you: if a man divorces his wife for any cause other than

her unfaithfulness, then he is guilty of making her commit adultery if she marries again; and the man who

marries her commits adultery also

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Now let's juxtapose it with what Jesus said in Matthew 19:8: Jesus answered, “Moses gave you

permission to divorce your wives because you are so hard to teach. But it was not like that at the time of

creation.

So, if Jesus actually meant for marriage to be dissolved, or the woman sent away, why did Jesus also say

what man had joined together let no man put asunder.

Also look what St Paul says in Romans 7:2–3, he writes that “a married woman is bound by law to her

husband as long as he lives; but if her husband dies she is discharged from the law concerning the

husband. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is

alive. But if her husband dies she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an

adulteress”

And in 1 Corinthians 7:10–11, 39, he writes, “To the married I give charge, not I but the Lord, that the

wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, let her remain single or else be reconciled to

her husband)—and that the husband should not divorce his wife. . . . A wife is bound to her husband as

long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”

But if Adultery could put them asunder, why then did Jesus say in Matthew 9:6: So they are no longer

two, but one. No human being must separate, then, what God has joined together.” If Adultery will

dissolve the bond of marriage, then there is no need confessing it. Adultery is not a sacrilege but Divorce

is a sacrilege. And for it to be forgiven in confession, then it isn't justifiable enough for divorce.

One thing is clear: Divorce is not an option. Divorce is a grave offence in the Church. It is more serious

than the Adultery itself. Couple who commits Adultery can go to confession and be forgiven. But a

couple that does civil divorce and re-marry cannot be forgiven. In fact, they are deemed ex-communicated

from the Church. That's why they cannot approach the Sacrament.

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Question 2

Thanks bro Stanley. Question: If an impotent man married in the Catholic Church without letting the

wife know initially, if the wife later finds out, Can she seek for divorce?

Answer

This is inclusive in the conditions for Annulment it is the fourth condition. The Church can grant

annulment because the husband hid the information from the wife. The marriage was invalid from the

beginning.

Question 3

In Catholic Church, What are the process of Annulment /separation of Marriage?

Answer

https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/pope-francis-reforms-annulment-process-9-things-to-

know-and-share

Once one is convinced that at least one of the conditions for validity of marriage has been broken, then

one needs to contact his parish priest who will in turn assist in submitting the case to the council set up in

the Diocese that takes care of marriage- a Marriage Tribunal perhaps.

Among the major changes, as listed in the introduction to Mitis Iudex Dominus Iesus, are: Only a single

judgment of nullity is required. Until now, in most cases, if one tribunal determined that a marriage was

null, the decision was automatically appealed to a court of second instance, and only if the second tribunal

agreed was an annulment granted. Now the morally certain decision of the first court will be sufficient in

uncontested cases.

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The bishop himself is a judge. Although the bishop has always been the principal judge in his diocese,

previously, the section on annulments did not establish that the bishop himself was a judge in marriage

cases. Now, in keeping with his role as shepherd of the faithful, it does. In fact, he is the principal judge in

his diocese, to be assisted by others whom he chooses. The new law thus puts the responsibility squarely

on the bishop as a pastor.

A new, briefer process involving the bishop has been created. Up to now, there have been two processes

for handling annulments: the formal process (which is the lengthier one involving gathering and weighing

testimony) and the documentary process (which deals with situations where a marriage can be proved

invalid simply by presenting certain documents, such as showing that a Catholic got married outside the

Church without the required permission). Now there is a middle process involving the bishop. If the

evidences for nullity are especially clear, they can be presented to the bishop in a process intended to take

less time than a formal process case. However, if the evidences require more examination, the case is to

be referred to the formal process.

Appeals can be made against the judgment of the bishop to the metropolitan. As a check on the judgment

of the bishop, parties can appeal his decision to the metropolitan bishop (i.e., the bishop who heads the

local ecclesiastical province, composed of several neighboring dioceses). Or, if it was the metropolitan

himself who heard the original case, appeal can be made to the senior suffragan bishop (i.e., the bishop in

the province with the most seniority, apart from the metropolitan).

Chapter 4

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 Chastity in Marriage

Many people have the feeling that Chastity can only be observed in Singlehood or Religious Life. So they

immediately dismiss any talk of Chastity for married people. Their reason is that Marriage welcomes and

accepts sexual intimacy. So how can one practice Chastity when one has to sexually satisfy his or her

partner.

