Bonzi Buddy Reviews:

Cool Cat TGs the Kids

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Bonzi:
Hello everyone, it is me, your primate pal Bonzi and i’m here to review an awful attempt at an
fanfic, look I love the TF/TG community a lot because of how versatile it is but I cannot for one
understand why the author I am talking about gets a lot of attention despite a lot of her stories
being ‘here is a random character from a franchise you are familiar with, here is a random pop
culture joke! It’s funny, it’s clever, you’re supposed to like it!’ And sometimes that can work, it’s
just that I question why fanfics of this nature exist, normally Werebelushi would be the one to
tackle this sort of material but given he has other plans and would rather not tackle what is
obviously going to be a joke story, yeah, spoiler alert, this pathetic excuse of a story is a joke
made for April Fools in 2015 and I should tell you in advanced that this fic is not mine nor was it
written by me, it is the creation of that author I just mentioned, so credit goes to them for
providing me with something I can riff on but the review itself belongs to me. Well April Fools
may have passed but that doesn’t mean I can tackle this joke of a story and see if it brings
laughs, but first time for backstory. Once upon a time there was a douchebag named Derek
Savage who made up a mascot character who was against bullying but the twist is he himself is
a bully because he pretended to be a law firm and bullied some youtubers who were reviewing
the movie featuring his character. When he clearly didn’t understand what fair use is to boot.
Yeah, there’s fanfics of this character and you are probably why out of all the bad movies to get
a fanfic…why Cool Cat? Meme recognition I guess. Okay, so if we are doing tfs for meme
recognition when are we going to get a Bee Movie or Ultra Instinct Shaggy one? So without
further ado, let’s get into…’Cool Cat TGs the Kids.’

The story begins with… ‘Cool Cat garnered quite a fair bit of attention for his recent deeds. He
stopped a bully from bringing a gun onto school campus, won $100 from a writing contest and
won class presidency! Everyone loves Cool Cat and Cool Cat loves everyone!’ As if, the only
attention that bastard cat is getting is negative attention. And yeah I wouldn’t say that bastard
even remotely has a fanbase. I mean out of all the bad movies that have cult followers I can
understand why some would say Troll 2 has one because it’s the best worst movie of all time, it
even has its own documentary! I can understand why Showgirls has a cult following but I can
never understand anyone would like Cool Cat. ‘I’m bored.” Cool Cat said aloud while staring at
clouds in the backyard. Neither a nap nor exercises managed to overcome his melancholy.
“How can I help the kids if I have already saved them? Butch is in jail and everyone is happy!”
The existential dilemma tormented his very core. “But I’m not happy… Why?’ Maybe it’s
because you don’t realize that everyone hates this character, and ugh, it’s already less than 20
minutes into this story and I immediately hate the main character. I know this is a joke story, but
come on, make your character someone I can like for crying out loud.

So Daddy Doucebag, oops sorry…Daddy Derek attempts to cheer his bastard creation
up…‘Daddy Derek opened the backdoor with unexpected guests. “Hey, Cool Cat! The police
sent over someone to ask you to help!” One of the figures was an adult male with a slight beard
and sunglasses. The other was Butch the Bully in a prison jumpsuit along with a Hannibal
Lecter mask and a leash. ‘Don’t worry about Butch.” Derek reassured. “Officer Bert Macklin,
FBI, has him under control.’ Okay this is just cruel and sick. Is this how Cool Cat treats all
bullies by having them be arrested and treating them like they are serial killers? For pete’s
sake, they are bullies, not murderers or terrorists or rapists! Bulliest at worst will pick on you and
at least you can ignore them. And the irony of this is obviously lost on you, Cool Cat. I mean
have you seen how horrible your creator is? He’s hardly the one to talk. ‘That is correct. The FBI
became involved once Butch stole candy from babies. We would have never caught him if it
hadn’t been for you, Cool Cat. That is why my superiors have entrusted you with making sure
he never does anything bad ever again.” He lowered his glasses momentarily. “You can even
use karate.’ Really? That’s what the FBI was called to do? That was the reason Butch the
bully was captured by the FBI? That’s just petty! I have seen worse crimes being committed by
villains from 80s and 90s cartoons! I mean even Captain Planet villains would think that’s
stupid! ‘WOW, this is such a great opportunity, Mr. FBI Agent! Are you telling me that it is my
patriotic duty to make Butch learn about friendship?’ If that involves brainwashing people into
being your besties Cool Cat, then I am afraid you are doing the opposite of saving the kids.

