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 ront
A R N I E
OH , W

AGAIN!
Everyone’s favourite
retired leggie pitches
it up to tits-out model

S
HANE Warne latest delivery has been belted
back over his head for six.
After receiving a series of texts from Warnie
suggesting they hook up, Pommy page 3 model
Rhian Sugden knocked him out of the park by
getting her FIANCÉ to tell him to BUGGER OFF.
Rhian’s bloke, pommy actor Oliver Mellor, finally had
to send Warnie a message saying: “This is Rhian’s fiancé.
As I can see from previous messages — she has mentioned
this a few times. Not sure why a 46-year-old-man who she
has never met would want to meet up with her, other than
to be inappropriate. Get the hint and find somebody single
to bombard with messages. Oliver X.”
Rhian herself told the London Sun: “It’s flattering to
be approached by people, but it soon becomes IRRITATING
when I tell them I am happily engaged and they continue
to PESTER. Someone like Warne should know a lot better.”
Yeah, but he’s Warnie. He’s DIFFERENT.

ER !
IPP
ME FINGER
SLIPPED!
fl
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Published by Bauer Me edia Group. ABN 18

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The trademark THE PIC CTURE is the
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30
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ndall
 EVERY ISSUE
14
IT’S NOT A TUMOUR!
12 WOBBLY WORLD
14 NEWS FLASH!
34 SICK PICS
36 TRINITY

45
38 GET UP YA SOOK
39 AUSSIE SLANG
18 40 READERS’ WORLD
PEEN QUEEN COMING UP
SPENCER SCOTT TRUMPS! 42 YOU’RE JOKING
44 INTERNUTTERS

60
45 PIN-UP
60 MADE IN OZ GIRL
66 SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
LEXY’S FIRST
NUDE SHOOT! 68 CHEEKYCROSS
70 TEASERS
74 MY BEST FUCK
76 PIG DOG
77 HOME GIRLS
98 GO FACT YOURSELF

Editor Sub editor Designers National Sales Manager

James Cooney Jason Walker Nathan Wynyard Pat Campbell
Col’n Carpenter My teacher Abu-bin Jessica Mauboy (02) 9282 8369
Senior writer Editorial coordinator Joseph Hui pcampbell@bauer-media.com.au
Roger Crosthwaite Emily Rattenbury Peter Russell-Clarke
The Queen Meg Mac Photo editor
Writer Art director Bonnie Weigand
Thomas Oakley-Newell Tony Halpin Joseph Hui
Andrew Ucles Greg from The Catho ISSN 1033-3258
This week’s question: National Group Sales Manager - Men’s Lifestyle Division Brigitte Guerin
Who should have been named Australian Publisher, Specialist Division Cornelia Schulze Associate Publisher, Specialist Division Ewen Page
Of The Year? Director of Media Solutions Simon Davies General Manager, Marketing Natalie Bettini Circulation Strategy Manager Paul Weaving
Research Director Justin Stone Commercial Manager Lucille Charles Designer in Chief Tony Halpin
General Manager Media, Public Affairs & Brand Events Deborah Thomas Production Controller James Cooney
6
On the
block

Marina
Visconti will
drive you wild!
ARINA Visconti – not her
real name, by the way –
comes from Russia, but
now resides in sunny Los
Angeles, where she has
been busy making highly regarded
fuckumentaries since 2013.
And while at first she may look
like just another chubby-cheeked
newcomer with an itchy vagina, take
a look at her phenomenal E-cup
NORGSKIS and just try NOT to growl

MORE SOVIET
MISSILES!
“Wooo-arrrgh!” in a low, grunty
voice, like a blue whale with a touch
of the gastro.
See? Not easy, is it?
Now the soon-to-be-21-year-old
Russian rootrat has over two years
of porn experience under her belt –
SNERK! – many folks in the porn biz
are saying she’s the best thing since
individually wrapped cheese slices.
And this was the complete
newbie who didn’t know NUTHIN’
about porn until she was IN IT!
“I didn’t watch porn before
I started doing this. I didn’t know
anyone but Sasha Grey, because
she is very famous in Russia,”
Marina reckons.
 She still doesn’t watch a lot of
porn, she sayys, but: “I love watching
my own movvies.”
So how ha as she managed to
come so far, so quickly?
“I’m a fastt learner and I listen to
what the dire ector wants,” says the
little charme er.”
Good girl! Right answer.
Marino appears to be in the spuzz
film caper fo or the long haul, claiming,
“A lot of girlss come and go out this
industry and no one remembers them.
I want to leavve a lasting impression.”
What a litttle doer!
 ar ning: May
se blindness

RRUMBUNGLES!
Emmy is keen to become
Australia’s first
fi fully
qualified nude astronomer.
She don’t ne eed a telescope;
she just liess on in the grass
and points a at stuff in the sky.

SCANY!
Hairy-mooted Italian
hiking enthusiast Paalmira
loves to rummage around
a
in the bush. She also
likes walking in the woods.
Sometimes she doe es both.

INLAND!
Ranga Michelle moved from
Hungary to minimise her
exposure to the sun. Her
GETTY, MET-ART

expenditure on sunscreen
was halved, but she is
bothered by reindeer trying
to eat her towel.
 FUSTO
PRCKEP
ES N
S

EV!
Celeste was in all sorts of
trouble when the elastic on
her dress snapped,
although judging by her tan
lines, this is not the first
time this has happened.

S ANGELES!
Florida-born porn star
Abella Danger often asks
her fans to help her out
on Twitter. Here she is,
pleading for any clues
on how to wear this weird
underwear. It’s backwards!

ERMANY!
Heaps of Germans are
enthusiastic nudists,
tramping along mountain
trails in the buff just so they
can meet someone like Mia
coming down the trail.

13
 Believe it or not,
s Flash
this shit happened!

YES, A MAN CAN FLY

A DASHCAM in another car caught the
EXCITING moment a passenger was
EJACULATED out the window of
a pickup truck during a bingle in the
Brazilian state of Goiás. The truck
rolled a couple of times before the
bloke was FLANG out, nearly going
into orbit. The video footage then
shows the driver racing over
expecting to find his mate dead, but
in-FUCKEN-credibly, the bloke got
out of it with just a broken leg.

RAM RAID
THERE are more sheep than people in New Zealand,
and we think that’s a GOOD THING. Especially after
a bunch of baa-baas helped catch some dastardly
crims ON THE LAMB, leading cops on a 90-minute
car chase on the outskirts of Queenstown. The woolly
Snappermedia

heroes were milling around blocking the road when

the evil bastards came around the bend and had
nowhere to go. The pursuing police arrested three
men and a woman at the scene.
scene
S

1
WE DREW ƒ It only hurt
when he

26 COCK ON IT
landed...

SNOW SCHLONG
S
A COUNCIL worker in Gothenberg,
Sdend has made a giant SNOW DICK
to replace one he’d been forced to
destroy after some wowsers
complained about it. Emilian Sava felt
so guilty about erasing the previous
work of art, he created this MONSTER
SCHLONG with a snowblower.
“No one can get offended by the
penis. It can’t be seen from the
ground,” the KNOB-DRAWING HERO
told the local paper. Cock-tastic!

It’ll get even

bigger when it
warms up
THAT’S FOR
USING MY
TOWEL!
UFC fighter Matt Mitrione looked like
he’d grown a third eyeball after his
scrap with Travis Browne in Boston,
USA. In the third round, Browne
belted Mitrione in his right peeper
with a straight punch that brought up
a massive hematoma, which is fancy
YE ! NƒNƒ!
O P E
P
...AND HIS
doctor talk for BIG OL’ SACK O’ BLOOD.
Believe it or not, it looked even worse
the next day when Matt when to the
hossie to have it drained. Turns out his
eyesocket was busted, and he’ll be out
of action for a while. Beautly,
Browne’s fist is absolutely fine.
I’VE ALWAYS
HAD CHUBBY
EYELIDS
ST
CKOP
ESEN
S
BREATH
STINKS
MR FARTY PANTS
ROCKO the Great Dane is over two metres
tall on his hind legs, and he eats eight cups of
dog chow for every meal. But his owner Jess
Williams says the worst thing about living
with Rocko in a two-bedroom apartment in
Reno, Nevada, is the big fella’s FARTS.
“When he breaks wind, there’s no way of
getting away from it – and they do it a lot;
they’re gassy creatures,” says Jess.
OLD FUCKER
A POMMY pensioner turned porn star
reckons she’s fucked over 100 blokes since
having her FIRST ROOT at age 57. Siobhan,
now 62, told the Jeremy Kyle Show that she
began rooting up a storm after signing up to
a dating site. “You’re never to old to go
swinging,” she reckoned. Siobhan said the
youngest man she’d copped cock from with
was 23. “He said ‘that was great, when can
we do it again?’ And we made a video of it.”
15
 NG S
LU
H ER
LEƒT

t will tell you that lungin

g back
Maybe the secret is he
r choice
ll 30 durries a day will ha
you HACKING your wa
ve
y to
in smokes – she does
your rubbish commerc
n’t smoke
ial western
k an early grave.
But this old duck in Ne
pal reckons
jobs, only the local ver
‘beedis’, which is tobacc
sion called
o wrapped
it’s the reason she’s sti in tendu leaf.
ll alive and
KICKING ARSE at the “I have been smoking
age of 112. for 95 years.
Batuli Lamichane has There is nothing wron
been a fan of the g with smoking,”
gaspers since she wa Batuli maintains, and
s 17– and that was who’s gunna
back in, er, 1920. fucken ARGUE with he
r?
Since then, we’ve cal She’s outlived everyo
culated she’s ne in her village
smoked 1,040,250 cig and three of her four
gies, give or take kids, so she must
a couple, and while sh be doing something rig
e’s not running ht.
Picture Media

marathons or anything You know, if she adde

, she still looks d a couple of belts
healthier than Clive Pa of rum to her daily die
lmer. t, we reckon she
might make the doub
le ton!
 BRISBANE BRONCOS CLOCK
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 Carmel loves it Down Under!

18
 A GOTTA love backpackers.
They pump SHITLOADS of
cash into our economy each
year. They give us Aussie
felllas a chance to cop a ROOT.
Most importantly, they’re nearly
alwways down to have a few beers
annd a laugh at your local pub.
Carmel, 25, is from Israel and
sh he’s been doing WONDERS for
acial harmony since she flew into
ra
Syydney two months ago. “Australia
is the best country in the world,”
guushed the beaut brunette with
a BELOWFRO. “Everyone is so
kiind and welcoming.”
What’s been your fave place
W Aussie fellas?
o far?
so
“Well, I’ve only seen such
a small part, but I’d have to
say Byron Bay, it’s so
beautiful, and it has a really cool
feeling about it.”
Did you venture over to Nimbin?
“No, I didn’t get the chance. But
these English guys from my hostel
went and brought back some
weed, and we all got really high
on the beach.”
Anything else happen with you and
the soap-dodging Pommy blokes?
“I made out with one of them,
but we couldn’t have sex ’cos he
was so high, he started to throw
up! It was so gross!”
Bet the poor bastard’s KICKING
HIMSELF now. Do you like the
“Yeah, they’re much friendlier
and funnier than the men back
home. All Australians just seem
so laid-back.”
BEHOLD, THE
BELOWFRO!
 potential
Are you on the lookout for a
Aussie husband?
s,
“That’d be great! If it happen
then it happen s, but I can ’t say
to find
I’m looking for one. I’d love
hai r and
a surfy guy with scruffy
can tea ch me
a tanned body who
how to ride a sur fbo ard .”
have
Anything else you’d like to
n Under?
a crack at while you’re Dow
SHO OTI NG? A bit of
Maybe some ROO
THONG CHU CKI NG?
se
“I don’t really know what tho
to go divi ng
things are. I’d really like
Ree f, go to Ulu ru
on the Great Barrier
cod ile in Dar win .”
and see a cro
ple
All great ideas. Chuck in a cou
’ve got a
visits to the pub, and you
BEAUT trip on you r han ds.
ng
“Oh yeah, of course I’ll be goi
pub ! I lov e hav ing a drin k!”
to the
t
You’ll pass the citizenship tes
just fine!

20
 D
I
 COMING UP

22
 MY THUMBS
ARE GOLD-
PLATED

Will The Don’s hair take him

E MAY be a fucken BOOFHEAD, but
Donald Trump has what it takes to
go all the way to the White House.
Sure, he’s shit at foreign policy and
doesn’t know a budget from his
BUMHOLE, but he’s got THE LOOK.
That weirdo hair, those big shiny
teeth, those piggy little eyes and the way he looks
like he’d bite through your arm if you pissed him
off – it all adds up to PREZ MATERIAL to us.
But mostly it’s THE HAIR.
They won’t have seen hair like this in the White
House since George Washington’s curly locks
back in the day, and if Don gets in, you can bet his
‘do will become the latest fashion in the USA.
Seppo kids will be bothering their mums to get
a “Donald” next time they go to the barber, just
like they all wanted a Justin Bieber do when that
little craphound hit the charts.
We can’t wait to see a few million little Dons
running round. Go, Donald!

23
 E

urs
Oz’s hottest older amate
HE whole world’s gone crazy for
MILFs. Along with cold beer and
hot chips, they are probably the
most sought-after commodity on
the planet right now.
And why
w not? MILFs know stuff that
youngerr women don’t. They almost always
eir own car, and have the brains to
have the
scream “turn that crap off!” whenever
Bieber comes on the radio.
Justin B
On these pages you will find some of
Australiia’s finest MILFs. Worship them, for
e national treasures.
they are

40
MARTINA
LISMORE, NSW
“I invited him around to mine
one night while the kids were at
their grandparents and we
fucked for hours!”

