Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Spider - July 2022
Spider - July 2022
,ORYHSOD\LQJLQ
WKHODNH 2KQR,V
WKDWWKXQGHU"
<HDK QRWKLQJ FRXOG
VSRLO WRGD\
22
:
:2:/HWÎV
GRWKDWDJDLQ
)URQW &RYHU E\ /DLQL 7D\ORU -XO\$XJXVW
9ROXPH1XPEHU
James M. O’Connor, Director of Editorial
Stacey Lane Smith, Editor
7KXQGHU DW WKH /DNH E\ 6DP 5HQQRFNV Emily Cambias, Assistant Editor
Hayley Kim, Assistant Editor
'RRGOHEXJ 'DQGHOLRQ E\ 3DPHOD 'HOO Julie Peterson, Copyeditor
Suzanne Beck, Senior Art Director
2QH 6WLFN\ (OHSKDQW E\ 6WDFH\ /DQH Shavan Spears, Designer
Michael Chesworth, Artist, SPIDER bugs
7KH *ROGHQ 6HTXLQ E\ -DQLFH 0LOXVLFK Adrienne Matzen, Permissions Specialist
:KDW 6KRXOG <RX 'R ,QVWHDG RI <RXU &KRUHV" .RORQNR6KXWWHUVWRFNFRP VSRW /HQDN6KXWWHUVWRFNFRP
-XO\$XJXVW 9ROXPH 1XPEHU j &ULFNHW 0HGLD $OO ULJKWV
6SLGHUÖV &RUQHU DQG 6SLGHUÖV 0DLOER[ UHVHUYHGLQFOXGLQJULJKWRIUHSURGXFWLRQLQZKROHRULQSDUWLQDQ\IRUP$GGUHVV
FRUUHVSRQGHQFH WR 63,'(5 PDJD]LQH (DVW (ULH 6WUHHW 6XLWH 30%
&KLFDJR,/)RUVXEPLVVLRQLQIRUPDWLRQDQGJXLGHOLQHVVHHFULFNHWPHGLD
2SKHOLDÖV /DVW :RUG &KLPS &KRPS FRP:HDUHQRWUHVSRQVLEOHIRUXQVROLFLWHGPDQXVFULSWVRURWKHUPDWHULDO$OOOHWWHUV
DQGFRQWHVWHQWULHVDFFRPSDQLHGE\SDUHQWRUJXDUGLDQVLJQDWXUHVDUHDVVXPHGWREH
IRUSXEOLFDWLRQDQGEHFRPHWKHSURSHUW\RI&ULFNHW0HGLD)RULQIRUPDWLRQUHJDUGLQJ
%XJJ\ %XOOHWLQ RXUSULYDF\SROLF\DQGFRPSOLDQFHZLWKWKH&KLOGUHQÖV2QOLQH3ULYDF\3URWHFWLRQ$FW
SOHDVHYLVLWRXUZHEVLWHDWFULFNHWPHGLDFRPRUZULWHWRXVDW&0*&233$
3LQQDFOH'ULYH6XLWH0F/HDQ9$
VWSULQWLQJ4XDG6XVVH[:LVFRQVLQ-XQH
7KH )XQ =RQH 0RQNH\ 5DFHUV
3ULQWHGLQWKH8QLWHG6WDWHVRI$PHULFD
Hey, guys. If
International Reading
What? Association
Educational Press
you wanna see
Paul A. Witty
Association of America Short Story Award 2008
something super
Distinguished Achievement Award
Ø:2:,&$1Ö7EHOLHYHKRZPDQ\SHRSOHDUHVKRZLQJXS
IRUWKLVÙ'DQGHOLRQ3LQNOH\VDLG6KHVWRRGLQWKHZLGHSDUNLQJ
ORWRIWKH(=/LIH(OHSKDQW6DQFWXDU\ZDWFKLQJWKHIORZRI
DSSURDFKLQJFDUV+HUEURWKHU'RRGOHEXJWKHLUFRXVLQ5XG\DUG
DQGDEXQFKRIRWKHUNLGVZHUHZLWKKHU$OORIWKHPZHUHUHDG\
WRZDVKWKRVHFDUVVSRWOHVV
7KHHOHSKDQWVZKROLYHGDW(=/LIHKDGEHHQUHVFXHGIURP
EDGFRQGLWLRQV1RZWKH\HQMR\HGDVDIHIRUHVWHGKRPHWRURDP
DURXQGLQ$QGHYHU\FOHDQFDUPHDQWDIHZPRUHGROODUVWR
VXSSRUWWKHLUZHOOEHLQJ6RZRUNLQJWKHFDUZDVKZDVD
JUHDWZD\WRVSHQGDVXPPHU GD\
Follow me into my sanctuary ²
safe place ² where I keep my baby.
