RESILIENCE BOOSTERS

Building the resilience muscle of our children to help them bounce right back

UNDERSTANDING
RESILIENCE
As parents, we hope to strengthen the social
and emotional skills and positive beliefs of
our children so that they develop the
resilience to persevere and adapt positively
in the face of challenges. It is not impossible
to build resilience in our children.
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The ability to thrive despite challenges arises from the skills of resilience.
The good news is that resilience skills can be acquired and nurtured.

Move Towards Goals Keep Things in

Guiding our children to set and move Perspective and Maintain
towards realistic and meaningful goals a Hopeful Outlook
one step at a time focuses on what they
Have a Sense of Purpose
Encouraging our children to maintain
Developing a sense of purpose in our
can accomplish. This encourages them an optimistic and positive outlook,
children provides the motivation and
to move forward in the face of while accepting the negative
energy for them to persevere through
challenges and increases their circumstances or emotions, enables
challenges. It moves them to look
likelihood of achieving their dreams. them to see the good things in life and
beyond present circumstances and to
keep going even in the toughest times.
contribute towards their desired future.

Overcome challenges Building Focus on Strengths

or obstacles RESILIENCE Helping our children recognise their
Facilitating the problem solving in our children own strengths and encouraging them
process in our children helps them to to use them in their daily lives
trust themselves to find alternative contributes to more meaningful lives.
solutions for problems or find a way Focusing on their strengths rather than
out of difficulties. This also builds their weaknesses also helps them in
confidence to handle future challenges. overcoming challenges or obstacles.

Make Connections Emotion Self-Care

Building positive social skills in our
children helps them to make
friends and build relationships.
Connecting with people provides
the social support in times of need.
Teaching our children to
acknowledge and manage their
negative emotions is part of
self-care. Only then can they find
ways to deal with the problem.

Create a Home Environment that Promotes Building resilience in your child is a unique journey where you need to
Resilience-Fostering Interactions use your knowledge and understanding of your child to guide him/her.

and Builds their Recognise Common

Resilience
Give our Children
in Your Child

If your child seems to be overwhelmed, you may

consider turning to the school counsellor for guidance.
to Grow
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 RESILIENCE
Qualities of a Child who shows

A Child who is RESILIENT

• adapts positively despite setbacks
• perseveres in the face of challenges

BELIEFS
•• Is
Is open
open to to setbacks
setbacks and
and
learns
learns from
from them
them
•• Believes
Believes thatthat failure
failure is
is
not
not permanent
permanent
•• Is
Is hopeful
hopeful

PERSONAL
CHARACTERISTICS
• Has a sense of humour
• Is determined
• Has self-control and emotional
management
• Finds different ways to handle new or
difficult situations
• Knows one’s strengths and develop ways to
improve one’s weaknesses
 RESILIENCE-FOSTERING
I NTERACTIONS
Give our Children S.P.A.C.E to grow

S UPPORT
• Provide positive feedback
• Be willing to listen

P ROBLEM
SOLVE
• Reflect on setbacks together
• Guide your child to develop alternate plans

A FFIRM
• Affirm strengths and efforts
• Use of effective praise

C HEER
• Cheer your child on for every effort
• Celebrate all successes, even small ones

E MPOWER
• Let your child make decisions
• Encourage your child to voice his/her
ideas, and carry out the plans made

PROVIDE PROVIDE
ADEQUATE CHALLENGE HIGH SUPPORT
• Stimulating Environment • Responsive Environment
○ Provide opportunities for challenges ○ Know your child’s needs
○ Nurture your child’s talents ○ Be present
• Structure • Role Modelling
○ Set consistent and realistic expectations ○ Role model social skills
○ Maintain daily routines with clear boundaries ○ Be consistent in teaching and setting examples
○ Assign responsibilities
• Reassurance
(e.g. household chores)
○ Encourage your child regularly
• Supervision and intentionally
○ Monitor your child’s ○ Tell your child
progress “I believe in you”
○ Look out for signs of
distress
Recognise Common

STRESS SYMPTOMS in Your Child

Use this list to check if your child is experiencing STRESS

S truggles to pay attention

in studies or activities

T iredness

R ebellious streak

E xcuses to miss school

S tays away from others

S ulkiness

If these signs are present in combination, or in more extreme or long-lasting

forms, it may be an indication that your child is experiencing significant stress. If in
doubt, please seek help and advice from the School Counsellor or mental health
professionals.
You may want to refer to the emotion management resource to guide your child
in managing his/her stress.
 SENSE OF PURPOSE

