The Gospel of the

Rauschmonstrum

By Nick La Torre
Copyright © 2016 by Nick La Torre

All rights reserved. This book or

any portion thereof may not be
reproduced or used in any manner
whatsoever without permission
from the author.

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And so it was that Pilate asked him, “Are you

a king then?”

Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king.

For this reason I have been born, and for

this reason I have come into the world, that

I should testify to the truth. Everyone who is

of the truth listens to my voice.”

To this, Pilate retorted, “What is truth?”

-John 18:38

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The Nature of the
Rauschmonstrum

Behold for it is time to tell the Gospel of

the Rauschmonstrum.

There is no better way to describe the

Rauschmonstrum than as a shape
shifting monster, able to perform feats
humans would view as miracles, or dark
magic.

The Rauschmonstrum’s true form was as

a formless cloud of smoke. When he did
not want to be seen, he was able to
disappear completely from view.

The Rauschmonstrum lived in a godless

world. He knew this to be so because he
had been around more or less as long as
humanity, and had never seen anything
resembling a Deity.

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The Rauschmonstrum knew not of his
own origins. He had no family, nor were
there any other creatures similar to him.

The Rauschmonstrum could not find a

purpose for himself, and he was
embittered that there was no moral
order to the universe.

Thus, The Rauschmonstrum spent most

of his time humoring himself in different
ways.

He would go around the globe developing

his understanding of natural science.

He would travel to the great cities,

observing great empires as they rose and
fell. He wanted to learn everything he
could about human nature.

After a couple of eons, the

Rauschmonstrum wanted a better way to
spend his time.

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“At this point in my existence, I believe I
have met every single type of person
there is.”

“These humans all want guidance; they

want a moral code set in stone, much
like I do.”

“And yet there is no divine master

around to set up this code.”

“However, it is in man’s nature to believe

those who offer them their desires,
particularly when these people show they
can do things regular people cannot do.”

“I think I will do it myself. I will be the

master they seek, and with the powers I
have, I can perform any task they ask of
me to prove my divinity.”

It was so simple; the template for such

action was already in place.

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For there had been that deluded man
Abraham, who had convinced his
community of Yahweh.

And there was that continuation of that

myth by Moses, with his staff, and
supposed commandments from God.

“I will take the form of a perfect figure.”

“Someone whose circumstances of life

and death will be so extraordinary, that
his name will live forever.”

“His teachings will spread the world.”

“Countries will be ruled by his laws.”

“Wars fought, people slain.”

“It will be glorious.”

“All for the sake of a few chuckles on my

end.”

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And so the Rauschmonstrum started
about constructing the character he
would play.

But then he realized something.

That would be too easy.

The thrill of it would run out too quickly.

No, the thing to do was find someone

who could carry this mission out for him.

A patsy who would really believe he was

chosen by God to carry out a message.

The Rauschmonstrum would have this

person go about their life, truly believing
they were set apart from everyone else.

Have this person willing to give up their

life for the cause.

And then at the very end, he would tell

this person it was all a joke.

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The Rauschmonstrum chuckled at the
thought of his scheme.

“This will all work out beautifully.”

The Rauschmonstrum’s Search

And so the Rauschmonstrum set about

finding a man through whom he could
carry out his plans.

Now in those days there were many

preachers going about Galilee, speaking
out in favor of reforms in Jewish law and
sometimes in favor of rebellion against
the Roman occupation.

The Rauschmonstrum did not care for

the Romans, nor did he care for
regulations laid out in Jewish law, nor did
he care for the Pharisees and Sadducees
who held these regulations dear. He

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decided that whoever he chose to do his
bidding would need to be against these
things as well.

The Rauschmonstrum traveled all around

Judea, observing different preachers,
until one day he met a man he believed
had what he was looking for.

John the Baptist Prepares the

Way

The Rauschmonstrum came upon John

the Baptist in the wilderness, preaching a
baptism of repentance for the
forgiveness of sins.

The whole Judean countryside and all the

people of Jerusalem went out to hear his
message. They confessed their sins to
him and he baptized them in the Jordan
River.

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John wore clothing made out of camel’s
hair, with a leather belt around his waist.
He ate wild honey and locusts.

“What should we do?” the crowds often

asked him.

John would answer, “He who has two

shirts should share with the one who has
none, and he who has food should do the
same.”

Even the tax collectors came to him to

be baptized. “Teacher,” they would ask,
“What is it we should do?”

“Never collect any more than you are

required to,” he told them.

Then some soldiers asked him, “And

what should we do?”

He replied to them, “Do not extort

money and do not accuse people falsely.

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It would be wise of you to be content
with your pay.”

The people all waited keenly. They were

all wondering in their hearts and minds if
John might possibly be the Messiah.

The Rauschmonstrum understood the

power John had on those who came to
see him. “They look at him, and they
conceive of him as a god. This man has
the qualities I am looking for.”

But then the Rauschmonstrum heard

John say something that made him
curious, for John said:

“After me there will be another more

powerful than I, I will not be worthy to
untie the straps on his sandals. I may
baptize you with water, but he will
baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

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While the Rauschmonstrum did not know
what John was referring to when he
mentioned the Holy Spirit, it was evident
that what John said had energized the
crowd.

“This John knows of someone who is

even better than he is at what he does?”
The Rauschmonstrum thought. “I must
meet this man.”

The First Appearance of Jesus

The Rauschmonstrum did not have to

wait too long, for the very next day John
saw Jesus coming down the road toward
him and said:

“Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away

the sin of the world! This is who I spoke
of when I said that the time would come

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when a man would surpass me. I myself
have never met him, but the very reason
I came to the Jordan to baptize all of you
was that he may one day be revealed.”

The Rauschmonstrum studied Jesus as

he approached. He noticed that while he
looked like John and wore similar
clothes, there was a calmness and
serenity to him which John lacked. John
was in a state of mania all the time.

Then John made this statement: “I

witnessed the Spirit descend down from
Paradise in the form of a dove and fix
itself within him. A voice then spoke to
me. ‘The man whom you see the Spirit
come down and go within is the one who
will baptize with the Holy Spirit.’ I can
testify that this is the true Chosen One of
God.”

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“John really is taken with this man, I
must look into his background, and find
out as much as I can” said the
Rauschmonstrum. With this, the
Rauschmonstrum went on his way.

The Rauschmonstrum Learns

About the Life of Jesus

The Rauschmonstrum learned much

about the life of Jesus. He learned that
he lived in Nazareth, and that he was the
son of a carpenter named Joseph and his
wife Mary. The Rauschmonstrum also
learned that there were several strange
stories which were whispered about
Jesus within the area.

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The Birth of Jesus

One of stories the Rauschmonstrum

heard was the rumored circumstances of
Jesus’ birth. The story went like this:

“Now in those days, a decree went out

from Caesar Augustus that all the world
should be enrolled in a census.

All went to enroll themselves, everyone

to his own city. Joseph also went up
from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth,
into Judea, to David’s city, which is called
Bethlehem, because he was of the house
and family of David; to enroll himself
with Mary, who was pledged to be
married to him as wife, and who was
pregnant.

While they were there, the day had

come for her to give birth. She gave

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birth to Jesus. She wrapped him in
swaddling clothes, and laid him in the
manger, because there was no room for
them in the inn.”

Now, thus far, the Rauschmonstrum

found nothing strange about the story of
Jesus’ birth. However, the
Rauschmonstrum had been living in this
region of the world for quite some time
and had never heard any news of Caesar
Augustus (whom the Rauschmonstrum
had known quite well during the man’s
reign) ordering people to return to their
hometowns for a census.

“That all sounds like it would have been

a logistical nightmare” thought the
Rauschmonstrum.

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All that aside, it was at this point of the
story that things got strange, for as the
Rauschmonstrum heard:

“There were shepherds in the same

country staying in the field, and keeping
watch by night over their flock. Behold,
an angel of the Lord stood by them, and
the glory of the Lord shone around them,
and they were terrified.

The angel said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid,

for behold, I bring you good news of
great joy which will be to all the
people. For there is born to you today, in
David’s city, a Savior, who is Christ the
Lord. This is the sign to you: you will
find a baby wrapped in strips of cloth,
lying in a manger.’

Suddenly, there was with the angel a

multitude of the heavenly army praising
God and singing.

When the angels went away from them,

the shepherds said to one another,’ Let
us go to Bethlehem, now, and see this

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thing that has happened, which the Lord
has made known to us.’ they came to the
manger swiftly, and found both Mary,
Joseph, and the baby.

When the shepherds saw it, they

publicized widely the saying which was
spoken to them about this child. All who
heard it wondered at the things which
the shepherds had told them. Mary kept
all these sayings, pondering them in her
heart. The shepherds returned,
glorifying and praising God for all the
things that they had heard and seen, just
as it was told them.

The Rauschmonstrum heard variants of

this story from several neighbors of
Jesus back in Nazareth, which was where
he grew up.

Of course the Rauschmonstrum knew

the story was a lie because there were
no angels. “If there were angels, then
certainly during the long, long years of

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my existence I would have seen one by
now” he thought.

However the story was important to the

Rauschmonstrum because he knew that
what the shepherds had told Mary and
Joseph must have had an effect on how
they viewed their child and this being the
case, the story must have had a seminal
impact on the way Jesus of Nazareth
viewed himself.

The Boy Jesus at the Temple

The second story the Rauschmonstrum

heard about Jesus of Nazareth’s life
backed up the ideas the
Rauschmonstrum had formed after
hearing the first story.

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“When Jesus was twelve years old, him
and his family went up to Jerusalem
according to the custom of the
feast, and when the feast had been
finished, as Mary and Joseph were
returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in
Jerusalem. Joseph and Mary believed
that he was still in the company. They
went a day’s journey, before they
realized he was missing, and looked for
him among their relatives and
acquaintances.

When they were not able to find him,

they returned to Jerusalem, looking for
him. After three days they found him in
the temple, sitting in the middle of the
teachers, both listening to them, and
asking them questions. All who heard
him were amazed at his understanding
and his answers.

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When they saw him, they were
astonished, and his mother said to him,
‘Son, why have you treated us this way?
Behold, your father and I were anxiously
looking for you.’

He said to them, ‘Why were you looking

for me? Didn’t you know that I must be
in my Father’s house?’ They didn’t
understand the saying which he spoke to
them.”

However, the Rauschmonstrum did

understand what it was that Jesus had
meant by this. “This Nazarene believes
that he is the son of God,” The
Rauschmonstrum thought. “All that I
have to do is make miracles perform
around him to cement his belief. After
that, it will be as though he is my
puppet.”

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The Baptism of Jesus

It happened that soon after the

Rauschmonstrum first encountered
Jesus, Jesus was baptized by John in the
Jordan River. This pleased the
Rauschmonstrum greatly, for it was the
perfect opportunity to cement Jesus’
belief that he was the son of God.

