WEEK 7: CONTENTS PAGE

Page Contents
1. COVER
2. CONTENTS PAGE
3. HEADLINES
4. RESULTS
5. GAME OF THE WEEK
6. GAME OF THE WEEK
7. NFC STANDINGS
8. AFC STANDINGS
9. TOP PERFORMANCES OF THE WEEK (TEAMS)
10. TOP PERFORMANCES OF THE WEEK (PLAYERS)
11. LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)
12. LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)
13. LEAGUE LEADERS (TEAMS)
14. COMMERCIAL BREAK: IMPERIAL CLOTHIERS GUILD
15. FEATURE: SHOVE OFF!
16. STAR PROFILE: TUERN REDVENOM/LOW EXPECTATIONS
17. GAZ ATTACK
18. FRAN REPORTS
19. THE EVIL GITS PLAYBOOK
20. NOSH-IT OR VOM-IT/RUMOUR CORNER
21. DEAD, DEAD, DEAD
22. PREVIEW OF NEXT WEEK
23. ADVERT: BLOOD BOWL REPLICA KITS NFC CENTRAL
This Week’s Contributors
Cover, Page 4,5,14,15,16: Knute Rock-Knee (Insta: @NAF_2489_90)
Page: 18, 19, 20, 23: C.Z.Matic
Page: 15 Pete Knifton, 1988 (Illustration)
Page: 17 WT Brown @ScorpusFlex | Linktree
Page :15 Wobert
DISCLAIMER: This book is a work of fan fiction based on the game ‘Blood Bowl’ which is owned by
Games Workshop. The book uses intellectual property without permission, no challenge is intended.
This fanzine is produced solely as a hobby-based project and is not commercially available.

Sports Killerstrated, Issue 7. Published by the NAF.net October 21st, 2023

 NAF WEEK 7: HEADLINES
F ighting Like Cornered Rats
After the off-field drama of Coach Vytick’s
partial beheading, the Scramblers
showed an immediate improvement.
After weeks of their fans calling for their
coach and players to be executed, it was
a novelty to see the Skaven on the field
execute every play to perfection. The
Scramblers were unstoppable, as their
newly named coach Vytick One-Head, had
the previously clueless catchers moving
like greased lightning down the field, and
Thrower Shisk Four-Arms had one of his
best games passing, with 198 paces and 3
touchdown passes.
W ild, Wild West
With the Westside losing their second
straight game to the Arctic Cragspiders,
the AFC West title race was blown wide
open. Divisional rivals, the Bruendar
Grimjacks eased into second place with
an excellent win away to Nurgle’s Rotters,
Helmut Wulff was the standout
performance, using his chainsaw to slay
several mutants in the crowd in an event
that’s already been dubbed, ‘the
Pusadena Chainsaw Massacre’.
Elsewhere in the division, the Dark
Renegades continued their resurgence by
beating the Athelorn Avengers. The Dark
Elves win against the Wood Elf team was
quite an upset, however, it was noted that
the Renegades had decided to wear their
alternate uniforms, the rarely seen
ensemble was highly reminiscent of the
Darkside Cowboys Blue and yellow colour
scheme! Several of the Avengers became
unexpectedly unavailable for the game
when the Renegades to the field.
B ashed up Gladiators have last
laugh on Ramtut
The Champions of Death dominated the
injury plagued Galadrieth Gladiators. The
loss puts their season in peril, whilst the
Champs kept pace with the Middenheim
Marauders in the AFC North. The game
was notable for adding to the Gladiators
already painful injury list, however, the
Ulthuan team had the last laugh, when
tough-as-nails lineman Galrond Goldleaf
sensationally smashed Ramtut III. The
Champs captain was carried off in pieces,
head coach Tomolandry said “It’s a
disaster, it’ll take me weeks to stitch him
back together!”
V arag’s Revenge
The Gouged Eye extracted sweet revenge
on the Albion Wanderers for their loss in
last season’s Chaos Cup final, the
Drakwald team humiliated the Wanderers
3-0 in a comprehensive hammering.
Varag Ghoul-Chewer was at his brutal
best with two fatalities, a touchdown and
15 blocks. Sharing his top billing was star
Thrower Harg Vainkill, whilst the Eye
were dealing out ultra-violence on the line
of scrimmage, he was launching long
bomb after long bomb down the field. The
6-1 Eye maintain their pressure on the
unbeaten Reikland Reavers. The
Wanderers slip to 3-4, their title hopes all
but finished for another year.
 RESULTS WEEK 7
Home Team Score Away Team Fat’l
Darkside Cowboys 3 - 1 Elfheim Eagles 2 0
Dwarf Giants 3 - 0 Everbold Unicorns 1 0
Greenfield Grasshuggers 2 - 3 Stunted Stoutfellows 0 0
Khain's Killers 3 - 2 Icecastle Wolves 0 1
Bright Crusaders 1 - 3 Skaven Scramblers 0 1
Arctic Cragspiders 3 - 2 Westside Werewolves 1 0
Lustria Croakers 1 - 3 Reikland Reavers 0 1
Naggaroth Nightwings 1 - 3 Worlds Edge Wanderers 0 2
Albion Wanderers 0 - 3 Gouged Eye 0 2
Orcland Raiders 3 - 0 Lowdown Rats 1 0
Galadrieth Gladiators 1 - 3 Champions of Death 1 2
Scarcrag Snivellers 0 - 3 Middenheim Marauders 0 1
Evil Gits 3 - 2 Bluebay Crammers 0 0
Underworld Creepers 2 - 3 Chaos All-Stars 0 1
Athelorn Avengers 2 - 3 Dark Renegades 0 0
Bluchen Berserkers 3 - 0 Hobgoblin Team 3 0
Southstorm Squids 0 - 3 Creeveland Crescents 0 1
Asgard Ravens 0 - 3 Dwarf Warhammerers 1 2
Nurgle's Rotters 2 - 3 Bruendar Grimjacks 0 2
Oldheim Ogres 2 - 3 Vynheim Valkyries 1 0

