Connors, Interpersonal Systems 1

Systems Theory and Interpersonal Relationships

Joanie V. Connors, Ph.D.

The study of human behavior and human problems was mainly concerned with individuals until
systems theory emerged around sixty years ago. The explosion of interest in systems thinking
spurred a flurry of theories and studies about the functioning of families, soon followed by the
development of the field of group dynamics. It as ot u til the s u til relationship science
took hold and focused scientific inquiry onto how intimate relationships work
Together, these relationship centered approaches have tremendously expanded our
understanding of how relationships work. This chapter will describe many of the ways that
relationship behaviors are explained by systems, especially the more recent developments. This
chapter describes a number of systems theories, including general system theory, family systems
theory and interpersonal systems theory, as well as the general movement of systems thinking.
There are other systems theories, but a discussion of them would take hundreds of pages.
General systems theory is the theoretical origin of systems thinking which was developed by a
biologist to apply to everything that lives. Family systems theory applies s ste s thi ki g to
family dynamics, problems and therapy. Interpersonal systems theory uses s ste s thi ki g to
understand relationships and groups as living systems. These latter two theories propose that
relationships are like every living thing in that they are living systems which breathe, consume
resources, expel waste, become stressed, and grow old.

General System Theory

Systems theory was introduced with the publication of an article by a biologist, Ludwig von
Bertalanffy describing general system theory (1951). Von Bertalanffy saw all life forms as having
common dynamics and wanted to come up with a general theory of life. General system theory
proposes that scientific reductionism (breaking everything we study into pieces) lost the integrity
of the whole, how it all works together, so we should study holistic properties and processes
instead. Vo Bertala ff s theory proposed the idea of living systems with permeable (open)
boundaries as opposed to the fixed mathematical systems of physics. Boundary openness is
eeded for s ste s energy exchanges (input and output), feedback cycles and the constant
changing (adaptation) necessary for healthy survival.
Von Bertalanffy also proposed that groupings of two or more entities (relationships and groups)
have many of the same properties as individuals because they have group boundaries as well as
shared goals and energy dynamics (1968). He saw levels of systems nested within larger systems,
extending from cells to organs to individuals to relationships, communities, states, the planet and
the universe.
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 2

Systems Theory Levels

Systems theory teaches that all

forms of life are systems
 Individuals are systems
 Relationships and groups
are systems
 Communities are systems
 Nations and states are
systems
 Humans and their
environment are the Earth’s
ecosystem

Systems Theory
The holistic ideas behind General System Theory (von Bertallanfy, 1968) created a stir in the
sciences because they challenged conventional, linear cause and effect thinking and replaced it
with process thinking hi h a k o ledges life s i ter o e tio s a d les. Vo Bertala ff s
ideas had an immense impact on the natural sciences through the concept of ecosystems,
challenging scientists to look at the balance of interactions between all the elements of an area,
soil, water, air, plants, animals and humans to see what works for optimum survival and health.

Basic Systems Teachings -

 All forms of life are systems


o All systems have common features
Process is more important than content


o need for process thinking


Importance of studying the whole - holism


All life is interconnected
All life goes through change processes

As these ideas e a e a sor ed o er the last fift ears, hat e ol ed e a e k o as s ste s

theor , a interdisciplinary approach which has generated applications in a growing number of
fields, including philosophy, mathematics, engineering, ecological sciences, management and
family therapy (Capra, 1996; 2003; Heylighen & Joslyn, 2000). The most widely known proponent
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 3

has been Fritjof Capra, who wrote a number of bestselling books which deepen and expand our
understanding of how systems work through applying it to natural phenomena and ecological
dynamics (1996; 2002).