24
E

LF
SANDR
RA
SW
SYDNEY, NS
“I enjoy sex no
ow more
than ever. I’ve beccome a bit
of a nympho since I hit 30.
I’m also not shy and very
proud of my body!”
b

25
 41
SHELBY
CAIRNS, QLD

“I am a girl who likes

to be surprised, and
I am open to most
things.”

35
ELIZABETH
RICHMOND, VIC
“The craziest thing I’ve
ever done was have sex in an
airplane toilet. It was quick,
but it was good!”
 34 BAMBI
BYRON BAY, NSW
“I love getting drunk with
my prettiest girlfriends, then
watching porn together,
kissing and sucking each
other all over.”

41CARLY
PERTH, WA
“I’ve slowed down
learning things since I had
kids, but if something new
comes up, I’ll jump at it.”
 44
BUBBLES
NORTH COAST, NSW
“I like having sex
with younger men and
sharing my experience
with them.”
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LOOK WOT
I GOT!
UMM
Kim continues her
festival of the flash

It’s Scarlett
O-barer!

RED DEVIL!
MING

kimcums.tumblr.com
TITTY
LƒKE!

!
BUSH BƒSHING

in public has become JUST ONCE

PICTURE pal Kim Cums’ MORE
AROUND THE
trademark move. BLOCK...
From the city to the bush, up
mountains, down alleys, in the
supermarket or some swank
joint, she’s always at it.
“I love the reaction from
people who catch a glimpse
of me. It’s fun to know I made
their day a little bit better,” she
reckons. “Really, I just wish
I could be naked everywhere.”
You and us both! So what’s
next, Kimbo?
“I haven’t had sex on public
transport in Sydney yet, so
maybe I’ll do that soon.”
See youse on the 8.33 bus in
the morning then!
Guess what
the weekly
RIDE ’E special is...
M, KIM
MY! 3!
POON IN ƒISLE
WHO:

Andy, 46
WHERE:
How long it took to build:
Kinross, Perth I’m a chippy by trade, so I did it nearly
all myself. I also did it on a real tight
budget. It was a gazebo first and a work
in progress for a long time. After about
18 months, it was looking pretty good.

Feƒtures: I was going for more

of a bar look. I’m also really into magic
tricks and cards. There’s about 30
packs of cards up around the neon lights.
GGHGHGH I guess you just really have to see it.
GHGHGH GH
GH GGGG Plƒns for shed: I plan on making
the beer garden bigger. Hopefully, I’ll be
putting in a pool table at some stage too.

Best thing ever to hƒppen in

shed: One of the wildest things was
when a mate of mine tried to drink all the
spirits. He tried to fight everybody and
eventually got thrown in the pool. He also
called my mother-in-law a cunt – and
nobody has ever done that before!

Why I love my shed: It’s my

sanctuary away from everything. It’s also
a HQ for my football team ‘Brianmunik’
and we always have post-game drinks
there. I’m a Man United supporter too, so
the game against Liverpool usually gets
a few people over.

32
 E LF
TOP SH

And outside
iss the er,
outside bit
See more at
Aussie Man Caves
on Facebook

33
 Sick Pics
HOLY MACKEREL!

SHE’S A
KEEPER!

H IPS !
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...
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 100% unce ensored
sored sex
se
advice fro Australia’s
hottest sstripper!

TASTE TEST
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C.P., WODONGA, NSW
TRINITY SAYS: Dude
e, that’s awesome.
So good to hear you gave it a go
yourself! I hear eatinng
pineapple works, an nd
also you gotta be
drinking loads of
water. Sometimes
though, more guys ju ust
taste more pungent
than others. Give
that a go, and see if
it makes difference.
Nicest I’ve ever tasteed
... Hmmm. There’s been
b
a few!

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CURIOUS, VIA EMAIL
TRINITY SAYS: Ha! Best
B convo topic
ely a question I’ve
ever. This is definite
never been asked. Love it! And to
efinite NO! It’s only
answer you, it’s a de
considered gay if one guy is actually
er dude.
attracted to the othe

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AGE
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TAMMY, HOBART, TAS
TRINITY SAYS: Missiionary is the stock

36
 CHECK US OUT @
picturemagazine
WITH TRINITY ThePictureMungo

www.thepicturemagazine.com.au

sta
andard for taking a big dick. Well, it’s
your easiest option. You must have a
seriously small pussy if you can only
tak
ke the tip. Poor thing.

PLLAYER’S PLAYIN’
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TO DO THIS?
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P.R., VIA EMAIL
RINITY SAYS: You know what? Just
TR
shut your mouth. Stop talking shit and
ke
eep your private life to yourself. You
do
on’t need to make new mates or come
cle
ean – just cut the crap. Let sleeping
do
ogs lie. They probably already know
you’re full of shit, but they’re your
maates – they just go along with it.

RO
OOT ‘N’ BOOT
, +22.('XSZLWKDELUGUHFHQWO\
+
TRINITY’S SEX TIP
Avoid rushing through foreplay, unless you’re sneaking off for a quickie,
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of course. You know the drill. Foreplay makes me come harder when
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QLJKW VWDQGFKLFNZLWKRXWEHLQJDFXQW" RYHUWLPHDQGLILW¶VUHDOODWHKH¶OOHYHQOHW JAMES, BUNDABERG, QLD
EW, VIA EMAIL
KHUVWD\LQKLVEHGZKLOHKHVOHHSVRQWKH TRINITY SAYS: That’s so sweet. Dude
RINITY SAYS: You don’t have to do
TR FRXFK$QGMXVWODVWZHHNKHERXJKWKHU – as much as that’s nice to say, it’s not
annything you don’t want to do. Just ‘cos DQHFNODFHDVDERQXVIRUKHUKDUGZRUN nice you wanna change your missus. You
she cooked for you, doesn’t mean you ,¶PVRJODGVKH¶VJRWVXFKDORYLQJDQG should love her the way she is. Or you
owwe her anything. As long as you said XQGHUVWDQGLQJERVV,VRPHWLPHVZRQGHULI could just draw on her with texta while
thaank you, gave her a good orgasm and KH¶VURRWLQJKHUWKRXJK she’s sleeping. Up to you.
we ent on your merry way, you have no GRATEFUL HUBBY, VIA EMAIL

THE SWEET SPOT

obbligation. Don’t lose any sleep, bro.
If she
s asks why you haven’t seen her
aggain, just be polite and respectful with
wh hatever you say.
TRINITY SAYS: Ha! I wonder that too,
mate. That’s all a bit much for a boss
to be doing. Innocent or not, I’d be
putting a stop to that shit, quick smart.
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ZKDW¶VZURQJZLWKKHU,WULHGWRVKRZKHU TRINITY SAYS: My feet. I can orgasm
KRZVH[\VKHFRXOGEHE\FXWWLQJKHUKHDG from just my feet being played with. It’s
RXWRIDSKRWRJUDSKDQGVWLFNLQJLWRQ\RXU my favourite! YES!

“I CAN ORGASM TRINITY WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU!

JUST FROM
Do you have a question only a SEXPERT like Trinity can answer? Do you want some advice on women in
general? Or do you just want to ask about her XXX-rated sex life? YEAH? Then write to Talking Dirty With

HAVING MY FEET
Trinity, c/o THE PICTURE, GPO Box 5201, Sydney, NSW 2000, or send an email to
trinity@bauer-media.com.au. She’s waiting!

PLAYED WITH”
37
 p ya SOOK!
WHO: John Carey, murdercycle
enthusiast

WHERE: Darwin
WHƒT: Postie bike accident
OUCH FƒCTOR:

98 %
BUT HE DOES GET TO DRINK
BEER THROUGH A STRAW,
WHICH IS PRETTY COOL.

A
S OUR mums always warned
us, riding motorcycles can
be a hazardous business.
And no-one realises that
more than Darwin champion
John Carey, who came a cropper, and
banged up his lovely face.
But the accident had its upside – John
took some photos of his HORRENDOUS
INJURIES and sent them to THE PICTURE
in an attempt to leverage his way into his
favourite mag.
It worked. Here he is. Dreams can
come true, eh readers?
Johnno, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?
“I was riding a postie bike through
traffic wearing an open-faced helmet
when the traffic stopped, and I head-

! butted the back of a Corolla hatchback

OUCH and smashed my face up.”
We hope the Corolla wasn’t too badly
damaged. What’s the story on your
buggered BOAT RACE?
“I shattered my cheekbones, eye-
sockets, nose and jaw. It’s made me think
twice before jumping on a bike without
the gear, even if it’s a 40 degree Darwin
day and I’m just going around the corner.”
And how does MUSHED UP food taste?
“Terrible. I tried to puree a Mars bar,
WHO STOLE
ME HOT DOG? but that didn’t go too well.”
Now, on to the VITAL QUESTION – can
you have a beer?
“Didn’t taste too great, but it was good
after not having one in a while.”
Does the missus still smooch your
smashed-up mug?
“She does, yeah.”
Aww. Noice. Alright, before we start
gettin’ all mushy, you know what’s
comin’ – GET UP YA SOOK!

38
i

THIS ISSUE: #
30
CUNT FAR

attended cunt farm

Cunt farm: A very posh school. ‘Barry
ey University.’
before getting a scholarship to Sydn
 Readers ' World
Our work-release
letters editor
Send your words, pics –
World c/o THE PICTURE, GPO Box 5201,
Sydney, NSW 2001, or email the big fella
at mungo@bauer-media.com.au
MUNGO’S ON
TWITTER
That’s right, I’m tweeting me heart out
for the people. None of that what-I-had
-for-brekky or I-just-done a-big-poo
stuff, just my usual classy shit. It’s at:
https://twitter.com/ThePictureMungo
Thinkstock
HE NEVER WRITES.
HE NEVER CALLS
JUST DRINK IT
MUNGO, I recently jumped at the chance to
go on a tour of a distillery.Imagine my horror
when I found out that scotch is distilled from
a crude form of beer. The cheapskates put it
in second-hand casks that have had sherry or
bourboninthem,anddonothingfor10to15years.
They put it in a fancy bottle and charge us $80.
R.N. ROSEWATER SA.
MUNGO SAYS: It’s true that scotch and
beer are made of the same stuff – grain
and water. So is bread. Try knocking back
a few loaves on a hot day. Either drink it or
don’t drink it, just don’t overthink it.
It’s also good for
degreasing your
engine
WOOF-WOOF!
JUST heard the news about NRL player Mitchell
Pearce’s Australia Day encounter with a cute little
doggie. I was just wondering if there was any
chance you could get the dog to do a pin-up for
THE PICTURE?
L.M., BRISBANE,
MUNGO SAYS: We got in touch with the dog
and it was fine with doing a photo shoot.
Wants to use the publicity to kick off a career
in showbiz, maybe get on one of those reality
shows. Here’s a taste…

