Gary Vee’s Emotional Confession About His Success &

Family! | E207

there's certain things that I'm not ready to talk about why I just feel like
[Music]
Gary vaynerchuk garyvee Gary vaynerchuk one of the world's leading
marketing experts an entrepreneur investor a New
York Times best-selling author and is one of the voices on the internet I've
exhausted
the conversation of grinding learning how to be an entrepreneur in the
streets of New Jersey there was a kid who wrote
a medium piece about me being the face of hustle I was on a plane I landed
and it was just all this chaos and there was
a lot of things that weren't true there were some things that really like
triggered me I didn't inherit my dad's
liquor store I built my dad's store for him I knew at 17 that I was a [ __ ]
guy what's your dark side the only place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm
competing we did Rock Paper Scissors
tournament with our leadership team I quickly thought after I lost in the first
five seconds should I fire it
I was incapable of dealing with losing what is it that makes me want to be like
this and to be very Frank you don't have to give me the details I'll tell you it's
five years ago when we had a conversation I asked you what your biggest
fear was I've got these photos here
in Russia how does that make you feel it's very clear to me
it's been there for a long time in my head
quick one at the start of these episodes I told you that 74 of people who
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delivered upon that for you so there's two things I wanted to tell you the first
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channel more than you know and as I say
the bigger the channel the better the guess but also we're approaching 1
million subscribers and when we hit 1
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very big in which you're all
The best insights from your early years
invited to I'll reveal that when we hit a million subscribers enjoy this episode
with age my perspective and my recollection of my childhood and my
understanding of what was most significant defining and important has
evolved you've just celebrated your 47th birthday yes more energy than ever
shall I say but um
what if you as you re recollect on your your childhood from from that
vantage point now what are the new insights that
you've attained about yourself probably the most recent one is like this
incredible need to be a superhero
you know I I really took the being the oldest brother to Heart
you know it's funny my sister and I have a joke that a lot of people don't
know that she exists because obviously me and
AJ were in business together and I talk a lot about the Jets and that has AJ
but
my relationship with my sister who's three and a half years younger than me
may be one of the most profound relationships I have
she undoubtedly was the first person besides my mother that kind of
cheered
for me you know she looked up to me my mother is incredibly close to her
brother and so she spent a lot of time building that relationship we're
Incredibly Close I
feel much more kinship to her when I think about my childhood than AJ
because I was 11 years older we didn't have the
same childhood we also moved when he was three so all my childhood
memories have her in it
and I think as I've gotten in the last two three years I'm like oh I have this like
need to
be admired need you know everything that works for me is when I feel like
I'm
doing it for someone besides myself I'm doing it to make my parents proud
I'm doing it to show my sister the right way
I'm doing it for my employees even the way I got into better health and
fitness
was I hired a babysitter but really what I hired was someone to
do it for Mike and Jordan is who I want to make proud today my scale being
175
versus 176 8 which it was two days earlier and Mike texting me great job on
the Travel day I did it for him
and so as I'm getting older and so much of the Gary Venus I'm realizing is
I'm happy when I'm doing things that make other people happy or
even at a higher level creating a framework or a blueprint
that they can interpret into themselves the thing I you know as I got older
with my sister a lot of things I talked about
was this is my DNA yours DNA is different but like I just I want you to
be happy it's going to be different for you know those kind of things and so
you know you know when I do things like
this I always go with the first thing that came to my mind I think what's
obvious to me is
I've exhausted the conversation of grinding and having to do it for myself and
learning how to be an entrepreneur
in the streets of New Jersey and and recently last couple years I've talked
more about Candor when I wrote 12
and a half I'm like this is My Kryptonite I'm great at Candor in this format put
me on stage put me on a
podcast give me 30 people listening to me I'm Candor King managing Dustin
one-on-one I just love them too much
like like even you know even this interview like I went from a company off
site and like I got emotional this
morning speaking to the 35 global leaders and that was the first time I got a I
got emotional the way I usually
talk about my parents if I'm at a Gala or something of that nature and it hit
me and I my observation was oh these
people are becoming my family I talk about Brandon warnicky my best friend
and I tear up I talk about my parents
and my my siblings and I tear up this was the first time I kind of teared up for
real for real deep deep deep deep
in a setting when I was talking about those 35 leaders and it was a nice
feeling I'm like oh this is becoming
family and so you know I think I think that Candor has been a weakness on a
one-to-one basis when it's emotional that I've started talking about the
newest thing of this moment when you ask
me is what is it that makes me want to be like this and to be very Frank
it's quite enjoyable um and it makes me happy and even when I
don't deliver I'm happy at the attempt of and so I think I'll probably spend the
next half decade trying to finish this thought and probably produce content
around it because I the thing I always
think about is if I'm this happy if I lack the anxiety that I see in 99.9 of people
I have a
sense of responsibility to over communicate in case a sentence on a podcast
triggers something for someone
and starts their journey to be happier I don't know something more noble a
human
can do than be on a quest to leave collateral you know droppings along the
way that may help and will help others so many directions I want to take that
in I'm going to go with um the first comment you made and then I'll move on
to the second you said I have a desire to be admired yes now when I reflect
on
that I completely agree I think I lied to myself for a couple of years and
thought that I was
more noble than I was but what I came to learn often from doing this podcast
was that some kind of insecurity or some
kind of Shame was really the driving force at the heart of me and as I sit here
with athletes for Israel adesanya the UFC champion whoever it is
you uncover these stories which at a very young age the thing that might
have invalidated them when they were younger
is now the thing they're striving to seek validation from as an adult well it's
funny I agree with that and now I'm
going to tell you why I walk around Earth with gratitude and guilt
I everything you just said is one of my biggest thesis in life that is 100 true
mine is slightly different I got really fortunate it's like really
hard to talk about even without like getting weird about it I'm
my circumstances are you know I think yes in some ways for example
the system School took such a [ __ ] on me in the 80s and 90s I've and you
know this we've run
in similar circles I'm very good at fighting the systems of Industries like it's
also why I see things like Netflix
you're gonna win Tesla you're gonna win because I know they're fighting the
thing and so I recognize it I've been a good
investor I've been a good operator and I'm definitely a communicator college
right
I was at a talk yesterday I'm not speaking that much but I like my dad taught
me you know keep your words so I
had a talk from pre-covered that got canceled and then canceled and then I
got like and so I I still did it and so
I did it uh yesterday and a couple of moms came up to me and both of them
the
way they talked to me about the content I'm putting around College was
through love and admiration 12 years ago those
same exact moms were really angry at me you know and so when you see
things you
know you you kind of challenge it and so yes I think I absolutely the thing that
was an insecurity I get bad grades but
what was different for me is I didn't believe them
this is this is where self-esteem is an obsession of mine not delusion
