TIGHT ENDS & TIARAS

LEX MARTIN
 CONTENTS
Title
About The Novel
1. SIENNA
2. BEN
3. BEN
4. SIENNA
5. BEN
6. SIENNA
7. BEN
8. SIENNA
9. BEN
10. SIENNA
11. BEN
12. BEN
13. SIENNA
14. BEN
15. SIENNA
16. BEN
17. SIENNA
18. BEN
19. SIENNA
20. BEN
21. SIENNA
22. BEN
23. SIENNA
24. BEN
25. SIENNA
26. BEN
27. SIENNA
28. SIENNA
29. BEN
30. SIENNA
31. BEN
32. SIENNA
33. SIENNA
34. BEN
35. SIENNA
36. BEN
37. SIENNA
38. BEN
39. SIENNA
40. BEN
41. SIENNA
42. SIENNA
43. BEN
44. SIENNA
45. BEN
46. SIENNA
47. SIENNA
48. BEN
49. SIENNA
50. BEN
51. BEN
52. SIENNA
53. BEN
54. SIENNA
55. BEN
56. BEN
57. SIENNA
58. SIENNA
59. BEN
60. BEN
Epilogue
The Varsity Dad Dilemma
Excerpt from The Varsity Dad Dilemma
Acknowledgments
Also by Lex Martin
About the Author
Tight Ends & Tiaras © 2022 Lex Martin
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced or transmitted in any capacity
without written permission by the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote
brief passages for review purposes.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and
incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious
manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is
purely coincidental.
This adult contemporary romance is recommended for readers 18+ due to mature
content.
Copy editing by RJ Locksley
Proofreading by Julia Griffis, The Romance Bibliophile
Cover by Najla Qamber Designs
Model Photograph by Perrywinkle Photography
First Edition
ISBN 978-1-950554-03-4
 ABOUT THE NOVEL

Football is one hundred percent the focus of my life—until a

squawking toddler, with a temper to rival my own, lands in my
lap and flips my life upside down.
I’ll never be Dad of the Year. Anyone will tell you that.
Except maybe Sienna, my sister’s former roommate, who
somehow manages to make my broody ass laugh and sees
something in me no one else does.
When Sienna offers to let me and my little princess move
in with her, I’m not sure if it’s to help or because she wants
revenge on my teammate and long-time rival, who broke her
heart.
Either way, I’m game. Because I need to get my ex off my
back, and Sienna doesn’t mind pretending to be my girlfriend.
Only neither of us is ready for the sparks that fly between
us or the consequences when they do.
As always, to Matt & my girls
You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave,
find your eternity in each moment.
— Henry David Thoreau
1
 SIENNA

A BURST of joy spreads through me when I open the door.

“Hey, Cal!”
My boyfriend gives me a sultry smile, the one I call the
panty-dropper. Unfortunately, we don’t have time for a naked
rendezvous since I’m already running late, and I can’t miss my
flight home to California or my father will kill me.
I start talking a mile a minute. “Thanks for driving me. I’m
all packed. I know it’s a long drive, but…”
He shuts me up with a kiss, and I can’t say I’m inclined to
complain.
We’re not even through the front door and his hand is up
my shirt.
“Gonna miss you, gorgeous,” he says with a squeeze to my
boob.
I stare up into his blue eyes, out of breath.
Our relationship is intense. It started out as a one-night
stand, which quickly morphed into an entire weekend of sex.
He eventually admitted he wanted more with me. We’ve
been official since December, and I can admit I’ve completely
lost my head over this guy.
 If the rumors are true, no one ever thought Cal Winston,
the star wide receiver for our national champion football team,
the Lone Star State Broncos, would ever settle down. But he
has! With me.
He has a bad rep for some reason, but I’m a big believer in
ignoring gossip. My father is a tech mogul, a little fact I tend
to keep to myself, and if I believed all the gossip about him,
I’d be too disgusted to ever speak to him again.
I make a point to always go by someone’s actions. By their
word. By what I’ve learned about that person from firsthand
experiences.
Because the gossips tend to lie or exaggerate, and I’ll be
damned if I let a good thing slip through my fingers because of
rumors spread by jealous jocks or jersey-chasers.
Since we became a couple, Cal has treated me well, and as
far as I’m concerned, that’s what matters. He brings me
breakfast on Sundays, and we always have fun studying
together.
Besides, only a boyfriend who cared would offer to drive
me to the airport all the way in Austin. It’s a hike, and the
traffic is terrible.
I bat my eyelashes at him playfully. “I promise I’ll make it
up to you when I get back.”
We’ll probably go into a sex coma. I laugh to myself. I’ll
only be going home for four days, but right now that feels like
an eon. I’m not looking forward to the lecture I know my
father will lay on me.
Why can’t you stick with one major, Sienna? Why can’t you
buckle down for once in your life? Why did you have to go to
some no-name school? Was Stanford really that bad?
 My dad would have a coronary if he knew I picked Lone
Star State by throwing a dart at a map. But going to my
father’s alma mater, which also happens to be where my
brothers attended and aced every class, was torture, and I
needed a change. And picking a school in Texas meant being a
thousand miles away from my family and their expectations.
Transferring the second half of freshman year was the best
thing I ever did, even if it was a little impulsive.
Schools frown upon switching mid-year like that, but if
your dad is a regular on the Fortune 500 list, guess what?
They welcome you with open arms.
But now my father saves his lectures for my trips home,
which is why I’m dreading this visit. It doesn’t matter that I
got certified to teach yoga. That’s not the kind of
accomplishment my family cares about.
The light at the end of the tunnel is that I’ll join Cal at
South Padre Island for the last part of his vacation before
summer training starts in August. Cal deserves the break. After
clinching the national championship in January, he’s been
going nonstop. This will be our chance to relax.
I’ve already packed a small glass container for the sand I’ll
collect as a memento on our trip. It’s a silly thing I do
whenever I travel somewhere new, but the collection is my
favorite possession. It’s a perfect example of how different I
am from the rest of my family. My father collects art and retro
cars, and my brothers hoard ridiculously expensive first-
edition comics, while I prefer recycled bottles filled with sand,
the kind that sits just beyond the reach of the waves.
Thoughts of sunny beaches fade away when Cal cradles
my jaw. His eyes go soft as he looks me over.
 This is it! This has to be it. I’ve been dying for him to
admit his feelings for me, to tell me he loves me.
“I’ll hold you to that, to making it up to me.” He leans
closer, whispering into my ear. “I plan to violate all of your
holes next time.”
My mouth opens and closes.
Um.
For once in my life, I’m at a loss for words.
If there’s one ingredient missing from our relationship, it’s
this—it wouldn’t hurt if he was as enthusiastic about us as a
couple as he is about sex.
Not that I have anything against sex, but I’m starting to
worry that’s all this is for him.
Then why would he say he wanted me by his side at the
draft? That’s a whole year away. Why would he drive me to the
airport? Why would he ask if our lunch breaks align in the fall
when school starts up? Guys don’t do that kind of stuff when
they don’t care.
A throat clears behind us, and to my great mortification,
my neighbor Ben is standing there. Judging by the look on his
face, he heard what Cal said.
I must’ve been an asshole in a prior life because karma is a
mean bitch, and clearly she has it out for me. Because the only
other guy I’ve ever had a hardcore crush on in my entire life is
Ben Rodriguez, my former roommate’s brother. Of course, I
didn’t know Ben was Gabby’s brother when I signed the lease
last August.
For the record, Ben’s now firmly in the “don’t drool over”
category. Because friends don’t check out friends’ brothers.
 Plus, I’m dating his teammate.
Even if those two things weren’t true, Ben has a neon sign
over his head that says ‘No Trespassing.’ He’s one of the most
emotionally unavailable men I’ve ever met.
Three very good reasons to stay far, far away from my
torturously sexy neighbor who lives across the street.
Ben is basically the opposite of Cal. Where Cal has surfer-
boy good looks with blond hair and blue eyes, which are
underscored with an easygoing party vibe, Ben has dazzling
dark brown eyes, thick black hair, and is broody as fuck.
I pull Cal’s hand out of my shirt where he’s toying with my
nipple and laugh awkwardly. “Hey, Ben. Are you here to get
the rest of Gabby’s stuff? Rider already sent a mover to pick
up the last of it.”
The responding frown on his face isn’t surprising. Ben’s a
frowner. But when he scowls at Cal, I tense.
Cal waves toward me. “Haven’t had a chance to tell her
yet. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”
I look back and forth between the guys. “Tell me what?”
Cal’s sheepish expression makes me tense. “Babe, I need
more time to pack, so I can’t drive you to the airport. Plus, you
know how much I hate traffic.”
I stand there silent for a moment. “But you’re the one who
offered to take me.” I didn’t ask him. I didn’t so much as
suggest it. He’s not even leaving for the coast for another two
days, so I don’t know why packing takes precedence.
“I know, but the last few weeks were balls-out. We
conditioned at sun-up. Summer school just ended, and I had
finals, and I was helping my new roommates move their shit.
Besides, Ben said he’d take you.”
My face heats, the rejection scalding me from head to toe.
I’m a low-drama girl by nature, so I do my best to shrug it off.
I’ve endured enough therapy sessions to know why this is
making me emotional.
You’re transferring your emotions to your boyfriend. Stop
it.
I turn completely away from Cal to focus on Ben and blink
back the sting in my eyes. “Thanks for offering to give me a
ride.”
I wish my voice were stronger—it’s barely a croaked
whisper—but that’s the best I can do.
The two vertical lines between Ben’s brows deepen.
Cal tosses an arm around me and nods at Ben. “Don’t be a
little bitch. Tell her you don’t mind taking her.”
I cringe, hating how Cal talks to Ben. Here’s another pet
peeve of mine—I hate how Cal talks to his football buddies.
It’s a side of him I never saw the first few months when only
the two of us hung out.
Ben’s jaw tightens. “I told you I don’t mind. Go pack… or
whatever you’re going to do.” If looks could kill… The one he
gives Cal sends shivers down my spine.
Cal kisses my cheek, smacks me on the ass, and saunters
down the sidewalk. “See ya next week, babe.”
And then he’s gone.
The ride is quiet, mostly because I’m too embarrassed to talk.
Since Ben’s not a big talker, that leaves a lot of silence.
I shove all thoughts of what happened on my front porch
out of my head. I’ll obsess over Cal when I’m safely
ensconced in my room back in Cali with some weed and a
deep-cleansing face mask. I’ll relax and put everything into
perspective.
“Mind if we listen to the radio?” I ask as we reach the
outskirts of Charming.
“Go for it.” He rubs his chin. “Let me get the nav system
going first or we’ll end up in a corn field.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Did you just make a joke?” They’re so
rare, I almost want to jot it down in my calendar.
“Smartass.” His beautiful full lips tilt up, and the sight
warms me all over. Ben is so dreamy. His smiles are rare, so
when you get one, you know it’s special.
I generally make a point to stay away from him. I’m a big
believer in being wholehearted about whatever I do, and right
now, well, I’m doing Cal—literally, I think with a snort—and
I don’t want anything to cloud that commitment.
We settle on a classic rock station, and I’m pleasantly
surprised when Ben starts singing along with me to a Rolling
Stones song.
“You have a nice voice, studmuffin. Bet you croon to all
the ladies.”
“Definitely need to add ‘crooning’ to my repertoire.” He
blows on his nails and buffs them on his t-shirt.
I smile to myself and stare out the window. I’ve heard Ben
can be a charming bastard when he wants to be. It’s strange to
see this side of him. He’s always so tense around his sister
Gabby, and since she and I were roommates until recently,
that’s the only side of him I saw.
When we pull up to the airport, I’m shocked because the
hour-long ride went by in a flash of belted oldies. The trunk
pops open and then he’s by my side before I get a chance to
lean in and grab it. “Here, let me get that for you.”
Ben pulls out my small suitcase and helps me maneuver it
to the walkway.
The line of travelers winds out the automatic sliding doors
and onto the sidewalk, but that’s not what makes me sigh. It’s
the sight of a couple making out ten feet away.
I’m the idiot who thought that’d be me and Cal today. I
hoped the prospect of me leaving would prompt him to make
some kind of declaration, not ditch me with one of his friends.
Although judging by the menacing looks Ben gave Cal this
morning, I’m not sure they’re friends.
I’m tempted to ask how Cal wrangled Ben into driving me,
but a part of me is afraid to ask. His weird vibe finally
dissipated, and I’m not inclined to put Ben in a bad mood
again.
His dark eyes sweep across the crowd. “Do you need help
checking in your luggage or getting your ticket?”
His thoughtfulness assuages the melancholy that’s been
plaguing me since we left Charming. “I’m carrying this on the
plane, and I already checked in online.”
He chuckles. “I’ve never known a woman to pack so light
for a trip. Even if it’s only four days.”
 For some reason, the fact that he knows how long I’m
going away sends a fuzzy, bubbly feeling through me. I don’t
mention the shitload of clothes I have at home, which is why
I’m able to pack so little.
I’m about to lean up to hug him when the sky booms and
rain pelts us out of nowhere.
“What the fuck?” Ben grabs my luggage and my arm and
hauls me under the awning. “Crazy damn weather.”
“Was it not sunny just sixty seconds ago?” I laugh as I
wipe my face with my arm.
“That’s Texas for ya.”
His southern drawl is so cute, I’d pinch his cheeks if he
weren’t also a sexy beast who towers over me.
At the sight of his damp t-shirt clinging to his wide,
muscular chest, I decide I’ve ogled Gabby’s brother long
enough.
“Thanks for the ride.” As much as I want to hug him
because I’m affectionate by nature, I decide the downpour that
interrupted us was a sign I should keep my hands to myself. “I
owe you.”
He smiles—a real one that reaches his eyes—and it’s such
a captivating sight, I almost sigh.
“Anytime, Sienna. Have a great trip.”
Ignoring the pitter-patter of my heart, I watch him jog back
through the torrential rain to his SUV.
A little voice in my head wonders what would’ve
happened if I’d met Ben before Cal.
 And then I snort because Ben’s one of the biggest players
on campus. I don’t need to listen to the gossip to know this.
I’ve seen him in action at the Stallion Station, which is the
lovely nickname everyone calls the football pad across the
street from my house. He’s just doing me a favor because
Gabby would have his balls if he didn’t help me.
As I wait in an obnoxiously long line for the terminal, that
gloominess descends again, which means I’m due for some
serious self-care therapy. But since I’m stuck in Austin for the
moment, I call my BFF Destiny. She and I have been close
since we survived a brutal economics class together
sophomore year. The only other girl I’ve gotten close to is my
old roommate, but Gabby and her boyfriend Rider recently
relocated to Dallas after he was drafted.
Destiny moved into Gabby’s old room earlier this summer,
but she’s on the volleyball team and had to work out six days a
week and juggle classes, so I’ve barely seen her.
She picks up with a giggle.
I wait for her to say something. “Destiny?”
Her laughter stops abruptly. “Oh. Hey! Sienna!” The
phone briefly muffles where it sounds like she talks to
someone. “I thought you left already.”
The background noise is so loud, I can barely hear her.
“Are you at a party?” I mean, it is Friday and the last day of
summer school, but I thought she told me she was driving out
to see her parents.
“What? No! Just… it’s crazy here. Let me call you back!”
“Wait—”
She hangs up before I can say anything else. I frown at my
phone, a tingle at the back of my neck making me wonder if
I’m missing something.
It’s even weirder when she doesn’t return my call or text or
freaking pick up her phone a few hours later when I try her
again because my stupid flight gets cancelled.
That’s what you get for flying commercial. When I’m
stressed out, that voice in my head belongs to my father, and
he’s judgy and pretentious AF. My dad doesn’t get why I want
a normal life, far, far away from his tech kingdom.
Outside, the rain comes down in sheets so thick, I can
barely see any cars in the pickup line a few feet away. That’s
when my phone dies. Because, dunderhead that I am, I forgot
to charge it last night. I can’t even call anyone for help
because I don’t have those numbers without my phone.
Ugh, I should’ve driven myself. I know this now, but I lost
my car once in the LA long-term parking garage, and it took
me seven hours to find it. Seven. Hours. Ever since then, I try
to snag a ride.
I break out my peppermint essential oil and take three big
whiffs to calm down before I hyperventilate.
Somehow I talk a nice man into ordering me an Uber, and
I pay him in cash.
“Thank you so much. I swear I won’t drive to Oklahoma
or anything.”
He chuckles. “Pretty girl like you could almost talk me
into that.”
I give him an awkward wave and brave the rain as I dive
into the Uber.
The weather is obnoxious. Several roads are closed due to
flooding, and the traffic is intense, but the light at the end of
the tunnel is that I’ll get another night with Cal. He’s probably
sitting around playing Call of Duty in his underwear instead of
packing.
The last few months with him have been crazy but fun.
He’s more free-spirited than I am, and that’s saying something.
But I like that he doesn’t criticize me. I’m so fucking tired of
everyone judging me—for coming to Texas when the rest of
my family is in Cali, for being unable to nail down a major, for
not wanting to spend my summers in LA.
Plus, I like that he’s kind of a sensitive guy when it’s just
the two of us. Sure, he puts on a tough-guy act around other
people, but he can be really sweet when we’re alone.
When I reach Cal’s house, which is a few miles from my
place, my mouth drops open at the number of cars along the
drive.
Okay, it’s weird he didn’t mention he was partying tonight,
but perhaps I should’ve assumed it was a given considering
it’s a Friday night.
Maybe I should go home. I’m really freaking tired, and I’m
not dressed for this. Nothing says ‘party’ like a coffee-stained
t-shirt, faded yoga pants, and old Ugg boots.
But the Uber driver won’t change his destination unless I
switch it on the phone, which I can’t do because the account
belongs to that dude at the airport.
Grateful the rain has died down to a drizzle, I haul my crap
out of the car and drag it to the back of the house. I’ll sneak up
to Cal’s room, take a shower, and try to feel human again
before I brave the crowd downstairs.
That’s the biggest rub of dating a guy like Cal Winston.
Beautiful girls everywhere throw themselves at him, so I feel
pressured to always look nice. Which I totally get is bullshit.
But I guess it doesn’t hurt to put my best foot forward, as my
dad always says.
The music is so loud, I can hear it clear on the third floor.
When I pass Derek Fowler, one of his roommates, he does
a double-take. “Sienna. Whoa. Thought you were in LA.”
“My flight got cancelled.”
Wide-eyed, he looks past me to Cal’s room and then back
to me. “Does he know you’re here?”
“Not yet. Just wanted to drop off my luggage first.”
Shaking his head, he grabs my hand and tries to pull me
back to the stairwell. He starts talking really loud, practically
yelling. “It’s probably locked. You know how Cal gets when
we have people over. Here, let me call him on the phone. He’ll
be so excited to see you, Sienna. We’ll track him down first.
He might’ve made a beer run.”
What the hell? Why is he being so weird?
I roll my eyes and shrug out of his hold as I reach for the
door. The handle turns. “See, it’s unlocked.”
“Sienna, wait—”
After flipping on the light by the door, I freeze.
I… what… oh, my God.
My heart pounds so hard, I think I might throw up.
My eyes scan the room like it’s a crime scene.
Solo cups everywhere and a half-empty bottle of vodka on
the nightstand. Lacy, hot pink and red underwear on the floor
next to the comforter. At least three people on the bed. No,
make that four.
 Three of whom are women.
They’re naked.
And they’re all servicing my boyfriend, who is reclined
like a king as someone gyrates on his fucking face while two
girls work his dick.
He must shove the pussy off his mouth to talk because he
yells, “Get naked and join us or get the fuck out!”
His slurred voice makes my skin crawl.
Derek grabs my shoulders from behind. “Come on. Let’s
get out of here.”
I push him off me and wait for Cal to stop his orgy for two
damn seconds and notice I’m standing here.
When he doesn’t, some switch in my head flips, and I go
from devastated to red-hot raging.
“So anyone can join in? Don’t you have a girlfriend, Cal?”
I hear his muffled laughter. “Sienna’s not long-term. She’s
just a really great fuck.”
Just a really great fuck.
My mouth falls open, and I stand there frozen as my heart
shatters into a million tiny shards.
I quickly wipe away the tears that escape, noting how none
of the girls pause in their ministrations.
That’s when I flip out. “You know what’s really great?
Picking your shit off the front lawn in the rain. Compliments
of the ‘great fuck.’”
Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve flung open the
window by his desk. The first thing I send flying is his
precious laptop, quickly followed by his textbooks, phone, and
iPad. Hope they all land in big puddles, fucker!
Vaguely, I hear Derek mutter ‘oh, shit’ as I lose it.
“Hey, it’s cold,” one of the dick-lickers says between
moans and giggles.
I swipe my arm across the desk and send whatever remains
crashing to the ground.
That finally gets Cal Winston’s attention.
“What the hell?” He removes the girl from his face, long
enough for me to recognize Destiny, my alleged best friend.
“Oh, my God. Sienna!” She covers her tits as though
there’s some modicum of modesty left in her treacherous body.
Her eyes are heavy-lidded and bloodshot. She’s obviously
drunk, but that’s no excuse to climb onto my boyfriend’s
mouth and gyrate her vagina.
Cal’s eyes widen when he sees me. “Sienna. Babe. It’s not
what it looks like.”
How damn stupid does he think I am? For fuck’s sake, his
mouth is wet. Compliments of my ex-best friend.
One by one, he hustles everyone off him. The other two
are women I’ve seen at parties. Girls I’ve asked him about and
he’s denied ever fooling around with them. Guess the joke’s on
me. Because common sense says this isn’t the first time he’s
cheated on me.
I think back to all the nights he had some weird reason we
couldn’t get together, excuses that didn’t totally make sense, or
instances when he acted suspiciously. How he was “meeting
up with his parents for dinner” after a game when the rest of
the team was celebrating. Or how he “needed to see his tutor”
on a Friday night. That time I heard him whispering on the
phone in the bathroom at three in the morning, and he claimed
it was a “roommate.”
I’m. An. Idiot.
If I ever needed a reason to think relationships were a
waste of time and effort, it’s standing right in front of me with
his dumb dick swinging in the wind.
I turn for the door, but he grabs me and pulls me to his
sweaty chest. “Don’t go, Sienna. I’m so sorry! They don’t
mean shit to me. I love you!”
Nausea roils my stomach as I’m hit with the smell of sex
and body odor and my roommate’s perfume. “Let go of me,
you asshole!”
I try to twist out of his hold, but he squeezes me tighter.
When I open my mouth to scream that he let me go, the words
never come.
Because everything suddenly goes dark.
2
 BEN
SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER

I’ M CLUTCHING the steering wheel so tightly, my knuckles are

white. With the rain pounding my windshield, I can barely see
the car in front of me, and the number of low-water crossings
between Austin and Charming is significant. I’ve passed five
stalled vehicles on my way home.
I didn’t know what I was signing on for when I agreed to
take Sienna to the airport. Not that this would’ve changed
anything because I swore to my sister I’d keep an eye out for
her friend.
When a car swerves into my lane, barely missing my
Range Rover, I lose it and lay on the horn. “What the fuck,
asshole!”
Shame immediately pummels my chest. I snap the rubber
band on my wrist three times, that little pinch of pain
reminding me to calm the hell down.
But it’s hard.
Ever since my mom died in a car crash during a downpour,
thunderstorms set me off.
So do beautiful women dating pieces of shit like Cal
Winston. I pinch the bridge of my nose, irritated I have to play
another year of football with that asshole.
 Don’t get me wrong—I’m not mad at Sienna. How could I
ever be mad at her? She’s like a damn sunflower, all cheery
and gorgeous and perfect.
I vaguely remember her from freshman year, but until she
moved in with my sister, we never ran in the same circle of
friends. In retrospect, I’m a dumbass for not making a point to
get to know her because she’s fucking spectacular.
She has thick, dark hair and light brown eyes. An off-the-
charts smile. A tight little body. A great personality. Literally
the stuff of my fantasies.
It took everything in me not to tell her Winston was likely
planning to fuck a horde of women the second she steps on an
airplane tonight.
I’ll admit I like Sienna more than I should. I got to know
her a bit when we plotted to get my sister Gabby back with my
roommate Rider Kingston last December. Since then, I’ve had
to watch Winston lie to her face while he porks every chick in
the greater South Texas.
Pinche carbon.
Who cheats on a girl as sweet as Sienna? I can’t handle
how clueless she is, but it’s not my responsibility to educate
her on her boyfriend.
If there’s one thing our old coach Sully drilled into us, it’s
a team mindset, which means not blabbing crap we know will
drum up drama on the team. The fact we just won a national
championship when Winston and I hate each other is case in
point that you gotta lay all the other shit aside and focus on
playing ball.
Still, I was damn tempted to tell Sienna. But Sully
would’ve had my ass for putting my nose in someone else’s
business. The entire drive to Austin, all I could hear was his
gravelly voice preaching that bad blood among players could
make or break a team. That creating drama meant the death
knell for morale. But did he mean shit like this?
Unfortunately, he retired, so I can’t ask him.
What I do know is just because we won last year doesn’t
mean we can let up now. Sure, I could’ve taken my chances
with the draft as a junior, but what happens if I get injured? All
it takes is one play to lose everything. Pro-Ball Magazine
reported that fifty-three percent of pro players were injured in
the first four weeks of the season last year. Fifty-three percent.
So I have to play it safe. Get the degree first so I always
have a fallback. Try to kick ass at football again this fall. Then
try my luck with the draft.
Hopefully my new coach thinks I have as much potential
as Sully did.
I do a double-take when my phone rings and my ex’s name
flashes on my dash.
Speaking of causing trouble for yourself…
You’d think three years apart would free a man from the
clutches of a conniving witch like Janelle, but my chest is tight
just seeing her name.
Decline.
Decline.
Decline.
I’m so twisted up that she’d call me after all this time, I
almost miss my turn and fishtail in the middle of the
intersection.
 I let out the breath I’m holding when I right my Rover at
the last minute and barely avoid hitting a truck. The other
driver lays on his horn, and I hold up my hand. I know, man, I
wanna kick my own ass for almost nailing you head-on.
My sister Gabriela would never forgive me if I died in a
car crash like our mother.
I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand.
Fucking Janelle. A call from her, and I almost drive off the
road. Sounds about right.
When I finally make it home, I ignore everyone in the
living room and head straight for the shower, where I close my
eyes and let the hot water wash over me. My skin’s gonna be
red and pruney when I get out, but whatever. It’s a Friday
night, so I can’t call my therapist and tell her I’m freaking the
fuck out.
Janelle is one topic I haven’t brought up. Kinda had my
hands full dealing with crippling bouts of anxiety, my dead
parents, adopted parents, and estranged sister.
Well, formerly estranged sister. Gabby and I are doing
better these days. I think.
My sister is why I started therapy in the first place. When I
moved in across the street from her last year, I realized I
couldn’t dodge the problem anymore.
After I get out of the shower, I do ten minutes of those
breathing exercises Dr. Patricia taught me until my jaw finally
unclenches.
I slide on some boxer briefs and flop onto my bed. A few
hours later, I wake up, and it’s dark outside, but the rain finally
seems to be letting up.
 I grab my phone to text Sienna. You get there okay?
When she doesn’t respond, I immediately start to worry,
but it’s possible she’s still in the air. I don’t know her flight
number or I’d look it up. But someone should worry about her.
God knows Winston is too busy busting a nut to exert the
effort on his actual girlfriend.
My phone buzzes a minute later, and I assume it’s Sienna
and answer.
“Ben, thanks for picking up.” Janelle’s familiar voice guts
me so fast, I can’t see straight. I double-check the caller ID to
make sure I’m not hallucinating. Nope, there’s her beautiful,
treacherous face, smiling up at me. Why didn’t I ever delete
that photo? Or her number?
“The fuck do you want?” I growl.
She clears her throat. “It’s good to hear your voice even
though…”
She lets the statement hang, so I finish it for her. “Even
though you cut me out of your life?”
I’m only the asshole who dated her for two years and let
her lead me around by my dick until she found someone she
liked better.
Dr. Patricia is always reminding me I need to take
responsibility for my role in things, owning that and only that.
I’m not responsible for other people’s actions.
So here’s my role—I’m the dumb asshole who fell in love
with the first girl I had sex with. I allowed that to cloud my
judgment and was stupid enough to accept her lies.
“Listen, I know you’re probably still upset with me.”
 I almost laugh. She breaks up with me shortly after we
graduate from high school, blocks my number, and chooses a
different college at the last second, and she describes it as
‘upset?’ It’s been three years, but her betrayal still feels
shockingly fresh. Maybe it’s because every time I go home, I
have to listen to my aunt and uncle rave how much they adore
her.
Funny, but they never mention how she got knocked up by
some rando the freaking second she left me.
All at once, my anger deflates. Why pine for a woman who
doesn’t want you? Not that I was waiting around for her all
this time. “Just tell me what you need so we can get this over
already.”
She’s quiet so long, I look down at the screen to see if
she’s still there.
“I miss you. I miss you, and there’s something I need to
talk to you about.”
I ignore the words of affection because they don’t mean
shit. She can flip that switch faster than anyone I know. One
second she’s sweet and alluring, and the next, she’s sharpening
a blade to stab me in the back. “Just tell me what you want.
Nice of you to unblock me, by the way. I don’t have any of
your stuff anymore. I left all your shit with your parents.”
That’s the hardest part—my aunt and uncle are best friends
with her family, and they’re always conspiring to bring us
together. It’s exhausting.
“Ben, you have every right to be upset with me, and I
understand. I was a horrible person. I’m sorry for how things
ended.”
 “How’s Ernest?” I roll my eyes when I say his name. He’s
some vegan, poetry-writing, musician douchebag.
“We broke up, but that’s not why I called. I need to see
you. Please. I know you don’t owe me anything, but could we
possibly meet up? For old times’ sake?”
Old times’ sake? Yeah. Fuck that.

An hour later, I’m sprawled on the couch downstairs with a

beer. My roommate Olly does a double-take when he sees me.
“Why are you sitting in the dark like a psycho?” He flips
on the lights. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks, man. Appreciate it.” I scrub my hand over my
face.
“Tell Uncle Olly all your problems.”
I throw a pillow at him. Ever since our roommate Rider
found out he had a kid, Olly gave himself this dumb nickname.
His real name is Michael Oliver, and he’s a big nerd. Kinda
love the guy. Always has a cheery outlook. I give him a brief
rundown of my conversation with Janelle.
Johnny Johnson, our other roommate, joins us. “Want
some?” He waves a joint in front of us.
“Didn’t you learn your lesson last year?” Olly asks,
referring to the baby mama drama last fall that started with
some extra-strong pot brownies.
Johnny smirks. “Technically, it was the year before that,
but now I only consume the finest weed from the best dealers
and not dick-chasers at parties. I have at least a month or two
before we’re drug-tested, and I plan to make the most of it.
Anyway, what’re we talking ’bout?”
 If Olly is the brains of the household, you can guess what
that makes Johnny.
Since all the seniors graduated, we’re the only three left
from last year’s household, but our new roommates are
moving in within the next few days since training camp is
starting soon.
Olly slouches back on the couch and motions to me. “B-
Rod got a call from his ex.”
Johnny takes an extra-long drag. Squinty-eyed, he chokes
out, “It’s a booty call.”
Everything is a booty call for Johnny. I give them the big
picture and leave out the fact that she left me completely
heartbroken.
I look to Olly, who nods slowly. “You guys haven’t talked
in, what, three years?”
“More or less. Since we left for college.” Dodging her
when we’re both back home requires some stealth, but I’ve
managed it thus far.
Olly rubs his chin. “Is she why you’ve plowed your way
through half of the females at this fine educational
institution?”
“They say the fastest way to get over someone is to get
under someone else.”
Johnny jams two fingers through the circle he makes with
his other hand. “Bro, the fastest way to get over an ex is to
fuck her senseless.”
I cringe. “I’m not fucking my ex. And it’s complicated.
Our parents are best friends.”
 “You mean your aunt and uncle?” Johnny asks. Olly
nudges him. “What? I have to know who everyone is first
before I make an informed decision.”
“Yeah, my aunt and uncle. They adopted me after my mom
passed.” I shrug. “If I hook up with Janelle, I’m afraid it’ll
mean more than it should. No, thanks.”
“Don’t be hasty. For once, I’m going to agree with Johnny
J here.” Olly strokes his chin like he’s some deep thinker. “She
obviously screwed you up. This is your chance to show her
what she’s missing and exemplify all of your new skills.
Because, come on, how well could you butter her biscuit when
you were, what, sixteen?”
I can’t believe I’m sitting here discussing this. “Almost
eighteen. Started dating at the end of sophomore year, and she
made me wait until we were seniors before we did the deed.” I
didn’t mind at the time. I loved her. I would’ve done anything
for her.
“Jesus. So you had it bad, huh?” Johnny asks. “You had to,
to go that long without boning. Is she hot?” He holds his hands
out in an approximation of what he considers great tits, which
would make most women topple over from the weight.
I roll my eyes. Everything for him is about tits and ass.
“Janelle is beautiful.” Or at least she was before she turned
into Medusa and turned what’s left of my heart to stone.
“First off,” Olly says, holding up a finger, “I wouldn’t
worry about her family. She’s in college, right?” When I nod,
he continues. “It’d be different if she were living at home, but
she’s not, so I wouldn’t worry about everyone getting up in
your business.”
 Not a bad argument. I don’t technically know anything
about her living situation, but she hasn’t come around to my
uncle’s house with her parents in a long while, so that bodes
well.
He holds up another finger. “Two, the only reason she still
has her claws in you is because you care. Because she did you
dirty on the way out. This is your chance to level the field. To
prove to yourself she doesn’t have any more power over you.
You can get her out of your system once and for all.”
Huh. Never thought about it like that.
After holding up a third finger, he waves it at me like he’s
a priest or something. “You have my blessing. Go have a nice
night fucking the ex. Just remember the golden rules of
hookups—no sleepovers and no bareback joyrides. Wrap it up
tight!”
We all shudder. My roommates must be thinking about the
same thing I am—the close call we had with that baby incident
last year. All I can say is thank God the kid wasn’t mine. My
spawn would probably end up as fucked up as I am, and I
wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
I’m still mulling over Olly’s advice as I drive to the other
side of town where Janelle’s staying.
I can’t decide if this plan is ingenious or idiotic. Maybe a
combination of both.
It’s late. Almost midnight, but if this is a booty call, this is
when that shit goes down. At least the rain has stopped.
When I pull into the parking lot of the motel, I pause,
Sienna’s gorgeous face flashing through my mind for some
reason. The smile she leveled me with this afternoon almost
has me turning my Rover around.
 I check my phone, but she never responded to my earlier
text. Maybe her phone died. It’s a long flight.
If I’m being honest with myself, which I’m trying to do
more of these days, she’s who I’d rather be hooking up with
right now, but she’s very committed to that douchebag. So I
have no reason to be feeling guilty showing up at Janelle’s
door. If I know anything about Cal Winston, he’s banging
Sienna on the regular. Hell, he felt her up right there on her
front porch. Plus, I’m not sure how my sister would feel if she
found out I hooked up with her bestie.
But when my ex opens the door, her somber expression
and baggy sweats do not suggest we’re about to roll around
naked.
Nor does the toddler asleep on the bed behind her.
I’m frozen as Janelle wraps her arms around me in a hug.
“I’ve missed you,” she coos in a baby voice.
I would not consider myself the paragon of virtue, but
there’s no way I’m doing kinky shit with my ex while a kid
sleeps a few feet away.
I’ve never seen her baby before. When I found out
Janelle’s new guy had knocked her up, I did my best to
eradicate thoughts of her from my life. It was too painful to
see her move on when she’d promised me that future. I only
vaguely inquire about her through my cousin Bianca when I
plan trips home so I can avoid my ex.
As I take a good long look at the sleeping bundle, I stop
breathing.
Ernest has blond hair. And Janelle has light brown.
My eyes are lasered on the kid, who has thick, black hair.
 Much like mine.
Sweat breaks out on my body, and a giant lump forms in
my throat.
I cough. “What the fuck is going on?”
Janelle wrings her hands, tears forming in her eyes. “That’s
what I wanted to talk to you about. Why I needed to do this in
person. It’s long overdue.”
But like all truly messed-up things in my life, I know the
answer to my question before the words are out of her mouth.
“She’s yours, Ben.”
3
 BEN

A SUFFOCATING , twisting blackness spreads through me as I

stare at this woman I once loved.
Love. What a fucking joke.
People who love each other don’t do this to each other.
Before I put my hand through the wall, I count down from
a hundred. I’m at fifty when she whispers, “Say something.”
“What’s there to say, Janelle? You passed off my kid as
another man’s for, what? Two years? Almost three if you count
the pregnancy. What do you want? For me to say it’s all right?
Because I’m fucking far from being all right at the moment.”
Somehow I manage to grit out those words in a whisper.
“Ben, I promise I didn’t know. Not for sure. Sometimes
love makes you see things that aren’t really there.”
I can read between the lines. She loved Ernest and not me
and wanted the baby to be his.
My whole body is wound so tight, I’m surprised my jaw
doesn’t crack from clenching it. Once my legs work again, I
pace the room, all the while watching my daughter sleep.
When I’ve calmed down enough to be confident I’m not
going to flip any tables, I ask, “What’s her name?”
 “You don’t know?” Her eyes are wide.
“This might come as a shock to you, but I haven’t spent
the last three years stalking you. When my family starts
talking about you, I practice football routes in my head. When
I know you’re visiting, I wait until you’re gone to trek home.
When our friends from high school hang out, I make sure
you’re not joining them before I show up. Is that plain enough
for you?”
She starts to cry.
Christ. Not this shit.
“Why are you upset? You broke up with me, remember?”
Her blocking my number was the wakeup call I needed. I
should thank her for that or who knows how long I would’ve
pined after her. “I would’ve followed you to the ends of the
earth. You did this to us.”
I’m being a bastard, but I have zero fucks to give.
After another few minutes, she eventually calms down. At
the sight of her swollen eyes and red nose, shame worms its
way into my chest, and the reality strikes me like a hammer to
an anvil.
Like it or not, Janelle is my baby mama. I chose to sleep
with her in high school. I’m the one who let my guard down
enough to be devastated by her. That’s on me.
Never again.
Never again will I be such a fucking sucker.
With a sigh, I stare up at the ceiling. The past is done.
There’s only moving forward.
“Why did you call me out of the blue? What do you need?
Money? You want me to take her on the weekends? What?”
 She nods slowly and motions for me to sit down. This
can’t be good.
I drop into a chair by the TV, and she perches at the end of
the bed.
“Her name is Liliana,” she says, and I grind my teeth.
Liliana, the name we came up with one night when we were
talking about the future. We’d decided we’d both attend Lone
Star State. She’d become a nurse, and I’d work for my
family’s construction business if football didn’t work out for
me professionally. She wanted three kids. And I wanted to
name one Liliana, which was my mother’s middle name.
My unease grows. Did my uncle know the truth all this
time? Tío Julio has never been shy about wanting me to get
back together with Janelle, but was it more than just hoping I
married his best friend’s daughter? Did she use this name
wanting me to figure it out?
I keep this to myself. I need to be vulnerable with Janelle
the way I need a shotgun hole to my head.
When I don’t respond, she keeps going. “My ex, Ernest, is
pissed at me right now. He, uh, he found out she’s not his, and
I think he might be unhinged.”
For once in my life, I have an ounce of pity for the man.
I press my palms into my eyes. “Gotta be honest here,
Janelle. I’d be upset too if I were in his shoes.” It’s obvious
she wants to confess all her sins, so I sit back. “Lay it on me.
All of it. I need to know what I’m dealing with.”
“Lily was sick recently and needed some bloodwork. She’s
fine, as it turns out, just a little low in iron, but Ernest came
across the results, and he lost his shit because apparently our
blood types would never combine to make hers.”
 “So you’re breaking up with him and need me, why?”
Her voice wobbles. “I felt unsafe. He tore up our
apartment, and Lily was screaming. You’re the first person I
thought of. My parents are in the middle of moving, so I didn’t
want to burden them. You know they’re getting older, and my
mom has high blood pressure. I didn’t want him showing up
on their doorstep and terrorizing them.”
Well, fuck.
The last of my anger for my ex seeps out of me, but a
different kind of torment takes its place.
I turn to Liliana and watch her sleep. Her chest rises with
even breaths and her dark hair curls over her eyes. We’ve
never met before, but I suspect this growing terror in my heart
is for her. Because I’ll be damned if I ever let anything happen
to my kid.
Fucking hell. I have a kid.
I swallow. “Do you want me to pay for your room for a
few weeks? Until he calms down?” At least that way I can
maybe visit Liliana.
Her hands twist in her lap. “Actually, I have a favor to
ask.”
I’m prepared for all kinds of requests. She wants money.
She needs a babysitter. She wants me to hire a bodyguard for
her. But I’m not prepared for the words that come out of her
mouth.
“I was hoping we could move in with you for a while.”

It’s eight a.m., and the streets of Charming are blessedly quiet.
I’m parked on the side of the road, exhausted.
 I paid for a few nights at the motel for Janelle and told her
I’d call her in a day or two. Then drove around half the night,
debating what to do.
I might be the biggest dumbass there is to actually be
considering her request, but at the end of the day, she and
Liliana are a package deal, and I won’t allow anyone to
endanger my kid.
My phone rings, startling me. When I see a hospital on my
caller ID, my blood runs cold as a million scenarios run
through my mind, none of which are good. I guess that
happens when both of your parents die in freak accidents. My
heart beats out of my throat when I answer.
“Is this Ben Rodriguez?”
“Yes.”
“I’m a nurse at South Texas Medical. Your friend Sienna
Cruz asked me to call you.”
I still. “Sienna’s in California.”
“No, sir. She was injured at a football party last night, and
she needs someone to pick her up.”
I don’t understand how she could be here when I left her at
the airport yesterday, but I don’t want to waste time asking
questions. “I’ll be there in twenty.”
I’m there in ten.
4
 SIENNA

T HE SECOND B EN stalks into my hospital room, I burst into

tears. I don’t know why seeing him pushes me over the edge,
but all the agony of the last twenty-four hours finally gets the
best of me.
“Holy shit, Sienna. The hospital told me you were injured
at a party. What happened?” His voice is gentle as he sits on
the edge of my bed.
I must look horrible with my head wrapped in gauze. I’m
wearing one of those tattered hospital gowns, and my eyes are
black and blue.
Before I know what I’m doing, I grab his t-shirt and pull
him to me, where he wraps me in a hug.
He lets me cry quietly, all the while stroking my back.
“I… I didn’t… didn’t know who else to call. Gabby’s in
Dallas, and most of my friends left for the summer.”
Except Destiny. That conniving bitch.
I cry harder. I’m getting snot all over him, but he doesn’t
seem to care.
“I got you,” he whispers. “I’m glad you called me.
Everything’s gonna be okay.”
 I close my eyes and absorb his heat. It’s only then that I
realize I’m shivering.
“Here, let’s get you warmed up.” He tugs the blankets over
me and gives me the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen. “I’d hate to
see the other guy.”
It’s a joke, but it makes my lower lip tremble.
His eyebrows furrow. Hesitantly, he says, “I’m surprised
Winston’s not here.”
My eyes drop to my lap. “Cal’s not coming.”
Ben’s quiet, but I appreciate not having to answer a million
questions right now.
A nurse comes in to check my vitals, and Ben sits in a
chair. Now that I’ve calmed down, I realize he looks like hell
too. Is he wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday? I’m
wearing some ass-ugly polyester, so I’m not judging. Just
curious.
Esther, the nurse, hands me my belongings bag. It’s clear,
and without opening it, I can tell half of my clothes are
covered in blood. Ben notices it too, and his jaw clenches.
“After the doctor checks you out one more time, you’ll be
discharged,” Esther says as she reviews my chart. “I’m glad
your boyfriend can drive you home.” Before I can correct her,
she hands him some papers. “Here are the directions for
cleaning her wound. And we’ll need to see her in five days to
remove the stitches. Keep an eye on her because she lost a lot
of blood last night, but she’s lucky she didn’t get a concussion.
Tough girl.” She gives me a smile.
When the door closes behind her, Ben is deathly silent.
 Reluctantly, I pull out my t-shirt from the belongings bag,
but it’s stiff with blood. I obviously can’t wear this. “Would
you mind going down to the gift store and getting me
something to wear? I don’t really care what you get.” I reach
for my wallet only to realize I’m out of cash. I gave the last of
it to the guy at the airport to pay for the Uber. “I’ll, uh, have to
pay you back.”
Thank God I’m on my mother’s insurance because my
father would lose it if he found out what happened.
“I’ve got some gym clothes in my car. They’ll be big,
but…”
“That would be great. If you don’t mind.”
It isn’t until I’m clad in Ben’s t-shirt and rolled-up track
pants that I realize how personal it is to wear someone else’s
clothes. I sniff the collar, and it smells like him. Like clean
male and that sexy cologne he wears.
I finally brave a glance in the bathroom mirror. Damn, I
look like something chewed me up and spit me out.
But when I read Ben’s t-shirt, I chuckle. It’s light blue and
super-soft, and it says, “The Tenth Annual Nut Festival. Our
nuts are bigger than yours. Charming, Texas.”
Ben doesn’t say anything until we’re driving out of the
parking lot.
“Are you hungry? We can get some drive-thru.”
“I’m starving.” I give him a hesitant smile even though it
hurts my face. Every time he looks at me, though, I know he’s
studying my bruises.
I let myself get distracted by the drive.
 This early in the morning, Charming is as pretty as a
postcard. Quiet, tree-lined streets spiral out of the quaint
downtown quad. The Rise-N-Grind Coffee House already has
a steady stream of customers making a trek for their weekend
menu. Then there’s the Yellow Rose Bar & Grill and the Road
Runner Cafe on one side of the street, which are
complemented by the Wild West vibe of Whiskey Row along
the other.
Ben pulls through the drive-thru of the Farmhouse, a huge
restaurant that features wagon wheel chandeliers, corrugated
metal siding, and exposed brick. If I didn’t look like a Law &
Order: Special Victims Unit extra right now, I’d want to go
inside.
We grab some breakfast sandwiches, and he pulls into a
park. Under the shade of a massive oak tree, we roll down the
windows and tuck into our food.
After a few bites, I decide it’s time to tell him what
happened last night.

I turn, lifting my knee onto the seat so my back is to the

window. “My flight was cancelled.”
“Christ, Sienna. I’m sorry. I should’ve checked that before
I dropped you off. The drive home was treacherous, so I’m not
surprised.”
His concern goes a long way to restoring my faith in
humanity.
I explain how I couldn’t call anyone because my phone
had died. One of the nurses charged it early this morning so
we could track down someone to pick me up. By the time I get
to discovering Cal in bed with three freaking women, the vein
in Ben’s temple is throbbing.
“That motherfucker. I’m gonna beat his ass.” Ben closes
his eyes for a long moment. “Did he hit you? Because if he
did, I have a shovel.”
“No, he didn’t hit me. If he did, I’d help you dig the hole.”
I smile at Ben, and some of the somberness in his eyes lifts.
“One of the girls nailed me in the head with a bottle after I
shoved all of his shit out of the window.”
I explain how I went off the deep end for a bit and took it
out on Cal’s electronics, and Ben nods.
“He totally deserved that. Good for you.”
“But here’s the worst part.” I glance at the dash. “One of
the girls was Destiny, my best friend. Former best friend, I
should say. The one who moved in with me earlier this
summer.”
“And I thought I was having a bad day.”
I take in the dark circles under his eyes. I know something
was going on with him. “What happened? Not gonna judge
because I just got mixed up in some tabloidy shit, but you look
a little rough too.”
A long, aggravated sigh leaves him. “You’re never gonna
guess.”
“Aliens abducted you and probed your ass?”
He gives me a horrified look and laughs. “No, weirdo. But
thanks for that visual.”
“Made ya laugh.”
 His eyes soften, and he winks. “You do have that effect on
me for some reason.”
If I weren’t hopped up on pain medication, that wink
would probably make my pulse race.
He shakes his head. “Last fall, when our house was dealing
with that paternity scare, I was feeling pretty smug when I was
let off the hook.”
A foreboding sensation steals over me. A million scenarios
race through my mind. None of them are good.
He continues, his broody vibe increasing tenfold. “Caught
up with my ex last night.”
“I didn’t know you even had an ex. No offense, but I
always thought you were a one-and-done kind of guy.”
I’m sure Ben doesn’t remember this, but he and I lived in
the same dorm freshman year, and he went through women
faster than I could count. It’s why I never introduced myself to
him. Plus, he never noticed me, and that was that.
Call me prideful, but I’d rather a man notice me for me
than me fawn all over him like the girls in our dorm. At the
time, it reminded me of how women throw themselves at my
father, which… ew.
My old shrink would call that transference.
Subconsciously, I transferred my disdain for my father—and
the playboy reputation he developed after the divorce—to Ben.
Which I know is wrong. Who am I to judge someone’s sexual
history anyway? But that never stopped me from being really
attracted to the guy. It just made me cautious.
It’s ironic given the fact I got cheated on by Cal, who’s
rumored to be the biggest player on campus. But I didn’t
believe that when we met or I would’ve taken greater pains to
get to know him better before we got so involved. I’d never
seen Cal in action, so to speak. Plus, he swore up and down
that the gossip was baseless.
Ben’s cheeks turn ruddy. “I wouldn’t say I’ve had much of
a track record in college for you to think differently, but I did
have a long-term girlfriend in high school.”
I’m instantly jealous of this nameless, faceless woman.
“How long were you guys together?”
“Two years. Maybe a little more.” A lost look shadows his
expression for a moment before his eyes go hard.
“Wow.” I clear my throat. “Why’d you guys go your
separate ways?”
He tells me how Janelle broke up with him out of the blue,
started dating this other guy almost immediately and got
pregnant. He always suspected that she cheated on him.
Ben’s generally a quiet, solitary kind of man. This is the
longest conversation we’ve ever had, so I can’t exactly wrap
him in a hug even though I want to.
“Which brings me to last night,” he says. “I don’t know
what I thought she had to say after all this time. We hadn’t
spoken since high school.”
“Why’d you go? I mean, if she broke your heart, why
would you give her the time of day?” It’s obvious he still has
feelings for Janelle. But if Cal Winston showed up three years
after the fact, I’d slam the door in his face. He is dead to me.
No amount of time will change that. I’m all about giving
people second chances, but what I saw last night marked the
point of no return.
The pink hue in Ben’s cheeks rises, and I chuckle. His
expression is so sheepish, I can’t help it. It feels good to laugh
even though it makes my head pound.
“I get it.” I roll my eyes. Men are so predictable
sometimes. “You wanted to get laid.”
He shrugs, embarrassment making him grin. “Olly and
Johnny talked me into it.”
“Shut up. You totally went with your dick in your hand,
ready for action.” I snort.
This is good. This is what I need to hear. How jocks will
do anything, even face the ex who shredded their hearts, to
have sex. I’ve always had some hardcore lust for athletes, but
this fascination has never done me any favors. I need to find a
nice engineer or accountant to date.
All of a sudden, I understand why Ben’s sister Gabby
hated football players when we met. At the time, I thought she
was too rigid in wanting to protect herself, but maybe I was
the one who was short-sighted. The fact that she and her
boyfriend Rider, the number-one draft pick, are now madly in
love is the anomaly. I’d do well to remember this.
Ben chuckles. “You don’t hold back, do you, woman?”
“Life’s too short.”
At my statement, he grows somber again and nods, and I
immediately regret my words. I know he lost his father when
he was little, and then his mom when he was seven. His uncle
adopted him, and Gabby went to live with different relatives.
From what I’ve heard from his sister, Ben harbors a lot of
regret and guilt about the conditions she found herself in while
he had it relatively easy with his uncle.
I grab his hand before I think better of it. “I’m sorry. That
was insensitive.”
 He gives me a gentle squeeze and lets go. “No, you’re
right. Life is really damn short sometimes.” He sighs. “But
that’s not exactly why I went to see Janelle last night.” It’s his
turn to roll his eyes. “You’re gonna laugh when I tell you.”
“I promise I won’t.”
“I’ll admit it was to get laid, but we were together when
we were in high school.” His mouth tilts up. “I guess I wanted
to show her I’d learned a few things. Because, I mean, how
good could it have been for her back then?”
I’m sure he’s a beast in bed. The thought comes unbidden.
All of a sudden, I’m sweating. I shouldn’t be imagining
hot, sweaty sex with Ben Rodriguez, but I totally am. I blame
the head injury.
I might as well start paying attention to the gossip because
it was right about Cal—he’s a dog. And the gossips say Ben is
built like a thoroughbred. Everywhere. That he’s sleek and
muscled with tons of endurance. That he fucks like a machine
and his partners always go home satisfied.
But that’s the thing. There are no overnights, and I’ve
never seen Ben with the same woman more than once or
twice.
That’s why I fell for Cal’s lies. Because he always told me
he was looking for the right woman. Said he was tired of doing
casual and he’d absolutely commit if he could find a partner,
someone who was his best friend. And that lying asshole had
the nerve to pretend I fit the bill.
“Anyway”—Ben coughs—“Janelle was not down to fuck.
And after I walked into her motel room, I can say I wasn’t up
for that either.”
 I don’t make the joke that’s on my lips about being “up.”
Inappropriate, Sienna!
He continues. “She, uh, wanted to see me so she could tell
me about our daughter. The one she passed off as belonging to
another man since we broke up three years ago.”
My mouth drops open.
Holy hell in a handbasket.
5
 BEN

J OHNNY SHAKES his head at me like I’ve disappointed him.

“Bro, didn’t you learn your lesson last fall with Poppy?”
Sienna is convalescing on one side of the couch, I’m in the
middle, and Johnny is slouched on the other corner. Olly is
sprawled in the Barcalounger.
Olly chucks an empty soda can at his head. “Can’t you
add? Conception of Ben’s kid would’ve happened before that.”
Dear God, hearing I’ve spawned hits like a slab of concrete
to my chest.
Shouldn’t fatherhood bring happiness or elation or some
shit? All I feel is a sense of dread. I watched Rider struggle to
deal with a baby last year, and I’m under no delusion that it’s
an easy task.
Anxiety gnaws at my gut. Why the hell didn’t I try to get
drafted last spring? Because trying to stay focused on football
now is going to be a hundred times harder.
Plus, Coach Sully retired and the school hired Victor
Krugman, who has all the accolades, but isn’t quite the coach
we thought we’d get after winning the championship last year.
You shoulda gone for the draft, a little voice in the back of
my head taunts. It’s only downhill from here.
 I shove all that crap down deep, ignore my roommates, and
pass the pizza box to Sienna before the guys hog the food.
After our chat this morning in the park, I drove Sienna back to
my place where she napped on the couch while we waited for
Johnny and Olly to wake up. Not surprisingly, they didn’t stir
before noon, and they demanded food before I put them to
work moving Destiny’s shit out of Sienna’s house.
Johnny groans. “Does this mean you’re blowing off our
trip to the lake now? You still gotta pay your part, no matter
what.”
With all the craziness of the last twenty-four hours, I
hadn’t even thought about our trip. I still have a week to figure
that out, though, and I have a million other things more
pressing at the moment.
Johnny shoves half a slice in his pie hole and talks around
a mouthful. “We gonna ignore the elephant in the room?” His
eyes dart to Sienna, who’s been quiet while I caught up the
guys about Janelle. The only thing I haven’t mentioned is how
Janelle wants to move in with me. Even if I get the guys on
board, do I really want to be around my ex? Hell no.
When Johnny finishes his slice, he motions to our
neighbor. “You can’t keep this a secret, dollface. My phone’s
burning up with texts from teammates about the fight.”
I threatened life and limb if they accosted her about last
night, so they waited a full half-hour to be nosy little shits.
Sienna looks so small and fragile right now. Her head is
wrapped in a bandage, her eyes are bruised, and her beautiful
long hair is matted with blood. I wanna tell Johnny to fuck off,
but then her spine straightens and she huffs, “Cal Winston is
an asshole. What more is there to say?”
 “I need more than that. Give us some deets. Was he really
banging five chicks when you caught him?”
“Dude.” I shove him so hard, he almost slides off the
couch.
Sienna ignores us. “Three women, one of whom was my
roommate, which is why I need your help this afternoon. And I
wouldn’t really describe what happened as a fight, per se.”
He chuckles. “Someone sent me this pic.”
I stiffen, afraid someone took a compromising photo of
Sienna, but it’s a shot of Winston’s front lawn with all of his
stuff soaking up the rain. His laptop landed on the front
walkway and smashed into pieces. I smirk, loving that Sienna
isn’t taking his crap anymore.
She cracks a smile, but it fades as she sighs. “I’d say it’s
what he deserves, but I’m the idiot who dated him for months.
He told me to ignore the gossip, that people were jealous and
talked trash about him, and I was dumb enough to believe
him.”
“How long were you guys fu—” At my growl, Johnny
holds up his hands. “I mean, how long did you guys ‘see’ each
other?”
“Too long.” She swallows. “Since Halloween.”
Nine months, roughly.
We all cringe. Winston’s probably fucked half of Charming
since then.
She takes stock of our expression and rolls her eyes. “We
weren’t official until December.”
When we don’t say anything, because that doesn’t change
much, her voice gets small. “That bad, huh?”
 “Winston’s a dumbass, Sienna. I’m sorry he led you on
like that.” I mean every word. Not only is she beautiful, but
she’s loyal and kind and patient and funny as hell.
I watched her befriend my sister, who is just as fucked up
emotionally as I am, and she got Gabby to let down her guard.
Gabby and Sienna are thick as thieves now, which has to be
rough for both of them since Gabby moved to Dallas to be
with her boyfriend. I can’t even take credit for that realization.
It came compliments of several sessions with my therapist
where she wanted me to “explore my feelings” about my sister
and how we were separated as kids.
Since I’m not big on talking about my emotions, the first
session was mainly me hemming and hawing as I tried to find
the words. But the anxiety I’ve always had around Gabby
since our mother died was kicking my ass, so I didn’t think I
had a choice in the matter. Not if I wanted to function like a
rational human being.
Sienna’s phone buzzes on the coffee table, and Winston’s
name pops up for the third time since we’ve been sitting here.
“Please answer that, and put him on speakerphone so we
can hear him grovel,” Johnny says gleefully.
Not many of the guys on the team like Winston. He’s an
arrogant showoff with a swagger that doesn’t always match up
with his skills. I might have more experience with him than
most since we went to rival high schools.
On the Broncos, we’ve always been in competition for the
same spots, which sucks because after years of being
compared to that dick, I’m tired as hell of Cal Winston. At
least Sully switched him to wide receiver, and I stuck with
tight end. Usually at opposite sides of the field.
 Sienna’s eyes go hard, and a second later she slides her
finger across the screen.
His voice fills the room. “Sienna, babe. I don’t know what
to say except I’m so fucking sorry. That’s never happened
before.” I snort, and he must assume Sienna made that sound
because he continues. “I swear. It was a one-time thing. You
were gonna be gone for so long, and I was bummed out and
got drunk. You mean everything to me. Please say something.”
He planned that party several days ago. Probably
coordinated his hookups then too. I told her as much this
morning.
Her eyes fill with tears, and it makes me want to reach
through the phone and kick his pathetic ass.
“What’s there to say, Cal? You were licking my best
friend’s pussy and were so engrossed that you didn’t even
notice me standing there while two other girls sucked your
dick. Yeah, you seemed really ‘bummed out.’ I can see how
the thought of being celibate for four days was tough.”
Fuck.
“Destiny talked me into it. She’s been on my ass for ages
to hook up with her. You shouldn’t trust her. She’s a snake.”
“Then you two are perfect for one another.” Sienna swipes
under her eyes. “Leave me alone, Cal.”
“Wait, don’t hang up. I wanted to tell you they arrested
that girl who hit you. I just… I want you to know I had
nothing to do with that. I can even forgive you for tossing
everything out the window because I feel like shit you got
hurt. Are you okay?”
Tears stream down her face—from Winston cheating, her
best friend’s betrayal, or getting injured, I’m not sure. It all
sucks.
“Forgive me?” She scoffs. “I don’t need your fucking
forgiveness. In fact, you can take that forgiveness and shove it
up your ass.” She wipes her cheek with the back of her hand.
“Thanks for the birthday present that required shaving my
head and sutures. I’ll always remember it. But don’t worry.”
Her eyes meet mine. “Ben took care of me.”
With that, she hits End and blocks his number.
I freeze for a heartbeat and then let out a laugh. He’s gonna
hate me. More. And Sully’s not here to play mediator anymore.
For some reason, I can’t bring myself to care that Winston’s
jock will be in a twist over this.
Without thinking, I reach over and wrap my arm around
her narrow shoulders to give her a hug. I’m not a hugger.
Never have been. But something about Sienna has always
called to me, and right now, she obviously needs a friend.
She melts against me and cries quietly. She’s sleep-
deprived, traumatized, and probably in pain from that nasty
gash on her head.
Damn. Holding her like this sets off all my protective
instincts for some reason.
“It’s your birthday?” I ask gently.
She nods.
“Poor girl.” I rub her back, determined to make this up to
her somehow.
“I’m sorry I dragged you into this, Ben.” She sniffles, her
soft voice instantly pulling me back from that edge. “I just… I
guess I needed to get back at him, you know? Show him he
doesn’t matter. I feel so stupid for trusting him.”
 “I get it,” I whisper. “Use me all you want. Winston and I
have never been friends and never will be.”
I feel like a dick for not giving her a heads-up about him
sooner. But that’s not the kind of thing you just drop on
someone, and we’ve never been close like this before. Yes, we
conspired to help my sister get back with her boyfriend last
winter, and we’ve chatted a few times, but her being with
Winston meant me giving her a wide berth. He only asked me
to give her a ride because she and I are neighbors.
And I have the distinct feeling he wanted to flaunt that she
belonged to him.
The only kink to staying away from her is the promise I
made to my sister to keep an eye on Sienna, which is why I
didn’t balk at Winston’s request to drive her to the airport.
“I don’t want to cause problems for you on the team.”
I shrug and ignore the very real possibility that Winston
won’t let this go. “He deserves worse. I’m happy to help
however I can.”
“You know what would really get under his skin?” Olly,
who’s been quiet all this time, takes a swig of soda. “You need
a new roommate, right?” he asks Sienna. When she nods, he
points at me. “Ben should move in with you. It’ll drive
Winston crazy.”
I make a face. “Trying to get rid of me?”
“Didn’t you just tell me you now have a toddler? Where
we gonna put her? In the closet? Next to the Jacuzzi? It was
bad enough having a baby around last year, but toddlers are
even tougher.”
Hell, he’s right.
 Johnny waves his hands. “I’ma be the voice of reason here
and tell ya you’ve had a rough night and maybe you should
wait a few days to make any drastic decisions.”
Shock ripples through me and Olly, our eyes going
comically wide.
“Really?” I ask. My roommate is not known for being
judicious.
Johnny cackles. “Fuck no. That’s just some shit I heard on
The View.”
That’s… not what I was expecting him to say. I laugh.
“Whatever, asshole. Let’s help Sienna move Destiny’s crap.”
6
 SIENNA

M Y HEART JACKHAMMERS in my chest as we cross the yard.

