Why not now ?

You know what would make an absolutely awful whiteboard?

Liner paper. And I know this because that basically how I
learned how to solve analytical chemistry questions when I was
studying for the chemistry Olympiads.
I was in eleventh grade, walking my way to school after waking
up early to study 12th grade chemistry for the Olympiads which I
recently decided to participate in. I was thinking about how
when I finally get a good job and my own house I'd like to install
a huge whiteboard on one of its walls so I can solve math or
chemistry questions on it. Suddenly an idea passed through my
mind: "Why not now?"
So I got home found some old liner paper we had from old
book cover films and taped them on a wall creating a
1.5mx0.5m whiteboard. And I'll tell you that analytical
chemistry questions were never as fun as they were back then
"why not now" didn't end there. After the Olympiads I was so
motivated for my future since that experience made me
reconnect with a passion that I've almost forgotten. the
problem was that I didn't know where to use this energy. Life
put a path infront of me and it was studying for the entrance
exam in Iran so that’s exactly what I did. I spent the summer
before my senior year planning and studying for the entrance
exam and when school started I focused on getting good
grades yet when I saw my picture on the wall as first place in
my class my expression remained blank.
It was a tough time and it was tougher to put my finger on why
It was like that. "how do you study Persian" "how do you
understand this " school was never a burden but that didn't
leave me with a mind of ease. I knew I should put my energy
into something. Occationaly I'd study for the entrance exam but
all those attempts would leave me unfulfilled and frustrated.it
became hard to pass every moment . to do what I was
supposed to do as if life started to decay. Everyday being a
lesser copy of the previous one. Until one day I was scrolling on
Pinterest and a video caught my attention .I believe it was a
short clip of a girl finding latge edible mushrooms,cooking them
and eating them in different ways and then raiting them.
Maybe it was the fluffiness of the mushroom or how fun it all
looked but I wanted to learn more abut but this isn't about
mushrooms. When I found an innteres in so,mehing like that it
somehow made me remember how it ws to like something or
to follow up on it and out of nowhere I started liking for ways
to apply to college in Italy then turkey and Europe suddenly I
was filling out common app forms .booking ielts sittings and
getting a new passport
It didn't feel real sometimes and it didn’t feel east either but
somehow everymorning I woke up . turned on my computer
and start looking or writing.
I wanted this, I didn't see this that clearly before not even when
I started but something kept me going and it was more then my
feelings right now it was more then that and when you want
smethinglike this . when yo never want to let it go when you
don’t get tired mentally and are willing to keep coming back to
it even if it's not going well , well iit's hard to let somethinglike
that go.
So I kept going and when I first saw my ielts results, a big 7.5 in
the website, I didn't know how to containe myself. I made it
I did something I took a step towards the life that I wanted I
always heard people say "choose whio you want to be " and I
thought that’s impossible and just overly optimistic or
motivative.
But what I didn't know a the time was that I was in act trapped.
Inpriisoned in a life that I did not choos and the worst part was
that the walls of this prison were so tall and the darkness was
so unmotivating and so unfulfilling that I didn’t realise how
easily I could get out of it.
And when I tool that first step when I got my first result when I
saw people around me seeing this and believing it , believing I
me and ,y dream. I started to believe too..

So here I am
Writing an essay