PICK N MIX

A play.

by
Kat Rose-Martin

3rd October 2022

Jennifer Thomas
United Agents
12-26 Lexington Street
020 3214 0800
Three young Yorkshire women find themselves pregnant to the same boy. Olivia, her sister
and her best friend journey through early pregnancy together. Themes of motherhood,
underage sex, feminism and menstruation.

Bradford. Present Day.

The action takes place over 13 weeks.

Everyone lives in close proximity to each other in an area where most people live under or
close to the poverty line and teenage pregnancy isn't at all uncommon.
CHARACTER NAME BRIEF DESCRIPTION AGE GENDER

OLIVIA Bradford school girl. 15 F

KIM Olivia's sister. 20 F

ALISHA Olivia's bestie. 16 F

JORDAN Hapless Bradford lad 19 M

KASH Pizza delivery guy. 23 M

 SCENE ONE - BLEEDING HELL

Week 1.

The stage is set with three different toilets.

Stage Right: Kim in a toilet. Kim lives in leggings and often commits the
cardinal sin of wearing just a T-shirt with see-through Primark Leggings.
20 years old but can easily pass for late 20s.

Stage Left: Alisha, Indian girl with long gorgeous thick brown hair, she
wears little make-up and is very comfortable in her own skin. She's 16
but looks and acts much older than her years.

Centre Stage: Olivia, with short or tied back hair. She favours sporty
clothes that don't hug her figure. Wouldn't be seen dead without her Nike
Air Max.

ALISHA
That pill is a nightmare, they didn't say expect Niagara Falls
when you come off it.

KIM
Fuck me sideways, these cramps, where the fuck is that hot
water bottle?

Olivia opens up a tampon and braces herself.

OLIVIA
Hold, insert and push. Brace for impact.

Olivia pushes the Tampon through its applicator in front of her (not down
there). She’s horrified as it comes through the end.

SCENE TWO - EXCUSE ME BUT?

Week 1. Weekday. 6pm.

Kim is sat on the bed in her bedroom with Jordan. They've been kissing.

JORDAN
When's your mam shutting shop?

KIM
Not til 8. Why?

JORDAN
No reason.
 2.

KIM
Oh really?

JORDAN
Well, Maybe there's a bit of a reason...

KIM
Fucking come on then.

More kissing.

JORDAN
You look banging in that skirt.

KIM
You think?

JORDAN
Yeh I think.

KIM
Thanks.

JORDAN
Looks better on the floor though.

KIM
(cringe)
Really?

JORDAN
Sorry- I thought I was being-

KIM
You weren't.

JORDAN
Feels like it's been forever.

KIM
It's been like 2 days Jordan.

JORDAN
I know but it feels like-

KIM
Shh-
 3.

She kisses him again. She sits on top of him. BANG! The door opens.
Olivia enters.

OLIVIA
Kim, what's for tea?

Kim jumps off Jordan and grabs a book.

KIM
Has your hand fallen off?

OLIVIA
What?

KIM
You could knock.

OLIVIA
Soz. Alright Jordan?

JORDAN
Yeh. You?

OLIVIA
Yeh. What's for tea then?

KIM
I don't know, ask mum.

OLIVIA
She's in one.

KIM
She was fine earlier.

OLIVIA
The Cooper kids have been nicking again.

KIM
Scruffy little cunts.

JORDAN
Kim!

KIM
What?

JORDAN
Bit harsh. They're only kids.
 4.

KIM
What if they nicked from your dads van?

JORDAN
I know but still...

KIM
When?

OLIVIA
She said they come in around 5. She caught 'em and they point
blank denied it to her face. I said she should get some CCTV
and catch them doing it. You can find owt like that on Google.
It's just how much it costs.

JORDAN
Cheeky little-

KIM
Cunts

OLIVIA
So what's for tea?

KIM
Well, we've eaten so you'll have to sort yourself.

Kim starts moving Olivia out the door.

OLIVIA
Really? But I can only cook scrambled eggs and I've had that
twice this week.

KIM
Google how to cook something new then. Enjoy!

Olivia exits, pushed out the room by Kim. Kim returns to Jordan, who
hasn't moved an inch.

KIM
That sorta killed the mood.

JORDAN
Doesn't have to, if you still want?

KIM
Oh sod it, go on then. Be quick though, it only takes her 5
minutes to do scrambled eggs in the microwave.
 5.

JORDAN
Under 5 minutes? My speciality. One quickie, coming right up.

KIM
Jeez, Jordan, it's a shag not a happy meal.

Kim climbs on top of him again and pushes him down onto the bed.

JORDAN
I bet you love it filthy, don't you?

KIM
Can you not?

JORDAN
You said you wanted me to practise my dirty talk?

KIM
Let's just leave that for now yeah?

JORDAN
Alright.

Kim grabs Jordan's hands and plonks them on her boobs most unsexily.
The door opens. Kim jumps off Jordan and they both sit startled. Olivia
enters.

JORDAN
Was that 5 minutes?

KIM
FUCKING KNOCK WILL YA!

OLIVIA
Why? You up to summat?

KIM
No. Well, yes. I'm helping Jordan with his coursework.

OLIVIA
Written or practical?

KIM
Fuck off.

OLIVIA
I was actually hoping you'd help me with my Maths, I've got Mr
Bellding tomorrow and he'll bray us if I don't bring my work in.
 6.

KIM
Pretty sure he won't bray you.

OLIVIA
Will.

KIM
Pretty sure that's illegal.

OLIVIA
Still. Just take a look. It's about finding the area of a cylinder.

JORDAN
That's easy.

OLIVIA
Isn't.

KIM
Why don't you help her?

JORDAN
What?

KIM
Liv, if you piss off for half an hour, Jordan can finish his project,
then he'll come and help you with your maths, alright?

Kim starts to show Olivia to the door again.

OLIVIA
Ye. Alright. (shouting over Kim's shoulder) Thanks Jordan.

JORDAN
No probs.

Kim closes the door and goes back to Jordan.

JORDAN
(worried)
Half an hour?

KIM
Just give me the best half a minute you've got and let's be done
with it.

She climbs on top of him and quickly undoes his pants. She puts her
hand up her skirt to readjust her own underwear. The door opens. This
time they just freeze. Olivia pokes her head in then sarcastically knocks.
 7.

OLIVIA
Kim?

KIM
(raging)
What?

OLIVIA
Use a condom.

Olivia throws a condom into the room and runs off.

KIM
FUCK OFF!

SCENE THREE - IT CLASS

Week 1. The next day.

Olivia and Alisha are sat at a school desk in front of computers, they're
at the back of the classroom. Alisha giggles at a message on her phone.

OLIVIA
What?

ALISHA
Nowt, just some random from Tinder.

OLIVIA
Oh right, cool.

Olivia clicks on her computer as Alisha messages back on her phone.

OLIVIA
You doing owt Saturday? I thought we could go down town and
hang out if you fancy?

ALISHA
Might be a bit busy Saturday. Our Aaron’s playing in a concert
and I’ve gotta go watch. Boring.

OLIVIA
Ah right. No worries.

Alisha goes back to her phone again.

OLIVIA
Walked in on my sister last night.
 8.

ALISHA
What?

OLIVIA
With her boyfriend.

ALISHA
Doing what?

OLIVIA
What do you think?

ALISHA
Ew.

OLIVIA
I wanted to stay a bit.

ALISHA
Perv.

OLIVIA
Not like that. I was just interested is all.

ALISHA
You're not even into guys.

OLIVIA
I know but it's still intriguing isn't it.

ALISHA
Watch porn if you're that intrigued.

OLIVIA
Think there's a firewall up.

ALISHA
Not at school you creep. At home.

OLIVIA
Do you?

ALISHA
What?

OLIVIA
Watch porn?
 9.

ALISHA
Sometimes.

OLIVIA
What like?

ALISHA
Dunno, there's all sorts. My cousin had this one on his phone,
it’s proper old school, it’s called 2 girls one cup, and the girl-

OLIVIA
Shhh. Miss Laister.

The two girls stare at their computers and click aimlessly on the screens.

OLIVIA
We're safe. Jack's put his hand up.

ALISHA
She'll be there til end of lesson now.

OLIVIA
I swear he just asks dumb questions so she'll have to lean in
and show him on the computer and he can get creepily close
and smell her or summat.

ALISHA
Ming.

OLIVIA
So what about this girl and a cup thing then?

ALISHA
It's too grim. I'll get our Dan to send you a link. It's not tasteful at
all. Don't be getting your hopes up.

OLIVIA
So do you... you know...

ALISHA
What?

OLIVIA
Get off? To this stuff?

ALISHA
Not always, sometimes I just look cos, well, guess I'm intrigued,
like you say.
 10.

OLIVIA
Oh. Right.

ALISHA
Most people watch it you know.

OLIVIA
They do?

ALISHA
Yeh, it's dead normal. Maybe not for the virgins, but there's only
about three people in this class that still have their virginity.
Including you.

OLIVIA
What does it actually mean to lose your virginity though?

ALISHA
Eh?

OLIVIA
Like if it goes in is that it, even if it's only there for a second? Or
do you have to, you know, or is it if he goes? And what if it's
something else like a cucumber or something?

ALISHA
Have you put a cucumber up there?

OLIVIA
No but what if I did? Say Steph Crossley got her frisk her on
with a carrot, would that carrot forever hold her virginity?

ALISHA
No way!

OLIVIA
What then?

ALISHA
I've always thought it's when he goes?

OLIVIA
And if he doesn't?

ALISHA
Then you're still a virgin. I think.

OLIVIA
Right.
 11.

Pause

OLIVIA
So if you're into lasses and never see a penis your whole life,
then you're a virgin forever? Even if you do all sorts...

ALISHA
I don't know. Maybe. I guess so.

OLIVIA
Right.

ALISHA
Eyes down, look in. Laister's on the move.

OLIVIA
Jack's finally opened his word document.

ALISHA
Creep.

The girls click aimlessly on their screens, pretending to do work.

SCENE FOUR - NEWS GIRL

Week 2. A weekday. 4pm.

Kim and Olivia are working in their mum's newsagents.

KIM
I saw that.