I’m not looking forward to confronting Destiny.
Confrontations aren’t my strong suit.
Because then you get impulsive and do something crazy.
It’s a bright, sunny day. With the exception of the puddles
on the road, you’d never know we were pummeled with so
much rain last night.
A buzz in my hand has me looking at the screen. Dad.
Briefly, I close my eyes. I’m sure he’s pissed I didn’t make it
home in time to kiss his ass at that dumb banquet.
I’ll have to call him back because I can only handle one
catastrophe at a time.
Hopefully, Destiny stayed with that loser because I’m not
sure what I’m going to say to her if she’s home.
Ben’s warm hand wraps around my arm. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“You swayed just now.”
Surprised that he’s paying such close attention to me, I
study his big brown eyes, which are crinkled with concern,
and my heart warms. I can’t deny how nice it feels to have him
on my side.
“I’m good.” My lips tilt up. The movement hurts the
stitches in my head, but getting him to smile back is worth it.
Ben’s been amazing. I have no idea how to thank him, but
then I remember Olly’s suggestion.
I clear my throat. “Olly’s right. I do need a roommate. In
fact, I might even need two. You can move in with me if you
want.” Ben’s brows furrow, and I see the question in his eyes.
“My father warned me if I didn’t make it home for this
weekend, he was cutting my allowance.” Among other things.
Shame burns my face. The idea a soon-to-be senior in
college needs an allowance is ridiculous, but I don’t address
that.
All my friends back home have yachts and luxury homes
and month-long vacations thanks to their trust funds, but when
I came here, I vowed to leave that lifestyle behind. I can’t
access my trust fund until I’m twenty-five, so that’s not an
option anyway. “I’m already used to having a baby around
with Poppy, and I can babysit whenever you need.”
He nods slowly, swallowing.
God, I made this poor guy anxious. I rush to get out the
words. “That’s a completely platonic suggestion, of course.
We both have enough baggage to deal with right now.”
“Thanks, Sienna.” He glances back at the football house
before his deep brown eyes connect with mine. “That’s a great
offer. I might have to take you up on it. Let me consider the
logistics for a bit.”
Logistics. Which probably means how Cal will have him
on his shit list for the rest of the season.
 Ben tilts his head toward my house. “My boys and I can
handle this if you want to wait at our place.”
Everyone says Ben is a little heartless and cold, but he’s
only been kind to me. I hope he lets me pay him back
somehow. “No, this is my battle to fight.”
Resolved to be tough, I take a deep breath. I finally get the
courage to look at the driveway. Destiny’s Lexus is parked
behind my old Honda, but that doesn’t mean she’s home.
Fortunately, my house is blissfully empty.
I let out a sigh of relief and usher in the guys. “This way.”
Opening the door to her room, Gabby’s old one in the front
of the house, I’m hit with the scent of Destiny’s perfume.
An old memory of Cal has me pausing. He’d been running
late to pick me up. Three hours late. And when he arrived, I
could’ve sworn he smelled like Destiny. I asked him about it,
and he said his roommate’s girlfriend had hugged him.
Lies, lies, and more lies.
It makes me wonder what else I’ve been wrong about.
The thought fortifies my resolve. I’m not a hardass by
nature. That’s my dad. I’m all hugs and aligned chakras like
my mom, but I need to be tougher.
I take stock of Destiny’s room with its fluffy pink
comforter and her color-coordinated outfits hung in the closet.
She told me she wanted to move in so we could hang out
more, but I’ve barely seen her this summer.
Probably because she’s been busy fucking my boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend.
 I can hear my father as if he were in the room—You can
add this failure to your list of others.
“Just pile her crap on the yard.” I feel like I’m floating,
like I’m watching all of this happen and I’m a spectator.
The guys don’t let me do any work because of my head
injury, but in no time, they’ve cleared her stuff. The living
room furniture and the flatscreen are mine, new purchases I
made when Gabby moved to Dallas.
Rider offered to buy me new furniture in thanks for all the
babysitting I did last semester, but I don’t need the money, or
at least I didn’t at the time. I love his daughter Poppy and was
happy to help. It felt good to be needed. I’m a big believer in
sending out good vibes, and helping my friends felt like the
right thing to do.
Dating Cal felt like the right thing too, and look where that
got you. I frown, hating this cynical voice in my head.
Johnny marches in wiping his hands. “We made sure to
make the biggest mess possible. Who needs all those little
bottles of makeup?”
Destiny is fanatical about her makeup. “She can sweep it
off the driveway if she wants it.”
Just then, Derek’s baby blue Mustang pulls up to the curb.
Olly, Johnny, and Ben line up next to me. This cannot be good
for their team, but it’s not like I planned to get between these
guys.
Destiny hops out, her eyes bulging when she sees her
belongings strewn across the yard. “Are you fucking serious?
You little bitch! Can you believe I was actually going to
apologize for what happened last night?” She laughs
maniacally, the expression on her face one I’ve never seen
before. “It’s not my fault your boyfriend chose me! We fucked
so many times behind your back and you were too stupid to
see the writing on the wall. After all his big wins, Cal was with
me! Guess whose idea it was for me to move in with you?
His!”
I don’t realize I’m lunging for her until I’m lifted off the
ground.
“Calm down, Cruz Control,” Ben whispers in my ear.
“Trust me, she’s not worth it.” I look down to see his muscular
arms wrapped around me. Derek is holding back Destiny, but
she’s still screaming obscenities.
My head pounds so hard, I have to blink several times to
clear my vision. What was I thinking? It’s not like I’d actually
hit her.
When I can see again, I take stock of the vitriol in her eyes.
It makes me wonder how I ever thought we were friends.
Since she’s playing dirty, why am I holding back the truth?
“It’s sad you were willing to throw away our friendship for
a guy who said you were all tits and ass and no brains.” Cal
was drunk at the time, so I excused his crass description of my
best friend, but I told him we would not be getting naked if he
ever said that about her again. Guess the joke’s on me.
“At least I have tits!” she screams loud enough for the
whole neighborhood to hear.
A little part of my soul crumbles, especially when I think
about how all three of the girls in Cal’s bed were big-chested.
I’m a modest B-cup. I was a late bloomer, practically concave
until my senior year of high school, and Destiny knew exactly
where to place the target.
 Derek and I make eye contact, and I see the apology in his
eyes as he drags her to his car. “I’ll be back in an hour to pick
this up.” I can’t hear the angry words he murmurs to her, but
Destiny eventually gets in his Mustang with a growl after she
waves an obscene gesture in my direction.
Derek’s always been exceptionally nice to me, but he
obviously knew Cal was banging half the town and kept his
secrets. And based on his squirrelly behavior last night, he
knew Cal was having a damn orgy behind my back. I’ve spent
a lot of time with him and Cal, and next to Destiny and Cal’s
treachery, Derek’s betrayal cuts deeply.
Derek Fowler can go fuck himself too.
At some point, Ben must’ve put me down because he
steadies me from behind.
Johnny finally pipes up. “Sienna, don’t listen to that bitch.
You have great tits. I’d totally motorboat ya.”
A sad laugh bubbles out of me, along with several tears,
which I angrily swipe away. “I have no plans for motorboating
anytime soon.”
Because there’s no one I trust anymore.
7
 BEN

I T ’ S OFFICIALLY the first week off from training since I don’t

know when, I didn’t sleep last night, and I’m on the longest
run of my life. But it’s the only way to work off the anxiety
coursing through me. I left Dr. Patricia a message, although
it’s Saturday evening, so I won’t hear from her until Monday.
Sweat drips into my eyes and mouth, and I swipe my hand
across my face, which doesn’t help because that’s sweaty too.
By the time I make it back to my house, I’m drenched,
overheated, and still anxious as hell.
The question I’ve been asking myself all day goes off like
a gong in my head. Do I really want to flip my whole life
around because I have a kid, one I didn’t know existed until
last night?
I don’t need to call my sister to know what Gabriela would
say. It’s not Liliana’s fault she hasn’t been in your life. Though
she’d deny it, Gabby’s a bleeding heart for every kid, transient,
and injured animal from here to the Rio Grande.
I love living at the Stallion Station because the guys keep
me on track. It’s football twenty-four seven. We all have the
same goals. I can’t say it’s distraction-free because our parties
get out of control sometimes, but living here lets me take
advantage of the perks of being on the team.
 Okay, yeah, it means easy hookups too, but it’s not as
though I’m looking for something serious. Especially after
Janelle ripped out my guts, doused them with kerosene, and
set them on fire. Now she has the audacity to show up begging
for help.
The anger I’m constantly trying to defuse comes raging
back. For some reason, being around Sienna made me focus
on her, so I haven’t dealt with my own bombshells.
As I turn down my street, I note that Destiny’s car and her
pile of shit are gone. Good riddance. Never liked that girl.
Always noticed her lurking around Winston, making eyes at
him when she thought Sienna wasn’t looking.
You should’ve told Sienna something sooner, dickhead.
But here’s the thing about nosing in other people’s
business—it always bites me in the ass. That time I thought I
was being a good brother and I got in Rider’s face because I
assumed he was jerking Gabby around? He and I nearly came
to blows.
How was I supposed to know Rider was actually falling
for my sister and not being a manwhore like the rest of us?
So even though I thought Winston was probably cheating
on Sienna, it’s not like I had proof. I’d never seen him with my
own two eyes. It was just a hunch. And as I’ve been learning
lately, a hunch can be wrong. Even when the guys are
mouthing off in the locker room. Everyone knows you can’t
trust the shit people brag about in there.
When I stomp through the front door, Olly holds up his
hands. “You look ready to kill some puppies.”
I roll my eyes. You punch a hole through a wall one time
and everyone thinks you’re a maniac. My attention narrows in
on that slightly off-colored patch of sheetrock in the hall. Did
a damn good job playing Bob Vila, if you ask me. Even Dr.
Patricia agrees it was better than knocking out Rider when I
found him in a compromising position with my sister.
“Sienna okay? Anything shady happen after I left?” I ask
as I swipe my arm across my forehead.
None of us wanted her to be alone until Destiny picked up
her crap.
“We watched some historical show on Netflix. Fowler
came back and shoveled all of Destiny’s crap into a van he
must’ve borrowed from someone.” Olly laughs. “He knocked
on the door and tried to apologize to Sienna for all the shit that
went down.”
“What’d she say?”
“She wouldn’t let him in. Told him to go fuck himself.
She’s pissed he knew about everything and pretended to be her
friend.”
I nod while that knot of guilt tightens. Damn, maybe I
should’ve told her what I suspected. Who would’ve cared if
Winston got wind of it? It’s not like he and I will ever be
friends. It makes me determined to do better by her.
But it’s this Janelle issue that makes me feel like I might
have an ulcer by the time the summer’s over.
I drop down onto the couch and disclose the details I’ve
been stewing over since last night. It’s the one thing I couldn’t
bring myself to discuss when we were all sitting around this
afternoon. “Janelle wants to move in with me.”
His eyes widen. With a sigh, I tell him about Ernest going
off the deep end.
 “When you fuck up, you really go big, huh?” Olly shakes
his head at me like I have any control over this situation.
“Deep down, do you think Janelle wants to get back together?”
The very suggestion makes my balls shrivel. “Our parents
have always wanted us to get married. Her father owns a big
tile company. My family does construction. I think Tío Julio
and Janelle’s dad hope we’ll merge our businesses and create
some dumb dynasty.”
Deadly serious, Olly grabs my shoulder. “She totally wants
to get back together. Maybe even have you plant baby number
two.”
“The fuck you say.”
“Just calling it like I see it. I mean, why go to you after all
this time? She must have other friends who could help her or
even other family. She rang you up because you’re the hotshot
tight end with one of the top football teams in the country.
Back then, you were just some no-name high school athlete,
but now you stand to make millions in the NFL.”
That might be an exaggeration. I’m not one to count my
chickens before they hatch. A few bad games or an injury
could wipe out my dream, one I’ve worked hard to downplay
so I’m not disappointed if it doesn’t happen.
“What do I do?” Olly’s a smart bastard, smart enough not
to knock up an ex. “If you were in my position, what would
you do?”
He stares off for a minute, and then he smirks. “I’d move
in with Sienna and use her as a beard.”
Now I’m no dummy. I do well in school, always have. But
I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about. “Come again?”
 “My mom has always loved old Hollywood. She’s a total
classic movie buff.”
“I hope this is going somewhere.”
“Patience, grasshopper. Anyway, in the olden days, the gay
dudes would pretend to be straight by dating a straight woman.
And vice versa.”
I scratch my head. “You want me to pretend I’m gay?”
I’m not even bi-curious, so that would be a stretch.
“No, dumbass. You tell Janelle you’re dating Sienna. Use
her as your beard.”
Sweet, beautiful Sienna. Who’s sporting stitches and two
black eyes and just had her heart pummeled.
I shake my head. “She’s already been through so much. I
don’t want to involve her in my drama.”
His eyebrows lift. “Don’t wanna stir up shit with Winston,
huh?”
I rake my fingers through my hair. “Winston and I already
have bad blood between us. You know that.” Coach Sully was
the only reason he and I haven’t already come to blows, and
from what I’ve heard, Krugman isn’t known for coddling
shitheads no matter what kind of yardage they boast. “But no.
That’s not my main reason for being reluctant.”
No, it’s her devastating smile and disarming laugh.
I don’t say that, though.
Olly’s eyes narrow and then he nods. “Mmm. I see. It’s
like that.” I give him a look and he smirks. “You like her.” He
sings the words like we’re in grade school.
 “I like her so much I was gonna fuck Janelle last night.”
The words make me cringe. I could kick my own ass for being
dumb enough to contemplate hooking up with my ex. But I
don’t want Olly thinking there’s something between me and
Sienna, or he’ll be like a dog with a bone, and I don’t have the
bandwidth to think of Sienna as anything more than a friend
right now.
He shrugs. “Then what’s the big deal? Sienna’s cool. She’ll
play the part until you get the clinger outta your life, or at least
until you set up some good boundaries. And Sienna told you
she wouldn’t mind helping with Lily.”
When he says it like that, the idea has merit. What’s the
worst thing that can happen? Maybe it’ll rile up Janelle and get
her out of my hair. And Jesus and all the damn saints know I
could use help with my kid.
Maybe pretending to date Sienna isn’t a bad idea after all.
8
 SIENNA

S QUINTING , I smack my hand against the bedside table as I

reach for my phone. It’s eight in the morning. Only one person
ever calls me this early, and if I let it go to voicemail one more
time, he’s liable to show up on my doorstep this afternoon.
I cough, which makes my temple pound. “Hi, Dad.”
“Don’t ‘Hi, Dad’ me. ¿Porque no viniste? You promised
you’d come.”
He only yells at me in Spanish when he’s really mad.
Cringing, I listen to his tirade. He almost sounds hurt, but my
father is built of Teflon, so that’s probably wishful thinking.
Not that I want to wound him, but it would be nice to know he
cared.
If I based my expectation of romantic relationships on
what happened with my parents, I’d be a total cynic.
Fortunately, my mother found Richard. He’s a nice guy, and he
treats her ten times better than my father did at the end.
Still, I love my dad, even if he is too absorbed in his work,
but you don’t become a titan of industry by being half-assed.
At least that’s what he tells me.
“Dad, I left you messages. My flight got cancelled, and we
had torrential weather.” Let’s not forget the stitches in my head
or the maniacal freak-out where I trashed Cal’s shit. All quite
memorable, I think sullenly as I gently rub the gash on my
noggin.
“I have it on good authority the weather on Saturday was
perfect. You would’ve made it in time for the banquet.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know I let you down.” But really, when
don’t I?
I probably saved him from embarrassment by not coming.
He was being recognized as one of the top Hispanic
entrepreneurs in the country. Some reporter would’ve tried to
interview me in Spanish, and I’d have humiliated my father by
not being fluent.
It’s not like I don’t want to speak the language. But my dad
once got ridiculed for his accent when he was younger, so my
brothers and I weren’t allowed to learn it until high school
because Dad wanted us to speak perfect English. Kyle and
Cole are uber-smart, though, and picked it up easily. I did not.
I can understand most conversations, but my mind goes blank
if I have to speak in Spanish.
“Your brothers flew in.”
Of course they did. They’re perfect sons with their
Stanford degrees and Yale MBAs. I love my brothers, but I’m
not a brainiac like they are and never will be. The sooner my
dad accepts this, the better. He and I both know Stanford
should’ve waitlisted me based on my grades. The only reason
they didn’t is fuming on the other end of this call.
“The Stanford dean was in attendance,” he says, like he
can read my mind. “It would’ve been the perfect opportunity
for you to discuss grad school.” He pauses, and I brace myself
for some reason. “You know, you could probably transfer back
for your senior year.”
Not this again.
“I love it here.” No one kisses my ass based on who my
father is. The counselor must know, but she never got the
memo that I’m supposed to be treated like tech royalty, and
she makes me wait in line like everyone else. I respect that. “I
was miserable at Stanford.” It wasn’t the school. It was the
fact that everyone knew who I was, and I could never trust
whether friendships were genuine.
He clears his throat. “I’ve never asked you this before,
but… did it have anything to do with Penelope?”
The mere mention of her name makes me want to gouge
out my eyes. “Why do you care? Are you planning to break up
with her anytime soon?”
He’s quiet, which means no.
I realize I sound like a brat instead of a twenty-one-year-
old woman, so I shut my mouth. But I’m finding that I’m still
sometimes a little girl on the inside when it comes to my dad,
and I don’t want him with a gold-digger.
“She’s not that bad,” he says finally. “If you gave her a
chance—”
“I did give her a chance, remember? She was my friend
first, or perhaps you forgot.”
That’s right. Penelope Davenport was a friend from my
yoga class, who weaseled her way into my life so she could
hook up with my father. The whole thing makes me gag.
It’s so reminiscent of what happened with Destiny and Cal,
how she used me to be close to him, that bile pushes up the
back of my throat, but I choke it back.
Why do people always use me? I really want to know. Do I
have a sign on my forehead that says ‘Dumbass?’
Of all men’s miseries the bitterest is this: to know so much
and to have control over nothing.
I feel you, Herodotus. I feel you.
My father sighs. “Listen, I don’t get a lot of chances to
socialize, so when—”
I cackle. Legit, out-of-breath cackle. It makes my brain
hurt and those stitches tug, but the blatant lie is too much to
swallow. “Please. Every time I Google you, you’re at another
function, flanked by celebrities. Don’t lie to me, Dad. I can’t
handle one more person lying to me.”
He goes deathly quiet. “Sienna, did something happen?”
Everything happened.
“Nothing worth mentioning.” The only bright spot last
weekend was Ben. Torturously handsome and emotionally
unavailable Ben Rodriguez.
Although, now that I think about it, we did have a moment
while we were eating in the park where I could’ve sworn he
was staring at me as if he liked me. That had to be my
imagination because I looked frightful with bloody gauze on
my head and two black eyes.
My father’s voice softens to that eminently charming
croon, the one he uses on investors. “Honey, I know we
haven’t spent much time together lately…” I mentally flip
through his calendar, what I know of it. I wasn’t invited on
that cruise through the Mediterranean he took with Penelope,
but I consider myself fortunate because listening to my father
bang my former friend through those thin walls would’ve been
horrific. “…and I know your mother misses you.”
I roll my eyes, having a hard time believing he would care
what my mom feels, though I know he’s right. She does miss
me. I don’t bother telling him she flew in two weeks ago to
wish me an early birthday so we could spend some quality
time together before she left on a cruise. She and I don’t talk
as much as I’d like because she works a lot at her salon, but I
know she cares.
“You’re saying if I came home next week, I’d see you
more than just across the room during some banquet where
you spend most of the time schmoozing?” When he doesn’t
say anything right away, I have my answer. “When you
genuinely have time, let me know, okay? Minus Penelope
because… well, just because.”
Time with my father is fraught with tension if she’s there,
and it would be nice to see him just once without her hovering
and pretending to care about my life.
“Sienna, we had a deal.” My stomach drops. The croon is
gone, replaced by that steely tone he breaks out in the
boardroom. “You promised to visit, and I said I’d consider
funding your little yoga project.”
Ah, here come the threats.
When he says the “little yoga project,” he means the health
initiative I want to bring to South Texas schools. While I was
living with Gabby last year, who spent the summer substitute-
teaching in Dallas, we started talking about what a difference
fitness could do for kids who are struggling. So I spent some
time researching this topic and found that students stay more
focused in class when they have an athletic outlet. And
unfortunately, many districts don’t have enough money to put
toward nice gyms and athletic fields. In rural areas, sometimes
there aren’t enough kids to even have team sports.
It got me thinking. I became interested in yoga when my
parents divorced. It gave me an outlet and helped me relax.
Because nothing is worse than listening to your mom and dad
scream at each other.
Since yoga doesn’t need fancy studios or equipment to
accomplish, I thought it might be something that could help
students shake off whatever personal difficulties they face.
Plus, it’s a fantastic workout. People sometimes make the
mistake of thinking yoga is just sitting cross-legged while
chanting, but it can range from gentle warm-up poses to
intense moves that leave you sweaty and pumped up on
adrenaline.
This project is literally the only thing I’ve ever asked my
father to help me fund. And I didn’t even mean I wanted his
money. If he could just point me in the direction of his investor
friends who might be interested, that would be huge.
Although, for a man who runs a charity, he could fund it if he
wanted to.
He mutters something in Spanish, which I don’t quite
catch. “I’m cutting your allowance. This is for your own good.
You need to learn to be responsible. And God help you if you
don’t graduate in May.”
Yeah, it stings to hear what he thinks of me.
I chew my thumbnail as I try to look on the bright side,
which is my default mode. Because I’m not a big spender, I’ve
saved my money. Although I’ll definitely need a roommate, I
won’t be totally destitute. It’s time I pay for my own crap
anyway. I’ll just pick up more yoga classes. Maybe get a job
waiting tables.
 Of course, my dad might stroke out when he hears about it
because he’ll argue that me working in food services reflects
poorly on him, but I say there’s no shame in doing what you
need to pay your own way.
Besides, if he assumes this’ll send me running home, he
has another think coming.
When I don’t say anything, he barks at me about how I’ll
never make it in his world if I don’t buckle down. As if I want
entrée into his world. He’s still under the delusion I’ll
magically turn into someone who loves coding and corporate
ladders.
At least he doesn’t bring up the foundation. My dad has
been trying to get me to help him with it, but if I do, people
will figure out who I am down here, and it’ll blow my cover.
And nothing is worth that. Because anonymity is bliss.
Blowing my cover will mean getting a full security detail,
compliments of my overprotective father, and there is no way
I’ll go for that again.
I let him rant while I stare at the glass vials on my
bookshelves that contain sand from all of our family trips
when I was a kid. How I wish I could go back to those times.
Before fame catapulted my father onto the national stage
where he got pulled away from me and my mom, and, to some
extent, my brothers.
By the time I get off the phone, I’m too exhausted to do
more than pull the covers over my head and fall asleep. It’s not
like anyone will care if I don’t get out of bed this week.
My throat gets tight when I realize my father forgot my
birthday. Again.
 I force myself to stop being such a soap opera. Deep down,
I know my parents love me. It’s not like I’m really all alone.
Even though I feel like I am sometimes.
When I close my eyes, I worry I’m going to have another
nightmare about what happened Friday night, but instead of
Cal’s drunk escapade, I dream of soulfully-dark brown eyes.
9
 BEN

D R . P ATRICIA SITS with her pen poised mid-air. Lifts a bushy

eyebrow. Waits for me to say something. She started doing
this, making me talk first, as a way to get me to break out of
bad habits.
I clear my throat again and wipe my palms on my thighs.
After another minute where it feels like my heart is going to
beat out of my chest, I force myself to lean back on the leather
couch and sigh. “I don’t know why it’s easier to leave
messages on your voicemail than talk face to face.”
She gives me a patient smile. “Human contact is difficult
for a lot of people. You’re not the first person to convey this.”
I let out a relieved breath. Dr. Patricia has a grandmotherly
vibe, but she doesn’t let me get away with shit. “A lot
happened this weekend.”
“So your message suggested. How are you feeling?”
That knot in my chest returns. Any time I’m dealing with
feelings, I turn into a kindergartner, unable to articulate even
the simplest emotions. So I don’t name them. “My chest is
tight. I haven’t been sleeping.” But there’s an upshot to that.
“Well, if you’re not sleeping, then you’re not having
nightmares. Correct?”
 I give her a grim smile. “Exactly.” The nightmares are the
worst. They’re a recurring dream I’ve had since I was a kid
that someone I love will die in a horrible accident.
She studies me. I’m sure she takes notes of the circles
under my eyes. “You’ve made tremendous strides, Ben. The
fact that you called to give me an update is commendable. It
may not feel like it, but you’re taking control of your life.
However, you do need sleep or your exhaustion will amplify
your emotions.”
“It’s hard to sleep when your ex tells you she’s been hiding
your baby since she was born.” Dr. Patricia nods, her eyes
sympathetic. I rush to tell her the details of what happened,
leaving out the fact I was thinking of sleeping with Janelle to
put a nail in that coffin. Somehow, though, I get the feeling she
gets why I went to that motel in the first place.
“Talk to me about your daughter. What’s her name?”
“Liliana.” Pausing to consider her words, I look around her
office, not really seeing anything but the beige walls. “I…
This is going to sound terrible, but I don’t feel anything. It’s
like I’m numb.” Shame rushes hot through my veins. “I know
that’s fucked up. My buddy found out he was a father last year,
and you could tell he was smitten with his kid from the
beginning. I’m worried I’m not… I’m not going to be a good
parent.” My heart thumps harder.
My dad was a good parent until he died. My mom was
exceptional—until that truck slammed head-on into her car.
Sweat breaks out on my forehead, and I swipe at it with the
back of my hand.
“Liliana doesn’t feel real to you yet. This is a huge shock
to your system that will affect your entire life as you know it.
As we’ve discussed, feeling disconnected is your internal
mechanism that gets flipped on in your subconscious when
you’re overwhelmed, particularly when you’re dealing with
family. As was the case with your sister when you were
separated as children.”
I take a few deep breaths. Slow and methodical. She asked
me to do this when I felt like I wanted to break shit, flip out, or
punch a hole in the wall.
“I still… I still have so much… fury over that. Which
makes me feel guilty. Like I’m ungrateful for everything my
aunt and uncle have done for me.”
“Have you had a chance to tell your sister about the rent
yet?” Dr. Patricia asks gently.
That was supposed to be my homework.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. With everything going on, I forgot.”
“Understandable.” She reaches over to her mini-fridge and
hands me a bottle of water. “Focusing on Liliana is probably
enough for one session.”
I open the water and chug it, relishing that it’s ice-cold.
She sits back in her chair. “I’d typically say dealing with
your aunt and uncle first might be helpful in accepting this
new situation with your daughter, but it sounds as though
things with Janelle and Liliana are pressing. And as we know,
when you get cornered or experience significant stress, you
tend to wall yourself off emotionally.”
“Which is what I’m doing to my kid. God, that’s fucked
up.” Liliana did not luck out in the parental department.
“You’re not doing this on purpose. What is it?” Dr. Patricia
tilts her head forward.
 “A defense mechanism I learned as a child to protect
myself.”
“Correct.” She taps her pen on her legal pad. “Tell me how
your first interaction went with Liliana.”
“It hasn’t happened yet. Not really. She was asleep when I
spoke to her mother, and she was still asleep when I went back
an hour later to swab her cheek for the paternity test.” I’ve
believed enough of Janelle’s lies over the years. I can’t take
her at her word this kid is mine, even though she definitely
looks like she could be. I gunned it to a twenty-four-hour
pharmacy where I bought one of those mail-in tests. “She slept
through the whole thing, and I haven’t been back since.”
“It’s only Monday. You say you saw them late Friday
night?” When I nod, she continues. “When do you get the
results?”
“Based on my prior experience with these things, in a few
days.” Dr. Patricia knows all about what happened last year
with Poppy. After it became a huge scandal, the whole country
probably knows. “I express-mailed it this morning.”
“Not taking any chances?”
“Hell no.”
“I suspect the key element in dealing with your frustration
will be reminding yourself that Liliana is not at fault for how
her mother’s treated you.”
“Right. Of course not.”
“She’s been completely at the mercy of Janelle.”
I nod, absorbing her words. But one thing keeps bothering
me. “I’m worried. Shouldn’t I feel something for the kid? I
mean, she’s cute, but beyond that, shouldn’t I feel some love
and affection for her?” I swallow, hating how I’m built like a
slab of stone on the inside.
Dr. Patricia gives me a patient smile, one that reminds me
of my mom for some reason. “Get to know her. Spend time
with her. Open your heart to her, and the love will come.”
And that’s the question. Can I open my heart to her? Or to
anyone else for that matter?
Because I’m not sure I have any love to give.

I pull up Sienna’s name and hit dial. I hate making phone calls,
but she was supposed to text me this morning and check in to
let me know she was doing okay. It goes to voicemail.
“Sienna. Hey. Let me know you’re alive and if you need
anything.” Not one to be chatty in voicemails, I hang up and
stare at the crappy motel Janelle and Lily are staying at.
Guilt creeps into me, and I wonder if I should find them a
nicer place. Is it shitty to want to wait until I get the paternity
results back? Probably. I’m an asshole, I one hundred percent
know this, but she’s led me around by my dick before, and I
don’t plan to get duped twice.
This is not how I wanted to spend today, but Dr. Patricia
encouraged me to spend time with the baby.
When I knock, Janelle flings open the motel door and
slams into me, her arms wrapping around my neck in a tight,
one-sided hug. I wait for her to realize I’m not planning to
reciprocate anytime this decade.
After a long, awkward moment, she takes the hint and
slides back to the ground with a giggly laugh, one that
would’ve enchanted me a few years ago. Now it just irks me.
 “Did you even look through the peephole before you
opened the door? What if it was Ernest?” She has a full face of
makeup and she’s wearing a sports bra and a tiny pair of
shorts, but my dick doesn’t seem to care. Funny, but this was
what I was expecting Friday night. Now she could be prancing
around naked, and there’s no way we’d fuck.
She frowns. “He doesn’t knock like you do.”
“How do I knock?”
She laughs again. “Like you’re the DEA coming to bust
me.”
I step past her, not interested in hearing all the ways I’m
too intense or too edgy or whatever. My eyes immediately find
Liliana, who’s sitting in front of the TV, eating Cheerios off
the low-pile carpet.
That’s disgusting. I’ve heard about the raging parties that
go down here during the school year, and this carpet looks like
something out of the eighties. My old housemate pitched a fit
anytime he saw his kid eating crap off the ground, and we
have wood floors that occasionally got swept and mopped. I
don’t want to know what’s been squirted, dragged, or spilled
across these carpets.
I scoop up the kid and flick the dirty food out of her hand.
Liliana’s lower lip juts out, her body goes stiff, and she lets out
a wail so loud, my ears ring.
“Fuck.” I hold her in the air while she flails, not sure what
to do. Damn, this is not how I wanted to kick things off with
her.
Janelle rolls her eyes, takes the toddler from me, and sets
her back down on the floor. “I thought you were supposed to
be the smart one.” She grabs another handful of cereal and
puts it on a napkin that she sets on the floor.
“Why are you feeding her on the ground? That floor is
fucking filthy. There’s a perfectly good table two feet away
from you.”
She glares at me. “Do you see a highchair? How am I
supposed to keep her seated there?”
“I don’t know. On your lap.”
“Spoken like a man who doesn’t have any kids.”
“Maybe if you’d given me half a chance when Lily was
born, two years ago, I’d be better at this by now.”
Her shoulders slump. “I know, okay? I know. I’m sorry.”
Whatever.
I look down at Liliana, who’s forgotten her meltdown and
is double-fisting cereal and shoving it into her mouth. At least
this stuff is off the napkin.
I’ll admit I know nothing about kids, but I have sisters—
Gabby and my younger cousins, Bianca and Hannah, who are
Tío Julio’s kids. They were older than Liliana when my uncle
adopted me, but how hard can one child be? I mean, we
already got the tantrum out of the way, right?
I crouch down by her, taking note of her thick black hair.
With her chubby cheeks, big brown eyes, and thick long
lashes, she looks exactly like my baby picture. My heart does
some weird twisty thing in my chest.
In my head, I hear what Dr. Patricia said this morning
about opening myself to Liliana. I have no clue what that
requires, but I suppose it begins with talking to her.
 “Hey, Lily. How’s it going, kid?”
She never turns away from the TV where some sparkly
dragon drags his ass across a stage and sings about being
happy.
I run my hand over her silky locks and smile when she
finally looks up at me. Rider always talks softly to his kid, so I
try to imitate his voice. “Hey, baby. How are you?”
Christ almighty, now I have to pretend to be a nice guy.
But it’s not like I want to be an asshole to my daughter.
“Num-nums.” She holds out a gooey palm of cereal. “Eat
beefass.”
Beefass?
“She means breakfast,” Janelle says as she plops down on
the bed. “She really means lunch because she ate breakfast at
the crack of dawn and then a snack and then a second snack.”
It’s barely eleven in the morning. I guess it’s a good thing
I’m an early riser.
I glance around the small room. Aside from a pile of dirty
laundry in the corner and a mini-fridge, Janelle didn’t bring
much.
“What do you guys need? Besides a highchair?” I stand
and pull out the notes app on my phone and type that on my
list. “I can make a run to Target or Walmart or whatever and
get her some basics.” Remembering all the crap Rider had to
buy for Poppy gives me pause. “Course, I’m not sure where
it’s all gonna fit.”
Janelle sits up and fidgets. Bites her lip. Fidgets some
more. “Can’t we stay with you? You said you were going to
think about it.”
 “Do you really wanna stay with me and my girlfriend?” I
blurt, a little shocked with myself.
I’m not sure where those words come from, but now that
they’re out there, I’m glad to have some kind of barrier
between me and Janelle. I don’t want her thinking we’re ever
gonna be an item again.
Her eyes narrow. “You have a girlfriend? Since when?”
“Keeping tabs on me?”
She flushes. “I mean, yeah. Maybe. I just… your cousin
didn’t think you were dating anyone.”
“My family doesn’t know shit about my life here in
Charming.”
Her brow furrows. “So… is it serious? So serious you
came here for a booty call on Friday night?”
Busted.
But it’s not like I’ll ever confess anything to her.
“I came here because you begged me to talk, remember?
But yes, I was planning to move in with Sienna for the
remainder of the summer and our senior year.” Sienna needs a
roommate, so this isn’t farfetched.
Maybe Olly was onto something with our neighbor
pretending to be my girlfriend. How much would that really
require anyway? Maybe nothing if I can convince Janelle she
doesn’t want to stay with me in the first place.
She runs her finger along the bedspread and laughs.
“Just… I’d be really grateful if we could move in.” Her voice
drops to a sultry purr. “You and I already have a baby, but we
could always be friends with benefits, Ben. No one would
have to know.”
 Her nipples are hard and poking through the flimsy sports
bra. They barely contain her big tits. She tilts her head, and her
long hair spills over her shoulder as she smiles.
You know that saying? Making a deal with the Devil?
That’s what I feel like she’s offering right now. Not that she’s
inherently evil or anything. Just that getting in bed with this
woman, literally or figuratively, would only lead to bad things.
The next time my aunt asks me why I’m not dating a nice
girl, in my head, I can point to this moment. Janelle was the
last person I let myself have feelings for, and look what that
got me.
I promise myself I’ll never date another liar. Hell, I might
never seriously date again. Because right now, I can’t envision
ever trusting anyone the way I stupidly trusted the woman
sitting across from me.
I cross my arms. I’m not the hayseed Janelle dated in high
school. Not to sound like a douchebag, but I can think of a
dozen girls who’d be down to fuck tonight, no strings
attached. I can’t take the credit for that—it’s a perk of being on
a championship football team.
So I don’t need to dabble with an ex. That I even
considered it makes me want to punch myself in the face.
I decide right here and now that I’m not moving just
because this kid could be mine. I’m done being manipulated
by Janelle. When we get the paternity results back, then I’ll
decide what to do. I’ll get stuff for the kid because our families
go way back, and Janelle obviously needs help, but anything
beyond that can wait.
“Have you even heard from Ernest? You said you were
worried about him tracking you down, but it’s not like he’d
have a reason to come to Charming.”
Her smile drops as fear tightens her eyes. “He’s, uh, he’s
always been controlling. I’m not joking when I say I’m afraid
of what he might do.”
What does it say that she’d rather be with a controlling
dick than you?
That remoteness I’m always fighting sweeps over me.
“If you want to stay in a nicer place that has better security,
let me know. I’ll pay for it. Once we get the paternity results,
we’ll work out custody. That’s what I can offer.”
That’s all I can offer.
10
 SIENNA

A LOUD BANGING wakes me up.

And it won’t stop.
I crawl out of bed and drag myself to the front door, where
I find Ben with a fierce scowl on his face.
“You’re supposed to text me back every day to let me
know you didn’t die of a brain aneurism.”
It takes a second to process what he’s saying. Since I spent
most of the weekend convalescing on his couch, this is the
first day I’ve been on my own, and I already blew it. But
before I can open my mouth to apologize, he hands me a bag
of food, stalks into my house, and heads for the kitchen where
he sets down a tray of drinks.
“I mean, yeah, come in.” I probably shouldn’t be joking, as
he does not look like he’s in the mood.
He pauses while he reaches for a plate. “Sorry. Shit.”
When he turns to face me, that anger in his eyes is replaced
with embarrassment… and concern? “Hi, Sienna. I brought an
early dinner. Can I come in so we can talk?”
My lips twitch as I try not to smile. I open the giant bag
and take a whiff. “Did you really bring me a po’ boy sandwich
from the Yellow Rose? Those are my favorite.”
 The furrow in his brow smooths. “I might have had a clue.
Rider was always grabbing these for Gabby, so I took a
gamble and figured you might like them too.”
“She and I always shared because one is too big for either
of us.”
I smile. He grins in response before his eyes take a slow
travel down my body and quickly dart up again. He coughs
and turns around to finish grabbing plates.
Glancing down, I realize I’m only wearing a t-shirt and
undies, but the t-shirt goes past my thighs.
“Don’t be shy. You’ve seen more at those pool parties you
guys host,” I tease.
“Yeah, but you’re Gabby’s best friend, and I don’t wanna
make things weird.”
“With Gabby or me?”
“Either.”
I’m mildly disappointed he doesn’t want to check me out,
but I understand. I hold up a finger as I head back to my
bedroom and toss on some baggy shorts.
When I come back, he has his hands braced on the kitchen
sink.
“What’s wrong?”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Do you ever feel like life is
humming along perfectly, and then suddenly, out of nowhere,
everything goes to shit?”
“Yeah. I do.” I move next to him at the sink and look out
the window. Like when I found Penelope in bed with my
father, riding him like her life depended on it. If I could get a
shrink to knock me unconscious and replace that memory, I’d
do it in a heartbeat.
Ben doesn’t need to hear about my rich girl problems. But
it sounds like he could use a friend. I could too.
I lean my head on his shoulder. “I was supposed to join Cal
at the coast later this week, and now I hate him with the force
of a thousand suns, and I cry all the time. I can’t tell if it’s
because I have a head injury or if I’m genuinely upset.”
Ben’s arm comes around my shoulder in a quasi-hug. “I’m
sorry he’s an asshole. I… I should’ve said something to you
about his… nocturnal activities. I regret that I didn’t. I wasn’t
completely sure, but still, I could’ve given you a heads-up.”
“You and I barely spoke before last weekend. I don’t
blame you for minding your own business. I just hate that I
was so blind. The whole damn campus probably knew, but I
didn’t see the warning signs, or maybe I didn’t believe them. It
reminds me of my mother.”
He shifts, and I can tell he’s looking at me. “Did your dad
cheat on your mom?”
“She’s never outright told me anything, but the older I get,
the more I start to wonder if he did.” The gossip rags say he
did. And maybe I need to give the gossip more credence. “But
I used to worship my father. I still do in a lot of ways, only
now I know he makes mistakes. Big ones. I used to never want
to hear anything negative about my dad, but now that I see I’m
capable of being blind to so much stuff, I feel like I need to
wake up and smell the coffee.”
Ben squeezes me, and his other arm comes around, and I
drop my head to his chest and close my eyes where I sniffle. “I
hate being needy,” I admit.
 “You’re awesome, Sienna. A ray of fucking sunshine, and
I hate seeing you upset. And you’re not needy—you’re
human.”
“Thanks.” I tilt my head up and smile at him. He’s so tall, I
have to crane my head back. Even from this brief time in his
arms I can tell he’s ripped. I mean, I’ve seen him at pool
parties looking buff and beautiful, but I don’t want to perv on
my friend. I definitely don’t think about his hard pecs or
bulging biceps or how mouthwateringly good he smells. “Let’s
eat. I’m starving.”
He studies my face before his eyes dip down to my mouth.
He nods and lets me go.
We’re quiet as we plate the food and set out everything.
“Are you going to tell me what has you so upset today?” I
ask as we sit on opposite sides of the couch. “Aside from me
not responding to your calls. And I’m sorry about that—I’ve
pretty much been sleeping all day. Which is why I look like
this.” I wave my hand over myself.
He takes a huge bite of the sandwich and rolls his eyes.
“Even with a head injury and two black eyes, you’re still
gorgeous, so don’t give me that crap.”
He thinks I’m gorgeous? God, why did I waste my time on
Cal?
“Have I told you that you might be my new best friend? I
hope you’re ready for this.” I’m about to make a stage-five
clinger joke when his next words still me.
“I told my sister I’d look out for you, and I meant it.”
My smile withers away. Is that the only reason Ben checks
on me? Because Gabby asked him to?
 Suddenly, all of his concern—the way he took me to the
airport, how he worried over me at the hospital, how he’s kept
an eye on me since then—takes on new meaning.
I’m an idiot. Of course he’s just doing Gabby a favor.
The bite of sandwich in my mouth becomes a lump I can
barely swallow. I take a long sip of the sweet tea.
Emptiness wells within me, but I do my best to shrug it
off. This is a good reminder. I cannot be interested in Ben
anyway. In the long run, he’d probably break my heart. And
that’s something not even Cal managed.
Yes, I was infatuated with Cal for a while, and I definitely
lusted after him, but obviously our relationship lacked depth.
How else could my feelings for him vanish so quickly after I
found out he cheated on me?
But then Ben holds up a finger and trots his muscular ass
to my kitchen.
And comes back with a cupcake.
And a candle.
“For your birthday. Which I know sucked balls. The guys
and I want to invite you to come to the lake with us as a late
birthday celebration.”
My mouth drops open. That little cupcake means more to
me than all the expensive gifts my dad had his secretary get
me over the years.
Ben sits back down on the couch. “You’ve had a lousy few
days, and I feel like I owe you for helping Gabby and Rider so
much last year. I’m not lying when I say you saved our asses
by babysitting Poppy so much.” He clears his throat. “And I
know I’ve been a shitty brother to Gabby. Trust me when I say
I’m working on it. But it meant a lot to me that she had you to
watch her back.”
I blink quickly and smile. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“I’d love to go to the lake with you guys. As long as I
wouldn’t be cramping your style or anything.”
“As long as you don’t mind sharing a cabin with three
dudes, two of whom have questionable hygiene habits.”
We chat about the plan—we’ll leave in a week for a four-
day stay at a Canyon Lake cabin. The thought of getting away
and being able to forget all the horrible crap that’s happened is
reason enough to jump at this opportunity. I love outdoorsy
stuff, and I definitely haven’t done enough of it since I’ve been
in Texas.
“There’s rafting, horseback riding, skiing, hiking, a whole
assortment of options for how we can spend our time,” he says
around another big bite of his sandwich.
“That sounds awesome, but…”
His brows lift as he waits for me to finish.
“What about your baby? Will your ex watch her all that
time?”
He rubs his forehead. “Totally honest here. I haven’t
figured out the logistics just yet. But the guys are on board
with you going if I have to stay behind. You’re invited
regardless of what I have to do.”
Well, that sucks.
Blowing out a big breath, he drops his empty plate on the
coffee table. “Actually, can I ask you a huge favor? You can
say no. In fact, you probably should. And before I tell you
what it is, your answer in no way affects the trip or the
invitation.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“Unfortunately, it is. But… I’ve talked myself into a
situation.”
“Aren’t you supposed to talk yourself out of situations?”
“If I was a smart man, yes, I would’ve done that.”
I can’t deny that Ben’s self-deprecating humor does
something to me. He seems all stalwart and stoic, but he has a
vulnerable side I’m guessing not many people see.
Clearing his throat again, he winces. “Feel free to punch
me in the face for this, but I might have told Janelle I had a
girlfriend.” He gives me a pointed look.
It takes me a few seconds to connect the dots. “Me?”
“Yes, and I’m so sorry. I panicked. She was pressuring me
to let her move in with me—”
“She wants to move in with you? Now that’s a bad idea.”
“Right? Thank you. That’s what I figured. Anyway, I was
thinking about how Olly said you needed a roommate, and I
meant to go with that, tell her I was moving in with you, and
then I just took things too far, telling her you were my
girlfriend.”
For a hot second, my mind runs with this scenario, and I
can’t deny how much I like it.
Internally, I sigh. That bottle to my head must’ve
scrambled my brains because last thing I need is to take up
with another jock.
 I gulp down another long sip of my tea to buy myself a
minute and convince myself this has ‘catastrophe’ written all
over it.
“You’re pissed. Forget I said anything.” Ben starts to get
up.
“Sit down. I’m not upset. Just surprised. Tell me what you
would need me to do.”
He drops back down onto the couch and plants his elbows
on his muscular thighs. “I’m not sure. I’m really fucking
confused. Olly’s right—if the paternity test proves the kid is
mine, I’ll need a place to stay for Lily’s sake.” He rubs the
bridge of his nose. “Which… that probably takes precedence
over fabricating a girlfriend, right?”
“Child security should come first, yes.” I try to hide my
smile as I watch him brood. “Okay, let’s make this easy and
untangle everything. You need a place to stay, at least when
you have your daughter, assuming she’s yours. So stay here
when you have her. We’ll clean up Destiny’s room and make it
kid-friendly. Cover the electrical outlets, make sure there
aren’t any sharp corners on whatever furniture you bring
over.”
He nods slowly. “That would be great. Training camp is
starting soon, and that needs my whole focus. The dorms we
usually stay in are being remodeled, which I guess works in
my favor, because then I can spend time with Lily in the
evenings. But I can find another living situation for the fall. I
don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck with us forever.”
Would that be so bad?
Yes, Sienna. Think for once. You do not want to fall for the
second-biggest player on the campus. Didn’t Cal screw you
over enough for one lifetime?
That sobers me up.
I vow it to myself—I, Sienna Cruz, will keep the epically
handsome and emotionally unavailable Ben Rodriguez in the
friend zone.
No naked funsies. No friends with bennies or getting under
him to get over my ex. Completely platonic.
I can do this. I think.
He’s not looking for anything serious anyway. With the
responsibilities he has as a Division I football player with a kid
and a high maintenance ex, Ben will have his hands full.
And if he’s only planning to stay here for the last month of
summer, I can look for a full-time roommate in the fall.
Financially, I can swing it until then.
“So we’ll be roomies. What else? You need me to bat my
eyelashes at you if Janelle is around and pretend I’m into
you?”
He nods slowly as the color rises in his cheeks. “I hate to
ask it of you, but yeah, that would be great. Maybe a little
hand-holding or some hugs. Nothing major.”
Sure. Nothing major. Just pretend to be into Ben.
11
 BEN

I STARE AT THE SCREEN , wishing the paternity report said

something different. Like, You’re off the hook, asshole! You
weren’t dumb enough to knock up the woman who shredded
your heart. You’re not stuck with her… for life!
Except that’s not what my laptop says.
Swallowing so I don’t puke up my breakfast, I try to
remind myself of something wise Dr. Patricia says so I can
calm the fuck down. But I can’t shake the idea that Janelle and
I are parents. Together. And now she’ll be a permanent fixture
in my life. But worse, Liliana is stuck with me.
Anxiety ratchets up my spine when I consider all the ways
I could fuck up that kid. She deserves better. She deserves a
dad who wants kids. Who knows how to be around them. Who
doesn’t have massive panic attacks when he’s around what’s
left of his real family.
Janelle and I are a shitshow on a good day. What’s gonna
happen on the bad ones?
For some reason, Sienna comes to mind. Why couldn’t she
have been the one I knocked up? She’s sweet and chill and fun
and hot as hell.
I text Janelle.
The test was positive. But I guess you knew that.

Maybe that was an assholish thing to say, but fuck it. She lied
about it for years. Besides, I am an asshole. Best she get used
to this version of me instead of the pussy-whipped douche
who followed her around in high school.
Those three little dots start bouncing around, but before
she responds, I tell her we’re going to Target to get baby crap.
So I can actually take care of the baby.
Scary shit, right there.
“I guess it’s time I figure out my head from my ass and
learn how to take care of Lily,” I mumble.
Scarier words have never been said.
An hour later, I’m standing in hell. AKA the baby aisle of
Target.
“Oh, my God, this is so freaking cute,” Janelle squeals as
she holds up some pink monstrosity.
“Does Liliana really need a tutu hanging off her ass?”
Janelle ignores me as she rifles through more girlie shit.
I glance around, feeling like aliens have abducted me. I’m
surrounded by breast pumps and baby wipes and butt paste.
Why would butt paste be in the children’s aisle, you ask? No
fucking clue. And if I’m lucky, I’ll never have to find out.
Lily chucks her bottle out of the stroller, and when it lands,
the lid pops off and milk goes everywhere.
 I’m not a religious man, but right now it feels like I’m
being punished for not going to church with Tía Teresa more
often when I was growing up.
After I clean up the mess with a million wipes, I rub the
spot between my eyes that started pounding a little while ago.
When I got the paternity results this morning, I figured
Janelle would know what I’d need for my new place—my fake
apartment at Sienna’s—but so far, all she wants to do is
accessorize pink outfits.
Sienna, bless her beautiful soul, said we could bring over
all this crap today to get Lily’s situation set up and make sure
Janelle got the message loud and clear that I wasn’t on the
menu.
When Janelle’s done crooning about the pink tutu, I launch
into my spiel again, the one she keeps avoiding. “So how are
we going to deal with custody? I need to figure this out,
Janelle. I have training camp coming up that has the potential
to suck the life from my body in this South Texas heat. I won’t
be in a good headspace then to make any kind of decisions
about this.”
Dr. Patricia is always reminding me to not make
monumental decisions when I’m stressed, which sounds
reasonable, though it’s not always practical. Don’t big
decisions automatically skyrocket your stress?
Janelle turns her face up to me and lifts an eyebrow. “I
could suck the life from your body,” she whispers in a sultry
purr.
I check in with my dick, which doesn’t respond, thank
God. Because a man can dislike someone and still want to
fuck her silly. But I’m pretty sure she carved that up like a
holiday turkey senior year of high school. Even last Friday
night when I thought I was headed for a booty call, nothing
below the belt got invested.
“As I keep telling you, I’m not interested, Janelle. In this
life or the next. We are co-parents. That’s it.”
She pouts, which I used to find so appealing for some
reason. Now I just want to roll my eyes.
“But our parents would be so happy if we happened,” she
whines.
I grit my teeth. I’ve been putting off calling Tío Julio,
because if he’s known all this time that Janelle had my kid,
I’m not sure how I’m gonna handle that.
“Our parents will learn to live with the disappointment.” I
stare at Lily, who eyes me warily as she kicks her feet. “She
doesn’t talk much, huh?”
That worries me. Because Rider’s kid, who’s barely one—
I think?—baby-talks nonstop.
“She doesn’t know you. Give her some time.”
I crouch in front of Lily and smile. “Hey, peanut. How’s it
going?”
Her bottom lip juts out just like her mother’s, except then
it quivers, and tears well in her eyes.
Please don’t tell me she hates me already.
Janelle pulls me up. “Don’t get in her face.” She hands
Lily a baggie of Fruit Loops.
“Doesn’t that cereal have a lot of sugar? Won’t that make
her bounce off the walls?” I don’t know much about kids, but
my aunt and uncle never had any fun cereal because they
insisted the sugar was bad for us.
Janelle sighs. “That’s the point. She’ll wear herself out and
take a long nap. Which, FYI, is when you want to nap too.”
Maybe it’s too early in this co-parenting thing to tell
Janelle her business, except Lily is my business too, and I
don’t want her hooked on sugary cereal. But what the fuck do
I know?
I’ll ask Sienna or my sister for their two cents before I
make any declarations about what the kid should be eating.
Lily tosses a handful of cereal at me like she’s warding me
off.
As I pick the food off the floor and look for the nearest
trash can, I get the impression naps are not in my future.
I text Sienna as we wade through the checkout line.
Incoming.
12
 BEN

I UNLOAD the Target bags from my Rover and pray this doesn’t
go sideways. Sienna’s been through a lot lately, and I hate
putting this on her too, but she promised this wasn’t a big deal.
Janelle smiles at me as she bounces Lily on her hip.
I can’t deny this situation feels surreal. This right here, a
family with Janelle, is everything I thought I wanted in high
school. Someone I could devote my heart and soul to,
someone who would have my back.
Not having my parents and sister in my life fucked me up,
and I guess I figured having a family of my own would fill that
hole.
But when I look at Janelle, that brick wall I erected after
she dumped my sorry ass is bigger than ever.
I feel… nothing. Not anger or hatred or pain or affection.
Just this empty space she used to inhabit when we were kids
driving country roads and sharing our hopes for the future.
Who says apathy is bad? If it’ll protect me from this woman,
I’m down for apathy.
My only worry is that I won’t know how to let anyone else
in. Like my daughter.
 When we get to Sienna’s front door, I knock, and Janelle
gives me a look.
“Don’t you have a key?”
A key would be helpful in making this convincing,
wouldn’t it?
Before I can respond, the door opens, and Sienna gives me
a wide smile that brightens my whole day.
“Damn, you look… beautiful as always.” I want to say
‘edible.’ ‘Stunning.’ ‘Mouthwatering.’ But this is supposed to
be fake, and I don’t want to weird out my friend.
Sienna’s sporting some skintight yoga outfit, which
reminds me that Winston is a dumb motherfucker. The
bandage on her head is gone, and her hair is up in a ponytail
that hides the stitches. And the shiners are gone, which must
be makeup because when I checked in with her yesterday, she
still had bruises under her eyes.
The final result definitely has my attention.
Even my dick sits up and takes notice of Sienna.
She’s lean and toned everywhere. Sleek. Her breasts might
be on the smaller side, but it fits her gorgeous body. She’s like
a sculpture. A goddess. All I can think is that I’d like to take
her sweet nipples in my mouth and lave them with my tongue.
I can only hope she knows what Destiny said was bullshit.
Because her body is perfection. Much like her sunny
personality.
Here’s the truth. A lot of women are beautiful, but it’s
what’s on the inside that takes someone to the next level.
There I go, sounding like some Hallmark shit.
 Sienna’s smile widens, and she steps up on her tiptoes to
kiss my cheek, but I don’t notice until the last moment and
swing around to enter her house, which lands her mouth on
mine.
Our eyes connect, and hers widen for a split-second before
she closes them and runs her hand through my hair. “Missed
you,” she mumbles against my mouth, obviously for Janelle’s
sake, but damn. I can’t deny how much I like being greeted by
her like this.
It’s a quick kiss, but her soft lips on mine are enough for
me to wonder what it would be like to really plant one on her
without an audience.
Sienna plays off the awkward situation like a champ. Like
we do this all the time.
Then she notices Lily. “Oh, my goodness. Is this your
daughter? She’s such a beauty!”
Lily jams her thumb in her mouth and buries her face in
her mother’s neck.
Sienna smiles at my ex. “Hi, you must be Janelle.”
Sienna’s naturally friendly demeanor doesn’t exude even a hint
of cattiness, which I appreciate more than words can say,
because I have a feeling Janelle has more than enough attitude.
Janelle gives her a tight-lipped nod.
When she doesn’t say anything, Sienna ushers us in. “So
you knew this guy in high school? Was he a hottie then too?”
she asks with a chuckle, and for some reason, my ears get hot.
Janelle gets a blasé look on her face as she bounces Lily
again. “As example A suggests,” she says as she waves her
hand over our daughter, “he was good in the sack.”
 We were both virgins, so I don’t know how truthful that
statement is, but it’s obvious she’s pointing out how we fucked
first.
This is getting awkward fast. “Let’s set up all this shit so I
can take you back to the motel.”
I throw open the door to Destiny’s old room. It’s in the
front of the house, which means the street noise will probably
wake up the kid. “Fuck, I forgot to buy a sound machine.”
Gabby and Rider swear by that thing.
“Why is your stuff in here?” Janelle asks as her eyes dart
around the sparsely decorated room. There’s just a queen-sized
bed, a side table with a lamp, and two duffle bags with shit I
thought I might need on nights I had Lily.
I shrug. “Just because I sleep with Sienna doesn’t mean I
have to take over her room too. This way, my crap won’t get in
her way.”
I’m grateful I’m wearing jeans because the semi I sport at
the thought of sleeping next to my neighbor would be instantly
visible in gym shorts.
Sienna, like the sweetheart she is, starts unpacking the
Target bags, pausing to compliment a few of the outfits. “This
is adorable.” She holds up a light green hoodie combo I picked
out that has a football stitched on the front that I snatched from
the boy section.
Janelle gave me shit about it, but why the hell can’t a girl
wear this? Just because it has a football? It’s not like women
don’t appreciate the sport or, hell, can’t play it. I knew a
female kicker in high school who put all the boys to shame. I
glance at Liliana and wonder if she’ll like the game.
 “Did you get a pack ’n’ play?” Sienna asks, glancing at me
and then Janelle. “That way you can put the baby down. Your
arms are probably getting tired.”
I knew we were forgetting something. “No, we did not get
that. Why didn’t we?”
Janelle rolls her eyes. “You got a crib. Isn’t that enough?”
Sienna nibbles on her bottom lip, and for some reason, I
know she wants to say more, so I motion to her. “Cruz
Control, what are your thoughts?”
Her eyes light up. “Just that you might want to put the
baby in a pack ’n’ play if we’re making dinner. It doubles as a
play area and portable crib, so it’s easy to move it around the
house. If I’m watching her in the studio while I’m doing yoga,
I could set her up in there with me.”
I nod. “Makes sense.” Should’ve bought the damn thing.
I’ll have to make a new list for shit we forgot.
My ex tilts her head and glares at Sienna. “Why would you
be watching my daughter?”
Here we go.
Wanting to mark a clear line in the sand, I drape my arm
over Sienna’s shoulders and draw her to me. Damn, she’s a
nice fit. “I didn’t think this needed an explanation, but since
Sienna is my girlfriend, and since we live together, I don’t
think it’s a stretch for her to babysit. Especially since she
watched my roommate’s kid last year. She has lots of
experience.”
“Fine. I just don’t wanna find out you’re off doing
whatever, and Liliana is being dumped off with her all day.”
 I see now why people pray for patience because this
woman is testing mine. “So you’re telling me you watch Lily
twenty-four seven?”
Her jaw tightens. “I have a babysitter sometimes, but that’s
different than a girlfriend.”
“Maybe like the boyfriend you tried to pass off as Lily’s
father? Did he ever watch our kid?”
“That’s not fair, Ben.”
“No shit, it’s not fair. Nothing about this is fair.” Until this
moment, it didn’t hit me. How much of Liliana’s life I’ve
missed. But suddenly, it’s important. Like the most important
component of my life that I didn’t even know existed. “I’ve
been stripped of her first two years of life and the nine months
leading up to her birth. All of those ultrasounds. The first time
you heard her heartbeat. Her first words. The first time she
crawled. Walked. Everything. So don’t fucking tell me it’s not
fair.”
Janelle flinches, and Lily starts to cry.
Fuck. This right here is why I try to stay detached.
“Hey.” Sienna rubs my chest. “Take a deep breath, okay? I
get what she’s saying.”
I jerk back. “You do?”
“Yeah, it sucked when my dad brought his girlfriends
around after he divorced my mom. I understand why she’s
sensitive about it.”
Instantly, all the anger in me deflates. When Sienna puts it
like that, I feel like an asshole.
“Thank you,” Janelle mumbles.
 Sienna squeezes me with the other arm that’s wrapped
around my waist as she talks to my ex. “How about we start
over? I was about to order dinner. Why don’t you join us,
Janelle? That way you can get to know me a little. I realize it’s
hard to trust new people around your child, and I want you to
feel comfortable with this situation and know I have your
daughter’s best interests at heart.”
“I am hungry. You really don’t mind me staying for
dinner?” Janelle asks hesitantly.
I don’t want to spend more time with this woman today.
I’m about to suggest I pick up some dinner for her on the way
back to the motel when my lovely fake girlfriend responds.
“Not at all,” Sienna says sweetly. “You can tell me all of
the goofy things Ben did when he was in high school.”
The two of them waltz off to the kitchen, and I’m left
scratching my head.
What the hell just happened here?
13
 SIENNA

F OR ALL OF my complaints about my father, I definitely felt

like I channeled “a parent” a minute ago with the stuff I told
Janelle. And while I meant every word, until last year when I
moved in with Gabby, I would’ve described myself more as a
wild child rather than a judicious child caregiver. I guess being
around kids has changed me.
See, Sienna, you can adult when you really want to.
Janelle and I chat about Liliana’s food preferences and nap
times. Gabby always took notes for things like this, so I break
out a pad of paper and pen and jot down what Janelle tells me
so she can feel confident her daughter will be well cared for.
By the time the food arrives, Janelle seems more relaxed.
The longer we talk, the more I think maybe we can be friends.
“So how did you guys meet?” Janelle asks as she nibbles
on a slice of pizza.
She and I are sitting on the couch, and Ben is parked in the
recliner next to me.
I reach for my drink, shove the straw in my mouth to
occupy it, and look to Ben to answer this question. I’m not
sure what kind of backstory he wants.
 He’s quiet as his dark eyes study me. “I first noticed
Sienna when she was hanging out with my sister. They were
walking on campus last fall, and Sienna was hauling this huge
workout bag. It was bigger than she was.”
I still, realizing he’s sharing something that actually
happened.
He never takes his eyes off me as he tells the story. “Her
sneaker fell out of her bag, and I retrieved it for her. The smile
she gave me…” He holds his hand over his heart. “Swear to
God, it was the best smile anyone had ever given me.”
My heart pounds as we stare at each other. “I lost my
slipper,” I joke.
His lips tug up. “My very own little Cinderella.”
With an internal shake of my head, I remind myself that
this sexual tension with Ben isn’t real. Even though it sure
feels genuine.
How long do we have to pretend to date?
Lily tosses a chunk of crust, and it hits me in the side of
the head.
Janelle laughs. “Sorry, not sorry.”
Or… maybe we won’t be friends.
I rub the spot and wonder if the baby has a future in sports.
She nailed me right on my stitches.
Ben leans close and rubs my head for me, and he pulls me
to his chest. “You okay?” he whispers.
I nod against him and try to play off how much that hurt.
That whole part of my scalp is still really tender.
 “It was just a piece of bread, for God’s sake,” Janelle says.
“Ben, remember Mr. Rizzo’s pizza place by my parents’ old
house? The one we used to go to all the time in middle school?
Now those were some hard breadsticks. Pretty sure you’d need
stitches if you got conked by one of those.”
I sit back in my seat and give her a weak smile. “You guys
knew each other in middle school?”
“We’ve known each other since second grade,” she says
pointedly. “Our whole lives basically. Our parents are best
friends too. We grew up together. Saw each other every day.
Fell in love. Had a baby.”
Ben makes a choked sound, and by his expression, I can
tell he’s gearing up to lay into her.
I consider what she’s really saying as I turn to her and try
to gentle my words. “Listen, I know this must be hard for you,
seeing your ex move on, but I’m not the enemy. You guys
were over a long time ago. Ben has had other women in his
life before me.” A lot of other women, but I don’t say that.
“And I’m not trying to encroach on your co-parenting
situation. What you two have with your baby will always be
special. My relationship with Ben does nothing to diminish
that.”
I’m sure it’s easier for me to say this because I’m not in an
actual relationship with Ben. If I were, I’m guessing I’d feel
more possessive.
“You’re right,” she says, nodding slowly. “What Ben and I
have will always be special. I’m the mother of his child. Can’t
get more special than that. A part of him will be mine.
Forever.” Her lips tilt up in a beautiful smile.
Really beautiful. Because she’s a gorgeous woman.
 I hate that my stomach hurts when she says those words
because I’m just the fake girlfriend, but the thought that
Janelle tossed Ben away like she did and now wants him front
and center in her life makes me want to kick her out of my
house.
Reaching for my essential oil dispenser on the coffee table,
I take a whiff to calm down. To put things into perspective. To
bite my tongue so I don’t add more tension to whatever is
happening right now. If the situation with Cal taught me
anything, it’s that adding fuel to the fire is probably never the
best thing to do. Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet, I
remind myself.
“What?” Janelle asks, her eyes narrowed.
Damn. Did I say that out loud?
“Nothing. Just thinking about this line by Aristotle from
my classical lit course.” I wave it off. “It’s not important.”
Focus, Sienna. Focus. How can you help Ben with his baby
mama? “What, uh, what are your plans this summer?”
She shrugs. “Give Ernest some time to calm down. Head
home in a few weeks and hope he hasn’t tossed all my shit
onto the front yard.”
Oh, hey, I have some experience with that sort of thing.
“Will you be leaving Lily with Ben then? Or… how do you
guys plan to deal with custody?” I ask as I look between her
and Ben.
Because after being with Cal, I know the football training
camp later this summer will be tough.
Janelle roughly wipes Lily’s mouth, which has a red ring
of tomato sauce. “Dallas is too far to swap off often. Maybe
she could do four weeks here and four with me.”
 Ben drops his head into his hands. “I’m not gonna
sugarcoat this, but the next few months are probably the most
important of my career. I’d be lying if I said I’ll have tons of
time to spend with her. Sienna said she can help me, but I’ll be
stretched thin. I know it’s doable because my buddy just
survived a similar situation, but we have a new coach who’s
known as a ballbuster whereas Sully, our coach last year, was
pretty chill. More like a father figure.”
“Don’t tell that to Tío Julio,” she jokes, and Ben chuckles
in agreement.
His eyes warm and crinkle at the corners as he smiles at
her, and I’m instantly jealous. Which is freaking ridiculous!
What Ben and I have isn’t even real.
I don’t understand why I’m so drawn to him. Sure, I had a
huge crush on him freshman year, but he said himself he was
checking in on me because his sister asked him to. I can’t let
my imagination get carried away when it comes to this fake
dating thing we’re doing.
I don’t get Janelle’s joke, but I don’t stop them to ask what
they mean.
She licks her lips. “I know you said I couldn’t live with
you this summer, but would it help if I moved down to
Charming?”
God, no.
Choking down another sip of tea, I pray for some serious
Zen vibes. Because while having Janelle closer would
probably make life easier for Ben in a lot of ways, that means
I’d have to see her too. At least if Ben wants to keep up this
façade. And as things stand now, I’ll be needing a serious
session of yoga and meditation to recover from tonight.
 When Ben doesn’t say anything, Janelle adds, “Maybe just
for the next year. So we could swap off with the baby when
you need to. I was only taking a few community college
classes in Dallas. It’s not a big deal to transfer here for a
while.”
She suddenly sounds so rational. So reasonable.
And that makes me instantly suspicious.
“Could you swing that?” he asks slowly. “I could help you
find a place. Pay for some of your rent. Maybe there’s
something in the neighborhood.”
This is good, I tell myself as I surreptitiously take slow,
deep breaths. They’re working things out. As our family
shrink told my mother, it’s healthier for kids if their parents
aren’t arguing constantly in front of them. And Lily will be
able to see her mom and dad more often.
Then why do I feel like I need something stronger than
tea?
14
 BEN

T HIS WAS A BAD FUCKING IDEA .