Family Systems Theories

Soon after the introduction of systems theory, Gregory Bateson, Donald Jackson, Jay Haley and
John Weakland published an article applying systems thinking to the psychology of families of
schizophrenics (1956). They proposed that it was the family system that needed to change, not the
i di idual dee ed si k ho is rought i to the do tor for help.
In the next few years, there was an eruption of theories about family systems and family systems
therapy that explained various ways that families should be understood as systems. Family
systems theories were developed by Salvador Minuchin (1978), Murray Bowen (1978) and many
others, and have dominated the practice of family treatment throughout much of the developed
world over the last fifty years.

Major Family Systems Schools

 Gregory Bateson & Milton Ericson - MRI Brief Therapy
 Virginia Satir - Conjoint Family Therapy
 Murray Bowen - Bowenian Family Therapy
 Salvador Minuchin - Structural Therapy
 Mara Selvini Palazzoli & the Milan Group - Milan Systemic Family Therapy
 Paul Watzlawick, Michelle Weiner-Davis, Insoo Kim Berg & Steve de
Shazer - Solution Focused Therapy

To see families as systems, one must see the family as a unit, with family boundaries,
characteristics, energy and interaction patterns. Each family has an emotional climate (family
climate) and a style of limit setting (enforcing boundaries) which should be understood so they
can be addressed to help them function better.
A key element in family systems health is how change is dealt with. Change disrupts the family
homeostasis (equilibrium), so families have many strategies for dealing with change to return that
sense of equilibrium. Some families are too controlling and punitive in response to change (e.g.,
not wanting their children to grow up so punish them for wanting to go out with friends), and
some families are thrown into chaos by change (e.g., give their children too much freedom and
little guidance to cope with growing up). Family systems thinking differentiates between first
order change (superficial) and second order change (structural), which is real change in the way
things are done.
The focus of family systems therapy is often about the creation of the identified patient (family
scapegoat ho is la ed for the fa il s pro le s). Other common family issues addressed
include triangulation (Minuchin, 1978) or dysfunctional leadership patterns of parents. Interaction
dynamics and control patterns are often explored in family systems therapy to see how they can
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 4

be corrected and balanced so that dysfunctional symptoms are not needed. Often, the technique
of reframing (Minuchin; Satir, 1983) is used, which challenges the thought frameworks behind
family decisions and dysfunctions and provides positive, functional frameworks to use instead.
Murra Bo e s treat e t of fa il s ste s developed the systems idea of differentiation, the
ability of family members and subgroups to be different or to develop differences. Many families
are too enmeshed (overly connected) or fearful to allow individual members to think for
themselves or disagree, leading to constant restriction and conflict over the ability to meet needs.
Therapies based on helping members of families and married couples to differentiate (Gilbert,
1992; Snarch, 1997) are now considered to be cutting edge for systems work. Differentiation
means developing emotional boundaries between the individuals in families and couples so that
they can become less enmeshed, more personally balanced and freer to make healthy choices
within relationships.
Fa il s ste s theories ere pro oted stro g perso alities fro their s egi i g, a d
their early proponents audaciously rejected individual theories of personality for systems ones.
Due i part to these pio eers persiste e, s ste s thi ki g e a e the o tro ers of the
therapy world, was read and talked about, and gradually became accepted by academics and
practitioners. This widespread knowledge and acceptance in the therapeutic community led to the
formation of family therapy professional organizations and licensure processes that require
systemic knowledge and training.

Group Systems Theories

Starting in the early s, several scholars applied systems theory to the psychology of groups,
leading to a number of group systems models (Agazarian, 1997; Connors & Caple, 2005; Donigian
& Malnati, 1997; Durkin, J. E., 1981; Matthews, 1992; McClure, 1998). Group systems models
applied systems concepts to clarify and enlighten group processes and added dimensions to
describe the states and processes seen in group work.
Unfortunately, systems thinking has not caught on in group work in a big way. While some of the
s holarship is e elle t, espe iall Napier a d Gershe field s te t a d M Clure s ook o
groups a d haos , these are ot idel read. While Agazaria s treat e t has so e ide
use, it does not reflect true systems thinking.

