CENTRAL PLAZA

by Grace Davidson-Lynch, Lily Hensby and Mark Rogers

DRAFT 4 with CUTSSSSS

1
2
TROLLEY.

A car park.

Two young people run in. They’re videoing themselves for snapchat, doing dumb
memes and being dumb little fuckwits.
They grab a shopping trolley and run around with it. One of them hops in. The other
spins it and spins it.
They get another trolley. They do a mock shopping trolley ballet to dumb music on
their dumb shit phones.
It culminates in them running the trolleys at each other and smashing them together.
They do this a few times. It’s loud and stupid and looks really fun.

OI!

A car park attendant in high-vis is striding towards them. They piss bolt like the little
chicken shits they are, leaving the two trolleys piled up and tipped over. The car park
attendant walks to the wreckage.

Fantastic.

They turn one of the trolleys up the right way, then move to the other one. When they
lean down to pick up the next one, their back twinges, painfully.

Ahh. Jesus.

They straighten up, tenderly.

They put the trolleys together and walk them off, holding their back.

3
ACT ONE
LOST 1

I arrive at the mall at 10am. I park my car where I always park it, on the bottom level
near the Coles entrance. I grab my reusable bags from the boot and take the
escalator up into the mall. It’s shining this morning. The lights from all the shops and
all the displays and all the screens are dazzling. The air-con cools my skin. I breathe
in. I’m here. The centre of the universe. Westfield.

4
SOPHIE 1

You didn’t check the roster?

It’s a Tuesday.

You should always check.

I’m always on, on a Tuesday.

That’s why you have to check.

Normally I do

It’s perfectly ok, Sophie. It’s lovely to see you! But I’m sorry you’re not actually on
today.

It’s just that I’ve been on for the past six Tuesdays so I thought-

An understandable mistake to make, and easily fixed! If you just make sure to check
the roster next time.

Do you know why I wasn’t rostered?

I don’t make those decisions.

You’re the manager.

Sue in HR makes those decisions I’m afraid. If you want to ask her I’m sure she’d be
happy to-

I wasn’t rostered on last weekend either. Or most of last week.

Sue can answer that I’m sure.

Last week I only had Tuesday. This week I don’t have anything.

Again, that’s more Sue’s area.

I’m great at this job.

Of course.

My sales are great. I “really believe” in the things we sell here.

I know you do.

Then I’m confused.

I wish I could help.

Can you call Sue and ask her?

Call Sue?

5
Yes can you call her and tell her to roster me on.

One does not simply TELL Sue, if you know what I mean. Ha ha.

I can’t exactly call her now anyway she’s only in on Friday’s.

I really need the hours.

Ah

Because, yeah, I really need the, even just a few more shifts.

Ok.

I’ll work whenever, I’ll work Christmas day. Normally you need people over
Christmas.

We do, yeah.

Maybe if I could have Sunday’s back that’d be-

Everyone wants Sunday.

I know that.

If it were up to me I’d have you working here 24 hours a day. I’d chain you to the
sales rack if I could. Ha Ha. But unfortunately, and as I’ve said, it’s not really my
decision. Now I really should be getting back to it so if you just give Sue a call and-

It’s my birthday.

It’s your.

Yeah.

Really?

(nods)

Happy Birthday.

Thank you.

How old?

I’m 18.

18, shit, out on the town tonight then?

I don’t, no, I don’t actually drink so.

6
But you’re doing something nice?

I was meant to have lunch with Mum but I thought I was working.

Right. Oh well.

Because maybe that’s why I’m not getting shifts. Because I’m 18.

We don’t do that.

Ok.

I know some businesses do, Mcdonalds and many others. That’s not us. No, if you
work for us you work for us, that’s it. That won’t stop us giving you shifts.

Then why aren’t I getting any?

That’s certainly not why, that’s for sure.

Have I done something wrong?

No, it’s not-

I’m never late. Never. In the whole time I’ve worked here. I never call in sick. I don’t
take long lunches. Most of the time I work through my lunch break.

And that’s the kind of commitment we really value.

I mean it’s not like I’ve been skimming from the till or even leaving early.

No. Look-

Just that one time when I was meant to go to the early entry meeting for Uni. Which I
asked to have off anyway.

Ok, Soph-

And Jesus, it’s not like I even want to be working here for the rest of my life. God no,
but-

Sophie, I know you’re frustrated but please, there are customers in earshot.

No one’s in here.

I know that. Remember what we said in training.

It’s literally only you and me right now.

“There are always customers in earshot even when they’re not physically here”.

7
We haven’t opened yet.

Still, I’d rather you didn’t use language of that kind. I’m listening to you. We’re on the
same team.

I’m sorry if it’s coming out wrong but I’m trying to understand.

Talk to Sue, Sue will have all the answers.

She’s not in til Friday.

No.

I need a shift today. Yesterday.

You’ll have to contact her on Friday. I think it’s Friday.

Will she be able to tell me if I’ll have shifts next week?

Oh totally, yeah, I can’t say for sure obviously, but probably. I don’t know.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Are you ok?

It’s $1.70 more an hour.

$1.77 actually, but that’s not-

Have you hired someone else?

What?

Have you hired someone else?

No, Sophie, come one. We’re not like that.

I trained that new girl my last shift.

And you were paid for that.

How old’s she?

I’m not about to give out employee information willy nilly, Sophie.

Do I still work here?

Pardon?

Do I still work here?

Of course you do.

But I don’t have any shifts.

8
No.

Will I get any?

Of course you will.

When?

When?

When?

9
BREAK/SLEEP/OVER/SICK

These scenes play out simultaneously, we find a way of dovetailing them. The idea
is the PRESSURE is building, in quiet. Physical ways.

BREAK

A girl is on her break from Jay Jays. She walks into Priceline, grabs a pregnancy
test, goes to the bathroom and pee’s on the stick.
Positive.
- Oh fuck.
She stands up. Flushes. Walks out. Drops the test in the bin. Washes her hands and
walks out.
She walks back into Jay Jays.
- Hey how was your break?
- Fine.
- What did you eat?
- Um, I got Subway.
- Can you fold the Riverdale shirts again? Some ugly 14 year old came in and
messed them all up.
- Yeah sure.
As she’s folding she is just quiet.

****

SICK

A young person is holding tissues. Their nose is red. They might cough.
Their co-worker shakes their head.

I told you not to come in.

The sick person picks up a bottle of spray and a cloth. They start cleaning a surface.

As they clean they sneeze.

And cough.
And sneeze.
They change positions and groan as they do.

Is it the flu?

I dunno.

Cleaning.

They stop for a moment to catch their breath.

Cleaning.

*****

10
OVER

Someone is sitting with their headphones on watching Netflix on their phone. They
are watching something good.

So good that they start to cry.

When they’ve calmed down a bit they check the time.

Breaks over.

They pack up their stuff, slowly.

They wipe their face.

Put their lanyard or name badge or hat back on.

They walk off stage.

***
I’ve been coming here for 7 months and I’ve never been treated like this.

I’ve worked here 7 years and I’ve always been treated like this.

Should I report that?

I don’t know.

-
Hey I’m Kurt. Add me on Snapchat.

Are you handing in a resume?

No.

Can I bring my cat to work?

…

What?

How much do you get an hour?

More than you.

But we’re the same age.

11
-
Wanna get thai for dinner?

I can’t.

I’ll order, just transfer me the money later.

I really can’t.

Can I borrow seven bucks?

I don’t have seven bucks.

You can’t spare seven bucks?

I can’t spare seven bucks.

12
NEED

Hi, I was just wondering if I could hand in a resume?

Oh um-

The sign in the window says that you’re hiring.

Um. Great. Okay.

So I’m available pretty much, literally everyday ha ha and I don’t have any uni or tafe
or anything so. I’m available.

Oh okay. Um, look, I just don’t think you’re what we’re looking for right now.

Excuse me?

I don’t- you’re just.

//Well, I mean you’re hiring so, you know I just thought I could put my resume

//Yeah no, I understand that, that’s great and thank you for doing that, anyway okay
we will hold onto this and/

/No sorry no, what do you mean I don’t suit working here?

