Aidan Holz

Counseling Skills and Process

Prof. McManus

1 May 2023

Helper: “It is good to see you again, how has everything been?”

Client: “Likewise. It could be better. My girlfriend and I seem to be having some trouble

communicating with one another”.

Helper: “Can you say more about that?”

Explanation: I used a door opener as an invitational skill in hopes the client will discuss their

situation further, which can help the helper to understand. A door opener is a “noncoercive

invitation to talk. The door opener signals availability on the part of the listener and encourages

exploration and discussion” (Young, 2021, pp. 89). Here the door opener is “Can you say more

about that”, which is just one of the many simple but effective phrases you can say to a client.

Client: “Sometimes when my girlfriend is in a bad mood, I try to ask her what is making her feel

that way but she rarely ever expresses to me what it is. She just responds with “nothing.” She

resists the help I offer her, and then continues to complain about how she feels.”

Helper: “You want to know why your girlfriend is upset, but it is difficult for her to tell you.”

Explanation: This is an example of a paraphrase reflection, which I used so the client can

understand that I am listening. Furthermore, “reflecting shows the client that the helpers

understands what the client is going through. Frequently, the client doesn't agree with the

helper’s reflection, but a reflecting statement, even if it is inaccurate, can allow the client to
clarify the experience to others and to oneself” (Young, 2021, pp. 102). I took a few key aspects

of the client's statement and put them into my own words to show I was listening, I understand,

and to see if I am correct.

Client: “That is just it. It is rather frustrating for me whenever this happens. I want her to be

happy but her not telling me prevents me from helping and ultimately making her feel better.”

Helper: “You feel infuriated as well as stuck when she does not open up to you.”

Client: “Exactly!”

Explanation: Above I chose to use a feelings reflection as it helps the client become aware of

their own emotions toward the situation. The skill of “reflecting feelings tells your client that you

recognize the emotional background of the story. An accurate reflection of feelings has the

almost magical power to deepen the relationship between the client and helper” (Young, 2021,

pp. 117-118). It is similar to paraphrasing but it focuses on the emotions of the client. I used

emotions that were a little more complex when reflecting in case the client wasn’t exactly sure of

how they were feeling. There could be emotions that are deeper than the ones that are just

expressed.

Helper: “I see and how do you respond when she continues to complain about how she feels

after offering help and not telling you why she is feeling the way she is?”

Client: “Sometimes I remain silent, and sometimes I lash out at her.”

Helper: “I am confused. On one hand, you are trying to help her feel better and get her to open

up, but on the other hand, you lay into her when she doesn’t accept the help or tell you what is

making her feel a certain way.”

Explanation: The helper is displaying the challenging skill of Confrontation. Confrontation

shows how the client may be contradicting themselves. For instance, “Confrontation points out
discrepancies in clients' beliefs, behaviors, words, or nonverbal messages. As a result of

confrontation, client awareness of inconsistencies is stimulated and the client is motivated to

resolve them” (Young, 2021, pp. 168). As the helper, I was confused about the client's feelings

and actions toward the situation, so I appropriately confronted them by pointing out this

difference.

Client: “It doesn’t make much sense to me either as to why I do this. I am sure that it doesn’t

help the situation.”

Helper: “What do you think would help the situation?”

Client: “I suppose changing the way I approach the situation. Making sure she knows that I care

about why she is feeling this way and that I want to understand what is causing her to feel like

this could be a good start. Thinking before I talk is another action that could help.”

Helper: “These all sound great to me. So these are some goals you would like to work toward?”

Client: “Yes!”

Explanation: Trying to get the client to turn something negative into a positive is an important

aspect when it comes to creating goals. Also, “Clients who set goals have better outcomes than

those that do not. Identifying and achieving goals help the client gain confidence even if the

objectives are rather modest. Goals help us to know when the helping relationship should end”

(Young, 2021, pp. 205). This process should be done collaboratively, as expressed above when I

asked the client what they thought would help them, as well as confirming with them if these

were goals they were interested in.

Helper: “I think it is important that we discuss techniques that will help you prepare for meeting

these goals. How does this sound?”

Client: “That sounds good to me!”

Helper: “Do you have any ideas as to what might help you prepare for meeting these goals?”

Client: “I do not. I was hoping you would have some suggestions?”

Helper: “If you are comfortable with it, we could perform the technique of role-playing during

some of our sessions.”

Client: “This would be fine with me! I think it could be a very good method of intervention to

get me exposed to similar situations.”

Helper: “Great! Next session we can go over how it works exactly and try it out!”

Client: “Awesome!”

Explanation: I used role-playing as a technique for intervention because it allows the client and

helper to perform a “mock” scenario that can help the client feel more comfortable in obtaining

their goal. “Role-playing is a change technique commonly used by helpers for social skills

training and in helping clients face situations they are avoiding. It involves practicing a behavior

in a contrived situation with the helper playing an auxiliary or observer role” (Young, 2021, pp.

238). I asked the client if they had any ideas that could help them, but they didn’t. So I suggested

role-playing as a starting point for intervention, making sure they were on board.

Additional Paragraph: After taking this class and learning all of these skills which are essential

to the counseling process I was happy with the knowledge I walked away with. Learning how

advice isn’t always the best thing, and that listening is a HUGE component of counseling made

me aware that a lot of the skills I learned in this class can be applied to everyday life. I recognize

that I sometimes interrupt but learning the significance of letting someone talk until they are

finished and using minimal encouragement has led me to be more focused and attentive. I

struggle a lot with confrontation, and people who I surround myself with at times need to be
confronted. Learning how to do this positively and appropriately has led me to feel like I can go

through with confrontation now and not be as worried about it. Nonetheless, much of these skills

can be applied to personal and social life which can have benefits such as understanding people

more, allowing people to feel heard, and hopefully helping as best as possible!

References
Young, E. Mark. (2021). Learning the Art of Helping: Building Blocks and Techniques. Pearson,

7th Ed. 89-238.