Interpersonal Systems Theory

Interpersonal systems theory (IST) teaches that in addition to families, all relationships and groups
of people are systems with similar properties and dynamics. When people join together and form
any kind of relationship or group, that relationship entity becomes a living interpersonal creature,
whether the form is a romantic partnership, a family, an organization, a community, or the planet.
Interpersonal connections within and between relationship systems become channels of energy
that each member and the system feed off of and contribute back into, like blood vessels.
Relationships and groups breathe, exchange input and output, and change – just like all living
creatures.
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 5

Interpersonal systems theory helps us see the living processes and patterns of relationships
between people and groups. This theory explains the commonalities between relationships and
groups with systems aspects of all life forms, and this will radically change the way one looks at
them. Once we understand the basic elements, flows and balances of systems, we have more tools
for understanding all kinds of relationship phenomena.

Relationships as Interpersonal Systems

Interpersonal systems have human elements and these elements are bound together by a flow of
magnetic energy (love, power, communication) that stimulates and feeds them. This energy flow
has dynamics and patterns that connect to other people and to nature. Relationship systems are
constantly interacting and this flow of interaction feeds, stimulates, disturbs and changes other
members and systems. At the same time, relationship boundaries provide stability, but these
boundaries must stay open to the flow of various life forces to stay alive, so they feel the push and
pull of change constantly.
Relationships are frequently confronted with a stormy sea of changes inside and outside
themselves. Stresses from the environment rise and fall to push for changes or work to maintain
stability. Change cycles produce the pain, chaos, awkwardness and risk that are inevitable and
necessary for relationship health and productivity over time.

Major Interpersonal Systems Properties

There are numerous psychological properties of human groups and relationships that fit with
systems thinking quite seamlessly. The major systems properties which apply to relationships,
groups and other forms of interpersonal systems are presented here:

Table 1: Interpersonal Systems Properties

Property Description
1. Holistic Systems act, move, give and take as wholes.
2. Always Changing Systems are constantly changing as they pass through
short-term stress cycles and the life-cycle.
3. Pattern-Dependent Systems self-stabilize by creating patterns to organize
and channel flow.
4. Expanding & Systems alternately expand & contract in their
Contracting openness to change & to the environment.
5. Self-Regulating for Systems regulate their flow and dynamics to become
Balances relatively balanced and healthy.
6. Interconnected Systems are interconnected through a fluctuating
through Flow stream of energy, matter & information that they feed
on & share, so they are interdependent.
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 6

Interpersonal Systems Are Holistic

As humans, we need social bonds and relationships for our emotional well-being. Most people
have strong bonds with a number of formal and informal groups such as families, circles of
friends, work groups, church groups and communities. Each relationship taken on changes and
challenges us. When positive, relationships provide support and make us stronger to face the
stresses of life. When negative, relationships can cause emotional imbalance, physical illness or
even death.
When people come together for any purpose for a period of time, a relationship boundary
develops around them which has a unifying force and makes those within it act to some degree as
a unit, a whole. As people are drawn to form relationships or join a group, they find they have to
communicate, collaborate and share goals and must move, interact and change together because
their outcomes become connected and they become dependent on each other.
One way to see this is to pay attention to how group behavior is often quite different from
individual behavior. Groups of nice children can become cruel to a weaker child or to an animal. A
group of physically weak students can practice a sport, empower one another and become a
winning team. Alcoholics and addicts can find the strength to change in a support group when
alone they are unable to give up their addictions.
People are routinely changed by relationships, and often act differently depending on the group
milieu around them. Family experts have learned that the health of the whole family must be
improved in order to help individual family members become healthier. This is because
interpersonal climate affects the well being of the individuals within it, and this climate
phenomenon also holds true for all groups and relationships, from marriages to friendships to
organizations to nations. We can take a more powerful role in shaping the climate of all the forms
of relationships and groups we belong to once we are able to see them holistically as systems.

