"Cell Phone Zombies" (aka Smartphone Zombies)

short play script by D. M. Larson

(Two time travelers, BAKER and JONES, are on stage. They can either be in a spotlight with other people
lumbering around in the darkness behind them or them alone on stage with people moaning off stage)

BAKER

We have traveled back in time to a critical time in our history. This is a key moment where our world was
nearly destroyed by a mind numbing technology that turned everyone into zombies. This is the zombie
apocalypse!

(Lights come up and people - ZOMBIE JOE and MOE - wander around the stage looking at their cell phones
moaning as they walk not looking where they are going and bumping into each other which causes more
moaning. More Zombie Cell Phone Users can be added if available)

JONES

It's horrible. What caused our ancestors to suffer this terrible fate?

BAKER

It's these strange devices they are all carrying around and staring at. They've all been put into a trance by these
things. They can't stop looking at them.

JONES

What's that strange sound they're all making?

BAKER
We call it the iMoan.

JONES

This is too horrible. I can't watch. Why did you bring me back to see all this?

BAKER

Because history tells us you are the one who stops it. A time traveler with your name is the one who saves
humanity?

JONES

Are you sure it was me? Jones is a pretty common name. I went to school with someone with the same name
first and last name even, that's how common it is.

BAKER

I sure hope you're the right one. We've been planning this your entire life.

JONES

You mean you've been grooming me my whole life to travel back in time and save the world?

BAKER
Yes.

JONES

That explains the guy in the suit and sunglasses that was always following me around as a kid.

BAKER
 I was hoping you didn't notice that.

JONES

He was creepy! He gave me nightmares!

BAKER

Sorry about that.

JONES

I had to get therapy!

BAKER

We paid for that.

JONES

It helped. Thanks.

BAKER
You're welcome.

JONES
So how am I supposed to save the world anyway?

BAKER

We're not sure. We just know that you somehow do it alone. No mention of anyone else.

JONES
No mention of you?

BAKER
Affirmative. Very odd indeed.

JONES

Hey! Lookout! That zombie is driving a car while looking at one of those devices!

BAKER
This is bad. These are all manual vehicles. No self driving cars in this time period.

JONES

It's headed right for us!

BAKER
I have to stop it. You have to be safe! You must complete your mission!

JONES

What are you doing?!

(BAKER runs off stage. There is a car screech and thump - or this can be staged in a silly way with a zombie
person driving a small kid car or a cutout of a car and hits BAKER)

JONES (CONT.)
 Oh no! Baker's dead. What do I do? Okay, stay calm Jones. You were trained for this kind of situation. The
emergency kit. Look in the emergency kit. We have a wound self-cleaning bandage, common cold cure tablet,
unlimited credit instant currency card good for any time period, instant shelter just add water, daily meal pill...
a sonic toothbrush...

(Turns it on. Zombie Joe, who is closest to JONES stops and moans louder. Phone isn't working anymore.
Zombie Joe holds it up to the sky and tries to get reception)

JONES (CONT.)
Did the sonic toothbrush just disrupt your phone?

(JONES points it at another person, ZOMBIE MOE, and turns it on. That person's phone stops working. They
moan too and hold it up too trying to get reception).

JONES (CONT.)
This sonic toothbrush has higher settings... I'll turn it to up popcorn stuck between the teeth.

(More zombies stop and moan and hold up their phones. If more actors are not available then the moaning can
come from off stage. The first and second zombies, JOE and MOE, are starting to turn back to normal)

ZOMBIE JOE
What's going on?

ZOMBIE MOE
I don't know.

ZOMBIE JOE
Where am I?

JONES
Welcome to the future, my good people. I have freed you of the terrible creature that took over your world. Be
free of this hideous device forever.

(Takes Zombie Moe's phone and throws it)

ZOMBIE MOE
Hey! I don't have insurance on that!

ZOMBIE JOE
I have the dropsie plan. I can drop it and get a new one. I do that monthly. I always have to have the latest
phone.

ZOMBIE MOE
Let's go get new ones. I hear the new iPid is awesome.

ZOMBIE JOE
What's an iPid?

ZOMBIE MOE
I have no clue but it's new!

ZOMBIE JOE
I want one!

(ZOMBIE MOE and JOE exit)

JONES
It's no good. They are obsessed. I will have to find a way to destroy all the phones. Let's set this to plaque
removal.
 (Turns sonic toothbrush on. More moaning)

Teeth whitening.

(Turns it on again. Even more moaning)

Root canal!

(Turns it on again and there is all kinds of moaning from all over - use pre-recorded moans or get audience to
join in)

Who would have thought someone could save the world with a sonic toothbrush?

***

JONES (CONT.)

Where is that time traveling device anyway? You'd think an emergency kit would have one or at least a return
to home device or something.

Oh well... at least I have this no credit limit currency card...

(ZOMBIE MOE runs in and grabs it)

ZOMBIE MOE
Zoink! I'm buying me an iPid.

(ZOMBIE MOE runs off)

JONES
Hey! Give that back!

(JONES runs off after ZOMBIE MOE. ZOMBIE JOE finds the emergency kit and starts going through it)

ZOMBIE JOE
A daily meal pill? Hmmm...

(Puts it in his mouth)

ZOMBIE JOE (CONT.)

Hey, it's like I'm eating... like the food is appearing in my mouth as I suck the pill... Fruit Loops... coffee....
Donuts... some kind of melon... pizza for lunch... uh... why would they put anchovies on it? Uh...

END OF SCENE