The Inexplicable Chaos of Mia Gregory

THE INEXPLICABLE CHAOS OF MIA GREGORY 1
The Inexplicable Chaos of Mia Gregory

By Emily Hageman
LIV 16-18, extremely intelligent, closed off, sarcastic, a bit of a

mean streak, self-aware, and incredibly loving.
MIA 16-18, sweet, sincere, wounded, and deeply complicated.
THE VARIABLES Three women (Variable 1, 2 & 3) and three men (Variable
4, 5 & 6) who play multiple characters.
SETTING: Get creative with your staging. Have places for the cast to
draw and paint.
AT RISE: LIV enters by herself.
LIV
Okay so hi. Welcome to the theatre and this play which is entitled “The Inexplicable
Chaos of Mia Gregory,” which is so painfully pretentious it makes me want to claw my
brain out, but apparently it’s theatrical, s o I’m stuck. So my name is Olivia Harris--but I
do not go by Olivia because it makes me sound like a 900 year old knitting fiend, I go by
Liv and I, unfortunately, am your protagonist. Long story short, I had this thing happen
to me that made absolutely no sense and I’m just hoping that you all out there can help
me figure what’s going on. And I can’t really ask my friends because I don’t have any,
so, tag, you’re it. But don’t worry, I’ll entertain you along the way--I’ve got a team of
actors and they’re--yep, that’s your cue, come on, come on, hurry up--
(The Variables enter)
They’re called the Variables because they play a lot of different characters and this play
is like math-related so, yay, artsy. Bleh. Anyways, introduce yourselves.
VARIABLE 1
Hey
VARIABLE 4
Hi
VARIABLE 2
Hello
VARIABLE 5
What’s up
VARIABLE 3
Howdy
VARIABLE 6
Yooooooooooooooooo--
LIV
Nope.
VARIABLE 6
Sorry.
LIV
So anyways, there’s obviously one more character--the chaos creator herself. Mia.
She’s… I guess she’s my friend. Probably.
(Mia enters. She is wearing a lot of layers.)
LIV (cont.)
She’s, uh--I don’t really know what to say about her. Which is why you’re here.
(Liv looks at Mia, lost. Mia sits, her arms around her legs,
distant and lost herself.)
VARIABLE 4
Psst. Can we start the play?
LIV
Oh, yeah, whatever. So Mia and I met when were five, and--
(Variable 1 starts a scene loudly, kind of out of nowhere.)
VARIABLE 1
(kindergarten teacher)
Alright, friends, welcome to kindergarten, time for math!
LIV
(unpleasantly surprised)
Holy smokes--that was the loudest thing I have ever heard, could you please never do that
again?
VARIABLE 1
This is theater! You have to PROJECT!
LIV
Yeah, can you like--not project right in my ear?
VARIABLE 1
Oh, okay, sorry--also, can you like go--?
LIV
Oh, yeah. Okay, so I have to be in these scenes, which is stupid, but yay theatre, YAY
PRETEND. Anyways, just picture me as this sour-faced little girl with zero friends,
which was totally not my fault.
VARIABLE 4
Mrs. Timothy, Liv bit me!
VARIABLE 2
Mrs. Timothy, Liv took my pencil!
VARIABLE 6
Mrs. Timothy, Liv called me a communist!
LIV
Okay, so maybe it was a little bit my fault.
VARIABLE 1
GO TO THE NAUGHTY CORNER.
LIV
Gotta love isolation as a punishment. As if little kids aren’t keenly aware when they’re
different.
VARIABLE 1
Mr. and Mrs. Harris, Olivia doesn’t play well with others.
VARIABLE 5
She’s fine. She’s got a personality, that’s it.
LIV
I mean, I don’t think that chewing on your classmates is a personality trait, but what do I
know.
VARIABLE 3
Don’t call us about this again.
LIV
If a problem exists but you don’t look at it, it’s almost like it doesn’t exist at all. Child
neglect is sort of like a magic trick if you think about it.
VARIABLE 2
Mia, come play with us!
MIA
Okay. Liv, do you want to play Barbies with us?
LIV
No. Barbies are dumb.
MIA
You can borrow one of mine. She has a pink skirt.
LIV
That’s dumb.
MIA
And she has a purse too.
LIV
I--Barbies are… I don’t want to.
MIA
Have you ever played with Barbies?
(Liv doesn’t answer.)

It’s fun. Come on.
(Mia hands her a Barbie.)
LIV
It was fun. I guess. I mean, this is a blatantly sexist toy, right? But… I don’t know. I
liked it, okay? Ya happy?
VARIABLE 2
Go away, Oliva.
VARIABLE 4
Yeah. You’re mean and dumb like a diaper.
VARIABLE 3
Yeah, like a dumb old diaper.
MIA
Don’t talk to Liv like that. She bites people sometimes, but she’s really nice on the inside
just like a sad dog.
LIV
She literally said that. Saint Mia of Naptime. Hanging out with me was pure, tax
deductible charity.
MIA
How come you bite people?
LIV
I dunno. Cuz I want them to go away.
MIA
Oh. Do you want me to go away?
LIV
(begrudgingly)
No.
MIA
Good. Because I don’t want to.
LIV
And then, elementary school happened.
(Variable 2, 4 & 6 are different teachers. Variable 6 is

