TOPIC 3: TOXIC BEHAVIOR
You will be surprised at the hidden intentions you can
• Toxic Person – someone who seeks to destroy and robs
self-esteem and dignity poisoning the essence of the
victim.
• Verbal wounds – persist a lot longer and leave a deep
scar that lasts forever.
• Compliment – a key to unlock communication that can
open a channel of understanding between two people.
TOXIC SPEECH
“Death and Life are in the power of the tongue.”
• Putting the feet and everything else into the mouth -
ignorant and insensitive people, that say stupid things
they do not mean to. Most of the time, people are just
curious. These are not bad, mean, or evil people. They
are merely unconscious of others’ feelings as they let
out their uncensored stream of consciousness. Whether
their remarks are rude or insensitive or hurtful never
crosses their mind.
• Backhanded compliments – compliments that is
insincere, spoken with sarcasm, jealousy, or meanness,
or when kind words are followed by a harsh verbal slap
in the face.
• Toxic comments to self - The more often you say awful
things to yourself, the more they become ingrained in
your mind and become part of how you think about
yourself.
“Poison brain food” – self-denigrating statements we say to
ourselves and becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• “I was only kidding” Syndrome - People who say or do a
mean thing to you, then tell you that they were “only
kidding”. People who use the “I was only kidding”
syndrome often want to get your attention or elicit a
reaction from you. They may succeed in doing so, but
your reaction is likely to be so negative that you may
never want to deal with them again.
“I was only kidding” jokester - the one who has
perpetrated the verbal crime—puts you on the
defensive. Usually, he or she feels so insecure and so
hurt, is so unable to express vulnerability and to
communicate feelings, that he or she lashes out at
you— making you the “bad” person for getting angry at
negative things said to you. After all, he or she was “only
kidding.”
** Whenever you hear “I was only kidding,” what you are
really hearing is “I am not kidding: I am resentful, insecure,
or just plain angry at you”—and that is no joke.**
NOTE: Toxic people reveal what they really mean through
their toxic comments. Listen not only to what you want the
person to say but to what is actually said. Words are not
cheap. Words are very powerful. They can teach you so
much when you pay attention and listen to every one of
them.
decode.
WHAT MAKES TOXIC PEOPLE ACT THE WAY THEY DO?
• JEALOUSY – a primitive response on discontentment
and feelings of inadequacy brought about by another’s
possessions, success, or love, and the desire to have
them for oneself. The root of all toxicity as they say.
While toxic people behave the way they do because
they may be jealous of you, it is important to
acknowledge that jealousy can cause you to behave in a
toxic way also.
Why do they hate you when you’re beautiful and
successful?
• People harbor conflicted emotions towards those who
are beautiful. This tends to become hatred or
resentment for someone who becomes beautiful.
Other feel very uncomfortable with a newly achieved
attractiveness if they aren’t secure about themselves.
On the other hand, there are toxic people who will like
you only when you are looking or feeling great.
Why do they hate you when you fail?
• People cannot others failing because failure brings out
the potential for failure in them. They are afraid that
similar bad things could happen to them that instead
of showing compassion and lending a hand, they find
it much easier to deal with the pain by converting it to
hostility or avoiding it in hopes that it will go away.
This way they mitigate any feelings of vulnerability
that might surface in them.
Why do they hate you after they know you?
• It all boils down to a lack of self-esteem, self-respect
and self-love. A person who is motivated by self-
hatred or insecurity can never really feel good about
anyone else in his or her life, whether it be a intimate
relationship. This is why so many families are able to
treat outsiders with respect, dignity, and kindness but
behave rudely, hatefully, and disrespectfully toward
each other. They give those who are closest to them
the same self-loathing and disrespect they give
themselves.
IDENTIFYING THE TOXIC PEOPLE IN LIFE
• Toxic People – don’t support life and only see the
negative. Jealous and envious, they are not happy to see
you succeed. Their insecurities and feelings of
inadequacy often cause them to sabotage your efforts