A quick glance in my rearview mirror has me gripping the

steering wheel tighter when my eyes collide with Janelle’s.
I’m gonna kill Johnny.
Because the other day, when we were leaving Sienna’s, I
needed to get my phone charger, so Janelle, Lily, and I stopped
by my house, and that’s when my roommate opened his big
fucking mouth.
Johnny somehow thought it would be a great idea to invite
my ex and kid to the lake for the four-day trip that was
supposed to be my first chance to relax in months. Sure, he
apologized later, but it was too late.
When Janelle looked to me to make sure it was okay with
me, what was I supposed to do? Tell her no and look like an
asshole? I’d been fully resigned to staying behind and hanging
with my daughter so I could get to know her. I thought I’d use
the rest of the time to mentally prepare for next week’s
training camp. I’d planned to unwind. In other words, sleep,
jerk off, and watch a crap-load of Netflix. In that order.
But no. Because Janelle was so excited, she threw herself
at me like a flying koala bear, all arms and legs that wrapped
around me. Just in time for Sienna to open the front door and
see this woman pawing me.
Now that I’ve been “examining my feelings,” as Dr.
Patricia likes to say, I realize I had no reason to feel guilty. It’s
not like Sienna and I are truly dating, but at the same time, if
we were, having Janelle pasted to me would’ve been
disrespectful to Sienna. For the briefest moment, it seemed
like she was hurt. That it bothered her to see Janelle clinging
to me before I’d had a chance to peel her off me.
Sienna waited for Janelle to disengage her stranglehold on
my neck before she handed her Lily’s diaper bag, which she’d
forgotten. And then she gave me a patient smile and left.
I wanted to run after her. To tell my pretend girlfriend that
Janelle’s overtures don’t mean anything to me.
I groan and run my hand through my hair.
This fake dating shit is screwing with my head.
“You’re doing a lot of groaning over there,” Sienna says
softly from the passenger seat. “You okay?” Before I can
respond, she holds up her iced tea to me. “Want a sip?”
“Yeah, thanks.” I’m not expecting this green tea
concoction because we Texans drink mostly black tea with lots
of sugar, but it’s surprisingly good.
I hand it back to her and glance in the rear view again. Lily
is knocked out in her car seat. Thanks to the additional mirror
Sienna arranged back there, I can see the kid while I’m
driving. I eventually agreed to do this so I could spend time
with my daughter, who hasn’t been jazzed to hang out with
me.
Every time I pick her up, she kicks and fusses and cries.
Not gonna lie—it’s disheartening. I figured if we did
something fun, maybe she’d warm up to me. The only
drawback is that Janelle is along for the ride. Again, thank you,
Johnny. You’re officially on my shit list.
When Janelle starts digging around in her giant purse, I
turn to Sienna. “I’m stressed out,” I whisper.
“I can’t imagine why,” she whispers back with a
sympathetic smile.
Goddamn, she’s cute. All sexy in some faded cutoffs, flip-
flops, and a white tank top over a bikini. Her hair is in a messy
bun. No makeup except what I’m guessing is a little to hide
some bruising under her eyes. Plus, she smells delicious. Like
vanilla and sugar and sunshine. It makes me want to lick all of
that golden skin on display.
I really fucking dig this low-key girl.
“I have to pee,” Janelle whines from the backseat.
Dios ayúdame.
Yes, I find myself praying for help when I’m around this
woman. We left not half an hour ago.
I pull into a gas station. She gets out and comes around to
my window. I roll it down and frown at her when she leans her
arms against my Rover.
“You want anything?” she asks while giving me those big
doe eyes I used to love. She’s all made up today, lots of
makeup, fake eyelashes that might affect the jet stream, and a
string bikini with triangles that barely cover her nipples. If she
leans over any farther, they’ll be in my face.
“Nah. Thanks. Hey, beautiful,” I call to Sienna as I turn to
her. “You want anything?”
 The smile she gives me is epic. Sienna likes the little
nicknames I give her.
There’s something else I’d love to give her. I squash that
thought almost as quickly as it comes to mind and repeat the
mantra I’ve been telling myself all week—I will not perv on
Sienna. She’s my friend. Friend.
She shakes her head.
When I return my attention to Janelle, she’s already
walking away. I watch her sashay her ass into the store. It’s
round. A handful. If I’m being honest, Janelle is a hot little
dish. Like a Mexican Kardashian. She’s even more attractive
than she was in high school, and that’s saying something
because I thought she was a knockout then. But after
everything that’s happened between us, now I know her
character, and that far outweighs any external window
dressing.
Part of me is terrified I’m gonna wake up one day and be
pussy-whipped over her again, so I keep testing myself.
Checking to see if I’m attracted to her. But nope. There’s
nothing. Neither head is interested. I blow out a relieved
breath.
Sienna clears her throat, and I blink, embarrassed she
caught me checking out my ex, but she gives another one of
those patient smiles she’s been leveling me with lately.
“She’s gorgeous,” she says quietly. “You’d have to be dead
to not appreciate it.”
I glance at Lily in the rear view, grateful she’s still asleep,
and I shake my head. “This whole thing is fucking me up.” I
keep my voice low because I don’t want to wake up the baby.
“She’s literally the last person on the planet I want to spend
this vacation with. I mean, sure, she’s attractive, but once
someone does you dirty, there’s no resurrecting any attraction.
Which I’m grateful for.”
“I get that.” She sighs and looks out the window.
Of course Sienna would understand. She just got
backstabbed by her boyfriend.
“I don’t mean to make this all about myself. You’ve been
through some shit lately too. Has that asshole been bothering
you?”
She pulls out her phone and opens her Instagram profile.
“Someone has been tagging me in Cal’s vacation photos in the
comments. I guess to make sure I see them?”
I take it from her outstretched hand and click through her
notifications. He’s in small groups of girls in almost every
photo. In at least two, he’s making out with someone.
“Is that your old roommate?” I ask out loud before I can
think better of it.
“Yup. I half-thought to warn him she had herpes last year,
but he can figure it out on his own.” She holds up her hand.
“And before you ask, I had every STD test possible run at the
hospital. I could barely see straight at the time, but I knew to
ask for that.”
“Smart girl.” I grab her hand and thread my fingers
through hers. “He’s not worthy of you. Truly. You’re
extraordinary, Sienna.”
“I’m over him. It’s wild because the second he betrayed
me, it’s like someone took a scalpel and removed him from my
heart. So maybe I didn’t have the kind of feelings for him I
thought I did. Mostly, though, I’m mad at myself for trusting
people I shouldn’t have. It makes me doubt my judgment,
which is the worst.”
I squeeze her hand. “Don’t let what he did affect who you
are. You’re smart and sweet and bold.” And sexy as fuck, but I
don’t say that because, again, we’re friends, not lovers. “The
real travesty would be if you changed because of him.”
“I like how you think. And thank you for the lovely
compliment.”
I release her hand and return her phone. “How’s your
head?” She had the stitches removed this morning.
“Not bad. And I can hide the bald spot when I braid the
hair around it.” She points to a small section of her bun that’s
braided.
“Can’t tell at all.”
“I know, right?” She gives me one of those winning
smiles, and I freeze, captivated by this beautiful woman.
I clear my throat. “Look, before Janelle returns, I just want
to thank you for doing this. For playing along with everything
so I can maintain some distance with her.”
“No problem. I’m happy to lend a hand.” Sienna fidgets
with her tank. “Could I possibly ask for you to return the favor
with Cal? Maybe just for the next few weeks? I know this is
stupid, but I feel like it’ll help me save face a little. I don’t
want him to know how devastated I was that he cheated with
my best friend. To me, that’s the worst part of this. That and
the fact the whole campus knew but me.”
Fuck. The guilt I’ve had over suspecting Winston was
screwing girls behind her back comes roaring back. Why
didn’t I tell Sienna? Should it have mattered that we weren’t
close at the time? Men have this unspoken bro code that’s
encouraged on sports teams, to facilitate camaraderie, and it’s
bullshit. I’m over that crap. Especially when a good woman is
hurt as a result.
I make a promise to myself to make it up to Sienna.
Anything she needs, I’m her guy. The least I can do is
reciprocate our charade so that dickhead can get a taste of his
own medicine.
“You got it. I’d do anything for you, Cruz Control.”
And I mean every word.
15
 SIENNA

B EN and I stare at each other over the queen-sized bed.

I guess I hadn’t really thought about the implications of
inviting Janelle along on the trip. She thinks Ben and I are
sleeping together, so now we have to keep pretending.
“I’m sorry,” Ben whispers. “I’m a fucking dumbass.”
I laugh. It bubbles out of me, and it feels good after being
so down for the last week. Wait. Make that nine days.
Fuck you, Cal Winston. You did not destroy me, you little
weenie.
I put that loser out of my mind and focus on the handsome
man in front of me.
“I promise not to maul you,” I joke.
He smiles back, and I have to admit it feels good to have
him on my side. Ben’s been nothing but supportive since
everything happened with Cal.
After walking around the bed, he sits in front of me and
motions for me to join him. He keeps his voice lowered. “I
don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I can sleep on the
floor.”
 “Don’t be silly. We can sleep in the same bed and keep
things platonic.”
As long as he keeps his shirt on because his big muscles
get me going.
But it’s clear he doesn’t think of me in that way. I saw the
way his eyes were glued to Janelle’s ass when we stopped at
the gas station on the way here. He can say he doesn’t want
her, but I’m not so sure about that.
It’s hard to avoid noticing how much Janelle wants him
back. They have a kid together after all, so why wouldn’t she
hope to reunite with Ben?
I won’t pretend I’m not jealous, but I keep telling myself I
have no right to be. Ben’s in a tough position, and I don’t
know Janelle well enough to judge her for keeping the baby a
secret from Ben.
Did she know from the beginning Lily wasn’t his? Did he
make some big proclamation about not wanting kids? Not that
those reasons excuse her behavior, but she was in high school.
We all do dumb things when we’re young, and since I don’t
know her, I want to reserve judgment until I understand the
situation better.
Of course I’ll take Ben’s side. I have his back for sure, but
girls hate on each other too much, and I’ve had enough drama
recently to last a lifetime. I’ll keep to my yoga and meditation
and hope good karma has my back.
That means I need to keep things completely platonic
between me and Ben. As easy as it would be to get naked with
him, especially when I see Cal fucking anything with a pulse, I
sorta feel like Ben’s my only real friend these days, and I don’t
want to lose that or mess it up. I feel safe with him, and I could
really use a shoulder to lean on right now.
Ben wraps his arms around me in a hug. “You’re the best.
But if you change your mind and want some space, just say the
word.”
I lean my head on his chest and try to ignore how much I
like the feel of him.
Guh. He smells good. Like sandalwood and soap.
“Thanks.” I shift out of his arms before I do something
dumb. “What are we going to do first?”
“Barbecue and then maybe waterski? That sound good?”
“That sounds like a blast. I haven’t been waterskiing in
ages.” Since just before my dad hooked up with Penelope. We
spent a few days in Cancún. Really, it was the last time he and
I did something, just the two of us, without his clinger. “Do we
have a life vest for Lily?”
Ben scrubs a hand over his face, which means no. “Fuck.
I’m blowing this parental stuff.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” I hook his pinky with mine. “That’s why
I’m asking. I’m sure we can hunt one down.”
Nodding slowly, he blows out a breath. “Yeah, okay.
You’re right. I’ll tackle that while the guys make lunch.”
We stand and start walking toward the door. “Let me figure
it out. Why don’t you spend some time with Lily? She’s all
rested and probably has some energy to burn.” I’ve watched
him try to play with Lily, and even though she’s obviously his
mini-me, she’s not super into her dad yet. It hurts my heart to
watch it.
 He leans close to me, like he’s imparting a secret. “I really
want her to like me.”
For some reason, hearing him say that makes me
emotional. It reminds me of my dad and how far we’ve grown
apart. I used to be Daddy’s girl, and now I feel like we’re
strangers. “She will, Ben. I promise.” I give him my biggest,
brightest smile. “What’s not to love?”
I mean to say like, but love slipped out, and I’m going with
it. It feels right. Because under his gruff exterior is a huge
heart. Lily will discover that and love her dad eventually.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find a man who will love
me unconditionally when even my father has limits, but I’m so
tired of the dark thoughts I’ve been nursing since Cal cheated
on me. This vacation is the perfect opportunity to find my
center again and be the contented person I know I can be.
It’s helped to have a reason to get up in the morning, get
dressed, and cover up the bruises on my face. So I guess in
some regard I’m grateful to have Janelle around because then I
have to pretend to be my best self. Fake it till you make it,
right?
Ben’s eyes soften. “God, I wish I had the same kind of
faith, but thanks for saying that. I need to do better. I’ve just
never been around toddlers before like this. My cousins were
young when my uncle adopted me, but I didn’t have to take
care of them, you know?”
“Yeah. And it’s not like you signed up for extra babysitting
sessions when Rider got Poppy last year,” I tease.
He gives me a sheepish look. “I’m an asshole. I one
hundred percent admit that.” His dark eyes search mine for a
moment. “I’ve, uh, I’ve been meaning to ask…”
 His deep voice and hypnotic dark eyes have me leaning
closer.
Everything inside me warms as I stare at him. “Yes?”
“Have you talked to my sister lately?”
I blink a few times. Not what I thought he was going to
ask. A hot wave of embarrassment hits me, and I try to play it
off. What did you think was going to happen, Sienna? That he
was going to kiss you? With his smoking hot baby mama in the
other room? Get a grip.
We’re talking low in a bedroom so Janelle doesn’t
overhear, but it also creates a false sense of intimacy we really
have no right to share.
I take a subtle step backwards so we’re not right in each
other’s faces, but still keep my voice down. “We haven’t
spoken lately. Rider’s busy at training camp, and she’s been
making the rounds with the other players’ wives and
girlfriends. By the sound of it, I don’t think she’s ever been so
social.” My little bumblebee is doing so well! Love that girl.
“She sounds happy, though. Why?”
“So she doesn’t know what happened with Cal or Janelle?”
“The Cal thing felt more like a phone call than something I
could text, and her schedule has been all over the place. If I’m
being honest, I’m embarrassed I didn’t heed her warnings
about Cal. She and Rider tried to tell me he was bad news, but
I didn’t want to judge him based on gossip. I gave him the
benefit of the doubt when I should’ve listened to my friends.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.” I sigh. “And the Janelle situation didn’t
seem like my business to share.”
“You’re right—under normal circumstances, listening to
gossip is bullshit. So don’t let that asshole change this in
here.” He taps on my shoulder as his eyes sear mine. But then
his scruffy jaw tightens and he looks away. “I need to call
Gabriela.” Oh, my God, I’ve always loved how he rolls the r in
his sister’s name. And when he’s angry and speaks Spanish,
my ovaries go up in flames. “And my aunt and uncle. Tell
them what’s going on. I’ve just been… overwhelmed.”
His whole body is tense, almost vibrating with
anxiousness, and my heart melts. Because sweet, vulnerable
Ben is my weakness.
I tug on his shirt. “None of that. We’re on vacation. Your
only goals are to relax and get to know Lily. The rest can wait.
Focus on being in the moment.”
His lips tug up, and seeing his anxiety fade makes my day.
“You’re right. It’s like when I’m playing football. I only
concentrate on the game. That’s it. Everything else is a
distraction.”
“See, you already know how to do this. Just apply that
same focus now.”
He hooks his arm around my shoulders as we head out to
join his friends. “I have a feeling you’re my lucky charm,
sunshine.”
When Janelle sees us and narrows her eyes at me, I get the
feeling I might need some luck too this week so I can figure
out how to maneuver these waters.
Because I suspect they’re going to get choppy.
16
 BEN

W ITH A WAR CRY , Johnny cannonballs into the lake off the
side of the boat.
I study the water and shift uncomfortably. In theory, it
should be fine. I already made Olly check to make sure the
area was deep enough to dive.
He’s the only one of my friends who knows how rattled I
get when we do dangerous shit. Of course, I still do the crazy
crap, like waterskiing or whatever else we have on deck when
we go on vacation together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t freak
the fuck out internally.
It’s all a byproduct of losing my parents, or so my therapist
says.
But I’m determined not to let my paranoia get to me.
I go flying off the boat and land close enough to Johnny to
give him a face full of water.
“Motherfuck—”
He doesn’t get a chance to finish that word because I’ve
dunked him, but he gets me back by sneaking up behind me
and putting me in a headlock as we go under.
This is the dumb shit we do.
 By the time I haul myself out of the cold water, my anxiety
has taken a back seat.
I push my wet hair outta my face as I lock eyes with
Sienna, who is giving me an appreciative once-over. But then
so is Janelle. I don’t know if Sienna is making eyes at me
because of my ex, but I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t like having
Sienna’s attention.
The girls thus far have only dipped their dainty toes in the
lake, but we’re just now getting to the main event. Shifting
gears, Olly, who’s chatting up Amelia, the girl he’s been
talking to for a few weeks, speeds across the lake as Johnny
hoots and hollers, trailing behind us on skis.
Lily pitches her toy for the tenth time, and I retrieve it. I
offer to hold the kid for a bit and give Janelle a break. Lily is
extra-heavy with her life preserver. I know she’s not
comfortable, but there’s no way in hell I’m taking her on a
boat without one as Janelle suggested.
First, it’s against the law. Kids have to wear one in Texas. I
checked. Second, it’s dangerous as fuck. Third, I probably
wouldn’t last ten minutes without breaking into a panic attack
over fear my kid might pitch face first into the water.
As soon as Lily’s in my arms, she wiggles and kicks and
starts to fuss. I coo and bounce her gently the way I’ve seen
Rider do with his daughter, but nothing seems to work. Within
a few minutes, big tears well in her eyes, and she waves her
arms at Janelle, who ignores her.
I try to tell myself this takes time, that this is all new for
Lily, but I’m still bummed she hasn’t warmed up even a little.
After Johnny wipes out and we retrieve him, he pulls
himself onto the boat and beelines it to Janelle. “Hey, sexy. It’s
your turn.”
“Knock it off, asshole,” I growl because I’ve watched her
turn him down all afternoon. “She’s not interested.”
As soon as the words are out, I realize it might sound as
though I give a shit if she hooks up with him. I don’t. Not
exactly.
As far as guys go, Johnny’s not a bad person, but he’s not
someone I’d pick as the stepfather of my kid. And now that
Janelle’s my baby mama, I realize every goofball who hits on
her could potentially be in my child’s life permanently.
I look to Olly, because I’d happily accept him into this
weird expanding family, but he’s busy flirting with Amelia.
Janelle bats her eyelashes at me, and I kick myself for
opening my big mouth.
No, I’m not gonna do this.
Right here, right now, I decide to let her handle her
business. Unless some guy is scaring her or getting in her face,
I’m staying out of her shit.
“I’d like a turn,” Sienna says from the other side of me.
I watch her get up and strip off her tank and shorts.
Holy hot damn, she’s got a body. I watch, en-fucking-
thralled, as she stands at the edge of the boat and lets down her
hair, which shimmers like dark, melted caramel in the sun,
before she wraps it up in another messy bun. She slips on the
life vest, holds out her arms, and yells, “Live in the sunshine,
swim the sea, drink the wild air!” before she leaps into the
water with a carefree shout that makes me chuckle.
As soon as she gives the go-ahead, Olly roars the engine,
and Sienna pulls up onto her skis like a champ with nary a
wobble. It took Johnny three times, and he’s an elite athlete.
Sienna zigzags over the wake, one way and then the other.
After a few minutes, she kicks off one ski and goes slalom. We
cheer for her because, yeah, she’s a baller out there on the
water.
Sienna told me she does yoga and pilates, and I’ve seen
her hauling ass on the treadmill at the gym, but until this very
moment, I never realized that she’s every bit the athlete I am.
But when she does a three-sixty, I swear my heart stops,
except she pulls it off.
Fuck, that looked dangerous.
Johnny and I watch her from the bow. Sienna gives me a
big, beautiful smile that’s every bit as bright as the sun. Damn,
she’s a cool chick.
“Dude!” Johnny yells at her. “You’re kicking ass, Sienna!”
I elbow him. “Don’t distract her.” But hell yeah, I’m proud
of her.
“I want a turn,” Janelle shouts into my ear.
I turn to see her wobble toward me with Lily in her arms.
Swear to God, my life flashes before my eyes. If Olly were to
hit a rough patch of water, those two could go careening over
the edge.
Sweat breaks out on my body, and I ignore my thundering
heart as I take the baby from her and sit my ass down. With
my other hand, I grab the back of Janelle’s shirt. “Hold on to
the edge of the boat or sit down.”
I know she’s trying to balance like Johnny, but she doesn’t
realize his thighs are braced along the bow.
 She rolls her eyes at me and clings to Johnny’s arm, which
works for me.
I don’t bother lecturing Janelle. She won’t listen to me
anyway. She dismisses every concern I have like I’m a dunce.
Maybe I am. But I don’t think it’s wrong to want to protect
Liliana and Janelle from getting hurt.
Not that Janelle is a priority exactly, but she is Lily’s
mama, and having grown up without a mom, I would never
wish that on my daughter.
The kid kicks and squirms, eager to get out of my arms. I
hoist her up so she’s standing on my legs and can get a good
look at the lake, but I wrap an arm around her so she’s secure.
“Check out Sienna, baby. Are you gonna ski like her?” I
soften my voice, and she stills, so I keep going. “Bet you’re
gonna be super athletic, huh? You’ve got powerful legs. You
could snowski or waterski. Or be a kicker on my football
team.”
I chuckle at that thought. I’m sure I’d have my heart in my
throat the whole time I’d watch her do any of those activities,
hating the thought she could get hurt, but it’s probably
unreasonable to cover her in bubble wrap and lock her in her
room until she’s thirty.
Sienna does a few more tricks and then drags her sexy ass
onto the boat. What was that old movie? Fast Times at
Ridgemont High? My older cousin was always talking about
that movie and how hot Phoebe Cates looked in a bikini. But
that actress has nothing on Sienna. This girl is so effortlessly
sexy, I want to eat her up.
She tosses off her life vest while chatting with Olly and
Johnny, who are both complimenting her crazy skills, but I’m
so entranced by her, I don’t hear their conversation.
Water slicks down her tight little body, and then she pulls
her hair out of that wet bun, and it goes trailing down her
shoulders. Over her mouthwatering tits that are pebbled so
hard, they’re like beacons through her wet bikini top.
But then—wakeup call—my kid, who’s still standing on
my thighs, nearly takes out one of my nuts, reminding me that
I can’t be perving on Sienna when I have bigger fish to fry.
Sienna towels off, laughing and exclaiming how much fun
she had on the water. We circle back for her other ski, and
Johnny scoops it up and starts explaining what Janelle needs to
do.
When Sienna drops down next to me, I lean toward her.
“Where the hell did you learn to ski like that?”
The question must catch her off guard because she nibbles
her bottom lip. “My dad’s friend. He toured, doing exhibitions
and competitions.” She shrugs. “I spent a summer in Tahoe
when my parents were in the middle of their divorce, and I got
ski lessons from my dad’s buddy.”
Huh. Not what I thought she was gonna say. “As great as
you ski, that’s kind of a shitty tradeoff.”
“The worst part is I didn’t know they were getting a
divorce until I got home and all of my dad’s stuff was gone.”
Damn.
“Sorry to hear that, sunshine.” I hook my arm around her
shoulders and pull her in for a hug. I don’t know why I’m
always hugging this woman. I’m not exactly known for being
affectionate, but I hate seeing anything other than a smile on
her beautiful face.
 Which reminds me… “What was that quote you yelled
before you jumped in the lake earlier?”
“A line by Ralph Waldo Emerson. To me it means living
life to the fullest. Without regrets. Without always looking in
the rearview mirror or questioning your intentions.”
There’s something really attractive about a confident
woman. Not to mention I love that she’s so damn smart.
Lily turns to her and claps. “Wok. Wok. On wa-wa.”
Sienna and I stare at each other as we try to decipher what
the midget said. “Walk on water?” Sienna says. “Oh, she saw
me ski and thinks I walked on water. Aww.” She takes Lily
from my arms and points out to the lake. “See that guy over
there? He’s skiing. It’s like walking on water.”
My daughter starts babbling and looks to me excitedly, and
it feels so good to not have her frowning at me or crying, I
laugh. “You gonna ski when you get older, peanut?”
She hops up and down and claps and jams her fist in her
mouth.
“Start her on a wakeboard when she gets a smidge older,”
Sienna suggests. “It’ll give her confidence before she tries
anything harder.”
I nod and ignore the frisson of fear that settles in my gut
when I envision setting my little tyke on a wakeboard.
Maybe when she’s twenty.
I’m busy chatting with Sienna, so I don’t realize Janelle is
having a hard time getting up on the skis until Sienna hands
me Lily and wanders to the bow.
“Keep your arms straight,” she calls out to my ex. “Don’t
bend them. And imagine slowly standing up from the
cannonball position. If you overcompensate, you’ll go
headfirst through the water. If that happens, let go of the rope
or it’ll feel like you’re guzzling from a fire hydrant.”
Janelle gives her a look, not appearing appreciative at all
for the solid advice.
Olly sits next to me as Johnny powers the boat. “I can see
things are going smoothly over here in hot girl paradise.”
“Fuck Johnny for suggesting everyone come along on this
getaway,” I say under my breath, and he laughs.
But when my daughter turns in my arms and smashes my
cheeks together with her sticky hands and gives me the
sweetest smile, something happens to my chest. It feels like
that scene in the Grinch when his heart expands.
Olly sticks his face in my daughter’s and makes a silly
expression. She erupts into laughter, and we coo at her like
dumbasses.
“How are things going with Sienna?” he mumbles to me
like a ventriloquist, so no one else can hear us. “You guys are
gonna burn down the boat with your sexual tension if you’re
not careful.”
He’s not wrong. I feel it every time I look at her.
“We’re just friends. That’s all I have time for right now.”
And I aim to keep her as a friend, which means not fucking
her until she passes out from pleasure like I want to.
I nod toward Amelia, who’s busy looking offended at
whatever Johnny is telling her. “What’s her story?”
“She’s a senior at Lone Star, but she flies back and forth to
LA to model.”
“What’s she doing with you?” I joke.
 He shrugs, his brows furrowed. “I’m not sure.”
I study him for a second. “Just giving you shit. She’d be
lucky to date you, dude. But… if it doesn’t work out, please
consider my ex. I wanna make sure she ends up with a good
guy so my kid is taken care of.”
He gives me a look. “As hot as Janelle is, I’m not crazy
enough to jump into the deep end of the pool with that
woman.”
Can’t say I blame him.
But I cover my kid’s ears because I’m suddenly aware
we’re trash-talking her mama, and that shit ain’t cool. I lean
toward my buddy. “As far as the peanut is concerned, I think
her mom is awesome. Got me?”
When I lower my hands, he nods and punches me in the
arm. “Look at you. Being all responsible.”
“Fuck off.”
He chuckles. “Funny that her ears are wide open for the
profanity.”
I curse again. “Point made, you dick. I’ll work on it.”
17
 SIENNA

H OT WATER PELTS MY SHOULDERS , and I moan into the wall of

the shower. This is what I deserve for showing off today. I
haven’t been waterskiing in a while, so I wasn’t sure I could
pull off those moves, but now my body is paying the price. It
just felt nice to be good at something.
My family is never impressed with anything I do. They’re
all mental giants. And while my mom isn’t an egghead like my
dad and brothers, she owns a very successful beauty spa and
salon that boasts A-list celebrity clients.
I shouldn’t have offered Janelle advice, though. She shot
me dirty looks all afternoon when she wasn’t able to get up on
her skis, like it was my fault she couldn’t do it. But my
conscience is clear. I gave her good suggestions, training I got
from a pro.
I close my eyes when I think of that conversation with Ben
about my lessons. I didn’t lie to him per se, but I didn’t exactly
disclose that a world-champion athlete who works at my dad’s
resort oversaw my training. And, fine, it’s not exactly his
resort, but he owns a majority stock, so he’s basically the boss
even though some other guy oversees it.
After I dry off, I tug on a tank and sleep shorts, eager to
dive into bed. I crack open the bathroom door and spot Olly
with his new girlfriend, making out on the couch. I quietly
edge around them and sneak into my bedroom.
I come to a halt when I nearly collide with Ben’s bare
chest.
Hello, Mr. Man Candy.
Yes, he was wearing swim trunks all afternoon, but I made
a point to not ogle him.
But now? For some dumb reason, I wasn’t expecting to
find him half-dressed, and since I’m exhausted, my defenses
are low.
Before I can stop myself, my eyes take in his bronzed skin
and broad shoulders. The beautiful definition in his chest and
abs. He’s cut and lean, the perfect specimen of male beauty.
He towers over me, and I tilt my head back and stare up at
him. Amusement tugs at his lips.
“Hey, sunshine. Did you have fun today?”
God, I love when he calls me that. “So much fun. Thank
you.”
“You’re a boss on the water.”
I laugh and let myself get lost in his dark eyes for a
moment. Ugh, he’s so handsome with those chiseled
cheekbones and full lips. And his deep, raspy voice is so sexy,
I want to scale him like El Capitan.
But what makes him so alluring isn’t just the fact that he’s
barely dressed. It’s also how he spent so much time with Lily
today. Talking baby talk and making silly faces to make her
laugh.
 I swallow and step back, but not before I take a quick peek
at his eight-pack abs that narrow into gray sweatpants.
Oh, my good Lord. Gray sweatpants. Clinging to his lean
hips. Jesus, take the wheel.
Coughing, I turn away before I check out his package and
reach for my gym bag where I grab a hair tie and attempt to
wrangle my damp hair into a bun.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him tug on a snug
white t-shirt that only makes him more yummy. What is it
about a form-fitting t-shirt that makes a man so sexy?
“Is Lily all set for tonight?”
He nods. “She’s sound asleep in her mother’s room. We
wore her out.” He smiles, and it makes my heart happy to
know he made some headway with his daughter today.
“You had Lily eating out of the palm of your hand
tonight.”
“Literally. She nearly bit off my finger when I was feeding
her.”
We laugh, and I climb into bed as he turns off the lights,
and I ignore how lovely and domesticated this feels. Ben’s not
mine, I remind myself.
Still, I can’t deny how I want more of this, whatever this
is. So when he settles next to me, I turn to him and tuck my
hands under my head. “I told you Lily would come around.”
He mimics my position, and even though the room is only
illuminated with the moonlight streaming in from a window, I
can make out the pleased expression on his face. “You did.
And I’m shocked by how happy it made me.”
“You’re going to be a great father. Never doubt that.”
 “Thanks. It means a lot to me that you’d think that.”
In whispers, he tells me all the adorable things his daughter
did today. I can smell his minty breath and sandalwood soap
and wish I could snuggle with him.
I know I shouldn’t read into the intimacy of this moment. I
have to remind myself we’re not really dating.
This right here is what I was missing in my relationship
with Cal. What began as a hookup with him never extended
beyond that. Yes, we eventually had substantial conversations,
but he never missed an opportunity to have sex.
Deep down, I don’t think he ever gave himself to me as a
friend. We were fuck buddies and then lovers, but never
friends, I realize.
I fault myself for letting it happen. I’d had a casual hookup
before Cal, but that was a one-time thing that happened with a
friend of mine back in California. Even after having sex with
Hunter, I never wanted more or caught feelings, and I
mistakenly thought that meant I could do casual sex and not
get invested.
Ben reaches out and presses his thumb between my eyes,
and I laugh. “You were frowning.”
“Just, uh, thinking about all the mistakes I made last year.”
“I’ve made plenty myself.” He studies my face. “Speaking
of mistakes… been meaning to thank you for being such a
good friend to my sister. I… I haven’t always been there for
her. I’m sure you know that.”
“She said you did your best.”
“You’ve probably heard about my panic attacks.”
 “She never went into details. She would never do that. All
I knew was that you both went through a lot growing up, and
you felt bad for getting adopted by your uncle when she
didn’t.”
“Yeah, but it’s worse than that.”
He clears his throat, and I reach out and place my palm on
his arm. “You don’t have to talk about it or share anything too
difficult.”
After a moment, he surprises me. “I’m finding it’s good to
talk about it. Been seeing a therapist since last fall because this
shit with my sister was so ridiculous.”
“Your feelings are not ridiculous. You can’t help what you
feel, and the trauma we experience as kids affects our psyche
more intensely than as adults. So while we can be rational as
adults and think, ‘That shouldn’t bother me,’ childhood abuse
or trauma or neglect doesn’t care that you’re older. It seems to
plant its seeds deeper than things we experience now, and the
best we can do is take the time to accept those hurts and work
through them.”
He chuckles. “You sound like Dr. Patricia. Maybe I should
pay you instead to head-shrink me.”
“It sounds like your therapist is working for you.” I don’t
mention one of my mom’s clients is a world-renowned
psychiatrist with her own TV show I like to watch sometimes
or that she ‘head-shrunk’ me plenty after my parents divorced.
I’d started having trouble in school, and my dad thought I
needed help.
But my mom has forbidden me from sharing that with
anyone because the one time the media caught wind of me and
my mom leaving a psychiatrist’s office, the headlines the next
day said I was “going crazy because I was off my meds” and
was the reason my parents split up, which is a fucked-up thing
to say about a kid. Of course, my father sued the tabloid and
won. That only made the jerks at school pick on me more.
Thus, my mom’s rule.
“Dr. Patricia is great. I got to a good place where I can talk
to my sister and not break out into a cold sweat or have
nightmares, which is what would happen ever since we got
separated as kids. I’d be fine for a while, but then I’d get a rare
chance to see her, and my uncle says I’d wake up screaming in
the middle of the night.” He runs his hand through his tousled
hair. “I’d have these dreams where she was killed in the same
car crash as our mom, or instead of my mom, it was Gabby
driving. It terrified me. I still get kinda fucked up anytime I
have to drive in the rain.”
I wrap his clammy hand in mine. “Oh, Ben, I’m so sorry.”
I think back to how he braved that rainstorm to drop me off at
the airport, and a little piece of my heart falls hard for him.
“I can’t deal with how much it must’ve hurt my sister for
her to think I didn’t want to see her.”
The anguish in his voice kills me, and my eyes water. “She
knows you love her and that you’re doing your best.”
He squeezes my hand. “I tried to do things for her that
would help her. Without her knowing. I was too embarrassed
to come right out and tell her what I was going through. My
uncle is kind of a tough man, and I didn’t grow up talking
about my feelings, but he’s done a lot for me, so I’m grateful.”
“But you’re also conflicted.”
“Really conflicted.”
“I’m sure it’s hard to reconcile those emotions.”
 “Fuck yeah, it is.”
This beautiful, passionate man has so many layers.
A question comes to mind, and I know the answer before I
ever voice it. “Did you by any chance pay part of your sister’s
rent last year?”
His eyes widen in surprise. “How’d you know that?”
“My landlord, when I asked why the rent went up so much
this year.”
“Oh, shit. Sorry. I paid it in a lump sum back in January
for the entire semester, and since she was graduating, I didn’t
think about it again.”
“It’s okay.” God, he’s sweet. Even with those rough edges.
“But Gabby said you hadn’t any idea she lived across the
street when you moved in with Rider last summer.”
“That’s true. I didn’t know. The year before, I had a friend
who worked in the student housing department, and since all
students have to register where they’re living off-campus, he
had access to the landlord info. I just called the dude. Hadn’t a
clue what I was paying for, though.”
“That helped her—both of us, really—so much. Thank
you. If you need me to pay you back for what you paid last
year, I can probably swing it.”
He shakes his head. “I’m glad it helped you guys out. Wish
I could’ve done more.”
I study the sincerity in his eyes and wish I could hug him,
but we’re lying in bed together, and I don’t want to give the
wrong impression. As much as we’re bonding tonight, I can’t
forget how much drama Janelle brings to the table. Pretty sure
Ben wouldn’t want to start anything with me when he’s
dealing with her just when training camp is about to kick off.
“Gabby says you text her updates more often, and that she
loves hearing from you,” I say. “Just keep it up as much as you
can. That will mean the world to her. Even if you can’t call.”
“Thanks for the advice. I will. In fact, I need to tell her
what’s going on with Lily, but that’s a big conversation.”
“She’ll be ready when you are.” I squeeze his hand again
and let go. “And I’m always happy to listen. I understand what
it’s like to not have anyone to talk to.”
He studies me for a moment. “Did something happen to
you when you were a kid too? I mean, if you’re comfortable
talking about it.”
I nibble on my lip, debating what to say. I hate that I can’t
just come out and tell him about my family, but I’ve been
betrayed so many times, and I have to be careful. “Just my
parents’ divorce. I hadn’t realized their arguments meant they
were headed for splitsville. It felt so sudden, but in retrospect,
if I’d been older, maybe I would’ve noticed the signs. My
older brothers weren’t all that surprised, but then they’re super
smart.”
“You’re super smart. I don’t know any other woman who
quotes Emerson.”
I laugh because I guess he has a point. “I like big books
and I cannot lie. But that’s not the kind of intelligence my
family appreciates. My dad’s a tech geek, and so are my
brothers. They code for fun. And trust me, I tried to take a
coding class once, but when I stared at my laptop, those
symbols might as well have been hieroglyphs for how much
they made sense to me.”
 “It’s tough when you can’t meet people’s expectations. I
feel like my whole football career revolves around that. Will I
make the team? Will I be a starter? Will I get the scholarship?
Will I get drafted? When you’re a kid and you’re playing, it’s
fun. For me, it was an outlet for my anger and frustration, but
in high school it started to crystalize into something legit.
Then you get older and realize all it takes is a few bad games,
hell, a few bad plays, to piss off everyone in your life—your
coaches, your teammates, the fans.”
Aww, Ben. “That sucks. But guess what?”
“Hmm?”
“You could never piss me off by having an off day on the
field. I’d cheer for you regardless of how good or bad you
were doing.”
“Thanks, sunshine. Appreciate that.”
We talk until we can’t keep our eyes open. It’s one of the
best nights I can remember.
And I get the sneaking suspicion it’s because I like him
more than I should.
18
 BEN

A WARM BODY is draped over me.

Tits are pressed to my chest and a lean thigh is draped over
mine. My dick is on board with this plan, I think drowsily.
I wrap my arms around her, shoving my nose into her hair.
The scent is warm. Like vanilla and sunshine.
Sienna.
Oh, fuck. My eyes fly open as she wakes up and stares
down at me with a sleepy smile.
But then she either realizes she’s practically lying on top of
me or that she’s crushing my morning wood, because she
springs off me and stumbles out of the bed.
“I’m so sorry, Ben. I don’t know why I’m mauling you.”
She shoves her hair out of her face.
In the morning light, I take in her fresh face. No makeup.
The bruising has healed, and she’s so damn pretty. Just those
big inquisitive eyes and long lashes. All that sexy hair drapes
over her shoulders and gives me teasing glimpses of her hard
little nipples beneath her thin tank.
“It’s okay. I didn’t hate it,” I tease.
No, I loved having her in my arms.
 A pretty flush heats her cheeks, and I sit up and hunch
forward to try to cover the erection tenting the sheet. I’m about
to make a joke about it when she says she needs to use the
bathroom and darts out of the room.
Christ. Maybe rooming together wasn’t the best idea, but
hell if I can complain. I love hanging out with that girl. And
waking up with her is even better.
At the same time, though, I don’t want to make her
uncomfortable.
I hear voices in the kitchen, and when she returns, she
offers me a tentative smile and hands me a breakfast burrito.
She sits next to me on the bed. “No matter what happens,
Ben, I don’t want any weirdness between us, okay? You mean
too much to me to screw up our friendship.”
I nod slowly because, yeah, I feel the same way.
She tugs on my pinky with hers. “A good friend is like a
four-leaf clover. Hard to find and lucky to have.”
“Another philosopher?”
“An Irish proverb.”
We can absolutely keep this thing in the friend zone.
Hooking my arm around her shoulders, I kiss her temple.
“There’s no weirdness, Cruz Control. I’m a good cuddler. No
one can fault you for wanting some of that.”
She chuckles. “You are a good cuddler. Although you do
hog the covers.”
I gasp dramatically. “¡Mentiras, mujer!”
Lies, woman.
 Sienna gives me a look. Blinks. Sighs. “Oh. I like when
you speak Spanish.”
Did I say I need to keep this platonic? Because the look
she gives me could melt the paint off the walls.
“¿Hablas español?”
Hesitantly, she tilts her head one way and then the other.
“Un poco. Entiendo si hablas despacio.” A little. I understand
if you speak slowly. Her cheeks turn pink. “But I’m not totally
fluent, so don’t go crazy. It sucks because I wish I were, but I
get tongue-tied. It’s a little embarrassing.”
“I get it. I have friends back home who can’t, or they joke
they speak Spanglish.” I shrug. “It’s not a big deal. You do
you.”
“Spanglish. I like that.” The look of relief on her face is
immediate. I give her a hug. Why, I’m not sure, except she
seems like she needs one.
“If it means anything, your pronunciation was perfect.”
That beautiful smile emerges, and I sit there entranced for
a second.
Someone knocks on the door, the sound jarring me from
staring at Sienna. Way to not make things weird, asshole.
Olly sticks his head in the room. “Are you decent?” He
doesn’t wait for a response before he strolls in and closes the
door. “Are y’all still doing the fake relationship thing?”
“Yeah.” I realize I’ve been ignoring my burrito and shove
it in my mouth because I’m starving. “So? I thought yesterday
went okay.”
He motions over his shoulder. “I just overheard Janelle
talking to someone on the phone, and she said she thinks she
can get you back because she hasn’t seen you two kiss on the
trip. FYI.”
I turn to Sienna, my eyes instantly zoning in on her perfect
pink lips. “You okay if we amp up our game today?”
“I’m cool with it if you are.”
“Kissing you will be such a hardship,” I tease, taking a
long, hungry look at her mouth.
She laughs. “I know. You’re such a troll.”
“This should be interesting,” Olly mutters as he leaves.
Sienna and I snicker and stuff our faces with breakfast
burritos.
So yeah. Bring on the PDA.
We’ll just have to kiss and not catch feelings. No big deal.
19
 SIENNA

W E ’ RE SITTING around the living room and the guys are

devouring a second round of breakfast burritos as we try to
decide what to do today.
“I vote for water rafting down the Guadalupe,” Amelia
says as she adjusts the limited edition, rose-gold Ray-Ban
aviators on top of her head. My mother got a pair in a
Hollywood red carpet swag bag.
Yes, I miss the perks of that lifestyle from time to time, I
think as I clip one arm of my Target sunglasses down the front
of my t-shirt.
Janelle claps. “I wanna do that!”
She pulls Amelia into a hug, and they jump around like
they’ve known each other their whole lives. A twinge of
jealousy nips at me because it’s obvious to everyone I’m not
Janelle’s favorite person. I don’t know why I care, but I do.
The guys agree with the agenda, and I cringe, hating that I
have to voice my concerns.
“I don’t want to throw a wrench in our plans, but who’s
going to watch Lily?”
Janelle rolls her eyes at me. “We’ll bring her with us.” She
plops down onto a bar stool.
 “You want to bring a toddler river rafting? Isn’t that
dangerous?” I look to Ben, who runs his hands through his
hair.
“Sienna’s right. I hadn’t thought about that. Damn.”
“I mean, it sounds like fun, and I’d love to do it since I’m
sore from skiing yesterday, but I’m not sure if the rafting
company will allow a child this young to join us.”
“Aww, you’re sore?” Ben asks as he gives me a funny
look, which I get because he’s leaning close to knead the
muscles in my shoulder. Ah, this is part of the PDA we agreed
to do. He leans in and kisses my forehead. “Sorry, sunshine.
You shoulda said something last night, and I could’ve given
you a massage.”
My nipples stand up in attention, totally on board with this
suggestion. “You can make it up to me later,” I say playfully,
not needing to fake the obvious chemistry we share.
He stares at my lips like he wants to maul me. Either he
wants to hook up with me, or he’s a really good actor, and I
hope it’s the former.
I have no idea how I’m going to get through the rest of the
vacation by “faking” my attraction to Ben. Because if I were
any more into him, I’d go up in flames.
Lily toddles through the room on a mission to get to her
mama. She holds up her arms for Janelle to pick her up, but
Janelle ignores her.
Janelle sometimes looks at Lily with so much irritation in
her eyes that I’m starting to feel bad for Lily. I’m sore from
showing off yesterday anyway, and I don’t mind some
downtime, so I offer to watch the baby.
 “Cool. That works.” Janelle pops out of her seat and grabs
her purse. “Let’s go.”
“Hold on.” Ben motions for her to sit down. “This getaway
is part of Sienna’s birthday present, and I don’t think she
should have to babysit. I’ll watch Lily.”
Did I used to think Ben was unfeeling and remote? He’s
been nothing but thoughtful since the day he dropped me off at
the airport. Seriously, I think I’ve had him pegged wrong this
whole time.
I’m pretty sure I’m giving him heart eyes right now. “I
won’t enjoy it the same if you’re not there, so it’s totally okay.
I don’t mind staying.”
I’m not just saying that for the sake of role-playing. As
much as I like hanging out with his roommates, Ben’s the
reason I’m here. He’s the one who’s turning into one of my
best friends. I think I’d be sad if I went river rafting without
him.
Olly holds up his phone and gives us a sarcastic look.
“Okay, lovebirds. I found a daycare. Great reviews online.
Certified and all that. Partnered with the rafting company,
which is next door, and take walk-ins.”
Ben and I look at each other, and I wrap my arm around
his. “How about we check it out, but if you don’t like it for
some reason, you and I can hang out with Lily?”
I’m not expecting the kiss he plants on my lips, but it’s so
unexpected and sweet, it sets off a stampede of butterflies in
my belly.
Johnny hoots, “Y’all are hashtag relationship goals!” and
laughs his ass off while Ben gives him the finger.
 If Ben and I were in a real relationship, I’d have to admit
that he’s doing everything right.
He’s just a friend, Sienna.
I have the feeling I’ll need to chant that to myself all day.

I touch my lips, still thinking about that kiss. In the scheme of

things, it was a pretty chaste one. Ben didn’t use tongue. But
for some reason, it set off sparks in my body that I’m having a
hard time forgetting.
Miss Georgia, the owner of the daycare, gives us an
understanding smile. “I’ve been doing this a long time, dear.
Little Liliana will be perfectly fine for the next few hours.”
Ben doesn’t look convinced. I turn to gauge Janelle’s
reaction to this place, but she’s already outside, chatting with
Amelia again.
Ben and I discuss Lily’s food preferences with Miss
Georgia and take a quick tour of the playground outside. It’s
fenced in well, and everything looks safe. Ben made Janelle
list out the foods Lily liked on our way over here, and then he
emailed it to Miss Georgia, who printed it out and tucked it
into a sheet protector with Lily’s name on top.
I tug on Ben’s hand when she walks away. “I like her. I
think Lily will enjoy her time here, but if you want to stay, I
completely understand.”
But then Miss Georgia returns and hands us a bag. “Here’s
a waterproof bag for your phone. That way, I can reach you if
there are any emergencies.”
Ben’s frown finally smooths out. “That’s perfect. Thank
you.”
 That seems to be the deciding factor. Looks like we’re
going rafting!
I finally let myself be excited because this sounds like so
much fun, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up if we didn’t
end up going.
Before we take off, Ben goes up to Lily, who’s playing on
a mat with some blocks. “Hey, baby. We’ll be back in a bit. Be
a good girl. Listen to Miss Georgia.”
Lily smiles and points to herself. “Good girl!”
Ben scoops her in his big arms and kisses her chubby
cheek. “That’s right. You’re Daddy’s good girl.”
Oh, my God. Daddy’s good girl.
I sigh, completely enamored.
Is it weird that I’m turned on by how protective he is of his
kid? For a guy who’s just learning the ropes with a child who
was not enthusiastic about him at first, he’s really starting to
gel with her. And it makes me so freaking happy to see them
bonding.
Ben takes my hand on the way out of the daycare like it’s
the most natural thing in the world.
I’m unreasonably excited about the prospect of rafting
with him, but when we get to the rest of our group, Janelle
runs up to Ben. “Wanna raft with me? I figured that way we
could talk about the baby and figure out our plan for the fall.”
My heart sinks at the look of indecision on his face. He’s
been nagging her for more details about her plan to move
closer, and she’s been fairly nebulous.
Until this moment.
 When he was going to spend time with me.
But do I have any real claim at all on his time? If the man
wants to talk to the mother of his child, shouldn’t he? Even if
she is manipulating the situation to edge me out.
She and Ben move a few feet away and talk in low, heated
voices.
Olly waves me over, and I move toward him while I fight
the jealousy bubbling through me.
“Does Janelle get on your nerves too? Or is it just me?” he
asks in a whisper out the side of his mouth.
I laugh. “It’s not just you.” Olly is the best. He’s such a
sweet guy. I hope this Amelia chick treats him well.
I’m giving myself a pep talk about how I can’t be
possessive over a man I’m not truly dating when Ben returns.
“Sorry about that.”
The easygoing smile he sported when we left the daycare
is gone, and I’d love nothing more than to see another one
grace his beautiful lips. “It’s okay. I understand. You have to
do what you have to do.”
“And right now, I have to go rafting with you. Because I’m
gonna lose my mind if I have to spend the next two hours
trapped on a raft with her. So you’re stuck with me, sunshine.”
He gives me a grin, and my silly heart goes pitter-patter.
Guh, he has the prettiest eyes. Fringed with the longest
lashes I’ve ever seen on a man.
And he just told me he’s spending the afternoon with me.
I hop on my tiptoes. “Yay!”
 I don’t know how it happens—whether I leap into his arms
or he reaches for me—but he spins me around in a hug, and
then his mouth descends to mine.
This time there is tongue.
A moan rips from me the moment he invades my mouth
like a starving man.
And I am here for it.
I shove my hand into his hair and scale him like a free solo
alpinist. His big hand lands on my ass, and the other cradles
my head, maneuvering me exactly how he wants me.
Mmm. I’m kissing Ben Rodriguez. It’s my freshman-year
fantasy come true.
But then his touch turns sweet. Soft. His lips linger against
mine for a blissful moment, and I breathe him in.
I open my eyes slowly and find him already looking at me.
I’m not usually a shy person, but something about the way he
stares at me makes me feel like I’m falling over a precipice.
He grazes his lips against mine. Once. Twice. And then he
smiles. “Such a hardship.”
I laugh as I remember our conversation this morning.
Gently, he tilts my head before his mouth descends to mine
again.
Olly coughs. “Yeah, so much for a beard. Y’all are just
headed for the real deal, huh?”
I have no idea what he’s talking about, but before I can ask
what he means, Ben breaks the kiss, tells him to “shut the fuck
up,” and marches me over to the rafts.
 I’m in a daze as we pick out a two-person raft, which is
basically a big inner tube with a plastic bottom across the hole
so you can sunbathe. Olly and Amelia also grab a big one, but
Janelle and Johnny grab smaller tubes.
I’m tempted to think that kiss was more than just for show,
but I realize I can’t trust my feelings anymore.
Even if I want to.
20
 BEN

C OLD WATER LAPS at my heels while we listen to the river guy

instruct us in all the ways to avoid dying. A river, alcohol, and
a bunch of drunk college kids? It’s probably a recipe for
disaster.
I think about all the crap we packed in our cooler. There’s
some beer, but not enough for our group to get stupid drunk.
What was Janelle thinking? Did she really want to bring
Lily with us? It only takes a few seconds for an accident to
happen. No way I’d bring small kids to do something like this.
The rafting company doesn’t allow children under six anyway.
As I glance around, I find my ex staring at me. I know
she’s pissed I plan to share a raft with Sienna, but whatever.
Knowing that Janelle is eyeballing me, I toss my arm
around Sienna, who’s standing next to me. She turns and gives
me one of those smiles that radiates through me.
A few minutes ago, we all stripped off our clothes and
tossed everything in my Rover. Now Sienna’s wearing a sexy
little bikini and smells like vanilla and coconuts. Her dark hair
hangs in thick waves around her shoulders, and I have to fight
the urge to run my fingers through it to see if it’s as soft as it
seems.
 “Sorry I mauled you earlier,” I whisper in her ear.
Her eyes brighten with a chuckle. “I was thinking it was
the other way around, and I mauled you.”
“So a mutual mauling, huh?”
“What can I say? I’m a ‘go hard or go home’ kind of girl.”
I got something hard for her.
Leaning down, I kiss her because I might as well make the
most of this. Pretend to be into Sienna? There’s no pretending
needed. I dig this girl. More than is probably smart, but fuck it.
I have less than a week before training camp starts. I’ll
probably never see her once that kicks in because I’ll barely
have time to breathe. What’s that carpe diem shit about
anyway? Live in the moment, right?
She tastes minty and warm. Christ, she’s delicious.
It’s a slow kiss, just a graze of smooth skin against mine,
but something about how she tucks herself against me shoots a
bolt of lust straight through my body.
Fuck.
I pull away, turn her around, and wrap my arms around her
shoulders to hide the fact that I’m sporting some wood. We
listen to the guy finish his spiel and then Sienna launches off
the dock with a howl of laughter. Johnny and I follow, yelling
like dumbasses.
Cold water shocks my system, but it’s blissful and
overrides the South Texas heat.
It’s not until I come up for a breath that I realize I didn’t
check the depth of the water before I cannonballed in. While I
saw other people in front of us do it and they seemed fine,
that’s not usually the kind of thing I can forgo or my anxiety
ratchets up.
Sienna swims toward me, a giant smile on her beautiful
face, and I can’t help but grin at her. I swear I smile more
around her than I have over the last three years.
We head back to the dock to secure our inner tubes in one
big group so no one floats away. Olly sets our ice chest on a
tube in the middle. After I turn my ringer on the loudest setting
possible in case Miss Georgia tries to reach me, I place my
phone in the waterproof bag she gave us and tuck it away in a
small compartment.
The only drawback is the fact Janelle’s raft is attached to
ours. I was hoping she’d be on the other side.
Sienna and I dive under water and come up next to our
inner tube.
“It’s colder than I thought it would be,” she says with a
shudder. Goosebumps break out on her skin.
“Come here. I’m a furnace.” I wrap her in my arms, and
her legs go around my waist.
“Ohhh. You are warm.” She sighs in delight and wiggles
closer.
“Careful, tiger. I’m gonna sport another boner if you’re not
careful.” I don’t mean to be so honest, but I seem to have no
filter around her.
“Another one?” she asks, her eyebrow tilted up comically.
“It seems to be a permanent condition around you.” I lower
my voice. “Sorry about that. Not trying to skeeve on you.”
Her arms wind around my neck, and she looks into my
eyes. Water drips off her soft skin, and I wanna lick every
single drop.
“Can I ask you a question?” When I nod, she looks around
to make sure no one’s listening. We’re talking softly, but still,
with Janelle close, on the other side of our tube, I get why
she’s being careful. “Are you joking with me right now? For
your ex’s sake? Or…”
“Or am I really into you?”
She nods slowly while she nibbles her bottom lip.
I should probably lie and tell her this is just for show, but I
don’t like playing games. And there’s an uncertainty in her
eyes I don’t like.
“I’m really into you, Sienna.” She smiles, and it’s so
brilliant, it hits me square in the chest. It makes me hate what I
have to say next. I don’t want to hurt her, but honesty isn’t
always the easy path. I keep my voice to a whisper. “Having
said that, I can’t… I can’t commit to anything. I have a lot
going on right now, and—”
She puts her hand over my mouth. “Please don’t. I totally
get that you’re juggling a million responsibilities. I’m not
trying to lock you down or anything.”
She laughs, and I feel foolish, but I push through it to say
what needs to be said.
“I just don’t wanna jerk you around.”
“Which I totally appreciate. I just need to know how much
of what we’ve done today was just for show.”
I mull that over. “I guess ‘the show’ was probably the
impetus, you know? Not sure I would’ve ever approached you
for… whatever this is, given that you’re my sister’s good
friend. But now that we’re here? I’m really enjoying hanging
out with you. Being around you.”
“I’m enjoying this too. Whatever it is. For now.”
I nod, relieved that she gets it. “Yeah. Exactly. For now.”
“For this week?” she asks, a naughty smile on her lips as
she tightens her legs around my waist.
Fuck yeah. “Definitely for this week.” For every single day
I have left before training camp if she’s down for that.
And I’m still planning to help her out with Winston when
we get back home, but we might need to pull back on some of
the affection so I don’t lead her on.
But that douchebag deserves some payback.
We’re nose to nose when she whispers, “Whatever we do,
can we just be sure to talk about it? And maybe promise that
we won’t ghost each other or do anything terrible to one
another? I really want us to still be friends when this is all said
and done.”
I’ve never had a girl who was a best friend before. I
thought Janelle was when we were in high school, but now I
know none of that was genuine.
In contrast, I never feel like Sienna’s playing me. There’s
an honesty and straightforwardness about her that’s refreshing.
No matter what happens between us, she’s right. I want us to
always be friends.
“Pinky promise.” I hold out my scarred, slightly crooked
finger. This is something my younger cousins always make me
do.
Sienna leans over and bites it, and I laugh. And then she
wraps her pinky around mine. “Pinky promise.” And then she
winks. “Now you’re really stuck with me.”
I smile. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”
21
 SIENNA

I’ M a little sunburned and drowsy, but so content.