LETTER OF THE WEEK
WINS
Aussie DIY
genius
$200
NUCLEAR FISHIN’
HEY Mungo, since you brought up the subject
RI¿VKLQ¶KHUH¶VDIXFNHQZLFNHGWLQQLHPH
DQGPHEURWKHUNQRFNHGXSRXWRIURR¿QJ
iron, with a converted whipper snipper for
a fucken awesome outboard, a yooj rock and
rope for an anchor, a plastic tube to see into
WKHZDWHUDVDIXFNHQ¿VK¿QGHUHUDQGDQ
umbrella in one of the holders to shelter us
from those harmful, beer-draining UV rays.
Cheers Mungo, you’re a fuckin’ legend, mate.
A.C., BOOIE, QLD
MUNGO SAYS: My beef against fishing,
The split
beaver tree,
shown here
TREE-MENDOUS!
THIS reminds me of something. I just can’t
SXWP\¿QJHURQLW
S.C., NO ADDRESS GIVEN
MUNGO SAYS: Hmm, forget your finger,
mate. Just as long as you don’t go sticking
EVERY LETTER PRINTED
WINS $50
EVERY LETTER WITH A PICTURE
WINS $100
aside from the
boredom factor, is
that by the time youu buy a boat, all
the gear, bait, fuel, and allow for medical
costs for the inevitable injuries, each fish
costs you about $300. And you don’t even
get any chips with it. You’ve beautly
managed to by-pass a major part of the
expense with this home-made disaster.
There’s still the hours spent staring at the
water waiting for something to happen,
but. That never changes.
your dick in it. Could be spiders or snakes
or any bloody thing in there. In fact, as
a general rule, before you go sticking
your dick anywhere, it’s a good idea to
shine a torch inside and have a bit of
a rummage around. You never know.
E K US OUT @
picturemagazine
ThePictureMungo
www.thepicturemagazine.com.au
YOU NEED
MY LOVE
INJECTION
DR MUNGO
MUNGO, now that Cleo has folded, where will
us girls get our sex advice? I think it’s up to
you to take up the slack and start dishing out
the handy rooting hints, otherwise how will
Australian women discover how to have orgasms
and such? PS: I’ve always fancied you, and
my hubby is a great admirer of yours also, so
if he carks it, I have his permission to jump
your bones.
V.H., KATOOMBA, NSW
MUNGO SAYS: OK, sounds like a good idea.
Here’s my first tip – put washing machine
on spin cycle, sit on corner of washing
machine, stare at my photo and call out my
name until you go all tingly down there in
your, y’know, bits. Erm… that’s it. As for your
old man, that’s very nice of him, but that’s not
much good to me while he’s still breathing.
So, in the meantime, can I at least borrow his
jet ski?
MUNGO
WANTS TO KNOW...
And while we’re talking a
pick-up technique – you listening,
Chris? – what’s the worst one you’ve
ever pulled out of the bag – and did it
work, or did you just get a kick in the
nuts? I’ll pay $50 for the ones I use.
 You're Joking
PAEDOPHILES are awful people, but you have
to give it to them – they drive slowly past schools.
CHRIS, COOGEE, NSW
Q. WHAT IS THE SIMILARITY
BETWEEN A PUSSY AND
THE MAFIA?
A. ONE SLIP OF THE TONGUE
AND YOU’RE IN DEEP SHIT.
TIM, RIVERGLADES, SA
I GOT asked to play in a golf tournament
recently. I said no. They told me it was
for blind and deaf kids, so I reconsidered
– I thought, “I could probably win this.”
M.S, ROXBY DOWNS, SA
LAWRIE gets home late one night and his wife
says, “Where the hell have you been?” Lawrie
replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.”
“A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis,” he said.
“What the hell were you thinking? Why on
earth would an accountant get a hundred-dollar
bill tattooed on his privates?”
“Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my
money. Three, I like how money feels in my
hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out
shopping, you can stay right here at home and
blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”
DAN, VIA EMAIL
Q. HOW CAN YOU TELL YOUR
GIRLFRIEND’S GETTING FAT?
A. SHE CAN FIT INTO YOUR
WIFE’S CLOTHES.
R.Q., MT ELIZA, VIC
A WIFE went in to see a therapist and said,
“I’ve got a big problem. Every time we’re in
bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out
PARAKEET… OH MY GOD, THAT FUCKING
Alamy
JOKE OF THE WEEK
WINS
$100
A BLOKE takes his goldfish to the vet:
“I reckon it’s got epilepsy.” The vet is
sceptical. “It looks normal to me,” he says.
“Hang on,” says the bloke. “I haven’t taken
it out of the bowl yet.”
BRIANNA, NOOSA, QLD
this ear-splitting yell.”
“My dear,” the shrink said. “That’s
natural. I don’t see what the problem is.”
“The problem is,” she complained, “It
wakes me up!”
CAM, GYMEA, NSW
MY BOSS pulled up in his brand new BMW
today and I couldn’t help but admire it. “Nice
car,” I said as he got out.
“Well,” he said, noticing my admiring looks,
“Work hard, put the hours in, and I’ll have an
even better one next year.”
P.P., VIA EMAIL
Q. WHAT DID THE BLIND MAN
SAY TO HIS BLIND GIRLFRIEND?
A. I THINK WE SHOULD HEAR
OTHER PEOPLE.
W.J., MINNIHAHA, NSW
A CATTLE dog went to Australia post,
took out half a blank form and wrote:
‘Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.
Woof. Woof. Woof.”
He took it back to the clerk, who
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“MY EX-GIRLFRIEND OWNED A
THING WOULD NEVER SHUT UP.
BUT THE BIRD WAS COOL.”
ANTHONY JESELNIK
examined the paper, and politely told the
dog: “There are only nine words here.
You could send another woof for the
same price.”
“What are you on about?” said the dog.
“That would make no sense at all.”
SCOTT, MIAMI, QLD
THREE women were sitting around throwing
back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.
Karen said, “I call my husband the dentist because
nobody can drill like he does.”
Joanne giggled and confessed, “I call my
husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft.”
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne
finally asked, “Well, what do you call your
boyfriend?”
Kathy frowned and said, “The postman.”
Looking puzzled, Joanne asked,”Why
the postman?”
“Because he always delivers late, and half the
time, it’s in the wrong box.”
RONNY, KAKADU, NT
AT A fancy dress party, a bloke turns up
half naked. “What the hell are you supposed
to be, then?” the host asks.
“I’m a turtle,” the man replies.
“What a pile of shite!” the host replies.
“How can you be a turtle when all you’ve
got is that naked woman on your back?”
“Oh her?” the man smiles. “That’s
Michelle.”
V.A., QUIRINDI, NSW
DAVE was working from home one day, when
his dog came up and started eating his pencil.
Concerned, he immediately phones the vet.
“Doctor, my dog just chewed up and
swallowed my pencil! What should I do?”
“Hmm... That sounds serious. You better
bring him to me. I’ll see you within a half hour.”
“Yes, but what should I do in the meantime?”
“Use a pen.”
D.P., DARWIN, NT
Q. WHAT GETS EASIER TO PICK
UP, THE MORE IT WEIGHS?
A. WOMEN.
T.R., VIA EMAIL
 Got a grouse joke? Post it or email it to
Picturejokes@bauer-media.com.au
CHECK US OUT @
and we’ll send you $20 if we publish picturemagazine
your jape. PLUS Joke of the Week ThePictureMungo
gets a YOOJ $100!
www.thepicturemagazine.com.au

SSIO
SEPPO STONER EMO PHILLIPS
“A computer once beat me at chess, “My classmates would copulate with
but it was certainly no match for me anything that moved, but I never saw
at kick boxing.” any reason to limit myself.”

“I’LL ALWAYS “I ONCE HEARD TWO

REMEMBER THE LADIES GOING ON
LAST WORDS AND ON ABOUT
OF MY THE PAINS OF
GRANDAD, CHILDBIRTH,
WHO SAID, MY PARENTS
AND HOW MEN
‘A TRUCK!’” WERE PIXIES DON’T SEEM
“I go from stool to stool
TO KNOW
in singles bars, hoping to WHAT REAL PAIN
get lucky, but there’s never IS. I THEN ASKED IF
any gum under any of them.” EITHER OF THEM EVER
GOT THEMSELVES CAUGHT
“I DISCOVERED MY WIFE IN IN A ZIPPER.”
BED WITH ANOTHER MAN,
AND I WAS CRUSHED. “Some mornings it just doesn’t seem
ABSOLUTELY CRUSHED. SO worth it to gnaw through the leather
I SAID, ‘GET OFF ME, YOU TWO!’” straps.”

THE JOKE’S ON YOU

THIS WEEK: STONERS

Q. HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE Q. WHY DID THE STONER PUT

A TRUE STONER? LAXATIVES IN POT BROWNIES?
A. YOUR BONG GETS WASHED A. FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES.
“THERE IS MORE THAN YOUR DISHES. I got pulled over by a police officer and his

NOTHING IN A stoner called the fire department

and said, “Come quick, my
dog sniffed the car for drugs. The cop
comes over and says to

THE UNIVERSE
house is on fire!” The me, “My dog says you
Fireman who responded have weed in the
asked “How do we get car.” I responded,

LOUDER THAN
WHADDYA “Well, sir, I don’t
there?” The stoner MEAN, IT’S
says, “DUH, in a big 2016? know about that,
but I want

A PHONE
red truck!”
whatever’s got you
talking to your dog!”
Q. HOW DO YOU
VIBRATING ON HIDE POT FROM
A HIPPY?
Q. WHAT DO
YOU CALL
SILENT.” A. PUT IT IN HIS
WORKBOOTS.
A STONER THAT
JUST BROKE UP
– LEXI LOWE Yo’ Mama is like marijuana — everyone WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND?
does her, but no one admits it. A. HOMELESS.
43
 CHECK US OUT @

Internutters
No internet filters
picturemagazine
ThePictureMungo
www.picturemag.com

here, people. Just WELL DONE, SIR! H DING

the stuff that fits!
FILTHY FUCKER!

Actually, we know his wife, and she is. Some people just can’t stand their meat rare.

WHEELIE DISCRIMINATION OFF THE POLE AND DOWN THE SHOPS

JPEG OF
THE WEEK

Babies and cripples are barred from this pub.

GETTING THE SPINS

Whatever it points to, you’re a winner. How the hell else is she gunna get that stuff off the top shelf?

SEND US YOUR JPEGS! Seen something HIGH-LARIOUS on the world wide web lately? Tag it INTERNUTTERS, forward
it to picture@bauer-media.com.au, and if we piss ourselves laughing we just might run it in the magazine. Get on it!
 Andrew Kendall
Pin
GREAT

Porns
Spen
Scott’s s
sho

HARDCOR
BLONDAG E
E!
W
ITH her MASSIVE
MMAMS and long
bblonde hair, Spencer
SScott might be the
pperfect stereotype
oof a pornstar. And
tthat’s not a bad
thing, as there’s a reason for the
stereotype – it’s FUCKEN HOT.
The 26-year-old Yank is yet
to taste the peen on the big
screen, instead choosing to stick
to VAGITARIAN pursuits like
MUFF-DIVING and PATTING THE
LITTLE MAN IN THE CANOE,
something she really enjoys.
“I masturbate every day,” the
champion bean-flicker admits.
“Sometimes twice if I don’t have
sex with someone else.”
You sound like a horny bloke! Do
ya just go at it with your fingers

NDANGLED contraption
s are good, but mostly, I’ll
“I MASTURBATE
EVERY DAY”
just use m
my fingerrs. I float
them over my clit lightly, like
a butterflly, until I can’t take
it anymorre. I can come
c a lot.”
ke, you m
A lot? Lik mean more
than oncee? Is thatt possible?
“The most
m was ten times
in one dayy!”
HOLY FUC CKEN JEEZUS, you
must’ve h had blisters on your
fingers. Get
G many y chicks
cracking onto you u ’cos of
EZZO porrn?
all the LE
“Wome en hit on me all the time.
They starre at my boobs
b worse
than guyss; it’s cra
azy! But I gotta
s hot to turn a girl on.
admit, it’s
Plus, I know how to t make her
feel amazzing.”
Oh, we’vee seen th he videos. What
about blookes? Wh hat do ya love
and hate about them?
n-on is de
“A turn efinitely
confidencce. I love that in a man,
 PIN
13 -UP
98
 “I CAN
it’s so hot. And turn-offs would
be guys who are too cocky, not
outgoing and have bad skin
and hygiene.”

COME A LOT”
What do you get up to when
you’re not licking other
ladies’ PINK BITS?
“I like going to music concerts.
I actually saw Marilyn Manson
recently. I got into the mosh pit
and I was so scared, I didn’t even
know what was going on.”
How’d you end up at a Manson gig?
“I’m a huge fan, I know, like,
every word to every song. And
I just love going to concerts
and stuff like that.”
Onya Spencer!
 JOSIE
POPULƒTION: 102 million
LƒNGUƒGES: Filipino,
Tagalog, English
ƒVG. BRƒ SIZE: 28C
the phillipines, SE ƒSiƒ
HOORAY! TOO BAD ABOUT
with a song in her heart and
LORD LOVE A DUCK! IS SHE THE KARAOKE, BUT.
a twinkle in her eye. As well
CUTE OR WHAT? Yeah, well, you can’t win ‘em
as studying electrical
Yeah, that beaut combo of all. She can really murder
engineering at uni, Josie
Spanish and Asian heritage I Will Always Love You after
enjoys posing for artistic
makes Filipino women hotter a few Bacardis.
nude photos, singing karaoke
than a boiled radiator. Plus SHE LOOKS LIKE A MERE SLIP
and shopping for sexy lady
she’s naked, and that helps. OF A LASS.
underwear at the SM Mall
SO WHAT’S JOSIE’S STORY? Mate, she’s about knee-high to
of Asia, the third largest in the
It’s a heartwarming and grasshopper, wouldn’t weigh
nation and the 10th largest
positive tale of a young girl more than 50kg with bricks in
in the world.
making her way in the world

EIG
R
N
FO

P
S

RINCE

55
 her pockets and she often flies
as carry-on baggage. So there
ain’t much of her. But what there
is, is ALL woman.
YOWZER! SO IS SHE SOME KIND OF
MAN-EATING, SEX-CRAZED SHE-
DEVIL THEN?
She’s a veritable tigress in the sack.
Hot-blooded and insatiable. Let’s
just say you’d need to eat lots
of Weetbix to keep up with her .
BUT THAT KARAOKE THING...
You just have to take the rough with
the smooth. Besides, how often
do you find a pocket-rocket sex
machine who can re-wire your
home entertainment system?
In the nude? Artistically?
BY GOLLY, THAT’S RIGHT! WHERE
CAN WE FIND HER?
Drop into the student union bar
at the Polytechnic University
in Manila any Friday night, and wait
for the karaoke to start. She’ll
be there. Take your earplugs, but.
DO THEY HAVE ANY CHISEL ON
THE MACHINE?
Hope not. We’d hate to hear what
she’d do to Khe Sahn.