You don’t even know me.

I just don’t know about your vibe.

My vibe?

Mmhmm. I don’t think it suits the store.

But you’re hiring. You need people. I don’t know if it’s your place to be picky about
those people that you hire. You’re hiring and I need a job, I don’t see where the

13
problem is.

Mmmhmm, look I just think it’s really unprofessional to walk into a shop with a
handful of resumes. Like you clearly don’t care about our store, you just want a job.

Yeah I do. I just want a job. What’s the problem there?

Well what are you going to bring to our store? Like you’ve just got a stack of
resumes that you’re just handing out willy-nilly like, that’s not fair on us. Why should
we hire you if you just wanna work somewhere else.

Wait what?

Where’s the next place you were gonna go?

I was gonna go over to Surf, Dive and Ski.

Oh you think Surf, Dive and Ski are gonna hire you?

I was gonna give it a go. But maybe not anymore/

/Oh I’m sorry. I’m not trying to offend you or anything. I just think next time you
should come in with a resume and cover letter that is specifically for the store you’re
applying for.

Really? That seems like a lot of extra work to apply for some place that’s already
hiring. You know what I really can’t be bothered with this.

But you need a job.

I know. Thanks for fucking reminding me.

Oh you’re swearing now! That’s real mature and professional. You’re totally gonna
get a job with that attitude.

14
Woah.

You know who would hire you? McDonalds. They’d fucking hire you.

Are you saying working at McDonalds is a bad thing?

Yeah it is. You’ll get fat.

A customer enters.

Hi, how are you today?

- Good thanks.

What are you doing?

I’m proving to you that I totally am the vibe here. Did you want a size in that one?

- Yeah do you have this in a medium?

Let me see. Yep here it is.

Stop that. You can’t be doing that.

The change rooms are just down the back to the right.

I don’t care. I’m just showing you that I know how to do this shit. So it’s your loss.
Cause I’m great. I’m fucking great at working.

Pause.

We can’t give you full time.

I don’t need full time.

15
TWIST/NEED

Connor is folding some clothes. He looks up. Tom is browsing in the store. Tom
notices Connor.

Hey.

Hello.

I didn’t know you worked here.

Yeah.

You still work at Woolworths too?

Yeah, at nights.

Oh cool.

Yeah tax man loves me.

Haha I’m sure he does.

What are you after?

Was just looking at those Back to the Future shirts.

I knew you’d like them.

Sorry, I shouldn’t have-

What?

This isn’t some twist of fate. I didn’t come in here to see you.

I didn’t think you did.

Yeah. No of course not. Just. I did want to talk to you though.

Yeah look I’m so sorry. I got a bit…

Attached?

No, not really. I just. When I was with you I was okay but it was in the space between
us hanging out that I’d start to feel really lonely.

Do you know what I mean?

16
No.

But I did like hanging out with you.

Yeah.

Who’d have thought you could actually have a nice experience off Grindr.

Haha yeah I know.

And it was nice.

Well I’m glad we’re friends.

Yeah. Yes, we are friends.

Awesome.

Well I better let you get back to it.

Oh yeah, these shirts won’t fold themselves.

Take care dude.

Bye.

17
KURT

A mall wanderer.

Oi.
Do you know James from General Pants? Yeah. I know him. He’s cool.
Did you wanna come to my house? I have weed.
Add me on Facebook? My snapchat is KurtyBoi456.
Oi, I like the girls in Tree of Life. One is called Ophelia. How cool is that?
I don’t have a job. I just like walking around the mall. All my friends are here. Like
Timmy from Sketchers. He’s a bit of a wanker.
Do you have a buck for the train? Yeah true, it’s all opal cards now. Fuck that.
Do you want weed? I’ve got heaps back at mine. If dad’s home though we have to
do it outside. Otherwise we can smoke up in the shed. The shed is sick.
I know Gerri from Sportsgirl. She’s hot. A bitch but. Hot but. Like fuck. Why are the
hot ones bitches and the bitches hot? It’s crazy. Such a crazy world.
There’s a chick at Boost that wants me to fuck her. I think. She’s got a weird tooth
thing happening though. Have you seen it? Like, it’s a normal tooth but on some
angles, it like, sticks out weird. So maybe I could fuck her but just try and position her
on the angles where she looks cute.
My best mate, Aaron, is a fucking idiot. Do you know Aaron? He works at Universal
Store. He has porn star glasses. Do you know what that is? They’re like, fuck, they’re
like so when the girl is sucking his dick, she looks up and she just knows. He
described them like that.
Like this bumbag? Scabbed it.
Oi, how’s that I know the security guards dogs name. I’ve walked it.
Do you know Lucy from JB Hi Fi. She’s awesome. She does karate downstairs. I
went with her once. She was totally flirting with me and I knew it cause when she
punched that little boy she looked at me and winked and I was like aw fuck off ya
cutie but then we just decided to become good mates. See ya.

18
MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE

Hello, hello. So sorry for the wait. How are you?

Hi, yeah, I’m good.

Have you been waiting long?

No, no just got here.

Okay.
He checks his phone for a while.
Sorry.
Okay, I’ve got a bunch of forms I need you to sign.
Nothing serious, just some legal stuff, I’m sure you’ve done this before.

Yeah.

Firstly this is just a tax file declaration. Just sign there at the bottom.
He hands her some paper.
She reads the whole paper before signing it.
Awesome, thank you. And this one is basic stuff just about uniform and behavior.
He then hands her a huge bundle of papers.
She begins reading.
It’s all boring stuff in there. You don’t have to go through everything.

It’s okay.

Normally we just copy and paste it from the New South Wales fair work policy
outline. It’s all black and white.
She keeps reading.
You don’t have to read it all. It’s huge.

I like reading.

Yeah that’s cool. Are you reading anything at the moment?

Well, this.

I meant books.

I read comics.

Oh cool. Yeah I saw Captain Marvel at the cinema. It was good.

She stops.
Right? I finally saw a hero who looks like me and talks like me with explosions and
action and they didn’t even give her a love story cause that stuff isn’t all we’re good
at.
She goes back to reading.

19
Right. Yeah I liked the explosions.
Silence.
It’s like fifty pages. You can find all that stuff online.

Sorry.

Mmmm?

What does this bit mean?

What bit?

About uniform.

He reads outloud.
This employer’s dress code requires female employees to wear uniform A and male
employees to wear uniform B.

What is the difference?

Ah yes. So, uniform B is specifically for male employees.

Umm-

Am I going too fast?

No you’re fine. But what’s the female uniform?

You’ve been in here before?

I have, I love this store.

So you’d know how the girls dress.

I haven’t really noticed.

Right, so what is the issue?

There is no issue. I was just wondering what the differences are.

Oh I understand. Sorry, you muddled me up. So the boys wear slacks and the girls
wear shorts. Do you own shorts?

Yes.

Stand up.

What?

20
Stand up for a sec.

She stands.

Where abouts do the shorts go up to? Can you point on your leg.
She looks around then points just above her knee.
Right, so they are probably too long. The longer the shorts, the more it is a hazard
for health and safety.
She inhales.
So I’d go out and buy some other shorts. I think the girls get theirs from Supre.

But the boys wear long pants.

I’m not sure where you’re going with this.

I think you are.

No way! I’m not-

She smiles.
This is all in the contract. This isn’t my. I mean, this is coming from the heads.

But you’re enforcing it.

This is all from up above okay? I’m just doing my job.

Do you think it’s right?

Of course I don’t.

Then-

I can’t do anything.

That’s the problem.

Hey, if you don’t wanna do it then don’t sign the contract. There are plenty of other
applicants who would be happy to.

Don’t say that.

You know there are.

I’m a good worker. I’m fucking good.

Then do as you’re told.

I’m wearing jeans.

You’ll get in trouble.

21
Off who?

Off me.

She writes “I’m uncomfortable wearing BOOTY SHORTS” on the back of one of the
papers. She licks it and sticks it on her forehead.

You have an attitude problem.

That doesn’t matter. I’m a good worker.

She goes to sign.

Wait.
He takes her pen.

Give me that.

