Running Head: THE CORRELATION OF MARITAL HEALTH TO PHYSICAL, MEN

The Correlation of Marital Health to Physical, Mental, & Spiritual Health Scott Burnell Liberty University

THE CORRELATION OF MARITAL HEALTH TO PHYSICAL, MEN

Abstract Divorce is on the rise at an alarming rate. Marital health is an important issue because it has a tendency to affect the well being of a persons physical health, mental health, and probably most importantly a persons spiritual health. All of these issues have been researched and much has been written on the topic. This paper will discuss some of the key aspects of these issues from a biblical perspective. God gave us the wonderful gift of faith. The question is will we use it? Everyone suffers different types of hurts and pains. However, it is up to us as to how we use our sufferings and pains to grow closer to God. And to understand He is not the one that causes our suffering. We need to decide what is most important in our lives. God really does answer prayers however; you must pray to God and know the right way to pray.

THE CORRELATION OF MARITAL HEALTH TO PHYSICAL, MEN

Introduction It is not surprising that more people in the USA seek help for marital problems than for any other problem (Kelly & Fincham, 1998). Current statistics for divorce in the USA is roughly between 45% and 50% with these numbers increasing for second and third marriages at an astounding rate (Ford, 2001). Marital health can affect a persons physical and mental health as well as their spiritual health. Fortunately, there are many books on the subject of repairing the damage caused by a poor marital relationship. This paper will discuss some of the more prominent affects marital health has on physical, mental, and spiritual health. Also, some of the more common solutions will be pointed out. Far too often though, most people forget or choose not to follow in the light of Christ. However, any good Christian knows that the Bible and God are always a sure bet when it comes to finding solutions to these kinds of problems.

Marital Health

Marital health can be defined in many ways. Of all the studies that have been conducted one can conclude that marital health qualities, have focused on marital satisfaction, adjustment, success or some synonym indicative of the quality of the marriage (Kelly & Fincham, 1998, p. 605). In other words there are many facets to a relationship that will dictate how happy one is in that relationship. The Bible does have instruction on this in Galatians 5:15, If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other (NIV). Also, this is something I am sure I read somewhere but I am not sure of the source. In a way it is funny how we have to take classes and pass both a written and driving test in order to get a

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drivers license. Yet, however, there are very few requirements in most states for getting a marriage license. Complications of Physical Health

It can probably be stated that most problems having to do with physical health stemming from poor marital health derive from mental instability. However, for the purpose of this section I will discuss solely the physical health problems associated with poor marital health. Symptoms can include but are not limited to exhaustion, shortness of breath, palpitations, weight gain, weight loss, headaches, stomach pains, and loss of appetite. Many of these types of symptoms are what doctors and psychologists call somatic complaints. Somatic complaints can be defined as symptoms affecting the body as opposed to the mind or spirit (Koman, 1997). It should also be noted that these symptoms should not be ignored. Persons should seek help from a medical professional just to be on the safe side. According to John Gottman, Men tend to have shorter fuses and longer-lasting explosions than women, leaving them more vulnerable to stress (Gottman, 1994, p. 145). According to numerous resources stress can be linked to the six leading causes of death: heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents, liver cirrhosis, and suicide (Association, A. 2007). Stress is such a serious ailment that it has earned the name the silent killer. In Competent Christian Counseling Clinton and Ohlschlager have a great ChristCentered Multimodal Assessment that uses the acronym B-E-C-H-R-I-S-T-L-I-K-E. This is an assessment that would be used by professionals and lay helpers alike. The assessment categories are; Behavior, Emotions, Cognition, Health, Religion, Idols and false beliefs, Substances,

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Teachability, Law and ethics, Interpersonal relationships, Knowledge, and Environment (Clinton & Ohlschlager, 2002). Complications of Mental Health As already mentioned problems of mental health can be the cause of most of the physical symptoms encountered in a bad marital relationship. Coincidentally, Michael Llyes as stated in our lecture notes made the same connection between marital health, psychological health, and spiritual well-being (Llyes). This leads to my first point on complications of mental health. Again, Michael Llyes lecture gives plenty of insight into depression. Llyes also states that, 17% of Americans will experience significant problems with depression during the lesson of their lifetime (Llyes). Depression itself can be caused by many different things. In fact almost everybody at some point in their life will suffer some form of depression. It is quite normal for most people to suffer depression after a significant loss for instance: loss of a loved one, loss of a job, a divorce. Besides having many causes there is also a whole host of symptoms related to depression including: changes in weight and appetite, changes in sleep and sleep patterns, anxiety, loss of interest in normal activities and many more. Depression however, can be easily treated providing the person seeks treatment. Bereavement and grief are a process of reactions following a great loss like the loss of a relationship or the death of a loved one. A person who is grieving will usually go through several different stages in the grieving process (Koman, 1997). Koman iterates, The grief process is more complicated than the healing of broken bones, of course, and subtler as well (Koman, 1997, p. 75). Bereavement and grief also have different emotional stages that a person will go through. While not everybody will go through all of these emotions nor will they go through them in the

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same exact order as another individual. The first and most common emotion a person experiences after a significant loss is shock. The state of shock can best be described as, Feel[ing] distance from the horror and its implications, frozen in time (Koman, 1997, p. 77). The next series of emotions usually experienced have already been discussed, they are sadness and depression. After sadness and depression comes relief. Relief as it pertains to a relationship can best be described as; the emotion one has after a failed relationship has ended especially one that was a burdensome one (Koman, 1997). Next on the list of emotions experienced from bereavement and grief are regret and guilt. The best explanations for these emotions are the way in which a person may feel after a failed relationship. For example, a person may think about things they should have said or done differently in order to have kept the relationship from going in the wrong direction (Koman, 1997). The next emotion that could be possibly experienced following bereavement and grief is anger. According to our lecture An Angry Spirit: Seeing Red in Marriage presented by Gary Oliver, Unresolved anger can be detrimental to any relationship let alone the marriage relationship. Left unleashed it destroys intimacy and spiritual unity in the life of the couple (Oliver). Anger itself is a normal emotion and one that God does not condemn (Oliver). How we handle our anger is what is most important. There are many verses in the Bible that address anger. However, the two most pertinent ones are Proverbs 29:22, An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins (NIV). The other verse can be found in Ephesians 4:26, 'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (NIV).