Ø'ULYHXS'ULYHXSÙ'RRGOHEXJÖV KRRG7KHUHZHUHPXGVWUHDNVELUG
EXGG\%RJFDOOHGWRWKHOLQHRI GURSSLQJVDQGGHDGEXJVDOORYHU
FDUVØ:HÖUHJRQQDJLYHHYHU\ODVW WKHWKLQJ,WZDVKDUGZRUNEXWD
JDVJX]]OHUDZKROHQHZORRNÙ FRXSOHRWKHUNLGVSLWFKHGLQ
7KHILUVWIHZFDUVUROOHGLQDQG 1HDUE\&RXVLQ5XG\DUGEHJDQ
SDUNHG7KHGULYHUVSDLGDQGWKH VKLQLQJWKHEXPSHUVRQDFODVVLF
NLGVJRWWRZRUN7KH\KDGSDLOVRI FDUZLWKJLDQWILQVØ:KRRSHHÙ
ZDWHUVFUXEEUXVKHVVSRQJHVDQG KHVKRXWHGØ,ORYHWKLVFDUDQG
HYHQDKRVHRUWZR LWÖVSHUIHFWQRZÙ
Ø0\FDULVDVORSS\PHVVÙRQH +HWXUQHGWRWKHQH[WFDUVLQJLQJ
GULYHUVDLGDVVKHSDLGXS DIXQQ\HOHSKDQWVRQJDORQJZLWK
Ø<RXÖUHQRWNLGGLQJÙ'RRGOHEXJ VRPHRWKHUNLGV$IHZFXULRXV
VDLGXQGHUKLVEUHDWK+HKRVHG HOHSKDQWVEHJDQWRJDWKHUE\WKH
GRZQWKHFDUDQGEHJDQZDVKLQJLWV ZRRGHQIHQFHERUGHULQJWKHVDQFWXDU\
Your baby? You mean That's not just any old guzzler,
this old gas-guzzler ² Spider! That's a classic!
large car or truck that
uses lots of gasoline? Sacre` bleu! Zee car 'az
fins ² two pointy
parts on zee back!
2QH WUXPSHWHG ORXGO\ 7KHQ DQRWKHU XS DQG SDLG WKHLU PRQH\ 7KH\ VWRRG
DQGDQRWKHU DURXQGZDWFKLQJWKHHOHSKDQWVDVWKH
Ø7KH\ÖUHKDSS\Ù'DQGHOLRQÖVEHVW ZDVKLQJWRRNSODFH7KHQWKH\GURYH
IULHQG7RPLNRVDLGØ7KH\PDNH DZD\KDSS\WKHLUFDUVORRNLQJ
WKDWVRXQGZKHQWKH\ÖUHH[FLWHGÙ IDQWDVWLFLQVLGHDQGRXW
Ø$QGORRNDWWKHEDELHVÙ'DQGH %XWWKHQRLVHDQGWKHVXPPHU
OLRQJXVKHGDVRQHSXWLWVWUXQN KHDWEHJDQWRZHDUWKH\RXQJFDU
WKURXJKWKHIHQFHVODWVDQGZDYHG ZDVKHUVGRZQ
DWWKHPØ:HQHHGWRZRUNIDVWHU Ø,FDQÖWWDNHWKLVWRRPXFKORQJHUÙ
VRZHFDQJHWWKHPPRUHPRQH\Ù 'RRGOHEXJDGPLWWHGWRKLVVLVWHU
$OOWKHNLGVVWHSSHGXSWKHDFWLRQ Ø,NQRZÙ'DQGHOLRQDJUHHGØEXW
7KH\VFUXEEHGULQVHGDQGSROLVKHGWR WKHUHDUHVWLOOVRPDQ\FDUVZDLWLQJ
WKHWXQHRIHDUVSOLWWLQJHOHSKDQWFDOOV IRUDZDVKÙ,WZDVWUXH7KHOLQHRI
)RUDZKLOHLWZDVDORWRIIXQ7KHFDU FDUVVHHPHGHQGOHVV
ZDVKRSHUDWHGSHUIHFWO\3HRSOHGURYH Ø,QHHGDEUHDNÙ%RJFDOOHG
+HVHWKLVELJEXFNHWGRZQE\WKH 'RRGOHEXJJUXPEOHGEXWKH
IHQFHDQGZLSHGKLVIRUHKHDG SLFNHGXSKLVVFUXEEUXVK\HWDJDLQ
5XG\DUGGURSSHGKLVVFUXEEHU +HSXVKHGKLVH[KDXVWHGDUPEDFN
Ø0HWRRÙKHVLJKHG DQGIRUWKRYHUWKHWUXQNRIDEHDWXS
Ø%XWZHQHHGWRKHOSWKH ROGMDORS\7KHFDUZDVDZUHFN,W
HOHSKDQWVÙ'DQGHOLRQVDLGZDQWLQJ GLGQÖWHYHQVHHPZRUWKWKHHIIRUW
QRWKLQJPRUHWKDQWRSXWGRZQKHU %XWKHGLGLWIRUWKHHOHSKDQWVÖVDNH
KRVHDQGVSRQJH$VHFRQGODWHUVKH :KHQWKDWSLOHRIMXQNGURYHRII
GLG 'RRGOHEXJFROODSVHGRQDQXSWXUQHG
Ø:KDWÖVWKHPDWWHUZLWK\RX SDLO7KHGULYHUKDGDELJVPLOHRQ
NLGV"ÙRQHGULYHUFRPSODLQHGØ,WÖV KLVIDFH'RRGOHEXJGLGQRW
RQO\PLGPRUQLQJ<RXFDQÖWEH 6RPHNLGVNHSWZRUNLQJEXW
SRRSHGRXWDOUHDG\<RXÖUHNLGVÙ WKH\DOOORRNHGEHDW
'DQGHOLRQJD]HGXSDWWKHPDMHVWLF VSUD\LQJHDFKYHKLFOHFOHDQ$EDE\
HOHSKDQWV$QDGRUDEOHEDE\ZDV HOHSKDQWHYHQGUHQFKHGDOLWWOHUHG
SOD\LQJLQDGHHSWXERIZDWHUVKRZHU VSRUWVFDU
LQJLWVHOIDQGREYLRXVO\KDYLQJIXQ 6HHLQJZKDWZDVKDSSHQLQJDOO
'DQGHOLRQZLVKHGVKHZDVSOD\LQJ WKHWLUHGNLGVOHWRXWDQHOHSKDQW
LQWKDWSRRO VL]HGWUXPSHWLQJFKHHU$VWKHFDUV
)HHOLQJJXLOW\VKHSLFNHGXSKHU JRWFOHDQWKHSHRSOHJRWVSULQNOHG
VRDS\VSRQJH%XWEHIRUHVKHUHDFKHG WRR$UHIUHVKLQJZDYHRIHQHUJ\
WKHQH[WFDULQOLQHDMXPERVWUHDP SDVVHGWKURXJKWKHZKROHFURZG
RIZDWHUFDPHIORRGLQJGRZQRQ 7KHHOHSKDQWVZDWHUHGWKHNLGV
WKHFDU7KHQDQRWKHUVWUHDPKLW ZLSHGDQGWKHGULYHUVKDSSLO\SDLG
DQRWKHUFDU'DQGHOLRQORRNHGEDFN GRXEOHMXVWIRUWKHWKULOORIEHLQJ
7KHURZRIHOHSKDQWVKDGEHJXQ WKHUH1RFDUZDVKKDGHYHUEHHQ
VKRRWLQJZDWHURXWWKHLUWUXQNVDQG VRVXFFHVVIXO
by Stacey Lane
One Sticky Elephant Art by Shelley Hampe
ADD SOME PIZZAZZ to your craft corner or desk by
turning your tape dispenser into an excellent elephant.