Interpersonal Systems Are Always Changing

Interpersonal systems are impacted tremendously by this constant flow which pushes and pulls us
as resources and energy move between system members and their environments. Interpersonal
systems constantly experience a tremendous amount of change which often challenges their
stability and survival. With every moment, relationship systems are considering change; avoiding
it, approaching it, in change, in recovery from change, or moving on after changing. The kinds of
changes they experience fall into two categories: a) the change cycle, which accounts for ongoing
changes in reaction to stress and adjustment, and b) lifespan stages.

The Change Cycle

As numerous kinds of flow move between systems, the system inevitably become stressed,
causing vibrations, known in systems thinking as perturbations. These impact vibrations increase in
amplitude and difficulty according to the degree of dissonance between the relationship belief
system and the new information. The disturbing information accumulates until the system
suppresses that perturbing flux and chaos, or takes the risk to change. The basic stages of the
change cycle include stress, perturbations, chaos, turning point, and readjustment. These stages
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 7

are compatible, though not equivalent, with the stages of alarm, resistance and exhaustion in
“el e s General Adaptation Syndrome (1978) for reacting to stress.
1. Stress. Everything living changes, so each individual is constantly adusting to their own changes,
changes in those they relate to, and numerous changes in their environment. Stress represents the
physical and mental challenges of change, which can be exciting and helpful to development, or
tax and drain us. Sometimes the demands of change push for structural change (second order),
which drives the change cycle further.
2. Perturbations. Environmental or internal feedback about stresses can become disturbing when status
quo beliefs and arrangements do not work, causing emotional vibrations, or perturbations in the
system (or in one or more of its members). Perturbations result because this feedback is
challenging to the status quo that we know and rely on, and that information dissonance causes
our energy field to become disturbed. This makes us frown with the energy of trying to figure out
what it means.
Perturbations create charges of energy excitation or movement, like stirring the pot. Perturbations
are inherently disturbing, and while the system will bring its self-stabilizing drive to dampen the
vibrations, perturbations in any direction will attract other stressors, and together they push the
entity towards change.
3. Chaos. Chaos is a state where traditional order starts to break down, and it is usually a time that is
both difficult and stimulating. Chaos is created by the system receiving enough change feedback
and perturbations to disrupt its boundaries and other structural elements, so that they no longer
are able to maintain control of system dynamics. Some chaos is necessary in all life because
growth requires that old structures let go and new structures (or parts of structures) take their
place. Chaos takes over in the gap between the disruption of the old and the establishment of
balance in the new structure.
4. The turning point / bifurcation point. The bifurcation point is a systems term for the moment in
time when perturbations, chaos and other pressures push the system boundary, rules and
structures to let go to some degree. It is the point where the system is at the edge, the existential
moment of turning back from change and or choosing change while not knowing what is to come
next. At that turning point, the crucial choice is whether to return to the old stability or move on
to new possibilities. Transitions are usually very difficult times because the system lacks the safety
provided by the old structure and because flow dynamics tend to be both chaotic and intense in
speed and energy charge, which can be difficult and exhausting.
5. Readjustment. Generally, there is a time of great vulnerability right after changes occur. Some
relationships or groups collapse after changing, or find they must retreat from the growth level
they intended to achieve. It takes a period of time before the system for recovery and rest before
the system returns to homeostasis.
With change there may come growth, expansion and evolution to greater complexity, or decline
with the possibility of collapse. Growth leads to greater capacity, strength, durability and
adaptability to the demands of life and the environment, while decline means decreased
adaptability and capacity.
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 8

