Edy:

2. Overall, Pavilion had been the most visited attractions, while Pier was on the reverse. On the
other hand, there was a gradual decline on Art Gallery and Festival in which Art Gallery hit the
lowest percentage at the end of the year. (This is a dynamic trend Ed, so please use the increasing
and decreasing trends for all): eg. Overall, it is clear that the percentage visiting the Pavilion and the
Pier increased over the period, while the proportion of travelers to other attractions fell.

4. Overall, it is clear that primary sources of funding, foreign government or university and current
employer, have a remarkably significant increase of nearly 300%, whereas U.S. college or university
and personal and family decreased slightly during the years. Of the five primary funding sources,
other sources were the lowest percentage of students and change. (Overall, good overview but do
not include data Ed)

6. It is obvious that students’ career-oriented reasons for study fell considerably as they get older;
their interest-oriented reasons, however, were on the reverse. Meanwhile, in terms of the amount of
support, students under 26 are received the biggest support, while students in their 30s obtainedare
the leastsmallest. oK

8. As is observed from the given charts that the spending on health and education rose steadily;
educational expenses, however, awere higher than health expenses. Furthermore, infant mortality
went down sharply, while life expectancy picked went up prior to the increase in health and
education spending. Ok

10. It is very clear from the line chart that Dubai has a slight increase in temperature over the
months, while Sydney encounters a moderate rise. However, the temperature in Paris remains
constant; it is the coldest of all. (In this type of temperature related question, it is much better to
classify the data based on the pattern, whether it has similar or different patterns for several months.
: Overall, the weather pattern in Sydney is quite the opposite of Dubai and Paris. Furthermore, Paris
is the coldest city among the three.)

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+62 853-8313-9030Muh Fajrul:

2. Overall, there was an increasing trend in the number of tourists who visited pavilion and pier
during the period, while art gallery and festival were the opposite, dramatically climbing in the
beginning and falling down at the end of period as same as pavilion. Good!

4. In general, there was a growing number of students in every funding source with the exception of
current employer and other sources, while the source proportion of personal and family, American
university, and others fell down as well as foreign government and current employer seemed to be
increasinge. Other sources were experienced the lowest percentage change and while foreign
government and current employer were saw the lowest trend during the survey. (Specific details,
but it is much better to focus on the one increasing the one decreasing, problem in data reading)

6. It is clear that the reason for career dominated all age group, with the exception of elderly, while
there was the same proportion in the age of 40 to 49. (Lacking data about the amount of support)
Good

8. It can be clearly seen that the education sector was saw the highest expenditure and it showsthere
had been a climbing trend for both health and education. Meanwhile, Iinfant mortality experienced a
decrease, while life expectancy constantly increased and took over newborn mortality. Ok
10. At a glance it is evident that the average temperatures in Paris and Dubai rose rises in the
beginning and went goes down after peaking while Sydney was is on the reverse. Good!

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+62 838-2449-0984 Reza Rahmat Djunaedi Junyar

1. Overall, the number of books read by both male and female visitors consistently increased during
the given period. In addition, although initially, men’s interest in reading books was slightly less than
women, it continued to rise significantly than women ultimately. . Ok, but it is a good idea to add
which one is higher over the other in this case.

3. Overall, it is clear that the share price of Outokumpu companies experienced a slight decrease
over the given year with fluctuating trends. Ok ! (Fluctuating is more precise here. Overall, the
changes in share price of Outokumpu company experienced some fluctuations with the highest
changes at some points of the given period.)

5. It is evident that the consumption of unceasing sustainable resources hads been on the upswing
during the given period; however, there were fluctuating trends for the use of Hydroelectric Power
(this one also surged) and Wood, while Biofuels and Wind, which were introduced in the later years,
usage showed a surge. It is evident that the total consumption of sustainable energy, Hydroelectric
Power, Biofuels experienced a significant upward trend with Hydroelectric being the main source of
energy, while Wood and wind saw a minimal rise in their consumption.

