The Virtuous Woman

The Virtuous Woman: Reflections on Nnemuruoha Susanna Onyemaechi Onah
The Virtuous Woman:

Reflections on Nnemuruoha
Susanna Onyemaechi Onah
By
Dr. Ejikemeuwa J. O. Ndubisi
i
Nnemuruoha Susanna Onyemaechi Onah

(Ndu ka na Chukwu)
ii
Dedication To
th
The 70 Birthday of
Nnemuruoha Susanna
Onyemaechi Onah
(17th April 1950 – 17th April 2020)
iii
Acknowledgments
I sincerely thank God for the inspiration to write

this book in honour of Nnemuruoha Susanna
Onyemaechi Onah. I am highly indebted to all
those who were instrumental towards the success
of this book. May the Almighty God reward and
bless you all abundantly.
iv
Table of Contents
Picture of Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Table of Contents
Profile of Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah
Introduction
Part A: Reflections on Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah
Chapter One
S. O. Onah: A Woman of Excellence
Chapter Two
S. O. Onah and Prayer Life
Chapter Three
“I'm Sorry” – The Powerful sword that kills the giant in S. O. Onah
Chapter Four
S. O. Onah: The Disciplinarian
Chapter Five
S. O. Onah and Marital Chastity
v
Chapter Six
S. O. Onah and Life of Charity
Chapter Severn
S. O. Onah and Leadership Qualities
Chapter Eight
S. O. Onah and Entrepreneurship Development
Chapter Nine
S. O. Onah and Gender Inequality
Chapter Ten
Vox Populi
Chapter Eleven
S. O. Onah in Selected Photographs
References
Part B: Topical Issues
Chapter Twelve
Let Peace Reign
Chapter Thirteen
Conflict in Marriage: A Philosophical Search for an Authentic
Existence
Chapter Fourteen
Gender Inequality and Nsukka Cultural Practice: An Evaluation
vi
Profile Of
NNEMURUOHA S. O. ONAH
G
od is the Master Planner. He designs and plans
everything in accordance with His perfect Will.
At creation, God has ordained that at the
appointed time, in the fourth month of the year of the
Lord (17th April, 1950) that a cry of joy will be heard in
the family of Late Mr. Obielughi Ezenwa and Late Mrs.
Victoria Ezenwa of Ezemeazu village in Urualla, Ideato
North Local Government Area of Imo State, Nigeria.
That cry was the first of its kind in such a young family.
Following the circumstances of the birth of the first child
in the family, the father exclaimed in the euphoria of the
moment: “the child's name shall be: Onyemaechi! This is
a unique name given to a child whom God has designed
to navigate the future and to do exploits in the world.
Barely three years and four months after her birth, the
little Onyemaechi was baptized and was christened
Susanna, a name that has come to define her being and
existence.
The young Susanna Onyemaechi Ezenwa started her

early education in 1956 at St. Mary's Catholic School
(now Township School I, Ibagwa – Aka). Her education
1
was truncated when she went to Sapele as a house help.

But following her inability to continue her education in
Sapele, her mother had to recall her home and so, in 1961
the young Susanna continued her studies again. She
completed her elementary education in 1967. During her
days in school, the young Suzzy (as she was fondly
called by friends and associates) distinguished herself
among her classmates by always taking first position in
class. She was not only the pride of her parents but more
so the joy of her teachers. Her teachers recognized her
leadership qualities at an early stage and as such she was
made class prefect most of the time throughout her stay
in school.
The unquenchable desire to further her education led

Suzzy to register and also sit for Common Entrance
Examination in 1967. This zeal for secondary school
education was aborted following the civil war that took
place in Nigeria within this period. After the war, Suzzy
nursed the idea to further her education but was
restrained due to harsh economic condition which made
her to abandon her dream and to start small business to
help cater for her family and younger ones.
Sequel to her good moral upbringing, personal integrity,

intelligence and family background, Suzzy became the
2
desire of every young man. Many suitors came asking for

her hand in marriage. But as the Master Planner had
already designed it, on 28th November, 1970, Suzzy
wedded with her soulmate, Late Mr. Raphael Ndubisi
Onah of Amebo village in Ibagwa – Aka, Igbo – Eze South
Local Government Area of Enugu State, Nigeria. Her
husband was an enterprising young man at the time and so
the combination of two enterprising couple can work
economic and financial wonders. Mrs. Susanna
Onyemaechi Onah supported her husband in every way to
build the new and young family. Mrs. Onah was respected
and admired not only by her husband but also her
husband's family members for her doggedness, resilience
and pragmatic approaches to issues of life.
Just as she was about to fully enjoy her marital life with her
husband, Nature quickly called, and her heartthrob was
snatched away from her by the cold hands of death on 2nd
September, 1981. And so at the young age of 31, Mrs.
Susanna Onah started to have existential experience and
taste of widowhood. At this time, it was as if the whole
world had come to an end but she did not lose hope since
she believed and trusted that God is always by her side to
console and remain with her.
3
As a disciplined, prayerful, entrepreneurial and focused

woman, Mrs. Onah worked tirelessly to ensure that her
children were brought up in the fear of God and also not
to be wayward in life. God actually blessed and
prospered her effort as all can testify today in the lives of
her children. Being so industrious and focused, she
engaged herself in farming and business enterprises to
ensure the sustenance of her family. She is an
entrepreneur of her own kind that truly worth the name.
No wonder, all her children are very industrious and
entrepreneurial.
As a committed and dedicated Christian, Mrs. Onah was

never found wanting in anything that has to do with God
and the things of God. She is truly a devout Catholic
woman with special devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary
who is her Role Model. As a visionary and inspiring
leader, Mrs. Onah has served the Catholic Women
Organization (CWO) of St. Mary's Catholic Church,
Ibagwa – Aka in various capacities, namely, Treasurer
(CWO, St. Mary's Station), Treasurer (CWO August
Meeting, Ibagwa – Aka), Chairperson (CWO, Zone 2),
Chairperson (CWO, St. Mark's Zone) among other
leadership responsibilities. Her leadership qualities and
achievements speak for themselves both within and
outside Ibagwa – Aka. As a woman of discipline, she was
nominated and appointed as one of the pioneer
4
patronesses of Man of Order and Discipline (MOD),

Ibagwa – Aka parish. MOD is a voluntary association
known for discipline and maintaining order both within
and outside the church.
It is said that the golden fish has no hiding place. It is also a

fact of life that light cannot but shine. The radiating light
and exemplary life of Mrs. Onah were so loud and clear
such that the Catholic Diocese of Nsukka under the
episcopate of Rt. Rev. Dr. F. E. Okobo (now Emeritus
Bishop of Nsukka Diocese) found her exceptionally
worthy to be conferred with the highest honour and title of
motherhood in the Diocese as Nnemuruoha (Mother of
all) on 28th March, 1996. The honour was really deserving
and significant as she was the only woman selected
among all the Catholic women in the old Ibagwa – Aka
parish as at that time. The point is that if it was a title to be
bought with money, there were many women in Ibagwa –
Aka at that time that could buy it ten times with ease. Hers
was a merited honour for an excellent role she is playing
as a Christian mother. The then Parish Priest, now Very
Rev. Msgr. Dr. G. U. Dine strongly attested to the fact that
Nnemuruoha Susanna Onah is a role model of Christian
life and motherhood within and outside Ibagwa – Aka.
Nnemuruoha Onah is a humanitarian who always show
5
great concern in the affairs of the needy and the

oppressed. Her philosophy of life includes: to speak the
truth no matter whose ox is gored; being charitable; and
being always attuned to the principle of justice.
Experience has shown that Nnemuruoha Onah has
always been guided and is still being guided by her
philosophy of life.
Nnemuruoha Onah is richly blessed with six (6)

children, thirty-two (32) grandchildren, and two (2)
great-grandchildren and still counting to the glory of
God. She is a lover of peace and a humanitarian who has
made valuable contributions to human and societal
development. Her life, especially as she recently joins
the list of septuagenarians this year – 2020, is a
testament of God's love and Master Plan.
6
INTRODUCTION
Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will
be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and
this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness and
keeping all the commandments of God. – Joseph Smith
T he concept, virtue, is generally defined as the

quality of being morally good. It is also seen as
one's ability to meet certain laydown rules or
standards. One thing that is clear from the above
definition is that being morally good is not something
that happens per chance. A person is not said to be honest
or sincere simply by displaying honest action once. No.
A person is said to be honest by constantly manifesting
the character of honesty. In this regard, one can say that
virtue has to do with habit. A virtuous person is one that
has made effort to imbibe and also habitually manifest
good moral behaviour. The Catechism of the Catholic
Church (1994) states: “a virtue is an habitual and firm
disposition to do the good. It allows the person not only
to perform good acts, but to give the best of himself. The
virtuous person tends towards the good with all his
sensory and spiritual powers; he pursues the good and
chooses it in concrete actions” (Pp. 438 – 439; No.
1803b). Virtue has to do with one's constant effort to do
the good.
7
It is important to note that there are principally two kinds

of virtues, namely, moral and theological virtues. The
former is acquired by proper education and constant
effort while the latter is said to be infused by God. It is
not within the scope of the present work to go into a
detailed discussion of the two kinds of virtues. Suffice it
to say that our focus in this book will be more on moral
virtues. Akam (1995) states that moral virtues “are
strengthened by natural acts” (p. 26). The implication
here is that virtue is all about knowing and doing but
more of doing than mere knowing. It makes no sense to
say that a person knows the good without doing the
good. Such a person cannot be said to be virtuous.
The book in your hands: The Virtuous Woman:

Reflections on Nnemuruoha Susanna Onyemaechi Onah
is an attempt to recognize and appreciate the efforts of
Nnemuruoha Susanna Onyemaechi Onah towards
imbibing and most importantly manifesting good moral
character despite all odds and challenges of life. It is
undeniable the fact that Nnemuruoha Onah is truly a
virtuous woman who is quite loving, altruistic,
disciplined, caring, industrious and very well committed
to the things of God, human and community
development. Her imprints within and outside her
8
immediate environment are testimonies of her

outstanding way of life and noble qualities. The Holy
Scripture says: “by their fruits, you shall know them”
(Mtt. 7:20). This book is written in thanksgiving to God
for the 70th birthday (1950 – 2020) of Nnemuruoha S. O.
Onah. It is my sincere and earnest prayer that God will
continue to keep Nnemuruoha in sound health of mind
and body to enable her to continue to live virtuous and
exemplary life. Happy 70th birthday Mama!
9
PART A
Reflections
on
Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah
10
CHAPTER ONE
S. O. ONAH:
A WOMAN OF EXCELLENCE
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence therefore is not an act, but a habit.
–Aristotle
I n a general sense, excellence has to do with the best;

it is a superlative quality. The idea of excellence
indicates something of great value. A person of
excellence is one that does not take 99%; he or she is
such a person that would always go for 100%.
Excellence is a rare quality of truly being outstanding in
whatever one does. Excellence is “a reflection of
personality trait anchored on uprightness, ideas,
innovation and strategy, time and productivity. It has to
do with the determination to pursue standard and
maintain it” (Ndubisi & Onwudinjo, 2017, p. 122).
Excellence has to do with completeness and wholeness.
It can be seen as the ability of one to realize one's
potentialities. Realizing one's potentialities is something
that cannot be done anyhow. It requires determination
and other necessary conditions (Ndubisi 2012, Pp 39 –
52). This is why excellence is viewed as the
manifestation of the best qualities.
11
The name, Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah, rings a bell of

excellence. Nnemuruoha Onah is one of a kind. She is a
woman of excellence. Her desire for excellence can be
attested to by all who have come in contact with her. She
believes that whatever is worth doing is worth doing
well. Half-measure is not in Mama's dictionary.
One does not need to come in contact with Nnemuruoha