You can’t bring that attitude onto the floor.

I can leave my shit at the door. I know how to control myself.

I’m sure you do. But some of the other girls don’t and I don’t want any catfights here.
Do you understand?

What about the boys?

What about them?

I.

Yes?

I need this job.

Then straighten up and fly right.

Do as you’re told. Follow the rules.

I just need to pay rent.

You’re gunna be great here. I can sense it in you.

Even so, I know you’re going to bring a vibrant energy to our team and you’re gonna
look great doing it.

22
SOPHIE 2.

Sophie is still sitting still. A JBHiFI person comes up.

Hey are you ok?

Pardon?

You’re just, like, staring at a wall.

Oh, sorry.

Are you ok?

I’m fine.

You looked really freaky.

Did I?

Yeah, have you seen Paranormal Activity?

No.

Oh.

Is it good?

It’s really scary.

And you’re sure you ok?

I wasn’t just staring at the, it’s- I liked not looking at anything. In that moment, that is
what I needed to do.

No worries.
-
-

Do you have any positions going? I’m looking for work and-

I don’t think so.

Like, anything at all.

Sorry.

Ok. Yep. No problem.

The guys next door are interviewing though.

Really?

23
You can tell because of all these weirdos just hanging out front scrolling their phones
and looking up at the shop every now and then. Group interviews.

Right now?

Yeah.

I’d need to have been given a place

It’s a cattle call. They won’t care. Don’t even tell them.

Really?

That’s how I got this job. They knocked me back for a group interview but I went in
anyway. They didn’t say shit. Then when they asked what kind of food we’d all be I
said: ‘An egg –eggs are used in many different types of cooking, they’re used in
cakes, soufflés, savoury and sweet, They’re great for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’d
be an egg, because I’m adaptable to any situation and I’m smooth as hell.’

Ha.

You should do it.

Maybe I will.

You can use my egg thing, if it comes up.

Thanks.

I’m Dan.

Sophie.

They shake hands.

They’re going in.

Ok. Fuck. Alright then.

Good luck.

24
GROUP V2

9 people sit in front of 2 people. There is an empty chair.

Sophie enters.

Harriet. Yes?

Sophie. Sorry.

Harriet. You’re here for the interview?

Sophie. Yep.

Gabe and Harriet whisper to each other for a while.

Harriet. Not a problem. Grab a seat. Sorry Max, continue.

Max. Yeah, so my adjective for my name would be Mad Max!

Izzy. Hey, I’m Izzy. Uh, interesting Izzy.

Jack. I’m Jumping Jack!

Siobahn. I’m Self-disciplined Siobahn.

Harriet. Sorry, how do I spell that?

Siobahn. S I O B A H N.

Harriet. And it’s pronounced?

Siobahn. Siobahn.

Georgia. Hello, I’m Genuine Georgia.

Megan. Hiya, I’m Megan. Marvellous Megan.

Wally. My name is Wonderful Wally.

Gabe and Harriet look at each other.

Gabe. We’re feeling like wonderful is a lot like marvellous Wally. Did you wanna think
of another one?

Wally. Uh, wizard Wally.

Gabe. Not exactly. Moving on.

Aaron. Hey, I’m Adaptable Aaron.

Sophie. I’m Self-reliant Sophie. Sorry, that’s sort of like her one, isn’t it. Um-

Taylor. Nice to meet you all, I’m Terrific Taylor.

25
Harriet. Okay, now that we all know each other names, let’s dig a little deeper.

Gabe. We want to break down that interview facade. ‘My weakness is that I have no
weaknesses”, “I’m a goal-oriented people person”. This is a no-cliche zone. We want
to know the real you.

Harriet. So -

Jack stands on top of his chair and starts singing the chorus of We Found Love by
Rihanna. When he is done he jumps down and sits on his seat. Gabe and Harriet
clap.

Jack. So I wouldn’t ever do stuff like that in real life, like in the job. But I just wanted
you to know that that song is my anthem and it has gotten me through the good
times and the bad times and yeah, that’s like the really real me so-

Gabe. Thank you Jack. We could definitely tell you were being real there. Anyone
else?

Taylor. Sorry, do we all have to get up and sing something?

Harriet. A mega-quick blurb will do.

Siobahn. The 100% real version of me is super-passionate. If I set my mind to do

something, I’ll complete it and have time to kill before it’s due.

Taylor. I really like staying healthy and getting enough sleep.

Gabe. How much sleep?

Taylor. At least 6 hours a night.

Gabe writes something down.

Gabe. Thank you. Sophie?

Sophie. Yes?

Gabe. The real you?

Sophie. Um, I’d say I’m a listener. I like listening to people. And talking about things.
Real stuff, not just. Like the world and-

Taylor and Siobahn are whispering and sort of gigging to each other. Sophie notices
and stops herself.

Sophie. Communicating effectively, I guess.

Harriet. And what does that mean exactly?

Sophie. Communicating effectively?

Harriet. Yeah.

26
Taylor and Siobahn are still whispering.

Sophie. It means making sure your voice is heard.

Gabe. Very nice. Wow. Wally?

Wally. I am me when I am in the dark.

Harriet. Thanks guys. Let’s move on. Can we get um, Georgia and Aaron to stand
up. Thinking we should do some role play.

Gabe. Loving that Harriet.

Harriet. Hearing that and thanking you, Gabe. It’s a great exercise. So, Georgia and
Aaron, you two are a couple.

Georgia. Hey.

Aaron. This is weird.

Georgia. I know.

They both laugh.

Harriet. Shoosh guys. Now, Izzy. Let’s have you get up and sell the couple, ah, yes,
this pen.

Izzy. This pen?

Harriet. Yes. This pen. Okay, get ready. And, ACTION!

Izzy. Uh, hello. Welcome to. The. Pen store.

Aaron. Hello.

Georgia. Hi, there. Yes, we were looking for a particular type of pen.

Izzy. Mmmhmmm, mmhmm yes well. We have a very impressive range here.

Aaron. We are after the pen15 range.

Izzy. The pen15 range?

Georgia. Haha yep. The pen15 range. Do you stock it?

Izzy. Uh. Yeah! Yep, we sure do. We have that that that um range, sure.

Harriet. This is going well.

Gabe. I know.

Aaron. What sizes do you have the Pen15 in?

Georgia stifles a laugh.

27
Izzy. Well, we stock lots of different sizes. We have um, sorry-

Aaron. More girthy ones.

Georgia. Yeah and do you, do you guys also have the long and sort of, you know the
ones that sort of bend to one side?

Aaron and Georgia are laughing. Izzy turns to Harriet.

Izzy. Sorry, if they’re not going to take it seriously.

Harriet. No, that’s ok. Thank you guys. That’s great. Sit down.

Gabe. Okay next exercise we are going to do is-

Harriet. We’re going to split you up into groups. So, how many of you are there?

Siobahn. 10.

Gabe. 10, my goodness. Okay, you, you and you. And a group of you, you and you.
And then we will have a group of four. You guys. Okay great. So, we want you to go
away and come up with the top 10 things a customer service representative could do
for you as a customer. We’re going to give you about 2 minutes. And BREAK!

The groups all shuffle together.

Group 1 Siobahn, Izzy and Jack.

Jack. Wait what are we doing?

Izzy. I dunno.

Siobahn. It’s like the best things a worker has done for you.

Jack. Like ever?

Siobahn. Like in a shop derh.

Group 2 Georgia, Wally, Taylor and Max.

Max. Right, I think. A smile. You always have to lead with a smile.

Wally. Fuck that’s good.

Taylor. What about good personal hygiene?

Wally. What are you trying to say?

Taylor. Nothing, man.

Wally. No, what do you mean?

Max. Focus. Okay, what about a greeting. I love when workers say hello to me.

28
Georgia. Does anyone know that Aaron guy?

Taylor. I totally vibed that.

Georgia. Vibed what?

Taylor. In your role play.

Georgia. Oh my god shut up.

Group 3 Sophie, Aaron and Megan.

Sophie. I really like when a customer service person actually asks me questions
about my day.

Megan. Yeah I like that too.

Aaron. Like when they say “how was your day?”