B. Lifespan Stages
Each relationship system travels through a life cycle that may be physically limited or based on
psychological and social factors. Systems begin with a burst of energy and are very vulnerable at
first since their needs outweigh their protections. As they mature, systems channel their energy
more productively and become more independent. Maturity is reached when they are
autonomous and can manage their own needs without a caregiver.
As interpersonal systems age, in general, they become more mechanized and pattern oriented,
which leads to greater stability and efficiency in handling energy dynamics, but also leads to
rigidit a d lo ered adapta ilit o er ti e. The s ste s gro i g rigidit i its patter s te ds to
make it unable to discern subtle messages or demands, thus decreasing its sensitivity and
creativity. Throughout nature, one can see the principle of flexibility associated with youth while
rigidity is associated with aging, vulnerability and death.
The lifespan development of interpersonal systems is seen as including:
1. Birth and Infancy: The decision to come together and define 2 or more people as a relationship
or group.
2. Early Development: The time spent developing trust, establishing norms and learning basic
survival tasks.
3. Adolescence: The stage of boundary testing and power struggles.
4. Maturity: The time when norms and boundaries are established and members accept
responsibility to work towards goals.
5. Aging: The period after boundaries and patterns have started to prevent change and innovation,
decreasing adaptability.
6. Disintegration: The final phase when the relationship or group becomes less and less viable
(able to continue).

Interpersonal Systems Are Pattern-Dependent

To cope with the difficult changes and pressures they have to contend with, interpersonal systems
have a self-organizing nature which works to maintain stability and minimize threats from internal
and external sources. The way that relationships and groups stabilize themselves and cope with
the pressure of all these changes is to create patterns – patterns to meet needs, cope with stress
and conflict, and to deal with demands from the outside. This drive to form and follow patterns is
the most common means for maintaining stability, or homeostasis, in relationship systems.
Over time, the spontaneity of relationships and groups is replaced by reliance on patterns, until
they grow more and more pattern dependent. This is exacerbated by the natural bias against
change unless there is great pressure from the environment or internal dynamics. Unfortunately,
many relationships and groups move into fixed patterns and lose their willingness to change,
leading to marital ruts, lifeless group dynamics and rigid, life-sapping organizations.
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 9

Interpersonal Systems Expand and Contract

A push-pull dynamic exists in systems because of the intense internal and external pressure for
change, and controlling pressure for patterns and stability. Systems need both stability and change
to survive and to move towards goals. The way that systems balance these two diverse drives is to
alternate them, through a kind of breathing which alternately opens and closes, pushes and pulls,
and, expands and contracts.
So, relationships and groups also breathe when they become more open or more closed, are
attracted and repulsed by internal and external forces, and when they grow to higher levels of
understanding or pull back from external influences. At the same time that a relationship or group
is laboring to avoid change, they need to change to adapt to everything inside and outside it which
is changing in big and small ways, so the pressure to change is almost constantly in competition
with that stability-seeking nature. But when these two forces are able to work together, a balance
occurs that is akin to the rhythm of life.
Marriage and family therapists often address relationship conflicts over the balance between
spending time at home with each other and spending time away to socialize. This can remain a
major source of relationship discord u less the a fi d a a to har o ize the relatio ship s
rhythm for opening and closing. Both students and therapy group members benefit much more
when the influence of leaders and experts is balanced with e ers i put.

Interpersonal Systems Self-Regulate for Balance

Change (and all interpersonal processes) occurs along a continuum from violent and sudden to
extremely subtle (e.g. aging). Systems naturally work to balance change with stability to stay
healthy, and that process is called self-regulation. Relationships self-regulate for balance both in
overall changes it tries to accommodate in addition to managing changes in overall flow dynamics
(speed and quantity),and the varieties of flow (discussed in the next section). Interpersonal
systems also work for balance within (between members) and between the system and the
environment.