to lead a happy productive life.
“When friends are pretentious, fawning, or opportunistic,
they are harmful.”
• Confucius
Toxic People and Illness
• Psychosomatic Illness – can develop when exposed to
a toxic person for a long time. The individual’s
negativity can wear down physical resistance,
repressing your anger and not confronting the toxic
person, a serious fatal illness may be developed.
PHYSICAL PSYCHOLOGICAL
➢ Headaches ➢ Depression
➢ nausea BEHAVIORAL
➢ backaches ➢ binge eating
➢ throat tension ➢ bulimia
➢ skin disorders ➢ anorexia
➢ Asthma attacks ➢ Alcohol abuse
➢ Allergic cough ➢ Drug abuse
➢ Brain tumor
➢ Heart attack
BRAIN’S STRESS RESPONSE SYSTEM
• The Limbic System – the part of the brain involved in
our behavioral and emotional responses, especially
when it comes to behaviors we need for survival:
feeding, reproduction and caring, and fight-or-flight
responses.
1. Hippocampus – memory center of the brain.
Episodic memories are formed and catalogued
to be filed away in long-term storage.
2. Amygdala – plays a central role in emotional
responses and attaching emotional content to
our memories. Suppressing or stimulating
activity in the amygdala can influence the
body’s automatic fear response, which kicks in
when something unpleasant happens, such as
startling noise
3. Thalamus – paired structure located at the
center of the limbic system and is the
confluence of many neural pathways
connecting to the cerebral cortex. Relay
station for information such as sensory and
motor signals from and to the rest of the
brain, mainly the cerebral cortex. It maintains
alertness and directs a person’s attention to
sensory events. Damage to thalamus can
cause motor impairments, tremors, attention
problems, insomnia, memory loss, vision loss
or light sensitivity and disorders of the motor
systems. Severe damage can result in coma.
4. Hypothalamus – located below the thalamus
and maintains a steady internal state
(homeostasis). It controls autonomic
functions such as hunger, thirst, body
temperature, blood pressure and heart rate.
It is the interface between the nervous and
endocrine systems and regulates sexual
activity. The hypothalamus also control’s the
body’s response to stress. Damage to
hypothalamus can lead to aggression, acute
stress, hypo-, hyperthermia, fatigue, weight
gain or loss, and a high or low sex drive.
5. Basal Ganglia – located at the top of the
midbrain, they help to regulate voluntary
movements, maintaining balance and posture.
The basal ganglia are also involved
in cognitive and emotional behavior and are
linked with the formation of habits and
addictions. Damage to these structures can
cause tremors, involuntary muscle
movements, and abnormal posture and is
associated with movement-based disorders
such as Parkinson disease and Huntington
disease.
6. Cingulate Gyrus – the outermost region of the
limbic lobe, believe to help regulate emotions,
behavior (primarily aggression), and pain as
well as control autonomic motor function. Its
frontal portion links sights and smells with
memories of previous emotions.
Fight or Flight Response
Epinephrine and norepinephrine
• Epinephrine - catecholamine compound that functions
as both neurotransmitter and hormone to the body. It
is released by the adrenal gland in response to
stressful situations, hence it is also called adrenaline.
• Norepinephrine – catecholamine compound that
functions as both neurotransmitter and hormone to
the body. It is released by the adrenal gland in
response to stressful situations, hence it is also called
noradrenaline. It responds to stress and low blood
pressure. When working alongside adrenaline,
norepinephrine supports the fight-or-flight response
by increasing your heart rate, breaking down fat, and
increasing glucose levels. It gives your brain and body
the energy it needs to take action. Norepinephrine
works to maintain sleep-wake cycles. It helps you
wake up in the morning, improves your attention, and
helps you focus throughout the day. An imbalance of
norepinephrine (too much or too little) can have an
impact on your mental and emotional health.
Conditions such as depression, anxiety,
addiction, substance abuse, and post-traumatic stress
disorder are caused by an imbalance of
norepinephrine. A surge of norepinephrine can cause
feelings of happiness and euphoria. However, a surge
can also lead to panic attacks, raised blood pressure,
and hyperactivity. A lack of norepinephrine can cause
lethargy, fatigue, lack of focus, attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and depression.
 BRAIN’S STRESS RESPONSE
elay’s inform