Ben and I had a blast this afternoon. Even with Janelle
shooting me death glares all day.
I really needed that chat with Ben, and now that I know
where we both stand, I feel good about enjoying this time for
what it is. We’ll probably go our separate ways this fall, and I
might cry a few times in the shower when we do, but at least
I’ll always have these memories.
After a few long video sessions with my mom’s friend Dr.
Quinlan, that TV show psychiatrist, she told me I tend to
nurture myself because my parents were never around. As a
result, I sometimes “excessively indulge myself” to make up
for their absence. (Pretty sure she never said that to their faces,
though.)
I never agreed with that assessment, but I won’t deny I
plan to indulge in Ben as much as possible over the next few
days.
Am I compensating for what Cal did to me? I don’t know.
Maybe? My pride is still bruised from that, but I don’t feel like
I’m using Ben to boost my self-esteem. I just know I’ll regret
not making the most of the time we have together.
 Understanding what I do about the football season, I can
try to temper my expectations. Because Ben doesn’t do
relationships, and I’m not going to try to get him to change his
stripes. Been there, done that. Have the scar on my head to
prove it.
Nothing good comes from trying to change a man.
But I’m down for whatever Ben wants to put into our
friendship.
Because that’s what this is. Friendship. Yes, it might have
a few benefits, but I’m going to reel in any stray feelings and
lock that down.
This won’t be like what happened with Cal, who
deliberately lied to me and told me he was looking for a
relationship. Ben’s being upfront about what he needs, and I
am too.
No way am I ready for a relationship right now anyway. I
suppose, technically, Ben’s my rebound, and I’m good with
that. I’m confident if we communicate and are open with each
other about our intentions, we’ll still be friends at the end of
the day. Hopefully really good friends.
I meant what I said. I’d hate to lose him. I feel safe when
he’s around and hope I can be that safe haven for him too.
Once we’re done stuffing our faces with hamburgers, Lily
crashes in her mom’s room. She had a great time with Miss
Georgia this afternoon, and the look of relief on Ben’s face
when we picked up his daughter from daycare was priceless.
I’m so grateful things went smoothly for her because it seems
like Ben is starting to trust himself more around her.
After dinner, everyone takes turns in the shower. Except
Olly and Amelia, who take a shower together, and have such a
loud round of sex, the neighbors in the adjoining cabin knock
on our door and tell us to lower the porn.
When Olly and Amelia eventually emerge from the steamy
bathroom, we applaud. Johnny jumps up and humps the air.
“Harder, Olly! Harder! Right there, big boy!”
Amelia rolls her eyes, and Olly blushes adorably. He has a
Clark Kent nerdy vibe, but he’s super cute, and I can see why
Amelia’s into him.
“Shut up, assholes,” Olly grunts as he puts Johnny into a
chokehold, and they go rolling onto the ground like the
manchildren they are.
Amelia and Janelle chat like there aren’t grown men
wrestling on the ground.
“We should totally go to that bar next week,” Amelia tells
Janelle.
They whip out their phones, exchange numbers, and chat
about places to hit up in Austin. I offer a suggestion or two,
and they nod and add the bars to some list on Amelia’s phone.
I’m sitting right there, literally two feet away, but neither
invites me to whatever they’re planning.
A little bummed, I head to the bedroom, change into
pajamas, and let my damp hair out of a bun so it can dry.
Exhausted, I curl up on the bed to read on my phone. With just
the small lamp on the nightstand to illuminate the room, it
feels cozy.
A few minutes later, Ben returns from his shower. He’s
wearing sweatpants and a towel around his broad shoulders.
Damp hair dangles in his dark eyes that take me in.
 I’m grateful I packed some cute PJs, a stretchy pink tank
top and pink shorts, which looked fine a few minutes ago. But
now that the air conditioner has kicked in, my nipples are
giving him a high salute.
Since he’s staring at them, I wave my hand in front of them
and try to make a joke. “I’m obviously happy to see you.”
He smirks and waves at his sweats, which are now molded
to a thick erection. “Back at ya, sunshine.”
All I can say is damn. He’s a big boy.
He runs his hands through his hair. “Sorry. I’m not usually
a walking, talking hard-on.” His cheeks flush.
Clearing my throat, I pat his side of the bed. “We’re adults.
And obviously attracted to each other. This is a normal
reaction. Especially after hanging out all day. There’s no
reason to be embarrassed.”
Did I say I was exhausted earlier? I’m wide awake now.
He sits next to me and a long moment of silence ensues,
but I hate the idea that he’s uncomfortable right now, so I keep
talking.
“Besides, being in your lap today… You know. Sorta
worked me up.” We kissed a few times, and he held me in his
arms to warm up in the cold water, but I didn’t want to grind
on his lap with Janelle a few feet away. She might be his ex,
and we might be trying to instill some boundaries with her, but
gyrating on her ex felt like a step too far. If Ben were my ex,
I’d hate to see him humping some girl.
But damn, I thought about it. A lot.
His eyes darken. “Oh, yeah?”
 I nod slowly and squirm to ease the ache that’s taken
residence between my thighs.
The talk this afternoon meant we were planning to bone,
right? At least, I hope that’s what it meant.
I decide to crawl across the bed and into his lap. And, yes,
I hope to slink over there all sexy. Except as I turn onto all
fours, my shoulder cramps, and I land on my face with a
mouthful of comforter.
“Ow.” I snort with laughter because come on. With my
face buried in the blankets, I reach around to rub my arm.
“Holy hell, that hurts.”
“What’s wrong?”
He rolls me onto my side. Spit slides down my face as I
continue to laugh and howl in pain. This is not sexy, Sienna!
But I can’t help it. This is too ridiculous not to laugh, and
since my shoulder won’t stop cramping, all I can do is writhe
around.
“Cramp. Shoulder. Hurts.”
He frowns as he tells me to roll back onto my stomach.
“From rafting?”
“No, from skiing yesterday. I haven’t done that in years.
I’m in shape from yoga and jogging, but not for skiing
exactly.”
I thought I was fine after soaking in the river all day, but
then I carried a bunch of groceries this evening, and they were
heavier than I thought they’d be.
“Hmm.” Ben starts to dig his thumbs into my back, and I
almost cry in relief when he delivers on that massage he
promised me.
 “Oh, God. Thank you.”
“You have a hell of a knot in your right shoulder. Also,
you’re a little sunburned. Am I hurting you?”
Now that he mentions it, the rubbing does burn a bit.
“Hold on a sec. I have this great body oil you can use so
you don’t peel off the top layer of my skin.”
I crawl over to the edge of the bed and grab my toiletry
bag. But because my arm is so weak, I end up having to stand
up and use my other arm.
“You’d think after a million yoga classes this wouldn’t be
an issue.”
His eyes trail over me. “You are in great shape.”
“I’ll confess to being a slug last week because of the
stitches. Every time I tried a downward dog, my head began to
pound.”
His eyes turn devilish. “Downward dog?”
I smirk. “Yes, and if you’re a good boy, I’ll show you what
that looks like.” I toss him the oil. “Here. Rub me with that.”
He makes a choking sound that makes me laugh. Good. I
hope I make him as unbalanced as he makes me.
Flopping on my stomach, I rest my head in my arms. “Get
to work, Rodriguez.”
“Not gonna lie. I like you all bossy.”
“I can work with that.” I try to relax even though I’m
guessing he’s checking out my ass right now. Especially since
I know my bottoms are riding up a bit.
“Uh, do you mind getting oil on your clothes?”
 Did I mention I sometimes enjoy a good thrill? Like that
time I went skydiving, this feels just as exhilarating.
I reach behind my back with my strong arm, pull off my
tank and toss it to the ground, and then resume my prone
position on the bed.
“Fuck, you’re sexy. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I
really wanna bite your ass right now. Or maybe smack it.
Hard.”
That pulse between my legs turns into a full salsa beat.
But I don’t let my enthusiasm for his suggestion seep into
my voice. “Work first. Play later.” I take a deep breath. “Rub
me down, Ben.”
He’s quiet a second, and then I hear the snap of the bottle.
“Can you move your hair?” His voice just got an octave
deeper.
I shiver and do what he says, setting my mass of tresses to
the side.
“Can I…” He clears his throat. “Do you mind if I sit on
you?”
“Go for it.”
“I promise I won’t squish you.”
He can flatten me like a board. I’m game.
I close my eyes as he parks himself on my ass. Oh, God. I
shouldn’t be this turned on. He’s sitting on me, and I’m
pulsing like a disco ball.
He drizzles the cool oil across my bare shoulders. First, he
rubs it in in slow strokes, methodically slicking it up to my
shoulder blades and down to my waist. Then his big, calloused
hands gently press into me and knead my muscles.
Sweet sassy molassey, that feels good. I lower my face into
the bed and stretch my arms above my face. I don’t care that I
can’t breathe.
He works me over for several long minutes, turning me
into a limp noodle.
Leaning forward, he takes both of my wrists in his hands
and slowly drags his hands down until he reaches my
shoulders again.
His hot breath brushes against my ear. “You ticklish?” he
asks as his fingers stroke under my arms and then to the sides
of my breasts.
I swallow back a moan and shake my head. “Not ticklish.”
I pause when his fingers brush against my ribs, and I let out a
giggle. “Okay, not that ticklish.”
“Mmm. Found the sweet spot, huh?”
And then the jerk digs in a little, and I squeal and try to
buck him off. He flattens his giant body on mine, not enough
to suffocate me. Just enough to keep me immobile.
“I guess I’m at your mercy. Do we need a safe word?”
He chuckles. “Do you want one?”
“Not unless you’re planning to tie me up.” I don’t know
where that idea comes from because I’ve never done it before.
He nuzzles against my neck as his enormous erection juts
against my ass, and I arch up.
“Wasn’t planning to tie you up. But I won’t say I’m not
intrigued.”
 “Never been tied up before,” I gasp as he sets a
particularly yummy rhythm against my rear. “Have you ever
done that?” I swallow. “Used rope?”
Please say no. All of a sudden, envisioning him with other
women feels like torture.
“Can’t say that I have.”
“Mmm.”
After a beat of silence, he clears his throat. “We might
need to do a little research to avoid rope burn. Maybe we put
that on a future list of activities,” he mumbles as he nips my
neck.
He’s actually considering it? Yes, please!
Despite how much the thought of him tying me up lights
my body from head to toe, I’d much rather stick with the
massage right now.
“Why don’t you get that oil and work on my… lower
back.”
He doesn’t say anything as he sits up, and I reach down
and shove off my shorts and undies. I close my eyes and
stretch out again on my stomach and wait for him.
When he doesn’t say anything, I lean over to look at him.
“This okay?”
His eyes meet mine. They’re dark. Dilated. The heat
between us feels like it might combust this cottage. “Fresh out
of the shower like this, you look like a water nymph who
washed up on shore.”
I want to purge Cal from my system forever. Ben wants to
make sure his ex doesn’t have a hold on him anymore. We can
be that for the other person without risking our friendship.
 And I might have one other motivation. We likely only
have a short time together, but I plan to make sure he never
forgets it. That he never forgets me.
Shameless, I shake my bare backside at him and grin.
“I’m all yours.”
22
 BEN

M Y MOUTH GOES dry as my gaze trails over Sienna’s beautiful

ass. Up her lean back. Until her half-lidded eyes connect with
mine.
She’s perched on her stomach, hair tumbling everywhere,
glancing back at me. There’s a playful look in her eyes. It’s
enough to make me forget my own name.
What I wanted to say a minute ago but didn’t is that she
looks like something out of my dreams. She’s sweet and sexy
and so damn alluring.
Sienna gives me a wicked smile, and my cock surges
against my sweats.
All that talk of tying her up felt like something out of a
fantasy. I fucking love her adventurous attitude. And I’m
enjoying the hell out of this massage.
“You sure about this, sunshine?”
“Just remember our pinky promise.”
I nod, because yeah, I wanna keep this woman in my life
down the road.
People say sex always changes things, but we’re talking
about Sienna. Beautiful, bold, self-possessed Sienna, who
always seems to know what she wants.
Sex doesn’t have to affect our friendship. As long as we
stay on the same page, as long as we communicate, there’s no
reason we can’t have a little fun along the way, right?
But as I stare at all that bare, golden skin, I have a strong
suspicion that fun is the wrong word. An understatement of the
worst kind.
Because her body is fucking perfection. Strong, taut
muscles coupled with stunning curves.
And damn. That ass.
But first…
Dutifully, I do as she asked and spread the oil around her
lower back and press into the knots, which has her groaning
and sighing in relief.
After a few minutes, I scoot lower and drizzle oil all over
the perfect globes of her backside that sport the most
intriguing tan lines.
Ignoring that shadowy passage I’m dying to explore, I
spread the oil and focus the same attention on her glutes. She
moans and squirms under my hands.
“Too hard?”
“No. It’s perfect. Keep going,” she pants.
Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on. She smells
so good. Like warm woman and body wash mixed with the
fresh scent of her massage oil.
I lift my body to scoot down again, and Sienna spreads her
legs a little.
 Her pretty pink pussy glistens. Is it wrong that I want to
dive face first between her legs?
But good things come to those who wait.
Deliberately ignoring that sweet spot, I sit next to her and
grab one foot, then the other, enjoying the sounds she makes.
If she sounds this satisfied now when all I’m doing is
rubbing her feet… I chuckle to myself when I consider how
loud she’ll get when we get down to business.
Taking my time, I work my way back up her thighs, and
when my thumbs graze where they meet her butt cheeks, a
little shudder runs through her body.
I clear my throat. “This okay?”
“Oh, my God, yes. Don’t stop.”
Her muffled voice makes me smile, and I do it again. It’s
taking everything in me not to take advantage of the invitation
she’s presenting me with, but Sienna’s been dating that
dickhead for months. While there’s nothing I’d love more than
to bust a nut, this woman needs to know what it’s like to be
with a man who’s not so fucking selfish. I plan to take my
time.
I knead her muscles in an outward direction. It gives me a
great view of her sweet, wet pussy, and her other tight little
hole that glistens with the massage oil.
“Jesus, Ben.” She buries her head in her arms and arches,
offering up her beautiful ass to me.
“You want more?”
“Whatever you got.”
 Got plenty for you, I think as I glance down at my raging
erection that’s leaving a damp spot against the fabric of my
sweatpants.
As much as I love the arch of her back and the way it puts
her incredible body on display, she can’t be comfortable. I’m
guessing only porn makes this position seem doable. I grab a
pillow and tuck it under her hips.
She turns her face back toward me, giving me a surprised
smile.
“No sense in working out all the kinks only to give you
neck cramps.”
“Did I say we were only doing this for vacation?” she
teases.
“We can do this whenever you want.”
The words come out of me before I can stop them. Except
I don’t wanna take them back. I’ll worry about what we’re
talking about tomorrow because I can’t leave my girl hanging
like this.
I drizzle a little more oil between her thighs and watch it
coat all of that plump skin that I’m dying to lick.
With a feather-light touch, I graze her sweet pussy. The
moan that rips from her almost has me forgoing my promise to
go slow. Except only douchebags rush to the end.
And honestly? I don’t remember ever spending this kind of
quality time on a woman. A situation I mean to rectify moving
forward. Because this is hot as fuck.
I massage the innermost part of her thighs that are spread
open for me and press those lips together.
A choked sound leaves her.
 “Feel good?”
“Sooo good.”
She wiggles her ass at me again, and I laugh. Before I can
stop myself, I lean down and take a bite of one round cheek.
A gasp and then laughter spills from her.
I lick that spot to soothe the pinch of pain that might linger.
“Delicious. You’re like a ripe apple.”
Inspired, I make myself comfortable between her spread
legs and then lick the skin I was just working over before I
sink one finger and then two into her swollen pussy.
Christ, she’s so wet. So warm. I watch my fingers tunnel in
and out of her while she squirms.
“Hold still.” I clamp my arm over her lower back and take
a moment to appreciate the beautiful sight in front of me.
Sienna is spread out like a decadent dish. Hair disheveled.
Breath panting. Legs splayed with my two thick fingers sunk
deep inside her.
“Baby, I’m gonna be dreaming about this when I’m old
and gray.”
She laughs again, a husky sound that makes me wanna bite
her ass again.
But before she says anything, I get back to work. And then
I press my thumb against her asshole.
“Fuck, Ben. Fuck.”
“Don’t you dare come yet. I need to lick that pussy.” I use
the same voice I do on the field when we’re barking orders at
each other and trying to stay focused.
 Her whole body trembles at my command, and I have to
reach down to give my cock a squeeze to calm the hell down.
Not sure where this alpha crap is coming from, but I can’t
deny that I’m digging how well Sienna responds.
After gently removing my fingers, I roll her over, and she’s
flushed. Her hair is everywhere, a tangled mess that makes her
even sexier. Teasing me with glimpses of her rosebud nipples.
Her breasts are stunning. A small handful that sit high and
proud. Her whole chest is flushed as her breath saws in and out
of her body.
With a devilish grin, I push her hair over her shoulders and
then drizzle oil over those luscious tits.
Winston’s a dumbass. No orgy or pile of willing women is
worth risking what he had with Sienna. She’s one of the
hottest girls on campus. But her looks aren’t what make her
such a catch. It’s her personality. Her smile. Her laugh and
carefree ways. Her outlook on life.
I’m about to straddle her hips when she tugs on my sweats.
“Why don’t you take these off? You’ve had an up-close
inspection of me. Pretty sure it’s my turn.” She winks.
Laughing, I strip off my pants and let her take a good look
at my erection that greets her with a bounce against my
stomach.
“Into watching, huh?” I take my oiled-up hand and run it
over myself from root to tip.
She licks her lips, but before I let myself indulge in a
fantasy of her taking me into her mouth, I get back to business
and massage that oil on her breasts. Over those pink nipples.
Again and again until she’s writhing.
 At which point I have to suck her pebbled nipple between
my teeth and give it a little tug. She shudders and arches back.
Holding her to me, I give her other breast the same attention.
She’s glistening and glorious. A fucking vision.
Then I make my way south, taking a moment to prop her
hips on that pillow again.
That’s when I notice her pussy is bare and smooth with the
tiniest runway strip that leads to the promised land. Fuck,
that’s hot.
She watches me as I settle between her legs and take a
long, slow lick, which has her gasping. The sound has me
perilously close to breaking my promise to take my time. She’s
too sweet. Too tempting. Too decadent.
I flatten my tongue and smooth it around her engorged clit.
It’s not until I have three fingers buried in her that I finally
give that little bud some attention. Just the barest flutter of my
tongue has her going off with a scream and pulsing around my
fingers. Her legs wrap around my head and keep me there
while I work her down.
When she collapses onto the bed, I slowly remove my
hand, taking a moment to lick my fingers clean while she
watches.
“You’re a bad boy, Ben Rodriguez,” she gasps as a
satisfied smile tilts her lips. “Come here.”
After I get rid of the pillow under her ass, I collapse onto
my elbows so I don’t crush her. But I’m ravenous. And our
kiss has her clawing at my body in a way that ramps me up
even more.
Before I know it, our hips are moving together as my cock
glides back and forth across her wet pussy.
 “Get a condom,” she grunts as I thrust.
But for some reason, as much as I’m dying to fuck her
until she can’t walk, I wanna hold off. Sienna’s special. She’s
more than a fun lay over vacation.
Trust me, it’s a helluva time to grow a conscience, but
there’s no do-over once you’ve had sex.
“Sunshine, we can take our time. We don’t need to fuck
tonight.”
She gives me an adorable pout that almost changes my
mind.
Almost.
Except some protective part of me can’t go there with her
yet.
“Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna fuck you silly, you gorgeous
girl.”
That gets me a smile.
She widens her legs, and I settle over her again. I kiss her
and our tongues tangle together in a heated match.
“Can I still make you come?” she asks, a hint of
vulnerability in her eyes.
“Won’t take much. I’ve wanted to go off like a Roman
candle since I saw you in your sexy little pajamas.”
That wicked twinkle in her eyes returns, and she pulls me
close.
Her dainty hands wander over my shoulders and back. Dig
into my hair. Grab my ass.
When I can’t stand it any longer, I move to my knees and
watch my thick cock shuttle between her spread thighs.
 But I’d love to make her come again, so I focus my thrusts
against her clit, which has her tightening her thighs around me.
“Get there, baby,” I groan, barely holding back.
She shakes and shivers as she peaks again, but before I’m
left to my own devices, she reaches down and jerks me off in
her hand.
Groaning, I go off like a geyser, shooting across her
breasts. Leaving a trail down her stomach and across her hips.
She runs a finger through it, rubbing it into her nipple that’s
swollen from my attention. But then she pops that finger into
her mouth and smiles.
Something in me roars at the sight of a sex-mussed Sienna,
dripping with my come and flushed from two orgasms. It’s
primal, like I’m a big jungle cat trying to mark my territory.
Because while we talked about keeping this to a week of
hookups, to a friends-with-benefits situation, it feels like
Sienna’s mine. Like this means more.
Despite all the shit I have going on and the promises I’ve
made to myself to focus on football and my daughter, I realize
I have to get my shit together and find a way to keep this
woman by my side.
And not just as a friend.
23
 SIENNA

I WAKE up once again draped over Ben’s enormous body.

Memories from last night have me smiling. I’ve never
experienced anything like what we did. Ben was commanding
and growly and yet tender and thoughtful. And holy crap, does
he know how to touch me.
I thought Cal was giving in bed. And he was—somewhat,
in the beginning. That eventually waned.
But nothing I ever did with him came close to the intimacy
I just experienced with Ben. Honestly, it freaks me out a little.
In a beautiful, crazy way. Being with him feels like I’m about
to BASE jump off El Capitan.
The ultimate thrill.
If you don’t die.
Dramatic much, Sienna?
Objectively, though, he’s the only man who’s made me
come twice in a row, working me over like we were long-time
lovers.
Best of all, he didn’t act like a weirdo afterward.
Because I hate when guys get weird.
 Last night I was a sticky mess after our sexy times, so I
took another shower, and when I came back to bed, he held the
covers open for me, tucked me against his hard chest, and
quickly fell asleep.
It felt so normal. Like we were some old couple. Pretty
sure I slept with a smile on my face as he snuggled me.
A part of me wishes we could freeze time and enjoy this
vacation, stretch it out for weeks or months, until we’ve had
our fill of each other.
Because everything will change when we get back to
Charming. He’ll disappear into training camp or school or the
regular season will kick his ass, and I’ll go back to teaching
yoga classes and worrying if I have the right credits to
graduate on time.
After a glance at the clock on the bedside table, I stretch
with a contented groan, compliments of phenomenal orgasms.
Ben looks like he’s out. Well, except for that one part of
him I’m dying to explore in more depth.
But he wanted to go for a run. With training camp around
the corner, it’s probably a good idea for him to stay on track.
“Wake up, sleepyhead,” I murmur against his ear as I run
my hand through his thick, messy hair. “Weren’t you guys
gonna work out this morning?”
He growls and, next thing I know, I’m nestled underneath
him.
“You smell so good,” he says as he nips my ear.
I let him settle between my legs as I continue to play with
his hair. “You told me that before. Do you remember?”
 He continues nuzzling my neck. “No. When did I say
that?”
I roll my eyes. “Do you go around telling a lot of girls they
smell good?” I tease.
“Not that I recall,” he says in between nibbles on my skin.
“Your game against UT last winter. When you picked me
up and spun me around.”
He leans back and gives me a look. “That was you.”
I laugh because I can’t tell if he’s asking me or telling me.
“Yeah. That was me.”
“I remember.” He smiles like this is a big deal and resumes
his exploration of my neck.
Did I say Ben wasn’t weird? I take that back. He’s a little
strange. But I like it.
As he palms my boob, I clamp my hand on his wrist. “No,
you wanted to work out early before we went horseback
riding.”
Arching over me again, he frowns. “Really? No titty?”
“No titty. Get your ass out of bed. Let’s go. Were you and
the guys going for a run?”
“Not sure, slavedriver.” He smooches me on the lips, hops
out of bed bare-ass naked, gives his boner a good tug, and
reaches for his duffle bag.
Holy shit, he’s a fine-looking man. No wonder I crushed
on him hard freshman year.
He’s lean and muscular. Like a statue of a Greek god. You
know, if those statues had enormous dicks.
 He runs his hand through his messy hair, but his bedhead
only makes him more attractive. He’s all high cheekbones and
full lips.
On a mouth that gave my body a very thorough inspection
last night.
I shake my head because my thoughts are out of control.
“Do you ever do any yoga?” I wander over to my small
suitcase, grab some workout clothes, and pull on some undies
and shorts.
“This isn’t fair at all.”
I turn as I tug on a sports bra and find him paused with his
shirt halfway on. His head has poked through the hole, but his
hands are braced on his hips.
“What?” I try to ignore the way his wood is trying to bust
loose from his compression shorts.
“What do you mean, what? How am I supposed to get rid
of this”—he waves at his erection—“when you’re all, you
know, nipply?”
“Nipply?” I laugh and adjust my bra. “You’ve already seen
everything.” Licked them, bitten them, and sucked them too
for that matter.
“Not first thing in the morning. Plus, we’re on vacation.
These are two new scenarios.”
“Aww, poor baby. Do you need some vacation titty?” I trot
over to him and leap into his arms. “Let’s work out first,
because you need to stay in shape so you can kick ass this fall.
Then we can sneak away for a nooner.”
“I love how you think.” He grabs my ass in both hands as
he kisses me. I’m not sure how long we stand there making
out, but I’m panting by the time I slide down his body.
“No more kissing or we’ll end up banging against the
wall.”
His eyes darken. “And the problem with that would be?”
God, he’s tempting. I trail my finger over his plump
bottom lip. “I don’t want to be responsible for you not doing
well this year.”
His brow furrows, and he blows out a breath. “Yeah. Okay.
We’ll work out.”
Silently, he tugs on a pair of loose shorts over the
compression pair to mask that monster.
I’m almost sad he gave in, but then he slings his arm over
my shoulders as we head to the living room and whispers,
“Thanks for keeping me on track. I need that in my life.
You’re the best, sunshine.”
Delighted, I squeeze him tight.
I can do that, keep him on track.
That’s the crazy thing. I’m great at helping other people
keep their shit together, but suck when it comes to my own life
sometimes.
I’m busy giving him a goofy grin when he stops suddenly.
I turn toward everyone in the living room, where a pissed-off
Janelle is bouncing Lily. Johnny makes a face behind her and
heads into the kitchen, where he and Olly are making some
green drink concoction with Amelia.
Janelle stomps up to us and flings the baby into Ben’s
arms.
 “Your turn,” she huffs. Her head swivels toward me,
vaguely reminding me of that old horror movie The Exorcist.
“Ben screws everything with two legs. Just because you got
some doesn’t mean shit.”
I don’t get a chance to respond since we’re juggling Lily
and trying not to drop her.
Finally, Ben gets a good hold of his daughter. Lily’s lower
lip wobbles before she starts to bawl.
“What the hell, Janelle?” That vein in Ben’s forehead
looks scary.
“You done fucking around with your girlfriend? Finally
got time for me and your kid?”
He rolls his eyes. “Did I not offer to take her last night?
Didn’t I say, ‘Hey, why don’t I take the baby so you can have a
break?’”
It’s true. He pulled Janelle aside and asked her if he could
take a night shift to give her some time to relax, and she
cursed under her breath and ignored him.
He pats Lily on the butt, which calms her, and growls
quietly at his ex. “And what did you tell me? You said you
wanted her with you at all times. And now, because we’re
hashing it out in front of our friends, you act like I’m a
deadbeat. Like I haven’t offered you money and time and help
doing this however the fuck you want to do it.”
She bursts into tears, which makes Lily cry again.
“Goddamn it.” Ben closes his eyes and mutters something
else under his breath before he walks up to her and pats her
awkwardly on her back. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I know this shit is
stressful. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”
 She tucks herself against him, wrapping her arms around
his waist, and sobs into his chest. Lily wraps one pudgy arm
around her mama.
The sight of them huddled like a family sends a sharp pang
through my chest.
I head to our bedroom where I grab my yoga mat and a
towel before I sneak outside. Because after what Ben and I did
last night, I’m not prepared for the sight of another woman in
his arms.
Even if she has more right to claim him than I do.

I go through a series of moves to warm up, starting on my

knees in extended child’s pose. Shifting into cat-cow spinal
stretches, I try to focus on the movement, on my breath, on
releasing the tension, but it’s a struggle to clear my head.
After another fifteen minutes of stretches, I still can’t
shake what happened this morning.
I don’t understand why I’m upset. I know Janelle plays
games. I know she wants Ben back. I know she had Ben first.
At that thought, I laugh out loud.
Let me correct that. She had Ben. Full stop.
Because he and I are only messing around. We’re not even
real.
And maybe that’s what’s stuck in my craw. That I’m
building memories with someone who not only does not do
relationships but has a kid. With another woman.
You’re an idiot, Sienna. I hear my father’s voice loud and
clear, telling me how I need to stop fooling around and get
serious about life. How I can’t cruise through life like it’s a big
joke. How I’m disappointing the whole family. How, if I’m not
careful, I’ll leave a big hole in the hallway where everyone’s
degrees are framed.
Even though my dad was talking about school and picking
a major and figuring out a plan for grad school, I can see how
his scolding could apply to what I’m doing with Ben.
My father would lose his mind if he knew I was hooking
up with a guy who had a kid. Of course, I’d never describe it
as such to him.
“Hey. You doing okay?” I look up and squint into the
bright morning where I find Olly. “That was intense. Just
wanted to check on you.”
“Thanks, bud. I’m fine.” I come out of the pose and sit on
the mat, where I grab my t-shirt and wipe my face.
He studies me a sec, and I get the impression that he’s
wildly perceptive. “You sure?”
I nod, not really meaning it, but what can I say? That this
whole situation is twisting me up inside? That I feel guilty for
being the other woman in this situation, even though I get that
Janelle and Ben were over long before I came on the scene?
Try explaining that to my emotions.
“Wanna show me some of your moves? I’ve never done
yoga before, but it looks like a good workout.”
I’m caught off guard by the change of direction in our
conversation, but I’m eager to get out of my own head. “Sure.
I’d love to show you.”
“Wait. Before you begin…” He holds up a finger and jogs
back to the cabin. He returns two minutes later with Johnny
and Amelia. “Now you can start.”
“You guys all want to do yoga?”
Johnny laughs. “It’s sure as fuck better than witnessing
that shitshow back there.”
Amelia elbows him hard. “Stop being an asshole. Janelle is
doing the best she can.” The expression on her face tells me
who she thinks is responsible for Janelle’s problems.
I blink and do my best not to react. Because I don’t have
the energy to defend a fake relationship to anyone.
Right now I’m just feeling sad and defeated for some
reason.
If I were in a legit… something with Ben, then yeah, I’d be
pissed. Fake Sienna staked her claim before Janelle returned.
But real Sienna went through her parents’ ugly divorce.
And for some reason, all of this hits close to home.
I tell Amelia the truth. “Ben is a free agent. I haven’t
handcuffed him to my bed. If he wants Janelle, he’s welcome
to have her. But that’s his decision. Not mine.”
“You can handcuff me to your bed,” Johnny chirps, and I
laugh.
He’s an idiot, but a lovable idiot.
I return my attention to Amelia. “If you want to do yoga,
you’re welcome to stay.”
She rolls her eyes. “Let’s do this already.”
Such a gracious girl. She may be beautiful, but I can’t
really see Olly with someone like this long-term. Her nails are
too sharp for a sweet guy like him.
 I get them situated on towels, which aren’t as nice as mats,
but they’re on a grassy knoll, so it should be okay. I warm
them up, taking my time so I can check their flexibility. And
then we get into a groove. After fifteen sun salutation cycles,
we’ve all worked up a good sweat, and the guys strip off their
t-shirts.
When Ben finally emerges with Lily, I can tell the guys are
starting to get tired.
“Holy shit, dude,” Johnny groans. “Your girl is killing
me.”
That makes me pause. “Are you in any pain?”
“No, but this is turning into a hell of a workout. Let’s skip
the run.”
Olly agrees, and I smile, pleased that I could give these
elite athletes a good session. “Developing your flexibility can
help prevent injuries during the season. Holler if you ever
want to take my class. Or I can just come over and do a
session for you at your house.”
Amelia’s head tilts. “You teach yoga? Like, at a real
place?”
No, at a pretend place.
“Yup. At Good Vibes in Charming and sometimes at
Blissful Soul in Austin.”
Although I haven’t done much of anything since I caught
Cal and Destiny except sulk.
Maybe my dad has a point. I need to get back on track.
Whatever that means. I’m just not sure I can handle moving
back to California. But what would I do if I stay here after
graduation? Follow Rider and Gabby around in Dallas like a
third wheel?
Ben and Lily watch from the shade of a tree, and when
we’re done, Olly gives me a high-five, and Johnny lifts me in
a sweaty hug.
“Gross.” I laugh and shove him off me.
“That was awesome, woman.”
Amelia gives me a quiet thanks and heads back to the
cabin as I make my way over to Ben.
“You doing okay?” I ask as I take Lily, who’s holding out
her arms to me.
“No. Not really. Would you mind watching her for a bit? I
want to go for a run, blow off some steam.” His jaw is tight,
and I can see that vein in his temple.
“Sure.”
He heads toward the trail that leads to the lake when he
turns around. “I’m sorry I missed your yoga session. Maybe I
could join you tomorrow or whenever you do it again.”
I nod. “Whenever.”
He gives me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and takes
off into the woods at a full sprint.
24
 BEN

J ANELLE ’ S hateful words ricochet in my head as my feet pound

the winding path around the lake.
“You’ll be a terrible father. You’re selfish. Even your sister
knows it.”
“I left you because Ernest made me feel loved. You never
let me in.”
“Your family’d be pissed if they knew you weren’t giving
me a chance. If they knew you were hooking up with some
random bitch.”
It’s true I might prove to be a terrible father. Not saying
I’m perfect, but damn, she knew where to sink that dagger.
All the guilt I’ve carried from not being there for Gabby
when we were kids suddenly feels like a weight on my chest.
I confided in Janelle when we were younger. She knows
about my nightmares. About my fear that my sister would die.
About how I had to distance myself from my old life so I
didn’t lose my shit. For Janelle to turn that on me feels really
low. Has she always been this vindictive, and I was too stupid
to see it?
As for me never letting her in, the fact she knows enough
about my past to throw it in my face speaks volumes. Not that
she wanted to hear it.
Her biggest beef was about Sienna. She hates that we’re
dating, but I won’t apologize. She knew full well what she was
facing when she accepted Johnny’s invitation on this vacation.
Sienna’s been nothing but nice to her. You want a
definition for classy? It has a big-ass photo of Sienna on it.
Janelle has been snide and insulting this whole trip, but Sienna
has only been patient and understanding.
Did I say I wanted to work out something long-term with
Sienna? I’d have to be out of my fucking head to think I could
handle a relationship while trying to deal with Janelle, who is
making me certifiably insane.
By the time I make it back to our cabin, I’m lightheaded
and dripping with sweat. I grab my shirt out of my waistband
and use it to mop my face.
The living room is empty. I figure everyone went to lunch,
but when I round the corner to my room, I find Sienna on the
floor with Lily. They’re spread out on a blanket, playing with
blocks.
“Hey.” I’m still panting from running like my ass was on
fire. “Where is everyone?”
“Horseback riding.”
I frown and glance down at the peanut. “Even Janelle?”
“Yeah. They might have gone to lunch first. I’m not sure.”
I’m surprised Janelle left our kid with Sienna since she just
spent the morning screaming in my face about her.
“This is not how I wanted to spend this trip. I’m sorry
babysitting fell to you. I offered to watch Lily today, but
Janelle freaked out.”
 Sienna gives me a patient smile. “It’s okay.”
Sienna’s too chill. Sometimes I want her to get pissed.
Janelle’s been a royal bitch to her. A part of me is relieved
Sienna is watching Lily instead of anyone else, but why should
she do Janelle any favors?
But she doesn’t need me to psychoanalyze her.
“Give me ten to take a shower, and I’ll take y’all to grab
something to eat.”
“We already ate, but we can go with you if you’d like
company.”
Her sweet understanding makes me feel like shit for some
reason. I don’t get why. I guess I wanna do something nice for
her, but I’m not sure what.
Plus, I think we need to talk.
“Okay, then how about we go horseback riding like we
planned? Just the three of us.”
That gets me a genuine smile. “If that’s not too much
trouble, then yeah, I’d like to go.” She looks down at the baby.
“If you think Lily can handle it. She hasn’t had her nap yet.”
Fuck.
I snap the rubber bands on my wrist several times while I
think about our options. “So let’s let her nap, and then try the
stables?”
“Sure.”
Her one-word response bugs me, but I’m pretty sure I’m
the asshole here, not her.
She picks up Lily and snuggles her on the bed.
 After I scrub off in the shower, I rest my forehead on the
tile and let the hot water wash over me. If I could, I would
rewind today and do things differently. Maybe not yell at
Janelle. Especially in front of our kid.
Just because Janelle’s a dick to me doesn’t excuse me
reciprocating that behavior.
I swallow, remembering my mom saying stuff like that.
Well, minus using the word ‘dick.’
Thinking of her makes my chest feel tight, so I finish
washing off and jump out before I begin rocking in the corner.
I’d give anything to talk to my mom right now and ask her
what I should do in this situation, but if I let myself think
about it too much, it’ll fuck me up.
And I’m a big enough fuckup.
After I get dressed, I find Sienna sitting on the couch,
staring blankly at the TV, which isn’t on.
“You okay?” I ask slowly as I lower myself next to her.
“Yeah.”
From my limited experience, women who give one-word
responses are never okay.
“Sorry you had to listen to all that this morning. And I’m
sorry I dragged you into my mess. This is turning out to be a
giant clusterfuck.”
She swallows and nods slowly.
“Listen—”
“You know—”
We both stop and smile at each other. But even though her
lips tug up, there’s a crestfallen look in her eyes I’m not used
to.
“Go ahead.” I motion to her. “You first.”
She stares at her hands in her lap. “I just wanted to tell you
that I understand if you don’t want to do this anymore. We
started this charade to make things easier for you, and it’s
obviously having the opposite effect. Maybe things with
Janelle would calm down if I wasn’t around.”
Fuck, that’s not what I thought she was going to say.
Before I can respond, she nods. “You can still use Gabby’s
old room for as long as you need. I realize that finding a place
at the last minute would be tough. So it’s yours if you need it. I
can… I can just make myself scarce for a while to give you a
chance to work things out with Janelle. Whatever that means.”
She’s so calm and reassuring I want to kiss her. Sienna is
the complete opposite of my ex, and I love that about her.
Every conversation I have with Janelle makes me wanna
bang my head against the wall. But Sienna makes me feel
calm. At peace. Like I’m in control of my shit. And when
she’s around, I want to reassure her. Protect her. Love up on
her. Show her I’m grateful she puts up with my sorry ass.
My head is spinning. I’m not sure where to start.
I should walk away from Sienna for her sake. What sane
woman would want to involve herself in my crazy life? But
the thought of us going our separate ways sends a fresh wave
of panic through me.
“Are you fake-breaking up with me?” I try to infuse as
much levity in my words as possible.
Her eyes, which are surprisingly shiny, meet mine, and she
gives me a sad smile. “We’re friends, Ben. As friends, we have
to do what’s best for each other.”
“Come here.” Before she says anything, I lift her onto my
lap and kiss her. “We’re not breaking up. Fake or otherwise.”
My heart pounds as I say those words. Because wouldn’t a
real friend want the best for Sienna? My life is a mess right
now, but fuck, I don’t want to let her go.
She leans back to look at me. The silence stretches out.
Then she tilts her head. “Are you suggesting… you want to
date for real?” Her eyes get playful. “I mean, I did already
give you a key to my place.”
All the things I wanna say are tumbling around in my
head. With the draft in May, a new coach, a kid, and an
unhinged ex, I know I can’t offer her what she needs. But
maybe we could level up a little.
“Sienna, I just fucking like being around you. I’ma tell you
this right now—I’d lose my shit if I saw you dating someone
else. And I’ve never felt like that about anyone. Even Janelle.”
I take a deep breath. “But I need to be honest, I don’t know
what my life will look like in a few months, much less next
year. What I do know is I’d like to spend whatever time I have
with you, and only you, for… however long we can make it.”
Not a rousing argument in my favor, I’ll admit.
She looks like she doesn’t know what to make of what I
just said.
Fuck it.
“Yes, let’s date. Let’s do this.” Because that’s the scenario
I just described, right? Dating? An exclusive relationship
between two people. I’m so fucking rusty at this shit, it’s not
even funny.
 Never mind that a new relationship is the last thing I need.
Except we’re talking about Sienna. Beautiful, sweet,
patient Sienna.
My pulse, which is careening out of control, calms as I
look at the woman in my lap.
And I get the feeling I need her like I’ve never needed
anyone before in my life.
Her eyes start to twinkle in that happy Sienna way that I
love. Her arms wrap around my neck.
As I stare at this beautiful woman, I’m reminded of all the
shit Winston put her through, which makes me doubt myself.
I clear my throat. “Listen, if you think we’re going too
fast, if you’re not ready because you’re just getting out of
another relationship, I understand. I’m not gonna pressure you
to do something you’re not ready for or don’t want.”
Her hand cups my face as her smile grows. “Oh, I want
you.”
I laugh, loving how direct she is. Loving the fact that she
doesn’t play games. “You sure?” I drag my mouth across hers
and nibble on her bottom lip. She tastes like that minty lip
gloss she’s always wearing. “I’m not too much to handle?”
“You’re definitely a lot to handle.” Her eyebrow lifts
mischievously. “But I think I’m up to the challenge.”
We make out on the couch until I’m ready to rip off her
clothes.
Of course, that’s when the peanut wakes up.
“Cockblocked by my kid,” I groan.
 Sienna laughs and plants one last kiss on my lips.
“Fortunately, I don’t think it’s a permanent condition.” With a
playful wink, she waltzes away, an extra swish to her hips that
makes me grin.
What started as a shitty day has turned around, and that has
everything to do with Sienna.
Now I just need to figure out how to get Janelle to chill out
and accept the fact that I’m dating another woman.
For real.
25
 SIENNA

T HE POUNDING of hooves fills my ears as Ben and I canter

along the last stretch of the trail where it opens up back to the
stables. Our guide suggested not letting the horses gallop since
this is Lily’s first time on a horse, but she’s taken to it like a
minnow to water.
The guide at this ranch has been great, taking time to
introduce Lily to the horse and giving us a beginner’s lesson
on riding and safety, which I know Ben appreciated.
I feel terrible for thinking this, but I’m glad we don’t run
into Janelle. I told Ben which ranch our roommates went to
this afternoon, and I suspect he deliberately chose a different
one. Thank God.
Lily’s gleeful laugh makes me grin, and I slow down just
enough to take a few photos on my phone. She’s sitting in
front of Ben on the saddle with his giant arm wrapped around
her. But she’s also wearing a small vest that straps onto her
dad for extra security.
I’ve been trying to take pics this whole trip. Ben missed so
many moments with his daughter as she was growing up, and I
want to show him that he can make up for those times by
being in the moment.
 Being outside like this feels so good, and after that session
I had with the guys this morning, I’m dying to get back to my
yoga classes in Charming. I’m realizing how my head injury,
compliments of Cal’s orgy, kept me from doing something I
love, which I think made me a little depressed. But I’m ready
to get my mojo back.
Since I got into yoga, I’ve never gone this long without it.
This break has been good for me, though. It’s given me
perspective.
I’m never going to be the genius my father wants me to be,
but I am good at yoga. Why not embrace that and lean into my
strengths? He can’t mold me into a computer coder any more
than I can snap my fingers and turn Janelle into a nice person.
Why should I lament life because I can’t be something I’m not
and never will be?
Besides, it’s not my style to mope.
When I get back to campus, I’ll march straight to my
counselor’s office and make sure my courses are on track for
my senior year. Then maybe my dad will consider funding my
yoga initiative.
We’re sweaty and hot, but I’m reluctant to return to the
cabin and Janelle’s drama. Ben must be feeling similarly
because he asks if I want to stay for the campfire dinner the
ranch throws for its visitors.
When we’re back on the ground, I jog over to Ben, who’s
holding Lily up in the air and blowing raspberries on her
tummy. After I snap a few pics, I join in.
“You did such a great job on the horse, Lily! Did you have
fun?”
“I wanna horsie, Senna.”
 Ben and I look at each other and then turn back to Lily. I
tickle her. “Did you just say, ‘I want a horse, Sienna?’ Did you
just say Sienna?”
She claps. “Senna.”
“Yeah, baby!” I give her a high-five. “Can you say
‘Daddy?’”
“Dada.” Bashful, she tucks her face into Ben’s neck and
clings to him like a little monkey.
Aww.
The precious grin on her father’s face melts my heart. God,
I want to bottle up this moment.
See, this is why I cry when I watch Hallmark movies.
Sniffling, I break out the map our guide gave us and figure
out where the bonfire is.
When we get there, we’re joined by a few other families.
Ben and I take turns overcooking hot dogs and marshmallows,
and eventually Lily falls asleep against his chest as we listen to
an old guy in overalls play his fiddle.
This feels so domestic. Like Ben and Lily and I are a
family. It reminds me of the fun stuff my parents used to do
with me and my brothers when we were little. How they’d
take us to the beach to fly kites, and we’d end up tired and
sunburned and sticky but so happy.
By the time we get home, it’s dark. Before we left to go
horseback riding, he texted Janelle to let her know what we
were doing, and he left his ringer on all day, but she never
responded.
As we walk up to the cabin, Ben threads his fingers
through mine. He pulls me to a stop a few feet from the front
door. Lily is still clinging to him, half-asleep with her thumb in
her mouth.
Keeping his voice lowered, he says, “I’m not sure what
we’re walking into, but before the craziness starts again, I just
wanted to tell you that I can’t remember the last time I’ve had
this much fun. And it’s one hundred percent because of you.”
He tugs me to him and kisses me on the forehead.
“Thanks for taking me horseback riding. That was a blast.”
Wrapping an arm around me, he hugs me close. “I hate
that it’s our last night.” With another kiss to my temple, he
adds, “We should make the most of it.”

It’s hard to wipe the smile off my face, because I definitely

want to make the most of tonight, but at the thought of having
another confrontation with Janelle, my smile falls. I have no
idea how she’s going to react to me and Ben being off all day
with Lily, but it’s not as though she attempted to contact us.
Johnny, Olly, Amelia, and some girl I’ve never seen before
are camped out in the living room, scarfing down subs.
“Dude.” Johnny raises his hoagie. “I feel the need to
apologize to you for inviting your baby monster—I mean,
baby mama—on this trip.”
He makes a face and shoves half the sandwich into his
mouth. The new girl next to him giggles.
Olly cringes and gets up to talk to us privately in the
kitchen.
“What happened today? Where’s Janelle?” Ben asks as he
pats Lily on the back.
 “We went horseback riding, but when we got back, she
took off to ‘meet up with someone.’” He shifts awkwardly. “I
assumed that meant a guy.”
Ben’s expression doesn’t change. “That’s none of my
business. As long as she’s safe, I don’t care who she… meets
up with.” He studies Olly a second. “Before that, though. How
were things once you got out of the cabin?”
“Tense.” Olly runs a hand through his hair and lowers his
voice so no one in the living room can hear. “I’m not sure how
it happened, but she and Amelia have gotten to be close, and
Amelia is constantly laying into me about shit.”
Apparently Amelia and Olly have been talking on and off
for a while, but this is the first time they’ve spent an extended
period of time together.
“Sorry ’bout that, man.” Ben claps him on the shoulder. “I
know you like her. Hate that my drama is spilling over.”
Olly grabs a beer. Takes a sip. Shrugs. “I mean, yeah, I like
her, but I got your back. Brovaries before ovaries.”
The guys do some fist-bump thing, and I laugh.
“Okay, bros.” I snort and turn to Ben. “Why don’t you give
me Lily so I can get her to bed, and you can resume your male
bonding ritual here.”
He plants a kiss on me and hands over his sleeping
daughter.
“Should I put her down in our room or her mom’s?”
“Janelle’s room, I guess. Since she didn’t want me taking
Lily last night. And we’ll use the monitor.”
After tucking Lily into her pack ’n’ play, which we bought
for the trip, I rejoin everyone in the living room. I sit next to
Ben, and he tugs me closer until I’m nestled under his arm. It’s
such a good feeling, being snuggled up to him.
I sigh happily, curl up my legs, and toss my arm across his
stomach where I’m in my own little world.
I’m trying to be chill after our talk today about really
dating. Part of me wants to cartwheel like a loon across the
carpet and the other part thinks prudence should be my
priority. Ben didn’t sound super-convinced that we have a
chance long-term, but I’m determined to make the most of
now and the time we do have. If we break up, we break up. No
one can know what the future holds anyway.
Besides, he likes me! Enough to date, which I know is
something he probably swore off after Janelle broke his heart.
So yeah, I’m going to make the most of this. Ben makes
me feel safe, and I know that despite his player reputation,
he’d never do anything to deliberately hurt me.
All of a sudden, Olly brings out a cake with a shitload of
candles that he places in front of me.
The cake is decorated with my name and a huge sun with
daisies. Everyone sings ‘Happy Birthday,’ and I’m so touched,
I could cry.
I wrap my arms around Ben’s neck. “Thank you! How did
you know I love daisies?”
“Just took a guess. They look like happy flowers, and
you’re always smiling. Reminded me of you.”
“But you already gave me a birthday cupcake.”
He frowns. Kisses me. “That wasn’t my A-game. You
deserve better than a lousy cupcake.”
Oh, my God. This guy.
 No one has gotten me a cake in years. My mom started
getting me cupcakes in high school because it was usually just
the two of us, and she didn’t want to gorge on the leftovers.
Until this moment, I hadn’t realized I’d missed the hoopla of
an actual birthday cake.
We each eat a huge slice, and I tease the guys they’re
going to get beer guts if they’re not careful.
“Speak for yourself.” Johnny jumps up and pulls up his t-
shirt that says “To-Do List” and has “your mama” crossed out.
Proudly displaying his eight-pack, he reaches for another piece
of cake. “Don’t mind if I do,” he says.
His date Yvette is looking at him like he’s tastier than the
cake he’s shoveling into his mouth.
Since we’re celebrating my birthday, the guys ask what I
want to watch on TV. I don’t care, so I let them choose, and
like big nerds, they pick old episodes of Silicon Valley. It has a
dry sense of humor, but it reminds me of my dad and brothers.
“I don’t understand this show,” Amelia says as she picks at
her nails. “I just don’t think it’s funny.”
“I fucking love this show,” Olly mumbles around a mouth
full of cake.
Ben’s been chuckling throughout the episode, so he’s
obviously into it.
But when Amelia pouts, Olly gives in and changes the
channel. She whispers something in his ear, and his cheeks
turn red while a huge smile spreads on his face.
He jumps up and pulls her to her feet. “Okay, well, we’re
beat. So… see y’all tomorrow.”
 Then he drags her to their bedroom and slams the door
shut behind him. We all laugh.
“Our boy’s getting laid,” Johnny explains to Yvette.
“Pretty sure she understood the subtext there,” Ben says
with a snicker.
I’m so tired, I can’t keep my eyes open anymore, so I tell
Ben I’m going to get ready for bed too.
“I’d join you, but I think I should stay up and wait for
Janelle to get back.” He turns to Johnny. “Did she say where
she was going? It’s getting late.”
“Nah. She just said, ‘Later, bitches,’ and ran off to talk to
some guy in a black Audi.”
Ben frowns and pulls out his phone. “Gonna text her just
to make sure she’s okay.”
Part of me feels conflicted because he’s having to look
after his ex when she’s given him no good reason to garner his
concern aside from birthing his kid. But I know I’m being
petty because I’d rather spend our last night of vacation
snuggled up in bed.
“Good night, everyone,” I say because Ben doesn’t need
me hanging over his shoulder, watching his every move.
Before I can turn away, he grabs my hand and lowers his
voice. “Is it okay if I wake you up later?”
My breath catches at the smoldering look in his eyes. “You
should definitely wake me up later. Consider this a nap.” I
wink, and he chuckles.
But when he finally comes to bed two hours later, he drops
into bed exhausted. I curl up into him and he wraps an arm
around me. He must’ve taken a shower because his hair is
damp and he smells delicious.
“She makes me crazy,” he groans.
“Did she make it home okay?”
“Yeah. Walked in at two a.m. like it was no big deal that
she’d been gone about twelve hours. Which, it’s her life. I’m
not trying to tell her how to live it. Only…”
“Only she took off without Lily and didn’t bother to tell
anyone where she was going or when she’d be returning.”
“That.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “I didn’t get into it,
though, because I can’t handle her getting in my face and
screaming one more time today.”
“You did your best. Tomorrow’s another day.” I run my
hand up and down his chest, trying to soothe him. “Speaking
of tomorrow, we have to be out by ten. We should get some
sleep.”
Even though there’s nothing I’d rather do than pounce on
him, it’s almost three, and we have to pack our crap tomorrow
and clean the cabin before we take off. I’m sad we don’t have
time to bang each other’s brains out tonight, but with Janelle
in the same cabin, it’s probably better if we wait until we’re
alone. We don’t need another scene like we had this morning.
He’s quiet for several minutes, and then he whispers, “This
trip sucked as a birthday present to you. I’m sorry.”
I lean up and kiss him. “Shut up. This is one of the best
birthday presents anyone has ever given me. We went skiing,
river rafting, and horseback riding. It was a trifecta of
awesomeness. I had a great time.” Even if Janelle did her best
to rain on everyone’s parade, I feel like we made the most of
it. “I know I’m going to sound a little like Forrest Gump, but
life is what you make of it. If you want to be miserable, you
can be miserable. I’d rather see the cup as half-full than half-
empty.”
“Anyone ever tell you that you’re pretty sweet, sunshine?”
He pulls me closer until I’m splayed across his big body.
“Thanks for being the one bright spot for me this summer.”
He’s so warm, I shiver, which prompts him to pull the
covers over us. Nestled in his arms, I get the best night of
sleep I can remember.
26
 BEN

I T ’ S NOT QUITE six when a bang in the other room wakes me

up, but that’s nothing new. The guys are loud as fuck. It’s the
main reason I can’t live with them. Not if I have Lily with me
for any amount of time.
Living across the street from the guys really is the perfect
option. Olly and I study together a lot, and we can keep to our
usual schedule, thanks to the beautiful woman in my arms.
Sienna is such a sweetheart and so damn patient. I just
want to stay in bed with this girl all day. Not just because I’m
loathing the idea of having another run-in with Janelle.
Sienna moans and presses tighter to me. Her leg is resting
over my thigh, where my morning wood is ready to greet her.
I start to slide backward because she probably doesn’t
want to be mauled in her sleep.
“Am I smothering you?” she asks, her eyes drowsy.
“I like when you smother me.” Weird but true. I like when
she sprawls all over me. Can’t say that I’ve ever felt that way
about another woman. “I was trying to keep my dick from
bruising your thigh.”
“Mm.” She drops her head back to my chest, but her hand
burrows under the covers until it wraps around my rod. “This
the problem?”
A choked laugh comes out of me. “Yes, Doctor.”
“Have you seen anyone about the swelling? It’s pretty
massive.”
I bite back a smile that turns into a groan when she gives it
a tug. “I hope it’s not too serious. I have to play football this
fall, and it might be uncomfortable if I have to haul that thing
down the field.”
She snickers and climbs on top of me. “That would be
uncomfortable. Hmm. Let me think about different courses of
treatment.” She taps her mouth with a finger. “Have you tried
a maneuver called the grind?”
Sitting on my lap, she slowly strips off her tank. The sight
of her perky tits has my dick pulsing beneath her. With a
wicked smile, she dry-humps me.
I tuck my hands behind my head and enjoy the show. Her
long hair drapes over her slender shoulders and gives me
peeks of her mouthwatering breasts.
“You gonna let me do all the work?” she asks saucily as
she grabs her nipples through her curtain of hair and gives
them a little pinch.
Fuck, Sienna really does it for me.
I wait as long as I can before I reach for her. So, maybe ten
seconds. But then she’s in my arms, and we’re kissing while
she rubs herself against me.
As though we’ve mutually agreed to the next step, we both
reach down to shove off her shorts and panties and shove
down my boxer briefs. And then she perches herself over my
groin and slips and slides against me with her warm pussy.
 Groaning, I grab a nice handful of her ass. “How are you
wet for me already? I fucking love that.”
I sit her up just so I can take a peek at my thick cock
sliding between her thighs. It takes restraint to not plunge into
her tight little body, but I can’t bring myself to take that step
yet.
All of the shit this week feels as though it’s catapulted my
relationship with Sienna lightyears ahead of where it should
be. We should be fucking around and cutting loose and
enjoying each other in a casual way.
It hasn’t escaped me that a woman like Sienna could have
a dozen guys at her feet with a snap of her fingers. Why would
she wanna deal with me and my baby mama drama?
I’m also hyper-aware she got jerked around last year, and
the last thing she needs is another dick in her life.
I don’t know if I can step up the way she needs me to, but I
wanna try to be that man.
She arches up, and I get the distinct impression she’d take
me to the hilt with a hint of encouragement from me. But I
want to be the good guy here. The one who doesn’t push his
advantage when she’s vulnerable. Someone who looks out for
her best interests instead of my own. This might sound crazy,
but I wanna give her time to back out of this thing if she needs
to.
But then she gives me that smile, the one that feels like it’s
just for me, and it unleashes something primitive in my chest.
“I’m starving. Need some breakfast. Climb up here,
sunshine.” Tugging on her thighs, I scoot her up to my
shoulders. “Hold on to the headboard. And no screaming.”
 I smirk, because, yeah, there might be screaming. Sienna is
vocal, which is hot as hell, but we don’t need the whole cabin
to know what we’re doing.
The early morning light casts her in breathtaking hills and
valleys. My eyes travel up her scorching body, from her bare
pussy with that tiny runway and taut stomach, to her gorgeous
tits and laughing eyes.
Knees by my shoulders, she leans up and grabs the
headboard, which puts her exactly where I want her.
“Breakfast, huh?” She laughs and waves that pussy in my
face.
Ten seconds later, she’s no longer laughing. I gently lap at
her swollen clit while I reach behind her and slip two fingers
into her tight, wet passage.
“Oh, God. Oh, God.” Her pants are music to my ears.
I work her over until she’s trembling. Thighs tense. Body
rigid. Back arched. Smothering me in the best way.
She must slap her hand over her mouth because her shriek
is muted when she comes.
A minute later, her delighted giggle makes me smile as she
collapses next to me. I expect her to fall asleep. It’s still early.
We have at least another hour before we need to get up.
Instead, she turns to me, her eyes sleepy and sated, and
rasps, “Your turn. Up here.”
And pats her chest.
I swallow as I try to make sense of what she wants. “You
want me to… do the same thing to you?”
“Yeah. Get up here.”
And then she winks.
27
 SIENNA

I T TAKES SOME COAXING , but Ben eventually straddles my

chest. His erection waves in my face. From this angle, it looks
enormous, but I enjoy a good challenge.
“Same rules.” I lift an eyebrow to remind him. “Hands on
the headboard. No screaming.”
His deep laugh has me squeezing my legs together even
though I just came really hard.
I open my mouth and flutter my eyelashes at him. His dick
pulses, and it’s so hot. Ben seems all put together and stoic,
but his jaw is tight and there’s a tension in him that feels
explosive. After what he’s been through this week, I know just
the way to make him feel better.
Leaning up, I take a little lick of the goods. “Come on.
Don’t be shy. I just rode your face. You can be a good sport
and reciprocate.”
That garners me another laugh, but then he gets serious
and leans over so the tip of his dick rests on my bottom lip.
There are a lot of things that I like about Ben. Never mind
his gorgeous face and magnificent physique. I appreciate that
his body hair isn’t plucked within an inch of its life. He has a
smattering of dark chest hair that arrows down his glorious
abs. His manhood juts from a well-groomed area. It’s not a
jungle but it’s not waxed, which, to me, is perfect.
Plus, he’s clean. He smells like that delicious scent I’ve
come to associate with him.
I keep eye contact with him as I swirl my tongue around
his swollen head and then suck. Grabbing his thighs, I
encourage him to move, and he slowly thrusts in and out of my
mouth. I keep my tongue extended down his length, and as he
moves against it, I press up and wiggle. He must like it
because his cock jerks in my mouth.
I don’t have much of a gag reflex, which I won’t mention.
I’d rather surprise him with this tidbit of information.
Leaning back so I’m at a better angle, I let him go deeper.
“Fuck, Sienna.” He groans, deep and guttural as his head
tilts back. “How are you doing this?”
I suspect that’s a rhetorical question since his cock is
lodged down my throat.
With both hands, I keep him against me, pulsing him deep,
until I can’t breathe and then I slowly pull him back by
nudging his thighs.
Points to Ben for sensing what I need. I knew I could trust
him like this. Trust him not to choke me right from the get-go.
He glances down at me, and I’m sure I’m a hot mess with
swollen lips and spit drooling down my chin, but who cares? If
you can’t let go with someone in the bedroom, then he’s not
the right person for you. I don’t feel self-conscious at all. He
did that to my lips with his enormous dick. Good for him. But
now it’s time to make him fall apart.
 “Fuck my mouth, Ben.” My voice is hoarse, but I don’t
care.
I know he wants to. I can see the desire blazing in his eyes.
He searches my face. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”
Gently, I scrape my nails up and down his muscular thighs.
“You won’t. I’ll let you know if it’s too much.”
After a moment, he gives in and grabs his erection.
Squeezes the base before he feeds it to me, inch by glorious
inch. Until my mouth is as wide as it can go.
His nostrils flare as he pulls back and thrusts back in.
“Christ, Sienna, you feel fucking amazing.”
I’d smile, but I can’t. Instead, I pull him tighter to me.
I let him use my mouth and work himself in and out. His
eyes are glued to my face.
He’s swollen and so thick, and when I grab his ass, he
swells more. Inspired, I reach between his legs and gently
cradle his balls, which are tight to his body. With the tip of my
finger, I press behind them.
“Fuck. Fuck. I’m gonna come.”
I’m pretty sure he makes that announcement so I can back
away, but instead I tighten my mouth around him to let him
know I’m ready.
With a grunt, he unloads down my throat. I struggle to
swallow, but he slides out of me. His come drips down my
chin and onto my chest where his still-throbbing dick plops
between my boobs.
Did I say I want to rock his world? He’s rocking mine
because that was insanely hot.
 And yes, I know not every woman would find this
arousing, but I’m so turned on, I could pounce on him. What
can I say? I loved giving him head.
Panting, he braces himself above me on all fours. Studies
his come that marks me.
“You undo me,” he says quietly as he kisses my forehead.
He hops off me and returns a moment later with some
tissue and carefully wipes my face. Chin. Neck. Nipple. Like
he’s taking an inventory.
I smile at his solemn expression, thrust my hand into his
hair and grip him until he stills. “That was supposed to make
you relax. Why do you look so serious?”
He opens his mouth. Stops. Opens again. Notices my legs,
which are squirming, and pauses.
“Are you turned on again?” he asks, a playful smirk
returning to his handsome face.
Yanking him down to me, I give him my answer.
28
 SIENNA

W E FALL BACK ASLEEP in a tangled heap of naked limbs. His

face is buried between my boobs. Arms wrapped around my
waist. Thick thigh wedged between mine.
Sunlight shines bright through our window, so I know we
need to get up, but I’m so cozy in my Ben blanket that I don’t
want to move.
My phone blares from the other side of the room, and we
both groan.
“Why?” he groans against my skin. “Why can’t we stay
another week?”
I kiss the top of his head. “Because you need to get ready
for camp. Work out and get that pudgy ass in shape.”
He chuckles. Probably because there’s not an ounce of fat
on this man.
His drowsy eyes squint open. “I can think of a better way
to work out.”
“Mm. Wonder what that might include,” I say as I wiggle
against his thigh, hoping that we’ll get to the main event
sometime this decade. Because as hot as things have been
between us on this trip, I’m dying to go all the way with him.
 He palms my boob, but just as he pulls me on top of him,
someone bangs on the bedroom door.
“We got some baby mama drama out here, B-Rod,” Olly
yells.
Ben and I freeze before he springs into action and leaps out
of bed to yank on a pair of jeans. I quickly grab shorts and a t-
shirt. When I stumble into the living room, I find Lily with one
pissed-off Amelia.
Lily has thrown up, and Amelia is screaming and holding
the toddler away from her body.
Ben takes a teary-eyed Lily from her and heads to the
kitchenette. I grab some paper towels and wipe her face while
he coos soothing words to his daughter.
“She said she’d be gone for, like, ten minutes,” Amelia
screeches.
“Who?” Olly asks as he tries to wipe the puke from
Amelia’s t-shirt, only for her to smack the washcloth out of his
hands.
“Janelle. Who else? She said she needed to talk to her ex
and that she’d be right back. But it’s been over an hour. Her
kid seemed hungry, so I gave her some of my smoothie, but
she yakked it back into my face five minutes later.”
Green drink drips from her blond hair and across her white
shirt.
“Wait,” Ben says. “So she went to make a phone call?”
“No, jackass.” Amelia snorts. “She went outside to meet
up with her ex.”
Ben’s jaw tightens. “Ernest? He’s here?”
 “I don’t know his name. But yeah. They were gonna talk
down by the pool.”
“Stay here.” Ben hands the baby to me and takes off out of
the cabin.
My eyes widen, and I turn to Olly and Johnny, who just
woke up. “Can you guys go with him and watch his back?”
Make sure he doesn’t get arrested. If Ernest is the violent man
Janelle has described to Ben, things could get out of hand
quickly.
“On it.” Olly races out the door. Johnny jogs after him in
his boxers.
Which leaves me and Amelia, who’s still bitching about
the vomit.
“It’s just baby puke. It’ll wash out.”
She points her finger at me. “This is your fault, you know.
If you hadn’t been fucking Ben all night, Janelle wouldn’t
have been upset this morning.”
I pull the dirty shirt off Lily and clean her with a damp
washcloth as I think about what to say.
Guilt worms through me when I consider that Janelle
might have heard us earlier this morning. The walls are thin.
After all, we heard Olly and Amelia going at it in the shower.
Damn. While I don’t like Janelle or what she did to Ben, I
didn’t want to hurt her.
But then I consider the larger situation. “I wasn’t trying to
be insensitive, Amelia, but Janelle came on this trip knowing
full well that Ben and I are together. Is she surprised that I
slept with my boyfriend?”
 The vehemence in my voice catches me off guard. While
Ben and I started out pretending so he could set some
boundaries with Janelle and only became official, like, two
seconds ago, there’s a conviction in me that feels more intense
than it should at this stage.
She rolls her eyes at me. Ignoring her, I take the baby to
Janelle’s room. It’s surprisingly empty. Just rumpled blankets
on the bed, the pack ’n’ play, and a giant diaper bag.
I dig through it to find a change of clothes. After I get Lily
cleaned up, I pick her up and hug her close. She jams her
thumb in her mouth and drops her head to my shoulder.
“It’ll be okay, lovie.” I pat her back and rock her side to
side for a few minutes before I return to the living room as the
guys stomp back in.
They’re all sweaty, and judging by their expressions, they
don’t have good news.
“We didn’t find her.” Ben punches at the screen of his
phone. “And she’s not picking up.” He paces back and forth
across the cabin. “What if Ernest abducted her? She came to
me in the first place because she was worried about him
becoming violent.”
The guys and I make eye contact.
“Ben,” I say gently, “why would she call him if she was
worried for her safety?”
Amelia laughs rudely. “Because you and Ben fucked all
night and devastated that poor girl. No wonder she went crying
back to her ex.”
I want to point out we haven’t gone all the way yet.
Instead, I open my mouth to reiterate, again, she chose to
come on this trip, when I catch a glimpse of Ben’s face.
 “Amelia, you don’t know shit, so I’ll ask you to keep your
nose out of my business.”
Bug-eyed, she turns to Olly. “Are you going to let Ben talk
to me this way?”
He shrugs. “It’s a complicated situation, Amelia. You
walked in on the tail end. He’s right to feel frustrated.”
“Whatever, dick.” She storms out, and he curses and
chases after her.
“Yeah! Fun times, people!” Johnny yells, still in his
boxers.
“Shut up, Johnny,” Ben and I say at the same time.
“I don’t know why y’all are so worked up about this,”
Johnny says as he scratches his balls and strolls into the
kitchenette to make himself a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich. “Janelle’s probably playing you and her ex. That’s
what my mom did. How’s that for a role model, huh? What’s
to become of today’s youth?” He shakes his head.
I don’t know him well enough to gauge whether he’s
telling the truth or being sarcastic about his home life, but he
might have a point about Janelle.
“I think she might have taken her stuff.” I wince, hating
that I had to say it. “I found the baby bag and pack ’n’ play
when I changed Lily, but I didn’t notice any other belongings.”
“Fuck.” Ben runs to her room. A few minutes later, he
returns with a stoic expression on his face. “She had that
suitcase. Some toiletries. It’s all gone.”
I look at the teary-eyed child in my arms.
“Well, not everything.”
29
 BEN