7. Overall, male customers seemed to dominate the percentage of purchases across every genre of
music albums, with the Rock genre appearing to be the most favored, and Classical music being the
least favored among individuals aged 16-24. However, individuals aged between 25-34 seemed to
dominate purchases across all genres except for Rock. On the other hand, those aged 35-44 showed
more interest in Pop Music, with lower interest in Classical music. Conversely, individuals aged 45+
displayed a reverse trend, with higher interest in Classical Music and less interest in Rock Music.
(Good details, but a bit too long. Also mind about tenses usage, because there is no year provided)
(As is observed, Rock is the most popular music type among the three music categories. In addition,
people purchasing classical music album are mostly over 45 years, and male listeners purchased
more album than that of females.) (Only three aspects are highlighted: the most popular music type
in general, the age to buy the most, and which gender buy the most).

9. Overall, the number of Japanese travelers increased during the given year, as did the number of
Australian tourists visiting the Japanese recreational market. Problem in the second clause!

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+62 813-5612-4171: Amar Ma'ruf

2. Overall, the highest preference attractions among visitors were in the Pavilion and Festival in
2010, while in the same year the lowest destinations were in Art Gallery and Pier. However, the Pier
surpassed the tourist spot of Art Gallery in 2010. Overall, the Pavilion and Festival were the most
popular attractions, while the Art Gallery and Pier were the least visited; however, the Pier did
surpass the Art Gallery in 2010.

4. Overall, the most fundamental sources the main sources of financial aid/of financial assistance
were from personal and family, and American college or university between 2003/2004 and
2013/2014, but while the least financial support came from the foreign government or university,
current employer, and miscellaneous sources. However, there were significant changes over the
academic years where the four former sources saw positive trends, but the latter sources showed a
negative trend. {Problematic in data reading (there should be a classification based on the increasing
and decreasing trends)

6. Overall, the main motive for continuing education among students pupils under 39 is for career
purposes, while those above 49 seem to be driven by personal interest.to show interest. However,
the purpose of career and interest remains the same for students at the age of 40 to 49. for students
between 40 and 49, both career advancement and personal interest appear to be equally important
motivators.On the one hand, students under 26 years old obtain the most assistance from their boss,
while those between 30 and 39 receive the least support. (lacking data about employee support)

8. In general, there was an increase in UAE’s GDP spending on education from 1985 to 1993, while
the health sector decreased in 1990, but it went up moderately in 1993. On the one hand, the rate
of life expectancy rose gradually in 1992, but the number of baby fatality dropped steeply. In general,
UAE's GDP spending on education steadily increased from 1985 to 1993, while health care spending
dipped slightly in 1990 before rising moderately in 1993. Life expectancy also rose gradually by 1992,
while the infant mortality rate dropped significantly during the same period. (This is a bit too
detailed. Keep the detailed movement for latter. : As is evident, the UAE government spent more on
healthcare and education in the end of the given period than they did in the past, while citizens’ life
expectancy enhanced along with declining the infant mortality rate.) Too much details)

10. In general, it is clearly seen that the average monthly temperature in Dubai increases slightly
from January to December, but the two other metropolitan cities; Paris and Sydney, remain steady.
(In this type of temperature related question, it is much better to classify the data based on the
pattern, whether it has similar or different patterns for several months. : Overall, the weather pattern
in Sydney is quite the opposite of Dubai and Paris. Furthermore, while Dubai shows the overall
highest temperature, Paris is the coldest city among the three.)

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+62 813-4753-0350: Aldo:

1. Overall, there was a significant increased in the number of books read by men and women by the
end of the period. In addition, although initially, men’s interest in reading books was slightly less than
women, it continued to rise significantly than women ultimately. (Ok, but it is a good idea to add
which one is higher over the other in this case. )

3. Overall, the changes in share price of Outokumpu companies was slightly decrease. (clarity
problem) Overall, the changes in share price of Outokumpu company experienced some fluctuations
with the highest changes at some points of the given period.)