R
atio
n t

o
CEREBRAL CORTEX or

Other parts of the brain

THALAMUS

Receives info of the memory

and attaches it to a certain Signal’s to attach memory
emotional response to an emotional response

AMYGDALA HIPPOCAMPUS

Send’s info about the

past experiences of
the same threat

HYPOTHALAMUS

NOREPINEPHRINE EPINEPHRINE/
/NORADRENALINE ADRENALINE

• Releases big amounts

• Released all throughout from the adrenal gland
the body during stress on stressful situation to
in large amounts accumulate the body’s
• Has more effect on the fight-flight response
blood vessel • Has more effect on the
• Responds to stress by heart
increasing or lowering • Responds to stress by
blood pressure increasing heart rate
 Toxic Mood Contagion have very little going on in their own lives and have a
need to be accepted and to feel important by
• People who are sensitive to others may mimic the
bringing you privileged information. However,
voice, posture, and facial expressions of a toxic person,
gossips will never divulge anything about
taking in some of the internal characteristics as well.
themselves.
7. Angry Pugilist – furious all the time for no reason,
THE 30 TYPES OF TOXIC TERRORS and will find faults attacking you before you attack
them. They love to play devil’s advocate, and
Toxic Terrors – has traits that are so offensive that
consistently provoke people, for no reason. Its their
others loathe being around them.
own insecurity and desperate need to show how
important or how smart they are that lead them to
Note: if you do see yourself, don’t get too upset.
initiate arguments. These are people who often get
Remember, knowledge is power.
physically violent, punching holes in walls or doors
with their fists. They typically had a difficult time
1. Cut-You-Downer – have little self-esteem that they
growing up and their bravado masks their super-
will find fault with you and with everyone else they
sensitivity.
see. They get a thrill out of belittling and taunting
8. Gloom and Doom Victim – depressing to be around.
others and often give backhanded compliments.
They aim to make you feel sorry for them, but they
They love to ridicule people, especially strangers., a
have no interest in any advice you offer. They will
form of building themselves up.
blame everyone but themselves when anything goes
2. Chatterbox – talkaholics who won’t shup up. They
wrong in their lives. They enjoy self-pity and seek
impose their free-flowing stream of consciousness
the pity of other with their poor-helpless-soul
on everyone who happens to be around, hardly ever
routine. They are also perpetual worriers and make
making much sense. Having ”diarrhea of the mouth”,
up scenarios in advance
these chronic talkers usually engage in idle chatter
9. Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber - the most toxic of
about insignificant endless stories that are a little of
all the terrors. They are passive-aggressive, smiling
interest to anyone.
hypocritically while sneaking behind your back and
3. Self-destroyer – hate themselves so much that they
stabbing you. These chameleon-like toxic people are
constantly tear themselves down. They harp on
scary, for they change on what they think you need
what’s wrong with them and repeatedly berate
to hear.
themselves. They can never accept compliment and
Confucius: “It is shameful to befriend someone while
will negate any nice or kind words that come their
concealing a grudge”.
way.
10. Wishy-washy Wimp – passive-aggressive
4. Runner – their way’s of coping with any type of
individuals spineless wonders, lacking guts and
stress is to run from it. They cannot stand on
backbone. They bend on whatever direction the
anything and are ”commitaphobics” – so weak they
wind is blowing and have difficulty making decisions.
cannot cope with any negative situation.
Paralyzed by fear and anxiety they cannot make a
5. Silent but deadly Volcano – scariest people to be
move if there is pressure to perform.
around, because you never know where you stand
11. Opportunistic User – out for themselves alone,
with them. “Walking time bombs”, they may appear
who want you in their life only when it is convenient
to be very much in control, acting calmly, smiling and
for them or when they can benefit.
behaving in a cordial manner all the time. They will
12. Bitchy, Bossy Bully – a verbal terrorist, loud,
never let you know that there is a problem brewing
obnoxious, rude, demanding, stubborn know-it-all
or tell you that you have done something wrong.
whose motto is “My way or the highway”. Explosive
Then all of a sudden, they explode in a horrible rage,
and volatile, they fly off the handle in an instant.
shouting a barrage of insults and blaming you for
They have a definite need to control, much like
everything that everything that went wrong in their
control freaks, only nastier, as they have cruel and
life. Volcanoes hold things in and are tightly wound
sadistic tendencies. They enjoy torturing people and
up, as they keep running a mental record of
watching them cower like injured puppies. They are
everything that upsets them or hurt their feelings.
turned on by emotionally devouring you and spitting
6. Gossip (yenta) – loves to spread stories even
you out.
embellishing them – and may invent stories of his or
13. Jokester – never take anything seriously and start
her own. A nosy person whose biggest pleasure is