NAF Rules Recap

1) The first team to score 3 Touchdowns is declared the winner.
2) A tie occurs if no team has won after 10 hours of play.
3) A game is abandoned when it is impossible for both teams to continue the game.
4) A conceded game is registered as a 0-3 loss to the conceding team.

Key
The table above reveals the following information from left to right:
Home team name/ Home team score (TD)/ Away team score (TD)/ Away team name/ Fat’l=Home
Fatalities caused/ Away Fatalities caused*

* Fatalities Caused includes opposition players, opposition staff, officials and members of the public.

Teams in Bold won the game

 3-1
“You join us here at the Darkside Cavern, where the
Darkside Cowboys are playing the Elfheim Eagles.
Valen Swift’s had a torrid evening Bob, Hubris
Rakarth has picked off two of his passes.”

“What Rakarth does on

defense is magic Jim, he’s
a one in a million player.”

“Heads up Jim! Highelm Lyrepadre’s beat his

coverage and Swift’s gonna air it out!”

““There it goes, Bob. A high, tight

spiral, it’s a thing of beauty, its-
INTERCEPTED?! Rakarth again. I, I
don’t believe it, Bob, how in
Khaine’s codpiece did he get his
hands on that one?”

“Like I said, Jim, he’s a magician!”

Darkside Cowboys Statistics
Player Rushing Passing Blocks Fouls Pass TDs Inter- Casu-
Paces Paces Made Made Comp. Scored cepts alties
Asperon Thorn 43 0 4 0 0 1 0 0
Hubris Rakarth 85 0 6 2 0 2 3 1
Autavic Hellebron 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Moravis Curfew 0 171 1 0 7 0 0 0
Hawthorn Tullaris 47 0 4 1 0 0 0 3
Odium Khan 0 0 9 0 0 0 0 0
Noah Darkspur 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 1
Eli Dwarfmalice 0 0 5 0 0 0 0 0
Venom of Praetta 0 0 4 0 0 0 0 0
Ithaca Benoin 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0
Elon Surespite 0 0 3 1 0 0 0 0
Luxen 'The Net' Lion 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0
Malachi Pique 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0
Elijah Doom 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Isiah Sulphuret 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Rancour Orvarrin 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
TOTALS 175 171 46 4 7 3 3 5