OLIVIA
What?

KIM
You.

OLIVIA
What me?

KIM
And whatshername...

OLIVIA
Anna?

KIM
Yeh
 12.

OLIVIA
I was literally telling her what usually happens when there’s a
missed paper in the round.

KIM
And you offered to drop it off for her.

OLIVIA
Yeh well, it’s not too far and it’s the opposite direction for her.

KIM
Usually we tell them they have to go back and deliver it. They
miss it, they redeliver.

OLIVIA
I know but it’s her first time. Give her a break.

KIM
You wouldn’t deliver a single paper for Sam and he does three
rounds for us.

OLIVIA
Yeh but he’s older isn’t he.

KIM
How old is she?

OLIVIA
Same as me, I think

KIM
Sam’s 14.

OLIVIA
14?

KIM
Yeh.

OLIVIA
He’s lanky for 14.

KIM
You’re changing the subject. You were soft on her.

OLIVIA
Wasn’t.
 13.

KIM
Were.

OLIVIA
I wasn’t

KIM
I think you’ve got yourself a little crush.

OLIVIA
Fuck off.

KIM
How romantic - your eyes meet across a pile of papers and you
become childhood sweethearts.

OLIVIA
I’m not a child!

KIM
You didn’t deny the sweethearts bit?

OLIVIA
She seems nice I guess.

KIM
And she’s very pretty, you can’t deny that.

OLIVIA
She is fit.

KIM
You gonna ask her out then?

OLIVIA
No.

KIM
Go on.

OLIVIA
NO!

KIM
You can’t wait around forever. You gotta make the first move.

OLIVIA
Can we just leave it please?
 14.

KIM
Oh my god you’ve already asked her haven’t you?

OLIVIA
Like I’m gonna tell you.

KIM
That means you have. Ha!
(singing)
Livvy and- what’s her name - ANNA! Sitting in a tree... Doing
something they shouldn’t be.... It begins with S...

OLIVIA
Shut up.

KIM
Livvy and Anna! Or would you be Anna and Livvy? Olivia and
Annie?

OLIVIA
Ew.

KIM
Anna and Liv. That’s got a great ring to it.

OLIVIA
What are you? Kim and Jordan? Jordan and Kim? K and J?
KimJ? Like Kim K.

KIM
Fuck knows about that.

OLIVIA
About what? The nickname or yous two in general?

KIM
Dunno. He’s just a bit...

OLIVIA
What?

KIM
Awkward. He’s good looking and that but I want him to sort of
hold his own and he just lets me walk all over him.

OLIVIA
In the bedroom?
 15.

KIM
Nosey bitch! In general really. But ye, that as well.

OLIVIA
Sounds shit.

KIM
He’s a nice enough guy. He is... but...

They’re a knock at the door. Kim goes to open it. KASH stands in the
doorway. He’s got that swag that makes Kim’s fanny flutter. Time seems
to stand still until...

KIM
Hey.

KASH
Hey. Yalright?

KIM
Yeh you?

KASH
Yeh not too shabby.

A moment. Sparks fly. Kash gazes at Kim and she drinks in his attention.
Olivia clocks it but Kim and Kash are in their own world as he hands over
the pizzas.

KASH
Two margaritas. Potato wedges. Spicy Chicken strippers and a
garlic bread.

KIM
Thanks. How much is it?

KASH
Pre paid on card.

KIM
Oh yeh. Great.

KASH
And I threw in a free garlic mayo dip for ya.

KIM
Right. Cheers.
 16.

KASH
See you around.

KIM
Maybe.

Kim closes the door on KASH. She takes the pizza inside.

OLIVIA
Didn’t know we were getting pizza tonight.

KIM
Mum’s treat.

OLIVIA
Score.

They tuck in to the pizza. Kim turns the closed sign on the door.

OLIVIA
(With a mouthful)
What about him then?

KIM
Who?

Olivia nods towards the door.

KIM
Are you on summat?

Olivia smiles cheekily as she takes another bite. Kim changes the
subject.

KIM
Mum said Neil’s been in touch. Apparently he’s gonna be back
in the country for a bit.

OLIVIA
When?

KIM
I dunno. Next few months or summat.

OLIVIA
She didn’t tell me.
 17.

KIM
Because he’s a waste of space and she don’t want you getting
hurt again.

OLIVIA
Don’t you wanna see him?

KIM
Not my dad, not my problem.

OLIVIA
Maybe I should ask mum about it.

KIM
Go ahead, if you want her to bite your head off, I’d love to see
that.

OLIVIA
Do you think I want to speak to him though? After all this time.

KIM
I don’t know do I? Jeez Liv, you’ve gotta make your decisions for
yourself sometimes.

Olivia nervous chomps down on a full slice of pizza.

KIM
Oi greedy guts, leave some for me!

Kim tries to grab the box but Olivia pulls it back and hides it behind her
back.

OLIVIA
I'll do you a trade!

KIM
You didn’t pay you cheeky cow.

OLIVIA
I'll give you an extra slice, if you help me-

KIM
I am not waxing your downstairs, just shave it like the rest of us!

OLIVIA
Not that.

KIM
What then?
 18.

OLIVIA
My maths. It's way harder than last time.

KIM
Can't help you there.

OLIVIA
It's just I don't get it. Any of it.

KIM
Neither do I. I practically guess the change coming out of that
till.

OLIVIA
What?

KIM
Don't tell mum!

OLIVIA
Help me out and I won't.

KIM
Honestly, if I could help I would but I'd rather wax your nunny.
Ask Jordan, he didn't mind helping you out last time.

OLIVIA
I thought you weren't getting on.

KIM
You better bleed him dry of all he knows before I dump his ass
then eh?

Kim picks up her phone.

KIM
There. I've sent his number. No gimme the extra slice.

Kim playfully grabs for the pizza.

OLIVIA
Shouldn't I save it for Jordan?

KIM
Fuck that.

Kim grabs the pizza box and rushes out, Olivia rushes after her, mouth
full of pizza. Sauce on face.
 19.

SCENE FIVE - DO THESE TITS LOOK UNDERAGE TO YOU?

Week 3. A weekday.

Jordan is sat on Kim’s bed. Olivia walks past. Spots him. Then reverses
back and stands in the doorway.

OLIVIA
Jordan? Yalright?

JORDAN
Oh hi. Yeh am alright. You?

OLIVIA
Yeh good thanks.

JORDAN
Kim about?

OLIVIA
She’s been in town. Said she was gonna be back by 4 but she
got caught up and missed the bus. Reckon it’ll be another hour
or two. Did she not tell you?

JORDAN
Nah.

OLIVIA
Oh... I got 28... Out of 30. Area of a cylinder.

JORDAN
Oh. Well done.

OLIVIA
I proper understand it now as well. Not like just, blagging stuff
from class that has no meaning. I get it.

JORDAN
Good for you.

OLIVIA
You sticking around?

JORDAN
Might as well.

OLIVIA
Just cause, I’ve got another piece today, quadratic equations.
Can you do them?
 20.

JORDAN
Yeh. It’s a formula isn’t it? It’s a couple of years since I did it.
Something square root of a or b or something, all over 2a.

OLIVIA
Yeh. That’s it. I’ve got it written down. I’ll just go get it.

JORDAN
Alright.

Olivia rushes out leaving Jordan to consider the uncomfortable nature of

things for a second until she reappears.

OLIVIA
So if you look here.

She brings her book and sits next to him on Kim’s bed.

OLIVIA
I got this far but then got stuck.

She shuffles towards him. Jordan looks at the homework.

JORDAN
You’ve done great so far but sometimes you're factorising and at
other times you're using the formula. And when you use the
formula it looks like it's just getting a bit messy.

OLIVIA
Cos I've no idea what I'm doing.

JORDAN
Ok, so this number is A, this number is B and this number is C.
So wherever you see A in the formula just replace it with the
number you’ve got as A, then do it on a calculator. Try plugging
the numbers into the equation. So A is?

OLIVIA
5.

JORDAN
B is?

OLIVIA
6.

JORDAN
And C is?
 21.

OLIVIA
1.

JORDAN
So just fill those in where those numbers were.

Olivia does the sum.

OLIVIA
Like this?

JORDAN
That's perfect. And then just plug that into your calculator. And X
is...?

OLIVIA
-0.2

JORDAN
Or?

Olivia is stumped. Jordan explains.

JORDAN
Plus or minus - means there’s two potential solutions.

OLIVIA
Ahhhhhhhh. Minus 1?

The penny has dropped.

OLIVIA
I actually get it. How do you know all this stuff?

JORDAN
Guess it sort of comes naturally. At college it’s sort of a
requirement that we’ve got the key skills nailed. Although fuck
knows when I’ll use the quadratic equation when arresting
someone.

OLIVIA
You have the right to remain silent - unless you can tell me the
value of x.

JORDAN
Exactly

OLIVIA
Have you always wanted to be a copper?
 22.

JORDAN
Nah. It kind of didn’t cross my mind. Especially as my dad sees
the law more as rough guidelines than a set of hard and fast
rules. But, I don’t know, I just think...I don’t know.

OLIVIA
Go on.

JORDAN
I guess I want to help people. When my mam, well you know, it
was a bobby that came to the door. And he was so calm and
although it was the shittest news to deliver, and it was already
weird because I don’t really know her that well, he was sort of, I
don’t know, he just made it seem like everything was going to be
ok. And I guess I liked him...

Catches himself talking about his emotions.

JORDAN
Sorry.

OLIVIA
What for?

JORDAN
Not many folk ask me about, you know, stuff like that.

OLIVIA
I think it’s interesting.

JORDAN
Why don’t you have a go at the next question?

OLIVIA
Remind me again.

As Jordan begins to explain the next question whilst writing it down,

Olivia keeps her eyes fixed on him.

JORDAN
So, we substitute each of the 'values' the 'numbers' in place of
the letters. In this case, 'A' would be 6, 'B' would be 2 and 'C'
would be 4. So the sum would be X equals, minus 2 plus or
minus, the square root of 2 squared minus 4 times 6 times 4, all
divided by 2 times 6.

Jordan notices Olivia staring at him.

 23.

JORDAN
What?

OLIVIA
Shall we?

