Some people think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-

school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents
will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the contemporary era, many working parents consider what options they should choose to
raise their offspring in preschool age, childcare centres or their relatives like the
grandparents. Nevertheless, I tend to believe that family members can take the best
upbringing for their children.

It is undeniable that chdren should be taken part in childcare centres due to the well-
educational facilities and professional staff, which can guide descendants to develop some
basic skills and ensure to urgent circumstances. For example, in case children catch a cold
or are under asthma attack, the teachers with well-trained experience can tackle these
issues professionally. Moreover, children have the access to a dynamic and communal
environment, thus they have more opportunities to create new relationships with their peers
in order to improve their social circle and make kids become more interactive and adaptative
to the community. Consequently, children are more mature with the completion of simple
skills.

On the other hand, the upbringing from children's relatives auch as grandparents is a better
option for the maturity process of kids. Firstly, descendants are taken care more since the
family members and children are related by blood. For instance, some grandparents are
actively devoted almost their spare time to look after their grandchildren, teach their kids
some general skills as daycare centres do. However, with the family sentiment, children can
develop a strong bonding with their relatives, which isn't created when joining the childcare
locations. Also, some academic researches point out that childhood play a crucial role in
deciding on the children's personalities. Therefore, kins are more reliable to safeguard the
children from abusing actions as sexual abuse, domestic violence which can adversely affect
on children's characteristics. As a result, with this good care, children are able to promote
entirely with no discrimination occured.

In conclusion, although each of the two ways has their own merits, I would still agree that the
education from family members, especially from older people, is a better selection for
children's development.

Nâng cấp lập luận

Introduction: "In the contemporary era, many working parents consider what options they
should choose to raise their offspring in preschool age, childcare centres or their relatives
like the grandparents. Nevertheless, I tend to believe that family members can take the best
upbringing for their children.

Explanation: The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's position, which is that
family members provide the best services for children of pre-school age. However, it could
be improved by providing a brief overview of the arguments for and against each option,
creating a more balanced and engaging introduction.

Improved Example: "The debate over whether childcare centers or family members provide
the best services for children of pre-school age has been ongoing for decades. While
childcare centers offer structured learning environments and professional care, family
members provide a more personalized and nurturing experience. In this essay, I will explore
both perspectives and argue that family members, particularly grandparents, offer the best
environment for children's development during this critical period."
Main Point 1: "It is undeniable that chdren should be taken part in childcare centres due to
the well-educational facilities and professional staff, which can guide descendants to develop
some basic skills and ensure to urgent circumstances. For example, in case children catch a
cold or are under asthma attack, the teachers with well-trained experience can tackle these
issues professionally. Moreover, children have the access to a dynamic and communal
environment, thus they have more opportunities to create new relationships with their peers
in order to improve their social circle and make kids become more interactive and adaptative
to the community. Consequently, children are more mature with the completion of simple
skills.

Explanation: This section effectively highlights the advantages of childcare centers, such as
access to educational facilities, professional staff, and opportunities for socialization.
However, it could be strengthened by providing specific examples of how these factors
contribute to children's development and well-being.

Improved Example: "Childcare centers provide children with access to well-equipped

facilities and highly trained staff who can guide them in developing essential skills. For
instance, during cold or asthma attacks, children receive prompt medical attention from
experienced teachers. Additionally, childcare centers offer a stimulating environment where
children can interact with peers, fostering social skills and emotional development. This
exposure to diverse perspectives and experiences prepares children for a more inclusive
and adaptive future."

Main Point 2: "On the other hand, the upbringing from children's relatives auch as
grandparents is a better option for the maturity process of kids. Firstly, descendants are
taken care more since the family members and children are related by blood. For instance,
some grandparents are actively devoted almost their spare time to look after their
grandchildren, teach their kids some general skills as daycare centres do. However, with the
family sentiment, children can develop a strong bonding with their relatives, which isn't
created when joining the childcare locations. Also, some academic researches point out that
childhood play a crucial role in deciding on the children's personalities. Therefore, kins are
more reliable to safeguard the children from abusing actions as sexual abuse, domestic
violence which can adversely affect on children's characteristics. As a result, with this good
care, children are able to promote entirely with no discrimination occured.

Explanation: This section effectively discusses the benefits of family members, particularly
grandparents, in providing a nurturing and personalized environment for children. However,
it could be improved by providing more specific examples of how family members can foster
children's development and well-being.

Improved Example: "Family members, particularly grandparents, offer a unique and

personalized environment for children's development. They provide unconditional love,
support, and guidance, fostering a strong bond between grandparent and grandchild.
Grandparents often have a wealth of life experience and wisdom that they can share with
their grandchildren, helping them navigate the challenges of childhood and adolescence.
Additionally, family members can provide a safe and nurturing environment where children
can explore their interests and develop their unique personalities."

Conclusion: "In conclusion, although each of the two ways has their own merits, I would still
agree that the education from family members, especially from older people, is a better
selection for children's development.

