Topic: COPING WITH LONELINESS

Text: Gen.2:18-24
Definitions
Cope - to deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties
Loneliness - is a feeling of unwanted isolation or lack of connection, whether you
are alone or surrounded by others. A separation anxiety brought on by the feeling
of being disconnected, and out of touch.
Introduction
According to research in 2018 one in three married couples reported to have been
feeling lonely. This is a very high rate of loneliness. In the beginning, the first thing
God declared bad was loneliness, and it still plagues humanity today. The man was
to name the animals, to tend the garden yet he was lonely in God’s judgment. One
of the greatest benefits of marriage is companionship. Being single can be tough,
but it can be a truly difficult combination when coupled with loneliness. Being
married doesn’t protect you from loneliness
Causes of loneliness
 Lack of emotional connection - Loneliness is when you are with someone
who used to get excited about you and now just has no interest. They are not
enjoying what they enjoy before. No longer share humor. You don’t ask them
a question about their day or inquire about their thoughts on something.
 Breakdown of communication - At the root of loneliness is the breakdown
of communication. When you talk is like a business meeting. Women use
words to communicate feelings while men use words to communicate facts
 Not having enough sex – Not quantity but quality. You don’t need to check
sexual compatibility because that’s not how marriage works. Can’t buy a car
without test drive. Sexual compatibility is developed is not discovered.
Commitment to please each other.
 Process of change in the marriage - deployed for a military exercise,
incarcerated, have opposite work shifts, work multiple jobs and hardly at
home, grief, unemployment or financial problem, birth of children etc.
  Being too over dependent for feeling fulfillment - High
support expectations of your partner can lead to loneliness because they can’t
live up to your ideal. Idealizing a perfect marriage can leave you feeling like
your relationship lacks something essential. Don’t expect your spouse to give
you everything. Train yourself to be considerate. Think of your spouse
welfare. Nobody can take the place of God in your life.
 Parental/Societal pressure - It gets especially disheartening when relatives
ask you if you are ever getting married. Constant reminders you are single
and alone intensify the societal pressure to be in a relationship. There is a
distinction between recognizing that need and being unhappy because you
don’t have it right now.
Signs / Symptoms of loneliness

 Feelings of sadness, emptiness, discomfort, insecure and inadequate

 A longing for companionship
 Feeling like you’re misunderstood or not heard
 Feeling isolated even when you're surrounded by others
 Criticism when you discuss your feelings and disinterested in a conversation
 Feeling like you must raise your voice to get their attention
 Sleep problems, such as trouble falling asleep or sleeping more than usual
 Withdrawal from events
 Paranoia (or Feeling Like Others Are Criticizing You)

Dangerous effects of loneliness

 Depression: loneliness rank 4th on the reason people get depressed, which
can lead to suicidal thoughts. Men are 3 times more likely to commit suicide
than the women
 Physical health: people who are experiencing loneliness are at risk to a
variety of health issues - decreased immunity, high blood pressure, stroke

 Physical pain: Research shows that the areas of the brain that deal with
social exclusion are the same areas that process physical pain, "broken heart."
Knowing these potential risks should encourage you to make some changes to
improve the situation.
How to cope with loneliness
 Tell your partner how you feel - A first step to overcoming loneliness is
realizing how you feel and the impact it's having on your life. Make your
spouse your best friend and let them know what is going on in your life. Don’t
expect your partner will read your mind. God is the only one that is all
knowing. Express your feeling without criticism or fighting and not accusing
your spouse.
 Figure out what had changed – What am I doing that’s creating a distance
between me and my spouse? What do I need to change about myself?
Marriage takes hard work, patience, and dedication.
 Learn each other love language – There are different expressions of love
language like quality time to be together, helping out in the home, gifts, etc
and each spouse has a special love language because it is natural. Connection
is necessary for easing loneliness, and you can make some changes to rebuild
your relationship.
 Appreciate the little things - Appreciate the little things you do for each
other but if you consider the little things insignificant, “it communicates that
your spouse efforts are not wanted or appreciated.”
 Avoid comparing yourself to others - Be content, focus on your marriage
and don’t compare your marriage with others. Keep building your home.
It’s easy to look at other people and feel left out, but appearances can be
deceiving. People want others to see their best side, but don’t be fooled. For
some people, the online world may contribute to even greater feelings of
loneliness and isolation. Social media, for example, can portray people who
seem to be living exciting, happy lives with hundreds of good friends at their
side. Reality is that this is generally not true.
 Appreciate the benefits of being single - Being single can be a time to
get to know and love yourself. You don’t have to wait for another person to
 come along to enjoy doing the things you love to do. It is 100% possible to be
single and happy, and when you meet the right person, it will only enhance
the amazing life you already have. Learn to enjoy and appreciate your own
company by taking yourself on dates.

 Be patient - It will take time and effort to repair your relationship, but it can
happen. You can try remembering all the good things about your relationship
and what you love about your partner. Recalling these memories can help you
stay patient as you work to rebuild.
 Get support - Talk to friends (choose your friends well because you’re not
greater than the company you keep) and family members that have the skills
to help you get through loneliness. Let them know you're struggling with
loneliness. It doesn’t make you less of a man because you share your
struggles with another person. Spending more time with the people you love
can help with the loneliness of being single. When you have deep and
supportive friendships and family ties, it becomes harder to focus or worry too
much about being single. You need other kinds of relationship to be a
balanced person.

Conclusion

Feeling lonely doesn’t mean there’s no hope for you and your partner. Instead, it
can be an opportunity for improvement, bringing you and your partner closer
together. Let God use the ups and the downs of your marriage to draw you closer
to Him. Matt.11:28-30. Allow Him to fill in the gaps when your human spouse lets
you down. Find your ultimate joy and fulfillment in your relationship with God. God
is willing and able to help and support us – PRAY. Psalms 34:17-20, 2Tim.4:16-
18 . We can take comfort in the words of the hymn that says it best: “Friends may
fail me, foes assail me, He is with me to the end. Hallelujah, what a Savior!”

May God help us to make our marriages the way He created them, the way He
intended in Jesus Christ name, Amen.