Just as Jesus was coming up out of the

water, the Rauschmonstrum created the
vision of heaven being torn open and of
a dove descending on Jesus, which the
Rauschmonstrum knew would be
believed to be a representation of the
Holy Spirit. (Whatever it was the Holy
Spirit was supposed to be. The
Rauschmonstrum still was not sure.)

The Rauschmonstrum made it seem as

though a voice came from heaven, and it

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said: “You are my beloved son, with
whom I am well pleased.”

The Rauschmonstrum noticed that

neither Jesus nor John was surprised by
what had just occurred, they took it in
stride.

“It has begun” the Rauschmonstrum

thought.

The Temptation of Jesus

The Rauschmonstrum needed to be sure

that Jesus would not waver from his
belief in God, nor his moral behavior.
And so, he decided to test him.

When Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit (or so

he thought), returned from the Jordan,
the Rauschmonstrum lead him into the
wilderness for forty days and forty

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nights. Jesus ate nothing during those
forty days and nights, and when they
were ended, he was hungry. The
Rauschmonstrum then appeared to him
in the form of what he figured the Devil
should look like (The horns, the hooves,
the pitchfork, and everything else).

He said to him, “If you are the Son of

God, order this stone to become
bread.” And Jesus answered him, “It is
written, ‘Man shall not live by bread
alone.’”

In response, the Rauschmonstrum, in the

form of Devil, took him up and showed
him all the kingdoms of the world in a
moment of time, and said to him, “To
you I will give all this power and
glory, for it has been kept in my care,
and I give it to whom I will. If you will
worship me, then it will all be

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yours.” And Jesus answered him, “It is
written,

“‘You shall worship the Lord God,

and only him shall you serve.’”

And so the Rauschmonstrum took Jesus

to Jerusalem and placed him on the apex
of the temple and said to him, “If you
are truly the Son of God, throw yourself
down from here, for as it is written in the
scriptures of old,

“‘He will order his angels in charge of

you,
to guard you,’ and
“‘With their might they will bear you up,
lest you dash your foot against a
stone.’”

To this Jesus answered him, “It is

said, ‘You will not put the Lord your God
to the test.’” And when the

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Rauschmonstrum had ended every
temptation, he departed from Jesus until
an opportune time.

“His faith is strong. His work may

escalate now.”

Jesus Goes To His Hometown

Jesus went back to Galilee. Stories about

him began spreading all over the area of
Galilee. He began to teach in the
synagogues, and all those who heard
him, praised him.

Jesus traveled back to Nazareth, the

town where he grew up. On the day of
the Sabbath he went to the synagogue
as he had done so many times before.
He stood up to read. The book of Isaiah
the prophet was given to him. He opened

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the book and found the place where this
passage is written:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,

because he has anointed me to preach
good news to the poor.
He has sent me to heal the broken
hearted, to proclaim release to the
captives, recovering of sight to the
blind, to deliver those who are crushed,
and to proclaim the acceptable year of
the Lord.”

Jesus closed the book, gave it back to

the helper, and sat down. As everyone in
the synagogue watched him closely, he
began to speak to them. He said, “While
you heard me reading these words just
now, they were coming true!”

Everyone there said good things about

Jesus. They were amazed to hear him

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speak such words. They said, “How is
this possible? Isn’t he Joseph’s son?”

Jesus said to them “Doubtless you have

heard this parable. Most certainly I tell
you, no prophet is acceptable in his
hometown. But truly I tell you, there
were many widows in Israel in the days
of Elijah, when the sky was shut up three
years and six months, when a great
famine came over all the land. Elijah was
sent to none of them, except to
Zarephath, in the land of Sidon, to a
woman who was a widow. There were
many lepers in Israel in the time of
Elisha the prophet, yet not one of them
was cleansed.”

When the people in the synagogue heard

these things, they were filled with wrath.
The Rauschmonstrum could not
understand why they were so angry, for

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he himself did not comprehend much of
Jesus’ lecture, and the Rauschmonstrum
was perhaps the foremost expert on
Judaic scripture in the world.

The people rose up, and threw Jesus out

of the city. They then led him to the
edge of the cliff that their city was built
on, so that they might throw him off the
cliff. But the Rauschmonstrum used his
power to put a protective spell on Jesus.
Jesus then walked through the middle of
the crowd, unharmed, and went away.

The Rauschmonstrum spent much time

afterwards thinking about the way the
Nazarenes had reacted, saying to himself
“I have given them perhaps the most
benevolent man even seen here, and yet
they wish to destroy him.” This
experience solidified the
Rauschmonstrum’s belief that mankind

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deserved whatever tricks he played on
them.

Jesus Calls His First Disciples

One day Jesus went off to the Lake of

Gennesaret. As he stood by the lake,
people began crowding around him and
listening to him as he spoke.

He saw that at the edge of the water

there were two boats, left there by
fishermen, washing their nets. Jesus got
into one of the boats, the one which
belonged to Simon, also known as Peter,
and asked him to go a little farther from
shore. Then Jesus sat down and began
teaching people from the boat.

When Jesus finished speaking, he said to

Simon Peter, “Pull out into the deep

31
water, and let the nets down so that you
may catch.”

Peter responded, “Teacher, we have

worked hard all night and have not
caught anything. However, because you
ask me so, I will let down the nets.”

When the fishermen had done this, the

Rauschmonstrum worked his abilities so
that they caught such a large number of
fish that their nets were unable to take
the strain, and began to break. They
beckoned to their partners in the other
boat, that they should come and help
them. They came, and filled both boats,
so that they began to sink.

Simon Peter, believing that Jesus was

responsible for this, fell down at Jesus’
knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am
a sinful man, Lord.” For he was amazed,
and all who were with him, at the catch

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of fish which they had caught; and so
also were James and John, who were
friends with Simon. Then Jesus said to
Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on
you will fish for people.” So they pulled
their boats up on shore, left everything
and followed him.

The Rauschmonstrum was pleased, for

he felt these men had the qualities to be
good disciples for the Nazarene, most
importantly an unquestioning nature.

Jesus Changes Water into Wine

There was a wedding in Cana in

Galilee. Jesus’ mother was in attendance,
and Jesus had also been invited to the
wedding along with his disciples. When
the wine had all been finished, Jesus’

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mother said to him, “They have no more
wine.”

Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does

that have to do with you and me? My
hour has not yet come.”

The Rauschmonstrum, watching on,

thought this was a terrible way for Jesus
to talk to his mother, and did not
understand what he meant when he said
“My hour has not yet come” since Jesus
had already begun preaching and
purporting to have performed miracles.

Jesus’ mother turned to the servants and

said, “Whatever he says to you, do it.”

Nearby there were six water jars made

of stone, the kind of jars used by the
Jews for the purposes of ceremonial
washing. Each jar held from twenty to
thirty gallons.

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Jesus said to the servants “Fill the jars
with water”; so the servants filled them
to the brim. When this was done, the
Rauschmonstrum transfigured the water
into wine.

Then Jesus told them, “Now draw some

out and take it to the one who is in
charge of the banquet.”

So they took it. When the ruler of the

feast tasted the water now become wine,
and didn’t know where it came from, the
ruler of the feast called the
bridegroom, and said to him, “Everyone
serves the good wine first, and when the
guests have drunk freely, then that
which is worse. You have kept the good
wine until now!”

What the Rauschmonstrum made it look

as though Jesus did here in Cana of
Galilee was the first of the signs through

35
which he revealed his glory; and his
disciples believed in him.

While the Rauschmonstrum liked that

this miracle inspired belief in Jesus’
disciples, and others around, he was not
pleased that it had come in this manner.
“Turning water into wine is the stuff of
parlor tricks, not for something to be
looked upon from the son of God,”
thought the Rauschmonstrum.

Jesus Questioned About Fasting

John’s disciples and the Pharisees were

fasting, and the Pharisees came and
asked Jesus, “Why is it that we fast and
John’s disciples fast, but your disciples
do not fast?”

Jesus said to them, “Can the groomsmen

fast while the bridegroom is with them?

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As long as they have the bridegroom
with them, they can’t fast. But the days
will come when the bridegroom will be
taken away from them, and then will
they fast in that day. No one sews a
piece of unshrunk cloth on an old
garment, or else the patch shrinks and
the new tears away from the old, and a
worse hole is made. No one puts new
wine into old wineskins, or else the new
wine will burst the skins, and the wine
pours out, and the skins will be
destroyed; but they put new wine into
fresh wineskins.”

“What in the world is the Nazarene

talking about?” thought the
Rauschmonstrum. “He really must get
better at telling stories to illustrate
points. I could not make sense of any of
that”

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Jesus and the Sabbath

One day Jesus was going on the Sabbath

day through the grain fields, and his
disciples began, as they went, to pluck
the ears of grain. The Pharisees said to
him, “Behold, why do they do that which
is not lawful on the Sabbath day?”

He said to them, “Did you never read

what David did, when he had need, and
was hungry—he, and those who were
with him? How he entered into God’s
house and ate the show bread, which is
not lawful to eat except for the priests,
and gave also to those who were with
him?” He said to them, “The Sabbath
was made for man, not man for the
Sabbath. Therefore the Son of Man is
Lord even of the Sabbath.”

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The Rauschmonstrum was pleased by
what Jesus had said about the Sabbath,
for he was tired of that day being taken
so seriously. He had seen and heard of
too many instances in the past where
men were killed for doing things as
innocent as gathering wood on that day.

How John the Baptist’s Work

came To an End
While Jesus was beginning his ministry,
John the Baptist made the mistake of
criticizing Herod, the ruler of Galilee, for
marrying Herodias, who had previously
been Herod’s brother’s wife. John also
criticized many other bad things Herod
had done. In response, Herod put John in
jail.

39
“For a man as foolish as this, I am
surprised he was not jailed sooner,”
thought the Rauschmonstrum. He was
pleased that John was no longer around,
as it made sure he would not be a rival
of Jesus’ later on.

The time came when John the Baptist

was executed through the orders of King
Herod as well, and when this happened,
the Rauschmonstrum was not surprised
by that either.

Jesus Heals a Man with Leprosy

A man with leprosy came to him and

went down on both knees, and began
begging him. “If it is your will, you have
the power to make me clean.” Tears
streamed down the man’s face.

40
Being moved with compassion, Jesus
stretched out his hand, and touched him,
and said to him, “It is my will. Be made
clean.” Immediately the leprosy left him
and he was cleansed.

Jesus said to him, “See you say nothing

to anybody, but go show yourself to the
priest, and offer for you are cleansing the
things which Moses commanded, as a
testimony to them.”

But he went out, and began to proclaim

it much, and to spread about what had
happened, so that Jesus could no more
openly enter into a city, but was outside
in desert places: and they came to him
from everywhere.

The Rauschmonstrum, however, was

pleased that the man had spread the
news, for it gave Jesus a larger following.

41
Jesus Forgives and Heals a
Paralyzed Man

When he entered again into Capernaum

after some days, it was heard that he
was in a house there. Immediately many
were gathered together, so that there
was no more room, not even around the
door; and he spoke the word to
them. Four people came, carrying a
paralytic to him. When the crowd
prevented them from getting near to
him, they removed the roof where Jesus
was.