What to Do:
1. Open up the tape dispenser. Take out the
tape. Recycle the paper label.
2. Paint the outsides of both pieces of the
dispenser. (Tip: Hold the dispenser halves by
their inside circular parts while painting.)
Don’t paint the jagged tape-cutting edge.
3. Paint the cupcake liner. Let the paint dry.
4. Draw a mouth at the bottom of both
dispenser pieces.
5. Glue an eye to each piece in the small
space next to the hole. Let the glue dry.
6. Put the tape back in, and snap the dispenser
shut.
7. Squish the cupcake liner, and stick it through
the hole in the dispenser. Gently pull until
it’s the same size on both sides. Fan out and
fold back to shape into elephant ears.
9
<PM /WTLMV ;MY]QV
<PM/WTLMV;MY]QV
E\-DQLFH0LOXVLFK
$UWE\%KDJ\D0DGDQDVLQJKH
WH[W j E\ -DQLFH 0LOXVLFK DUW j E\ %KDJ\D 0DGDQDVLQJKH
Ø(DWÙKLVPRWKHUVFROGHG GD\6LQFHWKHHOHSKDQWVZHUHWKH
$VLULQLEEOHGDWKLVHJJKRSSHU VWDUVRIWKHSDUDGHWKHLUFRVWXPHV
:KDWÖVWDNLQJ8QFOH7KDGVRORQJ" KDGWREHGD]]OLQJ7KH\ZHUHPDGH
KHZRQGHUHG RIYHOYHWDQGHPEURLGHUHGZLWK
:KHQKLVXQFOHILQDOO\FDPHRYHU .DQG\DQGHVLJQV$VLULÖVIDYRULWH
WKHKLOO$VLULOHDSWIURPKLVVHDW GHVLJQVZHUHRIWZLQVZDQVDQGORWXV
Ø%\H0RPÙKHFDOOHGDVKHUXVKHG IORZHUV+HHVSHFLDOO\ORYHGWKHVHTXLQV
RXWWKHGRRU VHZQRQWKHPWKDWPDGHWKHPVSDUNOH
Ø/RRN8QFOHÙVDLG$VLULKROGLQJ
XSWKHVWLWFKHGFORWK
Ø7KHVHDUHILQHVWLWFKHV$VLULÙ
VDLG8QFOH7KDGSDWWLQJKLVVKRXOGHU
Ø6WUDLJKWDQGVPDOOMXVWULJKWWRIL[
VHTXLQVRQWRYHOYHWÙ
7RJHWKHUWKH\ZDONHGWRWKH
ZRUNVKRS$ORQJWKHZD\8QFOH
7KDGVWRSSHGWRJUHHWQHLJKERUVDQG
VKDUHQHZVZLWKIULHQGV,WVHHPHGKH
NQHZHYHU\RQHDQGWKH\NQHZKLP
%\WKHWLPHKHDQG$VLULDUULYHGDW
WKHZRUNVKRSWKHVHDPVWUHVVHVZHUH
DOUHDG\ZDLWLQJ
8QFOH7KDGDQGKLVWHDPKDG
VWLWFKHGIRUPRQWKVWRPDNHWKH
FRVWXPHV7KH\KDGWREHUHDG\IRU
(VDOD3HUDKHUDWKHELJJHVWIHVWLYDO
KHOGLQWKHFLW\RI.DQG\6UL/DQND,W
ODVWHGIRU WHQ GD\V ZLWK D SDUDGH HYHU\
Check out these cool seat covers!
They're embroidered ² decorated
Nice. with stitches that form fancy
pictures, patterns, and letters.