right not delusion because that's what a lot of modern parenting does you
can do anything Sally no you can't
Sally you were not athletic enough to be in the WNBA it wasn't that it was
this weird balance
that my mom created between deep confidence but accountability and truth
I remember trying to make an excuse for
striking out in a baseball game and trying to use the sun in my eyes as an
excuse and my mom not letting me do it
very subtly talk about childhood forming you like this is why I implore
everyone to
communicate their truth to their children to the world through podcaster
content like it's amazing to me sentences change people's lives
right she didn't let me do it and I became very accountable because of those
levels of parenting and realities and
that accountability led to so much happiness but for me when the school
system was saying you're [ __ ] I didn't
believe them and so I watch a lot of people being driven by hurt
and I can sense that I'm driven by love I just sense it like for me it's just
like deep self-awareness that understands how fortunate I've been like so
many things went my way the mom of
the century being able to leave the Soviet Union in this little window in
the 70s 1917-19 in the 72 years that the Soviet Union dictated people's life
and
to remind everybody this this is something most Americans and westerners
don't understand the Soviet Union was
like North Korea it wasn't like Iran Iranians right now are able to leave
Iran and go to you know wherever their passport is taken they can't go
everywhere but turkey takes their passport Dubai takes their passport the
Soviet Union that my family grew up in was North Korea you were not
allowed to leave
but this little event in 1970 of eight Russians trying to hijack a plane to go
to Sweden to escape created a global story that led to pressure on Russia
where Spain and Israel and America teamed up and had this little moment
where Russia had spent too much money on
their weapons of war and were starting to run out of resources and conform
to their anti-Semitism and decided to take
money from the U.S and Israel in exchange for a couple of hundred thousand
people and I'm one of those people and I born with insane levels of
Entrepreneurship and Gift of Gab and offense get to go from the worst place
on Earth at the time and for someone
like me in 1978 to the best place on Earth [ __ ] and then getting all love but
not
delusion and so by 10 being in the grit of like studio apartment with tons of
family members and queens like all [ __ ] but being 10 years old and having
little
but being happy as [ __ ] and being loved insane and now a 10 year old me
realizes
that money has no impact on happiness I was built to win I was built to win
and so I agree with
How do we build confidence
you I see it in so many of my friends I always say the two ways to build
something insane is deep deep insecurity
turned into fuel or deep deep levels of confidence turned into fuel
on that point of confidence you said your mother gave you your confidence
yes earlier on you said you she gave you
your sense of sort of self-responsibility yes but I've also heard you say that
she's responsible for your confidence and then another thing
the market so yes my mother and so a lot of people are listening right now
and they had positive reinforcement there's two
things to watch out for for everybody who's listening parents or youngsters
or just try to get everyone listening and I
by the way this is a good time to say this I consume a lot of content meaning I
consume no content I
consume how people are consuming content I just want to give you some
roses and really The Listener on the other
side I've really enjoyed and this is very lightweight this is a hot take it's not
like I've done major
homework on this but I feel like you have a very thoughtful audience I really
like what's going on with you and your
audience it's and it's really both of you right it's not just you it's who self-
selects to listen to your guests
and you're doing a great job casting it and all that but there's something nice
going on here so keep going and everyone
who's listening Kudos on you for understanding there's value here in a world
of unlimited content here's the
two back to like kind of the respect I have I told I told you Dustin I said hey
pay attention today I'm going to be a
little bit sharper it's out of my admiration here are the two things I want to
go extra level to watch out for in
confidence building too many people go too far and they go into that eighth
place trophy delusional place and then
kids don't believe you I'm gonna be very transparent I've already sensed that
with one of my children where they're
calling my bluff on it I'm like [ __ ] it's true like you're I played AJ much harder
in
every sport than I'm playing Xander that's the facts and so I'm already
adjusting my damn self Xander's your
child yes so so one it's don't let it be delusional the whole you can be
anything
you can do anything you want you can be anything you want you just might
not be
the best at it or great at it you can be a musician it doesn't mean
that you're going to be a financially successful enough musician to pay for
your household or if you want to be you
can you're just gonna have to live humbly and live your passion which I think
is going to be the conversation in
100 years I believe the evolution of you and I and a lot of people listening is a
lot more people making sixty one thousand dollars a year doing exactly what
has them on fire and living and
living is a big part and living within the means of that 61 000 but that's a
different conversation for a different
day so number one watch out for delusion number two you can't be the only
source
of positive reinforcement had I never gone outside and my mother did
everything she did I don't think I am
who I am the other part that made me was ringing doorbells and having 81
people
say no kid I don't want you to wash my car and having six of them say yes kid
I do want you to wash my car for five
dollars I think what also made me was standing on a lemonade stand for
months in my life you know two days
here three days here five days here months of my life from six to thirteen and
watching 99.9 of the cars drive by
my stand and not react to my great Steins and not stop and buy my
lemonade
I think what made me was a hundred out of 105 people said no to shoveling
snow what made me was I had a baseball card
table and I watched a hundred people walk by and not want to buy anything
from me even though I had good stickers
and good cards and one the market made me all those no's became
enjoyable
it's the yes that acts as the evidence though so it's the it's the person coming
along in the one in 100 buying
the lemonade that makes uh young Gary or young me go do you know what I
can sell lemonade 100 and I was I've thought a
lot of over the years because the more I speak on stage or the more I my
brand has grown I get the same question over
and over again which seems to be at the very base level of everything I do
which is how does one build confidence you've talked about your mum's sort
of
subjective evidence that you are great and then you've talked about the
evidence from the 1 in 100 buying lemonade I came to this hypothesis that
um our self-belief like all our beliefs is just um based on false or correct
subjective
evidence we have about ourselves so if that is true if beliefs or beliefs are just
evidence
um what's your view on how someone can build that self-confidence they're
listening to this now how do they go get that evidence and do you agree with
that thesis yeah I like a lot of that thesis
I also think one of the things to point out that might help a lot of people is my
mom
also created positive reinforcement for me on the right things when I think
back to what she positively reinforced
it was not when I get the occasional B in history as a dnf student which would
be logical this is the first time I've
ever saying this publicly it's first time I had a clear thought on it it would be
logical for a mother who really she she knew how
smart I was she was borderline pissed she's like can't you get seized to
appease me you're so capable I'm like
these at F's why she didn't positively reinforce the bees I got in history which
was the one class I paid attention
to uh is actually a very interesting insight she didn't reaffirm a subjective
machine
that wasn't built for me what she reaffirmed and built confidence in me was
how nice I was to everyone
when I think of my 47 year old self I'm the byproduct of two energies I'm a
successful entrepreneur which is what
the world taught me and for the people that know they know like especially
the people that really
know they know how nice I am like you know this you've been on you know a