When they had broken it up, they let

down the mat that the paralytic was
lying on. Jesus, seeing their faith, said to
the paralytic, “Son, your sins are
forgiven.”

42
But there were some of the scribes
sitting there, and reasoning in their
hearts, “Why does this man speak
blasphemies like that? Who can forgive
sins but God alone?”

The Rauschmonstrum was confused for

completely different reasons. He knew
that physical maladies were not caused
by sins, and found it absurd that humans
could think that they were.

The realization came to him that

whatever flaws the Nazarene had in his
thinking would be thought of as facts for
generations if the Rauschmonstrum
succeeded in his mission. However, he
did not have the desire or inclination to
alter how the Nazarene went about his
business.

43
Would-Be Followers of Jesus

As they went on the way, a certain man

said to him, “I want to follow you
wherever you go, Lord.”

Jesus said to him, “The foxes have holes,

and the birds of the sky have nests, but
the Son of Man has no place to lay his
head.”

Jesus then said to another man, “Follow

me!”

But this man said, “Lord, allow me first

to go and bury my father.”

But Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead

to bury their own dead, but you go and
announce God’s Kingdom.”

Another also said, “I want to follow you,

Lord, but first allow me to say good-bye
to those who are at my house.”

44
But Jesus said to him, “No one, having
put his hand to the plow, and looking
back, is fit for God’s Kingdom.”

The Rauschmonstrum was struck by the

bluntness with which Jesus spoke to
these men, and thought that for him to
refuse a man who wished to attend to
the burial of his father ran counter to the
compassion the Nazarene had been
showing the afflicted.

A Samaritan Village Refuses to

Receive Jesus

It came to pass, when the days were

near that he should be taken up, he
intently set his face to go to
Jerusalem, and sent messengers before
his face. They went, and entered into a
village of the Samaritans, so as to

45
prepare for him. They did not receive
him, because he was traveling with his
face set towards Jerusalem.

When his disciples, James and John, saw

this, they said, “Lord, do you want us to
command fire to come down from the
sky, and destroy them?”

The Rauschmonstrum was worried, for

he did not want to burn down the village,
and he knew that if Jesus desired for fire
to come down on the village, he would
have no choice but to make this happen
‘lest he damage Jesus’ credibility.

But to the Rauschmonstrum’s relief,

Jesus turned and rebuked his
disciples, “You don’t know of what kind
of spirit you are. For the Son of Man
didn’t come to destroy men’s lives, but to
save them.”

46
The Rauschmonstrum said to himself,
“Honestly I did not know how the
Nazarene would respond to his disciples
in this scenario, just as it was that a few
days ago I never would have believed he
would turn away a man who wanted to
bury his father, yet that is exactly what
occurred. There are great contradictions
in this man’s behavior.”

Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind

As Jesus passed by, he saw a man blind

from birth. His disciples asked him,
“Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his
parents, that he was born blind?”

Jesus answered, “Neither did this man

sin, nor his parents; but, that the works
of God might be revealed in him. I must
work the works of him who sent me,

47
while it is day. The night is coming, when
no one can work. While I am in the
world, I am the light of the world.”

When he had said this, he spat on the

ground, made mud with the saliva,
touched the blind man’s eyes with the
mud, and said to him, “Go, wash in the
pool of Siloam.”

So the man went away, washed, and as

a result of the Rauschmonstrum’s power,
he came back seeing. The neighbors
therefore, and those who saw that he
was blind before, said, “Is this not he
who sat and begged?” Others were
saying, “It is he.” Still others were
saying, “He looks like him, yet this man
can see, so it cannot be him.”

The man replied again and again to their

questions, “I am he.” They therefore

48
were asking him, “How were your eyes
opened?”

He answered, “A man called Jesus made

mud, anointed my eyes, and said to
me, ‘Go to the pool of Siloam, and
wash.’ So I went away and washed, and
I received sight.”

Then they asked him, “Where is he?”

He said, “I don’t know.”

They brought him who had been blind to

the Pharisees. It was a Sabbath when
Jesus made the mud and opened his
eyes. Again therefore the Pharisees also
asked him how he received his sight. He
said to them, “He put mud on my eyes, I
washed, and I see.”

The Pharisees said, “This man is not

from God, because he doesn’t keep the

49
Sabbath.” Others said, “How can a man
who is a sinner do such signs?” There
was division among them. Therefore
they asked the blind man again, “What
do you say about him, because he
opened your eyes?”

He said, “He is a prophet.”

The Jews therefore did not believe that

he had been blind, and had received his
sight, until they called the parents of him
who had received his sight, and asked
them, “Is this your son, whom you say
was born blind? How then does he now
see?”

His parents answered them, “We know

that this is our son, and that he was born
blind; but how he now sees, we don’t
know; or who opened his eyes, we don’t
know. He is of age. Ask him. He will

50
speak for himself.” His parents said
these things because they feared the
Jews; for the Jews had already agreed
that if any man would confess him as
Christ, he would be put out of the
synagogue. Therefore his parents said,
“He is of age. Ask him.”

So they called the man who was blind a

second time, and said to him, “Give glory
to God. We know that this man is a
sinner.”

He therefore answered, “I don’t know if

he is a sinner. One thing I do know: that
though I was blind, now I see.”

They said to him again, “What did he do

to you? How did he open your eyes?”

He answered them, “I told you already,

and you didn’t listen. Why do you want

51
to hear it again? You don’t also want to
become his disciples, do you?”

They insulted him and said, “You are his

disciple, but we are disciples of
Moses. We know that God has spoken to
Moses. But as for this man, we don’t
know where he comes from.”

The man answered them, “How

amazing! You don’t know where he
comes from, yet he opened my eyes. We
know that God doesn’t listen to sinners,
but if anyone is a worshiper of God, and
does his will, he listens to him. Since the
world began it has never been heard of
that anyone opened the eyes of someone
born blind. If this man were not from
God, he could do nothing.”

52
They answered him, “You were
altogether born in sins, and do you teach
us?” They threw him out.

The Rauschmonstrum was an onlooker

for these proceedings, and was disgusted
by what he saw. “These Pharisees care
more that this man does not follow their
rigid rules, than they do that he is able
to see after a life of blindness. How can
the masses accomplish anything in this
world, when such crippling regulations
are laid upon them?”

Spiritual Blindness

Jesus heard that they had thrown him

out, and finding him, he said, “Do you
believe in the Son of God?”

53
He answered, “Who is he, Lord, that I
may believe in him?”

Jesus said to him, “You have both seen

him, and it is he who speaks with you.”

He said, “Lord, I believe!” and he

worshiped him.

Jesus said, “I came into this world for

judgment, that those who don’t see may
see; and that those who see may
become blind.”

Those of the Pharisees who were with

him heard these things, and said to him,
“Are we also blind?”

Jesus said to them, “If you were blind,

you would have no sin; but now you say,
‘We see.’ Therefore your sin remains.”

The Rauschmonstrum was proud of how

Jesus had stood up to the Pharisees. “I

54
may have much disagreement with my
Nazarene, however he does not lack in
chutzpah.”

Jesus Restores a Demon-

Possessed Man
Jesus and his disciples went across the
lake to the region of the Gerasenes.
When Jesus got out of the boat, a man
whom the Rauschmonstrum had
possessed came out from the tombs to
meet him.

This man lived within the tombs, to

protect others from him, and no one
could bind him anymore, not even with a
chain. As it was, he had often been
chained hand and foot, but he tore the
chains apart and broke the irons on his
feet. No one was strong enough to

55
subdue him. Night and day among the
tombs and in the hills he would cry out
and cut himself with stones.

When it was that he saw Jesus from a

distance, he ran and fell on his knees in
front of him. The possessed man
shouted at the top of his voice, “What do
you want with me, Jesus, Son of the
Most High God? In God’s name do not
torture me!”

Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this

man, you impure spirit!” Then Jesus
asked the demons he believed were
within him, “What is your name?”

“My name is Legion,” he answered, “for

we are many.” The Rauschmonstrum
from within the man begged Jesus again
and again not to send them out of the
area.

56
Now, a large herd of pigs were feeding
over on the nearby hillside. The man, by
way of the Rauschmonstrum, begged
Jesus, “Send us over to the pigs; allow
us to go into them.” With this, The
Rauschmonstrum left the man and went
into the pigs. The herd of pigs, about two
thousand in number, rushed down the
steep bank into the lake and was
drowned.

The men tending the pigs ran away and

reported what they had seen to the town
and countryside, and the people went
out to see what had happened. When
they reached Jesus, they saw the man
who they had believed had been
possessed by the legion of
demons, sitting there, fully clothed, and
in his right state of mind; and so they
were afraid.

57
Those who had seen it told the people
what had happened to the man they
thought had been possessed by demons,
and told about the pigs as well. Then the
people began to plead with Jesus to
depart from their region.

As Jesus was just getting into the boat

with his disciples, the man who had been
possessed by the Rauschmonstrum
begged to go with him. Jesus would not
let him. He said, “Go home to your own
people and tell them how much I have
done for you, and how much mercy I
have had on you.”

So the man went away and began to tell

those all around him how much Jesus
had done for him. And so, all the people
were amazed.

58
The Sermon on the Mount

Jesus was going throughout all

Galilee, teaching in their synagogues
and proclaiming the gospel of the
kingdom, and healing every kind of
disease and every kind of sickness
among the people.

The news about Him spread throughout

the entire region; and they brought to
Him all who were ill, those suffering with
various diseases and pains,
demoniacs, epileptics, paralytics; and He
healed them. Large crowds followed Him
from Galilee and the Decapolis and
Jerusalem and Judea and from beyond
the Jordan.

When Jesus saw the crowds, He went up

on the mountain; and after He sat down,

59
His disciples came to Him. He opened His
mouth and began to teach them, saying,

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs

is the kingdom of heaven.”

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they

shall be comforted.”

“Blessed are the gentle, for they shall

inherit the earth.”

“Blessed are those who hunger and

thirst for righteousness, for they shall be
satisfied.”

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall

receive mercy.”

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they

shall see God.”

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they

shall be called sons of God.”

60
“Blessed are those who have
been persecuted for the sake of
righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom
of heaven.”

“Blessed are you when people insult you

and persecute you, and falsely say all
kinds of evil against you because of
Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward
in heaven is great; for in the same way
they persecuted the prophets who were
before you.”

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the

salt has become tasteless, how can it be
made salty again? It is no longer good
for anything, except to be thrown out
and trampled underfoot by men.”

“You are the light of the world. A city set

on a hill cannot be hidden; nor
does anyone light a lamp and put it

61
under a basket, but on the lamp stand,
and it gives light to all who are in the
house. Let your light shine before men
in such a way that they may see your
good works, and glorify your Father who
is in heaven.”

“Do not think that I came to abolish

the Law or the Prophets; I did not come
to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to
you, until heaven and earth pass away,
not the smallest letter or stroke shall
pass from the Law until all is
accomplished. Whoever then annuls one
of the least of these commandments,
and teaches others to do the same, shall
be called least in the kingdom of heaven;
but whoever keeps and teaches them, he
shall be called great in the kingdom of
heaven.”