Sophie. No I mean, when they’re actually invested in you. Like the workers in that
clothes shop.

Megan. General Pants?

Sophie. No. Okay, so I like when I pick something up and the worker is like “oh, I
have that” or “I was going to buy that” because then we share a common thing.

Megan. True true. That’s great.

Aaron. Does anyone know that Georgia girl?

Gabe. Alright groups. Times up. Let’s come back into the circle.

Harriet. Let’s have one person from each group stand up and give us one dot point
that you wrote down. Over here.

Jack. We like it when a worker smiles at us.

Wally. Damn it. That was ours. Fuck you, dude. Fucking bullshit.

Gabe. Great! A super important dot point. Next.

Taylor. We thought when a worker looks and smells the part.

Harriet. Yes, personal hygiene is a must. And lastly.

Megan. We all really like it when a worker invests their time into us. Like, they could
just find the size or whatever, but those people who actually care about how the
product will improve your life and help you and yeah.

Sophie. Really caring. Not just about the customer. But for them. Making them feel
cared for.

29
Gabe. Nice. Really nice, what was it?

Sophie. Sophie.

Gabe. Thanks Sophie.

Megan shoots Sophie a filthy. ‘wtf’

He writes something down.

Harriet. Okay, final exercise. Thank you all so much for your patience. We hope you
all bought in an item with you today?

They all say yep and bring out an array of weird items. Sophie doesn’t. She turns to
Max.

Sophie. What did she say we had to bring?

Max. You didn’t bring anything?

Sophie. No.

Max. It’s like something that’s important to us.

Sophie. Ah, ok. Um. Shit, maybe.

She starts looking through her bag. She stays looking through it during the other
people’s stuff.

Gabe. OK GREAT!

Harriet. We might just hear from a few of you. Let’s start over here.

Wally. This is my bucket. It’s really special to me because I’ve spewed in it 18 times
in the last 2 months.

Siobahn. Uh, I bought in my grandmother’s necklace. She was really special to me

and I feel her spirit when I’m having a rough time.

Megan. These are my favourite pair of shoes. I’ve had them since year 11. They
almost have a mouth as you can see, but instead of buying a new pair I just fix them.
I strongly believe in recycling and that old saying that ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ or
whatever that saying is. I can’t really remember it off by heart.

Gabe. Great. Thank you. Okay, Sophie?

She looks up from her bag, empty handed.

Sophie. Me?

Gabe. Your item.

Sophie. Ok, so I didn’t actually bring an item in with me today but-

30
Harriet. You don’t have an item?

Sophie. No sorry, but, I thought I’d tell you about which food I would be.

Gabe. Feeling a little confused.

Harriet. Interested to see where this goes, though. Ok Sophie. What food would you
be?

Sophie. So, if I could be any food in the world, I’d be an egg.

Gabe. Why an egg?

Sophie. Well, an egg – eggs are used in many different types of cooking, they’re
used in cakes, soufflés, savoury and sweet, They’re great for breakfast, lunch and
dinner. I’d be an egg, because even though I didn’t bring an item, I’m adaptable to
any situation. And I’m smooth as hell.

The reps smile at her.

Harriet. Great Sophie. Thank you. Next.

Aaron. This is my toothbrush. I take it everywhere with me because I BELIEVE in

great personal hygiene.

Georgia. Cool.

Wally. I’d be a Hamburger because-

Gabe. Guys. Thank you all so much for today.

Harriet. We hope that you can take some things away from today. And just know that
if you are unsuccessful, it’s not about you.

Gabe. Yeah, it has nothing to do with your personality or presentation at all.

Harriet. So, can we just keep Max and um..

Gabe. Yeah, Max and Sophie. The rest of you, uh, you’re free to go. Thank you so
much guys.

Everyone but Sophie and Max start packing up.

Aaron. What are you doing now?

Georgia. Um nothing.

Aaron. Wanna get a coffee?

Georgia. Yeah sure.

Everyone leaves.

Sophie, Max and the two reps.

31
Gabe. Pretty obvious why you two are here right?

Max. Yes. And thank you for the opportunity.

Harriet. So we do have two positions to fill.

Sophie. I’m sorry, can I just ask. What exactly are we applying for?

Gabe. Yeah, great. It’s a traineeship to gain a Nationally Accredited Qualification in

Retail.

Sophie. Yep, sorry. Which store? / What company

Harriet. We’re filling positions at Macarthur.

Max. Near my house! Great.

Harriet. Now, we should mention.

Gabe. We should say that there will be a holding period of three months where you
will technically be ‘on trial’.

Max. No problem.

Sophie. What does that mean?

Gabe. So for the first three months while you are on trial. It’s more of a. How do we...

Harriet. It’s an internship.

Sophie. A paid internship?

Harriet. You’ll be getting an accreditation that is nationally recognised.

Max. Awesome.

Sophie. But what’s the pay?

Gabe. Basically you’ll be employed through the government’s PaTH program. This is
an added subsidy that’s paid to you through your Centrelink provider.

Sophie. Ok. And how much is that?

Harriet. It works out to be about $200 more a fortnight, on top of your existing
payments.

Max. Ok, cool. Great.

Gabe. So, we’ll start you both off at 15 hours a week. And then once the trial period
is up, we’ll see where we’re at.

Sophie. 15 hours a week. Sorry, I’m just trying to understand.

32
Harriet. It’s mostly the morning shifts.

Sophie. So it’s 200 a fortnight for 30 hours work?

Harriet. On top of your Centrelink payments, yes. Anything else?

Sophie gets her phone out to calculate.

Max. Yeah, is there a uniform we need to wear or-

Gabe. That’ll all be in your employment package.

Max. Cool.

Sophie. Sorry, so it’s $6.6666666666 an hour for 3 months with no guarantee of

ongoing work?

Harriet. Have we made a mistake with you Sophie?

Sophie. No it’s my mistake. I need an actual job. I accidentally interviewed for a fake
one.

She leaves.

Harriet. See, that really annoys me.

Harriet. What was her issue?

Harriet. Because this is a real job! You’re working. And you get money. How is that
not a job?

Gabe. You’re still with us though Max?

Max. Um, actually, I mean. If what she’s say is right.

Gabe. Come on Maxxy!

Max. The pay is pretty low for how much I’d be-

Harriet. Max! Mad Max.

Gabe. Are you sure you don’t want to give this a go?

Max. Yeah I think I might not, hey.

Harriet. Think about that. Because, you know your job provider might see you
knocking back the work as a breach of your obligations. And you know, if you breach
your obligations to Centrelink your payments actually get suspended.

Max. Right.

Gabe. So what do you reckon?

After a bit, Max nods.

33
Gabe. Congratulations Max.

Harriet. Welcome to Hungry Jacks.

They shake Max’s hands.

34
ACT TWO

FIRST KISS NEAR THE BINS

Aaron & Georgia, they have takeaway coffee cups.

What are you doing?

Look.

What is it?

Look.

Tell me what it is and I’ll come look.

Look. I think-

What?

I think it’s a rat.

Ew.

I’m not sure though.

Let me see?

What do you think?

I think it’s a rat.

Is it cut in half?

It must have been squished.

The cut is too clean.

I really like you.

What?

Sorry.

You what?

I dunno.

It’s okay.

35
You’re cool.

You’re cool too.

Really?

Yes.

Why?

I dunno. You think I’m funny.

You are funny.

Should we kiss?

Near this dead rat?

Is it gross if we do?

We will always remember it if we do.

Our first kiss was next to a dead rat.

Half a dead rat.

That’s cool.

They will tell this at our 21st.

At our wedding.

Our 50th.

Our funerals.

Hey you two, you’re the half dead rat couple aren’t you?

And we will be like yep.

Heroes.

Cool.

Cool.

36
UBER

This person might have an accent.

I have been waiting for a burger for 40 minutes. Every second, every single second I
wait, I’m losing money. For each delivery I get paid 7 dollars. If I can make 3
deliveries in an hour, I just about make as much as a regular job. Except, right now,
due to this burger bullshit, this entire hour’s work will net me 7 dollars, from which
Deliveroo deducts an admin fee of 50 cents.