Onah two times to know that she is a woman of
excellence. Taking a look at the way and manner she
dresses, how she carries herself, her attention to details,
etc., one cannot but confirm that Mama is a woman of
excellence. If Mama is doing something, she must do it
to its highest degree. And if one is working for Mama,
one is always careful as Mama would always go for
nothing short of excellence. Many people who have
worked for or with Nnemuruoha Onah can attest to her
earnest desire for excellence. Sometimes, some people
misunderstand her by saying that she complains a lot
whenever people are working for her. Let it be known
that it is not mere complaining but a constructive means
to arrive at excellence. It is an existential fact that gold
passes through fire before its radiating nature comes out.
For Nnemuruoha Onah, excellence is not gotten on a
platter of gold. She believes that no one is actually born
with excellence per se; one has to work for excellence.
12
Excellence is an acquired quality; it is a quality that can

only be acquired through constant practice and habitual
way of life of excellence.
One remarkable thing about Nnemuruoha Onah is that

she does not accept anything short of perfection. This
explains why some people call her a perfectionist. Some
erroneously call her a faultfinder. Nnemuruoha is not
simply a faultfinder but her desire for excellence makes
her to easily detect a mistake or failure where it is
located. This explains why some people who are not
attuned to excellence are always not comfortable in her
presence or in anything that concerns her.
It is important to note that a person of excellence is not

always satisfied with the status quo. A person of
excellence believes in perfecting perfection. Ndubisi
(2012) admonishes in this regard: “No human person
can say that he or she is fully a perfect being as far as the
person, a material being, is operating under the principle
of act and potency. No human person is wholly perfect.
So the idea of becoming your best is a continuous
struggle” (p. 67). Excellence is dynamic in nature. One
does not say that one has attained excellence in a
particular thing and therefore does not need excellence
any more. The desire and need for excellence is a
13
continuum. Ndubisi (2012) explains:

In every aspect of life, as soon as a person
stops to work, as soon as a person stops to
engage in activity that will perfect his
whole being, failure will befall him. But
one joyful thing is that failure is not the
portion of person who is determined
always to be better than he or she is (p. 89).
Life of excellence is a possibility but it requires strong

determination and the ability to constantly engage in
excellent activities. It is also important to note here that
excellence is not a prerogative of Nnemuruoha Onah.
You too can become a person of excellence. Therefore,
all are called to emulate Nnemuruoha Onah's life of
excellence. It is strongly believed that if all desire and
work for excellence, our contemporary society will
certainly be a better place to live.
14
CHAPTER TWO
S. O. ONAH
AND PRAYER LIFE
A man without prayer is like a tree without roots
– Pope Pius XII
T he human person is a contingent being. This

means that the human person is a being that
depends on another being (the Necessary Being)
for its existence and sustenance. This understanding
explains the need for prayer. The human person, whose
nature is finite, relies on God, who is infinite. Prayer is a
kind of communication between two persons. In this
context, it is a kind of communication between a believer
and God. One thing about prayer is that it is a
relationship. It is a relationship whereby a person speaks
to God and also allows God to speak to him. Akam
(2008) states: “Quite simply, in prayer we can talk to
God and he, in turn, can talk to us” (p. 1).
Nnemuruoha's understanding of prayer is like an

analogy of fish and water. It is said in Igbo language that
“mmiri bu ndu azu” (water is the life of fish). No
particular fish can survive for a long time outside water.
Any time a fish is removed from water, it means that the
particular fish is about to die if it is not returned to the
15
water. This explains in practical terms Nnemuruoha's

notion of prayer. Mama believes strongly in the power of
prayer. She can hardly do anything without prayer.
Prayer, for her, is the beginning and end of life. She is
convinced that prayer is the key that unlocks heavenly
blessings and as such, she prays ceaselessly.
Mama's life of prayer is too glaring and contagious such

that it is impossible to be around her without being a
person of prayer. In a simple term, Mama is a prayer
warrior. She believes that with prayer, nothing is
impossible.
Some people erroneously believe that Mama has another
source of power other than the Supreme God. A
particular man came to Mama one day and requested
Mama to take him to the Dibia (witch doctor) that
protects her so that he too and his group can be under the
protection of the Dibia. He said that Mama's source of
power is insurmountable. The man confessed that
himself and his group have tried several times to take
away her life to no avail. For them, there must be a very
strong Dibia who looks after her. In her response, Mama
said: Ekpere bu ogwu m gworo (prayer is my charm).
Nnemuruoha Onah's life of prayer is that of total

dependence on God. Mama would always tell her
16
Woman: Reflections on Nnemuruoha Susanna Onyemaechi Onah The Virtuous W
children and those around her: “When you leave

everything to God, he will take care of your everything.”
Her life is that of total surrender to God in a ceaseless life
of prayer. Mama eats and breathes prayer. In fact, prayer
runs in Mama's 'blood'. The saying that “a prayerful
Christian is a powerful Christian” is exemplified in the
life of Nnemuruoha Onah. With prayer, even the
impossible is possible.
One thing to note about Mama's life of prayer is that

prayer is not something you engage in today and leave
tomorrow. For Mama, prayer is a way of life; it is being
in constant communication with God; it is a relationship.
The implication of this is that there is no holiday for
prayer. As Christians, we must heed to the biblical
injunction to pray in season and out of season (I Thess.
5:17). Mama's life of prayer has taught me that God
answers prayer and also that with constant prayer, the
evil ones and their agents will certainly be defeated. For
sure, light and darkness are mutually exclusive; both
cannot go together. Prayer (light) dispels evil
machinations (darkness) of the wicked. We are enjoined
to emulate Mama's life of prayer, knowing too well that
prayer is the master key that opens every door.
17
CHAPTER THREE
“I'M SORRY” – THE POWERFUL SWORD
THAT KILLS THE GIANT IN S. O. ONAH
Without forgiveness life is governed by endless cycle
of resentment and retaliation. – Robert Assagioli
I t is a truism that imperfection is part of human

nature. The human person is not a perfect creature.
No wonder it is generally acclaimed that to err is
human. Also, the human person is a social being. This
means that the human person is a being that cannot but
socialize or relate with others. In a bid to socialize with
others, there exists either real or perceived
disagreements; some people feel wounded and offended.
This has given rise to conflict situations among human
beings.
Experience has shown that some friends, families, close

associates and even nations have gone into serious
conflict and wars because of the inability of the parties to
either give or accept forgiveness. Some people find it
very difficult to accept their mistakes. Yes, some people
find it extremely difficult to say: “I'm sorry” or even to
forgive their neighbours the wrongs done to them. Some
people believe in the maxim: “eye for an eye” and “a
tooth for a tooth”. This, for Nnemuruoha Onah, is a
wrong approach to life.
18
Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah, following her temperament,

can easily get annoyed. Temperament is a natural
disposition of a person to respond to external stimuli. A
person's natural disposition determines, to a greater
extent, how the particular person relates to people
around him/her. In this regard, Lahaye (2002) observes:
“Humanly speaking, nothing has a more profound
influence on your behaviour than your inherited
temperament” (p. 20). One's temperament can make one
to be naturally hot-tempered, fearful, stingy,
unforgiving, egocentric, moody, etc. However, the good
news is that temperament is not the only influence to
human behaviour. Lahaye (2002) admonishes further:
Temperament is not the only influence
upon our behaviour, of course. Early home
life, training, education, and motivation
also exercise powerful influences on our
actions throughout life. Temperaments is,
however, the Number One influence on a
person's life, not only because it is the first
thing that affects us, but because, like body
structure, color of eyes, and other physical
characteristics, it escorts us through life
(p. 22).
It has been observed by some people that Nnemuruoha

Onah has the natural disposition for hot-temper and also
19
has the structure or the aura of a military personnel.

These real or perceived disposition notwithstanding,
Nnemuruoha Onah has one key to her hot-temper or
anger, namely, “I'm sorry”. While growing up as a little
child, I discovered that whenever I did something
wrong, my Mum (Nnemuruoha Onah) would always
like to beat hell out of me in a bid to correct me. But
whenever she raises her sledge hammer and hears the
soothing words: “I'm sorry Mama”, her temper would
fall flat and instead of using cane on me, she would start
counselling me on why I should not repeat such act. This
and related experiences explain why I said that “I'm
sorry” is the powerful sword that pierces the giant in
Nnemuruoha Onah.
Nnemuruoha Onah cannot withstand the cry and plea of

a truly penitent. Whenever one has done something
wrong to her and consequently one sincerely asks for
forgiveness, she will wholeheartedly forgive the one
from the depth of her heart and mind and will never hold
such wrongdoing against one. Mama believes that the
human person is prone to make mistakes and so
forgiveness is the only way to reverse the supposed
irreversible caused by human frailty.
Mama would always ask: “If I don't forgive a person that

truly asks for forgiveness, how do I expect God to
forgive my shortcomings?” This explains the positive
20
effects of forgiveness as understood by Nnemuruoha

Onah. It is pertinent to note here that Mama is a type of
person that freely and willingly accepts a penitent heart.
This clarification is very important as Mama is always
ready to give peace a chance since the goal of every
human person is happiness and the fullness of happiness
is the peace of mind (Ndubisi, 2016, Pp. 2 – 6). Mama
strongly believes that the only thing worth fighting for in
the real sense is Peace and this can be realized when we
freely give and accept forgiveness. In the understanding
of Nnemuruoha Onah, one who has truly asked for
forgiveness is not one who does something wrong now,
asks for forgiveness and repeats that same wrongdoing
in the next minutes. A true penitent is one who accepts
one's mistakes and equally makes serious effort not to
repeat such mistakes.
The point here is that we should learn, just like

Nnemuruoha Onah, to freely give and accept
forgiveness. Yes, it is natural to be annoyed; but we
should not let our annoyance or anger to skyrocket even
when the offender has truly asked for forgiveness. The
only medication to anger is to give and accept
forgiveness.
21
CHAPTER FOUR
S. O. ONAH:
THE DISCIPLINARIAN
Self-discipline is a key to many doors. Not least of which is one that leads
to a better, stronger, and healthier version of yourself. - Zero Dean
I t is an existential truism that knowing and doing are

not exactly the same. It is one thing to know
something and it is another thing to put that same
knowledge into practice. In the same vein, discipline is
not all about knowing what is good or knowing what the
rules say at a particular time. Discipline has to do with
the pragmatic effort to marry theoretical knowledge with
practical knowledge with reference to adherence to rules
and regulations. Discipline is the practice of training
oneself to observe the rule of behaviour in a particular
society. According to Wikipedia (2020), discipline is
seen as an “action or inaction that is regulated to be in
accordance (or to achieve accord) with a particular
system of governance. Discipline is commonly applied
to regulating human and animal behaviour” (para. 1). It
follows that one is said to be disciplined if one acts in
accordance with laydown rules. These rules could be
established by oneself or external body.
22
From the insight above, it follows that a disciplinarian is

one who has trained oneself to be law-abiding and also
make effort to train others to do same. According to
Cambridge Dictionary, a disciplinarian is “someone
who believes in keeping complete control of the people
he or she is in charge of, especially by giving severe
punishments.” A disciplinarian believes in helping
people to behave in a certain way. That person is a
disciplinarian who does not joke with norms and
standards. A disciplinarian ensures that people correct
their mistakes and as such behave in accordance with the
moral or ethical standards.
For those who have come in close contact with

