A POSITIVE

MINDSET GUIDE
3 Vital Steps
TO GET YOU THROUGH
THE DAY

Discover Three Key Daily Routines That

Will Calm Your Anxieties, Detox Your
Mind, And Boost Your Energy Levels To
Help You Handle Everyday Problems With
Ease

Ella Lansville
Copyright © 2022 by Ella Lansville. All rights reserved.

This publication is for personal use only. No part of this publication may be
reproduced or shared by any means without an explicit permission from the author.
Information in this publication is provided only for your reference and should not
be used in place of professional medical advice or mental health care.

Disclaimer:

No legal responsibility is held by the author or publisher in the case of possible

damages of any kind occurring due to the content of this book. This book is not
intended to take the place of a professional therapy setting, and you may benefit
from reading this alongside the help of a trusted counselor. If your mental health
has made you worried about your safety, please contact emergency health services
immediately.
 Introduction
Day in and day out, everything seems too overwhelming to handle. You may
find that you are filled with anxiety and dread as your mind moves at a rapid speed,
constantly jumping from one worry to the next. Because of this, you naturally feel
exhausted, as though your energy is being consumed by an outside force that
leeches off of you at all hours of the day. For daughters of narcissistic mothers,
these challenges are all too common, and life can feel like a constant battle. You
find yourself falling into a black hole of anxiety, trauma, and doubt.

While your emotions and anxieties are a normal response to the trauma
caused by your mother, there is hope ahead of you. Understanding narcissism,
learning self-care practices, and connecting with your inner child allows you to
find a path towards healing and towards the life that you have always deserved.
Trauma does not go away overnight, and recovery from narcissistic abuse can be a
long process. Despite this, healing can only happen if you invest in yourself and
your well-being, and if you are willing to accept radical changes in your life.

To begin your journey towards ultimate healing, you need to go through

every part of your day and learn how to approach your routines with a positive and
motivated mindset, starting off with your morning routine. Having a positive
mindset as soon as you wake up sets you up for success throughout your day and
prepares you for any challenges that may be thrown your way. When you go into
the day knowing the power of your inner strength, you can calmly handle anything
that life may bring your way.
 Step One: Morning Routine
Starting off your morning with positive morning mindset exercises
gives you the power to navigate the rest of your day. Morning mindset exercises do
not have to be complicated or time-consuming and can be practiced in numerous
ways. For some daughters of narcissistic mothers, a morning mindset exercise may
be as simple as saying or writing positive affirmations to reassure you of your
strength and worthiness. You should focus on “I” statements that emphasize your
inner strength. For example, telling yourself statements such as “I am capable,” “I
can get through anything that comes my way today,” “I am making steps towards
achieving everything that I deserve,” or “I am a good person worthy of good
things.” Reaffirming yourself of your abilities and resilience first thing in the
morning helps shape the positive mindset that you will keep throughout your day.

If you have more time in the morning, then you can take your morning
mindset routine further. Journaling about how you are feeling as you start your
day and what you want to achieve that day can keep you motivated and on track.
Keeping a journal is a very soothing exercise for many daughters of narcissistic
mothers, as it is a space where you can freely express everything that you are
thinking and feeling. Journaling helps you put your built-up emotions into words,
giving you the opportunity to understand yourself on a deeper level. Along with
this, morning meditation can put you in a positive and healthy mindset to
continue your day. Taking a short amount of time in the morning to meditate and
practice other self-care exercises will allow you to get rid of the negative mindset
that you find yourself in now, which traps you and prevents you from having a
successful day.
 For many people, morning fatigue can cause massive interruptions in a
self-care routine. While you may resort to caffeinated coffee or energy drinks to
get that boost in the morning, there are healthier alternatives that will give you the
energy that you are looking for. Because stress and anxiety can cause a lack of
sleep, waking up exhausted is normal for many daughters of narcissistic mothers.
You should simultaneously work on learning healthy nighttime and sleep habits,
while also building up defenses against morning fatigue that starts your day off on
a bad note.

Morning fatigue can be tackled in simple ways, most notably in the food that
you consume for breakfast. A popular and energizing breakfast food is
oatmeal, as it releases energy slowly throughout the day to give you the stamina
and mental focus that you need to go through your tasks. Oatmeal is an especially
wonderful option because you can easily add more energizing foods into the mix.
Adding a dash of cinnamon into your oatmeal helps to stabilize your blood sugar,
keeping your energy levels consistent throughout the day. In addition to this, fresh
fruits are generally a good source of energy, as they give your body a healthy
amount of sugar to keep you energized, along with giving you vitamins that you
need to stay healthy. Many experts highlight the importance of bananas for
boosting your energy, as bananas contain healthy carbohydrates, vitamin B6,
potassium, and protein to start your day off right (Integris Health, 2021).