dressed like a pirate.)
VARIABLE 2
(overly sweet)
Welcome to first grade, my sweet little flowers!
VARIABLE 4
(extremely monotone)
It is time to begin second grade. I am very excited for this year. Yay.
VARIABLE 6
YAAAAAAR GREETINGS LIL CHILDRENS! IT’S ME, CAPTAIN OF THE THIRD
GRADE SHIP! YARRRRR MATEYS TIME TO LEARN OR YA WALK THE
PLANK!
VARIABLE 2
Mr. and Mrs. Harris, your special little starfish is--
VARIABLE 4
Extremely bright. It’s very exciting. She shows promise in a lot of areas, especially--
VARIABLE 6
In the area of mathematics. Yar.
VARIABLE 2
This kind of precious, angelic gift is--
VARIABLE 4
Extremely special. Again, very exciting. I would recommend enrolling her in--
VARIABLE 6
Some sort of advanced tutoring for math. Yar.
VARIABLE 3
… why do you have a parrot on your shoulder.
VARIABLE 6
Oh, it’s like… my classroom theme. Cuz I’m--um. It’s… fun.
VARIABLE 5
… wow. Our tax dollars at work, honey.
LIV
Newsflash--Olivia Harris is now a bonafide math genius which totally helps her socially,
except not at all.
VARIABLE 1
Smarty pants dumb face.
LIV
Super clever insult, right? Probably didn’t help that I was like--
(turns to Variable 1)
Yeah, well your parents aren’t married anymore and you’re ugly.
(Variable 1 is devastated and runs off sobbing.)
Yeah. I don’t want to brag, but I’m super good at breaking people psychologically.
MIA
Why were you mean to her?
LIV
(as a child)
Because she started it!
(That isn’t a good answer for Mia. Mia waits.)
Because--she made me feel bad. So I wanted her to feel bad. And nobody likes me cuz
I’m all different and stuff. I don’t have any friends.
MIA
You have me and I’ll be such a good friend, it’ll be like having a million friends.
(Liv smiles despite herself.)
Do you have any sisters?
LIV
No. Just me. Do you?
MIA
Yes. No. I had one.
(Variable 1 steps up.)
She died last week.
LIV
Oh. That’s… pretty bad.
(Variable 1 fades away).
MIA
We could be sisters.
LIV
That’s dumb, you can’t just decide to be sisters with someone.
MIA
Sure you can, it’s easy! Give me your hand.
LIV
Why?
MIA
Come on, just do it.
LIV
(she gives her hand to Mia)
What are you--WHOA!!
(Mia pulls out a pocket knife with the blade out. It’s like
actually pretty big and kind of scary.)
Where did--you’re not supposed to have that!!!
MIA
Shhh, it’s okay, it was my sister’s, I know I’m not supposed to, but…
(Mia looks embarrassed. She starts to put it away.)

LIV
Can I see it?
(Mia hands Liv the knife. Liv inspects it carefully.)
Why do you have it?
MIA
She gave it to me. I think. And I thought--maybe we can’t be real sisters, but we can
make a blood bond to each other. See, we cut our palms just a little--just a little--and then
we shake hands. Our blood mixes, and we’re forever bound to each other. Sisters.
LIV
That’s… creepy. And I don’t like blood.
MIA
Just a little cut. I’ll be careful.
LIV
(as her older self)
Yikes. It was like I wanted hepatitis. But I said yes because--she was my friend. My
only friend.
MIA
Give me your hand.
LIV
I didn’t like to be touched, but--
(She gives Mia her hand. Mia dips her fingers in a little
container of black grease paint and streaks it across Liv’s
right palm. Liv pulls her hand back as if she has been cut,
hissing in pain. She then stops reacting and shows her
palm.)
I mean, obviously I’m not cut, but--this is a dramatic device. Suspend your disbelief
already.
MIA
Okay, my turn--
LIV
(dipping her fingers in the paint now)

It was the scariest, most fragile thing I’ve ever done. My friend was asking me to hurt
her so that she would feel less pain. I was nine and even I knew this was crazy, but--
(Liv slashes Mia’s palm. Mia pulls her hand back too, but
she is quieter with her pain. She holds her hand closed.
Liv responds as her younger self.)
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, are you--
MIA
I’m okay, I’m okay. Now we--
(Mia stretches her hand out.)
LIV
(as her older self)
The moment felt big. Something I didn’t understand was happening, but I knew it was
important. I wanted to help her. I wanted to be a good friend.
(Liv takes her hand and they shake. Mia smiles.)
MIA
Sisters.
LIV
Yeah.
MIA
Do you feel different?
LIV
No.
MIA
I do.
LIV
Different how?
MIA
Just… different.
LIV
(as her older self)
Mia likes different. I don’t. As in, currently do not.
(Variable 4, 5 & 3 enter)
VARIABLE 3
What are we paying you for?
VARIABLE 4
Mrs. Harris, she is very advanced--like very, very advanced, she completed Calculus last
night and I--
VARIABLE 5
Then start her on Calculus 2.
VARIABLE 4
I… uh, there is no Calculus 2.
VARIABLE 5
Uh, figure it out, that’s not our problem. You’re in college, kid, use your brain.
LIV
(as her younger self)
I’m done.
VARIABLE 4
Done with--? I didn’t give you anything, I just went to the bathroom, I--
LIV
Found some papers in your gross backpack and I did them.
VARIABLE 4
… that was my Honors Abstract Algebra homework. And… it’s perfect.
LIV
I ate your beef jerky too. So you should probably get more.
VARIABLE 4
(vaguely, completely blown away)
Okay.
LIV
(as her grown self)
So what do you do when you’re literally a teen genius and everybody around you is still
like solve for x.
VARIABLE 3
Welcome to college where everyone is very serious and boring.
ALL VARIABLES BUT 3