‘That’s a solid 5150, Cool Cat. Butch was briefly America’s most wanted fugitive. In
exchange for your help, the President will personally give you $600!’ Seriously? A bully is the
most wanted in America? That’s reserved for serious crimes not petty school bullies who can
easily be ignored, but then again I guess Cool Cat and Daddy Derek don’t know what ignorance
means because they’re too stupid to know what that means. Cool Cat began dancing. He
barely fathomed the idea of $600! ‘Golly, I didn’t know that the President had that much money!’
Of course the president of the US is rich, you idiot! What, is Cool Cat so dumb he doesn’t know
what being rich means either? I know I shouldn’t be complaining about a joke-fic but come on,
how can one character know so little about anything yet alone about how much money the
president has? ‘I’ll take that as a yes.” Bert handed over Butch’s leash to Cool Cat. “I’ve
already informed Butch that he must earn privileges. Until he learns to behave, the mask must
remain on.” He glared at the bully. “Attempted removal will be extremely painful… for you.’ Okay,
who the hell puts a leash on someone who is just a bully and not someone who actually
deserves to be locked up? Unless Cool Cat has a bondage fetish or unless this author is trying
to say she has one, why would a leash be needed? Is Cool Cat into slavery now too?

Also unless he learns to behave? What kind of totalitarian world is this story set in anyway?
‘Thanks, Agent Macklin! I’ll take good care of him!” Bert and Derek walked away to do boring
adult stuff. Cool Cat was left to decide the fate of his former tormentor. ‘Why do you have to be
so mean, Butch?’ Yes, because adults are boring and nobody cares for the boring adults, we
just want to see the childish idiot who is supposed to be protagonist being childish again! You
know I could be watching something else right now. I could be watching the Super Mario movie
because I love Donkey Kong and as a gorilla, I want to see my famous relatives the Kongs
make their debut, but here I am, stuck reading a fic from 2015 about a childish mascot who
should have been castrated ages ago! ‘Butch spoke in a distorted voice. “No one cared who I
was until I became a bully.” A single tear appeared. “My mom said that she didn’t love me and
my dad is never around. They didn’t even visit me in prison!’ Really? You are referencing
Bane’s speech from Dark Knight Rises? Look I am no fan of Nolan’s overly gritty Batman trilogy
but I have to admit even watching that movie would be better than this! Heck you have Butch in
a Hannibal Lecter mask and you don’t even make the obvious reference to Silence of The
Lambs? Also, come on…the ‘oh my parents hated me as a kid’ backstory? That is like oen of
the most overused cliches in terms of backstories for any character, even villains. Couldn’t you
have picked something more original instead?’ ‘Do you see what happens when you don’t have
friends?” Cool Cat’s jump in logic was flawless. “Your parents are bullies, which is why they
were never your friends! I know! I’ll be your new dad! It will be fun!’ Oh yes, because how dare
parents tell a child what to do! How dare parents treat their kids like that and give them
restrictions and teach them! What? Did you expect Butch to learn on his own? Oh, really now,
you think that the reason Butch is the way he is because he doesn’t have friends? What kind of
flawed logic is that? It’s like if I said ‘hey Hitler wasn’t such a bad person, he just needed
friends’, ‘Jeffrey Damner is a nice guy really, he just needs friends!’, you can’t use the ‘oh you
wouldn’t be evil if you had friends’ thing as an excuse for bad behavior. ‘You can’t be my dad!
You’re just a stupid cat!” Old habits die hard. “I don’t even know why I’m here!’ Neither do I,
Butch. Apparently this fic really needed a villain and since it would be too on the nose if they
made Daddy Derek the villain (and too close to reality) and obviously Cool Cat himself is too
arrogant to think that he’d be the villain even though to me and others he is so apparently it’s
you who is the villain. And yeah I don’t know why I have to review this fic which just seems like
if Pooh’s Adventures and Seltzer and Friedberg’s parody movies had a lovechild, but since
Werebelushi in The Shades doesn’t do joke fic reviews with the exception of when he and Oats
did Pattycakes, and since my review show needed fresh material I suppose I am stuck
reviewing this crapfest. ‘You’re here because you broke the law and hurt the other kids!” Cool
Cat showed the attached leash to Butch. “If you’re going to act like a dog, I’ll treat you as a bad
one!’ In other words: ‘I am going to berate you and abuse you and act out my obvious
frustration of not being a good protagonist by unleashing my hateful feelings onto you, now sit
and roll over, bullies are animals and should be treated as such!’. Yeah I am not saying this is
slavery but either Cool Cat or Daddy Derek has a kink for BDSM or pet-play despite the fact you
know, Cool Cat being an animal himself! Also can we please go into how confusing the Cool Cat
universe actually is?

