The Kleptogoblicon

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Items

'Wands & Wontons' Research Papers

A collection of research papers examining the dangers of using magic to
duplicate dumplings.

Bottled Oil
A bottle of glimmering yellow oil. The label reads 'Massage in a bottle'.
Baaracelet
A thick silver bracelet with sheep engraved into it. You can wind up the
centre of the bracelet and it will slowly rotate for 1 hour, making anyone
who watches it become drowsy. 1% chance of spawning a large sheep
when the inner ring stops rotating.

Ring of The Bottler

A wide steel ring with a square hole in the face that functions as a bottle
opener. You can place the ring against the open neck of a bottle or vial to
seal it with a metal air-tight cap.

Eyelet Bolt
A metal crossbow bolt with a rigid metal ring fashioned on the end. The
eyelet shrinks and tightly grips anything threaded through the ring.
Tapping the bolt 3 times returns the eyelet to its original size.

Tavern Rag
A damp, tattered looking rag that smells of stale ale. Once per day, you
may wring a pint of ale from the rag.

Arrow of Wasps
At the point of impact, the arrow transforms into a nest of angry wasps.

How to Spot Mimics

An ordinary looking book. After studying this book, you become more
adept at spotting mimics. After finishing this book, there is a 25% chance
that you realise it is a mimic.

'His Name is Lee Goddammit' Challenge Scroll

The scroll reads 'Get called out by another player for repeatedly using a
player name instead of a character name.' You may not show or discuss
this scroll with another player. If you do, it crumbles to dust. If you
complete the task, roll 1d10. (1-9) The scroll turns into another scroll with
a new challenge. (10) The scroll turns into a reward chest.

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Supercooled Fishing Hook

A fishing hook made from ice that remains magically frozen. When a small
creature places this hook into their mouth, it instantly encases them in a
block of ice. Every time the hook activates, it has a 20% chance of melting.

Mykistaa's Milk Chocolate

A bar of chocolate with 8 segments, each imprinted with the logo of an ear.
Eating a segment of this chocolate temporarily deafens you for 1d4
minutes.
Ring of Bicker
Cursed. Whilst wearing this ring, you are easily irritated and will argue
over the smallest of problems.

Ringading Ring
A brass ring with a paired desk bell. Whilst wearing this ring, you can tap
it to make the desk bell ring, no matter how far away it is.

Protractors & Perch - An Angler’s Guide to Angling

A fishing book with an emphasis on the mathematics of casting
techniques.
Potion of Pogono
After drinking this potion, you instantly grow a magnificent beard. Altering
the potion by adding dyes or dissolving patterned objects into it will affect
the final appearance of the beard.

100 Ways to Improve Your Memory

Cursed. A generic looking self-help book. A small note with a date from
long ago and the words ‘Return to Library’ scribbled on it is wedged
between the pages. This book has accumulated such a late fee that the
library has put out a bounty on the possessor of the book.

Large Eyeball
An eyeball the size of a basketball.

Maggot Box
A small wooden box. It is slightly tacky to the touch and has a pungent air
of ammonia. If you place a small piece of meat inside the box and shut it
for 1 hour, 5d20 maggots will appear inside of the box.

Wellness Through Well-Dwelling

A self-help book exploring the meditative benefits of sitting at the bottom
of a well for several hours a day.

Notes on 'The Twin Oracles'

A collection of notes regarding a cult ran by two future-seeing twin sisters,
who constantly disagree.

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Hogshead Helm of Drikke

A metal helmet fashioned to look like the head of a large boar. You can
pour 63 gallons of strong alcohol into this helmet as a tribute. The next
time you wear the helmet, you will be contacted by a deity of brewers,
drunkenness and celebration.
Jarred Pink Mouse
A large jar containing a bubble-gum pink mouse.

Arrow of Warning
This arrow always just misses the target but instils a great sense of fear
into them as it passes by.

Rubber Shark
A small rubber shark that floats in water. The shark is enchanted to float
towards the nearest moving lifeform within the body of water that it is in.