7KHIHVWLYDOZDVRQO\WZRZHHNV Ø<HV8QFOH"Ù
DZD\7RGD\8QFOH7KDGKLVWHDP Ø3OHDVHEULQJPHWKHELQRIJROGHQ
DQGQRZ$VLULZRXOGSXWWKHILQLVKLQJ VHTXLQVÙ
WRXFKHVRQWKHFRVWXPHV$VLULKRSHG +HUHZDVKLVFKDQFHWKRXJKW
WKLVPLJKWPHDQKHÖGJHWWRVHZD $VLUL7KRVHVHTXLQVZHUHIRUWKH
VHTXLQRQWRWKH0DOLJDZD7XVNHUÖV 0DOLJDZD7XVNHUÖVFRVWXPH+HÖG
FRVWXPH7KH0DOLJDZD7XVNHUZDV EULQJWKHELQWR8QFOH7KDGDQG
WKHELJJHVWDQGPRVWLPSRUWDQW WKHQDVNWRVHZRQHRQ8QFOH7KDG
HOHSKDQWLQWKHSDUDGH ZDVVXUHWRVD\\HV$VLULOLIWHGWKH
$OOPRUQLQJ$VLULKHOSHGWKH ELQIURPWKHVKHOIDQGWXUQHGDOLWWOH
VHDPVWUHVVHV+HEURXJKWWKHP WRRTXLFNO\$IHZVHTXLQVIOHZLQWR
WKUHDGFORWKDQGSDGGLQJDQG WKHDLU8QFOH7KDGKDGKLVEDFN
ZDWFKHGDVWKH\VWLWFKHGWKHGHVLJQV WR$VLULVRKHKDGQÖWVHHQ7KDQN
$IWHUOXQFK$VLULZDVSXWWLQJ JRRGQHVVWKRXJKW$VLUL8QFOH7KDG
DZD\DEROWRIIDEULFZKHQKLVXQFOH DOZD\VVDLGWKDWRQO\FDUHIXOILQJHUV
FDOOHGØ$VLUL"Ù VKRXOGPRYH TXLFNO\ LQ WKH ZRUNVKRS
Baby is a Bugazi Tusker, named
Regarde zee big metal
after an animal, such as a male
horns on zee front!
elephant, that has two long teeth
that stick out past its mouth.
0DNLQJWKHFRVWXPHVIRU(VDOD JROGHQVHTXLQVWKDWVSLOOHGDFURVVWKH
3HUDKHUDWRRNWLPHDQGSDWLHQFH ZRUNVKRSIORRU
7KHLUEHDXW\ZDVQRWWREHUXVKHG 8QFOH7KDGÖVEURZIXUURZHGDQG
$VLULH\HGWKHVPDWWHULQJRIVKLQ\ DIURZQSXOOHGDWKLVIDFH$VLULIHOW
VHTXLQVVFDWWHUHGRQWKHIORRU+H KLVFKHHNVWXUQLQJUHG+RZFRXOG
KDGWRFOHDQWKHPXSEHIRUH8QFOH KHKDYHEHHQVRFOXPV\"1RZ8QFOH
7KDGVDZWKHP$VLULKXUULHGO\ 7KDGZRXOGQHYHUOHWKLPVHZD
NQHOWWRVHWWKHELQGRZQ VLQJOHVWLWFKÔDQGFHUWDLQO\QRW
Ø2ZÙ6WXEELQJKLVWRHRQD DVHTXLQÔRQWKHFRVWXPHVWKLV\HDU
WDEOHOHJ$VLULVWXPEOHG7KHELQ +HPLJKWQHYHUOHWKLPKHOSDJDLQ
WLOWHG7KHVHDPVWUHVVHVDQG8QFOH $VLULGDVKHGRXWWKHGRRUGRZQ
7KDGWXUQHGWRVWDUHÔILUVWDW$VLUL WKHVWUHHWDQGDOOWKHZD\EDFN
DQGWKHQDWWKHVWUHDPRIVKLPPHULQJ KRPH
+HDULQJWKHUXVKRIKLVIRRWVWHSV Ø<RXZDQWHGWRKHOSÙVDLGKLV
$VLULÖVPRWKHUFDPHWRWKHGRRU PRWKHUØ*RKHOSÙ
Ø:KDWÖVZURQJ$VLUL"ÙVKHDVNHG $VKHWUXGJHGEDFNWRZDUGWKH
Ø,VSLOOHGWKHVHTXLQVÙKHEOXUWHG ZRUNVKRS$VLULDYRLGHGKLVQHLJKERUVÖ
DOPRVWLQWHDUV JODQFHV+HZDVVXUHWKDWHYHU\RQH
Ø'LG\RXFOHDQWKHPXS"ÙVKH NQHZRIKLVFDUHOHVVQHVVKLVFOXPVL
DVNHG QHVV:KHQKHJRWWRWKHZRUNVKRS
Ø1RÙ $VLULSHHUHGLQLWVGRRUZD\8QFOH
Ø*REDFNDQGFOHDQWKHPXSÙ 7KDGZDVQÖWWKHUHEXWWKHVHTXLQV
VKHVDLGZLWKDZDYHRIKHUKDQG ZHUH7KH\OD\VFDWWHUHGDFURVVWKH
Ø8QFOH7KDGZLOOH[SHFW\RXWRÙ IORRUZDLWLQJIRUKLP+HÖGFOHDQ
$VLULVKRRNKLVKHDG%XWKHNQHZ WKHPXSDQGUHWXUQKRPH$VLUL
LWZDVRQO\ULJKWWRFOHDQXSDPHVV GLGQÖWZDQWWRVHHWKHGLVDSSRLQWPHQW
KHÖGPDGH,WZDVRQHRI8QFOH LQKLVXQFOHÖVIDFH
7KDGÖVZRUNVKRSUXOHV 7KH VHDPVWUHVVHV EXVLHG WKHPVHOYHV
Yahoo!
Wanna take Baby for a ride? Road trip!
