I

nHi
sEy
es-
MyGangst
er

I
ntr
oduct
ion

☆ Mynamei sKay one' Kay'Ny athi Iam 17

yearsol ddoi ngGr ade11i nStMar ryGirlsHigh,
i
t'sint hesubur bofFor ewoodCov e.Ili
vewi th
bothmypar ents.Mymom i sanur seby
professionandmydadownsacoupl eofl aw
fi
rmsacr osst hecount ry .Mybr ot herisdoi ng
his3rdy earatRhodesUni versi
t y.Ihav en'tseen
him sinceIwasf ourteen.Hehasn' tvisi
tedus
onlybecauseofaf eudt hattookpl aceati nmy
family3y earsago.Idon' tknowwhatev er
happenedt othem butt rustmeIdowantt o
knowbutt heyjustsayam t ooy oungt o
under stand.Any way smybr otherNt andoi s
comi ngbackt hisaf t
ernoont hat 'swhymy
mot heri sslavingmei nt hi
ski t
chen.Hebet t
er
bewor thit
[03/ 23, 13:03]Mk: Chapt er1.( The
homecomi ng )°•° •°
•° •Iwassl eeping
peacef ull
yonmybed.Thehol iday sstartedl ast
week.Nomor eschool ."Kayonegetup!Your
br otherwi l
l beher ei nanhour "mymom cal led.
Me: "
So?Leav ewomanam sl eeping"Mom: "You
l
azybum.Getupandl et'
sprepar el unch"she
rippedmywar m blanket soffmybody .Me: "
Mom pl easei t'
slike8am"Mom: "
Kay onei t'
s
11: 30ohy ouar esol azyal lyoudoi seatand
sleep"Me: "Idoot hert hingst oo"Mom: "Really?
Likewhat ?"Me: "Uhh. ..wat chTV"Mom: "That'sit
i
fy oudon' tgetupnowI 'l
lpourcol dwat eron
you"Iknewbet tert hatwomani scr azy.Igotup
from t hebedmut teringi nsult
sundermybr eat h.
Shewentoutofmyr oom.Andgoti ntot he
bat hroom br ushedmyt eethandr insedmyf ace.
Ihadl onghai rsoIt iedi tintoamessybun.And
wentt ocheckmycl othesi nthecl oset.Iwas
tempt edt ogeti ntobedagai n.I tlookedso
i
nv i
tingbutIcoul dn' triskWor l
dWarI I
Imymom
i
scr azy .Iwor emybl acksweatpant sandI
pulledov erabl ackhoodi eandwor eblackand
whi teVansol dschool .•°° •Ihur ri
eddownt he
stairs.Mom wascooki ngupast or m.Itsmel led
amazi ng.Me: "Wowmom i tsmel lsdi v
ine"she
turnedar ound.Her :
"Thanky ou.NowIwanty ou
topeal thosev eggi esov erther eandmake
greensal ad.Andwhatt hehel lar eyou
wear i
ng? "Ionlynot icednowt hatshewasal l
dressedup.Shel ookedst unni ngwi thherl ong
hairi naneatbun.Shewaswear ingapeach
bodyhuggi ngdr esswi thnudehi ghheel sand
pear lsar oundherneck.Me: "Clothes"Ist arted
peal i
ngt hev eggi es.Her :"Youl ookhor r
ibl e
fi
nishupandgochange"Me: "Okydoky "I
fi
nishedmaki ngt hegr eensal ad.• °Iwentupt o
myr oom agai n.It ookoutakneehi ghnav yand
whi tedr essandawedge.It henappl i
edmy
mar oonmacl ipst i
ck.Iwasput tingt hef inal
touchesonmyhai rwhent hedoorbel l
r ang.
"Kay onegett hedoorpl ease! ""I'
llgeti t
"Ihur r
ied
downst air
sagai nt othedoor .Iopenedi t
.My
heartdidabackf lipinmychestt wi
ce!Fudge
thi
sguyi sgor geous.Hel ooked20orso.The
fi
rstthingInot i
cedonhi sf acewer ehisl i
ght
browney es.Theyhel dmei nat ranceIwant ed
tospeakbutmyv oicewasgone.Damnmeand
myweaknessofcut eguy s.WhenIf inall
y
regainedmycomposur ei greethi m.Me: "
Hel l
o.
HowmayIhel py ou"hechuckl ed.Him: "You
could-"Mom: "Kay onedon' tber udelety our
brotheringoodnessgr acioust hischi l
d"Me: "
My
brother?...
oooh.Wel lcomei n"Isaidof fering
him asmi l
e.It houghthel ookedf amili
ar .
Him:"Thanky ou"hef ollowedme.Mom was
fi
nishedset t
ingupt het abl e.Shegav eNt andoa
hugandmut ter edhowmuchshe' smi ssedhi m.
Mom: "
Don' tjustst andt her egocal lyourf ather"
Iroll
edmyey esandpr oceededt omyf ather's
study.IknockedwhenIgotnoanswerIsi mpl y
l
etmy selfin.Hi schai rwasf aci ngtheot hersi de
andhewasbusyonhi sphone.Dad: "Iwanthi m
gone"Cal ler:".
..
"Dad: "Deal withit.Sor ti toutor
I'
llmakey our egr etit"Cal l
er:
"..
."Dad: "
Hav ey ou
forgot t
enwhoIAm? "Iclearedmyt hroat .He
turnedar oundanddr oppedhi scal l.
Dad: "Pumpy .Youl ookbeaut iful.
"Ir olledmy
eyes.Me: " Dad.St opcal li
ngmet hatam 17
year soldgeez"Dad: "Youcanbe70y ear sol d
buty ou'llal way sbemyPumpi kin.NowPumpy
whatbr ingsy ouher e"Me: "Mybr ot her .Nt ando
i
sher e"Dad: "OkayPumpyI 'l
lber ightdown"
Me: "Okay "Isai dj oiningmom andt hepr odigal
soni nt hedi ni
ngr oom t able.Dadcamea
momentl ater.Hecamet osi tnextt omom and
gav emom aki ssont hecheek.Me: "EewPDA"
Dad: "Don' tbej ealousPumpy "hel ookedt o
Nt andowhowasseat edbesi desme.
Dad: "Ntando"Nt ando: "Dad"Thet ensi onwas
clearbet weent hem.I twassot hicki nt heai r
thatitwassuf f
ocat ingme.Whatt hehel l
happenedt otheset wo?I t'sclearwhat ev erit
wasi truinedourf ami ly.°•°
[03/ 23, 13:03]Mk: Chapt er2°°°°°°Lunch
wasawkwar d.Wi thNt andoanddadexchangi ng
heat edglances.Icoul dn'twai ttoleav e.After
eat ingIcl earedt het able.Iof f
eredt owasht he
disheswhi l
emom r estedshewast ired.Iwent
tot heki tchent owasht hedi shes.Dadwas
goi ngoutt ot akecar eofsome' business'.
Nt andowasunpacki nghi sclothesandset tli
ng
i
nt ohi sroom.• °Iwashedanddr i
edt hedishes.
Af terIwasdoneIwentt omyr oom.Iwast i
red
andt hoseheel swer eki ll
ingme .It ookt he
offandwor emymor ningshoes.Igotacal l
from mymai nchi ckDi amond.Butwecal lher
Deef orshort .Me:"Heyy ou"Dee: "Myhazel nuts.
Comeupt othemal lwe' rechill
ingther e"
Me: "Bruham t i
redandmybr otherjustarrived"
Dee: "Ntando?Ohmygoshi shehot "Me: "He's
gorgeous"Dee: "Youar esuchaper verthe'syour
brotherstayawayf rom hi m"Me: "Youwon' tsay
thatafteryouseehi m"Dee: "What ev ernow
comet ot hemal l
Imi ssy ou"Me: "Am comi ng
chil
lax"Idroppedt hecal l
.Itookof fmydr ess
andwor esomecasual clothes.Tookmypur se
andwentt omymom' sroom.I twassl i
ghtly
openedsoIl etmy sel fin.Mom wassl eeping.
Me:"Mommydear est "Her :
"Whatdoy ouwant
Kayone? "Me: "
Am goi ngout "Her :
"Okaygoout "
Me:"Ineedy ourcar "Her :"
Iknewi tthekey sare
onthekeyhol der"Me: "I
fonl yy ou'dbuymea
carthiswoul dn'tbehappeni ng"Her :
"forgetit
.
Getoutofmyr oom Kay oneIwantt osleep"I
chuckledandwentoutofherr oom.It ookt he
carkey s.Iwasaboutt ogooutwhenIhear d
someshuf fl
i
ngi nt heki tchen.It urnedar ound.I
t
wasNt andohewast oplessi nmyki tchen.
Me:"Whatar ey oudoi ng? "Him: "Maki ngpop
conrn.Wher ear ey ougoi ng? "Nxaa!Icoul dn'
t
concent r
atewi t
hhi m andhi swel ldef i
nedbody .
Hissi xpackl ookedsoi nvitingandhehada
beaut i
ful tat t
ooofwi ngsonhi sbacki tlooked
breatht aking.Hel ookedbr eatht akingHim: "
Kayone! "Me: "Uhhmmh?Heee"hechuckl ed.
Him: "Iaskedwher ey ougoi ng?"Me: "Me?Um. .
ehhham wal kingt hedog"Hi m:"Wehav ea
dog? "Me: "Adog?Whatdog? "Hi m:"Buty ou
j
ustsai d.."Me: "Eehcany ouputonSomet hing?"
Him: "Why "Me: "You' r
edi stractingme"he
l
aughedaf ul
l blownl augh.Me: "EeehI '
lljust
l
eav e"Iopenedt hedoor .Hi m: "Yesgowal kthe
dog"hey elledf r om t hehouse.Il aughedand
shookmyhead.Damnhi m andhi ssexybody
maki ngmef eel l
ikeani diot.Iser iousl
yhav eto
getmybr ai nchecked.Buthel ookedsohoton
thatst ov edamni fIwasaguyI '
dbeget ti
nga
bonernow .Happyt hought sKay onedon' t
thi
nkabouty ourbr otherliket hat . .•°I
drovet ot hemal l.Par kedt hecarandhumans
gotout .Di amondsai dt omeett hem atMugg&
Bean.Isawt hem chi ll
ing.ItwasDee, Ay aand
BuhleIgr eet edt hem andor der edacheese
cakeandal at t
e.Weat eandwewer esupposed
toaccompanyBuhl et ot hedent i
st.•°Wewent
toMi l
o'ssur gerywhi chwasi nthesamemal l.
Wear r i
v edatt hedent i
st.Iwentwi t
hBuhl et o
therecept ionist.Shewasawhi tewoman
Buhle:"Hi am Buhl eBi zo"Recept i
onist :
"niceto
meety ouBushl e"Buhl e:"Noi t'sBuhl e.These
peoplegeti trightnextt i
me. "Recept ionist:"Uh
okay...wel lam Gi na"Buhl e:"Jeani ne? "Gina:"
NoG- I-N- A"Buhl e:
"That '
swhatIsai dEugene
haybo.Whi tePeopl eandt heircompl i
cated
names.Mi ndi fIcallyouGcogco? "Iheldback
myl aught er.Buhl ecanbequi ter ude
somet imes.Thepoorwomanwasi rri
tated."
Gina:"
Your14: 45appoi ntment .Doct orDav i
sis
waiti
ngf ory ougot hr ought hatdoor "Wel eft
.
Me:"Buhl et hatwasuncal ledfor "Her :"
What ev erl et'sgo" .
[
03/
23,13:
05]Mk:Chapt
er3°°°°°°Wespent
t
hewholedayatt
hemall.Whi
l
ewewere
headi ngf ort heexi tIgotacal lfr
om mommy
dear esttobuyt akeawayf orsupper .Sheand
dadwer eheadi ngtoabusi nessdi nnerofsome
sortandsi ncesheknewam l azyt ocookshe
toldmet ogett akeawayf ormeandNt ando
i
nst ead.Me: "Sor ryguy sIgot tadasht oMcD"
Buhl e:"
Okaywel l
by e"shegav emeahug
Dee: "Tomor rowam comi ngt oseet hathotass
brotherofy our s"Ir ol
ledmyey esandshookmy
head.° •Ist oodi nli
neatMcDonal d.From t he
cornerofmyey esIcoul dseet hi
sguyst arri
ng
atme.Ii gnor editthinkingIwasj ustpar anoid.I
order edmyf oodandwentt oseatwhi l
et hey
prepar edi t
, Iloggedi nt omyTwi tteraccount .
After10mi nsIgotupt of etchmyor der.Isaw
thi
sguyst il
l starri
ngatme, wellthi
swasget ti
ng
creepy .Itookanel evatort othepar kingl ot.
Somet hi
ngt ol dmesomeonewasf oll
owi ngme.
Iturnedar oundandi twast hatsameguy .The
parkingl otwasempt yandmyhear twas
beat i
ngr api dlyIwassur ehecoul dheari t.
Me: "
Excusemebutwhatdoy ouwant ? "Itri
edt o
soundbr avebutmyv oicef ail
edme.Hi m:"You
forgotthis"hewashol dingmydr inks.Me: "Oh
thanky ou"It ookt hem f r om hisst il
lalittl
e
afrai
dofhi m.Hi m: "
Youwantar ide?"Me: "NahI
broughtmyowncar "Hi m: "Aren'tyoual i
tt
le
youngt obedr ivi
ng? "Me: "Excuseme? "He
wasn' treall
yst art
ingt oannoymenow.Hi m: "
I
said-"Icuthi m off.Me: "Iheardwhaty ousai d
you'rejustnoi sy"hechuckl edadeepchuckl e.It
wassoat tr
active.Him: "CanIhav eyournumber
beforey oul eave"Me: "No"Hi m:"Why ?"Me: "Dude
Idon'tev enknowy ou"Hi m: "
Youcoul dgett o
knowme"Me: "Mxm Idon' thav et i
mef ort his"I
turnedar oundandopenedt hecargoti nand
droveof f.°•Ipul l
edi ntomydr iveway25
minut eslater.Thewasanunf ami l
iarcarpar ked
j
usti nfrontoft hegar age.Idon' tknowany t
hing
aboutcar sbutDamn!Thatcarwasf l
ames.But
howt hehel lam Isupposedt ogeti nmyown
garage.Igotoutt ookmyt akeawayand
stormedi ntot hehouse.Iopenedt hedoori t
wasunl ocked.Me: "
Nt andowhosecari s-"I
didn'tevengett ofinish.Si tt
ingont hecouch
withmybr otherwast hepar kingl otguy .What
thehel lishedoi ngher e.Het ur nedhi sheadt o
l
ookatmeandsmi ledshowi ngof fhisdeep
dimpl es.Wel lfuckmebutt hisguyi shot !
Me: "Arey oust al
kingme? "Nt ando: "Youguy s
havemet ?"Nt andosai dget tingupt ot aket he
foodf rom me.Hel pinghi msel fnotev enaski ng
me. Isai d" No"t hesamet imet hemy ster i
ous
parkingl otst rangersai d" Yes"Nt ando: "Okay
whichi swhi ch?Youknoweachot herory ou
don't"Me: "Imethi m att hepar kingl othewas
foll
owi ngme"Hi m: "Iwasn' tf ollowi ngy ou"
Me: "Nowwhatar ey oudoi ngi nmyhouse? "
Ntando: "Isensesomesexual tensi onher e"
Igav ehi m agl areandwentupst airsto
myr oom.• °• °Itookof fmycl othesandwor e
mypi nkpol kadot tedpy jamas.Iwentt o
Instagram.I twasabout21: 30whenIf eltmy
stomachr umbl e.Iputonmymor ninggownand
sleeper s.Iwentdownst airs.Thatgor geous
parkingl otst rangerwasst il
lwithmybr other
wat chingcr i
cketorwasi tbasebal l?Iam not
reallyaf anofspor t.Iwentt ot heki tchenand
foundmyf oodi nt hef ri
dgeIwar medi tup.I
pulledupachai randat ewhi l
eonmyphone.
Someonecamei nt heki t
chenIdi dl ookup.I
j
umpedwhent hisper sonspankedmyass.
Me: "Whatt hef uckdude! "Themy ster i
ous
parkingl otst rangersmi rked.Idi dn'tev enknow
hisname.Me: "Youper vertgetoutofher e
befor eIcal lmybr ot her.
"Her ol
ledhi sey esand
pulledacanofbeerf r
om t hef r
idge.Openedi t
andt ookasi p.Hel ookedatmef rom headt o
toe.If elthellasel fconsci ous.Iwaswear i
ng
shor tpy j
amasandIdi dn'
tev ent i
emygown.He
camecl osert ome.Ibackedup.Forev erystep
forwar dhet ookIt ookoneback.Ti l
l Ihitmy
backagai nstt hef ridge.Me: "Whatdoy ou
want ?"Hehel dhisi ndexf ingertomymout h.
Him: "
shhhy out al
kt oomuch"Iwasaboutt o
protestbuthecapt uredmyl ipswi thhis.Idi dn'
t
kisshim backIwasst i
llshocked.Hi smout h
waswar m.Hel ickedmybot tom lipsaski ngf or
entrance.Iopenedmymout hslightlyandhi s
toungemassagedmymout h.Thisguywas
goodwi thhi
slips.Sur eI'
vehadaboy f
riend
beforeandhadqui teanumberofki sses.But
damnhewasgood.Iputmyar msar oundhi s
neckpul l
i
nghim closert omeal soforsuppor t
causemykneeswer eget ti
ngweak.Hepl aced
wetki ssesonmyneckandhef oundmysof t
spot.Hesuckedoni t.Ibitmyt ounget ohol d
backamoan.Hechuckl edhi swar m br eat h
fanningmyneckhesuckedhar deronmyneck.
Iwassur ehewast ryi
ngt oleaveamar k."Khaya
you'remi ssi
ngoutont hegame.What '
st aking
yousol ong?"Mybr other'svoicerangf rom the
l
ivingr oom.Khay agr oanedi nmymout h.And
l
etgoofme.Tookhi sbeerandl eftwi thouta
singlewor dtome.Myhear twasbeat i
ng
uncontr
oll
abl
yfast.Icoul
dn'
tbel
iev
ewhatj
ust
happenedtome.Iputahandonmyneck.It
wasabi tsor
e.Thatwasthebestki
ssI
'
veever
had...
[03/23, 13:05]Mk: Chapt er4°°°°°Iputmy
dishawayandwal kedbackt omyr oom and
tookof fmygownandwentt osl eep.Iwas
wokenupbysomeoneshaki ngme.Isqui nted
myey est herewast oomuchl ighti nmyr oom.I
swor eatwhoev erwaswaki ngmeup.Iwas
havingapl easantdr eam.Ihear dt hisperson
l
aughi ng.Il ookedupt oseeKhay aholdinga
phone.DaFuq?Me: "
Getoutofmyr oom! "
Him:"OhmyGoddi dyouheary our self
"
Me:"Leav e"Hi m:"Youwer edreami ngaboutme
weren' tyou? "Me:"You'renott hati mpor t
ant"
Him:"Buty oujustmoanedmynamer i
ghtnow"
heshowedmeav i
deoofmesl eeping.Moaning
hisnameal oud.Whatt hehell
!If el
tmyf ace
heatingupwi t
hembar rassment .Him:"OhKhay a
fuckhar der !DeeperKhay adeeper !
"Hei mitat
ed
myv oice.Iwassoembar r
assed.It hrewhi m
wi thapi ll
owandy elledal lsort
sofcur sewor ds
Icoul dr emember .Hebackedoutofmyr oom
l
aughi ngsohar d.Wel lsh*tmypant ieswer ewet .
Di dIjusthav eawetdr eam?Dogi r
lsev enhav e
wetdr eams?Wel l Ijusthadone.Igotupand
mademybedandshower ed.Idriedmybody
andwr appedat owel aroundmybody .Exited
thebat hroom t ochoosemyout fi
tf orChur ch
sincei twasSunday .Isettledforabur gundy
kneehi ghski rtwi t
hacr eam whi t
el ongsl eev ed
t-shir
tandnudehi ghheel sIpair
edi tupwi th
nudel ipst i
ck.Ist raight enedmyhai randdi da
neatbun.It ookmyl ightbr owncl utchandmy
mom' scarkey sandwentt otheki t
chenand
mademy selfcer eal.Iwentout side.Nt andoand
hisf r
iendKhay awer epl ay i
ngsoccer .Igreet ed
them Icoul dn'tev enl ookatKhay aint heey es.
Nt andocoul dsenset hetensionbet weenus.
Nt ando: "What '
sgoi ngbet weeny out wo? "
Me: "Not hing"Ir epliedwayt ooquickly.Khay a
chuckledi nresponse.Andwi nkedatme.My
faceheat eduponceagai n.Iseem t obl ushal ot
whenhe' snear .Ntando: "You'renotmessi ng
aroundmysi sterbr uhar ey ou? "Khay a:"Nah
bruhshe' snotmyt y pe"Iwon' tl
iethathur t.My
heartdroppedt omyt oes.Ihur ri
edtomycar .I
droveof fsulki
ng.ImeanKhay aisapl ayeryou
canseehi m hereeksoff uckboy .Iplay ed
Youngbyt heChai nsmoker s.Iarri
vedatchur ch
15mi nslateritwasn' tt hatfarf r
om myhome.
Theser vicewasLi t .Iwentbackhomeat1.I
gotacal lfrom Diamondwhi ledrivi
ng.Tel li
ng
meshe' satt hegat e.It oldhert owai tam
almosthome.Iar rivedandf oundhercarpar ked
j
ustout sidethegat e.Herdadi ssomebi gshot
l
awy erint hecount rysoherf amilyisloaded.I
openedt hegat ewi thmyphoneIgoti nf ir
st
withthecarandDi amondf oll
owed.Ipar kedt he
carandwentt omyf riend.Wehugged.Shewas
wearingl i
ghtbluej eansandabai getopwi th
blackblockheel edhi ghheel s.Shel ooked
stunning.Shewasl itt
lebittall
ert hanmewi th
smal leyeswhi l
eIhadbi gl i
ghtbr owney es.She
hadbr aidswhi l
eIr ockedmynat uralhai r
.She
foll
owedmei nexcitedt oseemy' hot'brother.I
shookmyheadhal fhear t
edly.°°Wegoti nthe
houseandi twasamessi t'
sonl ybeen4hour s
andt heymanagedt oturnt hehouseupsi de
down.Icl osedt hedoorwi thal oudbang.
Me: "
Nt ando! "Theycamer unningf rom theback
yard.Theywer ewear i
ngshor tsdr i
ppingwet .
Theymusthav ecomef r
om thepool .Khay a
smi r
kedwhenhesawus.Theywer etotally
checkingDeeout .Irolledmyey es.
Khay a:"Wannaj oi
nusi nthepool ?"Hesai d
addressi ngDee.Nt ando: "
Yeahcomet hr ough"
Dee:"Um y eahsure" Me: "Yougochoosea
swimmi ngcost umef rom mycl osetwhi l
eI
cleant hismessup"Dee: "Don'ty ouwantmet o
help?"Me: "I
tsokaybabeI 'l
lmanage"Dee: "Okay
then"shewentupst ai
rsandIst artedcl eaning
up.Af ter20mi nutesIgotdoneandIwentt o
myr oom.Itookoutabl ackbodysui tanda
blackbum shor t.Iwor emyf lip-flopsandt ied
myhai rmessily.Iwentt ot hepool .•°Khay aand
Diamondwer eseat ingint heshadewhi lemy
brotherwasl i
st eningt omusi cnextt ot he
coolerboxdr i
nki ng.Iwentt osi tnextt ohi m and
tookoutacanofExpor t.Khay awast otally
fl
irt
ingwi thDiamondandIwasj ealous.I
shoul dn'
tbeit'
snotl ikewe' reev endat i
ng.He
saidsohi msel fam nothi st ype.Me: "Ntando
whendi dmom anddadsayt hey 'recomi ng
back? "Ntando:"Theycal ledsay ingt hey'l
l be
stayingatAuntSam' sfort her estoft heweek"
Me: "Why ?
"Ntando: "Idon' tknowbutmom sai d
youshoul dcall her"Me: "Andy ou' reonlyt ell
ing
met hisnow"Nt andoshr ugged.Igotupgocal l
mymom andIcoul dn'tst andDeeandKhay a
actingalllov
eydov ey .Myphonewasi nmy
room.. .Iopenedmyr oom myphonewason
thechar gerItooki tout .Iwasaboutt ocal l
daddywhenIhear dmydoorcl ose.Iwhi pped
ar
oundsof
astmyneckshouldhav
esnapped.
Khay
awasgri
nni
ngtopl
essinmyroom....
[03/23, 13:05]Mk: Chapt er5°°°°°Mybr eat h
hitchedi nmyt hroatandf oramomentt her eI
forgothowt obr eathe.Khay ai sgor geous.And
hewast opless.I nmyr oom.St ill
wet .Me: "What
doy ouwantKhay a"Hi m: "Whyar ey oual way s
sor udet ome? "Me: " Am notbei ngr udey ouj ust
wor konmyner ves"Hi m: "What ev er.Isthata
hickeyIsee? "hesai dpoi ntingt omyneck.That
dar nidiotleftmeal ovebi t
ey esterday .Iused
make- upt ocov eritupt hi smor ni
ngi tmust
hav ecomeof f
.Me: "No.Nowgoaway "
Him: "Whydoy oupl aysohar dt oget ?"Hesai d
takingast epcl oser.Ibackedawayt il
lIhitthe
bedandf ellont op.Het ookt hatt imet ocr awl
ont opofme.Heki ssedmebutt hist i
meIwas
hav i
ngnoneofi t
.Ipushedhi m of fme.
Me: "Whati swr ongwi t
hy ou?Ar ey oubi polaror
somet hing?Youmakeoutwi thmei nthe
kitchenandTHENt ellmeam noty ourt ypet hen
trytoki ssmeagai n.Dudey ou'regi vingmi xed
signal s.I t'
sei thery ouwantmeory oudon' t?"
Hedi dn' tanswert hathej ustst aredatmeey es
wideopen.Icl ickedmyt oungeandgotoutof
ther oom l eav inghi mf l
abber gast ed.° •Iski pped
downt hest airs.Nt ando: "Kay? "Me: "Yeah. ."
Nt ando: "Cany our efillt
hecool erbox ?"
Me: "Sur e"It ookacoupl eofCi der sandbeer s
andputt hem i nt hecool er.Isatnextt o
Diamondi nt heshade.Her :"
Babe!Yourbr other
i
ssooooohot ! "Me: "
Iknow" Her :
"Lookat
thoseabs.Ohmyhi sl i
pst heyl ookssosof tand
thatt oungemyf r
iendl ooksl ikei tcant o
wonder si nmy -"Me: " Not hanky oupl easespar e
met hedet ailsofhowasexgodmybr ot heris.
TrustmeIdon' twannaknow"Dee: "Wai t...
what 'st hat ?"Me: "What 'swhat ?"Dee: "Ony our
neckl ooksl ikea- "shi tshewast alkingabout
myhi ckey .Me: "Oht hishahahai t'
samosqui t
o
bite"Dee: "Noi t'
snot .It
'sadamnhi ckey !You' r
e
hidingt hi ngsf rom menow? "Me: "Am not "Dee:"
Thenwhogav et hatt oy ou? "Me: "Ican' ttel
l you"
Dee: "Ohmywor dKay !You' redat ingamar ried
man? "Me: "What ?GeezNo! "Deewasaboutt o
saysomet hi
ngwhenKhay acamef ull
ycl othed
hiscarkey sinhand.Iwasabi tdi sappoi nt
edI
l
ov edseei nghal fnakedKhay a.
Nt ando:"Goingsosoon? "Khay a:"Yeaham
neededatwor k"Nt ando: "Thoughty ouwant ed
tomeetPops"Khay a:"Someot hert ime.Igot ta
dash"Nt ando:"Sur ebr o"Dee: "By eKhay a"
Him: "ByeDee"Andhewi nkedatme.Ohhehas
thener veIreal
lyhat ehi m.Fl i
rtingwi t
hmybest
fri
endandst i
ll
t ryi
ngt ogeti nmypant s.
Fuckboy.Khay a:"
Kay onecanIt alkt oy oufora
sec? "Me: "
Why ? "Hi m:"Justcome"Ihesi tantly
gotup.Iwonderwhathewant s.° •Khay a:"
Look
am sor r
yifIhur tyou. "Me: "Forl eadi ngmeon
thet ell
ingmeam noty ourt ype?Okay "
Him: "LookI '
m sor ryIdi dn' twantNt ando
thinkingam messi ngar oundwi thhi sbaby
sister."Me: "
Ohbuty ouar e."Hi m: "Iknowand
am sor ryIr eal l
ylikey ou."hel ookedatme
pleading.Me: "Buty oustill
f l
ir
twi thmybest i
e."
Him: "
What ?ohDee.Wai tyou'rejeal ous?"I
l
ookedaway .Hel aughed.Hi m:"OhmyGodKay
youar e.Youl ooksocut e"Ir oll
edmyey es.
Me: "What evernowBYE! "Iat tempt edt oleave
buthepul ledmebyt hear m.Hel dmecl ose.
Mademel ookupathi m sinceIwasshor t
er.He
kissedmet hist imei twassl ow.Not oungej ust
l
ipswor kingmagi c.Ipulledawayt ocat chmy
breath.Iwasaboutt osaysomet hingwhenhi s
l
ipsat tackedmi neagai n.Hi shandst ravell
edt o
myasssqueezi ngi tabit.Imoanedi nhis
mout hbef oreIcoul dhel pit.Aper soncl eari
ng
theirthroatst oppedusi nourt r
acks.Mybl ood
wentcol doutoff earI'dseemybr ot her.Relief
spreadt hr oughmewhenIr eali
sedi twasj ust
Dee.Dee: "ThankGodIcameot her wi seyou
woul dhav ebeenhav ingsexont hef loor"I
l
aughedner v ously .Dee:"Am sopr oudofy ou
Kayy ou'ref inallygonnal oset hatv irgini
tyof
yoursyouwer estar
ti
ngt owor r
yme.It hought
youwer egonnadieacatl adywith9cat s.
"Oh
shewasdr unknow.Khay alef
tnotbef ore
placi
ngakissonmyf orehead.•°Dee: "
Icall di
bs
ony ourbr
other!
"Shey ell
edexcitedly
.Me: "Oh
youcanhav ehim."Her:"Andyousl yfoxy ou.
Whenwer ey ougonnat ellmethenews? "I
roll
edmyey esandwentoutt othepool .Dr unk
Diamondisabl abberi
ngmess.Shet alkst oo
much..
[03/23,13:05]Mk: Chapt er6°°°°°Di amond
wast oodr unkt odri
v eanditwasal readyl ate.
Ntandohadpassedouti nthelivi
ngr oom
carpet.Ment alnote:Nev eri
nv i
teyourf r
iend
overtogetdr unkwithy ourbrother.Ichanged
i
nt owarmerpy jamasandhel pedDi amondget
tobed.Shewassl eepinginthespar eroom
tonightthere'
snowayI '
dsleepinthesamebed
asherwhenshe' sdrunk.Shel i
kespl ay i
ng
wrestli
ngwhensl eeping.I'
dmostl ikelyendup
ont hefl
oor .AndIdi dn'twannawakeupwi t
ha
sor ebody .°•IwokeupNt andowhowas
spiraledacr osst hefloor.Hedr aggedhi sdr unk
asst ohisbedr oom.Ideci dedt ocal lmypar ent s
sinceKhay atot all
ydistractedmeear l
ierf rom
maki ngthecal l
.Mymom pi ckedupont het hird
ri
ng.Mom: "
Heybaby "Me: "Hi mom"Mom: "Hope
youdi dn'ttr
ashmyhouse"Ichuckl edandr olled
myey es.Me: "I
tsst il
linonepi ecewomanchi ll
"
Her :
"Whati sNt andodoi ng? "Me:"He'ssl eepi ng."
Her :
"Soear ly?"Me: "Mom i t'
sl i
ke11pm al ready .
Any waywhenar eyoucomi ngback? "
Her :
"Wednesday "Me: "
No!Who' llcookf orme? "I
criedi ndespai r
.Her :"
Youl azybum y oubet ter
notf eedmysonf astfoodsandgetcooki ng.
Didy ouev eneat ?"Me: "
YesIor deredpi zza
ear l
ier"Ihear ddadt alki
ngi nt hebackgr ound.
Andhear dsomeshuf f
li
ng.Iwasgr eetedbymy
dad' sdeepv oice.Dad: "Pumpy .Youdi dn' tcall
me. "Me: "Fort hel asttimedadam 17st op
calli
ngmet hat .Andam cal lingyounowar en't
I?
"Dad: "Youwer ecalli
ngy ourmom. "
Me: "
Daaady ou'rebei ngunf air
.Any way sIgot t
a
gettosl eep.Imi ssy ouandIl ovey oubot h."
Dad:"Lov ey out ooPumpygoodni ght."
Me: "
Goodni ght ."Iendedt hecal l
.Iwassot i
redI
decidet oatl eastcl eart heempt ybeerbot tl
es.°
AfterIclearedal loft hem Iswi t
chedof ftheTV
andcl osedal lt
hecur tain.ThenIhear da
cell
phoner i
ngi ng.Il ookedf oritandf oundi t
undert hecouch.I twasNt ando'scellphone.
Idi
ot.Iwasaboutt oanswerbuti tendedr i
ght
before.Icheckedt hecal l
erI DitwasKhay a.
Whatcoul dhewant ? I
tr angagai nandI
answer ed.Me: "Hello."Khay a:"
Kay ?Cany ougive
Ntandot hephonei t'sur gent "Me: "
Uhhe' s
passedout ."Him: "Shi t
!Fuckl ookam comi ng
over"Me: "Erhokay "hedr oppedt hecal l
.Iwas
hell
aconf used.Hesoundedl ikesomet hi
ngwas
chasinghi m.Hesoundeddesper ateev en.What
thehel li
sgoi ngon? ° •About15mi nslaterI
heardaknockont hedoor .Ialr
eadyknew
Khay awascomi ngsoIwentandopenedt he
doorf orhim.Hecamei nlookingtiredand
roughedup.Me: "Whathappenedt oy ou? "
Him:"OhLi t t
leKayi sconcer nedaboutme"he
saidwi nking.Me: "
YouknowwhatIdon' tcar e.
I'
llpr
epar et hecouchf ory ou."Him:"Am not
sleepingont hecouch. "Me:"We'reoutofr oom
bruh.Unl essy ou'llsleepwi t
hNt ando. "
Him:"Nt andosnor es. "Isighed.Me: "Don' tmake
i
tmypr obl em. "Igott i
redofhi m andwent
upstairstomyr oom.Iwasr eall
ytired.Igot
undert hecov ersanddozedof fimmedi ately.°
°°
Seeam al ightsl eepersoIhear ditwhenKhay a
gotinmyr oom andundert hecov erswi thme
butIwast oodamnt iredt oargue.Andt henhe
tookof fhisshi rtshi tst ar
tedt ogetr eal.All
sleepinesswaswi pedof fme.It r
iedbel iev eme
Itri
edbutIcoul dnotgetdi r
tythought sof
Khay aoutofmymi nd.Imeanhewas
practi
cal l
ypr essedagai nstme.I ttookev ery
ounceofsel fcontrol Ihadnott otur nar ound
andt ot hedi rt
ywi thhi mr i
ghtthereandt hen.So
Itriedt hinki nghappyt hought sf l
ower sand
rainbowsnonakedKhay anonuh- uh.Whycan' t
Ijustsl eep?Ohy eaht hisEXTREMELY
(emphasi sonext r
emel y)hoti sinmyr oom
agai n,inmybedt opl essf ort hesecondt i
mei n
oneday !It urnedar oundt of acehi m.Ohgodhe
l
ookedsoi nnocentnotl i
ket hef uckboyhei s.I
not i
cedhi sl ipqui veringandat hinlayerof
sweatonhi sf acehewasdr ippingt hesheet s
wayt oot ight ly.Ithinkhewashav inga
night mar e.Ishookhi m.Me: "Khay a?Wakeup.
Khay a!"Hewokeupbr eathingheav il
y .He
l
ookedar oundt henhi sey esl andedonmeand
heseemedt orelaxabi t.Hi m: "Whathappened? "
Me: "Ithinky ouhadani ght mar e.Let '
sgetback
tosl eep. "Il ayeddownagai nandsodi dKhay a.
Heputanar m aroundmeandIt ensedand
quickl yrel axed.It ur nt ofacehi m agai nand
snuggl edcl osert ohi m.Hewr appedbot hhis
handsar ound.AndIdon' tknowwhy ,butIfelt
saf ewhenhedi dt hat.It hinkIhear dhi m quietl
y
mutt
er'Il
oveyouKayone'
butmylackofsl
eep
musthavebeencat
chingupwit
hme.
[03/ 23,13:
05]Mk: I
nsert7° •° •°•Iwokeup
agai nstmywi ll.Ilookedupandnot icedKhay a
wasawaket oo.Andt hingswentawkwar df ast
becauseoft heposi ti
onwewer ei n.Wewer ea
tangl edmessofl i
mbs.Hi sonel egwas
bet weenmyl egs, healsohadi sar m aroundmy
wai standbot hmyhandswer eonhi sbar e
chest .Okaynoneedt of reakout .Khay a
smi rkedatme.Me: "What ?"Despi t
ehav i
ngj ust
wokeupIwant edt opuncht hatsmi rkof fhis
face.Khay a:"
Nonot hi
ng.Ishoul dpr obabl yget
up."Wegotupandhewentt omybat hroom
whi leImadet hebed." Kay onecany ougetme
someheadachepi l
l
sorsomet hingany thing."I
turnedar oundt oseeDi amondhol dingherhead
shewaspr ettyhungov er.Her :
"Am nev er
drinkingagain. "Ilaughed.Me: "Yousai dthat
l
astt i
meI '
l
lgof indsomet ablet sinthe
bat hroom.Iwasaboutt oent erwhenKhay a
openedt hedoor .Istoodasi deandl ethim
comeout .Hepi ckeduphi sshi rtandputi ton.