Explanation: The conclusion effectively restates the writer's position and summarizes the
main arguments. However, it could be improved by providing a brief reflection on the
importance of both childcare centers and family members in providing for children's needs,
acknowledging that the best option may vary depending on individual circumstances.

Improved Example: "In conclusion, while both childcare centers and family members offer
unique benefits for children's development, I believe that family members, particularly
grandparents, provide the best environment for children of pre-school age. Family members
offer a personalized and nurturing experience that fosters strong bonds and supports
children's emotional and social well-being. However, it is important to recognize that the best
option may vary depending on individual circumstances, and both childcare centers and
family members can play valuable roles in supporting children's growth and development."

Overall, the essay provides a well-structured and persuasive argument in favor of family
members providing the best services for children of pre-school age. By providing specific
examples and addressing potential counterarguments, the writer effectively supports their
position and presents a balanced and thoughtful perspective on this important topic.

Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:

Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument,
discussing the advantages of childcare centers as well as the benefits of family members,
particularly grandparents, in caring for preschool-aged children. It acknowledges the
considerations of working parents and presents a clear opinion.

How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, provide more specific examples or

statistics to support the arguments made for both options. Additionally, ensure that all
aspects of the prompt are covered, including the discussion of both views and the
expression of a personal opinion.

Present a Clear Position Throughout:

Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance favoring family members,
especially grandparents, as better caregivers for preschool-aged children. The position is
evident from the introduction through to the conclusion.

How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the thesis statement by explicitly stating the
author's opinion in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforce
the argument throughout the body paragraphs with stronger language and more compelling
reasoning.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the benefits of childcare centers
and family members in caring for preschool-aged children. However, the development and
support of these ideas could be more robust. While some examples are provided, they lack
depth and specificity.

How to improve: Elaborate on each point with detailed examples, personal anecdotes, or
relevant research findings. Ensure that each argument is logically extended and supported
throughout the essay to strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:

Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the prompt regarding
the comparison between childcare centers and family members as caregivers for preschool-
aged children. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be sharpened.

How to improve: Avoid tangential discussions or generalizations that stray from the main
topic. Maintain a clear connection between each point made and its relevance to the overall
argument presented in response to the prompt.

Overall, while the essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and expresses a clear opinion,
there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive coverage of the topic,
strengthening the clarity and consistency of the argument, enhancing the development and
support of ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the prompt. By implementing these
suggestions, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with distinct
introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion summarizing the
author's stance. However, within paragraphs, the progression of ideas could be smoother.
For instance, in the first body paragraph, the discussion jumps from mentioning childcare
centers to the benefits they offer, then to the advantages of a communal environment, and
finally to the conclusion about children's maturity. While the points are relevant, a clearer
progression would enhance coherence.

How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure each paragraph focuses on one
main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence
that clearly states the main point, then provide supporting details and examples. Consider
using transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Use Paragraphs:

Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different aspects of the
argument, which helps in presenting ideas coherently. However, some paragraphs contain
multiple ideas without clear separation, leading to occasional confusion. For example, the
first body paragraph discusses both the advantages of childcare centers and the benefits of
a communal environment within the same paragraph.

How to improve: Ensure each paragraph addresses a single main point or idea, maintaining
unity and coherence. If multiple ideas are presented within a paragraph, consider breaking it
into smaller paragraphs to improve clarity and organization. Start a new paragraph when
transitioning to a new aspect of the argument.

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as pronouns ("It is
undeniable that..."; "Moreover..."; "On the other hand..."), conjunctions ("Nevertheless...";
"However..."; "Also..."), and transitional phrases ("For example..."; "In conclusion..."). These
devices contribute to coherence by linking ideas and maintaining flow.
How to improve: While the essay demonstrates effective use of cohesive devices,
expanding the variety of connectors and transitional phrases could further enhance
coherence. Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as adverbs ("Furthermore";
"Additionally"), parallel structures ("Not only... but also"), and synonyms for repetition
reduction. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the
essay to strengthen coherence.

Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a

moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of varied word choice, such as
"contemporary era," "descendants," "urgent circumstances," and "interactive." However,
some phrases are repeated, like "childcare centres" and "family members," which limits the
diversity of expression. Additionally, some phrases lack precision, such as "descendants"
when referring to children, which could have been expressed more precisely. How to
improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim for greater diversity by using synonyms or
alternative phrases instead of repetition. Additionally, strive for more precise vocabulary
choices to convey ideas more accurately. For instance, instead of "descendants," use
"children" or "youngsters" for clarity and precision.

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is

evidence of varied word choice, such as "contemporary era," "descendants," "urgent
circumstances," and "interactive." However, some phrases are repeated, like "childcare
centres" and "family members," which limits the diversity of expression. Additionally, some
phrases lack precision, such as "descendants" when referring to children, which could have
been expressed more precisely.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim for greater diversity by using
synonyms or alternative phrases instead of repetition. Additionally, strive for more precise
vocabulary choices to convey ideas more accurately. For instance, instead of "descendants,"
use "children" or "youngsters" for clarity and precision.

