Humans of São Paulo

REVISED Final Narrative

Directions: Copy and paste your 1st Draft into the box below, making sure to add any
missing learning targets not yet met. Then, see Ms. Pritchett for specific feedback. Finally,
revise to add descriptive, precise and vivid language as well as transitions and filler
sentences.

REVISED FINAL NARRATIVE

Revise to apply Ms. Revise to meet all Revise to add Revise to edit
Pritchett's learning targets descriptive, spelling, grammar,
Feedback. below for Writing precise, and vivid and punctuation.
and National language. Add transitions
History. and "filler
sentences."

Writing Workshop Writing Workshop

✍️ Have you ever thought about how it is living far away from work? Roselma is a // year old woman with 2 kids
and lives with her husband and younger son. She was originally born in Maceio, Alagoas. Then she came to São
Paulo to work and started to work as a maid. Her life was very challenging. She didn't have much money
because she came from a very humble family.

When she came to são paulo her options weren't perfect as she had just arrived and nearby where she lived
there weren't many families looking for maids. She had a misfortuned time, finding a favorable job that paid off
all that she needed to survive. After a long time of looking, she finally found a job that suited her. It was an older
woman's house where she would work every Tuesday. During that time she was able to adapt and everything
started to fit into place. Then she found another job. where she worked every other day, but Tuesdays because
she would still work and the old lady's house.. her life was finally getting into place taking care of her deaf son,
and of her rest of the family.

After a time It was difficult for her having to take care of her deaf son and her family, and also having to worry
about work but finally she found a family that was willing to pay well, the location was a bit far away but she was
receiving enough to take care of family. Rent got more expensive and it got very tough for her to take care of
her family getting the small amount that she was earning. The place she was working was a lovely
condominium where the family of Marcelo Lima lived. Marcelo's family was looking for a new maid. They asked
the condominium security to recommend a maid for them, and Roselma was the first person they said.

Finally Marcelo‘s family and Roselma came to an agreement and paid enough for Roselma to pay her rent. She
could now take care of her son, have a good healthcare plan and even be able to buy some gifts for her family.
Nowadays she talks about how it is difficult to come to work as she has to get two buses, but now she lives
happily and is grateful for everything that has happened in her life.
 Help Desk
Hook The Basics

Hook Suggestions Don't forget the basics!

Capital letters
Punctuation
Spelling suggestions
Use precise language:
→ Avoid using general words that weaken your text such as "very", "a lot", and "many".
→ Avoid general adjectives such as "good", "great", "amazing"
→ Avoid general verbs such as "look", "come" , "see"

📣 GOLDEN TIP: USE THESAURUS TO HELP YOU

Elaboration

Your goal: help the reader feel immerse in your story

When you share an event, experience or facts about your person, don't stop there!! As yourself, who cares? And then
elaborate by explaining why it matters.

You can elaborate by trying one of the strategies below:

-If… then…

-Make connection to another part of your story

-Create an analogy

-Show relationship (comparison) or contrast between two things

-Create and answer a related "how" question

-Describe a place in detail

-Use precise (specific) words to paint a clearer picture for the reader

-Use sensory language (show how something feels, tastes, smells, sounds, or looks

-show someone's feelings through what he does

Closing

Try one of these closing strategies to finish your story:

❏ Reflect on their journey: Summarize the key moments or milestones in the interviewee's life that you've shared
throughout the story. Highlight how these experiences have shaped them.
❏ Offer Words of Hope or Inspiration: Leave readers with a sense of optimism or a positive outlook. Share a message
of encouragement, reminding readers that everyone has a story worth sharing.
❏ Reinforce the link between your interviewee's story and the history of São Paulo. Bring examples of how the city
can offer opportunities and challenges that resonate with their life.
❏ Leave Room for Imagination: Rather than providing a definitive conclusion, end the story with an open-ended
question or a hint of what the future might hold for people like your interviewee. This allows readers to imagine and
wonder about a possible continued journey.
❏ Powerful Quote: End with a powerful quote or statement that sums up the person's story. For example, "I've learned
that you can find happiness in the most unexpected places."
❏ Turn to the Reader: Finish with a question that leaves the reader thinking about the person or their experiences. For
instance, "What would you do if you weren't able to get the education you wanted?"
❏ Highlight reel: Highlight the person's strengths or accomplishments and what they've overcome to get there. For
example, "Despite all the challenges she faced, Maria has become an incredible advocate for her community."
❏ Call to Action: Encourage readers to get involved in a cause that's important to the person. For instance, "What can
you do to ensure every child has access to a quality education?"

Self-Assessment
Directions: After completing and revising your narrative, determine whether you have hit
each learning target and write yes or no in the "target hit" column. For learning targets you
did not fully meet, explain how you can improve in the "area of growth" column.
TARGET HIT (YES OR NO) LEARNING TARGET AREA OF GROWTH

WRITING 8.8
Practice using a range of written narrative structures to tell real or imagined events.
0/3 = NY 1/3 = D 2/3 = P 3/3 = A

Story follows a logical story arc and centers

around a clear climax moment.

You use precise, descriptive, and vivid language in

a way that enhances your storytelling.

You demonstrate careful editing in grammar,

spelling, and punctuation. Sentence variety and
transitions are evident throughout.

NATIONAL HISTORY 8.3

Situate past events in historical, cultural, social, and political contexts.
0/3 = NY 1/3 = D 2/3 = P 3/3 = A
Must connect this person's life in the city of SP
with the factors that have shaped the city until
now
(i.e. historical facts, economic growth,
industrialization & urbanization, inequality map,
HDI, etc.)

You show depth in your connection.

You show elaboration in your connection.