ZLWKWKHLUZRUNZKLOH$VLULJDWKHUHG DVPLOHEULJKWHQHGKLVIDFH
WKHVHTXLQVLQWRDSLOHDQGVZHSW Ø,ÖYHEHHQVHDUFKLQJHYHU\ZKHUH
WKHPLQWRDGXVWSDQ(PEDUUDVVHG IRU\RX$VLUL<HW,ILQG\RXKHUHÙ
$VLULNHSWKLVKHDGGRZQDVKH +HFKXFNOHGØ,VKRXOGKDYH
SRXUHGWKHVHTXLQVLQWRDVLHYH NQRZQÙ&URVVLQJWKHURRPKH
&DUHIXOO\KHVKRRNLWVHSDUDWLQJ VTXHH]HG$VLULÖVVKRXOGHUØ*RRG
WKHGXVWIURPWKHVHTXLQV ZRUNHUVDOZD\VFOHDQXSDIWHUWKHP
2QO\ZKHQWKHODVWVHTXLQVOLSSHG VHOYHVÙ+HFODSSHGKLVKDQGVØ1RZ
LQWRWKHELQDQGVHWWOHGDPRQJWKH FRPH7KHUHDUHFRVWXPHVWRILQLVK
RWKHUVGLG$VLULJODQFHXS8QFOH DQGÙ+HFRFNHGKLVKHDGWRZDUG
7KDGVWRRGLQWKHGRRUZD\ZLWKKLV $VLULDQGZLQNHGØ6HTXLQVWR
DUPVFURVVHG%XWLQVWHDGRIDIURZQ VHZÙ
$VLULÖVVPLOHZDVZLGHUWKDQKLV
IDFHDVKHVWLWFKHGWKHILUVWJROGHQ
VHTXLQRQWRWKHGHVLJQGHFRUDWLQJ
WKHPDURRQYHOYHWRIWKH0DOLJDZD
7XVNHUÖVKHDGSLHFH
-[ITI 8MZIPMZI"
) ;IKZML ;]UUMZ +MTMJZI\QWV
);IKZML;]UUMZ+MTMJZI\QWV
E\ +D\OH\ .LP
)RUKXQGUHGVRI\HDUVODWH-XO\DQGHDUO\
$XJXVWHYHQLQJVLQ.DQG\6UL/DQNDEXUVW
LQWRFRORUPXVLFDQGOLJKW7KLVVSHFWDFXODU
FHOHEUDWLRQLVFDOOHG(VDOD3HUDKHUD )HVWLYDO
RIWKH7RRWK DQGLQFOXGHVORQJSDUDGHVRI
GUXPPHUVDQGGDQFHUV
.DQG\LVKRPHWR6UL'DODGD0DOLJDZD
7HPSOHRIWKH7RRWK ,QVLGHWKHWHPSOHLVWKH
6DFUHG7RRWK5HOLFEHOLHYHGWREHWKH%XGGKDÖV
OHIWXSSHUFDQLQHWRRWK
7KHWHQGD\IHVWLYDOKRQRUVWKH%XGGKDDQG
WKHKRO\WRRWK,QWKHJUDQGHVWSDUDGHDUHSOLFD
RIWKHWRRWKÖVJROGFDVHLVFDUULHGRQWKHEDFNRI
DQHOHSKDQWFDOOHGWKH0DOLJDZD7XVNHU
Fabulous Facts:
by Emily Cambias
Those minutes sure add up after days and days and days
Into time that I could spend in more productive ways.
by Lucinda Lombardo
Art by Dorota Rewerenda
text © 2022 by Lucinda Lombardo, art © 2022 by
Dorota Rewerenda-Mlynarczyk
Outsmarting the Saturday Similes
I
76((0('$6WKRXJK/D\ODZDVVWXFNGRLQJFKRUHV
HYHU\VLQJOH6DWXUGD\XQDEOHWRKDYHDQ\UHDOIXQ:LWK
KHUEXV\ZHHNVKHMXVWGLGQÖWKDYHWLPHWRFOHDQ6R0RP
XVXDOO\PDGH6DWXUGD\ØFOHDQLQJGD\Ù
Ø<RXUURRPLVDVGLVRUJDQL]HGDVPRQNH\VKDYLQJDSLOORZ
ILJKWÙVDLG0RPXVLQJWKHVDPHPHVV\URRPVLPLOHVKHÖG
DOZD\VXVHGØ1RSOD\LQJRXWVLGHXQWLOWKLVURRPLVFOHDQÙ
/D\ODVWRRGLQKHUURRPWDNLQJLQWKHVLJKWRIWKH
HQRUPRXVPHVVØ,ÖOOQHYHUJHWRXWRIKHUHÙVKHVDLG-XVW
ORRNLQJDWWKHPHVVPDGHKHUVOHHS\6KHGLGQÖWNQRZZKHUH
WREHJLQVRVKHOD\RQKHUEHG0RQNH\VKDYLQJDSLOORZ
ILJKW5LJKWVKHWKRXJKW
E\-RHO6WHWOHU
$UWE\-HUHPLDK%URZQ
WH[WjE\-RHO6WHWOHUDUWjE\-HUHPLDK%URZQ
6KHKDGRQO\FORVHGKHUH\HVIRUDPRPHQWZKHQVKH
IHOWVRPHWKLQJWDSWDSWDSKHUIRUHKHDG:KHQVKHRSHQHG
KHUH\HVVKHIRXQGKHUVHOIVWDULQJDWDZLGHH\HGFDSXFKLQ
PRQNH\MXVWLQFKHVIURPKHUIDFH:LWKRXWEUHDNLQJH\H
FRQWDFWWKHPRQNH\VWRPSHGLWVOLWWOHIHHWDQGVFUHDPHG
/D\ODZDWFKHGDVDKXQGUHGPRUHPRQNH\VHDFKFDUU\LQJD
SLOORZFDPHPDUFKLQJWKURXJKKHUGRRU5KHVXVPRQNH\V
KRZOHUPRQNH\VPDQGULOOVDQGEDERRQVDOOMXPSHGDURXQG
WKHURRPVZLQJLQJSLOORZVKDQJLQJRQFXUWDLQVDQG
NQRFNLQJRYHUWR\VDQGIXUQLWXUH7KH\EDWWOHGLQWKHPRVW
HSLFSLOORZILJKWWKHUHHYHUZDV
Smooth as silk!