Interpersonal Systems Are Interconnected Through Flow

A relatio ship s ste s e ers are so deepl i ter o e ted the flow of communication,
resources and energy between them that their quality of life becomes interdependent. In addition,
each relationship system is affected by other interpersonal systems outside of it, especially those
nearby and those it is connected to (church, job, community, culture). Together we form a human
ecosystem where our flow interconnects us on numerous levels, making us strongly
interdependent - politically, socially, financially, culturally and ecologically.
Flow between people is like a magnetic and dynamic energy force that binds them together and
impacts them so they feel each others dramas. Belonging to a relationship or group makes one
subject to the influences of other members and of the relationship system through the impact of
their psychological, social and physical flow. The strength and emotional quality of that magnetic-
energetic force (which includes energy, information, nutrients, and waste) varies greatly from
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 10

relationship to relationship and each relationship develops their own climate based on their
shared drama and coping history.

Flow and Flow Dynamics

Seeing groups and relationships as systems means seeing the dynamic force that feeds and
connects them, which is known as flow. Flow is movement of communication, energy and
resources inside, outside and through relationship boundaries, akin to the movement of body
fluids. This concept of flow was developed 20 years ago by a committee investigating the
applications of systems theory to group counseling (Durkin, 1981).
Flow connects the members of interpersonal systems, as well as connecting each system with
other systems large and small in order to keep them energized and working. Exchanges may be on
the physical level (food, water) or the energetic level (communication, information, social
connection).
Interpersonal systems need to exchange information in order to understand their internal and
external environments and to monitor how they are changing. The internal and external
environments of relationship systems change constantly, so the resources they exchange will also
vary.
Flow is the most important element needed to see how well interpersonal systems are
functioning. Degree of flow between people is a sign of vitality of the relationship or group, similar
to blood pressure (though there are exceptions). Flow that is too fast could create instability and
lead to exhaustion and collapse. Flow that is consistently too slow and sluggish would signal
dysfunction or decline in a relationship. Interpersonal flow movements can be very strong
(forceful) or soft (gentle and quiet) for periods of time, but a preponderance of either extreme
would be overwhelming and/or lead to inflexibility. The optimum flow between people would
average out to moderate intensity, but include a variety of intensities, with periods of strong,
moderate and gentle stimulation.
Flow needs to be balanced in exchange inside and outside the system boundaries, so that giving
and taking should be relatively balanced within and between an interpersonal system and other
systems. Balanced flow pressure keeps system boundaries healthy and intact. Flow also needs to
be balanced in the push for change versus the push for stability. Another flow property that needs
to be balanced is the interplay between freedom of movement (creativity) versus patterning or
channeling of movement.
Communication is the main instrument of flow, whether verbal, nonverbal, direct, or indirect.
Work and resource distribution (especially feeding and eating) are also forms of flow.
Interpersonal systems theory emphasizes two main purposes of flow communication; the
exchange of information (feedback) and the exchange of resources (energy, support and feelings).

Flow Dynamics
Flow is made up of four dynamics: Control, support, change feedback and stability feedback. These
four dynamics represent needs that should be met and forces that need to be in balance for
optimal health in interpersonal systems. These four dimensions can be used to analyze
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 11

interpersonal functioning, and then will give guidance to those who want to intervene to help
relationships and groups work better or to overcome difficulties

Table 2: Flow Dynamics

1. Pattern Control Interpersonal systems maintain boundaries & patterns to

channel & regulate energy & information.

2. Support Interpersonal systems nurture & give energy to each other,

especially young entities & those that are ailing.

3. Change Feedback Interpersonal systems communicate with each other about

needs and about how they impact each other, and then request
adjustments and changes.

4. Stability Feedback Interpersonal systems pressure each other not to change – to

maintain the stability of structures and patterns against the
pressure to change.