Sent Off : Elon Surespite

Elfheim Eagles Statistics

Player Rushing Passing Blocks Fouls Pass TDs Inter- Casu-
Paces Paces Made Made Comp. Scored cept alties
Highelm Lyrpadre 14 0 1 0 0 1 0 0
Oril Swanlake 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0
Harelyon Tallelm 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0
Valen Swift 0 207 1 0 9 0 0 0
Ffarren Branchstrength 0 0 8 1 0 0 0 0
Moraes Quickstem 0 0 5 1 0 0 0 0
Susurrus Morr 0 0 6 0 0 0 0 0
Fennel Tallelm 0 0 4 0 0 0 0 0
Soaren Hightower 0 30 4 0 2 0 0 0
Cathvren Fairlock 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Fanafriel Cleardawn 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0
Kerredith Morr 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Oakwarmth Salladrien 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Opaldawn Mardiell 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Disoryl Seawind 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Rousemist Amberhaze 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
TOTALS 14 237 33 2 9 1 0 0
Sent Off: Ffarren Branchstrength;
MATCH FACTS
ATTENDANCE: 92351
VENUE: Darkside Cavern, Naggaroth
MVP: Hubris Rakarth (Darkside Cowboys)
REFEREE: Mr Yungrim (Worlds Edge Mts) (Deceased)
STANDINGS WEEK 7

W L T PF PA FF FA
Darkside Cowboys 6 1 0 20 7 8 1
Evil Gits 5 2 0 17 15 4 0
Athelorn Avengers 4 3 0 16 13 2 1
Everbold Unicorns 3 4 0 14 14 1 3
Greenfield Grasshuggers 0 7 0 7 21 0 6

W L T PF PA FF FA
Vynheim Valkyries 7 0 0 21 8 34 0
Dwarf Giants 6 1 0 20 7 14 1
Nurgle's Rotters 3 4 0 15 16 34 1
Asgard Ravens 2 5 0 11 17 5 2
Lowdown Rats 0 7 0 0 21 2 8

W L T PF PA FF FA
Creeveland Crescents 6 0 1 20 8 9 0
Dwarf Warhammerers 4 3 0 16 11 12 4
Southstorm Squids 3 4 0 11 16 1 3
Skaven Scramblers 2 5 0 13 17 2 4
Bluebay Crammers 0 7 0 7 21 0 7

W L T PF PA FF FA
Orcland Raiders 5 2 0 19 10 9 3
Worlds Edge Wanderers 4 3 0 15 16 5 2
Galadrieth Gladiators 3 4 0 15 15 6 6
Lustria Croakers 1 6 0 14 19 1 1
Hobgoblin Team 0 7 0 4 21 3 10

Key:
The table above reveals the following information
W=Games won; L=Games lost; T=Games drawn/abandoned (*=game abandoned)
PF=TD scored; PA=TD Conceded; FF=Fatalities For; FA=Fatalities Against

Fatalities For (FF) includes: Opposition Players, staff, officials and members of the public.
Fatalities Against includes: Players only
STANDINGS WEEK 7

W L T PF PA FF FA
Reikland Reavers 7 0 0 21 5 12 1
Gouged Eye 6 1 0 19 7 11 1
Naggaroth Nightwings 4 3 0 14 15 9 3
Underworld Creepers 3 4 0 14 18 5 4
Bluchen Berserkers 2 4 1 13 15 9 4

W L T PF PA FF FA
Middenheim Marauders 5 2 0 18 9 7 0
Champions of Death 5 2 0 17 11 9 2
Arctic Cragspiders 3 4 0 14 16 8 3
Albion Wanderers 3 4 0 12 15 4 3
Icecastle Wolves 1 6 0 9 20 3 2