5. Overall, there was an increase in the total consumption of the energy and major sources.
Meanwhile the others (specify) had comparatively smaller number in the consumption. (unclear.
Clarity problem) Overall, the Total, Hydroelectric Power, and Biofuels energy consumption, shared a
significant upward trend with Hydroelectric Power being the main source of energy, while Woods
and Winds, experienced a minimal rise in the consumption.

7. On the whole, it is apparent from the figures that the percentage of people who bought pop, rock,
and classical music was dominated by men (change into active voice). On the other hand, the
majority of the consumers are aged between 25 and 44, followed by 16-24 and 45+ years old. On the
whole, it is apparent from the figures that men are the majority of consumers for pop, rock, and
classical music, according to the figures. In terms of age, the 25-44 demographic dominates,
followed by 16-24 and 45+ year olds.

9. Overall, there was a gradually increase in the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad
followed bywhile there was a significant increase in Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.

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+62 815-6035-638: Zidan Syamsul Alam

1. Overall, it is clear that the quantity of books which were read by men and women increased over
the period shown. MeanwWhile there was a significant growth in the figure for men, who were
becoming the highest levels of reading books, and there was a slight rise in the figure for women.
Overall, both men and women read more books over the period shown. Notably, the increase for
men was significant, making them the higher reading gender, while women's reading numbers saw a
slight rise. (clarity problem)

3. Overall, it is clear that the alteration in the stock price of the share price of Outokumpu companies
witnessed a small decline with a fluctuation trend over the four-year period. Overall, Outokumpu's
stock price witnessed a small decline with some fluctuations over the four-year period. (inefficient
sentence)

5. Overall, it is clear that the consumption of all major sources of sustainable energy had risen by the
end of the period. In terms of the number of primary sources of lasting energy, Hydroelectric Power
was the highest than Wood, Biofuels, and Wind. Good, but word order can be improved: Overall,
consumption of all major sustainable energy sources increased by the end of the period. Notably,
hydroelectric power remained the leading source, followed by wood, biofuels, and wind.

7. Overall, it is clear that men make up a higher proportion of people buying music albums than
women in Pop, Rock, and Classical Music. However, the figure for Classical Music is the least popular
for both men and women. In addition, based on age, the percentages of 16-24-year-olds and 25-34-
year-olds are the highest purchasers of music albums on Pop and Rock Music. Whereas, Classical
Music, which is purchased by people, is dominated by 25-34-year-olds and those aged 45+. Overall, it
is clear that men purchase music albums more than women across Pop, Rock, and Classical genres.
Notably, Classical is the least popular genre for both genders. (which one is the most popular music
for all?)

9. Overall, it is clear that there was an increase in the number of Japanese visitors traveling overseas
throughout one a decade, reaching a peak in 1995,. Wwhereas, Australia’s share of Japan’s tourist
market rose dramatically.

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+62 819-0772-6010: Huri Ramadhani:

2. It is obvious that, from 1980 to 2010, there was an increasinge rate of visitors of Pavillion and
Pier, while Art Gallery attendance fell considerably throughout the period. Meanwhile, Festival
visitor numbers remained steady, though with a slight decrease towards the end of the period. It is
obvious that from 1980 to 2010, the Pavilion and Pier saw an increase in visitors while attendance at
the Art Gallery fell considerably. Festival visitor numbers, on the other hand, remained relatively
steady, though with a slight decline towards the end of the period. (lexical and clarity problem)
4. Overall, the total number of international students in the U.S increased between the academic
years 2003/04 and 2013/14. Sponsorship by Foreign Government or University and Current Employer
rose significantly. (combine) Meanwhile, the proportion of students relying on Personal and family
and U.S College or University funding saw a moderate increase. Funding from other resources,
however, saw a decline over the ten-year period. Overall, there had been an increase in the total
number of international students in the US between the provided academic years. Funding from
foreign governments/universities and current employers also rose significantly, while support from
personal and family sources, and U.S. colleges/universities saw a moderate increase. However,
funding from other sources declined over the decade. ( a slight problem in cohesive device problem)