Box of Matched Matches

A box of 3d6 match sticks that have a flammable head at each end. If you
snap a match in half, both heads will light when either one is struck,
regardless of distance.

Iron Skillet Pendant

A small skillet shaped pendant. Turns into a fully-sized skillet when
placed on a heat source.

Jar of Snake Venom

A small jar of potent snake venom.
Old Plate of Food
The food is half eaten and rotting.
Wedding Ring
A scratched and tarnished wedding ring. It has seen better days but it is
still of some value.

Brandyfire Brooch
A festive brooch in the shape of a Christmas pudding. When activated, the
brooch erupts a blue flash of flame across the entirety of your body. The
flame is harmless to you but will burn anybody else.

Schieblos Shirt
A light cotton shirt with a red and white target design on it. Whilst wearing
this shirt, ranged attackers are more likely to target you.

Lettuce Pray
A holy prayer book from a cult that focuses their worship around lettuce.
The pages are made from dried and preserved lettuce.

Rocking Horse
When unobserved, it slowly rocks back and forth on its own.

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The Boy Who Scryed Wolves

A nature book about a young zoologist who spent many years observing a
pack of wolves via the medium of scrying so that he didn’t disturb their
natural behaviour. After studying this book, you gain an advanced
knowledge of wolves and how to potentially tame them.

Earrings of Oronlas
A pair of earrings in the shape of padlocks. Clipping the padlocks shut
makes you deaf. The padlocks can be locked and unlocked at will.
However, each time you shut them there is a 5% chance that they will jam
shut and they will need delicate lockpicking or less delicate destruction to
remove them.
Fishing Rod
A long dead fish is still on the hook.
Pollard Pike
A long spear with a serrated leaf-shaped steel point. Whilst wielding this
pike, you do additional damage against horned creatures. A critical hit
with the pike will easily sever a horn. The pike also comes in handy for
chopping off tall tree branches.

Splhat
A top hat made from firm jelly, they come in a variety of colours. Whilst
wearing this hat, roll 1d6 if you take a fall that would normally inflict
damage. If you roll a 6, you temporarily turn into a gelatinous form on
impact and splat flat against the ground. You then quickly reform back to
normal, taking no damage from the impact.
Stoneberry Jam
A sweet preserve that instantly hardens when placed in a keyhole, fixing
the lock in its current position. According to Dwarves, it also goes nicely
on toast.
McFlyffe's Pigment of Multicolarity
A cardboard box with a metallic hue that changes colour depending on
what angle you are viewing it from. Inside is a small glass bottle of viscous
prismatic fluid that has a strong chemical scent. After drinking this
potion, your hair is dyed 5 random and vibrant colours. There is also a 5%
chance that you will develop the habit of only cooking whilst nude. These
effects wear off the next time you submerge your head in water.

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Profiting With Plagiarism

An untidy looking book. Each page has a different font or paper type. It
seems like it has been made by someone cutting pages out of other books
and pasting them into this one. If you place a blank scrap of paper into
this book, the spine releases a sticky glue and fixes the paper in place.
This book will copy the contents of any book it is left on top of and add
this data to any blank pages. The larger the book, the more time it will
take to copy. There is a 10% chance that this book will instantly glue to
any book it is placed on top of.
Amulet of Archiving
A black amulet containing a red gem. The gem turns green when pressed.
When the gem is green, it records up to an hour of visual and audio data
before it starts recording over itself. Tap the gem 3 times to project the
stored data onto a surface in front of it.

Bucket of Freezing
A thick-walled metal bucket. The air inside of the bucket is bitterly cold.
Anything left inside of this bucket freezes solid after 1 hour. Please don't
try to wear this as a helmet.

Staadslam Warhammer
A sentient Warhammer with a head fashioned in the shape on an anvil. It
values the holder keeping their equipment in good condition and detests
cowardice. If the hammer has a good relationship with the wielder, it will
try to aid them. When the hammer is swung downwards, the head will
take on the weight of a fully-sized anvil to increase impact damage.
However, if the hammer dislikes the wielder, it may change weights at
more inopportune times.
How to Start a Rabbit Farm
A small book with green pages, each page containing a tip about keeping
rabbits. Some of the pages have been ripped out, this book has 2d6 pages
when found. Feeding a page of this book to a rabbit will make another
rabbit appear nearby with a loud popping sound. There is a 5% chance
that this new rabbit will be surprisingly strong and extremely aggressive
towards you.
Rumour Rune
An ear-shaped runestone. When you hold it, you hear a disembodied voice
say “Figures in yellow hooded robes have been seen entering and leaving
the cheese shop late at night.”