W L T PF PA FF FA
Chaos All-Stars 7 0 0 21 8 12 3
Khain's Killers 6 1 0 18 12 4 2
Bright Crusaders 4 3 0 17 15 1 1
Oldheim Ogres 1 6 0 12 20 16 1
Scarcrag Snivellers 0 7 0 4 21 0 8

W L T PF PA FF FA
Elfheim Eagles 5 2 0 18 13 2 1
Bruendar Grimjacks 5 2 0 18 16 5 1
Westside Werewolves 4 3 0 18 13 5 2
Dark Renegades 3 4 0 16 15 5 2
Stunted Stoutfellows 1 6 0 9 20 0 6

Key:
The table above reveals the following information
W=Games won; L=Games lost; T=Games drawn/abandoned (*=game abandoned)
PF=TD scored; PA=TD Conceded; FF=Fatalities For; FA=Fatalities Against

Fatalities For (FF) includes: Opposition Players, staff, officials and members of the public.
Fatalities Against includes: Players only
WEEK 7 TOP PERFORMANCES
(TEAMS)

MOST RUSHING PACES

Dwarf Giants 224 Reikland Reavers 184

MOST PASSING PACES

Orcland Raiders 206 Elfheim Eagles 237

TOTAL OFFENSIVE PACES

Orcland Raiders 400 Reikland Reavers 355

Sports Killerstrated’s TEAMS OF THE WEEK

SKAVEN GOUGED
SCRAMBLERS EYE
WEEK 7 TOP PERFORMANCES
(PLAYERS)

MOST PACES GAINED

Attila the Fiend 96 Griff Oberwald 100
Evil Gits Reikland Reavers

MOST PASSING PACES

Shishk Four-Arms 198 Valen Swift 207
Skaven Scramblers Elfheim Eagles

MOST TOUCHDOWNS
Rasta Tailspike 3 Crour Nightshade 3
Skaven Scramblers Khain’s KIllers

MOST FATALITIES
Hawthorn Tullaris 3 Ramtut the Third 4
Darkside Cowboys Champions of Death

MOST BLOCKS
Glart Smashrip 18 Wormhowl Greyscar 21
Skaven Scramblers Arctic Cragspiders

Sports Killerstrated’s WEEK 7 NAF MVP

Griff Oberwald (Reikland Reavers)

100 Paces Rushing, 7 Blocks, 2
Touchdowns, 1 Interception
 LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)

RUSHING LEADERS
PLAYER PACES TEAM
Kurt Livingrock 458 Dwarf Giants
Crour Nightshade 385 Khain’s KIllers
Griff Oberwald 378 Reikland Reavers
W Doubledrool 355 Middenheim Marauders
Caspar Zorn 342 Westside Werewolves
Hubris Rakarth 341 Darkside Cowboys
Lavesil Darkshade 332 Naggaroth Nightwings
Varag Ghoul-Chewer 327 Gouged Eye
Morboth Evil-Smell 326 Nurgle’s Rotters
Perceval Lambert 321 Albion Wanderers

PASSING LEADERS
PLAYER PACES TEAM
Valen Swift 1163 Elfheim Eagles
Jacob von Altdorf 1049 Reikland Reavers
Jem Goldstar 1035 Athelorn Avengers
Moravis Curfew 989 Darkside Cowboys
Harg Vainkill 961 Gouged Eye
Egon Saintlyburg 940 Bright Crusaders
Pern Faction 918 Everbold Unicorns
Gulden von Sulkhof 917 Middenheim Marauders
G Goblin-Throttler 897 Orcland Raiders
J von Cannondorf 856 Creeveland Crescents