JORDAN
What?

OLIVIA
Find X

JORDAN
Sorry?

OLIVIA
Do it.

JORDAN
Are you? What the-? But you’re-

OLIVIA
Kim’s sister, I know but-

JORDAN
Underage

OLIVIA
Underage? Are you joking?

JORDAN
You are aren’t you?

OLIVIA
Do I look underage?

She opens her top.

OLIVIA
Do these tits look underage to you?

Jordan doesn’t quite know where to look. Olivia grabs his hands and
puts them on her tits.

OLIVIA
See. They don’t feel underage do they?
 24.

JORDAN
(Not a clue what to say)
I guess not.

OLIVIA
In my case, X is a 32B.

JORDAN
Erm....I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not sure that we should-

OLIVIA
I won’t tell if you won’t. I can see you’re up for it.

Jordan covers his crotch and distances himself.

JORDAN
That doesn’t necessarily mean that...

OLIVIA
You’ve got a problem. I can help you solve it.

JORDAN
Sorry, I-

OLIVIA
Stop being so shy. Kim said it’s a turn off when you’re so
awkward about it all.

JORDAN
She said that?

OLIVIA
Yeh and other stuff...

JORDAN
What other stuff?

OLIVIA
Just that you always play it safe... and...

JORDAN
What?

Olivia pulls Jordan close and whispers in his ear.

JORDAN
That’s not true.
 25.

OLIVIA
Prove it.

Olivia has him cornered.

OLIVIA
Show me your workings.

Olivia kisses him. Jordan doesn’t react and almost tries to pull away but
Olivia has him under her spell and eventually he starts kissing her back.

SCENE SIX - DOES THIS REALLY GO ON THERE?

Week 4.

Olivia and Alisha are at school. In Sex Ed class. Once again they're at
the back of the classroom.

ALISHA
Our Ade told me that they were all given dildos and that in their
class.

OLIVIA
I thought it was gonna be bananas. You go first then. Arm out.

ALISHA
No, you can do that first.

OLIVIA
Ew. No.

ALISHA
I’ll save you twos on mi sarnies.

OLIVIA
Deal.

Olivia sticks her arm out with fist clenched.

ALISHA
Right then...
(picking up condom packet)
So tear open and be careful not to rip. Then...

Alisha takes the condom out the packet.

OLIVIA
-squeeze the teet and-
 26.

ALISHA
When did you become a fucking expert?

OLIVIA
About 10 mins ago when Miss explained.

ALISHA
You hardly need to take notes. These ones don’t apply for you.

Alisha puts the condom on Olivia’s arm.

ALISHA
You look a right dick

OLIVIA
I think that’s the point.

ALISHA
What’s the idea - if you have a Johnny on your arm, you won’t
catch crabs.

OLIVIA
Guess so.

ALISHA
Maybe it’s just to stop you itching.

They laugh.

OLIVIA
Your turn.

ALISHA
Nah I’m alright.

OLIVIA
If I’ve got cockarm, you’re getting one too.

Reluctantly Alisha puts her arm up. Olivia picks up the other condom and
tries to tear it open.

OLIVIA
Kinda impossible to do this with one hand.

ALISHA
That’s why boys says it’s a moodkiller.

Alisha opens the packet for her and assists her.

 27.

When Olivia is rolling it onto Alisha’s arm, it proves to be a struggle and

Alisha has to push her arm towards Olivia to get some traction.

Eventually they both have condoms on their arms.

ALISHA
(exhausted)
Fuck me!

OLIVIA
I don’t think I’d have the energy for anything else after that.

ALISHA
Need a red bull.

OLIVIA
Or a cuppa.

ALISHA
We look like a right pair of twats.

OLIVIA
I think they suit us actually.

ALISHA
They’re not exactly comfortable.

OLIVIA
But they feel indestructible.

ALISHA
They’re like a super glove.

OLIVIA
An infinity gauntlet.

ALISHA
(Impersonating Buzz Lightyear)
To TheFanny and Beyond!

OLIVIA
Beyond?

ALISHA
That’s grim.
 28.

OLIVIA
(Impersonating a pilot)
The 354 Johnnyarm from Vagland will shortly be arriving in
Wombtown, please brace for impact.

ALISHA
Ew.

OLIVIA
Can that actually happen?

ALISHA
What?

OLIVIA
Can it go beyond?

ALISHA
I dunno.

OLIVIA
Cos I heard Sarah-Jane Jacobs saying that she shagged this
guy in the park and his thing was so big it nearly came out of
her mouth.

ALISHA
I think you misheard that babe..

OLIVIA
I definitely didn’t.

ALISHA
Then she’s definitely chatting shit.

OLIVIA
I wonder if it can though.

ALISHA
I bet it has. In some extreme case or some shit

OLIVIA
I heard some people can still get pregnant even if he doesn't go.
Cos a tiny bit comes out.

ALISHA
Ye. That's true.

OLIVIA
Really?
 29.

ALISHA
Think so. Why don’t you ask Miss?

OLIVIA
Ew. Wouldn’t dare.

A beat.

Olivia considers the idea that she could be pregnant.

ALISHA
Why? You been at it?

OLIVIA
(defensive)
No course not.

ALISHA
Fucking hell, you've been up to summat.

OLIVIA
Haven't.

ALISHA
Don't believe you.

OLIVIA
Why the fuck would I?

ALISHA
Because it's fun. And you can't blame anyone for being curious.
It's nowt to be ashamed about! Who though? Cos it can't be
anyone At school Cos we'd all know about it.

OLIVIA
No. It's no one. It's nothing. It didn't happen. Can we just leave
it?

ALISHA
Fine.

Pause.

ALISHA
Do you want kids?

OLIVIA
Erm...Not really
 30.

ALISHA
Not ever?

OLIVIA
Gusss not. Do you?

ALISHA
Not really thought about but it just seems right doesn't it. Couple
of years yet but ye.

OLIVIA
I can't imagine you with a kid.

Olivia has realised the severity of the situation now.

OLIVIA
Would you ever...get rid of one?

ALISHA
Never.

OLIVIA
So if you got pregnant now, you'd have it and that would be it.
Not finish school? And what if the dad doesn't give a shit. Or it's
some rat lad or summat.

ALISHA
I wouldn't have a rat kid in a million years, it wouldn't have any
teeth.

OLIVIA
All babies have no teeth. At first. Anyway it’s just a bunch of
cells innit?

ALISHA
Your cells. Part of you. You wouldn't just cut your own arm off
would you.

OLIVIA
I might have to. This Johnny's proper hurting.

ALISHA
Are you alright?

OLIVIA
Yeh. Fine. Why?

ALISHA
You’re being weird.
 31.

OLIVIA
Can I have a hug?

Olivia moves towards Alisha. Alisha studies her.

ALISHA
Get away. You're all slimy and people will think we're getting at
it.

OLIVIA
I just want a hug. Please.

ALISHA
Come here then you daft get.

Alisha grabs a nervous Olivia and gives you a playful hug then gets her
in a headlock and rubs the condom arm in her hair, laughing.

SCENE SEVEN - KIM CHEATS

Week 5.

At a bus stop. It’s dark. Kim is freezing her tits off. Kash approaches. He
has a moped and looks fit.

KASH
Oi. Margarita!

Kim goes into ‘self defence’ mode.

KIM
BACK OFF!

She holds up her keys between her fingers at him.

KASH
Woah woah, chill out, margarita. I ain’t no mugger.

KIM
Why’d you say Margarita?

KASH
You don’t recognise me?

KIM
Erm...

KASH
You live above the corner shop on Bradbury Ave.
 32.

Kim seems worried. He takes his hood off.

KASH
I deliver your Margarita on a Friday night. Literally for the past 4
years.

KIM
Oh god yeh! So sorry I just thought-

KASH
We all look the same to you.

KIM
No. Not at all. Its just, out of context, you know. Sorry. Long day.

KASH
I’ll carry a box with me everywhere I go shall I? So strangers
know who I am.

Kim breaks into a smile.

INTERCUT TO JORDAN AND ALISHA:

A park bench. Alisha looks at her phone. Jordan recognises her and
approaches.

JORDAN
Alisha?

ALISHA
Yeh, Who's asking.

JORDAN
It's me, Jordan. From Tinder.

ALISHA
Wow.

INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH:

Kash smiles at Kim smiling.

KASH
That’s more like it. Usually you’re beaming when I come round.

KIM
Pizza innit.
 33.

KASH
Bringing joy to Friday Nights since 1999.

KIM
I’m Kim.

KASH
I know... It says on your order. Promise I’m not stalking you.

KIM
Seems legit. Approaching me in the street. Know my name,
address, Friday night schedule and favourite food.

KASH
Should be more careful with the type of folk you invite to your
doorstep then.

KIM
Fair. You gonna introduce yourself then or shall I just call you
Pizza Guy?

Kash bows.

KASH
Kashif Amin Nasir Akhtar Bradford’s friendliest delivery guy. At
your service. Everyone calls me Kash.

KIM
Alright Kash, nice to meet you formally.

KASH
Excuse me, I’d prefer it if you used my full title.

KIM
Sod off.

INTERCUT TO JORDAN AND ALISHA:

JORDAN
Can I sit down?

ALISHA
Go ahead.

JORDAN
Thanks

ALISHA
Swept you off ya feet have I?
 34.

JORDAN
Maybe... I mean, like usually, on Tinder you get cat-fished and
the pictures are edited to fuck so when you meet the girl in real
life, it's just like awkward cos they don't look as good but-

ALISHA
You saying I don't look like my photo?

JORDAN
No, not that, the opposite, I'm saying that sometimes it's like that
but with you it's not like that because - well - because it isn't,
because you're like. You look like your picture.

ALISHA
Take a bloody breath will you, you're putting me on edge.

INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH:

KASH
So what you up to then?

KIM
What’s it look like?

KASH
I don’t like to assume.

KIM
It’s a bus stop mate. I think it’s pretty safe to assume. What are
you doing here anyway? Other than stalking me?

KASH
Just that really. Been lurking behind that bush for the past hour
and got cramp so had to show myself.

KIM
You’re a sarcy bastard aren’t you?