W HEN I REACH the end of the room, I turn around and head the
other way. Back and forth until I’ve practically worn a path
through the old carpet of the cabin. I snap the rubber bands on
my wrist so hard, they welt the skin beneath. The only other
thing that seems to help is pacing. It’s better than sitting here,
feeling helpless.
Johnny is right. Janelle might be jerking me around right
now. She could be sitting somewhere with her ex or some
friend, laughing her ass off. But what if she’s in trouble? What
if she needs someone to care enough to pick up the damn
phone and call for help?
“Are you still on hold?” Olly asks from the couch where
my friends are camped out.
I nod as the tinny voice on the other end of the phone line
returns.
“We can send a cruiser over this afternoon,” the dispatcher
says, sending a hot flood of relief through me. “I’ll connect
you to an officer. One moment, please.”
I hold my hand over the phone and talk to Olly, Johnny,
and Sienna. Amelia took off after Lily threw up on her and
never returned. “She said I don’t need to wait twenty-four
hours to report a missing person.”
Thank God Sienna told me not to postpone calling the
cops. All those TV shows that say someone needs to be
missing twenty-four hours before you contact the authorities
are wrong, apparently.
After repeating the pertinent information to the officer, I
hang up with a ragged sigh. My stomach lurches, and I take a
deep breath to calm the hell down. This shit reminds me too
much of when my mom died and officers came to our house.
The last thing I want to do right now is talk to the cops, but I
don’t want to take a chance. Janelle and I might not be on the
best of terms, but that doesn’t mean I want anything bad to
happen to her.
Sienna comes up to me, and without any words or
discussion, we wrap our arms around each other.
She fits perfectly against me, standing between my parted
legs. I close my eyes and breathe in her sweet, calming scent.
“We’ll find her,” she whispers as she squeezes me tight.
“You’re doing the right thing. It’s better to call the police now
while there might be clues where she went.”
A knock on the front door has us all jumping at the sound,
but it’s only the landlord, a sweet older lady named Fern.
“Kids, I hate to kick you out, but I’ve got another group of
students who are supposed to stay here tonight.”
Fuck.
Sienna wanders over to her and ushers her outside where
they talk quietly for a while. A few minutes later, she returns
with some good news. “She said the cabin is ours.”
 “Jesus, you’re the best. How’d you talk her into that?”
She smiles awkwardly. “I might’ve rented the cabin for a
few more days. I needed to offset her loss, you know?”
“I’ll pay you back.”
She waves me off. “I don’t care about that. Let’s just make
sure Janelle’s okay.”
But hours later, after we’ve answered all of the cops’
questions and waited while Officer Rivera and his partner
looked around the cabin and campgrounds, we’re still no
closer to finding out what happened to Janelle.
After Rivera calls Amelia and confirms she hasn’t heard
from my ex either, he says we can go home and that he’ll be in
touch.
“That’s it?” Sienna asks, astonishment on her face. “The
only thing we can do is sit around and wait?”
Officer Rivera shrugs. “There’s not much more we can do.
As you said yourself, it’s possible, perhaps even likely, that
she went willingly. You’re not going to want to hear this,
ma’am, but she has the right to disappear. A person is entitled
to get away.”
“That’s fucking insane,” I mutter before I remember who
I’m talking to. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be disrespectful. I’m
just frustrated.”
Internally I wince, hating that not only did I curse at a cop,
I keep doing that around my kid, who’s sprawled out across a
blanket, playing blocks with Johnny.
I rub my temple. “The whole reason she came to see me in
the first place was because this guy was violent and she said
she feared for her safety and the safety of our baby. I didn’t
feel right leaving without knowing where she went and if she
was okay.”
He nods patiently. “Understandable. And you did the right
thing by filing a missing persons report. The first few hours
are the most important. You and your friends have been really
helpful in letting us search the premises and providing me with
a timeline. We’ll attempt to locate her. We’ll call her parents
and try to contact her ex-boyfriend. I’m happy to say that most
of the time, the person in question turns up fine.”
Sienna nods as she laces her fingers through mine. “That’s
good to hear.”
“However…” He pauses to glance at Lily. “It is unusual to
have a mother leave her child. But perhaps that was the best
move considering the three of you kept arguing. Trust me
when I say it’s better to deescalate these situations.” He taps
his pen on his clipboard. “Although, depending on how long
she’s gone, if it is deemed she voluntarily abandoned her
daughter, you’ll need to contact social services. It’ll be
considered abandonment after six months. That is, if you’re
trying to get sole custody of the baby.”
Fuck my life. I do not need this shit right now. Sole
custody of a toddler? How the hell will I deal with that?
But as soon as the thought enters my mind, I chastise
myself. Lily’s well-being comes first. Before my comfort.
Before what works for my schedule. Before football. Before
everything.
“Thank you, Officer. I’ll keep that in mind.”
He hands me his business card before he leaves, and I tuck
it in with my phone, which buzzes in my hand.
My uncle’s name flashes on the screen, and I groan.
 “Should we finish packing up?” Sienna asks as she hands
Lily a snack.
“Yeah.” I motion to my roommates. “The guys need to
gear up for training camp, so we can’t just sit around any
longer.” I hold up a finger as I reluctantly accept my uncle’s
call.
“What the hell was that about?” he yells. “Is everyone
okay?”
I called Tío Julio to get Janelle’s parents’ phone numbers
to give to the officer, but didn’t explain much beyond “the
cops need it.”
He still doesn’t know Lily is mine. At least, I think he
doesn’t.
I could be wrong.
30
 SIENNA

B EN ’ S back is ramrod straight as he maneuvers through the

torrential thunderstorm that parted the skies a little while ago.
By the time we got all of our stuff loaded in our SUV and
Olly’s, we were soaked.
I shiver and reach over to the console. “Do you mind if I
turn on the heat? I’m freezing.”
Ben jerks like he forgot I was in the passenger seat. “Yeah.
Sure.”
After I flip on the heat, I check the backseat where Lily has
conked out. I think the sound of the rain and the windshield
wipers soothed her to sleep within a few minutes.
I turn to face Ben. “Do you want to talk about your
conversation with your uncle?” I keep my voice low so we
don’t wake the baby.
After Ben sequestered himself in the bedroom to talk to his
uncle for almost half an hour, they agreed to meet up as soon
as training camp allowed so they could discuss things in
person, but Ben’s been in a bad mood since he got off that call.
“Not really.” His nostrils flare, but then he blows out a
breath. “Tío Julio claims he didn’t know Lily was mine. That
he only ever saw Janelle’s parents. That the last time he
actually saw Janelle and the peanut, she was just, in his words,
‘an ugly, bald newborn.’” Ben shakes his head. “I don’t
believe my kid was ever ugly. What the fuck?”
I hold back a chuckle because I doubt he’s in the mood to
joke, but I love seeing how much he adores his daughter. “In
your uncle’s defense, it is hard to tell what kids are going to
look like when they’re fresh out of the oven.”
“Fresh outta the oven.” His lips tilt up, and he laughs.
“You seem to have a way of making me feel better.”
I reach for his shoulder and smooth my hand up and down
his arm. “You have the same effect on me, so I’m happy to
return the favor.”
“God, sunshine, what would I do without you right now?”
His words make my heart pound. I need him too, but I
don’t say the words. It’s frightening to need someone, and I
can’t deny that I’m a little scared to want Ben in my life like
this so soon in our relationship.
As much as I thought I needed Cal, we never spent any
significant time together. He was always at practice, at games,
with friends, at camps. I only got his leftovers. With Ben, even
though we’re totally new and got together almost as a fluke, I
feel like I matter to him in a way I never did to Cal.
The thought makes me grin as I stare out the window. We
eventually make it back to Charming and wind through the
quaint streets.
I love this town and its sometimes sleepy vibe. Everything
looks so sweet and welcoming, from the adorable awnings
above the restaurants along the main drag to the flowerbeds
that decorate so many windows. This place is one of the
reasons I’m so reluctant to move back to California.
 But the smile drops off my face when we get back to my
house, and we find the front door open.
Especially when Ben and I are the only two people who
have the keys.
“Wait here.” Ben’s commanding voice stops me before I
can unstrap my seatbelt.
“Don’t go in there—” I call out as his door slams shut. “By
yourself.”
He pops open the trunk, rummages around in the back, and
stomps up the front steps with a baseball bat slung over his
shoulder.
I dig out my phone and call Olly. “Can you guys come
over? We think someone broke into my house.”
The phone clicks, and I don’t need Olly’s confirmation to
know he’s on his way. Not five seconds later, he and Johnny
are charging out of their house and across the street. I point to
my porch, and they race in.
I chew on my nail as I watch all of the lights flip on. A few
minutes later, Ben jogs out, his face thunderous.
I hop out of the car. “What happened?”
“I’m so sorry.” He rakes his hands through his hair.
“Oh, my God, you’re freaking me out. What?”
He takes me into his arms. “Someone ransacked your
room. All of your things are trashed.”
I jerk out of his arms and race into my house, surprised to
find my living room in one piece.
That nice flatscreen sits unscathed.
My kitchen is fine.
 The yoga room looks like it always does.
But my bedroom…
I step around Johnny and Olly, who are blocking the
doorway.
My breath catches. I open my mouth, but nothing comes
out.
My room is wrecked.
Clothes are scattered everywhere. My pillowcases are
shredded and feathers cover every single surface. Books lie
scattered on the floor with pages ripped out.
But it’s the sight of my sand collection shattered and lying
in a heap that tears a cry from my throat.
Every trip I went on with my family, every time we went
to the beach, those vacations we took before my parents broke
up—it’s all destroyed.
I don’t realize I’m kneeling down next to the shards of
glass until Olly gently grabs my shoulders and gets me to
stand.
“You probably don’t wanna try to clean this up just yet.
Maybe we should call Officer Rivera about this too.”
Blood drips from my hand and pools in the sand at my
feet.
“Oh, damn. You cut yourself.”
I hear the guys talking behind me, and then I’m wrapped in
Ben’s warm embrace. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get that cut
cleaned.”
After Ben washes my hand in the bathroom sink, dries it,
and cleans it again with hydrogen peroxide, I find myself
sitting on the vanity.
“Keep the towel pressed against it to stop the bleeding,” he
reminds me as he digs around in the cabinet.
He carefully removes the towel and studies my palm where
blood quickly pools.
“It’s deeper than I thought it was.” His dark eyes meet
mine. “You might need stitches.”
“No. I… no. I might have some butterfly bandages in there
somewhere. We’ll…” I’m too flustered to finish, but he nods.
“Okay. Let’s try that. As long as we can get it to stop
bleeding, it might work.”
Once he applies several Steri-Strips, the bleeding finally
subsides. Then he wraps my entire hand in gauze.
I hold it up and laugh. “I look like a mummy.” Another
laugh spills from me, along with several tears. “Ugh, what’s
wrong with me?”
Ben steps between my legs and pulls me into his arms. I
lay my head against his chest and listen to the steady beat of
his heart. It’s so soothing, I close my eyes.
“I don’t remember grabbing the glass. I was just so upset,
and I feel like my brain froze.”
“A network error. Or, um, a TCP connection timeout,” he
teases, and I still.
Pulling back, I look at him. “This feels like a stupid
question to ask this deep into… whatever we are… but what’s
your major?”
See, that’s a first date question, but we never went on a
first date.
 His eyebrows furrow. “Computer science and business.
Double degree if I can swing it.”
Of course I’m falling for the computer science hot-jock
nerd.
I fold my lips and shake my head. “So… you code?” I
remember telling him how it all looked like hieroglyphics, and
he laughed.
“A little,” he says slowly as he studies my face. “Why? Is
that a thing? You hate coders?”
Coders? You mean, like my dad, both of my brothers, and
all of their friends?
I blow out a big breath. “No, I don’t hate coders.” I roll my
eyes. Shrug. Make a face.
He chuckles and kisses my temple. “But ya have some
strong feelings about it, huh?”
I stare into his beautiful dark eyes. “Maybe.”
“You planning to tell me why?”
I can’t help but return his smile. “At some point, possibly.”
“You gonna tell me what you’re studying? Sorry, you’re
right—I should’ve asked that before now.”
“It’s okay. I’ve, um, changed majors a few times, but I
think I’ve finally settled on classical literature with an
emphasis on mythology.” Something my father called a
completely useless major. And maybe it is, but I love classes,
and shouldn’t you enjoy what you study?
I remind myself of that Emerson quote. Live in the
sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.
 My father would think I was crazy if I ever told him this,
but in my own quiet way, studying something I love and
teaching yoga instead of drowning in those tech classes is my
way of ‘living in the sunshine.’ Even if no one in my family
understands.
Johnny pokes his head into the bathroom. He has Lily
sound asleep on his shoulder. When he sees me, he nods. “Oh,
good. You’re not dead. Listen, where do you want the baby?
She’s drooling all over my duds here.”
I don’t know why he’s deferring to me. I look to Ben, and
he shrugs.
Before we file out of the bathroom, Ben tugs on my shirt.
“That’s a cool major, sunshine. I wanna hear more about it.”
I smile to myself as I follow him toward his room at the
front of the house.
Olly, who has deemed himself honorary uncle, offers to
grab the baby’s diaper bag from the SUV.
When I enter Ben’s room, I look around, wondering if I’m
missing some important detail about why my room was
trashed. And then it hits me.
“Janelle’s stuff is gone.” I say it so quietly, no one hears
me. I check the closet before I repeat myself, and then Ben’s at
my side. “Didn’t Janelle leave some of her things here when
we went to the lake?”
“A bag or two. Some girlie crap. I don’t know what all was
in there, but yeah.”
It didn’t make any sense for her to rent a room at the motel
the whole time we were at the cabin, so she stashed her things
in Ben’s room before we left.
 And now they’re gone.
I look at him. “I didn’t give her a key to the house. Did
you?”
“Of course not.” His eyes clench shut. “Fuck. Fuck!”
Lily starts to wake up, but Johnny shocks the hell out of
me and starts swaying side to side while he hums some song.
If I weren’t so upset over my bedroom, I’d grab my phone and
take a video of him being adorable.
Olly runs in with the giant diaper bag we took on the trip.
“What’s wrong?”
“Janelle’s crap is gone,” Ben grits out.
We all look at each other, but no one says it. Until Johnny
shakes his head. “So she broke into your house, took her crap,
and shit all over yours. Damn, girl.”
I bite my lower lip, loathing the anxiety rising up in me
again. “It might’ve been Cal. I trashed his laptop and all of his
books that night.”
That thunderous look in Ben’s eyes returns. “If he did this,
I’m gonna kick his ass. He has it coming anyway.”
“Dude,” Johnny says as he pats Lily on her butt. “Don’t
get kicked off the team before the season even starts. And hey,
it could’ve been Destiny—she was fuming when we threw her
shit on the lawn. So let’s not get our panties in a twist before
we know who the real culprit is.”
We all stare at him.
“What? I like to watch NCIS and Criminal Minds
sometimes.”
“He’s right,” I say. “We shouldn’t jump to conclusions.”
 Johnny scratches his head. “But she did take her shit, so…
yeah, my bet is Janelle.”
Holy crap, Johnny can talk me in circles.
Ben grabs his phone and punches at the screen.
“Who are you calling?”
“Rivera. He should know what happened. He can advise us
on how to proceed.”
Rivera’s going to tell me to file an official police report
with someone in our jurisdiction. I already know this.
Ben says as much when he gets off the call, but explains
that Rivera will add these details to his notes on Janelle’s case.
By the time we’re done talking to the Charming PD officer
a few hours later, I’m so tired, I can barely see straight.
Did Janelle break into my house and destroy my bedroom?
Did she really leave her kid behind without a word?
These are the thoughts that plague me as I fall asleep on
Ben’s bed.
31
 BEN

L ILY ’ S chest rises and falls as she sleeps in her crib.

“We’re gonna find out what happened to your mom,
peanut,” I whisper.
I tuck a blanket around her before I turn back to the other
person in my bedroom. It feels weird to call this my room
since I really just moved in.
And I’ve never had Sienna in this bed before.
Her slender figure wrapped in my blankets does something
to me. I like having her in my bed. Hell, I love it.
I strip out of my clothes but leave on my boxer briefs
before I slide in next to her and spoon her from behind.
She sighs and wiggles closer, and I smile.
After everything that happened today, we weren’t ready to
deal with the destruction in her bedroom. I’ll help her clean
tomorrow.
Plus, I want her in my bed while I’m here.
I frown as I consider how much she’s come to mean to me.
I’ve never had sleepovers with a woman. Even when I was
dating Janelle. We were in high school, so we had to sneak
around to have sex. By the time I got to college, I was only
interested in a quick fuck, not an overnight stay with anyone.
Somehow, this woman in my arms has changed
everything. I don’t know when or even how it happened.
One minute we were buddies and singing to classic rock
on the radio, and the next, she’d tunneled her way into my
heart.
I bury my nose in her soft hair.
The craziest part is the fact we haven’t gone all the way
yet. Not that I’m not dying to. The erection in my briefs can
attest to this. But I don’t want the first time we have sex to be
marred with missing exes and break-ins.
It occurs to me that we haven’t even done anything nice.
Winston never took her out to dinner or really socialized,
probably because he was trying to keep all his hookups
separate.
What a dick.
Which means the first chance I get, I’m taking her out.
I’m still thinking about sweet, beautiful Sienna the next
morning when I reach the team’s gym.
Training camp starts Monday, which means I have this
three-day weekend to gear up mentally and work out the
cobwebs. I trained like a motherfucker all summer, so I
shouldn’t be behind, but I can definitely feel the effects of the
last several days weighing on me.
Janelle is probably yanking my chain again. That’s what
her taking off from the cabin is about. I don’t let myself
consider the alternatives because my thoughts go dark fast,
and I have to hope for the best. That she’s fine. I’d rather think
she’s off somewhere laughing about me being a dumbass than
something bad having happened to her.
Sienna’s been teaching me that. She says I have to focus
on what I want to happen instead of what I don’t, because
negative energy breeds negativity. Since I need all the
sunshine I can get these days, I’ve been taking her advice to
heart.
I step up on the treadmill next to Olly and warm up with a
jog. Despite how horrible yesterday was, waking up with
Sienna put me in a great mood.
“That good, huh?” Olly asks with a smirk on his face.
“You’d better not be asking me about sex with Sienna right
now.”
He makes a face. “No, dickhead. I would never disrespect
her like that. I just meant things are going well for the two of
you.”
A mental reel of my naked roommate-slash-girlfriend runs
through my mind. That blowjob she gave me under the covers
early this morning. How we had to be silent so we didn’t wake
up the peanut. How Sienna came hard against my mouth,
gripping my hair tightly.
My girl is hot as fuck.
Olly laughs. “I might not have asked you about sex, but
that’s where your head went just now.”
Jesus, he knows me well.
I try to remain serious, but my face breaks out into a smile.
I change the subject, though, because I’ll never share those
details with anyone.
 That’s one thing I can’t abide, men who dish about the
women they’re with. Maybe it’s because I have a sister and my
two younger cousins, who, for all intents and purposes, are
like my little sisters. But to me, that’s the height of
douchebaggery, blabbing about a woman sexually.
Holy shit, I have a daughter now, who has to deal with
assholes like me and my friends.
God help any man who disrespects her.
I have a newfound appreciation for how protective Rider is
about his daughter. Last year, I didn’t get it. I thought he was
blowing things out of proportion, but now I see the light.
After an hour of weights, I’m covered in sweat. I’m wiping
my eyes on a towel when I hear a commotion on the other side
of the room.
I look up and see Winston slapping some of the guys on
the back. He struts in like a peacock with a big dick.
I’ve seen his junk in the locker room. It’s nothing to brag
about.
I finish my last set on the bench press with a grunt.
“Nice job.” Olly steps around the equipment where he’s
been spotting me.
I’m about to respond when Winston and Derek Fowler
walk up to us. Everything in me tenses. I’ve been waiting for
this moment since I picked up Sienna from the hospital.
Before I say anything, I think about the way Winston hurt her.
About the stitches in her scalp and the way her face bruised.
About how her clothes were covered in blood.
He may not have thrown the bottle that knocked her out,
but he’s sure as hell responsible for creating that situation.
 “Hey, assholes,” Winston says with an annoying grin. “Did
you catch that interview with Coach Krugman on ESPN last
week? He said he’s been following my career since high
school. High school! Can you believe that? But you know who
he didn’t say anything about, Benny-boy? You.”
“All right, fellas, let’s break this up.” Olly grabs my
shoulders and tries to get me to move, but I’m curious about
what else Winston will say. At some point, I’ll have a come-to-
Jesus moment with this dumb fuck, but here in the gym with
half the team watching isn’t the time to kick his ass.
Winston shakes his head with mock sympathy while
Fowler stays silent at his side.
For the first time in years, I can’t say I’ve been watching
ESPN. I shrug and wipe the sweat off my face. “Guess he’ll
have to live with disappointment when he learns what you’re
really like.”
I’ve known this guy for years. I can see why girls like him.
He’s all smiles and charm in public, and everyone thinks he’s a
decent human being. But you get him in the locker room, and
the snake slithers out of hiding. I’ve never met a bigger Jekyll
and Hyde in my entire life.
Since the seniors graduated, his head is even bigger than it
was last year. Sully was coach of the year for a reason, able to
get us all working together, but now I know nothing will repair
the rift between me and Cal Winston. Not after how he treated
Sienna.
Winston scratches his chin and laughs. “I’ve been hearing
some wild rumors about you, dude.”
“Funny how I don’t care.” I turn away and start to head to
the locker room, but he grabs my arm to turn me.
 I freeze with my fists tight at my side. “You might want to
rethink touching me, asshole.” We’re both lean, but I’ve got
another two inches in height and fifteen pounds of muscle on
him. Except for the trip to the lake, I spent every single day
this summer in the gym or running. And I’m guessing all that
partying at the coast is gonna take its toll on Winston.
Hopefully in front of our new coach.
Winston’s eyes widen, but then he plays it off. “Must be
the baby at home that’s got you ovulating. It’s cool.”
“Don’t talk about my kid.”
Olly lowers my arm as Winston tries to get in one more
verbal jab. “Who’d you knock up, huh? Some dumb bitch who
couldn’t keep her legs closed?”
One of the assistant coaches runs in and heads for us, but
before he gets close, I smirk. “For a guy who just slept his way
through half of South Texas, are you really one to judge? By
the way, I hear the clinic’s open if something starts to itch.”
Everyone laughs, and Winston sneers at me. “Fuck you,
asshole!”
Sienna showed me all the shit she got tagged in while we
were at the lake, photos of Winston kissing girl after girl while
they were on vacation at South Padre Island. I’m relieved she
didn’t look heartbroken. If anything, she seemed embarrassed
that she’d given him the time of day. I can relate. I don’t know
how the fuck I got wrangled into anything with Janelle.
It crosses my mind to mention that Sienna and I are
together now, but just as I’m about to open my mouth, I realize
it’ll make a bigger impact if he sees us together. Honestly, I
can’t fucking wait. I’ve heard he’s been asking about her. If he
thinks she’s sitting at home, crying over him dicking her
around, he’s in for a rude awakening.
Olly and I walk away while Winston keeps trash-talking.
He’s not worth getting kicked off the team.
I keep repeating it to myself. If I say it enough, maybe I’ll
believe it.
I’m gritting my teeth the whole trek to the locker room.
After a quick shower, I check my messages and see one from
Janelle’s father, and my anxiety ratchets up another notch.
His familiar voice fills me with relief, but also confusion.
“Janelle’s fine,” he says. “I told the policeman she’s okay, and
I thought you might want to know that too.”
That’s it. No explanation about where she’s been or if she
has any intention of seeing Lily or why she disappeared. No
mention of the fact she probably vandalized Sienna’s house.
Mr. Lopez doesn’t pick up when I call him back.
Throughout the afternoon, I leave him three messages asking
if we can talk, but he doesn’t return any of them.
What the fuck is going on?
32
 SIENNA

W ITH A SIGH , I drop to my knees to look under the bed, but

there’s no sign of my passport or the bracelet my godfather
Melvin gave me for my birthday. Those are the only two
things I can’t find. I fuss with the gauze on my hand and try to
remember the last time I saw them.
Lily yells my name from the yoga room, which makes me
halt my search. She can’t quite say Sienna, but hearing her try
always puts me in a good mood.
“Coming. Just one more sec.” I bring the trash bin closer
and dump another pile of sand and glass.
It’s hard to maneuver while my hand is wrapped like a
giant paw. I smile when I read the words Ben taped to it this
morning.
“Don’t take this off until I get back. I’ll spank your ass if
you hurt yourself while I’m gone.”
Promises, promises.
But I mean, really, does he expect me to sit around all
morning and not clean this mess?
It hurts to throw all of my mementos away, and a part of
me wonders if this is karma biting me in the butt for having
Destiny’s shit tossed on my lawn or for throwing Cal’s laptop
out the window. Just because they deserved it doesn’t mean it
was the right thing to do.
I sigh. Adulting sucks.
After I awkwardly wash my one hand by rubbing it against
my elbow, I get Lily from the yoga room, which has been
child-proofed.
“Whatcha want for lunch, Lily? Maybe some soup?” Her
little nose scrunches, and I laugh. “Hmm. Okay, what about
chicken nuggets?”
“Nugs! I’m hungwey.”
“Nugs it is. Do you want some ketchup too?”
Her eyebrows pull together in the most serious expression
I’ve ever seen on her face. “Of course.”
I laugh. “Okay, nugs and ketchup, coming up!”
“And Foot Loops.”
It takes me a second. “Fruit Loops?” I don’t have that, and
even if I did, that has too much sugar. She’ll be bouncing off
the walls instead of taking her nap. “Hmm. Do you like apple
slices?”
She shrugs. “Shom-times.”
Sometimes. I chuckle.
Now that she’s getting used to me and Ben, she’s talking a
lot more.
I’m watching her scarf down her food that I’ve cut up into
toddler-sized pieces when my phone rings. Except no name or
number show up on the caller ID.
I answer because what if it’s Janelle? I have her kid.
Doesn’t she care about her welfare? Won’t she check on her at
some point?
Plus, I’m not sure if I should be expecting a phone call
from a potential babysitter. Ben plans to hire someone to help
this summer so Lily’s childcare doesn’t fall entirely on me
while he’s at training camp.
When I answer, a deep voice greets me. “Hey, little
sparrow. How’s my favorite girl?”
I haven’t heard that code name in ages. “Melvin! How are
you?”
“Better than you, apparently. You wanna tell me about that
break-in?”
My head falls back. Of course the head of my family’s
security team would find out about the police report in less
than twenty-four hours.
“You can’t tell my dad. He’d lose his shit.” Melvin and my
father went to Stanford together, and Melvin is another tech
genius, but he hates the limelight and prefers to sit behind a
computer screen where he quietly runs his security firm.
“No kidding he’d lose his shit. You’re lucky I got to this
before anyone else did.”
I let out a sigh of relief.
Melvin has always let me get away with more than I
should because not only am I his goddaughter, I grew up
playing with his kids. To me, he’s more like a favorite uncle
than the intimidating bodyguard he portrays to everyone else.
He looks like Dwayne Johnson’s doppelgänger, complete with
the arching eyebrow and giant muscles, and whenever we
hang out, he and I sing songs from the Moana soundtrack. But
he swears he’ll deny that if I ever tell anyone.
 “Come on, sparrow. Fill me in on the details. Maybe I can
help.”
It never crossed my mind to call in a favor. I haven’t lived
at home in so long, I forget there are perks.
“Okay, but first, how are my brothers? Those two idiots
never call me.”
He laughs. “Hawk and Falcon are kicking ass and taking
names.”
I shake my head at the ridiculous code names. My father is
the Eagle, of course. My mom used to be the Swan. Melvin
said the monikers help when he and his guys are out on
location. If anyone overhears, it doesn’t threaten the safety of
those he’s protecting. Makes sense even though it feels silly.
“And how’s the Albatross? I mean, the Osprey?”
Melvin’s bark of laughter makes me smile. “Tsk, tsk, little
lady. Is that any way to talk about your father’s girlfriend?
Osprey is doing well. I believe she’s getting her nails done as
we speak. You know, you might have to change your tune after
the Chickadee arrives.”
Chickadee?
Who the hell is that?
When I don’t respond, he groans. “Forget I said that.”
“Too late. Who’s the Chickadee, Melvin?”
He clears his throat. “I guess I assumed you’d know by
now since it hit the gossip magazines a few days ago.”
I swallow, hating that I learn shit about my father through
the fucking gossip rags instead of directly from him. My
family always makes me feel like an afterthought.
 I take a deep breath to regain my composure and make
sure to keep my voice upbeat. I don’t want my friend to feel
bad. “Come on, Mel. I won’t tell anyone you told me. I’ll say I
read it online. You could spare me the Google search, though.”
“Damn it. I’m sorry, kid. I hate being the one to break it to
you, but the Osprey is pregnant.”
My dad’s girlfriend Penelope, who’s only a few years older
than I am, is having his baby. Gross.
“And Chickadee is the name you’re giving their spawn?
What if it’s a boy? That’s not a terribly masculine word.”
He coughs again, and that iota of humor I’d managed to
dredge up deflates. “You already know it’s a girl.”
So the pregnancy has to be pretty far along to know this
detail, right?
My father could call me to complain about me missing a
banquet, but he didn’t think he should mention that Penelope’s
pregnant?
I change the subject because I still feel emotional. “Did
you pick out all of our code names with that big brain of
yours?”
He chuckles again. “Your dad did.”
“Isn’t it kind of sexist that he picked birds of prey for all of
the men in the family and dainty fowl for the women?”
“Except the Osprey. She’s a hunter too.”
I’ll say. Once she had my father in her sights, she homed in
on him like a long-range missile. After I made the mistake of
introducing her to my dad, she loved to act as though she were
the adult in charge and I was the kid, even though she could
pass for a college student too.
 And my father wonders why I never want to go home.
Lily tosses a chicken nugget off the table, and it brings me
back to myself.
Here I am, having a pity party when there are larger
problems at hand.
“Listen, that break-in might have to do with a bigger issue.
Is there any chance you could track someone down for me
when she might have her phone off?”
“Come on, little sparrow. That’s child’s play.”
I smile, hoping I can get some answers for Ben. “And
would you mind running a background check on a potential
babysitter for my friend?”
“Been saving up these favors, huh?”
“Remember how you always say I’m your favorite
person?”
His deep laugh makes me smile. “All right. We both know
I’m wrapped around your pinky. Give me the details, and I’ll
see what I can do. Except there’s one thing I’ll need you to do
first…”
33
 SIENNA

B EN UNWRAPS my hand and carefully examines my cut, which

is much better today.
“How was your time with Dr. Patricia?” I ask.
He’s been quiet since he got home. I ask about his therapy
session instead of his workout, since I figure that’s a low-
drama activity.
“It was fine,” he says distractedly. “But I heard from
Janelle’s father, and it was so weird.”
He explains the message and not being able to get Mr.
Lopez to take his calls.
I’m stumped for a moment. After all that chaos with
Janelle, after she disappears, after she leaves her freaking kid
behind, Ben gets this vague response from her father.
But then I try to consider the situation from her parents’
perspective instead of Janelle’s. “Is it possible he’s too
embarrassed to talk to you? He must know by now that Lily is
yours and not that other guy’s. You said he’s good friends with
your uncle. Maybe he’s upset about the situation too.”
“Hadn’t considered that.” Ben nods slowly. “You’re
probably right. Just wish I knew what was going on.”
 I wish I could give him some advice, but if my father was
in Ben’s shoes, he’d lawyer up and sue everyone involved
until he got what he wanted, and I don’t think that approach is
particularly helpful. I haven’t heard back from Melvin, but if
Janelle’s parents say she’s fine, then maybe I should call off
my friend.
Grabbing his hand, I lean up and press a kiss to Ben’s
cheek. “You’re a really good guy. I don’t know a lot of men
who would care about their ex after what she did to you.”
“Janelle’s crazier than a three-dollar bill, but she’s Lily’s
mom, and I feel obligated to make sure she’s okay, you
know?” He sighs and runs his hand roughly through his hair.
“But if Mr. Lopez says she’s good, then I’m gonna take that at
face value and accept it before her situation gives me an
ulcer.”
Aww, the poor guy is so stressed. Before I can suggest my
preferred method of relaxation, he says he wants to help me
clean my room.
He stalks down the hallway, his giant strides making me
race behind him to keep up, but after he takes a quick glance
around, he shoots me a look. “I told you I’d help.”
I swept the floor and vacuumed. Got rid of all those damn
feathers. Changed the sheets and had new pillows delivered.
God bless delivery!
“I know. I hated seeing everything wrecked.”
He eyes the saucer holding the burned smudge stick. “That
isn’t weed, is it?”
I snicker. “No, but if it was, it’d be the biggest joint I ever
saw.” I explain how I burned sage to cleanse the room of bad
juju. “My grandmother is part Comanche. She took me to a
sweat lodge when I was younger, and sage burning, or
smudging, is an important part of the ritual.”
She wanted to get more in touch with that part of our
family, which I thought was awesome.
I brace myself for him to make fun of that. When my
grandmother told her friends we went on that trip, a few
laughed. But Ben has a pensive expression in his eyes. “That’s
cool. How does the ritual work?”
Relief spreads through me. I don’t mean to be suspicious
of him, but my subpar track record with friends and boyfriends
suggests I need to take this trust thing slowly.
I explain a sweat lodge is a sacred place used for prayer
and purification. Traditionally, young men about to go on
vision quests did sweats to mentally prepare. And although
they’re mostly associated with Native American culture, they
can be traced back to fifth-century Egypt. “The heat and
isolation center you and help you get clarity.”
He thinks about that a moment. “Did you figure out
anything about yourself?”
“I realized I wanted a job or hobby or something
meaningful for myself that wasn’t connected to my family.
And I decided I never wanted to work for my father.”
“Too many expectations?”
“Too many wrong expectations. I’ll never be what my
father wants, so why put myself in a situation that’s only going
to make both of us miserable?”
Ben stares at me so intensely, a part of me freaks out that
he might ask more about my father when I’m not ready to talk
about him yet. At the same time, I don’t want to lie either.
 Instead, he kisses my forehead. “Don’t sell yourself short,
sunshine. I can’t imagine he doesn’t adore you.”
I’m not sure ‘adore’ is the right word, but the idea that Ben
thinks this is a possibility puts a smile on my face.
I run a finger down his chest and bat my eyelashes at him
playfully. We’ve both had a crappy day, but I feel so much
better now that he’s home, and I have just the thing to improve
his mood.
We messed around this morning, but that feels like ages
ago. And with Lily in the room with us then, we couldn’t let
loose.
We’ve done everything but have P-in-V sex, and I think a
good romp in the sheets would be a great way to distract us
from the craziness of the last twenty-four hours.
He must see what I want in my expression because he
laughs and pulls me into his arms. I leap up and wrap my legs
around his trim waist.
“How long ago did Lily go down for her nap?” His deep
voice in my ear sends chills down my body as he nibbles on
my neck.
“Not even twenty minutes ago.” It takes her a full fifteen
to fall asleep, which means we have close to an hour before we
have to be fully clothed again. The monitor is on in the corner,
so if she wakes, we’ll be able to hear her.
Rather than respond, his mouth is on mine, and we tumble
onto my bed.
I howl with laughter when he tickles me. Before I can
blink, he has one hand up my shirt and the other tight in my
hair.
 I gasp when he squeezes my boob.
“I love that you don’t wear a bra sometimes,” he murmurs
against my mouth. “It’s so damn sexy. Love seeing these sweet
tits when I get home.”
I like how that sounds. That he’s calling this place his
home now.
“Mm.” I arch back as he settles between my legs, yanks up
my tank top and takes a long lick of my nipple.
He’s so big and handsome. I love how dainty I feel in his
arms. I run my fingers through his thick, dark hair.
In a rush, we tear off our clothes until there’s not a stitch
between us. His dick is hard and heavy against me. It’s so hot
how he does this. Like he’s teasing me. I spread my legs wider
and when he pulls back, I watch him glide across my damp
skin.
Leaning back, he taps his thick cock against my clit, and I
shiver.
He pauses to whisper. “You sure you wanna do this,
baby?”
“So sure.”
His eyes study mine for a minute, and I smile at his
beautiful face. He grins back, and it sends a fleet of butterflies
soaring through me. “Love that smile, sunshine.”
A second later, he’s reaching for a condom, and I watch as
he takes his length in hand and rolls down the latex. We’ve
already discussed how we want to use the pill and condoms
since we don’t have any room in our lives for one of his little
dudes to get by.
 The thought of having kids with Ben hits me suddenly. I
know it’s stupid to fantasize about something like that when
we just started dating, but he’s exactly the kind of man I want
to have children with. He’s caring and compassionate.
Responsible and protective. He’s great with Lily. Patient and
kind, even when she’s cranky.
Not to mention that he’s wrapped up in this incredible
package.
With an internal shake of my head, I avert my eyes from
his “incredible package” as I shut down that long-term fantasy.
Because Ben’s never made me any promises beyond what
we’re doing now, this summer, maybe this year.
Come May, it’s possible he’ll be drafted and have to move
to the other side of the country. If my family has their way, I’ll
be relocating to California. I don’t even know what I want to
do after I graduate except start that after-school yoga program,
which my father doesn’t want to hear.
There’s no guarantee Ben and I would make it through all
of that pressure.
We only have now, the present, to enjoy what we can.
That bittersweet thought makes me want to soak up every
moment I have with him and appreciate the time we spend
together.
He kneels between my legs, his eyes on mine as he slowly
works his way into me. He’s thick, so I squirm to let him in.
He’s huge, and I’m petite. Our bodies couldn’t be more
different, but he takes his time, gently nudging in and out.
“Fuck, you feel incredible.” He makes this low growl in
his throat that makes my nipples hard.
 The way he watches me is intense. Like I mean more to
him, something beyond what we’ve agreed to. Like he wants
to make those long-term promises.
I close my eyes, not wanting to see anything that’s not
really there.
He bottoms out, and it’s incredible. He’s wedged deep,
thick and pulsing. God, no one has ever felt this good. Not that
I have much to compare, but Ben’s the biggest I’ve ever been
with. By far. And as he begins to thrust in and out, he hits all
of those secret spots I’ve barely been aware of.
“Sunshine. Eyes on me.”
I find him studying me. I smile, wanting to open myself to
him. Not just my body, but the parts I’ve been holding back
that are afraid to get close to any man again.
He reaches between us and gently grazes my clit, and I
shudder.
“I’m so close.” I arch back, and he groans, his eyes
ravenous as they travel over me, pausing at the spot where our
bodies are joined.
“Give me your hand.” Curious, I do what he says and
smile as he sucks on the tip of my finger before he places it
between my legs. “Rub that pretty pussy of yours.”
Then he leans back and pulls up my hips, so half of my
body is off the bed.
“You okay like this?” he asks, his voice tight.
“Yeah.” I’m breathless when he pulls back almost all the
way, pausing to watch himself slide into my body. “Wow.
Okay. This angle.”
 Holy hell, his dick rubs my g-spot like he was made for my
body.
“Ben, you feel so good, ohmigod.” I laugh, startled by the
sensations rippling through me.
My legs tighten at his sides as he quickens the pace, and I
nearly levitate off the bed with how mind-blowing those
strokes feel.
I start to rub my swollen nub. It doesn’t take much.
Slowly thrusting, he watches me as I arch and moan and
shake through my orgasm.
“You’ve officially wrecked me,” I tease, breathless.
A devilish grin spreads on his mouth. He rolls us over so
I’m sitting astride his big body. “Ride me, gorgeous.”
He smacks me on the ass, and I gasp as it sends another
bolt of pleasure through me.
I like how he watches me like he’s a predator and I’m his
prey.
My hair is everywhere, my ponytail long gone. Sleepily, I
raise my arms and lift my hair while I stretch languidly and
look down at him. It falls back over my shoulders and forms a
curtain over my boobs.
His rough hands graze my thighs as I rise and fall over
him. His eyes are riveted to my breasts. It’s crazy how I don’t
have any body issues when I’m with Ben. I don’t wonder if
my chest is too small. I just feel good because I’m pretty sure
he likes what he sees.
And I know I shouldn’t be getting a sense of self-worth
from anyone but myself, but having Destiny put down my
body in front of our friends is a tough thing to get over.
 “You’re so beautiful, Sienna.”
I pause, perched on his lap. My cheeks heat, and I bite my
lip to hide a smile. I mean, I don’t know how I could flush any
more after an orgasm, but I do. My face must look like a ripe
tomato.
He chuckles. “I love that you’re blushing right now.”
I don’t know where this bout of extreme honesty comes
from, but I say the words I’m thinking. “You make me feel
beautiful.”
“That’s because you are. Inside and out.”
God, I love this guy.
The thought shocks me. I close my eyes to take stock of
what I’m feeling as I resume bouncing on his lap.
Because it’s hella early to be using the L-word.
It’s just the great sex, I tell myself. It has to be.
Speaking of which, I want him to always remember our
first time. So I sit up more and arch back, holding onto his
thick thighs while I lift my hips.
He swells inside me, and I moan. In just a few moments,
I’m right there all over again.
“I’m gonna come again,” I whisper.
Ben’s jaw is tight, his whole body rigid. I reach between
our bodies and rub around where he slides into me. I use that
wetness to stroke my swollen clit, and I go off. Lights shoot
behind my eyes, and I quake.
He sits up, sets his hand on my ass and bounces me in his
lap, impaling me on his giant erection as he kisses me
possessively. His chest rumbles in a low groan when he
comes.
I’m still shivering in his arms minutes later when we’re
panting in a tangled heap. My head rests on his chest. I run my
finger over his defined pecs. Over his collarbone. Up his neck.
“We’re sweaty. You’re going to need another shower.”
Because I know he took one at the gym.
His eyes are closed, but he opens one to squint at me.
“Nah. I’m good. I smell like you now.”
I sniff him. “You smell like sex,” I tease. Actually, he
smells like Ben. Like sexy man, sandalwood soap, and clean
sweat.
“And what sex that was. Why would I wanna wash it off
right away?”
“Gross.”
I scream with laughter as he tucks me underneath him to
wipe his sweaty body on me, but then he launches off the bed
while holding his dick. It’s an awkward look that amuses me
to no end.
“Gotta take care of this before you’re covered in my
swimmers.”
Then he trots his naked ass down my hallway to the
bathroom.
I sigh and collapse back in bed, deliriously happy.
Which can’t be good. Nothing good ever comes from
being this content.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
No, I’m not going to do this to myself.
 Hating the negativity I’ve picked up lately, I decide I’ll
work it out on my yoga mat and get to a good place where I’m
not doubting everything.
Just because things are going well with Ben doesn’t mean
they’ll fall apart, right?
34
 BEN

“L ILY ’ S UP ,” Sienna calls through the bathroom door. “I got

her.”
“K. Thanks!” I turn on the water in the shower, still
chuckling about the look on Sienna’s face when I pounced on
her a few minutes ago. I love teasing that girl. She makes me
laugh, and no one makes me laugh.
And that sex? There are no words to describe it.
Otherworldly, maybe. Transcendent?
I love how uninhibited she is. How she’s always up for
anything. Just thinking about her tits bouncing in my face
makes my dick swell again.
I squeeze my cock with a laugh.
With all the shit going on right now, I should not be
smiling. Sienna has that effect on me, though.
And Jesus, she’s hot. But it’s the way she gives herself to
me that leaves me speechless. The way she looks at me. The
way she trusts me. I don’t know what I did to deserve her, but
having this woman in my life is humbling.
I’m not known for communicating, but I want to find a
way to show her I appreciate her. That she matters.
 After I rinse my body and dry all of the pertinent parts, I
wrap the towel around my waist and head back to my room to
grab some clothes.
Except when I see who’s standing at the front door with
her mouth hanging open, her stare darting between me and
Sienna, I wish I was wearing more than this damp cloth.
My sister Gabby must realize I’m standing here half-naked
because she screeches and slaps her hand over her eyes.
“Guess this makes up for that time you walked in on me
and Rider, huh?” She’s too amused for it to be anything close
to what I experienced.
“We can call it even,” I say as I shake my head at Sienna
and mouth ‘No way.’
Sienna makes a face at me, like she’s mortified, and
clutches her robe tighter to her body. “So sorry, Gabby! We
meant to tell you that we’re… we’re… uh.” She looks at me.
“We’re what?”
“Dating,” I say. The word feels foreign to me, but that’s
what we said this was, right? A bona fide relationship. We’re
definitely more than friends with benefits. Internally, I scoff at
myself for thinking I could mess around with Sienna a few
times and not get addicted.
I breathe through a brief bout of panic. Am I scared to do
this? Absolutely. Am I terrified I’m gonna fuck it up
somehow? Definitely. Can I let her go? No fucking way.
I need to take my time. See where things go. I was insane
about Janelle when we were kids, and look what she did to me.
Not that I can envision Sienna betraying my trust, but since
neither of us is good at this kind of thing, it’s prudent to go
slow.
 Even if it’s hard to put on the brakes.
She turns back to my sister. “Are you mad?”
“Not at all, weirdo. I love you guys. You’re two of my
favorite people on the planet. I’m actually thrilled. Catching
y’all two seconds after having sex, though, not so much,
but…”
“Oh, my God, shut up!” Sienna laughs, and I know all is
well when she and Gabby hug awkwardly.
I hold up a finger because I’d like to be wearing more than
a towel when I talk to my sister. I duck into my room to
change into jeans and a t-shirt.
Lily is sitting in her crib, sucking on her thumb.
“Hey, peanut.” She holds her arms up to me, and I smile.
“Hang tight. Daddy needs some clothes.”
Except how the hell do I change with my daughter sitting
there?
I head to the small closet and turn on the light. This’ll have
to do. I close the door and wrangle on some jeans.
When I’m decent, I grab Lily.
“You ready to meet your aunt Gabby?” My sister is gonna
shit her pants. In a good way, I hope.
“I want Mama.” Her lower lip juts out in a way that
reminds me so much of Janelle, a pang of regret rolls through
me. Not that I wish we were back together, but a part of me
laments that my daughter will never know what it’s like to
have her mom and dad at home with her.
I love my aunt and uncle, but they never filled the holes
my parents and sister left behind. Not that it was Gabby’s fault
she wasn’t around, but I still felt her absence acutely.
Swallowing past the thick knot in my throat, I kiss the
peanut. This situation makes me realize how good it’s been to
talk to Dr. Patricia. In the past, the very sight of my sister
would trigger me because of the trauma we experienced as
kids, but today my only focus is getting Lily used to Gabriela.
In fact, now that I think about it, I didn’t feel any panic when I
saw her. Aside from the obvious awkwardness of her catching
me with her old roommate.
Lily asks for her mom again. “I know, honey,” I whisper.
“We’ll figure out what’s going on. But you got me, and you
got Sienna.”
I hug her, and her little arms wrap around my neck. I pat
her butt, grateful that Sienna adores my kid. Not to mention
the fact that she must’ve changed her diaper before Gabby got
here.
When we make it out to the living room, I smile at Sienna,
who also threw on some clothes.
My sister’s eyes widen when she sees me holding the kid.
“Apparently, I’ve spawned. This is Lily. Lily…” I wait for
my daughter to turn around. “This is your aunt Gabby.”
“Holy shit.” My sister’s uncharacteristic swear makes me
laugh. “Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack.”
She leaps off the couch and beelines it to me. Her eyes
shine as she looks over Lily. She gently tucks an errant curl
behind her ear. Touches her pudgy cheek.
“Hi, darling. How are you?” She folds her hands before
her face like she’s praying. “Ben, she’s gorgeous. How did this
happen?”
I lift an eyebrow, and my sister turns bright red. “I don’t
mean the logistics. I understand the logistics. I mean, who’s
the mother?” She looks at Sienna and chokes on a cough. “It
wasn’t you. I mean… right? Hello! When did this happen?”
“You might want to sit down. But first…” I reach over and
hug her, something I never do, unfortunately. My baggage
always kept me from opening myself too much to her, but I’m
determined to get over it. “I’ve missed you,” I mumble.
When she pulls away, tears stream down her face. “Missed
you too, you big lug.”
Sniffles from the other side of the room have me looking
to Sienna, who swipes an arm across her face. “Don’t look at
me like that. I can’t help it. I get emotional sometimes.”
I hide my smile. It says so much that my girlfriend is
crying because she knows how hard Gabby and I have had to
fight to get to this point where we can talk openly and be
around each other.
Not bothering to try to play it cool, I drop down next to her
and tug her into the arm not occupied by my daughter. Sienna
laughs. “I feel dumb for crying.”
“It’s not dumb. Thank you for caring.” I kiss the top of her
head and smile at my sister, who looks like she wants to say
about ten things. Desperately.
But she waits patiently until Sienna is composed, and then
she launches the inquisition. It comes from a good place,
though, so it doesn’t bother me.
“First of all, when did this”—she waves between me and
Sienna—“happen? When did you two become an item?” She
turns toward my girlfriend. “Oh, my God. This means you
finally dumped Cal Winston, right? He’s such an idiot.”
Sienna groans. “Don’t remind me.” She holds up a hand. “I
know you tried to warn me. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.” Turning
to me, she gives me a sweet smile. “But in some weird way,
we have him to thank for making this happen.”
I love how this woman looks on the bright side. I’m the
guy who’s always been fixated on the worst-case scenarios. I
need her optimism and outlook in my life.
Gabby hops up and down in her seat. “Please explain! And
don’t leave out even one detail. I need to know everything.
Spill.”
“How long do you have?” I ask as I park Lily on my lap.
Gabby looks at her watch. “A couple hours before I need
to get to Austin where I’m meeting Rider.”
At the mention of her boyfriend, her whole face lights up.
Love looks good on her. I’m relieved things are going well for
them. My sister might not know this, but she means the world
to me. And I mean to rectify the fact that she hasn’t a clue how
much I love her.
I clear my throat. “I’ll tell you everything, but there’s one
thing my therapist has been encouraging me to share with
you.”
Gabby nods, but tension radiates through her. I can tell she
thinks it’s going to be something horrible.
As I consider what I need to say, sweat breaks out on my
body. I breathe through the anxiety the way Dr. Patricia has
taught me.
 Sienna laces her fingers through mine and nods. “Go
ahead, Ben. It’ll make her happy to know.”
“This is going to sound stupid. It’s nothing major, I swear.
But I, uh, I might have supplemented your rent last year. And
the year before.”
Judging by the look on Gabby’s face, she hasn’t a clue
what I mean. So I explain how I paid part of her rent because I
knew she was paying for college on her own and wanted to
help.
“Tío Julio sent Tía Carmen money for your schooling, but
when I told him I didn’t think any of it had actually been given
to you, he was pissed. So he gave me extra money to help
you.” I swallow. “Since I had such a hard time talking to you,
what with my panic attacks and all, I thought it would be
easier to pay your rent. Sorry I didn’t talk to you about it back
then. There might’ve been other things you needed instead.”
Fuck. Until this moment, it hadn’t occurred to me that
maybe I should’ve just given her the money. Why did I think I
knew what she needed in the first place?
Ignoring the bout of nausea that’s taken residence in my
gut, I wipe my forehead and wait for her to say something.
When she starts crying, I feel like complete shit.
But then she leans over Sienna and hugs me so hard, I
almost choke.
“Thanks, Benny. You don’t know how much that means to
me. I love you so much.” She lets go to dry her eyes. “I always
knew that sweet boy I grew up with was in there somewhere.”
Just like that, we’re good. We smile at each other, but then
she pokes me hard in the chest.
 “Okay, now focus! I want to talk about Lily, but first I
need to know, how did you and Sienna end up together?”
That’s easy.
“Well, Cinderella here lost her tennis shoe…”
35
 SIENNA

F ROWNING , Ben stares at the security pad next to the front

door. “How’d you manage to get a security system installed so
quickly?”
“Oh, um, I have a family friend in security who pushed
this to the front of the line.” A twinge of guilt builds in my
chest over the half-truth. It’s not a lie. Not exactly. But do I
need to spell out that the guy who outfitted my rental also
works with foreign dignitaries? I’m just relieved my landlord
didn’t mind. “Here’s the code.”
I hand him a Post-It! with the numbers and show him how
to activate and disengage the system.
My stomach is in knots over this dumb thing, which
wouldn’t even be an issue if my house hadn’t been vandalized.
But the only way I could get Melvin to keep the break-in from
my father was if I agreed to have a security system installed,
which Melvin expedited. He also confirmed what Ben had
heard from Janelle’s father.
According to geotag locating features on Janelle’s phone,
after she stopped at my house in Charming, where I’m
guessing she ransacked my bedroom, she left for Dallas. But
before she landed at her parents’ house, she stayed overnight
with someone named Paul E. Wagner, who goes by his middle
name, Ernest.
So Amelia wasn’t wrong or lying when she said Janelle
was meeting up with her ex.
I haven’t quite found a way to explain all of this to Ben,
but since he already got that message from Mr. Lopez, the info
isn’t imperative anymore. Not like when we thought she’d
been abducted.
I’m surprised when Ben hooks an arm around my neck and
kisses my forehead. “That’s great, sunshine. I want you to be
safe. I’ll be gone a lot this semester, especially when I have
away games.”
He pauses and looks at me. Opens his mouth. Closes it. “I
mean, if it’s cool that Lily and I stay here past the summer. Not
that I’m expecting to necessarily. I hadn’t, you know,
processed things that far.”
“Whatever you want is fine with me,” I say cautiously. He
has that deer-in-the-headlights look about him, which sets me
on edge.
His expression is so serious, I just want to kiss him, but it’s
obvious he has a lot to say, so I wait until he’s ready to let it
out.
He clears his throat. “It’s just… this is kinda fast, huh?
Moving in together.”
“Having a kid. Playing house,” I add with a hint of
amusement. Not that Lily is mine, but it looks like Ben and I
are taking care of her without Janelle. At least for now. I adore
Lily and her broody father, so I’m more than happy to let them
stay.
If Ben wants to stay.
 We’re at that awkward stage where neither of us is willing
to put ourselves out there. I get it. I’m afraid this will go
sideways too. Having never navigated a successful
relationship, I’m sure my odds of making a go of this are
probably low, but I’m willing to risk it.
I remind myself of the promise I made to myself to live in
the moment and appreciate what I have. And I love having
Ben in my life.
I grab his hand and squeeze. “The only thing we’re
missing is a white picket fence, but you’re welcome to build
one for me if you want.”
His low chuckle makes me smile. “I don’t want to do
anything that makes you uncomfortable. Hopefully you don’t
feel like Lily and I are the house guests from hell who never
leave.”
It’s my turn to laugh. “I like having you around.”
“Yeah?”
“Definitely. As long as you don’t hog the covers, we’re
good.” We’ve done away with the pretense that he’s staying in
the other room, which now serves as Lily’s nursery.
“You’re easy to please.” He gives me a kiss that’s way too
brief. “Oh, before I forget, my uncle spoke to Janelle’s parents.
They offered to help pay for the extra childcare and anything
else we might need.”
I’m relieved they’re supportive even though they’re being
super-secretive about what’s going on with Janelle.
After he collapses on the couch, he tugs me onto his lap.
“Thanks again for interviewing babysitters. I’m not sure I’d
know where to begin.”
 “No prob. And thank you for watching Lily while I teach a
yoga class.” I’m so excited to get back to Good Vibes.
I’m doing the first round, and when I’ve narrowed it down
to the best candidates, Ben will meet them too, and we’ll pick
someone together. “Your sister gave me tons of input and set
me up with interview questions and everything.” I laugh when
I think about the first time I met Gabby. “Can I tell you a
secret?”
“I definitely wanna hear your secrets.”
Ignoring the big one about myself I’m loath to discuss, I
share how Gabby had a list of interview questions last year
when she was meeting prospective roommates.
“Except I got nervous on my way over because she
sounded intense on the phone. So I pulled over up the street
and vaped, but I might have accidentally overindulged because
I was a little loopy by the time I got here. Pretty sure I made
an ass of myself.”
The smile on his face is huge. “So… you got really high
and then interviewed with Gabby?” When I nod, he laughs.
“That’s priceless.”
And then I might’ve heckled Rider, Gabby’s now-
boyfriend, who lived across the street at the time, but that
afternoon is a little fuzzy, so I decide we’re all better off not
remembering those details.
“I should add that I’ve never gotten high when I babysit. I
wouldn’t do something like that.”
“Of course you wouldn’t.”
The look of confidence he gives me is so reassuring. I tug
on his hand. “When are you going to let me run you through
some yoga moves?”
 He chuckles. “Does this include you showing me the
‘downward dog?’”
“If you think you can handle it. Come on, stud. Show me
what you got.” I drag him into my spare bedroom, where I
focus on long stretches and agility because it’s his second
workout of the day. We set up Lily next to us with a basket of
toys.
Half an hour later, Ben’s groaning. “I don’t think I’ll ever
be able to stand again after this.”
“The pigeon pose will loosen your hips.”
“I can think of one or two other things that could also
help,” he teases.
I lean over and kiss him. “You’re not really in pain, right?”
“No, but damn, this was tougher than I thought.”
“I have several exercises that can help you be more
resistant to injuries.”
That gets his attention. We talk at length about areas of his
body which are tight that he might want to spend extra time
stretching to increase flexibility. He gets out his phone and
takes notes when I mention a few moves he’s never tried
before.
There’s an extra spring to my step when I leave for the
studio that afternoon. It feels good to be needed.
Ben really liked my idea that yoga could come with a side
helping of meditations, thoughts people could use to help them
focus on what they need for the day. He said he could see a lot
of applications for athletes and suggested turning it into an
app, which made me laugh. Not sure how I would combine all
of that, but I liked the idea.
 When I step into Good Vibes, it makes my day even better.
All the girls at the front desk wave at me. Naomi, the owner,
calls out my name from her corner office. When I reach her,
she gives me a huge hug.
“Look at you!” She waves her hand in front of me, and all
of her jangly bracelets clink together. “You have such a good
aura, girl. Whatever you’re doing is working for you.”
Maybe she should say whoever I’m doing. Sometimes I
forget that horrible night at Cal’s. Ben has that effect on me.
She lowers her voice. “For a woman who got brained by a
bottle, you look fabulous.”
I close the door to her office and pull out my ponytail.
“Seven stitches. Look.” I show her the section of my head that
eventually sprouted hair around the scar.
She grabs my arm in sympathy. “My brothers used to say it
ain’t a party until someone gets stitches.”
“I’m fine now.” I tie my hair back. “But I’ve missed this
place. Missed hanging out with you.”
Naomi has such a great energy about her. It’s one of the
reasons I hope I can do more with yoga. She brings such light
and peace to so many. People walk in here stressed out and
worried, but after one of her classes, they’re smiling and
centered, ready to take on life again. It’s a gift. One I hope to
craft myself.
She motions me to sit down. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, I drew up that proposal for our after-school
program. Some of these schools don’t have any mats and their
gyms are falling apart. The most expensive component, aside
from paying the instructors, will be the insurance. I’m also
wondering if we should do snacks too. I just read a report that
said thirteen million children live in ‘food-insecure’
households. And why in the world would kids want to do yoga
if their little tummies are growling?”
“Those are great ideas. Did you include that in your
prospectus?”
I nod. “My potential investor said I should include
everything I could think of.”
Glancing down, Naomi pauses and then looks up at me
speculatively. “Are you ever going to tell me who Mr. Big
Bucks is?”
For the first time, I feel foolish not being upfront about my
family and who I am. Like I’m not brave enough to be myself.
I’ve always thought I was brave. Give me a rock face to
climb or a ski trick to try or a cliff to dive off of, and I’m often
at the front of the line.
But maybe I’m not that courageous after all.
“How about I promise to tell you if I can get our project
approved?”
She smiles. “It’s a deal.”
We chat a little longer until she glances down at her watch.
“Hey, would you like to lead my class of newbies in a warm-
up?”
“I’d love to. And would it be possible to get back on the
schedule? I need a few more days before I can confirm my
availability, but then I’d love to get back at it.”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
I’m riding cloud nine.
Until later that afternoon when I run into Destiny.
Nervous, I bite my thumbnail while my counselor, Mrs.
Uvalde, types on her keyboard. A deep furrow in her brow, she
hums again—her third since I’ve been here, and it sets me on
edge.
I really need my credits to work. Yes, I’ve switched majors
a few times. Yes, I’ve been a bit remiss about checking
whether those credits would all mesh for any major, much less
the one I was aiming for at the time. But in my defense, I
always wanted to love the courses I took and not just check off
something simply because it was required.
Now it’s time to pay the piper for that flippant attitude.
If I could go back in time and do it all over again, I’d
consider a degree in health and fitness or even physical
therapy. Teaching yoga has given me an appreciation for
keeping your body in peak shape.
At the same time, I love my classical myth and literature
courses. How I’m going to make a living with that degree is
another issue, however.
Finally, Mrs. Uvalde stops typing and smiles at me. “I have
some good news and bad news. Which one do you want first?”
Ugh. Internally, I say a little prayer to the universe because
I really need to graduate in May or my father will drag my
sorry ass back to California.
“Bad news. Give it to me.” I take a deep breath while she
squints at her computer screen.
“You’re missing a math class, but you could satisfy the
requirement with Math 120. You’ll be in there with lots of
freshmen, but that’s what you get for not taking it early.” She
gives me a look, and I think it’s supposed to shame me, but
I’m too worried about what else she’s going to say.
“Okay. That’s fine,” I say cautiously.
“But”—she takes off her glasses to clean them on the hem
of her shirt—“you’ll need to drop Myth and Film in order to
take it.”
“Damn it. I was really looking forward to that one.”
“Now, the good news. With the rest of your scheduled
course load, you should have enough credits for a mythology
major.”
“Even without Myth and Film?”
She nods, and I’m so relieved, I collapse back in my chair.
“I can live with that.”
She lifts her eyebrow to give me another look. “That
means no switching classes at the last minute.”
I hold up my hand. “I swear I won’t do that this semester.”
“This whole year. There’s no wiggle room second semester
either. Be sure to register for those classes as early as possible
because you’re definitely cutting it close.”
She hands me a sheet of paper, and I scan the courses I’ll
need for second semester.
After I thank her, I skip out of the office, elated to have
taken care of an appointment I’ve put off for so long. It’s not
the computer engineering major my brothers aced, but at least
I’ll be graduating on time. Plus, it’s a major I love.
I’m so busy studying the list she printed for me that I don’t
see Destiny until we come almost nose to nose. I stumble to a
halt at the last second.
 She appears just as surprised to see me as I am to see her.
I’m about to apologize for almost running her over when I stop
myself. Fuck that. I look the other way and am walking around
her when she grabs my arm.
“Sienna. Can we talk?”
I’m debating whether I can tell her to fuck herself in the
middle of the counseling office when I get a good look at her
face. Her eyes are swollen, and her nose is red. She has a wad
of tissue in her hands. Her usual French manicure is badly
chipped.
I stand there, trying to dredge up the rage I felt when I
caught her in bed with Cal, but all I feel is annoyance that she
made fun of my small boobs. Because, really, she’s welcome
to that scumbag.
“What do you want, Destiny? Didn’t you get all of your
jollies by tagging me in those pics of you and Cal over break?”
She blinks and shakes her head. “I swear I never tagged
you in anything.”
A laugh escapes me. “You mean the same way you
would’ve sworn you weren’t sleeping with my boyfriend?”
I head for the door, but she grabs me again. “Please,
Sienna. I know you have no reason to listen to me, but I don’t
have anyone else to talk to.”
I’m about to tell her that’s really not my problem when she
starts to cry. And not just a few tears and a lower lip quiver. A
full-out torrent.
I let out a big breath. Destiny and I will never be friends
again, but it’s not my style to kick someone when they’re
down.
 “What’s wrong? Did Cal dump you already?” I don’t mean
to be quite so bitchy, but the words escape me before I think
better of it.
She starts to cry harder.
Yikes. I was just taking a shot in the dark. I didn’t think
he’d really dump her. She seemed happy accepting whatever
he was willing to give her when he wasn’t banging other
women.
But then she says the last thing I expect.
“I’m pre—pre—pregnant, but Cal insists it isn’t his.
Except I haven’t—haven’t—I haven’t been with anyone else.
And how the hell can I play on the volleyball team this year if
I’m waddling around?” she wails.
Well, damn.
Now I feel like an ass. Not that I forgive her, but that does
suck.
We sit outside Mrs. Uvalde’s office while Destiny wails
and tells me about her relationship with Cal. I’ll admit it’s
surreal to hear what my ex was doing behind my back with
Destiny, but I find it doesn’t bother me. Because I’m really
happy with Ben. With our friendship and everything else.
The universe did me a favor by helping me discover what a
rat Cal was. As I look at Destiny, who sobs into a soggy tissue,
I realize this could be me. I could be sitting here hysterical
because that dumbass knocked me up and dumped me.
Dodged a bullet there.
One of the secretaries interrupts us. “Girls, our hours are
shorter on Saturday. We’re closing soon.”
 As Destiny and I head out, I ask her what she’s going to
do.
She sniffs as her puffy eyes narrow. “I’m gonna get even
with that motherfucker.”
If anyone deserves to have his ass kicked for
douchebaggery, it’s Cal Winston.
But Confucius once said, “Before you embark on a journey
of revenge, dig two graves.” It’s why, no matter how horribly
Cal treated me, I won’t be the one to get even.
Maybe Destiny will.
And it’s possible I might be rooting for her.
36
 BEN