56
 EIG
R
N
FO

P
S

RINCE

57
 DE
YO LIV
UR ER
DO ED
OR TO
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 L e x Made
in

This Queensland stunna is beautiful

one day – perfect the next
GREAT
c h in g on with
u n
about p ARKS. h
he first SH so muc
icially t dingly WHITE u c h h a s seen d
f f o gla
“This c

T
HIS is o d. “I’m
-ben admitte ecause I’d
is mind ed e
time th o ld has pos sex ,” s h
ries b
hot 22 - y e a r -
RE, ut
b tell sto
E PICTU st time it can’t r a ssed.”
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be so e
mba r as the
nud
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c o m e across
n o t e ven clo h e r lo You don
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it’s e on ex m
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s h e ’s b
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her cou

60
Oz Girl

SEXY LEXY’S THE

GIRL NEXT DOOR
 Made
in Oz Girl

REALLY WILD”
posing nude in a magazine… I can’t
be that shy. But, yeah. The couch
has seen some things.”
Do you prefer it to rooting in bed?
“Yes. You can do a lot more on
a couch. You can get into different
positions easier. And I guess if
you’re really bored, you can watch
TV while it’s happening.”
What’s your favourite sex possie?
“Defintely doggy – it just feels
better than anything else. I think
guys really like looking at my bum
too, and that gets me off.”
Have you ever been PUBLICALLY
PEENED?
“No, but it’s on my list of things
to do. I thought about doing it
on a golf course one afternoon,
but these old guys sprung
us before we could take
it further.”
You coulda given ‘em
a double coronary!
“I LOVE SOMETHING A BIT
DIRTY AND NAUGHTY”
 “I guess. I’d like to do it on
a beach with the sound of the waves
crashing, though. That’d be really
romantic. I just hope there’s no
seagulls. I really hate them.”
Why don’t you like beach chickens!
“I got attacked by them when I was
eating hot chips as a kid. I’m still
scared of them. If one came along
while I was having sex, I would
probably scream.”
Are you usually SCREAM in bed?
Sometimes. I’ve been told I’m good
at dirty talk, but to be honest, I just say
what I’m feeling at the time. I never act
up or anything.”
Do your mates know you will be
appearing in the magazine?
“No, but I’m sure they’ll tell me if
they read it. I don’t think they’ve ever
seen me fully nude.”
Now’s a good a time as any!
PUZZLES

A B

2
DIFFERENCES

C D

3
DIFFERENCES

E F

4
DIFFERENCES

66
 WIN HOW TO ENTER*
ning for the $500 prize, list the differences between the matched photos (eg, between pics A and B, C

$500
G
). THEN post your answers to at Spot the Difference #1398 C/O THE PICTURE, GPO Box 5201, Sydney,
mail to picture@bauer-media.com.au with SPOT THE DIFFERENCE #1398 in the subject line.

5
DIFFERENCES

I J

6
DIFFERENCES

* Terms and conditions on page 73

 ? Cheeky Cross
ACROSS
PUZZLES
1. What RUSS TORE when he
tried to vault the barbed wire
fence (8).
5. By GAD! You remind me of a
piece of sheep-shit! (3).
7. A sadistic army NCO enjoys
handing out a bit of ...
punishment (8).
11. External female genitalia
which sounds like a Volvo –
about right when most Volvo
drivers are c***s! (5).
12. They announced their
engagement in a BROTHEL
AT Kings Cross (9).
13. I hear sexy Sophie ... a hit
with the monastery men!
(4’1).
14. Thpeakth with a thpeech
impediment ath he SLIPS
it inthide her! (5).
16. There are two of these, male
and female, and I know which
one I prefer (7).
18. She HOOTS with laughter
every time I ... my load (5).
22. I always find an ALE OR A
wine enhances the taste of
the bit around the nipple (6).
24. “Cuddle in my arms and feel
the warmth of my top SET,
LEN”, she whispered (6).
25. Don’t give me that COSMIC
SHIT – A cold shower is not
therapeutic, it’s painful but
enjoyable (11).
26. You best RUN ME A bath – I’ve
just fallen in a pile of horse
shit! (6).
27. A ROPE’S the only way you’d
drag me along to a load of
Wagner or Verdi (6).
30. A naked donkey or an
unclothed bottom (4,3).
32. The PEN IS mightier than the
sword – but my tockley is the
mightiest weapon of all! (5).
33. “PASS YER contraceptive
device. I’ll put it in yer!” (7).
34. Stretch of sand where you
can romp around in the
altogether (4,5).
35. Many a bloke CRASHES after
too many different drinks (7).
38. “OK JED! Let’s see the rest of
it,” she quipped (5).
39. A young couple who run off to
marry OR SLEEP together (7).
44. You’ll never see as much
ANUS AS you can in the
Thinkstock
steamrooms (6).
46. “STRUTH! You’ve got some
grunt,” she cried (6).
68
47. After a few beers and A LATE
LUNCH, I start to see things
(11).
48. How could a man’s RIG LIE
dormant after reading a few
... magazines? (6).
49. I don’t go to embroidery
classes anymore – we had to
share a ...! (6).
52. A furburger that deserves a
saucer of milk (5).
TA DA!
UMBRELLA!
55. The deviant who opened his
raincoat HAS FLED (7).
56. She TALKS continuously
about the size of her Jack’s
stem (5).
58. Workers form one, so do
lovers (5).
59. I’m afraid the NEWS IS BAD
– some readers are upset by
my ribaldry! (9).
61. “OH CUT the crap!” he cried. “I
didn’t lay a finger on her!” (5).
62. SHE SLAPS his face when he
... his boots in public (8).
63. Neckwear for bondage
purposes? (3).
64. WES RINGS around to get all
his wife-swapping friends
together (8).
DOWN
2. He always stares when he
sees a great pair O’ LEGS (5).
3. Hangs around when they
remove their old-time corsets
(5).
4. Adam was supposed to have
one less than Eve. Would
I have you on? (3).
5. Perform something brave,
like turning up at the pub
IN DRAG (6).
6. Tut TUT, REG! I hear you
passed out in the roadside
drain (6).
ralia’s rudest crossword!
Aust
W I0N0
$ 10
WHEN YOU’VE FILLED IN THE CROSSWORD CORRECTLY,
THE SHADED SQUARES, READING TOP TO BOTTOM, LEFT
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8. Sounds like Peter Garrett 42. Would you LEER IF I took
used it at Midnight (3). ... on the golf-course? (6).
9. Slimy bastards who live off 43. Staggered home pissed after
the immoral earnings of the ODD ALE or ten (6).
their women (5). 45. Place where those
10. The Beatle with the parliamentary members
drumstick in his GROIN (5). hang out (1,1,1).
15. She was shocked when she
saw the RUDE COP get out his
truncheon (7).
16. HIS AGE does not prevent
him enjoying a Japanese
lovely (6).
17. Weight-lifting event where SURNAME?
you might grab your fanny? MATRIX
(6).
19. If he wins the TOSS, HE’S
allowed to sleep with the girl
who gave the party (7).
20. ’E’S CALM despite being
humped by two horny desert
beasts (6).
21. “COME IN,” she insisted,
when she saw the size of his
pay packet (6). 50. When she removed her
23. Bruce Jenner had the BRA, DOT reminded me of
operation – now HE’S one of Brigitte the 60s French sex
these (3). goddess (6).
28. The girl who shared my
cot used to BELLOW DEF 51. Dunny graffiti:
Leppard songs during sex (9). Here I sit broken-hearted
29. The WEST END IS where I Spent a dime but only farted
saw some awful crime (9). Yesterday I took a ...
31. They’re the opposite of Saints Saved a dime but shit
and much more fun (7). my pants! (6).
33. Washaway in the road sounds 53. She was so nervous I made
like a good place to hide your her drop her PILLS (5).
dope (7). 54. Pulls off some Americans
36. The club for desperates sells (5).
LESS GIN nowadays (7). 56. NAT’S A fiery devil between
37. I’d never seen such bad skin the sheets (5).
diseases AS HERS (6). 57. U BASE creature! Why
40. He had a rare TALENT for do you mistreat your
hiding his sexuality (6). woman? (5).
41. You dirty bastard – they 59. A little honey in black and
say you like your choirboy gold (3).
bottoms PERT, REV! (7). 60. A right pig of a woman (3).
 ISS
139UE
8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

11 12 13

14 15 16 17 18 19

20 21

22 23 24

25

26 27

28 29

30 31 32 33

34

35 36 37 38 39 40 41

42 43

44 45 46

47

48 49

50 51

52 53 54 55 56 57

58 59 60 61

62 63 64

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Send the completed crossword to: CHEEKYCROSS No. 1398, THE PICTURE,

WIN!
PO Box 430, Eastern Suburbs MC, NSW 2004 or you won’t win anything.
Please see Privacy Notice on page 73. See page 73 for terms and conditions of entry.
Do not provide information about me to any organisation not associated with this
competition. Entries close February 22, 2016. Answers will appear in the March 19,
2016 issue and the winner’s name will be published in the April 18, 2016 issue.
Authorised under NSW Permit No. LTPM/15/01204.
 ? Brain Teasers
TWO IN ONE
PUZZLES

IDENTI-TITS
SOLVE the crossword puzzle, then double your fun as
CAN you match the face to rack? the crossword turns into a FindAWord! All the words in
the crossword grid can be found in the FindAWord grid.
The letters left over from each puzzle make up the keywords.
ƒ 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

8 9 10 11 12

13 14 15 16

17

B 2 18 19

20 21 22 23

24

25 26 27 28 29 30

31 32
C 3
33 34

ACROSS 28. Veto 11. Put on a

1. Tiny landmass 31. Vagrant pedestal
4. Backpack 32. Lazy 12. Genuine
8. Eat out 33. Graveyard 14. Unravelling
RUDOKU 10. Birthday 34. Catch sight of (mystery)
offering 16. Seek
13. In the centre of DOWN information
15. Yacht’s mooring 2. Skate (over) 20. Hyphen
cushion 3. Ogled 21. Cut new

B G A E 17. Former (days)

18. Breathe out
4. Infant’s shaker
toy
tooth
22. Establish
19. Treat as similar 5. Hot beverage 23. Quick letter
N R I O B 20. Trickery
22. Apparition
6. Indication
7. Bistro
26. Additional
27. Peace bird

GO MA E 24. More recent

25. Smear
8. Stupor
9. Cabaret venue
29. Pop dance
30. Film excerpt

B O NM A N P I L C E G D U M S P
P R G D D R T N O I S I V
E R A B O T E A I A E V I J R N C E
C Z E T S N A V E U Y E S
A I G N B E O T L H Q M L N C R E P

N I R A J
E
L
I
F
I
E
F
S
U
U
I
I
D
O
S
I
G
K
S
E
T
L
D
Y
F
R X G A E R S K H A E I I
O E H T E E T I T C M D R
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H C D E N E T A U Q E O O
ANSWERS ON PAGE 72
C H A R M F S O B O H N D
70 WWW.PICTUREMAG.COM
 TRIPLETS PYRAMID POWER
THE words from the crossword have been taken out and broken EACH of the colours in our
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the help of the given
U letters. The orange
highlighted pyramids
form the keywords. S
J
S H S
H

H H S S S
V S H S

AFT
ASH
ATC
EST
FEE
GEL
INN
IVE
JOY
OFF
ONG
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1

7 NAME
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8
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9 Send the completed crossword to TEASERS No. 1398, THE PICTURE,
PO Box 429, Eastern Suburbs MC, NSW 2004 or you won’t win anything.
Please see Privacy Notice on page 73. See page 73 for terms and conditions of entry.
1. Tumbling 4. Food sensitivity 7. Car club meeting Do not provide information about to any organisation not associated with this
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2016 issue and the winner’s name will be published in the April 18, 2016 issue.
3. Soccer 6. Remember 9. Secret vote Authorised under NSW Permit No. LTPM/15/01204.
 Answers
CHEEKYCROSS #1395 PRIZE TEAZERS #1395
F L A T U
L E N T H N A U G H T I L Y TWO-IN-ONE
B N U T I T L A L
S A N DW I C H Q U A Y
P A D D
Y D P A G I R L S
L E N A U M
N O B E D S P R I N G R F
I S L E J G I D E A
R I D E L Y Y W A N D
E O B
L O T T O P U R R E D M A
T O U P E E G A Z I NG
C A N S N P O O A B E A T E C S C A L P S E
T P R
U D E I K O T H E R I ME R E S T E R A S E D
U L E U E E O N A E I O
MO B I L
E S A MO R O U S S W I N G E X T E N D S C U L P T
T V F W R N V I C E L L O V U
S P
A A A L I B I E N V I E D I T S E L F
T E N R U E D U G E D I T
S H A F T S A M L C H A K
E E A L Y T T
C U R S E T A S T Y KEYWORD: CLEARLY
G N L A Y E D R G A Z I N G T F U T B O
A D S R M R E E P U O T I S L E H M S
T E X A S E S P A Y R A M I V R T E D P H C U G U N
R U R H O O D T B I M E I O C E L L O A I N Q
I N Y M P H N E P A N D A L E R C T S S T A U N L I U
C H A T A C A T R E E K T N O A A A G M J C S P I
K S C A N D L E R E S I S T R E I I T L N R M E R E S T Z
S H E D T S O D E A D D T D L D E C N E S S E D
X A S E D U C T I O N O C L I K E W T C U D E D N E
D U T C H D R R T R O T S Y A E D I S S O L V E D E
A E E T E A A B O A L S O C V E F O T G E P
MO L E S T I N G W P L E A S U R E S U N B W H H N A X I A U T
The tits belong to REBEKAH Q E H A G G L E L L E R Y

PYRAMID POWER INSIDERS KEYWORDS: ROSIE HUNTINGTON-

Inn, Sign, Snags, Banana, Licence, Priceless, Malice, Entice, Biceps, WHITELEY
Innings, Insignia Officer, Sacrifice, Reticent, Nicely
KEYWORDS: IS A BIG KEYWORDS: CELEBRITY TRIPLETS
KEYWORDS SOLUTION: CLEARLY, ROSIE S T R I C T E S T
HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY IS A BIG NAME CELEBRITY P E A A WA R
I N N M E Y E
RUDOKU #1398 N E A
E MB A R R A S S
R O N B G E I A M
L A U
B I G M O A N E R E R E M O A R
M E A N R I O G B S I R E I R E
N G O R B M A I E S P R I N K L E R
I A B O E N M R G KEYWORDS: NAME

