He Saved Me… NOT

Life is tough and cruel. I even question myself what did I do to deserve all the bad luck in

my life. Don’t get me wrong I love life but not my life, if that makes sense...

I am ready to give up life but things happened unexpectedly...

“Ouch!” I shouted at him as soon as we fell to the ground. I was at the top of him and I could

clearly smell his manly perfume. His baseball cap flew away by the wind.

“Are you okay?” He worriedly asked. Well why does he care about me? I don’t even know

him.

I stood up quickly and didn’t even bother to help him. He should be minding his own

business.

“Who even are you? Why don’t you just mind your own business?!” I angrily asked. He

didn’t even bother to change his emotion even though I was mad at him so bad.

“Are you okay?” He asked me one more time. I started walking out the scene but before I

passed the door from the rooftop, he said something that changed my life.

“Ending your life doesn’t make you happy at all, one day you will be genuinely happy. Just

trust the process. See you again!”

—
“Ugh I hate mornings!” Another day, another challenging day. After I met that guy, I don’t

know I had this willingness to live again even though I didn't have the best days of my life.

I started eating my breakfast...alone. After a while, I took my antidepressant. I was

diagnosed with depression and anxiety a month ago and my parents did not even bother to

check up on me. I thought it only happens to some cliché stories that busy parents had the

worst child. Well, it is true; I am the living proof.

After all the morning routines, I decided to get up and start another semester in college. I

am already a 3rd year college student and still don't know what to do in life. I am from the

College of Engineering specifically, Electrical Engineering.

As I entered the room, I occupied the seat at the back near the window. While I was

observing the people entering the room. I saw a guy in the front row sitting and wearing a

baseball cap, his back is kind of familiar. I am not sure where I saw him but I am certain

that he is new here. Before being a weird stalker here, my professor entered the room and

started discussing.

It’s been 30 minutes already and I still don’t understand the lesson. I started yawning but I

suddenly stopped as I realized that the guy in the front row was the same guy with me at

the rooftop.

I stood up quickly...
“Yes Ms. Cruz? Do you know the answer?” Professor asked. Everyone is staring at me...

Including him. “Ms. Cruz, do you have anything to say?” He impatiently asked again.

“Uh– May I go to the comfort room?” I excused myself.

My professor rolled his eyes and nodded as if he had no choice.

Instead of going to the comfort room, I started walking to the canteen to buy some water

and drink it to make me calm. What is he doing here? Does he know me?

“Hey.” I almost spit out the water when this guy showed off out of nowhere.

“Are you following me?” I asked while wiping my mouth. This is so embarrassing.

“If yes, does that make you mad?” He seriously asked. This is the first time I stared at his

face and I admit that he has the looks… no, he is really head-turner.

“Yes! I will assume that you are stalking me.” I said and he chuckled. So weird.

The bell rang as a sign of lunch break. Students are starting to enter the canteen.

“Do you want to eat here or you want to eat outside the school? He randomly asked. I raised

my left eyebrow to show him how weird his question is.

“Weird.” I said.

Students are starting to stare at me. I am used to it, I have no friends and they all labelled

me as crazy and strange.

I decided to leave and just eat alone. I prefer being alone than being judged with these

kinds of people. I stopped walking when I felt like the guy kept following.
“One more step and I will call the police.” Threatening him.

He passed through me and continued walking as if he did not hear what I said. As soon as

he passed by me, I saw his teasing smirk.

Now I am pissed by him...

“Are you even studying?! Do you even call this a grade?!” My dad shouted at me the

moment he saw my report card. I did not bother to speak at all, I am used to it, but not with

the pain.

“That’s enough.” My mom said as she tries to calm my dad.

“Do you even use your depression as an excuse?!” Dad added up.

That’s below the belt. I angrily stared at him while my tears started to fall on my face.

“Do you use your money as an excuse for being a father?!” I asked back. He slapped me on

my face and because of that I ran out of the house. I don’t care where my feet are going to

take me, just not at my place.

I bumped into someone I am expecting to see today...

“Hey, are you alright?” I can see the worries in his eyes. He cupped my face and wiped my

tears using his thumb.

I hugged him and I did not bother to say anything. This just feels right for me.