lot more about me and subtle
little like what I love about you is you're smart so I know I can say this you
know yeah I know yeah yeah right and
we've had lots of dealings over this year right yeah in every subtle way yeah
in every subtle way we've theoretically
competed there's been moments where I could or couldn't come like what I
love about this is you know and I've always
said that when I go into the grave so many people are going to know me that
as long as the people that actually know me
feel what I want them to feel I ca you know there are people who today don't
think I'm a great dude and it's off of
Public criticism
One Clip that somebody wanted to use me to do a split screen to build
themselves
up because they're in the business of tearing people down to build their
building and that doesn't bother me actually it's
one of like I actually have incredible compassion for that person has it ever
hurt no so I'm going to tell you
something so when I became a dragon on BBC's Dragons Den I I was exposed
to a
new level of public criticism and misunderstandings of often intentional
misunderstanding so anything you say or
do yes art you know articles and different sort of sides of the political
Spectrum who maybe hate entrepreneurship
at times sure doing pieces on me and then the backlash and then other like
real sort of takedown efforts yes and
there was days where even my walls of like resilience and toughness
something kept me up at night has that ever
happened for you where yeah we're all human being I'm not a robot yeah it's
that it's so not sustained
tell me about a time when that happened you don't have to give me the
details I'll tell you yeah there was a kid who
wrote a medium piece about me being the face of hustle porn which to this
day lingers
and it was a medium article I was on a plane I landed and it was just all this
chaos and there was a lot of things that
weren't true like me I didn't inherit my dad's liquor store I built my dad's
store for him there were some things
that really like trigger me that one always hurts because I think I did one of
the most noble acts a human with
Talent can do I knew at 17 that I was a [ __ ] guy and I decided consciously
that I loved my parents so much that I was going to dedicate a decade of my
youth Prime [ __ ] years
Pro 20 to 30 is [ __ ] you got time you got energy you got I gave 10 of my
greatest years they're not my wisdom years but they're my [ __ ] [ __ ]
years and I gave them gave them to my parents never made over a hundred
twenty
thousand a year built a business from 3 to 65 million left with nothing started
vaynermedia in Mike Lazaro's conference
room at buddy media at 34 years old because I had no [ __ ] money I'm proud
of that so when you can
imagine when somebody writes a hit piece and says you can't listen to this
guy he inherited
his dad's liquor store that hurts when you say hurts what are the symptoms
of that hurt for you oh you're gonna love
this because this is why it's not sustainable I'm I'm neutral
at all times Gary you're the goat thank you Gary you're [ __ ] I understand
why does it hurt I know that there is millions of 15 to 25 year olds 30 to 60
year olds 61 to 90 year olds right now who've decided not to consume my
message
because one person who's hurting decided to build themselves up by
targeting me
because of the platform I'm on and that disappoints me more than anything
as someone who is deeply deeply deeply
driven by leaving the impact at the highest levels that he is capable of out
of the guilt and gratitude of winning the DNA and environment game the
elimination of opportunity to help make the world more about love in lieu of
someone reinforcing their
beliefs of living the world of dark and hate is crushing for me philosophically
but the reason it's not sustained Steve is my number one fan on Earth
outside of my family whoever that is Sally Pants McGee and my number one
person that hates me the most thinks
that the whole thing is the worst can't wait till I die I equally feel the same
about it zero
on that day you landed from that plane you see the no Twitter or whatever's
blowing up and all these people are
saying those things if I was sat next to you yes what would I have of what
would
I have observed uh hey this is too big to not address in a world where 99.9
things I won't address I want to at least create clarity
because it's gone too viral in a world that I admire the readers of medium are
my contemporaries my friends people I admire and so I just didn't want six or
seven
things that weren't true to be the foundation of a hypothesis especially when
you go read crush it which is my
coming out moment it doesn't talk about making money and buying a yacht
when it
talks about working hard at night it was under the context of the 2008
recession people losing their jobs and me saying
hey I don't know if you know this but the internet's getting mature and if you
go on YouTube and Twitter you might be
able to fix this shortcoming you have and yes I understand that some of you
are also equally it's not just about
getting a new job or getting a job it's also oh my God because this was this
was insane to me because I was just coming
out to the world now I was like in My Little Wine Library bubble I'm like
people don't like their jobs like that
was like I loved it so much even if I was doing it for my I loved it so much that
I was taken aback by that I was
like well if you don't like being an accountant and you love Star Trek start
making Star Trek video I mean it's
insane what Tick Tock and Instagram and YouTube have created you go read
crush
it which I wrote in 2008 it's insane how much of that became true even to me
you
know why I'm asking I think I'm asking this question and I please assisting on
this topic is because I've always seen the way that you've publicly responded
in those moments and it's always been with an unbelievable level of
gratitude and empathy and so I as someone who's
been on the receiving end of it it's hard it's hard so it's just it's just you know
I'm sorry finished I was gonna
say so I've always wondered from afar yeah someone who's been on the
receiving end of it what goes on as the the first
you know like the first reaction we have to these things where you're like
yeah I mean the first hundred honestly the
first hundredth of a second reaction is actually a very weird blend of
you'll see and I can't wait to be gracious when you come to apologize
and I've I've had moments like that where the thing the story whatever will
just stay on my mind and it will rattle over and it might rattle over for like six
seven hours eight hours it might
rattle over at night time that night might even rattle over the next morning
mate does that happen to you too
it's very rare for it to be able to get to the second day that next morning very
rare I just go deep into the [ __ ]
Gary Cave of okay this person I admire just took a [ __ ] on me
this this influencer decided to [ __ ] on me and I'm not talking about the
comedians
who I love the comedian stuff is like awesome because I'm like oh like I and I
just did Dylan's podcast and I said it
I'm like that's that I'm like humbled by like actual good comedians forget
about the people that impersonate me and have
built not their careers because they impersonate others but like a couple of
these characters have really benefited
from impersonating me and that means so much to me that I brought Vicon
was my crowning event and the first people that
hit stage were impersonators of me there's no bigger cosine I can give to like
that feels amazing that somebody's
winning the thought that somebody's winning in their comedic career
because they popped by impersonating me that's
like the most humbling feeling of all time not that not when people take
shots at
me and like hyperbolize what I'm saying for a laugh I'm I'm flattered by it I'm
talking about people that really like
[ __ ] this dude he's bad and and it's so bad how they do it it's so very out of
context and things that nature I just
it just doesn't register I what you know I if I'm hurt by midnight as I close my
eyes and then the first thing I do when I close those eyes and the first thing I
do when I open those eyes I say to myself okay
the world all eight billion people have decided to go on social media and say
actually I'm a piece of [ __ ]
is that better or worse than my parents dying in a car crash right now on the
way to the airport I'd much rather have all 8 billion people go on social media
right now and
say I suck then that to happen thus I can't be upset about this in a real way
that's
bigger problems there's bigger problems you referenced something earlier
you said wisdom years I found that really
really compelling because you reference you know I think you said 20 to 30.