KASH
You’re a mouthy cow aren’t you?

Kim smiles again.

INTERCUT TO JORDAN AND ALISHA:

JORDAN
Sorry, I'm better over messenger. And well, I didn't expect to see
you?
 35.

ALISHA
Never planned to see me? I'm just a little sext every now and
again for a laugh am I? Nice.

JORDAN
No. Never. I just didn't expect-

ALISHA
Hell, it says I'm less than a kilometre away, did you really think
you'd never even bump into me?

JORDAN
No. Well, yes but I didn't-

ALISHA
Oh god

JORDAN
I didn't expect you to be so beautiful.

INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH:

KIM
How long you gonna linger about then?

KASH
How long til your bus comes?

KIM
That’s it now.

KASH
Where you going?

KIM
Surely you know already, if you’re any good at this stalking
business.

KASH
Course I know. Just trying to be mysterious and lure you into a
false sense of security.

KIM
If your definition of mysterious is going up to girls, shouting
about pizza and asking them where they’re going, you need to
get a new dictionary.

KASH
You’re beautiful.
 36.

KIM
What?

KASH
You are. You’re the type of girl that I’d want to whisk away on an
all-inclusive in Dubai and spoil rotten.

KIM
You can afford that on a pizza boy wage can you?

KASH
Not exactly. But one day.

KIM
Got it all worked out have you? 5 year plan?

KASH
Something like that.

KIM
Good for you.

KASH
Would that be summat you’d be up for? Private pool? Sunset
snaps for the gram? Bottomless cocktails? Sex on the beach?

KIM
Don’t you have your lads to go holidaying with?

KASH
I’ve got mates, if that’s what you’re asking, but I’d rather be
sunning it up with a stunner like you.

KIM
Bus is here.

Kim walks towards bus.

KASH
I’ll give you a lift. Back of the moped.

KIM
If you think for one second I’m getting on the back of a scooter
with a stranger who stalked me in the street- you’ve got another
thing coming. Bye.

KASH
Kim!
 37.

KIM
What?

KASH
Wait!

KIM
Why?

KASH
Can I take you out?

KIM
Don’t give in do you?

KASH
No.

KIM
Well, I don’t really have time for a two week all-inclusive. I’ve got
college on Monday.

KASH
What about a Gelato then?

KIM
When?

KASH
Now?

KIM
I’ve got a curfew.

KASH
You’ll be back for 7. I know where you live!

KIM
Creep.

INTERCUT TO JORDAN AND ALISHA:

JORDAN
I just can’t stop looking at ya.

ALISHA
Give over.
 38.

JORDAN
I actually deleted Tinder.

ALISHA
Ok...What do you want - a medal?

JORDAN
No, I’m just saying, that’s why I’ve-

ALISHA
Been blanking me?

JORDAN
No, I - It’s because- well- I- Bloody hell, it’s weird this - actually
seeing you in real life.

ALISHA
Is it?

JORDAN
You're proper... wow. Just...wow.

ALISHA
Alright calm down.

JORDAN
Sorry, I'll shut up.

ALISHA
No, don't stop.

INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH:

KIM
Oh fuck it. Go one then.

She walks back towards him.

KIM
You don’t fancy yourself as one of those bad boys with that
moped do you?

KASH
You’ll have to wait and see.

KIM
Got a helmet?
 39.

KASH
Bit forward!

KIM
Stop yourself!

She playfully shoves him as she walks off with him.

SCENE EIGHT - PISS ON A STICK

Week 8.

The stage is once again set with three different toilets. The girls occupy
the same toilets as before.

They are all holding pregnancy test boxes and instructions.

KIM
Remove the plastic cap to expose the absorbent window.

ALISHA
Looks like a shit pen this.

OLIVIA
Point the absorbent tip directly into the urine stream. Take the
sample for at least 10 seconds, to ensure that an adequate
sample is collected by the testing device.

KIM
10 seconds?

Alisha downs a of a glass of water.

ALISHA
Re-cap the device and wait 5 minutes for the test to finish
processing.

KIM
Negative Result: NOT PREGNANT - Only one coloured band
appears on the test region.

OLIVIA
Positive Result: POSSIBLE PREGNANCY - Two Distinct
coloured bands appear on the Test region. Color intensity of the
bands should be...

ALISHA
Yeh yeh yeh. One Line - All fine. Two Lines - Run and hide.
 40.

KIM
Right, Step one.

All three girls remove the caps of the tests together.

KIM
Easy.

ALISHA
Step 2.

All three girls negotiate how they are going to piss on the stick.

Alisha can't seem to position it right so urinates into the glass that she's
just drunk from.

Kim has 3 different tests which she tries to navigate all at once, she tries
to hold them like Wolverine claws to begin with and then puts them all
under at once moving her bottom to make sure she covers each one.

Olivia takes a deep breath and counts to 10 whilst she pees.

OLIVIA
1 elephant, 2 elephants, 3 elephants, 4 elephants...
I’ve only got 7 elephants in me!

All three girls remove the tests and place the caps on.

OLIVIA
Step 3 - the waiting game.

KIM
Right 5 minute timer.

Kim reaches for her phone but realises her hand is wet

KIM
It didn't say, wear gloves - you might to piss all over your hands.

ALISHA
Hey Siri, set a 5 minute timer.

Sound effect of a Countdown style timer.

KIM
My pees a bit yellow - I should drink more.
 41.

ALISHA
This is stupid, I'm probably just a few days late - coming off the
pill has radged my hormones.

Kim and Alisha are trying to amuse themselves to fill the time.

Olivia is dead still, counting the seconds to herself.

ALISHA
I swear the sex didn't even last this long.

KIM
I need to remember that this one is a few seconds behind this
one. Should've labelled them.

The girls are now getting impatient and restless. Music plays as they
wait. Eventually-

OLIVIA
300 ELEPHANTS!

A timer goes off.

Olivia opens her eyes. She slowly and carefully takes the cap off the test
and looks at it.

OLIVIA
Fuck.

Alisha takes the cap of her test, and looks from the instructions to the
test repeatedly.

ALISHA
FUCK!

Kim takes the cap off test 1, checks it, then off test 2, checks it, then off
test 3.

KIM
FUUUCK!!!!

SCENE NINE - MEGA AWKS

Week 8. A weekday.

Kim's bedroom. Jordan stands uncomfortably in the middle of the room.

JORDAN
Y’alright
 42.

KIM
Yeh. You?

JORDAN
Yeh.

Silence

JORDAN
It’s our Drew’s 30th on Saturday. He’s having a do at the club.
You wanna come?

KIM
I’m working.

JORDAN
Oh right. Do you mind if I go?

KIM
You can do what you like. I don’t own you.

JORDAN
I know but-

KIM
Go, you’ll have a good time.

JORDAN
Alright.

Olivia enters, unaware of Jordan

OLIVIA
Kim, I need to tell you something- Oh Jordan.

KIM
What?

OLIVIA
Erm. Right. Nothing.

Olivia goes to leave.

JORDAN
How was the test?

OLIVIA
(horrified)
What?
 43.

JORDAN
Maths? Quadratics?

OLIVIA
Oh. 93%.

JORDAN
Wow. Bet you’re chuffed with that.

OLIVIA
Erm - yeh...

Olivia leaves. A silence.

KIM
What was that?

JORDAN
What was what?

KIM
That. You. Her.

JORDAN
Nowt.

KIM
Okay.

JORDAN
Are you alright?

KIM
I’m fine.

She’s not fine.

JORDAN
It’s just you seem-

KIM
What?

JORDAN
I don’t know, just-

KIM
Spit it out. If you’ve got summat to say?
 44.

JORDAN
Is it time of the month?

KIM
What?

JORDAN
Are you, you know, on your whatsit?

KIM
Are you joking?

JORDAN
You’re just a bit-

KIM
Fuck off.

Olivia appears at the doorway again, she's holding a nail varnish bottle.
Her left hand is already painted.

OLIVIA
Kim, are you busy?

KIM
Sort of.

OLIVIA
Will you do my right hand? I just smudge it.

KIM
What?

OLIVIA
Just 5 minutes. In my room? Please.

KIM
Are you shitting me? Just do it yourself.

OLIVIA
Please

KIM
Not now.

OLIVIA
Stroppy bitch.

Olivia disappears. Kim’s phone starts to ring.

 45.

KIM
You can fuck off and all. You can all just fuck the fuck off.

Silence.

JORDAN
Who’s Kash?

KIM
Don’t

JORDAN
Are you-

KIM
Really? Don’t you dare.

They sit in silence.

JORDAN
When I said about your, you know, I didn’t mean-

KIM
What did you mean?

JORDAN
Nowt. Well. Just that you’re being sort of cagey.

KIM
So that means I’m on my period then does it? I can’t just be
having an off day? It couldn’t possibly be that there’s clearly
something going on here that we’re just not talking about?

Jordan looks away

Silence.

Has he been caught out?

KIM
Anything to say?
Anything at all?
Fine. I don’t think this is working.

Silence.

KIM
We’re not really, very, you know...
 46.

Silence.

KIM
Ok. I think you should go.

Jordan gets up to leave.

JORDAN
Are we- is this- over then?

KIM
What do you think?

Jordan starts to gather his things, he opens drawers to get out boxer
shorts.

There's a card blue tacked to the wall that he takes.

Olivia enters, she's holding a tampon behind her back.

OLIVIA
Got you a present.

KIM
What?

OLIVIA
Can we talk first, please?

KIM
We're talking aren't we?

OLIVIA
Without (She nods towards Jordan)

JORDAN
Don't worry, I'll be gone soon.

KIM
That better be a Fry's Turkish Delight behind your back.

Olivia holds out a tampon

KIM
A tampon? I'm not on my fucking period! A fucking Tampon?!? I
don't need to see another fucking tampon for 8 fucking months
for fucks sake.

A beat.
 47.

JORDAN
What?

KIM
Get out.

OLIVIA
Kim?

KIM
Get the fuck out both of you.

JORDAN
Shouldn’t we talk about this?

KIM
Oh now, you've found your tongue. Take your sweaty boxers,
your shitty tampon and get the fuck out now.

OLIVIA
Kim!