Communication in interpersonal systems (and many animal systems which are not covered by this
theory) has control functions and nurturing functions. Research on many mammals such as
wolves, finds nurturing, and limit setting to be common goals of their interactions. Family scholars
have also identified nurturing, support, guidance and limit-setting as interactions with significant
positive influences in human health (Horton-Parker, 1998; Maccoby, 2000).
Communication within a system and between systems also contains information about system
functioning, needs, relationships and environmental conditions. Systems thinking considers this
information to be either negative or positive feedback, meaning they either support current
system structure and dynamics or challenge the system to change them. Because this contradicts
common understandings of positive and negative, the systems concepts of positive and negative
feedback are confusing for many people. To maintain clarity, Interpersonal Systems Theory will
use the terms change feedback and stability feedback.
1. Pattern Control
Control is a major dynamic that has been identified in the psychology of interpersonal
relationships and group dynamics and the major target of control interventions is relationship
patterns. Control is applied to the patterns of relationships through the enforcement of
boundaries (limits), but also through structural mechanisms such as rules and roles (leader, boss),
which provide direction, guidance and safety for the interpersonal system and for its members.
There are many negative associations with the dynamic of control because of its association with
over-control, but the dynamic is motivated by protection and the need for stability. Control is
concerned with safety and managing that sea of change and other countless demands on
individuals and relationships.
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 12

The level of control present in a s ste s dynamics (or in a particular situation) varies from
extreme under-control to extreme over-control, with both extremes being unhealthy. At one end
of the continuum, there are numerous interpersonal conditions and contexts that become out of
balance from lack of control, making them vulnerable to fall into chaos and inertia. At the other
extreme are those conditions and contexts which suffer from over-control, commonly resulting in
abuse, stifled creativity and anger at the loss of individual freedom.
Parents use pattern control to provide limits and guidance for their children and keep them safe,
but they also must teach their children to develop their own self-control. To be renewable, a group
system must pass on rules and mechanisms of control to younger members. The healthiest groups
also seem to have mechanisms of control and boundaries that evolve over time in response to
feedback from inside and outside of the group, because the only way to maintain balance is to
consider changes that may be needed.
The ideal management of control in an interpersonal system would consciously strive for some
form of equality and democracy, because it is clear that access to control is as essential as access
to water for psychological health on all levels of interpersonal systems. This style of control
management would mean ensuring that all members have certain basic rights (e.g. free speech,
freedo fro a use a d respo si ilities doi g o e s part . This ould ea allo ati g as u h
control to each system member as they can handle, even to the point of stretching their capacity
for responsibility, in order to spur their growth and maturity and to keep the whole system
healthy.
Boundaries. A major systems concept is that of boundaries, psychological limits which define and
separate group and relationship systems, but must be flexible and permeable for living systems.
Boundaries define system limitations and keep relationship needs protected but are open to allow
connections to other systems and to the environment.
Structure. Structure means the physical and psychological guidance of patterns of flow within,
through and outside of systems. Structures include physical infrastructure, and power roles and
rules, especially those for managing boundaries. Structure serves to direct energy, to channel it in
certain directions. The configuration of these and the system boundary eventually shape the flow
of system dynamics into patterns.
Enantiodromia. Enantiodromia was theorized by Carl Jung (1956) to say that natural forces work
for equilibrium by providing an equal push in the opposite direction of anything that increases.
Jung believed this was how internal dynamics work in the individual, but applying this to
relationships, groups and societies would say that if one partner or faction advances in any
direction, there would be some tendency of another partner or faction to pull the other way.
While this may seem a contradictory quality for flow dynamics, this would balance out extremes,
and add to chaos and complexity.
2. Support
Support means providing positive energy, support and safety to others. Support (also known as
caring, love, and nurturing) is so inherently necessary in the psychology of relationships, that it is a
dominant factor in relationship and group health. Nurturing, social support and love are known,
to be necessary factors in the healthy raising of children (Baumrind, 1994; Hemphill, & Sanson,
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 13