everything out with a joke. They will often take
telling you about someone else’s misfortune. They
 potshots using sarcastic humor and pretending that
these barbs are pleasantries. Their humor can be a
weapon, implementing their underlying hostility.
They are hostile indirectly because they are too
cowardly to tell you outright what about you bothers
them.
14. Unconscious Social Klutz – totally unaware of
themselves or their surroundings they will often
make rude comments without any regard for your
feelings. Dense clods have poor eye contact, posture,
handshakes, vocal intonation, and poor social graces.
They are unevolved creature who say wrong things
that ends up as upsetting.
15. Mental Case – mentally and/or emotionally
disturbed. They may have psychosis like
schizophrenia or manic depression and be out of
touch with reality. Can transform into monster at any
given moment.
16. Bullshitting Liar – don’t know whether they are
lying or telling the truth. These people have lied so
much and spun so many yarns to build up low self-
esteem that they usually end up believing their own
lies. Very frustrating to deal with because they can
never be trusted.
17. Meddler – a cross between gossip and instigator,
only more toxic. They get involved in your life by
physically manipulating it with aim of making it
miserable. They get a thrill out of always trying to
get people in trouble or ruin their life.
18. Penny-pinching Miser – have such low opinions of
themselves that they don’t think they deserve
anything unless it is cheap or free. They are not only
cheap with money but cheap with compliments and
stingy with love and affection. They are impressed
with their cleverness in haggling.
19. Fanatic – zealot who believes all out in something
or someone without any consideration for other
points of view. They are passionate about whatever
they say and reject anyone who doesn’t follow their
belief system. Fanatics are always trying to convert
you into their way of thinking. They are inflexible
and highly judgmental, which makes it impossible to
have a give-and-take dialogue with them.
20. Me, Myself and I Narcissist – they have only one
thing on their agenda: themselves. The most self-
centered individuals you will ever encounter, they
don’t want to talk about your issues unless it affects
them.
21. Eddie Haskell – ultimate manipulator – flattering
you to death just to get what he wants. They may
not really like you at all, but they will never let you
know it to your face.
22. Self-righteous Priss – think they are perfect and
can do no wrong as they sit in their high horses,
looking their nose of judgment of you. These
perfectionists are finicky and like only a limited
number of things and people. Their rigidity is
imposed in an attempt to hide the fact that they
aren’t perfect.
23. Snooty Snob – act as though they are superior to
everyone else. Thus, do they make themselves feel
more important, for deep down inside they are
trembling with insecurity. They are also
temperamental and insist on getting special
attention.
24. Competitor – see every occasion as an opportunity
to outwit or surpass you. Everything is a
competition; they tend to be show-offs and
braggarts who gloat about their achievements past
and present. The truth is they have such a low self-
esteem that the only way they can relate to you is by
turning everything into a contest.
25. Control Freak – they can never let go; they are
immobilized if not in control. They often use sweet
talk and manipulation. They are not team players
and have difficulty delegating authority. If things
don’t go their way, they get angry or lose interest,
for they feel they must orchestrate every move. The
irony is that they cannot control themselves.
26. Accusing Critic – have to make you feel wrong in
order to make themselves feel right. Instead of
asking you, they accuse you. They do this to gain
power and control. They feel it is their duty to find
something wrong with you and to let you know it in
a harsh, cynical, and attacking tone, reflecting their
constant state of dissatisfaction. They are so
demanding of perfection that they are never
satisfied, and is constantly frustrated in trying to
make an imperfect world perfect.
27. Arrogant Know-it-all – don’t know anything at all
when it comes to dealing with people. Though they
may seem to know everything and have all the self-
confidence in the world, they are really very insecure
people. They usually talk at you, not with you. They
enjoy using big words and are very quick to put
down your ideas. Their condescending tone makes
you feel like a dummy, while they in turn feel
smarter.
28. Emotional Refrigerator – expresses only aloofness.
They use cold silence the way BBB uses threats;
reserved and secretive they never erupt like the
volcano. They have a vacant or dull look and rarely
express their feelings.
29. Skeptical Paranoid – never believe a word that
anybody says without proof. They are ultimate
pessimists and nonbelievers, making it them very
hard to get close as they doubt your intentions and
your sincerity.
30. Instigator – interferes who likes to make trouble 10. Unplug Technique – should be reserved for the
for other people. They want you to stick your neck most severely toxic people, those with whom you
out so they can be entertained if it’s chopped off. can no longer deal.
They get a thrill out of manipulating situations to