But this is an erroneous teaching. Whether we are married, single or religious, we are called to the life of

Chastity.

Chastity is different from Celibacy. Chastity is a virtue everyone must practice.

What is Chastity?

• The virtue that moderates the desire for sexual pleasure according to the principles of faith and

right reason.

• Chastity is the virtue which excludes or moderates the indulgence of the sexual appetite. It is a

form of the virtue of temperance, which controls according to right reason the desire for and use

of those things which afford the greatest sensual pleasures.

So by definition Chastity either excludes or moderates sexual proclivity.

Sexuality as Nature's Gift

Every man is born with the propensity to have a liking for the opposite sex. The reason God made Eve

was to satisfy and keep Adam company. That is why Adam said “At last, here is one of my own kind—

Bone taken from my bone, and flesh from my flesh. Woman’ is her name because she was taken out of

man . Genesis 2:23” So we are naturally attracted to the opposite sex.

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Sigmond Freud, a Philosopher said that sex is what drives a man. Sex is actually the Id, the lowest of his

gifts which drives him to make decisions.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/psychoanalysis-unplugged/201805/7-things-about-sex-and-

love-sigmund-freud-nailed?amp

Sexuality is Everyone's Weakness – and Strength: Sex is a prime motivator and common denominator for

all of us. Even or perhaps especially, the most prudent, puritanical-appearing individuals struggle greatly

against their sexual appetites and expression. For evidence one need only look to the many scandals that

have rocked the Vatican and fundamentalist churches. Freud observed this struggle in men and women in

Victorian Vienna. But our sexuality defines us in healthy and altogether essential ways, too. If you don’t

believe your Freudian therapist, just ask Samantha Jones from HBO’s Sex and the City.

Jeremy Bentham also asserted same by saying that Man is a pleasure seeking and pain avoiding animal.

He said that our sexuality is that which makes us resemble animals.

https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/bentham/#PaiPle

There are two forms of hedonism expressed in this seminal passage: (1) psychological hedonism, which

states that all motives of action are grounded in the apprehension of pain or the desire for pleasure; and

(2) ethical hedonism, which holds that pleasure is the only good and actions are right in so far as they

tend to produce pleasure or avoid pain. As Bentham went on to explain, allowing for “immunity from

pain”, pleasure is “the only good”, and pain “without exception, the only evil” (1970, 100). As such,

pain and pleasure are the final cause of individual action and the efficient cause and means to individual

happiness.

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So, humans like that which will give them pleasure. Besides, Sexuality is also given for procreation.

Genesis 1:28 says

God blessed them, and said, “Have many children, so that your descendants will live all over the earth

and bring it under their control. I am putting you in charge of the fish, the birds, and all the wild animals

The CCC states

1652 " By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and

education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory."162

So, Sexuality is nothing bad in itself. God made it hence it is something good. But even though it was

ordered for good, the evil one corrupts it through sin.

Sins Against Chastity

We are all called to the virtue of Chastity according to our state in life. The Conditions of Chastity for a

Priest is different from that of married person. So also is the sin. A Priest is expected to abstain from any

form sexual satisfaction. He is not supposed to get married, have a relationship or female partner. More

also he isn't supposed to have impure thoughts or desire, etc. But for a married person, he or she can have

sexual intercourse with only his or her partner. Having with someone else is a sin.

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the sins include:\

1. Lust:

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally

disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

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It is a sin for both married couples and Priest. Couples are not to lust after each other. For once they do

they seek sex for itself not as a means to an end.

2. Masturbation:

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to

derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and

the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an

intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever

reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." Here, sexual pleasure is sought outside

of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of

mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.

3. Formication/Adultery

2353 Fornication or Adultery is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is

gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good

of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is

corruption of the young.

4. Pornography

2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners,

in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the

conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its

participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit

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profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense.

Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.

Many couples today don't see anything wrong in this. They believe it will help improve(spice) their

sexual life. Meanwhile it does more than that. It makes one partner to see the other as an object of sex.

5. Prostitution

2355 Prostitution does injury to the dignity of the person who engages in it, reducing the person to an

instrument of sexual pleasure. The one who pays sins gravely against himself: he violates the chastity to

which his Baptism pledged him and defiles his body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.140 Prostitution is a

social scourge. It usually involves women, but also men, children, and adolescents (The latter two cases

involve the added sin of scandal.). While it is always gravely sinful to engage in prostitution, the

imputability of the offense can be attenuated by destitution, blackmail, or social pressure.

