UHV-II: Universal Human

Values – Understanding
harmony and Ethical Human
Conduct
Module 3 – Harmony in the Family and Society
Module 3 – Harmony in the Family and Society (6 lectures & 3 tutorials/ practice sessions)
Lecture 13: Harmony in the Family – the Basic Unit of Human Interaction
Lecture 14: 'Trust' – the Foundational Value in Relationship
Tutorial 7: Practice Session PS7 Exploring the Feeling of Trust
Lecture 15: 'Respect' – as the Right Evaluation
Tutorial 8: Practice Session PS8 Exploring the Feeling of Respect
Lecture 16: Other Feelings, Justice in Human-to-Human Relationship
Lecture 17: Understanding Harmony in the Society
Lecture 18: Vision for the Universal Human Order
Tutorial 9: Practice Session PS9 Exploring Systems to fulfil Human Goal

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Lecture 13
Harmony in the Family – the Basic Unit of Human
Interaction
Lecture 14
'Trust' – the Foundational Value in Relationship
Harmony in the Family
The family is the basic unit or building block of human organisation

The major issue in the family is relationship… fulfilment in relationship

To live in relationship, for fulfilment in relationship, it is essential to understand relationship

Without understanding relationship, it isn’t possible to fulfil relationship…

e.g. Not speaking to each other… for days… opposition, divorce…
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Relationship
These are the four aspects to understand about relationship
1. Relationship is – between one self (I1) and another self (I2)
2. There are feelings in relationship – in one self (I1) for the other self (I2)
3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite (9 Feelings)
4. Their fulfilment, evaluation leads to mutual happiness

We will explore each of these aspects one by one

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1. Relationship is
We are related to each other – whether we understand it or not

The relationship is already there, we only need to understand it

When we understand relationship

− We are able to see that relationship is there
− We are able to accept the relationship and
− think in terms of fulfilling the relationship

When we don’t understand it, the relationship is still there but:

− We are not able to see the relationship
− We are not able to accept the relationship and therefore
− We are not able to fulfill the relationship

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1. Relationship is – between one self (I1) and other self (I2)
Of course the relationship is between one human being and another human being

Now if you look at the human being,

who is recognising the relationship – the self or the body?
who is having feelings in the relationship – the self or the body?

The Self is playing a central role in recognising the relationship… and fulfilling the relationship

So, in that sense,

Relationship is between one self (I1) and other self (I2)
The body is used as an instrument in expressing – as an when required

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2. There are Feelings in Relationship – in one Self (I1) for the other Self (I2)
Feelings are fundamental to relationship
Feelings play a central role in relationship
Check if feelings are of significance in relationship
These feelings are in the Self (not in the Body)
Check if feelings are in the self or body?
We can understand these feelings only when we understand the Self

If we do not understand the Self, we do not understand the feelings… nor the relationship
And when we do not understand relationship, we are unable to fulfil the relationship

The major crisis we are facing in relationship today is because of the failure to understand the
Self… and the feelings in the Self
We are trying to assume relationship on the basis of Body and trying to fulfill relationship on the
basis of Body; and it does not work, inspite of all good intentions

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3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite (9 Feelings)
We can recognise them, investigate them and understand that they are naturally acceptable to
us in relationship with the other human being

These are the 9 feelings

1- Trust fo”okl FOUNDATION VALUE 6- Reverence J)k

2- Respect lEeku 7- Glory xkSjo
3- Affection Lusg 8- Gratitude —rKrk
4- Care eerk 9- Love izse COMPLETE VALUE
5- Guidance okRlY;

Are these feelings naturally acceptable to you?

Are these feelings naturally acceptable to the other? … to everyone?
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3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite (9 Feelings)
Each of us can investigate if these feelings are naturally acceptable to us or not

What is naturally acceptable to you?

Feeling of trust or mistrust, opposition?
Feeling of respect or disrespect?
Feeling of affection or jealousy?
Feeling of care or exploitation?
Feeling of guidance or misguidance, confusion?
Feeling of reverence or irreverence?
Feeling of glory or inglorious feelings?
Feeling of gratitude or ingratitude?
Feeling of love or hatred?

