Relationships Cheat Sheet: Do This,

Improve Any Relationship

So, you’ve learned a whole lot about relationships, interpersonal dynamics and the
basics of how to have better, happier relationships. You’ve learned how to persuade
people, how to be more empathetic, how to be happier in your romantic life.
But now it’s time to start putting those things into action. This cheat sheet will help
you to do just that by listing the simple but powerful steps you can take in any
relationship to be happier and more fulfilled.
Know What You Want
The secret to success in nearly any endeavor is to clearly define your goals. While it
can seem cold to think of a relationship in terms of what you want, the reality is that
every exchange really is a kind of social ‘transaction’.
If you know what you want from a relationship, then you know how to define it, you
know where to draw the lines in the sand and you know your boundaries are. Maybe
you want to be best friends, in which case you might want to share secrets and
spend a certain amount of time together. Maybe you want to be acquaintances, in
which case you might be happy to see each other when you see each other.
Don’t Try to Impress
You can’t have a happy and real relationship until you learn to relax into it. So many
of us will spend the majority of our relationships being someone we’re not. This is
either because we want to impress our friends and colleagues to make ourselves feel
higher up the social hierarchy, or it is because we want to be seen as ‘the fun one’.
Whatever the case, you need to be yourself in relationships or ultimately you are
going to become frustrated with them. Not only that, but people can generally see
through acts.
Be yourself. If they don’t like that, then the relationship is not worth pursuing. And
expect honesty from them in return. Cut through the bull!
Stay Up-To-Date
To make sure a relationship is able to stay healthy and to grow, you need regular
contact. This allows you to stay up to date with everything that is going on in each
other’s lives, which in turn prevents every meet-up from being little more than a
lengthy catch-up session.
Go Deep
Every now and then, you need to go deep and find out what is really going on under
the surface. This is how you ensure you have a spiritual connection with your
romantic partner and it is how you ensure that you really know your friends.
That means you need to spend some time one to one. And it means you need to be
open and vulnerable with them if you expect them to do the same in return.
Build Memories
One of the most important ways to keep a relationship growing is to build shared
memories together. That means you can’t make do with a simple ‘catch up’ every
time you see each other. Share new experiences, meet knew people together and go
new places. This way you will create new things to reminisce about!
Be Happy Apart
No relationship will work well unless you are happy in your own company, unless you
are independent and unless you are willing to let them go about their own business.
If you feel you must spend the whole time together and do everything together, then
you will smother them. Not only that, but you will be left with precious little to
discuss when you see each other next.
Don’t Act Out
All of us have times when we feel emotional. We might be angry at the world,
stressed or over tired. During these times, the way we think becomes altered and
everything seems just a little bit worse. It’s easy at this point to then shout at a
friend, to become over sensitive to something a partner says, or to say hurtful and
cruel things you don’t really mean.
The key is to recognize that bad moods pass and that you probably won’t feel the
same way in a day. If you are unhappy with someone, then you need to tell them in a
calm and firm manner. That is not the same as angrily blowing up in their face when
they deliver tea that is too weak.
So before you speak in anger, calm yourself down, remove yourself from the
situation and come back to it later.
Be Sympathetic
Likewise, try to be sympathetic of others that might not have the same level of self-
control.
It is very easy to become hurt if a friend says something cruel or if they don’t answer
our texts. Likewise, it is very easy to shout back if a partner comes home from work
and is angry and short with us.
But remember: they are probably stressed or tired. They might have things going on
that you don’t know about.
So, let them off occasionally. Take your ego out of the equation. Nod and let them
say their piece and then come back to them later on when they have had time to
cool off. Learn to avoid arguments.
Support, Don’t Judge
Likewise, don’t hold it against friends when they make a mistake. Your job is not to
punish them or tell them off and it’s certainly not to knock their dreams or
ambitions.
The best friends are the ones that turn a blind eye to our mistakes and that support
us in our goals.
Be Honest About Your Feelings
That does not say you should avoid confrontation or brush difficult topics under the
rug. These will only fester until they are dealt with.
Talk about the things that you are unhappy with in a relationship. Identify problems
and seek resolutions.
Be in the Moment
Most importantly, be in the moment when you are with others. That means you
should simply enjoy your time with friends, relatives and loved ones. If you truly
enjoy your time with others, then they will feel it. And that builds truly strong bonds.