(very boring)
Hello.
VARIABLE 3
Do this equation.
ALL VARIABLES BUT 3

(still very boring)
Okay.
VARIABLE 3
Good job, everyone. Hopefully your momentary joy makes up for all of your despair
because of your crippling student debt.
ALL VARIABLES BUT 3

(maybe some begin to cry because student loans)
Yay.
LIV
Yup, fifteen and in college. My kind of people. We just did math. No stupid pipe
cleaner activities.
MIA
I miss you at school.
LIV
You’re fine. You have a million friends.
MIA
ou’re my sister.
Yeah, but I miss you. Y
LIV
Uh, only cuz we did a psychotic Children of the Corn pact. Wouldn’t you rather have
someone like Kelsey be your sister?
VARIABLE 2
(on her phone texting)
I’ll never get why you hang out with that Liv girl
LIV
(to the audience)
I’d read Mia’s texts with Kelsey because I have issues.
MIA
(on her phone texting)
She’s my really good friend
We’ve known each other a long time
VARIABLE 2
(phone)
Yeah well you can still cut her loose
Come to my party this weekend
Liam will be there
He was asking about you
(Variable 5 appears. He’s Liam.)
MIA
He was?
VARIABLE 2
Yeah
I think he likes you
Come on, do you really want that Liv girl to be your only friend?
Like forever?
MIA
(on her phone)
She’s a good friend.
VARIABLE 2
K.
Whatever makes you feel better.
Try to come, okay?
It’ll be fun
MIA
So I got invited to a party this weekend.
LIV
(to audience)
Which I already knew about, because of the spying, because of my issues.
(to Mia)
… and you’re going?
MIA
You should come too.
LIV
Are you kidding me?
MIA
No, come on, Liv, it’ll be fun, we’ll--
LIV
Ew. I hate fun.
MIA
Come on, Liv, please? You’re my best friend. And I don’t want to go alone.
LIV
(to Mia)
Fine, whatever. But if the music’s too loud, I am immediately calling the police.
VARIABLE 6
LET’S PARTAYYYYYYYY!
(People start to party. The music is WAY too loud.)
LIV
So we go to this stupid party and--
(Variable 3, wearing something bright yellow and probably
feathery, tries to take a picture with Liv)
Nope--nope, get off, hit the road, Big Bird--
(Variable 3 goes to party)
--AND it was genuinely horrible, like in every way possible.
VARIABLE 2
Miaaaaa! So glad you’re here! And… Liv.
LIV
Sup, Kelsey. I like your onesie.
VARIABLE 2
Um, it’s call a ROMPER. Mia, come on, Liam wants to talk to you.
LIV
This Liam guy.
VARIABLE 5
Hey, Kelsey. Hey, Mia.
MIA
(breathless, enamored)
Hi.
VARIABLE 5
Kelsey said you might be here. I’m glad you are.
LIV
I hate this guy.
MIA
Yeah, I--I’m glad I’m here too. With you.
VARIABLE 5
Yeah.
MIA
Yeah.
VARIABLE 5
Yeah.
LIV
(bursts into their conversation)
Woooooooow. Stimulating dialogue. Mia, this house has like six foosball tables. Whose
house is this? Like an international foosball champion?
VARIABLE 5
Liv.
LIV
Liam.
(to the audience)
He hates me because he tried to cheat off me one time during a test and--
(Everyone is in class. Variable 5 tries to cheat. Liv raises

her hand patiently.)
VARIABLE 4
(quietly)
Yes, Liv?
LIV
(loudly)
Yeah, so Liam Anderson forgot his brain at home and he’s trying to borrow mine. Can
you do something about it?
VARIABLE 4
… uh, what?
LIV
He’s trying to cheat.
VARIABLE 4
ell. Don’t… do that. Liam.
h. W
Oh. O
LIV
And then after class, he was like--
(Variable 5 shoves Liv’s shoulder. As he does so, he

leaves a big black imprint on her shirt that she doesn’t
notice.)
VARIABLE 5
Thanks a lot, freak.
LIV
Not the worst thing I’ve ever been called, but still, not great. Let’s get a replay of that.
(Variable 3 & 4 announce. Variable 5 acts it out in slow

motion.)
VARIABLE 4
Okay, so Liv Harris is approaching the door to the classroom at aperfect angle, and you
can see right here--here comes Liam Anderson at the intercept.
VARIABLE 3
He’s about to execute bullying tactic number eighty-six--the accidental on purpose
shoulder smash.
VARIABLE 4
And he’s coming in for the hit and--ooooooooooh. Contact made.
VARIABLE 3
Now watch Liam’s technique here.
VARIABLE 5
VARIABLE 4
Wow. Wooooooow. So much to unpack here.
VARIABLE 3
The use of the word freak is very intentional, because if you know Liv Harris, she isn’t
eird.
stupid, but she is definitely w
VARIABLE 4
Absolutely weird. Great word choice on Liam’s part. And I don’t know if you noticed
because he was very subtle about it, but Liam uses an extremely advanced bullying
technique here called sarcasm. Let’s listen again.
VARIABLE 5
(slowed down, very sarcastic)
VARIABLE 4
Wow. So subtle, you almost don’t catch it. Liam Anderson really knocked it out of the
park with this one.
VARIABLE 3
And Liv’s best friend Mia still likes this guy?
VARIABLE 4
Mia doesn’t know it happened because it hurt Liv’s feelings and Liv never tells Mia how
she really feels.
LIV
What are you talking about, you idiots?
VARIABLE 3
We’re communicating your emotional distress over this moment of obvious bullying!
(pointing to the mark on her shirt)
Look!
LIV
(notices the black mark on her shirt)
Aw, what? What is this! Ew!
(to Variable 5)
Did you do this?
(Variable 5 shrugs)
Um, gross. You’re paying for my dry cleaning.
(to audience)
Listen, I have no idea was these theatre nerds are trying to “communicate” by smearing
everything with make up but, gross.
VARIABLE 4
IT’S MEANINGFUL!
LIV
IT’S STUPID. So anyways, I’m trying to save Mia from this loser, right?
VARIABLE 5
(to Mia)
You look really pretty.
LIV
(posing obnoxiously)
What about me, sport? I think my armpits look extremely fetching in this t-shirt.
VARIABLE 2
(to Liv)
Okay, you’re done.
(Variable 2 pushes Liv away from Mia and Variable 5.