I'm now 30. just turned 30. so I guess I'm
in my wisdom years one of the things I think this one's the in-between the
time in the 30s like right like just [ __ ]
go ham um and for everybody listening this is the years to taste a lot of [ __ ]
make a lot of mistakes have fun try different
things like everything eat it all go to the go to the you know
the salad bar and try every single thing that's in there 30 to 40 is the
refinement of 20 to 30. especially if you really go at it you're like okay I
remember like 30 30s when
[ __ ] started popping for me February 21st 2006 is my first episode of Wine
Library TV
so I'm 30. I just turned 30. and that is clear I mean the fact that within
December within three months of my 30th birthday the very clear public data
very
clear indication of the shift in my career happened three months so that was
interesting and I think those are when I
think of 30 to 40 I refined a lot of things that felt natural 20 to 30. I refined
my craft I started to get to
know myself better when I think about 40 to 47 I'm like that's an evolution of
30
to 40. I'm still refining I'm still doing but I'm starting to get into a
thought of like okay I like have real grasp on things I can do some real
damage like I'm scared in
the most positive way of what I'm gonna accomplish selfish selfish and
selflessly from 50 to 60. scared I think it's going to be banana [ __ ] I think
everything that is me right now is minor
leagues compared to what I'm gonna do 50 to 60 because I now have the
context of 40 to 50 which is a more polished
version of the refinement of 30 40 and so for me 50 to 60 feels like insanity
and then when I look at my 60 to 70 year old business friends I'm like [ __ ] I
get an entire another decade after that
decade of doing it at a hundred and then I start debating what happens at 70
right then I'm like 70 to 80 is still a
very clear decade for a certain very small group to continue to go ham and go
[ __ ] insane I'm curious where I'll be I notice 70 I'll be exactly the same way
I am right now it's inconceivable I'm not um those 23 years are pretty clear to
me
they're going to look like the last 23 years 70 to 80 becomes an interesting
debate will I take any foot off the pedal will
I go to a different place I often fantasize of like going into like a cave in Peru
and whoever wants to find me can
come and we get 30 minutes and I just do that for the next 30 years of my life
I don't know obviously there's that very
silly but very emotional goal of buying the Jets for me that's more fun to
chase than like I almost think I the first
time I might feel actual unhappiness or weirdness or some sort of version of
like uh might be if if I buy the Jets
like I think about that a lot I'm like if this happens was this such a romantic
Journey this is not 30 and 40 and 20
year old Gary thinking it's cool to say this this was 12 year old Gary telling
Robbie turnick and Eric Godfrey I'm
gonna buy this [ __ ] team this has been like a thing like actually like forever
quick one Intel are now one of
the sponsors on this podcast and in the coming weeks I'm going to be telling
you about the V Pro platform Intel V Pro is
built for business essentially what this means to me is that it's built for a
hybrid working mode perfect for my
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if you'd like to find out more and I really think you should head to
intel.co.ukvpro and let me know how you
get on for many years people have been asking for a coffee flavored Hill and
quite recently he'll release the iced coffee caramel flavor of their um ready to
drink Hills and I've just
become hooked on it over the last couple of weeks I've been on a really
interesting Journey with huel which I've described and talked about a little bit
on this podcast I started with the berry ready to drinks then I moved over to
the protein salted caramel because it's 100
calories and it gives you all of your essential vitamins and minerals but also
gives you the 20 odd grams of protein you need and now I'm balanced
between
them both I drink mostly the banana flavor ready to drink I've got really into
the iced coffee caramel flavor of
Jules ready to drink and now I'm drinking that as well as the protein make
sure you try the new ready to drink
Is mindset a privilege?
flavors that the caramel flavor is amazing the new banana flavor as well is
amazing and obviously as I said the iced
coffee caramel flavor has been a real Smash Hit so check it out let me know
what you think on social media I see all
of your tags and Instagram posts and tweets about your the podcast on that
point of those wisdom years yes
one of the things that came out of my refinement as you call it and my kind
of maybe I meant just at the start of my
wisdom years yes as I look back on my perspective on exactly what you've
talked about I'm like hustling and like
my own um Insane luck of being a very optimistic person in the worst
situations and I wonder I say Steve is mindset a privilege and if it is
because you described yourself as being as happy you've always had this this
drive this motivation is there a risk in us if mindset if our
mindset is a privilege in trying to advise others when they don't have the
same privilege couple things one everything's a privilege yeah do you see
what I mean there like of
course I got really scared I think it's two years yeah this is incredibly powerful
first of all as a whole
separate and intriguing conversation everything is a privilege and everything
is a vulnerability and this is like a
incredibly important subject to talk about I think mental content is the
ultimate privilege yeah I
think the second one is beauty I'm fascinated that we haven't gotten yet to
attractive privilege when I look at men and women navigate this world
there's nothing more clear to
me in the privilege that like like they're like white male I'm like attractive
privilege makes that [ __ ]
look [ __ ] minor leagues if you look at the data so let's look at that then well
I'm gonna put I want to go back because I don't want to lose and I will
use it because I know how we roll uh uh I have no interest in thinking
that I'm telling anyone what to do or giving I do not think that I'm giving
advice I really don't and I don't touch
on this enough and I have touched on it at times and this is a great format to
touch about I have no belief that I'm
right I have no belief that I'm giving advice I have no belief that anyone
listening to this should do what I'm
saying I am putting info into the system and I'm hoping that people can
extract
something of value for them based on their own self-awareness of
themselves
most people don't have self-awareness I'm aware which is why I talk about it
so much yeah but there's a reason I talk
about self-awareness so much why I was a pillar of my last book why it's a big
character in V friends self-aware hair
self-aware hair Tortoise and the hair yeah I think people don't one day when
I'm
you know I think 47 year old Gary for cynics and people that were watching
is better than they thought it would be than 27 year old Gary right like the
hot takes on I'll never forget when I hit
the scene on Twitter The Whispers at conferences I could hear them in the
back in the green room and I
definitely read it on Twitter because I was like popping they're like out of
everyone who's popping on Twitter in
2007 the consensus was the only person that won't be here in a decade is
Gary
because it was too hot too fast too much people literally I'm empathetic
when you have this kind of energy I'm empathetic
to how this story plays out for different people I get why the person burns
out I get why the person really
does the ultimate bad thing and disappears off the I get what that but that's
because I'm not on the extreme
insecurity side I'm on this other side so I always knew so but one of the
things so I get a lot of like joy out of like knowing that so many people didn't
think I'd be there and I'm at the top of it same way I feel about the friends
nobody has a clue including my inner circle of how much thoughtfulness I did
in character development this is my
Disney this is my Sesame Street Big Bird Mickey Mouse right Optimus Prime
Pikachu
like self-awareness is profound the story of The Tortoise and the hair
is profound to every listener of this there's not a single listener right this
second that's listening here right now if they're eight or if they're 88 that isn't
extremely vulnerable to the lack
of patience because they're too ambitious it's the reason they're listening so
self-aware hair for me is a
phenomenal story I get to tell for the next 50 years and I can't wait to make
self-aware hair more famous than garyvee
is today because that will be the way I scale putting positivity into the world
be friends and so I'm excited about that
but back to your point my friend as long as you come from a place of humility
and understand that ego kills people I yes we have some luxury of mindset
and
communication but for me I don't think people should listen to me I should I
think people should listen to everything
and try to find positivity and usability out of everything and they should
dismiss what is clearly negative and selfish and they should triple down on
everything
that is selfless and positive and that is the answer to your question that
started here what should people do they
should be very very focused on trying to do the following lean in dramatically
more to things that are positive your grandfather podcasts
upworthy.com lean into positivity then they should be on the awareness Eyes
Wide Open on is this delusional and lacks practicality like you know if I
just dream it it will happen no lean in cut out literally when this
podcast is over step back audit your entire life from the people you spend
time with your
family your friends look at every person you follow are they triggering your