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4. Their fulfilment, evaluation leads to mutual happiness
These feelings are naturally acceptable to me. Therefore Understanding Relationship
when I have these feelings, I am happy
They are naturally acceptable to the other also. Thus, when I
share these feelings with the other, it leads to happiness Acceptance of Relationship
of the other… it leads to mutual happiness
Feeling of Relationship
Find out
Happiness in Me
If you feel happy when you have these feelings (like trust,
respect…) in you?
If the other feels happy when you express feelings like trust,
respect… to the other?
Sharing the Feeling with Other
Can you see that (through Body, as and when required)
The absence of one or more of these feelings leads to
problems in relationship?
Recognition/Evaluation of Feeling
Physical facility can not compensate for lack of feelings? (It is
definitely required for the Body) Happiness in Other
[try to observe what happens to you when the other ignores
you, contradicts you, opposes you…]
Mutual Happiness
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Analysis of Current Situation
If I do not have these feelings, I am unhappy
(I do not have these feelings if I have not understood the Self, not understood relationship, not
understood the feelings in relationship)

If I do not have these feelings in me, I try to get them from the other in so many ways
(agree with the other, do their bidding, wear fashionable clothes, get a special haircut, climb a
mountain peak, etc.)
▪ If the other expresses right feelings to me, I am “happy”
▪ If the other does not express right feelings to me, I am “unhappy”

If the other also does not have these feelings, then s(he) is also trying to get these feelings from
me!
(It is like we are begging for feelings from each other – and our bowls are empty!)
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The Way Forward
The most fundamental thing in relationship is to understand these feelings. If I understand these
feelings, then I have these feelings in me

If I understand the feeling of respect, I have feeling of respect in me

If I have feeling of respect, I am comfortable (in harmony) within myself. I am happy
When I have the feeling of respect within, I naturally express it to the other. This feeling is
naturally acceptable to the other… it makes the other also happy

In this way, understanding the feeling, having the feeling, expressing the feeling and its right
evaluation (by both) leads to mutual happiness

Right evaluation is required to verify

− whether I have these feelings or not
− whether I have expressed these feelings to the other or not
− whether it has reached to the other or not… and ultimately
− whether the result is mutual happiness or not

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Harmony in the Family
1. Relationship is – between one self (I1) and another self (I2)
2. There are feelings in relationship – in one self (I1) for the other self (I2)
3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite (9 Feelings)
4. Their fulfilment, evaluation leads to mutual happiness

Feelings in relationship:
1- Trust fo”okl FOUNDATION VALUE 6- Reverence J)k
2- Respect lEeku 7- Glory xkSjo
3- Affection Lusg 8- Gratitude —rKrk
4- Care eerk 9- Love izse COMPLETE VALUE
5- Guidance okRlY;

From the next lecture,

we can start exploring each of these feelings one by one…

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Trust (fo”okl)
Trust = to be assured (vk”oLr gksuk)
= to have the clarity that the other wants to make me
happy & prosperous
= nwljk esjs lq[k] le`f) ds vFkZ esa gS] ,slk Li’V gksuk

Now, let us explore this feeling of trust between two individuals

▪ You are the first individual
▪ Think of the other as someone in your family… close friends

And let us ask some simple questions…

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Doubt on Intention: Mistrust
About your Natural Acceptance About your Ability

1a. I want to make myself happy always √ 1b. I am able to make myself always happy ?

2a. I want to make the other happy always √ 2b. I am able to make the other always happy?

3a. The other wants to make herself/himself √ 3b. The other is able to make herself/himself ?
happy always always happy
4a. The other wants to make me happy always ? 4b. The other is able to make me always ??
happy

Intention – Natural Acceptance Competence

What is Naturally Acceptable to You What You Are (∑ D, T, E)
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About the Other
The other broke a glass
If the other makes a mistake even once…
– I doubt his intention
– He makes mistakes intentionally
– I have a feeling of opposition, get irritated,
angry…
– I reinforce “The other is bad”, can not improve
Doubt on intention is a major reason for problems in relationships
About Myself
The glass broke by accident
Even if I make the same mistake 100 times…
– I never doubt my intention
– I make mistakes by accident
– I have a feeling “I am special”
– I reinforce “I am good”. I do not make effort to
improve my own competence
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Common Mistake in Relationship
I evaluate myself on the basis of my intention

I evaluate the other on the basis of their

competence

I doubt their intention. I assume their lack of

competence to be their lack of intention → I
feel opposed to the other, I get irritated,
angry…
?
I may not speak to the other for days… or
even breakup the relationship… One may
have lost many good friends like this…
Doubt on intention is a major
reason for problems in
relationships
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Distinguishing between Intention (Natural Acceptance) and Desire
Desire is not the Force / Power Activity
same as cy@“kfDr fØz;k
Natural Acceptance 1. Realization Natural
vuqHko 3 Acceptance
2. Understanding INTENTION
Preconditioning 1 cks/k
ekU;rk 3. Desire Imaging
bPNk fp=.k
4. Thought Doubt
Analysing COMPETENCE
fopkj fo'ys"k.k
on What You Are
5. Expectation Intention
Selecting/Tasting
vk'kk p;u@vkLoknu
2 Sensation
Body 'kjhj
Behaviour O;ogkj Work dk;Z Lakosnuk

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Self Reflection
If you have unconditional, continuous trust on intention (natural acceptance) of the other and if
the other is lacking competence, what will you do:
a) Try to improve his competence Trust on Intention → Response
(and also improve your competence)
b) Get irritated
c) Get angry Doubt on Intention → Reaction
d) Have a feeling of opposition

How many persons, in your family and friends, do you have trust on intention (natural
acceptance) – unconditional, continuous?