Okay so why is Derek called ‘Daddy’ Derek if he is NOT of the same species as Cool Cat? Cool
Cat’s species is feline, his mother is feline yet Derek is human? Is Derek his adoptive father or
something? Also how on earth is bullying considered a serious crime? Do the police have
nothing better to do? How is bullying considered a serious crime? If it’s cyberbullying, sure, but
not standard school bullying. The worst thing a school bully can do is tease you, mock you, hurt
you and beat you up, you can easily just ignore them or tell your parents or teachers or any
responsible adult if you get bullied, you don’t need to get the police involved unless it gets to the
point of stalking or needing legal action to take place, but only in serious cases, not anything
minor. ‘Daddy Derek returned moments later. Surprisingly, he didn’t question Cool Cat’s actions.
“Maria arrived unexpectedly. Do you and Butch want to watch cartoons with her?’ Okay, so he
doesn’t question his own sadistic creation’s actions? I would be very concerned if I was him, I
would consider keeping an eye on him just in case he wants to do sadistic things to Butch or
anyone in general. ‘I love spending time with my friends! Now Butch will be able to see what
true friendship is!” Cool Cat pulled hard on the leash as he skipped to the living room. “I’d let
you skip along with me if you weren’t so bad, Butch.’ The prisoner remained silent. ‘

Real classy Cool Cat, the fact this paragraph refers to Butch as the ‘prisoner’ just because he
was a bully and because he was captured. Okay, the police must either be really corrupt or
really stupid to think bullying is a crime that is worthy of being this seriously evil and sadistic,
and if by friends, you mean the kids that you supposedly saved in that awful movie who
probably could have just told their parents about Butch as opposed to letting you handle them,
then yes…you do have friends. You should be on a list of people I don’t trust around kids, right
up there with Jeffrey Jones, Brian Peck, Jared Fogle and Dan Schneider! Yep, that is a joke I
am allowed to make because the Quiet on Set documentary just came out last month and also
because well..have you seen Dan Schneider’s behavior behind the scenes? That man has
always been a sleazebag! ‘It’s so great to see…” Maria gasped upon noticing Butch. “I thought
he was in jail. Why do you have him in that costume?’ Because Cool Cat and Butch want to
play Fifty Shades of Grey with you and Cool Cat wants you to be Anastasia Steele ‘I’m going to
make Butch learn how to be friendly! If I do a good job, the President will give me $600! We
could hold a party for the whole school!’ In otherwords: ‘I am acting like a bitch to Butch
because in this crappy story I am in as the crappy main character who is horrible despite the
fact you are supposed to root for this character, I am acting out my obvious domination fantasy
by partaking in this fetishistic roleplay session with him. I am treating him like he is a criminal
and like I am a dungeon master who whips him and tortures him!’ ‘That sounds great! Do you
want to watch Steven Universe?’ Maria took a seat in Daddy Derek’s chair.’ Leave Steven
Universe out of this, you sick freak and that goes for the author as well!

‘I love cartoons almost as much as I love the kids!” Cool Cat shoved Butch onto the couch and
tied the leash to the underside. The heavy couch would keep the troublesome bully in place. “All
set, Maria!’ Oh yes, he definitely loves the kids alright, he loves them so much that he loves to
take them away to his cat house and give them ‘special’ treatments! This character would
definitely be a sex offender if he was real! ‘Cool Cat and Maria watched intently for two hours
without even a slight peep. Butch fell asleep mumbling about not wanting to watch a ‘baby
show’. “Wow, those Crystal Gems sure are great friends!” Cool Cat exclaimed. “Did you like it,
Butch?” Butch let out a snore. “Grrrr! How can we teach Butch to not bully?’

