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PRESENTATION OF AND ELABORATION ON IDEAS

In order to write an effective academic text, you should remember the following tips:

 put forward clear, well-defined arguments/ ideas.

 avoid shallowness – do not leave the reader with questions and do not make the reader do
mind reading.
 give solid evidence by using different patterns of the organization – provide sufficient and
relevant support for your points so that your arguments can be strong and credible. (See
Appendix 1 for patterns of the organization)
 present your ideas in a coherent and well-organized manner to maintain a smooth flow in
your expressions.
 avoid vague terms – write precisely (be clear and to the point).
 Something must be done to eradicate child abuse. (vague)
 The government should design laws and policies to deter child abuse by focusing mainly on
increasing the severity of punishment. (more precise)
 try to include specific supporting details such as examples, evidence, reference, citation,
facts, and figures).
 People know that the unemployment rate has increased recently. (not supported)
 Clarkson (2018) states that the unemployment rate in the country increased to 5.8 percent
in 2017. (supported with specific detail)

An effective paragraph should be supported with relevant and logical arguments and
should be fully developed by providing reliable and convincing justifications, examples,
and/or evidence. If the ideas are immature, and if the reader is left with questions after
reading the paragraph, it means that the paragraph has not been adequately developed. To
develop your ideas in a paragraph, you can use the following supporting techniques:
 definition
 description
 explanation
 examples
 evidence (facts and figures & authority’s opinion)
 comparison
 opinion
 analogy
! One or more of these supporting techniques can be used in a single paragraph to develop the ideas
in it effectively. Which technique(s) to be used depends on the topic and the type of writing task.
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Task 1: Read the sentence below and discuss how this idea can be developed.
I believe the role of prisons is to rehabilitate people, not just to punish them.

a. Write down the supporting techniques you think can be used to develop this idea in a
paragraph.

_________________________________________________________________

Now, read the following version and discuss how the idea has been developed.

I believe the role of prisons is to rehabilitate people, not just to punish them. This is because policies
that promise to get tough on crime focus on political and economic factors rather than on helping
prisoners reintegrate into society after serving their sentences.

b. Write down the supporting technique used to develop this idea.

_________________________________________________________________

Now, read the following version and discuss how the idea has been further developed.

I believe the role of prisons is to rehabilitate people, not just to punish them. This is because policies
that promise to get tough on crime focus on political and economic factors rather than on helping
prisoners reintegrate into society after serving their sentences. For example, if a prisoner serves a
10-year sentence in a punishment-oriented environment and is released back into society without
accommodation, a job, or training skills for employability, that offender is highly likely to reoffend
after release and return to prison.

c. Write down the supporting technique used to develop this idea.

_________________________________________________________________

Now, read the following version and discuss how the idea has been further developed.

I believe the role of prisons is to rehabilitate people, not just to punish them. This is because policies
that promise to get tough on crime focus on political and economic factors rather than on helping
prisoners reintegrate into society after serving their sentences. For example, if a prisoner serves a
10-year sentence in a punishment-oriented environment and is released back into society without
accommodation, a job, or training skills for employability, that offender is highly likely to re-offend
after release and return to prison. In this regard, a study of post-prison recidivism in 2002 across
France found that 59% of former convicts were reconvicted within five years of their release, and
80% of them were reincarcerated (Monnery, 2015). With reference to stricter prison regimes and
recidivism, Chen and Shapiro (2007) found that harsher prisons in the US “do not reduce post-
release criminal behavior and may even increase it” (p.24).

d. Write down the supporting technique used to develop this idea.

_________________________________________________________________
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! When you develop the main idea of your paragraph using explanations, examples, and evidence
like in the sample above, or any other supporting technique, your argument becomes sharper,
more credible, and more likely to convince the reader.

Task 2: Read the paragraph below and decide whether the ideas are developed effectively or not.
Explain why.

Throughout the years, mice have proven to be invaluable model organisms for biomedical
research, allowing researchers to investigate disorders by manipulating the environment or the
genome. Unlike their human counterparts, mice can easily be studied, and researchers can
manipulate environmental factors. In addition to this, they are remarkably similar to humans in
terms of their physiology and genetics.

Now read the improved version and discuss how the differences contribute to the overall
effectiveness of the paragraph by answering the following question:

a) Which techniques does the writer use to develop each major idea?

Throughout the years, mice have proven to be invaluable model organisms for biomedical research,
allowing researchers to investigate disorders by manipulating the environment or the genome. Unlike
their human counterparts, mice can be studied in a carefully controlled environment. It is also
relatively easy for researchers to manipulate diet composition, food availability, exercise, and other
environmental factors that can contribute to differences in physiological outcomes in mice. In
addition to being relatively inexpensive, fast to reproduce, and easy to maintain compared to other
mammalian models, mice are also remarkably similar to humans in terms of their physiology and
genetics. Mice and humans share approximately the same number of genes and exhibit extensive
synteny. Because of their genetic similarity to humans, mice have been used to pioneer genetic
manipulation technologies, such as gene overexpression and gene knockout and knockdown models
at the whole-organism level or in specific tissues. These technological breakthroughs in genetics
research have fueled several decades of rapid discovery and knowledge expansion in many
biomedical fields. To summarize, the ability to manipulate both genetic and environmental variables
with relative ease has made mice one of the most widely used in vivo models in biomedical research
today.