Nnemuruoha S. O Onah, they can easily attest to the fact
that qualities of a disciplinarian are enormously found in
her. Mama is a disciplinarian who believes in self-
discipline and will do everything within her power to
enforce discipline in those around her or under her care.
Growing up as a little boy, the figure of Mama that I had
was that of a policewoman or a soldier. Mama is a no-
nonsense person who believes that the good MUST be
done and the evil MUST be avoided. A disobedient child
needs to stay with Mama few days to be properly
disciplined and obedient.
23
Nnemuruoha Onah believes strongly that one of the

ways to excel in life is through proper discipline. A
person who is not able to discipline herself or himself is
bound to be a failure in life. Mama would always tell us
(her children) that a person who wants to be somebody
tomorrow must learn to discipline himself/herself today.
Discipline, for Mama, is an essential quality for a
successful and happy life. Despite the fact that most of us
(Mama's children and those under her care) detested
Mama in the past, today we have thousand and one
reasons to thank and celebrate her for the spirit of
discipline which she implanted in us. Mama made us to
understand that to make anything meaningful in life, one
must be disciplined. Corroborating this view, Ndubisi
(2012) states: “It needs only a disciplined mind to know
the right place to be at a particular point in time … It
takes discipline for a musician to compose a good music;
it takes discipline for authors to write well. When you
talk of a true successful person, you talk of a disciplined
person” (Pp. 49 – 50). Mama has taught us that discipline
is the bedrock of success. This is a fact that has eluded
most people in our contemporary society. Many people
today do not want to suffer or to be disciplined and yet
they want to be successful in life. Nnemuruoha Onah
teaches that anyone who is allergic to proper discipline is
invariably allergic to success. We have to borrow a leave
from Mama in this regard.
24
CHAPTER FIVE
S. O. ONAH
AND MARITAL CHASTITY
More souls go to hell because of sins of the flesh than
for any other reason. – Our Lady of Fatima
C
hastity is a virtue that is associated with purity
of life. It has to do with one's habitual effort to
refrain from immoral sexual conduct. As a
Christian virtue, it means not having sexual relations
outside marriage. This understanding is against any
form of premarital sexual relations. It therefore follows
that one who makes effort to refrain from sexual
relations as an unmarried individual can be said to be
chaste. Furthermore, chastity also has to do with one
being faithful to one's husband or one's wife. It means
that chastity relates to both the married and the
unmarried. It is all about sexual abstinence for the sake
of the Kingdom of God. Also, chastity has to do with
refraining from sexual relations after the death of one's
husband or one's wife unless there is another
legal/canonical marriage. The implication of this is that
the fact that one's husband is dead is not a guarantee for
one to engage in sexual relations with any person who is
not one's legal/canonical spouse.
Having given a brief understanding of the notion of
25
chastity of the unmarried, the married and the widowed,

it is important to note also that both priests of the Latin
Church and those in the Consecrated Life (the Religious)
are also called to a life of chastity. In fact, all Christians
are called to a life of chastity in accordance with one's
state of life. The Catechism of the Catholic (1994)
summed this idea thus:
All the baptized are called to chastity. The
Christian has “put on Christ”, the model for
all chastity. All Christ's faithful are called to
lead a chaste life in keeping with their
particular states of life. At the moment of
his Baptism, the Christian is pledged to lead
his affective life in chastity. People should
cultivate [chastity] in the way that is suited
to their state of life. Some profess virginity
or consecrated celibacy which enables them
to give themselves to God alone with an
undivided heart in a remarkable manner.
Others live in the way prescribed for all by
the moral law, whether they are married or
single. Married people are called to live
conjugal chastity; others practice chastity in
continence: There are three forms of the
virtue of chastity: the first is that of spouses,
the second that of widows, and the third that
26
of virgins. We do not praise any one of them

to the exclusion of the others.... This is what
makes for the richness of the discipline of
the Church. Those who are engaged to
marry are called to live chastity in
continence. They should see in this time of
testing a discovery of mutual respect, an
apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of
receiving one another from God. They
should reserve for marriage the expressions
of affection that belong to married love.
They will help each other grow in chastity
(p. 542; Nos. 2348-2350).
The above citation is an affirmation that life of chastity is

both for the married and the unmarried; the clergy and
laity. Without mincing words, I make bold to say that
Nnemuruoha Susanna Onyemaechi Onah is a model of
marital chastity. She is ever faithful to her marital vows.
One thing that is remarkable about Nnemuruoha Onah is
that despite the fact that she lost her husband at a very
young age of 31, she did not go about sleeping or
messing herself with men for any reason whatsoever.
Even when things became so hard and frustrating as a
young widow, she remained steadfast to her marital vow.
Some of the challenges that she encountered as a young
27
widow were as a result of her not yielding to the sexual

demands of some irresponsible men both within and
outside her husband's immediate family.
Nnemuruoha Onah strappingly believes that there is

more to life than sex. She would always say: “I'm
married to Jesus; Jesus is my husband; Jesus is my
provider; Jesus will never abandon a widow like me”.
These words are always on her lips. When some men
came promising her heaven and earth just to take
advantage of her widowhood condition, she would
always tell them: “My body is sacred and I have to keep
it so”. Mama's chaste life is both in words and action.
Hers is not a case of 'do what I say but don't do what I do'.
Nnemuruoha Onah is a well-known character both
within and outside her immediate environment as a
woman who is faithful to her marital vows as a widow
despite all odds and frustrations of widowhood.
The life of Nnemuruoha Onah should serve as a guide

and motivation to both married and unmarried women
and especially young widows. Her life has shown that
marital chastity is a possibility. Some people
erroneously believe that it is not possible for a mature
human person to stay without sex. This is grossly
erroneous and a misconception of human sexuality and
28
human nature. The exemplary life of Nnemuruoha Onah

and also lives of saints are clear indications that marital
chastity is a possibility. Our contemporary society
should know that chastity both within and outside
marriage is a mark of respect and integrity for the chaste
person. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (1994)
teaches that “the chaste person maintains the integrity of
the powers of life and love placed in him” (p. 540, No.
2338). It follows to say that a person who is unchaste or
who does not make serious effort to be chaste has no
integrity; the person has no regard for himself or herself.
In this regard, we can say that marital chastity, as
exemplified in the life of Nnemuruoha Onah,
emphasizes deep self-control and self-respect. For sure,
the sexual urge must come, but we must not allow it to
rule us.
One essential element that must not be ignored on the

pathway to chastity is prayer. Nnemuruoha Onah would
always say that her strength is derived from God. It is
true that there is strong self-will on her part; however,
self-will without God's grace is useless. As a model of
marital chastity, Nnemuruoha Onah teaches that we
develop high sense of self-control and also have a total
dependence on God who will now crown all our efforts
with success. Ndubisi (2012) admonishes:
29
Human beings are helpless without God.

Life of prayer brings success. The human
person cannot achieve anything
meaningful without close contact with
God. The earlier an individual takes
recourse to God, the better for the
individual. Remember, cut off from God –
the Source of our being – the human person
ceases to be. Therefore, we have to be in
constant communication with the Being of
our being so that we can remain
meaningfully in being. (p. 43).
From the citation above, it is quite clear that no one can

boast of chastity only on one's power; there is need for
one to anchor oneself on God. This is a practical lesson
derived from the life of Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah. Truly,
Nnemuruoha Onah is a model of marital chastity!
30
CHAPTER SIX
S. O. ONAH
AND LIFE OF CHARITY
The life of a man consists not in seeing visions and in dreaming dreams,
but in active charity and in willing service. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
C
harity is a virtue that can easily be identified with
Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah. It is one of the ways
Mama manifests her selfless and altruistic
nature. It is a fact of life that a being cannot act beyond its
nature. Such is the case of Nnemuruoha Onah. It is in her
nature to be charitable.
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church

(1994), “charity is the theological virtue by which we
love God above all things for his own sake, and our
neighbor as ourselves for the love of God” (p. 444;
No.1822). This understanding of charity informs
Nnemuruoha's decision to be charitable. Mama is a
person that does not joke with the things of God and as
such she believes strongly that helping the needy and the
poor is a practical way of manifesting her love for God. In
John 15:12, Jesus instructs his followers: “This is my
commandment: love one another as I have loved you.”
One thing is clear in Nnemuruoha's philosophy of life: the
love of Christ is the driving force for all her action.
31
Mama's life of charity is not necessarily the case of

giving out from abundance. Hers is the case of one that
gives a helping hand from the little she has. Mama would
rather prefer to go hungry than to eat without giving the
needy and the poor around her. I recall on several
occasions when Mama's children would bring food stuff
to her and instead of keeping the food items for herself
alone, she would share them to the poor and the needy
within the community. This type of attitude has brought
about misunderstanding between Mama and her
children sometimes. The fact is that Nnemuruoha has a
very soft spot for the poor and the needy. No wonder
some people call her enyi umu ogbenye (friend of the
poor). Rendering help to those in need can be said to be
Mama's second nature. Telling Mama not to help the
poor is like telling her not to be herself.
Nnemuruoha Onah has no discrimination in her life of

charity. She treats everybody equally irrespective of
one's gender, religion or ethnic affiliations. This is a
lesson for all. Our relationship with people around us
should be based on the fact that they are human beings
and not necessarily based on religious, tribal,
geographical or political affiliations. There should be
equal treatment for all. Charity, to worth its name, must
be done without any string attached. Mama's life of
32
charity is centred especially on those who cannot or may

not reciprocate that gesture of charity. This is actually
what charity truly is. Doing good especially to those who
cannot reciprocate that same act of goodness is the true
understanding of Christian charity as manifested in the
life of Nnemuruoha Onah. This is a lesson we have to
learn from Nnemuruoha Onah especially in our
contemporary society where some people believe that
“nothing goes for nothing”; “if you scratch my back, I'll
scratch your back”. Christian charity, as exemplified in
the life of Nnemuruoha must be selfless and altruistic.
33
CHAPTER SEVEN
S. O. ONAH
AND LEADERSHIP QUALITIES
The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things.
He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things. – Ronald Reagan
I t is said that a golden fish has no hiding place. This

statement is true especially in the life of
Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah. Beginning from
childhood to her present adult life, she is well-known as
a leader and a good administrator. This explains why she
is always in leadership position in almost all the
organisations that she belongs to. Her leadership
qualities were manifested in the way and manner she
stirred the ship of Catholic Women Organisation (CWO)
Zone 2 and also CWO St. Mark's Zone both in St. Mary's
Catholic Church, Ibagwa – Aka. She has been saddled
with many leadership responsibilities both within and
outside the church.
One thing that stands out in Nnemuruoha is that she is a

good manager of persons and things. She is a leader with
vision and influence. The following are some of the
leadership qualities that anybody who has come in
contact with Nnemuruoha will easily see and testify:
34
Visionary: This is the ability to look beyond now. It has

to do with the courage to look into the future with
determination and hope of making positive imparts. As a
leader, Nnemuruoha sees beyond what others see and
this has helped her to achieve more in her leadership
roles. The words of Myles Munroe (1984) captures
visionary spirit of Nnemuruoha Onah:
Many people are going through life with no
idea of where they will end up. If you could
sit down right now with a blank sheet of
paper, and set goals for your life, you will
find that you will accomplish more. A plan
and goals will give you directions.
Everybody's looking, but only those people
who are conscious of their purpose and
possess a guiding vision will truly see (p.
137).
Being visionary helps one to have directions and not to

dance to the tune of any music one hears. One thing we
must note about Nnemuruoha is that she is always
focused and not easily carried away by distractions and
detractors. For sure, there are people who would like to
push one away from one's vision; but if one is properly
focused, one will certainly achieve one's set goals. Our
35
leaders of today, both within and outside the Church,

should learn to be visionary. There cannot be a good
leader without vision.
Honesty: This is another quality of a good leader that

one sees very glaring in Nnemuruoha. Being honest has
to do with one making effort to be free from fraud,
deception and corruption. Mama is the last person to be a
party to deception or any form of corruption. She
believes strongly in stating fact as it is. Both as zonal
chairperson of the CWO and a seasoned treasurer, Mama
has shown that she is very trustworthy and honest. It is a
general saying in Ibagwa – Aka today that if you want to
do any transaction devoid of deception and corruption,
then involve Nnemuruoha Onah and her kind. As a
seasoned administrator, she does not believe in
pampering falsehood; truth must be said as it is.
One thing that is clear is that Mama's life of honesty,