Mia mimes apologizing to Variable 5 during this section.
Variable 5 is clearly very into Mia, and she is into him.
They stand, talking during the next few lines. It’s actually
pretty cute.)
VARIABLE 2 (cont.)
You are so unbelievable, you know that? Mia likes Liam. She’s liked him since sixth
grade.
LIV
No, she doesn’t. Mia’s not an idiot. And besides, she would have told me.
VARIABLE 2
Oh, yeah, when? In the two seconds you give her to talk about herself? You know, you
are an exhausting person to be friends with, Oliva. Everything is about how smart you
are, how stupid everyone else is, how you hate everything because you’re sooooo cool.
She’s tired of you--and can you blame her?
(Liv is struck by this.)
LIV
She said that?
VARIABLE 2
She didn’t have to. Do you even know what today is?
LIV
Uh, be nasty to people you barely know day?
VARIABLE 2
It’s the anniversary of the day Mia’s sister killed herself.
(Variable 1 steps up. Everyone in the party goes

completely still. Variable 1 has marks all over her
forearms, long streaks, like cuts. She has a few on her
wrists. Mia looks at her.)
LIV
What are you talking about? Mia’s sister was sick.
VARIABLE 2
She killed herself, Olivia. And you didn’t know because you didn’t ask.
(Mia goes to Variable 1. She rolls up her own sleeves. She

has similar marks. Variable 1 doesn’t move. Everyone
watches them silently.)
LIV
She didn’t--it’s not my fault Mia didn’t tell me. I was being a good friend, I didn’t want
to pry--
VARIABLE 2
Sure. Keep telling yourself that.
(Mia crumples at Variable 1’s feet, grieving.)
VARIABLE 2 (cont.)
So let her have one night that isn’t all about you.
(Variable 2 leaves. All the Variables leave except for

Variable 1 and Variable 5. Liv watches Mia crumpled at
Variable 1’s feet.)
LIV
(to the audience)
What? What are you looking at? How was I supposed to know that? It’s not my fault,
I--she should have told me.
(Mia is still grieving.)
LIV (cont.)
I know I should probably like--I don’t know. Say something, I guess, but--it’s none of
my business. She’ll talk to me about it and I’ll listen. I’m here. Mia.
(But Mia doesn’t see Liv. Mia only sees Variable 1. She
gets herself together enough. She moves towards Liv.)
LIV (cont.)
Mia, I’m--
(But Mia moves right past Liv as if she isn’t there. She
takes Variable 5’s hand and they go off together. Variable
5 is comforting, gentle, everything Mia needs in that
moment.)
LIV (cont.)
And after that, everything was different.
(Variable 6 comes out in full Shakespearan garb.)

VARIABLE 6
Two households, both alike in dignity
In fair Lincoln High School we set our scene
Once, the two were friends and now
Now, verily, they have been driven asunder
Perhaps a foolish knave might think it was the knight Liam
Who drove them apart
But alas, it was a cleaving of the hearts
Perhaps one that had begun since they had first joined hands
Their lifeblood passing between them
Both did long to reconcile their souls, but neither could
Ford the stream that kept them separated
And now, a dance, a dance, fair maidens and maiden-men!
(The Variables bring out a bunch of random instruments.

Variable 4 definitely 100% has a tambourine and they play
it annoyingly around Liv. Variable 6 dances around. It is
weird. Liv endures this for as long as she can take it.
Then, she grabs the tambourine and throws it off stage.)
VARIABLE 4
MINE TAMBING-RINE!
LIV
K literally that was the most annoying thing that’s ever happened. Go away forever.
VARIABLE 6
But we were communicating your pain in a HUMOROUS WAY!
LIV
Humorous? Really? It wasn’t funny, it was… I mean, everywhere I looked, I saw--
(Mia and Variable 5 are standing together, probably at a

locker.)
VARIABLE 5
You look so pretty today.
MIA
Really? I--thank you.
LIV
And I was like, barf. And then, I’d see them--
(Variable 5 and Mia are outside on a bench.)
MIA
I don’t know, Liam, Mr. Selmer doesn’t want to us to share our answers on our
homework--
VARIABLE 5
Come on, it’s not that big of a deal. You’re helping me out.
LIV
And I saw it. And I thought--
(Variable 5 and Mia are somewhere else.)
MIA
I can’t go yet, I have band practice, I have to--
VARIABLE 5
We’re leaving now. You can miss one band practice.
MIA
But I--
(Variable 5 grabs Mia’s wrist. They freeze.)
LIV
And I saw it, the way he treated her.
(Mia and Variable 5 unfreeze. Mia holds her wrist close to