KIM
Out.

Kim pushes both of them out the room and closes the door. She wants
to punch something. Olivia throws a tampon into the room.

KIM
Fuck off!

She picks up her phone to call Kash.

SCENE TEN - MEET THE BOYFRIEND

Week 8.

Outside the Liberal Club - Smoking area. 9PM.

Patience by Take That is blaring out in the background with just-off-key

vocals. Alisha and Olivia exit the Liberal, they’ve been dancing and are
sweaty.

ALISHA
Corrr, that’s better. Thought I might overheat for a second.

OLIVIA
What do you think of the tribute?
 48.

ALISHA
Yeh, they're not bad. That Mark isn't as fit as you made out. If
you had one guy that would turn you, it shouldn't be him.

OLIVIA
Yeh, you're right. I saw the Gary looking over at you though.

ALISHA
Ew. He looks about 55.

OLIVIA
Pushing 42 maybe...

ALISHA
Almost triple my age!

OLIVIA
Silver fox! Didn't think it bothered you.

ALISHA
It doesn't but I'm not gonna cheat for a guy whose 42 and plays
in a Tribute band.

OLIVIA
You're properly smitten with this guy aren't you?

ALISHA
Yeh.

OLIVIA
What does he even do?

ALISHA
He's at college, he's 19, and he's saving to move out.

OLIVIA
Lush, a little shag pad! When am I going to meet him?

ALISHA
Tonight.

OLIVIA
What?

ALISHA
He's texted earlier, said he might pop in.

OLIVIA
You joking?
 49.

ALISHA
Do I look like I’m joking?

OLIVIA
Oh em Gee. This is so exciting. Alisha's got a boyfriend!

ALISHA
Don't say boyfriend, it's still sort of awkward because we haven't
had the chat!

OLIVIA
He’s not even properly asked you out yet?

ALISHA
Not officially.

OLIVIA
Taking his time.

ALISHA
Well it’s sort of a bit complicated

OLIVIA
Why? I thought you said that he said that he thought he was
falling for you.

ALISHA
He did

OLIVIA
Bit full on that if you’re not even going out. And you’ve not even
shagged.

ALISHA
Well-

OLIVIA
You have?

ALISHA
Only a few times. Once ages ago, not long after we first met but
that was more of a spur of the moment thing and then once last
week and once Monday night. It was really romantic. His
parents were out. He lit a candle and everything.

OLIVIA
OMG. What would your dad say?
 50.

ALISHA
He’d lay him out. Literally. Promise you won't tell anyone.

OLIVIA
Promise.

ALISHA
Best friend Secret Swear?

OLIVIA
Best friend Secret Swear!

Secret handshake. Alisha starts singing along to the Take That Song.

ALISHA
Cos......IIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.. Need Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime

OLIVIA
If I tell you something, will you best friend Secret Swear not to
say anything to anyone ever?

ALISHA
Well, obvs that’s sort of what a Best Friend Secret Swear is. I’m
not expecting that you’re gonna just dial up my dad now and
start blabbing about my sex life am I?

OLIVIA
Suppose not.

ALISHA
Out with it then. Hurry up, cos this tune is a belter. I........
Neeedd......Tiiiimmmmeee

OLIVIA
I-

ALISHA
You better not be blagging some shit to wind me up again.

OLIVIA
I’m not. I.... The other week, I...

ALISHA
What?

OLIVIA
I think I might-

Jordan enters.
 51.

JORDAN
Oi oi!

The girls turn. They see Jordan. Alisha goes all coy.

ALISHA
Hey hun!

Jordan marches over.

OLIVIA
Jordan?

ALISHA
Eh?

JORDAN
What are you-?

OLIVIA
What the fuck are you doing here?

ALISHA
Liv, bit rude? Jordan's my- well we're seeing each other.

OLIVIA
Your fuck buddy is Jordan?

ALISHA
He’s not my fuck- he's-

OLIVIA
Shit the bed!

JORDAN
Is this a joke?

ALISHA
If it is, I don't fucking get it.

OLIVIA
You’re shagging my sisters ex.

ALISHA
What?

JORDAN
That was all done with ages ago.
 52.

OLIVIA
If ages ago is a couple of weeks then yeh. Fuck me- Jordan.

ALISHA
I thought your sister was dating the pizza guy?

OLIVIA
She is but-

JORDAN
She's what?

OLIVIA
Jordan?! Really? Of all the people.

ALISHA
We really like each other...

JORDAN
Who's the pizza guy?

ALISHA
Why do you care?

OLIVIA
Because it'll make him feel less guilty for shagging you behind
my sister's back. Fucking snake.

ALISHA
You told me it was all done with your ex.

JORDAN
It was, weeks ago.

OLIVIA
It was last week!

JORDAN
Why would you-?

ALISHA
What the fuck? Last week? We slept together last week. You lit
the candle-

JORDAN
It was over long before that. Just not officially- But listen to us. I
really like you Alisha, I properly do. You're different from Kim -
honest. You and me - we actually click.
 53.

ALISHA
Oh fuck off.

JORDAN
We do! I've honestly never had that with someone before. I- I-
think I love you.

ALISHA
Oh Jordan! Don't pull out the big guns just because you've been
putting it about. Bloody hell, you've made me look like a proper
skank. Kim!?

JORDAN
It's not what you think.

OLIVIA
It’s exactly what you think.

JORDAN
You shut up.

OLIVIA
Don't tell me to shut up.

ALISHA
This is- I can't believe this.

JORDAN
She's no fucking better.

OLIVIA
Don't you-

JORDAN
She was more than happy to go behind her sisters back! She's
the real snake.

ALISHA
What are you on about?

OLIVIA
Jordan, no!

JORDAN
Whilst Kim and me was together, she forced me to sleep with
her.

OLIVIA
I didn't force anything.
 54.

ALISHA
Sorry what?

JORDAN
Well, it wasn't my fault

OLIVIA
Takes two, Jordan.

ALISHA
Hold on. Rewind. You two have shagged?

OLIVIA
Yes. Big mistake. In the past.

ALISHA
You've shagged her and her sister? And me?

JORDAN
No. Well yes, but it's not like that- Anyway, I'm seeing you, aren't
I? All this doesn't matter.

ALISHA
It definitely does.

OLIVIA
Fuck this mess. I’m gone. I’ll call you tomorrow.

Olivia leaves.

JORDAN
Babe, babe, babe, can we just talk about this calmly?

ALISHA
No. We can’t. Not tonight. Piss off.

JORDAN
Text us won't you?

ALISHA
Just leave us the fuck alone.

SCENE ELEVEN - AIRING YOUR DIRTY KNICKS IN THE STREET

The street outside the Pick N Mix Shop. Alisha chases Olivia.

ALISHA
Oi! Liv!
 55.

OLIVIA
What?

ALISHA
Why the fuck didn't you tell me?

OLIVIA
I'm hardly proud of it am I, and- and- I didn't know you were- you
know!

ALISHA
Still! Your sisters boyfriend?

OLIVIA
I know! And clearly I massively regret it, but I was- I was
confused and wanted to know if- and he was the only lad that I
know. Kim was gonna dump him anyway- It's not an excuse, I
know.

ALISHA
So he's the-

OLIVIA
Yeh! It's fucking dark.

ALISHA
Oh shit! Why? Why me! Does Kim know?

OLIVIA
Yes, cos that will go down well.

ALISHA
What? So you're just not going to tell her?

OLIVIA
'Hey Kim! Thanks for lending me your shoes, oh and by the way
I also borrowed your ex boyfriend because I was having a mini-
sexuality crisis and now he's your baby daddy.' Yeh - sounds
great.

ALISHA
He’s what?

OLIVIA
Kim - she’s, you know - having a kid. His kid.

ALISHA
Fucking hell! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
 56.

OLIVIA
What?

ALISHA
You do realise that I actually love this guy. I've fallen for the very
moron that has put a bloody baby in my best mate’s fucking
sister.

OLIVIA
How could you fall for him? You've only known him a few weeks.

ALISHA
Well I have. And I didn't fucking know did I? To me, he was just
sweet and charming and lovely and I dunno - I sort of saw
something in him. A future.

OLIVIA
Kim said he's dull as fuck.

ALISHA
I don't think that. Didn't think that! Don't think that. He's still my-

OLIVIA
What? Fuck buddy? He's not even asked you out!

ALISHA
Like those boundaries matter to you - your sisters boyfriend?!??
Bloody hell, Liv, that’s one hell of a Best Friend Secret Swear!

OLIVIA
That’s not actually- I can't do this-

Olivia goes to the door but out bursts Kim and Kash arm-in-arm. Kim is
showing subtle signs of pregnancy.

KASH
Liv!

KIM
Where are you going?

OLIVIA
My room.

KIM
What about the tribute?

OLIVIA
They were shit.
 57.

KIM
They always are. Nevermind. Why don’t we nick some choccies
and stick a movie on? Alisha?

ALISHA
I think I might just head home to be honest.

KIM
But it’s Saturday night-

OLIVIA
I’m not feeling too good.

ALISHA
HA! Okay. I think she might have something to tell you.

OLIVIA
Alisha, please, not tonight.

ALISHA
When though? Because you have to say something.

OLIVIA
When I'm ready.

ALISHA
There's never going to be a right time, you know that don't you?

KIM
What does she need to tell me?

ALISHA
Go on, Liv. Now’s your chance. If you don't say something I will!

OLIVIA
You wouldn’t dare.

ALISHA
You know you’re well-
(gestures the bump)

KIM
Who told you?

OLIVIA
Alisha - drop it.

ALISHA
You know Jordan?
 58.

KASH
(referring to Kim) Her ex?

ALISHA
Well, they’ve had it off haven’t they!

KIM
What?

ALISHA
Yeh.

KIM
Liv?

KASH
Isn't she into girls?

ALISHA
Who fucking knows anymore?

KIM
Liv.... How could you-

OLIVIA
I'm so sorry, It was a big mistake - I didn't- I was going to tell
you. I just didn't know how. I'm sorry, Kim, please -

KIM
When?

OLIVIA
Does it matter?

ALISHA
It was in your bedroom apparently.

KIM
I think you should leave now Alisha.