TOP SCORERS
PLAYER TD TEAM
Griff Oberwald 13 Reikland Reavers
Crour Nightshade 11 Khain’s Killers
W Doubledrool 9 Middenheim Marauders
G Goblin-Throttler 9 Orcland Raiders
Vinny Valhalla 9 Vynheim Valkyries
Slarga Fourstike 8 Bluchen Berserkers
Laxon Hrull 8 Chaos All-Stars
Hoshi Komi 8 Creeveland Crescents
Highelm Lyrpadre 8 Elfheim Eagles
Varag Ghoul-Chewer 8 Gouged Eye
 LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)

LEADING KILLERS
PLAYER FATALITIES TEAM
Grimwold Grimbreath 15 Dwarf Giants
Ramtut the Third 12 Champions of Death
Zug 11 Reikland Reavers
Morg N'Thorg 8 Chaos All-Stars
Rrr'krag Smma'gugg 8 Creeveland Crescents
Bilerot Vomitflesh 8 Nurgle’s Rotters
Hawthorn Tullaris 7 Darkside Cowboys
Ivar the Boneless 7 Vynheim Valkyries
Eli Dwarfmalice 6 Darkside Cowboys
Varag Ghoul-Chewer 6 Gouged Eye

INTERCEPTION LEADERS
PLAYER INT’S TEAM
Hubris Rakarth 7 Darkside Cowboys
Tuern Redvenom 6 Dark Renegades
Lottabottol 6 Lustria Croakers
Jordell Freshbreeze 5 Athelorn Avengers
Hoshi Komi 5 Creeveland Crescents
Quetzal Leap 5 Lustria Croakers
Wilhelm Chaney 5 Westside Werewolves
Slarga Fourstike 4 Bluchen Berserkers
Highelm Lyrpadre 4 Elfheim Eagles
Fanafriel Cleardawn 4 Elfheim Eagles
 LEAGUE LEADERS (TEAMS)

