Create

Your Own
Luck
in

Do you feel like the luckiest person in the world to have your partner?
When we think about luck, often we think of winning the lottery, or
going to a casino and winning the jackpot. But in real life and in
relationships, a lot of what we call luck is actually within our control.
You hear people say, “wow they’re so lucky they found each other.”
When really, it’s because they found each other and turned it into
something amazing. They nurtured their relationship over time. And
you can too!

Here are five Gottman-approved ways to

create your own luck in your relationship
 Create Your Own Luck in Love

Prioritize Friendship
Friendship is the foundation of love, and it’s important to
continuously work on your friendship with your partner.

Journal / conversation prompts: Take action:

1 Reflect on a shared interest or hobby 1 Build a strong foundation of

that brings you and your partner joy.
• How does engaging in this activity
together enhance your friendship?
2 Think about a recent moment of
laughter or lightheartedness with
your partner.
• What made this moment special, and
how does it contribute to your bond
as friends?
friendship by spending quality time
together, sharing interests, and showing
appreciation for each other's company.
2 Plan regular date nights to enjoy
shared activities and deepen your bond.
3 Set aside time each day to check in
with each other, share stories, and laugh
together.

3 Describe a time when your partner

provided you with support or
encouragement during a challenging
situation.
• How did their friendship help you
navigate through difficulties?
 Create Your Own Luck in Love

Nurture Positivity
Maintaining a positive outlook on the relationship, even during
challenging times, can contribute to creating your own luck in love.

Gottman’s research around the positive perspective tells us that if

couples view their relationship in a more positive light, they’re more
likely to have a healthier, positive relationship.*

*Please note: this resource is not intended to address situations of abuse.

If you, or someone you know, is in danger, please reach out to the
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

Journal / conversation prompts: Take action:

1 If someone asked you about the story
of your relationship, what would you
tell them?
2 How can I approach problems or
conflicts in my relationship with a
more optimistic mindset?
3 Are there examples of when you’ve
had a negative view of your
relationship, or thought about your
partner in a not-so-favorable light?
• Ask yourself why you had these
thoughts and explore ways you can
change your mindset to be more
positive in the future.
1 Foster a positive atmosphere in your
relationship by expressing gratitude,
affection, and admiration for each other
daily.
2 Start a daily gratitude ritual where you
both share three things you appreciate
about each other.
3 Reminisce about positive past
experiences together. Take turns
describing your first date, look back
fondly on a fun adventure or vacation, or
flip through a photo album together.
 Create Your Own Luck in Love

Be a Better Listener and Communicator

Making sure each of you feel seen and heard in your relationship is
essential for a happy, healthy connection. This involves listening,
understanding, and validating each other’s experiences.

Remember: there is no right or wrong, there are two valid

perspectives to every situation.

Journal / conversation prompts: Take action:

1 Reflect on the role of communication 1 During hard conversations, take turns

with your partner. expressing your feelings and needs and
listen empathetically to each other.
• How do you prioritize open, honest,
Before you start talking about your
and kind dialogue?
feelings, make sure your partner feels
2 What are some meaningful heard and understood.
conversations or topics I would like to
2 Use "I" statements to express your
explore with my partner?
feelings and needs without blaming or
3 What are some communication gaps criticizing your partner.
we currently have?
3 Practice active listening by giving your
• How can I improve my full attention, summarizing what your
communication with my partner to partner said, and validating their
help fill these gaps and foster a feelings.
deeper connection?
 Create Your Own Luck in Love

The Gottman approach to conflict is all about

managing it, not resolving it.

There are some problems you can definitely

Manage Conflict
Constructively
Learning to approach conflict in a healthy way is
Journal / conversation prompts:
1 Think about a time when you and
your partner could not come to an
agreement or resolution during an
argument.
• Was this topic a perpetual problem
(one you fight about again and again
and doesn’t get resolved)?
• How can you come to a compromise
around this issue in the future?
solve, and that’s great! But there are also those
pesky “perpetual problems” that every couple
has, and they’re different for everyone.
essential.
Take action:
1 Approach conflict like you’re on the
same team. Focus on understanding
each other’s point of view and resolving
the conflict together. If it cannot be
resolved (which is totally
normal—they’re called perpetual
problems!), try to come to an agreement
or compromise.

2 Reflect on your own emotional 2 Use Gottman's softened startup

responses during conflicts. technique to bring up issues gently and
without hostility. Instead of accusations
• How do you typically express and
or attacking your partner, use “I”
manage your emotions in
statements and describe your feelings to
challenging situations?
begin a discussion.
• Are there healthier ways you could
communicate your feelings to your 3 Take regular breaks during heated
partner? discussions to cool off and regain
perspective before continuing the
3 Consider Gottman's "repair conversation.
attempts" as strategies for
de-escalating conflict and
reconnecting with your partner.
• Have you and your partner made
effective repair attempts during past
disagreements?
• How might you incorporate more
repair attempts into your conflict
resolution process?
 Create Your Own Luck in Love

Invest in Shared Goals

Shared goals and dreams are part of what gives life meaning.
You and your partner have something to strive towards
together, which in turn brings you closer.

Journal / conversation prompts: Take action:

1 Envision your ideal life together five
or ten years from now.
What does success look like for both of
you, individually and as a couple? How
do your shared dreams and goals
contribute to this vision of the future?
2 Each partner should also have
individual goals that their partner
supports in some way.
What are your individual goals and how
can your partner support you
emotionally, physically, financially, or
otherwise?
3 Take time to reflect on the progress
you've already made towards your
shared dreams and goals.
How has pursuing your shared dreams
strengthened your relationship and
deepened your connection?
1 Write up a bucket list together! What
do you want to do together in this life?
What do you want to achieve? What
vacations do you want to take together?
What skills do you want to learn?
2 Set aside time to discuss your
individual goals and dreams, then
identify areas where your goals overlap
and align and how you can support each
other. If this approach works for you,
consider doing it monthly or yearly.
3 Create a vision board together to
visually represent your shared
aspirations and motivate each other to
work towards them.