Hesai dgoodmor ningt oDi amond.Khay a:"
I'l
lbe
downst airs."Me: "Okay ."Igoti nandf oundt he
pil
lsandagl assofwat er .Igav et hem t o
Diamond.Andwentbackt ot hebat hroom t o
brushmyt eeth.Dee: "Youknowi fIwasn' tso
hungov erI '
dbescr eami ng.Howdi dy ou
managet oshagt hat?" Me: "
Ohy oudi rty
mindedskank.Wedi dn'tdoany thing."Her :
"And
hereIwasf i
nal lyrejoicingt haty oul osty ourV-
card.Howcany ousl eepnextt ot hatl i
vingsex
godt hewhol eni ghtanddonot hing? "Me: "I
ts
simpleact uall
y .Iwassl eeping.AndIt houghtI
tol
dwear enotdat ing."Her :"Whocar es.Just
bedhi m myf riendy ouwon' tregr etit .
"Me: "
I'd
l
ikemyf irsttimet obewi t
hmyhusbandt hank
you."Her :"Therey ougopul lingt hatmar r i
age
cardonme.You' lldieacatl adywi th9cat sI
swear .Imeany ou'regor geousj ustshaghi m
alr
eady ."Me: "NoIhav emor als.Nowgoshower
youst ink."Sher olledherey es.Her:"
Shaghi m.
Bedhi m.Fuckhi m.Ri dehim.Any thi
ng."Me: "
You'remaki ngmef eeluncomf ort
ableam
l
eav ing. "Ihurri
edoutoft her oom.° •Iheadedt o
theki tchenImademy selfCocoPopsandat e
ont opoft hekitchencount er.Khay acame
downl ooki ngfreshandsmel li
nggood.Het ook
aspoonandst ar tedeat i
ngmybr eakfast.I
glaredathi m.Khay a:
"Whyi syourmi l
kcol d?"
Me:" Becausei t
'smi ne.Nowgomakey ourown. "
Him: "Whywoul dIdot hat?"Me: "Becausey ou
havet woper f
ect l
yf uncti
onal hands.Nowbeat
i
t."Ismackedhi m onhi shead.Hi m:"Noneed
forv i
ol enceI '
ll
leav ey ourfoodal one."He
rubbedhi sheadIsmi l
edi nsat i
sfacti
on.Iate
mycer eal i
npeace.Unt ilhecomeupf r
om
behindandwhi sper edsomet hingtomyear .I
shiver ed.Hi shandswer eonass.Hemademe
facehi m.Weki ssedandhepi ckedmeupwi th
easeandputmeont opoft hekitchencount er
.
Hisr ighthandwentmypy jamat op.Iputmy
armsar oundhi sneckpul linghi m cl osertome.
Seriousl yt hisneedst ostop.Ev er ytimeI '
m
aroundhi m Ibecomesomet ypeofhor ny
machi ne.Thi si ssounl ikeme.Imeani nmy
ownpar ent '
shousewi thmybr ot herandbest
fr
iendupst airs.Nah.Ipushedgent l
yhegr oaned
butst eppedaway .Hel ookedatmewi th
pleadingey es.Ishookmyhead.Me: "
Wecan' t
dot his.Mybr otheri supst airs.Andwel lt
hisis
mymom' ski tchen. "Hef i
xedhi sshi rtand
l
ookedaway .Okaynowhe' smadatme soI
shoul d'vel ethimf uckmeont opoft hekitchen
count eri nmypar ent '
shousewi thmybr other
upstai rs.He' scr azy !Igotupsi ckofhi sbi pol
ar
atti
tude.Iputmydi shi nthesi nk.Iwal kedaway .
Istoppedbef oreIr eachedt hest ai r
s.Me: "Khaya
whatar ewedoi ng?Whati sthis? "Imot i
oned
betweenhi m andme.Hel ookedatmebut
didn'tsayany thing.Wel lt
hatseemedt oanswer
myquest ionIwal kedupt hest airs.Imeanwhat
didIexpect ?Khay ai saf uckboy .Oncea
fuckboyal way saf uckboy .Andmyhear t
deci dedt ocat chf eel ingsf orone.St upidhear t
andst upidKhay awi thhi sgor geoussel f
.
Khay a:
"Kay onecomeher e."Ist oppedbutdi dn'
t
turn.Hi m: "Isai dcomeher e."If acedhi m and
wal keddownt hest airsagai n.Hepul ledinme
forahug.Hewaspr et tytallsomyf acewason
hischest .If eltmyey eswat er.St upidt rait
or
tears.It oldmy selfI'dnev ercr yforaboyagai n.
Buther eIam.Her ubbedmybacksoot hingly.
Him: "Lookatme. "Het ippedmychi nsoIcoul d
l
ookupathi m.Hi m: "Iwanty ouIr eal lydo.But
whatwi llNt andosayhi swhenhehear sam
screwi nghi ssi ster?.LookI 'vegotenemi esand
they '
dusey out ogett ome.Idon' twannaput
youi nt hatki ndofdanger .Iwoul dn' tbeabl eto
l
ivewi thmy sel fifany thingev erhappenedt o
youbecauseofme.Sodon' tev ert hinkIdon' t
wanty ou. "Me: "
Sowhatam Isupposedt odo.
Wecan' tcar ryonl iket his.Nt andowi l
lget
suspi cious. "Het ookadeepbr eat h.Hi m:"Idon't
know.Idon' twannal etyougoandatt hesame
ti
meIwantt okeepy ousaf e. "Me: "Youcan' tdo
bot h."Isai dl ookingdown.Hi m: "Ican' tdo
bot h."Me: "Sowhatnow?Wher edowegof r
om
her e? "Hi m:"IguessIhav etokeepmydi stance.
Ist i
ll needt ot alkt oNt andot hough. "Me: "WellI
guessI '
llseey ouar ound? "Hepul ledmei nf ora
kissonel astt ime.Icoul dfeel hisdesper ati
on.
Kissi ngmel ikeit'
st hel asttime.It ri
edtokeep
up.Webot hpul l
edawaycat chi ngourbr eath.
Hel eanedhi sf oreheadagai nstmi neandgav e
meapeckont hel i
ps.Het ookhi scarkey sand
l
ef t.° •Iwentt omyr oom It ookabat handwor e
comf ortablecl ot
hes.Ipl uggedi nmyspeaker
andl istenedt oTreySongs-Br eakFr om Lov e.I
sangal ong.Todaywasashi ttydayandi t'snot
ev en1y et.*Idon' twantabr eak, Idon'twanta
breakf rom usIdon' twantt obr eak, Idon'twant
tobr eakf rom usAf t
eral lwe' vebeent hr
oughso
much, woahIdon' twantt obr eak, Idon'twant
tobr eakf rom l oveAbr eakfr om l ov eAbr eak
fr
om l oveThisjourneywil
l haveitsupsand
downsSust ainingwilll
astat estoftri
alThi
s
burningwillonl
ylastawhi leFirstdegreeburns
don'tleavescarsWecant urnthispainaround
Wet riedtoworki tout
,wet ri
edwayback*•
°#Kay .
[03/23,13: 06]Mk: Insert8.° •°•° •Imusthav e
fall
enasl eepcausewhenIwokeupi twasabi t
darkout side.Iwashedmyf aceanddeci dedt o
godownst airstocookdi nnerf orNt ando
becauseIhadnoappet i
te.Ir eachedt heki t
chen
andNt andowaswat chingSomet ypeofspor t
again.Hockey ?Tenni s?Whoknows.Me: "Hey.
"
Him:"Hi.Di amondal r
eadyl eftshedi dn'twanna
wakey ou. "Inoddedandheadedt ot hekitchen.
Him:"Arey ouokay ?"Me: "
NoI 'vegotaheadache
I'
llbefi
ne. "Him:"Wel lyoudon' tneedt ocook.I '
l
l
cook."Me: "Wowy oucancook. "Iwasr eall
y
surpri
sed.Hi m:"
Noi t
'scalledor deri
ngi n."He
saidroll
inghi sey es.Me: "Andher eIt houghty ou
candosomet hi
nggoodi ny ourl i
fe.
"Hi m:"Hey
don'tpushi t
.I'l
l j
ustt ell
mom y oumademeeat
take-away sal lthet i
me. "Me: "
Nt andoor der
what every ouwantI '
llbeinmyr oom. "Him:"I
hopey ougetbet tersoonl i
lsis."Me: "Thank
you."Iat t
empt edt owal kupt hest air
sbutIf elt
abitlightheaded.Ibl amedont hef actthatI
l
astat ei nthemor ni
ng.Ir eachedmyr oom and
wentt osl eepi mmedi ately.°•Day spassedandI
wasn' teatingwel lIjusthadnoappet i
te.Ionly
atebecauseIhadt oIdidn'tenj oyf ood.My
parent scamebackaf ewday sago.Andwer e
wor r
ied.Mom t hi
nksam sui ci
dal anddadt hi
nks
am depr essed.Butam notam j ustempt yI'
m
numb.Chr i
stmaswasnear i
ngsomom asked
met odoChr istmasshoppi ngIt hi nkshej ust
want edmet ogetoutoft hehouseandget
somef reshai r.Ibor rowedhercaranddr oveto
themal l
.Ibumpedt oDeeandBuhl e.Buhle:"
Girl
Imissedy ou.Hav ey oubeenav oi dingus? "
Me:"Nomanam notf eeli
ngwel l."Buhl e:"
Okay
comel et'
sgr ababi teatSt eer s."Ir ol
ledmy
eyesbutf ol
lowedherany ways.Weent ered
Steersandt ookaseatwhi l
eBuhl ewasor deri
ng
somef ood.Deel ookedatme.Me: "Whatspi ti
t
out.
"Dee: "It
sKhay ai sn'
ti t
?"Me: "
No.- yes.I
don'tknow. "Ilookeddownandf i
dget edwi t
h
thehem ofmyt op. Sher eachedf ormyhand.
Dee:"Youknowy oucant ellmeany thingr ight?"
Me:"IknowDeei t'sjustthatmyl i
fewel lIdon't
knowwhat '
sgoi ngonokay .Khayat ol dmewe
can'tbet ogetherbuthesai dhel ovesmeIdon' t
knowwhatt obel i
ev eany mor e."Myey eswer e
wateringnow.Dee: "Hedoesl ovey ou.I fyou
sawt hewayhel ooksaty ou,youwoul dn'tdoubt
i
t.May behehashi sreasonswhyy ouguy scan't
betoget her."Buhl ecameback.Buhl e:"Thatidiot
byther egisterthinkshehasachancewi thme.
Imeanhasheseenme!Gi r
lam gor geousdo
you-"shest oppedwhenshesawmyt ears.
Buhle:"Areyouokay ?"Me: "No.DeeIl ovehi m
andIcan' ttakei tany mor e."Dee:"Talkt ohi m
hun.Makehi m under standdon' tgiveupona
chanceofl ovebecauseofot herpeopl e."I
wipedmyt ear s.Me: "Letmenotr ui
nt hisdayf or
you.Ineedt ogogr ocer yshoppi ng"
Buhl e:
"Aren' tyougonnaeat ?"Me: "Naham f ull"I
l
iedbuti t'
snotl i
keIwasgonnaeati tany way .°•
Ibroughtt hef oodandt ookt het roll
eyt ot he
parkingl otandl oadedt hebagsi ntot heboot .I
drov ebackhome.Iar rivedathomeandIsaw
Khay a'scari nthedr iveway .Igotoutoft hecar
notbot her i
ngt obr i
ngt hegr ocer iesinIr ushed
i
nsi de.Khay awassi ttingont hecouch.
Me: "Wher e'sNt ando? "Het urnedar oundhe
l
ookedabi tsur prisedt oseeme.Khay a:"Uh...
He'satt hebacky ard."Me: "Mypar ent s?"
Khay a:"Ntandot alkedaboutaconf erenceat
Hy depar korsomet hing. "Me: "Ohy eahIt otall
y
forgotaboutt hat.Cany oucomewi thme. "
Him: "What ? "Iroll
edmyey esandt ookhi shand
anddr aggedhi mt omyr oom.° •Igoti nandhe
fol
lowedandIl ockedt hedoor .Khay a:"Didy ou
dragmeupher et orapeme? "Hesmi l
ed.
Me: "
Ohpl easedon' tflattery oursel f
.Weneedt o
tal
k."Hi m:"YeahIknow. "Hel ookeddownathi s
hands.Me: "KhayaIcan' ttakei tany mor e.Il ove
youandy ou'reenemi escangof uckt hemsel ves
Ican'tgoonwi thouty ou. "Khay a:"Il
ikei twhen
yousweari tturnmeon. " Ipunchedhi sar m
l
ightly.Me: "
Khay aam bei ngser ious."Ipout ed.
Khay atookmyhandsi nandl ookedatme.
Khay a:"
BabeIknowy ou' rehur t
ingandsoam I
andy ou'reallIneverknewIneeded.ButIdon' t
wannaputy ourli
featr isk."Me: "We' l
lfindaway
throughi t
.Justdon' tgi veuponme. "Hi m: "Am
notgonnagi veupony ouIpr omi se."Hepul l
ed
mei nf orahugIdi dn'twannal etgo.Heki ssed
myf orehead.Hi m:"Iguesst hi
si sof fi
cial."I
shrugged.Hi m:
"It
sof ficial.NowIcandot hi s
withouty ouy el
li
ngatmeaf t
er.
"Hesai dso
capturingmyl i
psinhi s.Theki sswasi nt ense
bruhhebi tmybot tom l i
pl ightl
y.Hepi ckedme
upandIwr appedmyl egsar oundhi swai stand
myhandsaut omat i
callywentar oundhi sneck.I
struggl edwi thhist-shir
tf r
ustr
atedIwantedi
t
off.Hechuckl edandpul leditoff
."ILov
eYou",
hesai dinbet weenourki ss.Het ookoffmytop
slowl yandl ay edmeonmybedwi thease.
Ev erythingwasgoi ngslowl yti
ll
Iheardmy
brot her'svoice."Khay adudewher eareyou!
"
Shi tNt andoissuchacockbl ock.Khayagotof
f
meandpul ledhi st-shir
ton.Andhecur sed
l
ight lyunderhi sbr
eat h.
[03/23, 13:06]Mk: Insert9°°°°°°If ixedmy
hairandf ol
lowedKhay adownt hestairs.
Ntandowasset t
ingthebr aai stand.
Ntando: "We'rehav i
ngagett ogether.
"Me: "But
youdi dn'ttellmet hat.
"Nt ando:" Wellam tell
i
ng
youknow.Ohandi nvi
teDi amondwi l
l ya?"
Me: "
Nt andoDi amondhasaboy fri
end."
Ntando: "So?"Ishookmyhead.Icompl et
ely
forgotaboutt hegroceries.SoIhur ri
edout side
togett hem i n.Ipackedt hem i ncupboar d.I
wentupst air
st ochangei nt oblackAdi das
shortsandawhi teKappaTeeandsneaker s.I
l
etmyhai rloose.°°I twascur rentl
y4pm and
Diamondwashel pi ngmewi ththesal adswhi le
Buhl ewasi nt hebacky ar
ddr ooli
ngov ermy
brot herandboy friend. Dee: "Soy ouspoke
withKhay a? "Me: "Yeah. "Dee: "And?"Me: "We' r
e
willi
ngt ot aket hatr i
sk.Likeser iouslyt hough
whati sKhay aaf raidofI '
m abi ggirl
."
Dee: "What ev er.Ther e'ssomeoneatt hedoorI '
ll
geti t."Me:"Sur e."If i
nishedupwi t
ht hesal ads
andt ookt hem t ot hebacky ar d.Iwentbackt o
thehouset ol etmor eguest si n.Ishowedt hem
tot hebacky ar d.Andsomeskankwasser ving
Khay afood.Li kehol '
upbi tcht hat'
smyj ob .I
tappedhershoul derMe: "ExcusemebutIcan
handl ethat."Her :"Soam busy -
"Me: "Bitchmov e
bef oreImakey ou. "Shegl ar
edatmet hewor st
thingi sshe' sski nnyAFIcoul dbr eakherbones
i
fIt ouch.Butshel eftusany way s.Khay a
clear edhist hr oat .Ilookedathi m.Me: "What ?"
Him: "Igotabadasschi ck!"Hel aughed.Ij ust
dishedupf orhi m andmybr other.Igav et hem
theirfood.Nt andowasal readydr unk.Thatboy
knowsnol i
mi tswheni tcomest oal cohol .
Khay a:"
Comel et
'stalk.
"Hepul l
edmei nt he
directi
onoft hehouse.Me: "I
'm scar ed."
Him: "
Why ?" Me: "Everyti
mewe' tal k'italway s
endswi thy ourt oungedownmyt hroatandy our
shirtont hefloor .
"Hel aughed.Hi m: "Wel lwhat '
s
soscar yaboutt hat?"Me: "
Not hi
ng. "Ismi ledand
l
ethi m pullmet owar dsthehouse.
Ntando: "Khay a.Wher earey ougoi ngbr uh? "
Khay a:"
Togetsomemor edr i
nks."Hel iedeasi l
y.
Heopenedt hesl i
dingdoorandIf ollowedhi m
i
n.Iwentt ot hef r
idgeandpul l
edoutaf ewcans
andbot tlesofbeerandci dersMe: "Icoul duse
somehel pinst eadofy ouchecki ngmeout ."He
camecl oser.Hi m:"HowcanInotwantt olook
aty ou?Imeangi rlhaveyouseeny our self!"I
giggledatt hatandpul l
edhi m downt omy
heighttoki sshi m.Hi shandswer eal loverme
hegr oanedandhel dmywai sttightandpr essed
mybodyf l
ushagai nsthishardone." Sot hisis
youget tingt hedrinks? "Khay aj umpedf rom me
l
ikeIbur nthi m whenhehear dNt ando' sv oice.
WhenIl ookedathi m al lthebl ooddr ainedf rom
mybodyIj ustgotcol d.Khay a:"Ntandobr ol ook-
"Nt ando: "Shutupman! Youbr oket hebr ocode.
Mysi ster?Myf uckenl it
tl
esi st er!
"Ohshi twas
aboutt ogetr eal
.Me: " Ntandoi t'
snotl ikeI -
"
Ntando: "Shutupbi t
ch! "Hegotcl oserhewas
scar i
ngme.HepunchedKhay a.Me: "Nt ando
please- "Nt ando:"Kay oneIsai dshuty ourtrap
hole."Ikeptmymout hshut .Khay a:
" Wecant al
k
aboutt his.ManIdon' twannaf ighty ou."
Ntando: "OhbutIdo. "Hepunchedhi m agai n
andt heyr olledont hef l
oor.Khay at ryingto
blockNt ando' spunches.IsawKhay awas
bleedi ngandIl ostit.Me: "
Nt andogetof fhim
now! "Iscr eamed.Nt andof inal lyletgoof fhi m.
Ntando: "Khay aIwanty ououtofmyhouse
now! "Khay aheldhishandup.Khay a:"Am
l
eav ingbr o."Hepi ckeduphi scarkey sandl eft
.
Ntandot urnedt ome.Hi m:"Andy ou. .
.what
werey outhinking?He' smybestf r
iend. "Me: "I
know. "Ifiddledwi thmyt opahabi tIdowhen
am ner vous.Hi m: "
Coul dn' tyouhav ef ounda
dif
ferentboy f ri
endorsomet hing?"Me: "Am
sorryokay ?Ican' tcont rol whoIf allfor."
Him: "Wellyouhav etobr eakupwi t
hhi m."
Me:"What ?Whyar esoagai nstKhay a? "
Him: "BecauseKay oneIknowt heki ndofper son
heis.Khay aisapl ay er.He' l
l neverchange. "
Me:"But -
"Hi m: "
Nobut sKay onehe' llbr eaky our
heart.Justf i
ndy ourselfadecentguy ."Me: "I
can'tjustdot hat.
"Hi m:"Youhav etoorel se.."
Me:"Orel sewhat ?"Hi m:"I'
lltellmom anddad
howKhay aisabadi nf l
uencet oy ouandt hey
will
bany ouf rom seei nghi m."Me: "you
woul dn't
."Him: "Tryme. "Andwi ththathet urned
aroundt oj oi
nt hepar t
y.Iwal kedupt omyr oom
sadly.Whatt hehel lam Isupposedt odonow?
[
03/23,13:
06]Mk:Inser
t10°°°°°Thenextday
whenIwokeupt hehousewasawfull
yquiet.I
wentdownstai
rsanddaddywasreadi
nghi s
newspaperdr inkingcof f
eeandmom was
eatingfruitsal ad.Me: "Fami ly!"Mom: "Kay one
youdon' thav et obesol oudi t'sst illear ly.
"I
rol
ledmyey esather .Dad: "Pumpywhyy ouup
soear ly
?"Me: "Whatt imei sit?"Dad: "Quar ter
pastsev en. "Me: "Ididn'tf eel sleepyany mor e.I
wentt obedear l
yy esterday ."It urnt ol ookat
mom.Me: "Mommydear est ."Ismi l
ed
Her:"Whatdoy ouwantKay one? "Me: "Whydo
youal way st hinkam af tersomet hing. "Ipout ed.
Her:"Youusual lyar e.Spi titout ."Me: "CanI
borrowy ourcart oday ?I'vegotsomewher et o
be."Her :
"AndI '
v egott obeatwor k."Dad: "
Just
giv
ehert hecarwe' lltakemi net oday ."
Her:"Okay .Buty ouhav et ot akei tt ot hecar
wash. "Me: "Consi deri tdone. "Ihuggedbot hmy
parents.Andt heyl eftforwor knotl ongaf ter.°°
Iti
diedupt hehouseandmyr oom.It exted
Khay a.ME* Wannameetup? *her epl i
ed
i
mmedi atel y.HI M* YeahSur e.Mycr ib? *ME
*Textmet headdr ess*Hesentmet headdr ess.
Itwasn' tthatf arf rom myhome.°Ishower ed
andabl ackhi ghwast edj eansandawhi te
Adidast eeandwhi t
eGucci sneaker s.Idi dn'
t
applyanymake- upjustamar oonmacl i
pst i
ck.I
tookmypur seandwentdownst airs.Nt ando
waseat ing.Nt ando:"Wher eyougoi ng? "
Me: "Out .
"Hi m: "Outwher e? "Me: "Idon' thav et o
repor tmy sel ftoy ou."Him: "
Kay oney ou'dbet ter
notbegoi ngt oseeKhay a."Me: "Orwhat ?"
Him: "YouknowwhatI '
lldoandam notbl uf
fing.
"
Me: "Icried, builtabr i
dge, gotov eri tIt hinkyou
shoul dt oo."Idi dn'thearhi sr eplyt ot hatcauseI
slammedt hedoor .°•After35mi nut esIwasi n
frontofKhay a'sgat e.Ipressedt hebuzzerand
hecamedownt oletmei nwear i
ngshor tsanda
simpl et -
shi rt
.Ev eni njustsi mpl ecl ot heshe
l
ookedbr eat ht aki
ng.Ipar kedmycarandgot
out.Hegav emeahug.Hi m: "Arey ouokay ?"
Me: "Am f iney ou'retheonet hatt ookabeat ing
l
astni ght.
"Hi m: "
Naham f ine.Hewasangr yI
under stand. "Wewenti nsi dehishouse.And
wellFuckenShi t
Damn i twasamazi ng.
Simpl ebutamazi ng.Mar blef loor s The
colourswer equitedull char coal grey ,blackand
whitebuyt heycompl i
ment edeachot her
perfectly.Ineedt omeethi si nteriordesi gner .
Thisispr efect.Ther ewasachandel ierdangl i
ng
ri
ghtabov emyheadwi thcandl esandl i
ttl
e
diamondl i
kehookshangi ngdownf r
om t he
ri
ms.Thewal lswer epai ntedgr eyandwhi te.
Khay a:"Wannawat chamov ie?I'llmake
popcor n."Me: "
I'
llchooset hemov i
e. "
Khay a:"Sure.
"Hedi sappear edi ntot heki t
chen.
Me: "
Howaboutt heHungerGames? "Hi m: "Nah
.Thehangov er
?"Hey ellsf rom t heki t
chen.
Me: "
I'
veseeni tbefore.BadGr andpa? "
Him: "
Yeahputi tin.
"AndIdi d.Wewat chedt he
mov ie.°ButIf ellasleephal fwayt hrought he
mov ie.Iwaswokenupbysomeoneki ssingme.
Khay a:"Letsgomakef oodIwantt oeat ."
Me: "
Youcaneatme. "Isuggestear ninga
chucklef rom Khay a.Hi m: "Real l
y!?"Me: "Noy ou
perver tlet'
sgomakef ood. "Isl aphi m ont he
arm.Hi m: "
Noneedt obev iolentwoman.I '
ll
cook. "Me: "What ?y oucancook? "Hi m: "No.It'
s
call
edor der i
ngi n. "Iroll
edmyey es.
Me: "
Chi nesseorPi zza?"Hi m: "Pizza. "Me: "
I'
ll
chooset het oppings. "Him: "What everher e'sthe
phone. "Ior der edt hepi zzaandi tar ri
v edwi thi
n
30mi nut es.°Af t
erweat eIt hrewawayt he
boxes.Khay a:"Comesi ther e."Hemot ionedt o
hislap.Me: "What ?"Khay a:"You' resosl owcome
sitonmyl ap"hepul ledmebyt hehandandsat
meonhi sl ap.Me: "Whatnow? "Hi m: "NowIget
mydesser t."Hepul l
edmet ohi m andki ssed
thelight sout t
ame.Andhet ookof fmyt -
shirt
easil
y .Isi l
ent l
yt hankedt hegodst hati woremy
blackl acebr aandundi es.Hel ookedatmy
boobsandsmi led.Me: "Idiotwhyar esmi l
ingat
myboobs? "Hedi dn'tanswert hathej ust
continuedt opl acewetki ssesr oundmyneckI
positionedmy sel fcor r
ectlyont opofhi m one
l
egont hesi deofhi m andt hi st i
meIt ake
control.Idon'tev enknowwhatI '
m doing.It ug
hisshi r
tof f
.Hepi cksmeupandt akesmet o
hisbedr oom notoncebr eakingt hekiss.
Me: "
Khay at here'
ssomeoneatt hedoor ."
Him: "
Lett hem wai ttheream busy ."Me:"Hey y
gogett hedooram notgoi ngany where."He
rel
uct antl
ygotup.Iwai tedsev eralminut es.I
heardanol derwoman' sv oicedownst ai
rs.
Khay acamebackwi thmyt opi nhishands.I
putiton.Me: "Andt hen? "Hi m:"Mymom' s
downst airs.
"Me: "Okayt hat '
smycuet ol eav e
then."Hi m:"
Wai t.Don' tyouwannameether ?"
Me: "
Now? "Him: "
Yes. "Me: "Noi t'
st ooear ly.
"
Him: "
But -
"Me: "Nobut snowgogetmemy
purse."Hesul kedbutwentt ogogeti nany ways.
Hecamebackamomentl aterandl edme
throught hebackdoor .Ikissedhi m befor e
dri
v i
ngof f.°
[
03/23,
13:06]Mk:I
nsert11°°°°°°°Idrove
mysel
fbackhome.Igotoutofthecarandwent
i
nsi
dethehouse.ThankgoodnessNtando
wasn'tar oundhe' sapai n.Itwasal readyf our-
thi
rtyandt hepar ent swer ecomi ngbacki n2
hours.SoIst artedwi thdi nnermyf av ouriteMac
andcheese.Khay at extedme.Khay a[ Babe? ]
Me{ Boo }Khay a[Youdon' twannameetmy
mom? ]Me{ Idobutsomeot hert ime.Iwasn' t
evendr essedpr oper ty}Khay a[ Yesy ouwer e]
Me{ NoIwasn' tgoar guewi thy our selfam
busy }Khay a[Goj ump ]Me{ You'rebei ng
chil
dish }Khay a[Am not ][Babe? ][You' re
i
gnor i
ngme? ]Me{ Itoldy ouI '
m busy .Stop
beinganat t
entionwhor ey oui diot}Khay a[Am
youridiot ]Ismi led.Me{ You' remyi di
ot}"I
wonderwho' smaki ngy ousmi lel i
ket hat."I
l
ookedupt oseemymot heri nt heki tchen.
Me: "
What ?"Her :
"You' redat ingnow? "
Me: "
What ?"Her :
"Imeany ouhav eaboy f
riend? "
Me: "
What 'saboy friend? "Her :"Kay one! "Ihur r
ied
tothest ovebef oreshecoul dsayany thi
ng.°I
fi
nishedcooki ngset ti
ngupt het able.TheFam
camedownamomentl at er.Andmom was
busyst ari
ngatmef rom acr osst hetable.I
pretendedl ikeIdi dn'tnotice.Dadsai dgrace
andweat e.Af t
ereat ingNt andoandIdi dt he
dishes.Nt ando: "LookKay oneI '
m sor r
yifIseem
l
ikeam cont rol you.Justt hatIknowt het ypeof
personKhay ais.Idon' twanthi mt obreaky our
heart."Me: "
Itsokay .
"Nt ando:"Iknowy ou'r
est i
ll
seeinghi m.Youdon' thav etogobehi ndmy
back."Me: "O- okay."Iwassur prised.Him: "Butif
hebr eaksy ourhear tI'l
lchopof fhi sdick.Sl i
ce
i
tmar i
natei tinhi ssper m andBBQi tandf eedi t
tohim. "Me: "Woah!Idon' tknowi fIshoul dlov e
youorbeaf raidofy ou .Butt hanky oubr o."
Him: "
Ilovey oul ilsisandIgoty ourback. "Me: "I
l
ov ey outoobr oandIgoty out oo."Wef i
st
bumpedandcar r i
edonwi ththedi shest alking
aboutI si
bay a.•Wef i
nishedandIsai d
goodni ghttoNt ando.Hewasgonnast i
ck
arounddownst airsandwat chv ol l
eyballordi d
hesaybasketbal l
?Whocar es.Notme.Any who
Iwentupst airstomyr oom andt ookahot
shower .Iwor emypj sandcombedmyhai rI
mustdomyhai rtomor row.It ookabookand
read, PrideandPr ejudi cebyJaneAust en.Yep
am aner d. •WhenIwokeupt hef oll
owi ng
dayt hehousewasempt y .Ij
ustchi l
ledf orabit
andmademy selfbr eakf astandat ewhi l
e
wat chingcar t
oons.Regul arShowl itAF I
thencal l
edBuhl eandDi amondt omeetmei n
Town.Ishower edandwor eashor tloosef it
ti
ng
deni m dr essandsandal s.Iputonapi nkpolo
capandt ookmypur seandmom' skey s.That
womanshoul dst opbei ngst ingyandbuymea
caral ready .Il
ockedt hedooranddr ov et o
Town.IwasgonnameetBuhl eandDeeat
MuggandBean.Buhl ei sobsessedwi t hthei
r
cheesecakeandwel lsoam I .If oundt hem
seat i
ngi nourusual spot .Buhl ewav edand
yelledf ormet ohur ryupget ti
ngmostoft he
attention.Buhl ei sloud.Li ker eallyloud.The' I
wishIcoul dsewy ourl ipst oget her'kindofl oud.
Butshe' scool l
iket hat .Ior deredchocol atechip
muf f
inandal atte .Weat ewhi letalking.Unt i
l
Buhlet appedmeont heshoul der .Me: "
What ?
"
Her:"Lookatt haty ummyt hingov erther e."She
saidshowi ngmeaguyi nal ightgr eysui t .He
l
ookedsophi sticated.Me: "
Oh. "Buhl e:"Oh?I s
thatallyoucansay ?Friendhewast ot ally
checkingy ouout ."Me: "I
'vegotaboy fri
end. "
Buhle:"So? "Dee: "
Shesai dshehasaboy friend
Buhle."Buhl e:"What ever.Icoul dt ot
allyeathi m
up."Dee: "Eathi m."Buhl e:"Don' tbeabor e.Let '
s
gogety ourhai rdoney oul ookl ikeaf ossi lwith
thathair."Irolledmyey esbutgotupany way s.°
Wegott ot hesal onandIdi dbr aidswhi lemy
girl
swer edoi ngt heirnails.Idi dn' tdomi neI
optedf oramani cure.Thel astt imeIdi dmy
nail
swasast ruggleIcoul dn'tev enwasht he
dishesort ypeonmyphonepr oper ly.Af terwe
gotdonewi ththenai l
swewentshoppi ngabi t
j
ustt owast et i
me.Buhl ef li
rti
ngwi thev er ythi
ng
thathasadi ck °Wewer ei nYDEBuhl eand
Diamondwer eargui ngonwhi chshadest o
chooset ypi cal.Iwasbor edsoIt oldthem I 'l
lbe
wai t
ingout side.Isatononeoft hecof fee
tablesout si de.Whent heMuggandBean
strangershowedup.Hi m:"Hi I
'm Samke. "
Me: "Hello.Kay one."Him: "Nicename. "
Me: "Thanks. "Iknowam comi ngof fasr udet he
guywascut eandal lbutIwasn' ti nterest ed.He
smeedar rogantonf irstglance.The' I
'mr ich
andIcangetanywoman' cockybast ardki ndof
person.Hi m: "Soy ouf rom ar oundher e? "
Me: "Yeah.For ewoodCov e."Hi m: "Really? Am
alsonotf arf rom there. "Me: "
Okay ."Ispot t
ed
Buhl ecomi ngoutoft heshop.Ist oodup.
Him: "You'rel eav i
ngal ready ?"Me: "Yeah. "
Him: "Wel litwasni cemeet ingy ouKay one. "
Me: "Likewise"Hi m:"CanIgetahug? "Me: "Sure."
Ihuggedhi m andt henwentov ert omyf riends.
Buhl e'
smout hwaswi deopen.Buhl e:
"Ihav ea
boy fri
end."Shemockedme.Me: "YesIdo. "
Her :
"Buty oust il
lhuggedMrhot shotov ert here.
"
Me: "Iwast ryingtobepol ite."Her :"Soy oudon' t
wanthi m? "Me: "
Nahy oucanhav ehim."Her :
"So
what'shisnameanddi dy ougethi snumber ?"
Me:"Samke.AndNo. "Her:"You'r
euseless."
Me:"What ev er
."Deefinall
ycameoutoft he
shopt oo.Andwepar t
edway s.Idrovemy sel
f
backhomewhi l
ejammi ngt oBèy once-XO.I
l
ovet hatsong." Yourfacei sallthatIsee,I
'l
l
giv
ey ouev ery
thingBabyl ovemel i
ghtsout"I
sangal ong. °°°°
[03/23, 13:06]Mk: I
nsert12°°°°°WhenIgot
homef rom town.Mom wasal readycooking.
Shewasn' tsupposedt obeher eImeani twas
l
ikef our.Shewasn' tsupposedt obebackf or
anothert wohour s.Me:"Whyar ey ouhere?"
Mom: "Thisismyhousei sn'
tit
?"Me: "
Ohshi t
thatcameoutwr ong.Imeanwhyar eyouhome
soear ly."Her:"
LanguageKay one!AndIonl yhad
mor ningshi ft
.SoIdecidedt ocookt oreli
eve
you."Me: "
Thanky ouletmegoputt heseinmy
room. "Iwentt omyr oom andputt hebags
down.Mom cal l
edmeawhi lelatersayi
ng
dinnerwasr eady .SoIwentdown.°Nt andowas
settingupt het able.Mom: "
Kay onecany oucall
yourdad.It hinkhe' sinhi sst udy .
"Me: "
Okay "I
wentupt hest airstodaddy 'sstudy .I
twason
thef arendoft hecor ri
dor .Iknocked.Ihear da
faint'comei n' Iopenedt hedoorandent ered.
Me: "Daddi nner sr eady .
"Dad: "OkayPumpyI '
ll
be
ri
ghtdownIf istneedt omakeani mpor tantcall
toacl i
entofmi ne. "Me: "Okay .
"Iwent
downst airsagai nandsatdownatt hedi nner
table.Dadcamedownamomentl aterandsai d
graceandweat e.Dad: "Nt ando, Pumpy .Your
mom andIwi l
l beawayf oraf ewday s.
"
Mom: "Nopar tiesKay one.AndNt andol ookafter
yoursi sterpl ease. "Nt ando: "
Yeahsur e.
"Hewas
smi l
ing.Af terdi nnerwewat chedTVf orabi tti
ll
Ifeltsleepyandwentt osl eep.WhenIgotup
thepar ent swer eal readygone.AndNt andowas
onhi sphone.Me: "Organi singanot herget
toget her?"Hi m: "Yeah. "Me: "Youhear dwhat
mom sai d? "Hi m: "Hasany thingmom ev ersaid
stoppedme? "Me: "You' recr azy" Hi m:"So
I'
vebeent old.Lookam gonnagobuyaf ew
bot tl
esseey oul at
er ."Me: "Sure"het ookhi scar
key sandl eft.Imademy selfbreakfast.Af t
er
breakf astIdi dt hedi shes.Igotacal lfrom
Khay a.Me: "Babe? "Hi m: "Cany oucomeov er
l
at er."Hesoundedpr ettyser i
ous.Me: "Ar en'
t
youatwor k? "Him: "
It ookt heaf t
ernoonof f.
Nowwi l
l youmakei t? "Me: "Yeahsur e."
Hi m: "
Okayhur ry."Me: "Bye-"hehunguponme!I
fi
ni shedwi ththedi shesandandt ookabat h.I
wor ealightbl ueboy friendJeanmywhi teGucci
sneaker sandwhi t
eKappaTee.It ookmypur se.
Mom t ookt hecart odaysoIhadt ousepubl i
c
transpor t.Ihat eusi ngt hebus.°Iar r
ivedat
Khay a'
scr ib.Hecamedownt oopent hegat e
forme.Hewasst i
llinhi swor ksuit.Exceptt he
ti
ewasmi ssing.Twobut t
onswer elef
t
unbut t
onedandher olledhi ssleeves.If oll
owed
himi n.Him: "Sit
."Isatont hecouch.Hesatnext
tome.Hi m: "Wher ewer ey ouy esterday? "Me:"At
themal l."Hi m: "
Doi ngwhat ?"Me: "What '
swith
the20quest ions? "Hi m:"DoingwhatKay one!?"
Hewasget ti
ngi mpat i
ent.Me: "Myhai r.Khay a
what '
swr ongwi thy ou?"Hi m: "Who' st his?"He
fl
ippedmeapi ctur e.Ipickedi tupandsawt hat
i
twasmehuggi ngt hatSamkeguy .Me: "Khay a
arey ouhav ingmef oll
owed? "Hi m: "Justanswer
thedamnquest ionKay one!"Me: "Idon' tknow
him hisnamei sSamke. "Him: "Idon' tfuckin
wannaknowhi sname.What '
shet oy ou? "Me: "
I
j
ustmethi my est erdayIdon' tknowhi m."
