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Do We Really Exchange Energy During

Sex?
Medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD — By Sarah Lempa —
Updated on December 7, 2022

Definition Research Self-awareness Sexual alignment

Self-reflection Takeaway

Tatiana Maksimova/Getty Images

Sex — whether mind-blowingly incredible or downright disappointing —

can immediately shift how you feel and then some.

One minute you’re feeling totally meh, then a spontaneous lover

sweeps you away, and you’re seeing the world through rose-colored
lenses again. Or, by contrast, waking up after a lackluster lay has you
feeling like the human embodiment of the shrug emoji. We’ve all been
there.
So, what’s the deal? Can we really pick up bad vibes from a
questionable hook-up? Are we compromising our energy by hopping into
the sheets with chaotic randoms?

I had a feeling it wasn’t so black and white, so I chatted with some

professionals to find out. Let’s dive in.
AD VER T I SEM EN T

What is sexual energy?

Turns out, it’s a lot more than just being horny with someone
you’ve got the hots for.

“We are energetic bodies, and during sexual intercourse, the energy
of each partner mixes,” explains Po-Chang Hsu, MD. ”Every sex
act is an exchange of energy [because] every sexual act raises or lowers
your energy level.”

“Therefore, a sexual relationship isn’t a purely psychological or

physiological, mechanical act,” says Hsu. ”Rather, it’s an
energetic action. When we have an intimate relationship with someone,
the two energies merge.”

It might sound confusing, but a lot of it comes down to semantics — the
words we use to describe and explain sex.

Basically, people can describe every type of human connection as an

energy exchange. And since humans are sensitive beings, every
relationship can affect or imprint on us, regardless of whether we realize
it’s happening.

All human interactions are deeply impactful on the

psyche
“Although research hasn’t delved into the idea of sexual energy
exchange, the concept is quite common in relationship and sexual
work,” explains clinical psychologist Carla Manly.

”In essence, just as we can be affected by a person’s positive

mood or toxic energy, we can surely be affected in the same way during
sexual encounters,” she says.

We may even be able to feel a person’s energy once they’ve left

the room — or at least believe that we do — and react accordingly.
Known as “emotional residue,” this idea has been observed in
numerous cultures throughout history.

“Substantial research — from which we can extrapolate to the

sexual energy exchange issue — indicates that people and animals are
highly affected by both intimate and nonintimate interchanges with
others,” says Manly.

Indeed, researchers from Stanford University concluded that one of the

best ways to regulate your own emotions is to start with selecting your
environment.

Emotions are highly transferable, and what goes on between the sheets
is no exception. Your partner’s mood or energy is bound to have you
feeling some type of way.

The power of tapping into your sexual energy

So, should we be more protective over who we sleep with? Not
necessarily. Self-awareness and tapping into your sexual energy,
however, are worth investing your time in. It’s vital to consider your
emotions when going into sex.
Lena Elkhatib, LMFT, a sex and relationships therapist who founded
Essentia Therapy, says that getting in touch with your intentions
beforehand is the best route.

“Being in touch with our sexual energy involves a high level of self-
awareness and authenticity that’s accessed through mindfulness,
acceptance, intentionality, and being attuned to our body, emotions, and
partners,” explains Elkhatib.

Is it time to psychoanalyze your last one-night stand? No, but paying

attention to your body before and during sex is where it’s at and
worth keeping in mind next time.

“It involves nonjudgmentally paying attention to what our body is

trying to tell us in the present moment about how we’re feeling,”
she says. ”That level of attunement allows us to tap into what’s
really happening within ourselves when engaging with a partner.”

Self-awareness as a tool for sexual alignment

Regardless of what your spiritual beliefs are, this level of self-awareness
can lead to greater sexual alignment, putting you in touch with what
drives your deepest desires.

“By being mindful of our body in the present moment, we may be able
to notice that the pit in our stomach is trying to tell us we don’t feel
safe or comfortable with that partner,” adds Elkhatib.

”By noticing those bodily cues, listening to them, and honoring them,
we’re more likely to sleep with people that align with our sexual
energy,” she says.

I’m not saying you’ll never get bad vibes from less-than-
mediocre sex, but it’ll certainly make it less likely. Sex can be a
powerful force — one that can help us make meaning of ourselves and
the world around us.

“If our body is telling us we’re feeling anxiety or shame, or that

something feels off, and we move forward anyway, we’re likely to
have a pretty disappointing sexual experience that will double down those
feelings of anxiety and shame and amplify that negative energy,”
says Elkhatib.

Ask yourself: What do you want out of sex?

Whether you’re into weekend flings, group sex, or monogamy, the
type of sex doesn’t matter. It all comes down to your understanding
of what you want out of it and what’s pleasurable for you.

“Some people need intimate sex, while others want casual sex,”
says Sam Nabil, a licensed professional counselor and CEO of Naya
Clinics. “It all depends on what your sexual needs are.”

If, for example, a person wants to have an emotional connection with a

sexual partner, hooking up with someone they don’t know may not be
particularly fulfilling.

”There can be lopsided power dynamics that can leave them longing
for more,” says Nabil.

To help prevent this, Nabil recommends doing some introspective work to

discover your sexual wants and desires.
AD VER T I SEM EN T

The bottom line

It’s a good idea to celebrate humanity’s diversity, and our sex
lives are no exception. Each of us has different needs, preferences, turn-
ons, and turn-offs, making it impossible to say that sexual experiences
are one-size-fits-all — because they absolutely aren’t.

So, rather than overanalyzing the energy of your partner, perhaps ask
yourself: “What do I want out of this, and what is my body trying to
tell me right now?” If you’re comfortable with what you find, carry
on!

Sarah Lempa is a writer and entrepreneur as the

founder of Dang Fine Creative, a digital content
agency. In her writing, she covers travel, mental
health, business, sex and relationships, along with
whatever else is currently inspiring. Her words
have appeared in Business Insider, VICE, HuffPost,
Lonely Planet, and more. While originally from the
Chicago area, she’s called multiple countries home and has ventured
across six continents along the way. When she’s not chipping away at
a piece, you’ll find her jamming out to groovy beats or riding a
motorcycle. Keep up with Sarah on Instagram.

Last medically reviewed on December 7, 2022

How we reviewed this article:

SOURCES HISTORY

Our experts continually monitor the health and wellness space, and we
update our articles when new information becomes available.
Current Version

Dec 7, 2022

Written By
Sarah Lempa

Edited By
Lori Lawrenz, PsyD
 Medically Reviewed By
Lori Lawrenz, PsyD

Fact Checked By
Tess Catlett

Copy Edited By
Sofia Santamarina

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