62
“For I say to you that unless
your righteousness surpasses that of the
scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter
the kingdom of heaven.”

“For this reason I say to you, do not

be worried about your life, as to what
you will eat or what you will drink; nor
for your body, as to what you will put on.
Is not life more than food and the body
more than clothing?”

“Look at the birds of the air, that they do

not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds
them. Are you not worth much more
than they? And who of you by
being worried can add a single hour to
his life? And why are you worried about
clothing?”

63
“Observe how the lilies of the field grow;
they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I
say to you that not even Solomon in all
his glory clothed himself like one of
these. But if God so clothes the grass of
the field, which is alive today and
tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will
He not much more clothe you? You of
little faith!”

“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will

we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What
will we wear for clothing?’ For the
Gentiles eagerly seek all these things;
for your heavenly Father knows that you
need all these things. But seek first His
kingdom and His righteousness, and all
these things will be added to you.”

64
“So do not worry about tomorrow; for
tomorrow will care for itself. Each day
has enough trouble of its own.”

Now Jesus said many other things while

giving the Sermon on the Mount,
however it was these passages which
fascinated the Rauschmonstrum the
most. As he watched the large crowd
listening, he gained a greater
understanding of the vast power of the
Nazarene’s message.

“He is telling them that to be poor and

weak is being than being rich and strong.
He is telling them to forgive others for
the wrongs they have committed against
them. With a message such as this, he
will surely spread faster than any other
philosopher the world has ever known.
For the people to accept what Jesus tells
them here will allow them to accept the

65
calamities and tragedies that befall their
lives with greater ease and optimism
than any other system of thought I have
yet heard of. He is an opiate, and they
will feast on him with unquenchable
appetite.”

Jesus finished up with his mountaintop

sermon:

“Therefore everyone who hears these

words of mine and acts on them, may be
compared to a wise man who built his
house on the rock. And the rain fell, and
the floods came, and the winds blew and
slammed against that house; and yet it
did not fall, for it had been founded on
the rock. Everyone who hears these
words of mine and does not act on them,
will be like a foolish man who built his
house on the sand. The rain fell, and

66
the floods came, and the winds blew and
slammed against that house; and it fell—
and great was its fall.”

When Jesus had finished these

words, the crowds were amazed at His
teaching; for He was teaching them
as one having true authority.

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand

Jesus and his disciples went away in a

boat by themselves off to a place where
they could be alone. However, many
people who saw them leaving recognized
them for who they were and ran on foot
from all the towns and got there ahead
of them. When Jesus landed and saw a
large crowd, he was filled with
compassion for them, because to him it

67
was as though they were sheep without
a shepherd. So he began teaching them
many things.

By this time it was late in the day, so his

disciples came to him and said “Master,
this is a solitary place and it is already
very late. Send these people away so
that they can go to the surrounding
countryside and villages. There they will
be able to buy themselves something to
eat.”

But Jesus answered, “It is we who

should give them something to eat.”

The disciples were taken aback. They

responded, “That would take more than
half a year’s wages! Are we to go and
spend that much on bread and give it to
them to eat?”

“Go and see how many loaves of bread

you have” Jesus advised.

68
They went to see how many, then
returned, and said, “Five—and two fish.”

And so, Jesus directed them to have all

the people sit down in groups on the
grass. The people sat down in large
groups of hundreds and fifties.

Jesus took the five loaves and the two

fish and looking up to heaven. He gave
thanks and broke the loaves. Then Jesus
gave them to his disciples so that they
may distribute to the people. Jesus also
divided the two fish among them all.

They all ate and were satisfied, and the

disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of
broken pieces of bread and fish. The
number of the men who had eaten was
five thousand. All of this, of course, was
due to the efforts of the
Rauschmonstrum.

69
Jesus Walks on the Water

Immediately after the feeding, Jesus

made his disciples get into the boat and
go on ahead to the other side, to another
city, while he dismissed the crowd. After
saying farewell to them, he went up to
the mountaintop to pray.

When evening came, the boat was in the

middle of the sea, and Jesus was alone
on the land. When he saw that they were
straining at the oars against a strong
wind, he approached them, walking on
the sea. He was able to do this through
the willpower of the Rauschmonstrum.
When the Disciples saw him walking on
the sea, they believed it to be a ghost
and cried out in fear.

But immediately Jesus spoke to them

and said, “Do not fear for, it is I; do not
be afraid.” And then he got into the boat

70
with them and the wind died down (not
by way of the Rauschmonstrum this
time, but by complete chance). And the
disciples were utterly astounded.

And when Jesus and his disciple had

crossed over, they came to land and
fastened the boat to the shore. The
people on the shore recognized Jesus as
soon as he got out of the boat. They ran
around the whole neighborhood and
began to bring sick and damaged people
to any place they heard he was.

And wherever it was he went, be it in

villages, cities, or country, the people lay
their sick in the market places, and
appealed to him that they might touch
even the edge of his tunic. Those who
touched it were made well through the
power of the Rauschmonstrum.

71
The Parable of the Lost Sheep
and the Lost Coin

Now the tax collectors and sinners were

all gathering around to hear Jesus. The
Pharisees and the scribes murmured,
saying, “This man welcomes sinners, and
eats with them.”

He told them this parable. “Which of you

men, if you had one hundred sheep, and
lost one of them, wouldn’t leave the
ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go
after the one that was lost, until he
found it? When he has found it, he
carries it on his shoulders,
rejoicing. When he comes home, he calls
together his friends and his neighbors,
saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I
have found my sheep which was lost!’ I
tell you that even so there will be more

72
joy in heaven over one sinner who
repents, than over ninety-nine righteous
people who need no repentance.”

“The Nazarene is in need of some

rebuttal over this sheep story of his.”
thought the Rauschmonstrum. And so,
he took the form of a shepherd and
approached Jesus.

“Rabbi,” began the Rauschmonstrum in

his new form. “I am a shepherd, and if I
were to lose one of my sheep, I would
never leave the others to go looking for
the lost one. Even if I were to find it,
many of my other sheep may be lost
while I was away. My father and
grandfather were also shepherds, and I
know that they never would have
behaved in such a way either.”

When the Rauschmonstrum had finished,

Jesus responded by crouching down and

73
writing in the ground with his finger.
Those in attendance looked at
themselves, wondering what the
Nazarene was doing. After doing this for
a while, Jesus got up and addressed the
crowd again, telling another parable.

“Or what woman, if she had ten coins, if

she lost one drachma coin, wouldn’t light
a lamp, sweep the house, and seek
diligently until she found it? When she
has found it, she calls together her
friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice
with me, for I have found the coin which
I had lost.’ Even so, I tell you, there is
joy in the presence of the angels of God
over one sinner repenting.”

The Rauschmonstrum was not impressed

by this new parable either, neither were
the sinners, or the Pharisees, or the
others in attendance. In fact, the opinion

74
of most in attendance was that it was a
weaker story than the one about the
sheep.

Jesus sensed this and looked up above,

as if expecting Yahweh and the angels of
heaven to divinely inspire a new parable
for him.

The Parable of the Prodigal Son

After taking some more time to

think, Jesus continued with yet another
parable. He said:

“A certain man had two sons. The

younger of them said to his father,
‘Father, give me my share of your
property.’ The father divided his
livelihood between them. Not many days
after, the younger son gathered all of

75
this together and traveled into a far
country.

There he wasted his property with

riotous living. When he had spent all of
it, there arose a severe famine in that
country and he began to be in need. He
went and joined himself to one of the
citizens of that country, and he sent him
into his fields to feed pigs. He wanted to
fill his belly with the husks that the pigs
ate, but no one gave him any.

But when he came to himself he said,

‘How many hired servants of my father’s
have bread enough to spare, and I’m
dying with hunger! I will get up and go
to my father, and will tell him, “Father, I
have sinned against heaven, and in your
sight. I am no more worthy to be called

76
your son. Make me as one of your hired
servants.”’

“He arose, and came to his father. But

while he was still far off, his father saw
him, and was moved with compassion,
and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed
him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have
sinned against heaven, and in your sight.
I am no longer worthy to be called your
son.’”

“But the father said to his servants,

‘Bring out the best robe, and put it on
him. Put a ring on his hand, and shoes
on his feet. Bring the fattened calf, kill
it, and let us eat, and celebrate; for this,
my son, was dead, and is alive again. He
was lost, and is found.’ They began to
celebrate.”

77
“Now his elder son was in the field. As
he came near to the house, he heard
music and dancing. He called one of the
servants to him, and asked what was
going on. He said to him, ‘Your brother
has come, and your father has killed the
fattened calf, because he has received
him back safe and healthy.’ But he was
angry, and would not go in.

Therefore his father came out, and

begged him. But he answered his father,
‘Behold, these many years I have served
you, and I never disobeyed a
commandment of yours, but you never
gave me a goat, that I might celebrate
with my friends. But when this, your
son, came, who has devoured your living
with prostitutes, you killed the fattened
calf for him.’

78
“He said to him, ‘Son, you are always
with me, and all that is mine is
yours. But it was appropriate to
celebrate and be glad, for this, your
brother, was dead, and is alive again. He
was lost, and is found.’”

When Jesus finished his story, the

Rauschmonstrum was pleased. He saw
that those in attendance enjoyed this
story. “My Nazarene has recovered well,
for that was truly a better parable than
before, although I still have my
skepticism of Jesus’ preference of people
who have returned to moral ways after a
lifetime of sin over those who have
remained righteous their entire lives. It
seems to me that the father’s behavior is
apt to alienate the righteous son, and
turn him to sin.”

79
However, as usual, the Rauschmonstrum
kept all of this to himself, and moved on
with Jesus and the disciples.

The Woman Caught in Adultery

Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Now

very early in the morning, he came again
into the temple, and all the people came
to him. He sat down, and taught
them. The scribes and the Pharisees
brought a woman taken in adultery.
Having set her in the middle, they told
him, “Teacher, we found this woman in
adultery, in the very act. Now in our law,
Moses commanded us to stone such
women. What then do you say about
her?” They said this testing him, that
they might have something to accuse
him of.

80
Jesus stooped down, and wrote on the
ground with his finger. When they
continued asking him, he looked up and
said to them, “He who is without sin
among you, let him throw the first stone
at her.”Again he stooped down, and with
his finger wrote on the ground.

The Pharisees, thinking about what he

said, became convicted by their
conscience, and went out from the
temple one by one.

Jesus was left alone with the woman

where she was, in the middle. Jesus,
standing up, saw her and said, “Woman,
where are your accusers? Did no one
condemn you?”

She said, “No one, Lord.”

81
Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you.
Go your way. From now on, sin no
more.”

The woman left. The Rauschmonstrum

was very pleased with how Jesus had
handled the situation, knowing that the
Pharisees had been trying to bait the
Nazarene into saying something they’d
be able to charge him with blasphemy
over.