T HE ALARM BLARES from the bedside table, and I groan. For

some reason, getting out of bed for training camp is so much
harder when I have a beautiful woman nestled against me than
when I’m alone.
I kiss the top of Sienna’s head before I scoot out from
under the covers.
“Hey,” she whispers. “Good luck today. Kick ass. Take
names. Be a beast.”
I smile and lean over to kiss her more fully, and she wraps
her arms around my neck.
“None of that,” I tease. “I’ll never get to practice if you’re
too enticing.”
With a wicked grin, she slides the covers down until her
pert nipples greet me. Leaning down, I take a quick lick of
one. “We’ll continue this when I get home.”
She shivers. “It’s a deal. Oh, I packed you a lunch. It’s in
the fridge.”
Sienna’s too fucking sweet. I don’t have the heart to tell
her they’ll feed us at the stadium, but I could always use a
snack. “Thanks, sunshine. Will you and Lily be okay?”
 “Yup. I’m just interviewing a couple of babysitting
candidates.”
Now that I understand how hard everything is with a kid in
tow, I realize we should’ve skipped vacation and used that
time to interview candidates. But how was I to know Janelle
was gonna bail?
Just the thought of her taking off on Lily boils my blood,
but I shove it down and try to get in football mode.
I’ve been dreading this day since last season ended. The
thought of getting a new coach my senior year ratchets up my
anxiety, but I have so much riding on this, and I have to stay
calm and focused.
After one more glance at my gorgeous girlfriend, I get my
ass in gear. I stop by Lily’s room before I head out. She’s
sleeping soundly, her curls a riot at the top of her little head.
“Wish me luck, kid,” I whisper. “I hear Coach is a
ballbuster.”
When I get to the stadium, we store our crap in the locker
room and head to the main meeting room where Coach
Krugman watches us with an impassive expression on his face.
I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling about this, and for
the hundredth time I doubt my decision not to enter the draft
last spring.
I’d been afraid of getting a career-ending injury, losing my
dream of the NFL, and not having a degree to fall back on. But
what if I’d done well? What if I’d kicked ass? Why the fuck
did I play it safe?
It’s too late now to lament my choice, but I wish I’d gone
for it.
 Winston struts in and high-fives a few of his friends, but
when he sees me, he itches his face with his middle finger.
Sienna told me about Destiny’s beef with Winston. Can’t
say that comes as a shocker.
I make a rude gesture toward him in response.
Olly drops into the chair next to me. Under his breath, he
says, “I miss Coach Sully.”
“Same.”
“What are the odds we’ll do better than last season?”
I glance at the new faces of all the incoming freshmen. At
Evan Meyers, our returning quarterback, who doesn’t have
half the command Rider did. At the transfers. At all the new
coaching staff who rode in with Krugman. “Not good.”
We lost Rider, the Heisman winner; Tank, one of the best
offensive linemen in the country; and a handful of other
outstanding players who graduated. We’re probably screwed.
The quick breakfast I had before I left the house churns in
my stomach.
But as Sienna reminded me this weekend when I shared
how I was feeling about the Broncos, even if the team doesn’t
have a great season, I can still be a standout.
As I snap the rubber band on my wrist, I try to heed her
advice and look on the bright side.
At least I have my health, not always an easy thing as a D1
athlete.
At least I have sweet, lovely Sienna to help me watch Lily.
And at least we don’t have to live in the dorms this year.
 That last one is huge. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to
live in the dorms this summer like we typically do during
camp. Thank God they’re undergoing massive renovations.
Now I can be home at night to watch Lily and give Sienna a
break.
Krugman, a burly man with a bushy mustache and a
serious set of jowls, introduces himself and recites his
accolades. While head coach at Prairie Tech U, his team won
their division several times and a national championship a few
years ago.
For a guy who seems to have the perfect résumé, I wonder
why he doesn’t garner the recognition of an elite coach.
He taps the podium. “I’ll be meeting with each of you
individually over the next three weeks. If it had been up to me,
we would’ve done that sooner, but you know the rules. So
consider this a baptism by fire. We’ll just do everything now.”
Coaches are limited in how often they can meet with
athletes and when new coaches can take over a team. It sucks,
but we all know how this shit works.
The left side of his face lifts in what I’m guessing is a
smile. “The good news is we just got the go-ahead to move
back into the dorms. So by Wednesday night, I expect each of
you to be moved into your situation. My assistant coaches will
be handing out your room assignments.”
Fuck.
And just like that, my plan for the next few weeks falls
apart.
37
 SIENNA

“W AIT . W HAT ?” Did I just hear him right? He’ll be gone for
the next two and a half weeks?
Ben drops his gym bag next to the couch and runs his hand
through his damp hair with a grimace. “I’m so fucking sorry to
lay this on you. And if you can’t handle it, I completely
understand. I… I’m not sure what I’ll do, but I have a day or
two to figure it out.”
He checks on Lily, who’s already in bed, and returns a few
minutes later.
“I don’t know what to say,” he adds with a sigh. “You
didn’t exactly sign up for this.”
He sits on the couch, leans back, and closes his eyes. His
cheeks are flushed and slightly sunburned from being outside
all day. He doesn’t need to tell me he’s exhausted. He left this
morning at eight, and it’s now twelve hours later.
Before I can say anything, his jaw tightens. “I tried to talk
to the coach, but he said there were ‘absolutely no excuses for
not moving into the dorms.’”
“You told him you have a young daughter, and that was his
response?”
 “He cut me off mid-sentence and said he wasn’t interested
in the reason.”
“What an asshole.”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“Let me guess. The whole day went this way?” I ask as I
sit next to him.
He stares off, not really hearing me, but I get the feeling I
know the answer to my question.
“Why didn’t I go for the draft, Sienna? Why do I always
fucking play it safe?”
My heart hurts at the anguish in his voice. I grab his huge
hand and thread our fingers together. “If you’d been drafted,
maybe you never would’ve found out about Lily. Or perhaps
another few years would’ve gone by before Janelle had the
nerve to tell you.”
He studies our hands in his lap and nods slowly. “Yeah,
that’s a good point.”
I want to say so much more, but my phone dings with a
text. I wince when I read it.
“This is probably the last thing you want to do, but I
scheduled an interview tonight with my favorite babysitter
candidate. Afterward, we’ll have a nice dinner. I bought us
some huge steaks.”
He slouches in relief and then leans over and kisses me.
“That’s awesome. If you could do this, if you could help me,
maybe with a babysitter or two, maybe I’ll get through this
bullshit.”
“I want to help, Ben. I’m on your team. No matter what, I
can watch her.”
 “But don’t you have yoga classes to teach?”
“I’m not on the schedule yet. I have some wiggle room.”
He takes my face in his hands. “How am I going to pay
you back for everything?”
I lift an eyebrow. “I can think of a way or two.” They’re all
naked and involve an array of naughty positions.
He must read my mind because he laughs. “You’re literally
the only person on the planet who could make me laugh right
now.”
“Good.” I give him a peck and run to the door to greet
Magnolia when the doorbell rings a second later.
As she enters the room, she straightens her glasses and
smiles. “I brought my résumé and all of my references.
They’re alphabetized.”
Magnolia and Ben shake hands and chat for a little while.
Twenty minutes later, there’s a knock at the front door. Before
I can get it, Olly waltzes in, dragging Amelia behind him.
“We’re getting Thai from that little place over on Main.
Wanted to know if y’all…” His voice trails off when he sees
Magnolia. “What the hell are you doing here?”
My eyes widen. I’ve never heard Olly be anything but
respectful to everyone. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.
Magnolia gets up with a grumble, strides over to the front
window, and peers through the curtains. “Funny, but I don’t
see your name on the street, Michael.” She says his name so
sharply, it feels like a dagger. “Did you buy it recently, and I
didn’t know? Hmm? I didn’t think so.”
Amelia’s head jerks as she looks to Olly. “Your name is
Michael?”
 His nostrils flare. “You really don’t know my name?”
Amelia laughs and flips her hair. “I assumed Olly was
short for Oliver. It’s not a terribly attractive first name, but I
was trying to be polite, so I didn’t say anything.”
What is going on right now? I look to Ben, who shrugs
sleepily, so I ask, “Olly, how do you know Magnolia?”
He’s so busy glaring at our new babysitter, I don’t think he
hears me. Magnolia talks between her teeth. “We’ve had a few
classes together over the years.”
After a moment of fierce glares, Amelia snaps in Olly’s
face. “This was fun, but I’m hungry. Thai food. Now.”
The second the front door closes behind them, Magnolia
pivots toward me with a smile. “I’m available starting
Wednesday. As long as Michael Oliver stays on his side of the
street.”
I don’t know how she knows he lives across the street, and
I don’t ask. All I care about is that she’ll make a great
babysitter. Her reciprocated animosity toward Olly is
unfortunate, but not my problem. I have my own dilemmas.
Starting with the fact that Ben is sound asleep on the
couch.
So much for the romantic dinner I planned.
38
 BEN

“R UN IT AGAIN ! Get that shit right this time,” Coach Krud

shouts.
Yes, I’ve changed his name a little. The new moniker fits.
Krud is making me run the same route with Meyers, who
is not having a stellar day. I feel for him. Has to be tough
stepping in after we had Rider as QB.
Sweat drips into my eyes as the hundred-degree weather
bakes us on the field. We’re in the middle of a massive heat
wave—thank you, Texas.
After our morning running drills, two freshmen yakked on
the sidelines. I’m not feeling great myself, but now is not the
time to think about it.
I run the route and catch the ball, but Krud is already
yelling at Meyers because he thought the release came late.
“You’re a junior, damn it. You should have this shit on
lockdown by now.”
It’s the second week of training camp, and Meyers already
looks defeated. But the expression on his face is nothing
compared to when Krud calls Jared Turner, a junior transfer, to
take his place.
 “Winston! Take over for Rodriguez. Let’s show everyone
how this should look.”
I grind my teeth. Krud decided Winston makes a better
tight end than receiver. Because he “bulked up.” If that’s what
you want to call partying at South Padre before training camp.
Strangely, Winston didn’t put up a fuss, but the change means
he’s edging me out of my role, which must please him to no
end.
I head to the sidelines with Meyers, whose grim expression
darkens when Turner takes the field. Winston, ever the kiss-
ass, says something that makes Coach chuckle, and my mood
gets bleaker.
Our new tight end coach, Doug Nicholson, pats me on the
shoulder. “Hang in there, man. Coach Krugman just wants us
to get it perfect.”
“Yeah, no problem,” I say by rote even though I’d like to
punch a hole through a wall, the one I’ve been bashing my
head against since Krud took over the football program.
Nicholson has been the saving grace, though. He knows his
shit, and I’m excited to learn from him. He’s already helped
my footwork.
Turner and Winston execute the route almost the exact
same way Meyers and I did, though, admittedly, Turner’s
release has more finesse. But if it lands in the hands of the
receiver, does it really make a big difference?
Krud thinks so.
“Now that’s how you do it.” After a few more run-
throughs, Winston and I switch out, but the second I turn out
on the twenty-yard-line, Krud’s on my ass. “Sharper next time.
The way Winston did it.”
 Goddamn it.
“Yeah, Rodriguez. The way I did it,” Winston taunts as he
takes a swig of water.
By the time I’m back in the locker room, I’m seething. If
I’m reading the room right, Winston and a fucking sophomore
are Krud’s go-to tight ends. Did I not break the school record
for receiving yards? Did I not score eighteen touchdowns last
year? Did I not help win a national championship?
What the fuck?
I strip off my sweaty clothes, wrap a towel around my
waist, and shove the rest of my shit into my locker. I finally
have my appointment with Krud today, so I’m hoping to find
out what the hell is going on. Because I get the distinct feeling
he doesn’t like me for some reason. Even though, before this
camp, I’d never met the man. The question I’d really like to
ask, though, is why he’s so goddamn chummy with Winston.
After a lightning-fast shower, I dress in some jeans and a t-
shirt and head to his office where he’s shoveling a chili
cheeseburger down his pie hole.
I knock and stand in the doorway and wait for him to tell
me to enter. He makes me wait for several minutes while he
takes his sweet time eating.
Finally, he licks his fingers and waves me in. “Rodriguez.
Have a seat. I have your file here somewhere.”
His office is a pigsty. Granted, he just got here, but there
are empty food containers everywhere, probably one on every
stack of files.
“You had a good year last year,” he says as he finally
locates my file.
 No, I had a fucking phenomenal year. “Yes, sir.”
“What are your goals for your senior year?”
I’m relieved he’s not being an ass like he is on the field,
but that feeling is short-lived when he groans and stops me.
“You’re the one with the kid, right?”
“Lily. Yes, she’s a little over two, and—”
“That’s gonna be a problem.”
I explain how I just found out about her, but I have reliable
childcare. He doesn’t look convinced.
But as Sienna is always encouraging me to look on the
bright side, I try to put everything in context. “As you may
know, Coach, our quarterback last year had a baby, and he won
the Heisman. So it is doable.”
His bushy eyebrows pull together. “I’d say he’s the
exception, not the rule, wouldn’t you? How do you feel camp
is going so far? Do you think you can hack it this fall? You’ve
got four other guys on the team who could do your job.”
Jesus, why is he being such a prick? Up until this point,
my coaches have always been supportive.
“I’m managing, sir. My girlfriend is really supportive, and
she’s helping me—”
“That’s another thing. I don’t encourage serious
relationships. Your main relationship should be football. Full
stop.” He glances behind me, I suppose to check that no one is
in the hallway. He lowers his voice. “There’s time for all the
pussy you want when you reach the NFL. If you reach the
NFL.”
Is this guy fucking serious?
 I try to breathe through my anger. “I’ll keep that in mind,
sir.”
He laughs when he sees my expression. “I’m not here to
coddle you. You won a national championship last year, but
guess what? That was last year. You’ve got to prove yourself
all over again this fall, or you can kiss the draft goodbye.
When I say I want a hundred percent, I mean every last ounce
of energy should get poured into football. Not your kid. Not
your girlfriend. Not your classes. That might be an unpopular
opinion, but it’s the truth, and the truth is what I serve up.”
I thought that was what I’ve been doing. Living in the
dorms where I barely fit on the twin bed. Not sleeping next to
my girlfriend. Not seeing my daughter. How am I not
sacrificing everything for this fucking game?
By the time I leave his office, I’m furious. What the hell
have I done? I’ve completely screwed myself by not entering
the draft last spring.
I’m stalking down the long hallway along the back of the
stadium to the parking lot when the last person I feel like
talking to jogs up to me.
“Hey, bitch. How’d your meeting go?” Winston smirks at
me like he knows something I don’t.
When I don’t respond, he slings his arm over my
shoulders. “Heard a little secret. Heard you were fucking
Sienna.” I stiffen, my hands in fists at my side. “No need to
thank me for basically hooking you two up with that ride to
the airport. Doesn’t she give the best head you’ve ever had in
your life?” He shivers dramatically. “Almost makes me want
her back. But then, I’m not really into sloppy seconds.”
 I don’t make the conscious decision to hit him, but all the
pent-up anger I’ve had for this guy blasts through me. Next
thing I know, my fist is connecting with his face.
“Don’t you ever fucking talk about her again, you sorry
sack of shit.”
He gets one swing in before I take him to the ground.
All of a sudden, Olly and Meyers are pulling me off him.
My friends leave him on the floor.
“Fuck, you chipped my tooth, motherfucker!” Winston
yells as he stands and then staggers.
“You deserve it for fucking with Sienna.” He cheats on her,
breaks her heart, and destroys her house? “If you get near her
again, I’ll really kick your ass.”
39
 SIENNA

O LLY ’ S VOICE is muffled on the other end of the line, and I can
barely hear him.
“What? You want me to meet you at the front door? How
is this being stealthy?”
“Just trust me.”
The line goes dead, and I sigh. This had better work. I
lower the visor and check my lipstick in the mirror before I get
out of the car.
After I scoot my minuscule skirt down and hike up my
halter top, I head around to the passenger side and lift out six
giant pizza boxes. The food smells delicious, and my stomach
growls. Maybe I should’ve eaten first before I tried to sneak
into Ben’s dorm, but it’s too late now.
I giggle as I speedwalk around the side of the building.
This is crazy. But fun. And needed.
It’s Thursday night, and I haven’t seen Ben for over a
week. We’ve talked on the phone every night, but it’s not the
same. I know he’s stressed out and worried about this season,
and I decided I needed to sneak in for a visit. Otherwise, he
doesn’t get his first day off until this Sunday, which feels like
an eternity.
 Lily has been doing well with Magnolia, and the three of
us get along like gangbusters. If I weren’t missing Ben so
fiercely, this wouldn’t be so bad.
When Olly sees me, his eyebrows lift to his hairline, and
he lets out a low whistle. “Ben’s gonna lose his mind when he
sees you. You went all-out, huh?”
My options were a standard Pizza Hut uniform or a wench
costume from the Pizza Castle. Guess which one made my
boobs look better?
“Shut up and get me inside.”
He laughs as he opens the glass door to the main entrance,
but then pauses to tell me what I need to say to the security
guy.
“Are you serious?” I hiss. “I thought you said you could
sneak me in!”
“Don’t be a pain in the ass.” He’s talking out the side of
his mouth now so that the guard doesn’t see him. “Just do it.”
And then the asshole leaves me behind.
He jams his card through the swipe thingy, and then he’s
gone.
Holy crap, I’m going to kill him.
I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
The guard looks like he’s just a student with a badge. That
makes me feel better. If it were Melvin, he’d never fall for this,
but I’m dealing with a horny twenty-something. I can do this.
I use a bored voice, like I do this all day. “Six pizzas for
room three oh five.” I pull out the receipt for gas in my pocket
—thank God I got gas before I came here!—and pretend to
read off it. “For Ben Rodriguez.”
He eyeballs me from head to foot and back up again before
he clears his throat and grabs his clipboard. “I’m sorry, ma’am.
Nobody in that room called down, but you’re welcome to
leave it here.”
“No can do. The last time I did that, someone else nabbed
the food, and I had to pay for eighty dollars’ worth of
calzones.” I hate doing this, but whenever Penelope pouts, my
father gives her whatever she wants. I suppose it’s worth a try.
I check out his name badge and jut out my lower lip. “Come
on, Roger. I have three more pies I need to deliver in the next
hour or I won’t be making my rent. Help a girl out.” I bat my
lashes for good measure.
“Um. Gosh.” He wipes his forehead, looks around, and
then studies his clipboard again. “What did you say your name
was?”
I should use a fake name, right? “Gina, from Pizza Castle.”
He nervously glances behind him, like we’re in the middle
of a drug deal. He jots down the info and gives me a wide
smile. “Lookie here. Must’ve missed it.”
“You’re an angel. Thank you so much!”
He buzzes me in, and I scurry through the gate. I’m
halfway to the elevators when they open and several football
players start to head toward me, including Derek.
Oh, shit!
If I get busted here, will I get Ben in trouble? Olly seemed
to think breaking the “no women in the dorm during camp”
rule was a big deal. And I’m still pissed at Derek for not
giving me a heads-up about Cal screwing half the campus
while we were dating.
A giant hand yanks me into an empty corridor, and I’m
about to let out a scream when Olly grabs my teetering tower
of pizzas.
“Holy shit, you scared me. What the hell!” I smack him,
and he yanks me further back as the guys from the elevator
walk by.
Thankfully, no one noticed us.
My heart is racing. “I don’t think I could ever be a spy.” I
laugh, exhilarated that I got through security and somehow
managed to go undetected just now.
Olly points to a stairwell across the hall. I follow him. He
has to scan his card, and then we’re both in. When we reach
the third floor, he points to Ben’s room. “I think his roommate
is watching a movie down the hall. He should be all yours.”
I smile, giddy to finally see Ben. “Thanks, Olly.
Appreciate your help,” I say, too excited to be upset about how
he handled the security issue downstairs. All that matters is
being here now. “These are yours.” I hand him five of the
pizzas.
He takes a whiff. “Have I mentioned that you’re one of my
favorite people?”
I’m all smiles, giddy at the thought of surprising Ben.
Until I knock and hear a muffled groan.
What… was that?
I pause, frozen by a flashback to earlier this summer when
I thought surprising Cal was a good idea.
 My throat tightens, but then the door opens and I see a
sleepy, rumpled Ben. He’s just wearing boxers, and his hair is
adorably standing on end. Behind him, his room is dark and
blissfully empty.
He smiles this huge, beautiful smile when he sees me. It
brings tears to my eyes, and I drop the pizza and fling myself
into his open arms.
He pulls me in and starts to kick the door closed, but I
wiggle out of his grasp. “The pizza!”
I peek into the hallway to make sure no one’s out there
before I grab the box and yank it inside. After I place it on a
small coffee table, he pulls me into his arms again.
“What are you doing here?” He kisses me before I can
respond. “And what are you wearing?” Laughing, he looks me
over. “Not that I’m complaining. You look hot as fuck.”
“I’m moonlighting as a Pizza Castle wench,” I say as I
shimmy in my scandalously low halter top. “You like?”
“Hell yes, I like.” Suddenly, his eyes get serious. “Is Lily
okay?”
“Yes! She’s fine. Magnolia is watching her tonight for a
few hours. I just couldn’t wait until Sunday to see you, so Olly
helped me sneak in.”
In between kisses, he says, “Remind me to thank him.”
I palm his handsome face, but he hisses and pulls back.
“What’s wrong?”
He winces and gingerly touches his jaw. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing.” It’s dark in here, the only illumination
coming through the window and the streetlight. I flip on the
lamp.
 Ben’s jaw is mottled black and green. My eyes bug out.
“That happened at practice?”
His eyes dart away. “So to speak.”
I study him. “What does that mean?”
“It means I was technically at practice when Winston and I
got into it.”
“You got in a fight with Cal?”
He shrugs. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. Sit your ass down and tell me everything
right this minute. Wait. You need some ice.”
“I have ice. I need you more. Come here.” He grabs me
and pulls me down on top of him as he falls back onto a sad
little couch.
“I’m sorry you got hurt.” I gently kiss his stubbled jaw and
run my hands through his hair. He groans and leans back.
“I love when you do that.”
My heart stutters in my chest. For a second, I thought he
was going to tell me he loved me. But that’s stupid. He would
never say it now. We agreed we wouldn’t make any big
promises and those words carry all kinds of obligations.
The thought that I might never hear such declarations from
him brings a sharp pain to my chest, but I ignore it. Live in the
now, I remind myself.
As I straddle his lap, I massage his scalp and breathe in his
sexy sandalwood scent.
“Missed you,” I whisper, trailing kisses across his jaw,
careful not to press on the bruise.
 He grabs my hips and pulls me tighter to him. His gaze is
ravenous as he looks me over. I sit up and let him look. My
skirt is hiked up to my waist and my black thong is already
damp, but then I am sitting on a huge erection.
His eyes are so dark, they’re black. I watch him as I pull
off my top and fling it to the ground. I pull my hair out of my
ponytail and shake it out.
“You have no idea how hard it’s been to not see you every
day. I miss waking up to you every morning. Practice sucks
and sometimes all I can think is that everything would be okay
if I could come home to you.” He stares at my boobs, which
are playing peekaboo between my hair as he reaches between
my legs and rubs me through my panties.
“I’m all yours. And you just have to get through one more
week and then you’ll be home again.”
It feels so normal to talk like this. To call my place our
home as though we’re some long-term couple. Maybe it’s
crazy, but I don’t care. I want to take a chance on this. When
Cal tried to shatter my self-respect and pride, Ben was there to
pick up the pieces. It’s my turn to be there for him.
His hand slides beneath my underwear and gently circles
my clit before he sinks two thick fingers into me. “Fuck yeah,
baby. You’re ready.”
We come together in a kiss that’s almost frantic. Our
tongues clash, our bodies grind, moans spill from both of us.
Breathless, I pull back to shove off the rest of my clothes.
He lifts his body to lower his boxer briefs, releasing his
erection. I start to kiss down his body as I lower myself to my
knees between his spread thighs. I take him in hand, hard and
hot and thick, and swipe my tongue across his crown.
 I expect him to be riveted by what I’m doing because he
always watches. Always. Instead, his head is tilted back, his
eyes squeezed shut.
After repeating the motion a few times, after he doesn’t
glance down, I pause. “Ben?” I ask hesitantly.
He blows out a breath and finally looks at me. “I’m sorry.
Sorry. I… Can we not do this?”
“Do what?”
“Come up here. Let’s just… let’s do something different.”
“You don’t want head?” I ask, confused. “I thought you
said…” He told me on the phone the other day that he was
fantasizing about me going down on him. It’s the reason I
dressed up like this and snuck up to his room.
He pulls me into his lap and kisses me. “Forget the
blowjob,” he whispers against my mouth.
His kisses are just as passionate as they were a few
minutes ago, but something has changed, only I can’t pinpoint
what it is. He doesn’t make eye contact the way he usually
does or say anything sexy. He flips me onto my back and goes
down on me like eating pussy is an Olympic sport. I come
with a shriek before he fucks me so hard, the couch bangs
against the wall.
But Ben never tells me what upset him.
And he denies anything’s wrong.
Only the deep sense of melancholy that overwhelms me
when we’re done and he still doesn’t want to talk tells me he’s
lying.
40
 BEN

I’ M AN ASS . I know this. Sienna sneaks into my room, brings

me dinner, lets me fuck her into oblivion, and the only thing
she wants to know is what’s wrong.
Do I tell her I can’t get Winston’s poisonous words out of
my mind? That it bothers me more than I can articulate to
know she gave him mind-blowing head too?
It’s total bullshit. There’s no way someone with a track
record like mine should be giving Sienna shit for hooking up
with anyone. She could’ve fucked the whole football team,
and it would literally be none of my business. This shit is
completely hypocritical of me on so many levels.
But that doesn’t diminish the wild streak of jealousy
pounding through me. The fact that I’m being edged out on the
field by Winston and a new transfer doesn’t do anything to
lessen my shitty mood. And I take meager comfort in the black
eye that fucker will be sporting tomorrow.
I feel it, how Winston’s vitriol has burrowed under my skin
and spread like a virus. How the hell do I dig it out?
Dr. Patricia always tells me I have to unearth my feelings
before they fester. I don’t know what that means in this case. I
don’t think I can bring myself to tell Sienna about the crap
Winston said about her. Unloading my shit on her will only
hurt her feelings. And I made one promise to myself when we
got this thing started—that I would never hurt her. So no
fucking way am I going to tell her about that conversation.
All I can hope is that I’m over it by the time I move back
in with her once camp ends.
My mood is grim when I stretch my swollen hand, which,
thankfully, Sienna didn’t notice last night. With a swipe of my
towel, I wipe the condensation from my shower off the
bathroom mirror and study the bruise on my face.
Coach might bench my ass for what happened yesterday,
but I lucked out that no one really saw what happened besides
two of my buddies.
From the glances I get in the locker room, the guys know
what happened, but no one brings it up.
Krud looks pissed when he storms into the meeting room. I
glance at Winston, whose busted lip and black eye perversely
make me smile. He doesn’t look like a peacock today.
When he peers over at me, I’m sure my expression tells
him everything he needs to know because he looks away first.
Krud glares at me, then at Winston, before he pounds once
on the podium. “In case it isn’t clear, fighting is not tolerated.
Anyone who has proof of a fight can bring it to me.”
When no one says anything, I smirk.
Fuck Winston.
Sienna deserves better than that piece of shit trash-talking
about her. The more I think about it, the more I realize he
made several veiled references to her sexually last year in the
locker room. Beating his ass was worth the swollen hand and
jaw.
It’s obvious Krud has no evidence Winston and I fought,
unless that little weasel went to him to complain. When Coach
doesn’t play me in the scrimmage, I have my answer. It
doesn’t matter. It’s better for my hand anyway.
By Sunday, when I finally get my first day off after two
weeks of nonstop practice, I’m in a vicious mood. Krud hasn’t
let up. He might not have given any kind of official
punishment for fighting, but it’s obvious he thinks I was
responsible. And yeah, I might’ve thrown the first punch, but
Winston is the one who approached me and said such vile
things about my girlfriend. I’m sure he didn’t bother to
mention any of that to Krud.
When I pull up to Sienna’s house, relief hits me hard. I
need to see my girls. I need my dose of sunshine. Despite the
awkward conversation we had when Sienna visited the dorms,
she still video-calls at night so I can talk to Lily. And while
Sienna acts like nothing’s wrong, I know we still need to talk.
I’m not sure what I can say about Winston, but at the same
time, I don’t want his crap building in my head. But I want to
take Dr. Patricia’s words to heart about being open. At least as
much as I can without hurting Sienna.
Not being able to see my therapist since training camp
started isn’t helping either, but I’ve been thinking long and
hard about the advice Dr. P has given me over the last year to
try to keep my shit together.
Lily and Sienna are the antidote to my bad mood. Except I
see Magnolia when I walk through the front door instead of
my girlfriend.
 “Daddy!” Lily scoots off the couch and beelines it to me. I
scoop her up and cover her face in kisses.
“Hey, peanut. Are you being a good girl?”
She nods and starts babbling about… well, I’m not sure
what, but she’s cute as shit, and I kiss her again.
“Hi, Magnolia.” I glance around. “Where’s Sienna?”
“She had to go to Austin at the last minute. She said she
texted you.”
Austin? Fuck.
I put down my daughter and reach into my gym bag where
I threw my phone in with a load of laundry I need to run.

Had a yoga emergency in Austin! Be back in a bit!

I check my watch. Fortunately, it’s still early.

I have to return to the dorms by eight. Krud’s curfew is
ridiculous. He says he doesn’t want to give anyone time to get
“out of the zone.” Sully always gave us two nights off and all
of Sunday. Miss that man.
But the morning and afternoon go by and Sienna’s still not
home.

Hey, what’s your ETA? I have to leave soon.

Her crying emoji instantly deflates any hope I had that she’d
get back in time. As I scan her messages, my anxiety ramps
from zero to sixty.

I’m so sorry I’m running late! I had car trouble! I got a

tow, but it’ll probably be a few more hours before I make it
back.

She assures me she’s fine, that she’s okay and apologizes for
messing up our plans. I tell her I understand. And I do. But
I’m not sure how to deal with the frustration that builds in my
chest.
After making sure Magnolia can stay with Lily until
Sienna makes it back, I head outside into the night feeling
bleaker than when I arrived.
41
 SIENNA

I WRANGLE L ILY onto my hip and make my way up the

stadium ramp. Today, the media and fans are allowed to watch
the team practice, and I wanted to bring Lily so we could cheer
on Ben.
I still feel terrible I didn’t get a chance to see him last
weekend. He was very understanding about what happened
and said everything was fine, but he still feels distant and the
conversations have been awkward. I’m hoping it’s just the
stress of training camp and being sequestered in the dorms.
I hadn’t intended to be gone so long on Sunday, but Naomi
had a yoga retreat emergency when one of her instructors
called in sick at the last minute. I thought I could squeeze it in
and be back before noon. Then I got stuck in traffic on the way
back from Austin and hit a pothole the size of a small barnyard
animal. It all went south from there. I was in tears when I
finally got back and realized Ben had already left.
Squinting against the harsh sun, I search the field for Ben.
It takes me a minute to realize he’s on the sideline while they
scrimmage. That’s weird.
Lily and I settle on a bench in the front row, and I balance
her on my legs so she can see the field. “Look, there’s Daddy!
Number twenty-one.”
 I shamelessly eavesdrop on the ESPN reporter next to me,
and that’s when I learn Cal is playing tight end, along with
some other player, instead of Ben.
Did he get in trouble for that fight after all?
He doesn’t see us because his back is to us. Half an hour
goes by before he makes it out onto the field.
And immediately scores a touchdown.
Lily and I yell, and I jump around with her in my arms. He
eventually looks out to the stands when he’s drinking water
and gives me a huge grin. He trots over and leaps up the brick
wall to hang off the side.
I lean over to kiss him. He’s sweaty and hot and flushed,
and I’ve never seen a more beautiful face. “Hey, handsome.
Nice job with that touchdown.”
“How are my girls?” He kisses Lily on the cheek, and she
giggles.
His coach yells at him to stop screwing around.
Ben looks down at the ground, his jaw clenched.
“Sorry, I don’t want to get you in trouble. We just wanted
to cheer for you a little.”
“Thanks, sunshine. You’re the best.”
Then he’s gone.
Tomorrow is the last day of camp, thank God! I plan to
make a nice dinner for us because we are desperately in need
of some one-on-one time. I pray this situation with his coach
isn’t as bad as I think it is.
But when he finally makes it home, Lily is so excited to
see him that she won’t go to bed and sits on his lap while we
have dinner. I’m reluctant to bring up anything too serious
while she’s awake. I’d rather those two enjoy their time
together. Unfortunately, he promptly falls asleep on the couch
after he gets her tucked in for the night.
The next day is a whirlwind of getting textbooks and
school supplies and things we need for Lily. It’s crazy that
these guys get one day off before classes start and regular
football practice kicks in.
Finally, that night, we come together in bed for a fierce
round of sex, and I fall asleep half on top of him. The sex is
amazing. It always is, but I can’t help but feel something is
missing.
What’s strange is how he doesn’t want to talk about
football or his coach or what happened with Cal. He doesn’t
want to discuss why his coach didn’t start him in the
scrimmage or why Cal is playing tight end. I feel like there’s a
part of Ben I can’t reach.
I keep thinking he’ll eventually let me in if I don’t push
him, but after a week back home, it still hasn’t happened.
Classes are in full swing, his practices are grueling, and we’re
busy juggling Lily’s daycare with Magnolia and one other girl
we hired, and I’m exhausted. Judging by the circles under
Ben’s eyes, he is too.
But still, he keeps it all bottled up.
Not able to stand it anymore, I gently nudge him to open
up. “How is Dr. Patricia? Did you get a chance to talk to her
while you were at training camp?”
“She was on vacation.” He presses his palms into his eyes
and leans back on the couch, groaning. “I was supposed to
make a weekly appointment with her for the fall, but I didn’t
get a chance, and now she’s booked during the times I have
available. Which is a joke because I barely have a lunch break,
but that’s when I’d be able to see her.”
Damn it. “I’m sorry.”
I crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck and
burrow my nose in his neck. His strong arms wrap around me,
and for some reason, this makes my eyes sting. I sniffle as
subtly as possible, but he hears it.
He rubs my back. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head, hating that I don’t feel close to him, but I
don’t know what to do. When I get my emotions under
control, I whisper, “I’m stressed out, and I feel like you’re
distant.”
Deep down, I wonder if this has to do with Cal. If he said
something to Ben. Because ever since that fight, Ben’s been
different. That emotional wall he’s always been known for
seems back in place, and I don’t know how to scale it. It’s
possible this is about his coach, but he’s not interested in
discussing football with me in any depth.
He sighs and presses his face against my neck. “One of my
classes got switched. Without it, I can’t double-degree. Getting
my degrees is the whole reason I didn’t go for the draft. And if
that gets fucked up, then what the hell am I doing? I barely see
Lily, and that shit fills me with guilt. I don’t know how Janelle
can just run off to Dallas and never bother to call and see if
she’s okay. Just… I’m really fucking overwhelmed.”
Fierce relief spreads through me. He hasn’t shared this
kind of stuff with me in weeks.
I run my hand through his hair, and he groans as his head
rolls back. He loves when I do this. “You’re doing your best.
This fall is your chance to set up your and your daughter’s
situation for life. That’s a lot of pressure.”
My heart goes out to him. He works so hard. Since classes
started, he’s been absolutely slammed. After school and
practice, he spends a little time with Lily, gets her ready for
bed, and then he hits the books.
“You’re doing great,” I whisper as I kiss his strong jaw.
“Just keep your focus, and all the pieces of the puzzle will fall
into place. I know your coach is an ass, and he’s not being fair
with you, but you still dazzle out there on the field. You make
everything look effortless. NFL teams are going to see that.”
Even with the little time he played in the scrimmage last
week, he looked magnificent. And I’m not being biased. That
ESPN reporter and his camera guy noted how well Ben played
and wondered why he wasn’t being utilized more.
“Thanks, sunshine. I appreciate the vote of confidence.”
He gives me a smile, but his eyes still look distant.
We watch a movie, but he’s asleep before it’s over. I curl
up next to him and hope that everything I just told him comes
true.
Because I don’t know what will happen if it doesn’t.
42
 SIENNA

T HE NEXT NIGHT , I’m feeling hopeful Ben and I can get some
momentum after our conversation yesterday.
Maggie is watching Lily while he and I run out to grab
some dinner. It’s not a lot of time, but I want to make the most
of it. I’m wondering if Ben would like to sneak off to the park
to talk or mess around. I adore Lily, but having a kid around
constantly makes it tough when you’re trying to get close to
your boyfriend.
He and I are standing in line at the takeout window of
Tumbleweed, waiting to order burgers, when I glance over my
shoulder and my plans for a fun evening with him take a dive.
“Oh, shit,” I whisper. “Incoming.”
I’ve been dreading this moment. I turn back toward the
line, hoping Cal doesn’t see us. A second later, Ben drapes his
arm around my shoulders as he mumbles in my ear. “Take a
deep breath. Everything’s okay. I got you.”
I nod, hating that my heart is racing and I’m mildly
nauseated.
“If it isn’t the little lovebirds,” Cal says snidely as he and
Derek sidle up to us.
 “Go to hell, asshole.” The words leave my mouth on
autopilot. I know there are smarter things I should say to him,
questions I should ask, but my mind goes blank. The only
coherent thought I have is how grateful I am that I’m with
Ben.
Cal feigns sadness. “Is that any way to greet me after all
those orgasms I gave you? After I plowed you week after
week? I’m a hot commodity, you know. I didn’t have to fuck
you.”
God, I hate him so much.
Derek shakes his head and tries to grab Cal, but he shrugs
him off.
Ben’s jaw is granite when he steps up to Cal. They’re nose
to nose when he grits out, “Motherfucker, say one more word
about her, and I’ll kick your ass again.”
Cal smirks. “Bet I can guess her favorite position.”
Mortified, I tug on Ben’s shirt because the last thing he
needs is to fight Cal.
“Assholes, this is stupid,” Derek says. “Coach will kick
you off the team if y’all brawl out in public.”
“Let’s go.” Cal takes a step back but opens his arms wide.
“Right here. Right now. Winner gets to ride Sienna.”
Ben strikes so fast, I barely see it. I basically blink, and
Ben has him pinned to the brick wall of the restaurant with his
arm pressed to Cal’s throat.
“I’m gonna tell you one last time, you dumb asshole.
Leave her. The hell. Alone.”
All of a sudden, I realize that people in the takeout line are
watching them. One has his phone out. I grab Ben’s arm and
try to yank him back. “Let’s go. Before you get in trouble.”
When Ben shoves off him, Cal yells, “Fucker, you have no
idea who you’re messing with.”
Derek ignores him and snipes at the bystander who seems
to be recording. “You post that shit and our season is over. Is
that what you want?”
Since the town is fanatical about the team, he has a decent
shot of getting that person to heed his warning.
Derek drags Cal away, and Ben and I skip the burgers and
head home.
He’s deathly silent on the drive. When we get back to the
house, he pays Magnolia and checks on Lily, who’s in bed.
I rub my arms because I’m freezing and my hands won’t
stop shaking.
When he emerges from Lily’s room, he pulls me to his
chest. “It’s the adrenaline.”
“What?”
“The adrenaline. Why you’re shaking.”
I nod against him, hating how choked up I feel. There I
was, trying to break down whatever strange barriers Ben’s
been putting up lately, and Cal goes and ruins everything. I
can’t imagine what Ben must think about me now. I’d lose it if
Janelle talked about Ben that way.
“Hey,” he whispers. “Are you okay?”
His hand runs up and down my back, and I shrug. “I just
don’t understand how Cal could be such an asshole. He
cheated on me, not the other way around, and then he has the
nerve to say those horrible things. I sorta hate myself for
dating him. I had no idea he was like this.”
“He’s always been two-faced. And his father owns some
big car dealership in town, and he’d throw cash at the
destruction Winston left in his wake.” Hearing the steady beat
of Ben’s heart helps me calm down. “I’m sure it doesn’t help
that you and I are together. If you wanted to get his goat, this
is the way to do it.”
“I feel like I’ve opened a huge can of worms. Like he’s
targeting you now because of me.”
Ben shrugs. “I can handle it.”
I lean back to look at him. “I don’t want you to get in
trouble. Promise me you won’t fight him again.”
He’s silent for a stretch, which worries me, but eventually
he agrees. “I promise I won’t do anything stupid. You’re right
—I need to get a handle on shit so I don’t flip tables. That’s no
way to behave. My uncle would have my ass if he found out I
got into it with Winston again.”
I’m relieved to hear this, but I can’t shake what happened
tonight. I hate that I didn’t ask Cal if he trashed my house.
“Hey.” Ben tilts my chin up and kisses me. “I want you to
stop worrying. I can handle it.”
I nod even though I’m scared this is beyond what either of
us can control.
43
 BEN

“R ODRIGUEZ ! G ET OUT THERE !” Krud yells.

Oh, sure, now he wants me on the field. When we’re down
ten points. Pendejo.
This is the second game I’ve started but then barely
played.
Winston’s given me a wide berth, and for once in his life,
he’s heeding good sense and stopped talking shit about Sienna.
I’m surprised he didn’t run to Coach to tattle. But he’s a
sneaky fuck. It’s possible he’s mulling over other forms of
retribution, so I’m watching my back just in case.
As much as he deserved a full ass-kicking the other night,
I’m glad I held back. Something about having Sienna with me
steadied me. Reminded me of all I have to lose.
I don’t want to be that guy who always goes off. I have a
kid now. I can’t afford to be a loose cannon.
But despite that last altercation not coming to light, I’m no
closer to gaining any ground with Krud.
When asked why I’m not playing, Coach tells reporters
he’s “trying to mix things up and develop the younger talent.”
He has the balls to say “winning isn’t everything,” even
though that’s literally the opposite of what he preaches in the
locker room.
Ohio has been eating Turner’s lunch today. The guy had
great moves during training camp, but now that he’s starting,
he’s screwing up left and right. Even Winston’s pissed at him.
On a third down, Turner finds me on the forty-yard line. It
feels so good to have the ball in my hands again. I strong-arm
a defender, leap over another player diving for my feet, and
break away from the pack. The hometown crowd roars when I
haul ass to the end zone.
“Showoff,” Olly jokes as he fist-bumps me.
After we get the field goal, I let myself look at the stands
until I find Lily and Sienna. She and I haven’t been connecting
lately, and it’s one hundred percent because of me. I can’t
explain what’s going on exactly, but it feels like my head is
being held underwater.
I think I’m bringing home all the frustration I’m
experiencing on the team, and that’s not fair to her because she
and Lily are the best part of my day. The fight with Winston
didn’t help. I tried to tell her none of this is her fault, but I’m
not sure she believes me.
At halftime, even though we’re tied, Coach is pissed.
“I’ve been brought here to win, but you guys are dragging
yourselves down the field like you can’t be bothered to get a
touchdown. Fellas, we have a booster banquet coming up
where we need to raise the rest of the money to renovate our
stadium. Last year’s championship funded the extended
facilities—the meeting areas, the new locker rooms, and
weight rooms—but we still need to finish paying for the
stadium upgrade. Don’t you want a nice jumbotron? But if we
don’t start winning some games, how the hell do you think I’ll
be able to do that?”
Hmm. I have a suggestion about what he could do to win,
but I’m guessing I’d better not open my mouth right now.
And when he benches me again, I’m speechless. Did we
not turn things around on the field when I was out there in the
second quarter? Did I not score a touchdown?
We fall behind in the third, and when he finally puts me in
during the fourth quarter, the guys are exhausted and Turner
gets sacked twice.
All the frustration of the last several weeks has me fuming
as I shower and change after the game.
Meyers and I make eye contact, and I can tell he’s just as
livid as I am. Meyers might not have the finesse or star quality
that Rider had last year, but he’s a steady guy in the game.
Why Coach hasn’t started him, used him to get ahead on the
scoreboard, and then put in Turner is beyond me.
I wait for Krud outside his office. He’s still talking to
reporters in the media room. When Nicholson walks by, he
winces. “You were great out there today. Don’t let the loss
bring you down.”
“I appreciate that, Coach. Listen…” I look around but the
hallway is empty. “Can I ask you why Krugman doesn’t play
me more?”
Nicholson folds his lips and stares down at his shoes for a
moment. “Just keep playing your heart out. He’ll take notice.”
“Am I doing something wrong? I don’t understand why
I’m not getting more time.”
 Nodding slowly, he pats me on the shoulder. “All I can say
is that you’re a hell of a player. Hang in there. Just focus on
your role when you’re out on the field. And word of advice,
now isn’t a great time to chat with the coach. Wait it out.”
And then he walks away.
Honestly, I’m even more confused than I was a few
minutes ago. If my tight end coach thinks I’m great, why the
fuck doesn’t our head coach?
Another week only brings another loss. We have a 1-2
record, and that win was narrow. Thank God we have a bye
coming up.
I’m on the floor with Lily, playing with her blocks and
trying not to fall asleep. “What do you think, peanut? Can the
team get it together?”
Her tiny brow furrows, and she shrugs and knocks over my
tower.
“You little stinker.” I grab her and tickle her until she
squeals. It’s one of the few bright spots in my week.
The next day I drag my ass from class to class. People
want to talk. Ask about the loss. Ask me why I’m not getting
more minutes. Rant about our season.
As I’m waiting for my order at the Witches’ Brew Coffee
House, the checkout lady holds up a finger. “I don’t
understand why you’re not playing more.” Literally everyone
in line behind me leans forward. Jesus Christ. “Are you
injured? Son, be sure to take your vitamins.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll do that.” I mean, what else can I say?
A tight smile is plastered to my face as I make my way
through campus. I’m trying my best not to be a dick. Fans are
enthusiastic and passionate about the team. That shit’s great
when you’re on top, but when you’re not, it’s like getting a
thousand little daggers everywhere you go when the topic
comes up. And it always comes up.
Olly joins me for lunch. We sequester ourselves in the
corner of the student union and shovel down the healthy shit
Coach Sully made us eat. An open-faced chicken breast
sandwich and salad and more vegetables. I don’t know what
Krud wants us to eat, and frankly, I don’t care.
“Olly, I need your help with something.”
“Sure, whassup?” he asks with a mouth full of food.
“What’s something nice I can do for Sienna? We’re like
passing strangers in the night with so much shit going on. With
the bye weekend coming up, I wanted… I don’t know… to
treat her to something special.”
“Amelia said something about a musical in Austin. There’s
also the ballet.” He makes a choking sound, and I laugh.
“Let me check.” I grab my phone and do a quick search.
“Les Misérables has a performance this weekend.” Not that I
can pronounce the name of it properly. And holy shit, those
last-minute tickets are expensive.
Before I hit the purchase button, I freeze with my thumb
hovering over the button. Because do I really want to sit
through three hours of something depressing during my one
Saturday off? My head is already fucked up, and paying a
shitload of money to watch a musical about the French
Revolution where I’m guessing most of the characters die feels
like torture.
I Google it. Okay, it takes place decades after the
revolution, but like I suspected, it is not a feel-good show. Olly
tells me girls love it, though, and I guess that’s all that matters.
Sienna has been busting her ass to help me and Lily. I
know she’s stopped teaching yoga classes because I overheard
her talking to her boss at the studio. And Sienna never
complains. The woman even did my laundry. No, I didn’t ask
her to. She just saw my pile of clothes and washed them for
me because she’s a sweetheart. She’s so self-sacrificing, it
makes me feel like a dick. Like I’m not giving enough of
myself.
Only there’s nothing left to give. I feel like a tapped well,
and I don’t know where to find water.
I wanna show her she’s special to me, though. I can’t even
articulate what it means to see her at the end of a long day. The
promise of getting one of her smiles is enough to get me
through a crappy practice or an excruciating morning of
classes. And I’m long overdue to take her out on the town. So
I buy the damn tickets I can’t afford. It’s probably a mistake to
put this on credit, but I can’t ask my uncle for any more
money.
I’m on my way home to surprise her with my plans—
dinner in Austin and tickets to see Les Mis—when I get a call
from Tío Julio.
After spending ten minutes trying to explain to him why I
can’t reschedule my plans, he starts to lay it on thick.
“Do this for me and your family, mijo. I need you to come
home this weekend. It’s an emergency. That girl can wait.”
Fuck.
And just like that, my plans to do something with Sienna
go to hell.
44
 SIENNA

“T HANKS FOR COMING WITH ME . I can’t believe we have to go

to Dallas on my one weekend off.”
Keeping his eyes on the road, Ben laces his fingers through
mine and brings the back of my hand to his lips.
My heart melts. Sometimes, he can be so sweet.
He had practice this morning, and then we loaded his
Rover to head to his uncle’s house.
“It’s probably the only time I’ll see you this week.” I mean
it as a joke, but he doesn’t laugh. Right now, he looks so
somber, I don’t know what to say. That’s the one thing I’ve
always been able to do—make him laugh. Not today,
apparently.
Maybe this is a good time for that surprise I’ve been
working on.
“Hey, listen, I know things have been crazy busy lately, but
I thought of something fun we could do, maybe on a Sunday
afternoon.”
Did his shoulders just slump or was that my imagination?
When he doesn’t say anything, I reach into my purse to
pull out the vouchers. “A friend of a friend owns this
skydiving company in Austin, and I thought—”
“Absolutely not.”
I stare at his tense profile and laugh. “You don’t even
know what I was going to say.”
“Does it have something to do with leaping out of a plane
in mid-air?”
“Maybe,” I say slowly.
His nostrils flare. “There’s no way I will ever go
skydiving.”
There’s a hostility in his voice I’m not used to, and my
eyes get hot. I blink quickly and shove the vouchers back in
my bag.
I cross my arms and stare out the window. “Okay. I guess
I’ll find another friend to go with me.”
“Sienna, I don’t want you to go skydiving either. Have you
not been paying attention? It’s like you don’t even know me.”
My throat gets tight.
What the hell is wrong with him? He’s never lost his
temper with me before.
I bite my tongue because if I say anything right now, I’ll
start crying, and there’s no way I’ll do that in front of him.
After a solid five minutes of silence, he sighs. “Listen, I’m
sorry I barked at you. It’s just that I get really anxious about
dangerous activities.”
“You mean like contact sports such as football?” I ask
sarcastically.
I brave a glance at him, and his eyes are flat as he studies
the road. “I can’t explain why football is different for me. It
just is. But I’m still anxious as hell about getting injured.
Here’s the thing, though—my parents both died when I was
young. I have a phobia that someone I… I care about will die
in an accident. It’s why I had such a hard time being around
my sister when we were younger. It’s why I’ll never be the guy
who cliff-dives or bungee-jumps. It’s why I won’t fling myself
out of a plane. It’s why I pay a shitload of money to a shrink
so I can learn to function like a rational person.”
His hands clench the steering wheel, and I get a sudden
pang of regret now that I connect the dots to everything he’s
saying. It makes me feel like a jerk for not being more
considerate.
He clears his throat. “Plus, what if the worst-case scenario
occurs when I skydive? What happens to Lily then?” He
glances in the rearview mirror to check on his daughter, who’s
asleep. “Or what if I break a leg when I land? Lone Star could
cancel my athletic scholarship because I was doing something
so dangerous. Technically, we shouldn’t have gone
waterskiing, but programs are a little more flexible in the off
season. And if the truth be told, I was a nervous wreck
watching you twirl around on skis.”
“Oh.” I sniffle. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know what I
was thinking.”
Something about how he speaks to me reminds me of how
my father and brothers always talk to me. Like I’m incapable
of thinking through things properly. My embarrassment is so
sharp, I wish I could leap out of the car, but we’re going
seventy-five on the highway.
I try to wipe an escaping tear without him noticing, but it’s
quickly followed by several more, so I turn toward the
window. I was sure he was going to love this idea for some
reason. Now I just feel dumb.
He skied so well and we had such a blast at the lake that I
didn’t even know he had a problem with that kind of activity. I
guess I’ve never really understood the depth of his anxiety. It
makes me more upset to realize how off base I’ve been. This
semester has been super stressful, and I just wanted a chance
for us to get away and have fun again and reconnect.
“Babe,” he says softly. “Shit. I’m sorry. I know you were
just trying to do something nice. Actually, I had planned—”
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” I wipe my face with the back of my
hand. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Sienna—”
“Forget it. Really.”
The next twenty minutes are tense. I wish I could beam
myself back home and forget this whole conversation, but
we’re on the outskirts of Dallas, so it’s not like he can turn
around and drop me off in Charming.
Lily wakes up, which breaks the godawful silence. But
then she makes a weird gurgling noise, and I twist around to
look at her in the backseat.
“Are you okay?”
When she vomits all over herself, I have my answer.
Ben curses and pulls off onto the access road.
“I think she got carsick.” A teary-eyed Lily and I sit on a
park bench while I wipe her down.
“Should we hang out for a while? Let her stomach settle?”
Ben asks, his disembodied voice coming from the back of his
SUV where he’s cleaning out puke.
“Probably.” I get her out of her dirty clothes. Damn, that
was the nice outfit I wanted her to wear to see Ben’s aunt and
uncle. I change her into clean clothes and pat her back. She
lets out a huge burp and laughs.
“Do you feel better?” I kiss her on her forehead.
She wraps her little arms around my neck and sucks her
thumb as she watches kids play on a swing set.
When Ben is done cleaning the car, he takes her from my
arms.
“Hey, peanut. Are you okay?” He snuggles her to his broad
chest, and I melt. He’s so good with her.
It makes me miss my dad, even though he talks to me like
I’m an idiot.
Like Ben did a little while ago.
I can’t shake the feeling that maybe he’s right. Maybe I
don’t really know him. How can you truly know a person
unless you’ve been tested?
Before my father hit it big, he probably would have sworn
up and down that he’d never leave my mother. Success, like
stress, tests you. Tests what you’re made of. Tests your core
beliefs.
That thread of doubt leads me to a bigger question.
Like whether he and I are really compatible.
Because I do skydive. I do bungee-jump. I enjoy
waterskiing tricks. I’m the first one to dive off the dock. He’s
told me he likes to play it safe. It’s why he didn’t go for the
draft. But now it’s sinking in what that means.
 By the time we pull up to his uncle’s house, it’s getting
dark, but his family’s beautiful two-story is all lit up.
I check myself in the mirror and barely contain a groan.
My mascara is goopy under my eyes, which are bloodshot.
Nice, Sienna.
“Why didn’t you tell me I’m a mess?” I grumble as I dig in
my purse and pull out some tissues. “I look like one of those
girls in a horror movie.”
“I didn’t notice anything. You always look beautiful to
me.”
And then he goes and says something like that. I don’t
know whether I want to beat him with my shoe or kiss him.
After I swipe under my eyes, I resign myself to looking
drab because there’s no time to redo my makeup.
I unsnap Lily from her car seat so Ben can greet his family.
Ben’s aunt and uncle step out onto the porch, huge smiles on
their faces. They hug Ben like he’s the long-lost son. I smile as
I watch them. It’s obvious they adore him.
Quietly, I walk up to them with Lily in my arms.
When his aunt sees me, she does a double-take. Her wide
smile falls away and is replaced by a pinched look, like she
just sucked on a lemon.
“Benjamín, you didn’t say you were bringing anyone with
you. We thought it would just be you and Liliana.”
He puts his arm around my shoulders. “Tío Julio, Tía
Teresa, this is Sienna, my girlfriend.”
Oh, shit. Until this moment, I hadn’t really grasped what
this meant. That I would be meeting his parents, essentially.
’Cause that’s what’s happening here, right?
 Cal hid me away like his dirty secret, and here’s Ben,
introducing me to his family.
The fact that he wanted to bring me to something so
monumental gives me hope that maybe he and I can work
through this rough patch.
As I stand on the porch, nestled against Ben, I realize that
despite my reservations about our relationship, if something
happened to him when he skydived, I’d be devastated. If I lost
him like that, I’d be the one in pieces. Because I love him.
Warts and all. Not that he has many, not really. But now that
we’re both so stressed, our worst sides are being amplified.
I just have to be patient. We can get through this.
Encouraged, I put everything I can into my smile. “It’s
great to meet you. I’ve heard so many great things about you
both.”
“Really?” Ben’s aunt says slowly as she eyeballs my outfit.
And now I regret having changed into jeans and a t-shirt
because Lily got puke on my sundress. “Because we haven’t
heard a thing about you.”
Um.
Okay.
I glance at Ben, and the fierce scowl on his face makes me
cringe. “Tía, that’s not nice. I’ve spoken to Tío about Sienna.”
He kisses my temple and places his hand on my back.
She ignores his statement and reaches for Lily. “Is this my
grandbaby? Ven pa ca, precíosa.”
Teresa lifts her into the air, and I put my hand on her arm
to stop her. “She just got sick in the car. You’d better not—”
Too late.
 I squeeze my eyes shut, horrified, when Ben’s aunt gets
covered in puke.
45
 BEN

I DON ’ T HAVE time to pull Sienna aside and make her promise
to not hold anything that happens at my uncle’s house against
me because I’m busy trying to calm Lily, who’s sobbing.
Not caring that she’s getting puke all over my shoulder, I
pat her little butt to try to comfort her, but I’m still fuming
over what Tía said to Sienna.
Coming here was a bad idea. I don’t know what I was
thinking.
That’s just it. I wasn’t thinking. My uncle begged me to
come, and I’ve always tried to be the dutiful son, but Teresa
crossed a line just now.
I grab Sienna’s hand and reluctantly head into the house. I
come up short when I see who’s in the dining room.
What the fuck?
“Janelle. What are you doing here?”
She’s sitting between her parents, dressed conservatively,
like she’s about to go to church. She stands and gives me a
hesitant smile. “Hi, Ben.”
Lily doesn’t even lift her head, just grabs my neck tighter
and sniffles against me. The fact that our daughter doesn’t
reach for Janelle speaks volumes.
“Hi, Ben? That’s all you have to say after disappearing for
two months?”
Teresa, whose hair is damp from where she obviously
washed out my daughter’s vomit, comes up along my side and
tsks. “Mijo, be polite. Janelle and her parents want to talk to
you.” She glances at Sienna. “By yourself.”
Be polite? My aunt is obnoxious to Sienna and then tells
me to be polite?
Janelle’s mom runs up and starts cooing at the baby. At
least one person misses Lily.
I squeeze Sienna’s hand as I look Janelle dead in the eye
and say, “Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front
of my girlfriend. We don’t have secrets.”
I venture a glance at Sienna, who gives me a tight smile.
She hasn’t run away screaming, so that’s promising.
When Janelle doesn’t say anything, I have to take a deep,
calming breath and pray for patience. “Aren’t you going to ask
about your daughter? You know, the kid you abandoned?” I
wait for her response, but she looks down, her face turning
red.
“Now, now, give the girl a chance.” My uncle pulls out a
chair and motions for everyone to sit down.
“What do you mean, give the girl a chance? A chance at
what? At being a parent? Because I know you’re not trying to
get me back together with her. We broke up in high school.
That’s a long-ass time ago.”
Teresa closes her eyes dramatically. “I did not raise you to
speak like that in my house.”
 “You didn’t raise me to chat up my ex about getting back
together while I’m dating someone else either. Why don’t y’all
be honest and tell me what’s really going on. I need to clean
up the baby, but when I get back, I’d like the truth.”
“I’ll do it, Ben.” Sienna takes Lily out of my arms. “It’s
okay,” she whispers to me. “Stay and talk. We’ll be right
back.”
Wary, I sit at one end of the table, as far from Janelle as I
can get. My aunt and uncle reach for the chairs on either side
of me, but I stop them. “Sienna sits next to me.”
My aunt rolls her eyes, plants herself at my side, and grabs
my arm. “Benjamín, listen, I know you like that girl. She’s
very pretty, but looks aren’t everything. You have a duty to
your daughter that you need to put first.”
What the fuck does that mean? “Why are you pushing me
to get back with Janelle? Were you not listening when I told
y’all on the phone that she lied about the paternity and tried to
pass off Lily as some other man’s kid? Or what about when
she ditched Lily at the lake without bothering to say goodbye
to her, or leaving me word about where she’d gone? We called
the damn cops.”
Teresa crosses herself and leans over to Mr. and Mrs.
Lopez. “Please forgive his language. I don’t know what’s
gotten into him.”
My uncle leans forward. “Mijo, we’re just worried about
you. You haven’t been playing a lot this year. And we can’t
help but think this girl is distracting you. You even got in a
fight, and that’s never happened before.”
Yes, I made the mistake of telling my uncle what had
happened with Winston. I’d been going out of my head at the
dorms and desperately hoped to put things in perspective. I
had no idea he’d throw it in my face later. At least I never told
him about the second incident.
“Maybe ask me what’s going on instead of assuming you
know. I can’t believe you’d blame Sienna for that. She has
nothing to do with football.”
Would I have gotten in a fight with Winston if Sienna
wasn’t involved? Maybe not. But he’s had a good ass-kicking
heading his way for a long time regardless, and I don’t regret
giving it to him.
I’m about to explain the Winston crap to everyone—that
he and I have been long-time rivals since high school—when I
start sneezing. Jesus, not this.
After the fifth sneeze, I can’t deal anymore. “Did you just
get the carpets cleaned?” I always get terrible allergies when
I’m here.
“A week ago. It shouldn’t bother you now,” my aunt says,
like I can help the biological reaction I have to those cleaning
agents.
I shove my chair back and head to the kitchen, where I dig
through the cabinet with medical supplies and vitamins. I pop
two extra-strength allergy pills, which will probably throw me
into a coma later. When I return to the table, Sienna is standing
off to the side as she holds Lily.
I glance around the table, offended that no one has offered
her a chair. “Come sit next to me, sunshine.”
I pull out a chair for her before I join her. My eyes stray to
the clock on the wall.
Shit. It’s too late to head back to Charming tonight,
especially since Lily’s not feeling well.
 Why did I agree to this meeting? I should be wining and
dining Sienna. Reconnecting and having mind-blowing sex.
Instead, we got in an argument on our way here, Lily got sick
to her stomach, and I got ambushed by Janelle.
I just have to get through this evening. I snap the rubber
band on my wrist, but it breaks on the first pull.
Fuck. Nothing’s going right today.
46
 SIENNA