accountability and sincerity, has made her an enemy of
those who would always want to steal association's or
church's fund. Some misunderstand her attitude and her
strict adherence to truth and honesty. But as Mama
would always tell us (her children and those around her):
it is better to be castigated for what is right than to be
condemned for doing wrong things. This is a serious
36
lesson for those within the corridors of power and

authority both within and outside the Church. Leaders
should sun any form of deception and corruption. Our
society can never get better or move forward if our leaders
are always corrupt and deceptive.
Empathy: Nnemuruoha Onah is very empathetic in her

leadership style. Empathy simply means the capacity to
feel what others are feeling or to understand the situation
of others. A leader who cannot understand the feelings of
others cannot be said to be a good leader. A leader can only
make good impact when he/she is empathetic.
One of the leadership qualities that made Nnemuruoha to

stand out is the fact that she is very compassionate and
would always put herself in the shoes of the people under
her watch. This is a big lesson to most of our
contemporary leaders both within and outside the Church
leadership. A leader should not be simply idealistic but
realistic. A good leader should be able to order things that
are practicable taking the particular situations of the
people into cognizance. It is not enough to say that others
are doing it and so my people must do same. A good
leader should be able to evaluate the existential situation
of his/her people by asking the basic question: If others
are doing it, do my people have the capacity to do the
37
same thing? If others are contributing N10, 000, do my

people have the capacity to contribute that same N10, 000
without jeopardizing their financial status? It is
worrisome to note that today some Church leaders are
simply sycophants. They simply want to please their
parish priests and pastors without looking at the
existential conditions of their people. A good leader, like
Nnemuruoha Onah, should be very empathetic in order to
record huge success in leadership.
Listening Ear: A good leader is one that has a listening

ear. This is another quality that stands out in Mama's
leadership style. Nnemuruoha believes that to be able to
understand a person very well, one has to listen very well.
A leader is expected to serve the people. In this regard, a
leader cannot deliver good service to the people if there is
no room for proper communication. This is another lesson
for our contemporary leaders. A leader should be able to
make himself/herself accessible to the people and as such
listen to their plights in order to attend to them adequately.
The point being made here is simple: there are numerous

leadership qualities in Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah. These
qualities always make her to stand tall and also stand out
whenever there is need for leadership within her
community. There is this Igbo adage that states: Ka onye
38
si eme, ka ekwe si akpo ya (translated to mean: the way a

person behaves goes a long way to determine how he/she
will be needed). One fact we need to know is that leaders
are not born, they are made. The implication of this
assertion is that you too can become a good leader today
by making effort to acquire the good qualities of
leadership. The good news is that everyone has the
potentialities of becoming a good leader. The problem
now is the ability of a particular individual to make effort
to realize those potentialities. The ability to actualize your
leadership potentials is the only thing that will make you
to stand out as a good leader. Therefore, you are called to
dig out your leadership potentials and consequently make
effort to realize them. Our society today needs good
leaders. You, like Nnemuruoha Onah, can provide the
needed good leadership in our society today.
39
CHAPTER EIGHT
S. O. ONAH
AND ENTREPRENEURIAL DEVELOPMENT
If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.
– Napoleon Hill
T o a greater extent, success in life is what one

makes of it. An Igbo adage says it all: aka aja aja
n'ebute onu mmanu mmanu (translated to mean:
when one works, one will eat). Our society today has
turned to be a society of beggars. Today, there are some
people who have become corporate beggars and also
street beggars. No doubt, there are people who suffer
some kind of physical challenges and as such need to
make their living through begging. However, there are
people without any form of natural or physical disability
but prefer begging as a source of their livelihood. This is
quite alarming and it is a clear sign of lack of or
negligence of entrepreneurial spirit.
Entrepreneurship is all about wealth creation. It has to do

with the new way of doing business. It is seen also as the
ability of one to discover a particular business potential
and also actualizing such business potential.
40
Entrepreneurship has to do with business initiatives; it

borders on the creative imaginations and invention of the
human person. In the words of Onwuka and Ile (2006),
entrepreneurship is seen as “the process of generating
ideas and venturing into business risks created by
dynamic environment and making the best of
opportunities for profit purposes” (p. 11). This
understanding indicates that entrepreneurship is not
simply about business ideas but more of executing
business ideas. Following this line of thought, an
entrepreneur can be said to be a person that engages into
business for the purpose of gaining profit. A person that
makes effort to engage in business irrespective of the risks
involved is an entrepreneur. Okenwa (2005) as cited in
Onwuka and Ile (2006) views an entrepreneur as “an
individual who is willing and able to take business risks
with aims and objectives to maximize profit” (p. 9). An
entrepreneur is a person that engages in worthwhile
business irrespective of the available resources. A good
entrepreneur would always want to engage in something
meaningful; he/she would not want to be idle or to be seen
as a professional beggar no matter the condition.
It is important to recall at this point that Nnemuruoha

Onah lost her husband at the age of 31. Her husband left
six children for her and these children were at a very
41
tender age at the time. Instead of resorting to begging or

self-pity, Nnemuruoha went into business as a committed
and resilient entrepreneur. She delved into so many
businesses. Despite the challenges she had in her various
business endeavours, she did not lose hope. No wonder all
her children are now very entrepreneurial. Nnemuruoha
Onah believes that there is no food for a lazy person. This
belief informed her various efforts and struggle to make
ends meet in life. As a young widow, she did not succumb
to the antics of some men who appeared to be 'benevolent'
but with dubious intention to take advantage of her
widowhood state. This is really a lesson to many widows
especially the young ones. Hopping from one man to
another is not the way to go; entrepreneurial spirit is the
key and solution in such situations and difficult moments
of life. When one develops entrepreneurial spirit, one can
then turn waste into wealth. One thing we must remember
is that Heaven helps those who help themselves. We must
engage or be engaged in something worthwhile before we
can expect God's favours and blessings. God can only
bless the works of our hands; but when one does not have
any work, then there is nothing to be blessed by God. As
Nigerians, we must shun the reigning corporate /
professional begging. Let us learn to engage or be
engaged in business no matter how lowly placed the
business may be.
42
It is quite unfortunate that so many youths do not work

and still want to enjoy life. This is a wrong attitude to life.
Nnemuruoha Onah's entrepreneurial spirit has taught me
the value of financial independence. Financial
independence and breakthroughs are not simply gotten
from moving from one prayer house to another from
Monday to Sunday every week. Yes, there is need for
prayer, but as Mama would always say: “when you pray,
you need also to work”. Mama's entrepreneurial spirit has
truly shown that it pays to be hardworking.
43
CHAPTER NINE
S. O. ONAH
AND GENDER INEQUALITY
Life doesn't always give us what we deserve, but rather what we demand. And so we
must continue to push harder than any other person in the room. – Wadi Ben-Hirki
A
s soon as a child is born in Igbo society, the first
question members of the family and friends
would ask is: Is the child a boy or a girl? This
question has to do with the sex of a child. The issue of sex
is a natural construction that indicates whether one is a
male or a female. On the other hand, gender has to do with
the ways and manners a particular society understands
and also ascribes roles to the fact of one being male or
female. Ferrante (2008) is of the view that gender is a
“social distinction based on culturally conceived and
learned ideals about appropriate characteristics for males
and females” (p. 269). It is society that assigns roles to a
particular sex – male or female. This is also known as
gender roles. The point being made here is that the notion
of gender is dependent on a particular society. Most
sociologists and gender philosophers are unanimous on
the fact that gender is a social construct.
With the above understanding in mind, gender inequality

has to do with any form of treatment given to a person not
because of the fact that the person is a human being but
44
simply based on the fact that the person is male or female.

It is a form of marginalization based on the particular sex
that one belongs to. In the words of Ndubisi and Udoh
(2015), gender inequality “is an outright discrimination
because of the simple fact that one is a male or female … it
can also be seen as the disproportionate preferences
between sexes” (p. 150).
Nnemuruoha Onah is very gender sensitive. She is a kind

of person that strongly believes in gender equity. Mama
frowns at any form of discrimination given to a person on
the basis of being male or female. She believes that what
is good for the goose is also good for the gander. As a
young boy, Mama imparted in me and my siblings the
idea of being gender sensitive. As far as Mama is
concerned, no domestic chore or work is strictly reserved
for males or females. For her, both male and female have
to go to farm, fetch firewood, cook, sweep the house, etc.
There is no gender discrimination in assigning duties at
home as far as Mama is concerned. She believes in giving
equal opportunity to all her children – both males and
females. In this regard, one can say that Mama is a gender
philosopher.
Experience has shown that females are always at the

receiving end as far as gender discrimination is
45
concerned; they always bear the brunt of gender

inequality. Mama is known for standing up with the
oppressed especially when it has to do with gender
discrimination. As a woman and also a widow in her early
thirties, she had her own dose of experience of gender
discrimination. This could explain more why she frowns
vehemently at any form of gender inequality especially
against women and widows in particular.
One thing we have to note is that gender inequality poses

a serious challenge to societal development. It
undermines the value and potentials of the female folk. In
fact, it views the female folk as sub-human beings. This
explains the need for gender equality or better put, gender
equity. Both men and women are human beings and
should be treated as such irrespective of the fact of being
male or female. Amplifying this position, Ndubisi and
Udoh (2015) said: “Both men and women should have
equal rights and opportunity to education, politics,
economy, employment and every other aspect of human
affairs” (p. 153). We have to, like Nnemuruoha Onah,
stand out to condemn any form of gender discrimination
in our families, churches, communities and society at
large.
46
CHAPTER TEN
VOX POPULI
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you
did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. – Maya Angelou
A
Latin adage says: Vox populi, vox Dei. This
Latin expression simply means “voice of the
people is the voice of God”. Nnemuruoha
Susanna Onyemaechi Onah is such a personality that is
admired and appreciated by all and sundry. Below are
what some people have to say about Nnemuruoha Onah:
Very Rev. Msgr. Dr. George Dine has this to say:

Nnemuruoha Susanna O. Onah is a staunch member of
Catholic Women Organization belonging to St. Mary's
Parish, Ibagwa – Aka. I was her Parish Priest from 1984 –
1995. She was honoured with the title of Nnemuruoha on
merit under my supervision in charge of Nsukka
Diocesan Women Organization. I taught almost all her
children in schools and they were all doing well. Her
children joined Catholic Organizations that train growing
youths to maturity and good living. Her son, Ejike,
wanted to become a Catholic priest but felt not called.
Nnemuruoha Susanna Onah has well-known leadership
47
qualities, imposing and attractive but at times bring envy,

hatred and oppositions from the parish center whose
members would not like her to feature as champion. She
often asked for reconciliation after quarrelling and having
it out with her opponents. Her children have the same
qualities inherited from her.
Nnemuruoha Onah has opened up the enthusiasm to lead

among the CWO station and parish as a whole. The
Diocesan Nnemuruoha group has also known Susanna as
a good leader, decent in dress, opinion and close
relationship with her members. However, Susanna's
relationship has not been a bed of roses, especially among
the women group in which one would expect
disagreements and leadership tussles. Such occurred but
was each time settled with motherly Christian spirit and
maturity.
Remarkably, she is prayerful, coming from Christian

background in Urualla, Ideato North Local Government
Area of Imo State. She made her family a true praying
Christian one. Her daughter Ukamaka was a good Mary
League member who got married without wasting time at
home. Nnemuruoha's prayer life gave birth to her children
growing up in prayers and desire for religious life. Her
prayer life is exemplary both at home and outside. She
48
fulfilled her vocation as a mother in her home and outside

as one that deserves respect and honour. She has
transferred her talent and approach to leadership to her
children who are trying their best wherever they are.
Many lessons to learn from the life of Nnemuruoha

Susanna O. Onah include:
1. To be sincere and focused in one's vocation
2. To register one' influence wherever one finds
oneself
3. To show that ebe onye bi ka o na awachi (where
one lives is one's home [translation: Mine])
4. Do not be sectional in life wherever you may be
5. A woman's married home is her home to heaven
6. Her new name: Nnemuruoha shows her as the
mother of all humanity like Virgin Mary
Prof. Ikenna Omeje, the Igwe-Elect of Edemani Amebo,

Ibagwa – Aka averred:
Nnemuruoha Susanna and I are first cousins and we grew
up together. She got married to Late Raphael Onah. Her
husband was a good and enterprising businessman who
was among the first people that established indigenous
provision store (Ndubisi's Provision Store) in Ibagwa –
Aka. Susanna was very resolute in assisting the husband
in the business. It was an uncommon thing to be done at
49
that time. She stood by her husband to ensure that the

business flourished very well. She is quite
entrepreneurial unlike most women in Ibagwa – Aka.
Susanna is very assertive just like Omeje people.