ALISHA
She’s a dirty fucking tramp who can’t keep her hands off other
people’s fellas. You better watch it Kash.

KIM
I said, leave. Now!

Alisha heads off. Kim’s head is a shed. Olivia looks at her big sis.
 59.

OLIVIA
Kim, I’m sorry.

KIM
Don’t come at me with your fucking Sorrys. Jordan? What the
actual fuck? Him, that doesn’t shock me. Men are sly cunts.
(Noticing Kash)
Most men are sly cunts. But you. You’re my fucking sister. And
you’re putting it about for help with your homework. Eurgh, that’s
low fucking grade.

KASH
Kim, maybe you should take a couple of deep breaths.

KIM
Who do you think you are with your fucking deep breaths? I’m
here knocked up to fuck and you want me to take deep fucking
breaths. Oooh yeah one deep breath and magically, my sister
hasn’t fucked the scum-piece who put a bleeding baby in me. A
baby that’s gonna change my whole fucking life. A baby that
means I can kiss goodbye to college and join the mile-long list
of girls in this family who’ve had kids before they were twenty-
fucking-one. To dad’s who toss off their maintenance for a
fucking Stella or summat. This was not meant to be my fucking
life!

KASH
It won’t be.

KIM
You’re not it’s fucking dad Kash.

KASH
Don’t you think I know that? But I’m here aren’t I, so don’t tar me
with the same brush as that idiot. You can still have a good life.
It might not be Dubai and cocktails but this might be the best
thing that’s fucking happened to you. To us. So right now I think
we should go inside and have a warm blackcurrant and take a
second. Okay?

Kash wraps his arm around Kim but she flinches at his touch. Can she
really trust this guy?

KIM
....Okay.

Kim heads inside with Kash. Olivia follows.

 60.

OLIVIA
Kim, wait-

Kim turns back to her sister. Cold as ice.

KIM
I can’t have you around right now.

OLIVIA
I just want to apologise.

KIM
I don’t want to hear it.

OLIVIA
You can’t just kick me out - what will mum say?

KIM
When I tell her you fucked Jordan in my bedroom? I don’t know,
but I’d love to find out, wouldn’t you?

OLIVIA
Kim-
(reaches for her)

KIM
Get the fuck away from me.

Olivia recoils.

OLIVIA
I’m sorry, I really am, but don’t- please- I don’t know where to
go.

KIM
Why don’t you go crawling to my ex? I’m sure he’ll look after
you. Or your little loudmouth mate, don’t know why she’s
sticking her nose in.

OLIVIA
Because she’s been seeing him for the last 6 weeks.

KIM
What?

OLIVIA
It’s true. I couldn’t believe it but-
 61.

KIM
You’re pathetic.

Kim and Kash go into the shop. Olivia is left alone. Then she heads in
the direction that Alisha left in.

SCENE TWELVE - HAPPY NOW?

Olivia chases Alisha.

OLIVIA
Happy now?

ALISHA
What?

OLIVIA
She kicked me out.

ALISHA
I don't get why you're playing the victim. You slept with her ex,
whilst they were still together. What the actual fuck? She’s
having my bloody boyfriend’s baby. And now I’m gonna pop a
little fucker out as well!

OLIVIA
WHAT?

ALISHA
You heard!

OLIVIA
He’s a fucking joke!

ALISHA
We all are. I'm going home.

OLIVIA
Alisha - wait-

ALISHA
You’re a fucking wrong ‘un.

OLIVIA
Can we just talk?

ALISHA
What more is there to say?
 62.

Alisha starts to walk off.

OLIVIA
I’m pregnant too.

Lights go dark before we know if Alisha heard or not. Interval.

SCENE THIRTEEN - WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS

Week 9. Midday.

Stage Right: Kim's bedroom. Kash and Kim are sat on the bed.

Stage Left: Alisha's House. Jordan and Alisha are sat on the bed.

Centre stage: Olivia's Room. Olivia is sat on the floor throughout, trying
to paint the right hand of her fingernails. She continually messes up and
has to restart.

KASH
Right margarita, I gotta get to work. Save the world from hunger
and all that.

KIM
Don’t go.

KASH
And miss work?

KIM
Please.

KASH
And get the sack? No can do my Primark Princess, your
Pepperoni Prince has a job to hold down.

Kim throws a cushion at Kash.

KIM
Don’t call me that. I hate it when you call me that.

KASH
It’s true though. You live in their leggings.
 63.

KIM
Still.

INTERCUT TO JORDAN & ALISHA:

JORDAN
You going to call her then?

ALISHA
Don't know.

JORDAN
I think you should.

ALISHA
Why?

JORDAN
You're mates, and I know it's weird but you're going to need her
to back your corner soon - might be better to make amends
now. She can’t possibly keep it, so she might, you know, then
we can focus on ours.

ALISHA
Don't say that.

JORDAN
It's true though.

ALISHA
It's awful.

JORDAN
Sorry.

INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH :

KIM
Hey, why don’t you ask my mum for a job?

KASH
Babe, look at me. If I wanted to work in corner shop, I’d be
running a franchise by now!

KIM
I just don’t like it when you work nights. I get lonely.
 64.

KASH
What happened to the fiercely independent ball breaker bitch I
fell for?

KIM
She got fat.

KASH
Not fat, just clingy.

KIM
Shut up.

KASH
Gimme a Kiss. I'm off.

INTERCUT TO JORDAN & ALISHA :

JORDAN
Does she know?

ALISHA
What?

JORDAN
That we’re, you know, official?

ALISHA
Not yet.

JORDAN
When are you going to tell her?

ALISHA
I don't know. I don't know when's a good time. She knows that
we're speaking.

JORDAN
What did she say about that?

ALISHA
Not much really - she's hardly in a position to judge is she?

JORDAN
I know but it's still weird.
 65.

ALISHA
This whole situation is your fault as much as anyone else so
point blaming anyone, we've just got to make the best of it.

INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH :

Kash is by the door.

KIM
Kash, why are you here?

KASH
Hold on, a second ago you wanted me to stay.

KIM
No, I mean why are you sticking around? I'm getting chunky and
I'm cranky and I've no idea what to do about this old mess I've
got myself in. It’s not your baby, not your problem. You should
walk. Fuck, you should run while you've got the fucking chance.

KASH
Oh stop it.

KIM
Don't get aggy with me.

KASH
Stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself. So what if you're
knocked up. I want to stick around so I am.

KIM
You can say that now, whilst I'm still able to lift my arse out of
bed but in 6 months I'll be all ballooned and have a swollen neck
and be getting stretch marks in places that you wouldn't even
think you could get stretch marks.

KASH
So?

KIM
And what about after that? Don't pretend this isn't happening,
Kash. If I keep this thing, then I'll have a spewing shit machine
to deal with 24/7, there won't be anymore quiet nights in
watching Black Mirror. You don't want to be a part of that picture.
It’s not exactly Instagrammable!

KASH
Will you shut up?
 66.

KIM
But you don't- so don't string me along for 6 months until you
get the fear and break my heart because I haven't got time for
shit like that.

KASH
Can I make my own decision please?

KIM
But I can see how this is going to pan out and it ends up with
me being hurt and I can't take being hurt again.

Kim is on the edge of breaking down. This pregnancy has really taken
it's toll on her emotions.

KASH
Kim, Kim, Kim, Stop, please, you're spiralling. You've gotta stop
this. Listen to me, please. This baby stuff - I'm excited for it. All
of it. Ok maybe not the shit and the sick, but the rest of it, yes. It
might not be mine but we can figure all that out. And no, it’s not
gonna be perfect. It’s not sunshine and cocktails but I like you. A
lot - I know it's soon but I'm falling for you, Kimberley. Cankles or
no cankles. And I want to give you and this baby, my everything.
The all-inclusive package deal, that’s me. So stop stressing
please, whatever happens we'll figure it out. Let's just take one
day at a time. Yeh? It’s all going to turn out just fine.

KIM
You don’t know that.

KASH
I do actually. I believe it. I believe that you and me are good
together. And I know in my heart of hearts that we are right
where we are supposed to be.

Kim is moved by sure he is. She looks at him for a moment.

KIM
Softie.

INTERCUT TO JORDAN & ALISHA:

JORDAN
Do you still love me?

ALISHA
Yeh, course, I wouldn't be with you if I didn't would I?
 67.

JORDAN
It's just I was thinking about asking your dad if we should, you
know, get engaged and that, so that we can do it all properly for
when then little one comes.

ALISHA
I think you're meant to ask my dad before you ask me...

JORDAN
I would, but he's shit scary.

ALISHA
Yeh, I'm not sure he's gonna approve.

JORDAN
Because I'm not Hindu?

ALISHA
Because you've got 3 girls pregnant.

JORDAN
Oh.

A pause

JORDAN
Will you ask him for me?

ALISHA
You want me to ask my dad for permission for to you to ask him
for permission to ask me to get married?

JORDAN
Yeh.

ALISHA
It's a bloody good job I love you Jordan.

JORDAN
So will you?

ALISHA
Yeh, I suppose so.

INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH :

Kash grabs some bits and bobs for Kim.

 68.

KASH
Right there’s your flannel and a bowl in case you feel sick again.
Here’s a fresh box of Rhubarb and Custards. And here’s a fresh
sponge for you to sniff, you absolute freak of nature.

Kim takes the sponge and smells it. Why does it smell so damn good?!
Pregnancy is bang weird. Kash chuckles and kisses her head.

KIM
Why are you so good to me?

KASH
Don't be silly. Right, get a box set on because your Pepperoni
Prince is late and he's got to go save the world from starvation
and save some pennies whilst he's at it. Ok?

KIM
Ok.

KASH
Really?

KIM
Yeh.

KASH
You're not going to spiral as soon as I leave and flood the room
with tears until I get back?

KIM
Might do.

KASH
Better get your bikini on then and prepare to tread water.

Kash goes to leave.

KIM
Kash?

KASH
Yeh?

KIM
Thanks for being you.

KASH
Shut up.
 69.

He leaves. Kim tucks into a box of Pick N Mix Sweets - the ones you get
from Cash & Carry.