her body, shocked.)
MIA
Ow.
VARIABLE 5
You’re fine. Come on.
(Variable 5 exits. Mia looks at her wrist, unsure what this

means--and then, she follows.)
LIV
But apparently she couldn’t see it, even though the proof was on her skin.
(Variable 6 sidles up, still in his Shakespeare outfit.)
VARIABLE 6
Alas, poor Mia, I knew her well.
LIV
You’re an idiot.
VARIABLE 6
I’M THEATRICAL.
LIV
SAME DIFFERENCE, GO AWAY.
(Variable 6 marches off haughtily)
So anyways, since that was a mess, I threw myself into something I did understand.
VARIABLE 1
This is very good, Olivia.
LIV
(to audience)
She can call me Olivia. Shh has like eighty PhDs.
VARIABLE 4
You know, there’s this wonderful competition called Math Prize for Girls held at MIT
every year. Take the AMC exam and apply.
LIV
So I take the AMC--or the American Math Competitions exam--and I get a--
VARIABLE 1
A perfect score. Excellent, Olivia, excellent.
LIV
And then, I take the American Invitational Mathematics Examination, and I get--
VARIABLE 1
Another perfect score.
LIV
One of only
VARIABLE 4, 6 & LIV

Three people in the nation.
LIV
--to score that high, and I’m the only girl. And suddenly, I’m dreaming bigger than MIT.
I’m going to the International Mathematics Olympiad in Romania. And I don’t care if
that sounds stupid, it was… And I meet my team, and they’re like--
VARIABLE 2
Nobody gets me like you guys do.
VARIABLE 4
Math is the only thing that makes any sense.
VARIABLE 6
There’s logic. There’s equations behind solutions.
LIV
And I’m not different or weird or a freak. I’m a valuable member of the team.
VARIABLE 2
We’re so glad you’re here.
VARIABLE 4
You’re a genius.
VARIABLE 6
We’re gonna win.

LIV
And I just looked at them and I thought--I felt understood for the first time in my life.
And then, after my first day with the team, I went back to take my regular classes at high
school and I saw--you know what, never mind, it’s not important.
VARIABLE 6
It is. You saw it.
LIV
Yeah, well, I don’t want to see it again.
VARIABLE 6
Turn around. We’ll do it.
(This is stupid, but Liv turns and faces the wall. We can
still see her reactions.)
VARIABLE 6
Okay, okay, so Variable 3 will play Liv.
VARIABLE 3
Math and everybody’s dumb and I hate everything, graaaawr!
LIV
Look, I don’t want to hear it either!
VARIABLE 6
Okay, okay, fair’s fair. We’ll do a mime, then, okay? Perfect opportunity to use
theatrical device of show, don’t tell. Yes, a mime.
(Variable 6 mouths the word MIME. Everyone sets up to

do a MIMED version of what happened. Through charades
type actions, Variable 6 gets us through everything. He
shows us that Liv was at her locker. She looked over and
saw Variable 5 and Mia. Variable 5 was mad. He is
yelling at Mia. Mia is terrified, shrinking away. Variable 3
watches. Variable 5 grabs Mia hard and shoves her. She
falls to the ground, loudly. All the Variables stomp HARD
when she falls. The real Liv flinches and covers her face
when she hears the sound. Variable 5 storms away.
Variable 6 shows us that Liv and Mia looked at each other,
but neither of them said a word. Liv wanted to say
something, but she didn’t. Mia gets up and goes to class.
Variable 3 slams her locker.)
LIV
Are you done?
VARIABLE 6
We’re done.
LIV
Good. Anyways, I was getting ready to go to Romania as one of the top math students in
the country. And it was this amazing, big thing and I was so excited, and then--
(Liv turns and there’s Mia. She’s crumpled up and crying.)
LIV (cont.)
I’m not doing this.
VARIABLE 2
You have to.
LIV
(pointing at Variable 3)
Have her be me again.
VARIABLE 6
No. It has to be you this time.
LIV
Look, I’ll just tell them--
VARIABLE 6
Show, don’t tell.
LIV
Reason number 862 why theater is stupid.
(Liv draws herself up. She walks by Mia.)
MIA
Oh--hey, Liv.
LIV
Hi.
MIA
Sorry, I--
LIV
You’re fine, you don’t have to--whatever.
MIA
Um, I heard about your--all your math stuff. You’re really going to Rome?
LIV
Romania.
MIA
Oh. Sorry. Wow. That’s really great. I’m so happy for you.
(Liv hesitates for a moment.)
LIV
Mia, I’m sorry for everything, I shouldn’t have--
VARIABLE 4
That’s not what you said. Try again.
(Liv glares at the Variables.)
MIA
That’s really great. I’m happy for you.
LIV
(coldly)
Cool.
MIA
Are you… mad at me?
(Another moment of painful indecision.)
LIV
No, I’m not mad, I’m just--
VARIABLE 2
Not what you said.
LIV
Shut up.
VARIABLE 1
That’s not what you said. Be real.
(Liv is becoming more and more angry.)
MIA
LIV
(quietly)
Yes.
VARIABLE 2
No.
LIV
That’s what I said, I said yes.
VARIABLE 2
But you didn’t say it like that.
LIV
I--I’m not doing this. I won’t. I’m not living this moment again, I’m--
VARIABLE 2
(to Variable 3)
Fine, you ready?
LIV
No, no, wait--
MIA
VARIABLE 3
(as Liv, angry and cruel)
Yes, Mia. I’m mad at you.
(Liv is shaken by this, seeing her own actions.)
MIA
Liv, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--
VARIABLE 3
You know what? I don’t care. You go do your thing, and I’ll do mine.
MIA
Liv, you’re my best friend, I--
VARIABLE 3
Really? I’m your best friend, huh? You abandoned me for Liam. That piece of trash.
How stupid do you have to be to stay with him? He hurts you.
MIA
He’s not all bad, he’s--
VARIABLE 3
You know, I thought you were different--I thought you were actually smart, but you’re
not, are you? And some day, he’s gonna break your arm and I’m not gonna feel sorry for
you because I tried to tell you.
MIA
Liv.
VARIABLE 3
No, I tried to help you, and you ignored me. Well. Have fun, Mia. I hope he makes you
very happy because I guess you enjoy pain. You know what? I don’t want to have to
worry about you all the time, can’t you just take care of yourself for once in your life?
I’m one of the top math students in the world, Mia, did you know that? Do you even
care? I have people who like me for who I am, not just out of pity.
LIV
Stop.
MIA
Liv, I like you for you. You’re my friend. You’re my sister.
LIV
No, please.
VARIABLE 3
(sneering)
Your sister.
LIV
Don’t, shut up.
VARIABLE 3
I never asked to be--
LIV
DON’T.
(Liv tries to get into the scene, but Variable 3 pushes her
away.)
VARIABLE 3
I never asked to be your sister.
LIV
SHUT UP, DON’T, DON’T--
VARIABLE 3
You can’t just go around replacing people, Mia.
LIV
DON’T!
(Variable 3 shoves Liv to the ground and delivers the last