A RESILIENT CHILD
SETS GOALS
and knows how he can
CONTRIBUTE
POSITIVELY

Your Child
Knows...
“Who I am”
“What my strengths are”
“What I am passionate about”
“What I am here for and how
I can contribute”
Tips for
DEVELOPING A
SENSE OF
PURPOSE
in Your Child
• Set and work towards goals
together
• Expose them to new
experiences (e.g. places,
hobbies, occupations) to let
them discover their interest
and passion
• Affirm their unique talents
and qualities
• Provide opportunities to
contribute to society (e.g.
participate community
activities)
 Tips for Guiding Your Child in Small Steps

SETTING GOALS Lead to Big

Dreams

Remember
L.I.F.E
LIFE SKILLS as Goals
Set goals for developing skills for life. Goals can include social skills, interests, or habits your child
wants to pick up or improve in.

IDENTIFY AGE-APPROPRIATE Goals with Your Child

• Break down large tasks
into smaller achievable
Be Punctual
goals for younger
for School
children.

Set an alarm clock

and keep to it • Acknowledge
Pack the school bag the night before accomplishments on
the way to larger goals
Smaller achievable goals for older children.

F
Guiding Questions Examples

OLLOW SPECIFIC What do you want to do or achieve? Learn to swim freestyle

S.M.A.R.T
Can you put in numbers to help you see
MEASURABLE your progress over time and know when
you’ve achieved your goal?
Learn to swim 200 meters freestyle within ten minutes

as a Guide ACHIEVABLE Do you have the ability to do it? What skills, Learn to swim 200 meters freestyle with the help of a board
strengths or resources can you rely on? within ten minutes

Can it be done given the amount of time

REALISTIC
Learn to swim 200 meters freestyle with the help of a board
and resources? Who or what can you seek within ten minutes, from a swimming instructor
help from?

TIMELY When do you need to reach this goal?

Learn to swim 200 meters freestyle with the help of a board
within ten minutes, from a swimming instructor, in four weeks

ENCOURAGE and SUPPORT

• Monitor your child’s progress
E.g. Reflect with your child the progress made each week, and guide him/ her on
any adjustments to be made.
• Acknowledge setbacks
E.g. On certain days when your child is unwell, he/ she might not be able to perform
as well.
• Celebrate successes
E.g. Praise your child and ask how he/ she feels when a goal has been reached.
 Tips to Guide Your Child in
Use S.O.D.A.S to guide

PROBLEM SOLVING your child in problem-solving

Identify the Explore 2 to 3 Think of the Think of the Select the overall

SITUATION OPTIONS DISADVANTAGES ADVANTAGES best SOLUTION

within his/her control of each option of each option

What are some What are some Why is it the overall

What are the things possible negative possible positive best solution?
What happened? you can change? consequences about outcomes about the
the option? option?

Tips for Help your child to see “FAIL” as

“First Attempt In Learning”.
Encourage your child to
○ Seek help from you, a teacher ○ Reflect: Think back on the
Parents: Guide him/ her to manage and
overcome failures
or the School Counsellor by
saying “I need help.”
experience, learn from it and
do it better the next time

Rosa, J. (1973). Helping Students Solve Problems: The SODAS Method. Retrieved Dec 2015 from http://www.pki.nebraska.edu/studentinfo/simp/mentoring_guide/SODAS%20Text.pdf
 ‘s

CHARACTER STRENGTH

Strengths of Strengths of Strengths of

WISDOM and KNOWLEDGE COURAGE HUMANITY
Creativity Bravery Love
Curiosity Perseverance Kindness
Open-mindedness Integrity Sociability
Love of Learning Enthusiasm
Perspective Honesty

Strengths of Strengths of Strengths of

JUSTICE TEMPERANCE TRANSCENDENCE
Appreciation
Citizenship Forgiveness
Gratitude
Fairness Humility
Hope/ Optimism
Leadership Caution
Humour
Teamwork Self-control
Spirituality/Purpose

Tips for Building Character Strengths in Your Child

 Encourage your child to know his/ her  Tap on your child’s strengths,
character strengths and to use them regularly. especially in coping with adversity
and overcoming obstacles.
 Compliment your child for his/ her character E.g. Tap on your child’s sociability to find
strength that you have observed.
social support during challenging times.
 Guide your child to think about new
ways of using his/ her character ee TTrraannss
aagg cceenn
uur r ddeenn
strengths. CCoo
Justice
Justice
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E.g. “Other than using your leadership strength
Wisdom
Wisdomand
andKnowledge
Knowledge
in school, how about using it at home too, like
yy
planning for a family gathering?”
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 Have conversations with

your child from a
strengths-perspective.
E.g. “Think about how you
responded. What strengths
did you show?”

Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004). Character strengths and

virtues: A handbook and classification. New York: Oxford University
Press and Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
www.viacharacter.org
 Tips for developing

POSITIVE THINKING in Your Child

Use these steps and questions to guide

your child to think POSITIVELY
RECORD RATIONALIZE REPLACE
thoughts and feelings irrational thoughts irrational thoughts with
of the situation. associated with the event rational thoughts. Check if
by challenging them. feelings have improved.
What do you think
and how do you
feel about the What is the most
situation? rational way to think
What evidence
about the situation?
supports or
challenges these How do you feel about
thoughts? the situation now?

Child sees friend joining other friends for recess... After rationalizing…

Sue is ignoring
me. She doesn’t Sue may not have
like me anymore. seen me, and maybe
thinks I’m not around.

Child fails a class test... After rationalizing…

E NGLISH
I’m such a failure. I can do better for this
I’ll surely fail all
my other subjects MOTHERE test next time. I’ve
also not received the
too and be retained
this year.
T ONGU other test results.

H UMANITIE
S MATHEMATICS
Child’s sibling is a star CCA performer in school... After rationalizing…

Brother is good in
certain areas while
Brother is good at
I’m good in others.
everything while
Mum and Dad love us
I’m not. Mum and
for who we are.
Dad will not love
me as much.
 Tips for Building Positive

SOCIAL SKILLS in Your Child

Build positive interaction skills Nurture empathy in your child

Engage your child in activities that require Create opportunities to talk about your
sharing or taking turns. child’s feelings.
When your child talks:
 Listen attentively
 Let him/her state his/her views before
offering yours.
Create opportunities for teamwork  Paraphrase his/her view to show that
you are listening which encourages
Encourage your child to cooperate with others him/her to say more.
to reach a goal.
E.g., planning for an event.  Ask him/her to share his/her feelings
or check if he/she is feeling a
This builds problem- certain way.
solving and conflict
resolution skills.  Share your own
feelings, when
appropriate.

Be a good role model Praise your child for

Let your child see you positive social skills
demonstrate positive Show approval. Be specific in telling
social skills. your child what he/she did right.
E.g. Let your child witness E.g. "Well done! You
how you apologise, when spoke calmly even
appropriate. though you disagreed.”

Teach your child to Volunteer with your child

consider others’ views
Acts of kindness can strengthen
Other people’s thoughts are as your child’s understanding of his
important as ours. Whatisisshe
What she impact on the world around him.
thinking?
thinking?
Teach your child to ask himself,
“What would I be thinking if I
were that person?”
 EMOTIONAL ‘s

STRENGTH BOOSTER
What am I feeling now/ today? A safe space for me to be at when I need
to feel okay is:

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I Feel...
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TEER E DD UR DD
REESSTT E RIISSEE
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OTTH E R
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When I feel strong  emotions, Positive activities I can engage in to

I can calm myself down by: feel better are:
getting out of the situation 1
23 4 drawing/ painting
counting to ten 5 6 7 8
9 10 writing my journal
taking a deep breath and slowly
breathing out reading a book
doing muscle relaxation exercise listening to soft music
closing my eyes and thinking of drinking some water /
pleasant images
telling myself something positive: eating a healthy snack
___________________________________________________________ playing a sport/ taking a walk
talking to someone I trust:
___________________________________________________________ meeting up with my friends
others: ________________________________________________ others: (________________________________)

Tips for Building Your Child’s “EMOTIONAL STRENGTHS”

 Take time to actively notice and name your child’s
emotions together.
 Connect with your child on an emotional level.
E.g. Make talking about their feelings
a natural part of conversations.
 Embrace all of your child’s
emotions (avoid being
dismissive or disapproving).
Help your child recognise
and understand his/ her
feelings.
 Discuss how your child can cope and manage the
negative emotions.
E.g. practise calming down strategies.
 Role model how you express and manage your
emotions in appropriate ways.
E.g. Calmly admit that you are upset and take a 10-minute
time-out
 Encourage your child to persevere through challenges
even though there may be uncomfortable feelings.
 Guide your child to accept situations that he cannot
change.

 Have your child share three things he feels good or

thankful about for each day.