LEADING RUSHING TOP

OFFENSE OFFENSE
TEAM PACES TEAM PACES
Dwarf Giants 1307 Reikland Reavers 2371
Dwarf Warhammerers 1161 Darkside Cowboys 1956
Reikland Reavers 1117 Orcland Raiders 1896
Westside Werewolves 1108 Middenheim Marauders 1874
Darkside Cowboys 1027 Gouged Eye 1856
Chaos All-Stars 945 Bright Crusaders 1854
Nurgle's Rotters 939 Creeveland Crescents 1774
Creeveland Crescents 918 Dwarf Giants 1738
Orcland Raiders 899 Vynheim Valkyries 1696
Vynheim Valkyries 897 Chaos All-Stars 1653
HIGHEST
LEADING PASSING ATTENDANCE
OFFENSE
PLAYER PACES
92,351
Athelorn Avengers 1308
Elfheim Eagles 1262 Darkside Cavern
Reikland Reavers 1254 For Darkside Cowboys vs
Everbold Unicorns 1110 Elfheim Eagles
Bright Crusaders 1073
Middenheim Marauders 1017
Darkside Cowboys 1014
Gouged Eye 1001
Orcland Raiders 997
Creeveland Crescents 856
 SHOVE Off!
You’ve probably heard about
the ‘Crush’, but do you know
the ‘Shove’, it’s a
Smorgasbord of Halfling
Collegiate Talent. Sports
Killerstrated Finds Out
More…
Well sports fans its that time of year again
where a lot of the best college athletes starting
preparing to make their bid for the big leagues.
While a lot of the media focus is building up to
the Crush and those brave / foolhardy enough
to take part, we’ll turn our attention to a small
but no less daunting trial . . . . the Shove! Yes
that’s right, in just a few months time the
hardest eating and meanest drinking young
Halflings will hope to graduate college and
begin the pro Blood Bowl careers. In this
weeks edition we’ll be taking a look at some of
the hot picks that the Grasshuggers, Mighties
and Crammers have their eyes on.
Unassuming Bart Gooseberry is
everyone’s favourite to excel at the Shove.
This doughy young fellow has been piling on
the pounds in preparation for the bog
occasion. He has shown great promise in pre-
season custard sprints and few others can
match him in the mastery of pork chop
pugilism. He is surprisingly light on his feet
and recently won the best all-comer in the
open college down hill sausage roll. Bart really
is a bit of an all rounder, there is nothing this
exciting young talent can’t eat and with great
alacrity. In terms of Blood Bowl skills, well,
they are currently limited as he his honing his
off the field snacking skills to perfection. It
should see him through every pre-game
course in rapid time, ready for the game itself.
‘Stilton’ Smith on the other hand is a
totally different kettle of fish. He is was you
may call a specialist which will intrigue a
number of teams no end. This remarkable
chap is a master of all things dairy and was
recently voted as ‘Player most likely to survive
a season’ at the Butter Bash. His mastery of
the hard and soft cheeses is without equal,
there are few left in the moot who are able to
teach him anything. Unlike a number of his
Shove rivals, ‘Stilton’ has seen some Blood
Bowl action already. He was there last season
at what’s now call ‘The Great Concession of
‘88’ when a number of food concession stalls
ran out of grub mid way through a Reavers
play-off game. The resulting riots saw
countless hurt and cabalvision footage
captured images of ‘Stilton’ in the think of it.
This rowdy duke of dairy is sure be a hit!
The last in our trio of prospects is Colin
Buckle-Bean. He is something of a dark horse
to perform well at the Shove because Colin
isn’t in the college system. He’s one of those
rare sportsmen who is home fed and so
doesn’t have the advantage of the organised
catering training the big colleges can offer. It
appears he was offered various scholarships at
a younger age but turned them all down. He
stayed and worked on the Buckle-Bean farm
and when he wasn’t working he was training,
oh boy was he training! Colin is a giant and a
cream wafer over 4 feet tall. Experts think no
matter how well he does at the Shove, he may
struggle to get a team to sign him. He lacks the
natural appeal many of his competitors are
blessed with. Where they are short, round and
delightfully pudding like, Colin is tall and
strangely muscular. He claims it doesn’t
matter what he eats, he can’t put on weight, he
just gets taller and stronger. He is in danger
reaching a size that no Treeman will be able to
reliably heft down the pitch. That and his
unfortunate appearance, its sad to say it but a
washboard stomach has never won fair heart
and a legion of fans, means he may well be
overlooked. The fact he has played Blood
Bowl at semi pro level already and survived
over 20 games isn’t enough to cover up his
shortcomings.
So who will be the highlight of the
Shove later this year? Who will the
Grasshuggers snatch up and who will lured to
Bluebay? We’ll have to wait and see!