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The final emotion experienced following bereavement and grief is longing. The best example of longing is best described as; wanting back what you lost in a relationship that you felt was good. However, for some reason or another it just did not work out. In other words, perhaps you were in a great relationship but for some reason it did not last therefore, you desire strongly or persistently to be with the person lost in the relationship (Koman, 1997). In essence these are all emotional hurts of one type or another. Gary Rosberg succinctly writes this about hurt, Hurt acts as a barometer measuring our response to the threats of our world. Hurt is the emotion of vulnerability: It leaves us wide open, feeling as if our hearts have been yanked out, our tenderness shaken, and our equilibrium upset (Rosberg, 1992/1995, pp. 28-29). So, what can you do to address these issues? Your best option is to seek help at a professional level, whether it is a psychologist or a lay counselor. However, your best option would be to seek a counselor who counsels from a biblical perspective. In their book Competent Christian Counseling Clinton and Ohlschlager emphasis the importance of counseling from a biblical perspective by writing, The ministers in Christian counseling are dedicated Christians who entreat and trust God to be the third person in the counseling endeavor (Clinton & Ohlschlager, 2002, p. 32). There are many good books as well that would not hurt to read and work through if you just want to fix certain aspects of your relationship. However, these are only recommended in cases where the relationship is not already heading for a divorce. One such book is Love & Respect. In Emersons book Love & Respect, Emerson teaches men how to spell love to their wife using the C-O-U-P-L-E acronym which stands for: Closeness, Openness, Understanding,

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Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. He then goes on to teach women how to spell respect to their husband using the C-H-A-I-R-S acronym which stands for: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality (Eggerichs, 2004). Complications of Spiritual Health While complications of physical and mental health are important issues to address, one should not forget their spiritual health either. A person and or a couples spiritual health can be affected by many of the same things that cause mental health complications. Our faith is a wonderful gift from God. Therefore, we need to know how to use it properly. In his lecture Spiritual Intimacy: Becoming Soul Mates Dan Allender succinctly writes, Life-long marital satisfaction requires that couples move beyond sexual and emotional intimacy to become true soul mates. There is a spiritual bond, and a deeper sexual and emotional intimacy, that evolves uniquely when two people mature in marriage over the lesson of a lifetime. This starts in young marriages, and grows into a wonderful union as life progresses (Allender). According to www.christianpost.com there are ten ways to boost your spiritual health. They include: (1) Prayer; silence and solitude, (2) Listening to God; spiritual journaling, (3) Private and corporate worship, (4) Bible-reading and study, (5) Obeying Gods commands, (6) Loving God and our neighbors, (7) Stepping out in faith when urged to do something, (8) Fasting, not necessarily from food-perhaps from TV or something else, (9) Serving others, and (10) Fellowship with other believers (Stalnacke, 2011). There are numerous verses in the Bible that shed light on the Spirit and on living by the Spirit. One that rings out for me however is found in Romans 12:1-2,

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Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to Godthis is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will ishis good, pleasing and perfect will (NIV). Conclusion In our lifetimes we will suffer many different types of hurt, pain and suffering. However, we must remember that it is not God that causes our suffering. However, though God does use our suffering to allow us to grow stronger in our faith. It may be best to remember this passage from Hebrews 11 various verses, Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible. By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts. And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks. By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him. Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God. ... (ESV).

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References Allender, D. (Lecturer). (n.d.). Spiritual Intimacy: Becoming Soul Mates [Video]. Retrieved October 10, 2011, from Liberty University CCOU 301 Blackboard site Association, A. (2007). How Does Stress Affect Us?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 10, 2011, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/how-does-stress-affect-us/ Clinton, T., & Ohlschlager, G. (2002). Competent Christian Counseling (Vol. 1). Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press. Eggerichs, E. (2004). Love & Respect. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. Ford, D. (2001). Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life. New York: HarperCollins Publishers inc. Gottman, J. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed Or Fail ... And How You Can Make Yours Last. New York: Simon & Schuster. Kelly, A., & Fincham, F. (1998). Marital Health: Towards a more complete account of functional and satisfying couple relationships. In Encyclopedia of Mental Health (Vol. 2, pp. 608 619). San Diego, CA: Academic Press. Koman, A. (1997). How to Mend a Broken Heart: Letting Go and Moving On. Lincolnwood (Chicago), IL: Contemporary Publishing Company. Llyes, M. (Lecturer). (n.d.). Depression in Marriage: Climbing Out of the Black Hole [Video]. Retrieved October 9, 2011, from Liberty University CCOU 301 Blackboard site Oliver, G. (Lecturer). (n.d.). An Angry Spirit: Seeing Red in Marriage [Video]. Retrieved October 9, 2011, from Liberty University CCOU 301 Blackboard site Rosberg, G. (1995). Do-It-Yourself Relationship Mender. Colorado Springs, CO: Focus on the Family. (Original work published 1992)

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Stalnacke, M. (2011, June 18). In The Christian Post (Ed.), Top 10 Ways to boost Spiritual Health. Retrieved October 10, 2011, from The Christian Post Web site: http:// www.christianpost.com/news/top-10-ways-to-boost-spiritual-health-51322/

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