There it is. The Melbourne burger with bacon, sweet potato fries and aoli. In the
restaurant, they’ve put it up on the counter where the waiters come and pick it up.
The chef didn’t ring the bell. There’s a little bell you’re meant to ring. He didn’t ring it.
The waiter hasn’t seen that there’s a burger there. The waiter is talking to another
waiter.

I think about my rent and my visa and my family.

I walk behind the register and grab the burger myself.

- Hey HEY.
- Woah
- Man
- Dude
- Dude you can’t be back here dude.

I’m just grabbing the-

- Dude, no.
- No dude you can’t be back here.

This is my, this is the one I’m-

- We BRING it to you, ok? We bring it OUT to you.

- Is he allowed to do this?
- NO, Craig, he is not allowed to do this. I hope you’re taking notes.
- Whoah dude, what the fuck?
- Put that down.

Look, look this is my burger, this is the one I’m meant to-

- You can’t just TAKE it.

- Put it down.
- Place it gently back on the counter and we’ll get it to you when we can.

But can’t I just-

- This is basically theft, dude.

- Yeah, this is theft.

It’s not theft, I have the order here.

- Do not put that burger into your huge weird warm box thing, or I swear.

37
- No. No. NO
- Grab it, dude.

Stop.

- Don’t touch me. He’s touching me. You can’t touch me, dude.

I’m just-

- Let go. Let GO.

You let go.

- Give it back.

You give it.

Struggle.

- Awwwwww. Dude. Now look what you’ve-

- Smooshed.
- That’s what you get.
- Totally squished.
- Hey man, we told you. We fucken told you man. Don’t mess with Grill’d bro we’ll
fuck you up.
- Are you-
- Dude
- Hey delivery dude are you crying?
- Don’t cry man, it’s ok.
- Hey dude, sorry, but you can’t just-
- It’s ok. Really.
- Should I call somebody for you. Like your boss or.
- It’s all good, man. Chill.
- Yeah it’s all good.
- We can make you another burger.

38
LOST 2

Westfield’s not working for me today. I need dried mushrooms. Dried Porcini
mushrooms. 30 grams. It is essential to the success of the meal. But it’s not there.
The deli. It’s not where the map said it would be. There’s a Shaver Shop instead. I
ask the guy inside where the deli is. He says it moved. Where? He doesn’t know, he
thinks Level 1. I take two escalators back down to level one. What is Starbucks doing
here? I buy a frappe and ask the barista if they know what happened to the Deli.
Why do they have an accent? I throw my frappe in a bin. I didn’t really want it. I need
to leave. I can get Mushrooms somewhere else.

My car isn’t there.

Maybe I-

Where did I-

But I always park here.

This is my spot.

I always-

I remember parking there but-

What?

The word echoes down the rows of cars and bounces back to me off concrete from
all directions.

What? What? What? What? What?

How long have I been here?

What time is it?

39
PROMOTION

Two people are waiting. One is pacing.

She’s late.

Settle, petal.

Did she say anything to you about being late?

No.

She’s never late, not without saying something.

She didn’t.

Ok.

Must you persist with this pacing?

What?

Sweat is flying off you in little drips

No, it isn’t.

It is. And it’s revolting. I’m revolted. I can smell you from here.

Shut up.

Is that what you ‘re going to wear?

What? Yes.

For our performance review?

It’s the uniform.

Ok.

What’s wrong with it?

No, it’s fine with me. She’s only going to keep one of us.

What?

Wear a shirt with pit stains to our performance review, fine with me.

Only going to keep one of us?

Yes.

What do you mean?

Whatever the words I say indicate I mean.

40
She’s looking to fire one of us?

What is it like to sweat like you do?

Why?

I’m wondering how you don’t kill yourself.

I mean why is she going to fire one of us?

The economy, etcetera.

Etcetera.

Yes. It’s a Latin word that means “and other similar things”

I know what it means.

I don’t think you did, actually. Not precisely.

You’re lying.

I have never lied in my entire life. I have no reason to lie.

Our sales are great. The company’s making money.

And the company will make more money if she doesn’t have to pay two sets of
wages.

Two people need to be on to run the store.

Do they?

Yes.

Do they really?

Yes!

Do they really if the person running the store by themselves is in any way competent
and has just a smidgen of work ethic?

How do you lock up when you have to leave the till?

You lock up the front first, sort the till. Lock the back door then unlock the front to let
yourself out. It is the most basic thing ever.

What if two customers are in here at once?

“I’ll be one sec babez, are you ok just browsing? Oh my godddddd I love that bag.
Back in a flash.” It is unbelievably simple. Did you bring your ideas for new
promotions?

41
What?

In her email she said we had to bring ideas for new sales promotions to the meeting.
Did you not bring any?

No.

Uh oh.

You didn’t tell me we had to do that.

Sorry, is it my responsibility to check your emails?

There wasn’t any email.

There wasn’t.

Ok.

You didn’t tell me. She would have told you to tell me.

What are you accusing me of?

All I’m saying is that I didn’t get any email and if she was going to tell anyone to tell
me it would have been you.

Why do you think that is?

I don’t know you’re both- you have those after work drinks.

Does it worry you that Pamela and I have drinks?

No.

But we’ve never invited you.

I couldn’t come anyway, I have soccer.

Do you think that’s why we haven’t invited you?

I mean, I assumed.

Does Pamela even know you play soccer?

I assumed you would have told her that that’s why I couldn’t come and that’s why
you didn’t invite me.

I told her that you said you’d rather go home and masturbate to furry porn. I told her
you prioritised wanking to cute animals over forming lasting relationships with your
work colleagues.

42
What?

She seemed fairly disgusted by you.

You told her that I said that?

Yeah, I told her you’re a complete degenerate.

No, you didn’t.

Didn’t I?

No.

I did though.

No.

Or maybe we just didn’t invite you because you’re not very fun to be around.

I’m fun.

You’re not. You’re stupefyingly boring.

Is she even going to fire one of us?

She’s going to fire you.

Because I’m not fun to be around?

Because you didn’t bring any promotion ideas. I have hundreds. I’m actually quite
gifted at marketing.

Are you serious?

I am completely serious. You really don’t even have one?

No.

Oh well.

Can I-

What?

Please.

Please what?

Can I have one of your ideas? Please. Just one.

You want me to give you one of mine.

Yes. Please.

43
Lick my shoe.

What?

Lick my shoe and I’ll give you one.

No.

Lick my fucking shoe, (boyNAME).

No way.

Do it.

NO.

Do you want one of my ideas? Or do you want to look like a fool in our performance
review? Lick my shoe.

I don’t want to.

Do you want to keep your job?

I’ll get another one.

In this town? In time to pay your rent this week? In time to pay off your afterpay
before the late fees kick in?

Stop.

Lick it.

He slowly gets down on all fours and licks her shoe. He licks it for quite a while. She
is laughing.

Can you not laugh while I do this?

She’s not coming in today. It’s cancelled.

What?

She cancelled it.

What the fuck?

Your face!

YOU FUCKING ABSOLUTE CUNT.

Pamela comes in.

Right, are we ready? Performance review time!

Pamela, um-

44
Was that one of you yelling when I came in?

It was him, Pam.

No, I, um.

Don’t swear at work, (boyNAME). Right shall we start?

Yep.

(boyNAME)?

Yes.

Well?

Well? Sorry?

(girlNAME) told me you have something to say before we begin.

Um.

You did tell me that?

Yes, he was really adamant.

So-

I I didn’t, look I’m not sure exactly what she’s told you

Just what you asked me to tell her.

Thanks.

Go ahead, then.

Sorry but (girlNAME) has she has, this whole time she has been manipulating- I
never asked her to tell you and she never told me about the promotions we had to
prepare and she’s behaved in a way that’s- she made me lick her shoe! She made
me lick her bloody shoe and I can say with absolute clarity that I am not into furry
porn. Ok? I’ve never even seen it.

//What are you talking about?

//Oh my god.

What is he saying?

I have no idea.

What promotions? You want to be promoted?

45
No, I- (girlNAME)-

Pam, do I even have to deny this lunacy?