The Rauschmonstrum was also pleased

because he thought it astoundingly cruel
for adultery to be punishable by death,
and he was dumbfounded over how most
of the world put such rigid restrictions on
sexual behavior. “If this Nazarene’s
teachings really do last for millennia,” he
thought, “I hope permissive sexuality is a
central tenant.”

82
The Rich and the Kingdom of
God

One day a certain rich man came to

Jesus and said, “Good teacher, what
good thing shall I do, that I may have
eternal life?”

Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me

good? No one is good but one, that is,
God. But if you want to enter into life,
keep the commandments.”

The man said to him, “Which ones?”

Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder.’ ‘You

shall not commit adultery.’ ‘You shall not
steal.’ ‘You shall not offer false
testimony.’ ‘Honor your father and
mother.’ And, ‘You shall love your
neighbor as yourself.’”

83
The young man said to him, “All these
things I have observed from the time of
my youth. What do I still lack, for
whatever it may be, I will do it?”

Jesus said to him, “If you want to be

perfect, go, sell what you have, and give
to the poor, and you will have treasure in
heaven; and come, follow me.” But
when the young man heard this, he left
quite sad, for he was one who had a
great deal of possessions.

Jesus said to his disciples, “Most

certainly I say to you, a rich man will
enter into the Kingdom of Heaven with
difficulty. Again I tell you, it is easier for
a camel to go through a needle’s eye,
than for a rich man to enter into God’s
Kingdom.”

84
Since the Rauschmonstrum himself did
not have any money, or material objects
(nor, of course, did he need any) he
could not find a way to object to what
the Nazarene had said. However, he
knew Jesus’ viewpoint on this matter
would be very unpopular. “It will not
catch on with the masses” he thought.

Jesus Blesses Little Children

The people around were bringing little
children to Jesus, that he should touch
them and put his blessings on them, but
the disciples rebuked those who were
bringing them to him.

But when Jesus saw it, he was moved

with indignation, and said to
them, “Allow the little children to come
to me! Don’t forbid them, for God’s

85
Kingdom belongs to such as these. Most
certainly I tell you, whoever will not
receive God’s Kingdom like a little child,
he will in no way enter into it.” He took
them in his arms, and blessed them.

“Smart move by the Nazarene,” thought

the Rauschmonstrum. “For what can be
better for a religion than to claim
gullibility to be a virtue?”

The Parable of the Good

Samaritan

On one occasion a certain lawyer stood

up and tested him, saying, “Teacher,
what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”

He answered, “You shall love the Lord

your God with all your soul, and you will
love your neighbor as yourself.”

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The lawyer then asked Jesus, “But who is
my neighbor?”

Jesus answered, as he often liked to do,

with a parable:

“A certain man was going down from

Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among
robbers, who both stripped him and beat
him, and departed, leaving him half
dead. By chance a certain priest was
going down that way. When he saw him,
he passed by on the other side. In the
same way a Levite also, when he came
to the place, and saw him, passed by on
the other side.

But a certain Samaritan, as he traveled,

came where he was. When he saw him,
he was moved with compassion, came to
him, and bound up his wounds, pouring
on oil and wine. He set him on his own

87
animal, and brought him to an inn, and
took care of him.

On the next day, when he departed, he

took out two denarii coins, and gave
them to the host, and said to him, ‘Take
care of him. Whatever you spend beyond
that, I will repay you when I
return.’ Now which of these three do you
think seemed to be a neighbor to him
who fell among the robbers?”

He said, “He who showed mercy on

him.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do

likewise.”

The Rauschmonstrum was delighted by

what he had heard. “My my, the
Nazarene really has developed into a
masterful parable teller.”

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The Death of Lazarus

Now a man from Bethany named

Lazarus was sick. His sisters, Mary and
Martha, sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the
one you love is sick.” Now, it had been
known for some time that Lazarus had
been ill, so for Mary and Martha to send
word to Jesus on Lazarus’ condition, it
was a sign Lazarus was close to death.

When Jesus received this message from

Mary and Martha, he said “This sickness
will not end in death. No, it is for God’s
glory so that God’s Son may be glorified
through it.” Jesus he stayed where he
was two more days, and then he said to
his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

“But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago

some people who lived there tried to
stone you, and yet you want to go
back?” (This situation had happened,

89
though Jesus was never in any serious
harm.)

Jesus answered them, “Aren’t there

twelve hours of daylight? If a man walks
in the day, he doesn’t stumble, because
he sees the light of this world. But if a
man walks in the night, he stumbles,
because the light isn’t in him.”

After that, he said to them, “Our friend,

Lazarus, has fallen asleep, but I am
going so that I may awake him out of
sleep.”

His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps,

surely he will wake up.” The disciples
thought Jesus spoke of Lazarus’ natural
sleep.

So then Jesus told them

plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and for your
sake I am glad I was not there, so that
you may believe. But let us go to him.”

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Now, the Rauschmonstrum knew that
Lazarus was already dead, because of his
omnipresent talents, but he was
surprised Jesus spoke in such a way,
since the Nazarene could only guess of
this. “Sure he knows Lazarus is near
death, but there is no need for the
Nazarene to ordain his demise before he
knows for sure”

Jesus left for Judea. Then the disciple

Thomas, who thought it was certain that
Jesus would be killed upon arriving in
Judea, said to the rest of the disciples,
“Let us also go, so that we may die with
him.”

“They are going to force me to raise this

Lazarus fellow from the dead, aren’t
they?” sighed the Rauschmonstrum.

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Jesus Weeps For Lazarus

When Jesus arrived in Bethany, he found

that Lazarus had been in the tomb four
days already. Many of the Jews had
joined the women around Martha and
Mary, to console them concerning their
brother.

Then when Martha heard that Jesus was

coming, she went and met him, but Mary
stayed in the house. Therefore Martha
said to Jesus, “Lord, if you would have
been here, my brother wouldn’t have
died. Even now I know that, whatever
you ask of God, God will give
you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother
will rise again.”

Martha said to him, “I know that he will

rise again in the resurrection on the last
day.”

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Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection
and the life. He who believes in me will
still live, even if he dies. Whoever lives
and believes in me will never die. Do you
believe this?”

She said to him, “Yes, Lord. I have come

to believe that you are the Christ, God’s
Son, he who comes into the world.”

When she had said this, she went away,

and called Mary, her sister, secretly,
saying, “The Teacher is here, and is
calling you.”

When she heard this, she arose quickly,

and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet
come into the village, but was still in the
place where Martha met him. Then the
crowd that was with her in the house,
and were consoling her, upon seeing her
rise up quickly, went out, followed her,

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saying, “She is going to the tomb to
weep there.”

Therefore when Mary came to where

Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at
his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you
would have been here days ago, my
brother would not have died.”

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the

crowd that had come with her weeping
as well, he groaned in distress, and was
troubled. He said, “Where have you laid
him?”

They told him, “Lord, come and see.”

Jesus wept.

The gathered crowd then said, “See how

much affection he had for him!” Some of
them said, “Could not this man, who

94
opened the eyes of him who was blind,
have also kept this man from dying?”

The Rauschmonstrum was annoyed by

the behavior of Lazarus’ sisters, feeling
as though they were manipulating Jesus
into raising their brother from their dead,
through making him feel guilty. It was
not as though Jesus had any obligation
to raise Lazarus up. Death was as natural
a thing as there ever was, and even if
Lazarus were to be raised, the time
would come when he would die again.

However, the Rauschmonstrum knew

that regardless, Lazarus would now need
to be raised from the dead, or else Jesus’
credibility would be damaged.

“At least,” thought the Rauschmonstrum

“this will be a miracle to be rooted in
gravitas, unlike that water into wine trick

95
I let the Nazarene perform toward the
beginning.”

Jesus Raises Lazarus from the

Dead

Jesus therefore, again groaning in

himself, came to the tomb. It was a
cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus
said, “Take away the stone.”

Martha said to him, “Lord, by this time

there is a stench, for he has been dead
four days.”

Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that

if you believed, you would see God’s
glory?”

So they took away the stone from the

place where the dead man was

96
lying. Jesus lifted up his eyes, and
said, “Father, I know that you always
listen to me, but because of the
multitude that stands around me, I
asked that you do this, that they may
believe that you sent me.” After he had
said this, he cried out in a loud voice,
“Lazarus, come out!”

And so, through the power of the

Rauschmonstrum, Lazarus came out,
bound hand and foot with wrappings,
and his face wrapped with a cloth.

Jesus said to the crowd, “Free him, and

let him go.”

The people around did as Jesus asked,

and Lazarus walked away with his
sisters.

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“If this does not give the Nazarene a
large following, nothing will” thought the
Rauschmonstrum.

The Plot to Kill Jesus

After this, many of the people, who came

to Mary and saw what Jesus did, believed
in him. But some of them went away to
the Pharisees, and told them the things
which Jesus had done.

The chief priests therefore and the

Pharisees gathered a council, and said,
“What are we doing? For this man does
many signs. If we leave him alone like
this, everyone will believe in him, and
the Romans will come and take away
both our place and our nation.”

98
But a certain one of them, Caiaphas,
being high priest that year, said to them,
“You know nothing at all, nor do you
consider that it is advantageous for us
that one man should die for the people,
and that the whole nation not perish.”

Caiaphas prophesied that Jesus would

die for the nation and not for the nation
only, but that he might also gather
together into one all the Israelites and
descendents of Israelites, many of whom
were scattered abroad.

So from that day forward they took

counsel that they might put the
Nazarene to death. Jesus therefore
walked no more openly among the
crowds, but departed from there into the
country near the wilderness, to a city

99
called Ephraim. He stayed there with his
disciples.

The Passover was at hand. Many went up

from the country to Jerusalem before the
Passover, to purify themselves. Then
they sought for Jesus and spoke one with
another, as they stood in the temple:
“What do you think? Will he come to the
feast at all?” Now, the chief priests and
the Pharisees had commanded that if
anyone knew where Jesus was, they
should report it, so that they may seize
him.

Jesus’ Anointing at Bethany

Six days before the Passover Jesus

came back to Bethany, and went to the
home of Mary and Martha, and
Lazarus. There they gave a dinner for
Jesus and his disciples.

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The Rauschmonstrum studied Lazarus
and was amazed. “This man was dead,
and yet he sits here as though none of
that happened. He is living his life the
same way he had before, nothing is
altered. What a waste. If I were in his
position, I would be dancing around the
town, drinking and whoring, and singing
songs. I would travel to the finest cities,
and sail the darkened seas. Yet, I feel as
though most people would behave just
as this man does, if they were under the
same circumstances. What a shame!”

Mary then took a pound of perfume of

pure nard, which was very expensive,
and anointed the feet of Jesus, and
wiped his feet with her hair. The house
was filled with the fragrance of the
ointment.

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Then Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples,
who would later betray him, said, “Why
wasn’t this ointment sold for three
hundred denarii coins, and given to the
poor?” Now, Judas said this, not because
he cared for the poor, but because he
was a thief, and having the money box,
used to steal what was put into it. But
Jesus said, “Leave her alone. She has
kept this for the day of my burial. For
you always have the poor with you, but
you will not always have me.”

