Echoes of pursuit

It will be a mistake to believe that the hazy erect structures at the horizon to be a sign of civilization. The
crags at the far horizon stand staunch. The wispy young man trailed across the ground. With a blunt
grunt, he dragged himself in his ravaged clothes towards the crag in hope of refuge from his pursuers.

Fatigue had inebriated him. A thunk. The man clasped his knees and huddled himself close together. A
faint attempt to let out a cry only resulted in whimpers, sobs and copious amount of tears. Sunlight was
receding from the parched land. Magenta clouds dominated the sky. Occasional white streaks of clouds
could be seen etched across the lilac canvas. The land became bleaker. Wind caressed the man. It was as
if nature had heard his plea for help.

Cold was scratching the man’s bare skin on his legs. He rubbed his eyes and rolled over to face the sky. A
long time, as it seemed to him, he laid there stargazing. With revitalized mind and body, he raised up. His
amble leaving indentations on the sand.

A stable of stallions raced across the vast plain towards the crags. The pursuers were certain that with
wounds lacing the captive’s body must have compelled him to find shelter in that crag, which was within
two miles of radius near the penal colony.

The man had ben hiding in a crevice in the mountain crag. He had spent the entire night to try to scale
the route to that crevice. Suppressing the crevice’s efficacy in concealing him, he put his mind on how to
avert capture. While he was piecing together a somewhat realistic plan, a weak sound of hooves beating
against the earth in unison squeezed his heart. He pressed himself close against the crevice walls and
repressed his breath in his chest. His ears pricked. His eyes unblinking. His limbs stiffened. The man kept
waiting and praying.

The thump of slow trod of horses and boots grew more distinct. He had to act. He could not afford to get
executed after going through all the hassle to escape the exile colony. If caught, he would surely be hung
for crimes he never committed. A burst of motion seized his rigid body. His rugged breath and frantic
strides across the sandy terrain was not left unattended. A horde of five men followed the man’s trail.

The passage facing him led to a dead end. There was another passage that might lead to escape if he
could make a jump for it. A fall from that height straight into the ravine would lead to imminent death as
would facing his pursuers. The dilemma made him scream in his head. The uniformed men appeared
behind him as they swerved about the turn to the passage. A bullet was fired instantly at the convict.
The man on his impulse dashed forward and seceded himself from the ground. He was falling.

A flaky rock protruding from the vertical walls of the ravine hit his right hand. He was immediately
cascading along with the other debris of rocks down towards the ravine. Fortunately, another rock
sticking out from the wall impeded his descent. He landed on his knees and then falling on his face
embracing the dry surface. Blood oozed out from his nose and cuts. He lost consciousness. All he
remembered was the piercing exchange of gunshots above.
Strengths:

Imagery and Descriptive Language: The essay excels in creating vivid imagery that allows the reader to
visualize the scenes and empathize with the protagonist's plight. Descriptions like "Magenta clouds
dominated the sky" and "Wind caressed the man" evoke strong sensory experiences.

Tension and Suspense: The narrative effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the reader
engaged and invested in the outcome of the protagonist's escape attempt. The use of short, impactful
sentences heightens the sense of urgency.

Weaknesses:

Repetitive Phrases: There are instances where certain phrases are repeated, such as "the man" and "the
crag," which can detract from the overall flow of the narrative. Varying the language and using synonyms
can help maintain reader interest.

Pacing: While the essay effectively conveys the protagonist's internal struggles and external challenges,
there are moments where the pacing feels slightly slow, particularly in the middle section where the man
is stargazing. Tightening up these sections could enhance the overall momentum of the story.

Possible Improvements:

Character Development: Providing more insight into the protagonist's background, motivations, and
inner thoughts can help readers connect more deeply with the character and understand his actions and
decisions better.

Metaphorical Language: Introducing metaphors or symbolic elements can add layers of meaning to the
narrative and enhance its emotional impact. For example, comparing the man's journey to a
metaphorical struggle for freedom or redemption could enrich the storytelling.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively captures the tension and drama of the protagonist's escape
attempt through strong imagery and descriptive language, there are opportunities to enhance the
narrative through improved pacing, varied language, deeper character development, and the inclusion of
metaphors or symbolic elements. These adjustments can elevate the storytelling and engage readers on
a deeper level.

(Use internal monologue, backstory, relationships, vulnerabilities and reaction to challenges to add
depth to character)
Crag: Symbolizes obstacles and challenges that the protagonist must overcome on his journey to
freedom.

-Sunlight: Represents hope and new beginnings, as well as the passage of time and the cyclical nature of
life.

-Magenta clouds: Symbolize a sense of foreboding or danger, creating a dramatic atmosphere and
hinting at the impending conflict.

-Stallions: Symbolize strength, power, and freedom, contrasting with the protagonist's current state of
vulnerability and captivity.

-Sand: Represents time slipping away, impermanence, and the harsh reality of the desert landscape
where the protagonist finds himself.

-Wind: Symbolizes change, unseen forces at work, and the unpredictable nature of life's circumstances.

-Hooves beating against the earth: Signify imminent danger, pursuit, and the relentless pursuit of justice
or retribution by the pursuers.

-Crevice in the mountain crag: Symbolizes shelter, concealment, and the thin line between safety and
exposure in the protagonist's precarious situation.

-Execution: Represents fear of punishment, guilt, and the consequences of past actions haunting the
protagonist as he struggles to avoid capture.

-Rugged breath and frantic strides: Symbolize desperation, resilience, and determination as the
protagonist fights for survival and freedom in the face of overwhelming odds.