Furry porn?

What you said made no grammatical sense at all.

Is this a joke?

It’s not funny, if it is.

Lick her shoes?

I honestly have no idea what you’re even saying.

Explain yourself.

I think I’m owed an apology at least.

Explain yourself (boyNAME).

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A FORMAL COMPLAINT.

What?

A FORMAL COMPLAINT. YES. AGAINST HER.

Me?

ABUSE. AND AND AND BULLYING. EXTREME FORMS OF BULLYING.

Serious accusations that the store doesn’t take lightly.

Pam. Come on. He’s clearly cracked it. Look how much he’s sweating.

YOU FUCKING-

Do not come near me! He advanced on me! He’s a man advancing on a woman!

I’m not. I wasn’t-

It did look a bit like you were advancing on her.

I wasn’t, I was just, I pace a lot when I’m nervous. That’s all.

Pam, I honestly can’t work under these conditions. He’s obsessed with me.

What?

He’s obviously sexually attracted to me and it’s making me feel really uncomfortable.

Making YOU feel uncomfortable!

And this shoe fetish thing he has, it’s really unprofessional.

46
Is this true, (boyNAME)?

NO.

Clearly there’s an issue with the team dynamics here.

She’s got the issue.

We need to resolve this now. I can’t have you two in conflict.

I’m happy to resolve it Pam, I’m ready to find a solution. I just hope he can come to
the table.

So, sorry, can I just. One of us isn’t getting fired?

Fired?

This meeting isn’t to fire one of us?

Of course not. It takes two people to close up. What gave you that idea?

Nothing.

I don’t want to have to train new people. That costs me.

And what about when there’s more than one customer?

No one’s getting fired.

Ok, because-

Unless of course we can’t resolve this issue. So. Let’s confront it head on. Are you
sexually attracted to (girlNAME), (boyNAME)?

Am I-

You need to be honest now.

It’s ok, you obviously are.

I’m not.

Liar.

I’m sorry you’re not my type.

He’s lying Pam.

I have a girlfriend.

We’re adults here, ok? You can be attracted to someone who isn’t your partner.

I’m sorry but I’m just not.

47
It’s better to get it out in the open. We need a fresh start here, I think.

Are you?

Tell the truth (boyNAME).

If the air isn’t cleared I don’t see how you can continue to work here.

Are you?

Yes. Yes I am. But in a very, in a very professional professional way.

And (girlNAME), are you sexually attracted to (boyNAME)?

Yes.

There. Great! All sorted. Hang on, oops I’m getting a call from HR. Give me two
secs.

Pamela leaves. They are alone again. The girl lunges at the boy and makes him
flinch. Psyching him out.

Remember my birthday next time.

She leaves.

48
 Collapse

Coles. Three workers are smoking bongs.

- I don’t think about that much.

- Why?
- I do.
- It’s fucked.
- Yeah, but it’s reality.
- What’s the time?
- I had a nightmare.
- Dunno.
- My phone’s dead.
- Mine’s in the lockers.
- What do you think about, then?
- Other things.
- Obviously.
- Like what?
- I don’t know.
- Do you think much? It’s alright if you don’t.
- How did we even start talking about this?
- I don’t know. I don’t want to.
- I watched a documentary.
- Right.
- I don’t watch documentaries.
- You should.
- I don’t watch much.
- Do you guys do anything?
- What’s your point?
- Just don’t watch documentaries.
- It’s all depressing. I’m depressed enough already.
- I watched a documentary about this shopping centre in South Korea.
- Sounds boring.
- Wait.
- How many pallets are there?
- I wanna know the time.
- Feels like I’ve been here hours, but I know I can’t have.
- It was the eighties, and this shopping centre is this big block on a corner in Seoul,
with these pink walls.
- Where?
- The capital.
- South Korea
- How do you say it?
- Seoul?
- Weird.
- Think of a big pink David Jones. Like a really ornate tissue box or something.
- Ornate.
- Just, you gotta understand, the dumbest shade of pink you’ve ever seen.
- Pink.
- Right.

49
- Why pink?
- Because it’s the 80’s.
- And no one gives a shit about safety.
- Cos it’s the 80’s?
- Everyone is just spending money and wearing shoulder pads and having affairs with
their secretaries and snorting blow, and no one cares.
- No one cares.
- It’s excess, pure excess.
- Pink excess.
- But of course, the place is run by these dick managers and owners, and it was built
on the cheap and really quickly.
- Why is there a documentary on this?
- Listen.
- Where are we putting the dented ones?
- It’s kind of starting to fall apart and the owners don’t give a shit.
- Right.
- They just want to keep making bank, just ignoring the cracking floor and all the
complaints from the workers.
- Right.
- Like, imagine that? Going to work in a wedding cake and having to think, every day,
wow! It sounds like the building is collapsing!
- Jesus.
- Feeling it shake and shudder, imagining the walls falling in and the roof crashing
down
- Buried.
- In five storeys of concrete and rich arseholes.
- Just these morbid thoughts of doom as you sit in the backroom eating a sandwich.
- Wonder what that feels like.
- Still don’t get it.
- Listen!
- Guys, where do the dented ones go?
- Why’s it got a documentary?
- There’s another pallet to go, alright?
- It’s too early for this shit.
- Because it did collapse. In 20 seconds. With 1500 people inside. The video of it… the
walls on either side stayed up, like it just bowed in the middle and crumpled.
- The fuck.
- It’s a warzone. Just rubble and wires and smoke and dust. People being pulled out,
blood everywhere, people screaming and crying. People buried underneath
everything.
- Buried.
- Lots of young shop assistants, everyone running and freaking out, because what do
you do when a shopping centre collapses?
- I don’t know.
- The bottom floor.
- What do you do?
- The top floor.
- All at once.

50
- This one lady in the documentary, as she’s lying trapped in the dark, she said she
could feel a hole in her head that she could poke her finger through, and she could
feel her own intestines pushing up against the skin of her back.
- Oh god.
- Stop.
- And they put up photos of the dead bodies on boards outside so people could come
and try and identify the dead as they pull them out, one by one. 500 people died. It
looked like 9/11.
- Fuck.
- 500.
- Except, you know, because of the walls. It’s all pink.
- Pink.
- Pink and grey.
- What caused it?
- I need the time. I’m done with this.
- It’s because, in Korea, people eating at restaurants sit on the floor, so they have floor
heating. It collapsed because they put a roller-skating rink on the restaurant floor,
that made the concrete pillars have too much weight to hold.
- A roller-skating rink.
- A roller-skating rink killed 500 people.
- Why do you watch this shit?
- Why do you tell us the stuff you watch?
- This is why I don’t do documentaries.
- Listen, wait.
- It’s horrible.
- Just, you don’t need to know all the details, you know?
- I had a nightmare.
- No shit.
- I was buried.
- Buried.
- Under the pink. All the pink.
- Blood and grey.
- And I thought.
- I don’t wanna know.
- I couldn’t breathe.
- What?
- Stop.
- In the dark.
- I’m done.
- I don’t wanna die wearing my work uniform.
-
- But that will never happen here.

51
OFFICEWORKS (SOPHIE 4)

A line of people. Sophie is at the front.

The computer thing wasn’t working, sorry.

What do you need to print?

It’s on USB.

Yep.

So, go into ‘Sophie’.

Yep.

And then it’s ‘South Coast Labour Council Minimum Wage Requirements’

Just the two pages?

Double sided please.

How many copies?

How many people work in the mall, do you think?

Um.

Like thousands hey.

Yeah.

How much is one page?

11 cents black and white.

Black and white’s fine. Can I get 500 copies to start?

500?

Yes, please.

Orders 500 pages and over have to be put through in advance.

Sorry?

You have to put them through in advance, it takes up to two business days to-

I need them now.

I can put it through now.

I need them by 3, when everyone has breaks.

You can get them by lunchtime Friday.

52
No, I need them today.

SORRY IS THIS GOING TO TAKE LONG?

Hang on a sec, sir.

I ONLY HAVE TO PRINT ONE PAGE.

Can you print out 499 copies then?

Um, I can but-

HOW LONG WILL THAT TAKE?

