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Klesse - 2005 - Bisexual Women, Non-Monogamy and Differentialist Anti-Promiscuity Discourses
Klesse - 2005 - Bisexual Women, Non-Monogamy and Differentialist Anti-Promiscuity Discourses
Article
Christian Klesse
Keele University, UK
Introduction
The tension between sexual danger and sexual pleasure is a powerful one in
women’s lives. Sexuality is simultaneously a domain of restriction, repression,
and danger as well as a domain of exploration, pleasure, and agency.
(Vance, 1992: 1)
These were the opening words of Carol Vance’s introduction to the
proceedings of the 1982 Barnard Conference on Female Sexuality. Today,
Sexualities Copyright © 2005 SAGE Publications (London, Thousand Oaks, CA and New Delhi)
Vol 8(4): 445–464 DOI: 10.1177/1363460705056620
http://sex.sagepub.com
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Sexualities 8(4)
two decades and many struggles later, and in a different social context,
women still negotiate their personal approaches to sex and desire against
the backdrop of this tension. The concrete terms of the effects of this
ambivalence on individual women’s lives depends on a wide range of
factors that are mediated by the intersecting discourses on gender, sexu-
ality, race/ethnicity, class, age and the body.
In this article, I discuss bisexual women’s accounts of pleasure and
danger whom I have interviewed for a larger research project into bisexual
and gay male non-monogamies, politics and power in the UK.1 Some of
the guiding questions of my research were:
• How do gay men and bisexual men and women live and construct their
relationships as non-monogamous?
• What kinds of discourses on non-monogamy and sex are circulated in
the debates and politics of the bisexual and gay male movements?
• How do heteronormative discourses affect the relationship practices of
people who defy monogamy?
• What power issues surface in or shape bisexual and gay male non-
monogamous relationship practices?
I deployed a variety of qualitative methods (notably in-depth inter-
viewing, focus groups, participant observation, documentary research and
discourse analysis). I conducted four focus group interviews and inter-
viewed 44 people on their experiences in non-monogamous relationships
and their ideas about sexual politics. Eleven of my interview partners2 were
female. Ten women identified as bisexual, one as lesbian, usually provid-
ing detailed descriptions of the nuances of their specific sexual identities.
Most women described themselves as white (using different categories to
describe their ethnic or national background) and considered themselves
to be middle class.
Although I undertook several steps to increase the diversity of my
research sample, I could not motivate many people with an ethnic or racial
minority status or a working-class background to participate in the
research project. It has been suggested that differences in subjective posi-
tioning between researcher and researched may have far-reaching effects
on the research process, in particular if they are bound up with deeper
social divisions (Phoenix, 1994; Song and Parker, 1995). Against the
backdrop of these debates in methodology, it can be safely assumed that
the low participation of people of racial or ethnic minority or working-
class background is an undeniable effect of my own privileged positioning
as a white European middle-class academic (Klesse, 2003, 2004, forth-
coming a). The noticeable bias of my overall sample towards male partici-
pants also finds its explanation in the research process. Originally I had
designed the study as a research into non-monogamous relationship
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practices among gay and bisexual men. This was due to two consider-
ations: As a bisexual-identified man with a non-monogamous relationship
history including male and female partners, I wanted to acknowledge the
fact that many men in non-monogamous male same-sex relationships may
identify as bisexual. At the same time I thought that as sole male researcher
working on this project I would not be able convince a significant number
of women to participate in the research. Doing fieldwork I quickly noticed
that this assumption was unwarranted and that many women would have
liked to volunteer for an interview. I also realized that any meaningful
research of the complex nexus between bisexuality and non-monogamy
would have to include the analysis of bisexual women’s perspectives. I thus
broadened the focus of my research (see Klesse, 2003, forthcoming a). This
essay is exclusively based on the accounts of my female interview partners.
Bisexuality is a contested category. While some activists and theorists
argue that bisexuality (even if not as an identity per se, so at least as an
epistemological perspective) bears the potential to radically undermine the
constrictive ways we tend to think about sexuality and gender, others argue
that the category simply reinforces the binary it claims to challenge
(Burrill, 2002; Däumer, 1992; Dollimore, 1997; du Plessis, 1996;
Hemmings, 2002; James, 1996; Young, 1997). Moreover, there is a range
of often conflicting definitions of what bisexuality consists in. Definitions
have focused alternately on behaviour, fantasy or identity or at the conflu-
ence of all these factors (Klein and Wolf, 1985). Other unsettled questions
are concerned with the occurrence of bisexual desire or behaviour across
the lifecycle (Firestein, 1996; Rodríguez Rust, 2000). I cannot engage
with these complex questions in detail in this article. It should be enough
to say the following: self-declared identity and conscious references to
bisexuality by my research partners provide the basis of my discussion of
bisexuality. Irrespective of the question whether we perceive bisexuality as
a useful concept, it provides a source for identification and political mobi-
lization and should therefore be addressed in scientific work on sexuality
(cf. Hemmings, 2002; Off Pink Collective, 1996).
