Detailed Essay feedback Let's start this journey of learning! © the Essay Topic Some people believe that trade and cultural relationships between the countries are a positive development, while others disagree. Discuss both views and include your own opinion ' Your Essay Response You do not need to read this. It is just here for reference. People's opinions differ as to whether they should coordinate trade and cultural relationships or they exercise or regressive approach. Personally, | agree with the former assertion. Those who argue for international relations to play a negative impact have their reasons. Firstly, westernisation can swirl the cultural integrity of any historic land. Regrettably, every nation has its own religious and cultural beliefs which will be hampered in the process of establishing connections. Secondly, religious belief of one nation might be unacceptable and unjust for the other. To elaborate, bowing down and touching feet is an ancient practice in Indian culture practiced by younger individuals in order to show respect to the elderly, such beliefs are marked as inferior by many western nations thus disavowing inter-nation treaties on grounds of cultural encroachment is justifiable. However, | side with international trades affairs to take a constructive approach. One reason is that such steps are pivotal for a holistic development, especially of developing and underdeveloped nations. To collaborate not only on economic perspective but also assist for been versatile and also advanced medical, technological, and laborers support is enhanced. Another reason is that the inter-cultural interactions will establish unification in terms of communities worldwide. To exemplify, Canada is announced to have people of all beliefs and cultural backgrounds such as Chinese, Indians, Filipinos etcetera. Therefore, a firm establishment and encouragement of business and culture mix-up mingles people from all walks life to be in coherence with each other. In conclusion, despite there being reasons to believe that inter- continental affairs can prove to be destructive, my own view is that such fraternals might be beneficial for the wellness of a certain community as a whole.Task Achievement Let's see if any of your ideas were off-topic or not full relevant to the topic. Your ideas and their development are fully on-topic. You've done a good job of discussing both views on the impact of trade and cultural relationships between countries, and you've included your own opinion as the essay prompt requested. You've provided reasons why some may view these relationships negatively, such as the potential for cultural integrity to be compromised and conflicts between different religious beliefs. Additionally, you've articulated the positive aspects, such as holistic development for nations and the unification of communities. Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reiterates your stance. Good job!6 Grammatical And Lexical Issues Here is an assessment of your essay purely from a grammatical and lexical (vocabulary) perspective, People i I s opinions differ as to whether they should coordinate riberdowretreeensisser kamal) espe approach. Personally, | agree with the former assertion. BB international tations fl a negative impact have their reasons. Fits (ioemniaton| con BRB [Underoninel «ne cuttural integrity of any historic land. Regrettably, every nation has its own religious and cura ote wc ll ll a .. the process of establishing connections. Secondly, |_| religious Those who argue If ed of one nation might be unacceptable and unjust BI. cistorate, bowing down and touching feet is an ancient practice in Indian eee practiced by younger individuals to show respect to the elderly ll I such petits are REBAR afeel WiaWed 2s interior by many WEBI nations FREE rccties on MBB crounds ofcurturel encroachmentis justifiable. However, | side with international a affairs to take a Constructive approach. One reason is that such steps are pivotal for holistic development, especially of developing and underdeveloped nations: Fal olaborsting SEES not onty Fi econoric perspective but also 1 ER BR varcaiie anc BA MS) RARE advanced medical, technological, and = support is == Another reason is that fi interactions will establish unification in terms of communities worldwide. To exemplify, Canada is Es to have people of all beliefs and cultural eed such as Chinese, Indians, Peel & Therefore, a firm establishment and encouragement of business and Eel mix-up mingles people from all walks E life to be in coherence with each other. In conclusion, despite there being reasons to believe that cr coninenal a affairs can prove to be Fee eet eter ete FES night HERI 2 certain communityas be beneficial for the a whole,Here 1s the essay after the above corrections, People's opinions differ as to whether they should coordinate trade and cultural relationships or exercise a regressive approach. Personally, | agree with the former assertion. Those who argue that international relations have a negative impact have their reasons. Firstly, westernization