E M R A I G B O N WINNERS
A R I G N B E M O IDENTI THE WINNER OF SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
#1389 IS N.G, MAREEBA, QLD
TITS THE WINNER OF CHEEKYCROSS
G N E I M O R B A A=2 #1389 IS S.N., DUBBO, NSW
THE WINNER OF TEASERS
B=3
O B M E A R G N I C= 1
#1386 IS R.K, EIMEO, QLD
 Terms & Conditions
PRIVACY NOTICE
PRIVACY NOTICE This issue of THE PICTURE is published by Bauer
Media Pty Ltd (Bauer).
Bauer may use and disclose your information in accordance with our
Privacy Policy, including to provide you with your requested products
or services and to keep you informed of other Bauer publications,
products, services and events. Our Privacy Policy is located at www.
bauer-media.com.au/privacy/ It also sets out on how you can access
or correct your personal information and lodge a complaint. Bauer
may disclose your personal information offshore to its owners, joint
venture partners, service providers and agents located throughout
the world, including in New Zealand, USA, the Philippines and the
European Union.
In addition, this issue may contain Reader Offers, being offers,
competitions or surveys. Reader Offers may require you to provide
personal information to enter or to take part. Personal information
collected for Reader Offers may be disclosed by us to service
providers assisting Bauer in the conduct of the Reader Offer and to
other organisations providing special prizes or offers that are part of
the Reader Offer. An opt-out choice is provided with a Reader Offer.
Unless you exercise that opt-out choice, personal information
collected for Reader Offers may also be disclosed by us to other
organisations for use by them to inform you about other products,
services or events or to give to other organisations that may use this
information for this purpose.
If you require further information, please contact Bauer’s Privacy
Officer either by email at privacyofficer@bauer-media.com.au or
mail at Privacy Officer Bauer Media Pty Ltd, 54 Park Street, Sydney
NSW 2000.
THE PICTURE TEASERS CONDITIONS OF ENTRY
1. Information on how to enter and prizes form part of these
Conditions of Entry.
2. Entry is open to residents of Australia and New Zealand. Entrants
under 18 years must have prior parental or legal guardian consent
before entering. Employees of the Promoter and their immediate
families and agencies associated with this promotion are ineligible
to enter.
3. Promotion commences February 8, 2016 and final entries close
last mail on February 22, 2016 (“Promotional Period”). The winner
will be drawn at Bauer Media, 54 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000, on
March 19, 2016 at 11.00am (AEST). All times expressed in these
Terms and Conditions are in AEST or AEDST as applicable. The
winner will be in writing within two (2) business days of the draw and
his/her name will be published in THE PICTURE magazine on April
18, 2016.
4. To Enter, Entrants must complete the four different sets of
puzzles indicated on the Teasers page correctly, and provide the
correct keywords to all puzzles by placing the keyword phrase in the
boxes provided and sending the completed coupon to TEASERS
#1398, THE PICTURE, PO Box 429, Eastern Suburbs MC, NSW 2004.
5. Multiple entries permitted subject to each entry must be posted in
a separate stamped envelope.
6. The judges’ decision is final and no correspondence will be
entered into.
7. The first (1) valid and correct entry drawn from all valid entries
received will win $500 cash Prize will be awarded in the form of a
cheque made in favour of the winner. The prize is not transferable
or exchangeable. Prize does not include any ancillary costs
associated with redeeming this prize. These are the responsibility of
the winner.
8. In the event that for any reason whatsoever the Winner does not
take the prize at the time stipulated by the Promoter, then the prize
will be forfeited by the Winner and cash will not be awarded in lieu of
the prize.
9. In the event that a prize, or part of a prize, is unavailable, the
Promoter reserves the right to substitute the prize or part of the
prize in its discretion with an alternative prize or part of the prize to
the same and equal recommended retail value and/or specification
subject to any written directions from the various Lottery
Departments.
10. The promoter is neither responsible nor liable for any late lost or
misdirected mail (including but not limited to prizes).
11. The Promoter is not responsible nor liable for any prize damaged
in transit in the delivery of their prize
12. Printing and other quality control errors will not invalidate an
otherwise valid prize claim. In the event of a query as to the validity of
an entry, the judges will determine whether or not the entry is to be
deemed valid, taking into consideration all mitigating circumstances
and knowledge available to them at the time of the judging. No
correspondence will be entered into.
13. In the event of unforeseen circumstances, war, terrorism, state
of emergency or disaster (including but not limited to natural
disaster)the Promoter reserves the right to subject to reference to
all relevant state and territory rules and regulations, to cancel,
terminate, modify or suspend the promotion.
14. If a medical circumstance in some way restricts your ability to
enter the competition through the required mechanic, you are still
eligible to enter however you must briefly state your circumstances
upon entry.
15. If your entry is selected as a winning entry, validation of your
circumstances/ the validity of your entry will be undertaken by the
Promoter. Method of validation (without limitation) will be
determined by the Promoter in its complete discretion. If the winning
entry is deemed to be a winner, the winner will be notified as per the
terms and conditions herein. In the event that the Promoter requests
the entrant to sign any legal documents relating to the verification of
their medical circumstance, the legal documents will take the form
determined by the Promoter. It is a condition of accepting the prize
the winner sign any such legal documentation.
16. The Promoter may conduct such further draws at the same place
as the original draw and 1.00pm as are necessary on May 13, 2016 in
order to distribute any prizes which remain unclaimed by that date
subject to reference to all relevant state and territory authorities.
The winner will be notified in writing within two days of the draw and
will be published in Picture magazine on June 27, 2016.
17. Nothing in these Terms and Conditions limits, excludes or
modifies or purports to limit, exclude or modify the statutory
consumer guarantees as provided under the Competition and
Consumer Act, as well as any other implied warranties under the
ASIC Act or similar consumer protection laws in the State and
Territories of Australia (“Non-Excludable Guarantees”). Except for
any liability that cannot by law be excluded, including the Non-
Excludable Guarantees, the Promoter (including its respective
officers, employees and agents) excludes all liability (including
negligence), for any personal injury; or any loss or damage (including
loss of opportunity); whether direct, indirect, special or
consequential, arising in any way out of the promotion.
18. Except for any liability that cannot by law be excluded, including
the Non-Excludable Guarantees, the Promoter (including its
respective officers, employees and agents) is not responsible for and
excludes all liability (including negligence), for any personal injury;
or any loss or damage (including loss of opportunity); whether direct,
indirect, special or consequential, arising in any way out of: (a) any
technical difficulties or equipment malfunction (whether or not
under the Promoter’s control); (b) any theft, unauthorised access or
third party interference; (c) any entry or prize claim that is late, lost,
altered, damaged or misdirected (whether or not after their receipt
by the Promoter) due to any reason beyond the reasonable control of
the Promoter; (d) any variation in prize value to that stated in these
Terms and Conditions; (e) any tax liability incurred by a winner or
entrant; or (f) use of the prize.
19. If this promotion is interfered with in any way or is not capable of
being conducted as reasonably anticipated due to any reason beyond
the reasonable control of the Promoter, the Promoter reserves the
right, in its sole discretion, to the fullest extent permitted by law: (a)
to disqualify any entrant; or (b) subject to any written directions from
a regulatory authority, to modify, suspend, terminate or cancel the
promotion, as appropriate.
20. The Promoter collects personal information in order to conduct
the promotion and may, for this purpose, disclose such information
to third parties, including but not limited to agents, contractors,
service providers, prize suppliers and, as required, to Australian
regulatory authorities. Entry is conditional on providing this
information. The Promoter may, for an indefinite period, unless
otherwise advised, use the information for promotional, marketing,
publicity, research and profiling purposes, including sending
electronic messages or telephoning the entrant. Entrants should
direct any request to opt out, access, update or correct information
to the Promoter. All entries become the property of the Promoter.
21. All entries become the property of the Promoter. The collection,
use and disclosure of personal information provided in connection
with this promotion is governed by the Privacy Notice (see Contents
Page for location in this issue).
22. By entering this promotion, the entrant consents to receipt of any
email regarding the promotion, and other emails which inform the
entrant of the Promoter’s other publications, products, services and
events and to promote third party goods and services it may be
interested in.
23. The Promoter is Bauer Media Limited (ABN 18 053 273 546) of
54 – 58 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000. Phone: 9282 8000.
24. Authorised under permit numbers: NSW Permit No.
LTPM/15/01204.
THE PICTURE CHEEKY CROSS CONDITIONS OF ENTRY
1. Information on how to enter and prizes form part of these
Conditions of Entry.
2. Entry is open to residents of Australia and New Zealand. Entrants
under 18 years must have prior parental or legal guardian consent
before entering. Employees of the Promoter and their immediate
families and agencies associated with this promotion are ineligible
to enter.
3. Promotion commences February 8, 2016 and final entries close
last mail on February 22, 2016 (“Promotional Period”). The winner
will be drawn at Bauer Media, 54 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000, on
March 19, 2016 at 11.00am (AEST). All times expressed in these
Terms and Conditions are in AEST or AEDST as applicable. The
winner will be in writing within two (2) business days of the draw and
his/her name will be published in THE PICTURE magazine on April
18, 2016.
4. To Enter, entrants must complete the Cheeky Cross crossword
indicated on the Cheeky Cross page correctly, and provide the
correct keyword from the puzzle and send the completed coupon to
CHEEKY CROSS #1398, THE PICTURE, PO Box 430, Eastern Suburbs
MC, NSW 2004.
5. Multiple entries permitted subject to each entry must be posted in
a separate stamped envelope.
6. The judges’ decision is final and binding on all who enter and no
correspondence will be entered into.
7. The first (1) valid and correct entry drawn from all valid entries
received will win $1000. Prize will be awarded in the form of a
cheque made in favour of the winner. The prize is not transferable
or exchangeable. Prize does not include any ancillary costs
associated with redeeming this prize. These are the responsibility of
the winner.
8. In the event that for any reason whatsoever the Winner does not
take the prize at the time stipulated by the Promoter, then the prize
will be forfeited by the Winner and cash will not be awarded in lieu of
the prize.
9. In the event that a prize, or part of a prize, is unavailable, the
Promoter reserves the right to substitute the prize or part of the
prize in its discretion with an alternative prize or part of the prize to
the same and equal recommended retail value and/or specification
subject to any written directions from the various Lottery
Departments.
10. The promoter is neither responsible nor liable for any late lost or
misdirected mail (including but not limited to prizes).
11. The Promoter is not responsible nor liable for any prize damaged
in transit in the delivery of their prize
12. Printing and other quality control errors will not invalidate an
otherwise valid prize claim. In the event of a query as to the validity of
an entry, the judges will determine whether or not the entry is to be
deemed valid, taking into consideration all mitigating circumstances
and knowledge available to them at the time of the judging. No
correspondence will be entered into.
13. In the event of unforeseen circumstances, war, terrorism, state
of emergency or disaster (including but not limited to natural
disaster)the Promoter reserves the right to subject to reference to
all relevant state and territory rules and regulations, to cancel,
terminate, modify or suspend the promotion.
14. If a medical circumstance in some way restricts your ability to
enter the competition through the required mechanic, you are still
eligible to enter however you must briefly state your circumstances
upon entry.
15. If your entry is selected as a winning entry, validation of your
circumstances/ the validity of your entry will be undertaken by the
Promoter. Method of validation (without limitation) will be determined
by the Promoter in its complete discretion. If the winning entry is
deemed to be a winner, the winner will be notified as per the terms
and conditions herein. In the event that the Promoter requests the
entrant to sign any legal documents relating to the verification of their
medical circumstance, the legal documents will take the form
determined by the Promoter. It is a condition of accepting the prize
the winner sign any such legal documentation.
16. The Promoter may conduct such further draws at the same place
as the original draw and 1.00pm as are necessary on May 13, 2016 in
order to distribute any prizes which remain unclaimed by that date
subject to reference to all relevant state and territory authorities.
The winner will be notified in writing within two days of the draw and
will be published in Picture magazine on June 27, 2016.
17. Nothing in these Terms and Conditions limits, excludes or
modifies or purports to limit, exclude or modify the statutory
consumer guarantees as provided under the Competition and
Consumer Act, as well as any other implied warranties under the
ASIC Act or similar consumer protection laws in the State and
Territories of Australia (“Non-Excludable Guarantees”). Except for
any liability that cannot by law be excluded, including the Non-
Excludable Guarantees, the Promoter (including its respective
officers, employees and agents) excludes all liability (including
negligence), for any personal injury; or any loss or damage (including
loss of opportunity); whether direct, indirect, special or
consequential, arising in any way out of the promotion.
18. Except for any liability that cannot by law be excluded, including
the Non-Excludable Guarantees, the Promoter (including its
respective officers, employees and agents) is not responsible for and
excludes all liability (including negligence), for any personal injury;
or any loss or damage (including loss of opportunity); whether direct,
indirect, special or consequential, arising in any way out of: (a) any
technical difficulties or equipment malfunction (whether or not
under the Promoter’s control); (b) any theft, unauthorised access or
third party interference; (c) any entry or prize claim that is late, lost,
altered, damaged or misdirected (whether or not after their receipt
by the Promoter) due to any reason beyond the reasonable control of
the Promoter; (d) any variation in prize value to that stated in these
Terms and Conditions; (e) any tax liability incurred by a winner or
entrant; or (f) use of the prize.
19. If this promotion is interfered with in any way or is not capable of
being conducted as reasonably anticipated due to any reason beyond
the reasonable control of the Promoter, the Promoter reserves the
right, in its sole discretion, to the fullest extent permitted by law: (a)
to disqualify any entrant; or (b) subject to any written directions from
a regulatory authority, to modify, suspend, terminate or cancel the
promotion, as appropriate.
20. The Promoter collects personal information in order to conduct
the promotion and may, for this purpose, disclose such information
to third parties, including but not limited to agents, contractors,
service providers, prize suppliers and, as required, to Australian
regulatory authorities. Entry is conditional on providing this
information. The Promoter may, for an indefinite period, unless
otherwise advised, use the information for promotional, marketing,
publicity, research and profiling purposes, including sending
electronic messages or telephoning the entrant. Entrants should
direct any request to opt out, access, update or correct information
to the Promoter. All entries become the property of the Promoter.
21. All entries become the property of the Promoter. The collection,
use and disclosure of personal information provided in connection
with this promotion is governed by the Privacy Notice (see Contents
Page for location in this issue).
22. By entering this promotion, the entrant consents to receipt
of any email regarding the promotion, and other emails which
inform the entrant of the Promoter’s other publications, products,
FOLLOW
services and events and to promote third party goods and services it
may be interested in.
23. The Promoter is Bauer Media Limited (ABN 18 053 273 546) of 54
– 58 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000. Phone: 9282 8000.
24. Authorised under permit number: NSW Permit No.
LTPM/15/01204.
US ON
THE PICTURE SPOT THE DIFFERENCE CONDITIONS OF ENTRY
1. Information on how to enter and prizes form part of these
Conditions of Entry. Participation is this promotion is deemed
acceptance of these terms and conditions.
2. Entry is open to residents of Australia and New Zealand. Entrants
under 18 years must have prior parental or legal guardian consent
before entering. Employees of the Promoter and their immediate
families and agencies associated with this promotion are ineligible to
enter.
3. Promotion commences February 8, 2016 and final entries close
last mail on February 22, 2016 (“Promotional Period”). The winner
will be drawn at Bauer Media, 54 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000, on
March 19, 2016 at 11.00am (AEST). All times expressed in these
Terms and Conditions are in AEST or AEDST as applicable. The
winner will be in writing within two (2) business days of the draw and
his/her name will be published in THE PICTURE magazine on April
18, 2016.
4. To Enter, Entrants must complete the Spot The Difference puzzle
page correctly and send the completed coupon to SPOT THE
DIFFERENCE #1398, THE PICTURE, PO Box 429, Eastern Suburbs
MC, NSW 2004.
5. Multiple entries permitted subject to each entry must be posted in
a separate stamped envelope. The Promoter is neither responsible
nor liable for late or misdirected entries, including but not limited to
the cost of sending the entry via express post, registered post or
courier. These costs are the responsbility of the winner.
6. The judges’ decision is final and no correspondence will be
entered into.
5. The first (1) valid and correct entry drawn from all valid entries
received will win $500 – Prize will be awarded in the form of a
cheque made in favour of the winner. The prize is not transferable or
FACEBOOK
exchangeable. Prize does not include any ancillary costs associated
with redeeming this prize. These are the responsibility of the winner.
6. In the event that for any reason whatsoever the Winner does not
take the prize at the time stipulated by the Promoter, then the prize
will be forfeited by the Winner and cash will not be awarded in lieu of
the prize.
7. In the event that a prize, or part of a prize, is unavailable, the
Promoter reserves the right to substitute the prize or part of the
prize in its discretion with an alternative prize or part of the prize to
the same and equal recommended retail value and/or specification
subject to any written directions from the various Lottery
Departments.
8. The promoter is neither responsible nor liable for any late lost or
misdirected mail (including but not limited to prizes).
9. The Promoter is not responsible nor liable for any prize damaged
in transit in the delivery of their prize
10. Printing and other quality control errors will not invalidate an
otherwise valid prize claim. In the event of a query as to the validity of
an entry, the judges will determine whether or not the entry is to be
deemed valid, taking into consideration all mitigating circumstances
and knowledge available to them at the time of the judging. No
correspondence will be entered into.
11. In the event of unforeseen circumstances, war, terrorism, state
of emergency or disaster (including but not limited to natural
disaster)the Promoter reserves the right to subject to reference to
all relevant state and territory rules and regulations, to cancel,
terminate, modify or suspend the promotion.
12. If a medical circumstance in some way restricts your ability to
enter the competition through the required mechanic, you are still
eligible to enter however you must briefly state your circumstances
upon entry.
13. If your entry is selected as a winning entry, validation of your
circumstances/ the validity of your entry will be undertaken by the
Promoter. Method of validation (without limitation) will be determined
by the Promoter in its complete discretion. If the winning entry is
deemed to be a winner, the winner will be notified as per the terms
and conditions herein. In the event that the Promoter requests the
entrant to sign any legal documents relating to the verification of their
medical circumstance, the legal documents will take the form
determined by the Promoter. It is a condition of accepting the prize
the winner sign any such legal documentation.
14. The Promoter may conduct such further draws at the same place
as the original draw and 1.00pm as are necessary on May 13, 2016 in
order to distribute any prizes which remain unclaimed by that date
facebook.com/picturemagazine
subject to reference to all relevant state and territory authorities.
The winner will be notified in writing within two days of the draw and
will be published in Picture magazine on June 27, 2016.
15. Nothing in these Terms and Conditions limits, excludes or
modifies or purports to limit, exclude or modify the statutory
consumer guarant ees as provided under the Competition and
Consumer Act, as well as any other implied warranties under the
ASIC Act or similar consumer protection laws in the State and
Territories of Australia (“Non-Excludable Guarantees”). Except for
any liability that cannot by law be excluded, including the Non-
Excludable Guarantees, the Promoter (including its respective
officers, employees and agents) excludes all liability (including
negligence), for any personal injury; or any loss or damage (including
loss of opportunity); whether direct, indirect, special or consequential,
arising in any way out of the promotion.
16. Except for any liability that cannot by law be excluded, including
the Non-Excludable Guarantees, the Promoter (including its
respective officers, employees and agents) is not responsible for and
excludes all liability (including negligence), for any personal injury; or facebook.com/picturemagazine
any loss or damage (including loss of opportunity); whether direct,
indirect, special or consequential, arising in any way out of: (a) any
technical difficulties or equipment malfunction (whether or not under
the Promoter’s control); (b) any theft, unauthorised access or third
party interference; (c) any entry or prize claim that is late, lost,
altered, damaged or misdirected (whether or not after their receipt by
the Promoter) due to any reason beyond the reasonable control of the
Promoter; (d) any variation in prize value to that stated in these Terms
and Conditions; (e) any tax liability incurred by a winner or entrant; or
(f) use of the prize.
17. If this promotion is interfered with in any way or is not capable of
being conducted as reasonably anticipated due to any reason beyond
the reasonable control of the Promoter, the Promoter reserves the
right, in its sole discretion, to the fullest extent permitted by law: (a) to
disqualify any entrant; or (b) subject to any written directions from a
regulatory authority, to modify, suspend, terminate or cancel the
promotion, as appropriate.
18. The Promoter collects personal information in order to conduct
the promotion and may, for this purpose, disclose such information to
third parties, including but not limited to agents, contractors, service
providers, prize suppliers and, as required, to Australian regulatory
authorities. Entry is conditional on providing this information. The
Promoter may, for an indefinite period, unless otherwise advised, use
the information for promotional, marketing, publicity, research and
profiling purposes, including sending electronic messages or
telephoning the entrant. Entrants should direct any request to opt out,
access, update or correct information to the Promoter. All entries
become the property of the Promoter.
19. All entries become the property of the Promoter. The collection,
use and disclosure of personal information provided in connection
with this promotion is governed by the Privacy Notice (see Contents
Page for location in this issue).
20. By entering this promotion, the entrant consents to receipt of any
email regarding the promotion, and other emails which inform the
entrant of the Promoter’s other publications, products, services and
events and to promote third party goods and services it may be
interested in.
21. The Promoter is Bauer Media Limited (ABN 18 053 273 546)
of 54 – 58 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000. Phone: 9282 8000.
22. Authorised under permit numbers: NSW Permit No.
LTPM/15/01204.
 My Sly Fu
THE OFFICE, ƒUSSIE VERSION
M
E AND Jan started eyeing
each other off as soon as she
came to work in my office,
and it wasn’t long before we were
rooting on the quiet.
We didn’t let on at work, but,
because office romances are always
trouble, so every time one of the
other blokes there mentioned how
hot she was and how he’d like to root
her, I just kept my mouth shut.
Then when Jan moved into a flat
with one of the other girls from work,
it got heaps harder for us to get
together, and weeks would go past
without us getting an opportunity to
jump each other’s bones.
It was especially fucked at
Christmas, what with all the extra
work and stuff, so I was suffering
badly from DSB (Dangerous Sperm
Build-up) and Jan was climbing the
walls as well.
When it came time for the office
Chrissy drinks, we were both fanging
for a fuck, and what with all the piss,
we went crazy and when nobody wass
watching, we bolted down the corridor
to the stores cupboard, locked
ourselves in and immediately starte ed
tearing each other’s clothes off.
We knew we didn’t have much tim me,,
so I hoisted her up on a stack of boxess,
wrapped her legs around my waist an nd
chucked the junket gun up her.
Jan was moaning so loud,
I thought they’d hear us, even
though it was getting pretty rowdy
just down the corridor.
We huddled down on the floor
and I crouched over her and did
her doggy. I spurted my splooge
up her, she came as well, and then
we scrambled to get dressed again n
before heading back to the party.
Everyone was so pissed they
didn’t notice we’d been missing
for 15 minutes, so I think we got
away with it.
G.K., TOWNSVILLE, QLD