Runs like a top!
Dang! I can't think of a simile ²
It drives like a dream. figure of speech that compares two
things usually by using “ like” or “as.”
Ø6WRS,ÖPWU\LQJWRJHWWKLVURRPFOHDQÙ-XVWOLNH
WKDWLWZDVRYHU7KHPRQNH\VIRUPHGDOLQHDQGMXPSHG
RXWWKHZLQGRZRQHE\RQHOHDYLQJWKHEHGURRPWKH
PHVVLHVWPHVV/D\ODKDGHYHUVHHQ
Ø0RPFDQÖWVHHLWOLNHWKLVÙ/D\ODVDLGWRKHUVHOIDVVKH
JRWULJKWWRZRUNJHWWLQJWKHPRQNH\PHVVFOHDQ
-XVWDVVKHZDVILQLVKLQJ0RPSRNHGKHUKHDGLQWR
WKHEHGURRPØ'RQÖWIRUJHW\RXUEDWKURRP,WLVDVRXWRI
FRQWURODV\RXUPRQNH\IULHQGVKDYLQJDZDWHUILJKWÙVKH
VDLGZLWKKHUXVXDOPHVV\EDWKURRPVLPLOH
1RWRQHPLQXWHDIWHU0RPPHQWLRQHGWKHPRQNH\V
/D\ODKHDUGDORXGUXFNXVLQKHUEDWKURRP6KHUDQGRZQ
7KHPRQNH\VÖZDWHUILJKWZDVPDJQLILFHQW7KH\ZHUH
WKURZLQJKDQGIXOVRIZDWHUDQGVRDSVPHDULQJWRRWKSDVWH
RQWKHPLUURUDQGGRLQJWKHPRVWLPSUHVVLYHFDQQRQEDOOV
LQWRWKHEDWKWXE/D\ODVZXQJWKHGRRURSHQDQGRUGHUHG
WKHPRQNH\VWRKDOWØ0RQNH\VVWRS,ÖYHJRWWRJHWWKLV
URRPFOHDQÙ
:LWKWKDWWKHPRQNH\VVWRRGXSVKRRNWKHPVHOYHV
GU\DQGWKHQFOLPEHGRXWWKHZLQGRZ7KHEDWKURRPKDG
QHYHUEHHQVRPHVV\/D\ODJRWULJKWWRZRUNPDNLQJVXUH
0RPZRXOG QHYHU VHH WKH PHVV
Here's our five bucks, buddy. Welcome to the Mighty Motorhead Crash Challenge!
$V/D\ODZDVILQLVKLQJWKHEDWKURRPFOHDQXS0RP
SRNHGKHUKHDGWKURXJKWKHGRRUZD\Ø'RQÖWIRUJHW<RX
QHHGWRFOHDQ\RXUWR\VRXWRIWKHEDFN\DUG,WLVDVMDPSDFNHG
DVWKRVHPRQNH\VKDYLQJDWR\SDUDGHÙ
/D\ODÖVSDOPVEHJDQWRVZHDW0RPÖV6DWXUGD\VLPLOHV
KDGDOUHDG\PDGHWKRVHZLOGPRQNH\VWHDUXSKHUEHGURRP
DQGEDWKURRP%XWQRZDWR\SDUDGH"6KHUDFHGWRWKH
EDFN\DUGKRSLQJVKHZDVQÖWWRRODWH
:KHQVKHJRWWKHUHLWZDVGHILQLWHO\DPHVVÔEXW
QRZKHUHQHDUDVEDGDVLWFRXOGEHLIWKRVHPRQNH\VKDG
EHHQWKURXJKZLWKDWR\SDUDGH6KHJRWEXV\SXWWLQJKHU
EDFN\DUGWR\VDZD\7KHEDOOVZHQWEDFNLQWKHEXFNHW
KHUELNHZHQWEDFNWRWKHJDUDJHDQGKHUKXODKRRS
ZHQW EDFNRQ WKH KRRN
The most dangerous challenge Excusez-moi?
Helmets on, gang!
of bug and machine ever!
No guts, no glory.