Buccaneer’s Boots of Boating

A pair of well-worn and slightly water damaged pirate boots. Once per day,
you can summon an old rowboat from the depths of any body of water
large enough to hold one. The rowboat sinks after 1d12 hours.

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Serpenspew Serum
A glass vial moulded to form a snake bent in the shape of the letter ‘S’.
After drinking this potion, you vomit a small poisonous snake every time
you use a word with the letter ‘S’ in it. This effect lasts for 20 minutes.

Brittany’s Spear of Toxicity

A spear once owned by a young woman who gave up on making money as
a bard and instead went into the world of monster hunting. A critical hit
with this spear allows you to attempt to hit the creature again, one more
time. If this second attack succeeds, the target is poisoned.

Sooty Cat
A once-white, soot-covered cat. It's completely unphased by loud noises
and loves to be by an open fire.

Ring of Kartenhai
A silver ring encrusted with tiny red diamonds. Holding this ring against a
playing card allows you to change it to another card of your choice.
However, there is a 5% chance that the card will spontaneously ignite.
This can be done 3 times per day.
Giant Snail Shell
50% chance of containing a giant snail.

Chef's Uniform
An immaculate white uniform, complete with hat.
Obsidian Fishing Magnet
A large disc of obsidian, enchanted to stick to basalt. It is attached to a
heavy-duty metal cable. People think that once you throw an item into
lava, it is destroyed for good. But, some items end up encased in basalt
geodes, ready to be cracked open. This magnet allows you to attempt to
fish for such geodes. There is a 5% chance that the magnet will be
consumed by lava every time you throw it in.
Scarf of Nonstopnitt
A chunky hand-knitted scarf with a striped rainbow design. When worn,
the scarf slowly adds to itself, gradually getting longer. After 3 days, a
brand-new scarf with a random design detaches from the original and that
too has the same generative abilities when worn.

Muffle Bag
A cylindrical canvas bag with handles. The bag is 3 times bigger on the
inside. Once closed, anything noise made from within the bag is barely
audible.
Pectus Pills
A small wooden chest containing 4d6 powdery brown pills. Consuming a
pill transforms you into a wooden chest. Anything on your person at the
point of transformation is stored in the chest. This effect lasts for 5
minutes.

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Box of Blobsession
Cursed. A specimen box filled with test tubes and petri dishes. Upon
opening this box, you become obsessed with collecting ooze and slime
samples. This obsession disappears after you have filled 3d6 vials with
different specimens.
Ladder of Breathing
A 10ft bamboo ladder. You can breathe clean air whilst holding onto a
rung of this ladder providing one end of the ladder is in clean air.

Bolt of Bacon
At the point of impact, the bolt releases the strong and irresistible scent of
bacon frying on a Saturday morning.

Hot Sauce
A bottle of phenomenally hot sauce.

Glass Oyster Pendant of Healing

A glass oyster shell pendant. A small pearl rattles around inside of it.
Whilst you are wearing this necklace, oysters may be eaten to heal 5% of
your maximum health per oyster.

Jolly Jelly
A cup of bright yellow jelly. Instantly improves the mood of any creature
that consumes it.

Lantern of Semperlux
Cursed. A cumbersome iron lantern with a large ring handle. The lantern
remains brightly lit at all times, even underwater. As soon as your hand
touches the handle, it clenches shut around it and won’t let go.