Him: "Ohsoy ouwal karoundgi vingr andom
stranger spassi onat ehugs? "Me: "Thatwasa
briefhugKhay at here'snot hingpassi onate
abouti t.Stopbei ngi nsecur e!"Igotupr eadyt o
l
eav e.He' scr azy .Hehel dmyar m.Hi m:"Am
sor r
yokay .I'
v ejustgotal otofenemi esy ou
hav etobemor ecar efulnextt i
me. "Me: "Iwil
l.
Buti nfutur ewhenIdi dsomet hingy oudon' tli
ke
tal
kt omedon' tscr eam atme. "Hi m: "Am sor ry.
"
Hepul l
edmebackdownt ot hecouchnextt o
him andhuggedme.West ay edl iket hatfora
l
ongt i
met i
llhegotupsay inghewant sto
shower .Iwat chedcar toonsf ort het imebei ng.I
don'tcarehowol dIgetI 'l
lnev erst opwat ching
cartoons.Spongebobi shi larious.°Khay acame
downwear i
ngshor t
sandt -
shi rt.Wewat cheda
mov ie.ThenIhel pedhi m cookdi nner .Itstarted
getti
ngl at
ethough.Hi m: "
You' r
esl eepingov er
ri
ght ?"Me:"
What ?"Hi m: "
ImeanNt andoi s
havingat urnupaty ourhousesoi t'
sbestof
yousl eephere."Me: "I
'
v enev ersl eptataguy '
s
housebef ore."Hi m:"Wel lletmebey ourf ir
st?"I
l
aughed.Weat eandt henwashedt hedi shes
together.I
t'
sonl yKhay awhocanmakean
i
nnocentactofwashi ngdi shesnaught y
.
Lawd! °Af terwashi ngt hedi sheswewentup
tohisr oom.Khay at ookof fhi sshi rt.Me: "
Um
Khay a?"Him:"Mhh? "Me: "Cany ouputashi rton.
You'remessi ngwi thmyheadwheny ou'
r eli
ke
thi
s."Hechuckl ed.Hi m: "
Ilikemessi ngwi thyour
head.Especi all
ywhenam l iket his" Ibl ushed
Me: "Khayast opit!
"Hi m:" Wher e'
st hef unint hat
grandma? "Me: "
Stopcal lingmegr andma! "
Him: "Whygr andma? "Me: "Stopi t!"Her ol
ledhi s
eyesandputonamar oonshi rt.Het hrewmea
greyov er
sizedshirt.Me: "Whatt hisf or?"
Him: "Youdon' tactuallythinky ou' regonnasl eep
i
ny ourj eansr i
ght?"Me: "Oh."Hi m: "Iwantt osee
youi nmyshi rt
.Nowcomeonweari t.
"
Me: "OkayI'll
changei nthebat hroom. "Iwentt o
thebat hroom.Tookof fmycl othesandputt he
shirton.Itreachedmi dt high.Iwentbackt ot he
bedr oom.Khay awasal readyundert hecov ers.I
l
ay eddownnextt ohi m myhear thammer ingi n
mychest .Khay a:
"Kay oner elaxam notgonna
doany thi
ng.Wel lt
hati sunl essy ouwantme
too" Ihi thim ont hear m bl ushi ngmadl y
Me: "Stopteasingme. "Hi m:"
Fi nef inel et'
sgett o
sleep."Hesai dpullingmecl oser .°°°
[
03/23,
16:37]Mk:
Inser
t13°°°°°Iwokeupt o
mycell
phoneri
ngi
ngbutIwastoolazytopi
ckit
upbesi
desKhayawaswayclosert
oi t
.Hetook
i
tandgav ei tt ome.Hi m:"Babe? "Me: "
Mhhh, "
Him: "
Yourphonei sr i
nging,"Me: "Whoi sit
?"I
askedsl eepi l
y .Hi m: "IthasnoI D"Me: "Pickitup
then."Itur nedt ot heot hersi de.Him: "
Hel l
o?"
Cal l
er:
"..
."Hi m: "Thef ucky ouwantf rom her ?"
Cal l
er:
"..
."Hi m: "Youcansayi ttome. "Cal l
er:"
..
."
Him: "
Gof ucky oursel f."Heputt hephonedown.
Andwokemeup.Hi m: "Whyi sthisSamkeguy
calli
ngy ou? "Isatup.Me: "
Hedi dwhat ?"
Him: "
Yout ol dmey oudon' tknowhi m. "Me: "
And
Idon't."Him: "Thef uckhecal li
ngy ouf or?You
exchangednumber s."Me: "Idon'thav et i
mef or
this.
"Igotupandwor emypant sandshoes.
Tookof fhi sshi rtandputmi neon.It ookmy
phoneandcal ledDi amondt ocomepi ckmeup.
Khay agotupf rom t hebed.Hi m: "
Givemet he
phone. "Iignor edhi m.Andf orcefull
yt ookit
from meandt hr ewi tagai nstthewal landit
shat t
ered.Me: "Whatt hehel larey oudoi ng?"
Him: "
You' recal lingy ou' r
eboy f
riendinmy
house! "Me: " You' reani diotyouknowt hat?I
can'tdeal wi
tht hisrightnow. "Isteppedoutof
theroom.Hi m: "
Sonowy ou' regoi ngtol eav e.
Butwe' retal
king."Me: "You' r
esof ucken
i
nsecur e.Justgoandf i
xy ourselfbefor ey ou
talktomeIcan' ttalkt oy oul i
kethis.
"Hi m: "Well
youbet tergetusedt oi tcauset hisiswhaty ou'
l
l
beseei ngifkeep! a+! behav i
ngl i
keawhor e."I
chuckledbi t
terlyandst eppedcl osert ohi m.
Me: "
Call meawhor eonemor etimeKhay a."
Him: "
You.Ar e.A.Whor e."Hesai dpushi ngme
back.Ilookedathi m andt ookmypur seandl ef
t
hishouse.It oldmy selfIwon' tcryhehur tme
butIwon' tcryhedoesn' tdeser v
emyt ears.
Thatasshol ehebr okemyf reaki
ngphone.Now
am reallysurehe' sBi polar .Itookat axi home.°
Iarri
vedhome.Thehousewasamessandj ust
cli
mbedt hest ai
rst omyr oom.Ichangedt o
shortsandasi mpl eshi rtIt urnedonmy
speakerandl i
stenedt oKekePal mer -Wi ndup
cleaningmyr oom.Af teranhourandahal fI
wasdone.Iwentdownst airst ogetfoodIwas
kindahungr y.WhenIgotdownst airst hepl ace
wasspot l
essandIspot tedNt andol ooki nglike
hesl eptint het rashcan.Igotcl osert ohi m
hesmel ledliket hatt oo.Me: "
Whathappened
yest erday ?"Nt ando: "
Shhh.Notsol oudIhav ea
headache. "Hewhi sper edandIwasn' tev enl oud.
Him: "Gotanyheadachepi llsmyheadi skill
ing
me. "Me: "Yeaht opshel vei nmybat hroom. "
Nt ando: "ThanksI 'l
l beinmyr oom. "Het ooka
what everbot tlef rom t hef ri
dge.Me: "Andt akea
showert oopl ease. "Hef lippedmeof f.Ilaughed
andshookmyhead.Imademy sel fbacon, eggs
andasausage.Iat emyf oodandwat chedTV
forabi t.Nextt hi ngIknowBuhl ebar gesi n
throught hedoor .Buhl e:"Bi t
ch! "Me: "What ?"
Her :"I'
vebeencal li
ngy ouwhyi sy ourphone
off? "Me: "It'
sbr oken.I '
ll uset hespar eone. "
Her :"Okaywel llet '
sgot ot hecl ub. "Me: "Buhl e
am t i
red."Her :"Idon' tcar ewe' regoi ngt othe
club.Deei scomi ngov ernowgogof reshen
up. "Me: "Ihat ey ou. "Her :"Youl ov eme.Now
wher e'
st hatsexybr otherofy our s."
Me:"Probabl yinhi sroom. "Her :"Givenachance
I'
dsmasht hat."Me:"OkaynowShutup. "Her :
"I
meangi rlhowcany oul i
vei nt hesamer oom as
him andnotgethor ny?"Me: "
Si mpl e.He' smy
BROTHER. "Her :
"Samedi fferenceImeanhav e
youseent hewayhel i
ckshi sl i
pst hattounge.
It
'sbeenf artool ongsinceIhadagr eatmuf f
."
Me:"Thanky ouf ortheinfo. "Her :
"Imeanl ike
Kayonehav eyouseeny ouy ourbr other?"
Me:"YesIl i
vewi thhim."Her :
"Hel ooksl i
ket he
domi nantt ypei nthebedr oom.I shei nt okinky
stuff
?Candl ewaxandbl i
ndf ol d?"Iclosedmy
earsusingmyhandsandr anupst air
s
screami ng" Lal alal
a"likeamadwoman.Buhl e
i
scr azy.°Igoti nmyr oom andt ookaqui ck
shower .Iwor emynav ybl uej umpsui tandnude
highheel swi thIputonmake- upandf i
nishedi t
offwi t
hMar oonmacl i
pstick.It ookmycl utch
andletmybr aidslooseandj oinedBuhl e
downst airs.Buhl ewasf li
rtingwi thasi ck
l
ooki ngNt ando.Nt andowasn' tev enl i
stening.
"I
'l
lnev erdr i
nkagai n."Ihear dhi m mut t
er.Itwas
around18: 30andhewasst il
lhungov er.What
kindofal cohol didhehav e.Me: "Buhl est op
hitt
ingonmybr otherandl et'
sbounce. "Shegot
upandshov edmeasi demumbl ing
"Cockbl oker "Ilaughedather .Andt oldNt ando
am leav inghej ustnodded.If oundBuhl e
seatingi nhercar .Her :"Kay oney ou' resucha
cockbl ock. "Me: "Sisterf orgeti t.You' renot
gettingmybr other '
sdi ckany timesoon.And
l
et '
sst opt alkingabouthi mI '
l
l puke. "Sher ol
led
herey esbutl ett het opi cgo.°Wef etched
Diamondandwentt ot hecl ub.Wegoti nwi t
h
nohassl esconsi der i
ngam st i
ll 17andbot hof
them ar e18.Wewentst rai
ghtt ot hebarBuhl e
gotacal lfrom her' boy fri
end'.Shet henl edus
toaboot hatt hebackwi thaf ewguy sand
somegi rls.Buhl et appedonegi rlont he
shoul dert hatwassi tt
ingonsomeol derguy '
s
l
ap.Buhl e:"Trampmov e."Thegi rllookedat
Buhlef rom headt otoet hencl ickedhert ounge.
Buhle:"GirlIsaidmov e.Theseghet t
ohoes. "
Girl:
"Whoy oucal li
ngahoe? "Buhle:"
It'
sy ouI'
m
talki
ngt oar en'tI.Arey ougonnamov eor
shoul dImakey ou?"Gi r
l:"
Listenher eyouspoi l
t
brat-"Ihadt oi nterv
enebef oreBuhl ebeatt he
crapout t
aher .Me: "
Girl j
ustmov e."Girl
:"And
whoar etot ellmewhatt odo? "Me: "heyIwas
onlyt r
y i
ngt ohel p"Buhlehel dt hegirlbyherhair
andputherasi de.Buhl e:"Iwar nedy out oget
offhim. "Wel lIsawt hatt heguywasenj oy i
ng
theat tenti
onhewassmug.Thegi rll
eftand
Buhlet ookherpl ace.Wedr ankandt alkedto
theguy sandl adies.Iwasonl ydr i
nkingnon-
alcohol i
cdr i
nks.Dee: "Kaydon' tlooknowbut
there'ssomeonebehi ndy ou."Iturnedt olook
becausewheny ousaydon' tlooky ouj ustmake
theot herper sonwantt ol ookmor e.Any wayI
turnedar ound.AndwhatIsawmademyhear t
sink.Mychestconst rictedandmypal ms
startedt osweat .IguessKhay amust '
vef el
t
someonewasl ookingathi m causehel ooked
atmedeadi nt heey e.Hedi dn'tev enhav et he
decencyt omov ethatgi rlfrom hi sl ap.He
l
ookedatmewi t
hcol dey esandki ssedher
whilel ookingatmer ubbinghert highandt he
girl
wasmoani ng.Myv isi
onbecamebl urry.But
Ibli
nkedt hetearsawayandt ookashotof
tequila.Idon'tknowhowmanyshot sImust
havet aken.If oundmy selfont hedancef loor
danci ng.°°[N. BIf eel li
key ouguy sar en'
t
engagi ngwi ththest or y.Dropt hosecomment s
peopl eandt hanky out ot hoser eader swho
comment am v erygr ateful.Pl easecomment
ont hei nsert
sandgi v emesomef eedbacki t'
s
reall
ydi scouragingt oonl yhav eaf ew
comment swhi l
eov er100peopl er eady our
story.Ihopey ouenj oy edt hei nser t am sor ry
I'
vebeenscar cet omakei tupt oy ouI '
lldrop
anot herinserttonightokay ?Okay °°
[
03/23,
16:37]Mk:I
nser
t14°KHAYA' SP.
O.V°°
°°°Yester
dayaft
erKayonel
eftIdeci
dedto
cal lSamke.Andhet hr
eat enedt ohur tKay one.
I'
m notaf rai
dofhi m beli
ev emeam not .Ij ust
fearf orKay 'sli
fe.IloveherIr eallydobutam
notgoodf orhershe' sagoodgi rlandshe
deser vesagoodguy .ButI '
m nott hatguy .I'
ll
j
ustdr agheri ntomydar kl if
eandIcan' thav e
that .Iwoul dnev erforgiv
emy selfifKaywoul d
diebecauseofme.AndSamkei sunst abl e.I
wi sht her ewasawayt otellKay onet ost ay
awayf r om hi m withoutcomi ngof fasacont rol
freak.Butf i
rstIneedhert obesaf eandt hat '
s
farawayf rom me.Ineedt obr eakherhear tso
shewon' tev erthinkaboutmeagai n.Eveni fshe
hat esmeasl ongasshe' ssaf eIcan' tprot ect
herev er y
wher e.°°°KAYONE' SP. O. V°°°Iwoke
upt hef oll
owi ngdaymyheadwaspoundi ng.I
groanedandt urned.Ont hesi deoft hebed
ther ewasabot t
leofwat erandsomeaspi ri
n.I
poppedt woaspi ri
npi l
lsanddr ankt hewhol e
bot tleofwat er.Afterawhi l
emyheadst opped
poundi ngIobser vedmysur roundi ngs.Iwas
def i
net l
yinaguy sroom.If oundsweatpant s
andashi r
tandsomeAdi dassl i
p-onsanda
toil
et rybagandat oot hbr ush.OkayIwashel la
conf usedbutIdeci dedt oshower .It ookt hem
andwentt othebat hroom.Ishower edandwor e
thecl othes.Theydi dn'tfitmeper fect lyafterall
theywer eaguy 'sclothes.Soaf t
ershower i
ngI
didt hebed.Thedoorwasl ocledsoIsatont he
cor neroft hebedandwai ted.Af teraf ew
mi nut esaguycamei n.Hewaswear ingcasual
clothesbutohdamn!Ohdamn!Ki ll
menowhe
l
ookedhel l
af i
ne.Him: "Ohy ou'
reawake. "He
smi led.Hehasonedi mpl e.I sthatev enat hing?
Me: "Uh. ..yeah.Buthowdi dIgether eandwho
arey ou? "Him:"I'
m Lwazi Your emember
yest er dayy ouwentcl ubr ight ?
"Me: "Yes. "
Him: "Howmuchdoy our ememberf rom t here."
Me: "Wel lIwassi t
ti
ngwi thmyf ri
endsandt henI
sawmyboy f-Imeanex- boy fri
endandaf terthat
Ihadaf ewshot soft equilaev erythi
ngaf terthat
i
sabl ur."Him:"Turnsouty ouhadmor ethana
fewshot scausey ouwer edr unk."Hechuckl ed.
Iputmyf acei nhands.Me: "OhGodam so
embar rassed. "Hi m:"Firstt i
medr inking?"
Me: "Nonotr eallybutI '
venev erdrankt hathard.
DidIdoany mor eembar rassi ngthings? "
Him: "Wel ly ouki ssedt hebar man, t
hebouncer
andsomegaydude.Ohpl usy ouat t
ackedmy
gir
lfri
end. "Me: "Ohmywor d!Iam sosor ry.Gosh
I'
llnev erdr inkagai n."Hi m: "Am kiddingboutt he
l
astpar t" Me: "Stopi t.You' remaki ngmef eel
hor r
ible" Hi m: "Sorry.Youhungr y?"Me: "YeahI
guessso. "Hi m:"Come. "Ist oodupf rom thebed
andf ol l
owedhi mt ot heki tchenbef orewe
turnedt hecor nerIhear dv oicescomi ngf r
om
theki tchen.Ist oppedhi m.Me: "
Who' sther e?"
Him: "Myf ami l
y .
"Me: "You' rewhat !
?"Hi m:"Just
comet heywon' tbi t
e."Hepul ledmyhand.I
don'tev enknowt hisguy .Buthewoul dn'tkil
l
mei nf rontofhi sf ami lyr i
ght ?Butheseemed
prettychi ll.Wecamei nt heki tchenand
every bodyst oppedt alkingandl ookedatus.I
blushedundert heirscr ut i
nizinggazes.I
blushedev enhar derwhenInot icedourhands
wer estill
toget her.Henot icedIwas
uncomf ortableandl etgoofmyhand.Ther e
wer efourpeopl eint her oom.Anol derwoman
whoIassumedwashi smot her.Twogi rl
s-
twins.Andaguywhol ookedt obe25ormor e.
Theol derwomancamet omeandhuggedme.
Thatwaswei rd Her :"Sot hismustbe
makot i(daught erin-law)Lwazi :
"Mom! "Hisbro:
"
Wowl i
l broy ou'veout doney our selfshe's
gorgeous. "Lwazi :"Ericshe' snot -
"Hi s
mom: "Er i
cshutupIdon' tseey oubr ingi
ngagi r
l
heresopl ease.Li nasetanext rapl atefor
makot i.What 'sy ournamesweet y?"
Me: "
Kay one"Er ic:"Shecansi tnextt ome. "Hi
s
mom: "Whywoul dshesi tnextt oy ou?Comesi t
nexttomewehav eal ott ot alkabout .
"
Lwazi:"Butmom she' s-"Hi smom: "
Shutupwena
whenIwanty ourinputI 'l
laskf ori t.
"Shepul l
ed
met osi tnextt oherandIdi d.Weat eandt he
foodwasamazi ng.Shekeptaski ngquest i
ons.I
feltli
keIwasbei nginter v i
ewed.Her :"
Whati s
yoursur name. "Me: "
Ny at hi"Her :
"That'
ll Change
prettysoon.Howol dar ey ou? "Lwazi face
palmedandIchokedonmydr i
nk.Me: "I'
m
sev enteen. "Her :"MhhLwaz iovertherei s
turning21ont he17ofJul ynexty ear."Me: "
Uh
okay ."°Af terweat eIof feredwi thwashi ngthe
disheswi tht het wins.Il ear nttheirnameswer e
Linathi andAnat hibutt heygobyLi naandNat hi
.
Nat hiwasqui etthewhol et i
me.Li nawast he
mostt al kativeone.Shet oldmeabouther sel
f
andLwazi .Shesai dshe' s16.Lwazi camei nto
theki tchenawhi lelater.Lwazi :"
Youdone? "
Me: "Yes. "Li na:"Sowher e'dy ouguy smeet ?"
Lwazi :"Kay onel et'
sgo. "Li na: "
Don'tleav e
withoutsaygoodby etomom she' ll
beupset .
"
Me: "Okay .
"If oundhermom i nthesittingroom
wat chingTVwi t
hAnat hi andEr i
c.Me: "Ma?I '
ll
bel eav ingnow. "Shehuggedmeagai n.
Her :"
Ni cemeet i
ngy oubaby .Visitagain."Ijust
smi l
ed.Andl eftwi thLwazi .Hehadabagwi th
hi
m.Mycl othes, shoesandcl utchwer ei
nt here.
°Wegoti nt hecarandIdi rectedhi mt omy
house.Lwazi l
ivedi nt heTownshi psohewas
ki
ndasur pr isedt oseemyhouse.Lwazi :
"Thisis
wher eyoul ive?"Me: "Yesandt hanky ouf or
everythi
ng. "Lwazi :"Sur e.
"Me: "Bye. "Him:"CanI
gety ournumber ? "Me: "Sur e"It ypedi tinhi s
phone.Ihuggedhi m andt henl ef tthecar .I
needt odoaSi m- SwapASAP.°°Iopenedt he
doorandi twasunl ocked.Nt andowaseat ing
pizzaandBuhl ewassi tt
ingnextt ohi m.
Diamondwasont hecouch.Dee: "Kay ?Wher e
hav eyoubeen? "Nt ando: "
SeeIt oldy oushe' s
okay .
"Buhl e:"Gir
l!Whosecl othesar ey ou
wear i
ng!?"Shescr eamed.Me: "
Doy ouhav eto
besol oud? "Her :" What evert ellmeer r
'thang"
shepul l
edmet omyr oom andDeef ol
lowed
afterus.°
[
03/23,16:
37]Mk:I
nser
t15°°°°Isatonthe
bedBuhleandDi
amondsatontheeit
hersi
deof
me.Dee: "Girlstarttal kingwhathappened
yesterday .Youwentmi ssingi nthemi ddleof
theni ght"Buhl e:"Aftersheki ssedt hatgayguy "
Dee: "Andt hebouncer .Andt hebar man"
Me:"Youwannahearwher eIwasornot ?"
Buhle: "
Talk"SoIt oldt hem ev erythi
ngLwazi
tol
dmeandt hepar tabouthav ingbr eakfast
withhi sfami ly.Buhl e: "
Sowhaty ougonnado
aboutKhay a?"Mymooddr opped.Me: "I
honest lydon' tknow. "Ir ubbedmyhead.Me: "But
hepl ayedme.Idon' twannaadmi titbutNt ando
wasr ight .
"Dee: "It
'sokaybabey ou'l
l getov er
him."Shesai dr ubbi ngmyback.Buhl e:"
You
knowwhat 'sthebestwayt ogetov eradi ck?
Getanewone. " Dee: "Forgetitwe' renot
getti
ngKayadi ldo" ••Af ewday spassed
andmypar entswer eback.Chr i
stmasi stoday
whichmeansf ami lyt ime.Andmom wi l
lcook
andI '
llbel eftwi thapi leofdi shes .°Khay a
wasst i
llanoshow.Andcur semyhear tfor
missinghi m.Hedi dn' tev encomet oapol ogi
se.
Doesheev enr egr etwhathedi datal l?It hought
he'dchangehi sway sforme.Iwassonai ve.
AndLwazi .He' st hemostamazi ngper sonI 've
evermethe' sf unny ,
he'ssmar tandr ational but
theonlypr obl em i she'snoKhay aandhe' ll
neverbe.ButIcan' tfi
ndi tinmet ost op
compar ingt hem.Buhl et hi
nksIshoul dgi ve
Lwazi achancebutDeei ssett hatImustf igure
outwhat 'swr ongwi thKhay a.Andme?Whatdo
Iwant?Ohf ucki t!"Kay one!Kay one! "Ihear dmy
mom cal lingme.Iputonmyshoesandwent
downst airs.Me: "Yes? "Her :"
Gogetmet hese
thi
ngsatt hemal l."Shegav emehercr editcar d
andcarkey s.Her :"Andhur ryIwantt ofinishup
withthesal ads. "Me: "
Okay ."°Igoti ntot hecar
anddr ovet ot hemal l.Iwentt oSparand
broughtt het hingsandl eft
.It ookt heel evat or
tothepar ki ngl ot.Iputt hegr oceriesi nt heboot .
Andwal kedt ot hedr iver'sside.-"Hey "av oice
behindmesai d.Iwasst artl
ed.It urnedar ound
sawKhay a.Me: "Thef uck? "Hi m:"Canwet alk."
Me: "No. "Iopenedt hecart ogeti n.Hi m:"Please
Kay .Justl i
st en."Me: "
No.Idon' twannal istento
youany mor e."Him:"Ijutwantt oexpl ain
somet hingst oy oupl easel et'sjusttalk."
Me: "We' ret alkingnowar en' twe? "Him: "Nonot
her e.Let '
sgot omyhouse. "Me: "
Iam notgoi ng
any wher ewi t
hy ou."Hi m:"Ser i
ouslydoIhav eto
picky ouupknow. "Her oll
edhi sey es.Me: "Get
talkingorI '
ll l
eav e.
"Hi m:"Okayl et'
sgeti ny our
cart hen. "Igoti nandwentt otheot herside.
Me: "So? "Hi m: "LookI '
mt rul ysor r
yaboutwhatI
did.Iwasangr yandIwant edt ocool downI
knowIshoul dn'thavegoneabouti tthatway
butI 'm sosor ryokay.Ididn' tmeant ohur tyou
Kay one.Il ov ey ouandIwanty ousaf eandI
can' tgivey out hatsecur i
tynotwi t
hSamke
fl
aunt i
nghi sassar oundact ingl i
keheowns
thist own.Samkei susi ngy outogett ome.I
can' tlethi m hur tyouIj ustcan' t.Iwanty ousafe
butIst i
llneedy oucloset ome.I '
m cor nered
andIcan' thav eboth.Ineedy ouKay -
"
Me: "Stop. "Myt ear swer ef alli
ngbynow." Just
pleasest op.Ev er ytimey ouf eellikey ou'renot
copi ngy oupushmeawayandhur tmei nthe
process.Whyar ey ousuchacowar d?Whycan' t
youf acey ourpr oblemsheadon?Youal way s
dot hismakemef eel i
mpor tantt hendr opme
l
ikeapot ato.It oldy ouIdi dn'tcar er i
ght ?That
wear egonnagett hr ought hisright ?Your
enemi esar emyenemi es.It oldy ouI 'dbe
car eful.Itoldy ouI 'm notl ivingwi t houty ou.So
stopdoubt ingme.Ihav ey ouIknowI '
m saf e.I
goty ourbackst oppushi ngmeaway .
"Myv oice
keptbr eakingandIwasshaki ng.Hepul l
edme
i
nf orahug.Hi m: "
I'm sor ryf orall theshi tI
causedy ou. "Me: "
St opbei ngacowar dandt alk
tome.Iai n'tgoi ngnowher e.Samkecanbuya
dildoandf uckhi msel f
."Hechuckl edhischest
vibrat i
ngandhehuggedmet ighter .I
fheused
any mor est rengt hmyr i
bswoul dbr eak.Ipulled
awayf r
om t hehugandl ookedathi m st r
aightin
theey es.Me: "Ihat et hatIcan' tstaymadaty ou.
Likeser i
ousl yy ouhurtmeKhay anoj okes."
Him: "
IknowandI '
m sorr
y.Ilovey ou."Me: "Love
yout oo."Het henkissedmeIpul ledoutwhenI
feltmyphonev i
brati
ng.Me:"Onesec. "I
answer edt hephone." Mom"Her :"Kay onewhat '
s
wr ongwi thfindi ngafewt hi
ngsandcomi ng
backhome.Youwer esupposedt obeher ea
l
ongt i
meago. "Me:"Ehyeahl ongque.
Chr istmashol idaysremember .I
'
ll bet here
now. "Her :
"Okayhur r
y."Me:"Khay aIhav eto
go. "Him: "Okay .You'll
comeseemel at erri
ght?"
Me: "Uhy eahsur e.
"Hepeckedmyl i
psonce
mor e.Him: "By e."Me:"
Bye."Idroveoutoft he
par kinglotsmi l
ingl
ikecrazy.WithSheLov es
MebyTr eySongzbl asti
ngincar .Ican' thelpitI
l
ov eTr eyhe'sbae .°°
[03/23,16:
37]Mk: Inser
t16°°°°°°Sat ur
day
camear ound.Khay aandIwer efi
nehereal
ly
wast ry
ingandsowasI .Wewer egonnamake
thiswork.I
twast he30t hofDecemberandI
hadnopl answhat soever.Buhl
eandDiamond
wereonhol i
dayonl ycomi ngbackont he3r d.I
wasbor edshi tl
essf ort helastf ewday sand
Khay awasbusy .Nt andowasdr unkhal fthe
ti
mesoIcoul dn'tdoany t
hingwi t
hhim.Mom
anddadwer eatmyaunt '
spl aceinLakev i
ll
e.I
beggedt hem nott ot akemewi thandev en
fakedast omachache.Thatwomanhasi tinf or
me.Al way st ryi
ngt ocompar emewi thher
daught erMandy .Cal lingmeaspoi l
tbr atandI '
d
trytotuneheroutbutshenev ergivesup.She
j
ustwant sar eactionf rom me.°Ihi tt heshower .
Igotoutdr i
edandl otionedmybody .It hen
worebl ackdeni m shor tskirtandabl ack
TommyHi l
fi
gercr opt opandmyGucci
sneaker s.Itiedmybr aidsi nal oosebun.It ook
myphonef rom t hechar ger.Isawami ssedcal l
from Lwazi soIdeci dedt ocal lhim back.>>
CallConv oMe: "Youcal led?"Hi m:"Uhy eah.I
want edt oknowi fy ouhav eanypl ansf or
today ?
"Me: "Nonotatal l.
"Hi m:"Wannameet
up?"Me: "
Yeahsur e"Hi m:"OkayI 'l
lseey ouinan
hourinTownokay ?"Me: "Okayby e.">>>Atl east
Iwasn' tgonnabebor edshi tl
esst hewhol eday .
Itookmybagandmom' scarkey sandl eft
.I
backedoutoft hedr i
v ewayanddr ov etoTown.
Ittookme45mi nutest ogett here.Tr af
ficwas
terri
ble.WhenIar riv
edLwazi textedmet omeet
him atSpur .Ipar kedt hecarandwentt oSpur .
Lwazi wasal readyt her e.Him: "
Hey ."Hegav e
meahug." Youl ookgood"Me: "Thanky ou.You
too"hesmi led.Hi m: "Ialreadyor der edf orus.
Hopey ouhungr y.
"Ichuckl ed.Me: "Iam. "Sot he
goodar ri
vedandweat e.Him: "
Mymom l i
kes
youandshewant stoseey ouagai n."
Me: "
What ?"Ilookedupathi m.Hi m: "Yeaht his
weekendi fy oucan. "Me: "
But -
"Him: "Justcome
Kaypl easeLi nawon' tshutupabouty ou."I
chuckl ed.Me: "
OkayI 'llcome. "Him:" Let'
sgo
then."Me: "Now? "Him: "Yes."Me: "But -"Him: "No
butsKay onel etsgo. "Isighedbutst oodupand
foll
owedhi m out .Igoti nmycarandhegoti n
hisandIf ollowedhi m.°Wear ri
vedathi shome.
Iparkedmycarbehi ndhisi nt hey ar d.He
openedt hedoort ot hehouse.Iwasgr eetedby
Lwazi'smot her.Shegotupf rom t hecouchand
huggedme.Her :
"Mydaught eri n-l
aw.Ihav en't
seeny oui nawhi le.You'regl owi ng. "Ilaughed.
Andhuggedherback.Me: "Thanky ouma. "
Her:"
Lwazi heregobuybr ead. "Lwazi tookthe
money .Hi m: "
Comel et
'sgo. "Hi smom: "Heeee."
Clapshandsonce."Youal readywannashow
herofftot heset ownshi pboy s."Lwazi ignored
hismom andwal kedoutt hedoorIf oll
owed
him.Me: "Youhav en'
ttoldherwe' renotdat i
ng?"
Him:"Ididbutmymom i s...wel lmymom she
l
ikesy ou."Ilaughedwewal kedandhewas
showingmear ound.Wepassedagr oupof
guysandaf ewgi rl
s.Oneguywhi stled.
Guy1:"WowLwazi hotthingy ougott here."
Guy2:"Looksl ikeacheesegi r
l."Gi rl
:"Sheisshe
doesn'tbelongher e.Lwazi !Sot hi
si swhaty ou
l
eftmef or?"Lwazi :"
Wenev erdat edPam i twas
ahookup. "Pam: "Hookup?Hookupmyl eft
footyout oldmey oul ovedme. "Lwazi :"Can't
youmov eon?Thatwasmont hsago"t hegirl
gotclosertousandst oodi nf rontofme.She
wasal itt
lebitshor t
ert hanme.Car amel skin
andst yl
eddr eadlocks.Shel ookedcut e.
Pam: "
Lwazi howcany ouj ustsayt hat?And
you."Shepoi ntedatme. "Howdoy oufeel
knowingt hatyourr elationshi pi sbasedon
anotherwoman' stear shuh?Howcany oubuid
happinessonanot her woman' st earshuh?How
doy ou?"Shewasneart earsnowandIdi dn't
knowwhatt odo.Me: "Pam I 'm sur ewhat ever
Lwazi putyout hroughmustbev eryhar d"Lwazi
rol
ledhisey es."ButI'm notdat inghi mI '
vegota
boyfri
endt hatIlove."Isawr eliefonherf ace
andt r
acesofhope.Lwazi pul ledmeaway
beforePam coul dsayany thing.Me: "
Andt hen
you'r
eahear tbreakerNow? "Heshookhi shead.
Him:"Let'
snott alkaboutt hatnow. "°Wewent
backt ohishouseandst ayedabi t.Ichatted
withhismom andLi na.Iannouncedt hatI'l
lbe
l
eav ing.Lwazi 'smom: "Cany oupassbyt he
mal lformeony ourwayhome.Gowi thLwaz iI
don'tt rusthim wi thany thi
ng.Her ebuyt hese
thingsf orme. "Itookt heshoppi nglist.
Me: "Okayl et
'sgoLwazi ."Lwazi swal lowed
what ev erhewaseat i
ngandt ookhi scarkey s.
Lwazi 'smom: "Thanky ouchi ld."Me: "No
problem. "Ismi ledandgotoutoft hehouse.I
drivet ot hemal lwithLwaz ibehi ndme.We
arriv
edandwentst raightt othesuper mar ket.
Weboughtal lthet hingsandpi l
edt hem ont he
troll
ey .Lwazi wasf li
rtingwi t
hanur sei nfrontof
him.Shel ookedol dert hanhim butshewasi nt
o
him soshegav ehi m hernumber .Wel eftthe
mal landwentt othepar ki
ngl ot.Me: "Ser i
ously
Lwazi she'slike10y ear soldert hany ou"
Him: "Idon' tcareIl i
kemywomenmat ured"I
j
ustl aughedathi m.- "Kay one? "Iknewt hat
voiceIt urnedar ound.Me: "Khay a. "°
[
03/23,
16:37]Mk:I
nser
t17°°°°°Khay
a
l
ookedangry.Hedi
dn'
tevenl
ookatmehewas
glarringatLwazi .Ifl ookscoul dki llhe' dbesi x
feetunder .Khay a: "
Kay onewho' st his? "
Lwazi :
"I'
m- "Khay a:"Iwasn' tt alkingt oy ounow
Shutup"Me: "
Uh. ..that 'sLwazi ."Khay a:"
What 's
hedoi ngwi thy out hen? "Me: "Shoppi ng."
Khay a:"Kay oneIcanseet hat .Butwhyt hef uck
arey oushoppi ngwi thhi m? "Lwazi :
"Br o-"
Khay a:"Didn'tItel ly out oshutt hatcr aphol e? "
Me: "Khay at hatwasunnecessar y.Comeonl et'
s
go."InudgedLwazi .Khay a:"Soy ou'rel eaving
withhi m? "Me: "Khay apl easenotnow. "Lwazi :
"I
thinkIshoul dgo"Khay a:"
It hinky oushoul d."
Lwazi left
.Khay a:"Let 'sgot omyhouseweneed
tot alk."Me: "Mycar ."Khay a: "
I'l
l hav esomeone
takei tbackt oy ourhouse. "Isi l
ent lyf oll
owed
himt ohiscarcausei fIputupaf ighthe' djust
causedr ama.Heopenedt hedoorf orme.And
wentt othedr i
ver ssi de.Hedr ov etohi shouse
sil
ent ly.Wewer equi ett hewhol eway .°We
arrivedandheopenedt hedoor .Hewentt ot he
fri
dgeandpul l
edoutawat erbot tle.Andt hen
turnedt ome.Hi m: "Kay one. "Me: "Khay a"
Him: "Whowast hat ?Ar ey ouser i
ousl yr epl acing
mewi ththatt hing? "Me: "Thi ng?Khay anoonei s
replaci ngyou. "Hi m: "
Idon' tli
kehi m"Me: "Okay .
"
Him: "Idon'twanty ouany wher enearhi m. "
Me: "You' r
ei nsane. "Hi m:"Woul dy ouf uckenst op
beingst ubbor nt hi
sf ory ourowngood! "Me: "No
thi
si sj usty out ryi
ngt ocont rolmet oi nf l
at e
yourego. "Hi m:"Kay ."Me: "Takemehome. "
Whenhedi dn'tmov eIwentt oopent hedoor .If
hewon' tt
akemet henI 'l
lgomy self.Her an
afterme.Hi m:"Kay onewoul dyoust opt his!"
Me: "Stopwhat ?"Hi m:"Thi s.Youcan' tal way s
runev erytimesomet hinggoeswr ongandI
can'tcan' tkeepr unni ngaf teryouKayy ouneed
total kt ome. "Me: "HowcanIt alktoy ouwhen
you'rey el
li
ngatme? "Hi m: "LookI '
m sor ryl et'
s
j
ustgoi nsi
de.Pl ease? "Me: "No.Ther e'snot hi
ng
total kabout ,youdon' ttrustmesof uckof f.
"
Him: "You'renotgoi ngany wher e."Hewast oo
calm andt hatwasscar ingme.Ami nut eagohe
wasbl azingandnowhe' sice.Thewayhe
swi tcheshi semot i
onsi snotnor mal .Idon't
knowwhat '
swr ongwi thhim.Il ovehi m but
j
eal ousyi st urni nghi mt osomet hingelse.Iwas
aboutt otell himt of uckof fagai nbuthegota
call.Hi m:"Thi sbet t
erbei mpor t
antChi na."
Cal l
er :
".