blow.)
VARIABLE 3
Even if your sister did kill herself.
(Liv is shaken. So is Mia. Mia exits fast. Liv tries to go

after her, but Mia is already gone. The whole company
moves forward.)
VARIABLE 1
The next day, Mia wasn’t at school
VARIABLE 3
She was gone
VARIABLE 5
And at first, you thought it was fine
VARIABLE 2
She’d come back
LIV
No, no--
VARIABLE 4
You tried not think about it
VARIABLE 6
You were planning to go to Romania
VARIABLE 1
Like nothing was wrong
VARIABLE 4
But you knew, didn’t you
VARIABLE 5
You knew something had cracked
VARIABLE 3
And you kept seeing it
LIV
Yes
VARIABLE 6
And you knew something was terribly wrong
VARIABLE 1
Something had been wrong for a long time now
VARIABLE 2
And the knot of certainty clenched in your stomach
VARIABLE 5
And then, tthe principal called you into his office
VARIABLE 6
And he sat you down with his
VARIABLE 6 & LIV

Stupid little candy bowl on his desk
VARIABLE 2
And his
VARIABLE 2 & LIV

Stupid pitying face
VARIABLE 6
And he sat you down and he said
LIV
No
VARIABLE 6
LIV
Please no
VARIABLES
LIV
I CAN’T DO IT AGAIN, I CAN’T--
VARIABLE 4
(as gently as he can)
Olivia, last night, Mia Gregory tried to kill herself.
(All at once, all the Variables [except for 4] and Liv fall to
their knees.)
VARIABLE 1
And suddenly, everything was--
LIV
No.
VARIABLE 5
And you were so--
LIV
No, no--
VARIABLE 2
And you felt--
LIV
(it explodes out of her)
DON’T TELL ME WHAT I FEEL.
(The Variables go silently. They look at Liv expectantly.)
LIV (cont.)
You all shut your stupid mouths. You have absolutely no idea how I felt that day.
(Liv’s voice chokes out. Variable 1 lifts up a sign that says

LIV’S MONOLOGUE. Liv looks back and look at it. She
laughs, bitter and angry.)
LIV (cont.)
What? What, am I supposed to redeem myself? Say I learned my lesson and skipped on
my merry way? No. There is no living after something like that happens.
(Liv breaks off.)
LIV (cont.)
I killed her. I mean, I tried to, right? That was… you saw everything, she was the only
person who was ever nice to me, and what did I do? I just--broke everything because I
only understand the things that make sense--the equations that have solutions and reason
and logic and not this giant mess of--whatever, of stupid feelings that make no sense, of
questions that have no answers. Why did her sister kill herself? You, you--played her,
why did she--
(Liv grasps at Variable 1, who has no answer. Liv grabs

Variable 5.)
LIV (cont.)
And you, you--why did you break her? Couldn’t you see how much pain she was in?
(Liv turns and grabs Variable 3.)
LIV (cont.)
And why did you--why didn’t I--
(None of the Variables have an answer for Liv. Liv

crumples to the ground.)
LIV (cont.)
This is play, right? I mean, it’s imaginary--it’s not real. So what’s the point of
something that isn’t real if you can’t change it? Make it all go away. I’ll do better this
time, I’ll be a good friend.
(Variables say nothing.)
LIV (cont.)
What kind of stupid point are you trying to make with this? It’s not a story, it’s not
funny, it’s real, it happened to me. I mean, what is all this stupid stuff--this black grease,
what is this supposed to be pain? Pain doesn’t feel like grease paint on your skin, pain
feels like somebody’s ripping your heart out of your body and throwing it across the
room or setting it on fire or--it feels like nothing that you can describe, it just feels like
dying in your skin. How theatrical, how entertaining, to see someone die.
(Liv goes to one side of the stage. Mia enters from the
other, unseen to Liv.)
LIV & MIA