I WISH I could say that a few minutes in the bathroom helped

me get some perspective, but the powder room off the kitchen
has remarkably thin walls. Either that or everyone was talking
loudly because I heard everything.
The one sentiment that really hit me was his aunt’s
comment that Ben has a duty to his daughter. Ben’s family
obviously wants him to get back with Janelle. That would
explain his aunt’s attitude toward me.
They think I distract Ben. That I’m the reason he hasn’t
been getting more minutes in games. That I’m why he fought
with Cal.
I guess I did make things messy for Ben.
After I get Lily’s mouth rinsed and we rejoin the group in
the dining room, I’m wondering how much an Uber back to
Charming would cost. It’s obvious no one wants me here
except Ben, but I return to the dining room, determined to
support him.
I sit next to Ben, and Lily rests her head on my shoulder.
After the day she’s had, I’m not surprised when she starts to
doze off. I’m just glad she’s not puking anymore.
 I keep waiting for Janelle to ask for her daughter or ask
how she’s been, but she barely glances at her. It pains me that
she’s so dismissive. It makes me more determined to love up
on Lily.
Tío Julio folds his hands in front of him. “Ben, we just
want you to hear what Janelle has to say for herself, that’s all.”
He looks at me briefly and then back to his nephew. “Yes, your
aunt and I are hoping that you and Janelle will work things out
for the sake of your daughter.”
When Ben starts to argue, his uncle holds up his hand.
“We’ll respect whatever your decision is. We only ask that you
hear her out.”
Ben crosses his arms over his broad chest and stares at
Janelle. “Go for it. Let’s hear whatever you have to say so we
can get this circus over.”
Her eyes well with tears, and a part of me sympathizes.
After that brief spat I had with Ben on the way here, I know
how his cold words can cut.
The other part of me thinks she’s a manipulative bitch.
I breathe in Lily’s baby shampoo and think about how
Janelle’s drama has only hurt her daughter.
Janelle grabs a tissue and dabs her eyes. “First, I want to
apologize for the lies and for the way I left y’all at the lake.
There was no excuse for my behavior.”
Her parents nod, and her mother grabs her hand in
solidarity.
“Also, I want to tell you that once I got home, I went to see
a doctor who says I’ve had postpartum depression. I was…”
Her chin wobbles. “I had a miscarriage earlier this summer, so
I think maybe I’ve been hormonal.”
 Again, on one level, I feel bad for her. Of course I do. I’d
never wish a miscarriage on anyone, but on the other hand,
“being hormonal” doesn’t excuse her behavior. Assuming she
was actually pregnant and that’s not just another lie.
Ben’s eyes soften. “Sorry to hear that. I’m sure that was
tough.”
“I just…” She cries some more. “I just want you to know I
came straight home after the lake. I knew I needed help, so I
went to my parents, and they took me to see a doctor.”
I think about how she phrased those words.
Yeah, that’s bullshit. I know exactly where she went after
the lake.
Only… I never told Ben what Melvin emailed me. Damn.
Things got so crazy with training camp. And then he had
to move into the dorms. It never seemed like the right time to
bring it up. And, if I’m being honest, I was afraid of where
that conversation would lead or the questions he’d raise about
Melvin.
I mull over whether to call out Janelle.
She starts to lay it on thick, crying about not seeing Lily,
even though she hasn’t reached for her once since we got here.
Lamenting how all she wanted was to be close to Ben again,
even as friends. She goes on and on about how they grew up
together, and he was the love of her life. That she didn’t mean
to ruin things. That she was young and dumb, but she’s older
now and wants to prove that she can be a good friend to him.
Her mom rubs her shoulders, and I sigh. Janelle has a good
crying game, I’ll give her that. She somehow manages to wail
while still looking beautiful.
 I glance over at Ben, and my heart sinks. He looks awfully
conflicted.
Screw it. If we’re going to get everything on the table…
“So you went straight home after the lake?” I ask Janelle.
Everyone seems shocked I’m speaking, but I’m not going
to be cowed anymore. Ben needs someone on his side. Plus, I
have a bone to pick.
“Well, yeah. Pretty much.” She blinks innocently, her
lashes wet with tears.
“So you didn’t return to my house and ransack my room?”
She lifts her chin. “No, of course not. I mean, yes, I went
to your house, but I’m not the one who trashed it. Some guy
did it. All I did was grab my stuff and leave.”
“What guy?”
“Some guy. I assumed he was one of your exes.”
“Cal?”
She shrugs like she can’t be bothered to remember.
“How many boys were you dating this summer?” Teresa
asks haughtily.
“Tía,” Ben growls.
“What? You’re not giving Janelle a chance when your
girlfriend just goes from man to man to man.”
Wow. Okay.
Janelle sniffs dramatically. “It’s worse than that, Teresa.
My friend Amelia told me she overheard Ben talking to her
boyfriend. Apparently, Ben was only pretending to date Sienna
when they went to the lake. They weren’t even together when
they had sex.”
Ben scowls. “What the fuck, Janelle? Who are you to say
shit about my relationships?”
I sit there stunned while Ben lays into her. I suppose it
seems like I springboarded from Cal to Ben, but everyone is
missing a few crucial details.
“Cal cheated on me.” I resist the urge to bite my nail.
Ben reaches over and laces our fingers together. “You
don’t have to explain anything, sunshine.”
“It’s okay. I suppose if I were in your family’s shoes, I’d
want the full story.” I brave a glance around the table, and the
hostile expressions make me swallow. “Anyway, I caught my
ex in the act, so to speak. That night I was injured, and Ben
helped me. Yes, maybe we bonded more quickly than we
would’ve otherwise because he took care of me when I was in
the hospital, but I wouldn’t say my feelings for him came out
of nowhere. I don’t know if you know this, but I also lived
with his sister Gabby last year. And while it’s true that Ben
and I started out pretending, we did start to officially date
while at the lake.”
His aunt doesn’t look terribly convinced, but I forge on
and turn to Janelle. “Why should I believe that you didn’t
destroy my bedroom? You lie about everything else.”
Her eyes narrow. “You’re one to talk.”
Ignoring her comment because she’s obviously irrational, I
turn to her parents. “Did you know Lily was Ben’s? Did your
daughter ever tell you? Or did she lie to you too?”
They stare at me stonily until Mr. Lopez clears his throat.
“Janelle told us Lily was Ernest’s. We had no reason to doubt
her. Our daughter is a good girl—she didn’t lie. Janelle only
recently learned the truth herself.”
I guess he’s entitled to think the best of his kid, but I can’t
let Janelle get away with letting everyone believe her tall tale
about running right back home after the lake.
After I reach into my purse to grab my phone, I turn to
Ben. “I didn’t say anything about this to you because you’d
already heard from Mr. Lopez that Janelle was home safe, but
after she disappeared, I called a friend of mine who’s in
security. And he traced Janelle’s locations through her phone.”
“Oh, my God. You just won’t stop, will you?” Janelle
yells.
I pull up the email. “She claims she went straight home,
but according to her phone, she stopped at my house and then
stayed at this address.” I rattle off the info as I watch Janelle’s
face pale. “I looked it up, and guess who lives there? Her ex,
Ernest.”
“I just stopped to get my stuff.”
I scan the email. “Well, according to your phone, you
stayed there overnight. And, oh look, I didn’t realize that
there’s a link to a video at the bottom.” For a brief moment, I
stare at Janelle. “I’m not sure I mentioned this, but my friend
is one of the top security specialists in the country.” Probably
the world, but I don’t like to brag.
I hold the phone between me and Ben as I click on the
link. The timestamp and date are on the bottom, conveniently.
It’s the door cam of someone’s house, I’m guessing Ernest’s.
Janelle steps out onto the porch, walks halfway to her car,
turns around, and runs back to the guy who’s now standing in
front of the door in his underwear. They make out. Full tongue
and everything.
“Look at the car in the driveway,” I whisper to Ben. “It’s a
black Audi. Isn’t that the vehicle Johnny saw her jump into
when we were at the lake?”
“That shit’s not even legal!” Janelle shrieks after Ben
describes what’s in the video. “You can’t hack people’s
security systems like that!”
“What are you going to do, sue me?” I laugh. It’s an evil
inclination to taunt this woman, but she has no clue who she’s
dealing with, and I’m tired of her crap. “I’m not using this in a
court of law. Merely to prove that you’re lying about wanting
to get back with Ben. Unless you plan to juggle Ben and
Ernest at the same time?”
When she doesn’t say anything, I forge ahead.
“Do your parents even know why you went to Ben in the
first place?” I explain how she told Ben that she was afraid of
Ernest, that he’d become violent.
“What?” her mother cries. “Janelle, you never told me
that.”
“But is it true?” I ask. “That’s the question. Based on the
way she locked lips with the man in the video, I’m guessing
it’s not. Janelle, you’ve been lying all summer. How are we
supposed to know what’s true?”
Janelle stands up so quickly, her chair falls over. “You’re
one to talk, bitch!”
“What are you talking about?” Ben asks. “Sienna’s been
nothing but loyal. She’s taken care of Lily while I was at
practice or class or studying. She’s been there for me every
step of the way. Where were you?”
 “She’s not who she says she is. She’s just a lying, fake
bitch.”
It takes me a moment for her words to sink in.
And then my heart pounds and sweat breaks out all over
my body when I realize what she’s really saying.
I glance at Ben, regret making my throat tight.
Because this isn’t how I wanted him to find out.
47
 SIENNA

A FTER A HEART - POUNDING MOMENT , I start to get pissed when

I realize what this means. “You stole my passport.”
“Sienna’s not even her real name,” Janelle rants.
“You ransacked my room and stole my passport.”
“I didn’t steal anything. That guy did—your ex or whoever
he was—but he had some interesting things to say about you.
He did some research, and it turns out you’re not who you say
you are.”
Nothing makes sense right now. Cal couldn’t be bothered
to stop by my house to check on me after his bedmate brained
me with a glass bottle. Instead, he called to apologize for being
a cheating bastard. If he was upset enough about his laptop to
destroy my room, why call to apologize?
Ben squeezes my hand. “Please tell her she’s crazy.”
I kiss the top of Lily’s head, hating that everything’s about
to change. Everything. Because there’s no way to avoid the
truth.
Regardless of how Janelle got the information, she knows.
Damn her.
 “My middle name is Sienna,” I say slowly, hoping he sees
the apology in my eyes. “And I go by my mother’s maiden
name. Cruz.”
“Okay. And?”
I smile weakly, wishing it were that simple. I don’t even
know where to start, but Janelle does the honors.
“Her real name is Elizabeth. And her last name is
Escalante.”
She gives him a meaningful look. God, I hate this bitch.
Ben shrugs. “All right. So?”
My heart beats painfully in my chest as she connects all
the dots.
“So… if you look up sweet Elizabeth Escalante,” she says
in a saccharine voice, “you land on Alejandro Escalante.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “So… like that big tech
guy?”
She sneers, “Not like that tech guy. He is that tech guy.
You probably have their app on your phone.”
Everyone knows that app. You need groceries? You pull up
Infinity. You need a lawnmower or makeup or dog food?
Infinity has it all. Even kitchen sinks.
When it clicks, I see it in his eyes.
I don’t know what I expected. When people find out who I
am, they usually want to be my best friend. For all the wrong
reasons. They want to get close to my dad or my brothers, or
they want a job or free stuff. It’s why I moved a thousand
miles away from home. I don’t want to live the “Escalante
lifestyle” with private jets and red carpets. I don’t want people
sucking up. It’s not worth the fake friends who inevitably
betray you.
But Ben doesn’t look excited. He’s not fawning over me or
gushing. His jaw is tight, and his whole body tense.
For a second, I forget that we’re supposed to be talking
about Janelle and her lies, but based on the look Ben’s giving
me, he’s pissed.
“Why didn’t you say something?” he asks quietly.
“I didn’t think it was important. It’s not who I am.”
“You’re the daughter of one of the biggest tech families in
the country.” A dark laugh spills from his lips. God, he’s
probably seen those jet-setting videos my stupid brother made.
“After everything I’ve told you. About the visits to my shrink.
My phobias. The trouble with my sister. My parents’ deaths. I
could go on and on about the shit I’ve shared with you. Did
you share even one real thing about yourself with me?”
His anger cuts sharp. Pain radiates from the man sitting
next to me.
And when he phrases it like that, I can’t help but feel
ashamed that I didn’t tell him more about myself.
I swallow. “Ben, I know it feels like I’ve kept something
big from you, but I haven’t told anyone who I am since I
moved to Charming.”
“So Winston doesn’t know? You didn’t tell him?”
“No, I never told Cal. He had no way of knowing about
my family unless he’s the one who ransacked my room.
Whoever did that obviously went through my personal
belongings.”
 “And that security guy you used? The one who hacked
Janelle’s phone? Is he some CIA guy or Secret Service
personnel or something? ’Cause how else do you get those
kind of records without a warrant? Hell, did he do a
background check on me too?”
Wow. He sounds pissed.
He takes Lily from me and holds her to his chest. I don’t
know why that hurts my feelings, but it does.
I pause for a second, and it’s a second too long.
“Great.”
“Wait, Ben. I don’t know that he did. I didn’t mention you
to him exactly.”
“But it’s possible.”
I consider the question. “I suppose it is. Someone broke
into my house, so I called the head of my father’s security
team. Because, for all I knew, that person could do it again.
Plus, Janelle was missing. I thought he could help us find her.”
“But then you never told me about it. You never said,
‘Hey, by the way, my friend traced Janelle’s phone.’”
Tears sting my eyes, and I get up. As I swing my purse
over my shoulder, I try to block out everyone in this room
except Ben. “I didn’t tell you because you were stressed out
with camp. You told me you were having a hard time dealing
with everything—with your new coach and Cal and Janelle
ditching you with a toddler you’d just met. Call me crazy, but I
didn’t want to add anything to your burden.”
Janelle clicks her nails on the table. “How convenient.”
Something in me snaps, and I turn to her. “You’re a pitiful
excuse for a mother. Tell your family whatever you want, but
we both know you deserted your kid without a second glance
back. She’s been great, by the way. Thanks for asking.”
Janelle starts to curse me out.
I shift my attention to Janelle’s parents. “Your daughter is
a serial manipulator. She should get some professional help.”
Lastly, I look at Ben’s aunt and uncle. “I wish I could say it
was a pleasure to meet you both, but it wasn’t. You’ve been
rude and unwelcoming. Ben’s been working his ass off to stay
on top of his classes while taking care of his daughter and
playing football. And you tell him he seems distracted? Yeah,
he probably is. And if I’m the reason for that, well, then
maybe he should move out. You’re welcome to solve his
babysitting issues for him. You’re welcome to do his laundry
and make his dinner and help him get his daughter ready for
bed. Oh, wait. You can’t. You live three hours away and never
bother to visit. Gotcha!”
I lean down to kiss Lily, who’s somehow still snoozing in
her father’s lap through this fiasco. “Be a good girl.”
I’m halfway to the door when Ben calls my name, but I
can’t handle any more accusations tonight.
On my way out, I swipe at the angry tears streaking down
my face. I’m dialing an Uber as I jog across the front lawn and
head down the street where I can see the street signs.
Fortunately, there’s a driver a minute away.
“Sienna!”
He reaches me just as the Uber driver pulls up. I yank open
the door, but Ben shuts it.
“Sunshine, don’t go.”
 When he sees the devastation on my face, he tries to pull
me into a hug, but I back away. “Don’t. On the drive here, you
said that we’re too different. You said I didn’t know you. But
maybe you don’t know me because if you did, you’d know
who I am in here.” I pound on my chest, which aches from all
the things we said to each other. “My last name shouldn’t
matter. It shouldn’t! I’m the same person who’s bent over
backwards to help you.”
“Sienna,” he says softly. “You’re right. I’m sorry shit got
out of control back there. You just caught me off guard.”
He glances behind him, and I use that distraction to open
the door, but he blocks me from closing it.
“You help keep me on track. I know that. You’re not a
distraction.”
Everything is blurry since the tears won’t stop, and I hate
myself for being this upset. “I’ll see you in Charming. Deal
with your family. Figure out what you need to figure out.”
Decide whether you want Janelle, a tortured voice in my
head says.
I know he doesn’t want her. She’s a nutjob. But she’s
always going to have her claws in him. Can I deal with that?
They grew up together. Their families want them to be
together. They share Lily.
For once, I want someone to pick me. To put me first. But
Ben has a child and a baby mama. He has a demanding
football schedule. It’s foolish to think I’ll ever rank as a
priority in his life. It’s probably a selfish sentiment, but I’ve
always been on someone’s backburner—my father’s, my ex’s,
my friends’. Is it wrong to want more?
 Ben and I never made any promises to each other. Maybe
it’s best to cut ties now before it’s too late. Before he
completely shatters my heart.
Deep down, though, I know it’s too late to protect myself.
Ben leans in closer. “You’re going home? I’ll see you
when I get back tomorrow?”
It’s wrong of me to wish he’d leave with me tonight. His
daughter is sick. She should be in bed already.
He leans in to kiss me, but I’m too raw right now for any
kind of intimacy. I turn my face at the last second so his lips
land on my cheek.
For once, words fail me.
So I slam the door shut and stare ahead as the Uber drives
away.
48
 BEN

F EELING like an ass for how my family treated Sienna and for
losing my cool with her, I storm up and down the street to
calm down. Until I’m sure I can have a conversation and not
yell.
My girlfriend is the daughter of a tech mogul. I’ll have to
table that for the drive home because I’m still not sure how to
feel about how much she kept hidden. One of the biggest
things that drew me to Sienna was what I thought was her
honesty and frankness.
Not that she necessarily lied. Right? Fuck, I don’t know.
I’m not sure how this evening went sideways, but I seem
to recall it started with Janelle. Why did my uncle bring her
here? Sure, I need to talk to her, but not like this.
When I’m sure I won’t lose my cool, I return to the house.
My uncle is sitting in his recliner with a beer. He motions to
the side table where one is waiting for me.
“Where’d everyone go?”
“Your aunt put Lily down in our room. She said we could
watch her tonight to give you a chance to sleep. She said you
look exhausted. Janelle and her parents are sleeping in your
cousins’ rooms.”
 “Why are they staying here?”
“Their new place is on the other side of Fort Worth, and I-
30 is under construction. Ignacio’s eyesight isn’t great at night,
so they asked to sleep over.”
Sounds like bullshit, but I don’t comment about it. “Where
are the girls tonight?” I’ve been looking to seeing Bianca and
Hannah.
“Friends’ houses. They’ll be back tomorrow.”
I sit on the couch adjacent to him and pop open that beer.
Guzzle half of it.
I’m not sure what to say to him. Dr. Patricia would
encourage me to be honest, but I’m too upset to unpack
everything. All I know is that every bone in my body is urging
me to go after Sienna, but I can’t leave when Lily’s not feeling
well.
“Why’d you ambush me tonight? Why all the drama with
Janelle and her family? I could’ve told you how this evening
would go down if you had asked.”
He sighs and runs a hand through his sparse head of hair.
“Look, you’re Lily’s father. Of course Ignacio and Yolanda
want you to get back with Janelle.”
“But why did you side with them?”
“I wasn’t taking sides. What could it hurt to have everyone
sit down and talk? That’s all Ignacio wanted for his daughter.
He thinks Ernest is a bad influence. That boy told Janelle he
only wanted to get back together if she didn’t have Lily.”
What’s the likelihood that Janelle contemplated
abandoning Lily permanently so she could get back with her
ex? Strong.
 Which, fuck. Fine. If she wants some asshole more than
our daughter, good riddance.
I get up, but he holds out his hand. “Síentate. Please.”
Reluctantly, I sit. “Does it not matter to you that Janelle
hasn’t seen Lily in two months? She never called, texted, came
to see her. Nothing.”
My uncle nods slowly. “It matters. I see now that I
should’ve talked to you first. At the very least, you would’ve
known what to expect. But you know your aunt. She’s very
traditional. She wanted Lily to have her mother and father
together.”
Before I can argue, he gives me a look. “She means well.
She loves you.”
“Why would Janelle bother with all of this if she really just
wants to be with Ernest? That video pretty much proves this
was a farce.”
“Who can say? But I agree with you. I wouldn’t want you
to be with her if you don’t love her. You have a nice girl. She
treats you well.”
When I think about the look on Sienna’s face when she
left, I can barely breathe. “I had a nice girl.”
“What does that mean?”
A sick, twisted feeling knots me up at the thought of
Sienna not being home when I get back to Charming. “I’m just
not sure we’ll still be together after all this. You guys were
pretty awful to her.”
“Mijo, I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to be like that. You know
your aunt has a temper, and she loves Ignacio and Yolanda.”
 “She should’ve been on my side. I’m family. I’m your son,
right? You adopted me. But for the first time, I didn’t feel like
your son.” I get choked up admitting that, but it’s the truth.
“Damn.” He sniffs and looks away. He’s quiet for a long
stretch. “I’m sorry. Perdóname. Please.”
Forgive me.
I nod because what else can I say? He took me in when I
literally had no one else who would or could.
After a minute, I cough. “Are you just gonna try to sweep
all of this under the rug? Like when I was little and upset
about Gabby not living with us?”
He wipes his eyes. “You’d always be so upset after you’d
see her that I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was
wrong for not taking her in too.”
It’s the first time he’s ever admitted as much.
Since he’s being so forthright, I have to ask him again. “So
you really had no idea Lily was mine? Even though she looks
like me?”
He glares at me. “Of course I had no idea. The last time I
saw her…” He scrunches his face and motions with his hands.
“Era pequeñita. Pelona.” She was very small. Bald.
At least he doesn’t call her ugly this time.
“Even though Janelle named the baby Liliana?” I can tell
from the confusion on his face that he has no idea what I’m
talking about. “My mom’s middle name.”
His eyebrows lift. “I just thought it was a nice name.”
We drink our beer in silence until he asks, “Is your
girlfriend really the daughter of that rich guy?”
 I shrug. “Does it matter? Sienna is… Sienna. I don’t give a
shit about who her family is.” I wish she hadn’t kept it from
me, but when I compare it to the things Janelle lied about,
they’re like night and day. Sienna’s omission didn’t hurt
anyone whereas Janelle left a trail of destruction in her wake. I
obviously don’t know a big part of Sienna’s background, but
now that I’ve had more than a minute to think about it, there’s
a hell of a lot that I do understand.
She’s sweet and kind and funny. She’s selfless and caring.
Beautiful inside and out. When life feels like it’s spiraling out
of control, she makes me look on the bright side. Sienna’s my
sunshine.
My uncle’s quiet, and I feel the need to clarify something.
“Tío, just because I forgive you doesn’t mean I can forget
what happened tonight or how you and Tía treated Sienna.
That woman means the world to me.”
It wasn’t my family who stood up for me tonight. It was
bold, beautiful Sienna.
Like a blindsided hit on the field, emotion slams into me.
The affection I have for her is fierce. Like the love I have for
my family and the motivation I have for football and school all
wrapped up in one.
I fucking love that woman.
When I replay the afternoon in my mind, I could kick
myself for that stupid argument we had on the way here. For
the way that shit about her family knocked me off balance. No
wonder she wouldn’t let me kiss her when she left.
In a daze, I sit with my uncle and absentmindedly drink
another beer. The whole time, I’m dying to talk to Sienna. To
tell her how I feel.
 I get the sense Tío wants to reassure me he’s on my side,
but I’m so fucking worn out by the time he goes to bed an
hour later, I can barely keep my eyes open. I shouldn’t have
had two beers with my allergy meds. I’ll probably sleep like
the dead.
But before I collapse in bed, I need to talk to Sienna.
Except when I call, she doesn’t pick up.
And I’m afraid I’ve fucked up everything.
After I check on my daughter, who’s sprawled in her pack
’n’ play in my aunt and uncle’s bedroom, I wish them good
night and head to my old room. I strip off my shirt, pull back
the covers, and collapse on the bed.
I never hear the door open.
49
 SIENNA

T HE U BER DRIVER listens to me cry for a good twenty minutes.

By the time I reach Gabby’s apartment, I’m pretty sure I look
like a swollen tomato.
Gabby takes one look at me on her front stoop and wraps
me in her arms. “Oh, honey. What happened?”
Gabby knew Ben and I were meeting with her uncle this
weekend. I told her in case we had time to stop by her place
for a quick visit.
She ushers me into her apartment, and Rider waves from
the couch. “Sienna!” When he sees how upset I am, he’s
immediately on his feet. “Who do I need to kill?”
I laugh and ugly-cry while they both hug me. I love these
two.
“Stop or I’m gonna get snot on you.” We head into the
living room, and I flop on their giant couch. “Where’s Poppy?
Is she already asleep?” I miss Rider’s little munchkin so much.
I’m sure Lily is going to adore Poppy.
Rider nods. “The nugget’s in bed, but she’ll be up at
asscrack, so you’ll see her tomorrow.”
They order Mexican food, and we settle in while I tell
them everything that happened. I’m anxious as I share the
truth about my family because I figure it’s just a matter of time
before they hear it from Ben, and I’d rather them hear it from
me.
“Do you hate me for not telling you?” I ask Gabby.
“Of course not, goofball. I don’t care who your family is.
All that matters is what’s in here.” She taps on my shoulder.
“And, I mean, if I could get free overnight shipping on your
app, well, I wouldn’t complain.”
After a beat of silence, we all laugh. I know she’s just
joking. Gabby is one of the most sincere people I know.
It feels so good to laugh and to be open about who I am. I
didn’t realize this secret had been weighing on me.
I flick off a piece of cilantro from my asada taco. “Can I
ask you guys something? Do you think I’m bad for Ben? Do I
distract him?”
Rider gets a fierce frown on his face. “Don’t be crazy. As
far as I can tell, you keep him from losing his shit.”
Gabby laughs and shoves her boyfriend playfully. He
hooks an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in for a brief
kiss, and it’s so sweet, I have to glance away.
“Look, Sienna,” Rider says after he finishes making goo
goo eyes at Gabby, “Ben hasn’t been playing a lot of minutes
because Krugman is a dumbass. The guys have all been calling
me, so I’ve heard the coach is playing some weird favorites
game. It sucks. But I can say that none of that has anything to
do with you.”
I dip a chip into the queso. “I’m the reason he and Cal
fought.”
 He snorts. “I’m surprised that didn’t happen sooner. No
one likes that guy. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. Did Ben injure
his hand?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”
“And he didn’t get any formal kind of reprimand?”
“No one saw it, but Krugman stopped playing him as much
in scrimmages. And it’s been even worse since the season
officially started.”
“That’s his loss. Everyone’s asking why B-Rod isn’t
getting more game time. The ESPN anchor even wondered if
he was injured and the team was keeping it a secret.”
Now that I’ve had time to talk through everything, I realize
that Ben and I aren’t quite so hopeless. Yes, it’s a little
crushing to know his aunt and uncle think I’m wrecking his
football career, but that doesn’t make it true.
Ben and I just need some time to talk. I need to explain
more about my family. Hopefully he won’t let his family’s
opinions about me sway him.
I feel better after unloading everything on my friends, but
I’m still restless after they go to bed. I regret the way I left Ben
at his uncle’s house. Even though his family said all of those
horrible things, maybe I should’ve stayed. Even if Ben was
upset with me for not telling him about my background.
Tossing and turning in the guest room, I second-guess
everything. He wouldn’t have chased me out to the street if he
was that angry with me.
I kick off the covers and punch the pillow and stare at the
dark walls, wishing I could be curled up next to Ben instead of
here alone.
 A part of me thought he’d call me before he went to bed.
But my phone hasn’t rung all night.
I pull it out of my purse to double-check.
It’s dead.
A flood of relief hits me so strong, I laugh. No wonder I
haven’t heard from him.
Fortunately, I have a charger somewhere in my purse. I
plug it in, and a few minutes later, it lights up.
I smile when I see I have several missed calls from Ben.
But then I notice I have texts from Janelle.
God, what does she want?
When I open the messages, which came about an hour
after Ben’s calls, the first thing I see is someone’s bare breasts
and a giant arm wrapped around this person’s tiny waist.
It’s Janelle.
A very naked Janelle.
My heart is in my throat as I flip to the next photo. Her
head is on the pillow next to Ben’s. I can’t really make out his
face because it’s nestled in her hair, but it’s obviously him.
That’s his watch. That’s the half-moon scar on his forearm he
got in the last game. He’s shirtless and spooning her from
behind. I can’t tell if he’s totally naked because of the way the
photo is cropped, but it doesn’t matter.
Janelle’s text says it all: I told you he’d come back to me.
He’ll always be mine.
I try to make sense of it. How Ben could hook up with
Janelle when it seemed like he almost hated her.
 And then I’m reminded of Destiny’s treachery and how she
smiled to my face and laughed with me and called me her best
friend while she slept with Cal behind my back.
I guess I’m a fool. A really big, fucking fool.
I’ve learned my lesson.
With a swipe of my arm across my face, I dry the tears I
didn’t even know I’d cried and decide here and now never to
be duped again.
And I block them both.
But the damage is done.
My heart is broken.
50
 BEN

S IENNA ’ S ASS wiggles against me, and I groan and pull her
closer. Sunlight is spilling in through the windows. It takes me
a second to realize I’m in my bed at my uncle’s house.
I had the worst dream last night. I kept seeing Sienna
driving away from me. I’d call out to her and run behind her
car, but she’d never stop.
With a sigh, I burrow my face into her neck. I don’t know
when she returned last night, but I’m so fucking glad she did.
Except… there’s something not quite right.
She smells different. I don’t remember her perfume being
so cloying. It’s almost nauseating.
She grabs my hand that’s wrapped around her waist and
she pulls it to her bare tit and moans. Her flesh overfills my
palm, and I’m about to give it a good squeeze and rock my
morning wood against her round ass when I freeze.
Because this is not Sienna’s breast in my palm.
I jerk back so fast that all I see is a mass of brown hair go
over the edge of the bed.
“What the fuck?” Janelle screams when she lands on the
floor.
 My eyes widen in horror when I see her.
“What the hell are you doing, Janelle?” I yell. “Where are
your goddamn clothes?”
I leap out of bed, relieved as fuck to find I’m still wearing
jeans.
She’s still bitching at me when the door flies open. Her
mother gasps.
“Mija, get dressed!” Mrs. Lopez might seem embarrassed,
but there’s a certain look of satisfaction in her eyes.
I tug on my shirt and storm past them both. My aunt and
uncle are in the kitchen. Lily is sitting in a highchair.
I’m so fucking pissed, I can’t speak. In all my interactions
with women, I’ve never felt violated before. Until now.
I lift my daughter, grab my backpack, and pause in front of
my uncle.
“I’m going to file for sole custody of Lily. And if Janelle
comes near me or Sienna one more time—qué Dios me ayuda
—I’m filing a restraining order.”
In retrospect, I should’ve done it when this woman
ransacked Sienna’s bedroom. Because I’m not buying the
excuse that some random guy did it. Winston would’ve said
something about it right away. He doesn’t have the ability to
play his cards close to the vest for long.
“What happened?” Tío Julio sets down his cup of coffee.
Janelle, who’s finally wearing clothes, runs in. I ignore her
and tell my uncle how she snuck into my bed buck-ass naked.
She has the nerve to scoff. “Don’t pretend you didn’t want
it. All men do.”
 “Stay away from me, Janelle. Go back to Ernest. He
doesn’t want you if you come attached with my kid? Fine.
Done. Lily’s not your problem any longer.”
Janelle doesn’t say anything for a second, but then she
nods. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Her mother starts yelling in Spanish. “¿Qué
dices, okay? No puedes hacer esto!”
I bolt out the front door, happy to leave them squabbling.
My hands are shaking as I get Lily snapped into her car seat.
It takes me a solid hour to calm down where I don’t feel
like I’m in the grip of rage. I’m halfway back to Charming
when I realize I’ve left most of Lily’s stuff at my uncle’s
house. But there’s no way in hell I’m going back there now.
When I pull into a gas station to fill up, I call Sienna. I
need to hear her voice. I need to explain what happened, and I
need her to tell me everything is going to be all right.
It goes straight to voicemail.
I frown at my phone and try again and get the same result.
Maybe her phone is dead. She always forgets to charge it.
I leave a message.
“Hey, sunshine. I hope you got home okay last night. Sorry
shit got crazy.” I scrub a hand through my hair, hating what I
need to tell her. “It got worse, but I’ll give you all the details
when I see you.”
After getting a few snacks, I pull into a parking spot and
feed Lily. I left my uncle’s house quickly, and I don’t know
what she ate this morning. She gobbles down some chicken
nuggets. I change her diaper and get her settled in her car seat
before I hit the road again.
 I keep checking my phone for texts or calls from Sienna,
but they never come. By the time I pull into Charming, I’m
getting anxious.
What if she got into an accident last night? We never spoke
after she left. Those allergy pills and beers knocked me out,
but I should’ve forced myself to stay awake until I reached her
to make sure she got home okay.
Christ, did she really take an Uber all the way to
Charming? What if he was a terrible driver?
I’m a nervous wreck by the time I turn down our street.
I park behind a moving van. Two burly men are carrying
furniture out of Sienna’s place. What the hell?
I yank open my door. “Hey! What are you doing?”
They just keep hauling shit out of the house like I’m not
there. I get Lily out of the backseat and am about to freak out
on the movers when Olly jogs across the street.
“You going somewhere without me, darling?” he asks.
“No. Here.” I hand him my daughter.
I find a guy with the clipboard. “That’s my house. Why are
you taking shit out of it?”
He lifts an eyebrow. “According to this manifest”—he taps
on the paper in front of him—“I’m only taking ‘shit’ that
belongs to Miss Elizabeth.”
For a second, I’m so confused that I just stand there like an
asshole.
Then it hits me. Elizabeth. As in Elizabeth Escalante.
Sienna’s alter ego. I mean, I guess Sienna is the alter ego.
Fuck, I don’t know.
 “Why are you moving her stuff?” I ask as they haul out her
vanity.
When he doesn’t say anything, I call Sienna, but it goes
into voicemail again. Goddamn it. “She’s not answering.”
The mover rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone.
“I got a clinger here who doesn’t know when he’s been
blocked.” He looks me over like I’m a pest. “Is someone going
to come down and deal with this?” Whatever the person on the
other line says, it seems to surprise Clipboard Guy.
When he hangs up, he smirks. “Mr. Melvin will be here
shortly. And you’re on his shit list, so good luck with that.”
I stand there, not really seeing anyone after that. Just a blur
of bodies in and out of the house.
“You okay, man?” Olly asks.
“No, I’m really not.” I can’t stop hearing Clipboard Guy’s
words. She blocked me?
The movers close up the van and drive off down the street.
Did I think I felt betrayed by my family last night? It
doesn’t come close to what I’m feeling right now.
“I think… I think Sienna just left me.”
51
 BEN

I WANDER THROUGH THE HOUSE . Sienna left all of her living

room furniture. The flatscreen. Everything in the kitchen.
Everything in my room. But her yoga studio and bedroom are
empty.
“Damn. Sorry, man.” Olly bounces Lily on his hip.
“I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t talk to me first.
Why would she suddenly move out? We promised each other
—” I can’t bring myself to tell Olly how Sienna and I
promised to always be friends first. To always talk if
something bothered the other person. I know she was upset by
how my family treated her and blindsided by Janelle—
rightfully so—but the rational thing to do would be to discuss
it. If she wanted to break up after that, I’d let her go. If she
wanted me to move out, I’d do so. I wouldn’t be happy about
those options, but that would make more sense than her
ghosting me.
I do a double-take when I see a giant man standing in my
doorway.
“I’m Melvin,” he says, his baritone booming in my small
living room. He looks fierce, like one of our offensive linemen
when we face UT.
 “Are you here for the rest of her furniture?” I open my
arms. “Almost everything still in this house belongs to
Sienna.”
He glances at Olly and then back to me. “I came to give
you her keys.”
“What the fuck, man? Why would she leave me like that? I
fucking love her.”
It slams into me. How I’ve never said those words before.
The thought of never seeing Sienna’s beautiful smile first
thing in the morning cracks something in my chest. She and I
were a team. She’s my person. She’s not supposed to take off
like this.
Why didn’t I tell her I loved her? Why was I holding back?
I drop onto the couch and hold my head in my hands. I’m
sweating, and my heart is racing, and my throat feels thick,
like I’m about to choke.
This feeling of dread is so familiar. When my parents died,
when my sister left, all the times I freaked out when my aunt
and uncle would come home late and I’d worry they’d been
killed in a car crash.
Oh, fuck. I’m having a panic attack.
Black dots blur my vision. I try to breathe through it.
In the background, I hear Olly and Melvin talking. I lean
back on the couch and close my eyes or maybe I pass out. I
don’t know. Does it matter?
When I open them again, Olly is standing over me with a
desperate expression on his face.
 “Fucking thought you’d had a heart attack or something.
Don’t do that shit again.”
I’m surprised to see Melvin on the couch next to me. He
doesn’t look like he wants to murder me any longer.
“So you love my little sparrow, huh?” he asks, but it’s
obvious from the tone of his voice that he doesn’t believe me.
I try to speak, but my throat is dry. I cough. “Look, man, I
don’t know what Sienna told you or why she took off like her
ass was on fire, but yeah, for the record, I love her. But
obviously, that doesn’t mean shit. Who moves out after one
argument? Things with my family might not have gone well,
but who ghosts a man like that?”
He probably doesn’t even know what I’m talking about. It
doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that she’s gone.
The devastation is starting to melt away, and I’m getting
pissed.
As I get up, Melvin puts a beefy hand on my arm.
“If you care so much for her, why’d you do this?” He
holds out his phone and scrolls through several photos.
At first, I don’t know what I’m looking at.
He reads the confusion on my face and, after a long,
withering glare, explains that someone sent these photos to
Sienna last night.
Oh, shit, is that me?
My stomach drops as I connect the dots.
Janelle sent Sienna these photos?
Jesus Christ. No.
 Because it wasn’t enough that Janelle hopped in my bed
naked without an invitation. Or tried to manipulate our
families to believe her lies. Or trashed Sienna’s bedroom. Or
lied about the paternity of my daughter for years.
No, she made it seem like I cheated on my girlfriend.
I press my palms against my eyes, wishing I could unsee
what I know must’ve shredded Sienna.
That’s her hard limit. Cheating. Hell, it’s mine too. It
would’ve torn me up if our roles were reversed.
As I think about her empty bedroom and the moving van
that hauled away all of her stuff, I know the answer without
asking the question.
It won’t matter what I say.
Sienna’s done with me.
52
 SIENNA

“W HAT DO YOU MEAN , you moved me out?”

My father holds up a finger in the universal signal to wait.
We’re sitting on the patio of the Four Seasons in Austin. His
security cleared out this back area and are posted around like
my father is a foreign diplomat. I hate how I can feel them
watching me through their dark sunglasses.
I glance at all the empty tables. Who knows how much this
impromptu Sunday meal is costing? Probably a small fortune
since he’ll have to compensate the hotel for taking up the
entire patio.
“Dad.”
He’s busy scanning whatever report Assistant Number
Two dropped in front of him ten minutes ago.
“Dad.”
His eyes never leave the report as he speaks. “Melvin said
your house was ransacked, Sienna. And that the woman who
did it sent you compromising photos of her with your
boyfriend, someone I didn’t know you were dating, much less
living with.”
A harsh laugh rips from my mouth. “Why would I tell you
anything when I only see you on the rare federal holiday? I
know more about you from reading gossip magazines than
from anything you ever tell me, so why would I bother?”
Finally, he looks up with a sigh. “Is this about Penelope
again?”
“Fuck Penelope. This is about why you seem to think it’s
okay to sweep into my life and take it over.”
His lips tighten before he takes a sip of his coffee. “Must
you use that kind of language?”
I’ve heard my father in meetings. He curses like a sailor.
“Better to be known as a sinner than a hypocrite.” I love
proverbs. They’re so quotable.
His jaw twitches. “Sienna, why are you being so blasé
about this situation? Were you actually planning to stay in a
house with a man who cheated on you? I thought I raised you
to have more self-respect than that.”
After all the crying I did last night, I’m surprised when my
eyes sting. I thought I was cried out.
I manage to keep my shit together even though having my
father drag out all of my mistakes like this is utterly
humiliating.
I try to explain things as calmly as possible. Given that my
father took it upon himself to move me out of my house, I
think that’s saying something.
“Melvin installed a security system, so I wasn’t in any
danger, and I had planned to talk to Ben before I made any
decisions. That’s what reasonable adults do, Dad. They discuss
things.”
Unlike my parents, who got a divorce and never told me
anything until it was over. Brutal doesn’t begin to describe it.
 Ever since I tossed Cal’s laptop out the window, I’ve been
thinking I need to marinate on things more and react less.
Perhaps if I hadn’t lost my shit that night I wouldn’t have been
brained in the head with a bottle.
Although… I really don’t regret trashing his laptop. He’s
an ass for using me the way he did, and if I could knee him in
the balls, I totally would.
But I’m ten times more fucked up by the possibility Ben
cheated on me. Honestly, I can’t wrap my head around how he
could do something like that. Which is different than Cal, who
was dropping red flags left and right.
Cal never took me anywhere except to his house, where it
was just him and a couple of his roommates. I only went to a
couple of his parties, and we spent most of the time in his
bedroom. We never did anything really social. Even though
Ben and I haven’t had much time to be social, I never felt like
I was his dirty little secret.
When I spoke to Gabby this morning before I left Dallas,
she swore up and down that Ben would never do me dirty like
this. She wondered if those photos had been Photoshopped.
If so, the person did a convincing job of it.
But it got me thinking that maybe not everything is as it
appears.
At the same time, I don’t want to be a complete dumbass.
My last boyfriend cheated on me. It’s possible Ben did too.
And had I not left my phone on the roof of the car I rented
in Dallas, I could tell him he’s an asshole.
I groan when I think about the dumpster fire my life has
become. Who stops for gas and loses their phone? That would
be me.
 Sighing, I rub my throbbing temples.
I hadn’t meant to unload everything on Melvin late last
night, but I wasn’t sure what to do. Since Melvin has the codes
for all of my father’s properties, I thought he’d let me stay at
my dad’s suite in Austin for a couple of days, just until I
calmed down, to give me time to process everything. Time to
pull myself together so I could talk to Ben without screaming
or crying.
Melvin, who also has the security code to my house,
offered to send a female assistant to get my yoga mat, some
toiletries, and a couple of outfits. That’s it.
Instead, he spoke to my father about it first thing this
morning, who instructed him to clear out my two bedrooms.
And then my dad blew into town and tried to take over my
life.
My father starts flipping through his report again. “You
need a security detail.”
“No.”
“This is nonnegotiable.”
“I’ll never fly under the radar if your Men in Black crew
follow me everywhere.”
“I was thinking you could take a leave of absence or finish
your classes remotely from California. And if you’re back
home, you could help me with the foundation.”
“I’m not leaving Texas.”
“I’ve already spoken to the dean. He says it’s not a
problem. He wants a donation for the stadium renovations. It’s
a win-win.”
 I’m so upset, I can barely speak. When I don’t say
anything because I’m trying not to lose my shit, he nods. “So
it’s settled. I’ll have Melvin move the rest of your belongings
and—”
“Dad, nothing is settled! I was silent because I’m trying to
talk myself out of leaping across the table and beating you
over the head with your stupid report.”
One of the security guys chuckles, but then coughs to
cover it up. That tick in my dad’s jaw goes off again.
Internally, I cringe because when this little get-together is over,
that security guy will probably be fired. Melvin would be fired
too for not telling my father about the break-in sooner, except
he’s my dad’s oldest friend and college roommate. Not to
mention Melvin is family.
My dad clears his throat. Fixes his gold cuff links. Takes a
sip of his coffee. “Be reasonable, Sienna.”
“Says the man who treats me like a project he can
manage.” I think about that for a second. “No, scratch that.
Your projects get written up on whiteboards and studied and
prioritized. I haven’t been a priority since you left Mom. If I
were, I wouldn’t have found out Penelope was pregnant from
Star magazine in the checkout line at the grocery store.”
No way can I tell him I found out from Melvin, but he
saved me from having a seizure when I eventually saw it.
My dad has the decency to wince. “I apologize about how
you found out about the pregnancy. Paparazzi followed her to
her OBGYN appointment. We hadn’t planned to tell anyone
yet.”
“I’m not moving back to California.”
 “We could spend more time together. Hang out. Go to
some Lakers games.”
“You work twelve-hour days. We’ll never hang out. And
the last thing I want to do is go to a game so you can wave at
the jumbotron and schmooze whatever celebrity sits next to
you.”
“I’ve gotten some important endorsements that way.”
“Can I stay at your condo here or not? Because if I can’t, I
have to find a hotel.”
“I’m not paying for a hotel.” Says the man who is hogging
the entire patio dining area of the Four Seasons.
“I wasn’t asking you to.”
That tick in his jaw goes off again. “I won’t fund your little
yoga project if you don’t come home.”
Has it really come to this? Somehow, my entire
relationship with my father is one giant negotiation.
“I miss the parent who didn’t wear name-brand clothes, the
guy who struggled to make ends meet. It sounds crazy, but I
feel like you knew more about loving your family when we
were clipping coupons.” I swallow past the lump in my throat.
“Because you can’t take your company or your planes or your
awards with you when you die. The only thing you have are
the people you’ve loved and those who have loved you. And
yeah, I just got my heart broken, but Dad, I let myself love.
I’m not some walled-off VIP who’s only focused on my next
accomplishment no matter the cost to my family.”
“Sienna…” There’s regret in his eyes, but I’m too upset to
try to make him feel better.
 “You should’ve saved yourself a trip to Texas and
threatened me on the phone.” I swing my bag over my
shoulder and stand. “Good luck with kid number four. I hope
the baby learns how to code so you can show some interest in
her life.”
As I walk away, he calls my name again, but I’m
exhausted, and I feel really fucking defeated.
And I’m not ready to talk to the only person who might
understand.
53
 BEN

“T HANKS FOR HELPING OUT , B IANCA ,” I tell my cousin. “Sorry

you’re missing school.”
She lifts Lily in her arms and twirls her around. My
daughter giggles and tries to eat her hair.
“I’m not. Missing class is the best part.”
“Are you gonna get in trouble?”
“Nah. Papi told the principal I had mono.” She laughs with
a wicked glint in her eye. “I didn’t think he’d actually use that
excuse when I suggested it. I don’t think he knows that mono
is mostly caught from kissing.”
“If Tío catches you kissing some rando, he’s gonna lose his
shit.”
“He lost it after you left. He was so mad at Janelle.” She
grabs my arm. “I’m sorry I wasn’t home this weekend. Mami
said I’m not old enough to hear everything y’all were
discussing. Hard eye roll right there. My parents think I’m still
a kid. Their hair would fall out if they knew all the things I
really do.”
“Jesus. Don’t tell me.” I hold my hands up. “Ignorance is
bliss.”
 She elbows me in the gut. “Shut up and kiss your kid
goodbye.”
I kiss Lily and hug Bianca. It was such a shock to see her
on my porch last night. I honestly had no plan for today.
Magnolia had a conflict early in the morning, which is usually
when Sienna would watch Lily.
“Okay, I’ll see you tonight. Maggie will be by after her
class to give you a break.” I shove a few snacks in my
backpack. I can’t help but glance around the house and look
for Sienna. I do that a lot lately. Granted, it’s only been a few
days, but they’ve been the longest of my life.
I miss her with an acuteness that’s downright painful.
I cut classes and practice yesterday because I didn’t have
childcare. I figured that Krud already hates me. What’s one
missed practice? I called it in. Listened to him yell at me.
Whatever.
I’m feeling strangely apathetic about everything. Life.
Classes. Football.
Lily is the only one I don’t feel apathetic about.
And Sienna.
But I don’t know if I can describe how I feel about her.
Mostly I’m really fucking hurt and pissed even though I’d give
my left nut to see her.
I’m gutted she believed Janelle’s theatrics. That she let
another woman break us up. That she thought so little of me
she fucking ghosted me out of left field.
It feels wrong to be living at her place without her. Part of
me wants to find another apartment, but that would probably
screw up Sienna’s lease.
 Not that she gives a shit about it, seeing how she up and
moved out of her house without saying a word.
By the time I’m done with early-morning conditioning and
classes, I’m exhausted. I drag my ass to practice, change my
clothes, and shove all my shit into the locker.
Coach Nicholson has us practicing deep corner routes. He
and Krud are talking heatedly on the sidelines when Krud yells
my name.
I jog over to him, and he waves his thumb behind him.
“You missed practice yesterday. Run ten laps.”
I don’t bother to argue. The man hates me, and I have no
idea why. When I tried to explain the situation with my
daughter, he told me, “I don’t give a shit. You’re on the team
to win. Period.”
So I run two and a half miles.
The sun beats down on me, sweat stings my eyes, and I
keep going.
It would be easy to give into the bleakness whirling
through me right now, but the anger and frustration propels
me. One step and then the next.
In the back of my mind, I hear Sienna telling me to look on
the bright side. Telling me that I’ll be faster in my next game
because I’m working harder now. I fucking miss her.
And yeah, she blocked my ass on her phone, so I can’t
even beg her to listen to me.
After practice, I’m walking out with Olly and Johnny
when a couple of the cheerleaders come up to us. I let the guys
talk as I check my messages. I’m reading an update from
Magnolia about Lily’s afternoon when I feel a hand on my
sleeve.
Cherry, a cheerleader who has bright red hair, smiles up at
me. “Hey, Ben. I was wondering if you wanted to pair up for
that monetization project. The guy I’m usually matched with
gives me the creeps.”
What is it with men who creep on women who aren’t
interested?
“Sure. I should probably get on that. I haven’t planned out
that far to be honest.”
She gets her phone out, and we swap numbers and agree to
meet in the library later in the week.
As the guys and I walk out into the parking lot, Johnny
elbows me. “I’m glad you’re moving on. There’s no reason to
let Sienna screw you up. Cherry’s hot as fuck.”
I frown. I’m meeting with Cherry for a school assignment,
but I don’t bother to argue with him. What’s the point in
telling him I have zero interest in other women right now? I
don’t feel like talking. I barely feel like breathing, so shooting
the shit with Johnny is low on my priorities.
Johnny elbows me again, but I ignore him and save
Cherry’s info in my contact list.
“Dude. Incoming,” he mumbles.
I look up and there she is.
Sienna.
Sitting on my bumper like I haven’t been freaking the fuck
out over her leaving.
 The sight of her sends my heart into overdrive, but the
wary expression on her face has me bracing for the worst.
She stands up and her little sundress flutters in the warm
breeze.
“Sienna!” Olly lifts her into a hug.
She gives him a half-hearted smile, but when she looks to
Johnny, he shakes his head.
“Why you doing our dude here dirty? He’s been a wreck
since you left.”
“Shut the fuck up, Johnny, and go home.”
I shove him away, and he puffs out his chest at Sienna like
a bantam rooster. “Don’t make me do something I’ll regret.”
He’s trying my last nerve, but I love that dumbass.
Sienna and I watch each other while Johnny and Olly take
off. The long shadows of the gnarled oak trees at the edge of
the parking lot reach between us. Even though she’s only five
feet away, for some reason it feels like miles.
There’s no sunny smile or hugs for me. That thought snaps
me out of my stupor.
“I didn’t cheat on you.” I walk around her to open my
SUV. I toss my gym bag across to the passenger seat.
When I turn back to look at her, she nods. “I know.”
“You know?” I laugh caustically. For some reason, that
pisses me off. “And yet you moved out? Didn’t bother to call.
Didn’t tell me where you were or that you were okay after you
drove down by yourself from Dallas. Blocked me from calling
you. And yet you know?”
 She bites her bottom lip so hard, I’m surprised she doesn’t
draw blood. “Melvin figured it out. He said he, uh, hacked
Janelle’s phone and found the messages she sent Ernest that
basically explained what she was doing that night.”
I should feel relieved, right? I should be clicking my heels
that I’ve been exonerated, but for some reason, I feel like
punching a hole in a wall. Fucking Melvin. I can think of few
things as humiliating as having a panic attack in front of that
guy.
“Would’ve been nice if you’d just asked me. If you’d said,
‘Hey, asshole, did you cheat on me?’ And I could have told
you myself that I’d rather take a hot poker to my nut sack than
cheat. But I’m glad you got the answers you were looking
for.”
I start to get into my Rover when she calls my name.
Her stricken face makes me freeze, and shame hits me
hard.
I close my eyes, hating myself for not controlling my
anger. It’s not Sienna’s fault she got mired in my family
drama. This whole thing started because the woman let me
move in with her to help me, for fuck’s sake.
A moment later, I pull her into my arms and hug her tight
while she sniffles against me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into her hair. “I don’t know what got
into me. I’ve missed you so fucking much. It’s been killing me
not to be able to talk to you. To think that you might suspect
the worst of me has kept me up at night.”
She doesn’t say anything, but after a few minutes, she
backs away and wipes away the tears that escaped. “I just
wanted to apologize for how things went down when I got
back from Dallas.”
She explains how she called Melvin, who got her father
involved. Being the absurdly rich men that they are, they
swooped into town a few hours later.
We sit on my back bumper, I wrap my arm around her
shoulders, and she tells me about how upset she is with her
dad.
“Sorry, sunshine. That sucks.”
In a strange way, though, I understand why her father
hopped on a plane so quickly. If I thought my daughter was in
some kind of danger, I’d haul ass to get to her side too.
I can’t stop looking at her. Cataloging details about her
I’ve missed. But I don’t see my vivacious Sienna. Her big
brown eyes don’t sparkle and her face looks pale. She looks
exhausted.
“I’m sorry I blocked you. If it means anything, I unblocked
you the next day but then lost my phone at a gas station.” She
fiddles with the hem of her dress. “And I wasn’t intending to
ghost you forever. I just needed a few days to take everything
in. I’m sorry, though. I know that probably screwed up your
childcare. I was trying to stop freaking out. Those photos
just…”
She doesn’t finish, and I don’t press her to.
I tilt her face toward me. “I would never do that to you.”
She nods, but I don’t see the same woman in front of me
that I’ve been living with. She’s reserved and hesitant.
Like she doesn’t trust me.
 I remove my arm and stand. But before I can say anything,
she asks, “So you’re going out with Cherry now?”
At first, her words don’t make sense. “What are you
talking about?”
She motions behind me to where all of us had been talking
earlier.
“I heard Johnny say he was happy you were moving on
and going out with Cherry.”
I’m seriously going to kill him. The man only has one
volume, and it’s loud as fuck.
I look her straight in the eye, because I want her to
understand I’ll never lie to her, and I tell her about the
assignment. And then I ask, “Are you planning to run off with
Melvin?” Because those are the odds of me hooking up with
Cherry.
She laughs, and that smile on her face means everything to
me. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her how much I love
her, but she starts talking. “He’s an old family friend. My
father’s age, for the record. So no. I’m not having a fling with
Melvin.”
But then her humor fades away. “I’ve been thinking,
though…”
I wait for her to continue, and she looks away.
This can’t be good.
“I think we’ve been moving too fast. And if I’m being
honest, I’m not sure I fit in your life. You have your daughter
and school and football.”
She doesn’t need to explain. “So you don’t want to move
back.”
 Her eyes shine, but she shakes her head. “I just think I got
in too deep with you too fast, and then things with Janelle in
Dallas made me feel like someone pulled the rug out from
under me.”
She says she can help with Lily, that she and Magnolia can
take shifts, but I’m too caught up on her leaving my sorry ass
to process it. I want to howl and break shit because I ruined
her trust in me. Why did I drag her to Dallas with me? What
was I thinking?
She clears her throat. “I need some space to figure out a
few things.”
She needs space?
I nod because what else am I supposed to do? Get down on
my knees and beg her to love me?
While I appreciate that she wanted to clear the air and talk
through things, the end result is the same. She wants to break
up. Because everyone on this planet knows that when a
woman says she “needs space,” she wants you out of her life.
I’ve already told her how much I’ve missed her. What will
words about love do except make me feel like a bigger ass?
When she drives away, I can’t help but feel like I just lost
one of the best things in my life.
54
 SIENNA

“T HANKS so much for letting me crash with you.” Magnolia

was the first person I called when I decided not to come home
because I knew Ben would need extra help with Lily.
Her house looks straight out of That ’70s Show. If it took
place in a giant haunted Victorian. Between the shag rug on
the floor and the bead door curtain, I have some serious
questions about how she ended up here.
Maggie adjusts her glasses and smiles. “This house creeps
me out at night, so really, you’re doing me a favor. Just watch
the steps. They need some work.”
“I’ll help you with the rent or mortgage or whatever.”
“Thank God. I didn’t want to ask in case you were on your
last leg, but I’m not gonna lie—I could use the help. Not for
the mortgage, but I need to do a couple of repairs.”
I’m surprised Ben hasn’t told her about my family, but I
guess I shouldn’t be. He’s not the kind of guy to go around
blabbing gossip about people.
Maggie gives me a quick tour and warns me about the
trouble spots where loose baseboards or water damage have
taken out a few steps. Apparently, she inherited this place from
a relative she didn’t even know well.
 We settle in the living room with some hot chocolate, and I
get out my textbooks, but no matter how many times I read the
page in front of me, I can’t process a word.
“Maggie, can I ask you something?” When she nods, I
give in to the urge that’s been eating away at me since I saw
Ben last night. “Is Ben doing okay?” I’ve already peppered her
with questions about Lily, but I wasn’t ready to talk about him
yet.
Last night I felt overwhelmed and tongue-tied. He looked
so beautiful after practice with his damp hair and t-shirt that
clung to his wide chest. Seeing him talking to Cherry knocked
the wind out of me. I’d had every intention of seeing if we
could work things out, but hearing Johnny talk about Ben and
Cherry scared me.
I bombarded Melvin when I found out that he’d spoken
face-to-face with Ben, but he’s been tight-lipped about the
whole thing. My dad has him doing security audits on all of
his properties because Melvin’s in the doghouse for helping
me without giving my father a heads-up.
Maggie gives me a sad smile. “Ben is his usual serious
self. I can tell he misses you, though.”
I swallow and wish I could rewind the last few days. If
there’s a bright spot, it’s that my dad relented on the security
team. I just have to check in more with “his people.” I’m sure
they’re probably tracking my new phone too, and I guess that’s
fine. If I really want privacy, I’ll just leave my phone at home.
I’m going to use the next few weeks to regroup. To focus
on classes. Teach yoga. Try to raise money for my after-school
yoga program. To find my light, so to speak.
And pretend I’m not heartbroken over losing Ben.
 The hardest part is that after I shared all of the reasons I
didn’t think Ben and I would work, he didn’t argue. He didn’t
fight me. He just accepted it. Or maybe, deep down, he agreed
with me.
A man who loves you would fight harder, right?
I wish I had some fight left in me, but I’m wrung out. I’ve
already experienced being the only one in a relationship, and I
don’t want to have to persuade Ben we should be together.
“You miss him, huh?” Maggie asks as she pulls me into a
hard hug.
“You’re stronger than you look,” I squeak against her
shoulder.
She laughs and lets me go. “Have more hot chocolate. I
find that makes everything better. Even broken hearts.”
I’ve only known Maggie since early August, but
apparently she reads me like a book.
“Thanks.” I accept the refill and promise myself that I’ll
stop moping around soon. “I miss him a lot.”
“I know. You guys will work things out.”
I’m not so sure. Worse? I’m not sure I’m what’s best for
him. We come from really different backgrounds. His aunt and
uncle hate me. His ex probably wants me dead.
“This breakup or whatever this is isn’t his fault. Not really.
I’m just not sure where to go from here.”
Like I told Ben, I’m always the first girl to jump off the
pier or skydive or learn ski tricks.
But I don’t feel brave anymore, and I’m not sure how to
get that back.
55
 BEN

“¡Q UÉ GUAPO !” How handsome. I roll my eyes as my aunt

squeezes my face like I’m seven. My aunt and uncle must’ve
taken Sienna’s challenge that they do more because they
showed up on my doorstep a few days ago with a mountain of
food and promises not to cause any more trouble.
“Thanks.” I’m in a crappy mood after another near loss
this afternoon. There’s nothing more frustrating than sitting on
the sidelines when there’s something you could do if your
asshole coach gave you a chance.
And now I have to schmooze boosters at that dumb
fundraiser tonight when all I want to do is sleep for the next
week.
Good times.
Tía Teresa adjusts my tie and then demands that my uncle
take some photos.
“Isn’t he a good-looking boy? Qué lástima Janelle—”
“Tía.” I’m not talking about Janelle tonight. Shit with her
just gets worse and worse. My uncle found out that she had
run up tens of thousands in credit card debt, which was the
reason she gave in to her parents’ demands that she try to get
back together with me. Not only did they think I could
straighten her out, but they promised to pay off her debt if she
did.
I’m pretty sure only a professional can help that woman.
As far as I know, she’s back with Ernest. Good luck with
that, man.
“Are y’all gonna be okay with Lily tonight? I’ll have my
phone on me, and I’m planning to come right back home after,
so—”
“You don’t have a date, do you?” she asks out of nowhere.
A beleaguered sigh leaves me. “No. I don’t.”
“I’m sure there are so many nice girls out there who’d love
to go out with you.”
“Tía, I know you mean well, but I don’t want to be with
anyone but Sienna. And since she doesn’t want to see me right
now, I’m flying solo.”
Her face falls. “We messed everything up for you with her,
didn’t we?”
That’s my family. Kind of intense and a little crazy but
well-intentioned. We’ve already hashed it out. I don’t want to
dredge up any more drama.
“It’ll be okay.” I say the words on autopilot. She’s not
usually someone who stirs up shit, but she definitely set the
groundwork for that clusterfuck.
I don’t tell her I miss Sienna like I’ve never missed anyone
but my parents when they died or my sister when we got
separated as children.
Before I leave, I kiss my daughter, who’s sitting in her
highchair. “Bye, peanut. Be a good girl. I’ll be home in a little
while.”
“Bye, Daddy!” She gives me a messy grin. She has a ring
of chili all the way around her mouth.
It seems wrong to have my aunt, uncle, and Lily in
Sienna’s house without my girl here.
I feel like I’m missing something elemental. A limb. Part
of my soul. Maybe my heart.
As I open the front door, Fowler is standing there about to
knock.
He does a double-take when he sees me. “I thought you
and Sienna broke up.”
“Nice to see you too.” I close the door behind me and lock
it. “She moved out.”
He’s wearing a suit, sans tie, so he must be on the way to
the banquet too. He stoops to peer into the front window.
“Dude.” I smack his shoulder. “Why are you peeping in
my house? I told you she’s not here. What do you want with
her anyway?”
“Oh, um…” He dangles something shiny in his hand. It
has a charm of a butterfly or something on the end. “I found a
bracelet at the house. In the couch cushions. You know, way in
there. Thought it might be hers. Didn’t think she’d want to talk
to Cal, so I brought it over.”
I hold out my hand. “I’ll give it to her.”
He snatches it back. Tucks it into his pocket. “Nah. It’s
cool. Like I said, I found it. Maybe it belongs to someone else.
I’ll just wait until I see Sienna around.”
I watch him jog back to his car.
 Fucking weird.
Unless he’s trying to get Sienna to go out with him.
Fuming at the thought, I drive to the banquet, which is
being held in the large ballroom above the student union.
By the time I get parked and through an insane amount of
security, I’m late. I make my way to the table, which, for some
reason, is at the front with some mucky-mucks who are
supposed to donate a lot of money. I’ve missed some great
speech, blah blah blah. I smile across the room at Krud, who
can’t strangle me in front of the boosters.
Krud has squeezed himself into a suit and is hamming it up
and pretending he’s not an ass as he wanders around shaking
hands and slapping backs.
Thankfully, my seat is next to Olly, who I’m happy to hang
out with. Too bad he brought Amelia.
Fortunately, Winston’s seated on the other side of the
ballroom. He and Fowler are having a heated discussion,
ignoring their dates.
As I’m taking a sip of my Coke, the granny next to me
says, “I just love those tight pants y’all wear! They make your
booties look so nice!” She pats me on the arm and winks,
making me choke on my drink.
Across the table, there’s another couple, a pregnant lady
with her husband. He’s probably in his mid-forties, and I’d be
surprised if she was twenty-five. They chuckle when Sylvie
the granny asks me if I’d be willing to model those pants for
her.
“Sorry, ma’am. You’ll have to buy a ticket and come to our
next game to check out the goods.”
 She laughs and slaps the table. “Thank God someone here
has a sense of humor.”
Olly leans toward me and whispers, “Why all the security
tonight? You’d think the president was stopping by.”
“I have no idea. You got here before I did.”
“Only by a couple of minutes. Amelia and I took a detour.”
He gets a starry-eyed look that makes me mildly nauseated.
Of course my best friend is in love while I’m having a hard
time giving a shit about anything. All I see are couples
everywhere. They’re dressed up and kissing, and it makes me
miss Sienna. It reminds me how I never had the chance to take
her out or do anything special with her.
And now I’ve lost the opportunity.
I keep waiting for that sense of loss to stop hurting, but if
anything, it’s only getting worse. Even talking to Dr. Patricia,
who was finally able to squeeze me in, doesn’t help.
I’ve been thinking about that conversation Sienna and I
had last week in the parking lot. Truthfully, I’ve thought of
little else.
I finally got Maggie to admit that Sienna was staying with
her in that drafty house she inherited. Everyone on this side of
town knows that house. It’s the biggest eyesore on the block.
I’m surprised it hasn’t been condemned. Since I found out,
I’ve been debating whether I should march over there and
demand that Sienna give me another chance.
But nothing’s changed in my situation. I don’t know what I
have to offer Sienna besides those twenty minutes when we
wake up together and talk softly as the sun comes up. Or the
showers we take when we’re trying to “conserve water.” Or
late nights when I wrap her in my arms and collapse into a
coma. Or those quickie lunches when I race home to see my
girls.
And I’m not even talking about the sex, although it was
out of this world. At this point, I don’t give a shit what she did
or didn’t do with Winston. I just miss her sweet smile and
great laugh and all the ways she helped me be a better person.
I miss her optimistic outlook on life and the way being around
her made me happy.
Only Sienna’s not at our home anymore. Maggie greets me
with a smile and a happy Lily when I’m able to sneak off
campus for a little while, but it’s not the same. Nowhere close.
Maybe those moments we spent together didn’t mean
much to Sienna, but they meant everything to me.
I pull at my tie, loathing every minute I have to sit here
and pretend everything’s fine when my life feels like it’s
falling apart. The only thing I have right now is Lily.
So I put on a smile and pretend that’s enough.
56
 BEN

T HE MAN across the table introduces himself and his girlfriend.

