Health And Behavioral Science

How
How Anxiety
We Can Traps
Break Us,
Freeand
by Sabina Nawaz
January 02, 2020

aluxum/Getty Images

Summary. It’s normal to occasionally experience anxiety — when we’re faced with
a high-stakes meeting, a stressed-out boss, or a conflict with a colleague. When
we’re anxious, we tend to trap ourselves in false or limited ways of thinking. These
thought patterns create a debilitating negative spiral that can take over our lives by
Zulfi, a coaching client of mine, is the envy of many of his peers.
As the general manager of a large, successful business, his work is
one of the CEO’s core priorities. He does good work and is well-
loved by his team.

But Zulfi has a secret. He suffers from anxiety. It keeps him up at

night, impacts his health, and takes a lot of time and energy to
manage. When people praise Zulfi’s poise during a major
customer presentation, they’re unaware that he survived the
meeting by taking anti-anxiety medication. Zulfi handles two jobs
each day: the one outlined in his job description and the other
managing his anxiety.

It’s normal to occasionally experience anxiety, such as when we’re

faced with a high-stakes meeting, a stressed-out boss, or a conflict
with a colleague. But according to the National Institute of Mental
Health, in any given year, 19% of U.S. adults are suffering from an
anxiety disorder, and 31% will deal with a disorder at least once in
their lifetime.

Mental health experts postulate that, when anxious, we tend to

get trapped in false or limited ways of thinking. These thought
patterns create a debilitating negative spiral that can take over
our lives by convincing us of impending doom and further
exacerbating our sense of helplessness. Anxiety Canada, a website
devoted to supporting people who suffer from anxiety, lists a
number of these traps and thought patterns. Here are the ones my
clients, usually senior executives, most commonly experience and
the kinds of things they say when in the grip of a specific trap:

Catastrophizing: Imagining the worst possible outcome. “I

will get fired if the presentation has any glitches.”

Mind reading: Imagining what others are thinking. “I know

he doesn’t like working with me because he thinks I’m
dumb.”

Fortune telling: Imagining what the future holds, but

without data. “They will all hate me in the new group
because I’m the only one who isn’t a physicist.”

Black-and-white thinking: Considering only two possible

outcomes. “I’ll either hit a home run or get fired.”

Overgeneralizing: Painting all situations with a

generalized outcome. “I presented to the CEO last year, and
it didn’t go well. I never get things right or always fail when
it comes to executive audiences.”

If one or more of these thinking traps has a hold on you, try these
strategies I’ve used with my coaching clients to overcome them.
While I’m not a psychologist or a medical professional, I do have
experience helping my clients adjust their behaviors, change the
way they think, and increase their effectiveness at work. These
suggestions do not replace the need to consult mental health
professionals for possible diagnosis and treatment for anxiety, but
they can help you break your negative thought patterns, gain
control over your anxiety, and allow you to listen to the chatter
that really matters in your daily work.

Pause the pattern. Anxiety is often preceded by physical

symptoms. Learn to recognize your physical cues of an
impending attack: a churning stomach, sweaty palms, or flaring
nostrils. These reactions are part of an amygdala hijack, causing
your body to react with a fight-or-flight response instead of
operating from your thinking brain. When you notice these
reactions, consciously change your activities. Engage the thinking
part of your brain, for instance, by doing math. But not something
as simple as 2+2; try something that will challenge you enough to
divert your brain away from your stressor.

Name the trap. Give your pattern a name, whether it is one of the
traps listed above or something you come up with yourself.
Naming converts the vague threat to something concrete. You
regain power by realizing you’ve encountered it before — and
survived. You can fine-tune your mitigation strategy based on the
specific trap that’s ensnared you. Zulfi, for instance, had a better
sense of the steps to take once he’d named his patterns and could
distinguish between catastrophizing, mind reading, and fortune
telling.
Separate FUD from fact. Create a two-column list. On one side
list all your fears, uncertainties, and doubts, or FUD. The second
column is for verified facts. Being able to compare the two can
quell your fears and bring you back to reality.

For example, when Zulfi indulged in a mix of fortune telling and

catastrophizing, he told himself, “Our key strategy is going to fail,
and we’ll soon be out of business because our competitor moves
faster, and our subsidiaries are located in places of political
turmoil.” Entries in his FUD column included: Our competitor
will out-innovate us and be faster to market; geopolitical events
will spin out of control; we’ll have a great recession; and our best
employees will burn out. Entries in his facts column included:
We’ve beat the competition to market the last three times; only
one of our 16 subsidiaries is in a politically unstable situation;
economic indices are stable; and employee attrition is at an all-
time low. Seeing the facts next to his fears helped Zulfi tone down
his concerns. If you find your FUD column to be much longer
than the facts, get others involved. Reach out to someone you
trust, and ask them for their point of view. They may also be able
to point to some realistic facts to offset your anxieties.

Tell more stories. We make assumptions, jump to conclusions,

and tell ourselves stories all the time. Storytelling helps us get
through life more efficiently, but it can also be limiting. When
we’re anxious, we tend not only to believe our own stories, we
believe the most extreme and negative forms of them.
Instead of curbing this reflexive habit, indulge it. Compose three
separate stories and ensure they’re very different from each other.
For example, when a client’s manager asked him to increase his
technical depth, the initial assumption he made — in other
words, the story he made up and told himself — was that his
manager was dissatisfied with his performance. When I pushed
him further, he developed two companion stories: “My manager
wants me to showcase my technical depth further to have an even
bigger impact in the group,” and “My manager wants my skills to
be more easily transferrable, so as I become more senior, I have
more places in the company where I can move for my next role.”
Expanding the stories you tell yourself about a specific situation
shows you there are multiple possibilities, many of them more
positive than your initial hypothesis.

Walk your talk. Ask yourself what you’d advise others to do.
When my clients are anxious, I ask them what counsel they would
give a friend or team member in a similar situation. People who
felt clueless a moment before are immediately able to provide
sound guidance. If you find yourself saying, “I feel stuck,” “I don’t
know what to do,” or “There’s no way out,” ask yourself, “If a
colleague came to me with my predicament, what would I tell
them?” This pause allows you to become more objective and
loosen the thinking trap that has you in its hold.
While all of these strategies can help in the moment when you’re
panicked, plans are hard to remember, much less execute. Write
these tactics down and take them to your high-risk meetings.
When you notice that familiar change in your heart rate or
dryness in your throat, glance at your note and try one of these
strategies to calm yourself.

After 10 months following these strategies, Zulfi started to notice

changes. His anxiety attacks were less frequent, his self-talk
changed from self-criticism to self-compassion, and he had more
energy to focus on his day job.

It’s human to experience fear, self-doubt, and confusion. In the

right dose these feelings can be helpful — they keep us vigilant,
engaged, and productive. But when anxieties overburden our
brains and undermine performance, it’s time to consciously
choose the strategies that put us in charge of our internal dialogue
and tune in to the chatter that matters.

Sabina Nawaz is a global CEO coach,

leadership keynote speaker, and writer working
in over 26 countries. She advises C-level
executives in Fortune 500 corporations,
government agencies, non-profits, and
academic organizations. Sabina has spoken at
hundreds of seminars, events, and conferences
including TEDx and has written for
FastCompany.com, Inc.com, and Forbes.com,
in addition to HBR.org. Follow her on Twitter.