Star Spotlight
Tuern Redvenom
The Dark Renegades’ captain Tuern Redvenom
is both feared and admired by fans and players
alike, his rare ability to combine depraved
violence with aesthetic flair has led to him
being described as the ‘Connoisseur of
Carnage’ and ‘The Thinking Man’s killer’.
Tuern’s been the dark heart of the Dark
Renegades since his sensational rookie season
back in 2479, when his inspired play led them
to a shock win in the Chaos Cup final. Great as
that achievement was, the season that secured
his place amongst the Druchii legends was
2481, when Redvenom, now the team captain,
led the Renegades on a path of gory glory
culminating in another Chaos Cup win.
Redvenom’s primary role is defensive.
He is, arguably, the dirtiest tackler in the NAF,
the fact that he is rarely penalised for his
flagrantly illegal, bone-snapping low hits, lies
in the élan with which he delivers the fatal
blow- many is the time that a referee has
actually stopped and applauded the aesthetic
perfection of his savagery, rather than eject
him from the game!
After a decade of success in the NAF,
the only prize that has eluded Redvenom is the
Blood Bowl itself. His craving for this trophy
has led to persistent rumours that he intends to
join one of the NAF’s more successful teams.
However, Redvenom ended this speculation
Low Expectations
The 89 Thimble Cup
At last, we can report some good news for one
of the teams featured in this weekly catalogue of
calamity, the Greenfield Grasshuggers have
won the first trophy of this season, the Thimble
Cup! Now, we know it may not be the Blood
Bowl, or the Chaos Cup, (or anything of any
value, really), but amongst Halfling teams, it’s
easily seen as the twelfth or thirteenth most
prestigious trophy.
Once, it was a genuine open
tournament, but due to a complete lack of
interest (even from Halfling teams), the trophy’s
new sponsors recently decided to award it to
one of the NAF’s three Halfling teams. This year
the finalists were the Stunted Stoutfellows and
Greenfield Grasshuggers who, rather
over the summer, when he signed a new
contract. Although the Renegades chances of
winning the Blood Bowl this season are slight,
it’s believed the Renegades’ management
played on Tuern’s monstrous vanity to get him
to remain. Allegedly, there’s a clause in his
contract that pays him royalties every time one
of his famous tackles is replayed on
Cabalvision (and believe you and me, they’re
replayed a lot). An anonymous source involved
in the contract negotiations said, “He’s got a
great head for business, he really knows how
to Tuern a profit”.
Position: Lineman & Captain
Age: 117
Height: 6ft 5in Weight: 191 lbs
College: Underearth University
Crush: First round choice 2479
Team: Dark Renegades, 2479-Present
Career Statistics:
Rushing 1002 paces; Receiving 9 passes for
59 paces; Throwing 35 passes from 70 for
758 paces; 11 Touchdowns; 45 Interceptions
returned for 136 paces; 39 Player Fatalities
Best Game:
Rushing 178 paces; Receiving 1 Pass for 12
paces; Throwing 6 passes from 8 for 75
paces; 1 Touchdown; 2 Player Fatalities
(2479 Chaos Cup Final vs Arctic Cragspiders)
Honours:
Chaos Cup Winner’s Medal 2479; 2481;
Chaos Cup Final MVP 2479; NAF Interception
Leader 2484, Nastiest Newcomer 2479;
conveniently, played each other in week 7. The
game itself was, to be quite frank, rubbish.
Eventually, the Stoutfellows won the match 3-2
and with it, you might think, the Thimble Cup.
However, it was the defeated Grasshuggers who
stepped up to collect the trophy. What in the
name of Nuffle was going on?
The answer lies with the Thimble Cup’s
new sponsor, ‘Fat Samwise’s Bargain Binge
Bistro’, who realised, quite sensibly, that there is
limited entertainment in watching twenty-two,
short, fat guys exhausting themselves as they
try (and mostly fail) to hit each other. Instead,
the actual final was a much more entertaining
eating contest between the two teams, held at
the Bargain Binge Bistro the night before. A
thrilling contest was won by the Grasshuggers
when Star Player Ernald Spiritburner
audaciously scoffed a packet of after-dinner
mints just as the Stoutfellows finished the final
course.

