EFFECTIVE PARENTING- RAISING HEALTHY CHILDREN

SURVEY QUESTION: How do effective parents discipline and communicate with their children?

•Authoritative parents foster love, joy, fulfillment, responsibility, and self-control in their children
through positive parent-child interactions. However, as children mature, they need discipline to control
their behavior.

•Effective discipline is achieved through fair, loving, authoritative, and sensitive communication. It
socializes a child without destroying trust, allowing them to express their feelings freely while
maintaining consistent boundaries for acceptable behavior.

•Overly permissive parents may avoid disciplining their children due to difficulties in maintaining
positive interactions.

EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE

Parents discipline children through power assertion, which involves physical punishment or force, or
withdrawal of love, which involves refusing to speak to a child or rejecting them.

Management techniques combine praise, recognition, approval, rules, reasoning, and the like to
encourage desirable behavior. Each of these approaches can control a child's behavior, but their side
effects differ considerably

What are the side effects?

• Power-oriented techniques like spanking can cause emotional damage in children, especially if
accompanied by supportive parenting.

• Psychologist Elizabeth Gershoff (2002) concludes that parents should minimize spanking or avoid it
entirely

▪︎Withdrawal of love can lead to self-disciplined children, but they may also be anxious, insecure, and
dependent on adults.

•Management techniques need to be adjusted to a child's understanding level, but they directly connect
to a child's self-esteem.

How does discipline affect self-esteem?

• High self-esteem is essential for good emotional health. In elementary school, children with high self-
esteem tend to be more popular, cooperative, and successful in class.

• According to Amato & Fowler (2022), children with low self-esteem are more withdrawn and tend to
perform below average

Low self-esteem is related to physical punishment and the withholding of love. And why not? What
message do children receive if a parent beats them or tells them they are not worthy of love?
Thus, it is best to minimize physical punishment and avoid withdrawal of love. According to Amato & F
Fowler, 2002; Nielsen & Metha, 1994),self-esteem is promoted by management techniques. Children
who feel that their parents support them emotionally tend to have high self- esteem.

Can self-esteem ever get too high?

•Yes it can. According to clinical psychologist Maggie Mamen, many modern parents try to "empower"
their children by imposing few limits on behavior, making them feel special, and giving them every thing
they want.

•Modern parents' "empowerment" can lead to spoiled, self-indulgent children, resulting in bullying,
criminal behavior, and addiction to self-esteem enhancement, leading to excessive physical
attractiveness, stress, and eating disorders.

CONSISTENT DISCIPLINE

Parents choose strict or flexible behavior limits, but consistency is more important. Consistent discipline
provides a child with security, while inconsistency makes their world seem unpredictable.

The following are mistakes to avoid:

•Saying one thing and doing something else.

•Making statements you don't mean.

•Changing no to you, especially to quiet a nagging child

•Responding differently to the same misbehavior

Responding differently to the same misbehavior

USING DISCIPLINE CONSTRUCTIVELY

1. Parents should separate disapproval of the act from disapproval of the child. Instead of saying, "I'm
going to punish you because you are bad," say, "I'm upset about what you did."

2. State specifically what misbehavior you are punishing. Explain why you have set limits on this kind of
conduct.

3. Punishment should never be harsh or injurious. Don't physically punish a child while you are angry.

4. Also remember that the message "I don't love you. right now can be more painful and damaging than
any spanking Punishment, such as a scolding or taking away privileges, is most effective when done
immediately. This statement is especially true for younger children.

5. Spanking and other forms of physical punishment are not particularly effective for children younger
than age 2. The child will only be confused and frightened. Spankings also become less effective af ter
age 5 because they tend to humiliate the child breed resentment.

6. As discussed earlier, many psychologists believe that children should never be spanked. If you do use
physical punishment, reserve it for situations that pose an immediate danger to younger children, for
example, when a child runs into the street.
7. Remember, too, that it is usually more effective to reward children when they are being good than it
is to punish them for misbehavior.

COMMUNICATIONG EFFECTIVELY WITH CHILDREN

• According to Bath (1996), creative communication is another important ingredient of successful child
management.

• Child expert Haim Ginot (1965) believed that making a distinction between feelings and behavior is the
key to clear communication. Because children (and parents, too) do not choose how they feel, it is
important to allow free expression of feelings.

Accepting Feelings

Ginott suggests teaching children that all feelings are acceptable, and only actions are subject to
disapproval, as children who perceive certain feelings as bad or unacceptable are asked to deny lit.

I-Messages

Child psychologist Thomas Gordon (2000) believes that parents should send Imessages to their children,
rather than you-messages

What is the difference?

You-messages are often used to express negative emotions towards children, such as threats, name
calling, accusing, bossing, lecturing, or criticizing. They usually tell children what's wrong with them.

I-messages explain the impact of their behavior on the parent.

Using Natural and Logical Consequences

Sometimes events automatically discourage misbehavior. For ex ample, a child who refuses to eat
dinner will get uncomfortably hungry.

According to Fontenelle (1989), a child who throws a temper tantrum may gain. nothing but a sore
throat and a headache if the tantrum is ignored.

In such instances, a child's actions have natural consequences (intrinsic effects), In situations that don't
produce natural consequences, parents can set up logical consequences (rational and reasonable
effects).

For example, a parent might say, "We'll go to the zoo when you've picked up all those toys," or "You can
play with your dolls as soon as you've taken your bath," or "You two can stop arguing or leave the table
until you've ready to join us."

The concept of logical, parent-defined consequences can be combined with I-messages to handle many
day-to-day instances of misbehavior. The key idea is to use an I-message to set up consequences and
then give the child a choice to make:

When implementing child management techniques, respect the child's decision and allow them to
cooperate later. Be firm, kind, consistent, respectful, and encouraging, and strive to live the desired
message every day.
SUMMARY

How do effective parents discipline and communicate with their children?

• Effective parental discipline tends to emphasize child management techniques (especially

communication), rather than power assertion or withdrawal of love.

• Consistency is also an important aspect of effective parenting

• Effective parents allow their children to express their feelings but place limits on their behavior..

• Much misbehavior can be managed by use of I-messages and the application of natural and logical
consequences.