MR BIG
L
IKE most girls, I prefer a big cock.
I know we all tell our blokes size
doesn’t matter, but that’s bullshit
– the bigger, the better, I say. I’m lucky
‘cos my boyfriend Keith has a good-
sized package, which is why I put
up with him, but when the chance
comes along to grab an even bigger
cock, I take it.
This one time we were at a pool
party at a friend’s place and Keith had
hit the cans pretty hard. I was feeling
pretty horny, sitting there in my
G-string bikini, but I knew he’d
have a case of brewer’s droop when
we got home so I was gunna have
to look elsewhere.
Luckily, I didn’t have to look too
far. This single guy hauled himself
out of the pool in front of me, and
even though he had boardies on,
I could tell he had a massive cock
on him.
He was a surfie type, with long hair
and a cute face and I was creaming
myself thinking about getting his tool
into me.
Keith was starting to talk gibberish,
so I made eye contact with surfer boy
and nodded my head towards the
house, then got up and went inside.
He took the hint and followed me,
and as soon as he came in, I shoved
him backwards into the laundry,
kicked the door shut and reached
down to unwrap his monster dick.
It was as big as I’d thought, and
I wanked him off until it was up and
barking before pushing m G-ban er
to one side and wrappin ng my
legs around his waist.
I rode him like a Cup
winner, hanging onto
a shelf and kicking his
taut arse with my heels
while he ploughed that
big schlong into me.
I came like a train,
then readjusted my
cossie, grabbed
another drink, and
went back outside
to socialise, leaving
surfer boy to wonder
what had just
happened.
LIZZIE, COOLANGATTA,
QLD
Each photo must be signed on the
Girls, send us a nude or topless photo back by the F*** Pix girl in the photo.
Please include your phone number
of yourself to run along with your fuck
and a copy of your photo ID.
story and we’ll pay you $250! I hereby give THE PICTURE magazine the right to publish
one of the enclosed photos of me. I am over 18 years of age.
SCORE
Any persons sending F*** Pix photos without the written
permission of the subject will be liable to criminal
prosecution.
I give permission for my photo to be used on the Internet.
Tick if you do not wish us to provide information about you
to any organisation not associated with this competition.
$250
NAME
ADDRESS
Score $50 if we publish your hot tonking
tale! Make sure it’s no longer than 300 DATE OF BIRTH
words, and include your current address PHONE POSTCODE
and phone number. Letters may be
edited for clarity. SIGNATURE
SIX ƒND IN
M
Y GIRLFRIEND plays cricket on said as she pulled her panties and skirt
Saturdays through summer, and back up, then we went upstairs to wait
she’s pretty good. I go and watch her her turn to bat.
now and then, but what shits me is that we Turns out she had her best innings of
never get to have sex on Saturday mornings the season that day, so now she’s much
because she gets up early to go to her match. more receptive to pre-game sex. She
This one Saturday, I woke up with a real reckons it helps her get her eye in.
throbber, but she said she didn’t have time to P.B., BALLARAT, VIC
even give me a blowie. Fair enough,
left with this stiffie that I could’ve us
break up a dogfight under a car.
I thought I may as well go and wat
match, so I drove out there and foun
team was batting. Michelle was the
to go in and already had her gear on,
was pretty relaxed, ’cos their opener
settling in and on their way to a big s
She gave me a cheeky look and sl
tweaked my rock-hard knob. “Still g
that big hard-on, eh?” she grinned.
“Let’s see what we can do about it.”
Then she led me down to the
changing rooms under the pavilion.
She left her pads on and just
pulled her skirt and panties down
and bent over one of the benches
to give me a peak at her
glistening pink pussy.
I pushed my bad boy in there,
and it was heaven – Shelly, being
an athlete, has great muscular
control, so she squeezed my
cock like a champion, bringing me
to the point where I shot my load
into her just as she had an orgasm
that made her legs twitch and her fa
go red.
“Goody, I feel more relaxed now,”
 BY PLAYER