This can be seen in the way the married person dresses, talks and acts. Many married persons keep their

marriage a secret so they can have affair with others. While married men flaunt their lifestyles to attract

young girls so they can have relationship with them, married women dress to arouse interest in other men.

6. Rape

2356 Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and

charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every

person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically

evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the

education of the children entrusted to them.

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We usually hear cases of rape even between married couples. When the husband wants to have sexual

intercourse and the woman is not in the mood, the man may try to use force. In all, we are urged to avoid

the sins against Chastity.. Married women should dress well, and stop inviting potential “buyers” to

themselves. Married men should also shun advances from young ladies and do everything not to attract

them.

Frequency of Sexual Intercourse

Sexual intercourse has two functions,

1. Procreation and

2 Intimacy of the couples

In both aspects, it is expected that the couples have moderation. We must avoid the worship and

glorification of sex. This is what we find amongst young people today. They are looking for those who

can sexually satisfy them. In fact, most women consider this as number one. They believe it will make

them not look outside for satisfaction. They believe that those who look outside or use vibrators are

women whose husbands can't satisfy them. While sex is good for intimacy, we should take care not to

make it a god by glorifying it.

We do this when we

• Use different styles in the bedroom.

• Don't consider abstinence.

• Use contraceptives.

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When you begin to worship sex, it becomes an Idol and a sin against the first Commandment. So, we

must practice the virtue of temperance.

In Conclusion

Chastity is a lifelong journey of strength, self-control, mastery, virtue, and love. Practicing chastity in

marriage is a gift to God because it respects His lordship over the proper ordering of His gifts to us.

Practicing chastity in marriage is a gift to your spouse because he or she has been gifted to you to honor

and cherish. Practicing chastity in marriage is a gift to yourself, because it is a part of ordering your own

life well. May God grant us the strength to keep up the good fight.

https://catholic-link.org/chastity-within-marriage-part-2-living-conjugal-chastity/

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 CHAPTER 5

WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING

If you are married and you use any other style of sexual
intercourse other than the missionary style, you will be on
your way to hell if you don’t desist from it.
137 Comments

Cosmas: Seriously? Please explain further

Stanley: https://youtu.be/fauHkfxu2iI. Watch that video.

Cosmas: Please, brother, who is she?

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Stanley: Have you watched it?

Cosmas: sincerely not yet. Ok, I'll watch it before asking any question or passing any comments.

Kingsley: Na wa ooo

Jeff: Omo this one weak my lungs

Chinedu: You are sick

Stanley: Chinedu, I know. But I have told you the truth.

Chinedu: Back your truth with the Bible.

Stanley: Ok na. Be waiting for Bible while demons flock your entire marriage and household.

Ruth: I hope you will practice what you preach..

Stanley: By God's grace.

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Ruth: It a question of yes or no..... people tend to use by God grace to cover up for what they

know they can't keep up with

Stanley: You cannot do any good work without cooperating with God's grace. So far, God's

grace has kept me and will keep keeping me. But it's not me, its God 100%.

Yomi: Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Scissors, Spooning, Doggy, blowjob ? Are these some of the

other sex styles asides missonary, A.k.a “Daddy & Mummy” that leads to hell.You must be

kidding oh !!! Is your country🇳🇬 not “hellish” enough already, to be threatening folks with

“Hell”. If you like marry and don’t satisfy maam well well oh back, front, sideways . God forbid

make small small boiz for area catch am with any of the aforementioned styles! E finish be that

Are you even talking about the sex most folks were never taught by their parents/teachers, most

people learnt sex from friends/porn cos our society always perceive the mere talk of sex as

“Immoral/sin” meanwhile yall are having sex lowkey married/unmarried constantly & come out

to pretend/judge others !Bible even said, judge not, so you won’t be judged. Like who even

monitors how a married couple decides to have their sex. (Legal Knackers kwa). Odiegwu oh

Stanley: Yes no one monitors that's why the statement is not a police search. It's a conscience

search. Those who care to know how and why will learn. Those who don't care will remain as

they have been.

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Kanayor: Yomi, leave Stanley ooh, baba dey another level now ooh.

Janet: (laughing hysterically) Na em be say almost everybody dey go hell na. Because I intend

giving my husband the entire styles one can ever dream of.

Stanley: Janet as I don warn you, better listen because if you continue, your place for hell is

assured. And no fada go save you sha.