Along with oatmeal, having yogurt as part of your breakfast gives you an
energy boost that can help you throughout a hectic day. The sugars in yogurt
provide you with energy to start your day, and like oatmeal, yogurt is perfect to
add in other high-energy foods like fruits and nuts. Since yogurt is a fairly light
breakfast, you can add a side of eggs to your plate–another wonderful source of
protein and energy that can make your mornings a bit simpler.
 Step Two: Daytime Routine
Once you have started your morning off right, it is time to tackle your day.
For daughters of narcissistic mothers, everyday obstacles can be a huge source of
anxiety. You may fear something going wrong, and even if you are imagining an
unlikely situation, this fear causes you to feel constantly anxious. While your
morning exercises help you start off, you will have to put in additional work
throughout the day to keep you going. It is important that you work hard to
conserve your energy throughout the day. When you protect your energy,
you are guarding your well-being and maintaining a positive mindset as you
navigate your day. Conserving and protecting your energy can be done in simple
ways–even something as simple as not taking on too much work can help you
maintain your positive mindset and keep anxiety at bay.

As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, you are naturally a people-pleaser.

Because you have grown up catering to your mother’s needs, your instinct might
be to accept more work when someone asks you to complete a task for them. Even
though the idea of saying no to these requests can seem frightening, remember that
you need to put yourself first in this situation. Though it is good to help others
when you can, you should not be sacrificing your own mental health and well-
being in order to please someone else. If you are at work and a coworker asks you
to complete something for them, seriously consider the offer. Think of what you
have on your plate that day, or if you will have the mental energy to take this task
on. You have every right to say no to this request–and even if you do not have a lot
of work, you are allowed to say no simply because you do not want to do the task.

If you spend the day surrounded by people at work, it is likely that you may
come across a toxic person every now and then. Working with a toxic person,
especially a narcissist, can drain all of your energy if you do not take concrete
steps to protect yourself. If you are seeing toxic people at work, avoid them as
much as you can. Take the chance to work on other tasks that they are not a part of
or move your things to be further away from them if possible. Though you
probably cannot entirely avoid this person, being away from them as much as you
possibly can help you conserve your energy and focus on your tasks.

In general, you should try to avoid toxic people on a daily basis,

regardless of where you see them or how you are related to them. Harmful people
are everywhere, but you have the power to remove yourself from situations where
a toxic person is present. If a narcissist, for instance your toxic mother, reaches out
to you, do not reply unless you have to. However, many women cannot cut toxic
people out of their life entirely, something that is most common in women co-
parenting with a narcissist. In this situation, contact is necessary at times, but your
conversations should only occur when it concerns your child. Creating a schedule
for drop offs and pick up times, holidays, etc. can help limit communication with
this person further.

As you navigate your day, take the time for self-care breaks. If you have a
break at work, craft a self-care routine consisting of whatever you can tackle
during that time. Whether this break entails eating a healthy lunch, taking a
moment to journal, doing a brief meditation at your desk, practicing breathing
techniques, or simply repeating your affirmations in your mind, having time to take
care of yourself throughout the day is necessary to keep you going.

***

Many people find that the main reason their energy is drained so quickly
during the day is the anxiety of looming conflict and confrontation. For daughters
of narcissistic mothers, the fear of confrontation becomes even stronger because
of the traumatic memories that it brings up. In your past confrontations with your
mother, things got out of control quickly, and you were routinely blamed and
shamed for her actions. Throughout your life, confrontation has never gone well
for you or been productive in any way. Therefore, it is natural for you to believe
that conflict and confrontation are bad signs in any situation, and that you should
do everything in your power to avoid potential confrontations throughout the day.
However, you should not avoid confrontation–instead, you must learn how to deal
with it, how to overcome it, and how to win.

Many people are so afraid of the looming threat of conflict that they begin to
feel physically sick thinking of what might happen. This constant anxiety is not
only draining you physically, but mentally as well, preventing you from achieving
your goals and aspirations for the day. There are many reasons why some people
have a fear of conflict. While your main source of anxiety over confrontation likely
comes from your abusive childhood and upbringing, there may be other reasons
why the thought of conflict makes you sick to your stomach.