Whatever she is known for is what Omeje people are
known for; talking about her is just like talking about
myself. She is outspoken; she doesn't hide her feelings.
She likes saying things the way they are. She respects
people a lot but does not succumb to intimidation from
people. Nnemuruoha is a typical example of our people
(the Omeje family).
Susanna lost her husband at an early age when she was

supposed to be enjoying her marital life. But one
remarkable thing is that she did not waver. She
singlehandedly raised up her children with the help of
God. Sincerely speaking, I don't think there are many
women that can be compared with her in the whole
Nsukka area or elsewhere for her carriage and strength.
One thing that endeared her in the hearts of many is her

resilience and chaste life. She did not give up when her
husband died and did not mess up her life just like other
widows do. She was focused in her business to ensure that
her children are well brought up. This explains why I
50
maintain that women should find some business to do to

avoid total dependence on husband's relation.
Following her good character and dedication to the things

of God, she became the first and the only woman in the
old Ibagwa-Aka Parish to be honoured with the title of
Nnemuruoha by the Catholic Diocese of Nsukka. This, by
no means, is not a small feat. I am very happy that she is
hitting seventy.
Rev Fr Paulinus Ike Ogara succinctly opined:

Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah is the mother of my friend, Dr.
Ejikemeuwa Ndubisi. Ever since 2002 when I became a
friend of her family, she has shown herself as a great
woman filled with dogged determination and faith. She
never jokes with her duties as Christian mother and never
jokes with her love for God. It is remarkable the great role
she has played in maintaining her family as a widow. For
instance, I know the many personal sacrifices she has
made to provide for her children. She has been everything
for them, ensuring always that they would never want for
anything. She is their strength, the reason for their
existence. I admire the life of Nnemuruoha Onah. I pay
tribute to her hard work and dedication. She deserves a
medal for being so faithful despite the challenges of
widowhood. As she marks her 70th birthday I pray God to
51
bless and keep her that she may reap fully the fruits of her
labour.
Sir Raphael Chukwudi Ndubisi, KSJI remarked:

Whenever I think about my past and my father's family, I
cannot but give God all the glory because God used my
Mother to work wonders in my life especially and that of
my siblings. After the death of my father in 1981, she
stood her ground both as a father and a mother to us (her
children). My uncles were to us what cat is to rat but God's
mercy, through Nnemuruoha's constant and persistent
prayers gave us victory as can be witnessed today. Yes,
she was called many names but she did not waver nor lose
focus; Mama is really the bedrock of our life (her
children).
Mama has great qualities as a good mother; she is loving,

friendly, fierce, knowledgeable, brave and forgiving.
Most of my achievements today can be attributed to her.
In all the challenges of life as a widow, she did not
abandon her children as some women do in Ibagwa – Aka
community and some other communities around. If not
Nnemuruoha's doggedness, steadfastness, resilience,
exemplary life and dedication to the things of God, I
wonder what I would have become today. My sweet
Mum, I love you and pray God to continue to keep you so
52
that we can still tap from the abundance and wealth of

your knowledge and experience.
In a very remarkable way, Mrs. Jacinta Ndubisi

expressed her understanding of Nnemuruoha Onah as
follows:
Nnemuruoha Onah is my beloved mother-in-law. Since I

got married to her son, she is always fond of me. My
experience so far with Mama is that she is a unique
woman of her time; very industrious and entrepreneurial.
No wonder she is able to raise her children
singlehandedly after the demise of her husband, my
father-in-law. Mama loves cleanliness. She would prefer
not to eat food than to be in a dirty environment. Mama is
simply a neat woman.
It is said that true leadership lies in guiding others to

success. This is typical of Mama's leadership qualities.
She believes in bringing out the best in those around her. I
am a living testimony.
More so, if one is looking for a prayer warrior or an

Intercessor, Mama is the right person. My mother-in-law
prays ceaselessly both for her needs and that of others.
She finds joy in helping others to actualize their dreams.
53
There are so many things to be learnt from the seventy

years of Mama's existence so far, namely: truthfulness,
neatness, prayerfulness, steadfastness, entrepreneurial
spirit, life of chastity, among others. I pray God to
continue to keep her such that she will see my
grandchildren (her great grandchildren) in sound health
of mind and body.
Mr. James Ejiofor Ndubisi summed his thought about

Nnemuruoha Onah with a title:
"THE MAN" NNEMURUOHA SUSANNA
ONYEMAECHI ONAH
The only woman Whom many people have tried to hate
and later have reason they shouldn't have done so. The
woman with proven integrity. She tasks life hard and
demand that it pays dividends. I call her "Man-woman"
because of the qualities she is made of. A woman who
singlehandedly raised her children without the help of
anyone except God. She has a lot of foot-prints in many
areas of her life which many people are benefiting from.
She believes that God's design for everyone is to excel
and as such does not believe in failures. The worth of her
name cannot be quantified. A woman with a noble
character and fear of God. She believes that when you
spare the rod then you will spoil the child and as such does
not believe in pampering a child. Yes, indeed I'm blessed
54
to have come from this woman, the famous Mama

Ejimma Amogwu, Ibagwa – Aka.
Her prayer life is next to God and that's why many people
cannot understand the source of her strength and power
till date. She is a very honest woman to the core. Though
nobody is perfect but this woman is very close to
perfection. I grew up to know her as my mother and also
my father because of lack of any fatherly figure from my
clan.
Worth mentioning here is that Mama is a very nice cook

which cannot be underestimated. Mama's gentle way of
life and uprightness made her to be the first
NNEMURUOHA in the whole Ibagwa-Aka land. The
best Mum of the year 2020. Happy 70th birthday
Mummy!
Mr. Christian Ngene enthused:

Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah is my in-law. She is a woman
with spiritual charisma which enables her to manifest a
very unique and uncommon leadership charisma
especially in her home after the demise of her loving
husband. The evidence of her leadership charisma is seen
in the manner in which she trained the children God gave
to her singlehandedly. She combined manly courage and
55
feminine (motherly) care to raise the kids. Today all of

them are very industrious and successful!
Nnemuruoha did not restrict her charisma within her

family. She has positively affected the lives of many both
in the religious circle and in the secular settings, hence the
name Nnemuruoha (mother of all). She couldn't have
gained such title if there wasn't any substantial positive
influence she had on people's lives. It's a priceless title,
money can't buy it!
Nnemuruoha is such a powerful prayer warrior that she

never does anything without praying about it. Her life is
simply prayer! She is a woman who never shy away from
her rights even if it means praying to the extent that her
knees bleed. From the time I knew her till date
Nnemuruoha still keeps midnight prayers, what a
discipline! If you want to evaluate the magnitude of such
discipline just keep midnight prayers for one week only
without missing any day even for any reason, then you
will understand the discipline involved.
Nnemuruoha is simply a gift to humanity in many ways:

she takes other people's problems and pray on it just to get
solution from God for them. She doesn't just pray on one's
behalf; she equally checks on the person to know how the
56
person is faring. She supports materially even as she

keeps with the spiritual assistance for the person.
Nnemuruoha doesn't discriminate! She fights for people's
right courageously and fearlessly. Any where she enters
she changes the atmosphere of insecurities to that of
spiritual securities, of course with her prayers not magic.
Major lesson I have learnt from Nnemuruoha is that of

moral life and prayer! She would always tell me in her
usual manner: 'Ogo m (my in-law) don't dirty your body,
be holy for that's the only way to be spiritually strong. If I
messed myself when my husband died that means by now
I would have been doomed. My moral and prayer life
made me strong enough to take on the responsibilities of
raising my kids despite many dangerous temptations that
came my way which I conquered by God's own grace and
power'
Today I ask if we can still find such tough, moral and

spiritually minded mothers who can protect the destiny of
the family as a whole? How do you think a woman of this
quality will not be celebrated both before and after her
demise? In our society do you think a widow who is not as
strong as Nnemuruoha will survive the heat of
excruciating experience they go through in the hands of
husband's brothers and kinsmen?
57
Nnemuruoha deserves to be celebrated mightily in a very

grand style both now in her life time and after her demise.
The heights she achieved are the type that even some
tough men can't achieve. May the Almighty God inundate
her with mighty grace for longevity and super health of
body and mind so that she will still live for many people
both the unborn before bowing out of the stage of life.
Amen!
Happy 70th birthday Nnemuruoha!
Hon. JudeMary Ugwu, Esq. makes this reflection about

Nnemuruoha Onah:
Nnemuruoha Susanna O. Onah is a staunch Catholic
Christian who has deep faith in Christ. I knew her as an
accomplished entrepreneur with iron's heart. She is
always willing to fight for her rights and always willing
too to defend and protect the rights of the voiceless and
the poor.
Without mincing words, Nnemuruoha Onah is such an

imposing leader, though not the wicked type that we see
in many African leaders. She is such a leader that would
want justice and peace. Though a no-nonsense leader, she
is known and will always be remembered any time any
58
day for her honesty, love of neighbour and communal

living.
Nnemuruoha Onah is always a mouth-piece for the

voiceless and the less-privileged. She shares whatever
she has with people around her. As a disciplinarian, many
parents give out their children to her for proper training
and good Christian upbringing. She does not joke or play
with her prayer life, knowing too well that she cannot do
anything without God.
Tremendous lessons could be learnt from Nnemuruoha

Susanna O. Onah:
1. Disciplined life
2. Justice for all
3. Honesty
4. Life of prayer and dedication to God
5. Punctuality
6. Protection and defense of the rights of the
defenseless and the poor
7. Always ready to call a spade a spade no matter
whose ox is gored.
Mrs. Perpetua Ugwoke summed up her thoughts about

Nnemuruoha Onah thus:
59
Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah is a faithful, truthful, honest,

kind, reliable and a hardworking mother. She was once a
C. W. O. Treasurer at St Mary's parish Ibagwa –Aka.
Some members of CWO were not happy with her when
she was their treasurer because she did not allow them to
embezzle church fund.
Nnemuruoha Onah has positively touched the lives of

people around her. She would always visit the sick and
those in need, praying with them and also sharing
foodstuff to them. She is such a prayerful woman who
believes in the power of prayer to solve all problems. In
fact, Nnemuruoha Onah is a gift to humanity in that she is
accommodating, friendly and ever willing to cooperate
with those around her. She does not tolerate any nonsense
from anybody who is around her no matter your level.
The lessons to be learnt from her life include:

a. to be prayerful
b. to be faithful
c. to be reliable
d. to be obedient to the word of God
e. to be hardworking
60
Mrs. Martha Ugwuanyi exclaimed:

S. O. Onah popularly known as Nnemuruoha is a woman
of faith. She always stands out for truth and nothing but
truth. For her, truth must be defended at all times.
Nnemuruoha Onah believes strongly in the Word of God
in Prov. 12:19 which says that truthful lips endure forever
but a lying tongue is but for a moment. Her quest for truth
has made her not to accept all that she hears but searches
for truth. She can best be described as a truthful mother
who stands by truth no matter what happens. At 70 years,
her quest for truth is quite commendable. She is known
for belief in truth and will be so much remembered for her
truthful life.
Nnemuruoha Onah, keep on with your quest for truth as it

is the only remedy that will set our society free from
corruption, maladministration, injustice, fraud, etc.
In a very simply and remarkable words, Mrs. Christiana

Ogbodo testifies about Nnemuruoha Onah:
Nnemuruoha Onah is my in-law. She is a woman of

substance that would always stand for her right and would
also vehemently defend the rights of others, especially the
downtrodden. Her prayer life and leadership role both
61
within and outside her family are worthy of emulation. In

fact, her life is a clear sign that it pays to be good and
virtuous.
Mrs. Immaculate N. Onah laid bare her mind about

Nnemuruoha Onah in the following words:
Nnemuruoha Susanna Onah is truly a virtuous woman. As

a little child, I grew up to know her as my mother, role
model and confidant. She is a woman with a golden heart,
though she does not tolerate laziness or any form of
nonsense. I owe whatever I am today to her since my
father died when I was barely a year but Mama took it
upon herself to raise me and my siblings up
singlehandedly, with the help of God. Nnemuruoha is a
woman to reckon with any time any day. Her good
qualities can be likened to that of Virgin Mary. I pray God
to continue to keep her in sound health of mind and body
so that she will reap fully the fruits of her labour.
62
REFERENCES
Akam, J. B. (1995). The Oracle of Wisdom: Towards

Philosophic Equipoise. Enugu: Gostak Printing and
Publishing
Akam, J. B. (2008). Prayer: A Life Guide. Enugu:

Gostak Printing and Publishing
Catechism of the Catholic Church (1994). Ibadan: St.