TECHNIQUES NEVER TO USE
gain control and achieve self-importance in their
small lives. • Never self-destruct
• Never use physical violence
TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING TOXIC TERRORS
• Never take hostages
1. Tension-blowout Technique – helps oxygenate • Don’t stick around and try to get a person to like
yourself immediately and serves as a vehicle for you
releasing tension and regaining the body’s
homeostatic balance. TECHNIQUES TO USE WITH SPECIFIC TOXIC TERRORS
a. Breathe in through the mouth for 2 sec. 1. Cut-You-Downer
b. Hold breath for 3 sec. while thinking about • Calm Questioning Technique
the toxic person • Give-them-Love-and-Kindness
c. Keep thinking about the person as you
2. Chatterbox
blow him out of your system, until you run
• Tension-Blowout Technique
out of air.
• Vicarious-Fantasy Technique
d. Stop for 2 sec., do not breathe
• Direct-Confront Technique
e. Repeat steps a-d until you completely eject
3. Self-destroyer
the person out of your system
• Give-them-love-and-kindness Technique
f. Repeat once more and immediately take a
• Direct-Confront Technique
big breath in through the mouth and
• Unplug Techniques
exhale normally.
4. Runner
2. Humor Technique – can respond at once and
• Direct-Confront Technique
achieve additional benefit of laughter.
3. Stop-the-Thought Technique - can be amplified with • Unplug Technique
positive affirmation. You can add anything that helps 5. Silent but deadly Volcano
you feel positive about yourself. • Calm Questioning Technique
4. Mirror Technique – forces toxic people to see their 6. Gossip (yenta)
behavior reflected back to them and perceive how • Direct-Confront Technique
they come across to others. • Humor Technique
5. Direct-Confront Technique – excellent to use when 7. Angry Pugilist
someone makes a nasty, biting comment. You can • Give-them-Love-and-Kindness
boldly tell the person how you feel about what he or • Unplug Technique
she said or did. This technique prevents you from 8. Gloom and Doom Victim
becoming a victim. • Tension-Blowout Technique
6. Calm-Questioning Technique – lets toxic people see • Give-them-Love-and-Kindness
how absurd, stupid, ridiculous their ideas or • Unplug Technique
comments are. These questions can also help you 9. Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber
acquire more information about a person or • Direct-Confront Technique
situation. • Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique
7. Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique – gives you • Unplug Technique
permission to act like a wild tiger. You can say 10. Wishy-washy Wimp
anything but you must not hit. • Give-them-love-and-kindness
8. Give-them-love-and-kindness Technique – you can • Calm-questioning technique
give them love with kindness and help them improve • Unplug Technique
their self-esteem. 11. Opportunistic User
9. Vicarious-Fantasy Technique – can help release • Direct-Confront Technique
tension by giving you a giggle or a laugh as you use 12. Bitchy, Bossy Bully
your imagination. You do not actually put these • Mirror Technique
thoughts into action. • Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique
13. Jokester
• Direct-Confront Technique
 • Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique • Mirror Technique
14. Unconscious Social Klutz • Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique
• Direct-Confront Technique • Unplug Technique
• Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique 26. Accusing Critic
15. Mental Case • Give-them-love-and-kindness Technique
• Tension-Blowout Technique • Direct-Confront Technique
• Calm Questioning Technique • Unplug Technique
• Stop-the-Thought Technique 27. Arrogant Know-it-all
• Unplug Technique • Stop-the-thought Technique
16. Bullshitting Liar • Give-them-love-and-kindness Technique
• Calm Questioning Technique • Tension-blowout Technique
• Direct-Confront Technique • Direct-Confront Technique
• Tension-Blowout Technique 28. Emotional Refrigerator
• Humor Technique • Give-them-love-and-kindness Technique
17. Meddler • Tension-Blowout Technique
• Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique • Humor Technique
• Unplug Technique • Calm Questioning Technique
18. Penny-pinching Miser 29. Skeptical Paranoid
• Calm Question Technique • Direct-Confront Technique
• Direct-Confront Technique • Calm-Questioning Technique
• Give-them-love-and-kindness • Tension-Blowout Technique
19. Fanatic • Give-them-love-and-kindness Technique
• Direct-Confront Technique • Unplug Technique
• Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique 30. Instigator
20. Me, Myself and I Narcissist • Calm Questioning Technique
• Give-them-love-and-kindness Technique • Direct-confront Technique
• Tension-Blowout Technique • Humor Technique
• Direct-Confront Technique
• Unplug Technique
• Humor Technique
• Stop-the-thought Technique
21. Eddie Haskell
• Tension-Blowout Technique
• Humor Technique
• Direct-Confront Technique
• Mirror Technique
22. Self-righteous Priss
• Calm Questioning Technique
• Mirror Technique
• Give-them-hell-and-yell Technique
• Vicarious-Fantasy Technique
23. Snooty Snob
• Calm Questioning Technique
• Direct-Confront Technique
• Unplug Technique
24. Competitor
• Calm Questioning Technique
• Direct Confront Technique
• Mirror Technique
• Humor Technique
• Unplug Technique
25. Control Freak
• Direct-Confront Technique