In this article I do not attempt to discuss the entirety and complexity
of all dimensions of pleasure/danger in bisexual women’s lives. It is not
that it would be impossible to identify certain themes that surface with
some regularity in my interview partners’ accounts. For example, many
women related personal experience stories of sexual (and other forms) of
violence and abuse. Many showed a concern that they may be at risk of
experiencing violence or harassment, in particular, if they have sex with
men or engage in sex in public environments that are frequented by or
shared with men. Many women discussed how STDs and in particular
HIV/AIDS have had an impact on their approaches to non-monogamy.
Others were concerned with the risks of unwanted pregnancy. Many of
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s/m sex), sex with other women, sex of divorced or widowed women,
‘public’ sex or flirtation, and so on. Promiscuity discourses establish a
disciplinary regime of control and self-control and an effective form of
social punishment. The promiscuity accusation is often deployed to legit-
imize male sexual violence and abuse (Edwards, 1981; Smart, 1995;
Tanenbaum, 1999).
Although any woman may be subjected to promiscuity discourses, they
have historically been most frequently used against particular groups of
women. Material power relationships and the interplay of discourses on
gender, race/ethnicity and class in the construction of sexualities have led
to a particular strong sexualization of black and other racialized feminini-
ties (Bhattacharyya, 1997; Cohen, 1996; Marshall, 1994). Similarly, in the
imaginary of dominant groups Jewish women and working-class women
have been represented as being sexually immoral and transgressive (Peiss,
1983; Pheterson, 1986; Theweleit, 1978). Moreover, women play a
significant role as cultural symbols in the construction of the boundaries
of nationalist, ethnic or racial collectivities. Women’s sexual behaviour
therefore is policed for the sake of the creation of interest-bound repre-
sentations of the ‘nation’, ‘race’ or ‘community’ (Anthias and Yuval-Davis,
1989; Cohen, 1996; Yuval-Davis, 1997). Futhermore, the cultural values
promoted within religious discourses and movements often tend to
discourage female sexual autonomy and agency (Bhatt, 1997; Herman,
1997; Saghal and Yuval-Davis, 1992).
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Maybe I would have done it before, because there would have been
more opportunities. That’s the only difference.
Franca did not date any body at this time. Already talking openly about
sexuality was considered being inappropriate and damaged her reputation.
Yet Franca continued ‘doing her own thing’, thus articulating agency
against the repression of her sexual desire. Her motivation to escape these
pressures finally fed into her decision to migrate. I do not intend to foster
stereotypical views on Italian culture by recounting Franca’s story. Women
raised in England, too, felt the effects of the ‘double standard’ in their
social lives. They, too, were adamant that they were not willing to let sexist
assumptions rule their personal life choices. Caroline, for example, argues:
Caroline: I think there’s more pressure on women to be monogamous than
there is on a man . . . and it’s more accepted for men to cheat, so
perhaps people find it less surprising that a man would want to be
in an open relationship, but they seem to find it hard to understand
that a woman would want to. But that’s external expectations.
Inside the relationships I haven’t really noticed any difference.
Marianne: I don’t know. I mean, in terms of what normal society expects, it’s
much easier for a man to sleep around than for a woman to. Like
women get labelled tarts and promiscuous and things like that,
whereas if a man does the same thing he’s just being one of the
lads. But that’s sort of normal society and what’s portrayed on tele-
vision and soap operas and things, and I don’t feel in any way
obligated to live my life like that, so I don’t really . . . see a gender
issue. Certainly within the poly community, there’s as many if not
more women as men. I think the women just tend to be a bit more
vocal. . . . So no, I don’t think there is a gender problem.
Caroline and Marianne clearly assert their agency and autonomy against
these sexist discourses and pressures. I found it striking that although both
women criticize sexism in wider society, they clearly exempt their personal
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and political environment from this critique. Their accounts imply that
sexist double standards might be an issue ‘out there’, but not in their
relationships and the bisexual and polyamorous movements in which
women are quite vocal and that are comparatively enlightened by the
feminist critique. This position can be interpreted as post-feminist in that
it assumes that the critique of feminism has restructured sexual ethics and
shifted the gendered relations of power at least in certain societal ‘pockets’
– such as the bisexual/queer scenes (cf. Klesse, forthcoming b; Whelehan,
1995). Such a view was not shared by all of my interview partners.
Cath, for example, gives many examples of how gender structures
male–female intimate and sexual relationships in the bisexual scene. Thus,
she points out that women who identify themselves as non-monogamous
tend to be approached for sex by bisexual men in inappropriate ways or in
inappropriate social spaces, such as political meetings.