Ultimately, your fear of confrontation stems from the lessons your mother
taught you and the beliefs that she instilled in you. Many people fear confrontation
because they are afraid of being disliked by other people; in your case, this feeling
likely stems from your mother, who instilled in you the false belief that you are
unlovable and undesirable. Along with this comes a fear of failure that causes you
to avoid conflict. Being wrong in front of other people can cause you massive
amounts of worry, and your fear of judgment often prevents you from standing up
for yourself. Having a narcissistic mother raise you strips you of your confidence,
and this lack of confidence keeps you from speaking out, even if you know that
you are in the right. For you, conflict is a lose-lose scenario, in which you are the
one getting hurt regardless of whether you speak up or not (Rose, 2022).

Because the fear of conflict holds you back from the life that you deserve,
you need to discover ways to accept confrontation and approach it with a healthy
mindset. When you confront someone or when you are being confronted, you do
not have to get aggressive–in fact, you shouldn’t. However, you should be as
assertive as you can be without coming off as rude or demeaning. Be kind but
assert your boundaries and your rights. You have every right to freely express your
opinions on something, no matter what anyone tells you. Take time to identify the
reasons why you avoid confrontation.

To begin figuring out why you are so afraid of confrontation, start making a
list of how confrontation makes you feel and the issues that arise when you cannot
stand up for yourself. Keep track of the physical and mental reactions that you
have when you are confronted or when you are fearing confrontation. Does
confrontation make you stressed and anxious for the rest of the day? Does
confrontation get you down into a cycle of self-blame? Identifying these things
allows you to properly address and tackle them.

Once you have crafted this list, start making a list of the good things that can
come if you speak up for yourself. Recalling past conflicts or thinking of future
conflicts that you are anxious about, imagine the way that you wish you could
respond and what you would gain from standing up for yourself. If you are
experiencing conflict with your partner, write down all of the ways that your
relationship may improve if you change your mindset surrounding confrontation.
Start to reframe how you think of confrontation in your mind. Confrontation does
not have to be a negative thing, and conflict is often necessary to maintain healthy
boundaries and address issues before things get too much to handle. Recall all of
the good things that could come from confrontation, and all of the positive changes
that standing up for yourself can have on your life (Rose, 2022).

As you start to become more comfortable with the idea of confrontation,

remember that you should still approach one issue at a time. One of the reasons
why so many people fear conflict is that, when you think of potential
confrontations in your head, you get caught up in all of the details and all of the
issues that could be causing conflict. This is overwhelming for obvious reasons–
you cannot healthily process conflict if you cannot focus on one issue at a time.
Start small, then build your way up as you begin to accept necessary conflict.
When conflict arises, always use “I” statements. This is about how you feel and
expressing your emotions. When you start using “you” statements, the other person
will feel like you are blaming them, and you will come off as aggressive. “I”
statements are assertive and healthy and allow for productive conflict that does not
escalate into something negative (Rose, 2022).

Despite learning how to handle conflict in the moment, and even after you
have successfully navigated confrontation, you may still have to deal with the
aftermath. It is one thing to know how to act in the moment and how to convey
your feelings in a helpful way, but it is an entirely different thing to deal with how
you are feeling after a disagreement. Your mind may get stuck on the fight and on
everything that was said, even if positive changes came from the conflict. Women
with anxiety caused by the trauma of past unhealthy conflicts commonly ruminate
over arguments after they have happened, getting caught up in their emotions and
regretting speaking up for themselves. Regardless of the outcome of the
confrontation, your mind is prone to dwelling on the situation.
 These negative aftereffects of confrontation can be frightening and may
make you feel like you have not progressed as much as you thought. Understand
that this is not true–by standing up for yourself and having a healthy discussion,
you have proven your growth. Just because you still struggle to deal with the
emotions that come up after the conflict doesn’t mean that you haven’t progressed;
it simply means that you still have more steps to go, but that you are moving in the
right direction. Again, healing does not happen all at once. Don’t be discouraged
by what you are feeling–it is all part of the process.

Tackling negative feelings after conflict can be done in numerous ways.

Journaling is, of course, helpful for any situation where your emotions are
overwhelming you. Writing about the conflict and looking at it objectively can
help calm your anxieties, and journaling can also be a way to discover the good
that came out of the confrontation. Writing down affirmations to reassure yourself
after conflict can also be helpful in this situation.