I’m so tired of pain.
(Liv stops, shocked to hear Mia’s voice.)
LIV & MIA

Stop it.
(Liv realizes this is what it was like when Mia tried to kill
herself.)
LIV & MIA

I can’t--
(Liv staggers away from her, horrified. Mia is breaking

down, her arms wrapped around herself.)
VARIABLE 1
It’s not pain.
LIV
What?
(Variable 1 picks up Liv’s hand and shows her the black

slash across her palm.)
VARIABLE 1
This. It’s not supposed to be pain.
VARIABLE 3
It’s a moment when something shifts in you.
VARIABLE 5
When you suddenly feel alive.
VARIABLE 2
When you can feel that the world is different because you’re in it.
LIV
She’s--look at her. Look at her arms.
VARIABLE 4
The world has battered her
VARIABLE 6
You know that
LIV
Yes
VARIABLE 1
But she has breathed into the world
VARIABLE 3
You know that too
LIV
Then why did she try to…
VARIABLE 5
Because maybe she thought what you thought
VARIABLE 2
That it was pain
(Liv looks at Mia.)
LIV & MIA

It hurts
VARIABLES
Yes
VARIABLE 4
It hurts to be alive
VARIABLE 6
It hurts to love
LIV & MIA

I don’t want to feel it anymore.
LIV (cont.)
Please, please, I can’t look at her like this, please. Please, make it stop. I can’t do this. I
can’t--I can’t help her. I’m just--me. And I--I…
VARIABLE 1
What are you afraid of?
LIV
I’ll ruin it. I’ll hurt her more. It’s all I’ve ever done.
(Then, very small, like a child)
I’m not a good friend.
VARIABLE 3
What will you do now?
LIV
I don’t know. I don’t care, I just--
VARIABLE 2
If you didn’t care, we wouldn’t be here.
VARIABLE 4
Look at her.
LIV
No.
VARIABLE 6
She needs you.
LIV
She needs a good friend.
VARIABLE 1
She’s in the hospital
VARIABLE 3
She’s alone
VARIABLE 5
She’s scared
VARIABLES
She needs you
LIV
And who am I?
VARIABLE 2
You decide that right now
VARIABLE 4
Show, don’t tell
VARIABLE 6
Project
VARIABLE 1
Communicate
LIV
I can’t, I can’t, it’ll hurt
VARIABLE 4
Yes, it will hurt terribly
VARIABLE 3
It will hurt worse than anything you’ve ever felt before
VARIABLE 5
You will feel like your heart is being shredded into a thousand ribbons
VARIABLE 2
Your mouth will feel like it’s full of blood
VARIABLE 4
But you will be alive
VARIABLES
You will be alive
LIV
So being alive is being in pain?
VARIABLES
Sometimes
MIA
(whispers at the same time as the Variables)
Always.
(A moment. We see Mia. She’s in a hospital gown. She

has so many black marks, so many.)
LIV
But I don’t understand her.
VARIABLE 6
Does that really matter?
(Liv hesitates. And then, she begins to go. As she crosses

by, each of the Variables places a hand on her. They leave
a black imprint as she goes by. Before she gets to Liv, she
is stopped by Variable 1. Variable 1 holds out her hand.
Liv gives her her hand. Variable 1 covers Liv’s hand in
black grease paint.)
VARIABLE 1
You’ll need this.
LIV
Couldn’t you have picked like… a less disgusting metaphor?
VARIABLE 1
Nothing a makeup wipe won’t take care of.
(Liv waits one last moment before going to Mia. She turns
back to the Variables.)
VARIABLE 6
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
LIV
(fondly)
You’re such nerds.
(Liv hesitates one last moment before entering Mia’s space.

Mia looks up at her, startled. As Mia and Liv talk, the
Variables use the grease paint to paint design on
themselves, each other, the set, anything.)
LIV (cont.)
Mia.
MIA
Oh, oh, um--
LIV
Sorry, I didn’t mean to--
MIA
No, no, I--
LIV
(suggesting she can go)
I can just--
MIA
No, no, please. Please, don’t go.
(Liv moves in closer and hesitantly kneels next to Mia.)
LIV
I, um… are you…?
MIA
I’m--better. I think. I’m… um, yeah. I--sorry.
LIV
No, you’re sorry? I--no. No. I’m sorry.
(A moment.)
MIA
I’m really--I’m glad you’re here.
LIV
You don’t have to say that, Mia, I’m sure I’m the last person you want to see, after I--
MIA
I know we fought, but--
LIV
But the things I said--I made you--
MIA
You--made me--n o, no. No. Liv, that--that wasn’t you, that was--I don’t know. It wasn’t
me either, it was something--I don’t know. It was a moment where I just… hurt. And I
just wanted to go away. As far as I could.
(Mia touches her neck. She makes for herself a black

necklace from the grease paint.)
LIV
I don’t want you to go away.
MIA
I know. I know.
(A moment.)
MIA (cont.)
Do you hate me?
LIV
Hate--what, I--?
MIA
Please, just--just tell me. Do you hate me?
(A moment, and then, so sincere it hurts because Liv finally

understands:)
LIV
No. No, never.
(A moment. Liv moves so that she is next to Mia in her

hospital bed. Liv picks up a book on Mia’s nightstand--a
very complicated looking math book.)
LIV (cont.)
You’re reading this? For fun?
MIA
I know you love it, so I’m trying to… but, uh… I do not understand it at all. Well, most
of it. There’s this one chapter that--I mean, I probably have it all wrong, but--
LIV
It’s okay. I’ll wait till you’re out of the hospital to make fun of you.
(Mia smiles. Liv is looking through the book.)
LIV (cont.)
Which chapter?
MIA
Um, the one about chaos theory.
(As Mia speaks, the Variables are in the background,