..
"Hi m: "Wel lfini
shhi m Idon' twant
any thingtheywi l
l t
racebackt ome. "Cal l
er:
".
..
"
Hi m:"Whatexact lyam Ipay ingy ouf orifyou
can'tcar ryoutasi mpl eorder .
"Cal ler:
".
..
"
Hi m:"You'resuchapussy .Meetmeatt he
war ehousei nanhour ."Hehungup.Hi m:"You.
Insidenow. "Me: "AndIj ust-"Him: "Iwasn't
aski ngy ouKay one.GOI NSIDE!Andst opbeing
abr at .
"Wi tht hathet urnedonhi sheel sand
wentt ohispar kedcar .°SinceIhadnomoney
onmeIwenti nsi dethehouse.It ookagr ey
fleecebl anketf r om hi scloset.Andl ayedonhi s
bed.Iwasgonnawai tforhimt ocomeback.
He' sget ti
ngt oopossessi ve.Andt hiswhol e
relationshipwasbui l
toni mpul se.I tai
n'thealt
hy.
Ifwewanti ttolastwebet terwor koni tnow.
Buthowar ewegonnadot hatwhenKhay a
treatsmel ikeat oddl er
.Li keIcan' tthinkf or
my self
.Ifellasleeponhi sbed.°Iwaswoken
upbysomeoneshaki ngme." ComeonIbought
food.Youmustbehungr y .
"Ipul ledt hebl anket
ov ermyheadandi gnoredt hisper son." Babe?
ComeondoIhav et ocar ryy oudown. "Iknewi t
wasKhay aIdi dn'trespondonpur pose.Next
thingIknowI '
m bei ngliftedof fmyf eetand
pressedonahar dbody .Heputmeont opof
theki tchencount erandgav emef ood.Hi m: "
I
war medi tupf ory ou."Ijustbl inkedandt ook
thef ood.Nomat terhowmadIcanbeI 'l
lalways
eat .Iatequi etl
ywi thKhay awat chi ngmel ikea
hawk.Af terIwasdonehet ookt het hedi shand
puti tinthesi ck.Hi m:"Wannat akeashower ?"
Agai nIwassi lent.Het ookt hatasay esand
car ri
edmeupst airsagai n.Openedt he
bat hroom doorf orme.Hi m: "Ther e'saspar e
toot hbrushont het opshel v e.I'
llfi
ndy ou
somet hingt owear .
"Inodded.Ist ri
ppedandgot
i
nt heshower .Ishower ed, l
otionedt hen
brushedmyt eeth.IgotoutandIf oundan
oversizedt -
shirtandl i
ghtbl ueboxer s.Iwor e
them andsatont hecor neroft hebed.Khay a
camei nasecondl ater.°Him: "You'rereadyt o
tal
k? "Me: "Ithoughtwespokeal r
eady .
"
Him: "Younev erfor gavemedi dyou? "Hesai d
quietlynotmeet i
ngmyey es.Me: "Khay ayou
hurtme.Doy ouhowbei ngcheat edonmakes
youf eel?It'slikey ou'renotenough."Hi m: "
I
knowandI 'm sor ry."Me:"That '
sthey our
problem.Yousaysor ryonceandt hinkt hat
's
enough. "Him: "Whatdoy ouwantmet odo? "
Me: "Iwi shIcoul ddoexact lywhaty oudi d.
"
Him: "I
twasami stakeKay one.Ir egretev er
y
secondofi tIwasangr yandIknowIshoul d
tal
kedt oy oui nsteadoff uckinganot herbit
ch."I
l
etmyt earsf all
.Wenev erreallytalkedabout
whathedi d.Hi m:"Whyar ey oucr ying?BabeI '
m
sorry."Het ookmyhandsi nhi sandl ookedme
i
nt heey e.Me: "I
'm cryingcausey ouwon' t
changeKhay a."Hi m:"Babeam t rying..
."
Me:"Howt hef uckwoul dyouf eel ifdidthathuh?
IwishIcoul dhur ty oui nthewayy ouhur tme.
ButIcan' tIlov ey ouandIwoul dn' twannaput
youthrought hat .Doy ouknowhowmuchI
doubtmy self?Whati si tt
haty ouwant ?Sex?
FineI'
llgiveitt oy ou."Ikissedhi m hard
unbuttoninghi sshi r
tsamet i
me.Heki ssedme
backandpul ledmei ntohi slap.Hepushedme
offgently.Me: "What ?"Him: "Nonotl i
ket hi
s."
Me:"What ?"Hi m:"Youdon' thav et of eel
pressuredi ntodoi ngany t
hi ngandI '
m not
taki
ngadv ant ageofy ouliket his.Comel et'
s
cuddle."Heki ckedhi sshoesof f.Andpul l
edme
tobed°°
[
03/23,16:
37]Mk: Chapt
er18°°°°°°I twas
SundaymorningandIturnedtoKhay a.He
l
ookedpeacefuli
nhissleep.Notlikethecocky
bast
ardheis.Heactuall
ylookedinnocent
wit
houthissi
gnaturesmirk.Ishookhim.
Me:"Khay a?Khay awakeup. "Him: "Got osleep
babei t'
sSunday "Me: "Butbabe. ."Him: "NoKay
gobackt osl eep. "Me: "Iwannapee.Khay aI
can'tgoany wher ewi thy ourgigant i
car m
aroundme"Hi m:"You' r
enotsupposedt ogo
anywher e"hesai di na' duh' tone.Me: "Wel lokay
IguessI 'l
ljustwety oursof twhi tesilksheet s
then."Hegr oaned.Hi m: "Arghj ustgo. "Irant o
thebat hroom.Thet i
leswer ecoldundermy
barefeet.Idi dmybusi nessandt hent ookmy
toothbrushandbr ushedmyt eeth.Iwashedmy
handsandj oi nedKhay ainbed.Hepul ledmet o
him put t
inghi sar m ar oundme.Me: "Yourar mis
heav y"Him: "Stopwhi ningandshush"Ir oll
ed
myey esandwesl eptl i
ket hat.Wewokeup
around11am andIaskedKhay atot akeme
home.°WhenIgothomeIchar gedmyphone
andchangedt hecl othesIwaswear i
ngsi nceI
hadal readyt akenashoweratKhay a'spl ace.I
madel unchf ormybr otherandI .Ntandowas
upstairsinhi sr oom soIwentt ocall him.I
knockedonhi sdoorheanswer edaf terawhi l
e.
Hewasbr eat hingheav i
lyandal l sweat y.
Me: "UhhImadel unch. ..whatwer eyoudoi ng? "
ThenIhear dawoman' sv oice" Babewho' sat
thedoor ?"Me: "Ewwwnoonsecondt hought
don'ttellme. "Nt andosmi r
ked.Hi m:"I'
ll ber i
ght
down. "Iputourf oodont hedi ningt abl e.Iset
upanext rapl atef ort hegi rlupst air
s.They
camedownst airs.Thegi r
llookeday earort wo
oldert hanme.Me: " Hi"Her :"Hel l
o. "Weat ei n
sil
enceaf tereat i
ngNt andost oodupandt hrew
thegi rlsomemoney .Her :"
Whati sthisf or? "
Ntando: "Fory ourt axi fare"Her :
"ButIt hought
youwer et akingmehome? "Nt ando: "Wel lIain'
t.
Kay oneI '
llbei nmyr oom t aki ngashower ."I
noddedIl ookedatt hegi r
landshehadt earsin
herey es.Her :
"Ithoughthel i
kedme. "
Me: "Eeeh..."Her :
"Imeanwehadagoodt ime
ri
ght ?"Me: "I'
m sur ey oudi dbutt hat'sj usthow
Ntandoi sdon' tst r
essy ourselfabouthi m.I '
ll
takey ouhomeokay ."Shewi pedhert ear sand
nodded.Icl ear edt het abler anupst airsand
tookmycarkey sandphone.Icamebackdown
andshewasseat ingont hecouch.Me: "
You
ready "shenodded.Iunl ockedt hecarandgoti n.
Shegoti ntoo.Ibackedoutoft hedr ivewayand
drove.Ipl ayedEv er ydaybyAr i
anaGr andef t
Future.Me: "Sowhat '
sy ourname? "Her :
"Sane"
Me:"OkaySanewher edoy oul i
ve?"Shet oldme
thename.Me: "Heyi sn'tthatwher eLwazi li
ves?"
Shel ookedsur pr ised.Her :
"YouknowLwazi ?"
Me:"Yeahhe' saf riendofmi ne"Her :
"Wowgi rl
you'r
econnect ed"Me: "Whatdoy oumean? "
Her:"Lwazi i
swel l-knowngangst eratt he
townshi pandwel lev erygirlwantshi m."Ijust
l
aughedIdi dn' tbel iev eher.Lwazi i
st oosweet
tobeagangst er.Idr oppedherof fatherhouse.
Sane: "Wannacomei n? "Me: "Noit'
sf ine"
Her:"Thanky ousomuchKay one"Ismi l
ed.
Me:"Itsapl easur e."Shewav edandgoti nher
house.Ideci det ocal lLwazi si
nceIhadnot hi
ng
todof orther estoft heday .°>>Cel lphone
Conv ersation<<°Hi m: "
Hel lo? "Me: "Hey .You
home? "Him: "Yeah"Me: "I'
m comi ngt hrough"
Him: "Okayseey ou"Me: "By e"Ihungup.Sane
l
ivedj ustdownt her oadf rom Lwazi .°Iknocked
onLwazi '
sdoor .Heopened.Hi m: "
How' dy ou
gether esof ast? "Me: "Iwasi nt he
neighbour hood"Hi m:"Okaycomei nt hen.Iwas
wat chingsoccer .
"Me: "Ihat espor t
s.Wher e's
thef am? "Hechuckl ed.Hi m: "
Youwant edt osee
meort hem? "Me: "Both? "Her ol l
edhi sey es.
Him: "Mom' si nchur ch,af t
er noonser vi
ce.Idon't
knowaboutt het wins"Me: "Okay .
"Him: "You
knowhowt opl ayv i
deogames? "Me: "I
'm apr o"
Hel aughed.Hepl uggedi nt hegamewepl ayed
GrandThef tAut o.Ibeathi sasst hreet imesi na
row.Me: "Dudey ousuck. "Hi m: "
Youshoul dstop
showi ngof f."Me: "Ican' thel pi tthat-"Iwascut
offbymycel lphoner inging.Ipausedt hegame
andanswer ed.I twasKhay a.°>>>Cel l
phone
Conv ersation<<<°Me: "Babe? "Him: "Hey .Where
arey ou?"Me: "AtLwazi house. "Hi m:What !
Kay one- "Me: "Khay ast opit!"Hi m:"OhmyGod!
Babey ou' r
enotsaf et heregetoutnow."Ist ood
upandmov edawayf rom Lwazi Iwenti ntothe
ki
tchen.Me: "Khay awhatar ey out alkingabout ?"
Him: "LookKayLwazi isoneofSamke' smen. "
Me: "So? "Hi m: "Samkei sdanger ousKay one
whichmakesLwazi equal l
ydanger oust oo.I
wanty ououtoft herenow"Me: "It
hi nky ou'r
e
beingpar anoi d.Lwazi wouldn' thur tme. "
Him: "Noty ouy es.Buthe' dusey out ohurtme.
Nowl istent omegetoutoft her eanddr iveto
myhouse. "Me: "Okay "Hi m:"Anddon' tpanic.
Don' tshowhi my ou'reont ohi m.Li ebutj ustget
outoft here"Me: "Okay "Him: "Ilovey ou"
Me: "Lov ey out oo"Iendedt hecal landwent
backt ot helivingr oom.Me: "Lwazi Ineedt ogo"
Him: "Why ?"Me: "Fami lyemer gency "hegotup
fr
om t het hecouch.Hi m:"Shoul dIcomewi t
h
you? "Me: "
NoI '
mf ine"hegotcl osert omeandI
fl
inchedandt ookast epback.Hi m:" Khaya
call
edy oudi dn'the. "Me: "
No"Hi m:"Thenwhy
arey ousuddenl yscar edofme? "Her aisedhi s
voicewhi chmademej umpabi t.Me: "Nonohe
didn't.Thatwasmybr other .
"Hi m: "
Don' tli
et o
me! "Hesl appedmesohar dIst agger ed
backwar ds.Icouldf eel themet alli
ct asteof
bloodi nsi demymout h.Iputahadonmycheek.
Me: "Lwazi pl
easeIneedt o-"Thedooropened
andhi smom andLi nat hi gotin.Lwazi 'smom: "
Daught erin-l
aw.Ididn' tknowy ouwer ecomi ng".
Itookt hatoppor t
unityandl ungedf ort hedoor .I
rant omycarmyhandswer eshaki ng.Idr ove
l
ikeamadwomant oKhay a'shouse.ThewayI
wasdr ivingit'
sami racl eIwasn' tpul l
edov erby
thet rafficcops.°Igott oKhay a'shouseandt he
frontgat ewasopened.Ipar kedcar el
esslyand
raninsi det hehouse.Khay awasi nt heki t
chen
wi t
hagl assofwat er .Heputt hegl assdown
whenhesawt hestateIwasi n.I '
m pr ett
ysur eI
l
ookedl i
keazombi e.Iwascr yingandmyt ears
wer emi xedwi thmascar asl i
dingdownmy
cheeks.Mycheekst illstung.Andbecauseof
myl ightskinI '
m pr ettysur ey oucoul dseet he
pinkmar kofLwazi 'shand.Khay a:"OhmyGod
babear eyouokay ?"Ishookmyhead.Hepul l
ed
mei nforahug.Myt ear swer ewet t
inghi sshi rt
.
Buthedi dn'
tseem t omi nd.Isobbedonhi s
chest .Hewasr ubbi ngmyback.Me: "Khay aI
wasscar ed."Istil
l hadhi ccupsHi m: "I
tsf i
ne
you'reokay .You' r
esaf enow.Lwazi willpayf or
this.Comel etmegety out obed. "Inoddedand
hecar r
iedmeupst airs.Islepti nst antly.Iwas
wokenupbymycel lphoner i
ngi ng.Idi dn't
checkt hecal l
erI D.Me: "Hello?"Cal l
er:"Yout hink
thisist heend? "ItwasLwazi .Me: "Whatdoy ou
wantf r
om me? "Hi m: "Don'tflattery our sel
fI
don'twanty ou.Youexact l
ywhoIwantandy ou
willgivehimt ome"Me: "
You' reoutofy our
mi nd"hechuckl ed.Hi m: "Icoul d'
v eki l
ledy oui fI
want edt otoday .ButIwant edt oscar ey our
preciousboy f
ri
end.AndnowheknowsImeans
business."Me: "Sot hisi sjustagamet oy ou?
You'resi ckLwazi !"Ihungupbef orehecoul d
sayany
thi
ng.°
[03/23, 16:37]Mk: Chapt er19°°°°°Khay a
tookmehomeMonday .Sincehewasgoi ngt o
wor kandt herewasnowayi nhel l wasIgonna
stayint hatgi gant i
chouseal one.Khay asai dI
waspar anoi d.ButIcan' thelpi tandIdi dn'ttel
l
him aboutt heLwazi '
scal l
.Imeant hedudei s
stressingaboutmeal r
eadyIdon' twanthi mt o
bemor ewor riedsoIkeptmymout hshut .He
stoppedbyt hegat eatmyhouse.Khay a:"
Look
j
ustmakesur ey ourphonei sal way son.Don' t
l
eav et hehousewi thoutt el
li
ngme.Ial ready
hav epeopl el ookingoutf ory oubutIwanty ou
tobecaut iousokay ?"Inodded.Heki ssedmy
forehead.Igotoutoft hecarandwenti nside
thehouse.°°Nt andowaswat chingsoccerwi th
af ewguy swhoIassumedwer ehi sfri
ends.
Me: "Mor ni
ng"Isai dgoingt ot hekitchent oget
my selfsomewat er.Guy1:"WowNt andowhoi s
thismami ?"Nt ando:"
Fuckof fLor enzot hat'smy
sister.Andshe' sKhay a'
sgi rl
."Lor enzol ooked
shocked.Nt andoNt andocamet omehol dinga
canofFl yingFi shinonehand.Nt ando: "
Hey
babygi rl
.Ar eyouokay ?Khay acal l
edme
yesterday."Ismi l
ed.Me: "I
'mf ine.I'
llbei nmy
room"Hi m: "Wantany thi
ngt oeat ?"Me: "
Ialready
ate."Henoddedandt henr eturnedt ot hel i
ving
room.It ookmywat erbot t
leandwentupst air
s
tomyr oom.Ichangedt omypj sandcal l
ed
DiamondandBuhl etocomet omyhouse.I
l
istent omusi c.Theonl ythingt hatkeepsme
calm andsane.Cl oseToYou_ Ri
hana. ♪ I
hear daknockonmydooranhourl ater.I
openedt hedoorIwasengul fedinabearhug.I t
wasDi amond.Dee: "
Arey ouokay ? "Me: "
YeahI
am"Dee: "
Noy ou'
renott ellmewhat 'sgoi ngon"
Me: "Where'sBuhl e?"Sher ol
ledherey es.
Her:"Downst airstryi
ngtogeti nAnga' spant s"
Me: "Typi
cal .
"Buhlecamei nfanni ngher self.
Buhl e:
"Gir
lhowdoy ousur vi
vei nahousewi t
h
thatmucht estosterone"Dee: "Buhlepl ease
now' snott hetime.NowspeakKaywhat 's
goingon? "Itoldt hem ev ery t
hing.Af terIwas
doneBuhl ehadt hismur derousl ookonherf ace.
Buhle:"Thatlunat i
c.He' dbet terpr ayIdon' tsee
him.Hebel ongsi nament alinstitute."
Dee:"Sowhatar ey ougonnado? "Buhl e: "You
shouldt el
lKhay aaboutt hecal l
."Me: "Iknowbut
Khaya'sgotal otonhi splater i
ghtnow.Idon' t
wannast r
esshi m outmor ey ouknow? "
Dee:"Youhav etoKay .Khay ahast oknowi t
's
him hewant sany way "Me: "Wel lheai n'tgetti
ng
him."Buhle:"Khay aisabi gboyhecant akeof
himself.It
'sy ouwe' rewor riedabout "Myphone
vibr
atedIt ooki tandIsawat extwi thapi cI
tappedt hepictur etol ookati t.Blooddr ained
from mybodywhenIsawt hepi cture.I twasof
agirlthatlookedl ikemei nawayhert hroat
wassl itbl
oodwasoozi ngf rom t hewoundshe
wasdead.Ipani ckedandt hrewt hephone
acrosst heroom.Deewentt opi cki tup.She
sawt hepi candgav et hephonet oBuhl ewho
l
ookedhor ri
fied.Al l
ofasuddenIf eltnauseous
Irantot hebat hroom andpukedal lmy
stomach' scont ent.Ir i
nsedmymout h.My
handswer eshaki ng.Iwentt osi tonmybed
nexttoBuhl e.Di amondwasst andi ngbyt he
door.Theybot hlookedshakenandf oronce
Buhlewasqui et.Myphoner angbr eakingt he
sil
ence.I twasapr ivatenumber .Ianswer ed.
Me: "
Hello?"Cal l
er :
"Yougotmyl itt
lesupr ise? "
Me: "
Lwazi pl easest opitit'snotf unny "
Lwazi:"Whosai dIwast r y
ingt omakeaj oke?
You'renext "Hechuckl eddar kly.Ihungup.Af ter
thatIjustfeltl i
ghtheaded.If el
thotandmy
heartwasbeat ingr apidlyinmychest .I
hypervent i
l
at ed.Tr y i
ngt ocat chmybr eathbutI
couldn't.Buhl e:"
Ohmygod!Kaywhat 'sgoi ng
on!?"Dee: "
she' shav ingapani cat tack.Goget
Ntando"Buhl e:"Okay "t
henIhear dadoor
closi
ng.Dee: "Kaybr eathesl owl y.Lookatme.
Kayopeny ourey es"Af terthatIbl ackedout .I
couldn'tseeany t
hingandIcoul dn'thear
anything.Iwasst rugglingt obr eat he.°°
[03/ 23, 16: 37]Mk: Chapt er20•••••LWAZI '
S
P.O. V °°( I
'l
l spli
tthi sinser tintot wo
POV' s.I'l
l wr i
teKhay a'stoosi nceal otofpeopl e
askedf orhi st oo)°~* ~Thatbi tchhungupon
Me!ButIdi dsendt hemessaget hough.Her
voi cewasshaki ngoutoff ear.Ifshewer en't
Khay a'sToyImi ghthav eact uallylikeher .
Khay at ookev erythingawayf rom me.SoI '
ll
do
thesame.I 'llt
akeherj ustlikehet ookmyf amily
from me.Ev awasev er y
thingt ome.Ourson
woul dhav ebeen6mont hsnow.Ihav en't
compl et elyheal edormov edon.Imeanhowdo
youj ustf orgetaboutt hat?Weal r
eadypl anned
outev ery thing.AndKhay aki ll
edher .He' llpay
ev eni fit'st hel astthi ngIdo.Iwasdi sr upt ed
from myt hought sbyacel lphoner ingi ng.
Me: "
Yes"Hi m: "Acarj ustrushedoutoft he
gat esboss"Me: "Shadow, followi t.WhatdoI
payy ouf orexact ly?Fi ndoutwho' sint hereand
wher etheyar egoi ng"Hi m: "
Oni t"Me: "Sur e"I
real l
yhopedi twast hatKay onebi t
chgoi ngt o
whi net oherboy f
riendaboutme.ThenIcoul d
hav ethem i nonepl ace.Iwantt oki l
lKay one
fi
rstandmakeKhay awat cht henhe' l
l knowt he
plainIf eel.IwantKay onet odi easl owpai nful
deat h.Iwanthert oscr eam i nagony .Iwanthi m
tohav enight mar esandseeherf aceev er yday
andhearherscr eamsofpai n.I'
llmakehi sl i
fe
hell.OhnoIwon' tki l
lKhay a.That '
llbeaneasy
wayoutf orhi m.Iwanthi mt osuf fersomuch
thathebegi nst ofeel sui cidei stheonl yopt i
on.
Thisi sonl yjustt hebegi nni ngf orthem.Khay a
i
sani diotheknowsi nthi sbusi nesswegotno
ti
mef orf eelings.Nohe' llhav etopayt hepr i
ce.I
gotanot hercal lfrom Shadow.Me: "Talk"
Him: "Uhy eaht urnsoutt hei rrushingt hatgi r
l
Kay onet ohospi tal."Me: "What !What
happened? "Him: "Shecol lapsedboss"Me: "Okay
I'
llneedy out of oll
owbehi ndt hem andi nform
mei nwhi chhospi tal they '
reat "Him: "Yesboss"I
hungupandsmi l
ed.Wel lthischanges
ever yt
hing.Al li
nmyf av ourofcour se.Khay aWil
beweakaf t
ert hisandhe' l
lobv iouslyblame
himsel f.AndIwi l
lstri
keathi sweakestpoi nt
whenIknowhe' snott hinkingst raight.Women
tendt omakey oul osey ourmi nd.°°KHAYA' S
P.O.V °°Iwasatwor kwhenIgotacal l
from Nt andosay i
ngKay 'sinhospi t
al.Ileft
ev er
y t
hingandr ushedt ohospi tal.Iopenedt he
door sandwentdi r
ect l
yt other ecept ionist.
Her :
"Gooddaysi r
.HowmayIhel py ou? "Me:"Hi.
Ineedt oseeKay oneNy athi.
"Her :"Aref ami l
y?"
Me: "
Yes"Her :
"Signi nher e"shegav emet hepen.
Me: "
Thanky ou"Her :"She'sinr oom B39.Tur n
ri
ghti nt hecorridor.Thirdr oom t oy ourl eft
"I
mumbl edat hanksandr ushedt oKay one' s
room.Nt ando,Di amondandBuhl ewer e
standingout side.Me: "Whathappened. "
Dee:"Shehadapani cat t
ack"Justt hent he
doctorcamehol dingacl i
pboar d.Doc: "
Kay one'
s
familyr i
ght?"Wenodded.Doc: "Wel lMi ss
Ny athihadapani cat tack.Not hingmaj orbut
I'
vegi venhersomepi llstost abili
zeheranxi ety
l
ev els.Iwanthert ot akei teasyi nthenextf ew
day s.I'
ver ecommendedhert oat herapist ."
Ntando: "Thanky ou.Canweseeher ?"Doc: "
Yes.
Butoneatat i
meIdon' twanthert obe
over whelmed"Nt ando: "Youcangof i
rstbr o."
Me: "Thanks. "Iwenti nt oherwar d.Shehada
IVdr ipattachedt oherar m andt herewasa
beepi ngsoundoft hehear tmoni tor.Andot her
thanhercl osedey esshel ookedokay .Isat
downont hechai rnextt oherandt ookherhand.
Shel ookedbeaut iful.Me: "Heyy ouokay ?"She
openedherey es.Her :
"Khay a."Me: "
What
happened? "Her :
"It
sLwazi Khay a.He' sbeen
threateningme. "Me: "Whatdoy oumean?Di d
hecomet oy ourhouse? "Her :
"No.Nohekeeps
calli
ngmeandy est erdayhesendmeapi cture.
"
Me: "Thatbast ard.Api cture?Whatki ndof
picture?"Shedi dn'tsayany thi
ngshej ust
startedcr ying.Ididn'twanthert ohav eanot her
pani cattacksoIt ri
edcal mingherdown.
Her :
"Khay aI '
m scar ed.Lwazi issick."Me: "Don't
cryhewon' tgett oy ouIpr omi seI'
ll keepy ou
saf eokay ?"Shenodded.Me: "Ilovey ouMr s
Nkosi ."Her :
"Mr sNkosi ?"Me: "YesIswearI '
m
gonnamar ryy ousomeday ."It ookherhandand
kissedi t.Shegi ggl ed.Her :"Ilov eyoumor eMr
Nkosi "shel ookedsoador abl e.Ikissedherand
Ipour edal lmyemot ionsi nt hatkiss.Al lthe
thingsIcoul dn' tputi ntowor ds.Shemeansso
mucht omeIdon' twannal oseher .She'st he
futuremot herofmyki ds.Il ov eher .Iwasso
l
osti nt heki sst hatIdidn' theart hedooropen.
Buhl e:"
Nohav ingsexwi tht hepat i
ent sKhay a"
Kay oneshotheradi rtylookt hatIal most
l
aughedat .She' stoocut e.Ist oodupand
kissedherf or ehead.Me: "Ilov ey ou"shesmi l
ed
atme.If istbumpedwi t
hNt andoandl eft
.°
Out sideIcal ledFangt oor gani sesecur i
tyfor
mywoman.Iwantguar dsout sideherhospi tal
room andmor eguar dsatherhouse.Lwazi isa
l
unat ic.°°°
[03/ 23, 16: 38]Mk: Chapt er21°°°°°°Iwas
dischar gedt hef oll
owingday .Thedoct or
deci dedt okeepmeov ernighttomoni t
ormy
progr ess.Whi chIthinkwascompl etely
unnecessar y.Ihadthreeguar dsinmyr oom.
Twooutsi deandonei nside.IcalledNt andot o
comef et chme.Ishower edandchangedoutof
myhospi talgownandwor emybl ackAdi das
tracksui twi t
hwhi tetakkies.Ipackedmy
toiletriesandmedi cati
ont hatt hedoct or
prescr ibedt ome.Isatont opoft hehospi t
al
bedpl ay ingwi thmyf i
ngers.Iwai tedawhi leti
ll
Nt andocame.Hesmi l
ed.Nt ando:"You'r
eal l
set ?"Me: "Yeahwecango"het ookmybagand
followedmeout .Isi
gnedmy selfoutatt hef r
ont
desk.Nt andodr oveusbackhome.Oneguar d
wasr idingwi thusandt heot hertwower ein
thei rowncar .Wear rivedathome.Igoti n.The
guar dssatdowni nt helivi
ngr oom.Me: "I
'll
go
l
iedowni nmyr oom"t heynodded.Iwentt o
sleepyi mmedi atelywhenIhi tt hepi llow.Must
bet hemedi cationi nmysy stem.°Iwokeup
from ahor ri
bledr eam Iwasshaki ngand
sweat i
ng.Thi sLwazi thingwasdr i
v i
ngme
crazy.Thatguyi sinsane.Il ookedar oundmy
room If eltli
keIwasn' tal one.Myey esr estedon
theobj ectorI '
dr athersayper sonst andi ngnext
towi ndowl ookingoutt hebal cony .Myey esdid
adoubl et ake.Ishookmyheadandt oldmy self
Imustbeseei ngt hingst her e'snowayLwazi
wasi nsi demer oom.Howdi dhegeti n.
Lwazi :
"Ohy ou'reawake.Yousl eepl ikeadr unk
person. "Hesmi rked.Me: "Thi sisnotr eal
"It ol
d
my selfov erandov ert ryi
ngt ocal m myr apidly
beat i
nghear t
.Hi m:"Ohbutshawt yiti s.It'
sme
i
nt hef l
esh"Me: "Bu- buthowdi dy ougeti nhere"
Lwazi :
"Ihav emyway ssweet hear t."Me: "
Thisis
nothappeni ng.Gody oucan' tletithappen"
Lwazi :
"Rel axshawt yIwon' thur tyouwel lnoty et
any way s."Hecamecl osersmi lingt hatev il
smi l
eIj ustwant edt opunchhi sf reaki nteeth
off.Il ungedf ort hedoorbef oreheev en
touchedme.Whenmybodyhi tthefloorIhead
abonecr ackandpai nshott hroughmy
shoul der .Iwi ncedbutgotupasqui cklyasIcan
runni ngdownt hest air
slikeamadwoman.The
bodyguar dscamet omyai d.Tear swer e
fl
owi ngdownmycheeksnow.Fr om bot hthe
shockandt hepai n.Icoul dn'ttalkcauseofmy
hiccups.Oneboughtmeagl assofwat er.I
drank.Me: "He's...upst air
s"Isai dbetweensobs.
Guar d1: "Who? "Me: "Lwazi.Lwazi isupst air
s"
Twooft hem t ookoutt heirgunsandwent
upst airs.Isatont hecouchshaki ng.It hi
nkI
dislocat edmyshoul der.Itwaspai nful.They
camebackdownst air
s.Them: "Mam t her e'
s
nobodyt here."Me: "
Whatdoy oumean?Hewas
there? "Theyshookt heirhands.Iwasf ucken
scar ed.Them: "Shoul dwecal l
MrNkosi ?"
Me: "Yespl ease" .Theycal ledhi m andhear riv
ed
30mi nut esl ater.Whenhesawmehecameand
huggedme.Me: "Ouch"Khay a:"Arey ouokay ?
Whathappened? "Hel ookedatmewi thconcer n
i
nhi sey es.Me: "
I'
mf ineIt hi nkImi ghthav e
dislocatedmyshoul der ."Hi m: "What ?It ol dy ou
threenott ol etany thinghappent oher !
"He
shout edatt hebodyguar ds.Theyl ookeddown.
Khay a:"Whathappenedbabe? "Me: "
Canwe
pleasej ustgetoutofher e."Hi m: "
OkayI '
llgo
packy ourbagst heny ou'l
l st aywi thmef ora
whi l
e"Inoddedandhej oggedt omyr oom.He
camebackcar ryi
ngmypi nkov er nightbag.He
tookmyhandsandl edmet ohi scar .Hedr ove
i
nsi lence.Irest edmyheadagai nstt hewi ndow
andcl osedmyey es.Imusthav ef ellasl eep
causeKhay ashookme.Hi m: "
Babewe' reher e
come"heopenedmydoorandl edmei nsi dehis
house.Heunl ockedt hedoorandl edmei nside.
Khay a:"Nowt ellmewhathappened. "Me: "Khay a
hewasi nmyr oom"Hi m: "Who? "Me: "Lwazi "
Him: "Buthow?Secur i
tyist ightt her eImade
sure"Me: "
Idon' tknowhowhegott her e.Buthe
wast here.Khay aI '
m notcr azyIsawhi m. "He
pull
edmei ntoahugandki ssedmyhead
rubbingsoot hingci rcl
esonmyback.I
brokedowncr y i
ng.Hi m: "
Ofcour semyl ov e
you'renotcr azyIdi dn'tsayy ouwer e"
Me:"Khay aI'm scar ed.Il ookedupathi m wi th
tearsinmyey es"Hi m: "Iknow.Iknow.I '
llf
inda
wayt of i
xt hisokay "Inodded.Hi m: "
ComeI '
ll
runy ouabat handgi v
ey oupai nkill
er sf ory our
shoulder "Ifollowedhi mt ot hebat hroom.I
bathedandwor emypj s.Itwasal ready7
anyway s.Iwentdownst airs.Khay a:"Ipr epar ed
somef ood"Me: "Youcook? "Her olledhi sey es.
Him: "
Her e."Hegav emeapl ate.Ishov edi tback
tohim.Me: "I'm nothungr y"Hi m: "
Kayy ouhav e
toeat "Me: "IknowbabebutIj ustdon' thav e
appet i
te.I'l
leatt omor rowwhenIf eel alot
better"Him: "Pr omi se? "Ismi l
ed.Me: "Ipr omi se"
Him: "
Okayt henl et
'sgett obed"Wewentt ohis
room.Hechangedandwegotundert hecov ers.
Hepul l
edmecl osert ohi m andki ssedme.I
respondedandhepul ledaway .Him: "Ilov ey ou
okay?"Me: "
IknowandIl oveyout oo"Heki ssed
againandIcr awledont opofhi m.West opped
ourmaki ngoutsessi onbeforeitgotf ar.I
breathedheav i
l
ycat chi
ngmybr eath.
Him:"Kayonemov e"Me: "
NoI'm comf ortabl
e
ri
ghthere."Isaiddrawingci r
cleswithmyt umb
onhisar m.Him: "
You'reheavy"hegr oaned.
Me:"Deal wi
thit"aft
erthatIsleptont opof
Khayawi thhisarmswr appedaroundme.If elt
safeinhisarmsandIdi dn'twanthimt oletgo.°
°°°
[03/
23, 16:38]Mk: Chapter22°°°°°°Iwoke
uptomyr umbl i
ngst omach.Khay awasnextto
mesl eepingsoundl y.Iwentt othebathroom
andbr ushedmyt eethandcamebackandl ayed
nexttohi m.Ipokedhi m athissi dehedidn'
t
evenf l
inch.Itouchedhislipswi thmyt humbhe
sti
ll
didn'twakeupbutswat tedmyhandsaway .
Ihadt otryadi f
ferentapproachsoIki ssedhim
herespondedandhel dont omywai st
.Ipul
led
awayqui ckly.Me:"Youperver twakeupand
makemef ood"hegr oanedandt urnedt ot he
othersi de.Igotf rustratedIwashungr ybutl azy
tomakemy selff oodhehadt ounder stand.
Me: "Babe? "Nor esponse.Okayt here'
sonl yone
wayt odot his.Isatont opofhi m andhet urned
tolayonhi sbackandposi ti
onedhi msel f
correct l
yunder neat hme.Ismi ledtomy selfat
ther eact i
onIwasget t
ingf rom hi m.Ikissed
him sl owlyandhet ightenedhi sholdonmy
wai st.Hegr oanedandIgi ggl edwhi lekissing
him.Me: "
Make.Me.Food"Isai dinbet weenour
kisses.Hi m: "For get .I
t."Her epl i
edinbet ween
ourki ssesaswel l.Me: "Theny oucanf or get
aboutt histoo"Ij umpedof fhi m beforehecoul d
react .Hehi thisf istont hemat tr
essandgotup.
Hehadanot i
ceabl ebul geinhi sboxer s.I
smi rkedwhenIsawt heef fectIhav eonhi m.
Me: "Goi ngtot akeacol dshowerwi thy our
hand? "Iteased.Hi m:"Fucky ou."Hef li
ppedme
off.Ismi l
edandf ol
lowedhi mt othebat hroom.
Him: "Whatdoy ouwant ?"Heexi t
edt he
bat hroom agai n.Me: "
Needsomehel p? "I
noddedt owardst hebul gei nhisboxer s.
Him: "What?Oht hat .Uhhh. .
.Noi t'
sf ineImean
you' reli
ke...eehy -y ousee. .
."Me: "
I'
lldoi t
any way s."Ikissedhi m andt ookof fhisshi r
t
slowl yandmi nef ol l
owed.Andi nnot i
meIwas
onlyl eftwithundi esandhewasbut tnaked.
Anddamn!He' shuge.It raileddownhi sneck
l
eav i
ngwetki sses.Igotdownonbot hmy
kneesandKhay a'
sey eswi dened.Honest l
yI
didn' tevenknowwhatIwasdoi ngbutIguessI
wasdoi ngi trightcauseKhay agroanedand
heldont omybr aids.Taki ngshor tbr eat hs
moani ngmynamei nbet ween.HecameandI
swal lowed.Hi m: "
Babe. .."Hebr eathed.Hel ayed
hisheadont hecr ookofmyneckt aki ngdeep
breat hsandt henhest artedsucki ngmyneck.I
shiv eredheknowst hat'
smysensi tivespot .I
felthi m smi l
eagai nstmyneck.Heki ssedme.
Hishandsexpl ori
ngmyev er ycurve.Iki ssed
him backwi t
hj ustasmuchpassi onandhunger .
Iwr appedmyar msar oundhi sneckpul l
inghim
closert omeIdoubtwecoul dgetanycl ose.He
cuppedmybr eastwhi leki ssingmepl ayingwith
myni pples.Het henl ayedmeont opoft hebed
gent l
yIgi ggledagai nsthi sl ips.Hecont inued
kissingmehi shandst r
av ellingev erywher eon
body .Ijumpedwhenhei nser tedaf i
ngeri nmy
pussy ."Babechi l
l."Hemumbl edagai nstmyl i
ps.
Inoddedandhemov edhi sf i
ngerar ound
i
nser tinganot heronet hisshi twaspai nf ul
.Pain
turnedi ntopl easur einnot i
me.Imoanedand
heputhi slipsonmi net omuf f l
emymoans.I
cameandhewentdownt omuf ft ownandI
wentcr azy.Whydi dn' tany onet ell meaboutt hi
s?
"Babydon' tstop"hal fwhi sper edandhal f
moanedIwasbr eat hless.Whenhef inishedhe
camet okissme.Wi thmyj uicesst il
lonhi sli
ps.