Judas responded with a disdainful look,

which the Rauschmonstrum noticed. “A
rift is here. This Iscariot fellow has his
doubts about the direction the
Nazarene’s ministry is taking. Perhaps he
is ripe to turn.”

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Jesus Predicts His Death
From that time on Jesus began to
explain to his disciples that he must go
to Jerusalem and suffer many things at
the hands of the Pharisees, the elders,
the chief priests and the teachers of the
law, and that he must be killed and on
the third day be resurrected.

Peter took him aside and began to

chastise him. “Never, Lord!” he said.
“This shall never happen to you!”

Jesus responded by turning to Peter and

saying, “Get behind me, Satan! You are
just a stumbling block to me; you do not
have in mind the concerns of God, but
merely human concerns.”

“Better to have human concerns than the

ones you have in mind, Nazarene”
thought the Rauschmonstrum.

103
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If
anyone desires to come after me, let him
deny himself, and take up his cross, and
follow me. For whoever desires to save
his life will lose it, and whoever will lose
his life for my sake will find it. For what
will it profit a man, if he gains the whole
world, and forfeits his life?

Or what will a man give in exchange for

his life? For the Son of Man will come in
the glory of his Father with his angels,
and then he will judge to everyone
according to their deeds. Most certainly I
tell you, there are some standing here
who will in no way taste of death, until
they see the Son of Man coming in his
Kingdom.”

The Rauschmonstrum watched this with

great interest, for he had gotten weary
of the possibility of the death of the

104
Nazarene. A part of him hoped their
game could go on forever and ever.
However Jesus seemed eager for his
death to take place.

Jesus Comes to Jerusalem as

King

As they approached Jerusalem and came

to the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two
disciples, saying to them, “Go to the
village ahead of you, and at once you will
find a donkey tied there, with a colt by
her. Untie both of them and bring them
back to me. If anyone says anything to
you, say that the Lord needs them, and
he will send them right away.”

The disciples went off and did as Jesus

had instructed them. They brought the

105
donkey and the colt and placed their
cloaks on them for Jesus to sit on.

When the people of Jerusalem heard

that Jesus was coming to the city, they
took the branches of the palm trees, and
went out to meet him, and cried out,
“Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in
the name of the Lord, the King of Israel!”

The multitude that was with him when he

called Lazarus out of the tomb, and
raised him from the dead, was testifying
about it, causing Jesus to gain in
followers. The Pharisees therefore said
among themselves, “See how you
accomplish nothing. Behold, the world
has gone after him.”

106
The Parable of the Tenants

The Rauschmonstrum was sure that the

Nazarene was acting out a death wish,
for as soon as he and the disciples had
entered Jerusalem, Jesus told another
parable, one specifically selected to
disavow the Pharisees:

“There was a landowner who planted a

vineyard. He put a wall around it, dug a
pit for its winepress and built a
watchtower. Then he rented the vineyard
to some farmers and moved elsewhere.
When the time for harvest approached,
he sent his servants to the tenants to
collect his share of the fruit of the
vineyard.”

“The tenants seized his servants; then

beat one, killed another, and stoned a
third. Then he sent other servants to
them, more than the first time, and the

107
tenants treated them the same way. Last
of all, he sent his son to them. ‘They will
respect my son,’ he said.”

“But when the tenants saw the son

coming, they turned to each other and
said, ‘This is the heir. Come; let us kill
him, as his inheritance will be ours.’ So
they took him and threw him out of the
vineyard and murdered him.”

“Therefore, when the owner of the

vineyard comes, what will he do to those
tenants?”

“He will bring those wretches to a

wretched end,” those in attendance
replied, “and he will rent the vineyard to
other tenants, who will give him his
share of the crop at harvest time.”

Jesus said to them, “Have you never

read the Scriptures:

108
“‘The stone the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone.
The Lord has done this,
and it is a marvel to our eyes.
Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God
will be taken away from those who
produce bad fruit and will be given to a
people who will produce good fruit.”

The common people in attendance knew

this parable was clearly aimed at the
Pharisees.

The Pharisees, chief priests, the teachers

of the law, and the elders looked for a
way to arrest Jesus because they knew
he had spoken the parable against them;
however they did not take action, for
they were frightened of the crowd.

“That was a crafty piece of symbolic

criticism” thought the Rauschmonstrum.

109
“And to think it comes from a man who
can be damaged so greatly by the group
he is scolding. He is lucky if he survives
the week.”

Jesus at the Temple

Jesus entered the city’s temple and
drove out all those who were buying and
selling there. He overturned the tables of
the money lenders and the seats of those
who sold doves “My temple will be a
house of prayer, but you merchants have
made it a den for thieves”

The blind and the lame came to the

temple to see him, and through the
power of the Rauschmonstrum, Jesus
healed them. But when the Pharisees,
and chief priests, and the teachers of the
law saw the glorious things Jesus was

110
able to do through the Rauschmonstrum,
and saw the children shouting in the
temple courts, “Bless the Son of
God,” they were indignant.

Jesus begun teaching in the temple daily,

and the Pharisees, and chief priests and
scribes were seeking to destroy him, but
they were not able to find anything they
could do, for all of the common people
were hanging on his words.

“Surely it will not be long now” thought

the Rauschmonstrum. “These Pharisees
and scribes may be terribly incompetent,
and preach nonsense, but they will find a
way to destroy the Nazarene eventually.”

But once again, they were afraid of the

multitude of followers; so they left him
and went away.

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“These people are useless, for if they
truly want to kill the Nazarene, they
must not have this fear of the crowds.”
The Rauschmonstrum began thinking of
a way to bring about Jesus’ destruction
himself.

Paying the Imperial Tax to

Caesar

The Pharisees went and took counsel

how they might entrap Jesus in his
talk. They sent their disciples to him,
saying, “Teacher, we know that you are
an honest man, and teach the way of
God in truth, no matter whom you teach,
for you are not partial to anyone. Tell us
therefore, what do you think? Is it lawful
to pay taxes to Caesar, or not?”

112
But Jesus perceived their deception, and
said, “Why do you test me, you
hypocrites? Show me the tax money.”

They brought to him a denarius coin.

Jesus studied the coin and asked

them, “Whose is this image and
inscription?

They said to him, “Caesar’s.”

Then he said to them, “Give therefore to

Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and
to God the things that are God’s.”

When they heard it, they marveled, and

left him, and went away.

The Rauschmonstrum was equally

amazed, for the Nazarene had taken a
seemingly no win situation and exploited
a third option.

113
“Any negotiator or politician should take
note of what the Nazarene did here, if
they are to master their craft.” He
thought. This experience also cemented
the Rauschmonstrum’s belief that the
Pharisees would never find a way on
their own to do what they wanted. No, if
Jesus of Nazareth was going to die, the
Rauschmonstrum needed to take this
matter into his own hands…

The Rauschmonstrum Appears

Before Judas
Now the feast of unleavened bread,
which is called the Passover, was
approaching. The chief priests and the
scribes sought how they might put Jesus
to death, for they feared the people who
believed in him.

114
The Rauschmonstrum decided Judas was
to be the vessel for the demise of Jesus.
The Rauschmonstrum had watched Judas
ever since Jesus’ anointing in Bethany by
Mary, and it was clear Judas believed
less and less in the words and deeds of
the Nazarene with every passing day.

And so, the Rauschmonstrum took the

form of an angel and appeared before
Judas in the middle of the night.

When Judas saw what appeared to be an

angel, he fell to his knees and prayed.

“Judas, I am appearing before you now,

for you are the most righteous of the
disciples of the man known as Jesus.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am

not worthy.” Judas trembled a great
deal; not something the
Rauschmonstrum could fault him for
given the circumstances.

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“Judas, unfortunately the man known as
Jesus is not who is says he is.”

“He isn’t? I suspected as much.”

“He is something quite darker.”

“Is he the Beelzebub?”

“Not quite, but one of his underlings. He

must be stopped.”

“Oh Lord, oh God! Why do you tell me

this? What must I do?”

“I am going to tell you what to do. Now,

listen very carefully…”

Judas Agrees to Betray Jesus

After Judas’s encounter with the

Rauschmonstrum, he went to the temple
to talk with the chief priests and captains
about how he might deliver Jesus over to

116
them. They were glad, and agreed to
give him money for his efforts. Judas
consented, and sought an opportunity to
deliver him to them in the absence of the
multitude of believers who would protect
him.

Then the Rauschmonstrum went away,

and as Jesus slept that night the
Rauschmonstrum caused him to have a
dream wherein Judas betrayed him.

For this dream the Rauschmonstrum also

created the vision of Peter denying Jesus
three times before the sound of a rooster
crowing. The Rauschmonstrum knew
Peter’s character was such that he would
deny knowing Jesus if he thought it could
save him from punishment. The
Rauschmonstrum also knew that as
Jesus’ closest disciple, the guilt Peter
would feel after denying him would fuel

117
him to spread Jesus’ message after the
Nazarene’s time on Earth had ended.

The Last Supper

Now on the first day of unleavened

bread, the disciples came to Jesus,
saying to him, “Where do you want us to
prepare for you to eat the Passover?”

He said, “Go into the city to a certain

person, and tell him, ‘The Teacher says,
“My time is at hand. I will keep the
Passover at your house with my
disciples.’”

The disciples did as Jesus commanded

them, and they prepared the
Passover. Now when evening had come,
he was reclining at the table with the
twelve disciples. As they were eating, he

118
said, “Most certainly I tell you that one of
you will betray me.”

They were exceedingly sorrowful, and

each began to ask him, “It isn’t me, is it,
Lord?”

He answered “One of you who dipped

your hand with me in the dish will betray
me. The Son of Man will go, as it is
written of him, but woe to that man by
whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It
would be better for that man if he had
not been born.”

Judas then said to him, “It isn’t me, is it,

Rabbi?”

In response, Jesus said to him, “You say

so.”

As they were eating, Jesus took bread,

gave thanks for it, and broke it. He gave

119
to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat;
this is my body.” He took the cup, gave
thanks, and gave to them, saying, “All of
you drink it, for this is my blood of the
new covenant, which is poured out for
many for the remission of sins. But I tell
you that I will not drink of this fruit of
the vine from now on, until that day
when I drink it anew with you in my
Father’s Kingdom.” They then went out
to the Mount of Olives.

Then Jesus said to them, “All of you will

be made to stumble because of me
tonight, for it is written, ‘I will strike the
shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will
be scattered.’ But after I am raised up, I
will go before you into Galilee.”

120
But Peter answered him, “Even if all will
be made to stumble over you, I will
never be made to stumble.”

Jesus said to him, “Peter, tonight, before

the rooster crows, you will deny me
three times.”

Peter said to him, “Even if I must die

with you, I will not deny you.” All of the
disciples also said likewise.