Pardon?

499 COPIES HOW LONG WILL THAT TAKE?

Approximately 20 minutes. Let me just look.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Hang on a sec. Wait, Is this true?

What?

What this paper says, is it true?

Fucked up, isn’t it?

WE’RE ALL WAITING.

But then I’m being underpaid.

Everyone is.

By almost 5 bucks an hour.

CAN’T TAKE THIS LONG.

COME ON.

I gotta speak to my manager.

Sorry, can you just-

Tim!

WHERE THE HELL IS SHE GOING?

SERIOUSLY?

FUCKING OFFICEWORKS.

53
Sorry, um. Officeworks chicl? Officeworks guy!

HEY DICKHEAD. DICKHEAD. DICKHEAD. DICKHEAD.

SHE’S COMING BACK.

Couldn’t find him.

How much is it?

Exactly $4.80 less that I should be getting. The bastards.

The printing.

499 pages double sided? $109.78

Ok. Um. That’s-

JESUS, JUST PRINT IT.

$109 bucks?

And 78 cents yeah.

That’s 5 hours of work.

Yeah.

Just over a third of my rent.

DO IT.

And I don’t have any shifts. Maybe ever.

DO IT. DO IT.

Do you want me to print it or not?

It’s a lot, that’s all. I don’t know.

People gotta know this shit man. Solidarity.

Yes. Ok. Print it.

54
SLEEP

Hey.

Hey!

HEY! Gemima.

What?

Are you asleep?

Sorry, I’m-

Are you asleep in here?

I was just-

You were sleeping in here.

I’m really sorry.

You’re at work.

I know and I’m really sorry.

We’re paying you to work. Not sleep.

I know, Pam and it won’t happen again.

I can’t believe this.

I closed last night and Steve held us back so I didn’t get home until-

I don’t really care, Gemima, actually.

Sorry.

If you can’t come to work prepared to work, then-

I can. I will. This is just a one-off. I promise.

Are you yawning?

No.

You’re yawning while you’re telling me that.

I’m sorry I’m just-

You’re on thin ice, missy.

Yeah.

55
Pardon?

I said I know, yeah I know I’m on thin ice.

I could do without the cheek thank you.

It’s just. If you could tell Steve not to roster us on to close and then open the next
day.

How Steve rosters is his business.

I barely got home before I had to get up and come back in.

It shows.

Sorry?

You’re a bit pongy, do you know that?

I didn’t have time to-

If you can’t even be bothered to wash your work clothes.

It was the dead of night, they wouldn’t have dried on the line.

Get a dryer then.

With what?

Pardon?

How am I meant to afford a dryer?

Is that my problem?

I mean-

Is it?

No.

We have a series of standards here.

Yes.

This is all in your contract actually. Get to work on time, clean, ready to work. Don’t
nap in the bloody back room.

Ok.

Ok?

Yes, it won’t happen again.

56
Ok, then. Good. Why do you have to make things so hard?

The boss leaves. Gemima is left there. She gives the bird to her boss through the
walls. Settles herself. Her eyes droop.

Shit.

She slaps herself.

She gets out a can of Mother from her bag. Cracks it. Grimaces at the smell. Skulls
the whole thing.

Heads out into the store.

57
FIONA

Josh. You’re late.

Sorry Fi, I just/

/You know how I feel about this.

I know.

And yet you continue to be late.

I know.

Why is this?

Well, this morning I/

/I don’t wanna hear about it.

But-

Josh.

I’m sorry.

Just don’t let it happen again.

I won’t.

Do you promise?

Yes, Fi. I promise.

Very good.

My alarm didn’t go off.

Excuses don’t make a man, Josh.

Oh.

A real man wouldn’t be late.

Would he?

No.

58
Exactly.

Today you need to take the banking and clean the backroom.

Yes.

Is that okay?

Of course.

Thank you.

Actually.

Yes Josh?

I.

Yes?

Can I talk to you about something?

Of course Josh. I’m always here for you.

Yeah. It’s kind of about that.

What?

Like. You’re not my mum.

Excuse me?

You don’t have to help me with life.

Josh, I don’t understand.

You’re just a bit inappropriate.

Inappropriate?

I don’t think you’re allowed to talk to me like you do.

Oh Josh.
She touches him.
Don’t be a pussy. I just want what’s best for you.

I know.

59
And this job is hard. It’s so hard for me. I need you.

Fiona.

I need your help all the time. I’m so proud of you.

This is what I’m talking about.

What?

This bullshit about how proud you are and/

/Hey. Shut your fucking mouth.

I can fire you for this.

Now I’m totally positive you can’t say that.

What are you going to do?

She touches him.

Don’t.

C’mon Josh. Don’t be weird.

You can’t do/

/Shh it’s okay.

Let go of my arm.

The backroom is filthy.

Fiona.

It needs cleaning. Can you lock the front doors and put the 5 minute sign up.

It’ll take longer than 5 minutes.

Just do it.

He does.

You’re such a good dude.

Just doing my job.

Come on. Come on. Don’t worry about it.

60
I’m.

It’s everyone’s fantasy right?

I’m not fucking you in the dirty ass backroom.

Fucking? Josh. I didn’t say anything about fucking.

You implied it.

No I did not.

I won’t do it.

You cannot fire me for not sleeping with you.

Watch your tone.

Does it have to be here?

What?

Can’t we make a date or something?

You wanna take me on a date.

Not really.

Haha fine.

Fine.

Tonight at 9.45. I live on Bruce Street.

Near the hospital?

FLIP

I won’t do it.

You cannot fire me for not sleeping with you.

Watch your tone.

Does it have to be here?

61
What?

Can’t we make a date or something?

You wanna take me on a date.

Not really.

Haha fine.

Fine.

Tonight at 9.45. I live on Bruce Street.

Near the hospital?

Yeah.

62
SUPERHERO

I kneel on the grey concrete floor of the storeroom. You know that grey concrete with
little black rocks in it. It’s Thursday. He says ‘you’re 5 minutes early’ and I say ‘yeah I
was up’ and he goes ‘let’s pass the time having fun’ and I said ‘I can just clean until
6’ and he says: no. Like it was my mistake suggesting I clean. Fresh bread in the
morning does smell really good. But what it isn’t, is sexy. At 5.58 I stand up, my
knees are indented from the little black rocks in the concrete. They are also red. I
wipe the salty, whitish clear residue from my mouth. You know what, this shouldn’t
be so poetic. His dick was in my mouth while I was on my knees next to the rack of
sheet pans. He came in 3 minutes. Into my mouth. Salty pathetic cum. The noise he
made was so fucking stupid. Like it was the first time or some shit. What a loser.
Then he goes ‘I know you’re not a slut cause that was actually good’ like what the
fuck does that even mean. Then for the whole day. Any chance he would get he
would touch me. On the arm. Or my back. My arse at one point. Like we were some
forbidden couple, hiding it from the world. How sexy, a secret. What was interesting
though is that I didn’t feel shame until about 2 weeks ago. And this happened about
6 months ago. It’s my own fault anyway, I was too nice to him.

63
FLYERS (SOPHIE 5)

Music.

Sophie is standing in the middle of a thoroughfare in the mall. She holds a big stack
of flyers printed on A4 paper. She tries to hand them out to everyone who passes.
No one takes them. People look really pissed off. People tell her to fuck off. People
take one and then drop it into the bin. People ignore her. She stands still while they
pass. Not even trying anymore.

She throws the papers into the air, they cascade down everywhere (like that scene in
10 Things I Hate About You) as she leaves.

The flyers cover the floor.

64
ACT THREE

TROLLEYS 2/ BUISNESS THEFT/ CRIME

The two trolley smashers blow past Sophie as she walks off. One of them is in the
trolley. They stop and catch their breath.

What’d you get?

Headies.

Mad.

Beats, bro.

Sick.

Fucken dope sound ay.

Racked a coupla sprays from Kmart too.

Sick

Gonna tag the Westfield sign.

What with?

“SHITHOLE”

Ha.

Fucken “CRAP PALACE”

Fucken “HELL” ay.

Yeah.