Me: "Khay ano"heshookhi sheadandsai d
nothing.Butheki ssedt hel ight sout tameandI
coul dtastet hesal tinessi nhi st ounge.Khay ais
creepy .Him: "Arey ousur ey ou' reav irgin?"He
smirkedIsai dnot hing.Af t
eral l thathepi cked
meupandweshower edt oget her .Wel otioned.
AndIwor emyundi esandhi sbl ackshi rt
.It ied
mybr ai
dsandwewentdownst airst owat cha
mov ie.Him:"Youpr omi sedmey ou'deat ."
Me:"AndIwi l
lchill
"heshookhi sheadandput
onthemov i
e.Wespentt hewhol edayeat ing,
maki ngoutandwat chingt hemov ie.°Ispent
therestoft heweekathi shouse.Mypar ent s
werecomi ngbacknextweekandi nt woweeks
ti
met heschool swer eopeni ng.I nt hespanof
thatweekIf oundoutKhay aownsCl ubBr eeze.
Thebi ggestclubi ntheci ty.Andwhol eother
businesses.Her efusedt ot akemet oClub
Breezesay ingIwasunder age.Hecanbesuch
abor e .Toni ghthet oldmewe' regoi ngt oa
gettogetherofoneofhi sf ri
ends.Iguesswe
neededt ogetoutoft hehouseatl east.°°Ihad
j
ustf ini
shedbat hingandIwor ebl ackAdi das
shortswi t
hwhi t
est ri
pesont hesi deandIwor e
aplainwhi teKappaTeeandGucci sneaker s.I
l
etmybr aidslooseandpul ledonabl ackPol lo
Cap.JIgotoutoft heroom andwent
downst air
swher eKhay awaswai ting.Hewas
wear i
ngbl ackKappashor tsandwhi teTommy
Hilf
igert eeshi rt.Copycat Khay a: "
Whatt ook
yousol ong?I 'vebeenwai tingher ef orhours"
Me:"St opbei ngadr amaqueeni twasonl yaf ew
minut es.Nowl et'sgoy ou'r
ewast i
ngt i
me"
Him: "
I'm wast ingt ime?Buty ou'ret heonet hat
spent3hour sint hebat hr
oom"Me: "Stop
bit
chingandj ustdr iv
e"heobey ed.Wear r
ivedat
hisfri
end' shouse.Ther ewer epeopl eseated
outsidei ncampchai rsandmusi cwaspl aying.
Somewer eeat i
ngbutmostoft hem wer e
dri
nking.Iopenedt hecardoorandst oodnext
toKhay a.Het ookmyhandandwewenti nsi de
thehouse.Acoupl eofguy sandsomegi rl
s
wereseat edont hecouches.Oneguycameup
andf i
stbumpedKhay a.Hel ookedmeupand
down.Hi m: "
Thi smustbet hewi fe."Hewi nked
atmeandKhay at ensedbesi desme.Khay a:"
She'soffl
imitsAneleAnele"Anel e:
"IknowIwas
j
ustmessi ngwi t
hy oubro".Khay at ur
nedhi s
backt ohi
m andki ssedme.Khay a:
"Gosi tover
therewhil
eIgetussomedr inks"Inodded.I
wentt osi
tont hecouch.Andsi nceIdi dn'
t
knowany oneher eItookoutmyphone.Next
thi
ngIwast appedont heshoul der.Iwhipped
aroundfastthinki
ngitwasKhay a.Istopped
breathi
ngwhenIsawwhoi twas.°°°
[03/23, 16:38]Mk: Chapt er23°°°°Lwazi put
hisindexf ingertohi smout hindicatingImust
bequi et.Iwasn' treall
ygonnasayany thing.I
wast ounget i
ed.It houghthef inall
yleftus
aloneImeani t
'sbeenaweekwi thouthis
threats.Lwazi appr oachedme.If eltsomet hi
ng
pointydi gthroughmyr i
bs.Ilookeddownati t
prayingi twasn'tagun.ButIwaswr ongi twasa
gunhehadconceal edi twit
hhi shoodi e.My
heartrat epickedupIl ookedar oundt hehouse
forasi gnofKhay a.Lwazi :
" Don' tevent hink
abouti tshawt yI'l
lpullthetigger".Ibreathedi n
tocal m myr api dlybeat inghear tbuti tdidn' t
wor k.Lwazi :
"Goodgi r
lnowcomewi thmeand
smi l
ewi llya.Youl ookconst ipated"Me: "Lwazi
whatdoy ouwantf rom me? "Lwazi :
"Itoldy ou
shawt yit'
snoty ouIwantshawt y .
"Me: "Pl ease
j
ustl eaveusal one. "Hel aughedahumour sless
l
augh.Lwazi :"Notev eni ny ourwi l
destdr eams
shawt ynowwal kbef orey ourpr ettyboysees
us."Iwal kedoutoft hel ivingr oom.Topeopl e
outsidewemi ghthav el ookedl ikeacoupl e
causehewasl eani ngonmehi dinghi sweapon.
IsawKhay abyt heki tchen.Lwazi dugt he
weapondeeperi ntomyr ibs.Lwazi :"
I'm not
bluffi
ngKay oneI '
l
l kil
lyouandy ourl overboy
now. "Wewal kedoutoft hegat e.Andabl ack
RangeRov erwi tht i
ntedwi ndowswaswai ting
acrosst her oad.Lwazi pushedmei nandt he
driverdrov eoff.Ij usthopedt hiswasj usta
dream andhopedt hatIwoul dwakeupsoon.I
toldmy sel f'
thisi sjustadr eam' overandov er.
Lwazi lookedmyway .Hi m: "Adr eam?Shawt y
thisisjustt hebegi nningofy ourni ght mare.
"He
l
ookedatmewi thhat r
edbur ningi nhi seyes.
Me: "Why ?Whyar ey oudoi ngt hi
s? "Hi m:"Your
prettyboyt ookawayev erythingf rom me.He' ll
payf oritandy ou'r
emyt i
cket .Andnodon' t
thinkthisisabouty ou.You' rejustbai the'l
lfall
ri
ghtatmyf eet
.Goodwor ky ou'r
et heonl yweak
l
inkt oKhay a."Hesmi l
ed.Ij ustgotsi ckI
want edtot hrowup.Iwasdi sgust edwi t
hLwazi .
Ijustpray edKhay awoul dnot iceIwasmi ssing
soonandl ookf ormeLwazi issick.°°KHAYA' S
P.O.V❣ Igotusdr inksf rom t hef r i
dge.
Ay andawasst andingnextt ome.Ay anda:"Isn'
t
yourgi r
lfri
endNt ando'ssi ster ?"Me: "Yeahshe
i
s"Hi m:"He' sfinewi t
hi t?"Me: "Yeshei s"he
wasst artingt oannoyme.Imi ssmybabe.
Ay anda:"Soheknowsy ou' r
echowi nghi ssister
andhe' sf i
newi ththat".Isighed.Me: "He'sf i
ne
withit"Ishov edhim asi de.Kay onewasn' t
wher eIlef ther.Iputt hedr inksdownandsat
downmay beshewentt ot hebat hr oom.10
minspassedandshewasn' tbacky et.Igotup
andtookoutmyphonet ocallherandIwas
senttovoi cemai l.Iputi tbackinmypocket .No
onehasseenher .Irecievedacal lf
rom Bl ade.°
>>>Cel lConv o<<<Me: "Yes..
"Him: "Boss.Ij ust
sawthewi fe"Me: "Wher e?"Him:"Youwon' tlike
i
tboss"Me: "Justt el
lmedammi t!
"Hi m:"She
waswal kingwi t
hLwazi andtheydrov eof f"Me: "
Whatdoy oumean' walking'
?Him:"Shedi dn't
seem tobest ruggl i
ngboss"Me: "Andy oudi dn't
tel
lmet hisear l
i
erbecause? "Him:"I-I.
..
"Icut
thecall
anddr oveof ftomyhouse.Kay one
wouldnev erl eavewi t
hLwazi wi
lli
ngly.Nonev er
.
Hemust 'vet hreat enedherorsomet hi
ng.°°
[03/23, 16:
38]Mk:Chapter24KHAYA' SP. O.V
°°°°°Idr ovebackhomel i
keamani ac
feeli
ngsof rust
rat
edwi thmy self
.Howcoul dI
l
ett hishappen?Igotinsidet hehouseand
threwt hekeysontopoft heki tchencounter
andt ookabot t
leofwaterf rom therefr
igerat
or.
Iwal kedupstai
rstomyst udy.Icall
edmostof
mycont act swhocoul dbeconnect edwi th
Lwazi i
nsomeway .Butnoneoft hem knewa
thingori t
'sei thertheywer eaf raidt ot alk.Fuck!
IcalledBl adet odosomedi ggi ngonhi sside.I
l
eanedbackonmychai randr ubbedmyey es.
I'
dbeeni nher efor3hour sbutnol ead.Ical l
ed
Ntandot ocomet omyhouse.°Hecamei n2o
mi nslater.AndIt oldhi m whathappened.Hi m:"
WHAT?Howcany oul ett hathappent oher .Oh
myGodKhay adoy ouunder st andwhaty ou've
done! ?"Me: "Ididn'tcall youher et olect ureme.
Hel pmef indher ."Him: "OkI 'l
lneedy ourl aptop"
Me: "Whatf or?"Him: "Rel axI '
m notgonnago
throughy ourbr owserhi story.Bl adesai dt hey
l
ef twithaRangeRov err i
ght ?"Inodded." Good.
NowI '
llhacki ntoLwazi 'scr edithi stor yandf ind
outi fhepur chasedanyRov er.Af t
ert hatI '
ll
hacki ntot heRov er'
sGPSI '
llpr ollyfindhi sI P
addr essthatwayandt hengett hecoor dinates
ofwher eitwasbet ween7and8pm" .Hesai d
typingf r
ant icall
yont hel aptop.Nt andowas
alwaysat echwi z.Irememberbacki nhi gh
school.Ntandohackedi ntot heschool ssy stem
andchangedourr esults.Butwegotcaught
becauset heyawer etooper fectcauseour
parentswer ecal ledinaf t
ert heyf oundoutwhat
we'ddone.SoNt andohackedi ntot he
pri
ncipal'
saccountandt r
ansf erredaf ewr ands
i
ntohisf orrevenge.Wet hrewapar tatmy
housecausemypar entswer eaway .Bi ggest
bashoft hey ear.Nt ando: "Goti t
!"Me: "
Got
what?"Hi m:"Coor di
nat esduh.Gety ourkey s
andlet'
snai lthisbast ar d."Hewast ooexci t
ed.
Me:"Andt hen?Whyar ey ousohappyf oral l we
knowKay onecoul dbedead. "Hi m:"Iknow.
That'
swhyIcl eanedhi sbankaccount "
Me:"Whatt he-!Buthow?Knowwhatf or geti t
l
et'sgo."Itookoutmyguni nthedr awerNt ando
wasal r
eadyar medwi tht hisjobwe' rei ny ou
cannev erbet oocar eful.Whenwewer einsi de
mycarIcal ledBl adeandAKf orbackupj ust
i
ncase.Lwazi insane.°Wear rivedanhourand
ahal flaterint hepl acewher eLwazi was
keepingher .Ont heout skirtsoft owni nanol d
abandonedwar ehouse.Ir eadiedmyweapon
andNt andodi dt hesamebesi desme.Bl ade's
carcameupf rom behi ndus.Theyt ookthe
backdoorwhi lewet ookt hefrontdoor .Itwas
sli
ght l
yopenedsowegoti n.Ther ewear ebags
andbagsf ull
ofwhi tesubst ancewhi chIhadno
doubtwascocai ne.Iwaspr ettysur eLwazi and
hisgoonscoul dn' tseeus.Ther ewer etwoof
thepl usLwazi whi chwas3.Kay onewast i
edt o
achai rinthemi ddl eofthewar ehouse.Lwazi
hadagunpoi ntedatherandshel ooked
druggedupandmychestconst r
icted.Ifelt
responsi bleforal lthatifonlyIhadcal l
edi t
quitswhi leitwasst i
l
learlybuti t
'stool ateto
backdownnow.Kay one:"
Khay ai sgonnacome
formeandy '
all aregonnar egrety ouev er
messedwi thus. "Shegi ggled.Mustbet he
drugs.Ishookmyheadandgl ancedatNt ando
henodded.Bl adeandAKwer eont heot herside
wai t
ingformysi gnal .West eppedf orwardour
gunspoi ntedatt hem.Me: "Lwazi dropi t
".He
l
ookedatmeshockwr i
tteni nhi sf ace.Bl ade
andAKemer gedf rom t hebackhel ookedat
them thenbackatus.Hel ookeddef eatedt hey
wer eobviousl yout number edhi m bei ngtheonl y
onewi ththeweapon.Thet woot herguy s
i
mmedi atelyputt heirhandsupsur r
ender ing.
BladeandAKt ookt hem out side.Me: "Lwazi I
saiddropi t.
"Hegl ancedar oundt her oom
l
ooki ngforawayout .Ntando: "Youcan' tescape
thisone"Me: "Putt hegundownandnooneget s
hurt"Lwazi :
"Takeonest epcl oserandIbl owher
brainsout"hepoi ntedt hegunt oKay one'
shead
andshegi ggledbutsai dnot hing.Me: "Puty our
gundownorI '
llwipet hef l
oorwi thy ourhead.
Lwazi :
"Youwoul dn'tdare- "Ishothi slegandhi s
handt rembl edandt hegunf ell.Nt andoact ed
fastandki ckedt hegunawaybef or ehecoul d
pickitup.Me: "Youst il
lthinkI 'm bl uffi
ng."I
l
ookedatKay ."Ntandount ieherandwai tf or
mei nthecar .Thi sbast ardneedst ol ear na
l
esson.°Lwazi l
ookedatmeagai nwi thfear.
Me: "YouknowIcanendy ourli
fer ightnow"he
chuckl edbi tterly
.Lwazi :"Justl ikey ouended
hers"Me: "Lwazi y ourf i
ancewasatt hewr ong
placeatt hewr ongt i
me"Lwazi :"YouknowI
plannedt omakey ourpr eciousKay onesuf f
er
j
ustsoy oucoul df eelhal fthepai nIf elt"Ishook
myhead.Me: "Youar esi cky ouknowt hat.
Kay onei si nnocent "Lwazi :"SowasEv a.They
bothwer eandknowI '
llmakey oupay .I '
ll
kil
lher
andt henmov eont oy ourmom andy oursexy
si
st er"Isai dnot hing.Lwaz i:
"Andy ouknow
whatI '
ll
dobef or eIki l
l her ?"Me: "Shutup! "AK
cameback.Me: "AKt iehi m upIdon' twannasee
hisf ace."AK: "
Yesboss"Il eftwithoutspar i
ng
Lwazi anot herglance.Heai n'
twor t hmyt i
me.
Kay oneneedsme.°°°
[
03/23,16:
38]Mk:Chapter25°°°KHAYA'
S
P.O.
V °Kay onewasasleepwhenwegot
backatmyhouse.Ntandowentbackhome.I
tookherbackt omyr oom dr essedheri nher
PJswhi chwaski ndahar dcauseshewas
gigglingnon- stop.Isleptnextt oher .Thedr ugs
willwearof fbymor ning.°KAYONE' sP.O. V
Myheadwaspoundi ngwhenIwokeup.
Mybodywassor eli
keIr anamar athont heday
befor e.Isatupf eelingl ight headedandsi ck.I
wasi nKhay a'sroom butIcan' trememberhowI
gott here.Ihear dKhay awakeup.Me: "
Khay aI
don'tf eelsogood"hegotupandt ookmyhand
andl edmet othebat hr oom.Iv omi t
edKhay a
gav emeacupofwat erandIr i
nsedmymout h
andsatdownont hetoi letseatwhi l
eKhay a
stoodnextt ome.Me: "
Whathappened
yester day?"Him: "
Youdon' tremember ?"Me: "I
ts
wei r
dbutIdon' t"
.Het oldmeandi tall
came
backt ome.Lwazi t
ookmef rom thepar tyor
gett ogetherorwhat ev erKhay acal l
edit.He
forcedmet ogetintot hecarandt ol
dmeabout
thisEv awomawhoIdon' tev enknow.Ibegged
himt ot akemebackandhet ol
dmei twasal l
Khay a'
sfault.Het oldmeKhay akilledherand
ther easonhet ookmewast omakeKhay a
suf ferandIwasj ustbai theusedmet ogett o
him.Het oldmeKhay awasagangst er.Ididn't
bel i
ev ehim buthemademeseer eason.I
rememberbi tsandpi ecesofwhathappenedat
war ehousewhenKhay ashowedup.And
Nt andowaswi thhi m.Me: "Khay awhatdoy ou
dof oralivi
ng? "Hel ookedconf usedast owhy
I'
daskt hatquest i
on.Hi m:"Itoldy ouIowna
club. "Me:"And? "Hi m:"AndwhatKay one?Idon' t
seewhyanyoft hati srelevantt ot his?"
Me: "Don'tgivemet hatbul l
shitKhay a!"Hi m:"I
don' tknowwhaty ouwantmet osayKay one."I
gotupandwentbackt ot heroom.I fhedoesn' t
wannat ellmet het ruththenI 'ml eav ing.It ook
offmypj sandwor ejeansandasi mpl et op.I
packedmycl otheshewasst andingbyt he
bat hroom door .Ipushedpasthi mt ogogetmy
toiletri
es.Iwentbackt other oom andst uffed
them i ntomybag.Khay awasst il
l l
eani ngon
thebathr oom door .Khay a:"Kay onewhatar e
youdoi ng? "Me: "Can'tyouseeI '
ml eav ing."
Him:"Kay onest opi t
.Stopbei ngchi l
di shwhy
doy oual way sdot hi
shuh?Getupandl eav e
everyti
met hegoi ngget st ough."Me: "Iknew
thi
swasami st ake.You' reacr imi nal forGod' s
sakeaf uckingdr ugLor d.IknewIshoul d'vejust
walkedaway .
"Hi m: "
Itoldy ouwhaty ouwer e
getti
ngy ourselfi ntowi t
hme.Andy ouwer efine
withitandnowassoonast hingsgett oughy ou
wannabai l
?"Me: "Wear edone. "Iopenedt he
doorandhest oppedme.Hi m: "I'm sor ry
KayonebutIcan' tletyoul eav e."Me: "Why
Khay awheny ouwon' tansweronequest ion?"
Him:"Itseemsl ikey oual readyknowt he
answer s"Me: "Iwannaheari tfrom y ounot
anyoneel se.Tel lmeKhay adi dy ouki llthat
woman? "Hi m: "I'
lltel
lyouev eryt hingl aternow
l
et'
sgodownst airsandgety ousomef ood. "I
knewwhathewasdoi ng.Hewasst allingbutI
agreedi fmeeat ingwi ll
gethi mt otalk.Iputt he
bagdownandf oll
owedhi mt ot hekitchen.He
madescr ambl edeggscauset hat '
stheonl y
thingheknowshowt ocook.Weat eandaf t
er
thatwer i
nsedt hepl atest oget her.AfterIput
thel astpl at einthecupboar dKhay akissedme
andIknewhewast ryingt ost allagainand
becauseIam soweakf orhim Ir espondedI
hat emy self.Hepi ckedmeupandputmeon
topoft heki tchencount er.Hecont i
nuedki ssing
me.Me: "Khay astopi t
."Imumbl edweakl yhis
l
ipsf oundmyweakspotandsuckedoni tI
moanedandgr i
ppedhi sshoul der sti
ghtmy
fi
nger ssi nki ngont hem.Me: "
Khay ay ou'r
e
distract i
ngme. "Heonl ychuckl edandpi cked
meupIwr appedmyl egsar oundhi swai stand
myar msaut omat icall
ywentar oundhi sneck.
Heef fortlessl ypi
ckedmeupandwentupst ai
rs
tohi sr oom.Hel ayedmegent lyont opoft he
bedandt hi ngshappened.Wedi dn'thav esex
I'
m notr eadyf orthaty et .Somedaybutnot
today .Ihadmyheadonhi sbar echestonl yin
myundi es.Iwasdr awingpat ter
nsonhi schest
withmyf i
nger.Me: "Khay a"hegr oanedand
closedhisey es.Hi m:"IknowIknow.I t'
st rueI
am adr ugLor dordeal erorwhatev eryouwant
tocallit
."Me: "
Soy ou'v
eki ll
edpeopl e?"
Him: "
Yes"Me: "Howmany ?"Him:"Ilostcount "I
stoppedbr eathingandl ookedathi m buthi s
eyeswer estillclosed.It r
acedt het att
ooonhi s
forearm.Me: "Whatdoest his150201st and
for?"Isaidtracingt hetattoohewr otewi ththe
number .Hel ookedatmei ntheey esdead
serious.Him:"Theamountofpeopl eIkil
led."
[03/23,16:38]Mk: Chapter25cont inued..
.°°°°
°150201?Somanypeopl eIwassoshocked.
Hel ookedatmeandgr i
nned.Hi m:"Relaxbabe
I'
mj oking."Islappedhisar m.Me: "Don'tpl
ayl i
ke
thatKhay a."heonl ychuckl edandpul ledme
closer.Him:"Sl eepyoudi dn'tgetenoughsl eep
l
astni ght.
"Iy awnedandsl ept.°Iheardan
"Oomph"t hesoundofaper sonfalli
nganda
stri
ngofcur sewor ds.Il
ookedar oundand
Khay awasn' tnextt omeont hebed." Down
here".Ilookedont hef loorandKhay awas
l
ay i
ngdownonhi sst omach.Me: "Andt hen?
Whyy ouont hef l
oor."Ismi led.Hi m:"Thef l
oor
l
ookedsoi nv i
tingandIt houghtwhynotgi veita
shotandsl eeponi t."Ishookmyhead.Me: "
You'reani diot "Him: "That 'sbecausey ou
pushedmeof ft hefreaki nbedKay onewi thy our
hugeass"Me: "Myassai n'tt hatbig"Hi m:"Itis".
Sot hisguywascal l
ingmef at!Iroll
edof fthe
bedandl andedont opofhi m onpur pose.And
hecr i
edout .Liket hedr amaqueenhei s.Hi m: "
Yout ryi
ngt obr eakmydel icat ebones? "
Me: "
You' reamany oucanhandl eit.Nowcar ry
met ot hebat hroom. "Hegr umbl edbutcar r
ied
meany way sIcl osedt hedoori nhisf ace.He
grumbl edsomemor eandIhear dhi sfootst eps.
Iwashedmyf aceandt iedmybr aids.Iwent
backt ot hebedr oom andmadet hebed.°
"Fuck",Ihear dKhay acur sedownst air
s.Iput
pil
lowdownandhur r
ieddownst air
st ocheckon
him.Hewasst andi ngi nt heki t
chenwi thshorts
andav -neckt -shirtf acingthef r ontwi thhis
backt owar dsme.Me: "Babewhathappened. "
Het urnedar oundandhel duphi st humb.Hi m:"I
hitmyt humbwi thahammer ."Inot i
cedt hetool
boxont opoft hecount er
.Iwentcl osert ohim
toinspecthi sthumb.I twasbr uisedbutnot
broken.Me: "Whatwer ey oudoi ng? "Him:"Iwas
tryi
ngt of ixt he-ahh!Don' ttouchi t
"Me: "You'
re
suchabi gbaby ."Itookabowl andf i
ll
editwith
wat erint hesi nk.Me: "
Puti tint here"Hedi dasI
said."Di dy oueaty et?"Hi m:"No.ButI '
dl i
keto
eaty ou."If li
ckedhi m wi t
ht hewat er .Me:"Stop
beingaper vert"hechuckl edandIsmi ledto
my self.Ipr epar edasandwi chf orhi m and
pour edsomej ui
ce.Ishov edt hem t ohim and
satdownont heseatopposi t
ehi s.Andwat ched
him eat .Aft erhegotdoneIr i
nsedt hecupand
thepl ateandputt hem backi nt heirplace.
Khay agotacal l
.Af terheendedi thel ookedat
me.Hi m: "
Ihav et ot ellyousomet hing."Hi s
expressionlookedpainedwhateveriti
s.It'
s
soundsi mportantandImadeabunchof
scenariosinmyhead.Whati fhehe'sdying?
May behehascancer .Whatifhe'
smar ri
ed?
Whati fhe'
spr egnant
?Nahmanhe' saguyhe
can'tbepregnant.Toomuchi maginati
on
Kayone.Iscoldedmybr ai
n.Andt
heonl ythi
ng
thatwasbuzz inginmymi nd.LWAZI.Didhe
escape?°°°
[03/23,16:39]Mk: Chapter26°°°°°°Khay a
scratchedhi sheadandsai dnot hi
ng.Me: "DoI
havet okickitoutofy ou."Hi
m: "
Pr omisemey ou
won'tbemad. "Me:"Dependswhati ti
s"
Him:"Justpr omisemeorIwon' ttellyou."
Me:"Okayf ineIpromise"hescr atchedhi shead
andl ookedatmewi thaser i
ousf ace.Hi m:"
Lwazi isdead."Ibli
nkedonceandswal lowed.
Me:"Wai twhat ?Buthow?Youki l
l
edhi m! "
Him:"No.No.Bl adesaidhehadahear t
problem."Inev erexpectedthi
st ho.Likenotat
all
.Doesi tmakemeabadper sont hatIdon't
real
lyf eel badaboutLwazi '
sdeat h?ImeanI
don'tknowwhatt of eel .I'
m nothappybutI '
m
notnecessar il
ysadei ther .That'sifhe' sev en
dead.Iwoul dn'tputitpasthi mt of akehi sdeat h.
Me:"Ar ey ousur ehe'sgone? "Hi m:"Yeah. "Me:"
Sowhatar ey ougonnadowi thhisbody ? "
Him: "
Getr i
dofi t
."Hest at edmat t
eroff actly.
Me:"Butwhatabouthi sf ami l
y?Hi smom i sa
verygoodper son."Him: "
Whatdoy ouwantme
todoKay one?Wr aphi m upi nagi ftbagand
sendi ttohi smot her? "Me: "Noman.Youknow
whatImeanhi sfami lywi llwantcl osur eand
they'l
llookf orhim. "Hi m: "Trustmet hey '
re
betterof fwi thouthi m. "Idi dn'tknowhowt o
respondt ot hatsoIdi dn' t.Iwalkedmyass
upstairsandf ini
shedt i
dy inguphi sbedr oom.°
Myphoner ang.Ipi ckedi tupandi twasdad.
>>>Cel l
phoneConv ersat ionMe: "Daddy !"Dad:"
Pumpy "Iwasgr eetedbyhi sdeepv oice.Me: "
Whenar ey ougonnaqui tcallingmet hat .I'
ma
grownwoman. "Him: "It oldy ouPumpyIdon' t
carei fyou' re100y earsol dy ou'llalway sbemy
Pumpy ."Ir oll
edmyey es.Hi m: "Don' trol lyour
eyesatme. "Igul pedandl ookedar oundt he
room f orhi ddencamer as.Me: "You. .
.y ouc- can
seeme? "Hechuckl edint hatdeepr i
chv oiceof
his.Iswearmymom andIhav eat hi
ngf orguy s
withdeepv oices.Hi m:"NobutIi magi nedy ou
woul d."Ibr eat hedasi ghofr elief.Me: "Whenar e
youguy scomi ngback.Imi ssy oubot h"Hi m: "I
actual l
ywant edt ot el
ly ouaboutt hat.We' r
e
comi ngbackonMondayy ourmom j ustbooked
usaf l
ightonl i
ne."Me: "Ican' twai t.
"Hi m: "Of
coursey oucan' ty ou'r
epr ollyt iredofeat ing
j
unkf oodal lthet ime."Ir olledmyey esagai n.
Him:"Pumpywhatdi dIsayabouty our oll
ing
yourey es. "Me: "Dadst opi t.That 'screepi ngme
out"hel aughed.Dad: "Okayokay .Goodni ght
Pumpki nIl ov ey ou. "Me: "Ilov ey outoo.Say
hell
ot omom f ormepl ease"i hungupaf tert hat.
<<<°It ookashowerandpackedmycl ot hes.I
tookmyov ernightbagandwentdownst air
s.
Khay awaswat chinggol forhockey ?Li keIsai d
Iknownot hingaboutspor t
s.Hel ookedatme.
Khay a:"You' rel eaving?"Me: "Yeaht hepar ents
arecomi ngbacki nt woday st i
me. "Hi m: "Oh
okayI 'l
l takey ouhome.Geti nt hecarwhi leIgo
change. "Inoddedandhet hrewmehi scarkey s.
Icaughtt hem andwentt ohisgar age.°He
j
oi nedmei nt hecarsev eralmi nut esl ater.Him:"
Youhungr y?"Me: "Nah.IguessI 'm st i
llupset
aboutt heLwazi thing.
"Hi m: "He'sgonebabe
yougotnot hingt owor ryabout ."Me: "Arey ou
sur eKhay a.Imeanar ey our eallysur ewhati f
Lwazi -"Hi m: "Kay onest opi t.Lwazi isgone
chill
."Ir estedmyheadagai nstt hewi ndowand
closedmyey es.Itjustfeelswayt ooeasy .
Lwazi coul dn'tbegonej ustl ikethat .Khay a
stoppedatt hegat e.Me: "You' r
enotgonna
comei n? "Hi m: "NahIgotl otst odo. "Me: "Oh
okay ."Iki ssedhi m goodby eandt ookmybag
andl eft.°WhenIgoti nmyr oom Ichangedt o
mypj sandwentdownst air
st opr epar el unch
formybr ot herandI .Icheckedt hecupboar ds
andt her ef r
iger ator.Andwel l i
twasal most
empt yexceptf orMacar oni andcheese.Imade
ament al not et ogoshoppi ngt omor row." Mac
andcheesei tis"Iwhi sper edt omy selfandand
beganmycooki ng.Atquar terpast8Iwasdone.
Nt andocamei nawhi lel aterwi thagi r
l.The
wayhechangesgi rl
s.Hel ookedgenui nely
sur pri
sedt oseeme.Nt ando: "You' reback. "He
kissedmycheek.Me: "Yeah. "Hi m: "Ithought
Khay awoul dwantt ospendsomet i
mewi t
hy ou
afterthatwhol e..
.y ouknow. "Me: "Yeahwel l
mom anddadar ecomi ngbackso. ..
"Hi m:"SoI
knowy oupr ollyknowt hatI '
m. ..kinda...ahem!
Youknow. ..
"Ismi led.Me: "We' llgett ot hatafter
dinner .Shal lIdishupf ory ouand. ..
"Gi rl
:"
Akeel ah. "Me: "YeahandAkeel ah."Nt ando: "I
'm
notr eal l
yhungr y.Babe? "Akeel ah:"Yespl ease. "
Nt ando: "I'l
l goshowert hen. "Akeel ahnodded.
Me: "Sur e. "Idi shedupf orAkeel ahandI .She
pul l
edachai randweat e.Akeel ah:"Wowt hisis
verygood."Me: "Thanky ou."Af terwegotdone
AkeelahjoinedNt andoinhi sr oom andIst art
ed
wit
ht hedishes.Wat chedabi tofTVandt hen
wentupt omyr oom.Igotat extfrom Khaya
sayinghemi ssesmeal ready .Irepliedandthen
dozedof f
.°Thef ollowingdayIgotupcl eaned
myr oom abi tandcalledDi amondt o
accompanymet othemal l
f orsomegr ocery
shopping.Itoldheraboutt hewhol eLwazithi
ng.
°°°°
[03/23,19:09]Mk: Chapter26°°°°°°Khay a
scratchedhi sheadandsai dnothi
ng.Me: "
DoI
havet okickitoutofy ou."Hi
m:"Promisemey ou
won'tbemad. "Me:"Dependswhati ti
s"
Him:"Justpr omisemeorIwon' ttelly
ou."
Me:"Okayf ineIpromise"hescratchedhishead
andl ookedatmewi thaser i
ousface.Him:"
Lwazi isdead."Ibli
nkedonceandswal l
owed.
Me:"Wai twhat ?Buthow?Youki l
l
edhi m!"
Him:"No.No.Bl adesaidhehadahear t
problem."Inev erexpectedthi
stho.Likenotat
all
.Doesi tmakemeabadper sont hatIdon' t
real
lyf eel badaboutLwazi '
sdeat h?ImeanI
don'tknowwhatt of eel.I'
m nothappybutI '
m
notnecessar il
ysadei ther .That '
si fhe'sev en
dead.Iwoul dn'tputitpasthi mt ofakehi sdeat h.
Me:"Ar ey ousur ehe'sgone? "Hi m: "Yeah. "Me:"
Sowhatar ey ougonnadowi thhi sbody ? "
Him: "
Getr i
dofi t
."Hest atedmat teroff actly.
Me:"Butwhatabouthi sf ami l
y?Hi smom i sa
verygoodper son."Him: "Whatdoy ouwantme
todoKay one?Wr aphi m upi nagi ftbagand
sendi ttohi smot her?"Me: "Noman.Youknow
whatImeanhi sfami l
ywi llwantcl osureand
they'l
llookf orhim. "Him: "Trustmet hey '
re
betterof fwi thouthi m."Idi dn'tknowhowt o
respondt ot hatsoIdi dn' t.Iwal kedmyass
upstairsandf ini
shedt idyinguphi sbedr oom.°
Myphoner ang.Ipi ckedi tupandi twasdad.
>>>Cel l
phoneConv ersationMe: "Daddy !"Dad:"
Pumpy "Iwasgr eetedbyhi sdeepv oice.Me: "
Whenar ey ougonnaqui tcalli
ngmet hat.I'
ma
grownwoman. "Hi m: "Itoldy ouPumpyIdon' t
carei fyou' re100y earsol dy ou'llalway sbemy
Pumpy ."Ir oll
edmyey es.Hi m: "Don' trol lyour
eyesatme. "Igul pedandl ookedar oundt he
room f orhi ddencamer as.Me: "You. .
.y ouc- can
seeme? "Hechuckl edint hatdeepr i
chv oiceof
his.Iswearmymom andIhav eat hi
ngf orguy s
withdeepv oices.Hi m: "NobutIi magi nedy ou
woul d."Ibr eat hedasi ghofr elief.Me: "Whenar e
youguy scomi ngback.Imi ssy oubot h"Hi m: "I
actual l
ywant edt ot el
ly ouaboutt hat.We' re
comi ngbackonMondayy ourmom j ustbooked
usaf l
ightonl i
ne."Me: "Ican' twai t.
"Hi m: "Of
coursey oucan' ty ou'repr ollyt iredofeat i
ng
j
unkf oodal lthet ime."Ir olledmyey esagai n.
Him:"Pumpywhatdi dIsayabouty our ol
ling
yourey es. "Me: "Dadst opi t.That 'screepi ngme
out"hel aughed.Dad: "Okayokay .Goodni ght
Pumpki nIl ov ey ou. "Me: "Ilov ey outoo.Say
hell
ot omom f ormepl ease"i hungupaf tert hat.
<<<°It ookashowerandpackedmycl othes.I
tookmyov ernightbagandwentdownst air
s.
Khay awaswat chinggol forhockey ?Li keIsai d
Iknownot hingaboutspor t
s.Hel ookedatme.
Khay a:"You' r
el eaving?"Me: "Yeaht hepar ents
arecomi ngbacki nt woday st i
me. "Hi m: "Oh
okayI 'l
l takey ouhome.Geti nt hecarwhi leIgo
change. "Inoddedandhet hrewmehi scarkey s.
Icaughtt hem andwentt ohisgar age.°He
j
oi nedmei nt hecarsev eralmi nut esl ater.Him:"
Youhungr y?"Me: "Nah.IguessI 'm st i
llupset
aboutt heLwazi thing.
"Hi m: "He'sgonebabe
yougotnot hingt owor ryabout ."Me: "Arey ou
sur eKhay a.Imeanar ey our eallysur ewhati f
Lwazi -"Hi m: "Kay onest opi t.Lwazi isgone
chill
."Ir estedmyheadagai nstt hewi ndowand
closedmyey es.Itjustfeelswayt ooeasy .
Lwazi coul dn'tbegonej ustl ikethat .Khay a
stoppedatt hegat e.Me: "You' r
enotgonna
comei n? "Hi m: "NahIgotl otst odo. "Me: "Oh
okay ."Iki ssedhi m goodby eandt ookmybag
andl eft.°WhenIgoti nmyr oom Ichangedt o
mypj sandwentdownst airst opr eparel unch
formybr ot herandI .Icheckedt hecupboar ds
andt her ef r
iger ator.Andwel l i
twasal most
empt yexceptf orMacar oni andcheese.Imade
ament al not et ogoshoppi ngt omor row." Mac
andcheesei tis"Iwhi sper edt omy selfandand
beganmycooki ng.Atquar terpast8Iwasdone.
Nt andocamei nawhi lel aterwi thagi r
l.The
wayhechangesgi rl
s.Hel ookedgenui nely
sur pri
sedt oseeme.Nt ando: "You'reback. "He
kissedmycheek.Me: "Yeah. "Hi m:"Ithought
Khay awoul dwantt ospendsomet i
mewi thy ou
afterthatwhol e..
.y ouknow. "Me: "Yeahwel l
mom anddadar ecomi ngbackso. ..
"Hi m: "SoI
knowy oupr ollyknowt hatI '
m. ..ki
nda...ahem!
Youknow. ..
"Ismi led.Me: "We' llgettot hataf ter
dinner .Shal lIdishupf ory ouand. ..
"Gi rl
:"
Akeel ah. "Me: "YeahandAkeel ah."Ntando: "I
'm
notr eal l
yhungr y.Babe? "Akeel ah:
"Yespl ease. "
Nt ando: "I'l
l goshowert hen. "Akeel ahnodded.
Me: "Sur e. "Idi shedupf orAkeel ahandI .She
pull
edachai randweat e.Akeel ah:"Wowt hisis
verygood."Me: "Thanky ou."Af terwegotdone
AkeelahjoinedNt andoinhi sr oom andIst arted
wit
ht hedishes.Wat chedabi tofTVandt hen
wentupt omyr oom.Igotat extfrom Khay a
sayinghemi ssesmeal ready .Irepliedandthen
dozedof f
.°Thef ollowingdayIgotupcl eaned
myr oom abi tandcalledDi amondt o
accompanymet othemal l
f orsomegr ocery
shopping.Itoldheraboutt hewhol eLwazi t
hing.