Pauls
Ferrrante, J. (2008). Sociology: A Global Perspectives 7th

ed. USA: Thomas Learning Inc
LaHaye, T. (2002). Why you act the way you do. Benin:
Joint Heirs Publications
Munroe, M. (1984). Becoming a Leader: Everyone can

do it. Lanham: Pneuma Life Publishing
Ndubisi, E. J. O. (2012). Becoming Your Best: Bringing

Out the Hidden You (Revised edition). (Onitsha:
Imagine Realities).
Ndubisi, E. J. O. (2016). Studies in Peace and Conflict

Resolution: An Introduction. Onitsha: Bechor
Productions.
71
Ndubisi, E. J. O. and Onwudinjo, V. G. (2017). “J. B.

Akam and the Culture of Excellence: Implications for
Nigerian Youths” in E. J. O. Ndubisi and P. O. Ejikeme
(Eds.). Society and Human Development: Essays in
Honour of J. B. Akam. Benin: Bobpeco Publishers. Pp.
119 – 139.
Ndubisi, E. J. O. and Udoh, V. C. (2015). “Gender

Inequality: A Challenge to Sustainable Development”.
International Journal of Gender and Development
Issues, Vol. 1. NO. 4. Pp. 147 – 154.
Wikipedia (2020). “Discipline” retrieved from:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/discipline (Accessed:
10th February, 2020).
72
PART B
TOPICAL
ISSUES
73
CHAPTER TWELVE
LET PEACE REIGN
Respect yourself enough to say “I deserve peace” and walk away from people
or things that prevent you from attaining it. – Jerico Silvers
E very day, people talk about the need for peace:

peace of mind, family, nation and the world at
large. There is hardly a day that will pass by
without one or two persons discussing the need for peace.
Many thinkers and scholars have written many works
concerning the need for peace. This is why I maintain that
peace is a necessary commodity for human existence.
The goal of every human person, according
to Aristotle, is happiness. This means that every human
person desires and works for the actualization of
happiness, either consciously or unconsciously.
Happiness is generally defined as a state of well-being. It
is a state of contentment and deep joy. I make bold to say
that the fullness of happiness is peace. Invariably, every
human person desires peace. Peace is the yearning of
human race. Kaitholil (1996) avers that “Peace is one of
the deepest desires of every person” (p. 10). The
existential fact is that both the rich and the poor need
peace; the high and the low need peace; the white and the
black need peace; the Christian and the Muslim need
peace. In fact, peace constitutes basic human need
74
irrespective of ethnic, religious, geographical, political,

social or educational backgrounds. Peace is an essential
commodity worth fighting for. In discussing the necessity
of peace, St. Augustine of Hippo has this to say:
For what else is victory
than the conquest of
those who resist us? and
when this is done there
is peace. It is therefore
with the desire for peace
that wars are waged,
even by those who take
pleasure in exercising
their warlike nature in
command and battle.
And hence it is obvious
that peace is the end
sought for by war. For
every man seeks peace
by waging war, but no
man seeks war by
making peace. For even
they who intentionally
interrupt the peace in
which they are living
75
have no hatred of peace,

but only wish it changed
into a peace that suits
them better. They do
not, therefore wish to
have no peace, but only
one more to their mind
(St. Augustine as cited
in Fagothey, 1981, p.
519).
The view of St. Augustine shows that peace is the basic
desire of every human person. Humanity cannot progress
in the absence of peace.
Generally, the concept, peace, is seen as a state of

harmony that is characterized by lack of violence, conflict
behaviours and the freedom from fear of violence. This
understanding presupposes that peace is not simply the
absence of violence but also freedom from fear of
violence. Peace has to do with the tranquility of mind.
Peace is a state free from oppressive and unpleasant
thoughts and emotions.
Etymologically, the concept, peace, is a derivative of the

Latin word 'Pax' which simply means freedom from civil
76
disorder. In the true sense of the word, peace is not just the
absence of war or freedom from civil disorder but the
presence of love. “Peace is the fruit of love” (Kaithalil,
1996, p. 23).
Therefore, true peace means harmony with oneself,
neighbours and environment. Peace begins with an
individual. No person can give what he/she does not have.
The person who does not possess peace cannot give peace
to another person. We cannot look for peace outside when
we do not have it within us. Peace does not come by itself,
we have to work for it; we have to train for peace. This
chapter is a guide towards training for peace. According
to David Francis of the Department of Peace Studies,
University of Bradford, peace is primarily concerned
with creating and maintaining a just order in the society.
He further highlighted on the six meanings of peace:
In general, six meanings of peace are
agreed on by many peace researchers
including; peace as the absence of
war (absence of direct violence),
peace as justice and development
(absence of structural violence),
peace as respect and tolerance
between people, peace as Gaia
(balance in and with the ecosphere),
inner peace (Spiritual peace), and
77
peace as 'wholeness' and 'making

whole' (Francis, 2009, pp. 17-18).
It is God's plan that we should dwell in peace. Peace
means being in good relationship with all. It is peace
that brings the fullness of happiness to human heart.
Humanity needs peace. Nigeria needs peace. Africa
needs peace. We need global peace. Let me state
categorically here that violence cannot give humanity
lasting peace. The only sure way to a lasting peace is
dialogue. Violence can only bring destruction, not
construction. It is only peace that builds. The essence of
this book is to engender peace – harmony and order
among human beings irrespective of colour, tribe,
states, position, religion, culture, political party, etc.
Peace is a conditio sine qua non for authentic human
existence.
References
Fagothey, A. (1981). Fagothey's Right and Reason:
Ethics in Theory and Practice, 7th ed. Revised by Milton
A. Gonslaves. London: The C. V. Mosby Company
Francis, D. J. (2009). “Peace and Conflict Studies: An

African Overview of Basic Concepts” in Shedrack
Gaya Best (ed.). Ibadan: Spectrum Books Limited. Pp.
15 – 34.
78
Kaitholil, G. (1996). Make Peace Your Target.

Bangalore: St. Pauls
*This chapter is an extract from my book: Studies in Peace and

Conflict Resolution: An Introduction (Onitsha: Bechor
Productions, 2016), Pp. 2 – 6.
79
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE: A PHILOSOPHICAL
SEARCH FOR AN AUTHENTIC EXISTENCE*
He is the happiest, be he king or peasant who finds peace in his home.
– Goethe
Introduction
Marriage is a union of a man and a woman as life
partners. This is the general notion about marriage. It is
the coming together of two people as husband and wife.
Simply put, marriage is a social institution whereby
spouses engage in a contract that establishes rights and
obligations between them. This implies that marriage
entails intimate relationship between spouses. A husband
and a wife are expected to interact with each other in a
deeper level. But experience has shown that as spouses
interact and try to find meaning in their marriage, they
oftentimes disagree about issues and also quarrel about
certain things. Conflict in marriage is the aspect of
reality that stares everybody in the face. It is what we
witness every day. We have witnessed series of conflict
between husbands and wives. The talk about marital
conflict is simply stating the obvious. Our contemporary
society has witnessed different levels of marital conflict.
It is a historical fact that there are some spouses who
killed their partner as a result of marital conflict. Also, we
have witnessed some spouses sustaining indelible injury
80
and some marriages broken because of improper

handling of martial conflict.
Conflict in marriage is an existential reality. But the

pertinent questions that disturb the mind of the researcher
are: Does marriage authenticate its existence in conflict?
What actually is authentic existence in marriage? The
attempt to address these and the related questions is the
thrust of this study. The study presents a general notion of
conflict and marital conflict; it analyzed, in brief, some
common factors for marital conflict. The study further
discusses on the authentic existence in marriage. It points
out some tips for authentic existence in marriage and later
ends with a conclusion.
Conflict and Marital Conflict: A Brief Exposé

From its etymological understanding, the term, conflict,
is derived from the Latin word “confligere” which simply
means to clash or to strike together. The implication of
this etymological understanding is that conflict occurs
when two things or more clash. Conflict is a phenomenon
that we observe each day. Both the living and the non-
living things experience conflict in varied ways and
degrees. However, our concern here is the type of conflict
that exists among human beings.
81
Among human beings, conflict has to do with the clash of

interests between two or more persons. Conflict is also a
kind of contradiction that arises among people that share
varied ideological systems, religious beliefs, cultural
values, family and social backgrounds, among others. It is
a struggle between two or more opponents. Kriesberg
(1993) sees conflict as a “relationship between two or
more parties who feel they have incompatible goals' (p.
17). This implies that when there are mutually exclusive
goals, conflict is bound to arise. In this sense, conflict is
also referred to as an act of antagonism, strife, or hostility.
Conflict arises when people have opposing views about a
particular thing. Ojiji (2009) observes that “Conflict is
said to occur when one party perceives the action of
another as blocking the opportunity for the attainment of a
goal” (p. 117). The fact is that when two persons strive for
something which both of them cannot have, conflict
abounds. Conflict oftentimes arises when two persons or
more stick to different methods for dealing with a
particular situation. Conflict is that aspect of reality that
stares everybody in the face. It is a result of human
interaction and interrelationship. It means that we cannot
talk of any human interaction that is absolutely devoid of
conflict.
82
Conflict in marriage is a kind of disagreement or deep

misunderstanding that exists between a husband and
wife. Nwude (1995) sees marital conflict as a kind of
struggle that exists between spouses. Conflict arises in
marriage as a result of improper handling of family and
other related issues. Omeje (2014) opined that “Marital
conflict is not just a difference or disagreement of
opinion. Rather it is a series of events that have been
poorly handled in a marriage relationship” (p. 10).
Marital conflict can be very destructive or constructive
depending on how it is handled. This means that the
nature of conflict is not all about negativity. Marital
conflict, if properly handled, has the capacity to bring
about growth and development between a husband and a
wife.
Common Factors for Conflict in Marriage