INTERCUT TO JORDAN & ALISHA :

JORDAN
I want to do all this right and proper. I know it's not an ideal
scenario, and we've not been together long. And it's going to
cost a bleeding fortune. I spoke to college, they can put my
course on hold for a year so I'm going to pick up a couple of
jobs and work my ass off to pay my way. I don't want to be a
dole dosser or nothing. I'll do my copper training when the little
one's here. And if we get married - nothing fancy or nothing - it
will be like a fresh start for us. As a family.

ALISHA
(She considers it)
Alright then.

JORDAN
Great.

ALISHA
So you're not going to get down on one knee or anything then?

JORDAN
Don't. I’ll do that after you've asked your dad?

ALISHA
Kind of loses the element of surprise a bit, doesn't it?

JORDAN
I guess.

ALISHA
Bloody hell Jordan, what are you like? I guess I'm going to have
to tell Liv now aren't I?

JORDAN
What about?

ALISHA
I dunno - the wedding!

JORDAN
You’re not gonna ask her to be bridesmaid or owt are you?
 70.

ALISHA
That’s not got anything to do with you.

JORDAN
Alright. - Fuck it's all a bit full on isn't it.

ALISHA
Yes it is Jordan, yes it is.

Alisha gives Jordan a peck on the cheek and leaves. Jordan and Kim
are both terrified.

SCENE FOURTEEN - I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT THOUGH

Week 10.

School. Alisha and Olivia are sat at different desks. They aren’t
speaking.

OLIVIA
Pssst.

Alisha ignores her. Olivia scribbles something on a scrap of paper and

launches it. THWACK! It hits Alisha in the face. She’s fuming. Glares at
Olivia.

OLIVIA
Read it. Please.

Alisha reads the note. She softens. The bell goes. They both grab their
bags and meet each other outside the classroom.

OLIVIA
Hi.

ALISHA
What do you want?

OLIVIA
You ok?

ALISHA
Sort of. You?

OLIVIA
Yeh. Not too bad. You know, muddling through and that.

ALISHA
Out with it then.
 71.

OLIVIA
Sarah Jane Jacobs said you’re getting married.

ALISHA
Eurgh. Sarah Jane Jacobs should keep her trap shut.

OLIVIA
Are you?

ALISHA
Might be.

OLIVIA
Why?

ALISHA
Because I love him, and he asked, so yeh...

OLIVIA
You made any plans for it then?

ALISHA
Some.

OLIVIA
Who’s your bridesmaid?

ALISHA
Don’t know yet.

Olivia waits for Alisha to say more. But she doesn’t.

OLIVIA
He doesn’t mess about does he?

ALISHA
Well we’re having this baby, and we want to make a fresh start,
so we might as well crack on and get it out the way with.

A beat.

OLIVIA
And you're dad’s ok with it?

ALISHA
Don't ask! But it’s what I really want so he’ll just have to suck it
up. As will everyone else.

A moment.
 72.

OLIVIA
Bloody hell, Kim's gonna piss when she finds out.

ALISHA
If she's anything like me, she's pissing all the time anyway.

OLIVIA
I can't believe this! You're a nutter you are!

ALISHA
Says the underage pregnant lezza.

OLIVIA
We're gonna be the talk of the estate.

ALISHA
Already are.

A small smile. Maybe they’ll walk home together. But then...

ALISHA
Look I need to be getting off-

OLIVIA
You free on Tuesday next week?

ALISHA
Why?

OLIVIA
Are you?

ALISHA
Probably. Why?

OLIVIA
Can I ask a favour?

ALISHA
You can ask but I aren’t making no promises.

OLIVIA
I...erm...

ALISHA
Look who's lost for words. Never thought I’d see the day.
 73.

OLIVIA
I just wondered if you’d be able to take me to the clinic. To, you
know, get rid...

ALISHA
What?

OLIVIA
Of it. Her. Him. This thing. I need to get rid. I think it’s the right
thing to do.

ALISHA
An abortion?

OLIVIA
Yeh.

ALISHA
Right.

Silence.

ALISHA
How does that even work? It’s not actually a coat-hanger is it?

OLIVIA
No. I googled it. It's just two different tablets now. Or a surgical
thing but I don't think I'll need that.

ALISHA
Right. And it's just gone?

OLIVIA
Yeh I think so.

ALISHA
So you'd just kill it, just like that?

OLIVIA
It's not killing it, because it doesn't live yet. I'm not a murderer.

ALISHA
It's still living.

OLIVIA
I know but not like you and me.

ALISHA
So at what point is it murder?
 74.

OLIVIA
I don't know, when it comes out, I guess?

ALISHA
But it has a soul before then. It has a soul now.

OLIVIA
Surely, if every soul is reincarnated then if there's one in waiting
for that life to happen, but then it doesn't, the soul just gets
bumped along to the next thing that's about to be born.

ALISHA
It's not the collection points at Argos.

OLIVIA
How do you know?

ALISHA
I don't- but I guess I do, inside me.

OLIVIA
Imagine being in line to come back as something awesome like
a Falcon or something and then you get bumped along and
come back as a slug.

ALISHA
It definitely doesn't work like that.

OLIVIA
But imagine if it did.

ALISHA
You're nut shit crazy you.

OLIVIA
Yeh, I know.
(A beat)
So will you come?

ALISHA
I’m not sure.

OLIVIA
Please.

ALISHA
I don’t know what my mum and dad would say.
 75.

OLIVIA
Just say we’re staying back. Doing some homework in the
library or something.

ALISHA
Cos they’d really believe that.

OLIVIA
Say you’re at mine then. Or Jordan’s. Whatever. Please.

ALISHA
I don’t know Liv.

OLIVIA
Please. I need someone.

ALISHA
Isn’t there anyone else?

OLIVIA
There’s never anyone else.

ALISHA
What about Kim?

OLIVIA
Really?

ALISHA
I’m just not sure I’m the right person.

OLIVIA
You knew me before you met him.

ALISHA
It’s not that, it’s- are you sure this is what you want?

OLIVIA
I’ve not just made an impulsive decision.

ALISHA
Wouldn’t be the first time.

OLIVIA
That’s not nice.

ALISHA
Sorry. I- I just don’t know if I can-. Are you even old enough?
 76.

OLIVIA
Am I old enough to bring up a child? I don’t fucking know. Are
you old enough to be on Tinder?

ALISHA
That’s different.

OLIVIA
And yet here we both are.

ALISHA
I know, but you’re not even 16. At least I’m legal.

OLIVIA
Are you joking?

ALISHA
It’s actually called statutory rape.

OLIVIA
What?

ALISHA
Someone over 16 with someone under 16. Google it.

OLIVIA
It’s your boyfriend you’re talking about.

ALISHA
And he could go to prison.

OLIVIA
Hardly. Besides, he knew I was younger.

ALISHA
He told me everything. Said you didn’t say. Said it was all you,
going for him.

OLIVIA
He still chose to. I swear I didn’t force him.

ALISHA
Still he said-

OLIVIA
Is it Team Alisha and Jordan now? You two having a good old
bitch about me? Saying I’m too young, immature? There’s 10
months between us Alisha, you’re hardly drawing your pension.
 77.

ALISHA
I never meant-

OLIVIA
It’s fine. I’ll go on my own.

ALISHA
I can’t help my opinion, Liv. If I don’t believe in abortion, I don’t
believe in it, that’s that.

OLIVIA
You have to believe in it, it exists, it’s not the fucking tooth fairy.
This was meant to make you happy.

ALISHA
What? Why?

OLIVIA
Cause you were so mad, and now everything with you and him
getting married and- I dunno, I just thought you’d prefer if things
weren’t so messy.

ALISHA
Yeh I would. But they’re not. So I have to put up with it. This is
my shitshow of a life whether I like it or not.

OLIVIA
I said I’m sorry like a thousand times.

ALISHA
I know...
I know. Look you need to figure this out on your own. I can’t- I
just can’t-

Silence.

OLIVIA
When did it stop being me and you against the world?

ALISHA
It didn’t.

OLIVIA
Then how did we end up like this?

ALISHA

-
 78.

OLIVIA
Alisha?

ALISHA
-

OLIVIA
Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.

ALISHA
I’ve got to go.

OLIVIA
Don’t delete me. I can’t- I need- I don’t want to be on my own.

But Alisha has gone. Can Olivia really do this on her own?

SCENE FIFTEEN - 3 GIRLS

Week 12. Thursday.

The shop. Kim is stacking newspapers. Alisha enters. First time they've
met since everyone finding out.

ALISHA
Hi.

KIM
Hi.

ALISHA
Where is she?

KIM
Her room. Want me to get her?

ALISHA
It’s fine. I’ll text her.

Alisha texts on her phone.

The 2 pregnant girls stand in uncomfortable silence.

KIM
Well, this is weird.

ALISHA
Bang weird.
 79.

KIM
So you're?

ALISHA
Yeh.

KIM
Wow.

KIM
Definitely his?

ALISHA
Who else?

KIM
Shit the bed.

ALISHA
It was the first time we met, -honest - dead early on. I didn’t
know he was- that you - I wasn't gonna but we got caught up in
the moment. It was dead quick, didn't even last 3 minutes and
he pulled out. I guess we were just unlucky - or lucky as I see it.

KIM
Bloody hell! Nothing wrong with his swimmers then is there?
You want to lock him up before half of Bradford has a baby.

ALISHA
He says I'm the only one for him now.

KIM
Yeh..well...I wouldn’t be getting a joint bank account any time
soon, if I were you.

ALISHA
I don’t really need life advice from you thanks very much

KIM
Fine

It’s painfully awkward. The stand in silence.

Olivia bounds in. Pregnant.

OLIVIA
Hey hey, baby buddies!!!
 80.

ALISHA
Wow.

OLIVIA
Pregnancy suits me doesn’t it? Am I glowing?

ALISHA
You look well.

OLIVIA
How is my baby’s half sister/brother?

ALISHA
That’s going to take a bit of getting used to.

KIM
Yep.

ALISHA
So far so good, I think

OLIVIA
How's Jordan?

ALISHA
Yeh. He's- well- yeh bricking it. About everything. Money. How
it's all going to work. My dad. Mostly my dad.