Immediately after the confrontation, go someplace where you can be alone

for a moment. Take deep breaths, filling up your lungs and feeling how the oxygen
courses through your body. Slowly exhale, paying attention to how your breath
feels as it travels through your body. Taking a walk outdoors after conflict can also
be helpful for calming yourself down and for practicing your breathing exercises.
Breathing in fresh, crisp air and letting go of the anxiety that the disagreement has
caused while you walk will help you ground yourself in reality and understand the
disagreement from a different perspective. Another calming element that you can
incorporate into either or both of these exercises is listening to calming music.
Putting on a pair of headphones and allowing yourself to get lost in the music can
quell your leftover anxiety.
 ***

During your journey of healing from narcissistic abuse, you have to be ready
to tackle any problem that life throws your way. Because life can be so
unpredictable, this idea may naturally seem frightening for you. You cannot
prepare yourself completely for every single situation, but you can prepare yourself
to develop the confidence that you will need to know that you can get through
anything. You must believe in yourself and your strength if you want to have a
successful journey. Starting off, this can seem difficult, or even impossible.
However, the more that you work on yourself and on taking smaller steps towards
healing, the more that you are showing yourself the power that you hold. Make
sure to practice your positive affirmations every day, whether you do this through
writing statements about your strength, verbally saying these statements, or simply
repeating them in your head. The more that you tell yourself that you are strong,
the easier it becomes to put your strength into action. Ultimately, you cannot heal
if you do not believe in your own power to heal. You are the only person that can
hold you back from healing, but you are also the only one who can allow healing to
happen.

Healing from narcissistic abuse and a traumatic childhood requires you to be

gentle with yourself. Because of how your mother treated you, you tend to be
harder on yourself than you need to be, always blaming yourself for things that are
not your fault or getting caught up in the tiniest mistakes. As you take steps
towards healing, there will be times when you do not reach your goal. That is
okay–it takes significant energy to heal, and you may not be successful every time
you try. This does not mean that you should stop trying, and it does not mean that
you should be hard on yourself if you are not immediately successful. Show
yourself the kindness that your mother failed to show you. Be gentle with yourself
and love yourself as you would a child. Nurture your body and your mind and take
time to recover from overwhelming situations. You are strong and resilient simply
for dedicating yourself to the healing process, and you must treat yourself with the
respect and kindness that you deserve.

You are much stronger and more capable than you think. Again, while you
cannot prepare for every single problem that life may or may not throw in your
direction, you can make a general plan of action for future problems. Begin
by thinking of the problematic situations that you most commonly face or that you
are likely to face in the future. What problems have similar situations caused you
in the past? How can you avoid the problems next time this happens? How will
you concisely get your point across during the conflict and say everything that you
need to say? What is the best self-care activity that you can do afterwards in order
to process the situation and calm down? What do you need from a coping plan, and
what is a step-by-step process that you can follow? Does your plan need to be
adjusted to fit unique situations, or can you practice it anywhere that you are? As
you begin to answer these questions and formulate your plan, continue using
positive self-talk. Remember that crafting this plan is a sign of self-love and self-
care, as you are investing in a healthy future.
 Step Three: Evening Routine
You have gotten through all of the stressors of the day, and you are finally at
home. However, self-care does not stop here. For self-care to work, you need to
practice it throughout the entire day, and finishing your day off with a calming
evening routine can prepare you for a good night’s sleep and a positive mindset in
the morning. Ending your day by re-energizing yourself for mental clarity sets you
up for a successful morning.

Once you arrive home after the end of a long day, focus on getting your
energy through food. Make a healthy, substantial dinner–remember, taking
care of your physical health is vital to taking care of your mental health as well.
Once you have finished your meal, you may want to take the time to journal
about your day. Write about all of the things that got you down or anything that
bothered you throughout the day first, but use most of this time to reflect on the
positive. If you were in a tough situation earlier, write about it, then try to discover
what good came from this situation, no matter how small. Make a list of the
emotions that you experienced throughout the day, paying attention to the positive
ones. What caused you to experience positive emotions? How can you ensure that
tomorrow will be positive as well? Conclude your entry with what you hope to
gain from the next day and from the rest of the week.

After you have completed journaling, turn to another nighttime exercise. For
some, planning out the next day by compiling a to-do list and arranging tasks
by importance can eliminate the possibility of stress and becoming overwhelmed
the next day. When creating your list, make note of the less important tasks that
could be pushed back in case you cannot accomplish everything on your list in a
day. Within your to-do list, write down self-care activities that you can practice
throughout the day to ensure that you do not lose track.

Practicing yoga at night can relax your body and calm the mind, preparing
you for a good night’s sleep. Yoga allows you to release the stress that is built up
in your body and any tension that you might not have noticed before. As you do
your yoga exercises, focus on your breathing and the way that the breath feels as it
enters your lungs.