Every time I need him, he is always there for me.

“You’re going to be alright.” he whispered.

—
I coughed to get out of the awkward situation. We are sitting at the bench in the playground

as soon as I calm myself.

Is one foot apart enough to escape from my embarrassing moment?

“Uh, I just want to say thank you.” I sincerely said to him while facing the floor.

“Do you feel alright now?” He worriedly asked.

“Yes, I just feel so pressured with my parents. Do they think that my course is just as easy

as math? They also assume, specifically my dad– that my depression is just an excu…se.

Sorry.” I stopped after I realized that I was oversharing. I glanced at him and he was

actually listening to me. “Seriously, thank you.” I smiled at him.

“Thank you for sharing as well.” He smiled back.

“Good morning class, today we are going to have a recitation.”

Here we go again… I just noticed that I am good in recitations but not in written activities

or maybe I am just lazy. Anyways, I just noticed that the baseball cap guy is not around

today instead, someone else is sitting on his place.

Oh, another realizations of the day… I did not even know his name!

The class ended and still roaming around the school just in case I might see him

somewhere. I also check on our neighbourhood and still not seeing him there. The rooftop

is the only place I can think of, but no signs of him. Maybe it is time for me to go home.
It is already 2 am and still can’t sleep. I have been thinking about him so much, is he okay?

“Ugh!” I shouted out of frustrations. I decided to take my antidepressant to calm me since I

forgot to take a while ago.

It is Sunday today- favourite day of the week. As I go down to eat my lunch since I have

been thinking about him so much last night, I woke up so late. I saw my dad receiving calls

at the counter table while my mom is preparing for lunch break. I am the only child yet I do

not receive the love I need from them.

“You woke up late, aren’t you supposed to wake up early and study? You are always

wasting your time.” Dad’s line every Sunday’s instead of going to church and pray for all his

sins.

“Honey… Come on.” Mom calmly said to him.

I just rolled my eyes and decided to change my clothes. I will be having my lunch at the

nearest fast food rather than staying at this toxic house.

While I was walking, I saw the baseball cap guy sitting inside the fast food- where I was

supposed to have my lunch. I excitedly entered the place and sit at the vacant space in front

of him. “Hey!” I greeted him. He smiled at me as if he knows I am going to be here.

“Hi, do you order anything yet?” He asked me. I am kind of confused like he is not shocked I

was here, the same place at him. Here I am again, overanalysing things; I think he just saw

me outside before I enter this place, right?

“Not yet, have you?” I asked since I saw the table still empty. He shook his head as a

response to my question. “What do you want to order? It’s on me.” My way of saying thank

you once again to him.

“No, I am good. You need more energy.” He assured me and nod at him.

I ordered my favourite pasta and still got him some drink, since I am not that type of person

who can watch someone who is not eating while I am enjoying my food.

“Here’s your order Ma’am.” Waiter placed the food in front of me.

I gave him the drink I ordered for him. “I told you not to, but thank you!” He said and put a

smile on his face.

“Before I totally forgot, what is your name Mr. Baseball cap?” I asked. He chuckled because

of my invented name for him.

“Jacob. My name is Jacob Lim.” He answered.

“Aren’t you going to ask mine?” I confusedly asked. Maybe he is not interested at me the

same way I am interested at him, but we will work on that.

“I know you, Ms. Cruz.” He said and we both chuckled. I noticed that he wasn’t moving his

drink, I think I got the wrong one.

“I am sorry, but do you want other flavour of that drink?” This is making me so anxious.

Maybe is he a picky eater.

“Oh no, you don’t have to. I am just full right now, sorry.” He explained.

After an hour we decided to leave the place and call it a day.

“Thank you, Ma’am, please come again!” Guard happily greeted me.
“I wonder why the guard did not greet you.” I confusedly said to Jacob.

“Maybe he has a crush on you.” He said with matching teasing smile.

“Oh no, I am late!” I was in a rush today and I forgot to take my antidepressant. I ran until I

reached the room and I saw them taking the quiz already.

“Ms. Cruz, you are late!” My professor way of greeting me as I entered the room. I am late

but my eyes are searching for Jacob, and he is not here again.