You cannot force other people to change their ways no matter what you do, you can’t say ‘hey
you are a bully and we need to force you to be not a bully’, that is not how it works! I know I
shouldn’t be critiquing this fic because it’s a joke fic but this has given me no jokes and no
humor and I am not laughing at all. ‘I wish that real life was like cartoons.” Maria noticed the
similarities. “If Peridot can learn the value of friendship, then anyone can.’ Oh Maria, you are so
misguided. Friendship doesn’t fix everything, then again you’re friends with Cool Cat and he
barely even qualifies as a good friend or even a good main character for that matter. I wish for
South Park make fun of Daddy Derek and Cool Cat sometime. ‘That’s it, Maria! We could use
our imaginations! Something will happen if we wish REALLY hard!” Cool Cat and Maria closed
their eyes hoping to increase their concentration. ‘We wish that Butch would learn about
friendship just like Peridot!’ And I wish I was reading a better story, or that I was watching a
movie I like instead. I wish that I could date Linnea Quigley!

‘The unseen dark forces intervened.’ And then Butch the bully was captured by goblins who
took him into a labyrinth where he was kept by a goblin king named Jareth and Cool Cat and
Maria had to go into the labyrinth to get him back, and nah, that doesn’t happen I was thinking
of Labyrinth which I could be watching instead! And so we get an unnecessarily painful
transformation sequence. This is supposed to be a joke fic, right? So when is the humor
actually coming in?

‘Butch’s body provided adequate energy reserves for such a metamorphosis. Flesh and bone
turned became a mix of magnesium, iron and other trace elements. The mask and jumpsuit
obscured the immediate effect of petrifaction. He awoke as the flesh discolored into a greenish
hue. Attempts to scream only accelerated the process. He fell forward towards the floor;
breaking the stomach on impact. His fragile arms and legs vibrates violently before they
shattered as well. The accursed dog leash kept his neck and head from crashing. Is this what it
feels like to be bullied? Stuck in a state of suspense and fear?’ Good lord, this is so
unnecessarily cruel and dark and painful. I know this is supposed to be a joke fic but come on,
this is just cruel. Look, I DON’T mind body horror, heck my favorite director is David Cronenberg
but the difference between Cronenberg’s movies and this garbage is that his movies are actually
though provoking and this story has little to no thought put into it at all!

‘Butch was to blame for perpetuating his isolation through repeated attempts to drive others
away. Maybe it was time to give friendship a try. The cracks continued to travel across his
drastically altered form. He would have made fun of the green-tinted creature under different
circumstances. His blonde hair hardened into a superficial detail that resembles an enlarged
Dorito chip. The hard ‘Dorito edges’ destroy the mask’s straps. “FREEDOM!” The change of
voice made the development bittersweet. “Why do I sound like a nerd?” That personality didn’t
work at all for Peridot. Fortunately, the conversion of brain matter into olivine was merciless.
Skin around the forehead was weak enough for a peridot gem from the brain to pierce through.
The last remaining organic tissue on the face formed a plate glass resembling a visor.’ Okay,
how does this TF even work as a TF when it has what it is obviously something that is wearable
growing on the victim’s face? Clothing and accessories don’t grow on someone when they turn
into someone else. Like when I see stereotypical clown tfs, I mean the costume the clowns wear
is what they wear over their clothes, it doesn’t make sense to have clown shoes form on their
feet or their hands swelling into toonish clown gloves. Also seriously what is with the body
horror with this sequence? Are you trying to put the infamous robot sequence from Superman II
to shame? Because if this is supposed to be funny or sexy, it’s not. All it’s doing is making me
want to wish I was watching a Cronenberg movie or American Werewolf, or Superman 3 instead
of reading this! ‘Cool Cat opened his eyes for the first glimpse of their ‘friend’. “Maria! Look!
Something happened to Butch! He’s Peridot now!” Maria ran out of the room to tell her parents
and teachers.’ In other words: ‘My platonic friend who is a giant immature man-baby in the form
of a giant cat who nobody questions despite having questionable motives invited me to his
house with a bully who in this universe is considered a criminal even though bullying isn’t a
serious crime and the bully was in this weird fetish gear and the bully just underwent a painful
transformation into a character from the cartoon we were watching earlier, no I am not on drugs,
this really happened!’