'Badgers, Badgers, Badgers' Challenge Scroll

The scroll reads 'Make a potion from badger fur, mushrooms and snake
venom.' If you complete the task, roll 1d10. (1-9) The scroll turns into
another scroll with a new challenge. (10) The scroll turns into a reward
chest.
Pouch of Opacy Tea
A pouch of translucent tea leaves with 1d6 cups worth left inside of it.
After finishing a cup of this tea, the amount of light that passes through
you changes. Roll 1d20 to determine how much. 1 being you remain
visible, 20 being you turn completely invisible. This effect lasts for 1 hour.

Feather Boa of Constriction

Cursed. A feather boa made from light and dark green feathers. The boa
needs to be fed a mouse, rat or bird once per day. If it is not fed, the boa
will tighten around your neck. 5 missed feedings will make the boa tighten
enough to hinder your breathing.

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Knitted Hat
A warm knitted hat.
Vatten Vial
A large vial of colourless, tasteless and scentless liquid. After drinking this
potion, you feel hydrated for 4 hours.

Seneca’s Silver Ring

A silver ring with the phrase ‘Memento Mori’ engraved on the inside of it. If
a creature dies whilst wearing this ring, their last moments are stored
within it and will appear as a vivid memory to the next creature who puts
the ring on.
Volatile Vial of The Pickled Priest
An alcoholic smelling concoction stored in a completely black vial apart
from a white ribbon around the neck of the vial. Roll 1d2 as you drink this
potion. (1) You and any party members you are touching are teleported to
the nearest tavern. (2) You and any party members you are touching are
teleported to the nearest holy ground or place of worship.

Boy Cow Hat

A black cowboy hat with small bull horns sticking out of it. Whilst wearing
this hat, you can activate it to polymorph into a bull for 10 minutes. Every
time you activate the item, there is a 5% chance that the hat will instead
turn into a steaming pile of cow manure.

Apron
A leather apron with a pouch for tools on the front.
Sticky Finger Gloves
Black leather gloves that are tacky to the touch. You will have a greater
chance of successfully pickpocketing whilst wearing these. After 10
pickpocket attempts, these gloves become caked with pocket lint and other
debris, rendering them useless.

Pickled Eggs
A jar of 2d4 pickled eggs.
Waterproof Boots
A pair of thigh-high waterproof boots.
Old Key
Allows access to 'The Unholy Heart Sanatorium'.

'Summon Wall' Spell Scroll

Reading from this scroll creates a brick wall the size of a door 5ft in front
of the reader. The scroll crumbles to dust on use.

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Pioneering Pies
A book with a browned cover that has the texture and scent of pie crust. It
contains a brief history of pies and a large selection of unusual recipes.
After reading this book, you can make a decent pie from just about
anything. Some more exotic combinations may even develop magical
effects.
Holy Helmet of Diving
A diving helmet blessed by a monk who lived in a lighthouse. He believed a
holy relic was somewhere nearby in a shipwreck. Whilst wearing this
helmet you can breathe underwater and it emits a holy light that
illuminates 30ft in front of you. Perfect for exploring the midnight sea.

Captain’s Crowbar
A rust-flecked crowbar with several limpets fixed to the surface. One end
of the crowbar bends off in two directions to resemble an anchor. Once per
day, you may activate the crowbar to make the anchor end take on the
weight of a full-sized anchor. This effect normally wears off after 10
seconds, however there is a 5% chance that the effect will remain
indefinitely.
Swag Bag
A bag of stolen goods. It contains pieces of tavern paraphernalia including
tankards, cutlery, and a set of keys.

Town Newsletter
It has next week's date on it.
Brian’s Blessed Helm of Hollering
A golden helmet with two long horns on the top. You can activate this
helm to amplify your voice by 5 times. This can be done 3 times per day.

Bountybreak Brew
A syrupy potion that cycles between gold and transparent. Drinking this
potion temporarily removes any bounties put out on you and your party
for 1d4 hours.
Sincinerator
A small, red metal scroll box. You can write down a sin you have
committed and then burn it in the Sincinerator to absolve yourself of the
wrongdoing. There is a 50% chance that a relevant sacrifice will be taken
as the paper burns. For example, the sin of theft may result in some of
your coins disappearing.
Gregor's Giant Flask
A tall, opaque potion flask that reseals itself with red wax each day. If you
hold the flask, you hear a booming voice inside your head coming from
someone who refers to themselves as 'The Flaskmaster'. The flask fills with
a random potion each day. But, to break the wax seal and open the flask,
you must first complete a task assigned by 'The Flaskmaster'.