“Finally.” I whispered when I heard the bell rang after an hour of taking the quiz. My block

mates rushed into the canteen to have their lunch breaks. No signs of Jacob, again.

“Uhm, excuse me Ara?” I approached one of my block mates.

“Oh hi, yes?” She responded.

“Does Jacob attend school today? I was late so maybe he left earlier.” I asked.

She gave me her confused look which made me also confused.

“Jacob? I don’t remember we have block mate named Jacob.” She seriously said.

“The one who always wear baseball cap.” I explained as I feel my heart beating fast.

“Wearing baseball cap is not allowed inside the room. I am sorry but I do not know him.”

She said. And now I can feel my heart as if it was going to explode. This is making me so

anxious and frustrated.

I rushed to my professor and asked him about Jacob instead. “Hi Sir, may I know if Jacob

Lim attended earlier?” I nervously asked him.

“Ms. Cruz, there is no Jacob Lim in my class.”

“You are joking…” I tried to laugh but the situation is making me nervous. I rushed home

and starting to analyze things. I realized that I did not even searched for him on any social

medias.

No Jacob Lim found.

I am starting to feel my heart ache and my hands are trembling. This is making me so

depressed so I decided to take antidepressant and leave home to get some air.

I saw the person I need today.

He waved at me but I did not wave back. I rushed in to him and asked all the questions that

makes me so anxious. “Do you even go at my school? Why does everyone don’t know you?”

I anxiously asked. He just smiled at me and pat my head.

“Please answer me.” I begged.

It is starting to have thunders and rain drops. Because of the wind his baseball cap flew

away and I got it for him. When I turned back, he was not there…

“Thank you!” the kid said and get the baseball cap.

“No, this is not yours!” I exaggeratedly said.

“Excuse me Miss, it’s my son’s.” The kid’s mother claimed.

I am feeling cold. Heavy rains starting to fall from the sky as the wind touches my skin. My

feet are feeling numb. I cannot move where I am right now.

I rushed home and grabbed my antidepressant. As I open the bottle, I read the back part

‘Side effects may include hallucinations…’

FLASHBACK

“Ouch!” I shouted as I fell the ground. I tripped on the edge of the wall in the rooftop. IT WAS

MY FAULT.

--

“Do you want to eat here or you want to eat outside the school? He randomly asked. I raised

my left eyebrow to show him how weird his question is.

“Weird.” I said.

Students are starting to stare at me. I am used to it, I have no friends and they all labelled me

as crazy and strange. BECAUSE I REALLY AM.

--

I bumped into someone I am expecting to see today...

“Hey, are you alright?”

“You’re going to be alright.” he whispered.

I WAS ALONE THAT TIME.

--

“Hey!” I greeted him. He smiled at me as if he knows I am going to be here. HE IS NOT

AROUND.

--
“Here’s your order Ma’am.” Waiter placed the food in front of me. NO ONE WAS SITTING IN

FRONT OF ME.

--

“Jacob. My name is Jacob Lim.” He answered. I INVENTED HIS OWN NAME.

--

“I am sorry, but do you want other flavour of that drink?” Maybe is he a picky eater.

“Oh no, you don’t have to I am just full right now, sorry.” NO ONE IS GOING TO DRINK IT.

--

“Thank you, Ma’am, please come again!” Guard happily greeted me. I WENT OUT ALONE.

FLASHBACK END

Realizing things makes me more depressed and frustrated. Jacob was only my

hallucinations, he does not even exist. I take one tablet to be able to meet Jacob again, but

no one appeared. I tried to take two but still no signs of him. I take the remaining three

tablets in the bottle.

I saw him. He is wearing his favourite baseball cap and I can smell his manly perfume. He

seems so worried of me. My tears starting to drop on my face, I started to feel dizzy.

“Jacob...” I said while hearing my fast heartbeat.

“Faith!!” I heard my parents scream before my name before everything went black.
I thought Jacob will be the reason for me live but he is also the reason why I am losing my

life unexpectedly. Now that I can feel I am dying in any moment, I feel so much regret.

Regret because I am someone’s daughter. I should have helped myself…

Jacob saved me from my battles.

He saved me from being drowned alone.

He saved me at first.

But now, I think He saved me… NOT.