°°°°
[03/23,19:09]Mk: Chapter27°°°°°°On
Mondaymor ni
ngIwokeupear l
yjusttocl ean
thehouse.Thepar ent
swer elandi ngat11am.
SoIcl eanedandby10am IwasdonesoI
shower edandwor eawhi t
ekneehi ghfloral
dresswi thflat
sandt i
edmybr aidsinal oose
bun.Ideci dedtojusttakeanapi nthemean
time.°Iwaswokenupt hedoorbel lr
inging
downst air
s.Isli
ppedonmysl ipper sandwent
toopent hedoor .Iwasengulfedi nabearhug
bydaddy .Dad: "Pumpy .You'v egr own."Ishook
myheadandchuckl ed.Me: "Wowdadt hat'sa
nicewayt osayI '
mf at."Mom: "Stopst andi ng
therelikeani diotandgogett her estoft hebag
from thecarKay oneandasky ourbr ot
hert o
helpy ou."Me: "Wowmom y ou'regl owing.I
wonderwhy ?"Dadf lickedmyf oreheadand
walkedi nsi det hehouse.Mom: "Stopbei ng
nosyKay one. "Shebl ushed.Ishookmyhead
andcal ledNt andot ohel pme.°Af t
erwe' d
gotteni nt hel astoft hebagsIbeganpr epar i
ng
l
unch.Weat eandt henmom anddadwentup
totheirr oom t or est .Nt andowashedhi scar
outside.Isatdownont hecoucht ookmyphone
andbegant extingKhay a.°1WEEKLATERI t
wascur rent l
yFr idayandschool shadopenon
Wednsay .Thepr efect swer ei ntroduced
yesterdaywi t
hDeeasDeput yHeadGi rl andme
apr efect.WhenBuhl ewasn' tannouncedasone
shecal ledt het eacher swi tchesandgot
detentionatt hef irstdayofschool .Wewer e
fi
nallydoi ngMat r
ic.Myal arm clockr angat
6am andIl azilygotupf rom t hebed.That '
sthe
onlyr easonIhat eschool waki ngupear lyain'
t
myt hang.Ishower edandgotdr essedi nmy
uniform It iedmybr aidsneat lyinabunand
tookmyschool bag.Iwentdownst ai
rsf or
breakf ast.Imademy selfcereal.Thepar ents
wer eal r
eadygoneandNt andowaspr obabl y
asleep.Ir odet hebust oschool andar rivedat
07:25myschool startsathal fpast7.Buhl eand
Diamondwer ewai tingf ormeatt hegat e.
Buhl e:"Almostt houghty ouwer en'tcomi ng."
Me: "Buhlechi llIain'tevent hatl ate"Irolledmy
eyes.Buhl e:"What ev erlet '
shur r
y .
"Wehadt wo
periodst heni nterval.Buhl eandDeemetmeby
ourspotj ustbehi ndt het uckshop.Buhl e:"You
knowMr sPot atoheadhasgoti tinf ormet his
year.Shesai dIhadabi tchyat ti
tude!Imeanf or
realme?Bi tchy?Ohhel lnaw!I '
llshowher
bit
chy ."Dee: "Buhl ei t'
snotev enaweekand
Mr sPet ersonhasmar kedy ouat hreat.
"
Buhl e:
"Pot atoHead. "Buhl ecor rected.Dee: "And
wassupwi ththisstupi dnickname.Youdoknow
thatshe' llgiv
ey oudet enti
onf ort hatright?".
Buhl eshr ugged.Buhl e:"DoIl ookl i
keIcar e?
Mr sPot atoheadcangoandf uckher selfwi tha
dil
do.Nowonderherhusbanddi edIwoul d
fuckendi etooifIhadabi tterwife.Youknow
thatsheneeds? "Dee: "NoIdon' tbutI '
m pr etty
surey ou' l
ltel
lmeany way s."Buhle:"Adi ldo!I'l
l
buyherone, wrapi tupandsendi ttoherf or
Valent i
ne's.Seriouslysheneedst ogetl aidI '
m
sureherpussyhasspi derwebs. "Dee: "Kay !
"
Me: "Mhh?What ?"Dee: "Whyar ey ousoqui et?"
Me: "I'
v ebeent hinking. .
."Buhle:"That '
snev era
goodt hing."Ipushedhershoul derpl ayfull
y .
Me: "AsIwassay i
ng.Um It hinkI '
mr eady .
"
Buhl e:
"Forwhat ?..
..Ooooh"Dee: "Ar ey ousur e?"
Me: "Yeah.Imean- "Buhl e:
"Whooooooooo!
Someone' sf i
nallyget ti
ngl aid!
"Shescr eamed
andal otofheadst ur nedt ous.Buhl ei ssucha
dramaqueen.Buhl e:"Iswearhunoncey ou've
hadMrDi cksony ouwon' tev erwantt ost op
tr
ustmeI 'm speaki ngf rom exper i
ence. "Dee:"
Ofcour sey ouar e.Isuppor ty ouKayasl ongas
you'resur et hat '
swhaty ouwant .
"Me: "Iam. "
Dee: "Goodt henl et'
sgett ocl ass."°School
camet oanendat1pm si ncei t'
sFr iday .Khay a
waspi ckingmeup.Dee: "Shoul dIdr opy ou
off?"Me: "NahKhay a'
spi cki ngmeup. "Dee: "Oh
okay ."Shegav emeahug." Besaf eOkay ?"Me: "
Yesmom"shechuckl edandwepar tedway s.
Khay awai tedf ormej ustout sidet heschool
gates.Hegotoutoft hecar .Huggedmeand
gavemeapeckont hel i
psandopenedt he
passengerdoorf orme.Igoti nwal kedar ound
tothedr i
v erssi de.Hi m: "Youl ooksexyi nyour
uniform. "Ismi l
ed.Me: "IknowIdo. "Isai d
fl
ippingmybr aids.Hear chedaney ebr ow.Hi m:"
Cockymuch. "Me: "Ijustmi ssedy ou. "Hi m:"And
Imi ssedy oumor e."Dr ov et ohi shouseandwe
werecasual l
ychat tingont heway .Wear rived
halfanhourl ater.Heopenedt hedoort ohis
houseandgoti nIf ol
lowedhi m andputmy
school bagdown.Ihadpackedanov ernight
bagbecauseIknewwhatIwasgonnado.I
alreadypl annedev erythi
ng.It ol
dmymom I '
d
sleepov eratDee' splaceandsheboughti t.I
wentt ohi sr oom andchangedoutofmy
unifor m andwor ecomf yclot hes.Khay acame
i
n.Khay a:"Youhungr y?Ior der edpizza."
Me: "Yeahbutnotf orpizza? "Hi m:"
Okaywhat
shoul dIgety outhen? "Me: "HowaboutIeat
you? "Hechuckl edandwal kedcl osertome.
Him: "Sor rybutI '
m noti nt hemenubabe" .He
pulledmecl oset ohi m andki ssedmesl owl y.
Hisr ighthandgoi ngundermyt opandIf l
idled
witht hebut tonsofhi sshi rt.Whydoshi r
tshav e
somanybut tonsagai n? Hepul l
edmyt opof f
withmyhel pandshi r
twasont hefloorin
seconds.Khay amov edt oki ssmyneckandIl et
outasof thum.Hepul l
edawayandl ookedat
mei nt heey es.Hi m: "
Babear eyousur eyou
wantt his?"Inodded.Hi m:"Iwantt oheary ou
sayi t.
"Ishookmyhead.Hel ay edmeont opof
thebedgent l
yandki ssedmesof tl
y.Iwasnow
onlyi nmyundi esandIt hankedt hegodsIwor e
mybl acklacemat chingunder wear ."Sayi t
."He
mumbl edagai nstmyl ips.Ishookmyhead
agai n.Heki ssedmyneckandwentdown
plant i
ngwetki ssesal lov ermybodydownt o
stomachandst oppedj ustbel owmynav el
.He
l
ookedatmeagai n."Kay onesayi t
.Sayy ou
wantmenow. "Ishookmyheadagai n.
Me: "Khay aIcan' t
"Imumbl edsof tl
y.Her ubbed
mycl i
tandIwasweti nst antly.Heki ssedme
whiler ubbingmycl it
.Imoanedi nhismout h.
Thenhei nser tedaf i
nger.Ij umpedabi thisli
ps
nev erleftmi ne.Hi slipsmov edt omyneckand
hef oundaspotandsuckedoni tnodoubt
l
eav ingamar k." Say.You.Want .Me, Kay one."I
coul dn'
ttakei tany mor e.Thi sf oreplaywas
drivingmei nsane.Me: "Iwanty ouKhay a.Iwant
allofy ou."Isai dbr eathl essly.Iguesst hat'sall
heneededt ohearheki ssedmehar derandI
str
uggledwi thhi
sbelt.Ser
iouslythoughwhen
di
dbeltsgetsohar dtoopen? Hi spants
wereont hef l
ooraf
tersomest r
ugglingfrom
mysideandIment al
lyhighfivedmybr ai
n.And
damnhe' sdickishuge.Thenhei nser t
ed
hi
mselfandIscr eamedl i
keTFt hatshi ti
s
pai
nful.Soy eahwehadsext hatnightandI
di
dn'tri
dehi m Iwasfuckensor ebutKhay awas
gentl
et hough. °°°°
[03/23,19:09]Mk: Chapter28°°°°°Khay a
tookmehomeSat ur
daymor ning.WhenIgoti n
myr oom Icl i
mbedont hebedandi nstantlyfel
l
asleepcauseIhadar oughni ghtonFr iday.I
wokeupar ound1pm.Iwassohungr y.Isli
pped
onmysl i
pper sandwentdownst ai
rs.WhenI
passedbyt heli
vingroom Nt andowaswi th
Khay aplayingX-Box.IgreetedandKhay a
smi l
edatmeandt hathadmyhear tgoing'goo-
ga-ga'Ireturnedthesmi l
e.Me: "Wher e'smom
anddad? "Ntandopausedt hegame.Nt ando:"
Atthemal l
."Me:"Okay."Nt
ando: "Bro.I'll
go
showert henwe' llheadout .
"Khay agav ehi ma
thumbsup.Iwentt oki t
chenandmadea
sandwi chf ormy self.IfeltKhay a'shands
rubbi ngmysi des.Hi m: "Lastnighty ouwer e
amazi ng. "Ismi led.It urnedt ofacehi m andhe
capt ur edmyl ipswi thhi s.Myhands
automat i
cal lywentar oundhi sneckpul linghim
closerandhi swer eonmywai st.Hel iftedme
upandputmeont opoft hecount er.Weki ssed.
Ihear daper soncl eart heirthroat.Ifrozeand
Khay acur sedunderhi sbr eathbutIhear dhim.I
steppedof fthecount erandf acedmyf at her
's
disappoi nt edgl ar e.Mymot herwasst andi ng
nextt ohi m.Mypal msf eltsweat yandmy
handsshook.Myf atherdi dn'tsayany thinghe
j
ustl ookeddi sappoi ntedandst raightupangr y.
Ifeltt heur get or unbutmykneesf eltweakl i
ke
theywer emadeofr ubber .Me:"Dad. ..I-Ican
exp-".Dadwasn' tev enl ooki ngatmeany mor e
hisst onecol dgl ar ewasdi r
ectedatKhay abut
Khay adi dn' tev enseem f azedbyi t
.WhatI '
mI
mi ssingher e?Dad: "Khay aNkosi Iwanty ouout
ofmyhouset hisi nstant !
".Khay alooked
amused.Khay a:"Di dn'tknowwewer eonf ir
st
namebasi sRi char d."Hesai dcal mlywhi lemy
hear twasbeat i
ngsof astIwassur eev er yone
i
nt her oom coul dheari t.Me: "
Khay al eav e.
"He
l
ookedatme.Khay a:"Butbabe. .
"Icl osedmg
eyesandt ookadeepbr eat h.Me: "Please. ..
".I
thinkhegott hemessagecausehedi dn'ttry
any t
hi nghej ustl eft.AndIf acedmyf ather's
wrat hal one.Dad: "Kay one. "Ohshi twasget ti
ng
real fastmyf atherhasnev ercalledmebymy
namebef ore.Me: "Dad. "If i
dget edwi tht hehem
ofmyt op- aner v oushabi tofmi ne.Hi m: "Iwant
yout obr eakupwi t
hhi m. "Woah!Me: "What ?
DadIcan' tIlov ehi m. "Isai ddesper at ely.Him:"
Ifyoudon' tbreakupwi t
hhi mI '
llki
llhim" .That
couldn' thav ebeenmydadspeaki ng.Idi dn't
recogni zet hemanst andingbef oreme.Mom: "
Richar dy oudon' thav eto- "Dad: "Shutup.Thi s
i
smyhouseandwhatIsaygoes"At ear
escapedmyey eandsl owl yrolleddownmy
cheek.Me: "
You' r
eev i
l!
"Dad: "You'repat het i
cI'm
doi ngt hi sfory ourowngood.Nowar ewe
clear ?"Me: "Dadpl easedon' tdot hisI'
m
beggi ngy ouplease. "Het urnedar oundand
wal kedupt hest airswi t
hmymot hert rial
ling
behi ndhi m.Ist ayedi ntheki tchenf oraf ew
mi nut esbef oreIt oowentt omyr oom.Ist il
l
coul dn' tbelievewhatmydadhadj ustsai d.I
l
ockedt hedoorandsl i
ddownt hewal l and
cried.Br eakingupwi t
hKhay awoul ddest royme.
Itwoul dki llme.ButIcoul dn'ttakemyf athers
wor dsf orgr anted.Igotupf r
om t hef l
oorand
wentt ot hebat hroom t owashmyf ace.Af ter
thatIt ookanapIwast odr ainedt odoany t
hing.
Iwonder edthoughi fKhay awasn' tKhay alikeif
hewer esomeoneel sewoul ddadhav ewant ed
met obr eakupwi thhim?Fr om whatIsawi t
l
ookedl i
ket hey'veknowneachot herlong
bef ore.Doest hatmeanmyf atherisal soa
gangst er ?Likehe' sinvolvedi nwhat everish
Khayais?°WhenIwokei ntheeveningIhad15
textmessagesand11mi ssedcallsal
lfr
om
Khaya.Icouldn'
tbri
ngmy selft
or eadoranswer
anyofhistexts.Iwentdownstair
st oeatand
alsobroughtmy sel
fsl
eepingpil
lsfrom my
mom' scupboard.Iwouldneedthem.°°
[03/ 23,19: 09]Mk: Chapt er29°°°°°Iwokeup
at10am t hef ol
lowi ngdayt hankgoodnessf or
thepi l
l
s.ButIst i
llfeltsomewhatt ir
edsoI
chosenott ogot ochur cht hatSunday .Igotup
from t hebedbegr udgi ngl yandshuf f
ledtot he
bat hroom It ookal ongshower .Iwor eli
ghtbl ue
j
eggi ngsandawhi telongsl eev edtopwi th
blackAdi dassneaker s.Iappl iedabi tofmake-
upanxt henIwentdownst airsf orbreakfastwel l
br unchsi ncei twasal most11.°Mydadwason
thecouchwat chingsoccer .Imademy selffood
andat e.Mymom camedownasecondaf terI
finishedeat i
ng.Dad: "I'
m guessi ngyoucalledi t
of fwi t
ht hatboy .
"Ii gnor edhi m.Me: "Mom canI
bor rowy ourcar?"Mom: "Sur esweet y"Itookher
carkey sgr ateful l
yandchuggeddownt her est
ofmycool dr
inkbef oreIlef t
.Nt andowas
outsidebusywi thhiscar .Nt ando: "Heyl ilsis"
Me: "Hi ."Him: "Ihear dwhatdadsai dyester day.
"
Inodded.Hi m: "AndIt hinky oushoul dlistent o
him. "Isi ghed.Me: "Ohpl easenoty out oo
please. "Hi m:"I'
m ser iousKay onedadwasn' t
bluffinghewi l
l kil
lhimi fy oudon' tbreakupwi t
h
him. "Me: "Dadwoul dnev erkillany one."Hi m:"
OhwakeupKay onedadi sn'
twhoy out hinkhe
i
s."Me: "Whatdoy oumean? "Hi m: "Didn'tyou
wonderwhatev erhappenedt ous?Whywe
drif
tedapar t
?WhyIwassentt ocont i
nuemy
studiesi nanot herpr ov i
nce? "Ilookedathi m
andhecont i
nued.Hi m: "Dadi sasmuggl er .Fi
re
arms, Rhi nohor n,sl
av es,drugsy ounamei t.
Whydoy out hinkwe' resor i
ch?Hewant edme
tohacki ntoAl ejandroBander a'saccounta
Russi andr ugLor d.Irefusedbecausei twast oo
danger ousal otwasatst akeIcoul dn'
tr i
ski t.
Fatherdi dntlikei tsoheshi ppedmeof ft oUni .
"
Iwasn' tsurprisedt ho.Iki ndaexpect edi tafter
thewayhewasy est erdaynot hingNt andocoul d
tel
lmeaboutmyf atherwoul dsur priseme.Me: "
Igety oubutwhathast hatgott odowi th
Khay a?"Nt andoshr ugged.Hi m: "
It'
sbesti fyou
askKhay ay our sel f.
"Me: "Thanks.Fornot
keepingmei nt hedar k."Ihuggedhi m andgoti n
thecar .°Isati nt hecari nKhay a'sdr i
veway .I
couldal mostseehi sf acewhenIt oldhi m we
can'
tbet oget her .It'sf orthebestr i
ght ?Ilove
him andi fleav inghi mi swhati tt akest okeep
him ali
v ethensobei t.Irubbedmyhandsand
gotoutoft hecarandknockedonhi sdoor .He
openedi nst antlyandhuggedme.If oughtt he
urget ohughi m backbutIpul ledaway .Ishoul d
getthisov erwi th.Ipushedhi m backgent lyand
tookadeepbr eat h.I nsteadofcal mingmei t
madememor eanxi ous.Me: "Khay awecan' tdo
thi
s."Hi m:"Can' tdowhat ?Het oldy out obr eak
upwi thme? "Me: "YesKhay aandi t
'sbet terthis
waypl ease."Hi m: "Why ?"Isai dnot hing.Hi m:"
I'
m notscar edoft hatoldmanKay onei fhe
thinkshe' l
l getto- "her ai
sedhi sv oice.Me: "
Khay acal m down. "Him:"Don' ttellmet ocal m
down!HowcanIcal m downwhent hesi ngle
mosti mpor tantper soninmyl if
ewant st o
breakupwi thme! "Ilookeddown.Me: "Youhav e
tounder stand. ..Idon'twantanyoft his!"Hi m:"
Likehel l Iwi l
l..
.t ellmewhatdi dhet hreat enyou
with?He' llkicky ouout ?You' l
lcomel ivewi th
meor ..
.orI '
llrenty ouanapar t
menti nt ownor
somet hing.Just -...p-
pleasedon' tdot his."I
suddenl yfel tsickl ikeIwasaboutt ot hrowup.I
rant ot hebat hroom andt hrewup.Myhands
feltclammyandt heyshook.Ir i
nsedmymout h
andl ookedatmyr efl
ectioni nthemi r
ror .ThenI
remember edKhay adidn'tuseacondom onour
fi
rstni ghtandI '
m notonbi rthcontrol.Idr i
pped
thesi nkt ight .Howcoul dhav eIbeenso
reckless?I 'm notpr egnant .Ican'tbe.Mydad
woul dsur elyki l
l Khay athist i
me.Icoul dheara
faintknockont hebat hroom doorKhay a:"Babe
areyouokay
?Whathappened?"Icoul
dn'
teven
answerhi
m mymi ndwasbuzzi
ngwi t
htoo
many'whati
fs"°°°°
[03/23, 19:10]Mk: Chapt er29.Cont inued. ..°°°
°°°Khay awasknocki nghar dernowsoI
quicklyr egainedmycomposur eandwentt o
opent hedoorf orhi m.Khay a:"Babear ey ou
okay ?"Ishookmyheadt earst hreateni ngt ofall
.
Khay a: "Babecomeont alktomewhat '
sup? "
Me: "Khay aIcan' t.
..Ican' tbe..
."Iwassobbi ng
now.Hepul ledmet ohi m.Hi m: "Can' tbewhat ?
What '
swr ong? "Ishookmyheadt ear sr oll
ing
fasterdownmycheeks.Me: "Mydadi sgonna
kil
ly ouf orthis..
.andhe' sgonnaki l
l met oo"
Him: "Forwhat ?Kay onecomey ou'renot
maki nganysense. "Me: "Thisi sy ourf ault!"
Him: "Whatdoy oumean?Ser i
ousl yKayspeak
i
nf ull sent ences. "Me: "Ican' tbepr egnant .I
can't."Hi m: "Wai twhatar ey out alkingabout ?"
Me: "I'
m notpr egnantr i
ght ?OhmygoodI '
m so
deadIbet termov et oJamai cachangemy
namet oRast a,growdr eadlocksandbeaweed
farmer .
"Khay achuckl edhehadt hener vemy
wholef ut ureisatst akeandhehast heaudaci ty
tolaugh.Igl aredathi m.Imust '
v elookedhel l
a
scarywi tht hemascar arunni ngdownmy
cheeks.Hi m: "
Noonei sgoingt oJamai caKay
chil
l.
"Me: "Chi ll
?Chill
!He'st ell
ingmet ochi l
l!
HowcanIchi llwhent here'
sapossi bi
li
tyImi ght
bepr egnant !"Hi m:"You'renotpr egnant."Me: "
Howcany oubesur e?"Him: "You' r
enot .Come
l
etmet akey out omydoct or."Me: "Why ? "He
rol
ledhi sey esHi m:"Don'tyouwannaknowi f
you'r
epr egnantornot ?"Me: "Howcany oube
socal m?Youdoknowmydadi sgonnamake
surey oucan' thavebabi esany mor eby
squashi ngy ourf ami l
yjewelsi fhef indsouty ou
mademepr egnantr i
ght?"Him: "You' r
enot
pregnantnowgetupf rom thef loor."Hehel ped
meupandsatmeont hebedIwasst il
lfreaki ng
out.Him: "Sowhati fyouarepr egnant ?
"Me: "I'l
l
abortit"Inaf lashKhay apinnedmeagai nstt he
wallandbothmywr i
stheldfi
rmlybyhisabov e
myhead.Hi sey esscaredmet heylooked
murderous.Him: "Youwi l
ldonosucht hing.I
fI
fi
ndouty oukil
ledmyunbor nchil
dIwillhunt
youdown.Iwi l
l fi
ndy ouandIwillki
ll
you.Do
youunderstandme? "Inoddedtearspoolingi
n
myey es.Him:"
Goodnowwe' r
eont hesame
page,youhungr y?"TF?°°
[03/23,19:10]Mk: Chapt er30°°°°°Ist aredat
Khay afrom acr ossthet ableeat i
nghisChi nese
foodlikehedi dn'tj
ustt hreatenmyl ife10mi ns
ago.Me: "Doy ousufferf rom BPD? "Di dIreally
j
ustsayt hat.Hest oppedeat ingandl ookedat
me.Hi m: "What ?"Me:"Bor derli
nePer sonalit
y
Disorder.It'
sament al condi t
ion"Oops!Idi di t
again.Whycan' tIjustst opt al
king!Somebody
getmeanai lfil
erandsewmyl ipstogether .
Him:"Wai twhat ?"Hel ookedgenui nelyconf used
andmyj ackassmout hdi dn'
tst optherenoIj ust
hadt ocont i
nue.Me: "
Youcangethel pyouknow.
Likegot oat herapi
standt alkabouti tthey
mightr ecommendy out o-"Khay a'sphone
choset hatper fectmomentt or ingandIsi lent
ly
thankedt hegods.Whoknowswhatmor ewoul d
myt raitorousmout hhav esai d.Het ookt hecal l
andwentupt ohisst udy.Icl earedt hetabl eso
l
ongandt hr ewawayt hecont ainer s.°Khay a
camebackt ot hekitchen.Hi m: "
Your eady ?"
Me: "
Yeahl etmegetmybag. "Itookmyhand
bagandwedr ov einhiscar .Theat mospher ei
n
thecarwast ense.Khay at r
iedt omake
conv ersationbutIonl ygav ehi m onewor d
answer s.Iwasnoti nthemood.Ikeptt hinking
abouthowsbabywoul dr uinmyf uture.Li keI
can'thav eababyr i
ghtnowI '
m st illachi l
d
my selfbr uh.Mydadwoul ddi sownme.
Khay a:"Don'tt hinkabouti ttoomuchokay ?
What ev erhappens, happenedI '
ll beher ef or
you."Inodded.Hi m:"
Butf orther ecordIhav ea
strongf eelingy ou'renotpr egnant ."Me: "Whyar e
yousosur e?Ar ey oui nfertil
e? "Iqui cklysl apped
ahandov ermymout h.Shi zzz!Ikeepondoi ng
i
t.Het ur neddownt hev ol umewher e6l ack
_OneWaywaspl ay ing.Hi m;"Whatdi dy ousay ?"
Iturnedt hev olumeup, lookedout si
det he
windowandsangal ongl oudly.Me: "
West ill
hav en'tf uckedoneachot herscouch May be
thatshoul dwai tf oranot her t i
me Inev er
beenonet of uckupt hev ibe♩ ButIwi llfuck
upy ourl ife" Khay ai sobsessedwi th6l ack
gotev eryal bum.Sohechoset oignor emeand
Ifeltreliev edIdi dn'tneedneedKhay at obe
angr ywi thmebecauseofmyst upidmout h.I'm
gladhel eti tgocausewhatIneededwashi s
suppor t.Hepar kedt hecarandwewenti nside
tot her ecept ioni st.Shet ol dusinwhi chroom t o
got oandDrKhanwi llattendt ous.°DrKhan
cameexami nedme.Andt henheaskedmet o
topeei nasmal l cont ainer( whichIf oundv ery
wei rd)andt henhet ookt hecont ainert othel ab
andaskedKhay aandIt owai tforhimi nhis
office.Whi chwedi d.Hecamebackawhi l
e
l
at er.Dr :"Ihav ey ourr esul tsri
ghther eMi ss
Ny athi."Igul ped.Thatpi eceofpapercoul d
makeorbr eakmyf utur e.Dr :
"Andt her esult
s
cameback. .
.negai tve."Icoul dn'tbel i
evei t
.
Me: "
Sor rydocbutdef i
nenegat i
vef orme"
Doc: "You' r
enotpr egnantMi ssNy athi.But .
..
butI
willadv isey out orefrainf rom hav ing
unpr otect edsex. "Iblushedt omat or ed.
Doc: "Youseet herear eot herr isksot hert han
pregnancyi nv olvedinunpr ot ect edsexy ou
couldgetSTI s.SoIwi llgivey out hispackage
forfut ureuse. "Hegav emeapacketof
condoms.Khay asmi rkedbesi deme.Doc: "
AndI
suggesty oubeonbi rt
hcont rol"Inoddedand
west oodupandt hankedhi m.Iqui cklyshov ed
thecondomsi nmyhandbag.°Khay at ookmy
handi nhi swhenweexi tedt hehospi t
al.
Him: "SeeIt oldy ou."TobehonestIwasqui te
rel
iev ed, ecstat icevent hatIwasn' tpregnant .
Mydadwoul dchopmyboy friend'sheadof f
.
Me: "
I'm hungr y"Him: "Buty ouat ebef orewegot
here."Me: "IknowandnowI 'm hungr y."
Him: "Lord!Let 'sgot ot hemal lthen. "°Khay a
drov eust ot hemal l.Weboughtourf oodand
satdown." Khay ababy !"Ihear dahor ri
blev oi
ce
screech.It urnedar oundsof astmyneck
shoul d'vesnapped.Khay a:"Ohmywor d".
Me: "I'
m guessi ngshe' sy ourex? "Hi m: "
OneI 'd
ratherf orgetabout .Thatgi r
l i
sCr azy "heputhi s
headi nhishands.Thebi tchst rol l
edov erto
wher ewesat .Khay a:"
Nabi lanotnowpl easeI '
m
tryi
ngt ohav eaqui etlunchwi thmygi r
lfr
iend."
Heputanemphasi sont hewor dgi rl
fri
end.
Nabi la:"
Sot hisi st hethi ngy oul ef tmef or!"
.
Wai t!Hol'upbi tchwhoy oucal l
ingat hi
ng.
Me: "OkaynowIt hink-"Her :"
Whocar eswhaty ou
thinky ouhoe! "Me: "Li
stenher ey ouwetpot at
o
you' dbettergety ourf ilthycl awsof fmyman
bef oreIsquashy ourflatassandt urny ouinto
mashpot ato!"Her :
"Khay a-"Me: "Bitchgetaway
from hi m befor eIst aby ouwi tht hisf ork.
"She
turnedawayasf astasshecoul dshaki ngher
stiffassbehi ndher .Khay a:"
Woaht hatwashot !
"
Me:"I
'velostmyappet i
telet'
sgo. "Khay a:
"Wet
potato?Real l
y ?I'
llstar
tcall
ingyouwetpot at
o
fr
om nowon. "Me: "Doyouwannagetst abbed
wit
haf or
k? "Hi m:"ComeonIt hi
nki t
'scute"
Me:"You'renotcal l
ingmewetpot ato."
Him:"Fri
edpot ato?Awkwar dpot at o?"
Me:"What '
supwi t
hy ouandpot at oes?"Him:"I
'
ll
cal
l y
ouPeel s.Asi nPot at
oPeel s.I '
m so
smar t
."Ifacepal med.Me: "
OhmyGodI 'm
dati
ngani di
ot "°°
[03/23, 19:10]Mk: Chapt er31°°°°°Thenext
weekIav oidmydadl iket heplague.Whi chis
veryeasysi ncehe' sr arelyhomet hatpartI'
m
grateful for.Sot odayi sThur sdayandDeewi l
l
pickmeupi n5mi ns.It akemybagandr ush
downst airstakingonl yagr anolabarsinceI'm
alreadyl ate.Iopent hef rontdoorandDeei s
alreadyatt hegat e.Ihur rytohercar .Wechat
casual l
yandIt oldheraboutt hewhol e'Ithi
nk
I'
m pr egnanti sh' andherj awdr opstothef l
oor.
Dee: "
Younev erli
stent omeKay .AfterI
speci fi
call
ytol dy out obeSAFE.Andhowar e
younotpr egnant ? "Ishr ug.Me: "
Idon' tknowI
guessheshoot sbl anks. "Shel aughedand
crankedupt hev olume.Wej ammedt oFlame
byTi nasheal l t
hewayt oschool .°School was
funandbef or eIknewi t, itwasSat urday
mor ningwhi chmeantIhadt of acemydadno
mat terwhat .OhhowIhat ethisday !Iwokeup
withl i
ghtshi nningt hrought hecur tainsandmy
mom st oodi nf r
ontofmybedwi t
hherhands
onherwai st.Andsuddenl yherper fume
smel ledhor r
iblemay beshechangedi t.
Me: "
Mom pl easei t'
sSat ur day"Her :"Lazybum
getupnowi t'salmost12"Me: "
Exact ly."Isaid
sopul l
i
ngt hecov ersov ermyhead.Her :
"Stop
beingadr amaqueenandgety ourl azywas
outtabednow. "Me: "
Iwi llmom i namoment .
"I
closedmyey esandshedi dn'tpest ermeany
mor eIguessshel eft.Iwokeupt omyr i
nging
cell
phone.Ianswer edi tnotev enbot heri
ngt o
checkt hecallerID.Me: "Hel l
o"Cal ler:"Peels
you'restillasleep? "Peel s?Khay adamni t.
Me: "
Peel s?Real lycomeonKhay a."Hi m:"
So
you'reawake? "Me: "
I'
mt alkingt oy ouar en'tI?"
Him: "
Don' tsassmedar ling"Me: "OhmyGod!
Myboy fri
endi sgay "hechuckl ed.Hi m:"Ineed
yout ocomewi thmet osomegett ogethert he
guy sarehav ing. "Me: "Butbabey ouknowhowI
feelaboutt hoset ypeoft hingsaf t
erwhat
happenedt hel astt i
me. "Hi m: "IknowPeel sand
I'
llbewi t
hy oual way spl usLwazi i
sgoneand
theguy sar ebr ingingt hei rgirlsIdon' twannabe
theoddoneout ."Me: "Thatst upidni ckname
again"Hi m: "Ithinki t'
ssexy "Me: "By eKhay a.
"
Him: "
By ebabeIl ov ey ou"Me: "Ilovey out oo
nowhangup. "Hi m: "No, youhangup. "Me: "I
'
m
notdoi ngt hiswi thy ou."Hi m: "ButIdi dn'
tdo
any t
hingPeel s."Ir olledmyey esandhangedup
causeIknewhewoul dn't.°Igotoutofbed
aftersomepept alkwi thmy sel f
.Imademybed
andwentdownst ai
rst oeat .Andf orsomewei rd
reasont hebaconsmel l
eddi sgusting.I '
venev er
hadapr oblem wi thbaconbef orebutIguess
peopl echange°I twasar oundf our -
thirtywhenI
decidedt oshower .Ar ound6pm Iwasdone
andIl ookedhoti fIdosaysomy sel f
.Iwor e
casual l
ynott omakeupandnotaccessor i
es
what soeverexceptmyf ri
endshipneckl ace.°I
tookmymom' scart oKhay a'
spl aceandt hat
i
diotwasn' tevendr essedy et
.Ty pical.Whi lehe
wasi nt heshowerIchoseanout fitforhi m.I
tookoutl ightbl uer ippedshor t
s,awhi te
TommyHi lfi
gert eeandadeni mj acket .°We
drovei nhiscart othepl ace.Itwasn' tal ong
driv
ef r
om Khay a'
spl ace.Whenwear rivedwe
gotinandKhay afistbumpedhi sf ri
endsand
wesati nthel i
v i
ngr oom al ongwi thot her
peopl e.Thedr inkswer eboughtt ous.Ionl y
stoodupt ot hrowawayt hecanandwhenIgot
backt hisNabi labitchhadherhandsal lovermy
man.Jesust aket hewheel am aboutt omur der
abitch.Itappedheront heshoul der .
Me: "
Excusemebutwhatdoy out hinky ou're
doing? ".Shemumbl edi ncoher entt hi
ngsIwas
aboutt ogi veherahotsl apwhenKhay aspoke
up.Hi m: "Kay one,babe. .
."It urnedt ohi m anger
cleari nmyey es.Me: "Iwasn' ttalkingtoy ou.
Thishoekeepsdi sr espect ingme.Ent lekbot h
ofy ouar e.Youbeggedmet ocomewi thy ou
andknowt hatIam her ey oul etthiswi tchr un
herhandsal lov eryou.Doy ouwantmet osnap
andki l
lsomeone! ?
"Khay a:"
Babecomeon
you'recausi ngascene. "Me: "
Ascene?I 'm
causi ngascene? "Ichuckl edahumor less
chuckl e.It ookacanofbeeropenedi tand
pour edi tdownhercheapweav e.She
screechedahor ri
blesound.Her :
"OhmyGod! "
Me: "Idon' twannahav et odeal wi thyouagai n,
youwetpot atonextt imeammmabr eaky our
neck"sher anaway .AndIt urnedt of aceKhay a.
Me: "Andy ou, controly ourhoespl ease"°The
foll
owi ngdayIgotupat7am andwentst raight
totheki tchen.Iwassohungr ymyst omach
wasst artingt odigesti t'ssel f,mydadwas
sit
ti
ngont hecouch.Ihadn' tev enmadei tpast
thelivingr oom whenhespokeup.Dad: "
I'
m
hopingy ouendedt hiswi tht hatboy ."Boy ?I
scoffed.Whohecal li
ngaboy ?Me: "WhatYou' re
askingmet odoi sj ustr idiculous. "Dad: "
Thi sis
foryouowngood. "Me: "Nodadt hisi sforwhat
everbeefy ouhav ewi thKhay a.Beefwi thhi m
andl eav emeoutoft his."Dad: "Youar emy
daught erandy oul iv eundermyr oof .WhatIsat
goes! "Me: "I'
m noti nt hemoodf ort his.
"Isai d
walkingaway .Dad: "Youdon' tev enknowwho
heis.Hecoul dbeusi ngy out ogett ome. "Me: "
I
don'tmeant odisr especty oubuty ouar esucha
hypocr ite.Andwhydoesi thav et obeabouty ou?
Couldn' tKhay abewi thmebecausehel ov es
me? "Dad: "
Lov e?Kay oney ouar e17y earsol d
barelyanadul twhatdoy ouknowaboutl ov e?"
Me:"Mor et hanyoudo. "Mom: "Kay onest op
backchat tingandj ustl i
stent oy ourdadf or
once. "Me: "Ihavel istenedt oy ouf or17y ears
andl ookwher ethatgotme.Iam nothappy
mom andt heoneper sont hatmakesmehappy
youwannat akeawayf r
om me.Ican' tdot hat
I'
m sorry."Iwasal mostint ears.Almost .
Dad:"Jane"hesai dtomymom." Leav eus
please."Mymom compl iedmydadcal l
edmet o
sitnexttohi m.Idi d.Dad: "
ListenKay onet his
Khay aofy ouri snotagoodguy ."Me: "Soar e
you."Dad: "Whatdoy oumean? "Me:"Youdi dn't
thinkI'
df i
ndoutabouty ourshadyway s?You
areacr iminal dadnobet terthanKhay a."Istood
upandwentupst ai
rsandl ockedmy sel finmy
bedr oom.Iwasn' taboutt osi taroundand
l
istentohi m badmout hKhay a.What ev erbeef
theyhav eheshoul dtakei toutonhi m notme
andnotourr el
ati
onship.°It ookabat hand
wor eababybl ueof fshoul derdressanda
wedge.It ookmyhandbagandmom' scarkey s
andwentt ochur ch.°°°°
[03/23, 19:10]Mk: Chapt er32* shor t*°°°°°I
gott ochur chat9am Iwasabi tlate.The
ser vi
cewentwel l.Af terchur chIchi l
ledwi th
Buhl eandDeeatt hemal l.Buhl ewasi nt he
mi ddleoft elli
ngusabouthenewsugardaddy .
Buhl e:"
YouknowIdespi seRoger '
swi f
e.She' s
socl ingy.Deer olledherey es.Dee: "whatdoy ou
expectBuhl eshe'shi swi feshe' sboundt obe
clingy."Buhl e:
"Butst ill
-"Me: "Leti tgoBuhl e.