2001; Horton-Parker, 1998; Maccoby, 2000; Vander Zanden, 2003), and they help human beings
survive during times of stress and trauma.
Support was noted as a force in systems theory through the work of the American Group
Ps hotherap Asso iatio s Ge eral “ ste Theor Co ittee, ho a e up ith the o ept
urte erg …as a guided atal ti for e a d as a lu ri a t of the group pro ess that is
de o strated ei g ari g a d a ti el i je ti g positi e o er Durki , , p. .
Support is the major ingredient in group cohesion, which is the factor found to be most important
for positive outcome in group therapy (Crouch, Bloch & Wanlass, 1994; Dies, 1994; Stockton,
2003).
3. Change Feedback
Change feedback is information conveyed to systems from the internal and external environment
about the changes that are occurring there and how those changes relate to the s ste s urre t
status. This information eventually triggers change because systems realize that adjustments are
needed for adapting to those changes. Change and adaptation are necessary for systems to
survive and to move towards goals, and this change will help them to function in balance with
their internal and external environments.
Change feedback gives interpersonal systems information about what they need to change to
reduce discord and produce harmony in relation to what is happening with their own members, or
relative to external relationships and groups. Some system theorists consider change feedback to
e ala i g feed a k e ause it keeps the s ste i ala e so that it can survive and move
towards its goals. This is definitely true of relationships, which stagnate or become abusive when
the need to change is not heard and responded to.
Healthy relationships and groups are able to take in dissonant information from within and
ithout a d use it as i for atio for gro th. No relatio ship or group stru ture is perfe t a d the
a thi gs are should ot e fi ed i ti e. As i di iduals and environments change, relationships
change, and the interaction between these should be a flow instead of a damn that has to explode
now and then from the pressure.
4. Stability Feedback
Stability is equally crucial to survival and it is only by balancing change and structural continuity
that a system can survive and remain healthy. Too much change could threaten the integrity of
systemic elements and the system could be swept away. So, feedback about stability needs is also
essential for living systems.
Stability feedback for relationships and groups would notify them when their stability is
threatened by too much change. Even when an interpersonal system is going strong, too much
change or change that is too dissonant with its goals could cause some damage. For example, a
strong marriage of a wealthy couple could fall apart if they experienced a trauma that was serious
enough, such as financial ruin or severe illness.
When a relationship or group is in a fragile state, it might be better to back away from all but the
most minimum and necessary changes. Businesses are usually advised not to move locations when
they are still struggling to survive, as the stress is often too overwhelming. Newly committed
 Connors, Interpersonal Systems 14

couples are much less likely than older couples to weather common relationship stressors such as
changing jobs or ugly behavior from relatives.

Summary
Seeing relationships and groups as living, breathing systems can help us understand how they
change, grow, and get sick. Systems concepts such as holism, pattern dependence, change cycles
and flow hold the key to how relationships and groups live, move and cope as systems. Seeing how
flow and its elements move within and between relationships and groups large and small
illuminates how relationships and groups get out of balance and become unhealthy. This will help
us choose what should be done to bring healthy functioning and resiliency back to those
relationships and groups. For example, relationships have needs and goals that are sometimes in
competition with individual needs and goals, and this results in stress as individuals weigh the
value of one against the other.
It is hoped that this paper will provide a bridge between conventional psychological thought about
relationships with the world of systems theory. To understand, nurture and manage relationships,
we need to shift our awareness beyond our individual needs to see relational and/or group needs.
This helps us know when relationship health is out of balance. For example, most healthy married
couples give significant attention to their relationship needs and processes, and talk about their
concerns with each other. Also, many people pay attention to their community dynamics through
reading the paper or listening to the news, and will often discuss, write letters about and make
efforts to change situations that concern them.
It is hoped that systems theories will continue to give rise to new research and tools to improve
group and relationship intervention effectiveness. Clearly it is time to develop these concepts to
broaden our understanding of them and use them to bring peace to relationships. Perhaps
systems research can clarify the true nature of how interpersonal systems work and find effective
ways to help them work more effectively.

Dr. Joanie Connors can be reached at jvcphd@gmail.com

Please use the following to cite this article:
Connors, J.V. (2011). Systems theory and interpersonal relationships. In J.V. Connors, Interpersonal
Peacemaking Reader, (1st edition, pp. 309-324). San Diego: University Readers.

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