BY PLAYER

76
 Q
W UE
YOU HAT STIO
R H WAS N OF
EA GO T
TH D AS ING T HE W
ESE YO H E
PH U PO ROUG EK:
OTO SE H
S? D FO
R

E
PAG

90
PA
G
87E

PA
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96E

Home
Girls GO HARD! GO HOMIES!
This week...
BEAUT BUM ASK THE HOMIES BEDROOM BABE TOP TITS
 LEEORƒ
SOUTHPORT, QLD
ic
designer,” says serious-minded
20-year-old Leeora. You could
SUREDEO\¿WLQ¿QHKHUHWKHQ
<RXGRQ¶WHYHQKDYHWRWEAR
PANTSZKLFKLVREYLRXVO\
VRPHWKLQJ\RXDUHJRRGDW
GRLQJZLWKRXW“All of my
friends know I do nude shoots.”
:HKRSHWKH\¶UHDVVXSSRUWLYH
DVZHDUH<RXGRDORWRIQXGH
ZRUN"“Yes. In fact, the most
outrageously sexy thing I have
done is nude and lingerie shoots
with other girls.”:KDWHOVH
78
GR \RX JHW XS WR"“I love to
spend time by myself. I like to
read, dance, sing and play the
piano with no-one else around.”
:LWKWKDWERG\RQVKRZLW
PXVWEHWRXJKVWRSSLQJSHRSOH
IROORZLQJ\RXDURXQG
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH
YOUR HEAD AS YOU POSED
FOR THIS PHOTO? “I was
pretty much just focusing on
what the photographer was
asking me to do. I generally
prefer to do more art nude
photo shoots, but I did enjoy
doing this shoot because it
wasn’t too demanding.”
“All my
friends know
I do nude
shoots”
 BE
BUƒUT
M

“I’ve been
promoting
my love for
sex toys”

$ 2 0 B
BEAUT

KC
NORTHERN RIVERS, NSW
Nineteen-year-old, arselicious dance teacher
KC must be great fun when it comes to
pub chat. “I’ve practically been promoting
my love for sex toys to my friends for the
past year. I recently bought one called the
womaniser. It was an early Christmas present
for my cli .
PRUHWLPHVD\HDUWKDQ6DQWD'RIULHQGV
JHW/,9(72<'(026RUGRWKH\KDYHWR
VHWWOHIRUYLYLGGHVFULSWLRQV"³They wish
they could get a demonstration! But very
vivid descriptions will have to do... for now.”
'RHVGDQFHWHDFKLQJNHHS\RXUERG\LQ
FRFNVWURNLQJO\JRRGVKDSH"“It does. I train
nearly every day and go back to teaching at
night. I’ve been teaching for the past year.”
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR
HEAD AS YOU POSED FOR THESE
PHOTOS? “I absolutely loved feeling in
charge of my own body and not worrying
about anything else. I can’t really think
of a thing to dislike about it. The whole
experience was pretty great.”

79
 Home Girls
TƒYLOR
SOUTH FREMANTLE, WA

“I’m very open with my new

husband and we enjoy hosting
parties with friends,” says
“We delectable 41-year-old Taylor.
“We’ve done an exquisite nude
performed group photo session with guests
around our pool one night at
delicious oral a party we hosted: very Playboy
sex on each Mansion style.” :KHUHDUHWKH
SLFVIURPWKDWVHVVLRQ"$VLQ
other” ZK\DUHQ¶WWKH\LQRXURI¿FH"
“They’re in a personal collection
we have at home. We have some
displayed as artwork in a room of
our house.”6RDUHWKHVHEHDQRV
VZLQJHUV¶SDUWLHVRUMXVW18'(
NIGHTS" “Mostly nude nights.
But we are accepting of any
friends who want to experience
other partners.”-XVWGRQ¶WOHDYH
JIZZ STAINSRQWKHORXQJH
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH
YOUR HEAD AS YOU POSED
FOR THIS PHOTO? “I like being
photographed in the naked
form. I enjoyed it, however, I’m
normally the one directing the
shoot and how to pose in the best
possible position. It’s a little more
GLI¿FXOWZKHQVRPHRQHHOVHLV
telling you what they think the
best way you should look.”

“We’ve
done group
nude photo
sessions”

JƒDE
FITZROY, VIC

on another jaunt in the sunshine.

, vious
boyfriend and I clambered
to the top of a huge hill right
beside the Hume Highway and
performed delicious oral sex
on each other to the toots of
drivers-by,” says 31-year-old
student, bartender and massage
therapist Jade. “It was a rush to
be pleasuring him at the same
time as hundreds of bored car
passengers.”3XWRQDQ\SXEOLF
VH[VKRZVVLQFHWKHQ"“Not
since, sadly. I’ve been looking
for the right person to join me
80
Before then, I had been known
to indulge in a few public
pashes, but nothing as racy
as hilltop sex. I almost never
have any spare time, so I like
to combine leisure and exercise
by hiking as often as I can.”
+RSHIXOO\\RXUQH[WKLNHZLOO
KDYHDGLIIHUHQWKDSS\¿QLVK
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH
YOUR HEAD AS YOU POSED
FOR THIS PHOTO? “I liked that
the weather wasn’t great on the
day – perfect time to be indoors.
I disliked that my hair wasn’t
looking fantastic, but swings
and roundabouts as they say.”

DƒNI
WEST BEACH,, SA
“I have recently become really involved in
¿WQHVV´VD\V\HDUROGKRVSLWDOLW\ZRUNHU
Dani. “I go to the gym, I have a personal-
training session every week and I walk
¿YHNLORPHWUHVDGD\RQWKHEHDFK´$UH
RIGOROUSVH[XDOHQFRXQWHUVDJRRGZD\
“I love being
on camera”
WREXUQNL . EHWHOOLQJ\RXVRPH¿EV
session in bed beats the gym any day.”:KDW
VH[SRVLWLRQLVWKHEHVWIRUWRQLQJOHJVDQG
EXWWRFNV"“I’d say, if the girls on top and she’s
squatting on that dick. Hits some good spots
too.” 'R\RXWKLQNDERXWVH[PXFKZKLOHLQ
WKHJ\PVXUURXQGHGE\6:($7<%2',(6"
“When you see all the guys and how much
they can lift, makes you wonder what they
could do in the bedroom.”$SSDUHQWO\¶URLGV
VKULQNWKHFRFNVR\RXULPDJLQDWLRQPLJKW
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD
AS YOU POSED FOR THIS PHOTO? “I love
being on camera. It was heaps of fun doing the
VKRRW,WZDVP\¿UVWVKRRWWKRXJK,SUREDEO\
would’ve liked to have been more prepared.”
81
 Home Girls
CRISTINƒ
NEWSTEAD, QLD
UE
ISS “I’m a biologist,” says 32-year-
4
139 old Brazilian-less Brazilian
Cristina “I love nature and
I love music.” :KDWGR\RXOLNH
DERXWVFLHQFH"“I think science
tries to help us understand
why we are here and why the
world is like it is.”'R\RXJHW
IUXVWUDWHGZLWKSHRSOHZKR
DUH DQWLVFLHQFHOLNHFOLPDWH
FKDQJHGHQLDOLVWVDQGUHOLJLRXV
QXWWHUV"“No, I don’t because
I am open-minded and I need to
respect different opinions.” 7HOO
WKDW WRWKHJRGERWKHUHUVWU\LQJ
,VLWERQ]HURULV6WUD\DQKDUG
WRZUDS\RXUKHDGDURXQGROG
FKLQD"“Australian English is
like a dialect for me. It is hard to
get used to.”
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH
YOUR HEAD AS YOU POSED
FOR THIS PHOTO? “For me,
LWZDVQ¶WVRGLI¿FXOWEHFDXVH
I believe the body is like
a sculpture, and it’s used to keep
our soul safe. So for me it was

ROXƒNNE
ROSE BAY, NSW
“Are you attached? You can do
my books any time. And are you
featuring in the magazine again?
MIK, CLAREMONT, WA
ROXANNE SAYS: “No, I’m single
$30
ASK THE
WR EDQXV$UH\RXWUDYHOOLQJ
KHUHLQ$XVWUDOLD"“I am
studying English.” %HZG\PDWH
like I’m showing only one part
of myself and I feel happy to
share this with other people.”
HOMIES
and always
love to be able to handle your
tax! I’m going to start an end-of-
financial-year special: “titties and
“I believe the
tax” if you’re interested. And I’d body is
love to be in the magazine again.”
a sculpture”

UE
ISS
0
139

MYLƒ
CANBERRA, ACT
“I agree your face is a great
IHDWXUH $QG , ORYH \RXU ¿JXUH
How do you keep in shape? And
how do you get the courage to
pose nude?”
DEBBIE, WARWICK QLD
MYLA SAYS: “Thank you so
$30
ASK THE
HOMIES
much. I’d ove
shoot; it was an exciting
experience. My work keeps me in
shape and gives me confidence;
I’m an exotic dancer so I do pole
and lap dancing which helps to
look and feel sexy.”

ASK ANY HOME GIRL ANYTHING YOU LIKE. Chuck us an email at

askthehomegirls@bauer-media.com.au or write to Ask The Home
Girls c/o THE PICTURE, GPO Box 5201, Sydney, NSW 2000.

82

LT
BELLEVUE HILL, NSW
Svelte Taiwanese-born 35-year-old student
LT is used to the camera. “I do nude art work
in Montreal.”:H¶UHDOODERXWWKHHIGH
ARTSKHUHDW3LFWXUH“I did not know your
magazine was so sexy, because I have just
arrived in Australia.”:HFDQ¶WWKLQNRI
“I am
comfortable
in front of
the camera”
DEHWWHUZD\ WR XQGHUVWDQG W H $XVWUD LDQ
HWKRVWKDQWKLV¿QHSXEOLFDWLRQ'LG\RX
HQMR\JHWWLQJDELWRAUNCHIER"“I think
I only enjoy posing for nude art shoots. Not
porn or sexy poses.”:KDWGR\RXOLNHDERXW
WKHERG\\RXVKRZRIILQDQDUWLVWLFDQGQRW
DWDOOSRUQRJUDSKLFPDQQHU" “I like it all.”
6RGRZH%XW\RX.1(:ZHZHUHJRLQJ
WRVD\WKDW
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR
HEAD AS YOU POSED FOR THIS PHOTO?
“Nothing came into my mind while I was
doing the shoot. For me, it’s my passion and
work. I just do what the photographer asked
me to do. But, of course, I am comfortable in
front of the camera in the nude because I like
the naturalness of the human body.”
83
 “I’m
a big weed
smoker”

HELENE
BYRON BAY, QLD

“This shoot is the most sexy thing I have

done,” says 24-year-old dishwasher and
French traveller Helene -XVW KDYLQJ WKDW
DUVHDWWDFKHGWR\RXLVWKHVH[LHVWWKLQJ
\RX¶YHGRQH$QG\RXGRQ¶WHYHQKDYHWRWU\
DQ\WKLQJWRDFKLHYHWKDW7HOOXVVRPHWKLQJ
HOVHDERXW\RXDQG\RXUGREAT ARSE
“I’m a big weed smoker.”:KDWGR\RXPLVV
DERXWOLIHLQ)UDQFHZKLOH\RXDUH]LSSLQJ
DERXW$XVWUDOLD"“I miss my cheese.”
3DUWLFXODUO\DIWHUVPRNLQJZHHGZH
LPDJLQH:KHQ\RXKHDGKRPHZKDWZLOO
\RXPLVVDERXW$XVWUDOLD"“I’m travelling
with my boyfriend. And I will probably
stay and live here because my boyfriend
is half Australian.”+DOI$XVWUDOLDQDQG
IXOO\VWRNHGZKHQHYHUKHVHHV\RXUDUVH
DQ\ZKHUHQHDUKLP
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR
HEAD AS YOU POSED FOR THIS PHOTO?
“It was funny and ridiculous at the same
time. The photographer was great. I did this
only for the money. Only my good friends
EDFNLQ)UDQFHZLOO¿QGRXW,JXHVV´

MAGAZINE

WHERE THE STARS ARE STARKERS!