7KHJURXQGEHJDQWRUXPEOH/D\ODFRXOGVHHWKHSDUDGH
FRPLQJIURPWKHQH[W\DUGRYHUØ1RZD\ÙVKHVDLGVWDQGLQJ
KHUJURXQGZLWKWKHJULWRIDWKRXVDQGZDUULRUVØ,ZRUNHGWRR
KDUGWRJHWWKLV\DUGFOHDQÙ$VWKHPRQNH\VDQGWKHLUWR\
SDUDGHFORVHGLQRQKHUEDFN\DUG/D\ODKHOGXSKHUKDQGV
DQG\HOOHGØ67237KLV\DUGLVFOHDQÙ
7KHSDUDGHVWRSSHG(YHU\WKLQJZHQWTXLHW7KHOHDGHUV
RIWKHSDUDGHDFRXSOHRIVSLGHUPRQNH\VULGLQJDSDLURI
VWXIIHGGLQRVDXUVORRNHGDWWKHFOHDQEDFN\DUG7KH\JDYH
/D\ODDQDSSURYLQJWKXPEVXSEHIRUHOHDGLQJWKHSDUDGHRII
LQWRWKHGLVWDQFH
7KHEDFN\DUGZDVVDYHG,JXHVVLWÖVHDVLHUWR.((3LW
FOHDQWKDQWR*(7LWFOHDQ/D\ODWKRXJKW6KHKDGRXWVPDUWHG
KHUPRPÖV6DWXUGD\VLPLOHV
Jumping on the Bed
Wind rushes past my eardrums,
a cyclone raging near.
My toes are rockets blasting off.
The bedsprings creak in fear.
by Nadine Cranenburgh
Art by Daniel Guidera
text © 2017 by Nadine Cranenburgh
26
DO YOU GRUMBLE when you have to do chores? Take this quiz to find
out what sort of super-awesome project you should be doing instead!
Cleaning is boring.You’d rather . . .
❏ A. Build an igloo in the backyard.
❏ B. Learn how to speak Dog. Or Cat. Or Parakeet.
❏ C. Put on your lab coat and start mixing orange and purple
liquids together until something bubbles.
by Tori Telfer
Art by Elly Walton
27
Answers to
More A’s: Forget vacuuming the rug. You should turn the entire living
room into a castle fort using every pillow and blanket in the house!
The bigger the better.
More B’s: Dust the bookshelves? No siree! It’s time to throw a pet
talent show, featuring the neighborhood’s animals. All fifty of your
beloved ants will be performing a line dance.
More C’s: Chores, shmores! The artificial life form you’ve invented will
be working soon enough. It can handle every chore on your list, from
washing dishes to light speed toy-picker-upping. Mwahaha!
28
Imo Tries
Something New
E\$QQ0F/DLQ
$UWE\0HOLVVD*DUGQHU
T +(<($5,62QWKHVPDOOLVODQGRI.RVKLPDLQ-DSDQ
VRPHVFLHQWLVWVKDYHSXWRXWDPRXQGRIVZHHWSRWDWRHVRQWKH
EHDFK7KH\DUHKHUHWRVWXG\WKHVQRZPRQNH\VDQGWKH\
KRSHWKHSRWDWRHVZLOOOXUHVRPHRXWRIKLGLQJ
6KRUWO\DVZDUPRIIXUU\VQRZPRQNH\VWXPEOHVRXWRIWKH
IRUHVWDQGRQWRWKHEHDFK7KH\OLNHWKHVZHHWSRWDWRHV,PRLV
D\RXQJPRQNH\LQWKHWURRS6KHÖVSDVWEHLQJDEDE\EXWQRW
TXLWHJURZQXS\HW6KHVWLOOVLWVZLWKKHUPRWKHUEXWJDWKHUV
KHURZQIRRG
7KHPRQNH\VVRUWWKURXJKWKHVZHHWSRWDWRHVVDQG\IURP
EHLQJRQWKHEHDFK7KH\OLNHWKHSRWDWRHVEXWWKHVDQGIHHOV
QDVW\EHWZHHQWKHLUWHHWK6RWKH\SLFNWKHVDQGJUDLQVRIIWKH
SRWDWRHVEHIRUHWKH\HDWWKHP
Gawl dang! I can't Shucks! I was hoping to add
believe they made it! that baby to the mound ² pile.
DUWjE\0HOLVVD*DUGQHU
,PRSLFNVDWWKHVDQGRQKHUVZHHW
SRWDWREXWLWÖVVORZJRLQJ6XGGHQO\VKH
VWDQGVXSDQGFDUULHVKHUSRWDWRDFURVV
WKHEHDFKWRDVPDOOVWUHDPWKDWFRPHV
GRZQIURPWKHPRXQWDLQ6KHGXQNV
KHUSRWDWRLQWRWKHZDWHUÔRQFHWZLFH
WKUHHWLPHV7KHVDQGLVJRQH,PRHDWV
KHUSRWDWRÔQRJULWW\VDQG+HUIDYRULWH
SOD\PDWHKDVEHHQZDWFKLQJ
)RUWKHQH[WVL[PRQWKVWKHVFLHQWLVWV
ZDWFKDVRWKHUPRQNH\VWU\,PRÖVQHZ
LGHD)LUVWKHUSOD\PDWHSLFNVXSDSRWDWR
DQGGXQNVLWLQWKHVWUHDP7KHQ,PRÖV
PRWKHUWULHVLWWRR6RRQPRVWRIWKH