Every spouse is a unique and distinct being. And so no
two married couple are exactly the same. The way and
manner a particular married couple interact may not be
exactly the way and manner another married couple
interact. What may constitute a factor for conflict in one
family may not be given any significant consideration in
another family. The fact is that factors for conflict in
marriage vary; they are highly dependent on the
83
individual couple and their environment. This

notwithstanding, it has been observed that there are some
common factors for conflict in marriage. We shall make
attempt to highlight some of them below:
Different Backgrounds
Traditionally, a man and a woman that unite in marriage
are not likely to come from the same family background.
They may not even come from the same cultural,
educational, or social background. So for the fact that
they share varied views about things and issues in life
constitute a factor for conflict. History records of a
Christian man marrying a Moslem woman; a Nigerian
marrying an American.
Prejudice
This is another factor for marital conflict. Prejudice has to
do with preconceived idea about the other person. It also
has to do with misunderstanding of the actions of the
other person without any rationally justifiable basis.
Experience has shown many conflict situations in
marriage that lingered for years because of prejudice. In
this type of scenario, the man would think that the woman
is not sincere to him; and so he finds fault in whatever the
woman does; and vice versa. Prejudice also has to do with
84
the act of being judgmental about the behaviours of

another. The major problem of prejudice is that it blurs the
vision of the prejudiced and makes him/her not to see
things as they really are. This is a serious factor for marital
conflict.
Infidelity
Another major factor for conflict in marriage is infidelity.
This has to do with a situation whereby either the husband
or the wife engages in extramarital affair. It is a breach of
marital contract. In marriage, both husband and wife
promised to be faithful to each other. So any attempt to
break the promise brings about a situation of marital
conflict. Infidelity, it has been observed, is a potential
time bomb. Experience shows that infidelity could be as a
result of keeping wrong company, denial of sex by either
the husband or the wife, maintaining intimacy with an old
friend, a colleague or a business partner; lack of self-
control, lack of affection, lack of sexual fulfilment from
the spouse, lack of active sex life, lack of emotional
intimacy, among others. The point is that no matter the
cause, infidelity is a serious factor for many broken
marriages in our contemporary society.
85
Financial Problem
It is said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The
same can be said of marital conflict. Love of money is a
factor for conflict in marriage. Anderson (2011) observes
that financial problem is an age-long factor for marital
conflict. She noted that “if left unchecked, financial
problems can ultimately destroy a marriage” (para. 1).
Financial problems occur when the spouses do not
practice joint-spending or when a particular spouse does
not want the partner to know about his/her income. This
brings about suspicion which triggers marital conflict.
Other issues relating to financial problems in marriage
include living above one's income, careless and
unplanned spending, being too materialistic, economic
hardship, etc. The fact is that the way financial issues are
handled can either make or mar marriage relationship.
Fox, Benson, De Maris and Van Wyk (2002) and Benson,
Fox, De Maris and Van Myk (2003) argued that financial
problems engender serious marital conflict especially
among young couples.
External Influence
One of the easiest ways for conflict to arise in marriage is
through the external influence. External influence could
be in-laws, brothers, sisters, friends, colleagues, etc.
86
These people, if not properly checked, can constitute a

serious factor for conflict in marriage. They interfere in
the affairs of the spouses and oftentimes wield
unnecessary influence. But the fact is that they can only
interfere if the spouses allow them. In our contemporary
society, the negative influence of the social media cannot
be overemphasized. Couple should use the social media
and not allow the social media to use them.
Infertility / Late Arrival of Children

It is a general belief among African people that one of the
reasons for marriage is procreation. So as soon as a
marriage is contracted and there is delay in the arrival of
children, misunderstanding may ensue. Late arrival of
children could be as a result of infertility or some
medical problems. It could also be as a result of
ignorance on the part of the couple. Experience has
shown that there are some couples that lack adequate
knowledge about ovulation and the related issues. This
lack of proper knowledge may constitute a cause for late
arrival of children. Be it as it may, infidelity / late arrival
of children, if not properly handled, can lead to marital
breakdown.
87
Male-child Preference
There is this general notion that a male-child is preferred
to a female-child. This preference, according to Seager
(2009) is attributed to religious, cultural and economic
factors. And as such, every couple, especially in Nigeria,
would like to have a male-child. So the inability to have a
male-child has constituted a major factor for marital
conflict. Omeje (2014) argues that this attitude of male-
child preference “is more common in Igbo culture in
particular than in any other part of Nigeria. In extreme
cases, the husband is tempted to abuse, maltreat and send
his wife to her father's house as a result of not meeting with
his sex of a child desire. With this ugly situation in place,
marital conflict becomes evident” (p. 23).
So far we have been able to outline some common factors

for marital conflict. But one particular question is still
unanswered: Is marriage existentially authenticated in
conflict? The attempt to address this particular question is
the concern of the next subtopic
Authentic Existence in Marriage

Authentic existence is a very well-known expression in
existentialism. Existentialism is a school of thought in
philosophy that is concerned with human existence.
88
Omoregbe (2003) states that existentialism is “a

philosophy preoccupied with what it means for a human
being to exist” (p. 38). For the existentialists, authentic
existence simply means a way of life that actually
asserts one's own individuality and freedom (Sartre,
1969; Heidegger, 1973).
For the existentialists, human existence
does not simply mean 'being there',
human existence is a drama in which
every individual is an actor. To exist is to
be personally involved in the drama of life
as an actor rather than as a passive
spectator. To exist means to be personally
committed to a freely chosen way of life;
it means being conscious of the problems
of human life with all the choices open to
man and freely opting for a certain way of
life while assuming full personal
responsibility for it. To exist is to be at the
helm of one's affairs, personally directing
its main course. It means really living
one's own life the way one has freely
chosen and assuming responsibility for it
(Omoregbe, 2003, p. 38).
89
From the analysis of Omoregbe above, one can easily

deduce that authentic existence has to do with an
individual living a life that is characterized by free
choice and also assuming responsibility for the choices
made. Authentic existence is all about being real with
life. It means not doing things simply because others are
doing them or because it is customary to do so, but
because one is convinced and has chosen to do so.
Authentic existence means defining one's own life by
oneself.
In marital life, authentic existence is the actualization of

peace and happiness of the spouses. It is an existential
fact that there are many factors for conflict in marriage
(as discussed earlier), but I wish to make bold to say that
authentic existence in marriage is not in fanning the
flames of conflict; it is not in generation of conflict.
Authentic existence in marriage, in the position of this
study, hinges on marital conflict resolution and
management. This means that both parties have to,
individually, choose to make their marriage work
despite the existing factors for conflict. Authentic
existence in marriage is not in counting the number of
times spouses quarreled, but on how the quarrel was
resolved. For sure, there must be conflict in marriage,
but conflict is not the goal of marriage; persistent
90
conflict cannot authenticate marital relationship.

Authentic existence in marriage implies that married
couples have to be actively involved in resolving their
conflict. The approach to conflict situations has to be
based on one's personal conviction. It therefore
presupposes that from the outset, the union between a
man and a woman in marriage has to be based on
individual freedom. For sure, conflict in marriage is a
given; but to existentially authenticate marriage
relationship, we must find a way of either resolving the
conflict or make effort to manage it. Conflict resolution
has to do with employing practical means to address
conflict situation. It presupposes that conflict exists, and
therefore makes effort to eliminate it. Miller (2003),
observes that conflict resolution deals with “a variety of
approaches aimed at terminating conflicts through the
constructive solving of problems …” (p. 8). In a
marriage relationship, conflict resolution is most
desirable. However, in a situation where a particular
marital conflict cannot be practically resolved, it can as
well be managed. Conflict management, as distinct from
conflict resolution, is an attempt to control a conflict
situation in order to reduce its negative and destructive
effects. This is where the advice of professionals in the
field of conflict resolution and management should be
sought for.
91
Marriage has to do with friendly relationship. This is

possible only when the spouses choose to make it so. The
existential fact is that, essentially, it is not in the hands of
anybody outside the married couple to authenticate their
marital existence. This is practically the work of the
spouses themselves. Therefore, in order to truly affirm
and maintain authentic existence in marriage, we shall
look at some tips in the next subtopic that follows.
Tips for Authentic Existence in Marriage

To help married couples experience authentic existence
in marriage, the following recommendations have to be
heeded to:
· Married couples have to learn to accept and adjust
to their individual and background differences.
· They have to learn to forgive each other; no one
should keep record of offences.
· Both parties have to be disposed to learn from
each other objectively. They must learn how to
respect each other's point of view and also differ
with another' viewpoint without insulting each
other.
· They have to share their problems and also seek
92
for solutions together.

· There is need for married couples to be properly
educated on the basic marriage principles; they
should constantly attend workshops, seminars and
other related programmes on marital relationship.
· They should not allow external influence (in-laws,
friends, etc.) to constantly and unduly interfere in
their marital relationship.
· They should always create time for each other and
be truly committed to the marital relationship.
· Each party has to be seen to be transparent; they
should not give room for suspicion of any kind.
· Spouses should not use derogatory words about
the personality of the other.
· Do not form the habit of reading your partner's
mind; it is better to ask a direct question rather than
presuming the action of the other party; this can
lead to misinterpretations.
· Always remember that your marital relationship is
very vital; so do everything humanly possible to
keep it.
· Spouses should be able to discuss their sexual
preferences with each other and be sexually
contented with each other.
93
· They have to go for medical treatment together, in

case of late arrival of children and also abide by
professional medical advice.
· Married couples should be willing to accept the
gift of a child irrespective of the sex.
· They have to learn to manage their finances
together and also practice prudent spending.
· Above all, married couple MUST truly love each
other.
· If spouses are believers in God, they should
cultivate the habit of constantly praying together.
Conclusion
So far, we have been able to discuss some common
factors for marital conflict. I must say that the ability of
one to understand the common factors for conflict in
marriage will dispose one to know that conflict is a must-
come in marriage. Conflict in marriage is a reality.
However, we must note that conflict in marriage, if not
properly handled, is antithetical to authentic marital
relationship. Therefore, I wish to state categorically that
the authentic existence of married couples is not in
generation of conflict, but in knowing how best to
properly handle any form of conflict with ease. Yes,
94
conflict is inevitable in marriage, but no marriage can

authenticate its existence in conflict. This is an existential
fact that must not elude us in this existential world.
It is the strong belief of this study that if the few

suggestions outlined above are adhered to, married
couples will experience authentic existence. Therefore,
there is need for every married couple to work together in
order not to lose sight of the goal of the human person –
happiness (and the fullness of happiness – peace). The
existential implication of the above viewpoint is that
whatever may try to constitute a cog in the wheel of a
happy and peaceful married life should be discarded from
its root. We must remember that human beings are not
perfect beings. It is also an existential fact that there is no
perfect match in marriage. Conflict in marriage must
come, but on no account should the happiness of the
spouses be jeopardized or compromised. This is an
existential fact that should not be ignored if we really
need to have authentic existence in marriage in our
society.
References
Anderson, S. (2011), “5 Financial Mistakes that ruin your
marriage”. Retrieved from www.fobes.com (accessed:
11th September, 2016).
95
Benson, M. L., Fox, G. L., De Maris, A. and Van Wyk, J.,

(2003). Neighbourhood disadvantage, individual
economic distress and violence against women n
intimate relationship” Journal of Quantitative
Criminology, vol. 19; Pp. 207 – 235.
Fox, G. L., Benson, M. L., De Maris, A. and Van Wyk, J.,

(2002). “Economic distress and intimate partner
violence: Testing family stress and resources theories.”
Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 64; Pp. 793 – 807.
Heidegger, M., (1973). Being and Time. Oxford: Basil

Blackwell
Kriesberg, L. (1993). “Ethnicity, Nationalism and

Violent Conflict in the 1990s” in Peace Studies Bulletin.
Miller, C. A. (2003). A Glossary of Terms and Concepts
in Peace and Conflict Studies. Geneva: University for
Peace.
Nwude, O. (1995). Aims and Purpose of Marriage.