Ser i
ouslyt houghonedayy ou' l
lgetcaughtand
i
twon' tendni celyf ory ou."Buhl e:"Kaywhatar e
yousay i
ng. "Dee:"She' ssay i
ngi t'
st i
mey oul eft
mar riedmenal oneandst artdat ingsomeone
yourownage. "Buhl e:"Menmyar echi l
dishand
don' thavet heskillsify ouknowwhatImean"
Dee: "OhLor dyou'regonnabet hedeat hofme. "
°Iwasdr ivingbackhomewhenIgotacal l
from BAE Ipul l
edov erandanswer edt hecal l
.
Me: "Babe? "Him:"Peel s."Irol l
edmyey est hat
stupi dnicknameagai n." Cany oucomeov er?"
Me: "Butbabe- "Him: "
PleasePeel sIneedy ou."I
huffedbutagr eedandmadeaU- t
ur nt oKhaya'
s
pl
ace°Heopenedt hegat eformeandcar ri
ed
meupst airs.Hedi dn' tev engr eethej ustkissed
me.Ir espondedandbef or eIknewi tclothes
whilelyingont hef l
oor .Hewentdownonme
andmuf f
edmet il
lIhi tclimaxmoani nghi s
name.Idr ippedt hesheet sti
ght.Hei nsert
eda
fi
ngerandr ubbedmycl i
t.Heputi nacondom
andt heni nsertedhi msel fandt hist i
mehehad
mespeaki ngi nt oungesmyf i
ngernai lsdugin
hi
sbackandIbi tmybot tom liptohol dbacka
moanf rom escapi ngmyl i
ps.Het ookbot hmy
handsandpi nnedt hem abov emyheadanddi d
hi
st hing.Ki ssedmet omuf f
lemymoans.°
Afterthatwebot htookashowerandIwor ehi
s
T-shirtandboxer s.Hegav emeapi ggyback
ri
det ot heki t
chensi nceIwast oosor etomov e.
Khay aat et heleftov erpi zzawhi leImade
my selfat unasandwi chwi t
hNut ella.Khay a
l
ookedatmeey esaswi deassaucer s.
Him: "
Babear ey ougonnaeatt hat? "Me: "Mmm-
mh"Isai dhappi lymunchi ngonmysandwi ch.
Hemadeadi sgustedf ace.Hi m: "ButhowI
meant hef lavoursdonotmi xatal l
."Me: "
Ohso
you'resay ingIcan' tf eedmy sel
fhuh? "
Hi m:"What ?ButIdi dn'tsayt hat."Me: "
You're
get t
ingtiredofmeai n'tyou? "Him: "What ?What
thehel lPeel swher eist hi
scomi ngf r
om? "
Me: "NonoIknowwhenI '
m notwant edI '
l
ljust
fi
nishupmysandwi chandl eav e."Him: "
Okay
Peel snowy ou'
reov erreacting."Me: "Youdon' t
wantmeanymor e? "Hi m: "Nonobabet hat'
snot
trueIlov ey ou."Hepushedupf rom hi schai r
andhuggedmet ight .Him: "Ilovey ouandIai n'
t
l
et ti
ngy ougookay ?Youmeant oomucht o
me. "Isobbedonhi schest .SeriouslyIwas
get t
ingemot i
onal ov eraf reakingsandwi ch.°
Sowewat chedamov ieandmadeoutont he
couch.Ti llitwast i
met oleav esoIwent
upst ai
rsandchangedi ntomydr essagai n.I
wenti ntot hebat hroom t ot iedmybr aidsand
that'swhenIhear d2gunshot sf ir
e.Ijumped
andrandownstair
sandt hat
'
swhenIsaw
Khay
aont hefloorwit
hapool ofbl
oodar
ound
hi
m.IpanickedIdidn'
tknowwhatdoto.°
[03/ 23, 19:11]Mk: Chapt er33°°°°°Iwas
cur rentlyinhospi t
al sit
ti
ngonabenchwi th
Nt andobymysi de.Iwasf reakingouti nf actI
wasaner vouswr eck.Ther ewer esomany
'
Whati f s'i
nmymi nd.Whati fhedoesn' tmakei t
?
Whati ft heper sonwhodi di tcomesbackt o
finishhi m of f?Whati fit
'sal lLwazi'
sdoi ng?I
stillcoul dn'tshaket hefeeli
ngt hatLwazi was
stillali
v eof f.I
tcoul dn'thav ebeent hateasy .I
t'
s
been3hour snowt henur sesanddoct or srush
i
noutofKhay a'swar dbutnobodyt ellsusa
thing.I '
m sof rustratedwi thmy sel
fandt he
tear skeeponcomi ng.Ntandoi stryi
ngt o
comf ortmebutnot hingiswor kingIfeel crazy
j
ustt hinkingaboutcont i
nui ngmyl i
fewi thout
Khay a.Happyt hought sKay oneIt ellmy selfto
beposi tive.AndIaskGod' why ? '
.Whydi dhe
br i
nghi mi ntomyl ifeifhe'sgonnat akehi m so
soon.Ican' tlivemyl ifewi thouthim.Iwoul dn'
t
knowhowt o.Iscol dmybr ainonceagai n.Thi nk
happyt hought s.I'vecr i
edt il
lIcouldn'tcr yno
mor e.Al ltearsdr ainedf rom mybody .The
doctort oldanur set oputmei nawar dand
rehydrat emybodysi nceIwasdehy drat ed.
Ntandowenthome.°Iwasgi venanest het i
cs
causeIwoket henextdaymymi ndf oggyandI
didn'trememberany thing.Andt henithi tme
l
ikeat ruck.Theev ent sofl astnightand
suddenl yIwi shedIdi dn'tr emember .AnI Vwas
stil
lattachedt omyar m.Thedoct orcamei n
holdingacl ipboar dinhi shands.Doc: "Mi ss
Ny at
hi? "Ibr i
eflynodded.Doc: "
We' vehy dr ated
youandt hebabyi sf inebutIsuggesty ou- "I
didn'thearany thingel seaf terthewor d' baby '
Me: "
Wai tDocbutwhatbabyar ey out alking
about ?"Doc: "
Ohy oudi dn'tknow.You' r e
pregnantMi ssNy at hi 1weekal ong"Isi mpl y
noddedIdi dn'tknowhowt otaket henews.
Me: "
AndKhay a?Hecamei nher eyest erday ."
Doc:"OhMrNkosi hesuf feredgunshot
wounds. "Inodded.Me: "Ishe...isheokay ? "The
doctorl ookedatmesadl ybef oreheanswer ed.
Doc:"Wemanagedt ostabi l
i
zehi shear tbuthe
l
ostal otofbl ood."Me: "Sohe' sali
ve?"Doc: "
YesbutI '
m af raidit'snotl ookingwel lforhi m.
Thef irstbulletmi ssedhi shear tbyaf ewi nches
andt hesecondonepi ercedt hroughhi srib
cage."Me: "I
sheawake? "Doc: "No"Me: "Whendo
yout hinkhemi ghtwakeup? "Doc: "Wedon' t
knowy etMi ssNy at hibutitmi ghttakeday s,
mont hsev en."Inodded.Me: "CanIseehi m? "
Doc:"Sur e.Letmej ustgety ouawheel chair."°
TheDoct orpushedmei ntoKhay a'
swar dont he
wheel chair.It hankedhi m.Imov edclosert o
Khay a'sbed.Ihat edt oseehi ml ikethat.Itcut
throughmel ikeakni f
e.Ibl i
nkedawayt het ears
formingi nmyey es.Me: "Appar entlywe're
pregnant .Idon' tknowhowDrKhandi dn'tsee
thatIguessi twast ooear l
y."Iswal l
oweda
l
umpi nmyt hroatandt ookhi shand.Me: "Ineed
youtowakeup.Ican'
tdot hiswithoutyou.I
wonderhowI'
m gonnatellmypar ents.I
fonly
youwereawakeIknowy ou'dt el
lmydadt ofuck
offwhi
chwouldprol
lynotendwel lf
oryou.My
dad'
shardheadedmuchl i
key ou."Ichuckled
andwipedastrayt
ear.Me:"Ireal
lyneedy ou
ri
ghtnowIcan'
tdothisaloneKhay aIneed
you.
"°°°#
[03/23,21:40]Mk: Chapt er34°°°°°°Nt ando
fetchedmef rom t hehospi tal
.Ididn'tgot o
school thatMonday .WhenIgothomeIwentt o
myr oom andcol lapsedont hebed.Mywor d
wascr umbl i
ngdownf astthiswasj usttoo
mucht odeal with.Il ayeddowni nbedf ora
whi l
ethengotupt ot akeashower .Iwor e
comf yclothesandwentdownst air
s.Mymom
waspr epar i
ngfood.SoIhel pedherwi t
h
choppingupt hev eggi es.Mom: "Kayonewher e
wer eyouy ester
day ?"Ididn'tanswerher, I
couldn'tthewor dswer ecaughti nmyt hroatI
brokedownandcr ied.Shel eftt
hepot sand
rushedt omysi deandhuggedmei nt hemi ddle
oft heki tchen.Me: "Mom I '
vedi sappoi ntedy ou
I'
m sosor ryitwasnev ermyi ntentionIswear .".
Isai dinbet weent ear sandhi ccupssher ubbed
myback.Her :"
It'
sokaybaby .I'
m sur ewhatev er
i
ti swecant al
kitthr ough. "Ishookmyhead
vigor ouslyt earsstreami nglikeawat erfal
l.
Me: "Mom wecan' tt alkabouti t.Itwon' tsol ve
any thingt hedamagei sal r
eadydone"Mymom
l
ookedr eallywor r
iedknow.Mom: "Whatdoy ou
mean?Kay onewhatdi dy oudo? "Icl osedmy
ey est earsst il
lsil
ent l
yf alli
ng.Me: "Ifailedy ou. "
Her :"
Ar ey oupr egnant ? "Inodded.Her :"
Wow!
Buthow? "Shel ookeddef eat edMe: "Howdo
peopl egetpr egnantMa? "Her :
"Don' tuset hat
tonewi thmeMi ssy"Me: "I'
m sor rymom I '
mj ust
reallyst r
essedout ."Her :
"Iunder stand.Does
thebabydaddyknow? "Ishookmyhead.Me: "
No"Her :
"Ohwhenar ey oupl anningt ot ellhim? "
Me: "Idon' tknowmom.Hegotshothe' satt he
hospi talI'l
ltellhi
m whenhewakesup.That '
si f
he'l
l wakeupatal l"Mom: "Isitt hatboyy our
fatherkeptt ell
ingy out ogetawayf rom. "I
nodded.Her :"Wowt hismakesmat tersmuch
wor se.Howf aral ongar ey ou? "Me: "Aweek. "
Shehuggedmeagai n.Her :"We' llgett hroughi t
baby .Wej usthav et of igureoutawayt otell
yourf at her .
"InoddedIwasr eal lygr atefulfor
mymom.Howaccept ingshewasofmy
sit
uat ionIj ustadmi r edhermor e.ButIf eared
mydad' sr eaction,he' sahar dnutt ocr ackI
hopehedoesn' tdoany thingmaj orlikedi sown
me.Li kewher ethehel lwoul dIgo.Af terwe
fi
nishedcooki ngmymom sai dIshoul dgocal l
mydadasusual .Iwal kedupt hest air
st ohi s
studyandknockedont hedooronceandl et
my sel fin.Hewasonhi slaptop.Me: "Dad?
Um. ..superi sready ."Dad: "Pumpki nhowar eyou
doing? "Me: "
I'
mf ine."Dad: "Ar ey ousur e?"
Me: "Yesdadwhywoul dn' tIbe? "Dad: "NoI '
m
j
ustaski ng.Tel lyoumom I '
llber ightdown.I
repli
edwi thokayandwentt ot heki tchenmom
wasf ini shedwi thset ti
ngupt het ableand
Ntandowasal readyseat ed.Dadcamedown
andsai dgr aceandmom di shedupf or
everyoneandweat e.Thet ensi onatt het able
wassot hi
cky oucoul dcuti twi thakni fe.My
dadkeptgl ancingmywayl ikeheknew
somet hingIdi dn't.Mom: "Youshoul dtellthem
Kayone. "Me: "Mom! "Nt ando: "Tel l uswhat ? "He
saidwi t hhismout hf ull
.Mom: " Kaybabyt ell
them whi l
eit'
sst il
lear ly."Dadputdownhi sfork
andl ookedatmeexpect ant l
y.Iav ert
edmy
gazeel sewher est ruggl ingwi thhowam gonna
putitt owor ds.Me: "I
-I.
..um I -"Mom: "She' s
expect ing"Nt ando: "Expect i
ngwhat ?Test
results? "Me: "No...I..
um pr egnant ."Isaidso
whilest ar i
ngatmyhandswhi chwer ef ol
dedon
myl ap.Ihear dt hescr appingofachai rand
l
ookedupt oseemydadmar chi ngupst airs.
Me:"Dad- "Mom: "Nol ethim cool downf irst.
"
Ntandol etoutawhi stl
e.Hi m: " Iwasn' t
expect ingt his.WoahIj ustmadeapuny ou
knowsinceyou'
reexpect
ingandar
gh
never
mind"°°°°°
[03/23, 21: 41]Mk: Chapt er35°°°°°Af ter
school todayIwentst raighthome, changedout
ofmyuni for m andat el unch.It ookmymom' s
cart ov isi
tKhay ainhospi tal.Itwast hesame
thingt hedoct orsaidt her ewasnopr ogressbut
hiscondi ti
ondi dn'tdet erioratethatIwas
thankf ul f
or .Thiswasmydai l
yroutinef or4
weeks.Thedoct ort ol
dmet hesamet hingev ery
day .•Thi sSat urdayIwokeupf eeli
ngal ot
bet t
erandIhopedf orsomegoodnewsatt he
hospi tal.Ishower edandt henmadesome
breakf astf ortheFam.Wel litwasonl yNt ando
andImom anddadwer egoneagai nt oa
busi nessconf erencei nHy depar kthesepeopl e
arenev erhomedur ingweekendsnott hatI'
m
compl aining.Isett het abl eandcal ledNt ando
tocomedownst air
s.Wesatont het ableand
startedeat ing.Ntando: "You' reinabet termood"
Me: "YeahI '
mf eeli
ngbet t
ert hany esterday .
"I
smi ledHi m: "SoKhay aknockedy ouup. "I
sighedandputahandonmyf orehead.Me: "Do
youhav et osayi tlikethat .
"Hi m: "Likewhat ? "
Hesai dmunchi ngont oast .Ihat epeopl ewho
speakwi tht heirmout hsf ull.Iwasaboutt ogi ve
him somet oungel ashingwhenIf eltsi cktomy
stomach.Hi m: "Lil si
sy ouokay ."Inoddedagai n
tryingt otakedeepbr eathssowhat ev erfeelingI
washav i
ngwoul dgoaway .Butt hatdi dn'
thel pI
onlyf eltwor seandmyheadwasspi nni nglike
crazy .Me: "Excuseme"Ist oodupandwentt o
myr oom.If eltlightheadedsoIl ieddownon
thebed.I twasn' tlongaf terwhenIgott he
suddenur get ot hrowup.Ir ushedt ot he
bat hroom andt hrewupal l thebr eakf astIhad
managedt oeat .Ist oodupst i
l
lshaki ngabi t
andr i
nsedmymout h.Ideci dedI '
dv isitKhay a
l
at erandal sogof oracheckupbutf ornowI
neededal ongnap.°Iwokeupat2Ichanged
i
nt obl ackr i
ppedj eansandawhi tetop.I
washedmyf aceandappl iedabi tofmake- up
andl etmybr ai
dsl oose.Itookmyhandbagand
drovet othehospi t
al i
nmymom' scar.Iwentt o
mydoct oranddi dt hecheckupwedi dthe
sonogr am shecoul dn'
tdetermi net hebaby '
s
sexy etitwasst i
llearl
yday s.Iaskedhert o
pri
ntoutt wocopi eswhi chshedi d.°Iwal ked
i
ntoKhay a'swar dandhewasst il
linthesame
positionhel ookedpr ettymucht hesame
nothinghadchanged.It ookasetnextt ohi s
bedl i
keIal way sdoandi nt
er t
wi nedourhands.
Me:"Baby .Imi ssy ou,welltechnicallywemi ss
you.Yougotababyont heway .AndJri s
growi ngqui t
ef astthoughIai n'
tshowi ngy etI
j
usthopey ou'l
lbet herewhenhest art
st oki ck.
I'
m 6weeksal ongnow.Daddydi dn'
ttakei twell
butmymom under st
oodandNt andowel l he's
sti
llgetti
ngt ot ermswi thit
.He' llbeagr eat
uncleandIknowy ouwi l
lbeawonder fuldad
butIneedy out owakeup.Youknowt hatIt alk
toGodabouty ou?Ij ustwishhe' danswerme
you'remi ssingoutonal otasi tis.Idon'twant
yout omi ssany mor e."Itookoutt hesonogr am
outofmyhandbag." TheDoct orpr i
nt edt hisfor
me, i
t'sasonogr am.Shesai dt hebabyi s
somewher ether ebutal lIseei sabl urrymess"I
chuckled" -
itsstill
ear l
yday st houghIguessI '
l
l
beabl etoseesomet hingaf ter3-4mont hs"°I
putthesonogr am ont opoft hedesknextt ohis
bedandst oodup.If elthungr ysoIwentt oget
my selfsomef ood.ButwhenIgotbackal ady
wassi tt
inginachai rthatIwassi tt
ingon.She
l
ookedy oungi nhert went ies, shewasneat ly
dressedandbeaut if
ul too.Icl earedmyt hroat
andherheadsnappedt ome.Me: "Um. .
.Hi ?"
Shel ookeddi sgustedt oseeme.Shepi ckedup
thesonaHer :"Isthistrashy our s?"Me: "
Excuse
me? "Her :
"You' r
et hegi rlthatwasmessi ngwi t
h
myf iancey ourtimeendsnowy oubi tchandI
suggesty ougetr i
doft hatt hing."Shepoi nted
tomyst omach.Ohshedi dn' t!I
'l
lshowher
fl
ames.Me: "Listenher ey oul itt
lenast ywhor e.
Thatper sonl yi
ngov ert her eismi ney ouar e
delusional i
fy out hinkt hatf akedi amondr ing
onf i
ngerwi l
l takewhatwehav eawaysoI
suggesty oupi ckupy ourf l
atassandscr amb
bitch'
f or
eIshov et hoseni dlesdowny ourflat
ass."Shest oodupandst r
ut tedt othedoorand
j
ustasshewasaboutt oopenHer :"You'l
lregret
youev ercr ossedmyway "andwi ththatshe
turnedandl eft.Ipl oppeddownonchai r
.
Me: "
Ser i
ousl yt houghKhay at hisisexhaust ing.
Howmanygi rlsdoIgot tagot hroughf oryou? "I
sighedandopenedt hesodacanandt ookasi p.
Me: "
ButIwi l
l bitchsl apt hathoesohar dher
cheapweav ewi l
l falloff."Ist oodupandki ssed
him ont hel i
ps.Me: "Ilovey oubutwheny ou
wakeupIneedy out osor touty ourhoes
please."Ileftt hehospi t
al wi thonequest i
on.
Whowast hatwoman?°°°°°
[03/
23,21:
42]Mk: Chapter36°°°°°Soaf t
erI
camef r
om backfrom t
hehospi t
alIf
oundBuhle
andDeewai t
ingf
orme.Iusher edthem insi
de.
Buhle:
"Wher
e'sNtando?"Irol
ledmyey es.
Me: "Whosef ri
endar ey ou?Mi neorNt ando' s?"
Buhl e:
"Your sduhbutIwantsomeey ecandyso
l
ong"Me: "Per v
er tdon' trapemybr other."
Buhl e:
"Don'tmi ndi fIdo. "Me: "Sowhatdi dy ou
guysneed? "Dee: "Doweneedar easont ov isit
outf ri
end? "Me: "Ididn'tmeani tlikethatDee. "
Dee: "I
t'
sfinewewer ecomi ngt ofetchy ou.
We' regoingt oaCl ubBr eeze"I t
'sonlyt hent hat
Inot i
cedt heywer eal ldressedup.Ishookmy
head.Me: "Youguy sknowIcan' t"Buhl e:"Just
becausey ou'repr egnantdoesn' tmeany ou' re
disabledlet '
sgo. "Me: "Ser i
ouslyguy sIcan' t.I
won' tevenbedr inkingI 'l
l beabor e.
"Dee: "Then
you'llbeourdesi gnat eddr i
vercomeony ou
knowweai n'tleav i
ngwi thouty ou."Buhl e:"Dee
i
sr ight.Youcanal sobet heper sonwhohol ds
ourcoat sandj acket swhenwegett oohoton
thedancef loor."Igr oanedbutagr eed.°It ooka
showerBuhl eandDeehel pedwi t
hthechoosi ng
ofmyout fitandt henmymakeupandbyhal f
pastei ghtwewer egone.Thecl ubwas' nice' i
t
remi ndedmeofmyl ifebeforet hiswhol et hi
ng.
Youngandcar efree.Icouldn'tbel i
ket hat
any mor e.Inlesst han8mont hsIwasgonna
hav eal it
tl
eper sonwhoIhadt ober esponsi ble
for.AndIdi dn'tev enwannat hinkaboutKhay a.
Raisingaki donmyownwasnotmypl anatal l
,gettingpr egnantatt hisagewasn' tevenont he
l
ist.NowKhay awant stoturnmei ntoasi ngle
teenagemom?Hel lNoIwon' tsettlefort hat.
Khay aj usthast owakeupt here'snowayI '
m
doingt hisonmyownIj ustcan' t.Iwassnapped
outofmyt hought sbyagent letappi ngonmy
shoul der .Ilookedupt oseeSamkesmi l
i
ngat
me.If akedasmi l
edandheaskedt osi tdown
nextt ome.Iagr eed.Samke: "Heyhowy ou
doing? "Hehadt oy elloverthel oudmusi c.Me:"
I'
mf i
ne"Hi m:"Soy ou'
renotgonnaaskedme? "
Hesmi ledr evealinghi sgoldt oot hwhi chwas
i
llumi nat edbycl ubl i
ghts.Gol dteet har ea
serioust urnof ftome.Me: "Howar eyou
Samke? "Hi m:"I '
m sur pr
isedy oust i
llr
emember
myname.Any wayI 'm bet ternowt hatIsaw
you"Iscof fedathi spat het icat t
empt stof lirt
withme.Buhl ecamest rutt i
ngov ert ousIev en
forgotaboutherl i
tt
lecr ushonSamke.Ir olled
myey eswhenshebeganheav il
yflir
tingwi t
h
him.Andhel ookedt obeuncomf or t
abl ebutI
wast otall
ygr atef ulInol ongerhadhi sat t
ent ion.
°Wewenthomear ound2am.Andt hoset wo
drunkeni di
otssl eptov eratmi ne.Maki ngnoi se
allthewayupt hest airs.OnSundayt heywer e
toohungupt odoany thi ng.Buhl esai dshe' ll
nev erdr i
nk.Butweal l knowt hat'
sal ie.And
whenMondaycamear oundIwentt oschool .
Andt heweekwentwel lapar tfrom thenev er
endi ngmor ni
ngsi cknessandmydadi gnor ing
me.Li kehehasbeenav oidingmeatal l cost s
andIwonder edshoul dn' titbet heot herway
around?Ir eallyneedt ot alktohi m buthe
refusest omeetmyey esi t'sli
keheknows
somet hingbuti fwhati tseemsl i
keI '
llnev er
know.°SoonFr idayaf terschool Ichanged
clothesandt ookmymom' scarandwentt othe
hospi talasusual .ButwhenIt ri
edt owal ki na
nur sest oppedme.Nur se:"ExcusemeMi ssbut
you' renotal l
owedi nt here."Me: "Why "Her :"
Mi ssDav isor der edt hatnoonebesi desf ami l
y
shoul dbeal l
owed. "Me: "Iam hi sfami l
y .
"Her :"
Mi ssDav isment i
onedt haty ouespeci all
y
shoul dnotbel eti n."Me: "
Thatbi tch.Wher e'
s
shenow? "Her :
"Shewentt ogetl unchf rom t he
rest aurantacr osst her oad."It hankedherand
wentt ot hisr est aur ant.Ifollowedt hebi tcht o
thepar ki
ngl ot .Thepar kingl otwasni ceand
empt y.Icl earedmyt hroatandshej umped.I
smi ledt omy sel fthiswi ll
bet ooeasy .
Her :"You."Ir ol l
edmyey es.Me: "Yesme.What
gamear ey oupl ayingat ?"ShechuckedandI
reallywant edt opunchheri nt hef acesobadat
thatmomentHer :"Iam notpl ay i
ngagameI 'm
simpl yprot ect i
ngwhat 'smi ne.Ihopey ougot
ri
di ft hatt hing. "Shesmi r
kedandherey esf el
l
tomyst omach.Mybl oodboi l
edandIt ook3
swiftstepsandshov edhert ohercarwi thmy
handchoki ngher .Me: "Li
stent omeandl i
sten
carefull
yy out hirstyhoe.Youwi l
lgetintoyour
carandcal lthehospi talandev okewhat ever
ordery ouputt hem onsoIcoul dseeMYman.
AndIbet t
ernotseey ourf l
atassev en3met er
s
nextt ohim becauset rustmegi r
lI'
m gonna
snapt hispr ett
yl ittl
eneckofy ours.Arewe
clear?"Shenoddedf ranti
callycoughingt olet
someai ri
nt oherl ungs.Ismi ledsadisti
cand
repli
edwi that hanky oubef oreIwentt osee
Khay a.Thesehoesshoul dn'
ttemptme.
[03/ 23,21:
42]Mk: Inser
t37°°°°°Igotback
homeat3af teral ongdayi nchurchwehadan
ev ent.Iwenthomeear l
ycauseIwast ooti
red.I
rushedt omyr oom t ookoffthehill
sandsome
flats.WhenIgotdownst air
sdadwasi nkit
chen.
It'
snowornev er.Iclear
edmyt hroat
.Me:"Uh..
Dad? "Helookedupatme.Dad: "What?"Me:"I
knowI 'v
edisappoi ntedyou."Dad:"Damnr i
ght
youdi d.
"Me:"YeahandI 'v
edi sappoint
ed
my sel ftoo.Thi si sn'twhatIhadpl annedf ormy
l
ifebutwhat '
sdonei sdoneI '
m sosor rydaddy .
"
Dad: "Sowhaty ou'resay i
ngi sImustaccept
thatt hing'sbabyhuh? "Me: "I'
m notsay ingt hat
.
I'
m say i
ngatl eastacknowl edgei t.
"Dad: "IfI
hadmywayI 'dr i
pt hatt hingoutofy our
stomachandf eedi tt oitsfatherpieceby
piece. "Iwashor rif
ied.Me: "
Dadhowcoul dy ou
sayt hat ?"Dad: "Idon' tli
keitKay onet hatthing
andi t'sfatherandIr efusetoacknowl edgei t
nev ermi ndaccepti t.Iwi l
lnev er.
"Me: "Whati s
thatKhay adi dt oy out hatissobadt hat
ever yti
mey ouspeakabouthi m mur deris
i
nv olved? "Dad: "Whydon' tyouaskhi my oursel
f
sincey ou'resocl oset haty ou'reev enmaki ng
babi eswi tht hatbast ard."Me: "I'
m sor rydadam
sorryaboutwhat everKhay adi dtoy ou."Dad: "
Thatboydoubl ecr ossedme.AndI '
m not
hav i
ngt hisconv ersat i
onwi thy ou."Andwi th
thathest ormedof f.Khay awhatdi dy oudo?°I
hadj ustf inishedmyhomewor kwhenIgota
callfrom t hehospi tal.Ireal l
yhopedi twasgood
newsIcoul dn' thandl eany mor ebadnews.I
answer edt hecal l.Me: "Hel l
o?"Doc: "Mi ss
Ny athi speaki ng? "Me: "Yes"Doc: "I'm cal l
i
ng
your egar dst othepr ogr essofMrNkosi "Me: "
Okay ...
"Doc: "Hewokeupanhourago. "I
j
umpedf rom t hechai randl andedwi thmybut t
ont hef l
oor .Doc: "Mi ssNy athiarey ouokay "?
Me: "CanIv isi
thi m? "Doc: "I'm afraidv i
siti
ng
hour sar eov er"Me: "Pl easeDoc. "Hi m:"OkayI 'l
l
pullsomest ri
ngs"Me: "Thanky ousomuch. "I
hangedupandpr acticallyrant ot hecar .°I
pulledov eratt hehospi t
al parkingt hechi l
liair
biti
ngmyexposedar msi nmyr ushof
excitementIf orgott ot akeacoat .Ishiveredbut
event hatcoul dn'tgetmedown.Iwal kedinsi de
theent rancef aili
ngt oconceal myexci tement .I
headedt oKhay a'swar d.Iopenedt hedoor
slowly .Hesatupi nhi sbedf acingt heot her
side.Icoul dn'tbel i
evemyey es.Me: "Babe? "I
saidr ushi ngov ertohi ssi de.Hel ookedatme
withdi stantey esIgotabi twor r i
ed.Whati fhe
hasamnesi aanddoesn' trememberme?Hi m:"
Peel s."Myf acebr okeint oagr i
nIwassohappy
Ididn' tev enmi ndt hatstupidni ckname.Me: "
Yourawake. "Isai dasIwast racingmyi ndex
fi
ngeral onghi sj aw.Me: "Howar ey ouf eeli
ng? "
Him: "It'
slikeI '
mi nanillusion.I twast erribl
e
peel s.Itwasl i
keIl iv
edi nar eccur ing
night mar e. "Ikissedhi m.Me: "I'mj ustglad
you' reokay .Youhav enoi deahowmuchwe
mi ssedy ou. "Him: "We? "Me: "Yeah.We' re
pregnant "Ismi ledsadly.Hi m: "OhmyGodI '
m
sosor ryPeel sy ouhadt ogot hrought hatal one.
Ishoul d'
v ehav ebeent her ewheny ouf ound
out ."Me: "It '
sokayy ou'
reher enow"Hi m: "Come
her e"Ist oodupandl ayedbesi deshi m ont he
hospi t
al bed.Caut iousnott ohur thim.Me: "I
wasf r
eaki ngoutKhay aIt houghti fy oudi dn't
makei t.
..speci allynowt hatwehav eababyon
theway .
..Idi dn'tknowhowI 'dcar ryonwi thout
you. "Hi m: "Shhh. ..I'
m herenowandI 'm not
goinganywhere.
"Me:"Ilov
ey ou.Thesesev eral
weekswithoutyouwer ehell
"Him:"Ilovey ou
too.AndIwil
lmakewhoev erdidthistome
pay."Me:
"Doy ouknowwhoi tis?
"Hi m:"Iknow
verywell
andhewi l
lregreteveryt
hing."°°°°°
[03/23, 21:43]Mk: Chapt er38[ Shor t*..
.Sorta
l
ikeaf il
lerChapt erbefor et hedr amast art
s ]°
°°°°Aweekl at erKhay ai sdi schar gedandI
hav en'ttalkedt omydadev ersinceandt his
timeI 'mt heoneav oidi
nghi m.Ikeepmy sel
f
l
ockedi nmyr oom andf ocusedonmyschool
wor k.Iwantt opassmymat ri
cwi thf ly
ing
colour sandIt rymybestnott ol etthisbaby
thingdi stractme.Iwi l
lhav egi venbi rthwhen
wr i
ttingmyf i
nal exams.Sor ightnowI 'm
cur r
ent l
ysi t
ti
ngonKhay a'sl aphi sinjuri
eshav e
heal edbuthe' snotbackatwor ky et.Itol
dhi m
abouthi s'fi
ance' andhej ustlaughedatme.
Ser i
ousl ywhodoest hat?Her eIam bi t
ching
aboutsomet hirstyhoeandhel aughs.I
punchedhi ml ightlyont hear m.Hi m: "Andy ou
believedher .SeriouslyPeel sIcoul dsayI '
m gay
ri
ghtnowandy ou'dbel i
ev eme"Myey es
widened.Me: "You' r
egay ?OhmyGod! "Hi m:"
YesIam Ihav eaboy fr
iendt oohi snamei s
Mi ke."Me: "Ohl ordIt hinkI '
m gonnaf aint.ButI
shoul d'
veseeni tcomi ngt hecut eonesar e
alway sgay ".
Ipout edandHesmi rked.Hi m: "You
thinkI '
m cut e?"Me: "Cut e?Cat sandt oddl ers
arecut enotgr ownmen"Hi m: "Youj ustsai dit
now"Me: "Idi dn'tsayi t"Him: "Youdi d."Me: "
I
didn'tgoar guewi thy ourmom.Andser i
ously
thoughar ey ougay ?"Hest oodupandchucked
thepi ll
owatmeandwal kedov ert okitchen
pul l
inghimsel facanofbeer .Ist oodupt ooand
followedhi m mybar efeetpaddi ngont he
kitchent i
les.Me: "Howl onghav ey ouknown? "
Him: "Knownwhat ?"Hesai dashet ooka
secondsi p.Me: "Thaty ouwer e...y ouknowgay ".
Hechokedonhi sbeerandIhadt ogiv ehi ma
mi nutejustsohe' dcomedown.Hi m:"Peel s!
"
Me: "Idon' tmeant oi ntrudeoranyoft hatst uff
butdoy out oporbot tom? "Him:"What ?"Me: "Do
yout akei tor ..
."Him: "Peel sIwasonl ymessi ng
withy ouI '
m notgay .JesusI '
m nev erjoki ng
aboutmysexual itywi thy ou."Me: "Doest hat
makey oupansexual ?"Hi m:"Wai twhatnow? "
Me:"Youknowaper sonwhosexual lyinter ested
i
not herpeopl eregar dlessofgenderl ikegay ,
l
esbi an, st
r aight,tr
ansgenderand- "Hi m: "Peel sI
knowwhatpansexual means.I 'm straightasi nI
preferpussy ".Hesmi l
ed.Iheav edasi gh.Me: "
Thankgoodness.Iwaswonder i
ngwher eI '
d
beginexpl aint omychi ldwhydaddyi sdat i
ng
anotherman"Hel ookedatmewei rdly.Hi m:"I
don'tknowt heki ndofst uffthatgot hrough
yourmi nd."Ir oll
edmyey es.Me: "CanIhav e
one? "Hi m:"Onewhat ?"Me: "Beerduh. "Hi m:"
Youcr azy?Comel etmemakey ouast eamy
cupofcof fee"Me: "Khay ai t
'sli
ke40degr ees
outside. "Him: "Mansnothot "Me: "I'm not
dri
nki ngcof fee"Him: "It'snotf ory ou.I'm sur e
Jrwoul dn'tmi ndacup. "Me: "Thengi vei ttoher
nome"Hi m:"YoumeantosayHIM"Me: "Noi
t'
s
agir
l"Hi
m: "I
t'
saboy"Me:"
It
'sagi
rlIcanfeel
it"
Him:
"AndI'mt el
l
ingy
oui
t'saboygoar guewi
th
your
self
"°°°°
[03/ 23, 21:43]Mk: Chapt er39°°°°°Khay aand
Iwer esi tti
ngont hecouchwi thmyf eetonhi s
l
apwhenIr ecei vedacal lf
r om mydad.Me: "
Dad" .Khay av i
siblytensedandl ookedatme
i
nt ensel y .Dad: "Iwanty ouhomet hisinstant
Kay one. "Me: "YesdadI '
m onmyway "Isaid
standi ngupandsl i
ppingonmyshoes.Andhe
hungup.Me: "Ihav etogo. "Hepul l
edmedown
foraki ss.Hi m: "Idon'tl i
kehi m"Me: "Ofcour se
youdon' tbuthe' smydadso. .."Him:"Doy ou
trusthi m? "Me: "YesKhay ahe' smydadhe
woul dn'thur tme. "Him:"Buthe' dusey out o
hur tme. "Ir olledmyey est hat'
st heexactt hi
ng
mydadsai d.Me: "Idon' twannaf ightaboutt hi
s
soIam l eav ing. "Itookmybagandheadedt o
thedoor .Khay a:"Ilovey ou"Me: "Ilovey outoo".
Ishutt hedooronmywayout .Igotint hecar
anddr ovehome.°Igoti nsi det hehousehouse
andmom wascooki ngdi nner.Mom: "y ourdad
i
si nhi sst udy "Inoddedandwentupt hest air
s.
Iknockedont hedoorofhi sst udyr oom andI
hear daf ai
ntcomei nont heot hersi de.Il et
my selfin.Dad: "KayoneIwon' ttolerat et his
nonsensei nmyownhouse!I fy outhi nky ou'
rea
grownwomanandy oucandoasy oupl ease
whydon' ty ouf indyourownhouse? "Il ooked
down.Me: "I'm sorrydad. "Him: "IfIhadmyway
I'
dbany ouf rom seeinghi m. "Igul pedwhenhe
saidt hat.Hi m: "Butwhatgoodwoul dt hatdo
si
ncey ou' dseehi m behindmyback.Ican' t
seem t ogetr idofhi m."Hemut t
eredt hel ast
sent encet ohi msel f
.Butduet omypr oxi mityI
hear dhi m.Me: "Whatdoy oumean? "Hi m: "
Not hingnot hinggetout "Me: "Dad!Whatdo
meany oucan' tgetri
difhi m?Whatdi dy oudo
dad?OhmyGodar eyout heonet hatgothi m
shot ?"Hi m:"Idi dnosucht hi
ngKay onegetout !
"
Me: "Nodady ousaidy ou'dki llhim andnownot
evenday saf t
erheget sshot ?Whywoul dyou
dot hat?"Hi m:"St opt alki
ngnonsenseKay one!"
Me: "Noy oudidi t.Youhadt hemot i
v e.You
threatenedhi sl ife."Hebangedhi sfistont he
table.Him: "
Kay one! "Tear sst reameddownmy
cheeks.Me: No. ..Nodad. ..no. ..