6. Overall, we can see that the main reason younger students (under 26) pursue further education
is to advance their careers. Most students aged over 49, on the other hand, are motivated by
personal interest. (combine) Employer support also appears to be heavily weighted towards
younger age groups. Overall, we can see that career advancement is the primary motivator for
younger students (under 26) seeking further education, while personal interest seems to drive those
over 49. Additionally, employer support for further education leans heavily towards younger age
groups.

8. Overall, it is clear that expenditure on Health and Education increased as a percentage of GDP over
the years. Moreover, Life Expectancy and Infant Mortality showed a contrasting trend during the
given period. Ok!

10. It is obvious that Dubai's temperature exhibits a slight increase, while Sydney's dip moderately
towards the end of the period. Meanwhile, the city with the coldest temperatures throughout the
year, Paris remains constant. (In this type of temperature related question, it is much better to
classify the data based on the pattern, whether it has similar or different patterns for several months.
: Overall, the weather pattern in Sydney is quite the opposite of Dubai and Paris. Furthermore, while
Dubai shows the overall highest temperature, Paris is the coldest city among the three.)

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+62 895-4229-57724: Miftakhul Janah

1. It is very clear from the overall trend that the number of books read in Burnaby library was
dominated by men (active voice suggested). Although women initially surpassed the number of
books read, there was a moderate fall from 2013 to 2014. While women initially read more books
than men at the Burnaby library, the overall trend shows men becoming the dominant borrowers.
This shift is evident in the moderate decline in women's borrowing rates from 2013 to 2014.

3. Overall, the changes in the stock price of Outokumpu corporates in euros saw large fluctuating
trend during the course of January 2006 to December 2010. Meanwhile, During the given period
(redundant time setting) the highest level of Outokumpu stock price occured between 2006 to 2007
and the lowest level of Outokumpu stock price occured between 2008 to 2009. Overall, the stock
price of Outokumpu Corporation exhibited a large fluctuation in euros between January 2006 and
December 2010. The highest price occurred in the period 2006-2007, while the lowest point was
reached between 2008 and 2009.

5. Overall, the total of renewable energy consumption seemed to be gradually increasinge between
1949 to 2008, though hydroelectric power fluctuated and wood initially remained constant during
the given period. (What about biofuels and wind? (Overall, the Total, Hydroelectric Power, and
Biofuels energy consumption, shared a significant upward trend, while Woods and Winds,
experienced a minimal rise in the consumption.)

7. As is observed from the graphs, the male bought more music albums among genres (pop, rock and
classical) than female. The most popular of purchased music album genre by the age of 16 to 24 was
rock and by the age of 25 to 44 was pop. Although classical was the most popular genre of
purchased music album by the age of over 45, Classical was also the least popular genre of
purchased music album by the age of 16 to 44, and so did rock by the age of over 45. (Good, but you
need to simplify some details: As is observed, Rock is most popular music type among the three
music categories. In addition, people purchasing classical music album are mostly over 45 years, and
male listeners purchased more album than that of females.) (Only three aspects are highlighted: the
most popular music type in general, the age to buy the most, and which gender buy the most).

9. Overall, there was a moderate increase in the number of Japanese tourists travelling overseas as
did the number of Japan's tourist market in Australia's share. Ok!

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+62 895-8033-44312: Muhamad Randiyanto Mantulu

1. Overall, there was a consistent upward trend in the number of books read by visitors of both
genders throughout the specified period. (In this case, it is also a good idea to compare which one is
higher than the other)

3. Overall, Outokumpu companies experienced a marginal decline in share prices over the course of
the year, with fluctuations observed in the trends. Good!