I nod like I care and listen to the conversation half-heartedly.
“What about you? Where’s your date tonight?”
I realize the rich guy is talking to me.
“No date tonight.”
Amelia is kind enough to fill in the blanks. “His girlfriend
broke up with him. I keep trying to set him up with my friends,
but he’s a sad panda.” She finishes that statement in the most
annoying baby voice I’ve ever heard. What Olly sees in her,
I’ll never know.
I give her a tight smile, remembering how she outed my
fake-dating situation to Janelle. With everything going on, I
forgot to talk to Olly about it. “Thanks, Amelia.”
“Sure thing, Ben.”
For some reason, the football guys at the table start sharing
their majors. We go around like we’re at some get-to-know-
you session at orientation.
When it’s my turn, I smile politely and share the pertinent
details. “Double major, business and computer science. Tight
end on the team. Father to a two-year-old named Lily.”
 For some reason, this catches the attention of the rich guy,
who I learn is named Alex. “That’s a lot on your plate.”
He has no idea. “It’s not so bad if you have your priorities
on straight.”
“No time for partying.”
I haven’t been to a party this semester. “Don’t feel like I’m
missing much. Been there, done that. My ex always used to
say that a little sacrifice today will make a big difference
tomorrow.”
“That’s just sad.” Amelia reaches over and pats my arm
like I’m a loser. “Sienna broke up with you, bro. Give it up.”
Olly winces and mouths ‘sorry.’
Why am I here again?
“Excuse me. I’m gonna get something to drink. Can I get
anything for y’all?” I look around the table, and of course
Sylvie wants another Bloody Mary.
I’m paying for Granny to get blitzed when out of the
corner of my eye I spot Destiny hauling ass to the stage.
Haven’t seen her around, but Sienna told me a while back
that Winston had knocked up her former best friend. Destiny
definitely messed with the wrong guy. Winston has zero
concept of honor or loyalty. I suppose that’s the universe’s way
of evening things out after she backstabbed Sienna.
Destiny storms up to Winston and tosses a drink in his
face.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he yells as he jumps
up and starts for her, but Fowler holds him back.
 The entire ballroom quiets. Every pair of eyes is on
Winston and Destiny.
She doesn’t seem to care that her life is at risk because she
gets in his face. “I’m pregnant with your baby and you’re here
with another woman? What about all the promises you made
to me? What about your responsibility to me and this baby?”
“That’s not my kid, you crazy bitch!”
Krud runs at them, testing the strength of the buttons on
his suit. His face is bright red as he angry-whispers at them.
Winston’s date tries to defend him, and Destiny reaches
over and yanks out some extensions.
“Ooooh, bad move.” Olly shakes his head before he
apologizes to the boosters at our table. “We’re not always a
Jerry Springer episode, but when we are, we really do it with
style.”
Krud and the security drag Winston, his date, and the ex
behind the stage, but the curtains are cracked open, and I can
see hair flying.
Everyone in the ballroom hears bits and pieces because the
mic at the podium is hot and catching what they say.
The girls get dragged away, but Krud is still yelling at
Winston. Let me say, for someone who’s been on the receiving
end of Krud’s ire since training camp started, I’m rather
enjoying this moment.
“Do you have any idea who’s in attendance tonight, you
moron?” Krud’s breathing so hard, we can hear it in the front
row. “I got hired to do two things—finish the funding for the
renovations and win games. Your father isn’t paying me
enough for this crap. He swore up and down that your talent
alone could carry the offense, which is bullshit and you know
it. If he wants me to promote you while keeping Rodriguez off
the field, he’d better double those payments.”
Frozen, I replay those words back in my head.
What. The. Fuck.
I look around the table, speechless.
“Holy shit.” Olly’s eyes are wider than the dinner plates on
the table. “Did you just hear what I think I heard?”
My heart is pounding, and I can barely hear anything but
the sound of blood pumping in my ears.
“Get out of my sight!” Krud yells at Winston before our
sweaty coach pops out from behind the curtains. “Sorry for the
disruption, ladies and gentlemen! We’ll be kicking off our
silent auction soon, so get those pocketbooks ready.”
I shake my head, disgusted, because knowing my luck, this
won’t change a damn thing.
Alex clears his throat. “So… Rodriguez. That’s you,
right?” He motions toward me.
I hold up my drink. Take a drink. “Yup. Cheers.”
Damn, I wish I could talk to Sienna tonight. She’d make
sense of this for me. Help me figure out what to do.
All of a sudden, I understand that old eighties movie where
the guy stands beneath that girl’s window with a boom box.
Would Sienna talk to me if I just showed up out of the
blue?
People are getting up and leaving even though Krud is
begging them to be seated.
“It’s been a pleasure meeting y’all.” I get up, hoping I can
book it out of here, but the exits are getting backed up.
 When I get near the door, one of the security guards
eyeballs me. He’s wearing a black suit and is wired up like
he’s Secret Service. He brings his wrist to his mouth and turns
toward the wall, but I can still hear him.
“Eagle and Osprey are on the move. Sparrow has checked
in for the night. Over and out.”
I finally make it out to my Rover when I remember how
Melvin calls Sienna his little sparrow. I smile at the memory.
I’d never think of her as something so diminutive. At the same
time, I understand that protective thing he has for her. I’m glad
my girl has someone looking out for her.
As I’m pulling out of the parking lot, I think about Fowler
and that look on his face when I opened the door to Sienna’s
house. That dumbass had better not make a move on her. She’s
mine.
Or at least I hope she will be again.
I grip the steering wheel and head for home even though
every bone in my body is telling me to head to Maggie’s house
and stand under Sienna’s window and beg the woman to give
me another chance.
I’m at a light when I freeze.
That wasn’t a butterfly on that bracelet Fowler held out to
me.
Somewhere in my brain, the puzzle fits together.
I pull a U-turn that has the traffic behind me honking, but I
don’t give a shit.
Maybe I’m wrong about this. I fucking hope I am, but I
won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t know for sure.
57
 SIENNA

M Y DAD TEXTS AGAIN , but I shut off my new phone. I’m still
upset with him, and I’d rather have my pubes waxed than
drive down to Austin tomorrow to have brunch with him and
Penelope. I would’ve met up if it had just been him, but it’s
hard to see him with her.
A twisted part of me feels like he traded in me and my
mom for a young wife, and now he’s going to start a whole
new family.
Um. That’s some sick shit. I make a mental note to
schedule a virtual therapy session this week. If I ever want to
leave this house, I’ll have to make an effort soon.
I took up the dean’s offer to work remotely for a while. I
heard my dad is doing the rounds at the school, and I don’t
want any part of that. He wants the accolades for donating
money, which is fine. It’s his money, but if it were mine, I’d
make anonymous donations.
The light flickers, and I still. After a second, it comes back
on. This place is a case study in creepy houses. Everything
creaks, and the corridors are eerie as hell at night. Don’t get
me started on the basement. If I go down there again, I’m
pretty sure I’ll be having nightmares. Of course, that’s where
the washer and dryer are. I’m holding out until I don’t have a
stitch to wear before I venture down there again.
And unfortunately, Maggie’s not here, so I’ll be creeped
out until she returns home.
I’m sprawled out on the shag carpet in the living room
trying to study, but I have to admit I’m not getting a lot done.
I’m mostly feeling sorry for myself that I’m not with Ben at
the booster banquet tonight. Everyone’s all dressed up. I bet
Ben looks so hot in a suit.
For a long, agonizing moment, it’s hard to breathe. I miss
him so much. I’m constantly questioning myself about
breaking up with him, but then I remind myself if he really
wanted this, really wanted me, he’d try harder.
Maybe it was dumb to test him like that. Not that I set out
to test him that night after practice, but I got frazzled when I
saw him with Cherry, and his lack of effort felt like he was
telling me something without saying it. And I don’t want to be
that girl who can’t take a hint.
A sound on the front porch has me breathing a sigh of
relief. “Maggie! Is that you?” I shout. “Thank God you’re
home.”
I laugh as I jog to the front door. I flip open the lock, swing
the door open, and let out a scream.
“Holy shit, you scared me,” I yell at Derek as I press my
hand to my chest.
“Hey, Sienna. Sorry about that.” His breath smells boozy.
No shocker there.
He’s dressed up, probably for that banquet. “What’s going
on?” I try to peer past him, wondering if he brought Cal.
Those two have always been connected at the hip.
 Ugh, I am not prepared to talk to Cal tonight. I literally
have nothing to say to that man. I don’t have anything to say
to Derek either. Not only did he know Cal was cheating on me,
he ran interference on his behalf. And I used to think he was
such a sweet guy.
“Can I come in?” Derek looks me up and down in a way
I’m definitely not comfortable with.
I glance behind me at the creepy house, wishing that
Maggie was here. “What’s up?” I block the door and cross my
arms over my chest.
But he’s easily twice my size, and when he steps closer,
I’m keenly aware I’m alone here.
“I was, uh, I was wondering if this bracelet was yours,” he
slurs. “Found it in our couch. You know that one you love with
the big cushions.” He laughs awkwardly before he reaches into
his pant pocket and dangles my sparrow bracelet in front of
me.
A smile lights my face. “Yes! That’s mine. Thank you!” I
don’t remember wearing it to Cal’s house, but I guess I did.
I try to take it from him, but he yanks it away. Except his
coordination is off, and he almost drops it before he tucks it in
his pocket.
“Does that at least get me a drink with you? Or are you
gonna let me stand out here all night?”
I frown, not liking how he’s going about this. “It’s pretty
late. I was going to turn in soon. Maybe another time?”
Never. I’ll never meet up with Derek, but I’m here by
myself, and I have no idea when Maggie will be home. And
duh, Sienna, this is a great reason why you should not be
shutting off your phone—because now it’ll take forever to start
it and make a call. Lesson learned.
It’s a dark night with a new moon. There’s no one out
walking their dog or going for a jog. And the streetlight on the
corner is out.
Now that I think about it, how did Derek know he could
find me here? I can count the people who know on one hand. I
certainly haven’t made any announcements.
All the hair on the back of my neck stands up.
“Come on, Sienna.” His words all run together. “You’ve
barely spoken to me since you broke up with Cal. You can’t
pos… possibly hold what he did against me.”
Now that I look more carefully, his eyes are bloodshot and
he’s starting to sway.
“Go home, Derek. You’re drunk.” I glance down the yard
and notice his car is half-parked on the sidewalk. Headlights
down the street have me hoping that’s Maggie. “Don’t drive if
you’re wasted. Hold on, and I’ll call you an Uber.”
I’m not his biggest fan, but that doesn’t mean I want him
to die on the road or have an accident.
I turn to grab my phone when I get shoved and land hard
on my hands and knees. My eyes sting, and I’m about to ask
what the fuck is wrong with him when he slams the door shut
and rolls me over.
But before I can yell at him, he winds his hand painfully
into my hair and throws me on the couch where he yanks me
in for a disgusting, wet kiss.
For a terrifying second, I’m paralyzed.
 But then all of the self-defense training Melvin gave me
suddenly kicks in, and I knee this asshole in his balls as hard
as I can. He screams and lets me go, but before he gets far, I
shoot out my sneakered foot toward his knee and connect with
a crack. He goes down in a heap.
“You bitch! What the hell d’you do to my knee?”
When I stand, I stagger and try to catch my breath.
I’m shaking when I see the destruction in the living room.
All of my books are everywhere. The coffee table is in pieces
since that’s where Derek landed. My knees and elbows are
scratched and bleeding.
The front door flies open, and Ben storms in. He looks me
over, and I realize that my tank is torn and hanging off my
shoulder. Turning to Derek, Ben’s face is murderous.
“What the fuck did you do to her?” He picks Derek off the
floor only to knock him down with a right hook.
“I’m okay!” I grab Ben before he kills this idiot. “He’s not
worth it.”
Derek tries to get up, but Ben shoves him to the floor.
“You’re the one who ransacked her room. Weren’t you?”
Derek moans as he grabs his knee. “It wasn’t like that. I
love her. I’ve always loved her.” He hiccups. “Cal didn’t
appreciate her. I do. I was gonna prove to her I was the right
man for her.”
After a pause, he continues with his confession. “Cal was
supposed to talk her into a three-way, and I thought that would
be my chance, but he blew it.” He rubs his eyes. “And I only
took her bracelet.”
 “What the hell, you psycho!” I shiver. “That’s not how you
show someone you love them! You don’t trash someone’s
house and steal their stuff! Where’s my passport?”
“Oh, yeah. The passport,” he mumbles. He must’ve found
it and talked it over with Janelle that night.
Ben growls. “And you show your affection for her by
attacking her? What the fuck, Fowler? How did you even
know she lived here?”
Derek wipes the blood off his mouth. “Asked one of the
cheerleaders to ask Amelia. Figured she’d know ’cause you
and Olly are tight.”
Freaking Amelia.
Derek shifts, and Ben shoves him down again. “Don’t even
think about getting up.”
A moment later, strong arms wrap around me, and I
burrow my face against Ben’s chest. It’s not until I’m in his
arms that I realize how hard I’m shaking.
Ben came. When I needed him most, he somehow knew.
Blowing out a breath, I rest my head against him and close
my eyes. Wrapped in his arms, I’ve never felt safer.
58
 SIENNA

A FTER I ASSURE Ben I’m not hurt, he pulls out his phone and
calls the cops. I should probably call my dad, but he’ll lose his
marbles when he hears what happened.
Now that this whole fiasco is over, I’m mostly pissed this
asshole wrecked Maggie’s living room.
After the police come, I explain what happened, and they
haul Derek away.
Then I call my father and listen to him yell at me.
Ben must be able to hear the tirade, because he frowns and
asks for the phone. Hesitantly, I place it in his hand.
“Excuse me, sir, with all due respect, Sienna deserves your
praise and not a reprimand. By the time I got here, she’d
subdued her attacker in two moves. Now, I’m no expert, but
for all intents and purposes, she took care of business. Sienna’s
the most capable woman I know. I’m sure that had something
to do with your influence, but maybe instead of criticizing her,
you should consider her strengths, which are considerable.”
Then he clears his throat and says, “I’m her boyfriend
Ben.” He winks at me, and I smile back, my heart fluttering at
the look in his eyes.
 I don’t know how my father responds, but Ben’s forehead
smooths, and he nods. “Yes, sir. I’ll be sure to tell her. Good
night.”
When he hangs up, I laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard
anyone handle my father like that. What did he say?”
“He said I was right, and he was sorry. And that he’ll
apologize to you tomorrow over breakfast. He said something
about waffles.”
Guess my dad is getting that breakfast after all, but I’m
still too caught up on how Ben came to my defense to be
irritated. Plus, there’s that whole boyfriend thing.
“So does this mean you want us to get back together?” I
ask, my heart hammering.
He places his hands on my shoulders. “I’m a dumbass,
Sienna. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I
love you to the moon and back. You’re my sunshine. Nothing,
nothing is worth losing you.”
Fat tears well in my eyes. “I love you too, Ben. I’ve missed
you so much.”
“Don’t cry, sunshine.” He kisses me. Once. Twice. “Can
you forgive me for not hauling you into my arms the other
night after practice and begging you to come home with me? I
was just so overwhelmed.” As I nod, he gently wipes my face
with his thumbs.
“If you can forgive me for moving. Because we promised
we wouldn’t freeze each other out and that’s exactly what I
did.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, baby. If I had been in your
shoes, I would’ve lost it too.”
 “What about that fight with Cal during training camp? Did
it have something to do with me? I feel like you’ve been so
distant since then.”
Sighing, Ben shakes his head. “He said some rude shit that
got in my head, but I’m over it. I swear. And I’m sorry if I
took it out on you. I don’t always know how to process things,
but I promise to try harder.”
“No more apocalypse-style freezeouts, okay? Because
that’s what we both did in our own ways.” I hold up my
pinkie, which he hooks with his.
“No more freezeouts. Just sunny days with my sweet
mamacita.”
I giggle while he presses kisses to my neck and jaw, but by
the time he stands and lifts me into his arms, I’m done
laughing.
“Where’s your room?” he asks in between kisses.
I point upstairs with one hand while I clasp his neck with
the other. We don’t even make it to the stairs before he leans
me up against the wall and we start stripping clothes off each
other. He helps me fling off my ripped tank top and bra, and I
whip off his suit jacket and tie. At some point, buttons go
flying.
He goes to his knees to help me slide off my shorts and
undies. When he sees the scratches on my legs, his eyes
darken. “I can’t believe that asshole hurt you.”
I thread my fingers through his thick hair. “I’m okay.
Everything’s okay now that you’re here.”
He’s on the ground, staring up at me with so much
adoration, I can’t believe I ever doubted his affection. “I love
you, sunshine. You mean everything to me.”
 And then he lifts my leg over his shoulder.
The first swipe of his tongue on my bare skin has me
arching back against the wall. He works me over until I’m
panting, and then he slips in two thick fingers, and I go off.
When he stands, I fumble with his belt but eventually
manage to get his slacks and boxer briefs pushed down his
hips. His erection bobs up to greet me.
After he kicks off his clothes, I hop back into his arms as
he positions himself beneath me. He’s about to bury himself in
me when he freezes.
“Fuck.” His head drops onto my shoulder. “I don’t have a
condom.”
I nibble on his ear. “I’ve never missed a pill. And I trust
you.”
He lifts his head, and our eyes connect. “I trust you too,
baby.”
We watch each other as he slides into me bare. I sink
slowly down his thick length, and the sensation is incredible.
Goosebumps break out all over my body.
“Goddamn, you feel amazing. Your sweet little pussy… is
so tight. So wet. Fuck.” His whole body is taut. “I’ve never…”
he moans as he slides deeper. “I’ve never gone bare before.”
“I haven’t either.”
If I thought it felt good when he slid in, it’s nothing
compared to how my body lights up when he starts to move.
With a grunt, he bounces me on his thick cock. Overcome
by how good he feels, I let my head loll back, but he grips my
hair.
 “Get back over here. I need to kiss that beautiful mouth.”
With a tight hold on my hair that sends shivers over me, he
kisses me.
Our tongues tangle and mimic what he’s doing to my body.
When I arch back, he lowers his head and licks my nipple.
Sucks it into his mouth. Bites it a little, just the way I like it.
But when he reaches between us and rubs my clit, I come
hard with a scream. That must set him off because he thrusts
one more time and comes, his pulsing body setting off another
wave of ecstasy in me.
I’m so caught up in what we’re doing, I never hear the
front door opening.
Suddenly, Maggie is hitting Ben with her bag. “Leave her
alone, you savage!”
“What the hell, Magnolia!” Ben yells. “I was having a
really great reunion with my girlfriend. Do you mind?”
Her eyes widen and her whole face turns bright red.
“Sienna, you’re okay with this?”
I laugh, but because Ben’s cock is still lodged up in
Netherland, my laughter squeezes him, and he groans and
burrows his face in my shoulder as he finishes up.
“Yeah, I’m definitely good with this, Mags.” I snort.
“Thanks for asking.”
She must realize she’s staring because she holds up a hand
to cover her eyes, but she keeps talking. “It’s just that… you
were screaming bloody murder. I could hear you outside. The
living room is destroyed, and you’re going at it in the hallway.
I thought Ben was some kind of intruder.”
 I laugh harder. “I’ll tell you everything if you could, you
know, give us a few minutes.”
“Of course!” She starts to turn away, but then pauses. “So,
Ben, I guess you nailed the right position on the football team,
huh? Tight end?” She snickers and runs off.
“Jesus,” he mumbles against my neck. “I’ll never be able
to look that girl in the eye again.”
I reach behind him and smack his rear. “Is my little tight
end embarrassed?”
“You’re lucky you’re so cute, smartass.” He sets me down
on my feet and slides out of me. “Stay here.” He kisses the top
of my head and trots his handsome, naked self to the kitchen
and returns with some paper towels.
Holy crap. Sex without a condom is messy. And I love that
Ben isn’t squeamish about it. Just cleans me up and sets me to
rights before he tugs on his slacks.
“You looked awfully sexy in that suit, Mr. Rodriguez.”
He nibbles on my neck. “I rather enjoyed you peeling it off
of me.”
Once we’ve explained everything to Maggie, and Ben’s
called his uncle to let him know he’s staying with me for the
night, we have a slower round two in my bed.
We’re face to face, and my leg is thrown over his hip. His
hand is on my rear as he slowly sinks in and out of me.
We’re as close as two people could possibly be. Nose to
nose. Chest to chest. Just his big, strong body holding me like
I’m the most precious thing in his life. I’m overwhelmed with
love for this man.
 His dark eyes search mine as he whispers, “I really want
this to work. Not just for this semester or until graduation. But
long-term. Whatever it takes.”
I smile. “Whatever it takes.”
“I love you, Sienna. You’re my sunshine.”
“I sorta think you’re mine too.”
Afterward, we’re both drowsy, but I don’t want to sleep
yet. I’m too happy to have him back in my life.
I’m draped over him while his hand runs up and down my
back.
“How did you know to come here tonight?” My voice is a
rasp, probably from the orgasms he wrecked me with tonight.
He kisses my temple. “Fowler came to the house earlier to
ask if you’d lost a bracelet. At first, I thought there was a
butterfly or dragonfly charm on the end, but when I was at the
banquet, someone said something about a sparrow, and it
reminded me of you.”
“Melvin gave me the bracelet for Christmas several years
ago.”
He’s quiet as I listen to his heartbeat, but then he
continues. “I was on my way home when I got this bad
feeling. I can’t explain it. I just needed to find you and make
sure you were okay. I wasn’t sure if there was any truth to my
theory that maybe Fowler was the one who ransacked your
room, but I was worried enough that I pulled a U-turn and
drove straight here.”
“I’m so grateful you did.”
When I wake in the morning with him spooning me, I
smile into my pillow. I might have to deal with my dad and the
aftermath of what happened with Derek, but I’m so grateful to
have Ben at my side.
59
 BEN

A S I SWEEP the living room, I smile at Sienna, who turns a

sweet shade of pink, probably because she’s thinking about
what we did to each other in the shower this morning.
“Love you, baby.” For a guy who’s never been able to say
those words easily, they’re rolling off my tongue this morning.
She skips over to me and plants a kiss that has me
regretting our long to-do list today.
Our first stop is by my house to check on Lily, which takes
longer than it should because my aunt and uncle spend half an
hour apologizing to Sienna for what happened the last time
they saw her.
“Thank you,” Sienna says quietly as she perches at the
edge of the couch. “And I’m sorry for speaking to you both the
way I did. I kinda lost my temper.”
My aunt reaches over and pats her hand. “I deserved it. We
both did,” she adds as she nudges my uncle.
He nods and wipes his forehead. “I hope you know that
you’ll always be welcome at our house.”
Sienna nods hesitantly. I’m under no illusions she’s going
to magically forget all the crap they put her through, but
they’ve promised they’re over the fantasy of getting me back
with Janelle. And now that they know all the shit she pulled
since she thundered back into my life this summer, they admit
Janelle’s not the person they thought she was. They swear
they’re supportive of me and Sienna. I suppose only time will
tell.
Lily covers Sienna in slobbery kisses when she sees her.
“Missed you, my little dewdrop.”
I take my girls to the Waffle House where we’re meeting
her father. It’s strangely empty for a Sunday morning. There’s
only one customer. Alex, that rich guy from last night.
Internally, I laugh because this doesn’t really seem like his
kind of restaurant.
“Dad.”
I stand there, stunned, as Sienna lets Alex pull her into a
hug.
Alex is her father. No shit.
“I’m glad you’re okay, honey,” he says softly. She nods,
looking choked up.
He extends his hand, and I reciprocate. Once I have Lily in
a highchair and everyone’s seated, “Alex,” or Alejandro as
he’s known to the rest of the world, fixes his cuff links.
“Sienna, your boyfriend reminded me of a few things last
night, and I wanted to apologize for not making sure you knew
that I think you’re incredibly capable.”
Her eyes drop to her lap. I reach between us and take her
hand in mine and give it a squeeze. She gives me a sideways
smile and then turns to her father.
“Thanks, Dad.”
 He takes a sip of coffee. “You know, I’ve been thinking
about what you told me when we met for dinner last week, and
I hope you know I’m every bit as interested in what you do as
I am in your brothers. I’m obviously doing a poor job of
showing you that, but I aim to try better.”
The beautiful woman at my side sniffs. Nods. Whispers
another thanks.
“Unfortunately,” he continues, “I can see why you would
think that. Which is why I asked Penelope to wait at the hotel
today so we could have some time, just you and me, to talk.”
“Would you like me and Lily to leave?” I ask, not wanting
to intrude on their time. While I might not know all of the
history between Sienna and her father, I can tell they have a lot
of fences to mend. “I don’t mind.”
“No,” she says. “Stay. This is my family. The good, the
bad, and the ugly. I got to meet your family, so now I want you
to meet mine.”
I kiss the top of her head. “Whatever you want.” Hopefully
today won’t have the fireworks my family get-together had in
Dallas.
Lily is quietly coloring in her highchair, which I take as a
sign that this meeting is going well.
Alex taps on his phone. “Sienna, I read through your
prospectus on the yoga program, and I’m happy to fund it. No
strings attached.”
“Dad, you don’t have to do that. I’ve thought about it, and
I decided to approach some local, fitness-oriented companies
and see if they’d donate to the cause. I spent last week making
a list of all of the businesses in Austin and the surrounding
towns that might be interested.”
 He nods slowly. “Then how about I match whatever
amount you’re able to raise. I’d like to support what you’re
doing.”
“Really? That would be wonderful.”
“Have you taken one of her classes?” I ask. “I have to
warn you—she’ll put you through your paces. But it’s one of
the best workouts I’ve ever had, and I’m a D1 athlete. It’s so
good I told her she should put it on an app, maybe with
different meditations people can choose from.”
He leans forward. “An app, you say?”
Sienna laughs. “Oh, God, you said the magic word.”
The three of us toss out ideas, and after a few minutes,
Sienna gets out her phone and starts taking notes.
I tap on the table. “We could film you at your yoga studio.
Edit everything down to the individual moves that people
could mix and match, depending on what kind of workout they
want.”
“I love that idea,” she says, her thumbs flying on the
screen.
I cut up a waffle into Lily-sized bites and feed my daughter
as Sienna chats quietly with her father. My kid has syrup
smeared all over her face, but she’s smiling and happy.
“You want one more bite, peanut?”
Lily pats her chest. “All the bites.”
I chuckle, and I’m struck once again by how grateful I am
she came into my life.
After we finish eating, I can’t help but ask Alex the
question I’ve been dying to since we sat down. “Did you know
that Sienna and I used to date when I sat across from you last
night?”
“Of course.”
I nod slowly, feeling like a dumbass. “You look different
than you did on Time magazine.”
“I get that a lot. But I’m sorry I didn’t properly introduce
myself last night. I guess I wanted to get a feel for the man
who told Melvin he loved my daughter.”
Makes sense. Yeah.
“Pretty slick, man. I’m taking notes for when my kid starts
to date.” I wipe Lily down since her hands are covered in
syrup.
He chuckles.
Sienna bumps me with her shoulder. “You told Melvin you
loved me before you told me?”
I glance at her and then back to her father. Then back to
her. “Do you really want to discuss it with your father at the
breakfast table?”
She snickers. “I love how you’re blushing right now.”
“I’m not blushing. It’s hot in here. And yes, I might have
mentioned it to Melvin when he looked like he wanted to beat
the crap out of me because of photos Janelle took of me when
I was asleep.”
“Aww.” She turns my face to her and kisses me.
I kiss her back until someone coughs.
Right. Her dad. Who suddenly doesn’t look so friendly
anymore.
“Sorry, sir. Yes, I love your daughter.”
 He crosses his arms over his chest. “You know you’re not
getting a penny of her trust fund, right?”
“Dad!”
I laugh with a shrug. “I don’t care about her money. If we
get married someday, I’ll sign whatever prenup you want me
to.”
Damn. Did I just bring up marriage?
Once the shock of that idea settles, it feels right.
They say when you meet the right woman, you just know.
I glance over at Sienna, who’s beaming a huge smile at me.
“Love you, sunshine.”
Oh, yeah, I’m gonna marry this girl someday.
60
 BEN

I SWITCH the bouquet of flowers from one hand to the other so

I can wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. Sienna would laugh
to know how nervous I am right now, but it’s important to get
this right. To show her how much she means to me. To prove
I’ll be there for her.
Since I met her father a few weeks ago, we’ve barely had
two minutes to ourselves. My family has taken turns coming
down to Charming to help me with Lily so Sienna can teach
her yoga classes. My aunt and uncle agreed it wasn’t fair to
have so much of Lily’s care fall on Sienna.
Between that and the chaos of having the entire football
program under investigation thanks to Krud, I haven’t had
much time to spend with her, and it’s killing me. I mean to
rectify that tonight.
After I knock on the door, Maggie whips it open. “Aww!
Look at you. Flowers and everything.” She tilts her head back
to yell, “Sienna! Loverboy’s here!”
Maggie shifts out of the way as my beautiful girlfriend
twirls into the room. Damn. I’m a lucky man.
“You got me flowers?” She takes the bouquet and brings it
to her nose.
 “They were long overdue.”
Sienna leaps into my arms to thank me with a kiss. “Great
game, babe. That little zigzag thing you ran for the touchdown
was killer.”
We’re 1-1 since Coach Nicholson has taken over the team,
but I’m hoping he can settle us down and get us to re-focus.
“Thanks, sunshine.”
“You sure you’re not too tired? We don’t have to go to
dinner.”
Fuck that. I don’t say the words, but there’s no way in hell
I’m bailing on taking her out tonight. Yes, I’m exhausted, but I
am long overdue to take her out on a real date. Getting late-
night takeout doesn’t count. Although I don’t have the funds to
wine and dine her somewhere ritzy, I know Sienna doesn’t
care about those kinds of things.
As we wind through town, I thread my fingers through
hers.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” she asks.
“Nope. Good things come to those who wait.” Teasing her
is the best part.
We pull into a barbecue joint that doesn’t look like much
from the front, but the back terrace is lit up with those twinkle
lights Sienna loves. I know because I scouted it out the other
day. She oohs and ahhs over how pretty it is. We chat with
some mutual friends we spot when we first arrive, but decline
when they invite us to sit with them. I don’t think either of us
wants to share our evening with anyone else.
We sit, just the two of us, in a corner of the terrace,
surrounded by the warm glow of those sparkle lights.
 “How did your yoga classes go this week?”
“They were great. Each session was packed.”
“It’s because you’re an incredible instructor. I overheard a
few girls at lunch the other day rave about how your class is
their favorite.”
She places her hand over her heart. “That makes me so
happy to hear!”
We talk about the game and how rough practice has been
since all that shit went down. We brainstorm how we’ll deal
with Janelle if she makes more trouble. Sienna tells me about
the funny thing Lily did this week.
Sitting here with her like this is the first time I feel like I
have a partner, someone who wants to be by my side, for
better or worse. God knows she and I have already been
through plenty of bad shit together. Hopefully better times are
ahead. Starting with this date.
After a delicious dinner, I tug her close. “Are you in the
mood for dessert?”
The look she gives me makes me consider taking her
straight back to her place and stripping her out of her dress.
“Are you on the menu?”
I laugh and kiss her. “Maybe. But we’ll have to be
stealthy.”
She gives me a confused look, but I don’t divulge any
more details. This woman loves surprises, and I plan to give
her as many as she can handle if it makes her happy.
When we reach the retro drive-in theater that opened last
summer on the outskirts of town, she hops up and down in her
seat. “I’ve always wanted to go to one of these! And I love this
movie! How did you know?”
It was either Ten Things I Hate About You or Aliens, and I
figured a romcom would please Sienna more than guts flying
all over the screen.
I reverse my Rover into our parking spot, and she points
behind her. “How are we supposed to see the movie?”
“You’ll see.” I head around to open her door.
She gets out with a laugh. “You are full of surprises
tonight.”
She’s all glowy and leveling that sunshiny smile at me, so I
know she’s loving the mystery.
I pop open the back of my SUV where I have blankets laid
out and a bevy of sweet snacks and drinks.
“My lady.” I hand her up, taking a moment to appreciate
the glimpse of her toned legs as she ducks into my Rover.
As we watch the movie, she curls up against me, one thigh
resting over mine, and even though I’m bone tired, I’m
enjoying having this woman in my arms too much to be
tempted to fall asleep.
Heath Ledger is crooning to Julia Styles and dancing
across the screen when Sienna sighs. “That’s so romantic. I
love that he sings to her.”
It gives me an idea…
But first things first.
I squeeze her close and whisper in her ear, “Babe, what
would it take for you to move back in with me? Because I
really fucking miss you.”
 She turns in my arms and the look of love on her face does
me in.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
 EPILOGUE

SIENNA
M AGGIE and I huddle together in the stands. It’s the last home
game of the season, and considering everything that happened
with the team this year, I’m thrilled we’ve only had three
losses.
Coach Krud got fired after the school investigated the
allegations he was taking payments from select players for
more game time. Apparently, Cal’s father went to college with
Krud and offered him big bucks to give Cal more time on the
field while also benching Ben. Krud and Mr. Winston are
currently under federal investigation.
Three players, including Cal, were initially suspended
from the team for their participation in the pay-to-play
scheme, but Cal eventually got expelled when several women
raised sexual misconduct charges against him. Destiny says
she plans to sue him for child support because she knows he
won’t cough it up on his own.
I started doing my virtual therapy appointments again after
Derek got charged with assault and expelled. A part of me
feels guilty, like I ruined his life—thus the therapy. My
therapist says victims of assault often have to work through
feelings of shame and guilt. Deep down, I know I didn’t hold a
gun to Derek’s head and drive him to my house that night.
Ben has to remind me that the guy destroyed my room and
tried to hurt me, and if he would do that to me, he could do
that to other women. Sometimes I need Ben to put things into
perspective. Ben and I have spent many long nights talking
through what I call our emotional knots.
After the way last season finished, the media had a field
day with the Broncos’ troubles this fall, but all that opened up
room for Coach Nicholson to take over the team, and he had
the smarts to not only play Ben but to make him a starter
again.
And even though the team won’t make the playoffs this
year, they’re finishing strong, and Ben’s been making the
ESPN highlight reels almost every weekend since Nicholson
became head coach. If you discount those early games when
Krud was in charge, Ben’s stats are just as strong as they were
last year, which bodes well for the draft.
I’m screaming my heart out when Ben gets the ball, flies
over a defender, jukes this way and that to lose another guy,
and then hurtles down the field where he gets a touchdown.
“Hell yeah!” Maggie screams.
We jump up and down in each other’s arms.
“I suppose that was pretty good,” my dad says on the other
side of me where he and my brothers are enjoying the game.
I smack my dad in the shoulder. “Pretty good? Please. That
was awesome!”
“What do the kids like to say today?” Tío Julio turns to ask
me from the row in front of us where he’s sitting with Teresa.
“That kicked so much ass.”
 We all laugh.
I’m happy to say that since that horrid weekend in Dallas
when I met Ben’s family, my relationship with Julio and
Teresa has improved by leaps and bounds. I suppose it helps
that Janelle wanted to stay with Ernest, and since Ernest didn’t
want to raise another man’s kid, Janelle was happy to sign
over custody to Ben.
It sucks for Lily, but she’s the center of our lives. Ben’s
aunt and uncle visit every few weeks, and between the four of
us, I hope she knows how loved and wanted she is.
I moved back into my old house with Ben shortly after
Derek’s attack. With all of the demands on Ben’s schedule, it
was the simplest way to spend time together. His aunt
eventually stopped griping about how we were “living in sin.”
Last week, she gave me her top-secret family recipe for
enchiladas, so I’m taking that as a good sign. Plus, she’s taught
me a ton of Spanish.
And my father won’t admit it, but he loves Ben. They’re
both giant eggheads and love to sit around and talk about
coding. Which means Ben and my brothers get along too.
I never knew it mattered, but having all the men in my life
enjoy one another’s company is actually really cool.
My father hasn’t told anyone because he knows I like to
keep a low profile around here, but he helped the school get
the funding it needed to complete the renovations. I have a
feeling it’s all because he’s pretty fond of my guy down there
on the field.
Interestingly, the class Ben needs second semester is being
offered after all, which means he’ll graduate with a double
degree. I have a sneaking suspicion my dad might be
responsible for that as well.
And now that my yoga app is well under way, my father
has finally dropped the discussion of grad school and moving
back to California. He told me that all he ever wanted was for
me to have some focus and be passionate about whatever I was
doing. When he says it like that, I get what he was trying to
say all those years we argued. Who knew a few words could
make such a huge difference in a relationship?
Maggie and I are holding hands as the clock winds down.
My dad leans toward me. “You know, today wasn’t so bad.
No one asked me for my autograph.”
I snort. “Dad, no one cares how much money you have
here.”
Of course, he is wearing a beanie and sweatshirt and looks
like all the other parents in the stands.
But that idea gives me pause. There are no paparazzi in
Charming. Not like how he’s hounded whenever he’s in Cali
or New York. No one harasses him when he visits, which he’s
been making a point to do whenever he has to stop in Austin.
Now, if he played football, that might be a different story,
because the players get stopped often by fans, but those
interactions are usually pretty positive.
“Hey, Dad, when did you say that next meeting for the
foundation was being held?” He’s hoping to support several
local charities over the next few years, so the committee will
be meeting more regularly in Austin.
He munches on some popcorn. “Next week. Why?”
“What would you say if I joined you?” I hold up my hand
before he gets too excited. “Maybe I could help on a regional
level?”
“I’d be damn proud to have you represent us, honey.” He
pulls me in for a hug. “Are we still meeting at the Crazy Horse
Saloon afterward? I need to let Penelope know.”
“Yup. Tell her she shouldn’t dress up because the ribs are
messy.” She’s too pregnant to join us at the stadium, but she
wants to come to dinner.
Nodding, he texts his now-wife, and I smile.
Because I’m realizing that no matter my differences with
Penelope, she makes him happy. Now that I’m with Ben, I
think I understand that better. Penelope and I will never be
besties, but I can appreciate that I’ve never seen my dad smile
more than when he’s with her. And it’s helped that he and I
have been able to spend more time together, just the two of us,
and have had a chance to talk through some of our issues.
Everyone cheers for the win, and fans flood the field.
My dad gives me a little nudge. “What are you waiting
for?”
I run over to the ledge, and my brothers help me down to
the field where Ben is waiting. He dips me dramatically for a
kiss. When he sets me upright, I’m out of breath, and there are
no longer eighty thousand fans, media, or football players.
It feels like it’s just the two of us. Like it’s always been
just the two of us. Two souls, somehow connected.
“That was—” I touch my lips. “Wow.”
He has the most intense look in his eyes.
“What?” I ask as I wrap my arms around his neck.
“Just thinking how much I love you.”
 “Love you too,” I mumble against his mouth. Once I
regain my senses, I tell him he played a great game.
He chuckles. “Does this mean I get a little note later?”
After a big win, I leave him love notes, especially if the
team had to travel. Like, Great game! Sorry I couldn’t stay
awake. There’s pizza in the fridge. Wake me if you wanna
bang! xo
I laugh and run my hands through his sweaty hair.
“Definitely.” Since we’re grabbing dinner together this
evening, I’m guessing food isn’t what interests him.
“Rodriguez,” one of the players calls out. “Coach wants
us.”
Reluctantly, we part.
“So I’ll see you later at the restaurant?” he asks. “I need to
stay for the press conference, so it might take a bit.”
“No rush. I’ll see you when you’re done.”
After a kiss to my forehead, he’s off. I sigh as I watch my
boyfriend meet up with his teammates. They’re so happy.
They deserve every moment of this celebration after the
challenges they’ve had this season.
Two hours later, my family is hanging out in the back
room at the Crazy Horse Saloon, waiting for Ben to show up.
Everyone has a beer in hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I
swear I see Johnny. I call out his name, but the guy ducks
down the hallway.
Weird. Maybe that wasn’t him.
My dad nudges me. “Did you know they do karaoke here
sometimes?”
 “Why? Are you thinking of taking it up as a hobby?” I
laugh into my beer.
He motions behind me where the football team comes
streaming out from the back. They’re in suits and looking
dapper.
“I didn’t know they were all joining us. Should I talk to the
manager? Get… more… tables…”
The guys line up in a few rows as music starts playing
“Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.”
They’re swaying side to side, grinning at me like lunatics.
Johnny and Olly part to make way for Ben.
“Hey, y’all,” he says into the mic. “Maybe you can help
me sing to my girl, Sienna. I have an important question I need
to ask her, but first I need to tell her how much I love her.”
And then he starts full-on serenading me, Heath Ledger-
style.
On the chorus, the guys stop their choreographed dancing,
whip out more mics, and sing backup.
“Oh, my God.” I cover my mouth while I recover from the
shock. My whole body is shaking from adrenaline.
I find myself in the middle of the room, surrounded by
football players, when Ben drops down on one knee and holds
out a black velvet box.
He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. Then he turns to
my father. “First of all, sir, I’m sorry I’m proposing to your
daughter at a saloon. This is the only place big enough for the
team to join me. Plus, they have a great sound system.”
Dad wraps his arm around Penelope and holds up his beer
with his other hand. “Not a problem.” Then he waves. “Get
back to work.”
Everyone laughs, and Ben faces me again.
That’s when I notice how his hands are shaking. Aww, he’s
so nervous. I take his face in my hands and kiss him. “Yes.”
“Wait. I have to ask you first.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “Well, get on with it.”
He clears his throat. “Sunshine, you’re the first person I
want to see in the morning, and the last person I wanna talk to
at night. I wasn’t looking for you, but you’re the best damn
thing to ever happen to me. Sienna Cruz, you’re the queen of
my heart. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
“I love you too, Ben. And the honor is mine. Yes!”
I grab his handsome face again and kiss him. He stands,
wraps me in his arms, and spins me around.
I’m dizzy and laughing as he puts the ring on my finger.
Our friends and family cheer.
“Drinks on me!” my father yells, which gets a roar of
approval from the football players.
As everyone starts to celebrate, Ben whispers in my ear.
“I’ll get you a bigger diamond next year.”
I hold out my hand where a beautiful princess-cut gem
shimmers. “But what if I love this one and don’t want a bigger
diamond?”
Seriously, he could’ve taken a toy ring out of a box of
cereal, and I would’ve said yes.
“Then how will you know how much I love and adore
you?”
 I take his hand and place it over my heart. “I don’t need
anything shiny to tell me what I already know here.”
When he kisses me again, the guys hoot and holler. They
all hug and congratulate us.
After a fabulous, messy dinner of ribs and beer, Ben wipes
the corner of my mouth with a napkin. “I need you to pack a
bag as soon as finals are over.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Everything in me lights up. “I love surprises.”
A week and a half later, I’m all bundled up, and my
suitcase is ready to go.
After going through Lily’s schedule with his aunt and
uncle for the tenth time, Ben gives his daughter a kiss and then
rolls my small suitcase out to his SUV. He had wanted to bring
Lily with us, but Teresa talked him into leaving her at home.
She said we needed some time to ourselves.
As much as I’m going to miss Lily while we’re away, I
can’t wait to have a little one-on-one time with Ben. We’ve
been running ragged this semester. We just wrapped up our
finals after his insane season, and next semester he has to do
fitness camps to gear up for the draft.
In January, I’ve booked studio time to do all of the filming
for my app. Ben tentatively called it Sunshine Yoga, but I
loved the name so much, we’re keeping it. And now that I’ve
gotten all of the funding for my after-school program, which
was generously matched by my father, we need to finalize
details with the local schools.
 Teresa is right. Ben and I definitely need some time to
ourselves before the new year.
After we park, Ben grabs my hand and wheels my small
suitcase with the other.
When we reach the terminal, we get in line. We’re standing
a few feet from the sliding glass doors when he says, “I
remember not wanting to drop you off last summer when I
drove you to the airport.”
He’s looking down at me with so much love in his eyes,
my heart flutters. “I didn’t want you to drop me off either. I
was enjoying spending time with you too much.”
“I just want you to know how grateful I am that you’re my
girl. This isn’t a big trip we’re going on. I don’t have the
money to take you anywhere super-exotic yet. But I hope to
give you the world someday. I want to give you everything.”
Leaning up on my toes, I wrap my arms around his neck
and kiss him gently. “Pretty sure you’ve already given me the
thing that matters most.”
That evening, I find myself on a beautiful Mexican beach.
My fiancé reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small glass
bottle. Hands it to me. “To start your sand collection again. I
thought we could do one together. For all the places we’re
gonna go.”
“You remembered,” I say, a bit choked up.
With a smile, he threads our fingers together and walks me
down to the spot where the sand is feather-light and sparkles in
the sun.
My heart is full when I dip the bottle into the sand. I hold it
up. “Here’s to the first of many memories.”
 Over the years, our beautiful collection has grown to
dozens of bottles—some with light, airy sand, others with
thick, coarse grains. Each one is unique, just like our time
together. Ben and I have had good years and bad. Tough ones
and easy. But through it all, we’ve been together—we’ve
loved and laughed and cried together—and that makes each
one of them perfect in my eyes.
Do you want more Ben and Sienna? Subscribe to my
newsletter, and you’ll get instant access to a super swoony
extended epilogue!

Are you ready for Olly and Magnolia’s book? Pre-order

The Baby Blitz now!

Have you read Rider and Gabby’s story yet? Keep flipping
to check out the first chapter of The Varsity Dad Dilemma, a
USA Today bestseller, or you can purchase it here.
 THE VARSITY DAD DILEMMA
SYNOPSIS

What’s worse than having Rider Kingston, the star

quarterback, give you the big brush-off because he doesn’t
want to get serious? You’d probably think living across the
street from him where you get a firsthand view of his hookups,
right?
That’s what I thought. Until someone drops off a baby with
a note pinned to her blanket that says one of those jocks—
either Rider or one of his roommates—is the father. The
problem? Baby mama doesn’t mention which of these
numbskulls is the sperm donor.
I wouldn’t care about their paternity problems—not the
slightest bit—except my brother lives there too. Which means
that adorable squawking bundle might be my niece, and
there’s no way I’m leaving her unattended with those
bumbling football players.
They need my help, even if they don’t know it yet. Once
we solve this dilemma and figure out who’s the daddy, I’m
out.
I’ll just ignore Rider and those soul-searing looks he gives
me every time I reach for the baby. He broke my heart three
years ago. He won’t get a second chance.
 EXCERPT FROM THE VARSITY DAD
DILEMMA
© 2021 LEX MARTIN

CHAPTER ONE

GABBY
With a few taps on my iPad, I pull up the interview questions I
prepped over the weekend.
A quick glance at my roommate Ramona tells me she
thinks this is a waste of time, but she just needs to trust the
process.
I smile at Ramona, who doesn’t smile back. But that’s her
style. She’s Wednesday Addams in adult form, complete with
black clothes, a love of heavy eye makeup, and an undying
affection for The Cure. Basically the opposite of the girl sitting
across from us.
Our potential new roommate gives us the basics: Her name
is Sienna Cruz, from California, non-smoker, a junior.
“So, Sienna, on a scale of one to ten, how messy are you?
Because Ramona and I try to keep this place as organized as
possible.”
Sienna pops her gum and nods with a smile. “I’m totally
neat. No worries there.”
 I wonder what she’s doing in Charming, Texas, but don’t
ask the question. Our rental isn’t very big, and there’s nothing
I hate more than stumbling over someone’s shoes when I’m
racing out of the house in the morning. A potential broken
ankle takes precedence over what brought her to the Hill
Country.
Not many West Coasters venture this deep into Texas just
to attend Lone Star State, especially when UT has the
advantage of being nestled in Austin while Charming boasts of
nut festivals and weiner warmers. As in, for weiner dogs.
Although I’ve heard sometimes students order extra-small
warmers for personal use. Like the meatheads across the
street.
With an internal eye roll, I concede football is likely a
draw too.
Don’t get me wrong, Charming is small-town quaint with a
side of quirk. I love it, in fact, but it’s not for everyone.
I check the box and scroll down to the next question.
“What about noise level and parties?” My eye twitches at the
thought, and I surreptitiously rub it beneath my glasses.
“Ramona and I are seniors and really need to concentrate
sometimes. Are you okay if we don’t let things get too
rowdy?”
Like, ever.
Because I could go a lifetime without another kegger
breaking out on my front lawn.
I’m not trying to be condescending, but I’ve seen
completely sane students lose their minds, not to mention
clothing, when faced with the party scene on this campus. But
who knows? Sienna is a junior, so she might appreciate peace
and quiet at night.
She waves her hand at me. “Not a prob. I don’t drink
much.”
Excellent.
Not that I have a problem with a glass of wine once in a
while or a beer on a Friday night, but I’m not a fan of people
indulging until they’re blackout drunk and puking in my
bushes.
For the first time, Ramona pipes up. She holds up a finger.
“Now, for the most important question. How do you feel about
football?”
My lips tug up. She loathes football almost as much as I
do.
“Not a fan.” Sienna shakes her head. “I prefer surfing and
hiking.”
Glee. That’s the only way to describe this feeling.
At this school where the football player is king and the
entire town pays homage, this girl is a rarity. A gem, in my
opinion.
“Sounds like we’re going to get along great!” I reach for
the rental agreement.
Too many students around here become roommates
without any legal parameters, and before you know it, one
person bails and everyone else has to scramble to pay the rent.
I can’t afford to make that kind of mistake right now.
Sienna skims the agreement. I’m about to ask if she wants
to take more time to consider the contract when she signs at
the bottom. A few minutes later, I have her rent check and I’m
handing over a set of keys.
And Ramona thought my interview questions were a waste
of time. Ha!
As I walk Sienna to her car, she squeals. “Holy crap, is that
Rider Kingston?”
Without my permission, my gaze slides across the street to
the oversized man-child, who has the gall to be moving
furniture shirtless while flexing his stupid abs. Judging by the
other sweaty minions pouring out of the two-story, Rider’s
getting new roommates too.
My eye twitches again, and my focus snaps back to
Sienna. “I thought you said you weren’t a fan of football.”
“Oh, I’m not. I can’t sit through an entire game. But I am a
fan of football players.” Her gaze turns ravenous as she scans
my neighbor’s front lawn. Or, likely, the glistening eight-pack
Rider’s put on display. “All that testosterone. Those bulging
muscles. That deep, masculine grunting. Oh, yeah. Get me one
of those!”
She cackles, and Rider hears it.
Of course he does.
Shockingly, he deigns to speak to me.
“Hey, Gabby,” he shouts. “How was your summer?”
I’m not sure when he decided to stop ignoring me, but
that’s better than pretending we’re friends, which we’ll never
be.
I close my eyes because I don’t need any reminders of his
masculine beauty. And I definitely don’t need to see that sexy
smirk, the one more powerful than his cannon that took the
team to the playoffs last year.
No, I’m not interested in the star quarterback. Not
anymore.
Turning on my heel, I wave my middle finger and march
back to my house.
Laughter is all I hear as I slam the front door shut behind
me.

An hour later, I’m still feeling like an idiot, but I don’t have
time to wallow in the ineffectiveness of my interview
questions because I have my own interview to get to.
After a jittery swipe of mascara, I lean back to find that
one eye is now bigger than the other thanks to my lack of
makeup skills. I wad some tissue and try to rectify the
problem, but only manage to make a bigger mess.
Lord, help me!
With a groan, I remove the black smear and attempt it
again.
I stare at my pale face and the lopsided topknot. At the
clumpy mascara and vanilla lip gloss. At my glasses that
always got me labeled a nerd when I was growing up.
With a sigh, I untie and re-knot the mass of black hair.
Having long hair in the Texas heat is a pain, but it reminds me
of my mom, so I never cut it beyond a trim.
My arms shake as I finish my quick updo. I call out to
Ramona. “Can you do me a favor and throw an apple in my
bag?”
 Which is a dumb thing to request since she’ll probably
ignore me, but that’s okay. To each her own. I’m nothing if not
a respectful roommate. I don’t ask too many questions or get
in anyone’s business. Life has taught me to keep my nose
down, work hard, and avoid distractions.
I grit my teeth when the sound of a lawn mower blares
toward my side of the house.
At least he’s almost done.
Because Rider can’t just be the star quarterback. No, he
has to go and do thoughtful things for our elderly neighbors.
I bite my bottom lip as my eyes slide to my window. It’s
not like he’ll know if I take a peek.
Before I can stop myself, I race over to the blinds and
carefully peel one up. Just a smidge. Just enough to see Rider
in all his sweaty, eight-pack glory as his muscles bulge and
glisten in the bright sun.
That man is too handsome for his own good.
And I’m not sure who I hate more. Him, for being so
tempting, or me, for being tempted after all this time.
My hand trembles on the window pane, reminding me that
I need to eat something or I might get slammed with another
twelve-hundred-dollar EMT bill when I can’t afford the first
bill.
That’s one of the reasons this job is so important.
And when my car doesn’t start—again—I’m reminded of
another.
Groaning, I swing my bag out of my old Honda and pray I
have time to catch the bus.
 Thankfully, Rider is back to his side of the street where, lo
and behold, a party has broken out. Out of the corner of my
eye, I see the telltale red Solo cup parade. Someone has placed
the stereo speakers in the window, and AC/DC is blaring Back
in Black for the whole neighborhood to appreciate.
I moved here before the Victorian across the street became
the Stallion Station, otherwise known as the football fuck-pad
and party palace.
I would’ve looked for a new place this summer to get away
from these Neanderthals, except the rent prices in Charming
have skyrocketed, while my older bungalow still has lowish
rent, so I’m loathe to leave it.
As I hoof it to the bus stop and navigate the cracks in the
sidewalk in my dress heels, a brand-new Range Rover pulls up
beside me. The window rolls down, and I yank my purse to the
other side of my body, but before I can pull out my mace—
because a girl can’t be too careful—Ben’s serious face pops
out.
“Where you going all dressed up?”
That’s my brother. Never a ‘hello’. Never a ‘how you
doing?’ or ‘what did you do this summer?’
But his question makes me self-conscious. “I have a job
interview. Why? Is this too much?”
I’m wearing a simple black pencil skirt and a white button-
up blouse. It’s nothing fancy, but it seems appropriate attire for
a secretary. Except thanks to the August heat, I’m already
sweating.
“What happened to your job tutoring?”
I adjust my glasses. “I lost it after I got sick last spring. I
told you.” May, to be exact. The last time I saw Rider.
 Ben frowns. “Sorry. Guess I forgot. It was a busy time of
year with mid-terms and spring break.”
It must be a rough life, partying it up in Cabo with his
douchey friends. I bite my tongue, not wanting to add more
friction to our relationship, and ignore how he’s
misremembering the dates.
I’m older by a year, but you’d never know it from looking
at us. There’s something about Ben that screams confidence. I
may have a big bark from time to time, but Ben commands
attention. Never mind that he’s well over six feet and I come in
at a whopping five foot four.
“How was camp?” I’m assuming he got here a few weeks
ago for football. I ignore the spark of hurt that he never called.
“Ball-busting. As usual.”
The silence grows, and I struggle to think of something to
say. That’s when I notice the boxes in his SUV. And is that… a
bed frame sticking out the back window?
“Are you moving?” A terrible thought settles into the pit of
my stomach. Say it isn’t so! Because if I have to watch my
brother’s one-night stands make the walk of shame on the
weekends, I’m going to hurl.
Seriously, there’s no judgment on my end toward those
girls. They see these beautiful men who shower them with
affection. For one night or one weekend. Of course they’re
going to lose their minds and undergarments.
But then the party ends.
It always ends.
And those guys always send the girls packing.
 I know because I’ve seen them crying on that front lawn.
I’ve even made one or two of them breakfast while they
waited for their rides. Thankfully, they were never Rider’s
hookups, but still. I can extrapolate what he’s been doing.
Ben grins. “Yeah, just up the street, actually. With
Rider—”
“—Kingston.” I shake my head, disgust roiling in my
stomach. “You know I live across the street from him, right?”
His brow furrows. “I knew you lived here on Pine, but I
thought it was closer to the coffee shop.”
“Nope. Right. Across. The. Street.”
Which Ben would know if he ever bothered to visit or
hang out with me. He’s probably partied steps away from my
house.
That desolate feeling I get whenever I think about how
close we used to be as kids settles in my chest, and I step away
from his SUV. “I’ve got to go.”
If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that I can’t rely on
anyone. Not even my own brother.
“Wait.” He frowns, and that brief pause gives me a
glimmer of hope. Ben never wants to talk. I hate that I’m so
desperate to want a connection with him, but the hope fizzles
with his next words. “You’re not going to be checking up on
me all the time, are you?”
My gaze hardens. “No worries there, Ben. I’ll never walk
into that house.”
And I mean it.
Never.
Purchase The Varsity Dad Dilemma here!
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks for reading Tight Ends & Tiaras! Ben and Sienna stole
my heart when I was writing The Varsity Dad Dilemma, and I
knew they needed their own story. I hope you enjoyed their
book as much as I loved writing it. (And if you did, please
consider leaving a review. I try to read all of them!)
I doubt I would’ve given romance writing a shot without
the encouragement of my husband Matt. He not only keeps me
sane when I’m on a deadline, he gives me endless inspiration.
My sweet girls are always so supportive no matter how much I
have to work. I love my trio to infinity!
I’m so grateful for my team’s expertise and
encouragement. Huge thanks to my agent Kimberly Brower,
editor RJ Locksley, proofer Julia Griffis, photographer Lauren
Perrywinkle, designer Najla Qamber, and Kylie and Jo from
Give Me Books. Y’all are the best!
My beta readers are indispensable! Serena McDonald,
Leslie McAdam, Victoria Denault, Amy Vox Libris, Kelly
Latham, Kristie White Bivens, and Jan Cassi—thank you for
helping me write the best book possible!
I needed a small village of experts to help me iron out the
loose ends in this book. Tackle hugs of gratitude and love to
my cousin Lisa for helping me with my Spanish. To my aunt
Patti for sharing her knowledge about sweat lodges and sage
cleansing with me over the years and for taking me to pow
wows when I was a kid. To my college roommate Judi, who
teaches yoga and made sure Sienna’s moves made sense. And
of course to my dad, who always reads my football scenes and
shared his great love for Fighting Irish football with me when I
was young. Any mistakes in those areas are mine alone.
For some reason, I tend to write stories with terribly
antagonistic family members, which is funny because my
family is amazing. Speaking of family, I also want to thank my
beautiful mom for always cheering me on and my sweet
cousins Misty and Amaya for helping me with my first book
signing last fall.
Lastly, I want to give a shout out to my ARC team, my
Wildcats Facebook group, and all of the bloggers and readers
who have picked up my books over the years. I’m so delighted
to know you’ve enjoyed them. Thank you letting me share a
part of myself with you!
Now who’s ready for Olly and Magnolia’s book? Be sure
to check out The Baby Blitz!
 ALSO BY LEX MARTIN
Varsity Dads:
The Varsity Dad Dilemma (Gabby & Rider)
Tight Ends & Tiaras (Sienna & Ben)
The Baby Blitz (Magnolia & Olly)

Texas Nights Series:

Shameless (Kat & Brady)
Reckless (Tori & Ethan)
Breathless (Joey & Logan)

The Dearest Series:

Dearest Clementine (Clementine & Gavin)
Finding Dandelion (Dani & Jax)
Kissing Madeline (Maddie & Daren)

Cowritten with Leslie McAdam

All About the D (Josh & Evie)
Surprise, Baby! (Kendall & Drew)
 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lex Martin is the USA Today bestselling author of The Varsity Dad Dilemma, the
Texas Nights series, and the Dearest series, books she hopes readers love but her
parents avoid. A former high school English teacher and freelance journalist, she
resides in Texas with her husband, twin daughters, and a bunny named Dandelion.
To stay up-to-date with her releases, subscribe to her newsletter or join her
Facebook group, Lex Martin’s Wildcats.

www.lexmartinwrites.com