‘Peridot struggled to exit her gigantic fabric prison. Something had trapped her in this humiliating
position during regeneration. “Let me go, clod! Where are my limb enhancers?’ Oh Perdiot,
you’re just stuck as prison in this disgusting fic that is supposed to be funny, you’re far too pure
and good for this fic and clearly in order to get you here someone had to suffer and guess who
that is. ‘It doesn’t feel nice being bullied, Butch. I hope you’ve seen the error of your ways! I wish
you were Butch the Friend!’ Cool Cat, you have no right to speak like that to him considering
Daddy Derek is a bully himself and you are sort of being one too. And yet we are supposed to
like you and love you in this fic? The only thing i’d like from you is for you to die, and that is it.
Also I wish we could have a different protagonist, can we swap you out for someone else?
Heck, even Leatherface would make a better protagonist than you! ‘What are you talking about,
filthy fur beast? Is Butch something you want? WELL, YOU CAN’T’.

I want this fic to end with Cool Cat dying but I guess that won’t be happening,unless I jump in
the fic myself and make it happen. Because I can do that and I will. And yeah, i’m sorry I do not
like mind changes, I don’t like MC. I find MC to be overrated and depressing. Like if I want to be
TFed into my favorite character I want to keep my memories please! ‘It isn’t nice to say such
mean things to your friends! You’re still a bully!’ Says the cat who forcefully transformed Butch
into a Steven Universe character and stripped him of his mind and original personality. And
we’re supposed to root for this guy? I want Cool Cat to die but I guess we won’t be getting that
yet will we? ‘I am not!’ ‘Cool Cat realized that arguing would make him the bully. Maybe Peridot
had turned over the leaf that Butch the Bully never could. “Alright, I’ll take your word for it! I’m
Cool Cat and I love ALL the kids!” Cool Cat decided to give Peridot the benefit of the doubt for
now. “Promise me that you’ll only do nice things now!’ ‘I’ll do anything to get me out of this
ridiculous contraption.” Cool Cat undid the restraints. “FOOL! NOW I CAN RUN FREE AGAIN!”
Peridot’s form finally embraced the floor entirely. Undeterred, she scurried towards the open
front door. Maria must had left it open in her panic!’ Maria, how could you do that, you stupid
bitch! Leaving the front door open for the poor brainwashed former bully to escape out of! ‘Cool
Cat chased the misunderstood friend into the driveway using his super speed that Lee Majors
taught him. “Stop, Peridot! This isn’t safe! Cars are dangerous!” Alas, even the full power of
Cool Cat couldn’t keep up with Peridot. She jumped onto the back of a car heading out of the
suburbs.’ “NO! This is terrible!’ And here come the lame pop culture jokes, hey kids…
remember Lee Majors and the Six Million Dollar Man? Hey adults who grew up in the 70’s,
look, it’s the star of one of the shows you watched back then, laugh at this joke damn it, laugh!
Well let me tell you something, these jokes suck.

Just because you put a reference to a show your adult audience recognizes doesn’t mean that
it’s a joke, references alone are NOT jokes! Learn how to parody correctly. You cannot just
throw in reference after reference and expect people to get what the reference is.
Like for example in Spaceballs you will notice it not only references Star Wars but other sci fi
movies too and the jokes are actually funny and clever and original, Mel Brooks loves Star Wars
and wanted to pay homage to it through parody. There isn’t any ‘hey look it’s Yoda, no joke, it’s
just Yoda only he’s crass and drunk most of the time!’ ‘Hey look it’s Darth Vader, only he is
breathing heavily because he has a heart condition and has an iron lung!’ or ‘Look it’s C3PO
only he is a gay stereotype!’. ‘When all hope seemed lost, another celebrity intervened to aid
Cool Cat. A black 1970’s Pontiac Firebird pulled up to the Cat residence. The driver adjusted his
cowboy hat to reveal he was none other than the living legend Burt Reynolds. “It seems that you
have a long way to go and a short time to get there.” He revved the engine. “Get in.’

