YOUR REALITY: AN ESSAY ON THE AWARD WINNING FILM

by Christopher Ruazol

1/31/24

In this film about gaslighting, it explores the issue of manipulation and abuse that arises from
living with a toxic partner. Aleesha, who is in a relationship with Mark, was seen to be
passionate and bubbly during the early scenes. She has an avid supporter, her best friend, with
whom she shares details about her current situation. After a timeskip, however, we see the
steady decline of her self-esteem and performance at work towards the end of the film. This
essay aims to highlight how the stakes of gaslighting are existential, to the point where the
victims of such hardly recognize themselves anymore.

It was revealed in the first scene after the timeskip that Aleesha recalls having “silly arguments”
with Mark as she was catching up with her best friend. We see multiple scenes detailing Mark’s
erratic behavior, as he constantly berates Aleesha for drinking “too much”. At the end of the film
it was revealed how Mark had physically abused Aleesha during a vulnerable state, hence why
she does not recall the event. This hints that similar situations may have happened in the past,
and Mark has planted false memories into Aleesha. Most if not all of those memories shift the
blame(if there is any at all) or responsibility to her.

Mark constantly plays the victim in those false memories in order to gauge out a sense of guilt
or submission from Aleesha, ultimately to get her to do whatever he wants no matter how she
truly feels. He disregards her side of the story, gives off mixed signals, and exaggerates her
mistakes. He fails to establish an Ich und Du relationship with his lover, as in the book of Martin
Buber, turning their relationship into I-it. This results in him merely seeing Aleesha as a tool; an
accessory, as shown by how he reminds Aleesha to “not embarrass him” for fear of tainting his
reputation.
Throughout the movie it felt like Mark was just dragging Aleesha around; dragging her to his
decisions and making her take responsibility for her feelings. In the climax he outright physically
hurts her, even though her body belongs to her and is not an object, so the fact that he shows
no remorse and even distorts the entire situation in Aleesha’s mind gives more evidence to how
he simply sees her as an object under his control and not as a “thou”.

Aleesha may not recall many of the events or does not even know if they are real, but the pain
and guilt that has been caused is real. Slowly the stress has piled up on her subconscious, and
she has been shown to act in an erratic manner as well when she randomly screams at Mark to
“help her”. Because she cannot find the root cause of these negative emotions, she begins to be
appalled by her own acts, recognizing something isn’t right with herself but never finding out
why. This unknown source of negativity builds up, so she starts drinking more often, leading to
Mark complaining more about the alcohol; it is a vicious cycle.

“To exist is to coexist” as Gabriel Marcel believes; even though Aleesha is actively co-existing
with Mark, she still can’t help but feel worthless and hurt, as she can’t help but try to be a loving
partner to Mark who makes her feel like a disappointment. These “silly arguments”, worsening to
constant shifting of blame and overbearing control by Mark, leads to her feeling more of a
problem rather than a person. Mark tries to manipulate her even more by reassuring her again
and again of his “love”, but rather than taking responsibility for his outbursts and physical abuse,
he actively lies and tries to put up this “perfect” image of himself either as her victim or savior.

In summary, those whom we co-exist with can change our perspectives the most, even
perspectives of ourselves. The film is titled “Your Reality”, implying that reality is subjective and
can be anyone’s. But reality is truth, and to know what is “real” is for the best. Noone has the
right to twist the truth especially at the expense of others, it is a matter of life and emotional
death. It’s for the best if Aleesha found out what was really going on, to know how she has been
treated, how Mark is really like. Because then she would find meaning and the cause in her
suffering, instead of the confusion that would only lead her life to spiral down deeper. Right now
she is trapped in Mark’s “reality”, and it is only by the help of other “I”s, such as her loving best
friend, that she would realize all of this. I myself have realized that I should find a partner who
acknowledges my uniqueness, my perspectives, my experience, and my existence as a human
person.. because I would give it my all to do the same.