reenacting the parts of Liv and Mia’s lives. Variable 3
writes LIV somewhere on her skin with glow in the dark
grease paint, Variable 2 is Mia. Their meeting, their sister
handshake, Liam’s bullying of Liv, the realization that
Mia’s sister killed herself, the abuse Mia suffered from
Liam, their fight. At the end, they all gather around Mia
and Liv’s bed, sitting and listening to Mia talk.)
MIA (cont.)
As far as I could understand, it’s like--chaos theory is this idea that the little things that
happen to us become like--big over time. I guess.
(Variable 2 meets Variable 3. They are friends.)
And--it got me thinking about how the things that seem big become small--and
sometimes, the small things just leap out at you when you don’t expect them to.
(Variable 1 is dead. Variable 2 and Variable 3 have their
sister handshake.)
I don’t know, our lives just seem to be a pattern of these tiny connections that create this
intricate web of living and sometimes, in that moment, you can only see the fibers, and
the fibers hurt so much,
(Variable 5 bullies Variable 3.)
--and then you step back--and you step back--and… it all makes so much sense. But
none at all.
(Variable 3 learns that Variable 2’s sister killed herself.
Variable 2 leaves with Variable 5.)
And how you don’t--even understand yourself sometimes until later because you do
things that you never thought you’d let yourself do.
(Variable 2 is abused by Variable 5.)
And in that moment, it hurts so much because you think, if this is who I am right now,
then who will I be? Do I even want to find out?
(Variable 3 and Variable 2 fight horribly.)
But sometimes there’s moments where you can--recognize that something is happening
that you’ll remember forever. And suddenly, things don’t seem so chaotic anymore--they
seem incredibly, unbelievably structured. Like--a thousand little numbers and letters all
falling into place with some beautiful, cosmic click. And you just… and you think, I’m
so glad I’m here. I’m so glad I’m alive.
(Maybe Liv wants to say something, but she can’t think of

a single thing to say. Her head falls onto Mia’s shoulder.)
MIA (cont.)
Hey, Liv?
(Liv looks up at her.)
Thank you. You’re a good friend.
LIV
No, Mia, come on. I’m your sister.
(As the lights go out, the grease paint glows. Everyone in

the cast has the word ALIVE written somewhere on them.)
END OF PLAY

The Inexplicable Chaos of Mia Gregory

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The Inexplicable Chaos of Mia Gregory

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THE INEXPLICABLE CHAOS OF MIA GREGORY 1

The Inexplicable Chaos of Mia Gregory

LIV 16-18, extremely intelligent, closed off, sarcastic, a bit of a

MIA 16-18, sweet, sincere, wounded, and deeply complicated.

AT RISE: LIV enters by herself.

(Mia enters. She is wearing a lot of layers.)

(Variable 1 starts a scene loudly, kind of out of nowhere.)

(Liv doesn’t answer.)

(Mia hands her a Barbie.)

(Variable 2, 4 & 6 are different teachers. Variable 6 is

(Variable 1 fades away).

(Mia looks embarrassed. She starts to put it away.)

(dipping her fingers in the paint now)

(Mia stretches her hand out.)

(Liv takes her hand and they shake. Mia smiles.)

(Variable 4, 5 & 3 enter)

ALL VARIABLES BUT 3

ALL VARIABLES BUT 3

ALL VARIABLES BUT 3

(Variable 5 appears. He’s Liam.)

(People start to party. The music is WAY too loud.)

(Everyone is in class. Variable 5 tries to cheat. Liv raises

(Variable 5 shoves Liv’s shoulder. As he does so, he

(Variable 3 & 4 announce. Variable 5 acts it out in slow

(Variable 2 pushes Liv away from Mia and Variable 5.

(Liv is struck by this.)

(Variable 1 steps up. Everyone in the party goes

(Mia goes to Variable 1. She rolls up her own sleeves. She

(Mia crumples at Variable 1’s feet, grieving.)

(Variable 2 leaves. All the Variables leave except for

(Mia is still grieving.)

(Variable 6 comes out in full Shakespearan garb.)

(The Variables bring out a bunch of random instruments.

(Mia and Variable 5 are standing together, probably at a

Really? I--thank you.

(Variable 5 and Mia are outside on a bench.)

(Variable 5 and Mia are somewhere else.)

(Variable 5 grabs Mia’s wrist. They freeze.)

(Mia and Variable 5 unfreeze. Mia holds her wrist close to

(Variable 5 exits. Mia looks at her wrist, unsure what this

(Variable 6 sidles up, still in his Shakespeare outfit.)

VARIABLE 4, 6 & LIV

We’re gonna win.

(Variable 6 mouths the word MIME. Everyone sets up to

(Liv turns and there’s Mia. She’s crumpled up and crying.)

Reason number 862 why theater is stupid.

(Liv draws herself up. She walks by Mia.)

(Liv hesitates for a moment.)

(Liv glares at the Variables.)

(Another moment of painful indecision.)

(Liv is becoming more and more angry.)

(Liv is shaken by this, seeing her own actions.)

SHUT UP, DON’T, DON’T--

(Variable 3 shoves Liv to the ground and delivers the last

(Liv is shaken. So is Mia. Mia exits fast. Liv tries to go

VARIABLE 6 & LIV

VARIABLE 2 & LIV