The Rauschmonstrum was struck by how

convinced Jesus was that he would rise
from the dead and rejoin them in Galilee.
He was also amazed by how calm Jesus
was at the prospect of being betrayed by
Judas, denied by Peter, and ultimately
facing death.

“I must say, of all the people in this

world to fulfill my aim, this Nazarene was

121
as interesting a vessel as I could have
found. I am blessed.”

Agony in the Garden

They went to a place called
Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his
disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” He
took Peter, James and John along with
him, and he became deeply distressed
and troubled. Then he said to them, “My
soul is exceedingly sorrowful, to the
point of death. Stay here, and watch for
me.”

He went forward a little, fell on his face,

and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is
possible, let this cup of suffering pass
away from me; nevertheless, not what I
desire, but what you desire.”

122
The Rauschmonstrum, in the form of an
angel appeared to him. This
strengthened Jesus, and being in
anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and
his sweat was like drops of blood falling
to the ground.

The Rauschmonstrum could not believe

the agony the Nazarene was putting
himself through over a fantasy he had
fabricated about his own destiny. It was
at this point that the Rauschmonstrum
had doubts about his own mission, and
considered ending all this and letting
Jesus be. “Perhaps what I am doing is
too much? Perhaps the life of Nazarene
has shown there is more good about the
human race than I thought possible
before?”

However, after thinking this through the

Rauschmonstrum realized things had

123
gone along too far to simply stop now.
He must finish what he had begun, and
regardless of the endpoint of this
adventure, he could always use his
experiences with the Nazarene to
influence humanity in further ways down
the road.

When Jesus rose from prayer, He came

to the disciples and found them
sleeping. He said to Peter, “Were you not
able to keep watch for one hour? Watch
and pray that you don’t enter into
temptation. The spirit indeed is willing,
but the flesh is weak.”

Again, a second time he went away, and

prayed, saying, - “My Father, if this cup
cannot pass away unless I drink it, your
desire be done.”

124
He came again and found the disciples
still sleeping. He left them and went
away to pray for a third time.

Jesus and the Rauschmonstrum

It was then that the Rauschmonstrum

appeared before Jesus in his true form
for the first time.

Jesus’ eyes were closed, praying, and

thus he did not notice the
Rauschmonstrum for some time. When,
he finally did notice the
Rauschmonstrum, even then he did not
so much as glance at him.
“Do you know who I am?” asked the
Rauschmonstrum.

125
“Yes, you are the serpent, come to tempt
me away from facing my fate. Be gone
with you!”

The Rauschmonstrum laughed.

“ You think I am Satan? I am not Satan.”

“Of course you are Satan, for who else

may you be? For I know you are no
angel.”

“Quite right…no angel. Certainly not the

angel who appeared to you right
here…when you were praying before?”

With that said, the Rauschmonstrum

transformed in front of Jesus into the
same angel he had appeared as before.
He then returned right back to his
natural form.

It was clear Jesus was disturbed by how

the Rauschmonstrum was able to take
the form of the angel and return to his

126
natural form so quickly. Yet, he did not
respond, and instead went back to his
prayer.

The Rauschmonstrum continued, “Do you

remember all the blind you made see,
the lame you made walk, and all the
others you cured of disease?”

“Yes. Have you come here to mock me

for my aid to the downtrodden?

The Rauschmonstrum did not answer,

instead continuing his line of questioning.

“Do you remember the time you

exorcised the legion of demons from that
man in Gerasenes? The demons went
from the man into the bodies of some
pigs, which then rushed into a lake and
drowned.”

“During my ministry I have done many

things, and the exorcism of the man

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from Gerasenes is one of them, yes. But
of what use is that to you now,
Deceiver?”

“Do you remember feeding the

multitude of five thousand with the five
loaves and two fish?

“I have fed many.”

“And do you remember reviving Lazarus

from the dead?”

“Yes.”

“You were reluctant to raise Lazarus,

weren’t you?”

“I would have preferred it if Lazarus had

not died, and I had not needed to raise
him.”

“What if I told you,” said the

Rauschmonstrum, “that all those
miracles you performed were actually my

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doing, and all of your feats were able to
happen only because I wanted them to
happen, to spite your foolishness, and
the foolishness of the human race.”

Jesus returned to silent prayer for a

period of time before answering the
Rauschmonstrum. “When I was a boy… I
suspected my design was different than
that of other people. I became sure of it
the day I was baptized in the Jordan by
John. The heavens opened up and the
voice of God shouted down upon me ‘this
is my beloved son, with whom I am well
pleased.’”

“And if I told you that it was I who made

that voice?”

“No, that is not true. That is impossible!”

“If there is any truth at all, it is that you

are no Messiah. But no worries, you will
find all that out soon enough. Judas will

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be returning shortly.” The
Rauschmonstrum then vanished.

Jesus spent some more time praying.

Then he returned to his disciples and
said, “Are you still sleeping and resting?
Enough! The hour has come. Look, the
Son of Man is delivered into the hands of
sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my
betrayer!”

Jesus Arrested

While he was still speaking, Judas came,

bringing with him a group of men who
carried swords and clubs.

Judas said to them, “Whoever I kiss, he

is the one. Seize him.” Immediately he
came to Jesus, and said, “Hail, Teacher!”
and kissed him. Jesus said to
him, “Friend, why are you here?” Then

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the group of men came and laid hands
on Jesus, and took hold of him.

One of those who were with Jesus

stretched out his hand, and drew his
sword, and struck the servant of the high
priest, and struck off his ear. But Jesus
answered, “No more of this!” Jesus
touched the man’s ear and the
Rauschmonstrum healed it. “One last
miracle for the Savior” thought the
Rauschmonstrum

Then Jesus said to the chief priests, the

officers of the temple guard, and the
elders, who had come for him, “Am I
leading a rebellion, that you thought it
necessary to come with swords and
clubs? Every day I was with you in the
temple and the streets, and you did not
lay a hand on me. But this is the hour

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when darkness reigns.” Then all the
disciples deserted him and fled.

Then seizing him, the men led him away

and took him into the house of the high
priest.

“No more is needed of me to shape the

life of the Nazarene” thought the
Rauschmonstrum, and he shed a single
tear for what he knew was to come.

Jesus Before the Sanhedrin

Those who had taken Jesus led him away

to Caiaphas the high priest, where the
scribes and the elders were gathered
together. But Peter followed him from a
distance, to the court of the high priest,
and entered in and sat with the officers,
to see the procession.

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Now the chief priests, the elders, and the
whole council sought to make false
testimony against Jesus, that they might
put him to death; and they found none.
Even though many false witnesses came
forward, they found none. But at last two
false witnesses came forward, and
slandered the deeds Jesus had
performed.

The high priest, Caiaphas, stood up, and

said to Jesus, “Have you no answer?
What is this that these testify against
you?” But Jesus held his peace. The high
priest answered him, “I adjure you by
the living God, that you tell us whether
you are the Christ, the Son of God.”

Jesus said to him, “You have said it.

Nevertheless, I tell you, after this you

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will see the Son of Man sitting at the
right hand of Power.”

Then the high priest tore his clothing,

saying, “He has spoken blasphemy! Why
do we need any more witnesses? Behold,
now you have heard his
blasphemy. What do you think?”

They answered, “He is worthy of

death!” Then they spit in his face and
beat him with their fists, and some
slapped him, saying, “Prophesize to us,
you Christ! Who has hit you? If you are
truly the Christ, stop us!”

Peter Denies Jesus

Now Peter was sitting outside in the

court, and a maid came to him, saying,
“You were with Jesus, the Nazarene!”

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But Peter denied it before them all,
saying, “I do not know what you are
talking about.”

When he had gone out onto the porch,

someone else saw him, and said to those
who were there, “This man also was with
Jesus of Nazareth.”

Again he denied it, “I do not know the

man.”

After a little while, those who stood by

came and said to Peter, “Surely you are
also one of them, for your speech makes
you known.”

Then he began to curse and to swear, “I

do not know the man!”

Immediately the Rauschmonstrum made

the sound of a cock crowing. Peter
remembered how Jesus had predicted he

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would deny him, and went out and wept
bitterly.

Jesus before Pilate

And so the chief priests, the elders, the
teachers of the law and the
Sanhedrin, made their plans. They did
not have the authority to execute Jesus,
and so they bound him, led him away
and handed him over to Pilate, the
Governor of Judea.

When Pilate met with them he said,

“What accusation do you bring against
this man?”

They answered him, “If this man were

not an evildoer, we would not have
delivered him up to you.”

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Pilate therefore said to them, “Take him
yourselves, and judge him according to
your law.”

The Priests responded to him, “It is not

lawful for us to put anyone to death.”

“What has he done?” Pilate implored.

“He has publically declared himself a

prophet and King of the Jews.”

Pilate approached Jesus and looked him

deeply in the eyes. “Are you the king of
the Jews?”

“You say so,” Jesus replied.

As Jesus was accused by the chief priests

and the elders, he gave no
answers. Then Pilate asked him, “Do you
not hear the testimony they are bringing
against you?” But Jesus did not reply to

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a single charge. This greatly amazed
Pilate.

“Aren’t you speaking to me? Don’t you

know that I have power to release you,
and have power to crucify you?”

Jesus answered, “You would have no

power at all against me, unless it were
given to you from above. Therefore he
who delivered me to you has greater
sin.”

Pilate said to the chief priests and the

gathered crowd, “I find no fault in this
Man.”

But the Sanhedrin of priests would not

be denied, saying, “He stirs up the
people, teaching throughout all Judea,
beginning from Galilee to this place.”

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Jesus Faces Herod

When Pilate heard Galilee mentioned, he

had Jesus sent to Herod, the local ruler,
since those from Galilee were under
Herod’s jurisdiction.

Now when Herod saw Jesus, he was

exceedingly glad, for he had wanted to
see him for a long time, because he had
heard many things about the miracles he
had performed. Herod hoped to see
some miracle done by him. He
questioned Jesus with many words, but
Jesus gave no answers. The chief priests
and the scribes stood, vehemently
accusing him.

Herod with his soldiers humiliated him

and mocked him. Dressing him in
luxurious clothing, they sent him back to
Pilate. Herod and Pilate became friends

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with each other that very day, even
though before then they were enemies.

Taking the Place of Barabbas

Then Pilate, when he had called together

the chief priests, the rulers, and the
people, said to them, “You have brought
this man to me, as one who misleads the
people. And indeed, having
examined him in your presence, I have
found no fault in this man concerning
those things of which you accuse him;
neither did Herod, for I sent him back to
him; and indeed nothing deserving of
death has been done by him. I will
therefore chastise him and then
release him”.

Now for Passover it was custom to

release to the crowd one prisoner. There

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was one prisoner in attendance named
Barabbas, who had led a riot and
committed murder. The crowd, crying
aloud, asked Pilate to release a prisoner
for them.

Pilate answered them, saying, “Do you

want me to release to you the King of
the Jews?” For he perceived that the
chief priests had delivered Jesus up out
of envy. But the chief priests pressured
the crowd that they should ask that
Barabbas be released to them
instead. Pilate again asked them, “What
should I do to him who you call the King
of the Jews?”