insecurities for their own self-interest
are they trying to put love into it so that you go on and do your thing watch
look for it but whatever you do
back to like working out like you know protein and you know when I when
you know when Mike vacant is like all right
you did a lift like protein I'm like really okay and like don't encode I'm like
wait a minute I'm starting to finally get some muscles oh because I
was doing protein as [ __ ] after lifts and not after not lifts I was doing it right
here's something right for
everyone cut out one hour of negativity add one hour of positivity if you're
listening right now and you're
like Ugh social's such a drag it's because you're in a drag mindset and the
Algos and the people you follow are following you you know what my social
looks like [ __ ] sunshine
I'm being dead [ __ ] serious you know my Algos look like [ __ ] sunshine in
the world of the momentum of Darkness right now sunshine you know why I
choose
to fight for positivity but I refuse to not be grounded in practicality which is
why
I've always thrown curveballs love everybody it's all awesome [ __ ] eighth
place trophies what Gary what what
eighth place trophies lead to entitlement and fear of losing and it [ __ ] up
kids
so like it's kind of that juxtaposition practical positivity is something everyone
needs to add more and so back
to your point we are going to put out stuff forever because it's how we're
wired the people we're listening right
now for a lot of them they need to understand where they match with us and
we don't you and I match on a lot of
things there's a lot of things we don't match on the person on the other side
needs to figure that out you I would argue watching you from afar we know
each other but not that deep we never we haven't had those six hours that
we need that we will have in the next 50 years where it starts to get even
closer but
even from afar it's clear to me that you're understanding more and more
what
is right from the messages you've heard and what's not right for you and you
refine it and you refine it
there's a lot to your point there's a I I say it all the time please don't be me
the only thing I want people to be like
me is be as happy as me that's an insular game that's a self-awareness game
that's a process game that's the
only thing I want people to be like with me like I'm weird I've got a lot of
weird nuances I do a lot of things that
are not scalable I don't maximize for I'm always worried when people are like
oh I want to learn how you built your businesses I'm like good it's real
different like you know I don't maximize for profit I maximize for retention of
relationships if you aren't as confident
as I am when those people leave and compete with you you become Grudge
oriented and envy oriented instead of
How does someone find out what they're good
happy oriented like I've got some weird elements that people can't run my
playbook but I couldn't write run other
people's Playbook so pay attention find what works for you try [ __ ] try it
multiple times Steve said something you
like try it once didn't work Steve's not an idiot you don't suck try it again on
this the very Crux of all of this is
that key point which is about self awareness and as I realized that in my late
20s that self-awareness was really
the key to um to most things in life and I remember writing a quote my
Instagram which is still my favorite quote of all time
where I said um there's no self-develop um there's no self-development
without self-awareness
you can read as many books as you like 100 but if you can't read yourself
you'll never learn a thing it's why I've never read a book yeah exactly so like
like to me the only thing I've read is my feelings so how does how does one
person listening to this now that's been
listening to our content and you know they really want to be a an
entrepreneur they want to have a big Media Company
whatever it might be but they don't know they don't have them like but
objectively they don't have
Minerals Well how do they go about discovering they don't have the minerals
by going in the pool and drowning okay
you know it's not for you and I to judge because we've been wrong too much
yeah I've been wrong so much it scares the
[ __ ] out of me and I'm gifted with intuition that when I'm dead I hope they
can test for it because I think I'm all
time and I've been wrong a ton that makes me believe everyone's wrong so if
you're listening here's a couple
things that are good call out that may bring value instead of what I just said
asking what you're in it for is
humongous yeah but this generation I don't think they know because people
think I know
this first of all you're part of this generation yeah that's how I know but you
know but I
know too but guess what my generation this I'm so done with this my
generation didn't know either guess what when I was
22 all my friends wanted to hook up too all my friends wanted a BMW too
and by the way as somebody who observed people
his whole life the people that were older me the people that were buying
expensive wine for me when I was 20 and they were 35. they everybody
wants stuff
to communicate to others that they're winning we've been putting on
makeup since we had [ __ ] clubs hitting each
other like it's what humans do we do things to communicate yes why to hide
we're hiding
we we used to do it with status right now we've decided to [ __ ] on each
other our current move to hide is by tearing
each other down that status too I want to be more I want to be the most
leftist I want to be the most on the right I
want you know of course the problem is unlike buying a BMW and going into
debt when you're doing this one you're
hurting other people's feelings um it's one thing when you're hurting your
credit score it's another thing when
you're trying to make someone feel bad about themselves that's why the acts
of us collectively at 8 billion people right now is completely and utterly
unacceptable which is why I'm desperately communicating at the highest
levels about the stuff that I want to
put into the world as a counter to people's us against them girls versus boys
blacks versus Jews Republicans it's
[ __ ] exhausting like once people understand there's one team humans let's
let's you can be mad
at elephants you could be mad at Falcons but like being mad at each other is
the most counterproductive thing and we need
to go into tribes my country my sports team I understand this because I hate
all the other football teams it's the only place I get those feelings the way
people feel about Republicans and Democrats or genders and races or
countries the only place I can touch on
it emotionally is American football my level of actual disdain towards Patriot
fans is real I feel the rage
the fact that I do that for something silly that's a form of escapism that's a
couple hours a week to like reset and
like enjoy and Escape like people watch movies or ski or exercise that's silly
that's football that's silly we're doing
this in real life to each other and it's it's got to stop and I think it's it starts
with people understanding
if you are [ __ ] on others right now it's a complete reflection to your own
unhappiness and insecurity I had a kid come up to me and this is why I was
asking the question is after I did a tool can he said to me as I knelt down
on stage he said I want to he must have been 18. I want to be a public
speaker too and I'm like why
why is always the right answer and the answer you'll get from this generate
this my generation is well I wanna I
wanna change the world Gary yeah of course and then you go what do you
want to change about it they go I in fact what I came to learn is they want to
be
the type of person that's known for changing the world aspiration that's right
they saw the audience right and they want that feeling the money the
fame the accolades the blue check the followers the fun I understand it's the
problem with all the things I just mentioned is they're a vulnerability to your
own happiness if it's not balanced
there's not by the way sometimes people get mad at me in the other
direction like [ __ ] Gary with my [ __ ] face
off I can buy a [ __ ] watch or a car I'm like of course you can the why if you
like love the [ __ ] like I don't
understand sports cars and the feeling of going that fast that's not me but I
understand buying rare sports cards and
that's enjoyable if you enjoy that that's phenomenal when I talk about
materialistic things I talk about makeup
for insecurity if you are burning the midnight oil you know how people burn
out they're working till two in the
morning to buy the expensive car to use it to close their insecurity to get the
affirmation from the opposite sex or their friends that's that that system's
broke it won't work I I I mean I don't
know what to tell you like everyone's like okay Gary but I'd rather have the
[ __ ] money like this whole like I'd rather cry in my Ferrari than drive a
Toyota or take the bus you say that do you really want to be in a mental
place where you're on the borderline of suicide and you have heavy drug
usage even though you make three million dollars a year 17 million dollars a
year
because you know this now Steve you've worked very hard and you have the
talents and the luck of the draw and you
put in the execution to now run in circles where you know what I'm about to
say is ungodly true which is the
following an extraordinary amount of people that have unlimited resources
are
Using content to lift people up
desperately lonely insecure unhappy and borderline depression suicidal
that's
just truth and so like the thought of me talking in any other direction when I
know that to
be true seems like the least authentic thing I can do but even when you say
that you must know that for a huge
amount of people including myself we have to have that hypothesis that
those things will give us some kind of