Benin City: Etio Computers.
Ojiji, O. (2009). “Conflict Handling Styles” in Shedrack

Gaya Best (ed.). Ibadan: Spectrum Books Limited. Pp.
116 – 129.
Omeje, L. N., (2014). Dominance, Educational Level

and Child-sex as Predictors of Marital conflict in
Nsukka L. G. A. (An Unpublished Master? s Thesis,
96
Department of Psychology, University of Nigeria

Nsukka).
Omoregbe, J. I., (2003). A Simplified History of Western

Philosophy, vol. 3. Lagos: Joja Educations and Research
Publishers Limited.
Satre, J-P, (1969). Being and Nothingness. London:

Metheun
Seager, J. I. (2009). The Penguin Atlas of Women in the

World. New York: Penguin Group
*This chapter was originally published in International Digital

Organization for Scientific Research (IDOSR) Journal of
Experimental Sciences 2(2); 2017. Pp. 1-11. It is republished here
with a little modification from the original paper.
97
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
GENDER INEQUALITY AND NSUKKA
CULTURAL PRACTICE: AN EVALUATION
Introduction
The fact that our world is a world of opposites is an existential

reality. Very often we talk of up and down; north and south; good
and evil; east and west; positive and negative; tall and short; we and
them; male and female; etc. The fact of being male or female is a
biological construct; but the determination of the roles of a
particular sex is a social construct. This means that it is the society
that makes the distinction between two sexes – male and female –
and assigns different roles to each. This is why it is said that a child
is born with his/her sex but develops himself/herself in accordance
with the roles the society assigned to the particular sex. This sex
role is the basis for gender identity, gender differences or gender
inequality that is experienced in every society. The concern of this
little write-up is to critically examine the various aspects of gender
inequality in the cultural practice of the Igbo people from Nsukka
area, especially as it affects the female folk. It is also the thrust of
this paper to x-ray the evils of gender inequality and also to proffer
some solutions. But before we go further, it is pertinent that we take
a brief look at the meaning of gender inequality.
98
since a woman is to be married out of the family, she has no

right of inheritance. Women are not regarded as part of the
family per se.
(b) Mischievous Widowhood Practice: The culture of

Nsukka people encourages the maltreatment of widows. It
has been observed that in the case of the death of a husband,
the wife is often suspected to be the killer and is made to
pass through several inhuman treatments. It is a general
practice within Nsukka area that widows are forced to drink
the water used to bathe their dead husbands in order to
prove their innocence. But when the wife dies, the husband
does not go through such ill-treatment. Also, in the
Traditional Nsukka society, widows are not allowed to
move outside the house for any business transaction or
work. Their movement is highly restricted. This restriction
can be for a period of one year (all in the name of mourning
the husband).
(c) The Case of Adultery: In cases of adultery, NCP stipulates

varied punishments for a women but none for men. It is a
very big taboo for a married woman to be caught having an
affair with another man. In the cultural practice of Nsukka
people, a husband is free to have concubines but the wife is
restricted only to her husband. This is really discriminatory
101
since both men and women have sexual feelings.
(d) Wife Inheritance: NCP sees women as mere property to be

acquired. It is a general practice among Nsukka people that
when a husband dies and especially if the wife of the
deceased is still young, one of the blood relations
(especially the eldest in the family) of the deceased inherits
the wife of the deceased as his own wife. Culturally, the
wife is asked to live with the 'second husband' even against
her own personal choice. This is a serious infringement on
the Fundamental Human Rights.
(e) Disregard of Women in Family Discussions: Among the

people of Nsukka area, women are often disregarded in
family and community discussions. There is this cultural
practice of excluding women in serious family or
community discussions. It is believed that there is nothing
good or sensible that can come from a woman. This is why
such expression as “Okwu nwanyi” (woman's talk) is used
in a derogatory sense. However, experience has shown that
intelligence is not measured by the sex that one belongs to.
This is an existential fact that hitherto has eluded most
people in the Traditional Nsukka society.
(f) Unjust Treatment of Women: There are varied unjust

treatments meted out against women. Culturally, women
102
A Brief Understanding of Gender Inequality
The idea of gender fundamentally manifests the differences we

observe between both sexes especially from the point of view of a
particular society. Sociologists and Gender Philosophers have
varied views on the reality of gender. Ferrante understood gender
as “a social distinction based on culturally conceived and learned
ideals about appropriate appearances, behavior, and mental and
emotional characteristics for males and females.”1 For Kendall
gender simply refers to the culturally and socially constructed
differences between females and males.2 The implication of the
above views is that gender is an attitude of the mind of the society.
It has to do with the way a particular society sees the reality of
being male or female.
By a simple definition, gender inequality has to do with unequal

treatment given to a person or group of persons on the basis of
being male or female. It is an outright discrimination because of
the simple fact that a person is a male or female. The reality of
gender discrimination or gender inequality is what we observe in
our society every day. Experience has shown that women3 are
always at the receiving end. It is believed that this world is a man's
world. A world where men are always at the top; a world where the
99
rights of women are always trampled upon and nobody speaks

simply because a woman is involved. Gender inequality can further
be said to be an attitude of the mind of people in a particular society.
This is because of the fact that the roles assigned to women or men
in a particular society may not be the same in another society. The
ways and manners women are treated in Nsukka cultural area may
not be the same in other societies. Therefore, we shall now take a
quick look at the discriminations against women as enshrined in
Nsukka Cultural Practice.
Manifest Gender Inequality in Nsukka Cultural Practice
Culture has to do with the totality of the way of life of a people. It is

culture that beats and moulds a person into a particular shape. It
makes a person think, behave, dance or worship in a particular way.
There are many cultural practices among the people of Nsukka
cultural area. But one thing we must note is that Nsukka Cultural
Practice (NCP) gives credence to gender inequality. However, the
concern of this paper as stated earlier is on those cultural practices
that are discriminatory to women. Below are some of the
manifestations of gender inequality observable in NCP:
(a) Women Disinheritance: Among the people of Nsukka
area, it is a taboo for a woman to lay claim of inheritance to
her father's or husband's property. There is this belief that
100
are not allowed to climb trees even when there is need for it.
In a quarrel between a husband and wife, the wife is always
guilty. There is this cultural belief that a husband cannot be
wrong in a case against his wife. Also, women are not given
the opportunity to realize their leadership potentials in the
midst of men.
It is good to note that there are other discriminatory cultural

practices against women in Nsukka area, but the above mentioned
will suffice because of the very limited nature of this paper.
Concluding Reflections
We have observed that gender inequality is an ideology; it is a kind

of worldview that guides the way people think or relate in a
particular society with reference to the reality of one being male or
female. This observation implies that gender inequality is not
innate. It is something we learnt from our environment and as such,
it can be changed with a new and more rational ideology – gender
equality. The fact is that the manifestations of gender inequality in
Nsukka cultural area are against the Fundamental Human Rights.
They are also against the humanity of the human person. The
cultural practices as highlighted above are barbaric, wicked, unjust
and inhuman and as such, militate against the holistic human
103
development. This is the major reason this paper calls for

ideological revolution in this regard. The fact that one is male or
female does not make one to be more human or less human than the
other. We must note that both men and women share equally in the
humanity of the human person. Both sexes share in the same
substance of the human person.4 The position of this paper is that if
both men and women share equally in the humanity of the human
person, it therefore follows to say that it is irrational to continue to
talk of gender discrimination, especially in this 21st century.
It is the strong position of this paper that since men and women are
equally human, there should not be any form of discrimination
between the sexes. Therefore, in order to eliminate the
discriminatory Nsukka cultural practice as highlighted above, the
following recommendations are made:
a. There should be a total change in the way male folk looks
down on the women folk.
b. Girl child education should be highly encouraged.
c. Husbands should be made to understand the necessity of

writing a WILL as this will help to reduce women
disinheritance.
d. Government should make laws that will protect the

Fundamental Human Rights of women.
104
e. There is need for Government to establish Gender

Violation Monitoring Agencies within the localities.
f. Traditional Rulers and Mass Media should help to

sensitize the people on the need for implementation and
practice of gender equality.
g. The Men and Women of the Bar and the Bench should help
to protect women's rights from their professional point of
view.
h. Religious leaders and NGOs should rise up against the
inhuman treatment against women.
i. Women and men should see themselves as equals and not

rivals.
Conclusion
So far, this paper has made effort to analyze the meaning of gender
inequality and also to highlight its traits in the cultural practice of
Nsukka people. From our discussions, it is quite clear that gender
inequality, especially as enumerated above, is inhuman and
barbaric. Hence, there is need to eradicate all cultural practices
that discriminate against women. It is the view of this paper that if
the recommendations made above are religiously followed and
implemented, they will go a long way towards eradicating all
105
kinds of discriminatory cultural practices against women in Nsukka

area. Finally, this paper concludes that as rational beings, the only
rational thing to do is to provide equal opportunity to men and
women in everything that pertains to the human person.
Notes
1. J. Ferrante, Sociology: A Global Perspectives 7th ed. (USA:
Thomas Learning Inc., 2008), p. 269
2. D. Kendall, Sociology in Our Times: The Essentials 3rd ed.
(Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 2002), p. 288.
3. The use of the term 'woman' (or women for plural) should
be understood as a generic term for female sex.
4. Our knowledge of substance and accidents will help us to
appreciate the point being made here. For details see, J. M.
de Torre, Christian Philosophy, (Philippines: Vere-Reyes,
Inc., 1980), Pp 82 – 87; J. Omoregbe, Metaphysics Without
Tears: A Systematic and Historic Study (Lagos: Joja
Educational Research and Publishers Ltd., 2004), Pp 143 –
144; S. E. Stumpf & J. Fieser, Philosophy: History and
Problems 6th ed. (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2003), Pp 81 –
86.
106

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The Virtuous Woman: Reflections on Nnemuruoha Susanna Onyemaechi Onah

The Virtuous Woman:

Dr. Ejikemeuwa J. O. Ndubisi

Nnemuruoha Susanna Onyemaechi Onah

I sincerely thank God for the inspiration to write

Picture of Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah

Profile of Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah

Part A: Reflections on Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah

Part B: Topical Issues

The young Susanna Onyemaechi Ezenwa started her

was truncated when she went to Sapele as a house help.

The unquenchable desire to further her education led

Sequel to her good moral upbringing, personal integrity,

desire of every young man. Many suitors came asking for

As a disciplined, prayerful, entrepreneurial and focused

As a committed and dedicated Christian, Mrs. Onah was

patronesses of Man of Order and Discipline (MOD),

It is said that the golden fish has no hiding place. It is also a

Nnemuruoha Onah is a humanitarian who always show

great concern in the affairs of the needy and the

Nnemuruoha Onah is richly blessed with six (6)

T he concept, virtue, is generally defined as the

It is important to note that there are principally two kinds

The book in your hands: The Virtuous Woman:

immediate environment are testimonies of her

I n a general sense, excellence has to do with the best;

The name, Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah, rings a bell of

One does not need to come in contact with Nnemuruoha

Excellence is an acquired quality; it is a quality that can

One remarkable thing about Nnemuruoha Onah is that

It is important to note that a person of excellence is not

continuum. Ndubisi (2012) explains:

Life of excellence is a possibility but it requires strong

T he human person is a contingent being. This

Nnemuruoha's understanding of prayer is like an

water. This explains in practical terms Nnemuruoha's

Mama's life of prayer is too glaring and contagious such

Nnemuruoha Onah's life of prayer is that of total

children and those around her: “When you leave

One thing to note about Mama's life of prayer is that

I t is a truism that imperfection is part of human

Experience has shown that some friends, families, close

Nnemuruoha S. O. Onah, following her temperament,

It has been observed by some people that Nnemuruoha

has the structure or the aura of a military personnel.

Nnemuruoha Onah cannot withstand the cry and plea of

Mama would always ask: “If I don't forgive a person that

effects of forgiveness as understood by Nnemuruoha

The point here is that we should learn, just like

I t is an existential truism that knowing and doing are

From the insight above, it follows that a disciplinarian is

For those who have come in close contact with

Nnemuruoha Onah believes strongly that one of the

Having given a brief understanding of the notion of

chastity of the unmarried, the married and the widowed,

of virgins. We do not praise any one of them

The above citation is an affirmation that life of chastity is

widow were as a result of her not yielding to the sexual