Oi, seccy coming.

Seccy.

Quick.

They hide near a shop entrance.

A security guard walks past. Doesn’t see.

65
A woman with a large bag is walking out of the shop.

An employee stops them.

Your bag?

Sorry?

Your bag, miss. I need to check.

Why?

Regulation.

I haven’t stolen anything.

I think you have.

What?

You have so can you just-

I haven’t.

Well I saw you so-

I didn’t steal anything.

If you haven’t then there’s no problem. Can you show me your bag please?

This is ridiculous.

Can you show me your bag miss?

No, I don’t have to

Can you come with me please?

No.

You need to come with me.

The two trolley smashers come out of hiding.

Oi. Leave her alone.

Says she hasn’t got anything.

66
I haven’t.

Come on. You lot stay out of it.

Stay out of her bag.

Fucken pervert ay.

Another employee comes in.

Is everything?

Get Harriet.

They go out.

Yeah run away! Get Harriet. Pussy.

This has nothing to do with you; it’s between her and the store. Now please stand
back.

You’re not a cop.

Stand back from me.

You’re not a cop dude. You can’t grab her like that.

Listen if she hasn’t taken anything then there’s no problem now stand back.

You’re hurting my arm.

Let her go fucktard.

Harriet and the other employee come back.

What’s the issue here?

Your dude is hurting this woman’s arm.

She’s stolen a pack of tampons, deodorant and some razors. I don’t know what their
deal is.

Our deal is we’re gonna fuck you up if you don’t let this chick go.

Security!

67
Yeah get the seccies. Even bigger pussies than you.

Look, can you please just- OI.

The customer breaks free from employee 1 and makes a break for it.

HEY!

RUN FOREST.

The security guard appears and catches her.

OI YOU TWO ARE NEXT, I SEEN YOU WITH THE TROLLEYS BEFORE.

The two grommets bail heaps quick.

The security guard walks the customer over to Harriet and the others.

I didn’t do anything. I didn’t. Don’t. You don’t have to-

Harriet upends her bag. Tampons. Deodorant. Razors fall out.

The customer is silent. Harriet speaks.

Are these yours?

The customer is silent. Harriet speaks.

When I was a kid my Dad was always at work. He ran a franchise. Michel’s
Patisserie. It crushed him, in the end. Profits disappeared, rents increased, the
company took everything, grabbed every dollar. He was broke and broken. I learnt
from that, seeing that. What people like you don’t understand is how hard it is. How
hard it is to run a business. Raise financing. Set yourself up. Stand out in a noisy
marketplace. And then there’s people like you. People who think they don’t have to
pay. Deodorant doesn’t grow on trees. It is made. By people. All the constituent parts
of this deodorant, it’s packaging, the chemicals, the perfume, the patented roll-on
ball, all of those things are made by people who have to get paid. So it costs money.
Every time you steal, someone is losing money somewhere. The only person who
benefits is you. How selfish is that? And if you can’t be bothered to find a job to be
able to pay, that tells us a lot about the type of person you are.

I have a job.

Pardon?

I have a job. I work. I work around the corner.

Who’d employ you?

68
A franchise.

Which one?

What was your Dad paying his workers?

Enough.

What do you pay yours?

We have a base rate of pay that’s very fair.

My boss said the same to me, and I have to steal tampons.

Now look-

The customer spits in Harriet’s face.

The security guard tackles her to the ground.

Harriet lunges forward to have a go at her.

The first employee is holding her back.

The two grommets come back in and start throwing shit at the security guard.

Struggle. Chaos.

Then.

One of the other employees is holding a flyer, engrossed.

Yo, has anyone actually read these flyers that are laying around? I am NOT getting
paid properly.

The roof collapses.

69
LOST 3.

I walk in circles for days. All the shops are boarded up. Garbage is strewn across the
concourse. Light fixtures hang from the ceiling. The roof on level 3 collapsed last
night and broken glass tinkles wherever I walk. I survive on chocolate bars from
smashed-in vending machines and rats that I catch running out of the wreckage of
Muffin Break. There is no way out. The doors are all barricaded. I can’t remember
sunlight or clouds. The air con is pumping so hard there’s frost on all the surfaces
and fog hangs in the air. The in-house speakers play soft muzak 24 hours a day. I
sleep on the floor in between two rows at the Cinema, it’s warmer. The ground is
soft. There are little mushrooms growing up out of the carpet. Sometimes, when I’m
laying there, I try to imagine what’s outside the mall. I bet it’s beautiful out there. I bet
it’s sunny. I bet people are nice.

70
The roof of the mall.

Sophie’s there. Alone. That guy or maybe girl Dan comes in.

Gonna kill yourself?

Thinking ‘bout it.

How’d you go?

Shakes her head.

Bummer.

You can see the horizon from here.

Yeah.

You never see the horizon. Just buildings.

Yeah.

If I draw a straight line at the angle I’m looking now, eventually it’ll drop off into
space. Isn’t that fucking ridiculous. How stupid is that?

Are you ok?

That is the fourth time you’ve asked me that.

Is it?

The fourth time. Why is that?

I don’t know. Because you don’t seem ok, I guess.

I’m amazing.

Ok.

Did you follow me up here?

No.

Really?

This is my spot, actually so-

Do you smoke?

No, I just like the roof. I like the way the sky looks. I don’t have to talk to anybody.

You’re talking to me.

71
Yeah.

I wish you did smoke.

Sorry.

It’s my birthday. Isn’t that weird?

Happy Birthday.

Every year I think I’m gonna feel different and then nothing happens. Nothing ever
fucking happens, does it?

I dunno.

Why are you being nice to me?

I, um.

No one’s ever nice to me.

Do I need a reason?

Yes. Everything that every human being has ever done in the history of humanity
has had a reason.

Not this.

No?

Yep, I’m the first one just to do something. I’m that dumb.

You’re not dumb.

I am, actually, I’m a complete moron.

No you’re not. I can tell you’re not.

You can tell.

Yeah.

How?

The egg thing for a start. And the words you choose. The way you’re obviously
thinking a lot more than you’re saying. The little silences in between things. The
space. That you like it up here on the roof.

And that makes me smart?

Pretty simple isn’t it.

Why do you need a job so badly?

72
See, right there. That is a smart thing to ask about. Very invasive. But pretty smart.

Is it just the money?

Everything’s just the money.

No it’s not. Not everything.

I need full-time work to qualify as independent to get Youth Allowance to be able to

move out of home to go to Uni.

So it’s hours. Not money.

Hours. Yeah.

What do you want to study?

I got into creative writing. How stupid is that? Like, I’m complaining about casual
work here and then I go and do a worthless degree like creative writing. But they
said in the interview that I was good. That I had potential. No one ever said that to
me before. Do you know what it feels like to have potential? I could have levitated.

I hated uni. I quit, first week

Really.

You should have seen it. 500 people in a lecture hall and the guy up front can’t even
get his microphone to work properly. He’s up there talking about history and theory
and power and economics and no one can hear a word. And I saw then, with great
and terrible clarity, that I was only a dot on a spreadsheet. That the university had
zero interest in my learning and that even though they’ll tell you it’s about the
advancement of humanity it’s only ever been about money.

I think you’ve said all that before.

Because it’s true.

It’s well rehearsed.

It gets my point across.

Right.

But I’m sure your writing has great potential.

I really triggered you when I talked about uni, ay.

No.

Yeah I did.

73
Being cynical doesn’t qualify as a personality, Dan.

I just think the place is shit.

Is working here much better? Are you less of a dot on a spreadsheet here?

At least they’re not pretending it’s something else.

That’s worse, I think. I don’t know why. But I think that’s far far worse.

I’m intruding, sorry I should-

Don’t.

Ok.

I was meant to be having lunch with my Mum today. I was going to pay. I really
wanted to be able to say no Mum I’ve got it. I’ve got you. It’s on me. I’m 18. You did
it. You got me here. After everything. Here I am. Here I am Mum, I’m doing ok.

You’ll find something. You’re competent. You’re smart. You’re keen. You’re young.
Your whole life’s ahead of you. It’ll be fine.

When?

When?

END.

74