Oh Burt Reynolds, you deserved so much better than to be in this fic, you were one of the
greats but you were very much an icon. And also hey kids of the 70’s and 80’s remember
Smokey and the Bandit and Cannonball Run? Look it’s the guy from those movies! Laugh at this
joke, it’s really funny and clever because he’s driving the car from the movie! ‘Thanks, Burt
Reynolds!” Cool Cat ran to the passenger’s side of the car. “I never expected to bump into you
here!” He hopped in and buckled his seatbelt.’ Yes, I remember Smokey and the Bandit, I wish I
could have been watching that movie instead of reading this fic.I wish my producers could have
picked that movie to review but given that I am doing this because Werebelushi doesn’t do joke-
fic reviews and because my producers don’t know any better i’m stuck here reviewing this. ‘I’m
acting as the blocker for a rig bringing…” Burt caught himself. “Fruit juice to a party in Beverly
Hills.” Performing a peel out distracted Cool Cat enough to stop the line of questioning. Burt
chased after the car within the speed limit of the residential area.’ In other words: ‘I have little to
no purpose in this story over to be a random pop culture reference made to appeal to the 70’s
and 80s kids who no doubt must have mistakenly read this fic i’m in even though I am an actor
who is actually now deceased in real life!’ ‘No! They’re getting away!” Cool Cat lamented.’ Oh
don’t worry, they may have, but YOU won’t. ‘Not if I have anything to say about it.” Burt grabbed
the CB radio. “This is Bandit asking all available drivers on this frequency for assistance. The
cat needs help finding a bag!” The effects of the alert became apparente immediately as cars
blocked off all of the roads other than the fastest way to the freeway onramp. “We’ll get your
green friend, Cool Cat.’

Apparente? Apparente? Don’t you mean apparently? Surely the author could have used a spell
check or two to check the spell of her/their own story but I guess trying to come up with this
story was more of a bigger priority, well that and original jokes and material were differently not
put into this story at all. ‘What is wrong with this transport?” Peridot screamed frustrated.
“Nothing I do influences its trajectory!” Four big rigs surrounded the vehicle. “Are these brutes
meant to intimidate me?’ ‘Who are they, Burt?” Cool Cat never expected so much help catching
the rogue friend. ‘Oh, they’re just Mad Max, John Cena, Vin Diesel and Optimus Prime.’ Burt
chuckled.

Hey kids of the 80s look, it’s the lead character from that movie you love, hey kids look, it’s a
WWE superstar! I know WWE has been going through hard times and all but I didn’t know they
had fallen this bad. And yeah I saw that random tf story of that Gator Golf game into Charlie
from Hazbin Hotel and that also had a shoe-horned in WWE plug too. And hey look it’s Vin
Diesel from the Fast and Furious movies. No seriously, that’s the joke, it’s not him playing his
character from the movies, it’s just Vin Diesel himself, playing himself. Purely just in it for meme
recognition because get it…it’s the guy who is in the family meme, get it? ‘The red and blue
semi moved in front of the speeding vehicle. “Cool Cat needs our help!” Its trailer vanished into
subspace just as the truck changed into a robot. The car stripped its brakes trying to stop in
front of Optimus Prime. He grabbed Peridot by the Dorito hair. “Being a friend of Cool Cat is the
right of all sentient beings.’ Optimus must have fallen on hard times after Michael Bay nearly
ruined his franchise if he decided to show up here. Then again these references are just as
stupid as the scene in the actual movie where Cool Cat goes over to look at all the movie cars,
‘hey look at all these cars from iconic movies? Don’t you wish you were watching those movies
instead of this?’ ‘Burt bled the Firebird’s speed enough for Optimus to throw the gem into
passenger’s roof opening. Peridot was in awe of how much power Cool Cat had asserted. Was
he a Great Cool Cat Authority? “This was all a misunderstanding! I swear!” Peridot pleaded.’ ‘In
otherwords: ‘I got stuck in this awful fic because this fic needed a villain and since apparently
bullying is a crime I have been labelled as a criminal and also brainwashed by this crazy
demented rejected kids show mascot and transformed into a Steven Universe character and I
ran away so just you could have a chase scene with random pop culture jokes in it and now I
am forcibly being forced into asking you for forgiveness even though you did this to me in the
first place!’ “I forgive you, Peridot! That’s what friends do!” Cool Cat hugged the fidgeting
Peridot. “It’s that simple? Yes, I want this ‘friend’ title.’ Don’t do it, Peridot, don’t do it Peridot,
don’t do it. ‘Burt Reynolds checked the dashboard clock. “Look at that, we’re ahead of schedule.
I can drop you off anywhere between here and my last stop.’ ‘Let’s go to the party! Wait… How
will I tell Bert Macklin about Peridot?” Cool Cat’s smile and optimism left.’ Yeah, how is the FBI
agent going to react to find out that you brainwashed Butch and turned him into a character from
a cartoon you were watching anyway? He might not like it.