Sports Killerstrated’s
Star Columnist:
YOU NEVER ASKED
FOR HIS OPINION,
BUT HE’LL GIVE IT TO
YA ANYWAY!
Ere we go ere we go ere we
go! The Eye hAven’t lost A
gAme since week 2 AgAinst
the ReAvers, And I just
wAnt to point out, there Are
only four teAms left in the
NAF without A loss, And we
hAppen to be stuck in A
division with one of them.
WhAt Are the chAnces of
thAt! It’s stArting to get to
the point where I Am getting
tempted to stArt betting my
hArd eArned gold on the
blue And yellow humies. . . .
HA hA not reAlly.
BAck in my dAy, it would be
An embArrAssment to lose
A gAme to some pointy
eAred elves, with their
dAncing And prAncing, they
just don’t hAve the
Attributes thAt nuffle gAve
the meAn green orcs to
plAy this sweet sport. But
thAt seems to hAve been
chAnging over the lAst
couple of seAsons, And
with the glowing
performAnce of Hubris
RAkArth this weekend, I feel
like I should give the boyz
some tips for bAshing
those skinny long hAired
freAkAzoids.
One. Punch them right in the
chin. Now you hAve to
wAtch yourself, cos its
quite eAsy to get A cut on
your hAnds from their
pointy chins, but if you get
A good cleAn hit, thAt’s
gAme over for the elf.
Two. Kick them in the knee.
If they stop still long
enough, A hob nAil boot into
the squishy leg joint will
definitely slow them down
And stop them from running
circles Around you.
Three. BeAt them At their
own gAme. Get some
receivers up field, throw
the bAll to them. Score A
bunch of touchdowns, get
some interceptions, And
just out score the elves.
This might be something the
Eye cAn do AgAinst the
GlAdiAtors next week. Only
joking. We All know its
going to be A proper ruck.
Four. If All else fAils, get
out the chAinsAw. HA hA hA
hA . . .
DEAD, DEAD, DEAD
Those Who Became One With Nuffle in Week 7
Llandren Gladehymn, Pete the Knife
Elfheim Eagles Albion, Wanderers
Viriscent Rouse, Cretin Chickenstalker,
Everbold Unicorns Lowdown Rats
Eolath Brazengoad, Orion Spangletongue,
Khain’s Killers Galadrieth Gladiators
Bruder Himmels, Caeleth Bel-Sirion
Bright Crusaders Galadrieth Gladiators
Hoqipoqi Stinky Stan,
Lustria, Croakers Scarcrag Snivellers
Arkhul Blackhand, Slasher Bowelgrim,
Naggaroth Nightwings Underworld Creepers
Vossi Stormcaller, Galak Gognort,
Naggaroth Nightwings Hobgoblin Team
Jervis Son of John, Inky O’Kraken,
Albion Wanderers Southstorm Squids
Brodder Hardvigson,
Asgard Ravens
Members of the Public: 4
Referees: 4
Players: 17
Week 7 Total: 25
Total for the Season: 296
 PREVIEW NAF WEEK 8
Stunted Stoutfellows Nurgle's Rotters
Creeveland Crescents Worlds Edge Wanderers
Arctic Cragspiders Icecastle Wolves
Naggaroth Nightwings Hobgoblin Team
Bluchen Berserkers Elfheim Eagles
Bruendar Grimjacks Oldheim Ogres
Skaven Scramblers Asgard Ravens
Bright Crusaders Bluebay Crammers
Everbold Unicorns Dwarf Warhammerers
Darkside Cowboys Southstorm Squids
Evil Gits Chaos All-Stars
Lowdown Rats Albion Wanderers
Underworld Creepers Athelorn Avengers
Orcland Raiders Lustria Croakers
Scarcrag Snivellers Reikland Reavers
Gouged Eye Galadrieth Gladiators
Vynheim Valkyries Dark Renegades
Champions of Death Greenfield Grasshuggers
Dwarf Giants Westside Werewolves
Khain's Killers Middenheim Marauders

BIGGEST GAMES: WEEK 8

Gouged Eye (6-1)
vs
Galadrieth Gladiators (3-4)
The Gladiators will not relish this trip to
Drakwald, with an eye watering injury list, a
game against one of the most brutal teams
in the league is most certainly not what the
doctor ordered. The Gouged Eye are flying
high on the back of another strong victory,
they’ll feel confident of keeping pressure on
the unbeaten Reikland Reavers in the AFC
Central.
Khain’s Killers (6-1)
vs
Middenheim Marauders (5-2)
The Marauders will go into this game as
favourites, but there’s every chance Khain’s
Killers will pull of an upset, so good has their
form been this season. They seem to have
found a way to balance their more homicidal
tendencies with some excellent offensive
play. The Marauders will pin their hopes on
this season’s rushing revelation Withergrasp
Doubledrool to move the ball downfield.
Dwarf Giants (6-1)
vs
Westside Werewolves (4-3)
After a good start to the season, the
Werewolves have experienced a dip in form,
this game against the Giants will prove yet
another test of their playoff aspirations. The
Giants have recovered from their opening
day shock against the Underworld Creepers
to record 5 straight wins, their grinding
offense leads the league in rushing and
captain Grimwold Grimbreath leads the
league in fatalities. The Werewolves running
game has shown it can go head to head with
the toughest teams, this could prove to be a
classic game.