fulfillment or meaning we have to have that fail us before we learn the lesson
Gary's words versus the insecurity that
was developed from my mother and my father on the playground
hypothetically one of them you know when I was seven
years old the kid said I'd never be nothing then my teeth I'm not talking
about myself the teacher comes in and says you're an [ __ ] I think I think
that's right on one side of the skill yeah Gary's work I don't think it's either of
those I think it's the macro
conversation of happiness I believe if the kids getting picked on
you'll never be nothing and she or he decides I will be content
at 25. I will have peace of mind I will smile 89.3 percent of my life
instead of I'm gonna have a mansion and a super yacht I think [ __ ] gets
crazy you're
describing me there so you I I at a very young age only only black kid in an all-
white area we're also the poorest
family so we understand the value so we had all the advantages of adversity
exactly yes in the con on the context I
was in I was the Blackberry in a world full of iPhones so I had that feeling of
like not enoughness I get it that means
that um as I go off into the world I'm convinced my subjective evidence is if
you get the material success I just have
if you get there then you'll be happy nothing on one Earth what if you're 17
Heroes on Tick Tock and YouTube we're talking about something else hold on
yeah yeah no no this is super
duper important what if your 17 Heroes
how has everything changed in the world can I say yeah that might not be
enough because those first 10 years as you
learn your childhood psychology the problem is in those first 10 years you
will have Heroes outside of your family
what if you're seven year old you on YouTube kids finds a hero or on ESPN
app or something
what if what if Messi your hero at seven in every other interview
spoke about peace of mind living with it like what if the conversation
changed because the conversation has changed on
Race on gender on religion on status tulips used to be the most important
thing in your life The King The King do you understand in America in 1968 in
1971 in 1971 in America if you were an astronaut
or Pilot you were cooler than an athlete I want everyone to [ __ ] pay it like
this is a big [ __ ] deal this is what my [ __ ] mission is in 1971 in [ __ ]
America if you were a astronaut or Pilot you were more famous than
everybody but the
top 10 athletes in America that Joe Namath was more famous love them but
you know you understand yeah do you
understand that Joe Namath is actually a great comp the Jets quarterback
that stunned the
world in Super Bowl three became a sex symbol and that started to change
he was a
celebrity which was different you and I are affected by entrepreneurship now
being a celebrity
status something that couldn't have even crossed my mind when I was 18
years old
maybe even 30 your age right now 30. it was starting to because you have to
understand do you know who was the biggest entrepreneur when I was your
age Bill Gates the nerdiest [ __ ] looking
person on Earth think about how but this this is why
it's fun you're properly speaking in the framework of our society now my
argument
is that communication changes Frameworks and what if we collectively got
on this
boat I I want to so here's what I'm thinking so if if we manage to get seven-
year-olds absorbing content which
I imagine is probably a lot of your plan with v friends that is empowering that
is creating new evidence in their mind
purple not red or blue yeah right back to Republican purple right like like
competitive clown is a [ __ ]
accountable ant kids is the thing like if you lost you [ __ ] lost I don't want to
over coddle it yeah yeah but in
Gary vaynerchuk seven year old world yes if his mother was crying on the
kitchen counter every day because of my you've I
mean we started this by talking about this using Gary vaynerchuk and Steve
yeah and not acknowledging that there is
extraordinary amounts of people that are bringing joy into the world that had
alcoholic parents yeah depressed mom and
dads bipolar moms and dads lose it my mother lost her mom at five and her
father ready you know why I have confidence in this let's talk about Tamara
vaynerchuk not Gary vaynerchuk tomorrow vaynerchuk was born in the
Soviet Union in 1955 about as bad of a [ __ ] draw as one can get she goes on
to get another tough card it's called her mother dies at five she goes on to
have an even more insane
card which is her father goes to jail for basically in this environment right
now this will make sense to people finally for being Jewish in the Soviet
Union and he went to jail for 10 years
she finds herself at 10 with her mom dad and her dad in jail for a decade and
a
stepmom raising her who's a young kid doesn't know what the [ __ ] just
happened to her either right
all the family's gone because everyone's like just [ __ ] up all the Dynamics
the mom's side the dad's side you're
following the story she goes on to become the person that built me because
she is
me and I am her more importantly these core positive person for any person
in
her life from acquaintance that met her once to clearly her three children
she exists I'm not saying that any early experience defines which way you're
going to go and I'm trying to say that
any early experience is going to be good yeah yeah could any experience
from you between age of zero and ten I could be a
major factor right and I've sat here with these childhood uh psychologists and
therapists like Gabriel May who studies childhood trauma in that first
10 years of your life if your parents are constantly I believe in that Crying
by the way just so everybody who's listening because it might seem the
opposite because I'm kind of going fast yeah yeah I believe in that comma
there's something I believe in if one person that lived that cliche life
has gone on to be an incredibly happy and productive person in now means
it's
capable and true I've noticed this in my guests on this podcast so I'd sit here
with a guest whose father was
um incredibly violent and did domestic domestic violence on his mother yeah
this person is the kindest person I've
ever met I've sat here with someone whose father did domestic violence
because of there's a layer between what happens in their interpretation we
overreact in both directions it's it's your interpretation and that's what the
childhood psychologist said she said you
couldn't there's what there's someone's like having a sunglasses on your eyes
Steve there's nothing else you know that
right yeah 100 there is nothing else on Earth yeah so the point the point here
is um regarding that person who grows up in
a household where they interpret yes that money is the most important thing
do they then have to have that belief
fail before they can learn that the Lamborghini isn't good because for me I
just can't imagine a world where that
was so deep inside me that insecurity and shame I can't imagine a world
where Steve Bartlett doing a quote on
Instagram or doing a podcast would have been stronger evidence I'm
watching my parents scream at each other every day
my argument is you don't know you just know the alternative and I would
argue
that many people like yourself and I know weird things because we get
unlimited
DMS and emails and you know this about me because it's where I'm a little
weird I took a six hour flight yesterday and
read a gadrillion DMs I think what I do that's a hair different than a lot of my
contemporaries is I'm in the dirt heavy like I really still see extraordinary
levels of value of being in the trenches reading those DMS replying to those
DMs like long after I mean I'm watching
people get 10 000 followers and think there's somebody and get an assistant
to reply like I'm still in it
and in that I see it I I've there's a
reason that people that were deeply alcoholic have been able to be sober the
rest of their lives after going through
a process there's a reason that therapy is profound there is a reason that
meditation is profound there's a reason
that exercise is profound to me everything you just said Is Right
but it is the cliche you get a hand and then you gotta play it and as someone
who's not good at poker and has won many
hands with three seven off suit because I'm just a [ __ ] like that I believe in
that in life too there's every version
do I believe that to your point I believe more than anything that those first 10
years there's so much going on
it's insane including the environment you're in right yours was one mine was
one but do I believe that if you then
decide like many do well I got [ __ ] I got [ __ ] well then if you've decided
back to perspective being everything if you've decided I got [ __ ] well then
the game's over anyway
the [ __ ] are we doing here if if you've decided I can't because I was unlucky
my mom this my dad
this my country this my gender that my income level this well that's over
doesn't matter what I think you think
anyone else thinks it's over I just refuse to talk to another human being and
believe that to be true because
there's been billions of examples of the alternative billion Steve yeah there's
been billions of Alternatives of the
exact opposite I agree with you it's just that point sometimes I Ponder which
is um you'll meet someone and you think
Whats your dark side
this guy regardless of what I say to them or this this woman is going to have
to have their current world view fail
them by the way I believe that about every person yeah I don't believe a
single person that I've inspired or got
through to now wins they have to taste everything for themselves yeah you
said
you're weird and I sat with Tim Grover Tim Grover who used to train LeBron
and
um MJ and Kobe um he said to me that we all have
our Brilliance our greatness and then often connected to that and
responsible for that is our Dark Side that's the