"Ishookmy
headsl owl yandsai dsoi nbet weensobs.Ir an
tomyr oom andt hr ewmy selfont hebed.My
father?ThemanIt r
ustedwi t hmyl ife.Whowas
thereonmyf irstdayofschool .Whot aughtme
howt or ideabi ke.Whoal way smademef eel
better.Myher o.It houghthewasbl uff i
ngwhen
hesai ditandwasspeaki ngoutofpr otecti
v e
i
nst i
nct.I'm scr ewed.°Thatwhol eweeksi nceI
waswr it
tingthel ast3paper sIdi dnot hi
ng
exceptl ockmy sel fi nmyr oom andst udy.When
Khay awasi nhospi talall
Idi dwasdr own
my selfinmybooksandst udy .Iat elessand
spokel ess.Iwr ot emyl astpaperon
Wednesdayandpi ckedupmyr eportonFr iday.I
passedt heterm whi chwasexpect edj udgingby
thewayIdr ownedmy selfinbookst hepastf ew
weeks.°TodaywasSat urdayandIwasgoi ng
foracheckup.Iwokeupandshower ed.Idon' t
knowwhatt hehel lam IgonnawearsoIset tle
foral i
ghtbl ueof fshoul derdr essandadeni m
j
acketandsomef lats.I'
m 12weeksal ongbut
I'
m notshowi ngy et.I'
vegainedwei ghtbut
nothingnot iceabl esof ar.Iappl ymakeupand
takemypur se.Itaket hebust histimeand
phonedKhay aont hewayt omeetmei n
hospi t
al.°WhenIar r
iveatthehospi talhe'
s
alr
eadyt hereIgi vehi m abr i
efhugandaki ss
ont hecheekandwewal ktoget hertothewar d.
Mydoct orisal readysi tt
ing.Dr :
"Howar ethe
newpar entst obe? "Shesmi lesandIgl adly
returnit.Me: "Hol dingon.Howar ey ou?"Her :
"
I'
mf inet hanky ou.OkaysoI '
m gonnaneedy ou
tochangei ntot his."Shehandsmeapal epink
hospi t
al gown.Iqui cklytakeof fmyowndr ess
andpul l t
hegownon.Il i
eont he.Dr:"Thiswi ll
beal itt
lecol d."Sheappl i
est hatcleargel li
ke
thi
ngwhi chIst i
l
l don' tknowt henameof .I
winceduet oi
tscol dt emper ature.I'
m nev er
gonnagetusedt oi t.Khay a'
sey esshoott o
minewi thconcer nt hinki ngshehur tme.Ismi l
e
athimr eassur i
ngl y.Dr :"Lookov erhere.That '
s
thebaby '
sheadandt hat '
sthebody ,
"Ismi leand
nodIdon' tseeanyheadorbodyIj ustseea
darkobj ect.Khay ascr unchesuphi sf acet r
ying
toseei t'ssocut e.Dr :"Andt hatisthebaby '
s
heartbeat ing.
"Khay a:"I sitsupposedt obet his
fast"Dr:"Ohy esi t
'scompl etelynormal fora
fetus'shear t.
"Henodded.Dr :
"Doy ouwanna
knowt hebaby '
ssex? "Wesayy esatt hesame
ti
me.I '
mr eall
yhopi ngf oragi rl
.Dr :
"Mmmh. .
.
okay .
.itseemsl ikey ou'r eexpect i
ngaboy ".
Khay asmi l
essmugl yandIst i
ckmyt oungeat
him.OkaysoI '
m abi tdi sappointedit'
saboy
butit'
smybabynonet hel essI'm sti
llasexci t
ed.
ButnotasKhay ahe' spr acti
callybounci ngon
hischai rli
keachi ld.Wegotdonewi tht he
ult
rasoundandt hedocsawnocompl ications
witht hepr egnancyy et.Shepr i
ntedaf ew
copi esf orus.Khay astaredatitasi fitisa
mi l
lionr andcheque.Ir oll
edmyey esandputon
mydr ess.Wet hankedt hedoctorandl eft
.°We
stopatChi neser est aurantforfoodandt hen
headbackt ot hecar .JustasKhay apul l
supi n
hisdr i
vewayabl ackMust agwi tht int
ed
windowsi sbl ocki ngt heway .Khay apul l
souta
gunatt hesi deofhi sdoor .Khay a:"Stayher e
andl ockt hedoor s. "Hesay stome.Iwasn' t
planni ngonget ti
ngout .He'sgonef oraf ew
mi nut esandspeakswi ththedr i
v eroft he
Must ang.Isuddenl yhearawi ndowbr eakIhav e
not imet or eactasI '
m beingpul l
edawayf rom
thecar .Iscr eam asI '
m beingshov edonaback
sitofacarKhay al ooksupatusbutt hedr iver
oft hecarI '
mi nspeedsawaybef orehecando
any thing.Abl untobj ecthitsmyheadandI
blackouti nst antly.°°°°
[03/
23,21:
43]Mk:
Chapter40°°°°°Iopenmy
eyesandmyheadisspi
nning.Ican'
tfi
gur
eout
wher eIam.Thi splacel ooksl ikeadungeonand
i
tsmel lsbedt ooit'
sal lgl
oomyanddar k.My
headi spoundi ng.Imov emyhandsandsee
thatI'
m chai nedtot hebedi fy oucanev encal li
t
abed.I t'
smadeofmet alt here'snomat t ress
exceptawor noutr ugwi t
hhol esinit.Ihear
footstepsandsuddenl yt hedoori spul l
edopen.
Ican'tmakeoutt hef acebutIknowt heper son
i
smal ejudgingbyhi sbui ld.Per son:"Missed
meshawt y.
"Iknowt hatv oice.Me: "Lwazi ?. .
.
Buty ou'r
e-"Lwazi :
"Dead?Youcan' tgetr idof
met hateasi lyshawt y"Ifeel l
ikepuki ngmygut s
out.ButIshoul d'
vehav eexpect editthoughi t
waswayt ooeasy .Lwazi :
"Lov erboycame
earl
ierthanexpect ed.SoI 'm gonnahav et okil
l
younow. "Hesmi led.Me: "You' r
ebluffi
ng. "
Him:"Onet hingaboutmeshawt yi
sIdon' t
bluf
f."Ifeel l
ikethrowi ngupagai ncauseIknow
i
t'strue.Iknowhewi llkil
lme.Me: "Wher e's
Khay a?"Hej ustslooksatmenotanswer ingmy
quest i
on.Me: "Whatdi dyoudot ohim Lwazi ?"
Hesay snot hingagai nandj ustunchai nsme
andpul lmebyt hebr aidst ot hedoor .Lwazi :"
Rel axhun.Yourpr ettyboyi sf i
ne.Dr uggedup
butf inenonet hel ess." Iresistedtheur get ogag
andmybr ai dswer ehor ri
blypai nfulbutIam so
notgonnagi vehi mt hesat isfacti
onofseei ng
myt ears.°Wewal kedupaf leetofst airs.I
fi
gur edhemusthav ekeptmei nthebasement .
Wewal kedi ntot hel i
v ingr oom andhepushed
meont hef loor .Ifellonmyknees." Pumpy ? "I
l
ookedupt oseemydadsi t
tingononeoft he
couches.Myt ear sst artedpool i
ngandIr ant o
him cr yingandt hrewmy selfathim.Me: "Dad
youcamef orme.I '
m sor r
yaboutev er ything
thanky ousomuch. "Whi leIr ambl edonhe
didn'tsayany thingandIf oundi twei rdt hathe
wasn' thuggi ngmebag.Me: "Dadi sev er ything
okay ? "Hei gnor edandl ookedatLwazi .Dad: "
Shewasn' tpar toft hedeal Lwazi.Yougot
Khay anowl ethergo. "Me: "Whatdeal ar ey ou
talkingabout ?Dady ousol dKhay aoutt o
Lwazi?"Lwazi :"
Indeedsweet ywej ustusedy ou
asbaitandwi thyourdad' shelpIgotbot hof
you.Iwasonl yaimingf orKhayabutt hanky ou
Richar
d.NowIki l
lthem bothst arti
ngwi thAngel
overhere."Ishookmyheadr api dly.Me:"Dad
saysomet hi
ng!"Dad: "LwaziletPumpyandI
go"Lwazi :
"y oucangoRi chardbutPumpki n
overherei sstayingwi t
hme.I sn'titlove?"
Me:"You'
r einsane!"Lwazi :
"SoI '
v ebeent ol
d.
Sil
encertakeRi chardt ohiscomf yhome"he
yell
edov ertohi shenchmen.Si lencerr oughly
pull
eddadout side.Ifeltl
ikescreami ng°°°°°°
[03/23,21:
44]Mk: Chapt
er40cont i
nued...°°°°
°Me: "Lwazi Ihateyou.Ihat
ey ousomuch. "
Lwazi:"Thefeeli
ngi smutualbabe."Me:"St op
call
ingmet haty oumonster.
"Hesl appedme
hardandIst aggeredbackwardsf al
l onthe
couch.Lwazi :
"Don'ttal
ktomel ikethat!
"Me: "
Lwazi Ihavehadi tuptoherewithy ouand
fuckedupmi nd.Dowhaty oumustI 'mtiredof
you."Ieyedagunl yi
ngcarel
esslyont hetopof
thedi nner .IfIdistracthi mf oramomentIcoul d
gett oi t.Hemadeamov etost r i
kemeagai n.I
sidest eppedhi m andr anst raightt othegun.I
heldi tupwi thbot hmyhandsandt heywer e
shaki ng.Me: "Don' tcomeanycl oser"myv oice
shookIdon' tknowhowt ouseagunbuthe
doesn' tknowt hat .Ihadt of akeconf idenceas
theysay i
nggoes' fakeitt i
l
l youmakei t' Lwazi :
"
Youwon' tshootme. "Hesai dcal mly.Me: "I
will
."Hel aughedt hatmani sr eal l
ysick.Lwazi :
"
Thatguni sunl oadedKay one"ohf ucki t.Ithr ew
thegunathi sheadandr an.Idi dn'tev enknow
wher eIwasgoi ngt obutIr an.Isawanopen
room andl ockedmy sel
fint her e.Itwasa
storager oom wi t
hcl eaningsuppl iesandsome
cart hingsIguess.Ihear dfootst eps.Lwazi :"I
knowy ou'reinher eKay one."Igul pedohshi t.I
coul dn'tfindany t
hingt opr otectmeher e.I
pickedupabot tleofoi landgas.Imov edback
abi tfrom t hedoor .Lwazi kickedi topen.He
smi rked" Boo! "Hesai dandIspr ayedt hegas
overhim.Hel aughedanddi dn'tseem af fected
byitall
.Lwazi :"Ithinky ouwereai mi ngf ormy
eyesshawt y."Itookal i
ghteront het opshel ve.
Andsmi rked.Me: "Youseem t of orgett hese
thi
ngsar ehighl yflammabl eSweet hear t."Ili
t
theli
ghterandt hrewi tathim andf oronceI
sawf earinthosedev ili
sheyes.Hebur stinto
fl
ames.Me: "By elov e."Hescr eamedandt hrew
himselfont hef loorr oll
ingaround.Il ockedt he
doorfrom theout side.Inav i
gat edmywayback
totheliv
ingr oom wher eIsawNt andohel ping
Khayast and.Nt ando: "Whathappenedher e?"I
shruggedandhel pedt hem andwel eftwi th
Ntando'scar .°°°°°
[03/23,21:44]Mk: Chapter41°°°°°Wewent
backt oKhay a'
splaceNt andodroppedusoff
andl eft
.Khay awassoundasl eepinthe
bedroom.Iwast ryi
ngtowat chTVbutIwas
freakingout.Idecidedtojustgotobedtoo.I
wor eKhaya'sshirtandgott obednextt
ohi m.°
Iwokeupt oKhay ashakingme.Iwasdr enched
i
nsweatandshaki ngmyhear twasbeat ingso
fast .Itookdeepbr eat hst ocal m down.If aced
Khay a'sconcer nedf ace.Hi m: "Babear ey ou
okay ?"Ishookmyhead.Me: "Isawhi m."Isaid
shaki ngst il
llookingar oundt her oom.Hi m:"
Sawwho?Peel sy ou'renotmaki nganysense
tellmewhat '
swr ong. "Me: "
Ikill
edhi m Khay a
andnowIcan' tgethi m outofmymi nd"Hi m:"
Shhhbabeev er yt
hingwi l
lbeokayj ustgetsome
sleep. "Iglancedatt hedi gitalclockont heside
oft hebedandi tread3: 07.Hehel dmet ight
andIbur iedf aceont hecr ookofhi sneck.°The
followi ngdayIdi dn'tknowwhet hert ogohome
ornot .Actuallywher ewashome?Whent he
per sonIcal l'father' t
ur nedoutt obeawanna
beehomi cidal kil
l
er .Butmymom cal ledmet o
gobackhome.I 'm guessi ng'dad' didn'ttell
her
thet ruth.ImeanhowI 'm Isupposedt olookat
him af terthis?Khay awasagai nstthiswhol e
thing.Khay a:"Ser i
ousl yKay oney ouknowy ou
can' tgobackt herei t'
snotsaf e.Thatl i
tt
lehood
ratwhocal l
shi msel fy ourf atherisf ucking
i
nsane. "Scr atchi ngmyheadIsi ghabi tt
hisis
allwe' v
ebeent alkingaboutt hewhol emor ning.
Me: "ButIcan' tst ayher ef oreverandy ouknow
i
t"Hi m:"I '
l
l kil
l him Isweari t"Me: "Stopi tplease.
I'
mt iredofpeopl eget tingki l
ledI'm so
frustratedwi t
hmy selfrightnow.Ihat efeeli
ng
l
iket hisandhel l Idon' tevenknowwhatI '
m
feeli
ng. "Khay ar unsahandt hroughhi shead.
Him: "Okayf inebutI '
llbewat chi
ngy ou"Inod..
Thedr i
v ebackhomei ssilent.Irestmyhead
againstt hewi ndowandcl osemyey es.Idon' t
knowhowt of eel aboutLwazi '
sdeat h.Idon' t
feelbadabouti tIknowandt hat'
swhatmakes
feelbad.Thef actt hatI '
m notf eel i
ngbadabout
i
t, t
hatdoesn' tmakessensei nmyhead.°When
Iarrivedathomemymom wascr ying.WhenI
askedher .Shej ustt oldmemydadpackedup
andl eft.Andagai nIdi dn'tknowhowt of eel
aboutt hat .Ifel tnumbIguessapar tofme
want edt odadt oexpl ainhi mself.Tel lmei t
wasn'treal thatLwazi puthi m upt oi t
.°I t'
s
been2weeksnowandmymom keepsher self
l
ockedupi nherr oom.Dadl eavingr eallybugs
hersinceshest i
lldoesnotknowwhyhel ef t
.
AndI '
m notgonnabet heonet obreaki ttoher .I
hatetobet heber eaerofbadnewsal thoughi t
eatsmeupi nsidet oo.Justseei ngmymom l i
ke
thatkil
lsme.Goodt hingsheannouncedt ous
thi
smor ni
ngt hatshe' l
l begoingt oEast ern
Capet omor rowsheneedst osor thersel fout .
Andr i
ghtnowshe' spacki ngNt andowi llprol l
y
takehert ot heai r
por torshe' l
lcallanuber .As
ofnowI 'm si tt
ingont hecouchi nthel ounge
withabowl ofpeanut swat chingcar toons.I
don'tevenl i
kenut spr egnancywi ll
dot hatt o
you.Andmyf eetareswol lenit'
sget ti
nghar der
daybyday .Nt andof lopsont ot hecouchnex t
tomeandgr absthebowl from myhandsand
eatsthem.HechokesandIchuckl e.Nt ando: "
Whyt hehel l wouldy ouputv i
negaront hese! ?"
Me:"CauseIl i
kethem t hatwayandi t
'sser ves
your ightf orst ealingmynut s"Hel aughed.
Ntando: "Di dy ouheary our self?"Oh. ..Me: "Get
yourmi ndoutoft hegut tery ouper vIdi dn' t
meani tthatway ."HeWi ggleshi sey ebr ows
suggest ivel y.Him: "Ofcour seKaywhat ever
helpsy ousl eepatni ght "It hrowapi llowathi s
head.Me: "Youdi rtymi ndedper vert"hel aughs.
Irollmyey esandcont inueeat ingmynut s.
"KAYONE!"Me: "Mom? "Mom: "I'
ml eav i
ng
sweet yt akecar eofy ourbr otherwi lly a"she
smi l
es.Icanseeshe' st ryingt oactst rong.Me: "
Iwillmom Il ov ey ou."Mom: "Lov ey out oobaby .
Ntandocany out aket hi sbagst oy ourcar
please.Nt andocompl iesIhugmymom and
thenshel eav es.Nt andocomesi ntogett he
l
astoft hebags.Me: "Cany oubuymehotwi ngs
ony ourwayback. "Nt ando: "Goasky ourbaby
daddy ."Irol lmyey es.Iknowhe' llbringt hem he
j
ustl ovest ot alk.°Lat ert hatdayIt akea
showerandgost raightt obed.If eel sot iredyet
Idonot hingatal l myf eett heyf eel soheav y
andI '
m get ti
ngheav i
er .Myst omachi sshowi ng
butnott ooobv i
ousi fIwearbaggycl ot hi
ngbut
i
t'sst i
llnoticeable.I '
m 5mont hsal ongnow.4
mor emont hsandI '
llf
inal l
ymeetj uni or.Ist and
i
nf rontoft hemi rrorinmybat hroom admi ri
ng
mybabybump." Babyy ouwer eami stake.But
youar emymi st
ake.Youar eabl essingagi ft
from GodandIknowy ou' l
lbringmej oy .
Mommyanddaddycan' twai ttomeety ouand
holdy ou.Wear eexpect ingy oui nSept ember .
Daddyi ssoobsessedwi thyouIj ustknowhe' l
l
spoil your otten"Ipul lonmypy jamat opand
getundert hecov ers.Aweekf rom nowI '
llbe
meet ingKhay a'
sfami ly.I'm soner vous.Whati f
theydon' tlikeme?Khay aissochi l
ledabouti t
andi tmakesmewannasmackhi mi nt hehead.
Islowl ydozeof f.°Ical ledKhay awhenIwoke
upsweat i
ngf rom t hatni ghtmar eagai n.Khay a:"
Peels? "Heanswer edsl eepil
y.Me: "
BabyI ...I-
I.
..
"
Myv oiceshook.Andt ear swer et hreat eningt o
fall
.Hi m:"What '
sgoi ngonPeel s? "Me: "I t
's
Lwazi Khay a.Ikeepondr eami ngabouthi m.
Theyf eel sor eal it
'sli
keI '
m hav ingv i
sions"my
chestconst r
ict sandIst ruggl etobr eath.Iputa
handt omychestt r
yingt ocal m my sel fbut
nothingiswor king.Ishakemyheadi t'
sl i
keI'm
hav i
nganast hmaat tackal lIknowi sIcan' t
breatheal thoughIcanf ai ntl
yhearKhay a's
voicemybodyi sjustnotcooper ati
ng.Iwheeze
andt rytot al
kbutnot hingcomesout .Khay a:"
Peelsbr eathet akeadeepbr eath..
.please"Me: "
Ican't.
..Ican' t."Khay a:"Youcannow
concent rateony ourbr eat hingi nhaleandexhal e
sl
owl y."Idoashesay sandaf teraf ew
moment sofi nhal i
ngandexhal ingmyhear trate
i
sgoi ngbackt onor mal .Me: "Ikeepseei nghim.
Idon't-Idon' twannaseehi m any morei t'
sscar y.
BabyI '
m scar ed"Hi m: "Ther e'snoneedt obe
afrai
dPeel sy ou' r
ef i
neI 'mf inewe' r
eokayand
Lwazi isgonehe' snotgonnacomeback"Me: "I
know.Butst ill.
"Hi m:"ev er y
thingwi llbeokayso
babygetsomesl eept oni ght "Inodev ent hough
hecan'tseeme.Hi m:"Il
oveyouokay?And
dream aboutmewi l
lya?"Ichuckl
e.Me:
"Ilove
youtooMrMe"Hi m:"MrMe? "Me:"Got
osl eep
Khaya."Aftert
hatIhangup.Isendaquick
sil
entprayerandgotosleep.°°°°°

[03/
23,21:44]Mk: Chapt er42( bonuschapter
becauseI'mr eall
ysor ry )°°°°°Iwashav i
ng
aquietbrunchwi t
hmyboy fr
iendatMuggand
Bean.Happilymunchi ngonacheesecake
damnImi ssedt his.If eel Khayast ari
ngatme.
Me:"Didn'
ty ourmot hert ell
youi t'
srudeto
star
e?"Khay a:"Howcany oueatt hismuch?I
meany ouhadhotwi ngsf orbreakfastandthat
was30mi nutesago. "Me: "I
'
m eat i
ngf ort
wo
remember"Heshakeshi shead.Hi m:"Nah
babeyou'reov erdoingi t"Me: "Excusemebut
areyouimpl yi
ngt hatI 'mf at?"Him:"Nono
Peel sy ou' r
eput tingwor dsi nmymout hnow. "
Me: "Heeenowy ou' recal l
ingmel i
ar?"Hej ust
l
ooksatmeandsi ghs.Hi m:"Idon' tknowwhat
todowi t
hy ou."Me: "Ifyoucoul djuststop
talkingwe' dbef ine."Isipmyl at
tewhi l
e
scr oll
ingdownonmyI nstagram account .
Khay a'spi cpopsup.I t'
shi m andNt andoatt he
pool toplesswear ingst ri
ppedshot s.Iscroll to
thecomment ssect i
on.AndIsee
Nabi l
a_Queenysay i
ng" Hunni es "
.Didshe
hav et oputt wohear t-
ey edemoj is?Wer eemoj i
s
evennecessar y?Washerent ireexistenceev en
necessar yatal l?Speakoft hedev ilIheara
fami l
iarscr eechingv oiceIl ookt omyl eftand
seeNabi la'sf acecakedwi thmakeup.She' s
sittingwi thherf riendsmaki ngahel lofanoi se
i
nt hequi etcaf è.Ishakemyheadhoeswi t hno
class.Nabi l
amusthav esensedhermyey eson
hercauseshet urnedt ousandsmi l
edwi t
hher
crookedt eethsi es.Shest r
utsov ertous.Ir oll
myey essamet imeKhay asighs.Khay a:"Babe
don'tov erreactandj ustletmedeal wit hher."I
rollmyey esagai nandf ocusonmyphone.
Nabi l
a:"HeyKhay a.Ihav en'tseeny oui nso
l
ong. "Iresistt heurget ochokeherandshov e
thisspoondownherass.Khay a:"That '
s
becauseI '
vebeenbusy "Nabila: "Idon' tev en
knowwhyy ou'restil
l withthispi g."Thi sgi rl
mar a!Whatshoul dIdowi thher ?Lor dgi veme
thest r
engt ht odeal wi ththist empt ation.Me: "
Wear ebusycoul dy oupl easel eav e? "Iasked
nicelywhi leinsideIwasboi li
ngwi thr ageshe
wasst andi ngt oocl oset oKhay a.Nabi la:"Khaya
thinks-"Me: "Bi t
chgoj oinyourai r
headed
fri
endsandl eaveusal one!"Shel ookedabout
readyt ost artaf i
ghtandt urnedt oherf riendsin
suppor t.Me: "Comeatmebi tchIdar ey ou."
Khay a:"Kay onest opt his!Nabi l
agobackt o
yourf r
iendsbecauseIwon' tst opherwhenshe
breaksy ourneck. "Nabi lalookedatmeandI
glared.Nabi la:"I'
m notaf r
aidofherKhay a.Iwil
l
fi
ghtf ory ou."Khay achuckl ed.Khay a:"Idon' t
wanty out of ightformebecauseIdon' twant
youback. "Nabi l
a:"Shebewi tchedy ou!"Me: "I
f
youev enst epwi t
hinamet ercl osetoKhay aI
willnothesi tat etoendy ouokay .Nowscr amb
youbaboon. "Thatgi rlhasnodecency .Iev en
feel sorryforhershameIj usthopeshedoesn' t
tryany thingwi t
hKhay a.Other wiseIwi l
lrunher
ov erwi t
hacarandl eaveheri nthemi ddleof
thehi ghway .I '
vekill
edamanbef oreaski nny
prickwon' tmakeanydi fference.Khay a:"Babe
arey ouokay ? "Me: "YeahI '
mj ustthi
nkingwhy ?"
Hel aughs.Hi m:"Sowheny out hi
nky ouget
thisexpr essiont hatmakesy oulooklikey ou'r
e
const ipated? "Ismackhi m ont hehead.Me: "
Shutupy oui diot.
"Hi m:"ButI 'my ouidiot"Me:"
You' reani diotbutIl ov eyou"°°°
[03/
23,21:
44]Mk: Chapter43°°°°°Nt ando
andIweregoingshopping.Wellcor
rectionI
wasgrocer
yshoppi ngandhewasdoi ngwhat
hedoesmosthov eringaroundi
ntheliquor
stor
es.WhenIsawt hetheamountofliquori
n
histrolleyIwant edt orol lont hef l
oorandbawl
myey esout .Youknowhowmybr otherget s
withal cohol inhissy stem.Af t
erwegotdone
wedeci dedt ohav ebur ger satSt eers.Sowe
orderedandwhi l
eIwasor der i
ngt hisguykept
checki ngmeoutandNt andosawi ttoandhe
wasget ti
ngangr ier.Wesatdownandt hisguy
satdowni nat ablenextt oour swithhi s2
fri
endsf l
exingwi t
ht heircheapwat ches.Af tera
minut eort woheappr oachedus.Guy :"Howzi t
bro"hesai dt oNt andowhoj ustglaredathi m.
Het appedmeont heshoul der .Guy:"CanIt alk
toyouf orabi t."IcouldseeNt ando'slefteye
twitching.Nt ando: "Dudet ouchmysi steragain
andIwi ll
cast ratey ou!"Hewasdamnmad.I
fi
nishedupmybur gerandst ood.Me: "Let '
sgo
Ntando"hef oll
owedme.Nt ando:"Lookather
assonemor etimeandI 'l
lmakesur eit'
sthe
l
astt hingy ouev ersee."Ishakemyheadl i
ghtly
l
aughi ngsof tl
yMe: "Noneedt ogetal l ghett
oon
thepoorguyNt ando.Nt ando: "IhateitI '
ve
accept edKhay aandt her e'snof uckingwaywi ll
Iwat cht hem undr essy ouwi tht heirey esin
frontofme. "Irollmyey esathi m andwehead
tot hepar kingl otwi tht hegr ocer i
es..Af t
erwe
fi
nishedunpacki ngt hegr ocer i
esIst artwi th
superwhi leNt andogoest ot akeashower .Just
asIst artdi shingupf orNt andocomesdown
wear inggr eyj oggingpant sandsweat shirt.
Me: "Eeew!What '
st hatsmel l
?"Nt andosni ffs
around.Nt ando: "Ican' tsmel lanything. "Igo
closert ohi m andt hesmel l i
ntensifies.Me: "
I
thinki t '
sy ourshampoo"Hi m:"Myshampoo?
What 'swr ongwi thi t?"Me: "Smel lshor ribl
e.
Changei t"Nt ando: "Idon' tknowwhyIhav eto
suf ferwhi lebabydaddyi sl ivi
ngcomf or t
ably"I
smackhi shead.Me: "Leav eKhay aoutoft his"
Him: "andy ou'reget tingqui tev i
olentt oo"he
rubshi shead.Ii gnor ehim andj ustcont i
nue
eat i
ng.Af tereat i
ngIl eav et hedi shest oNt ando
andgot omyr oom.°Ist artedmyt rial examsa
weekagoandev er ythinghasbeengoi ngokay
sof ar
.Tomor rowI '
m wr itt
ingmyl astpaper
whichisPhy si
cs.Ihadmetupwi thmyt utort he
daybef oreandIt hinkI '
mr eadyf ort hepaper .I
showerandgeti ntomyPJs.It henr evisef oran
hourorso.°ThennextdayIwakeupat6am
feeli
ngnauseous.Ir unt ot hebat hroom and
vomi t
.Mor ningsi cknesshasgott obet hingI
hatethemostaboutpr egnancy .Irinsemy
mout hthent akeof fmyPJsandshower .Af ter
shower i
ngIweart heschool stracksui tmy
dressisf art oosmal l
.Myst omachi sreal l
ybi g
now.3mont hslef t
.Ican' twai tt odel i
vert his
babyandgeti tov eranddonewi th.Apar tfrom
themor ningsi cknesst here'st heswol lenankl es,
weirdcrav ings, superenhancedsensesand
feeli
ngusel esshal ft hetime.AndI '
vest artedt o
getapai nful feelingi nmyl owerbackbutI
guesst hat'snor mal .Afterget tingdr essedIgo
downst ai
r sf orbreakf ast.WhenIgot
downst ai
r sAuntMaywast here.Nt andohi reda
helperforussi nceI 'm sobusywi thschool and
hewast ool azyt oact uall
yhel poutwi ththe
housechor es.Igr eetedauntMay .Shei sinher
l
at e40sandsheonl ycomest oourhouse3
ti
mesaweek.Shewasmaki ngsof tporridge
shei nsi stsIeati ttel
lingmeabouthowheal thit
i
sot hert hanwhatIusual lyeatwhi chisbacon
andeggsmostoft het i
me.AuntMay :"Good
mor ni ngKay oneshoul dIdishupf oryou? "She
smi led.Me: "Yespl ease"Ismi l
ebackather .
Shedi shesupf ormeandIeat .Me: "AuntMay
wher ehav ey oubeenal lmylife.Thisis
delicious. "Shej ustchuckl esandcol l
ectsmy
bolw.Her :
"Youar egonnabel ate"Istandand
takemymom' scarkey sbuti t'
smykey snow
sinceshel eftt hecart ome.Me: "Thanky ou.
Hav eagoodday "Her:"Yout oo"°Igett o
school af t
er30mi nutesofdr i
v i
ng.Ihead
straightt omyexam v enue.Thepaperwas2
hour sl ongIf inishediti nanhourandwasbor ed
fort henexthoursi ncey oucan' tleavetil
l the
all
ocat edt i
mei sfi
nished.Af terwear e
dismi ssedIsayby et omyf ri
endsandpr omi se
we'llmeetupdur ingt heweekend.WhenIgot
homeAuntMaywasn' tthere.SoIqui ckly
undr essedandwor ejeansandaj acket.I
t '
s
reall
ycol doutt her esi ncei t
'
sJul yandwi nter.I
wasf eel i
nghungr ybutl azyt ocook.Sosi ncei t
wasst illnoonIwentt ot hemal lt
obuysome
takeaway sforNt andoandI .°Ipar kedthecar
andhur ri
edt oMcDandor deredaf ami l
ymeal
andwe' reonlyt wopeopl ewhat ever.Sowhi l
eI
wassi ttingwai tfort heor dert ocomet hrough
Samkesatdownnextt ome.What '
swr ongwi t
h
thisguy ?Hegr eetedandt ri
edmaki ng
conv er sationbutIcl earlywasn' ti
nt er
ested.
Me: "
DudeIai n'tent erestcany oust opwillya? "
Samke: "Whyar ey oual way splayinghar dto
get."Me: "Iai
n'tplay ingIr eall
ydon' twanty ou."
Andwi ththatIst oodupandwentt ot hecashi er
tocol lectmyor derandwenthome°°°
[
03/23,21:
44]Mk:
Chapter44(
LastChapt
er)°°
°°°"Babemywholefamil
ywantstomeetyou.
"
That '
st hebombKhay adr oppedonme30
mi nutesago.I 'donlymethi smom andsi ster.
Andnowhe' st el
li
ngmehi swhol ef am want sso
seeme.HowaboutNo.It riedar guingwi thhi m
l
istingsomanyr easonswhyIcoul dn'tgobuthe
washav i
ngnoneofi t
.Iwasser iousl ytempt ed
topokehi sey esoutbutIt ri
edr estraining
my self.Sonowhewaspacki ngandIwas
sitti
ngont hebedeat ingpl ainy oghur twith
cheese.Khay a:"Comeonpeel sjusthel pme
witht hesebags. "Me:"You' recr azyhowam I
supposedt omov e"hescof fedandr oll
edhi s
eyes.Khay a:"Idon'tknowwhyy ou'retakingso
manycl otheswe' reonlyst ay i
ngf or2day s.Me: "
Twoday sisal otofday s"Hi m: "Thatmakesno
sensewhat soev er"Me:"Whosai di t'
ssupposed
to?"Hechoset oignoremeandl oadedt hebags
i
nt hecar .Meanwhi l
eIwaseat i
ngpi ckles
dippedi npeanutbut t
er,Idon' tev enlikepeanut
but t
erorpi ckl esforthatmat ter, butpr egnancy
doest hattoy ou.Khay acamei nandwentup
stairst oshower .Ihadal readyshower edIwor e
al ongmaxi dresswi thcomf yshoesmyf eet
wer eki lli
ngme..Wehi tther oadandappar ent
ly
i
ti sa12hourdr ivetogett here.Butsi nceI '
min
myl astt ri
mest erIcan' tfl
ywi thanaer opl ane
wehadt odr ive.AndI 'vehadt opeeatl east3
ti
mesf ort hel ast5hour s.I'v
ehadt hisback
pai nsi ncemor ningIguessi tbecauseam
sitti
ngi nsuchanuncomf or t
ableposi tioncan' t
theymakewi dercarseat s?Khay a:"
Ar ey ou
okay ? "Ilookupathi m Me: "Mhm? "Khay a: "
You
j
ustkeepshi ftingandf i
dget i
ngar eokay ? "
Me: "Yeah, yeahI '
mfin-Ahhh! "Khay a:"Peel s?"
Me: "Idon' tknowKhay a-OhmyGodmywat er
j
ustbr oke! "Khay a:
"What !?"Me: "Calm down
geezy ou' r
enott heonei nl abourr i
ghtnow"
Thesecont r
act ionshur tlikehel l
.Thepr enat al
classeswet ooknev erpr eparedmef ort his.
Me: "Wher e'sthenear esthospi tal?"
Khay a:"There'sapr i
vat ehospi tal40mi nut es
away "Me: "Okaydr iveust hereI'l
lcallmymom
andNt ando"henoddedandIt ookmyphone
anddi aledmymom' snumberi twentt o
voicemai lsoIt r
iedNt ando' scell
phone.The
contractionswer enow9mi nutesapar tandhur t
l
ikeabi tch.Nt ando: "
Hel lo,Hi"Me: "Nt andoshi t
-"
Ibitmyt ounget ost opmysel ffrom scr eaming
"GettoCr escentPr ivateHospi t
al urgent ly"
Ntando: "Whywhathappened? "Me: "
Thebabyi s
comi ngy oumor on!"Nt ando: "
Isn'titabi tearly?'
Me: "
Ican' texactlytell i
ttogobacknowcan? "
Ntando: "Geezdr amaqueen"Me: "
Pl easeget
mom"Idr oppedt hecal l
causeIf eltanot her
contractioncomi ng.Damnwhydi dn'tany body
war nmeaboutt his?Icl osedmyey esandt ried
breathing.Khay a:"Arey ouokay ?"Me: "NoKhay a
howcanIbeokaywhenI 'mi nfucki ngl abour ?
Whenmybackf eel slikei t'
scracki ng?Huh?
Woul dy oubeokay !
?"Hel ookedst rai
ghtahead.
Ikeptwr i
gglingint hecarseat .Itfeltlikeages
ti
llKhay apul l
edupatt hehospi tal parkingl ot.A
wheel chai rwaswai tingf orme..17f ucki ng
hoursinl abouri snoj oke.Br i
ngi ngahumant o
thewor ldisthehar destt hingany onecando.
Andl et'
snotj ustt al
kaboutt hel abourImean
afterwardsy ounowhav eal itt
lehumanwho
youar eresponsi blef or.Onewhodependson
youf orev ery
thing.Iwoul dnev erdoi talone
singlemumsar et hemostst rongestpeopl eI
know.Ij ustwokeupaf tergivingbi rt
h
Me: "
Khay a.Wher eishe? "Khay a:" You'reawake.
Thedoct or sarest il
lchecki nghi m up. "Me: '
"I
s
heokay ?
"Khay a:"Yeshe' sfine.Ar eyouokay ?"
Me: "
I'
llbef i
ne."Khay a:"
Yourmom ar riveda
whi l
eago.She' sgonet ogetsomecof fee."I
noddedIwasst il
l ti
red.•Thenur sear ri
ve
holdingal it
tl
ebundl ewr appedupi nbl ue
blankets.Shegav ei ttomeandsmi l
ed.Ilooked
athim andsmi led.Hewasn' tpl annedbuthe' s
herenow.He' smymi stakebutI '
m gonnal ove
him he'siswhatIhopedf orandmor e.I '
ma
teenmom andam notashamedofi torhimf or
thatmat ter.Khay acamecl oserandki ssedme
ont hef or ehead.Khay a:"Thanky ouPeel s.
Thanky ouf orthisgi fty ougav eme.Ipr omise
tolov ey oubot handpr otecty ouwi thmyl i
fe.I
l
ov ey ouKay oneNy athi soont obeMr sNkosi "
hewi nkedandIsmi l
ed.Me: "Notany t
imesoon
MrNkosi .AndIl ov eyout oo"Weki ssedt il
l
someonecl earedt heirt hroat.Nt ando: "Ooo!
Comeandl etmemeetmynephew.Kay oney ou
ruinedt heki dwithy ourbi gfor ehead"Me: "
Shut
up."Nt ando: "
Sowhatar ewegonnanamehi m
wecan' tkeepcal linghi m' thebaby 'orwe
could. .
."Khay a:
"Khol o.We' llcallhi m Khol o"
Ntando: "Yi zo-Yizo. .
.K. Ont wanay am"
Me: "You'renotcal lingmybabyK. ONt ando"
Ntando: "Mommy 'sjustj ealousy ouhav eacool
nicknament wana. "Hest oppedf oramoment
andl ookeddeepi nt hought .Nt ando: "
Ijust
reali
zedsomet hing."Khay a:"What ? "Nt ando:"
Yournamesar eKhay a, KayoneandKhol o!
"He
saidi tli
kei t
'sthewei rdestt hingonear th.Me: "
Wehav enor mal names.What 'sy ourpoi nt?"
Ntando:"I
t'
stheKs!..t
ri
ppleK!KuKluxKlan!
"I
r
olledmyey es.Me:"That
'scomplet
ely
i
rr
el ev
antNtando"..KholomeansFaithbythe
way *°°°

THEEND