Janet: Wetin concern me concern fada??…

See more

Maureen: Janet, as in my sister.

Omah : So you even know the missionary style sef (laughing hsyetrically)

Stanley: Omah, meaning?

Omah: You aren't supposed to know sex positions sir!

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Stanley: To be specific.

Maureen: Omah, you are correct ooo. I think say na only me. Stanley, you no suppose dey talk

about sex style

Stanley: Maureen, so it's only Politicians that should preach about corruption abi? Why do you

people reason very lame?

Omah: Stanley, I laugh you in Chinese way.

Christine: Hahahaha....I no gree dis wan oooooo

Stanley: Ok ooo. Sha decide your destination: Hell or Heaven.

Christine: Heaven na, But I am 100% sure that this can't lead to hell....ah ah.... when it's even

legal, abeg bro. Stanley..... leave matter for Matthias, do your own

Stanley: Okay. Your surety already has a destination.

Kingsley: Christine, e shock you?

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Christine: Kingsley, e shock me oooo.

Kingsley: If you like follow him talk. Na cheating go enter ASAP. Heavenly race is personal

Christine: exactly...I don comot here

Kingsley: we moveeeee

Francisco: Make him dey wine himself

Segun: Bro. Stanley, I hope all is well?

Stanley: About?

Segun: Faith and Reasoning

Stanley: Yes. Reason will always be subservient to faith.

Segun: Was it Faith that created the missionary style of sex or reasoning?

Stanley: Was it Faith that created Marriage or Reason?

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Segun: God created marriage

Stanley: Then according to St. Augustine using the Seminal Principle, God gave man the power

of procreating using the method today known as missionary style.

Segun: So you mean God is static in method?

Stanley: What does Hebrew 13:8 say?

Segun: You shouldn't have skipped verse 4 of the Hebrew 13. God that gave Man missionary

method cannot give other methods? This is serious bro. Is there any beginning to missionary

method that is holistic spiritually to negate other methods as sin?

Stanley: So you mean God gave man those other methods? Did God also give man

Homosexuality?

Segun: It was you that said according to "St Augustine using Seminal Principle". So according to

your affirmation you know the answer.

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Stanley: Homosexuality is a human perversion of sexual relationship. It's not from God. Same

way those other styles aren't from him.

Segun: Ok bro. Wished rice can only be eaten as white rice alone not as jollof nor fried rice.

Kanayor: Segun, Send me your account number!!!

Stanley: Well, so long as you know the truth, you need to live by it. Your opinions don't matter.

After all, It is God's Kingdom and He has His rules for those who will be admitted.

Segun: Kanayor, Bro, I'm really shocked by Stanley's assertion ooo. He choke gan. It a sin to

have different sex style with pesin wife,haaa.

Emmanuel: Stanley, Bomb dey your head

Francisco: U even know missionary style (laughing hysterically)

Francisco: So what's the essence of marriage,

Stanley: To build a family.

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Mattiz: Please, which one is missionary style and other styles....me need clarification abeg

Stanley: When you are about to get married, you will be told in your marriage class.

Luveth: Stanley, just tell him don't act too holy sex education is not a sin my brother in Christ,

you can still educate him

Stanley: It is a sin for Catholics.

Ruth: sex education is never a sin. Stop ruining the name of Catholic when making your point....

speak for yourself and not the church

Kosarachi: Ruth, please tell him oo. It's really getting out of hands

Stanley: Ruth https://www.ewtn.com/.../sex-educationnew-vatican...

Cecilia: Na big wa ooo.

Janet: If sex education is a sin then we should not teach it to our children…Please, the sex

education that me I know is never a sin. Telling children the male and female sex organs is part

of sex education. Is that now a sin??

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Stanley: Janet, The term itself is derogatory. The church doesn't support it.

Janet: Oya na. Carry your church dey go … No be Church I go argue for heaven.

Stanley: (Laughing out loud). Oya better go join other churches.

Janet: (Laughing hysterically). You are not to tell me what to do or the church to attend or join

because of your own personal perspective and opinions. If sex education is a sin based on the

church’s teaching, then I will ask what God is saying. I am not to do the will of man, but that of

God. And if my conscience is right with God’s will, who are you or the church to tell me

otherwise?

Stanley: ok. That's good. Pray about it and let God guide you.

Chinasa: Please, can you explain missionary style and the other styles. I am confused here oo

Stanley: Chinasa, when you are about to get married, you will be told in your marriage class.