Cath: Especially the fairly young in the community . . . walking into that
awesome bisexual polyamory thing . . . for the bisexual women
there are great stereotypes. And being identified as non-
monogamous, inappropriate partners come to speak to me, surely,
you know people, who have no connection to me at all, and
wonder if I want to sleep with them. And that’s something that
I’ve heard in X-town from a large number of women, who just get
hit on all the time, by men – bisexuals, because . . . that’s part of
it: ‘We’re non-monogamous!’
According to Cath, being identified as non-monogamous reinforces
bisexual women’s sexualization irrespective of context and relationship.
Bisexual women tend to be particularly sexualized in the imagination of
many heterosexual and bisexual men (Garber, 1995; George, 1993).
Sharon refers to this as the ‘hot-bi-babe’ syndrome, when she explains
the gendered specificities of bisexual coming-out experiences. While
straight men would frequently feel either extremely insecure or react
with rampant homophobia, if they learn about a male friends’ bisexual
identity, such information about a female friend would often entice their
sexual fantasy.
Sharon: You always get the odd straight man fantasizing about bisexual
women. Because quite a few I’ve come out to have been like
‘ooh really?’
Christian: A friend of mine has recently said, she thinks there’s a kind of
stereotype among some straight men . . . that bisexual women
would be easy prey or whatever . . .
Sharon: Gagging for it . . . Yes! The hot-bi-babe! . . . There are quite a few
straight men who hope you’re gagging for it. But yes, I try and
avoid coming out to them.
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In distinction to Caroline and Marianne, Sharon and, even more so, Cath
do not assume that conflicts around gender and sexism are settled in their
personal relationships or the wider movement context.
I see this as an effect of different degrees of politicization. It is because
Cath identifies to a much stronger degree with the political discourse of
feminism that she notices power relations around gender in her personal
intimate and political environment (cf. Assiter, 1996; Grant, 1993; Weise,
1992). The same applies to issues regarding racism and the racialization
of sexuality. Only a few of my female interview partners brought up topics
regarding race or racialization, without being specifically asked about it.
This is certainly due to the fact that most of my female interview partners
were white and used rather race-evasive discourses (Frankenberg, 1993).
Marianne, the only bisexual-identified woman in my sample, who claims
a racialized (in this case, a mixed-race) identity, points out that race and
in particular racism would not be an issue at all in her intimate and/or
sexual relationships and beyond that in the bisexual and polyamorous
movements.
Christian: But within this poly community . . . or the bisexual groups . . . or
within your relationships, it hasn’t been a problem of being one of
the few mixed-race people? . . . You described the poly community
as a fairly white community.
Marianne: No, no. It’s not something I’ve noticed . . . Well most people read
me as white anyway. It’s only if I tell people that I’m not that they
[realize], because my skin’s quite light coloured. Most people just
assume I’m white. I mean I know there’s a woman in the bi and
poly communities, who is [ethnic minority], and she does talk
about . . . ethnics and how her ethnicity is important. Because it’s
all part of what your family says, and how much you tell your family
as to whether or not it’s important, I suppose. But in terms of the
actual community it’s not important.
Marianne grounds her assessment partly on the fact that she is light-
skinned and that therefore most people would ‘read her as white’. She
seems to imply that that is why race (or racism) does not come up as an
issue in the relationship. When she refers to a woman, who makes an issue
of race and ethnicity in her social/political environment, she constricts
their significance to a matter of primarily family-mediated cultural expec-
tations. This way of putting things tends to personalize this other
woman’s strategy to emphasize race. Beyond that, Marianne interprets
the predominance of white people in the bisexual-polyamorous commu-
nities as a certainly deplorable, but finally not too relevant lack of diver-
sity that will out-balance itself as soon as polyamory will enter
the mainstream.
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Sharon claims, that race/ethnicity has never been an issue for her, she has
been stunned by the fact that black women often would bring up the topic
quite early in an encounter.
Sharon: Erm . . . and I sort of flirted with women since who’ve been black
and they’ve always asked me ‘have you ever been out with black
women before?’ so I said ‘yes’ and they said ‘oh’ . . . And I’ve
always wondered, why they feel this need to ask that, but I’ve not
really come up with any answer.
Christian: The conversation didn’t go on?
Sharon: They [would] just say ‘oh’ and change the subject – which is kind
of odd – so I’ve never really got involved with them . . . You know,
I felt like asking ‘why did you need to go and ask me that?’