Use Vocabulary Precisely: Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits instances of both
precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "well-educational
facilities" and "professional staff" are fairly precise in conveying the idea. However, there are
instances of imprecise usage, such as "descendants" instead of "children," which may lead
to confusion or ambiguity. How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary precisely to convey
intended meanings clearly. Instead of using vague terms like "descendants," opt for more
specific and commonly understood terms like "children" or "kids" to avoid any confusion.
Additionally, aim to replace general adjectives with more descriptive ones to enhance
precision.

Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits instances of both precise and imprecise
vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "well-educational facilities" and "professional
staff" are fairly precise in conveying the idea. However, there are instances of imprecise
usage, such as "descendants" instead of "children," which may lead to confusion or
ambiguity.

How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary precisely to convey intended meanings clearly.
Instead of using vague terms like "descendants," opt for more specific and commonly
understood terms like "children" or "kids" to avoid any confusion. Additionally, aim to replace
general adjectives with more descriptive ones to enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling: Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates an
acceptable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of misspellings,
such as "chdren" instead of "children," "uch" instead of "such," and "kins" instead of "kin."
These errors slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. How
to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or
proofreading carefully before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practice spelling commonly
misspelled words regularly to internalize correct spellings. Moreover, pay attention to
homophones and ensure the correct word choice to avoid spelling errors.

Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates an acceptable level of spelling

accuracy. However, there are a few instances of misspellings, such as "chdren" instead of
"children," "uch" instead of "such," and "kins" instead of "kin." These errors slightly detract
from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.

How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or

proofreading carefully before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practice spelling commonly
misspelled words regularly to internalize correct spellings. Moreover, pay attention to
homophones and ensure the correct word choice to avoid spelling errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room
for improvement in enhancing vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy to
elevate the clarity and effectiveness of expression. Striving for more varied and precise
vocabulary choices while maintaining correct spelling will contribute to a more polished and
professional essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence

structures, including complex sentences and compound-complex sentences. There is a mix
of simple and complex sentence structures, contributing to overall coherence and readability.
For instance, the essay employs relative clauses ("what options they should choose to raise
their offspring in preschool age"), conditional sentences ("in case children catch a cold or are
under asthma attack"), and compound sentences ("Moreover, children have the access to a
dynamic and communal environment, thus they have more opportunities to create new
relationships with their peers").

How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more advanced

sentence structures such as inversion, passive voice, and participial phrases. Additionally,
pay attention to the balance between sentence types to maintain clarity and coherence
throughout the essay.

Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and
punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation
inconsistencies throughout the essay. For example, there are errors in subject-verb
agreement ("It is undeniable that chdren should be taken part in childcare centres"), article
usage ("the children's relatives auch as grandparents"), and punctuation errors such as
missing commas in compound sentences ("Moreover, children have the access to a dynamic
and communal environment thus they have more opportunities to create new relationships
with their peers").

How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it's essential to review and revise
sentences for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation consistency. Utilize
proofreading techniques such as reading aloud or seeking feedback from peers to identify
and correct errors effectively. Additionally, consider consulting grammar resources or
seeking guidance from instructors to address specific areas of concern, such as articles and
punctuation rules. Finally, practice incorporating complex grammatical structures into your
writing to reinforce understanding and application in future essays.

Bài chữa tham khảo

In the modern era, many working parents ponder over which options to choose for the
upbringing of their preschool-aged children: childcare centers or family members such as
grandparents. However, I still maintain that family members can provide the best upbringing
for their children.

It is undeniable that children may benefit from attending childcare centers due to the well-
equipped facilities for education and the presence of professional staff who can address
urgent circumstances. For instance, if a child were to contract a cold or experience an
asthma attack, the teachers, with their well-trained experience, can handle these situations
adeptly. Moreover, children thrive in the dynamic and communal atmosphere of childcare
centers, where they have ample opportunities to forge new relationships with their peers,
enhancing their interactivity and adaptability to the community. Consequently, children can
develop important social skills.

On the other hand, the upbringing provided by children's relatives, such as grandparents,
offers distinct advantages for the maturation process of kids. Firstly, since family members
and children are related by blood, descendants receive more personalized care. For
example, many grandparents dedicate a significant amount of their spare time to looking
after their grandchildren, imparting general skills akin to daycare centers. Additionally, the
familial bond fosters a strong connection between children and their relatives, a bond not
easily replicated in childcare settings. Furthermore, academic research underscores the
significance of childhood experiences in shaping children's personalities. Thus, relatives are
better positioned to protect children from adverse influences such as sexual abuse or
domestic violence, safeguarding their character development. Consequently, under this
nurturing care, children can flourish without encountering discrimination.

In conclusion, while both approaches have their merits, I still maintain that the education
provided by family members, especially older relatives, is a superior choice for children's
development.