5. The consumption of total renewable resources notably increased during the specified period,
although there were fluctuations in the usage of Hydroelectric Power and Wood. Conversely, Biofuels
and Wind energy witnessed a significant surge. (Hydroelectric Power should also be increasing)

7. Overall, male customers appeared to dominate purchases across all music genres, with a notable
preference for Rock music, while Classical music seemed to garner the least interest among
individuals aged 16-24. However, those aged 25-34 exhibited a different trend, showing dominance
in purchases across all genres except for Rock. On the contrary, individuals aged 35-44 showed a
preference for Pop Music over Classical, with contrasting trends observed in those aged 45 and
above, showing a greater interest in Classical Music. (Good details, but a bit too long. Also mind
about tenses usage, because there is no year provided) (As is observed, Rock is most popular music
type among the three music categories. In addition, people purchasing classical music album are
mostly over 45 years, and male listeners purchased more album than that of females.) (Only three
aspects are highlighted: the most popular music type in general, which age group buy the most, and
which gender buy the most).

9. Overall, there was an increase in the number of Japanese travelers and Australian tourists visiting
the Japanese recreational market throughout the specified year. Good!

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+62 823-1136-3054: Tia I Potabuga

2. Overall, Pavilion attracted the highest number of visitors. However, the Art Gallery has seen a
drastic decline, making it the least visited attraction. (what about pier and the other one?
Remember, it is more appropriate to classify the data of this type by which one increases and which
one decreases.: Looking at the graph, it is clearly seen that the percentage of people paying a visit to
pavilion and pier saw an increase, while that of visitors to art and gallery and festivals declined.
Although initially festival was the most popular attraction, pavilion had become the attraction with
the highest number of visitors by the end of the given period.)

4. Overall, between 2003/04 and 2013/14, the principal of financial support werewas
perdominantlypredominantly Foreign Government or Universities followed by financial aid from
Current Employer (Are you sure? Personal and family still constituted the main financial support for
students? It also experienced a surge although not as massive as that of Foreign Government or
Universities’ support. Conversely, there was less support from sources: personal and family, U.S.
College or Universities, where other sources were the lowest. (consider revising) : Overall, although
the main source of funds for overseas students was their own family money followed by support
from US Government or university, which saw a considerable increase, the most significant rise was
notable in funding from foreign government/university and current employer, while other sources
experienced a dwindling trend.

6. On the whole, it is apparent from the figure that at the age of under 26, career-oriented motives
for studying were more dominant, while at the age of over 49, interest becomes the primary reason.
WhereasMeanwhile, students under 26 received more supports than those in their 30s. Ok

8. The charts show a consistent increase in spending on education and healthcare. Education
spending surpassed that of healthcare. Additionally, there was a significant decrease in infant
mortality rates, while life expectancy improved noticeably. Ok!

10. The line graphs demonstrate a subtle temperature increase in Dubai, with Sydney saw seeing a
more noticeable increase. In contrast, Paris maintains a consistent temperature, remaining the
coolest among the three cities. Ok, but, in this type of temperature related question, it is much
better to classify the data based on the pattern, whether it has similar or different patterns for
several months. : Overall, the weather pattern in Sydney is quite the opposite of Dubai and Paris.
Furthermore, Paris is the coldest city among the three.)

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+62 881-0234-76180: Merita Dian Erina

1. Overall, it is clear that there is an increase in the quantity of books recited by male and female in
the last period. In addition, although initially, men’s interest in reading books was slightly less than
women, it continued to rise significantly than women ultimately. (Ok, but it is a good idea to add
which one is higher over the other in this case. )

3. It is obvious that overall, the price fluctuations were very frequent. Sometimes, it reached above
30 Euro and came down below 10 Euro. It is obvious that there had been frequent price fluctuations,
with the price reaching highs above 30 euros and lows below 10 euros. (clarity problem and
inefficiency)

5. Overall, the total consumption of renewable energy significantly increased over the period, with
the hydroelectronic power as the highest source. Conversely, Biofuels and Wind production showed
moderate change compared with other sources. Overall, total renewable energy consumption
increased significantly over the period. Hydropower remained the leading source, while biofuels and
wind production showed moderate changes compared to other sources. (This is the revised version,
but Wood is not mentioned here.)