can undermine the cultural integrity of any historic land. Regrettably, every nation has its own religious and cultural beliefs, which can be compromised in the process of establishing connections. Secondly, the religious beliefs of one nation might be unacceptable and unjust to another. To elaborate, bowing down and touching feet is an ancient practice in Indian culture, practiced by younger individuals to show respect to the elderly; such beliefs are often viewed as inferior by many Western nations. Thus, disavowing international treaties on the grounds of cultural encroachment is justifiable However, | side with international trade affairs to take a constructive approach. One reason is that such steps are pivotal for holistic development, especially of developing and underdeveloped nations. Collaborating not only from an economic perspective but also assisting to become versatile and to enhance advanced medical, technological, and labor support is important. Another reason is that intercultural interactions will establish unification in terms of communities worldwide. To exemplify, Canada is known to have people of all beliefs and cultural backgrounds, such as Chinese, Indians, Filipinos, etc. Therefore, a firm establishment and encouragement of business and cultural mix-up mingles people from all walks of life to be in coherence with each other. In conclusion, despite there being reasons to believe that intercontinental affairs can prove to be destructive, my own view is that such fraternities might be beneficial for the well-being of a certain community as a whole.© estimated Band Score(s) Based on your performance in terms of task coverage, grammatical accuracy and lexical appropriateness, here is an estimation of your score. Criteria Task Achievement Cerna Teele NcoI ToNg CUES cokAn Improved-rewrite Here are my recommendations on how you could have written the same ideas in a slightly better langauge. Your Essay My Suggestion Firstly, westernisation can swirl the cultural integrity of any historic land. To begin with, the influx of Western culture may disrupt the cultural fabric of historically rich regions. Regrettably, every nation has its own religious and cultural beliefs which will be hampered in the process of establishing connections. Unfortunately, the unique religious and cultural traditions of each country could be compromised during the process of forging international ties. Secondly, religious belief of one nation might be unacceptable and unjust for the other. Furthermore, the religious convictions held by one country may be deemed inappropriate or unfair by another. To elaborate, bowing down and touching feet is an ancient practice in Indian culture practiced by younger individuals in order to show respect to the elderly, such beliefs are marked as inferior by many western nations thus disavowing inter-nation treaties on grounds of cultural encroachment is justifiable. Expanding on this, the customary act of prostrating and touching the feet as a sign of respect to elders in Indian culture is often viewed as subordinate by numerous Western countries; therefore, rejecting international agreements on the basis of cultural infringement is defensible. One reason is that such steps are pivotal for a holistic development, especially of developing and underdeveloped nations. Acompelling argument is that these measures are crucial for comprehensive growth, particularly in the case of developing and less developed countries. To collaborate not only on economic perspective but also assist for been versatile and also advanced medical, technological, and laborers support is enhanced. Collaboration extends beyond the economic realm, fostering versatility as well as the improvernent of medical services, technological advancements, and support for labor forces. Another reason is that the inter- cultural interactions will establish unification in terms of communities worldwide. Additionally, interactions between different cultures will promote a sense of unity among global communities. To exemplify, Canada is announced to have people of all beliefs and cultural backgrounds such as Chinese, Indians, Filipinos etcetera. For instance, Canada is recognized for its diverse population that includes individuals of various faiths and cultural heritages, such as Chinese, Indians, Filipinos, and soon. Therefore, a firm establishment and encouragement of business and culture mix-up minales Consequently, the solid foundation and promotion of both business and cultural exchanaes brina toaetherpeople from all walks life to be in | individuals from all spheres of coherence with each other. life, fostering mutual understanding.W Additional Feedback Here are some additional aspects of your essay you need to pay attention to, 1,Your Essay is shorter than 290 words. This is good for your score. Good job! 2.Your Intro is shorter than 40 words. This is good for your score. Good job! 3.Your MBP1is shorter than 115 words. This is good for your score. Good job! 4.Your MBP2 is shorter than 115 words. This is good for your score. Good job!