OLIVIA
Not surprised.

KIM
He’s still got a lot to answer for in my eyes.

ALISHA
That’s not exactly fair is it?

KIM
You do realise he got us all pregnant? And he knowingly slept
with my sister when I was with him.

ALISHA
Not really all down to him.

OLIVIA
Not just me either though

ALISHA
Majority you
 81.

KIM
Whose side are you on?

ALISHA
What?

KIM
Are you with us or what?

ALISHA
I don't want them to be any Us and Them. I get it, it's shady
what Liv did, but she had her reasons. And you're probably still
a bit caught up because I got with your ex.

KIM
Oh no love, you're welcome to him. He trims his pubes over the
toilet and leaves the strays all over the seat. It's grim as fuck.

OLIVIA
She freebleeds so they're a good match

KIM
Freebleeding ain't grim. There's a whole trend for it now. It's eco-
friendly. They have special knickers and everything.

ALISHA
Told ya.

OLIVIA
Fine.

A beat.

Olivia can’t work out who is mad at who.

ALISHA
How's your new fella?

Kim softens.

KIM
Kash? He’s fine. About everything. Cool as a cucumber. It's
almost annoying. I'm losing my shit every day and he's just chill
about it all. I swear there's something wrong with him. Twat.

ALISHA
What about that lass, Liv, what's her name?
 82.

KIM
ANNA! The paper girl! Yeh, Liv, have you actually had a proper
conversation with her yet that's not about papers.

OLIVIA
Nah! She's so out of my league.

KIM
Hardly!

OLIVIA
I think I'm just going to focus on myself for a while. Me and the
little one, I think we'll be just fine figuring it out on our own for
the time being.

ALISHA
I didn't think you'd decide to keep it.

KIM
You know how she can't bear to be left out.

OLIVIA
It's not that, it's- I thought about what you said and I just don't
want to regret it. If I can't have one later, then it would break my
heart, and in a weird way I've sort of grown attached to it. It's
about the size of cherry right now!

Kim and Alisha both look at Olivia. She’s 15. About 2 months pregnant.
And she couldn’t be happier.

How is she still so naive?

OLIVIA
Didn’t that app say that yours is the size of a plum now, Kim?
I’m hoping it grows really fast so I can have all it’s hand me
downs. Then I can pass them onto you, can’t I Alisha?

ALISHA
I don’t know if that’s a good idea...

OLIVIA
Why not? This next year is going to be weird for all of us, so we
might as well stick through it and help each other out where we
can.

KIM
Don’t be expecting me to rub anyone’s back or any of that shit.
 83.

OLIVIA
I’m not saying it’s gonna be all flowers and roses straight away.
But you know, baby steps. Literally.

Kim and Alisha take deep breaths. A beat.

OLIVIA
I'm scared.

ALISHA
You're not on your own there, Liv. We're all scared.

OLIVIA
It's a bit mental innit?

KIM
Just a bit.

OLIVIA
But hey, at least we're all in it together right?

She looks to them both for reassurance. It's a mixture of tense and
awkward.

OLIVIA
Why don’t we grab a load of goodies and stick a movie on?

Silence.

ALISHA
I should really be getting off.

OLIVIA
Kash can bring us a couple of pizzas.

KIM
He can’t just get free food whenever he fancies you know. He’ll
lose his job.

OLIVIA
You’ve had pizza every other night since you’ve been seeing
him. Your little baby’s gonna come out begging for a meat feast.

Both Alisha and Kim hear how wrong that sounds.

ALISHA
I’ve got tea waiting back at home. I just wanted to see you were
ok.
 84.

OLIVIA
What about another day then? Saturday?

ALISHA
Maybe.

OLIVIA
You’re free Saturday, aren’t you Kim?

KIM
I’m not sure to be honest.

OLIVIA
Well, find out and then let me know and I’ll get everything
planned.

Kim nods.

ALISHA
Bye Liv. Bye...(Kim). Bye.

Alisha exits.

Kim quickly busies herself in the shop.

Olivia isn’t sure how this is all going to work out.

SCENE SIXTEEN - TOILETS

Week 13. 2PM

The stage is once again set as three separate toilets. Focus shifts
between them.

Stage Right: Kim is sat on the floor, she has her hair tied back, she's
been throwing up, Kash is cuddling her.

Stage Left: Alisha and Jordan are kissing and giggly, we see that maybe
they could get their happily ever after.

Centre Stage: Olivia is alone.

JORDAN
I thought I'd be pretty grossed out by this whole pregnant thing
but it's weirdly sort of sexy.
 85.

ALISHA
Shhh...

KIM
Morning sickness - how about fucking all day every day
sickness!

KASH
Just take deep breaths.

KIM
You'll be fucking needing deep breaths in a minute.

KASH
Alright Rocky Balboa!

Olivia looks uncomfortable and is struggling to take off a pair of

dungarees.

Alisha and Jordan are about to get at it.

JORDAN
And did I mention your boobs look banging!

ALISHA
You're so sweet!

Jordan starts kissing Alisha's neck.

KIM
I'm meant to look glowing! Why am I not glowing?

KASH
You're beautiful. Properly beautiful. And she will be too. Look at
her. She’ll be the queen of my Insta.

Kash holds photo of the scan. He strokes Kim's head and kisses it.

OLIVIA
What the fuck?

ALISHA
Fuck! Shh!! My dad's back! Fuck!

KIM
Don't kiss me, I'm gonna throw. Fuck!

Olivia slowly looks down the toilet, she is horrified. And terrified. The
lights fade on the other two toilets.
 86.

OLIVIA
I'm bleeding.... I think I bleeding? Kim?

Olivia touches the blood, there's lots. It covers her hands.

She’s devastated. The lights go out on the toilet.

Blood fills the stage.

SCENE SEVENTEEN - WHAT NOW?

A few hours later.

Kim’s bedroom. Olivia sits on the bed huddled under a blanket. Kim and
Alisha sit beside her.

OLIVIA
It was mine. Mine. Fucking mine. Why?

Alisha and Kim hold her.

OLIVIA
My little cherry. Poor little cherry. Do you think it loved me? I
loved it so much. I didn’t tell it enough. Do you think that’s why
it’s gone, because I didn’t speak to it or sing to it? Do you think it
knew about the clinic stuff and-

ALISHA
Come on, now. Deep breaths

OLIVIA
You said. You told me. How could I ever have even considered-
I booked an appointment. I actually booked to- it knew, it knew.
I’m a monster.

KIM
You’re 15. And you’re anything but a monster.

OLIVIA
I was ready you know. I know everyone thought ‘Oh she’s too
young’. ‘Oh here’s another thing she’ll fuck up.’

ALISHA
No one thought that

OLIVIA
I heard them. ‘Look at her, barely out of nappies herself’. ‘She’ll
never manage on her own, she’s just a kid’.
Am I still a kid now? Does this make me a fucking woman now?
 87.

Have I passed the fucking test? Cos I want to resit. I want to

rewind. I want- I want- I want-

It’s too much. They hold her for a long moment.

OLIVIA
I bet Jordan’ll be over the moon

ALISHA
He won’t be. He’d sort of gotten used to the idea.

OLIVIA
I can’t tell him. I don’t want to say it- It makes it too real.

ALISHA
Don’t worry - I’ll sort it.

OLIVIA
I just - I wish I had someone.

KIM
You’ve got us.

OLIVIA
Hardly

ALISHA
We’re here aren’t we?

OLIVIA
For now, yeh. But soon you’ll have- and then’ll you’ll be-

KIM
We’re not going to just disappear

OLIVIA
No, but you’ll be too busy wiping arse and squeezing milk out
your titties to bother with my nonsense.

ALISHA
Oh Liv, my life would feel empty without your nonsense.

OLIVIA
It won’t be empty with a screaming kid and Jordan... lingering....

ALISHA
He doesn’t linger.

Kim throws Alisha a look.

 88.

ALISHA
Maybe sometimes... but it’s cute.

KIM
One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure.

ALISHA
Fuck off.

KIM
I’m only messing.

ALISHA
Better be

KIM
See, Liv, you won’t get a moment’s peace and quiet if we’re
always at each other’s throats.

OLIVIA
You can’t promise that.

ALISHA
Ok fine, we can’t promise that. But I will Best Friend Secret
Swear that if you need me and I’m not knee deep in baby shit,
I’ll come running.

KIM
Me too. Although I don’t get any of this secret swear bullshit.

ALISHA
You just might have to deal with my hair which won’t have seen
a brush in a year...

OLIVIA
I had it all planned out.

KIM
I know, love.

OLIVIA
We were meant to be a little duo. Me and it. My little team mate.
Now you two are gonna be baby buddies and I’ll be...nothing.

ALISHA
I don’t want to be anyone’s ‘baby buddy’ thanks very much.

KIM
Me neither.
 89.

OLIVIA
But we were gonna do everything together.

KIM
I know what we can do together. Get a load of pick and mix, a
couple of pizzas and stick a movie on - how about that?

ALISHA
Sounds like a plan.

OLIVIA
Don’t you have to rush back to your boyfriends to do ‘parenty’
stuff.

ALISHA
Not tonight.

KIM
If I spend another hour with that perfectly sweet gentleman, I
think I might strangle him.

ALISHA
Tonight we’re all yours. I know what we need.

Alisha pulls out her phone and plays Take That - Patience on Spotify.

During the first verse, Kim and Alisha wrap the blanket around Olivia.

They get popcorn and switch the telly on.

Alisha sings into the TV remote.

ALISHA
Cos I......... Need Tiiiiiime

KIM/ALISHA
(singing)
My heart is numb, has no feeling, so while I’m still healing. Just
try and have a little...

They look to Olivia to finish the line, but she just can’t. Not this time.

KIM
Come here darling.

Kim cradles her.

ALISHA
We got you. We got you baby.
 90.

KIM
I love you, you know that don’t you. So so much.

Olivia looks up.

ALISHA
Every little thing about you. We love it.

Maybe there’s a tiny smile.

OLIVIA
I’ll miss this.

KIM
Me too.

ALISHA
Me three.

Take That plays out. The girls hold each other.

Three young women.

Connected forever.