word he used the thing that you know becomes the the Star Wars the
difficult
Star Wars what's your dark side probably my unhealthy
there's a version of me on a competitive scale that can get dark
I'm incredibly competitive the only place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm
competing
like it's crazy moments ago a couple hours ago we did Rock Paper Scissors
tournament with our leadership team as an exercise I lost Peter Chun head of
platforms the
guy that talks to snap and everything I quickly thought after I lost in the first
five seconds
should I fire him of course of course Steve there's a
little ha ha but if I'm being naked an authentic and transparent to this
audience thank God at 47 the wisdom years uh I
used to punch if Dustin Bingham Joe minakawa Glenn Curtis Eric Rainey
can you guys all stand up and go to social media and tell everybody the
following truth of what happened anytime
I lost in Madden 94 in a dorm room I would punch a hole in the wall knowing
I
would have to pay a fine with my own money but I was incapable of dealing
with losing why because I wanted to win yeah but why uh because it felt
better than losing why
because not because of like the great place you're going with this path like
it's really funny it's no different to
the one of the great lessons I I've gotten so weird that there's a part of me
now
that wants me not to buy the Jets more than by the Jets I've seen this
Evolution because I want to show the
world how pumped I'm gonna be for Sarah McGee who bought it and this is a
brain [ __ ] but I'm
starting I lived my whole life saying if I can show kids that you can go from
not being able to afford a [ __ ] Jersey to
buying the whole team I can help now I'm starting to believe when I show
the grace and happiness for someone else's accomplishment at the expense
of my
lifelong dream and teach people that it was that the great enjoyment to try it
that I could have a bigger impact than showing that you can do it that's
winning in a different way in a very
different way and that's what happened with me with winning and losing I
was I wasn't per se trying to
listen again I'm not a robot everyone's loaded with insecurity I'm insecurity
with girls much more than business like nobody was scary to me to talk to a
business but Pam Moses in high school
like even though there was a clear indication that she had interest that was
still like woo whereas I could have
had a meeting with Bill Gates next day and be like I'll beat you right so we all
have our places right of insecurity
things of that nature but like you know when you're five like there was just
such a like I love competition and I'd
prefer to win right and I prefer to win I did not have a relationship with it
from three to four to twelve now I one
thing I loved and I'm watching a lot of kids now because I have kids growing
up here's where I get interested in
tenacity and self-esteem I would lose and I liked it
so there's some you want a dark side I like losing I might have cried and been
pissed and
wanted to do something about it but I wanted to play again there was almost
this weird enjoyment of
losing more than winning as a matter of fact I cheered for four teams growing
up as religious as I am about the Jets
the New York Yankees the New York Rangers the New York Knicks and the
New York Jets to this day I am so wildly weirded out
by the fact that I love the New York Rangers and the Yankees as much as I like
the Jets but the Rangers won the
Stanley Cup in 1994 and the Yankees won the World Series in 1996 and the
next
day I stopped following them for real no [ __ ] I didn't it wasn't
a plan I was 18 years old when the Rangers won the cup I didn't think of it as
like the thing I wanted to do I
literally woke up that next September October when the hockey season
started and I didn't want to watch why uh now at
47 I believe it's my addiction is the process and the game not the thing and
where did that you're clearly a unique standout person that loves to win
where did that like it was there an early
moment where that was reinforced that winning is great Gary no as a matter
of fact it was like not even like talked
you know this is why the 80s were epic and more importantly I'm joking this
is why my mom was that big it wasn't like
she was like you have like there was no talk of that it was just pure DNA I'm
massively competitive
I like it I like the game My brother has it my dad has it like we're competitive I
think it manifests in different people
but it wasn't reinforced it just was like innate
and I really like where I have it now at 47 which is like I've learned how to
deal with the fact that I'm not the best
at everything that's what life taught me through the years um but I really like
trying like I like
you know what's one of my favorite scenarios this is gonna really by the way
if this resonates with you please email me at Gary vfriends.com or Gary
vaynermedia.com because I think this is going to resonate with a lot of
people I thought about this yesterday on a
random thing I must have saw something on social my favorite thing one of
my favorite weird tiny things that I know
is going to resonate with two percent of this audience but please hit me up
because I want to get to know you when I'm on a pickup basketball team of
random people like Friends Play pick up basketball five on five College High
School your buddies get together when
our team gets smoked like 11-3 in the first game the second that 11th Point
goes in I get so hyped when you get smoked 11 nothing 11-1 as
you you know I don't you play basketball at all no we play pick up something I
know football yeah
in basketball and this may resonate in other sports Cricket if you're listening
in India football around the world
when we get smoked where it's very obvious to everybody that four of the
five best players are on one team and
that's why the score was eleven to one everyone's natural inkling is to like
let's reshoot for new teams
mine is this deep excitement to get the other four people together looking at
everybody's face and say guys we're [ __ ] like immediately I'm like we're not
[ __ ] shooting for new teams
let's run it back and then huddle and I look at everybody's [ __ ] eyes I'm like
my friends we're gonna win this
[ __ ] game because we're gonna outwill them even though they are
dramatically more talented we're gonna out think them
and most importantly we're gonna outwill them and when that happens
Because by the way 70 it doesn't happen the talent
is just too great and unfortunately we also found somebody on the other side
who's talented and has will but the
feeling when you know that you are dramatically inferior and you get a group
together and you out accomplish
them predominantly on will with a mix of strategy there's something there
that
just gets the hairs on the back of my neck up is winning associated with your
own sense of self-esteem definitely not
one of the things that makes me so happy is here's a great indication I didn't
know that until probably the last five
years this is the truest statement I will say on this podcast my professional
success
has no currency with my heart and soul this is where my life got really [ __ ]
crazy you know you know this you're going through an introspective moment
clearing your late 20s like it's clear so this is like fun for me to tell you
I'm like really in the zone I feel like we're sitting and just like you know having
a drink
when I realized somewhere about five or six years ago oh [ __ ]
none of my professional accolades net worth
exits followers Awards even things like being on the board of Charity water
and
pencils like even when I was getting admiration for like when I realized none
none
of my professional successes make me think it's a reflection of me or is an
indicator for me or is a barometer of self-worth it [ __ ] took I was already
flying it took me to the [ __ ] Stratosphere my entire
self-worth is wrapped up in the middle of this podcast when I looked at you
and said you know
my entire self-worth is 100 predicated on people
knowing the truth of how I've interacted with them
why does that matter I have a deep love for human beings I love them for
example back to being a
little transparent I'm a little weird with animals I have a little bit of a level of
resentment towards animals this is
something my inner circle knows you know we joke I don't hate dogs
I do hate that humans default into loving dogs with all their heart and don't
do that to each other
struggle with that I got so damn lucky Steve I came out the womb my mom
talks about
this a lot you know who I was in the playground at three years old when we
first moved to America like immediately running to all
the 80 year olds and schmoozing with them you're [ __ ] four you didn't read
Malcolm [ __ ] Gladwell
you didn't listen to garyvee you're [ __ ] four I'm [ __ ] four years old and I'm
going out with my Jessica Shaya
my grandfather Shia and I'm [ __ ] gabbing it up with the 82 year olds and
like desperately trying to make them laugh and smile because a lot of them
came from Russia and were sourpussed in
the last stage of their life America was [ __ ] up when we all got here it was a
real recession in the Carter years Queens was [ __ ] Queens back then not
like in his net like it was [ __ ] and like I had a deep need to make these 85
year olds smile for a second because
they weren't smiling the rest of the day it's who the [ __ ] I am whenever I've
observed you especially in
the pre-pandemic times where you were flying all over the world and talking
in every corner of the world you were on some other [ __ ] yeah and I was to
somebody too I remember I lived in New York but I was traveling 50 weeks a
year yeah but you were on some like other other [ __ ] I was looking at you
thinking
[ __ ] that's the only guy that's at work in me yeah and I'm thinking this dude
has a family yes I was a single dude