This is fundamental. Trust on intention is the foundation of relationship

You can get an idea of the state of your understanding about relationship from this exploration…

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Trust: To have the clarity that the other intends to make me happy
About your Natural Acceptance About your Ability

1a. I want to make myself happy always √ 1b. I am able to make myself always happy ?

2a. I want to make the other happy always √ 2b. I am able to make the other always happy?

3a. The other wants to make herself/himself √ 3b. The other is able to make herself/himself ?
happy always always happy
4a. The other wants to make me happy always√ 4b. The other is able to make me always ??
happy

Intention – Natural Acceptance Competence

What is Naturally Acceptable to You What You Are (∑ D, T, E)
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Trust
Intention
(natural
acceptance)
is
same for all Lack of Competence

Competence
of various
Competence people may
be quite
Me (Self1) Selfi Selfj Selfk different

Take-away:
Trust on Intention (Natural Acceptance)

I am able to see that

the other has a natural acceptance (intention) to make me happy
s(he) may or may not have the competence to do so
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About the Other
The glass broke by accident
Even if the other makes the same mistake 100
times…
– I am clear about his intention
– I know the mistake is due to lack of
competence, not a lack of intention
– I make effort to help improve his competence
with a feeling of affection
I know that “he may have difficulty
understanding… and also, I may have difficulty
in explaining…”
Trust on intention is the starting point for mutual development
About Myself
The glass broke by accident
When I make a mistake even once…
– I am clear about my intention
– I know the mistake is due to lack of
competence, not a lack of intention
– I make effort to improve my own competence (I
am willing to learn)
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Trust: The Foundation of Relationship
With trust on intention, I feel related to the
other (I accept the relationship)

When I make a program with the other

– I evaluate his competence as well as my
competence and
– I make the program in accordance with our
current mutual competence

I am consistently making effort to learn, to

improve my competence

If the other is lacking in competence, I am

committed to help the other to improve his
competence, without becoming irritated…

Trust on intention is the starting

point for mutual development
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Sum Up
Trust is to have the clarity that the other wants to make me happy & prosperous.
Trust is the foundation of relationship

If I am aware of my natural acceptance, I have trust on intention

I feel related to the other (I accept the relationship)
When I make a program with the other, it is based on right evaluation of our mutual competence
▪ In case the other is lacking in competence
− I make effort to assure the other
− I make effort to improve his competence once he is assured in relationship (and not before that)
▪ If I lack competence, I become ready to take help from the other to improve my competence

If I am unaware of my natural acceptance, I may have doubt on intention

▪ I evaluate the other on the basis of his competence and assume the lack of competence to be the
lack of intention; and thus feel opposed to him (while I evaluate myself on intention)
▪ This feeling of opposition shows up as irritation or anger (and it may further lead to fighting, struggle
and war)
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 Exercise 1

We (each one of us) are doing these

exercises for developing ourselves

- Developing understanding and

- Purification of accumulated feeling and thought
Step 1: Self Observation, Self Awareness
I (Self, consciousness) am observing myself (Self, I)
Be aware of Yourself
(a simple way is to be aware of your imagination)
1a. Try and observe your imagination.
Try and observe the desire, thought and expectation in your imagination.

I am observing the Self by the Self

I am observing my imagination- desire (feeling), thought and expectation at this moment

Observe the imagination going on within you at this moment of time, just as it is –
without evaluating it… without reacting to it… without trying to stop it… without trying to change
it…

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Sum Up of the Day
• Human Being as co-existence of Self and Body
• Self as the seer, doer and enjoyer – central to human existence
• Need of the Self as continuous happiness, program of the Self as understanding and living in
Harmony at the Four Levels: Individual, Family, Society and Nature/Existence
• Self as the Conscious Unit having Imagination (Selection, Tasting, Analyzing, Comparing and
Imaging) and Potential of Knowing (Contemplation, Determination, Understanding,
Authentication and Realization)
• Three Sources of Imagination as Preconditioning, Sensation and Natural Acceptance (Right
Understanding and Right Feeling)
• Self being Central to Human Existence, Body as an Instrument of the Self
• Self-regulation in the Self, Health in the Body
• Meaning of Prosperity in Detail
• Program of Self-regulation
• Trust as the clarity that the other wants to make me happy & prosperous.

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Self Reflection