1.

The Nature of Humans

2. Religion
3. The Soul
4. The Coincidental Energy
5. The Existence of the Universe
6. Amor Fati

I realized something as i was growing up. The general aspects of people who are
atheists and theists are summed up by one main (even if wrong) characteristic.
Scientific and logical people tend to lean towards atheism, whereas emotional and
intuitive people lean towards theism. It is very obvious. Most astrophysicists tend
to be atheists. Most other people tend to be theists. There was a general divide
and you either go one way or the other.

I chose to go towards the path of logic. Not because i wanted to, but because it
made more sense. Science is someting concrete and proven while religion is usually
based on myths and unproven ideas that we should take for granted. It was obvious
where i had to go, while sacrificing a big part of my emotional side.

The scientific approach leads to atheism. Law after law breaks the ideas set by
religion and nearly obliterates the thought of a god altogether. Atheism was where
i chose to go and i was comfortable there. All of my internal thoughts were relaxed
and i did not have doubts about my beliefs. But there was a price to pay. I now
lacked the spiritual side. I had to make up for it. Buddhism, meditation, yoga,
spiritual analysis.... I had to try several methods to keep myself complete.

I then started to realize something. The soul doesnt make sense. It depends on the
definition of the soul, as each person defines it differently. I believe there is
something called a life force, and there is the conscience, which I define as the
soul. The concience: the new thorn in my belief. I stopped being totally convinced
and started to doubt. My idea of atheism was flawed, something was missing.

How can my conscience exist? Why does it exist in my body? Why not in someone
else's body? Why not in all bodies? Why do i see through my own eyes and not from
another's?

It is only by coincidence i found out Wael had that feeling as well. He was young
and it only happened once. It didnt lead to any discoveries for him as he still
doesn't believe in the soul; however for me it was a relief. I found someone who
has that feeling.
Maybe it is genetical, maybe nurtural, or maybe just a coincidence. Whatever the
reason it gave me hope. Hope to find links. To find people that share that feeling.
The soul.

At the same time i had a debate about it with Makram. It saddened me he didnt
understand the depth i was trying to convey. Maybe the problem is I can't or dont
know how to explain or elaborate it.
I have resolved to dig deeper into this matter. Jana was saddened she couldnt grasp
what i am saying. But she showed a desire to try to understand more than the
others. I have to try to work on her as she is my best chance. If I can show her
the way, then my thoughts are true and i can spread them. If i am right does that
mean that there is a soul? Or a god? A god who created me with this purpose?
Probably not, as chances of pursuing and solving this are slim.
Walking around looking into people's eyes, they are only concerned with immediate
or worldly matters. Perhaps they are content living and functioning as they were
created to. My search goes on...

Similarly on a larger scale, the universe has existed from a big bang or four maybe
five big bangs. This i still believe. Yet what is the universe? Again each person
defines it differently. Is it all the existing matter and energy and everything in
between? Or does it also include the vast void of space around? That supposedly
infinite space.... It must exist somewhere, and if it does then each point in it
has an address. Can it be infinite? WHERE IS IT? with respect to all? is it all?
What is the possibility of it existing? and if it didnt exist what would be in its
place? Nothing? but there is nothing now...

In December 2021, I was introduced to the concept of Amor Fati. It was presented to
me by Pursuit of Wonder and after watching the video over and over, I was
fascinated by the concept. I expanded the idea further by contemplating and
brooding over it, and discussing it with friends such as Dona, Freddy and Jana. It
was interesting that each person saw it from a different perspective, some that we
agreed on, and others that we disagreed.

What was at first Nietzche's simple concept turned out to be so much more for us.
Nietzche's main idea was that since at any time in your life, your decisions are
influenced by your knowledge at that time and mental state at that time, then if
you go back in time to that point, you would always take the same decision since
both your knowledge and mental state would be the same. He concluded that since
your decisions are set in stone, and always will be, then you are fated. And since
you are fated, then there is no point in hating your fate, but you should love it,
no matter how miserable you are. Easier said that done, as he confessed.

Upon our elaboration of this, we branched into several concepts.

Is life predetermined or do we have free will? If all our choices were always going
to be taken in the same way no matter how many times the exact situation is
repeated, and if everyone else does the same, then all human thoughts and actions
are fixed. A lot of things are results of a build-up of past decisions and events.
What remains are the movements of inanimate objects and actions of things that are
not alive. They were all started with the beginning of the universe, be it by god
or the big bang. And once that got going, the process was self sustaining, and
theoretically predictable. Since both living and non-living act according to a set
of rules, then it is not only certain that life is predetermined, but that the
entire universe is. From the moment it was created, everything could only have
moved in one way. No other decisions could have been take at any time.
However, there is one piece left in this puzzle. We also believe we are of free
choice. It can be argued that in every choice we take we do have the free will to
determine that choice, however in the end it will all fit into the
predetermination.
I believe that when asked if we have free will or is life predetermined, I say that
both are true.

I was beginning to gravitate towards depression, but Amor Fati relieved me.