\RXQJPRQNH\VDQGWKHLUPRWKHUVDUH
GRLQJLW6RPHHYHQIROORZ,PRÖVOHDGDV
VKHVWDUWVWRGLSKHUVZHHWSRWDWRLQWKH
VHDHYHQDIWHULWLVFOHDQ'LSELWHGLS
DJDLQ7KHVDOW\ZDWHUPDNHVWKHSRWDWR
WDVWHHYHQEHWWHU
(YHQWXDOO\,PRÖVQHZLGHDVSUHDGV
WKURXJKWKHWURRSXQWLOPRVWRIWKH
\RXQJHUPRQNH\VDUHZDVKLQJWKHLUVZHHW
SRWDWRHV%XWVWXEERUQO\WKHROGHUPRQNH\V
VWLOOEUXVKWKHVDQGRIIVORZO\ZLWKWKHLU
KDQGV7KH\GRQÖWZDQWWROHDUQDQ\QHZ
WULFNV
2QHGD\WKHVFLHQWLVWVSXWSLOHVRIZKHDWRQWKHEHDFK
7KHZKHDWDOVRJHWVDOOPL[HGXSZLWKWKHVDQGDQGLWÖVKDUG
WRHDW7KHPRQNH\VQHHGWRSLFNWKHZKHDWJUDLQVRXWRQH
E\RQH,WWDNHVDORQJWLPH%XW,PRJHWVDQRWKHUJRRGLGHD
6KHJDWKHUVXSDEDOORIZKHDWDQGVDQGPL[HGWRJHWKHU6KH
FDUULHVLWWRDSXGGOHRIZDWHUDQGWKURZVLWLQ$VVKHZDWFKHV
WKHVDQGVLQNVDQGWKHZKHDWIORDWV1RZVKHFDQVFRRSWKH
ZKHDWJUDLQVRIIWKHZDWHUÖVVXUIDFHDQGHDWWKHPHDVLO\7KLV
WLPHPDQ\PRQNH\VDUHZDWFKLQJKHU
1RZVHYHQW\\HDUVODWHU,PRÖVWURRSLVVWLOOZDVKLQJWKHLU
SRWDWRHVDVHDFKJHQHUDWLRQWHDFKHVWKHWULFNWRWKHLUFKLOGUHQ
:KHUHGRJRRGLGHDVVWDUW"6RPHWLPHVLWMXVWWDNHVVRPHRQH
EUDYHHQRXJKWRWU\VRPHWKLQJDOLWWOHGLIIHUHQW
C'mon, guys! Baby still has plenty of gas! We're walking home.
Non merci, Bill.
Bye-bye, Baby.
)LLZPUHU<U\Z\HS7SHJL
Chimp Chomp
THIS SILLY AND SWEET VXPPHU VQDFN LVVXUHWR
SOHDVH DQ\ SULPDWH
What You'll Need:
EDQDQD DQLPDO FUDFNHUV ZLWK PRQNH\V
JUHHQ DSSOH DQGRU DSHV
NLZLV ODUJH SODWH
UHG RU SXUSOH JUDSHV NLWFKHQ NQLIH DQG FXWWLQJ ERDUG
.QLIH LV IRU DGXOW XVH RQO\
What to Do:
1. :DVK \RXU KDQGV 7KHQ ZDVK WKH IUXLW $VN D JURZQXS WR FXWWKHDSSOHLQWRVOLFHVDQG
WR SHHO DQG FKRS WKH NLZLV LQWR FKXQNV
2. 3HHO WKH EDQDQD 3ODFH LW RQ WKH SODWH VR WKDW RQH HQG LV QHDUWKHSODWHÖVHGJHDQGWKHUHVW
LV SRLQWLQJ WRZDUG WKH FHQWHU
3. &RYHU WKH EDQDQDÖV HQG DQG WKH SODWHÖV HGJH ZLWK WKH NLZLFKXQNVWRPDNHDJUDVV\
JURXQG IRU \RXU WUHH WUXQN
4. $QJOH WKH DSSOH VOLFHV ZLWK WKHLU JUHHQ VNLQ IDFLQJ RXW WRILWDURXQGWKHEDQDQDÖVWRS
OLNH SDOP OHDYHV
5. 3LOH WKH JUDSHV LQWR WKH VSDFH ZKHUH WKH EDQDQD DQG DSSOHVOLFHVPHHW
6. 3LFN WKH PRQNH\V DQGRU DSHV RXW RI WKH DQLPDO FUDFNHUV 3ODFHWKHPLQDQGXQGHU\RXU
IUXLW WUHH :KHQ \RXÖUH GRQH PRQNH\LQJ DURXQG FKRZ GRZQZLWK\RXUFKXPV
e,
L ov lia
p h e
O
gy B DQG
EDOO"
lep
Ele
E
What
a SDSHU ZDVKDEOHSDLQW SHQ
Bananas What to Do:
G%X OHU 1.'LS\RXU WKXPE LQ WKH SDLQW :LWK \RXU WKX
KHOGVL
2.*HWPR
WKXPE
\RXUILUVW LQJHUSULQW
\RXOHWWKHSDLQWGU
3.'UDZH\HVDPRXW
KDW RW
Mandarin
Summer Camp
for Kids
Y Learn Mandarin Chinese in small online groups Y
Y Fun classes and activities with great teachers Y
Y Stimulating language and cultural learning Y
Bring China
to you this
summer!
Visit CricketMedia.com/NeuLingo/summer to learn more.
$UW E\ .ULVW 6FULEQHU
What You ll ee
VFLVVVRUV
GULQ
QNLQJ VWUDZ
WDSHH
VWULQ
QJ RU \DUQ WKUHHIRRW RQJ SLHFHV
RQHIRRWORQJ SLHFHV
FDUGERDUG WXEHV (PSW\ SDSHU ZHO WXEHV ZRUN JUHDW
FRLQQV RSWLRQDO
What to Do:
1. &XW RXW WKH PRQNH\V DORQJ WKH GRW
OLQHV
figure
g 1
2.&XWRQHLQFK SLHFHV RI VWUDZ
3.7DSHDSLHFHRIVWUDZWRHDFKPRQNH\ÖV
KDQG7KHQIROGWKHKDQGRYHUWKHVWUDZ
DQGWDSHVKXW ILJXUH
figuree 3
$UWE\%DE%RRQ $QVZHUVRQSDJH