living in a studio apartment and you know I get that but you were so the
question which I'm sure you've had level
at you and ever again is what's the cost there there's cost there's cost to
everything but
one thing I did extremely well was and I still do this well
Your regrets
um is I over communicate things that I think bring value to people and I don't
communicate things that I don't think
bring value to people or things that are important to me that can be owned
behind
the door instead of in front of the door so I think people would be really
stunned by how much family time and
personal time I have do you ever regrets course what kind of requests do you
have
you know you know there's certain things that I'm not ready to talk about but
I think
people are I'm too public of a figure that people know there's things that
have happened in my life more recently and things of that nature so of
course I
regrets I've I also have regrets that I think will really help people which is that
I am ready to talk about which is
no [ __ ] but I should have went to a couple more High School parties no
[ __ ] I
shouldn't have come home every weekend when I was in college and worked
in the liquor store I should have did a keg stand or two here no [ __ ] like I
should have taken more vacations in my 20s with my buddies you know like
like I
should have had a little more fun the truth is I'll tell you why that was all hard
for me to say
their micro micro micro micro micro micro micro regrets these are like
yeah they've been like these I have nothing in my body including some of the
stuff I'm not ready to talk about that's
like [ __ ] you know like I'm in pain over this they're just like little micro
regrets
and I answer this because I want people to see a clear picture on the other
side like if this was me and you actually
having a drink the answer might have been no the only reason I think I just
said yes is because I think it's important for
people to know like nobody's like I'm just scared that I'm so happy that it
seems almost like [ __ ] but it's just
kind of true because I always go to the same place the I'll give you an
example I think real regret is only grounded in
a very small circle of the people you love I I really do and I've put the [ __ ]
work in on the family side it's funny actually that was a really interesting
segue the fact that I can say to you no
because I've put in so much deposits on the family side that actually I'll give
you a good one
I've got a brewing regret my best friend in the world is Brandon warricky I
met him the first day of
freshman year of high school within the first six months I'm like this guy's
gonna work with me we did baseball card shows together I knew I
was going to build my dad's business by then I wanted him I [ __ ] courted
him to be in that business from sophomore
year on and he became my partner in crime along with Bobby shiffrin my
second cousin and
my dad and we built Wine Library lately I've been feeling that we have not
had enough friend time one-on-one
as we start going and starting to see 50 and it's something I really want to
work on I am I asked this for very as if the
cameras weren't here and the microphones weren't here I I'm earlier I'm 30
years old yeah and I want to know the advice
from you someone that I consider to be a mentor and a friend your investor
in one of my companies as well um
on that as it relates to that family and that personal piece what I might get
wrong
because I know you don't think I don't think there's wrong I think somebody
watching me might say you're doing this wrong I might watch you
doing this wrong uh I gave some advice to a friend of mine Ryan Harwood in
a pool in Miami a couple of years ago that
I feel great about I checked in once in the last three years curious if he was
doing it I'm positive I'm right but I'm
not right because what's so interesting about being we're all unique but I
have a sense of
like how I roll the amount of things that people have observed including my
mom who's the singular person that knows
me best we share 83 DNA that's obviously a subjective number but like I'm
trying
to paint a picture of how similar we are even she is remarkably and she is the
I
am so intuitive because of her but earlier to this podcast when I'm like I get
wrong all the time nobody has the
ability to be more right about me than my mom and she's wrong about things
she has been wrong she's been proven wrong
and so what that did for me in the you know I put my mom at the highest
pedestal uh is oh
me judging Dustin or Steve like like I'm gonna be wrong all the time I know
nothing about them so what you need to
know is yourself what you need to know is yourself for me regrets are
completely grounded and did
I spend enough time with the people I love did you I believe that above me I
absolutely
have that my parents today could go and I used to be skipping both my
parents my
dad lost his dad at 15. I already told you about my mom I lived in fear you
know actually we didn't get on that that
one that one is something I wish I popped up 20 minutes ago in this podcast
the fear of my parents dying because
both of them had a parent die at a young age was a profound currency in my
life
in my first 15 years profound and so I think because I'm on the other side of it
there's such heavy levels of
gratitude that I got to keep them that I'm like pumped about it and I can tell
you today as a 47 year old man my parents are young I expect another good
20 years minimum hopefully 30 they're
like in their late 60s right I'm looking for 30. but if God forbid I won that
game in a way that a lot of people haven't I like was with my mom all the
time as a kid I was with my dad 15 to 35
all the time I've checked that box I mentioned Brandon I think about other
people I love like Bobby Schiffer and others that I don't spend enough time
with and then of course my kids are so young that I still want to like milk
that in a significant way but I'm sitting a hell of a lot more pretty I think than
a lot of people because a lot
Your mother
of people have also gotten into weird places with the people they love they
fought over money they fought over an
argument they've cut people out of their lives that they actually love but it
was their own hurt so I'm incredibly at
peace I'd like to do more and I think all of us do five years ago when we had a
conversation I asked you what your biggest fear was and you responded with
with that exact answer which was fear of
losing your parents yes um this profound impact that your mother has had on
you has become and my father
by the way yeah we didn't get there yeah my dad telling me that word is
bond yeah might be the single piece inside of me
that allowed me not to be the bad version that some people think I am the
first time I've seen you get emotional recently as it relates to on stage was
that moment where you talked about your mother and I I was I was going
through I've got these photos here of you as this young man I was going
through all of these pictures and I was reading how you've described her
especially in recent years this was the my favorite picture here of you you
and
your in Russia yeah I've never seen you um get emotional on stage before
other
than when you talked about profound influence she's had on you so if this
were God forbid the last day you had on
Earth to send a message to your mother what exactly would you say
she just really wanted to be the best mother because she didn't have one I
would just
she did it
what did she do she made me happy
you know I want to make everybody happy and it's
because I'm aware of that she did a better job making me happy than
anything I've ever seen about
anybody in anywhere about anything and I just feel like if I don't do that
given that I was
given the Gift of Gab if I don't scale that if I don't help every you know
the biggest thing I could do for her is scale what she did for me
Gary thank you um thank you I have to you know I sent you a voice note on
your birthday just telling you communicating to you the
influence you've had in my life but I've I'm gonna say at your face you create
a blueprint um which is an evolving blueprint and I
followed the evolution of that blueprint as it's become even more centered
on empathy and kindness and how we treat
others clearly that comes from this wonderful woman here um so I thank her
for creating a son
that's inspired me so much and guided me there's so much that you've done
which I've literally copied and I think it's
important to say that to you because sometimes people say it to me I've
copied your blueprint and that blueprint has changed my life
um the thing I wish for you and everybody is I'm incredibly aware of that and
the fact that that makes me
happy hmm is the thing I think about every day because it makes so many of
our contemporaries unhappy
amen I I really wanted to say that's your face well I had the chance you have
a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest asks a question for
the next guest um I like that yeah um
interesting I've heard I've heard you talk somewhere about this before what
do you want
your Tombstone to read about you he gave more than he took
it's very clear to me it's been there for a long time in my head listen I have a
lot of dreams and hopes
for myself we need to teach people that's okay that doesn't make you bad
that makes you awesome
but if you can balance that with also giving just a little bit more in whatever
that means and for me it's
communication perspective I'll donate plenty of money but that's easy a lot
of people do that that are lucky enough to
be good enough at that um I gave more than I took I believe in that
you've certainly given me much more than you've ever taken so thank you
for that guy I appreciate you and it's the honest to spend some time with you
thank you my
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