Although Sharon seems to feel uneasy about these conversations, her
reluctance or refusal to consider black women’s concern with racial
fetishization as a possible motivation for bringing up this topic, leave her
puzzled and confused. Sharon does not seek clarification, particularizes
these women’s reaction as mysterious or ‘odd’ and rules them out as sexual
partners. The absence of a politicized perspective on race in a predomi-
nantly white cultural context such as the bisexual movement does not seem
to provide a discursive repertoire to easily address questions around white-
ness, race and racism (see Frankenberg, 1993). This may be the case both
for white women (such as Sharon) as for ethnicized/racialized women
(such as Marianne). More research is needed in the complex intersections
of race, sexuality, gender and heteronormative in bisexual contexts.
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sex’ (even without protection) for quite a long time – in particular from
the mid- to the late 1980s. Apart from the (inherently normative) assump-
tion that most sexual acts between women carry a low likelihood of HIV
transmission, the perception that sex between women involves only low
or no risk depends on the condition that none of the partners has been
exposed to HIV. Screening or collecting the sexual histories of female
sexual partners has been part of many women’s safer sex strategies (Rila,
1996). The whole strategy, of course, rests on the confidence that partners
disclose their sexual identities or past experiences. It further builds on the
assumption that lesbians do not have sex with men (cf. Gorna 1996; Rust,
1995). Because the latter issue tends to be tabooed within most lesbian-
identified scenes and cultures, bisexual women appear as particularly risky
sexual partners, because they are assumed to have a history or even current
practice of sex with men.
Lynne, the only lesbian-identified woman in my sample, explains that
in particular with regard to one-night stands she does not go for women,
whom she assumes to have a lot of sexual partners. Despite having a long
history of relationships with men herself, she further particularly worries
about behaviourally bisexual female partners, that is, women, who have
been sleeping with men.
Lynne: And I suppose I tend to go for women who I don’t think will have
a lot of sexual partners, rather than, you know, someone who I
think is out to just pick anybody up . . . I suppose in terms of nego-
tiating with partners, I’ve never really talked about it. And I
suppose with women there’s not a huge risk, but then . . . there is
a risk. And that’s why I can quite understand that a lot of lesbians
don’t want to sleep with bisexual women. Because then that brings
a sort of a different risk, if someone’s been sleeping with men. And
I suppose I kind of think that as well in a way.
Whereas some of the women in my sample screen the sexual histories of
their partners or refrain from certain sexual activities with partners that
they do not know very well, other women fully endorse the discourse and
practice of ‘safer sex’. Other women, again, adopt strategies, such as
limiting their number of casual sexual partners, or constricting their casual
sexual practice to female partners.
Conclusion
Due to the pervasive sexism and heteronormativity in hegemonic sexual
and intimate cultures, women have to negotiate their sexuality in a
context shaped by a tension of pleasure and danger. The operation of a
‘double standard’ of gendered sexual morality does not condone female
sexual autonomy. This has specific effects on women, who decide to be
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Acknowledgements
I would like to thank the research participants for their trust and for sharing their
experiences and ideas about non-monogamy. I would also like to express my
gratitude to Jinthana Haritaworn and the anonymous reviewers at Sexualities for
their insightful and critical comments on earlier drafts of this article.
Notes
1. I conducted interviews primarily in London and the south-east of England.
Interview partners further resided in (or around) Manchester, Leeds,
Nottingham, Dublin, Glasgow, and Edinburgh.
2. With the term ‘interview partner’ I intend to acknowledge that the
production of knowledge in the context of qualitative interviewing is a joint
enterprise and an active collaboration between researcher and research
participants. Due to inherent connotations of differing degrees of
activity/passivity this aspect is not so well expressed in a terminology that
distinguishes between interviewer and interviewee.
3. I am talking here in particular about a specific branch of political lesbianism
that in the UK has been associated with the politics of the Leeds
Revolutionary Feminists (see Harne and Miller, 1996; Onlywomen Press,
1981). I am aware that lesbians with a very different sexual political agenda
also claim the term ‘political lesbianism’ for themselves.
References
Anthias, F. and Yuval-Davis, N. (eds) (1989) Woman-Nation-State. London:
Macmillan.
Assiter, A. (1996) Enlightened Women. London: Routledge.
Ault, A. (1996a) ‘Hegemonic Discourse in an Oppositional Community: Lesbian
Feminist Stigmatization of Bisexual Women’, in B. Beemyn and M. Eliason
(eds) Queer Studies, pp. 167–85. London: New York University Press.
Ault, A. (1996b) ‘The Dilemma of Identity: Bi Women’s Negotiations’, in
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Biographical Note
Christian Klesse holds the Sociological Research Fellowship 2004/2005 at Keele
University. He is currently working on the publication of a book based on his
empirical PhD research thesis into bisexual and gay male non-monogamies,
power and heteronormatifity. His research interests fall in the areas sexuality,
gender, race/ethnicity, intersectionality, social movement politics, identities,
body modification, research methodology, and social theory. Address: The
Sociological Review, Keele University, Staffordshire ST5 5BG.
[email: christianklesse@hotmail.com]
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