“The party was meant to be a surprise, but what the heck? I’m sure that all of your concerns will
be addressed shortly.” Burt pulled off on the next exit. Eventually, they arrived at an auditorium
with a pair of limousines outside. Men in black suits were around all of the entrances into the
building. “Don’t spend all of that money in one place, Cool Cat.’ Oh yes, the men in black are
here to take Cool Cat away, because Cool Cat is secretly an evil alien who has all this time was
disguised as a cat mascot to make people think he isn’t actually an evil alien who doesn’t kidnap
children and take them away from their parents so he can drain them of their energy or eat their
souls! I think the author of this fic is an alien too given how they don’t know how humor is
supposed to work. You’d think a joke fic would have jokes in it, but this has no humor and no
jokes in it, just random pop culture references. Cool Cat and Peridot made their way to the
auditorium with little idea of what to expect. The black suits let them in unquestionably. How
could this be? President Barack Obama and Donald Trump were in the same building?’

Trump hates Obama with a passion, ever since Obama made fun of him at the correspondence
dinner, he very much kept going on and on about where Obama’s supposed birth certificate is.
Trump has a hate obsession with Obama, there is no way the two of them would even stand-
other yet alone in the same room. ‘You did a great job helping the kids, Cool Cat. You’re
making America great again.” Donald Trump cheered. “In celebration of your achievement, the
President and I put aside our differences for the day.’ Trump is not this competent or intelligent
in real life, you can tell this is fiction because the actual Trump is way stupider. ‘He is correct,
Cool Cat. In addition to the $600, Mr. Trump will give you a small loan to help spread your
message of love around the world.’ President Obama handed a check to Cool Cat. Aaaw come
on, Obama, why did you give it to that asshole when he clearly just brainwashed someone into
being a character from a show? That’s not even heroic, that’s evil. Also Daddy Derek and
Donald Trump are both assholes who complain about being called out even though they’re
doing the exact same thing they are accusing others of doing.

‘Thanks, Mr. President and Mr. Trump! However, my real reward was making a new friend!’ Oh
boy, this has hit differently now. Yes, this fic was made in 2015 while Obama was still in the
white house but Trump ran for office the year afterwards and became president after Obama’s
departure, so wow, I did not think that a bad fanfic would have predicted Trump but when you
think about it, yes, think about it, this fic is very much an allegory for Donald Trump and his
presidency/campaign through the lens of a jokey fanfic, Cool Cat is orange like Trump is and
also is a bully like Trump, the way bullies are perceived as criminals are like how Trump views
immigrants. This fic definitely predicted Trump and his presidency.

And so thankfully this fic comes to an end and I am going to say this..even if the author says
this is a joke fic, there were no jokes outside of lame pop culture references, if this was a trollfic
or a parody i’d understand but this is basically awful, and this was for a contest too? Like what
was the contest for? ‘Best Worst Crackfic Ideas?’ ‘Lamest Parody Fics?’ This fic was an
abomination to fics. Yes a lot of the author’s fics are just this…’Look, it’s random pulp culture
character you love doing something, laugh!’ It’s like if Seltzerberg got into fanfic writing, and the
jokes just suck.

Cool Cat as to be expected is a horrible protagonist and I’m at least glad this character was
semi killed off, but wait he wasn’t because the same author did a fic about Neil Breen bringing
this character back to life by turning someone into him and yeah that fic also had all the stupid
pulp culture references that weren’t even jokes in them. But apart from that, Cool Cat as a
character in the universe of these fics is gone, he is no longer in the cast.

But still this fic was awful, I cannot believe I had to review this even though I thought I already
made a review of it already! The author of this fic should be educated on how to do parody
correctly and shown some actual parodies that are good. Well, at least this fic is over and next
time I can get back to reviewing something good next time.

This has been Bonzibuddy of Bonzibuddy Reviews, and Werebelushi In Shades owes me for
this. I’m the gorilla reviewer who goes ape for good quality content, and don’t you forget that,
see you all later!