As you continue to build a night routine, figure out the habits that seem to be
most effective for you. Your routine should always consist of regular nighttime
activities such as brushing your teeth, washing your face, and bathing if needed.
However, you should always have other steps for your routine that do not only
focus on your physical hygiene but also your emotional well-being. While some
may not find a to-do list helpful, others can use it as a way of avoiding anxiety the
next day. While some may find yoga tedious, others may not. Your nighttime
routine can consist of anything, even simply listening to music, playing with a pet,
or sitting with yourself for a while. Your routine does not have to look like
everyone else’s, but you should try to make it consistent and have practices that
you do every single night. Getting into the habit of nighttime self-care is important
to maximizing the benefits of your healing journey.

Many people struggling with anxiety may find that they face the most
challenges at night. Your thoughts can become more negative at night, and even if
you have had a relatively positive and successful day, you may start getting down
on yourself before you go to bed. For some, nighttime sadness comes from
rumination. Perhaps you go through your day and tackle any conflict that arises
with a positive attitude–however, when you are in bed at night, memories of your
day come flooding back, and your mind fixates on the negatives instead of
acknowledging the positives. This is another reason why self-care during the day is
important–it allows you to address your emotions as they arise instead of delaying
them until later.

Other times, people find that they are more depressed or anxious at night
because of nighttime light exposure, which throws off the natural circadian rhythm.
Exposure to certain lights during nighttime can have adverse effects on your
body’s internal clock, and even if your brain knows that it is time to sleep, your
body may not realize. Even being exposed to small amounts of light during the
night can interfere with your sleep schedule and, therefore, your overall mood.
Because exposure to light at nighttime interrupts your circadian rhythm, you are at
a higher risk of feeling depressed and anxious at night (Schimelpfening, 2021).

Your aim during the healing process should be to end the day on a positive
note, and nighttime is one of the best chances for relaxation and inner healing that
you will get throughout the day. To truly ensure that you end your day as
positively as you can, practicing a seven-minute meditation before you go to
bed can be a huge help. Research has found that taking seven minutes out of your
day to meditate is enough to help you be more productive and relaxed, calming you
down for improved sleep health. With these seven minutes of meditation, you are
not only helping yourself, but those around you as well, as research has also shown
that seven minutes of meditation a day causes people to be kinder to those around
them (Yan, 2019).

There are numerous online resources that you can find to guide you through
meditation as you are getting used to it. In addition to that, this book series will
give you examples of meditation practices that you can use in your daily life to
work on the process of self-healing and recovery from narcissistic abuse. Within
these books, you will find many of the tools that are necessary to achieve true
healing in its purest form. The knowledge that you need regarding narcissistic
mothers will be provided to you here, and once this knowledge has been gained,
you can make your way through workbook exercises that help you put your
knowledge into action through self-care techniques. In addition to this, you will
learn about your inner child and exercises that will help you reconnect to her and
rediscover the person that you are at your core.
 Final Words
Healing is not a one step process, nor is it always smooth sailing. You will
naturally experience some missteps as you navigate the healing journey, and
healing will require you to have patience with yourself. Showing yourself kindness
must be prioritized, or you will not be able to move forward. With the lessons in
this series, you will be able to start taking actionable steps towards creating a
difference in your life. You have all of the power that you need to take control of
your life and start making choices that reflect your self-worth. By understanding
your experiences and trauma, and by discovering practices that can truly allow you
start healing, you are entering a journey of self-love, self-compassion, and self-
acceptance. You are becoming a better you, a person who loves themselves
unconditionally. Your narcissistic mother does not control you and cannot dictate
how you live your life. It is time to break free of her grasp and reclaim what you
are owed.
 References

Integris Health. (2021, September 23). Foods that give you energy. Integris.
Retrieved from https://integrisok.com/resources/on-your-
health/2021/september/healthy-foods-that-give-you-energy

Rose, D. (2022, March 22). This is How Timid People Get Over Their Fear of
Confrontation (and Win!). Skillpath.com. Retrieved April 25, 2022, from
https://skillpath.com/blog/timid-people-fear-confrontation

Schimelpfening, N. (2021, February 19). Why am I depressed only at night?

Verywell Mind. Retrieved April 25, 2022, from
https://www.verywellmind.com/why-am-i-depressed-only-at-night-1066892

Yan, J. (2019, November 3). Seven minutes of mindfulness a day can improve
mental health, Wharton study finds. The Daily Pennsylvanian. Retrieved
April 25, 2022, from https://www.thedp.com/article/2019/11/wharton-
mindfulness-study-caps-mental-health-penn