The crowd cried out, “Crucify him!”

Pilate said to them, “Why? What evil has

he done?”

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But they cried out exceedingly, “Crucify
him!”

These proceedings were very confusing

to the Rauschmonstrum, for he had seen
all the people who had been helped by
the Nazarene, (or at least had thought it
was the Nazarene who had been helping
them) and had seen how popular Jesus
had been during his arrival into
Jerusalem. He could not understand why
the people were choosing a scoundrel
over a man who had spent his entire life
pursuing benevolence.

When Pilate saw that nothing was being

gained, and that the crowd was starting
a disturbance, he took water, and
washed his hands before the crowd,
saying, “I am innocent of the blood of

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this righteous person. You see to things
as you will.”

All the people answered, “May his blood

be on us, and on our children!”

“His blood is on me,” retorted the

Rauschmonstrum to himself, “and
nobody else.”

Then Pilate released Barabbas to the

crowd and handed Jesus over to be
crucified.

The Crucifixion

So Pilate let the soldiers take charge of

Jesus. Making Jesus carry his own
cross, they went out to Golgotha, also
known as the place of the Skull. Then
they offered him wine mixed with
myrrh, but Jesus refused it. Then,

143
dividing up his clothes, they cast lots to
see what each would get.

Then they crucified him.

Pilate had a notice prepared and

fastened to the cross.

It read:

JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE

JEWS

The chief priests of the Jews protested to

Pilate, “Do not write ‘The King of the
Jews,’ but instead say that this man
claimed to be king of the Jews.” Pilate
responded, saying “What I have written,
I have written.”

Two rebels were crucified with Jesus, one

on his right and one on his left. Those
who passed by hurled insults at him,
saying, “You said you would destroy the

144
temple and build it in three days, come
down from the cross and save yourself!”

In the same way the chief priests and

the teachers of the law mocked
him among themselves. “He saved
others,” they said, “but he can’t save
himself! Let this Messiah, this king of
Israel, come down now from the cross
that we may see and believe.”

One of the criminals who hung there

hurled insults at him:

“Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself

and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked the first

one. He said, “You and I are punished
justly, for we are getting what our deeds
deserve. But this man has done nothing
wrong.”

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Then the criminal said, “Jesus,
remember me when the time comes for
you to enter your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you,

today you will be with me in paradise.”

“Hanging up on a cross, and still offering

up invitations to paradise” noted the
Rauschmonstrum.

The Death of Jesus

At noon, darkness came over the whole

land until three in the afternoon. And at
three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in
a loud voice, “My God, my God, why
have you forsaken me?”.

“Surely the Nazarene now knows the

absurd joke that had been played on
him” thought the Rauschmonstrum.

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One soldier filled a sponge with wine, put
it on a staff, and offered it to Jesus for
him to drink, but he refused it.

With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last.

Then the soldiers went to Jesus and

pierced his side with a spear to make
sure he was dead. Immediately blood
and water came out of Jesus’ side.

Once the Rauschmonstrum knew Jesus

was dead, he caused the veil of the
temple to be torn in two from top to
bottom. And when the centurion, who
stood there in front of Jesus, saw how he
died, he said, “Surely this man was the
Son of God!”

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The Burial of Jesus

In the evening, a rich man from

Aramathia, named Joseph came. He had
himself been a follower of Jesus. This
man went to Pilate, and asked for Jesus’
body. Then Pilate commanded the body
to be given up. Joseph took the body,
and wrapped it in a clean linen
cloth, and laid it in his own new tomb,
which he had cut out in the rock, and he
rolled a great stone to the door of the
tomb, and departed.

The Rauschmonstrum Plots the

Resurrection

When he had starting planning his

mission, the Rauschmonstrum had
assumed that the consequences of his
actions would be completely malevolent.

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However, he had seen all the good things
Jesus and the disciples had done, as well
as the positive changes in behavior of
people who went to see Jesus.

He knew that if the disciples went out

and continued the Nazarene’s work, and
if the Word spread far and wide, the
world may benefit more than it was hurt
by what the Rauschmonstrum had done.
He knew however, that it was still quite
possible nothing but utter destruction
would come out of spreading the
message of Jesus of Nazareth. The
Rauschmonstrum was fine with either
outcome.

The most important part of the

Rauschmonstrum’s task was yet to be
done. For the Nazarene to have a lasting
impact, some post-Resurrection

149
appearances must be made to the
disciples.

Thus, the Rauschmonstrum would need

to take the form of Jesus and appear
before the remaining eleven disciples,
persuading them that he had resurrected
from the dead.

“If I do this, then the myths about him

will never die.”

The Second Burial of Jesus

Before doing anything else, it was

essential that he remove Jesus’ body
from the tomb.

The Rauschmonstrum decided that the

best permanent grave for Jesus would be
next to his old disciple, Judas. Shortly
after betraying Jesus, Judas had decided

150
for himself that Jesus really had been
telling the truth, and went off and hung
himself. Judas’ body had then been
buried in what was known as the Field of
Blood; a field usually reserved for the
bodies of foreigners.

The Rauschmonstrum went to the tomb

Joseph of Aramathia had given Jesus and
took his body over to the Field of Blood.
There, he dug a spot next to Judas and
buried Jesus. “Goodbye dear Nazarene”
said the Rauschmonstrum as a final
farewell.

The Empty Tomb

Now on the first day of the week, Mary

Magdalene went early, while it was still
dark, to the tomb, and saw the stone
taken away from the tomb. Therefore

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she ran and came to Simon Peter, and to
the other disciples, and said to them,

“They have taken away the Lord out of

the tomb, and I don’t know where they
have laid him!”

Peter and the other disciples went out,

and they went toward the tomb. Simon
Peter entered into the tomb. He saw the
linen cloths lying there, and the cloth
that had been on Jesus’ head, rolled up
in a place by itself. The disciples then
went back to where they were staying.

The Rauschmonstrum Appears

to Mary Magdalene

Later Mary went back to the tomb stood

outside of it crying.

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“They have taken my Lord away,” she
moaned, “and I don’t know where they
have put him.” At this, she turned
around and saw the Rauschmonstrum in
the appearance of Jesus standing there.

The Rauschmonstrum in the form of

Jesus asked her, “Woman, why are you
crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said,

“Sir, if you have carried him away, tell
me where you have put him, so I can go
get him.”

Then the disguised Rauschmonstrum said

to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out

“Teacher!”

The disguised Rauschmonstrum

said, “Do not cling to me, for I have not
yet ascended back to the Father. Go

153
instead to my disciples and tell them
this. Say that ‘I am ascending to my
Father and your Father, to my God and
your God.’”

Mary Magdalene went to the

disciples with the news: “I have seen our
Lord!” And she told them that he had
said these things to her.

The Rauschmonstrum Appears

to Jesus’ Disciples in the Form
of Jesus

During the evening of that first day of

the week, the disciples were together,
with the doors locked for fear of the
Jewish leaders. It is then that the
Rauschmonstrum in the form of Jesus
came and stood among them and
said, “Peace be with you!” After he said

154
this, he showed them his hands and side
as proof of his return from
crucifixion. The disciples were
overjoyed when they saw the imposter
Lord.

Again the Rauschmonstrum said, “Peace

be with you! As the Father has sent
me, I am now sending you.” And with
that he breathed on them and
said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you
forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are
forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they
are not forgiven.”

The Rauschmonstrum Appears

to Doubting Thomas

Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was

not with the other disciples when The
Rauschmonstrum appeared in the form

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of Jesus. So the other disciples told him,
“We have seen the Lord!”

But Thomas said to them, “Unless I see

the nail marks in his hands and put my
finger where those nails were, and then
put my hand into his side where the
spear was, I will not believe.”

A week later his disciples were in the

house again, and this time Thomas was
with them. Though the doors were
locked, the disguised Rauschmonstrum
came and stood among them and
said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said
to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see
my hands. Reach out your hand and put
it into my side. Stop doubting me and
believe.”

In a state of joy, Thomas shouted to

him, “My Lord and my God!”

156
Then the Rauschmonstrum told
him, “Because you have seen me, you
have now believed; but blessed are those
who have not seen and yet still believe.”

The Rauschmonstrum was pleased with

what he had done, and with how the
disciples had reacted, for if the life of the
Nazarene was going to have a long
lasting effect, it would be because many
believed without seeing.

The Rauschmonstrum and

Peter

The disguised Rauschmonstrum took

Simon Peter aside and said to him,
“Simon son of John, do you love me
more than the others?”

He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know

that I love you.”

157
The disguised Rauschmonstrum said to
him, “Then you will feed my lambs.”

A second time he said to him, “Simon

son of John, do you love me?” He replied
to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love
you!” The disguised Rauschmonstrum
said to him, “Then you will tend my
sheep.”

The disguised Rauschmonstrum spoke to

him a third and final time, “Simon son of
John, do you love me?”

Peter was distressed because this had

been said to him three times. Peter
responded to him, “Lord, you know
everything; you know that I love you.”

The disguised Rauschmonstrum said to

him, “Then you will feed my sheep.”

The disguised Rauschmonstrum

continued his speech, “Very truly, I tell

158
you, when you were younger, you used
to fasten your own belt and to go
wherever you wished. But when you
grow old, you will stretch out your
hands, and someone else will fasten a
belt around you and take you where you
do not wish to go.”

At this point, the Rauschmonstrum was

just making up the words as he went
along, but Peter seemed to take in
everything he said just the same.

The Ascension

Then the eleven disciples went off to

Galilee, to a mountain where the
Rauschmonstrum had told them to
go. When the disciples saw him in the
form of Jesus, they bowed to him and
worshiped.

159
The disguised Rauschmonstrum said to
them, “All authority has been given to
me in heaven and on earth. Go, and
make disciples of all nations, baptizing
them in the name of the Father and of
the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching
them to observe all things that I
commanded you. Behold, I am with you
always, even to the end of the
age. Amen!”

And after he had said these things, the

Rauschmonstrum lifted himself up while
they were looking on, and a cloud
received him out of their sight.

Once he was out of sight, the

Rauschmonstrum thought about his
creation and was pleased.

“The disciples will carry on as I have

instructed them. The deeds the Nazarene
performed with my assistance have real

160
power in the hearts of men. Children a
thousand years from now will hear of the
things I have caused, and worship a
beguiled preacher fashioned out of my
idleness.”

The Rauschmonstrum laughed a great

while. “It is finished!” When he had
grown tired of congratulating himself for
what he had done, he returned to his
true form, and drifted off to think of
further ways to occupy his time.

….

The End

161
 THE RAUSCHMONSTRUM WILL
RETURN

in:

THE RAUSCHMONSTRUM & MOSES

and

THE ADVENTURES OF THE

RAUSCHMONSTRUM & KING DAVID

162
 About the Author

Nick La Torre enjoys going out and

getting into mischief. He also
enjoys telling people his crazy
stories.

You can find out more about his

work at latorrestory.com

163