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Potion of Poculence
A vial of slightly syrupy clear liquid. It has a safety cap to stop children
from opening it and smells faintly chemical. Just one drop of this potion
can cleanse a bucket of unsanitary water and make it safe to drink.

Giant Globstopper
A large green gobstopper flecked with specks of black and deep purple.
They are extremely popular with children as they last a long time but even
more popular with adventurers as the globstopper can be thrown at
gelatinous or ooze-like creatures who will stop in their tracks as they try to
dissolve this hard ball of candy.
Audiospook Bookmark
Place the bookmark within the pages of a book and a disembodied voice
will narrate from that page onwards until the bookmark is removed.

'Bravely Ran Away' Challenge Scroll

The scroll reads 'Retreat from a combat encounter' You may not show or
discuss this scroll with another player. If you do, it crumbles to dust. If
you complete the task, roll 1d10. (1-9) The scroll turns into another scroll
with a new challenge. (10) The scroll turns into a reward chest.

Journal
It details notes regarding strange lights and voices coming from the
swamp. Eventually the notes devolve into mad ramblings before abruptly
stopping.
Recurve Bow of Retorta
A warped recurve bow, it is awkward to handle. Any arrow fired from this
bow will sharply swerve just before the point of impact, making the arrow
hit at an angle that doesn't indicate the location of who fired the bow.
Untrained archers will find it hard to fire this bow accurately.

Wooden Sign
'No Trespassing' is painted on it in red.

Tin of Spam
An enchanted tin of spam. It refills every Wednesday.

Flammable Thread
A small reel of black thread, it feels rough against your fingers. The thread
is flammable and will slowly burn if lit. 30cm of it will take around a
minute to burn completely.

Box of Noham Nails

A box containing 3d6 iron nails. You may take a nail from this box and
place it against a surface, when the command word is spoken it will
embed itself into the surface as though the nail was struck with a
hammer.

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Leiselopper Woodcutter’s Axe

A woodcutter’s axe commissioned by a lumberjack who wanted to start
work early but not wake the village as he cut down trees. Any wood broken
by this axe doesn’t make a sound as it breaks.

Gelatinous Arrow
At the point of impact, the arrow transforms into a 5ft cube of jelly.
Flavours may vary.

Carpenter’s Gloves of Shrinking

A pair of tight-fitting leather gloves. Whilst wearing these gloves, you can
place your hands against a regular-sized or smaller wooden piece of
furniture and speak a command word to shrink it to 10% of its original
size. Speaking the command word again will slowly bring the furniture
piece back to its original size over the course of a few minutes. This can be
done 3 times per day.
Safe
A small, locked safe.
Shimmering Ink
A bottle of glittery ink. If shaken, the holder is mesmerised into watching it
for 1d4 minutes.

Lambert’s Woolly Jumper

A druid got stuck as a sheep and then that sheep was shorn. The wool was
then made into a woolly jumper. In a strange turn of events, the druid’s
soul remained with the wool and now possesses this jumper. Lambert, the
druid who possesses this jumper, will help you to communicate with
sheep and any other druidic matters wherever he can. His opinion is easily
swayed to follow the majority and some of his stories might send you to
sleep but overall, he’s not too baaaad.

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Links

I hope you have found this compendium useful and have your arms full of
new loot to play with. Please visit these links if you’d like to see more of my
work or just want to say hi, I’d love to hear from you.
Patreon.com/CardboardAnvil
Find the latest copy of The Kleptogoblicon here and other uploads. The
Kleptogoblicon is a book of 1500+ items that I update monthly.
Instagram.com/Cardboard_Anvil
Follow this page and like & comment on posts … together we can beat the
almighty algorithm.
Reddit.com/r/TheKleptogoblicon
The Reddit HQ for The Kleptogoblicon.
Discord Server
A place to hang out with fellow Kleptogoblins.

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