Chinasa: okay oo. But tell me I want to know small.

Mimi: Stanley, are you married? Which of the Bible chapter or verse mention sex style?

Stanley: Must you be a thief in order to discourage people from stealing?

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Mimi: Stop running around the bush and mention the Bible chapter and the verse

Stanley: Mention the Bible verse that says Sunday is meant for Church.

Mimi: You are just talking rubbish

Stanley: ok. May the rubbish I believe in bring me to everlasting life. Amen.

Christopher: For even knowing other sex styles means you are also guilty as those you are

accusing. By the way, which Bible chapter or verses mentioned sex styles to be used. I would

like you to enlighten me.

Stanley: Knowing about stealing doesn't mean one steals. That argument doesn't work.

Enyime: Bro please which one is missionary style again?

Stanley: Enyime, and you are married?

Enyime: Even if I, I still don't know what missionary style is biko.

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Stanley: Okay.

Modestus: Dear brother Stanley, this one off me totally.

Stanley: How?

Modestus: Is it your perception or you were told?

Stanley: Let me ask you a simple question: Do you know that these sex styles are new inventions

and they come out regularly?

Modestus: hmm. I think it's better we leave judgement to God.

Stanley: So sticking to the truth and repudiating evil is judgement?

Modestus: What's true about your statement?

Stanley: If you don't see the truth, then I'm sorry. Ask our Lady to show it to you.

Modestus: hmmm

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Stephen: Is like you just undergo training on that missionary type of sex. Well that means you

will stop the other type you were doing before. But I will advise you to show us the video of the

two let's take correction and learn the practical from you as a missionary sex expert.

Stanley: And you are married? That one knows about stealing doesn't mean he steals. I hope you

know.

Mechelin: But you are not married, please get married first. Then come back and tell us how you

do it with your wife

Stanley: Then why do you listen to Priests when you ask them for marital advice. Are they

married too?

Mechelin: Are you a Priest?

Stanley: Then your earlier statement is false

Susan: Out of curiosity where is style specified for married couples? I will love to be

enlightened. And hope you know that for pregnant ladies missionary is the most painful hence

caring husbands begin to experiment new styles for their enjoyment and her comfort.

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Stanley: Just as most of the drugs people abuse are drugs prescribed by Doctors for certain

curative purposes. Then and only then can they be acceptable. If the style is mainly for pleasure

and has no curative purposes then it's an abuse.

Sexual intimacy is meant for procreation. That is the first and most important reason. The second

is for intimacy of the couples which people have tagged as pleasure. Remember that gluttony is a

capital sin which means that although food is good, when done in excess it becomes a vice. Same

way, if the intimacy is abused, it leads to a vice.

Luveth: All this English is nothing. Bro get married first and come and tell us if the missionary

style is convenient for your pregnant wife Mr I.T.K

Stanley: Luveth, when your Priest tells you this, you can tell him same thing.

Luveth: Point of correction you are not a priest and you are not in any position to judge anyone

here. If you like only missionary then continue with it don't come and cause confusion in

people's minds.

Stanley: This is the position of the Church. Just as God ordained man and woman, He also gave

this as the practice. If you like don't listen; you've never listened before sef.

Luveth: (Laughs out loud)

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Susan: okay. It’s for procreation and intimacy. But like I said a couple’s intimacy is the more

reason why styles aren’t restrictive. I’m not talking of cuff and chains but a woman may have

pains in her back and would rather not be on it. A man may not be able to ejaculate in missionary

in order for procreation and can only do that in doggy. So my dear as long as both enjoy the

intimacy and ultimately recreate as God has instructed and above all are joined as Man and wife,

what they do there on is no ones business.

Like I said other than personal perspective you haven’t biblically or theologically backed your

opinion on styles. And if you can then I will be more than likely to talk to my Husband with

proof about it not hear say.

Stanley: You see. You even know there is a limit. Let's stick to what the Church says. Read the

confession of St. Augustine on this issue.

Kosarachi: Una say wahala be lyk wetin again (Laughing hysterically)

Christiana: Nawa ooooo... abeg which one this again?

Jeff : Omo this guy wife go hear something.

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Kanayor: Uhmmmm, this is interesting, please tell me more. Make I come use mission Kee

myself bah, issorai carry on comrade (com-rad)

Yomi: Kanayor, missonary style Comrade Isonu (Laughing hysterically)

Stanley: Its alright. I have done my part

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