PUZZ
MA LE

KORIE
WODONGA, VIC
Retail worker Korie, 22, may not be in
line for a Wallabies jersey, but it sounds
like she’d be more fun to watch than the
15 private school tossers who do have
one. “Something sexy I have done would
GH¿QLWHO\KDYHWREHZKHQ,SOD\HGUXJE\
with the girls in our undies; athleticism and
“I played
rugby with
girls in
our undies”
practically
¿HOG:RRR´ )DQWDVWLF $EVROXWHO\ QRWKLQJ
FDQEHDWWKDW“I think the group shower at
the end might just beat it, actually.” :HOO
ZHVWDQGFRUUHFWHG:KRZDVOXFN\HQRXJK
WRVHHWKHJDPH"2UWKHVKRZHU"6KRXOG¶YH
VROGWLFNHWV&RXOG¶YHPDGHDPLQW
“We all went to a giant party just outside
of town near one of the local footy ovals,
so whoever was at the party may have been
smart enough to stick around and watch.”
e WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR
HEAD AS YOU POSED FOR THIS PHOTO?
“I was just completely enjoying the moment.
,WLVQRWWKH¿UVWWLPH,KDYHSRVHGQXGHDQG
won’t be the last. What I liked most about the
shoot is that I know my bum looked good in
every shot.”
85
ON SALE NOW
 “I had
a threesome
with two
other girls”
ƒVƒ
HOUGHTON, SA
Our homies aren’t always sure about what
anecdotes to share. “I once had a threesome
with two other girls; is that OK to talk
DERXW"´ DVNV VOHQGHU ¿UPERGLHG \HDU
old Ava. :H FDQ¶W WKLQN RI D EHWWHU WRSLF
2ND\ PD\EH D )285620( ZLWK THREE
OTHER GIRLS :KDW GLG \RX OLNH DERXW
WKH WKUHHVR
them both the most. Both girls had really soft
lips.” +RZ GLG LW FRPH DERXW" “I guess
I was a bit curious and wanted to explore.
I had never been with a girl before, so
I guess it was just something different.
I love to try new things.”$Q\PRUHSODQVIRU
D UDPSDQW DPRXQW RI JURXS RU OHVELDQ VH[
LQ WKH FRPLQJ ZHHNV" “Probably not at the
moment, but we’ll see what happens. I am
quite open-minded.”
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR
HEAD AS YOU POSED FOR THIS PHOTO?
“I felt quite free. I also found it very
OLEHUDWLQJ ,W GH¿QLWHO\ EXLOW XS P\ RZQ VHOI
FRQ¿GHQFH ,W LV MXVW VRPHWKLQJ VR GLIIHUHQW
I guess. As I said, I am always about trying
new things.”
 Home Girls
HOMIES
FLASHBACK
BABES FROM OUR “WONDER YEAR
ISSUE
591

ISSUE
593

ISSUE
594
FLASHBACK TO JANUARY, 2000
DECEMBER 31st 1999 passed without a single sighting of the dreaded
Y2K bug and we welcomed in the new millenium with vomit down our
fronts and crook necks from watching the neighbour’s fireworks. Luckily
a few Homies pushed through hangovers and got their PINK BITS out
for us to enjoy. Hopefully, they’re still about in another thousand years.

88
 “I’ve had sex
with my boss
on my desk”

NIKKI
ALBURY, NSW
Those readers with jobs – that’s both of you
– will know that getting through the work
day can be tough, even for “easy going, girl
next door” homies like 30-year-old Nikki.
“My job in admin is fast-paced.” +RZ GR
\RX FRSH" ³,¶P D ELW ÀLUW\ VR VRPHWLPHV
customers . enjoy that other people are seeing me.
FXVWRPHUV" “I have had sex with my boss on
my desk at work after hours.” +RSHIXOO\ WKDW
JDYH \RX BOTH D UDLVH :KDW DERXW DIWHU
KRXUV" +RZ GR \RX GHDO ZLWK WKH KDUVKQHVV
RI OLIH" “I love a cold beer on a hot day.”
&RQVXPHG ZLWK D QXGH VSXQN OLNH \RX LW
ZRXOG WDVWH HYHQ EHWWHU
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR
HEAD AS YOU POSED FOR THIS PHOTO?
“I loved it. I love being naked and I even
I don’t think my friends have seen any of
my photos. Well, at least they haven’t said
anything. I did tell a couple of girlfriends.
Hopefully, they would like to do a double
shoot in future.”
 SOfiƒ
BONDI, NSW
,WDOLDQVH[\GRQQD6R¿DZLOO
one day take her 27-year-old
body back to her BOOTY-
shaped home land. Yes, we’re
sad, too. And what will she
miss about her time here?
“Surfers and avocados.”
“I love to show <RX¶UHWKH¿UVWWRWHOOXVDERXW
WKHDYRFDGRV “They are not
off my body” that common, and not easy
WR¿QGDWWKHVXSHUPDUNHW´
:HZLOOVHQG\RXVRPHRYHU
'RHVDQ\RQHLQ\RXUJUHHQ
IUXLWGHSULYHGFRXQWU\NQRZ
9
\RXDUHD<28%($87QXGH
PRGHOGRZQXQGHU" “Of
course not.” :LOO\RXFRQWLQXH
WRSRVHQXGHEDFNKRPH±RU
HYHQVWHSLWXSDQRWFKLQWR
SRUQ" “I never thought I could
be a porno actress.” :LWKWKDW
ERG\ZH¶UHVXUH\RXZRXOGJR
IDU. “Ha ha. Thank you.”
WHAT WAS GOING
THROUGH YOUR HEAD AS
YOU POSED FOR THESE
PHOTOS? “I was a little bit
shy at the beginning, because
LWZDVP\¿UVWWLPH%XWWKHQ
,ZDVIHHOLQJPRUHFRQ¿GHQW
because actually I love to show
off my body.”
 Bƒ
CK
SCORE $ Bƒ PƒCKER
GIRLS – WIN BULK MOO
OLAH AND A
CLASSY PHOTO SHOOT JUST FOR
UP AND SENDING YOUR PICS IN!
BE
SOFIA’S
TRAVEL
ESSENTIALS

A jumper “Because on
the airplane, it is always
cold.”

iPod “I cannot live without

my music.”

A book “Just because

I like reading, it is very
relaxing for me.”

Cigarettes “Because I am
a smoker.”

$400
BACKPACKER
BABE

91

YUNƒ
OTTESLOE, WA
hale huggers are going to
have to deal with the fact we
love the Japanese, especially
when the kingdom sends us
superb examples of womanhood
like 21-year-old Yuna.
.RQLFKLZDZKDWDUH\RX
GRLQJIRUDOLYLQJ"“I am
a housekeeper and cleaner.
I am travelling, but I will stay
in Perth for a while. I’m gunna
miss Australia, especially Perth.
,OLNHWKHEHDFKVXU¿QJ
and all of the people who I
have met here.”$QGWKH\ZLOO
XQGRXEWHGO\UXHWKHGD\\RXU
SHUW1LSSRQHVH¿JXUHGHSDUWV
92
“I was very
nervous and
ashamed”
RXUVKRUHVWRR:KDWGR\RX
PLVVDERXW-DSDQ"“The food.”
+DUGWRJHW)5,('0,1.(
LQ3HUWK"“Sukiyaki and sushi.”
8P\RXNQRZ\RXFDQJHWWKDW
SUHWW\PXFKHYHU\ZKHUH“Yes,
I know I can eat that here, but it
is so expensive.”
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH
YOUR HEAD AS YOU POSED
FOR THIS PHOTO? “It was
P\¿UVWH[SHULHQFHEHLQJ
photographed so I was very
nervous and ashamed, but the
photographer was so nice and
made me feel comfortable when
I was taking the photos. I liked
posing naturally with a smile,
but I disliked posing with
a serious and sexy face.”
 TO
TIT P
S
2 0 0
$TOP TITS

“We were
having
sex on the
couch”

LINDƒ
SOUTHPORT, QLD
Brazilian 35-year-old Linda was once in
for a big surprise. “I went home with this
guy I met at a bar in college and he took
me to what I thought was his house. I was
pretty tipsy at this point so I didn’t really
pay too much attention to where we were
going or w . HEAD AS YOU POSED FOR THESE
WHOOXV±KHOLYHGLQDER[XQGHUDEULGJH
DQGDWH&$11('781$IRUHYHU\PHDO"
“It turned out he lived with his parents and
while we were having sex on the couch, they
walked in, and his mum screamed.”2XW
RI$'0,5$7,21IRU\RXUSHUIRUPDQFH
RIFRXUVH" “I basically fell off the coach,
JUDEEHGWKHFORWKHV,FRXOG¿QGDQGUDQRXW
I never did get my other sock back.”
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR
PHOTOS? “When I was posing nude for you
I felt very excited. I was thinking about all
the people who are going to watch me in the
magazine and how they might start to have
a taste for good sex.”

93
 “I loved
everything
“She could about posing”
bend over
naked in front
of me”

ƒ
ƒLYCI

$400
HOMIES WHO SCƒRL
ETTE
LOVE HOMIES

94

SCORE $400
GIRLS – WIN BULK MOOLAH AND A CLASSY
PHOTO SHOOT JUST FOR NUDING UP AND
SENDING IN YOUR PICS!
LYCIƒ &
CƒRLETTE
DELAIDE, SA
e e - e -o o eaters
look all happy frolicking around
naked. But how would they
handle being marooned on an
island far from civilisation? ,I
\RXZHUHVWXFNRQDGHVHUWHG
LVODQGWRJHWKHUFRXOG\RX
VXUYLYH"Scarlette: “I highly
doubt it. Fire wouldn’t happen,
EXW,FRXOGDOZD\V¿QGIRRG´
Alycia: “She could bend over
naked in front of me and try to
OLJKWWKH¿UH2IFRXUVH,ZRXOG
have to supervise from behind.
Just to make sure. And maybe
lend a ‘hand’.” WOOPSZH
KDYHQRWSDFNHGDQ\EODQNHWV
HO
LOMIES
HO V E
MI
ES
RQ \RXU WULS :LOO \RX EHDEOH
WR.((3:$50DWQLJKW"
Scarlette: “Of course we will.
That’s what friends are for.”
Alycia: “Body heat is much
better then a blanket anyway. ”
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH
YOUR HEADS AS YOU POSED
FOR THESE PHOTOS?
Alycia: “I loved every second
of it. I’m a nudist at heart, so it
was just like a sexy naked day
at the beach with my best mate.”
Scarlette: “I loved everything
about posing for these pictures.
What’s not to love about being
naked with your sexy bestie?
We have so much fun getting
naked in the middle of the day
and having our pictures taken.”
95
“We fucked
six times in
one night!”
CHƒRLIE
KIAMA, NSW
coast
of NSW, you’d think Charlie
might be a little more scared of
the big ol’ NOAHS currently
terrorising her local beaches,
but it turns out she’s more
worried about the sharks ON
THE LAND than the ones off
it. “Guys are so creepy!” blurts
the 24-year-old. “I’d rather take
my chances in the water than a
nightclub full of seedy guys.”
Surely that’s all a little over
the top isn’t it? “Not at all. Just
the other night, I was at a bar,
and this idiot thought it would
be OK to put his hand up my
skirt and try to grab my arse, so
$4
HOM
THE
I threw my drink in his face!”
That’ll learn him. Now let’s
hear a nice story… “Well, I did
meet this guy about a month
ago and had the best sex of my
entire life!” That’s more like it!
“Yeah, he had the most amazing
stamina – we must’ve fucked
six times in one night!” Uh oh,
that bastard’s setting a HIGH
STANDARD… “You bet he is;
he’s my benchmark for one-
night stands.” We feel sorry for
your next root.
WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH
YOUR HEAD AS YOU POSED
FOR THIS PHOTO? “Not much,
I wasn’t scared or anything.
I was really relaxed actually.
I think I’m a natural, so maybe
you’ll be seeing more of me…”
40 0
MIE OF
FLASH FOR CA$H!
Wanna be a Home Girl?
WEEK Send us your pics and if
they’re suitable for
publication in one of
the categories below
AND WE PRINT THEM,
we’ll fling you the
appropriate cash. So
get snapping, fill in the
coupon, and see you
nude soon!

$100 Topless Homie

$100 Bag Girl
$150 Home Girl
$200 Beaut Bum / Top Tits
$400 Bedroom Babe / Homie on
Holiday / Homie with Hobbies
$400 Home Girl of the Week

Send your snaps to HOME GIRLS, THE PICTURE,

GPO Box 5201, Sydney, NSW 2000. Each photo must
be signed on the back by the Home Girl.
Yes, I want to be a Home Girl (please tick)
I hereby give THE PICTURE magazine the right to publish one or more of the
enclosed photos of me. I give permission for my photo to be used on the
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 BARMAN!
ANOTHER
DOUBLE,
PLEASE.

THIS ISSUE:
WHISKEY
To ‘e’ or not to ‘e’? It’s spelt whiskey India is the biggest consumer of

01. in Ireland and the USA, but whisky

everywhere else. To further fuck you
up, some Seppo brands, such as George Dickel
and Maker’s Mark, use the no ‘e’ spelling.
The name whisky (with or without
whisky in the world, but mainly
because the definition of whisky is
pretty loose there. Most of the local “whisky”
is crap made from molasses, which would
make a Scotsman spew up in his sporran.

02. the ‘e’), was derived from the Irish

Gaelic phrase “Uisce beatha”,
Whisky is clear when it’s first
made, and only turns brown when
meaning “water of life”. it’s aged in wooden barrels.

The oldest licensed distillery in the

03. world is Bushmills, in Northern If you visit the Jack Daniels

Ireland, which has been turning distillery in Lynchburg,
out the happy juice since 1608. Tennessee, you can’t even have
one little sip of it in a local bar there be-
cause it’s in Moore County – a “dry county”

04.
During prohibition in the USA that prohibits the sale of booze.
(1920-1933), you could still buy
whisky for medical purposes from
pharmacies as long as you had a prescription. The Beatles popularised
the drink whisky and Coke
in London in the 1960s,
when they were the biggest band in
Mum got
away beffore the world. Because they were drink-
they saaw ing it, everyone else started to as
her facce well, so every time you knock one
back, sing a Beatles song.
Thinkstock, Alamy

05.
Bourbon is American whisk
y
made with a minimum of 51
per
cent corn, instead of all bar
ley,
like the Irish and Scottish stu
ff.
E PICTURE 5