7. On the whole, it is apparent from the figure that pop and rock music are more lovable by more
males, teenagers, and adults, while adults over 45 years old prefer classical music rather than other
genres. One aspect is missing, which is the frequent buyer of all types of music? Male or Female
buyers? (As is observed, Rock is most popular music type among the three music categories. In
addition, people purchasing classical music album are mostly over 45 years, and male listeners
purchased more album than that of females.)

9. It is clearly observed from the graphs that the quantity of Japanese sightseers increased gradually
throughout the period. It can also be seen from the line graph that Australia's income from business
grew dramatically over the time. Ok

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+62 812-5241-6897: Nabila Ayu Oktaviani

2. Overall, there was an increase in the number of tourists who visited Pavilion and Pier;
however, there was a decrease in visitation of Festival and Art Gallery (Additional information:
.Although initially festival was the most popular attraction, pavilion had become the attraction with
the highest number of visitors by the end of the given period.)

4. Overall, there was a growing trend in the sponsorship by foreign government or university,
and current employer. On the other hand, the number of funding from other sources, personal and
family, and U.S College or University has witnessed a decline over the ten years period. (Are you
sure? Personal and family sources and US college and University also increased. (problematic
reading)

6. It is obvious that globally, the people aged under 39 mainly pursued their study because of
career opportunities, whereas the elderly continued their study just for personal interest. On thethe
age group of 40-49, however, witnessed an equal reason whether for career or interest to continue
their study. Additionally, in terms of support from employers, the youngest age group received the
highest proportion from the employers. The 40-49 age group seems to be equally driven by both
career goals and personal interest. Additionally, employer support for continuing education is highest
among the youngest age group.

8. Overall, it is evident that the expenditure for health and education seemed to be
increasinge,; however,with the disbursement of on education was higher than the health
sectorexceeding that on health. Moreover, infant mortality rates droppedfell down dramatically,
while life expectancy witnessed an increase throughout the years.

10. Overall, it can be seen that the pattern of temperatures in Sydney is the reverse of Dubai and
Paris. Paris, moreover, is the coldest city among the other cities. Good

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1.

Introduction:
The line graph compares how many books read by two different genders at Burnaby Public Library
between 2011 and 2014.

Overview:

Overall, it is clear from the graph that the number of books read by both men and women increased
during this time. Ok, but it is a good idea to add which one is higher over the other in this case. )

3.

Introduction:

The line graph illustrates the changes in the share prices of Outokumpu companies calculated in
euros from January 2006 to December 2010.

Overview:

On the whole, it is apparent from the figure that the changes remained steady throughout the year.
(what do you mean? clarity problem) Overall, the changes in share price of Outokumpu company
showed some fluctuations with the highest changes at some points of the given period.

5.

Introduction:

The line graph gives information about the usage of renewable energy by the four sectors in the USA
between 1949 and 2008.

Overview:

As is observed from the given graph, there is was an increase in the number of renewable energy
consumption in all sectors measured. Ok!

7.

Introduction:

The bar chart illustrates three genres of music bought by people in England based on gender and
stage of life.

Overview:

It is clear from the chart that in terms of sex, males purchase more music than females in all areas.
Meanwhile, in terms of age, rock and pop music are the most popular among the young, proved by
their high purchasebecoming the highest purchasers, while the elderly prefer buying classical music.
Ok

9.

Introduction:

The bar chart illustrates how many Japanese visitors going overseas from 1985 to 1995 and
Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

Overview:

It is obvious that both the Japanese tourists to Australia and Australia'’s proportion of Japanese
tourism increased significantly during this time. Ok
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